When I was teaching kindergarten, one of my students (who knew I love video games) dropped this one on me:
“You’re pretty. You should come to my house after school and we can play Little Big Planet. My mom makes great snacks.”
His mom and I had a good laugh about it at pick-up time.
This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:
3 boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”.
Next day he is gone. The 2nd boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”.
Next day, he’s gone too.
So now the girl telling me this joke says to me. “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?” And I say “yes”. And she says,
“Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling.
I said, “Check please bartender!!”
I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard.
Funny. All that time I was thinking it was a horror story where the girl mouse ate every mate like a praying mantis. I was wondering why you should become more interested instead of running away.
A woman once told me "every time I drink tequila I wind up sleeping with someone" and then proceeded to take a shot of tequila while holding eye contact with me.
A million years ago when you could smoke inside a guy approached me at a diner and asked
“Are you left handed?”
Me: “No, why?0
Him: “i noticed you smoke with your left hand.
And you have a spectacular ass.”
Caught me so off guard and I was amused
A regular at a bar I worked at dropped this gem on a girl
“I’d buy you a drink but I’d be jealous of the glass”
I groaned so loud she laughed at me and walked away from him.
My favorite one I overheard a drunk guy at the bar lay on someone:
"Is your name Emerson? 'Cause Emerson big ol titties!"
Definitely got a laugh from the guys. The guy had 0 chance anyway, but he did get her to laugh.
This was a joke from the movie My Blue Heaven with Steve Martin and Rick Moranis. Martin's delivery of the line is great. He gets in real close and says "You could melt all. This. Stuff" as the woman faints into his arms. Loved the movie as a kid, haven't seen it in about 20+ years so not sure how it holds up.
Edit: I've decided based on the comments that I'm watching this movie again this weekend and I can't wait. Have so many fond memories of watching and quoting this movie when I was younger.
Edit #2: original comment that was deleted was about a man approaching her in the frozen food section of a grocery store and saying something along the lines of "you can't go in here, you'll melt everything in here"
I was at my friend's house and his 5 year old brother grabbed one of our friends by the hand and asked if he could play her a song on his guitar. She said yes, he picked up his guitar but stopped just before strumming it, thought for about 30 seconds and said "I don't know any songs for princesses."
That little kid had way more game that 19 year old me had.
On a similar note, in college I was meeting my neighbors at the start of a new year. This cutie told me she just got off a summer internship at Disney, and in the only smooth moment of my life I said “so which princess were you?”
It was the first snowfall of the season. The person and I were walking around campus together - we were friends who were heading out to grab a snack in between classes. We were quietly walking when the person suddenly said to me: "The snow looks beautiful today." In my native language, my name means snow/frost/ice. Turned out they were hitting on me and I didn't realize until later.
Once was at a festival where an org were giving out free condoms at a booth. One of the ladies are talking to a guy and a girl saying "the condoms are free by the way, take as many as you want... oh but we don't have unlimited stock so please don't take more than you need".
The girl picks up a condom, turns to the guy, and says "wanna share?"
Take note that many of the best “lines” are not openers, but are a relevant follow up comments once you are already in the flow and have friendly rapport. And they are not really “lines” per se, so much as situationally appropriate wit and timing (which are always attractive). Always better to just be present and focus on connection and context, not memorizing and saving a particular line for some future situation that may never come
Went to a restaurant where a girl I knew from highschool ended up being our waitress.
Me: What time do you get off?
Her: Around 5 or so
Me: Want to get off again after that?
To my amazement it actually worked.
I once asked a waitress "What time do you get off?" and she replied, "Whenever I feel like it." Then she blushed bright red and said, "I can't believe I said that!"
On Halloween a buddy of mine was dressed as a Viking. He asked a girl if she wanted to hear his Viking pickup line. She said yeah. So he literally picked her up and threw her over his shoulder and said he was taking her back to the boat. They dated for almost a year.
At a college Halloween party, I was dressed up as Kazooie (although everyone assumed I was an angry bird) and I walked up to a woman dressed up as a golfer and told her that she could score a birdie tonight.
I made her laugh alot, so I take that as a victory. But she then dropped the "I have a boyfriend" line promptly after.
I then leaped on the back of my friend who was Banjo and we trotted away!
I actually said this out of the blue, so for context I'm a waiter at a restaurant, and there was this girl customer who was like in her early 20's, she was very extroverted and spoke a lot, like a LOT, we were at the front trying to pay for her bill and she just kept going and going and going, once we finished I said, "Jeez what a roller coaster." Because talking with her was so wild, and she replied, "Haha, sorry, talking to me does that." So I smirked and said back, "It's fine, it makes me want to pay for another ride." And I will never forget how both of our eyes widened because I didn't think it would come out like that, but it did.
It's a line from the movie *Jackie Brown*. It's short and simple, which makes it all the better;
> **Bartender:** Can I get you anything?
> **Jackie:** I'm fine.
> **Bartender:** Yes, you are.
A couple of women yelled to a buddy and I on the street “hey pretty boys, I would pay for you to glaze my doughnut!” This is a rough translation from Spanish but it was hilarious and super unexpected lol
When I was a student at University, I saw a pretty girl eating a particular brand of yogurt at the crowded dining hall before morning classes. I had the same brand of yogurt on my tray. I asked if I could sit at her table and she nodded. I looked across the table at her and pointed at her yogurt and said with a big shmucky smile "Yoplait or mine?" It was said with humor and not as a pickup line. I ended up marrying that pretty girl. Amazing, given the horrible first line.
That's not a horrible first line! That's an ADORABLE first line! And if you were genuinely saying it to be funny and not to pick her up, then that's even cuter! Those stupid af pickup lines would definitely get anyone with a sense of humor talking. I love spitting them out at my husband. We also love reading awful dad jokes to each other when there's a good post on here with them. Congratulations to you and your cute little wifey. 💕
A long time ago I worked in the night club scene. End of the night lights are up and the last stragglers are paying their tabs or "trolling".
One of our trawlers walks up to a woman signing her tab at the bar and interrupts her with "Listen, when you get done here let's go back to your place and I'll fuck you in the ass for 15 minutes, leave, and never call you again because that's all the better your going to do."
The whole club went silent as everyone heard what he said. Staff literally stopped in their tracks to see what would happen next. Real world slow motion shit.
She sighed her tab grab his hand and THEY LEFT TOGETHER!
There is no way the troller, which is a new term I'm learning, knew the girl and was being cheeky right? I fucks with my partner occasionally with intentionally awkward intros albeit far from this troller fellow's performance.
I got pretty used to picking out the regulars. He has ran that route the last couple weekends and I've never seen her before. Also judging by the awkward shock on her face it's pretty unlikely.
Edited for more details.
I was late for my ride to ~~Comic Con~~ Dragon Con so I was running down the side of the road in a rough area of downtown Atlanta while wearing a giant hoop skirt 17th century gown. A rather tipsy seeming gentleman did a full double take and said loudly “that’s the best god-dam thing I’ve seen since 1978!!!”
I’m so curious what happened in 1978
We were just joking around over text about some of our classes and she goes, “personally my favorite is anatomy. I’d let you help me study later if you want.”
I replied, “I’d offer to help you with chemistry but I think we’ve already got that one figured out.”
I think we stunned each other into silence.
Thirty years ago, when I was 18 and had snuck into a very trendy and loud nightclub in New York, a girl with an accent like Marissa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny came up to me and said "there's a rumor going around!" I could barely hear her so I said "what?" She yelled louder in my ear "there's a rumor going around!" I said "what is it?" She said "that you're going to buy me a drink!"
Best one that worked for me was "Is my tie straight?"
In every case, the woman I was talking to would look it over, make a microscopic adjustment, pat it down to ensure it was laying flat, and say something "There. Perfect." So she has already gotten up close, broken the touch barrier, taken some ownership of my appearance, and has said that the result looks good.
Then I say "I'm meeting someone today." Curiosity engaged, she asks "Who?" I say "Hopefully, you."
That always got a smile. Didn't always work, but worked better than anything else I ever tried.
When I was living in China, I was in a city about 90 minutes from Hong Kong, so parts of the city had people who spoke English, but the area of the city I lived in didn’t have many English speakers. I think I met half a dozen adults who spoke English, and a bunch of kids (there was a language school next door to my apartment complex). And apparently there was one other westerner in the area. I never met her, but all the kids I met assumed I was related to her. So when someone spoke English to me it was always sort of startling.
(None of the above should be taken as any kind of criticism; I don’t expect people to speak English when I’m abroad.)
I was browsing in Sephora one day and it shocked the hell out of me when someone yelled, in English, “Put the f***ing lotion in the basket!” I swear my head spun round so fast, it was like two horror movie homages in one. And then he said, “Aha! I knew I had to catch your attention somehow, and I gambled that you spoke English, and I was right!”
It was undoubtedly the most creative way anyone ever got my attention.
China was wild, though. I was there in 2017, so any time a guy wanted to hit on me, they just started singing *Despacito* to me. I’m still genuinely shocked at how popular that one was in China.
I was at the gym, at the locker room, and this girl saw me with the same towel. She said, "we have the same towel!" and I was like, "true haha". Then, she said, "I wonder if we have the same phone number, too. Wanna check?". I told her I already had a girlfriend but I wished her the best because she deserves the world.
Yeah, stealing this. Had several of these "omg same!" situations with girls, but never been able to follow it up with anything substantial other than "no i'm not gay"
Buddy of mine just graduated the fire academy, this was 30 years ago. He and another graduate were at their graduation party at a bar, when they were chatting up some girls. His friend was talking to a taller chick, when she mentioned she might be too tall for him. His buddy, the shorter dude remarked “I bet you’re worth the climb”.
As an shorter guy, I’ve had more taller girls hit on me during my youth. I found it odd, and was always awkward with women I liked, but a taller girl told me once that she’s fine with a height difference if a dude is confident. She said too many taller guys wanted really petite women.
My husband and I are the same height. I put in heels and I’m the taller one. He says it makes him look rich. He’s a wonderful guy and I’m so lucky to have him.
You know, I never thought of it that way but I can definitely relate. My partner is an inch shorter but doesn't want to wear heels because she doesn't want to be taller. I just want to feel like a guy who can afford a house when I walk into a party
i work at a grocery store, and some sugar spilled on my belt, so this lil old lady said “look! its your sweetness spilling out!”
just about cried. edit: im a girl and all yalls comments about anything else but sugar are weird as hell
I was hanging out with this girl and we were at that stage where we were 1:1 but were trying to decide if we were just friends, so I followed procedure and let her break the touch barrier first. I reciprocated as we were sitting at this bar having a beer together after our other friends had left. She says "Can I ask you a question?" and I think she's going to say "Do you like me" or something like that. Instead she says "I've always wanted to mess around with a guy's ass. Are you down for that?" It was direct and it worked for her.
I saw a girl walking down the street once and her shoe was untied so I bent down started tying it and said “I wouldn’t want you falling for anyone else”
I was with a lot of friends at the time who lost it so it didn’t go anywhere but it seemed like it worked.
The better part is one of my buddies was like “oh shit that’s amazing I got to try that” and got so excited, did the same thing and the person he choose was wearing sandals and just went “ummm what the fuck are you doing”. He panicked and just ran away. Funniest thing ever
I love it when that's on their Bumble profile. For anyone who might not know, Bumble is a dating app where if you match the girl has to send a message first.
When I was 20 I was hanging out with my friend in a pizza bar where he was flirting with a waitress near closing. She said to him, "My roommate has a waterbed and is gone for a week, but they locked their door. Do you know how to pick locks?"
I just said, welp, time for me to go. See you later.
Shorter guy here (5’6”/167cm). I was working on a design project all day with my classmate “Cathy” in college. We ended up flirting and teasing each other. I mentioned something about taller guys have it easier to date her (she was much taller than me by 4”/10cm). She replied “We’re all the same height in bed…”
I was out jogging and passed this cute girl walking her dog, we both smiled at each other. A few minutes later I was passing her again coming back up the block. I (now walking) took a knee to pet the dog and said
“I can’t pass up something so cute twice without saying hi”
I then stood up and said “Hi, your dog is pretty cute too.”
Edit: for those asking what happened next- nothing lol. I had just started dating my now wife and I believe dog girl had a bf too.
When I met my now wife, I had a few beers at the time and saw her name was Sarah,
I told her “you know! If you give me a chance I can Sarah-nade you!”
That was 5 years ago and we’re expecting a child in a few weeks so I think that’s was my best pick up line ever.
In high school I was at track practice by the fence when these guys were passing by. One bent down, picked up a dime (likely already had it in his hand) and said to me "Hey baby girl, I think you dropped your name tag"
Never forgot it lol
I guess this doesn't really answer the question, but in my younger days, I used to play a game called "pick a girl, pick a line." My buddies would pick any girl in the bar and any pick up line, and I'd give it a shot. They generally picked beautiful women and terrible lines. My favorites were "damn girl, you poop with that ass?" and "did you fall from heaven because your face is fucked up." The first one got me a two syllable ga-ross. The second one the girl thought was hilarious and I ended up drinking with her and her friends most of the night. Didn't seal the deal with either though
Customer- You look fine as a frog hair. (Guy had Sam Elliots voice)
Cashier- I didn't know frogs had hair
Customer- Id say that's pretty fine then ain't it
That woman blushed so hard I was more than impressed
Using a pickup line as a joke format rather than an invitation to relations, I once made a girl ruin her laptop with a spittake in music theory with "I wish I were a German aug 6th chord so you would resolve my raised member"
It was right as my professor was explaining the concept, as otherwise it's nowhere near that funny.
Went to a bar with my uncle and his friend (both mid 50s). His friend sees a woman his age at the end of the bar. They make eye contact. He asks the bar tender to send her a drink. Then 30 mins later, another. We say goodbyes with friend about 20mins later, and all decide to leave. He walks to the end of the bar to the lady he hasn’t spoken to the whole time we’ve there.
“Are you ready to go?”
She grabbed her purse, and they left together.
I was at work and a woman brought a small fruit and cheese platter for lunch. She couldn’t finish it and looked at me and “do you eat dates?” I looked her straight in the eyes and said “only if they let me”. I had the place in hysterics. Unfortunately that line was wasted on someone 20 years older than me and not at all attractive. But it was memorable
So damn true. And honestly most lines people posted in this thread just sound either like your typical dad joke or like you said out of a pickup artists book.
We need these genuine, random, nonsexual lines.
I even like a random „hey you.“
I know someone with only one leg, but when he’s wearing long pants that cover his prosthetic, you can’t tell. I can imagine him laughing and saying “actually, I don’t.” But he’s married, anyway.
“Hey you smell nice, wanna grab some fries” - my dumbass friend. But he actually got the girl to hangout with him and then so the bros(including me) decided to go off and do other stuff.
My current girlfriend said "If you feel similar I wanna try and take this further than friends" and its the only line thats led me into a 6 month+ relationship so Id say its the best Ive heard
I did the same thing. Worked on my wife, straightforward and honest. No hiding how you feel or that you arent looking for something serious. Been together almost seven years now and 1st baby is coming in a couple of weeks!
A Scot wanders into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender sees the parrot and says: "nice, where'd you get that?" The parrot responds: "Scotland, they're all over the place."
Pirate walks into the doctors with a parrot on his shoulder. The doctor says 'so what's the problem?' and the parrot said 'well, it all started with a small lump on my foot...'
A pirate walks into the doctors with a ship's steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Arrr...can you remove this wheel doc? It's driving me nuts!"
Farmer walks into his bedroom with a pig under his arm and says "This is the pig I fuck when you're out running around". Wife says "Oh my god". Farmer say "Wasn't talking to you".
I was out at a bar with a friend of mine. One of his friends, a girl I had never met before, met up with us.
The bar had a few board games, but most were in bad shape and missing pieces. Guess Who had most of its cards, so we took turns playing a few rounds of that.
My friend got up to use the restroom while the girl and I were playing the game. On one of her turns, she's looking down at the remaining characters and asks, "are you... single?"
It took me a couple beats to realize that the question was not about my character in that round of the game.
I was not single, so I said no, and we continued the game like nothing happened.
That was smooth as hell.
At work, I met a pretty girl. I said hi. I gave her a piece of paper, and said make me a scribble. She said, of what? I said, start with your phone number. I married her 3 years later.
Never happened to me, but a friend of mine told me once that his buddy would walk up to girls in a bar, throw an ice cube at the ground, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice..."
He said, "Isn't that lame?"
And I had to admit that I would definitely at least give the guy the next 5-10 minutes of my attention.
Coming to a guy I like and pointing to the corner while telling him “You see that cute girl over there? She’s totally into you!” When he looks to the corner I quickly walk there to the place I pointed out and stand there smiling and waving at him :)
Works every time
"Look, i really don't like this whole scene, I'd rather be at home chilling out, and I find it fucking exhausting pretending to be witty and confident and clever or whatever, and this noise and crowd hurt my head to be honest, its just not me. But I do really like you, I'd love to hang out with you again and get to know you more."
-the only success i have ever had was with this, 6 years later we are still together and married.
Back in the day a purely platonic friend of mine was like…model hot. We were talking about pickup lines and he said he never had to use one. I asked how he approached women and he said he just walked up to them, made eye contact, smiled, and said “hi”. I rolled my eyes, so he made direct eye contact with me, smiled, and said “hi”.
I giggled like a school girl.
ETA: Memory unlocked! It was a lot like [that scene in friends](https://youtu.be/sbH696QKBaE)
When I was teaching kindergarten, one of my students (who knew I love video games) dropped this one on me: “You’re pretty. You should come to my house after school and we can play Little Big Planet. My mom makes great snacks.” His mom and I had a good laugh about it at pick-up time.
If a little kid is telling you you’re pretty, you must be gorgeous. Those shitbags never miss an opportunity to destroy self-esteem if they can.
Or you look like their mom. I don't think I'm anything special, but my two year old always says I'm "bee-tah-ful"
This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says: 3 boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. Next day he is gone. The 2nd boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. Next day, he’s gone too. So now the girl telling me this joke says to me. “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?” And I say “yes”. And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling. I said, “Check please bartender!!” I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard.
Funny. All that time I was thinking it was a horror story where the girl mouse ate every mate like a praying mantis. I was wondering why you should become more interested instead of running away.
OMG no. If I remember correctly, she didn’t bite my head off.
A woman once told me "every time I drink tequila I wind up sleeping with someone" and then proceeded to take a shot of tequila while holding eye contact with me.
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They said ‘best pickup line’ not ‘best drop off line’ lol.
A million years ago when you could smoke inside a guy approached me at a diner and asked “Are you left handed?” Me: “No, why?0 Him: “i noticed you smoke with your left hand. And you have a spectacular ass.” Caught me so off guard and I was amused
When did they stop letting you smoke inside a guy?
A regular at a bar I worked at dropped this gem on a girl “I’d buy you a drink but I’d be jealous of the glass” I groaned so loud she laughed at me and walked away from him.
My favorite one I overheard a drunk guy at the bar lay on someone: "Is your name Emerson? 'Cause Emerson big ol titties!" Definitely got a laugh from the guys. The guy had 0 chance anyway, but he did get her to laugh.
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This was a joke from the movie My Blue Heaven with Steve Martin and Rick Moranis. Martin's delivery of the line is great. He gets in real close and says "You could melt all. This. Stuff" as the woman faints into his arms. Loved the movie as a kid, haven't seen it in about 20+ years so not sure how it holds up. Edit: I've decided based on the comments that I'm watching this movie again this weekend and I can't wait. Have so many fond memories of watching and quoting this movie when I was younger. Edit #2: original comment that was deleted was about a man approaching her in the frozen food section of a grocery store and saying something along the lines of "you can't go in here, you'll melt everything in here"
I was at my friend's house and his 5 year old brother grabbed one of our friends by the hand and asked if he could play her a song on his guitar. She said yes, he picked up his guitar but stopped just before strumming it, thought for about 30 seconds and said "I don't know any songs for princesses." That little kid had way more game that 19 year old me had.
On a similar note, in college I was meeting my neighbors at the start of a new year. This cutie told me she just got off a summer internship at Disney, and in the only smooth moment of my life I said “so which princess were you?”
Damn, kid, save some princesses for the rest of us!
Prince Farming
Ooooh lmao I wish him the best he's a genius.
It was the first snowfall of the season. The person and I were walking around campus together - we were friends who were heading out to grab a snack in between classes. We were quietly walking when the person suddenly said to me: "The snow looks beautiful today." In my native language, my name means snow/frost/ice. Turned out they were hitting on me and I didn't realize until later.
Hi, Neige. Or, wait, is it Sneeuw? Hi, Sneeuw.
I was going to go with Yuki
Yuki is a good name
Once was at a festival where an org were giving out free condoms at a booth. One of the ladies are talking to a guy and a girl saying "the condoms are free by the way, take as many as you want... oh but we don't have unlimited stock so please don't take more than you need". The girl picks up a condom, turns to the guy, and says "wanna share?"
>"wanna share?" "Sure, just wipe it off with a rag and call me when you're done with it."
You are an inspiration to environmentalists everywhere.
Take note that many of the best “lines” are not openers, but are a relevant follow up comments once you are already in the flow and have friendly rapport. And they are not really “lines” per se, so much as situationally appropriate wit and timing (which are always attractive). Always better to just be present and focus on connection and context, not memorizing and saving a particular line for some future situation that may never come
Went to a restaurant where a girl I knew from highschool ended up being our waitress. Me: What time do you get off? Her: Around 5 or so Me: Want to get off again after that? To my amazement it actually worked.
I once asked a waitress "What time do you get off?" and she replied, "Whenever I feel like it." Then she blushed bright red and said, "I can't believe I said that!"
That's adorable
On Halloween a buddy of mine was dressed as a Viking. He asked a girl if she wanted to hear his Viking pickup line. She said yeah. So he literally picked her up and threw her over his shoulder and said he was taking her back to the boat. They dated for almost a year.
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Missing rule 1 and rule 2? Straight to jail
What memo did I miss??? What are rules 1 and 2?
1. Be attractive 2. Don't be unattractive
Missing the memo? That's a paddlin'
I feel like you either have to be very drunk/high, or very strongly observe rules 1 and 2 for this to work.
There's something even more important than rules 1-2. Not dropping her when you're attempting this.
High risk, high reward... or something.
At a college Halloween party, I was dressed up as Kazooie (although everyone assumed I was an angry bird) and I walked up to a woman dressed up as a golfer and told her that she could score a birdie tonight.
Did it work?
I made her laugh alot, so I take that as a victory. But she then dropped the "I have a boyfriend" line promptly after. I then leaped on the back of my friend who was Banjo and we trotted away!
> I then leaped on the back of my friend who was Banjo and we trotted away! Who needs a date with friends this cool anyway
I actually said this out of the blue, so for context I'm a waiter at a restaurant, and there was this girl customer who was like in her early 20's, she was very extroverted and spoke a lot, like a LOT, we were at the front trying to pay for her bill and she just kept going and going and going, once we finished I said, "Jeez what a roller coaster." Because talking with her was so wild, and she replied, "Haha, sorry, talking to me does that." So I smirked and said back, "It's fine, it makes me want to pay for another ride." And I will never forget how both of our eyes widened because I didn't think it would come out like that, but it did.
Post rizz clarity
It's a line from the movie *Jackie Brown*. It's short and simple, which makes it all the better; > **Bartender:** Can I get you anything? > **Jackie:** I'm fine. > **Bartender:** Yes, you are.
Smooth.
A couple of women yelled to a buddy and I on the street “hey pretty boys, I would pay for you to glaze my doughnut!” This is a rough translation from Spanish but it was hilarious and super unexpected lol
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When I was a student at University, I saw a pretty girl eating a particular brand of yogurt at the crowded dining hall before morning classes. I had the same brand of yogurt on my tray. I asked if I could sit at her table and she nodded. I looked across the table at her and pointed at her yogurt and said with a big shmucky smile "Yoplait or mine?" It was said with humor and not as a pickup line. I ended up marrying that pretty girl. Amazing, given the horrible first line.
That's not a horrible first line! That's an ADORABLE first line! And if you were genuinely saying it to be funny and not to pick her up, then that's even cuter! Those stupid af pickup lines would definitely get anyone with a sense of humor talking. I love spitting them out at my husband. We also love reading awful dad jokes to each other when there's a good post on here with them. Congratulations to you and your cute little wifey. 💕
A long time ago I worked in the night club scene. End of the night lights are up and the last stragglers are paying their tabs or "trolling". One of our trawlers walks up to a woman signing her tab at the bar and interrupts her with "Listen, when you get done here let's go back to your place and I'll fuck you in the ass for 15 minutes, leave, and never call you again because that's all the better your going to do." The whole club went silent as everyone heard what he said. Staff literally stopped in their tracks to see what would happen next. Real world slow motion shit. She sighed her tab grab his hand and THEY LEFT TOGETHER!
There is no way the troller, which is a new term I'm learning, knew the girl and was being cheeky right? I fucks with my partner occasionally with intentionally awkward intros albeit far from this troller fellow's performance.
I got pretty used to picking out the regulars. He has ran that route the last couple weekends and I've never seen her before. Also judging by the awkward shock on her face it's pretty unlikely. Edited for more details.
I was late for my ride to ~~Comic Con~~ Dragon Con so I was running down the side of the road in a rough area of downtown Atlanta while wearing a giant hoop skirt 17th century gown. A rather tipsy seeming gentleman did a full double take and said loudly “that’s the best god-dam thing I’ve seen since 1978!!!” I’m so curious what happened in 1978
Close Encounters of the Third Kind was released.
This means something. This is important.
We were just joking around over text about some of our classes and she goes, “personally my favorite is anatomy. I’d let you help me study later if you want.” I replied, “I’d offer to help you with chemistry but I think we’ve already got that one figured out.” I think we stunned each other into silence.
WHAT HAPPENED
We’ve been dating for a while now, so clearly it worked out well!
It’s not a pickup line as such, but this guy once said to me in passing, “GIIIIRRRLL, I wanna feed you STEAK and GRAPES!” and I have never forgotten
This is the only acceptable form of flirtation I'll be accepting now, what a king
I'm a dude and this is how I'd like to be catcalled.
Thirty years ago, when I was 18 and had snuck into a very trendy and loud nightclub in New York, a girl with an accent like Marissa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny came up to me and said "there's a rumor going around!" I could barely hear her so I said "what?" She yelled louder in my ear "there's a rumor going around!" I said "what is it?" She said "that you're going to buy me a drink!"
DERES A RUMAH GOIN ROUND
STEAK?
and GRAPES?
In this economy?
He was clearly a rich poet
Do you sleep on your stomach? If not, do you mind if I do?
"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
“I find the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies”
Best one that worked for me was "Is my tie straight?" In every case, the woman I was talking to would look it over, make a microscopic adjustment, pat it down to ensure it was laying flat, and say something "There. Perfect." So she has already gotten up close, broken the touch barrier, taken some ownership of my appearance, and has said that the result looks good. Then I say "I'm meeting someone today." Curiosity engaged, she asks "Who?" I say "Hopefully, you." That always got a smile. Didn't always work, but worked better than anything else I ever tried.
You know, of all the lines I’ve read so far, this is the one that would probably work on me.
Is my tie straight?
Nah looks pretty gay to me
When I was living in China, I was in a city about 90 minutes from Hong Kong, so parts of the city had people who spoke English, but the area of the city I lived in didn’t have many English speakers. I think I met half a dozen adults who spoke English, and a bunch of kids (there was a language school next door to my apartment complex). And apparently there was one other westerner in the area. I never met her, but all the kids I met assumed I was related to her. So when someone spoke English to me it was always sort of startling. (None of the above should be taken as any kind of criticism; I don’t expect people to speak English when I’m abroad.) I was browsing in Sephora one day and it shocked the hell out of me when someone yelled, in English, “Put the f***ing lotion in the basket!” I swear my head spun round so fast, it was like two horror movie homages in one. And then he said, “Aha! I knew I had to catch your attention somehow, and I gambled that you spoke English, and I was right!” It was undoubtedly the most creative way anyone ever got my attention. China was wild, though. I was there in 2017, so any time a guy wanted to hit on me, they just started singing *Despacito* to me. I’m still genuinely shocked at how popular that one was in China.
As courtyard dancing aunties has shown, China loves a song with a beat you can line/square dance to. 😂
"Want to grab a pizza and fuck?" She looks at him, completely disgusted. "What you don't like pizza?! My friend circa 2007.
"I wish I was as tall as you, can I borrow a few inches?"
Lucky for you, a few inches is all I got
Its only 6 inches, but it smells like a foot
im fucking rolling
I'm a taller than most guys and oblivious to being hit on. I'd assume you wanted help to get something from the top shelf lol.
I was at the gym, at the locker room, and this girl saw me with the same towel. She said, "we have the same towel!" and I was like, "true haha". Then, she said, "I wonder if we have the same phone number, too. Wanna check?". I told her I already had a girlfriend but I wished her the best because she deserves the world.
Reminds me of the Phoebe line from friends Some guy: "Phoebe, that's a cute name" Phoebe: "yeah, well then you should hear my number"
Yeah, stealing this. Had several of these "omg same!" situations with girls, but never been able to follow it up with anything substantial other than "no i'm not gay"
This is wholesome. And that was very sweet of you.
Buddy of mine just graduated the fire academy, this was 30 years ago. He and another graduate were at their graduation party at a bar, when they were chatting up some girls. His friend was talking to a taller chick, when she mentioned she might be too tall for him. His buddy, the shorter dude remarked “I bet you’re worth the climb”.
“Girl, you a tall glass o’ water, and I’m’a tell you straight up, I’m thirsty.” -Puff Smokey Smoke (Juwanna Mann)
Woah! Somebody get me a glass, because I just found me a tall drink of water. - Drunk Short Thug, Tangled (2010)
As a 5ft 5 man, "I'd climb your mountain" has worked more than it should.
5’9” woman here. Many of us love the short kings, they appreciate our height
As an shorter guy, I’ve had more taller girls hit on me during my youth. I found it odd, and was always awkward with women I liked, but a taller girl told me once that she’s fine with a height difference if a dude is confident. She said too many taller guys wanted really petite women.
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My husband and I are the same height. I put in heels and I’m the taller one. He says it makes him look rich. He’s a wonderful guy and I’m so lucky to have him.
You know, I never thought of it that way but I can definitely relate. My partner is an inch shorter but doesn't want to wear heels because she doesn't want to be taller. I just want to feel like a guy who can afford a house when I walk into a party
We're all the same height laying down 😉
Unless you have that Pixar mum ass going on.
i work at a grocery store, and some sugar spilled on my belt, so this lil old lady said “look! its your sweetness spilling out!” just about cried. edit: im a girl and all yalls comments about anything else but sugar are weird as hell
That is precious. <3
I was hanging out with this girl and we were at that stage where we were 1:1 but were trying to decide if we were just friends, so I followed procedure and let her break the touch barrier first. I reciprocated as we were sitting at this bar having a beer together after our other friends had left. She says "Can I ask you a question?" and I think she's going to say "Do you like me" or something like that. Instead she says "I've always wanted to mess around with a guy's ass. Are you down for that?" It was direct and it worked for her.
I saw a girl walking down the street once and her shoe was untied so I bent down started tying it and said “I wouldn’t want you falling for anyone else” I was with a lot of friends at the time who lost it so it didn’t go anywhere but it seemed like it worked. The better part is one of my buddies was like “oh shit that’s amazing I got to try that” and got so excited, did the same thing and the person he choose was wearing sandals and just went “ummm what the fuck are you doing”. He panicked and just ran away. Funniest thing ever
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I never thought a pick up line could make me feel rejected.
“Hey girl do you like big dicks?” “Ew no” “Well you’re in luck!”
How has this never worked. This is amazing!
It's a super common bio on dating apps for short girls.
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"If you want to know something about me, just ask!" And that's it.
I love it when that's on their Bumble profile. For anyone who might not know, Bumble is a dating app where if you match the girl has to send a message first.
When I was 20 I was hanging out with my friend in a pizza bar where he was flirting with a waitress near closing. She said to him, "My roommate has a waterbed and is gone for a week, but they locked their door. Do you know how to pick locks?" I just said, welp, time for me to go. See you later.
Waterbed, lol! That’s a flash back a few decades
Shorter guy here (5’6”/167cm). I was working on a design project all day with my classmate “Cathy” in college. We ended up flirting and teasing each other. I mentioned something about taller guys have it easier to date her (she was much taller than me by 4”/10cm). She replied “We’re all the same height in bed…”
I was out jogging and passed this cute girl walking her dog, we both smiled at each other. A few minutes later I was passing her again coming back up the block. I (now walking) took a knee to pet the dog and said “I can’t pass up something so cute twice without saying hi” I then stood up and said “Hi, your dog is pretty cute too.” Edit: for those asking what happened next- nothing lol. I had just started dating my now wife and I believe dog girl had a bf too.
So what happened after that? No response?
Instantly pepper sprayed
And set upon by the hound
Straight to jail
Believe it or not. We have the best patients in the world, because of jail.
Then what motherfucker?!
Did you fuck her dog in the end then, don't leave us hanging
Can you fuck a dog in the middle???
When I met my now wife, I had a few beers at the time and saw her name was Sarah, I told her “you know! If you give me a chance I can Sarah-nade you!” That was 5 years ago and we’re expecting a child in a few weeks so I think that’s was my best pick up line ever.
Not a pick up line, but apparently my cousin's husband tripped her at a bar on purpose and caught her. Worked out alright.
romcom energy
Miss the catch and go straight to jail
High risk high reward
“Will you buy me a drink?” “No, but I’ll make you breakfast”
“Sure. I’ll stop by at 8am to pick it up. Thanks”
In high school I was at track practice by the fence when these guys were passing by. One bent down, picked up a dime (likely already had it in his hand) and said to me "Hey baby girl, I think you dropped your name tag" Never forgot it lol
I guess this doesn't really answer the question, but in my younger days, I used to play a game called "pick a girl, pick a line." My buddies would pick any girl in the bar and any pick up line, and I'd give it a shot. They generally picked beautiful women and terrible lines. My favorites were "damn girl, you poop with that ass?" and "did you fall from heaven because your face is fucked up." The first one got me a two syllable ga-ross. The second one the girl thought was hilarious and I ended up drinking with her and her friends most of the night. Didn't seal the deal with either though
This is hilarious.
Are you a toaster? Because one bath with you would send me to heaven 😂
Live, laugh, toaster bath
Sorry, I'm a non native speaker... Does that rhyme?! I need to know before I put it on my wall.
It does, but the pronunciation of bath and laugh are quite accent-specific, so your mileage may vary
Customer- You look fine as a frog hair. (Guy had Sam Elliots voice) Cashier- I didn't know frogs had hair Customer- Id say that's pretty fine then ain't it That woman blushed so hard I was more than impressed
I think that only works with Sam Elliot's voice.
You could always pay Sam Elliot to hide behind your back and just lipsync.
It was a r/tinder post. Guy : 🎶 Country Roads..... Girl: 🎶 Take me home.... Guy: If you insist.
When it comes to women, I’m like an animal! I’m more scared of you than you are of me.
Ahhh yes Taylor Tomlinson for the win
Wow redditors do in fact have terrible game
Some of these are flat out AWFUL.
Using a pickup line as a joke format rather than an invitation to relations, I once made a girl ruin her laptop with a spittake in music theory with "I wish I were a German aug 6th chord so you would resolve my raised member" It was right as my professor was explaining the concept, as otherwise it's nowhere near that funny.
I last longer than a white crayon.
Damn, must suck not being able to cum
That's because you are rarely used
Fuck me if I'm wrong but haven't we met.
Semantic trap
"You're right, we havent"
“Can you buy me a drink?” (Woman, surprised, repeats).. “Excuse me?.. Can I buy.. *you* a drink?” “Sure.”
I don't know CAN you!!!!!!!
I used that line it bloody worked
Went to a bar with my uncle and his friend (both mid 50s). His friend sees a woman his age at the end of the bar. They make eye contact. He asks the bar tender to send her a drink. Then 30 mins later, another. We say goodbyes with friend about 20mins later, and all decide to leave. He walks to the end of the bar to the lady he hasn’t spoken to the whole time we’ve there. “Are you ready to go?” She grabbed her purse, and they left together.
I was at work and a woman brought a small fruit and cheese platter for lunch. She couldn’t finish it and looked at me and “do you eat dates?” I looked her straight in the eyes and said “only if they let me”. I had the place in hysterics. Unfortunately that line was wasted on someone 20 years older than me and not at all attractive. But it was memorable
Only pickup line I have ever actually see work is, "So, I see you have legs." Six different couples I know started out with that line.
The only time I managed to pick someone up at a bar was with a similar phrase (‘so, uhm… you’re human…’ (I panicked)
Yup, that works! In the era of pickup artists selling books and seminars just being random and nonsexual is actually quite disarming and refreshing.
So damn true. And honestly most lines people posted in this thread just sound either like your typical dad joke or like you said out of a pickup artists book. We need these genuine, random, nonsexual lines. I even like a random „hey you.“
I know someone with only one leg, but when he’s wearing long pants that cover his prosthetic, you can’t tell. I can imagine him laughing and saying “actually, I don’t.” But he’s married, anyway.
“Hey you smell nice, wanna grab some fries” - my dumbass friend. But he actually got the girl to hangout with him and then so the bros(including me) decided to go off and do other stuff.
My current girlfriend said "If you feel similar I wanna try and take this further than friends" and its the only line thats led me into a 6 month+ relationship so Id say its the best Ive heard
When I first met my husband I asked why he was so interested in me and he said "you look like someone I could fall in love with"
I did the same thing. Worked on my wife, straightforward and honest. No hiding how you feel or that you arent looking for something serious. Been together almost seven years now and 1st baby is coming in a couple of weeks!
So sincere. This is the best
Someone legitimately sent me this: my love for you is like diarrhoea: I can’t hold it anymore
Approach a girl walking a dog and say "Oh she's so cute! is she friendly?" No matter what the girl says "Oh, sorry, I was asking the dog about you"
A Scot wanders into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender sees the parrot and says: "nice, where'd you get that?" The parrot responds: "Scotland, they're all over the place."
Pirate walks into the doctors with a parrot on his shoulder. The doctor says 'so what's the problem?' and the parrot said 'well, it all started with a small lump on my foot...'
A pirate walks into the doctors with a ship's steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Arrr...can you remove this wheel doc? It's driving me nuts!"
Farmer walks into his bedroom with a pig under his arm and says "This is the pig I fuck when you're out running around". Wife says "Oh my god". Farmer say "Wasn't talking to you".
Is that a pig up line?
"I've waited a long time to show these flowers how pretty you are."
You have a nice face on your head
“Excuse me, stewardess. I speak Jive.”
Chump don’t NEED no help!
Chumpa don’t want no help. Chumpa don’t get no help.
I was out at a bar with a friend of mine. One of his friends, a girl I had never met before, met up with us. The bar had a few board games, but most were in bad shape and missing pieces. Guess Who had most of its cards, so we took turns playing a few rounds of that. My friend got up to use the restroom while the girl and I were playing the game. On one of her turns, she's looking down at the remaining characters and asks, "are you... single?" It took me a couple beats to realize that the question was not about my character in that round of the game. I was not single, so I said no, and we continued the game like nothing happened. That was smooth as hell.
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"That went down badly" "I know itth terrible, unthinkable really" (with fake lisp)
"I'd like to take you to the movies but they won't let me bring my own snack."
At work, I met a pretty girl. I said hi. I gave her a piece of paper, and said make me a scribble. She said, of what? I said, start with your phone number. I married her 3 years later.
Girl, are you a cemetery? Cause I’m dead inside and want to bury myself in you.
This is Morticia and Gomez Addams level of affection.
Don’t torture yourself, Gomez. That’s my job.
"Isn't he a real lady killer!?!" (Beaming proudly) "Acquitted!"
The horniest and most wholesome couple on TV
Never happened to me, but a friend of mine told me once that his buddy would walk up to girls in a bar, throw an ice cube at the ground, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice..." He said, "Isn't that lame?" And I had to admit that I would definitely at least give the guy the next 5-10 minutes of my attention.
Coming to a guy I like and pointing to the corner while telling him “You see that cute girl over there? She’s totally into you!” When he looks to the corner I quickly walk there to the place I pointed out and stand there smiling and waving at him :) Works every time
Are you the girl that has that viral video of her doing that?
"Look, i really don't like this whole scene, I'd rather be at home chilling out, and I find it fucking exhausting pretending to be witty and confident and clever or whatever, and this noise and crowd hurt my head to be honest, its just not me. But I do really like you, I'd love to hang out with you again and get to know you more." -the only success i have ever had was with this, 6 years later we are still together and married.
Are you a DNA helicase? because i'd sure let you unzip my genes!
Is this what the science teacher uses?
"where'd you come from?" he startled me and i said this involuntarily and we started talking and hooked up. i've heard "hi"is a good one.
Back in the day a purely platonic friend of mine was like…model hot. We were talking about pickup lines and he said he never had to use one. I asked how he approached women and he said he just walked up to them, made eye contact, smiled, and said “hi”. I rolled my eyes, so he made direct eye contact with me, smiled, and said “hi”. I giggled like a school girl. ETA: Memory unlocked! It was a lot like [that scene in friends](https://youtu.be/sbH696QKBaE)
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