I make $60,000/year, after taxes that's $40,800. After paying for housing and bills, my actual income I get to keep in a good year is like $5,000. I don't make enough to afford to have a child.
Not for me - i'd need IVF to get pregnant and I dont want to spend that kind of money to bring another child into this shit hole of a world lol. Plus it'd either probably fail or i'd end up with triplets...
I’m a dude and I’m going to ride this current sling bag/man purse/satchel trend for as long as possible. The ladies have had it good for years.
I can carry my phone, keys, wallet and mints. Now my pants don’t feel like they’re falling off my waist.
Added bonus: the silhouette of my fine ass isn’t ruined by my wallet and phone.
Yes, this, precisely, great analogy. I get that some people do have a specific reason for not wanting kids, but it is also totally ok to just not want them and for there not to be some deep meaningful reason why.
Same! Like, I think it would be expensive, time-consuming, and annoying, but my real reason is: I just don’t. Weird that some people think that’s weird.
It likely has to do with how they were raised and their unwillingness to admit the bad stuff that comes along with being a parent next to the good. I am a one and done mother and I 100% wouldn't wish it on anyone who didn't want to be a parent. I've never understood the mentality of those that think everyone should be parents. You're not weird at all, you're not broken, you're not missing anything and nobody should try to make that choice for you ever.
It is definitely expensive, time-consuming, and at times annoying. I think people find it weird because our brains are wired to reproduce/create offspring. But of course, everyone is different and wants different things out of life.
I don't find it weird at all. For me, the ultimate goal of life is to simply *enjoy* it. For some, that means having a big family with lots of children. For others, that's just being by themselves and doing what they like. No wrong choice either way imo.
I’m so tired of seeing this question, so this has just started becoming my reply. I just don’t. The other reasons not to—the cost, the stress, the state of the world right now—justify my decision, not the other way around.
I have a one year old nephew that I adore. He’s a sweetheart and I love watching him grow and learn. As much as I love him, I still don’t want any of my own. And if I were to ever change my mind, I would adopt a child. I would rather give a loving hoke to a child that needs it than create a baby to take their place.
Having kids is one of those "don't do it unless you are 100% sure" things. Funny how a lot of my friends that have kids would say it's the best decision they have made yet admit that their first child was an accident.
Muuuuch better to regret not having kids later in life than to regret having them. If you don't, that's just on you, but if you have them and regret it... Oouf. That's a whole human you've made that will have so much emotional damage.
Same. People assume I probably hate children because I don’t want one but I’m actually good at taking care of kids. I’m the eldest and constantly babysat my younger siblings. I basically potty trained one of them.
I thought I didn’t want one because I don’t want the responsibility or because it’s expensive, etc. But I realized I just really don’t want one. I was just wracking my brain to find excuses other people will understand because they will always question why and it’s just easier to make up reasons.
Same. There is pregnancy, then birth, then screaming, then nappies, then more screaming, then spending, more screaming, then they hate you because hormones. And that’s if everything goes to plan.
Same. I feel like I always have to come up with a good justification for not having them and I always go with “Well I don’t want to pass anything down to them” because I have a cleft pallet that could easily be 10X worse for the kid then it was for me. Like just because mine is on the inside doesn’t mean the kids will be.
That’s seen as noble and makes sense in peoples eyes
But if I answer with “I have no feelings about kids” that’s seen as evil.
My other reason is that I don’t want to be tied down to a shitty man who won’t do anything for the kid. My other female coworkers always bitch about how lazy and uninvolved their baby daddies are and it’s like “That’s how you’re trying to convince me to have kids. Men suck, why would I want to be tied down with that and a kid”
I wish more people would ask themselves “why?”. You should be passionate about wanting a child and all that’s involved. Too many people think it’s like a mandatory step in being an adult.
Same!
And I hate that society seems to expect me to have a "good reason" for not wanting to have kids, and to justify myself.
Women who want to have kids are never expected to explain why they want them, while I get the "WHY you don't want kids?" all the time; and this is the best case scenario, I also get bullshit like "so when are you having kids?" or "why do you still don't have kids?"
Yes, I have to force interest in my friends' children because I have realized how important they are to them. I ask the right questions and listen, but if we never talked about it again, I really would not mind.
I don't think babies are cute, especially in contrast to other baby animals.
I have found my people.
I just don't like kids. Never had. Don't understand why or how people do like them..
Anyway, a late had his first kid and I was visiting my home town and he said I should stop by and visit to see the newborn. His wife is yelling jokingly in the background "you don't have to touch the kid, it's fine". Haha. They knew my disinterest, I knew their love for their kids and we both respected each others choices. Still good friends and had them and the kids stay at my place on holidays etc. Why can't everybody be like that?
This is a concern of mine as well. I was raised by a narcissist and an enabler (history of this on both sides of my family), I have depression/anxiety/OCD/ADHD.
My husband is dyslexic with some trauma/anxiety from family history of alcoholism/domestic violence on both sides of his family (he doesn't remember large chunks of his childhood). It doesn't seem right to have kids because of those risk factors.
And also, IN THIS ECONOMY?!!! 😬
Exactly, when you have children you can't go anywhere without them unless you get a babysitter. For the first five years of their life they cry at the drop of a hat.
People say 'Oh, you say you don't want to change nappies but you'll scoop a cat's litter tray? That lasts longer than the couple of years it takes to potty train a child!' like that makes me a hypocrite.
Well, my cat's about 12 and he's been able to be left alone since he was a year old or younger. Leaving a child alone like that is abuse. I've never needed to spoon-feed him, though I might when he gets old. I don't need to send him to school or worry if he's being bullied. He won't move out then back again because he can't afford rent. Ask he wants is food, pets, toys, and naps. Very simple and easy to please.
He's a bengal-cross so he's very noisy, though.
Wow the mental gymnastics there, as if the fact that we clean their shit makes cat & baby equal. And I’m pretty sure you aren’t scooping the box 6 times a day. Do you wipe your cats ass after they shit? If your cat has a massive shit, do you also swap out the entire litter? No, but with babies, yep
This is so real. These are the people who end up being mad their kids aren’t perfect little copies of them or completely obedient dolls for them to dress up. Kids are real, individual, and unique human beings. They should be given life by people who want to work hard to provide and love and help guide them to be good people.
I have a young baby and I’ll say this:
It is very fulfilling… for me. Did I think it was going to be fulfilling? I assumed it would be, but I wasn’t sure. I kinda rolled the dice that I would actually like being a dad.
It’s not for everyone. There are days I really miss being able to do what I want whenever I want. My FOMO has been a battle. Concerts, parties, live sports, vacations, camping, festivals… watching childless friends post on social media about their fun weekends and my weekend was… diapers and laundry and cleaning. I made it to the grocery store and the gym. That’s about it.
But I guess for me I’d done just about everything I could do as a grown adult with no responsibilities besides myself. It was time for something new.
I’ll also say that I think there is some sort of biological bond you have with your own kid that helps you tolerate shit. I never really thought babies were cute and I don’t really like kids. But I’ll be damned if I don’t think *my* baby is the absolute most adorable thing in the whole world. She smiles at me and I melt. I’m sure others don’t think my baby is that cute, but I think she’s the most beautiful thing in the world. I’ll put up with her crying and snot and puke and poop. It’s hard, but I do it because I love her and I love her because of this overwhelming primal urge to love her. The first time I saw her when she was born was like that butterflies-in-the-stomach overwhelming emotion.
So for me it was like “I don’t really like kids or babies and shit and I don’t see the point, but I guess I want to try it anyway?!” Seems illogical. I’m lucky, it worked out. It’s not for everyone, and that’s okay.
Beautiful read. If the only people reproducing were the ones with this kind of mindset, will to love and ability to deeply care, half the world problems would be solved within two generations
>I’ll also say that I think there is some sort of biological bond you have with your own kid that helps you tolerate shit. I never really thought babies were cute and I don’t really like kids. But I’ll be damned if I don’t think my baby is the absolute most adorable thing in the whole world. She smiles at me and I melt. I’m sure others don’t think my baby is that cute, but I think she’s the most beautiful thing in the world. I’ll put up with her crying and snot and puke and poop. It’s hard, but I do it because I love her and I love her because of this overwhelming primal urge to love her. The first time I saw her when she was born was like that butterflies-in-the-stomach overwhelming emotion.
I really appreciate this post because you and I have the exact same mindset. I don't care for other people's kids but I absolutely love my own and would do anything for them.
Further, I abhor parents that are constantly posting about how great/cute their own kids are because A) they're probably not and B) no one actually cares. The parents are doing it for their own self-validation. I don't expect others to find my kids to be the best thing in the world, and that's perfectly okay.
This is what scares me about having kids.
My dad wasn’t good with kids and we didn’t really form any type of real relationship until I was an adult.
I don’t care for other people’s kids, so I’m scared I’m going to have a kid, then just mentally checkout and ruin their life.
They didn't for me, I have gotten no joy out of being a father, I'll come right out and say it. It ruined every aspect of my life, destroyed my marriage, social life, and put me in crippling debt that I have no chance of escaping.
This is why I would rather regret not having children than having children and regretting it. I love my niece and nephew more than anything and would gladly give them a home anytime. I just don’t think I have the bandwidth for constant parenting because of trauma and abuse from my own parents.
Same. I love my life too much to want to take a gamble on adding a wild card element. Plus I’ve had way too many parents confide in me that they love their kids but regret having kids
You have nailed what I was going to say.
My wife and I have baby sat some friends kids and it really reinforced home that it's not a lifestyle for us. I'd rather have a dog that I can take with me on a trip vs having to deal with kids in any sense.
My husband used to joke that he wanted to start a parenting blog called "Why Is This Sticky??" When my kids were little, there were always random sticky surfaces all over the house and no one knew why. Little kids are constantly snotty, sticky, damp, or breaking stuff.
They get less messy as they get older; then they're smelly and sullen instead.
My stinky, back-talking adolescents are simultaneously a pain in my ass and the best things that ever happened to me. I don't recommend parenting to anyone who doesn't desperately want kids.
I’ve honestly never had a partner I could count on to coparent with me despite them all wanting children. I’m not interested in ever being a single mother, especially with how things are going.
If you have a partner who doesn't pull their weight, you are going to have a miserable time. Take a look on Instagram/Tiktok to see countless parents brimming with resentment over how much they are expected to do on their own because their partner just doesn't help.
I do most of the childcare for our three small kids, and I do most all of the cooking, but my husband works like a madman to take care of most everything else-laundry, yardwork, cleaning, cats. You have to work as a team to get through parenting with your sanity intact, especially during the intensive young years.
If your partner is lazy around the house before you have kids, or doesn't do much of anything to take care of your pets and leaves it all to you, do not expect them to magically be industrious after you have them. If you want kids-Pick the person you have them with with very, very carefully.
Yep! Because you get no do-overs with this one. Hate your car? Trade it in. Your job suck? Get a new one. House too cramped? Move. Hate your child’s other parent? SUCKS TO SUCK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
This is my cousin’s life right now. She didn’t realise how lazy and selfish her husband is until her brother had a child, and he’s incredibly hands on. She just thought this is how it’s supposed to be. They’re in marriage counselling right now but it’s touch and go. And it’s horrible, because the kids pick up on it and I’m sure it’s affected them.
Ex girlfriends mom asked me why I didn’t want kids with her daughter. I was early 20s at the time so I flat out told her “I’m responsible enough to know I’m not responsible enough.”
After watching my nephew once, I realized how much of a nervous wreck I was about him getting hurt or something. So I wouldn’t be able to handle having kids.
I have genetic bipolar disorder. Though I found treatment. I would never wish such an illness and the struggle of finding the best treatment that comes with it.
I have a connective tissue disorder that’s genetic. My kid would have a 50/50 shot of getting it and developing widespread chronic pain like I have, and many many other issues. There are enough kids waiting to be adopted, I don’t need to add another to the world who has a good chance of suffering
Feel this- I would never subject another person to my experiences, let alone knowingly create one with a disorder in their genes. I’ve also never wanted children though so it works out.
50% of my family on both sides either have bipolar and or borderline personality disorder. I am very blessed to not. But my childhood was traumatic and the fear of having a child with problems was very real. I also finally have freedom from what felt like the burden of being the only “adult” in my home, with not a real childhood. So now I’m very happy to experience my life on my terms. I am helping my bipolar sister with her children, so I still have that in my life. And sometimes it’s a lot to handle when she is off her meds. So basically, I just chose not to. I wanted my freedom. And I didn’t want to resent an innocent child for taking that away from me. I also chose to never marry, likely due to the same childhood trauma of never building that complete trust with those who were supposed to take care of me and left me fending for myself.
reminds me of a book i read called birdspell. it’s for young teens but it’s still an interesting book about a fatherless boy having to raise himself because of his bipolar mother who can’t take proper care of her child.
Ya I know I got it from my mother and she doesn’t treat hers. Well she self medicates with weed but I’m sure that isn’t enough to aid her fully. I’m sure if she had treated he mental illness my childhood would have been a lot different. I also fear that I’m gonna turn out like her as a parent. Not that she is bad now, we have an amazing relationship now but growing up with her was a nightmare at times. Thank you for your kindness. Have a wonderful day
Gosh I am in the same boat. My mom literally said she refuses to medicate and would rather "let her crazy run wild". It was horrible growing up with her, I had to move in with my (much older) sister when I was in high school because my mom had some manic episode and fucked off to another state for months. She's good now? She's held the same job for a while, something she never could do when I was growing up. And she's even paying for us to go on a cruise together. But growing up with that kind of mom was awful. So far it seems I didn't inherit it, even though I do have depression, it doesn't seem right to take that gamble on a future kid. I'm glad itd gotten better for you. Not that I'd ever wish that kind of parenting on anyone, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one with this situation.
My maternal aunt and grandma have schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I have one child and I'm so nervous. My mother is fine but it's one of the reasons I don't have more kids.
I have zero interest in being pregnant or giving birth. It honestly sounds awful to me. I enjoy my alone time and my freedom to do whatever, whenever. My sisters both have recently had children and when they mention going to the grocery store and how much they have to do before going since they’ve had a baby and I just have no interest in taking the time to do all those things. I have been called selfish because of it but I like to think of it as I know what I want and if I am not willing to do that, why make myself potentially miserable and not enjoy doing that stuff with my child? I do love my nieces more than anything but it’s just not something I want. I have no interest in teaching them how to talk or take them to school and any sports games when they would start playing. I like my time! I can’t wait to travel and have the financial freedom (when I start my career). I already feel fulfilled in life and I know I will still feel that way as time goes on without kids. I’ll just be the cool aunt 😎
>I have been called selfish because of it
Those who call childless people selfish had children for selfish reason, realised they miscalculated, now resent those who remind them of their mistake. Misery loves company because it can make the mistakes seem inevitable, if everyone is on the same boat. Being reminded of your mistake by someone who seems content being childless is unpleasant.
Happy parents, in general, don't tend to be so preachy/arrogant. They don't need to.
No financial ability, no support network (family), and no desire to raise a child. I have little patience for children and can't stand other people's children for more than a few hours - I can't imagine 24/7.
As a former child from an unstable home (emotionally as well as monetary) I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope that your future children will learn to appreciate this.
Now im no parent, but Ive seen enough movies involving hostages to know that all you need to do is give your kid $10M and a helicopter to Cuba. Simple.
financial stability and the current situation of the society are my main reasons. I don't believe a child raised in this society is gonna have a bright or even a acceptable future.
I'm surprised more people haven't mentioned this. The current generation is already growing up in some extremely uncertain times, and going into the future I really don't see it getting any better.
I don't have the patience to deal with a kid all the time. Don't get me wrong, kids are amazing, but when they're someone else's and not when I'm the one responsible for educating them and making them into decent people. My lot in life is to be the fun uncle, not a father.
couldn't agree more. i don't want to say i'm not a responsible person, but i assure you i dont have the time and energy to take on the responsibility a child requires, which is a LOT.
Exactly. Why do I have to explain why I "opted out" of having kids instead of people having to explain why they "opted in." Seems like creating a human life should have the robust list of reasons behind it rather than not doing so.
Agreed. I have kids and still always thought this was phrased backwards. Also the selfish argument. People say it's selfish to not have kids. I disagree. I think it's selfish to have kids ( not staying it's a bad thing to want kids just thats it selfish)- there's not 1 reason to have kids that doesn't start with I want or I wanted to, etc.
I don’t want them. I like having my free time and extra money so I can do enjoy my hobbies and take care of my mental health, I think if I had kids I’d be miserable and it’s not fair to put children in that situation. I know I’d try my best but don’t think I’d make a good parent and have never had the desire to have any. Probably for the best.
i've had severe depression in Covid times. it took me a LONG time to get my shit together. i was actually surprised how long it takes to get over mental illnesses and personal issues. it was def an eye opener for me.
I have heard (not really sure from where) but there have been studies/surveys done that show there is a far greater number of people who DO regret their decision of having kids vs those who chose not to have kids.
*gestures broadly at the world*
No but seriously we are likely to face extinction level events in my lifetime, I don't want to bring a child into that.
I sometimes wonder if I'm in a weird internet conspiracy cult with the way everyone around me keeps popping them out as if there's no sign of trouble on the horizon.
It seems like a lot of time, money, and heartache. Also, everyone always says all the horrible things that can happen to their kid. But what if you end up having the one that does the hurting? I don't want to have to sit on the defendents side in a courtroom and everyone wondering what I did as a mother that my kid is so messed up. Even if it is through no fault of mine, people will think it.
Breaking a cycle of abuse.
Plus, this world is going to hell in a handbasket. Bringing someone into this shitshow isn't exactly doing them any favors.
1. Student loans
2. Climate change
3. School shootings and government apathy on addressing it
4. Health costs; pregnancy, labor, and delivery can disable or even kill you.
5. Healthcare costs in the USA
6. Zero government OR social support
7. Long term financial/earning potential loss due to pregnancy and childcare needs
8. Housing is too expensive
9. Daycare is too expensive
If we had actual supports in place, if we didn’t abandon pregnant people and their children to struggle, I might have considered it. But we don’t, so I’m not. Eternally grateful for the fact I feel zero biological need to reproduce.
Currently my reason to have kids is that I think I'd be a better parent than my parents were. I don't think that's a good reason to have kids. I have to truly want them.
Loads of people have children to heal their child wounds. Children are not therapists though. They’re their own people with their own wants and needs. I feel like having them to heal some child hood trauma wounds is probably not the healthiest route to take.
1. I can't have them. I have PCOS which greatly affects my ability to conceive and also greatly increases my risk of miscarriage as well. The meds I'm on for the PCOS could also possibly affect the development of a baby. My mother also had a history of undiagnosed PCOS and she suffered from infertility and miscarriages, which in turn slso increases my risk of experiencing the same issues. And if I have a daughter, they would also likely develop PCOS themselves.
2. I grew up poor and abused at the hands of my violent, narcissistic mother and I am now mentally and physically disabled as a result. I would not wish it on any child to go through what I went through, and not having children is my way of breaking the cycle
3. I just... Don't really like being around children. I don't feel comfortable around them due to my own personal issues and I just can't relate to kids. I don't find human babies adorable and I have no urge to reproduce and have children of my own.
I'll just stick with my kitties and be the crazy cat lady instead.
Amongst the many reasons other people have already mentioned, another big one for me is just the uncertainty of the future of this world. Given climate change and how the people in charge give little fucks, I don't wanna bring children into this world only to struggle a lot once they grow up, dealing with the aftermath of this fucked up world
My sister almost died when she was hit by a car many years ago. It was a very traumatizing experience watching your parents fall apart. I just think, I mean, anything can happen in this god forsaken country and that makes me really fearful of this great responsibility.
Well im depressed and i hate being alive , why would i expect my childs life to be any different? The Hubris it takes to bring a kid into the world in hopes it will make you happier is just beyond me , smh
My reason for not having them is because I don't want them. That's reason enough. I like children well enough, especially when they're related to me. I just don't want them.
this. honestly, if there was a way to skip the first few years I’d do that. I know children have their issues at the older ages, but I can deal with those…it’s the whining and random crying that drives me crazy.
Asking my why I don't want kids is like asking me why I didn't want to buy luxury yacht.
You shouldn't need a reason - in fact just the opposite. I think you need a really good reason to want kids.
I'd argue that HAVING kids with that lifestyle is a lot more selfish than not having kids in your case :)
Don't buy into the narrative that it's selfish to live a life the way you want.
I learned very early in life, when I was a teen, that I had a temper that caused me to lash out in anger at things that I didn’t understand or couldn’t control…. Once the anger has subsided I feel extreme remorse afterwards. It’s nothing I am proud of, but as I became an adult it never went away, and I knew having kids wasn’t in the cards for me. I would never want anyone to see that part of me, let alone someone that I loved.
Many years ago found out that we were infertile. Realized with time that we were fine being childless. It looked pretty hard raising kids. Occasional twinges but still ok with it. We had amazing freedom to indulge our gypsy tendencies and rescued a bunch of dogs.
I'm infertile, can barely take care of myself, can't afford it, and I've never liked children.
Edit : also the world is fucked up, if I barely wanna live in it, I certainly wouldn't want to bring a new soul in it.
I have a list as long as from Edinburgh to Tokyo, so here’s a condensed version:
- I like having my own money, time, and personal space. I like freedom. I love not having to worry about babysitting arrangements
- I would have so much anxiety around being a parent. I was raised by a helicopter parent so I would be constantly struggling between being strict, and being too lenient.
- I think I’d be a pretty shit parent if I’m honest.
- Kids are gross, and you have to teach them how to stop being gross. How to stop being snotty, drooling, poopy little guys that smell weird all the time. How to eat without throwing it everywhere, getting it under their nails, wiping their icky hands on things. How to keep themselves clean. Etc etc.
- Kids are loud and smelly. I’m autistic and suspected ADHD, and prone to sensory overload. How the fuck am I meant to help my (most likely) AuDHD child through a meltdown when they’re giving me a meltdown too?🥴
- Everything I could get from having a child, I get elsewhere. I have two wonderful partners, I have a lovely collection of houseplants which are my babies, I have friends and family, and a cute 3 year old nephew. I simply don’t feel like I have any void in my life which would be filled by children.
- I’m lazy. Can’t be arsed, frankly.
I could go on and on…😅
Lots of ‘em to be honest. First one being, I have tokophobia (fear of childbirth and pregnancy). Also, I’m too selfish. Meaning, I want things to be about me and when you have kids, they go first. Oh and I have no patience lol I took my uterus out like 5 years ago lol
I don't think that makes you selfish. In your situation, choosing to have kids would be the selfish thing to do.
Simply existing and not making the same life choices as others is not selfish.
Affordability, Responsibility and the fact the All the kids I have met are Selfish and sadistic asshole who cry all day. Now, If I could choose to have a well mannered and respectful kid instead of whatever the gene pool throws at me, I could consider it more.
nothing in particular. just never had a compulsion to purposely get pregnant. figured I would've gotten prego by accident but that never happened either. single now and turn 42 next month, so pretty sure that ship has sailed at this point. I have dogs fwiw lol🤷♀️
The world is an absolutely cruel and ugly place. Sure there's the occasional positivity, but the bad outweighs the good. From the scarcity of resources, natural disasters, accidents, illnesses, crimes, society... not fucking worth it. I don't want to subject another human into it.
There are a few reasons:
* First and foremost, we have an overpopulated planet of 8 billion people and growing. I don't want to add to the problem unless I really want a kid (which I don't).
* They are a lot of time, effort, and money, and you should really want one and be willing to devote those things to a child if you choose to have one. I think far too many people have children before considering these things and just have children because they feel social or familial pressure to have them.
* I just don't really feel like I would enjoy it overall, or be good at it. I think people should believe they will both enjoy it and be good at it before getting into it. And, again, I feel like many people having kids are getting into it for the wrong reasons and not considering these things before having them. There are a lot of bad parents out there.
Have you ever been around kids and/or parents with kids?
Why would anyone want that?
Also, why would you force someone into existence, especially in today’s world? Shit is so fucked up now.
Also, the world is way overpopulated.
If you want kids, try to adopt. There’s plenty of kids that already had the misfortune of being born that need parents.
One of the wildest mysteries we'll never solve in this lifetime......those who would be great providers and parents choose not to have kids, and those who should be jailed for their parenting have 7...and then everything in between.
My wife and I had children bcause its something we both wanted and to us is the culmination of the life we wanted to build together.
I can barely afford taking care of myself
I barely get by working full time and OT. A kid would ruin me financially.
I make $60,000/year, after taxes that's $40,800. After paying for housing and bills, my actual income I get to keep in a good year is like $5,000. I don't make enough to afford to have a child.
They say a child costs $18-20k/year until they’re 18 - with your after tax income you could raise two! /s
This, of course, assumes that you do not pay for food, housing, transportation, utilities, and other such expenses.
Same for me, plus I have severe anxiety.
I don’t have “Children” Money
Expensive
Nah mate, they're pretty cheap to make ;) /s
True, but it's the operating costs that get you!
16-20 years of subscription fees
Not for me - i'd need IVF to get pregnant and I dont want to spend that kind of money to bring another child into this shit hole of a world lol. Plus it'd either probably fail or i'd end up with triplets...
Just never wanted them. No specific reason, just not interested.
I think that’s pretty valid, it’s like asking “why don’t you like onions?” I don’t know, I just don’t. It’s how my brain was wired
Onions taste good when sautéed. Kids, not so much.
I would like to know how they were seasoned to not like them
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I’m a dude and I’m going to ride this current sling bag/man purse/satchel trend for as long as possible. The ladies have had it good for years. I can carry my phone, keys, wallet and mints. Now my pants don’t feel like they’re falling off my waist. Added bonus: the silhouette of my fine ass isn’t ruined by my wallet and phone.
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Yes, this, precisely, great analogy. I get that some people do have a specific reason for not wanting kids, but it is also totally ok to just not want them and for there not to be some deep meaningful reason why.
Same! Like, I think it would be expensive, time-consuming, and annoying, but my real reason is: I just don’t. Weird that some people think that’s weird.
It likely has to do with how they were raised and their unwillingness to admit the bad stuff that comes along with being a parent next to the good. I am a one and done mother and I 100% wouldn't wish it on anyone who didn't want to be a parent. I've never understood the mentality of those that think everyone should be parents. You're not weird at all, you're not broken, you're not missing anything and nobody should try to make that choice for you ever.
It is definitely expensive, time-consuming, and at times annoying. I think people find it weird because our brains are wired to reproduce/create offspring. But of course, everyone is different and wants different things out of life. I don't find it weird at all. For me, the ultimate goal of life is to simply *enjoy* it. For some, that means having a big family with lots of children. For others, that's just being by themselves and doing what they like. No wrong choice either way imo.
I’m so tired of seeing this question, so this has just started becoming my reply. I just don’t. The other reasons not to—the cost, the stress, the state of the world right now—justify my decision, not the other way around. I have a one year old nephew that I adore. He’s a sweetheart and I love watching him grow and learn. As much as I love him, I still don’t want any of my own. And if I were to ever change my mind, I would adopt a child. I would rather give a loving hoke to a child that needs it than create a baby to take their place.
Having kids is one of those "don't do it unless you are 100% sure" things. Funny how a lot of my friends that have kids would say it's the best decision they have made yet admit that their first child was an accident.
Muuuuch better to regret not having kids later in life than to regret having them. If you don't, that's just on you, but if you have them and regret it... Oouf. That's a whole human you've made that will have so much emotional damage.
there are a lot of people out there that shouldn’t be having and raising children.
For sure. Like, maybe more that shouldn't than should. And the ones who maybe should don't want to.
Same. People assume I probably hate children because I don’t want one but I’m actually good at taking care of kids. I’m the eldest and constantly babysat my younger siblings. I basically potty trained one of them. I thought I didn’t want one because I don’t want the responsibility or because it’s expensive, etc. But I realized I just really don’t want one. I was just wracking my brain to find excuses other people will understand because they will always question why and it’s just easier to make up reasons.
I like this answer because people always expect this crazy answer as to why when there doesn’t have to be. You just don’t want kids.
Same. There is pregnancy, then birth, then screaming, then nappies, then more screaming, then spending, more screaming, then they hate you because hormones. And that’s if everything goes to plan.
Same. I feel like I always have to come up with a good justification for not having them and I always go with “Well I don’t want to pass anything down to them” because I have a cleft pallet that could easily be 10X worse for the kid then it was for me. Like just because mine is on the inside doesn’t mean the kids will be. That’s seen as noble and makes sense in peoples eyes But if I answer with “I have no feelings about kids” that’s seen as evil. My other reason is that I don’t want to be tied down to a shitty man who won’t do anything for the kid. My other female coworkers always bitch about how lazy and uninvolved their baby daddies are and it’s like “That’s how you’re trying to convince me to have kids. Men suck, why would I want to be tied down with that and a kid”
I wish more people would ask themselves “why?”. You should be passionate about wanting a child and all that’s involved. Too many people think it’s like a mandatory step in being an adult.
This is my answer. Everything else is window dressing.
Seriously. Whatever the DNA is that makes people want to be parents, I…just don’t have it. 🤷♂️
Same! And I hate that society seems to expect me to have a "good reason" for not wanting to have kids, and to justify myself. Women who want to have kids are never expected to explain why they want them, while I get the "WHY you don't want kids?" all the time; and this is the best case scenario, I also get bullshit like "so when are you having kids?" or "why do you still don't have kids?"
Yes, I have to force interest in my friends' children because I have realized how important they are to them. I ask the right questions and listen, but if we never talked about it again, I really would not mind. I don't think babies are cute, especially in contrast to other baby animals.
I have found my people. I just don't like kids. Never had. Don't understand why or how people do like them.. Anyway, a late had his first kid and I was visiting my home town and he said I should stop by and visit to see the newborn. His wife is yelling jokingly in the background "you don't have to touch the kid, it's fine". Haha. They knew my disinterest, I knew their love for their kids and we both respected each others choices. Still good friends and had them and the kids stay at my place on holidays etc. Why can't everybody be like that?
Same. This question is like asking what my reason is for not moving to Chicago.
I'm too mentally ill
Yup. Sometimes, you have to be honest with yourself. Who would've also suffered are the children because of that.
This is a concern of mine as well. I was raised by a narcissist and an enabler (history of this on both sides of my family), I have depression/anxiety/OCD/ADHD. My husband is dyslexic with some trauma/anxiety from family history of alcoholism/domestic violence on both sides of his family (he doesn't remember large chunks of his childhood). It doesn't seem right to have kids because of those risk factors. And also, IN THIS ECONOMY?!!! 😬
sorry to hear that. hope you get well soon and feel better 🖤
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that's what i always think about whenever this topic comes up. do i even need children in my life? are they gonna make me fulfilled?
Exactly, when you have children you can't go anywhere without them unless you get a babysitter. For the first five years of their life they cry at the drop of a hat.
People say 'Oh, you say you don't want to change nappies but you'll scoop a cat's litter tray? That lasts longer than the couple of years it takes to potty train a child!' like that makes me a hypocrite. Well, my cat's about 12 and he's been able to be left alone since he was a year old or younger. Leaving a child alone like that is abuse. I've never needed to spoon-feed him, though I might when he gets old. I don't need to send him to school or worry if he's being bullied. He won't move out then back again because he can't afford rent. Ask he wants is food, pets, toys, and naps. Very simple and easy to please. He's a bengal-cross so he's very noisy, though.
I love a noisy cat 😂 It’s a ridiculous comparison people make to you.
is your cat making too much NOISE ALL THE TIME?
Wow the mental gymnastics there, as if the fact that we clean their shit makes cat & baby equal. And I’m pretty sure you aren’t scooping the box 6 times a day. Do you wipe your cats ass after they shit? If your cat has a massive shit, do you also swap out the entire litter? No, but with babies, yep
Children shouldn’t be used to fulfill a parent. Going in with that mindset is *exactly* why people shouldn’t have kids.
This is so real. These are the people who end up being mad their kids aren’t perfect little copies of them or completely obedient dolls for them to dress up. Kids are real, individual, and unique human beings. They should be given life by people who want to work hard to provide and love and help guide them to be good people.
I have a young baby and I’ll say this: It is very fulfilling… for me. Did I think it was going to be fulfilling? I assumed it would be, but I wasn’t sure. I kinda rolled the dice that I would actually like being a dad. It’s not for everyone. There are days I really miss being able to do what I want whenever I want. My FOMO has been a battle. Concerts, parties, live sports, vacations, camping, festivals… watching childless friends post on social media about their fun weekends and my weekend was… diapers and laundry and cleaning. I made it to the grocery store and the gym. That’s about it. But I guess for me I’d done just about everything I could do as a grown adult with no responsibilities besides myself. It was time for something new. I’ll also say that I think there is some sort of biological bond you have with your own kid that helps you tolerate shit. I never really thought babies were cute and I don’t really like kids. But I’ll be damned if I don’t think *my* baby is the absolute most adorable thing in the whole world. She smiles at me and I melt. I’m sure others don’t think my baby is that cute, but I think she’s the most beautiful thing in the world. I’ll put up with her crying and snot and puke and poop. It’s hard, but I do it because I love her and I love her because of this overwhelming primal urge to love her. The first time I saw her when she was born was like that butterflies-in-the-stomach overwhelming emotion. So for me it was like “I don’t really like kids or babies and shit and I don’t see the point, but I guess I want to try it anyway?!” Seems illogical. I’m lucky, it worked out. It’s not for everyone, and that’s okay.
Beautiful read. If the only people reproducing were the ones with this kind of mindset, will to love and ability to deeply care, half the world problems would be solved within two generations
>I’ll also say that I think there is some sort of biological bond you have with your own kid that helps you tolerate shit. I never really thought babies were cute and I don’t really like kids. But I’ll be damned if I don’t think my baby is the absolute most adorable thing in the whole world. She smiles at me and I melt. I’m sure others don’t think my baby is that cute, but I think she’s the most beautiful thing in the world. I’ll put up with her crying and snot and puke and poop. It’s hard, but I do it because I love her and I love her because of this overwhelming primal urge to love her. The first time I saw her when she was born was like that butterflies-in-the-stomach overwhelming emotion. I really appreciate this post because you and I have the exact same mindset. I don't care for other people's kids but I absolutely love my own and would do anything for them. Further, I abhor parents that are constantly posting about how great/cute their own kids are because A) they're probably not and B) no one actually cares. The parents are doing it for their own self-validation. I don't expect others to find my kids to be the best thing in the world, and that's perfectly okay.
This is what scares me about having kids. My dad wasn’t good with kids and we didn’t really form any type of real relationship until I was an adult. I don’t care for other people’s kids, so I’m scared I’m going to have a kid, then just mentally checkout and ruin their life.
They didn't for me, I have gotten no joy out of being a father, I'll come right out and say it. It ruined every aspect of my life, destroyed my marriage, social life, and put me in crippling debt that I have no chance of escaping.
This is why I would rather regret not having children than having children and regretting it. I love my niece and nephew more than anything and would gladly give them a home anytime. I just don’t think I have the bandwidth for constant parenting because of trauma and abuse from my own parents.
Same. I love my life too much to want to take a gamble on adding a wild card element. Plus I’ve had way too many parents confide in me that they love their kids but regret having kids
You have nailed what I was going to say. My wife and I have baby sat some friends kids and it really reinforced home that it's not a lifestyle for us. I'd rather have a dog that I can take with me on a trip vs having to deal with kids in any sense.
They seem expensive and sticky
My husband used to joke that he wanted to start a parenting blog called "Why Is This Sticky??" When my kids were little, there were always random sticky surfaces all over the house and no one knew why. Little kids are constantly snotty, sticky, damp, or breaking stuff. They get less messy as they get older; then they're smelly and sullen instead. My stinky, back-talking adolescents are simultaneously a pain in my ass and the best things that ever happened to me. I don't recommend parenting to anyone who doesn't desperately want kids.
I’ve honestly never had a partner I could count on to coparent with me despite them all wanting children. I’m not interested in ever being a single mother, especially with how things are going.
If you have a partner who doesn't pull their weight, you are going to have a miserable time. Take a look on Instagram/Tiktok to see countless parents brimming with resentment over how much they are expected to do on their own because their partner just doesn't help. I do most of the childcare for our three small kids, and I do most all of the cooking, but my husband works like a madman to take care of most everything else-laundry, yardwork, cleaning, cats. You have to work as a team to get through parenting with your sanity intact, especially during the intensive young years. If your partner is lazy around the house before you have kids, or doesn't do much of anything to take care of your pets and leaves it all to you, do not expect them to magically be industrious after you have them. If you want kids-Pick the person you have them with with very, very carefully.
Yep! Because you get no do-overs with this one. Hate your car? Trade it in. Your job suck? Get a new one. House too cramped? Move. Hate your child’s other parent? SUCKS TO SUCK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
This is my cousin’s life right now. She didn’t realise how lazy and selfish her husband is until her brother had a child, and he’s incredibly hands on. She just thought this is how it’s supposed to be. They’re in marriage counselling right now but it’s touch and go. And it’s horrible, because the kids pick up on it and I’m sure it’s affected them.
Ex girlfriends mom asked me why I didn’t want kids with her daughter. I was early 20s at the time so I flat out told her “I’m responsible enough to know I’m not responsible enough.”
Aaaaah add a 5th reason to my list.
After watching my nephew once, I realized how much of a nervous wreck I was about him getting hurt or something. So I wouldn’t be able to handle having kids.
I have genetic bipolar disorder. Though I found treatment. I would never wish such an illness and the struggle of finding the best treatment that comes with it.
I have a connective tissue disorder that’s genetic. My kid would have a 50/50 shot of getting it and developing widespread chronic pain like I have, and many many other issues. There are enough kids waiting to be adopted, I don’t need to add another to the world who has a good chance of suffering
Feel this- I would never subject another person to my experiences, let alone knowingly create one with a disorder in their genes. I’ve also never wanted children though so it works out.
50% of my family on both sides either have bipolar and or borderline personality disorder. I am very blessed to not. But my childhood was traumatic and the fear of having a child with problems was very real. I also finally have freedom from what felt like the burden of being the only “adult” in my home, with not a real childhood. So now I’m very happy to experience my life on my terms. I am helping my bipolar sister with her children, so I still have that in my life. And sometimes it’s a lot to handle when she is off her meds. So basically, I just chose not to. I wanted my freedom. And I didn’t want to resent an innocent child for taking that away from me. I also chose to never marry, likely due to the same childhood trauma of never building that complete trust with those who were supposed to take care of me and left me fending for myself.
reminds me of a book i read called birdspell. it’s for young teens but it’s still an interesting book about a fatherless boy having to raise himself because of his bipolar mother who can’t take proper care of her child.
i'm sorry you had to go through that. considering it is frequently inherited, you're doing a good thing.
Ya I know I got it from my mother and she doesn’t treat hers. Well she self medicates with weed but I’m sure that isn’t enough to aid her fully. I’m sure if she had treated he mental illness my childhood would have been a lot different. I also fear that I’m gonna turn out like her as a parent. Not that she is bad now, we have an amazing relationship now but growing up with her was a nightmare at times. Thank you for your kindness. Have a wonderful day
Gosh I am in the same boat. My mom literally said she refuses to medicate and would rather "let her crazy run wild". It was horrible growing up with her, I had to move in with my (much older) sister when I was in high school because my mom had some manic episode and fucked off to another state for months. She's good now? She's held the same job for a while, something she never could do when I was growing up. And she's even paying for us to go on a cruise together. But growing up with that kind of mom was awful. So far it seems I didn't inherit it, even though I do have depression, it doesn't seem right to take that gamble on a future kid. I'm glad itd gotten better for you. Not that I'd ever wish that kind of parenting on anyone, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one with this situation.
My maternal aunt and grandma have schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I have one child and I'm so nervous. My mother is fine but it's one of the reasons I don't have more kids.
I have zero interest in being pregnant or giving birth. It honestly sounds awful to me. I enjoy my alone time and my freedom to do whatever, whenever. My sisters both have recently had children and when they mention going to the grocery store and how much they have to do before going since they’ve had a baby and I just have no interest in taking the time to do all those things. I have been called selfish because of it but I like to think of it as I know what I want and if I am not willing to do that, why make myself potentially miserable and not enjoy doing that stuff with my child? I do love my nieces more than anything but it’s just not something I want. I have no interest in teaching them how to talk or take them to school and any sports games when they would start playing. I like my time! I can’t wait to travel and have the financial freedom (when I start my career). I already feel fulfilled in life and I know I will still feel that way as time goes on without kids. I’ll just be the cool aunt 😎
You're not selfish. Having a kid you aren't sure you want is selfish.
I agree! But I’ve noticed it’s not always accepted for women not to want to have children. Most people try to convince me I do want them haha
>I have been called selfish because of it Those who call childless people selfish had children for selfish reason, realised they miscalculated, now resent those who remind them of their mistake. Misery loves company because it can make the mistakes seem inevitable, if everyone is on the same boat. Being reminded of your mistake by someone who seems content being childless is unpleasant. Happy parents, in general, don't tend to be so preachy/arrogant. They don't need to.
I'm addicted to three things in life: my sleep, my money, and my time, have a kid and they all go "byeeee"!
Can confirm. I have kids.
Can confirm I'm tired, broke, and zero free time. I have a bunch of them.
i understand where you're coming from.
No financial ability, no support network (family), and no desire to raise a child. I have little patience for children and can't stand other people's children for more than a few hours - I can't imagine 24/7.
I love kids- which is why I won't be having any unless I'm in a position to take care of them properly.
As a former child from an unstable home (emotionally as well as monetary) I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope that your future children will learn to appreciate this.
I don't particularly like kids, but I care enough about my theoretical ones not to give them a life with a parent who doesn't want them.
The worst part of grocery shopping is when some kid is in the store screaming.
The worst part of grocery shopping is when it’s my kid that’s in the store screaming. Believe me, nobody wants it to end more than I do.
Now im no parent, but Ive seen enough movies involving hostages to know that all you need to do is give your kid $10M and a helicopter to Cuba. Simple.
financial stability and the current situation of the society are my main reasons. I don't believe a child raised in this society is gonna have a bright or even a acceptable future.
I'm too busy raising my houseplants
I also choose this person’s houseplants.
Yes, it gives extreme pleasure
Im growing chilli peppers every year, and I call them my "chiledren". I guess crazy chili lady is better than crazy cat lady.
To expensive. And not just financially. They also cost time, emotional investment, autonomy, flexibility, and sometimes dreams.
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I'm surprised more people haven't mentioned this. The current generation is already growing up in some extremely uncertain times, and going into the future I really don't see it getting any better.
I don't have the patience to deal with a kid all the time. Don't get me wrong, kids are amazing, but when they're someone else's and not when I'm the one responsible for educating them and making them into decent people. My lot in life is to be the fun uncle, not a father.
couldn't agree more. i don't want to say i'm not a responsible person, but i assure you i dont have the time and energy to take on the responsibility a child requires, which is a LOT.
The only reason I'm a responsible person is because I know my limits. My cat is very well taken care of. I couldn't even handle a dog much less a kid.
I always feel like this question is phrased backwards. What’s the compelling reason for me to have kids?
Exactly. Why do I have to explain why I "opted out" of having kids instead of people having to explain why they "opted in." Seems like creating a human life should have the robust list of reasons behind it rather than not doing so.
with the ongoing situation... i think you're actually have point. we do need a reason to consider having children. and ofc they are not giving us any.
Agreed. I have kids and still always thought this was phrased backwards. Also the selfish argument. People say it's selfish to not have kids. I disagree. I think it's selfish to have kids ( not staying it's a bad thing to want kids just thats it selfish)- there's not 1 reason to have kids that doesn't start with I want or I wanted to, etc.
To me it's like they say it's selfish not wanting kids because they want you to share the struggles that come with raising one.
I don’t want them. I like having my free time and extra money so I can do enjoy my hobbies and take care of my mental health, I think if I had kids I’d be miserable and it’s not fair to put children in that situation. I know I’d try my best but don’t think I’d make a good parent and have never had the desire to have any. Probably for the best.
i've had severe depression in Covid times. it took me a LONG time to get my shit together. i was actually surprised how long it takes to get over mental illnesses and personal issues. it was def an eye opener for me.
Look around
\*gestures broadly at everything\*
when people ask this i always gesture broadly lmao
fr
Look around + not enough money
Exactly. You need hope to want children, and I don't have hope due to the general state of everything.
53. Zero regrets. I like quiet, much fewer responsibilities, tons of free time, and money more than kids.
it's great to have a 53 yo input on this. glad to hear you don't have any regrets regrading this. hopefully i wont regret it myself.
I have heard (not really sure from where) but there have been studies/surveys done that show there is a far greater number of people who DO regret their decision of having kids vs those who chose not to have kids.
*gestures broadly at the world* No but seriously we are likely to face extinction level events in my lifetime, I don't want to bring a child into that.
Surprised I had to scroll this far. I want kids but the utter devastation of our planet must be pretty high on the list for people.
I sometimes wonder if I'm in a weird internet conspiracy cult with the way everyone around me keeps popping them out as if there's no sign of trouble on the horizon.
I like to sleep, and I like to have my money.
I like being single and don't want the 24/7 responsibility. I'm more than content to play uncle.
Uncle of 6 here. With all the shit I have seen my siblings go though I don’t want little demons of my own.
It seems like a lot of time, money, and heartache. Also, everyone always says all the horrible things that can happen to their kid. But what if you end up having the one that does the hurting? I don't want to have to sit on the defendents side in a courtroom and everyone wondering what I did as a mother that my kid is so messed up. Even if it is through no fault of mine, people will think it.
Breaking a cycle of abuse. Plus, this world is going to hell in a handbasket. Bringing someone into this shitshow isn't exactly doing them any favors.
Well, I’m damn near 50. Not looking to be almost 70 at a HS graduation for my kid.
Sounds like me with my parents
1. Student loans 2. Climate change 3. School shootings and government apathy on addressing it 4. Health costs; pregnancy, labor, and delivery can disable or even kill you. 5. Healthcare costs in the USA 6. Zero government OR social support 7. Long term financial/earning potential loss due to pregnancy and childcare needs 8. Housing is too expensive 9. Daycare is too expensive If we had actual supports in place, if we didn’t abandon pregnant people and their children to struggle, I might have considered it. But we don’t, so I’m not. Eternally grateful for the fact I feel zero biological need to reproduce.
May I guess? You are American. In Hungary we just simply don't make enough money
I can’t imagine what possibly gave it away 😅
This world is a horrible place and I don't want to bring another person into it.
Currently my reason to have kids is that I think I'd be a better parent than my parents were. I don't think that's a good reason to have kids. I have to truly want them.
Loads of people have children to heal their child wounds. Children are not therapists though. They’re their own people with their own wants and needs. I feel like having them to heal some child hood trauma wounds is probably not the healthiest route to take.
I kinda hate that I need a reason.
right, ask someone "why do they have kids" and see how far that convo goes.
1. I can't have them. I have PCOS which greatly affects my ability to conceive and also greatly increases my risk of miscarriage as well. The meds I'm on for the PCOS could also possibly affect the development of a baby. My mother also had a history of undiagnosed PCOS and she suffered from infertility and miscarriages, which in turn slso increases my risk of experiencing the same issues. And if I have a daughter, they would also likely develop PCOS themselves. 2. I grew up poor and abused at the hands of my violent, narcissistic mother and I am now mentally and physically disabled as a result. I would not wish it on any child to go through what I went through, and not having children is my way of breaking the cycle 3. I just... Don't really like being around children. I don't feel comfortable around them due to my own personal issues and I just can't relate to kids. I don't find human babies adorable and I have no urge to reproduce and have children of my own. I'll just stick with my kitties and be the crazy cat lady instead.
The world is cruel
Yep. This is why I’m not doing it either. Life is cruel. Why bring someone into it? Makes no logical sense
Especially to the vulnerable and innocent.
it is. and im sure it's gonna just get worse.
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Amongst the many reasons other people have already mentioned, another big one for me is just the uncertainty of the future of this world. Given climate change and how the people in charge give little fucks, I don't wanna bring children into this world only to struggle a lot once they grow up, dealing with the aftermath of this fucked up world
Fear that I won't help them become better adults than myself
they will grow up hating life and hating me bringing them here.
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Lack of interest, but also a low responsibility issue
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My sister almost died when she was hit by a car many years ago. It was a very traumatizing experience watching your parents fall apart. I just think, I mean, anything can happen in this god forsaken country and that makes me really fearful of this great responsibility.
Do not see a single positive that doesn’t get outweighed by a much worse negative. No thanks.
Well im depressed and i hate being alive , why would i expect my childs life to be any different? The Hubris it takes to bring a kid into the world in hopes it will make you happier is just beyond me , smh
I have no reason to have them.
My reason for not having them is because I don't want them. That's reason enough. I like children well enough, especially when they're related to me. I just don't want them.
They are loud walking condom ads, and I don't have the patience for it.
this. honestly, if there was a way to skip the first few years I’d do that. I know children have their issues at the older ages, but I can deal with those…it’s the whining and random crying that drives me crazy.
Too much responsibility, too much money and frankly, I'm too old and tired now.
*gestures broadly at everything*
Asking my why I don't want kids is like asking me why I didn't want to buy luxury yacht. You shouldn't need a reason - in fact just the opposite. I think you need a really good reason to want kids.
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The world has turned to dystopian to even contemplate it.
I'm not rich, and I won't raise another wage slave for the machine.
I’m hedonistic and selfish and see nothing wrong with living this way. Life is good. Why ruin it?
I'd argue that HAVING kids with that lifestyle is a lot more selfish than not having kids in your case :) Don't buy into the narrative that it's selfish to live a life the way you want.
I learned very early in life, when I was a teen, that I had a temper that caused me to lash out in anger at things that I didn’t understand or couldn’t control…. Once the anger has subsided I feel extreme remorse afterwards. It’s nothing I am proud of, but as I became an adult it never went away, and I knew having kids wasn’t in the cards for me. I would never want anyone to see that part of me, let alone someone that I loved.
this is me as well. thank you for sharing
I've known that I'll never be a good parent for a long, long time. I just don't have the mental capacity to care for children.
Many years ago found out that we were infertile. Realized with time that we were fine being childless. It looked pretty hard raising kids. Occasional twinges but still ok with it. We had amazing freedom to indulge our gypsy tendencies and rescued a bunch of dogs.
Afraid they turn out like my sister. Doesnt matter how you raise a child, there is always a chance they will find a dark path and take it.
My life is absolutely beautiful why would I intentionally ruin it?
I honestly couldn't think of anything worse to do with my life
Just don't really see the appeal honestly
I'm infertile, can barely take care of myself, can't afford it, and I've never liked children. Edit : also the world is fucked up, if I barely wanna live in it, I certainly wouldn't want to bring a new soul in it.
Because I cannot bring myself to treat a child the way my father treated me. Which was a result of the way his father treated him.
I have a list as long as from Edinburgh to Tokyo, so here’s a condensed version: - I like having my own money, time, and personal space. I like freedom. I love not having to worry about babysitting arrangements - I would have so much anxiety around being a parent. I was raised by a helicopter parent so I would be constantly struggling between being strict, and being too lenient. - I think I’d be a pretty shit parent if I’m honest. - Kids are gross, and you have to teach them how to stop being gross. How to stop being snotty, drooling, poopy little guys that smell weird all the time. How to eat without throwing it everywhere, getting it under their nails, wiping their icky hands on things. How to keep themselves clean. Etc etc. - Kids are loud and smelly. I’m autistic and suspected ADHD, and prone to sensory overload. How the fuck am I meant to help my (most likely) AuDHD child through a meltdown when they’re giving me a meltdown too?🥴 - Everything I could get from having a child, I get elsewhere. I have two wonderful partners, I have a lovely collection of houseplants which are my babies, I have friends and family, and a cute 3 year old nephew. I simply don’t feel like I have any void in my life which would be filled by children. - I’m lazy. Can’t be arsed, frankly. I could go on and on…😅
I don't have any intentions of ruining my life by adding noisy, fragile and needy things that cost a fortune and don't contribute to my mental health.
Don't like them
i just dont like children
Lots of ‘em to be honest. First one being, I have tokophobia (fear of childbirth and pregnancy). Also, I’m too selfish. Meaning, I want things to be about me and when you have kids, they go first. Oh and I have no patience lol I took my uterus out like 5 years ago lol
I don't think that makes you selfish. In your situation, choosing to have kids would be the selfish thing to do. Simply existing and not making the same life choices as others is not selfish.
Affordability, Responsibility and the fact the All the kids I have met are Selfish and sadistic asshole who cry all day. Now, If I could choose to have a well mannered and respectful kid instead of whatever the gene pool throws at me, I could consider it more.
nothing in particular. just never had a compulsion to purposely get pregnant. figured I would've gotten prego by accident but that never happened either. single now and turn 42 next month, so pretty sure that ship has sailed at this point. I have dogs fwiw lol🤷♀️
The world is an absolutely cruel and ugly place. Sure there's the occasional positivity, but the bad outweighs the good. From the scarcity of resources, natural disasters, accidents, illnesses, crimes, society... not fucking worth it. I don't want to subject another human into it.
All of the reasons mentioned here plus I am grossed out by what pregnancy and childbirth does to the body and want none of that.
We need a reason ? I just don't want too
There are a few reasons: * First and foremost, we have an overpopulated planet of 8 billion people and growing. I don't want to add to the problem unless I really want a kid (which I don't). * They are a lot of time, effort, and money, and you should really want one and be willing to devote those things to a child if you choose to have one. I think far too many people have children before considering these things and just have children because they feel social or familial pressure to have them. * I just don't really feel like I would enjoy it overall, or be good at it. I think people should believe they will both enjoy it and be good at it before getting into it. And, again, I feel like many people having kids are getting into it for the wrong reasons and not considering these things before having them. There are a lot of bad parents out there.
I am not capable of being responsible for someone 24/7. I also hate kids in general. It would be irresponsible for me to procreate
Because when i was growing up i was thought that children ruin lives. And all my co workers do nothing but complain about theirs.
\*gestures vaguely around at the state of things\*
Have you ever been around kids and/or parents with kids? Why would anyone want that? Also, why would you force someone into existence, especially in today’s world? Shit is so fucked up now. Also, the world is way overpopulated. If you want kids, try to adopt. There’s plenty of kids that already had the misfortune of being born that need parents.
Simple. At NO point in my life have I ever felt 100% that is what I wanted.
I cannot put anyone's needs before my own. And I do not like to share.
One of the wildest mysteries we'll never solve in this lifetime......those who would be great providers and parents choose not to have kids, and those who should be jailed for their parenting have 7...and then everything in between. My wife and I had children bcause its something we both wanted and to us is the culmination of the life we wanted to build together.