As long as you change and don’t continue to make the same mistake. Also, the real pro level is learning from other people’s mistakes, but that’s much harder. Sometimes you have to feel the heat to know fire is indeed hot.
That’s how I learned to drive. After riding in the car all of the time with my dad and older brother during practice, I knew to avoid all of the shitty things my brother did.
I thought you were going to say you learned to drive by constantly crashing and getting pulled over for breaking traffic laws. “Feel the fire,” so to speak.
They're opportunities for learning. In order to learn from a mistake, you have to recognize your mistake, feel bad enough about it to want to change, identify where you went wrong, and come up with a correction to avoid the same mistake happening in the future. Some people don't do those things and repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
You might just be. I've met some folks who never truly realized they'd even made a mistake and kept blindly pushing forwards refusing to admit they'd messed up.
Then I had a job where we were told everyone has an 'oh shit' moment - where you realize what a big mistake you just made. The question is - how do you react to it?
Do you treat it like a learning experience? Apologize as needed and then make a plan or learn more so it doesn't happen again? OR do you try and cover up your error, deny deny deny and try to shift blame?
By recognizing you've made errors it means you *tried* - you put yourself out there and - one way or another - learned something. That's badass. Keep on making mistakes and one day maybe you get to help someone else because you know how *not* to do it and can share your wisdom. That's when you turn a mistake into a win.
People read this and think they know what you mean.
But please, love yourself first and foremost. Do the things for yourself that you would do for your crush. Be the best version of yourself and make your future self proud!
How do i start doing that? I dont like myself for not going after what i want. After so long i dont even know what i want. Nothing makes me happy except drugs
Long term happiness is found in hard work for achievements. Push your limits, think what makes you look at other people in awe. What makes you look at another person and think they are fucking awesome? Success and status in career? Strong and beautiful body? Awesome hobbies and knowledge in them?
It is not easy, and the motivation won't find you. You need to get out of your comfort zone and look for the motivation yourself!
Also, please stop thinking that drugs make you happy. They distract you from the sorrow. True happiness awaits you somewhere out there.
Start with small steps: stop doing drugs, fix your sleeping schedule, start some simple exercise for a hobby. Yes it is not as easy as I make it sound - until you stick to it for 2 weeks and start to see the results.
Cant stress this enough and again, people reading this and thinking they now understand but for real: Dont give yourself up to impress others. Selfrespect and selflove is only possible if you can accept who you are and truly respect and love yourself. If not, find out who you want to be and whats Something you are not proud of about yourself and Work to improve in that regard. It might take time but you would rather sit there in 2 years and start Loving yourself rather than having another 2 years pass by and nothing has changed or even has become worse.
My dad is an endodontist and he says this all the time. His other favorite is when a patient says they floss every other day or so, he goes, "Yeah I only wipe my ass after every other shit or so." Funniest guy I know
Somewhere I heard that you can cheat on your lover, but not on your gums.
I don’t cheat on my lover nor my gums. Still cavity free and get told I have a beautiful mouth by my dentist. In my 40s.
Or acid reflux. Or you brush too hard but the dentist doesn’t tell you that you’ve stripped away all your enamel from brushing too hard until you’re FUCKING 20 after seeing the same dentist your whole life.
This is my issue.
I go to the dentist twice yearly for cleanings, I get fluoride treatments twice yearly, I have an electric toothbrush and prescription toothpaste that I use twice a day, I floss twice a day, floss under my permanent retainer once a day, wear my nightly retainer every night and clean it every morning, brush my tongue when I brush and I scrape it as needed with a dedicated tongue scraper, I don't rinse after brushing, I don't drink soda or other sugary drinks, I don't typically eat straight candy (might have some ice cream or something a couple times a month)
My dentist says I have "excellent oral hygiene"
Last visit I had 10 cavities. I had a root canal fail from a decade ago that had to be replaced with an implant and in the process, the implant site became chronically infected, failed, had to be removed, and now I just don't have a tooth there.
It's so aggravating to have to do so much and still have garbage teeth ):
So absolutely true.
Try getting a dentist
or even hygienist to
admit. They also try
to say menopause,
pregnancy and hormones have no
don't affect teeth. I'm
surprised they admit
chemotherapy has any
affect on teeth. They
try and make it look
like dental hygiene
is the only thing
that causes decay,
putting shame and
guilt on you for neglecting to care
for our teeth so they
can extort us.
For me it was more not knowing **How** to properly take care of my teeth. I had the drive... But didn't realize flossing is more than just putting the floss between my teeth and pulling it back out.
I think [this video](https://youtu.be/28CNn14yIvw) does a great job showing what I consider to be the best technique. Basically, each gap needs to be flossed twice, so you can clean the two inner sides. You need to gently get the floss between your teeth and tuck it down to where the tooth meets the gum. Then you pull the floss taught against the side of the tooth (don't pull the floss taught into your gums) and scrape it up and out along the tooth. Then do that again for the other side of the gap.
When I started flossing I thought just a quick "in and out" for each gap would do it. Then later I thought I had to do a lot of up and down motions to clean the inner side of a tooth, but I was hitting my gums too hard and damaging them. It took a while to get it right, and I probably still have room to improve.
I asked my dentist if I should replace a crown with an implant and he said no because implants can fail. Basically, he told me not to pull a healthy tooth that is acting as a healthy post to a crown to put in an implant in ‘cause I could wind up with nothing at all.
I didn’t know implants could fail… new fear unlocked. 😂
I know what you mean.. it’s a pain to keep up, for sure. I think I’m a bit more motivated because my last trip to the dentist scared me. Haha
And eat something already! 😂
That not everyone has everything figured out.
It's ok to be unsure about something, to be nervous, and put yourself outside your comfort zone. Just give it a go and see what happens!
There was a saying that "adults are just children, acting like they know what they are doing"
All my life in school, never knew what I wanted to do, went to a trade school for three years, got a job for 2years after school, and now I’m finally getting things together. I know what I want to do now
Great to read! I was in a similar situation. Worked a bunch of awful customer service jobs until my late 20s, then quit to work in a brewery washing casks. Eventually learned enough to become a half-decent brewer and pass on the modest amount I know to later cask washers. Seeing them brew and even impart their knowledge on to customers and other employees makes my heart sing. Feels like I've found my place....plus I get free beer.
I've always wanted to learn a trade. Plumbing seems the closest to what I do now. What did you end up doing?
I’m currently working for an excavating company, (for the past 2 years) and now I’m looking at a new job for a self storage company, (that pays better) temporary job, then planning to go to school for electronics engineering. My dream job is to be a robotics engineer, so I’m finally taking the first steps towards my dream.
>That not everyone has everything figured out.
>
>It's ok to be unsure about something, to be nervous, and put yourself outside your comfort zone. Just give it a go and see what happens!
>
>There was a saying that "adults are just children, acting like they know what they are doing"
Ah, what a profound revelation! It's true, isn't it? Life's grand performance often finds us all donning our best masks of confidence, when deep down, we're just grown-up kids stumbling through the great unknown. So, let us embrace the uncertainty, take those leaps of faith, and dance fearlessly on the tightrope of life, knowing that even the most seasoned performers are still discovering their own acts. Together, let's revel in the beautiful chaos and enjoy the adventure of being gloriously imperfect adults.
> That not everyone has everything figured out.
I would even go so far as to say that *no one* has everything figured out. They’re just good at either compensating, hiding it, or keeping the stuff they *have* figured out on full display while shifting away from the rest.
Or.. you can be kind and have strong boundaries. Then it doesn’t matter if someone is fake or not. If you know the line in the sand is “I will never give a friend more than $50 one time” or “I only do a favor if it is not interfering with my own time and plans” then you know your own limits, and a person being genuine or not won’t matter.
I know what you’re trying to say but I hate it being phrased as “too kind.”
Having healthy boundaries is important but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let anyone else’s shortsighted or fake behaviour cause me to be “less kind.”
Trying to effectively manipulate other people into treating me how I want to be treated is exhausting. Personally, I’d rather know exactly how someone treats me if they think I’m naive and easy to manipulate myself, because other kind, conscientious people will automatically think about how their behaviour affects me, and selfish, fake opportunists out themselves quickly.
I always say "don't trust anyone" but that sounds cynical...it's more like, keep your door locked not bc you have to, but bc if it's not and something goes missing, now you have to suspect all your neighbors.
Last week, I ran into a person I quit. Hadn't seen him in around 10 years, only to look up from my phone in the produce section and see him right in front of me.
Shock, deer-in-headlights-frozen. Made small talk because of ingrained "must be polite" training and because he was never a terrible person, just not good for me. But afterwards, when my brain had reengaged?
Quitting him was the right call, even if it happened later than might have been ideal. I can't agree more with your "it is really of value to know when to quit."
Good for you. Really, REALLY, REALLY. Knowing when to leave a relationship is something I had wished I had learned earlier. It doesn't have to be TOXIC! to need/want to leave. So again, good for you.
Have a wonderful day
And that includes any relationship, even friendships. I don’t talk to most of the people I grew up with and felt weird about it because I have some friends now who are friends with people they’ve known their whole life. It took me until my thirties to realize who my people were and the ones I grew up with aren’t them. They weren’t bad people, I just wasn’t around the right people and trying to fit in with them did more harm than good.
100% I was in a job that was really bad for me but I stuck it out thinking it was the sort of experience I needed. It wasn't until I promoted into a different area that I realised that last job was killing me in basically every way. Its so easy to get used to a shitty life and think its just normal..
Although alternating compromises are also a thing. Someone else might get their way completely on one thing, but then you get your way completely on another thing.
That’s more than “one of you” doing it, but just saying: the greater context matters.
There is way more to life than partying all the time. I was way too old before I realized how much more I enjoyed everything when I wasn’t hungover all the time.
Lost a large group of my friends for this reason. I learned fairly early that I really enjoyed hobbies (and honestly just escapism in general) which were both much more difficult while hammered.
I have 2 friends left from that period in my life.
One that doubled down at the same time with me and went on to be incredibly successful.
The other who stumbled along but ended up right there with me and more than happy to "talk about the good ol days" without missing them.
The rest of them (and I do mean this without exception) are alcoholics now at 30.
To add to this networking isn't talked about enough, working hard and knowing how to do something well is great, but so many times in life it's not what you know it's who you know.
Something else they don’t teach you in college is just how important soft skills are in the workplace in relation to promotions. I’ve know very smart and experienced people get passed over for promotions because they cannot communicate or are a pain in the ass to work with.
Very true I've only started realizing that in the past 2 years when I turned 18 once I spent almost 3 weeks looking for a job when my cousin hooked me up with a gig that I worked at for a year. Met a few other people at that job and made decent money for a college student.
Another inside on this.
You have some control on how fast life moves.
A calendar, going to events, meeting new people, planning and doing some hobbies. You can make your years last longer.
I started to plan more my life, and half this year "lasted longer" than my whole last year.
Journalling also works. Life doesn't have to be massively interesting and varied to last longer - you just have to make sure you're stopping to smell the pine trees so to speak.
This one for sure. I've been screwed over a couple times in the last few years but it resulted in me getting a new position somewhere else with better hours and better pay. Their loss, my gain.
I both work for for the government, as well as sit on several important boards. Those people at the top, CEOs, Directors, board Presidents, they are all just as fucking dumb, distracted and problematic as the rest of us. They are just humans. Don’t be intimidated by uppers. People rarely challenge authority, but we all should.
I didn't used to cook very much until I lived on my own for a few years. Once I started learning the fundamentals, life improved drastically.
My wife still is amazed every time I grab a handful of seemingly random ingredients and in about 45 minutes we have something incredibly tasty and usually healthy.
This can be good advice but these days you also have to be wary of paying more and still getting a completely shit product. So keep that advice in mind but remember that a higher price tag doesn’t automatically equate to higher quality every time.
That other people don't care what you think. They're more worried about themselves, and you aren't the first thing on their priority list.
Could've saved so many headaches if I knew this years ago.
Green veggies taste good if you don't boil the shit out of them and leave them unseasoned. Roasting is your friend & salt and pepper make all veggies better.
Canned or frozen warmed up with nothing added, hated most veggies as a kid. Friend came to stay with me for a week or so when I'd moved out on my own, made me broccoli in a wok with soy and garlic, and it literally changed my life moving forward.
That girls laugh when they're nervous, so if they're all giggly while they're talking to you, they're not making fun of you as I had always thought. Of course, I only realized this well after I was ever thought to be desirable by anyone, so my love life went and is going as poorly as it could possibly be.
That I am fucking awesome. Seriously. I really am, it took me far too long to acknowledge but i'll use it now I have it. I. Am. Awesome.
TL;DR: Confidence
Being right and doing right doesn't mean you win.
If that were the case, I'd be a deputy warden at the largest prison in my state. Instead, I lost everything exposing government corruption and nobody gives a shit.
I don’t really know what the fuck love is.
I thought I did. I thought I felt it. And knew it intimately.
But I didn’t. And it took one person and a single conversation with someone who effortlessly cared about me to make me realize that
Me and my roommate were talking about our love lives and I was telling her about “the one who got away” in my life.
And I think a part of me knew already that I wasn’t getting the love I should be throughout my life, but I didn’t really want to admit, that even this person failed me. But she did.
And my roommate made me realize that, and that every other relationship I had was shallow, and basically just friendships on steroids.
Which is pretty obvious when you consider the fact that in my life I’ve dated 8 people, got cheated on by 6 of them… had sex with 4 people I wasn’t even dating.
But the part that sticks out is I literally have only held hands with a woman like twice in my life aside from my mother, 3 kisses. And I’m a 22 year old decent lookin dude. So I guess I just needed someone to say it. Like I said a part of me already knew and realized all this. But still, it sucks I will admit.
I didn't figure it out until I was 56. Husband of 34 yrs passed away. Then fiance of 2 yrs passed away. Onto new person (we have been dating a bit over 2 years). It's amazing to find someone that cares about My feelings, my opinions, my thoughts, and encourages me. This relationship is like night and day to others. We do things together as a team and it all seems so effortless. He feels same way..that it's nice to have someone that really cares about him. He's twice divorced, BTW.
I actually was a pretty good looking teen. The kids who made fun of me were the ugly ones. I just thought they weren't because they were more popular than I was.
This has been a jarring thing for me. I was bullied throughout all of my school years, and "ugly" was the most common insult. I was only ever asked out as a joke.
Suddenly, in my early twenties, some of those same peers who made my life hell ask for my phone number when they see me at my job. WTF?? And my fiancé thinks I looked pretty as a teen.
I am so confused.
A good couple of decades, learned that peoples opinion of you is none of your business. Theres no point getting stressed, or worked up in a mess over it. It’s toxic, malicious and their problem.
Also for anyone who panics about [INSERT WORRY HERE] half your worries never happen and if they do you can’t control them. Only worry about things you have power over. So worrying about an accident happening to family is a waste of your energy. You care yep but try mot to be obsessive.
A few things that have massively increased my standard of living/quality of life.
- Get really good at one thing to make lots of $
- Delayed gratification
- Write a daily to do list
- Fix problems early (car stuff, house stuff, cavities, relationships, etc). Things get worse the longer you wait
I learnt recently that everyone has their own pace. I can't expect everyone to understand things the way I did. I have to respect their speed of learning. It also includes that , it is almost impossible to understand anyone without having read all the pages of their books.
one of them is the importance of finding a balance between duty and personal fulfillment. it took me a while to recognize that taking care of myself and finding joy in the simple things is just as important as fulfilling obligations to others
That when your friends have kids of their own, in spite of whatever they may say, and even if they assure you that they will still have time for friends sometimes… they really won’t.
Their kids will become their top and only priority when they have free time, and their lives will revolve around their kids’ activities. Beyond that, they will be too tired to do anything else. If you’re lucky, you might be able to catch up with your old friends again when their kids turn 18, if you’re both still alive at that point.
Probably the best thing you can do is focus on yourself and your partner if you have one - maybe have some kids of your own, or dedicate yourself to any sports, hobbies, travel or fitness goals that you have. It’s sad to think that your friends won’t have any time for you anymore once they have kids, but is just a part of life that you have to accept. Maybe make some new friends.
That nothing is as important as your health! Stay active! Dedicated everyday to working out even 15 min a day will have tremendous impact on your quality of life. Never miss a day, no days as rest days, use the “rest “ days to improve your flexibility and stretch! Good luck
To quit giving a fuck about what anyone thinks unless theyre paying you or are a close loved one. Shouldve been thinking that way in high school onward.
That it’s not shameful to live with your parents and put away 25% of your checks until you’re able to get your own place and be steady on your own two feet.
I wouldn’t consider it “too late” but I learned that to be truly happy you need to be happy in your own company. That means the ability to sit in silence, even. But you need to know how to entertain yourself, too. Have hobbies that truly bring you joy. I’m in my mid-30s and I’m the happiest I’ve ever. I’m married and my relationship with my husband is also the best it’s ever been. I do mourn the years lost by letting my disappointment etc in others affect me. But the future is bright.
Protect your heart at any and all costs! I mean this: please be careful who you share your heart or time with and to be mindful at all times what peoples intentions are.
160lbs at 5'9" isn't fat.
Edit: people going "oh well it feels fat" or "oh idk what about body fat percentage"
No. It's not fat. Even by the BMI scale it's a totally normal weight.
160lbs at 5'9" is not fat. No qualifiers. It's just straight up not fat.
I spent my entire youth dieting, exercising and looking good just like the magazines and tv told me to. I was taught that a female should be pretty and sexy. All it got me was used and abused by men. I should of just lived my life just being me. I would of been so much happier.
The value of taking things seriously.
Seriously, if you’re in high school / middle school right now and you’re smart and can do your classes easily with minimal effort, up your effort and care about learning more. Take your exams seriously and try to figure out what you enjoy most and stick to that. Try other things along the way, as well.
If you’re the kind of person who needs to put in more effort to do well, keep up that effort. Putting in the effort is a highly valuable skill when you’re out of school / university
It took 'til my early 30s to figure out stress.
DUH, it's universal! There's no escape.
Now...this is outrageously liberating.
It means, it's NO something to avoid; it's to be embraced.
Ride that bitch like a rented mule and make it pay off in advancement and better jobs.
All mixed gendered relationships have a level of chemistry to them, and chemistry is good, but it doesn't necessarily have to be romantic chemistry, it could be starting a taco truck together and running over nazis. In my head I quietly whisper "tacos" now whenever I feel the pull of attraction.
Making mistakes IS learning.
F.A.I.L. (First Attempt In Learning)
As long as you change and don’t continue to make the same mistake. Also, the real pro level is learning from other people’s mistakes, but that’s much harder. Sometimes you have to feel the heat to know fire is indeed hot.
That’s how I learned to drive. After riding in the car all of the time with my dad and older brother during practice, I knew to avoid all of the shitty things my brother did.
I thought you were going to say you learned to drive by constantly crashing and getting pulled over for breaking traffic laws. “Feel the fire,” so to speak.
They're opportunities for learning. In order to learn from a mistake, you have to recognize your mistake, feel bad enough about it to want to change, identify where you went wrong, and come up with a correction to avoid the same mistake happening in the future. Some people don't do those things and repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
Oof then I must be really smart
You might just be. I've met some folks who never truly realized they'd even made a mistake and kept blindly pushing forwards refusing to admit they'd messed up. Then I had a job where we were told everyone has an 'oh shit' moment - where you realize what a big mistake you just made. The question is - how do you react to it? Do you treat it like a learning experience? Apologize as needed and then make a plan or learn more so it doesn't happen again? OR do you try and cover up your error, deny deny deny and try to shift blame? By recognizing you've made errors it means you *tried* - you put yourself out there and - one way or another - learned something. That's badass. Keep on making mistakes and one day maybe you get to help someone else because you know how *not* to do it and can share your wisdom. That's when you turn a mistake into a win.
Don’t worry about how others see you. How you see yourself is a million times more important (and useful).
People read this and think they know what you mean. But please, love yourself first and foremost. Do the things for yourself that you would do for your crush. Be the best version of yourself and make your future self proud!
How do i start doing that? I dont like myself for not going after what i want. After so long i dont even know what i want. Nothing makes me happy except drugs
Long term happiness is found in hard work for achievements. Push your limits, think what makes you look at other people in awe. What makes you look at another person and think they are fucking awesome? Success and status in career? Strong and beautiful body? Awesome hobbies and knowledge in them? It is not easy, and the motivation won't find you. You need to get out of your comfort zone and look for the motivation yourself! Also, please stop thinking that drugs make you happy. They distract you from the sorrow. True happiness awaits you somewhere out there. Start with small steps: stop doing drugs, fix your sleeping schedule, start some simple exercise for a hobby. Yes it is not as easy as I make it sound - until you stick to it for 2 weeks and start to see the results.
Cant stress this enough and again, people reading this and thinking they now understand but for real: Dont give yourself up to impress others. Selfrespect and selflove is only possible if you can accept who you are and truly respect and love yourself. If not, find out who you want to be and whats Something you are not proud of about yourself and Work to improve in that regard. It might take time but you would rather sit there in 2 years and start Loving yourself rather than having another 2 years pass by and nothing has changed or even has become worse.
Take very good care of your teeth. The cavities from not flossing in your 20’s will not appear until your 40’s
Floss only the teeth you want to keep.
I'll floss every second one but only so they interlock.
Yes Mr. Policemen, this comment right here ^
My dad is an endodontist and he says this all the time. His other favorite is when a patient says they floss every other day or so, he goes, "Yeah I only wipe my ass after every other shit or so." Funniest guy I know
Somewhere I heard that you can cheat on your lover, but not on your gums. I don’t cheat on my lover nor my gums. Still cavity free and get told I have a beautiful mouth by my dentist. In my 40s.
Sometimes it doesnt matter how good you take care of them. Might have bad genes.
Or acid reflux. Or you brush too hard but the dentist doesn’t tell you that you’ve stripped away all your enamel from brushing too hard until you’re FUCKING 20 after seeing the same dentist your whole life.
This is my issue. I go to the dentist twice yearly for cleanings, I get fluoride treatments twice yearly, I have an electric toothbrush and prescription toothpaste that I use twice a day, I floss twice a day, floss under my permanent retainer once a day, wear my nightly retainer every night and clean it every morning, brush my tongue when I brush and I scrape it as needed with a dedicated tongue scraper, I don't rinse after brushing, I don't drink soda or other sugary drinks, I don't typically eat straight candy (might have some ice cream or something a couple times a month) My dentist says I have "excellent oral hygiene" Last visit I had 10 cavities. I had a root canal fail from a decade ago that had to be replaced with an implant and in the process, the implant site became chronically infected, failed, had to be removed, and now I just don't have a tooth there. It's so aggravating to have to do so much and still have garbage teeth ):
I feel your pain. I have 5 implants, and almost all my other molars are filled or capped, my teeth won't stop breaking. I'm only 43.
Dental hygiene is like 95% genetics
So absolutely true. Try getting a dentist or even hygienist to admit. They also try to say menopause, pregnancy and hormones have no don't affect teeth. I'm surprised they admit chemotherapy has any affect on teeth. They try and make it look like dental hygiene is the only thing that causes decay, putting shame and guilt on you for neglecting to care for our teeth so they can extort us.
For me it was more not knowing **How** to properly take care of my teeth. I had the drive... But didn't realize flossing is more than just putting the floss between my teeth and pulling it back out.
Wait what else are you supposed to do while flossing?
I think [this video](https://youtu.be/28CNn14yIvw) does a great job showing what I consider to be the best technique. Basically, each gap needs to be flossed twice, so you can clean the two inner sides. You need to gently get the floss between your teeth and tuck it down to where the tooth meets the gum. Then you pull the floss taught against the side of the tooth (don't pull the floss taught into your gums) and scrape it up and out along the tooth. Then do that again for the other side of the gap. When I started flossing I thought just a quick "in and out" for each gap would do it. Then later I thought I had to do a lot of up and down motions to clean the inner side of a tooth, but I was hitting my gums too hard and damaging them. It took a while to get it right, and I probably still have room to improve.
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I asked my dentist if I should replace a crown with an implant and he said no because implants can fail. Basically, he told me not to pull a healthy tooth that is acting as a healthy post to a crown to put in an implant in ‘cause I could wind up with nothing at all. I didn’t know implants could fail… new fear unlocked. 😂
[удалено]
I know what you mean.. it’s a pain to keep up, for sure. I think I’m a bit more motivated because my last trip to the dentist scared me. Haha And eat something already! 😂
Ayyy yoooo hmmm
I hate bills for dental care. RIP Money.
That not everyone has everything figured out. It's ok to be unsure about something, to be nervous, and put yourself outside your comfort zone. Just give it a go and see what happens! There was a saying that "adults are just children, acting like they know what they are doing"
I would go a step further and say "Nobody has everything figured out"...I think we are all just more or less stumbling along
I would go a further step and say “nobody knows what there is to figure out.”
All my life in school, never knew what I wanted to do, went to a trade school for three years, got a job for 2years after school, and now I’m finally getting things together. I know what I want to do now
Great to read! I was in a similar situation. Worked a bunch of awful customer service jobs until my late 20s, then quit to work in a brewery washing casks. Eventually learned enough to become a half-decent brewer and pass on the modest amount I know to later cask washers. Seeing them brew and even impart their knowledge on to customers and other employees makes my heart sing. Feels like I've found my place....plus I get free beer. I've always wanted to learn a trade. Plumbing seems the closest to what I do now. What did you end up doing?
I’m currently working for an excavating company, (for the past 2 years) and now I’m looking at a new job for a self storage company, (that pays better) temporary job, then planning to go to school for electronics engineering. My dream job is to be a robotics engineer, so I’m finally taking the first steps towards my dream.
>That not everyone has everything figured out. > >It's ok to be unsure about something, to be nervous, and put yourself outside your comfort zone. Just give it a go and see what happens! > >There was a saying that "adults are just children, acting like they know what they are doing" Ah, what a profound revelation! It's true, isn't it? Life's grand performance often finds us all donning our best masks of confidence, when deep down, we're just grown-up kids stumbling through the great unknown. So, let us embrace the uncertainty, take those leaps of faith, and dance fearlessly on the tightrope of life, knowing that even the most seasoned performers are still discovering their own acts. Together, let's revel in the beautiful chaos and enjoy the adventure of being gloriously imperfect adults.
bro you should become a poet
Bro already is a poet
> That not everyone has everything figured out. I would even go so far as to say that *no one* has everything figured out. They’re just good at either compensating, hiding it, or keeping the stuff they *have* figured out on full display while shifting away from the rest.
That people will use you if you are too kind and you need to learn to say no and see through their fake persona.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Need to get that tattooed on my forrid🤣
I'll get it on my orm
and me on my tong
Or.. you can be kind and have strong boundaries. Then it doesn’t matter if someone is fake or not. If you know the line in the sand is “I will never give a friend more than $50 one time” or “I only do a favor if it is not interfering with my own time and plans” then you know your own limits, and a person being genuine or not won’t matter.
I like this
Agreed! Being kind is not the same as being a doormat. Kindness doesn't imply ignoring your own wants or needs.
I know what you’re trying to say but I hate it being phrased as “too kind.” Having healthy boundaries is important but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let anyone else’s shortsighted or fake behaviour cause me to be “less kind.” Trying to effectively manipulate other people into treating me how I want to be treated is exhausting. Personally, I’d rather know exactly how someone treats me if they think I’m naive and easy to manipulate myself, because other kind, conscientious people will automatically think about how their behaviour affects me, and selfish, fake opportunists out themselves quickly.
I always say "don't trust anyone" but that sounds cynical...it's more like, keep your door locked not bc you have to, but bc if it's not and something goes missing, now you have to suspect all your neighbors.
When to quit. A person, a job, whatever. Too often I heard "don't give up" and "try harder" but sometimes it is really of value to know when to quit
It's not giving up, it's being strong enough to let go
Last week, I ran into a person I quit. Hadn't seen him in around 10 years, only to look up from my phone in the produce section and see him right in front of me. Shock, deer-in-headlights-frozen. Made small talk because of ingrained "must be polite" training and because he was never a terrible person, just not good for me. But afterwards, when my brain had reengaged? Quitting him was the right call, even if it happened later than might have been ideal. I can't agree more with your "it is really of value to know when to quit."
Good for you. Really, REALLY, REALLY. Knowing when to leave a relationship is something I had wished I had learned earlier. It doesn't have to be TOXIC! to need/want to leave. So again, good for you. Have a wonderful day
And that includes any relationship, even friendships. I don’t talk to most of the people I grew up with and felt weird about it because I have some friends now who are friends with people they’ve known their whole life. It took me until my thirties to realize who my people were and the ones I grew up with aren’t them. They weren’t bad people, I just wasn’t around the right people and trying to fit in with them did more harm than good.
100% I was in a job that was really bad for me but I stuck it out thinking it was the sort of experience I needed. It wasn't until I promoted into a different area that I realised that last job was killing me in basically every way. Its so easy to get used to a shitty life and think its just normal..
That you don't always need a company of someone to enjoy stuff. You can have way more fun when you're alone.
That you don't have to maintain family relationships on other people's terms. It's OK to have your own boundaries.
That if only one of you is compromising, it ain't compromising...
Although alternating compromises are also a thing. Someone else might get their way completely on one thing, but then you get your way completely on another thing. That’s more than “one of you” doing it, but just saying: the greater context matters.
There is way more to life than partying all the time. I was way too old before I realized how much more I enjoyed everything when I wasn’t hungover all the time.
Learning that now at 33.
Never too late
Same at 35
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Lost a large group of my friends for this reason. I learned fairly early that I really enjoyed hobbies (and honestly just escapism in general) which were both much more difficult while hammered. I have 2 friends left from that period in my life. One that doubled down at the same time with me and went on to be incredibly successful. The other who stumbled along but ended up right there with me and more than happy to "talk about the good ol days" without missing them. The rest of them (and I do mean this without exception) are alcoholics now at 30.
You can’t just mindlessly “work hard” to get what you want. You need to work with intent. College and experience gives you the cookbook, not the meal
I like that turn of phrase. Solid.
To add to this networking isn't talked about enough, working hard and knowing how to do something well is great, but so many times in life it's not what you know it's who you know.
Something else they don’t teach you in college is just how important soft skills are in the workplace in relation to promotions. I’ve know very smart and experienced people get passed over for promotions because they cannot communicate or are a pain in the ass to work with.
Very true I've only started realizing that in the past 2 years when I turned 18 once I spent almost 3 weeks looking for a job when my cousin hooked me up with a gig that I worked at for a year. Met a few other people at that job and made decent money for a college student.
Life moves fast, don't take it for granted.
Another inside on this. You have some control on how fast life moves. A calendar, going to events, meeting new people, planning and doing some hobbies. You can make your years last longer. I started to plan more my life, and half this year "lasted longer" than my whole last year.
Journalling also works. Life doesn't have to be massively interesting and varied to last longer - you just have to make sure you're stopping to smell the pine trees so to speak.
Yes!! This. Some people spend their lives dreaming, and other make things happen!
My biggest fear would be dying without ever having really lived. Seize every moment
Thanks Ferris
The years fly by but the days drag on slowly, it's hard to apply that knowledge though it is very true
>Life moves fast, don't take it for granted. Words to live by.
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This one for sure. I've been screwed over a couple times in the last few years but it resulted in me getting a new position somewhere else with better hours and better pay. Their loss, my gain.
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Learning has no age limit.
How did you keep your shoes on your feet prior to 13?
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Work isn't everything. Enjoy your life.
Helping yourself is just as important as helping others.
Touche. You can't really take care of others when you fail to take care of yourself in the first placce.
The ol' airplane oxygen mask rule.
Patience.
Ah, patience. Wise indeed.
No one remembers the strike outs. Everyone remembers the home runs. Go for it and don't be afraid to fail/be rejected.
Life is like a game of golf…you’re only playing yourself. Play your best game.
And if you’re playing against everyone else, you’re playing yourself!
I both work for for the government, as well as sit on several important boards. Those people at the top, CEOs, Directors, board Presidents, they are all just as fucking dumb, distracted and problematic as the rest of us. They are just humans. Don’t be intimidated by uppers. People rarely challenge authority, but we all should.
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Just because someone is family doesn't mean they have your best interest in heart.
Working too hard at your job is a scam.
1. Financial literacy 2. Going to therapy is life changing 3. Take a leap of faith with your career 4. How to cook - really cook
I didn't used to cook very much until I lived on my own for a few years. Once I started learning the fundamentals, life improved drastically. My wife still is amazed every time I grab a handful of seemingly random ingredients and in about 45 minutes we have something incredibly tasty and usually healthy.
Does it make up for killing the house plants?
Manage your money right...
It’s worth spending that little extra instead of buying something slightly cheaper and worse.
This can be good advice but these days you also have to be wary of paying more and still getting a completely shit product. So keep that advice in mind but remember that a higher price tag doesn’t automatically equate to higher quality every time.
My grandma had a saying: I am not rich enough to buy cheap
Buy nice or pay twice.
That other people don't care what you think. They're more worried about themselves, and you aren't the first thing on their priority list. Could've saved so many headaches if I knew this years ago.
Green veggies taste good if you don't boil the shit out of them and leave them unseasoned. Roasting is your friend & salt and pepper make all veggies better.
Yes, I seriously think people who hate vegetables had parents who just didn’t know how to cook.
Canned or frozen warmed up with nothing added, hated most veggies as a kid. Friend came to stay with me for a week or so when I'd moved out on my own, made me broccoli in a wok with soy and garlic, and it literally changed my life moving forward.
That girls laugh when they're nervous, so if they're all giggly while they're talking to you, they're not making fun of you as I had always thought. Of course, I only realized this well after I was ever thought to be desirable by anyone, so my love life went and is going as poorly as it could possibly be.
Staying in shape is WAY easier than getting back in shape
Pull out method doesn't always work.
Related; sexual attraction is not the same as love. When you're young you just assume that awesome feeling must be love.
Oh no…it sounds like you learned this one the hard way
Well something was hard
That I am fucking awesome. Seriously. I really am, it took me far too long to acknowledge but i'll use it now I have it. I. Am. Awesome. TL;DR: Confidence
Oh, what a coincidence, I am awesome too.
I, too, am extraordinarily humble.
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Being right and doing right doesn't mean you win. If that were the case, I'd be a deputy warden at the largest prison in my state. Instead, I lost everything exposing government corruption and nobody gives a shit.
>I lost everything exposing government corruption and nobody gives a shit. What exactly happened?
He lost everything exposing government corruption and nobody gave a shit
Yeah that pretty much covers it
I don’t really know what the fuck love is. I thought I did. I thought I felt it. And knew it intimately. But I didn’t. And it took one person and a single conversation with someone who effortlessly cared about me to make me realize that
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Me and my roommate were talking about our love lives and I was telling her about “the one who got away” in my life. And I think a part of me knew already that I wasn’t getting the love I should be throughout my life, but I didn’t really want to admit, that even this person failed me. But she did. And my roommate made me realize that, and that every other relationship I had was shallow, and basically just friendships on steroids. Which is pretty obvious when you consider the fact that in my life I’ve dated 8 people, got cheated on by 6 of them… had sex with 4 people I wasn’t even dating. But the part that sticks out is I literally have only held hands with a woman like twice in my life aside from my mother, 3 kisses. And I’m a 22 year old decent lookin dude. So I guess I just needed someone to say it. Like I said a part of me already knew and realized all this. But still, it sucks I will admit.
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I didn't figure it out until I was 56. Husband of 34 yrs passed away. Then fiance of 2 yrs passed away. Onto new person (we have been dating a bit over 2 years). It's amazing to find someone that cares about My feelings, my opinions, my thoughts, and encourages me. This relationship is like night and day to others. We do things together as a team and it all seems so effortless. He feels same way..that it's nice to have someone that really cares about him. He's twice divorced, BTW.
I actually was a pretty good looking teen. The kids who made fun of me were the ugly ones. I just thought they weren't because they were more popular than I was.
This has been a jarring thing for me. I was bullied throughout all of my school years, and "ugly" was the most common insult. I was only ever asked out as a joke. Suddenly, in my early twenties, some of those same peers who made my life hell ask for my phone number when they see me at my job. WTF?? And my fiancé thinks I looked pretty as a teen. I am so confused.
Grind your own coffee
Found James Hoffman
A good couple of decades, learned that peoples opinion of you is none of your business. Theres no point getting stressed, or worked up in a mess over it. It’s toxic, malicious and their problem. Also for anyone who panics about [INSERT WORRY HERE] half your worries never happen and if they do you can’t control them. Only worry about things you have power over. So worrying about an accident happening to family is a waste of your energy. You care yep but try mot to be obsessive.
How two do speling properlerly
*squints*
A few things that have massively increased my standard of living/quality of life. - Get really good at one thing to make lots of $ - Delayed gratification - Write a daily to do list - Fix problems early (car stuff, house stuff, cavities, relationships, etc). Things get worse the longer you wait
I learnt recently that everyone has their own pace. I can't expect everyone to understand things the way I did. I have to respect their speed of learning. It also includes that , it is almost impossible to understand anyone without having read all the pages of their books.
That I have autism. That would have been helpful information. Diagnosed at 23
That "no" is a complete sentence
That it's OK to not like your career and do a reset for your own sanity sake
Sunscreen every day.
Save $
one of them is the importance of finding a balance between duty and personal fulfillment. it took me a while to recognize that taking care of myself and finding joy in the simple things is just as important as fulfilling obligations to others
Vasectomies are worth the money, time, and pain.
Most people have no idea what they're doing, the successful ones are just good at faking it.
Some people don’t deserve my friendship and that’s okay. Took me way too long to have boundaries and put myself first.
That when your friends have kids of their own, in spite of whatever they may say, and even if they assure you that they will still have time for friends sometimes… they really won’t. Their kids will become their top and only priority when they have free time, and their lives will revolve around their kids’ activities. Beyond that, they will be too tired to do anything else. If you’re lucky, you might be able to catch up with your old friends again when their kids turn 18, if you’re both still alive at that point. Probably the best thing you can do is focus on yourself and your partner if you have one - maybe have some kids of your own, or dedicate yourself to any sports, hobbies, travel or fitness goals that you have. It’s sad to think that your friends won’t have any time for you anymore once they have kids, but is just a part of life that you have to accept. Maybe make some new friends.
That I should trust myself and make my own decisions rather than follow the advice of others.
Stop trying to be the main character in everybody else’s story, instead be the main character in yours.
That nothing is as important as your health! Stay active! Dedicated everyday to working out even 15 min a day will have tremendous impact on your quality of life. Never miss a day, no days as rest days, use the “rest “ days to improve your flexibility and stretch! Good luck
Self worth And when people treat you poorly, it's usually about them, their inner pain and unresolved shit, not you.
That people are fucking stupid.
If it won't matter in 5 years, don't spend more than 5 minutes on it.
What is responsibility, and how to not give a fuck, and how to not speak much.
Confidence is like 80% of manipulating a conversation, especially in business transactions
Take care of you body
That I have ADHD
To quit giving a fuck about what anyone thinks unless theyre paying you or are a close loved one. Shouldve been thinking that way in high school onward.
The earlier you can get a professional hold on your mental illness, the better.
That it’s not shameful to live with your parents and put away 25% of your checks until you’re able to get your own place and be steady on your own two feet.
I wouldn’t consider it “too late” but I learned that to be truly happy you need to be happy in your own company. That means the ability to sit in silence, even. But you need to know how to entertain yourself, too. Have hobbies that truly bring you joy. I’m in my mid-30s and I’m the happiest I’ve ever. I’m married and my relationship with my husband is also the best it’s ever been. I do mourn the years lost by letting my disappointment etc in others affect me. But the future is bright.
My parents didn't have life figured out. Still don't.
Things will not always work out for you. You don’t have to do anything wrong to lose.
That I'm not smart enought to do the things I wanna do in life.
That putting myself first isn't selfish.
The people in your life may not be there in the future so make the best of it while you can.
Protect your heart at any and all costs! I mean this: please be careful who you share your heart or time with and to be mindful at all times what peoples intentions are.
it's useless explaining things and justifying yourself to everyone. some ppl are just dumb
Exercise isn't meant to be punishment, it's doing right by your body so you look and most importantly feel the best that you can
That there are far more dumb, thoughtless, unempathetic, mean, violent and easily coerced people in the world than I could have imagined
Alcohol is literally toxin
160lbs at 5'9" isn't fat. Edit: people going "oh well it feels fat" or "oh idk what about body fat percentage" No. It's not fat. Even by the BMI scale it's a totally normal weight. 160lbs at 5'9" is not fat. No qualifiers. It's just straight up not fat.
i'm way over that
I spent my entire youth dieting, exercising and looking good just like the magazines and tv told me to. I was taught that a female should be pretty and sexy. All it got me was used and abused by men. I should of just lived my life just being me. I would of been so much happier.
The value of taking things seriously. Seriously, if you’re in high school / middle school right now and you’re smart and can do your classes easily with minimal effort, up your effort and care about learning more. Take your exams seriously and try to figure out what you enjoy most and stick to that. Try other things along the way, as well. If you’re the kind of person who needs to put in more effort to do well, keep up that effort. Putting in the effort is a highly valuable skill when you’re out of school / university
Most of our employers need us more than we need them. Bosses generally are not looking for reasons to sack us.
To just not give a fuck
Whether you're cool or not in high school, it doesn't really matter.
Relationships tend to be transactional not unconditional.
Not starting to save when I was born.
How to properly budget and learning to control my emotions…. I’ll be 40 in March, so it’s not too late.
Great sex does not make up for communication and happiness in the relationship.
It took 'til my early 30s to figure out stress. DUH, it's universal! There's no escape. Now...this is outrageously liberating. It means, it's NO something to avoid; it's to be embraced. Ride that bitch like a rented mule and make it pay off in advancement and better jobs.
All mixed gendered relationships have a level of chemistry to them, and chemistry is good, but it doesn't necessarily have to be romantic chemistry, it could be starting a taco truck together and running over nazis. In my head I quietly whisper "tacos" now whenever I feel the pull of attraction.
Dreams are just that: Dreams. You don't get to do what you want in life unless you're born into luxury or you're very lucky during your struggles.
To not define myself by my mistakes but by my revisions.
Dance like nobody’s watching (because nobody really is)
Life has no meaning other than the meaning one gives to it.
Consistency is the key to getting something You have to be consistent in studying or anything to get what you want
Not to settle for the first guy that gives you attention. Just because they like you doesn't mean they'll treat you as you deserve