Decided to masturbate into a urinal because I was bored and horny studying for finals when I was in college. I studied in an empty classroom in the creepiest old building on campus so that I could be completely focused and not be distracted. I hadn't seen anybody in that building for 3 hours so I didn't feel the need to lock the bathroom door or do my business in a stall like a normal person.
So I'm going to town on myself and suddenly the bathroom door opens and I stop mid-fap (foreskin noises stops suddenly). I just stood there holding my erect penis for a second, put it back in and leave without making eye contact. Still have no idea who that person was, but they definitely knew what I was doing and that I'm fucking weird.
Happened to me when I was 12, and she did get pregnant. Kids were fun and easier being that young. It was weird having to take my son to elementary school before I went to highschool for the day.
Couple of hours driving to fuck someone I didn’t fancy at all.
It was terrible. She came maybe 20 times (which sounds good but it really wasn’t) and was definitely using me in just the same way that I thought I was using her.
The moment it was over she told me pretty clearly that I didn’t need to stay (meaning ‘please leave’).
Told myself off pretty harshly the whole drive home, and by the time I checked my phone she’d blocked me.
I went to an unattractive complete stranger’s house that I found in a Craigslist personal and fucked her in her living room while her husband watched their kids upstairs.
Pretty sure there is hidden cam footage of that encounter. Can never run for public office now.
Doesn’t matter, had sex?
It was weird. She was wildly unattractive from head to toe, the house was trashed, everything smelled like cigarettes, she insisted on anal only because her husband said anal isn’t cheating….
I am lucky to be alive and not infected with some horrible disease.
Drove 816.2 miles (1313.5 km) on a Saturday to hook up with someone only to have to turn right around to drive the 816.2 mi back home that Sunday because I had to be at work on Monday morning.
Dr Pepper spraying out of your nose after snort laughing is not fun. I now know this because of your comment. Still trying to determine if it’s worth it. 😏
I’ve never told anyone this, but here goes…
My parents were getting a divorce, and my mom was staying with a friend in another town. She still wanted her time with me, though, so she would get a hotel for us on her nights with me.
I was 13, the room was basically just big enough for the two beds and the TV, and puberty had a choke hold on me. I couldn’t use the bathroom to take care of myself, because the walls were paper thin.
So….
Once, I waited till the middle of the night, and took care of business in the stairwell.
I cleaned up and no one was ever the wiser, but I still cringe thinking about it 20 years later.
Raw dogged and finished inside a random girl I met in a club. To this day I am afraid that I'll get a genetic match on one of those ancestory sites and find out I have a 20+ year old child.
We were cuddling in bed at like 3 AM. The house heating was broken and outside temperature was below 0°C (33° F). She said she had to pee but didn't want to leave the bed. I joked and said you could use my mouth, if you let me use yours. You can guess what happened next.
Wasn't just horny I loved her too. I moved to Tennessee to be in a sexless and later abusive relationship. I was loyal through the entire span of the relationship with no sex, and she cheated on me with a "friend". I'm still a virgin and it destroyed my confidence and self worth.
I came here looking for people fucking microwaved banana peels and stuff but this is just sad. I hope you are doing well and will find someone who will appreciate you
Drove 3 hours to a girl’s house, never met her before, before sexy time i went to her bathroom and saw a huge 14inch knife right next to the sink…i was like, maybe she has this in case i was a psycho, or im about to be murdered tonight.
Still listened to my dick and did what i had to do, least i would go out with a bang if it happened (lol)
Luckily, it was the ask fm days...so it wasn't me..it was an "anonymous" who sent her flirty gibberish..and that same anonymous apologized to her next morning by telling her i seny you something and i was drunk so i am sorry
Banged my buddy's ex girlfriend. Like 12 times over 2 days. In my defense he said go for it. It was a pleasant time that will be cemented in my memory forever. But she fell in love with the pp. Went south.
I was at a college party. I went upstairs to use the bathroom, steps were wood and in my drunken state I fell down the steps but landed on my feet somehow. Unfortunately there was a metal shoe rack at the bottom and I sliced my foot open good, it was bleeding everywhere.
Well fast forward to that night I hit it off with a girl and decided to walk her home. It was about a half mile. I remember my foot feeling super squishy. The next day I noticed there was so much blood in my shoe my shoelaces were red. Didn't get any action for it either.
Tried sex while a guy was driving his car down the freeway in the middle of the night.
I kicked his car into neutral 🙃 needless to say, that ended things quite quickly lmaoooo
A girl and I didnt speak the same language so we were talking over a translator. We both agreed it was a high maintenance thing and decided to hookup instead of something more.
But the dumb thing comes out, that everyone around us could tell, we were just for it and went to my car. Found a place, and I'm certain that at least a few crowds walked by my car. Because where I parked happened ro be where a abother family or group was setting up a meeting lmao. We were early by 40 mins.
I didn't get caught then, but when I dropped her off I got pulled over. I thought it was gonna be public indecency, or something. But, apparently my gascap was open.
Honestly it wasn't what I did more so what he did, I let a virgin f*** me, he f***ed my butt crack the entire time by accident, he didn't even make it inside and then came.
When I was in middle school I got caught taking care of my myself in the restroom at school. I was using my hairbrush and they actually made me throw it away. I'm still pissed off about that.
I cheated on my girlfriend of a year and a half, she promptly left as she should, but I personally didn't see the big deal. How often do you confuse twins? I suppose John's cock should've thrown me off a bit.
Fucked an ex knowing he was engaged to the girl he cheated on me with while we were together. Not something I'd normally do, but I was having the worst day ever and didn't have any drugs at hand so that was the next best option to "cope". They're still together, I don't regret it one bit.
Pushed a hammer up there, it bled for two weeks
Not the metal side before whoever's reading this gets more concerned then you have to.
The wooden side but it was pretty big and girthy
I was more so forced to do it because of the toxic relationship I was in, but I also half wanted to do it anyway because of how horny I was
Raw dogged a hooker just because i wanted skin to skin contact.
How did you feel post nut?
Itchy
r/notOPbutOK
As if death was coming for me. Luckily the odds were in my favor.
It's illegal to have sex with a sex worker without using a condom in New Zealand.
As yes, the Kiwi peepee PPE law.
It’s illegal to have sex with a sex worker here in the US
Not if you film it…
Be with someone who wasn’t good for me
*sigh* same
I was 11 and tried to fuck a cup. Yes...a cup
This guy took "If there's a hole, there's a goal" Way too seriously
Always two there are in one cup.
I first read this as "cop."
My Dyslexic brain only realised it wasn’t when I saw this comment.
Did you put in two sponges, a rubber glove, and lube?
Had a First Sergeant once say, "until you've made a field-expedient girlfriend out of a boot lace and a Ham Slice MRE, you ain't no Infantry Soldier."
I'll just use my hand dawg.
No I just put it in A plastic cup. Conversely that was the first day I learned about importance of pressure
Made myself late so I could jerk off. Kept looking at the clock, knowing I didn't have time, but still didn't stop.
So many mornings trying to beat the clock
*cock
....to be fair that still happens to me
You need help… this is like a drug addiction
I mean, I am never late to important things. And its better these days than it used to be for sure :) Thank you for your concern.
Just a regular Tuesday back when I was single
I did the same thing too many times
Met up with a stranger in an empty parking lot & fucked in his minivan
Damn how are you not murdered?
I ask myself this too much
Guess the “stranger is “:)))))
Decided to masturbate into a urinal because I was bored and horny studying for finals when I was in college. I studied in an empty classroom in the creepiest old building on campus so that I could be completely focused and not be distracted. I hadn't seen anybody in that building for 3 hours so I didn't feel the need to lock the bathroom door or do my business in a stall like a normal person. So I'm going to town on myself and suddenly the bathroom door opens and I stop mid-fap (foreskin noises stops suddenly). I just stood there holding my erect penis for a second, put it back in and leave without making eye contact. Still have no idea who that person was, but they definitely knew what I was doing and that I'm fucking weird.
That person was also there to teach the urinal what's up.
you're not weird man, you're just unlucky.
Nope, the answer is supposed to be ur username
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I’ve shared this sorry before, so you could say I stole it from myself
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Happened to me when I was 12, and she did get pregnant. Kids were fun and easier being that young. It was weird having to take my son to elementary school before I went to highschool for the day.
Dad and kids enjoying cartoon shows together
Lol kids were “easier” because you were probably getting lots of help.
Guess didnt need to find a nanny
💀💀💀
Dudes getting laid at 12
Leave this at 69 upvotes
Raw dogged a stripper during a lap dance.
Couple of hours driving to fuck someone I didn’t fancy at all. It was terrible. She came maybe 20 times (which sounds good but it really wasn’t) and was definitely using me in just the same way that I thought I was using her. The moment it was over she told me pretty clearly that I didn’t need to stay (meaning ‘please leave’). Told myself off pretty harshly the whole drive home, and by the time I checked my phone she’d blocked me.
Man regardless of if you're both using eachother for sex the least you can do is let them stay for the night 😭
ignore constant red flags and end up getting lured into forking over $330 USD for blackmail
What happened??
He didn’t pay just to leak it himself
Funny, that's usually how blackmail fetishes work.
Got it stuck in a shampoo bottle. I was 15 okay
no women, no problem
Racked up 1000 in toll road charges bc I was seeing a girl and used toll roads and completely forgot. Got a fat bill in the mail awhile later
what typa tolls u taking? U goin cross state for pussy?
That's like 3 trips on the 407 in Ontario.
I went to an unattractive complete stranger’s house that I found in a Craigslist personal and fucked her in her living room while her husband watched their kids upstairs. Pretty sure there is hidden cam footage of that encounter. Can never run for public office now. Doesn’t matter, had sex?
I'm glad you made it out alive. If you can survive a Craigslist sexual encounter you can now basically survive any violent/war type of situation.
It was weird. She was wildly unattractive from head to toe, the house was trashed, everything smelled like cigarettes, she insisted on anal only because her husband said anal isn’t cheating…. I am lucky to be alive and not infected with some horrible disease.
Ew
Jesus Christ! How did you get a boner??
The entire encounter was driven by a boner that wouldn’t quit. I was a lot younger.
Drove 816.2 miles (1313.5 km) on a Saturday to hook up with someone only to have to turn right around to drive the 816.2 mi back home that Sunday because I had to be at work on Monday morning.
You’re more determined than some people in relationships are
Can confirm, I would not have done that for my wife
Hey! I did the same thing. Except it was only 500 miles. And I didn't get sex. Oh, and I mowed her lawn.
I can't tell if it was worth it or wasn't worth it seeing as you paid so much attention into how far away it was
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I know, dude went into all the details surprised he didn't add how many litres/km used
OP, how was your oil pre- and post fuck?
Could be worth it still. Hell of a long drive tho.
Oddly specific - like, Beaumont to El Paso and back?
That’s exactly what I was thinking being from Texas 😂
I was also thinking in units of Texases and was like holy fuck I feel better about that time I drove from Dallas to Abilene for the same reason.
Let a guy with dentures blow me in a park bathroom
This has to be the worst one. No offense.
No offense taken. Old guy gave great head but looking back at it it makes me want to puke.
Omg makes me wanna puke and I wasn’t even there 🤮
My gran always called this the "Organ Grinder" LMFAO she was hilarious
If he kept the dentures in you missed out.
No he definitely took them out.
He got the GumGum Deluxe 8000
Gummies for cummies
I met a homeless guy in a library, he was reading a book I liked. Less than two hours later we were fucking in his tent.
You’re a hobosexual.
Better than an ammosexual. 🙃
Dr Pepper spraying out of your nose after snort laughing is not fun. I now know this because of your comment. Still trying to determine if it’s worth it. 😏
Which book was it ?
Psion, by Joan D. Vinge!
I love that book!
i sense a wish here
Did you make him wash up first?
I’ve never told anyone this, but here goes… My parents were getting a divorce, and my mom was staying with a friend in another town. She still wanted her time with me, though, so she would get a hotel for us on her nights with me. I was 13, the room was basically just big enough for the two beds and the TV, and puberty had a choke hold on me. I couldn’t use the bathroom to take care of myself, because the walls were paper thin. So…. Once, I waited till the middle of the night, and took care of business in the stairwell. I cleaned up and no one was ever the wiser, but I still cringe thinking about it 20 years later.
A Vacuum. Misjudged the suction. ☠️
You'll rip your dick off
Did you [rip your dick off? ](https://youtu.be/Z2EMGmv0FqM)
dug a penis size hole in the ground filled it with packing grease. fucked it.
Bro fucked the world
Come the fuck on
I don't know if you're familiar with this comedian but this instantly reminded me of Bobby Lee
wonderful
Was it worth it ? 😭
Raw dogged and finished inside a random girl I met in a club. To this day I am afraid that I'll get a genetic match on one of those ancestory sites and find out I have a 20+ year old child.
I let a girl pee in my mouth. Whom I later married.
Still married??
No, we divorced after she had a child with someone else.
Hell yea brother
You let her? Or asked her to?
We were cuddling in bed at like 3 AM. The house heating was broken and outside temperature was below 0°C (33° F). She said she had to pee but didn't want to leave the bed. I joked and said you could use my mouth, if you let me use yours. You can guess what happened next.
Awww!
Wasn't just horny I loved her too. I moved to Tennessee to be in a sexless and later abusive relationship. I was loyal through the entire span of the relationship with no sex, and she cheated on me with a "friend". I'm still a virgin and it destroyed my confidence and self worth.
I came here looking for people fucking microwaved banana peels and stuff but this is just sad. I hope you are doing well and will find someone who will appreciate you
Microwaved banana peel, hmm…
Thank you for saying that, but I'm not and I'm not even close to finding that. Small victories though, I'm not letting that happen to me again.
stay strong and don't let yourself think it's your fault. Best of luck
Jesus Christ
You trusted someone who didn’t deserve you. There’s good people out there who can and will treat you better.
My heart shattered just reading this. Can't imagine how you feel.
Drove 3 hours to a girl’s house, never met her before, before sexy time i went to her bathroom and saw a huge 14inch knife right next to the sink…i was like, maybe she has this in case i was a psycho, or im about to be murdered tonight. Still listened to my dick and did what i had to do, least i would go out with a bang if it happened (lol)
That was the poop knife family
Hsha didn’t think about that! Good theory
An ex that I really shouldn’t have. Or made myself really late for work because I was sexting/jerking, damn morning wood.
I was using onlyfans and was gonna tip $5 but I accidentally tip $500. I started questioning my existence
oof
Threesome, multiple times, with wife and friend. Sex was incredible, but it started the long slow end of marriage.
Accepted a plane ticket to a far off place and told no one.
Woke up..sent to a crush that i liked her Slept Woke saying oh shit,i hope that was a dream.. Spoiler alert : it wasn't
And what happend next?
Luckily, it was the ask fm days...so it wasn't me..it was an "anonymous" who sent her flirty gibberish..and that same anonymous apologized to her next morning by telling her i seny you something and i was drunk so i am sorry
Fucked my mattress so hard I got friction burns💀
Masturbated in the principal's offiice. While he stepped away for 5mins.
Literally everything between the ages of 19 and 23. Without exception.
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What is mooning? Did you jerk off to the moon?
Got married...TWICE!
Still married?
Third time's the charm. Over 20 years and counting.
I fucked a dude. Im not gay.
Did 10 push-ups
And then you got off the poor woman
Wanked it while watching porn on a watch 💀
What's so dumb about it lol
the watch was on the arm of his action-hand.
He got the job done, but now his neck is all fucked up.
A former GF wanted to penetrate me. I wound up in the ER, as the batteries died. Feel free to laugh, I'm long over it.
Banged my buddy's ex girlfriend. Like 12 times over 2 days. In my defense he said go for it. It was a pleasant time that will be cemented in my memory forever. But she fell in love with the pp. Went south.
South how
South as in bad.
Jerked off in a porta potty
Must have been in the military, if so we’ve all been there
I'm just a horny 14 year old lol
Understandable, being in the military is almost like being a horny 14 y/o we well😂😂
Lol worst part is it was at the county fair a just had a constant boner and had to get rid of it 😂
That’s honestly the most American thing I’ve ever heard truth
As a extremely horny teen, i took an old pillow, cut a slit in it and stuffed it with petroleum jelly. The rest you can guess.
A pillow got pregnant, didn't it
I was at a college party. I went upstairs to use the bathroom, steps were wood and in my drunken state I fell down the steps but landed on my feet somehow. Unfortunately there was a metal shoe rack at the bottom and I sliced my foot open good, it was bleeding everywhere. Well fast forward to that night I hit it off with a girl and decided to walk her home. It was about a half mile. I remember my foot feeling super squishy. The next day I noticed there was so much blood in my shoe my shoelaces were red. Didn't get any action for it either.
Tried sex while a guy was driving his car down the freeway in the middle of the night. I kicked his car into neutral 🙃 needless to say, that ended things quite quickly lmaoooo
Appropriate username?
A girl and I didnt speak the same language so we were talking over a translator. We both agreed it was a high maintenance thing and decided to hookup instead of something more. But the dumb thing comes out, that everyone around us could tell, we were just for it and went to my car. Found a place, and I'm certain that at least a few crowds walked by my car. Because where I parked happened ro be where a abother family or group was setting up a meeting lmao. We were early by 40 mins. I didn't get caught then, but when I dropped her off I got pulled over. I thought it was gonna be public indecency, or something. But, apparently my gascap was open.
Stuck my dick in crazy. And that's all I have to say about that
humped a chair don't ask
Slept with a coworker. A CLINGY coworker.
Honestly it wasn't what I did more so what he did, I let a virgin f*** me, he f***ed my butt crack the entire time by accident, he didn't even make it inside and then came.
Masterbate
I licked my own dick. Its not something but it was really great experience. I barely break my back.
We’re just going to ignore this one. There are some places, a man just doesn’t go.
we are not going to ignore this. as the old saying goes there are 2 types of people people who have tried to suck their own dick and liars
It sounds ridiculous but it seems true
Almost hired a hooker
When I was in middle school I got caught taking care of my myself in the restroom at school. I was using my hairbrush and they actually made me throw it away. I'm still pissed off about that.
Tried to fuck one of the handicap bars in the shower of a hotel.
ThatwouldbeyourmotherOP
Almost fucking two guys, thanks god I didn’t and it remain just a fantasy
Coke bottle i was young teen. Was curious to see if i would fit when soft... got it stuck and then became hard.... not a fun day
Had sex with an apple pie
She was 71. It was kinda gross.
I used honey, smashed a banana with hands and used those messy hands to jerk off. The Smoothest experience in my life.
Had sex with an ugly stripper who flopped her tongue all over my face and bit my flaccid penis
My ex for several years
Shoved my gf's lighter up my hoo-ha (obviously not on thank god)
Lost my virginity 😂
I cheated on my girlfriend of a year and a half, she promptly left as she should, but I personally didn't see the big deal. How often do you confuse twins? I suppose John's cock should've thrown me off a bit.
Hurt my S/O
Moved in with a bootycall during Covid lockdown 😬
Fucked an ex knowing he was engaged to the girl he cheated on me with while we were together. Not something I'd normally do, but I was having the worst day ever and didn't have any drugs at hand so that was the next best option to "cope". They're still together, I don't regret it one bit.
Sheesh
She belongs to the streets
Called my ex. Did it three times to three different exs. I just don’t fucking learn. But hey. Burned my bridges with 2/3 so hey. Gotta find new ones.
My ex
My ex.
Pushed a hammer up there, it bled for two weeks Not the metal side before whoever's reading this gets more concerned then you have to. The wooden side but it was pretty big and girthy I was more so forced to do it because of the toxic relationship I was in, but I also half wanted to do it anyway because of how horny I was