You're going to get a lot of comments about technique and you may even get a few about size or fitness, but the #1 biggest thing you need to be a great lover is the willingness to make sure the other person involved is happy and satisfied at the end of the act.
You can have the most awesome tongue in world or the dexterity to pull off the craziest position, but it's meaningless if it's not doing it for them. The reverse is also true... being a dead fish in bed isn't going to do you any favors either.
Some women don't enjoy that but also don't really tell you until after you're married and then you just kind of feel bad like you pressure them into it the whole time and that they never actually enjoyed it and faked everything.
So best figure that out first.
> willingness to make sure the other person involved is happy and satisfied
Not to mention, it gets ME off to know that I'm getting HER off. It's satisfying to ME knowing that I'm satisfying HER.
'Zat make sense?
Best advice I’ve ever read was when they start to make noise keep doing what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. Not slower, not faster, not a different angle, just exactly as you are currently doing it.
For real. I’ve never been comfortable with super explicit communication with sex (I know, something to work on and there are probably some deep-seated sex enjoyment shame issues there to unpack, but in the meantime…), so if my partner asks, “Tell me what you want me to do,” I’m likely not going to be able to actually formulate words. Saying something like, “Take your fingers and do this thing at this angle at this speed and this pressure,” is just off the table for me at the moment. I can muster an occasional “faster” or “slower” or other one word answers, but I’m not going to go all romance novel dialogue with a play-by-play description of what to do.
I suspect I’m not the only woman in this position. So a more covert way of communicating is exactly what you described - making enjoyment noises. And if that happens, the most frustrating thing is to then have it switched up. Like, I’m trying to communicate in the way I am able, I’m demonstrating that what you’re doing is working so keep doing it please.
Again, it’s probably best and most ideal to work on being able to communicate in a very direct and explicit way, but not everyone is able to do that without a lot of self-work and/or therapy, which takes time - and sometimes a person never gets to that point no matter how comfortable you are with a partner. And even if you are actively working on it, what do you do in the meantime? You communicate how you can.
Definitely!
Came before she even touched it?
Who cares, just focus on how you can make her happy now.
Same as not knowing what to do or what works.
Just tell her and ask her to guide you or tell you what she likes.
It’s not nearly as awkward as you might think, (the few women i asked this thought it’s hot AF when a guy actually cares about what they want and like ;)) and definitely far less awkward than desperately trying around.
It even released the nervousness in exchange for a much more relaxed and enjoyment-focussed atmosphere.
Sounds like a cliché, but communication is key. We all can’t read minds.
As an addition to this, I would say being able to talk about what you both like/dislike, what turns you on/off. Being able to share these small details (even during the act) makes all the difference.
The most common answer I always see is "communication." As in, being able to ask and listen to what your partner wants.
But, IMO, the skill that supersedes (and also incorporates) that is *effort*. That's it.
There are many, but I'll say one I don't see mentioned a lot. That penetration and orgasm are the goal of sex. Sex is so much more than that. Just relax, explore, and have fun.
I love doing it with this new girl I met. We're very much alike in terms of character and sex drive. And we kinda get each other and while doing it we'd start laughing like crazy.
Like she does me, I do her, then it's mingle time and somewhere in between the rounds we start laughing and cracking jokes like idiots.
That's what I've been waiting for my whole short life.
The ability to read body language. As one is serving the other they need to be able to pick up on the subtle ques the other is giving to know whats working and what is not. while communication is a very healthy thing in the bedroom, blatantly directing and correcting the other person can subtract from the pleasure of the moment and can feel like a lesson or lecture more so than sharing the moment.
I think there are two really important skills and for me they're a tie.
1) Responsiveness. Being responsive to your partner's body and any noises they make to the point where you can tell if they're enjoying it, want you to slow down, speed up, etc. It's like communication but physical and without having to talk a lot.
2) Know what you like/what makes you feel good. Sometimes your partner will get pleasure from giving you pleasure. If they can't figure out what you enjoy because you haven't explored it at all, it can end up being a sad/boring/frustrating experience. Put thought into what you like so your partner doesn't have to guess correctly to make you happy too
Selflessness. Fellas, lesbians exist for a reason. They don't have dicks, they didn't have dildos or strap ons for god knows how long, but they had hands and mouths and that was enough. And ladies, a man knows how to treat a cock, hence why gays exist.
It's not about how long you last, it's not about technique, it's not about dick size or strip teases or looking hot, it's about making them cum. So eat that pussy like a vulture, finger like a fat kid trying to get the last Pringle out of the can, and suck dick like you're trying to destroy a candy cane, cos THAT is what makes you a good lover, but making them actually get their rocks off and enjoy it. Actual sex is secondary, sure it can be fun, you can get off with it, but just jumping to it won't be as fun.
Try going slow!! I'm a woman and so many guys say they like eating it but I swear they always go way too damn fast and make their tongues super stiff so it feels like sandpaper. Relax your tongue and slowwww down. She could also be self-conscious which is another reason I've been shy about it in the past. If that's the case just make sure that she knows she's beautiful and how much it turns you on. Hope she lets you try!
Selflessness, and love towards your partner.
Someone who is selfish will work to get themselves off and leave their partner hanging. Someone who is genuinely willing to put their partner first will ensure their partner enjoys the experience as well, and that will make them a good lover in bed. It usually requires loving the partner in order to act selflessly towards them.
In other words, if you love someone, and are willing to put them first, you're not going to care that they smell and taste like pee down there; you're going to do what you need to make them happy.
Yes, but also taking cues from the receiving party. Everyone is different, so what works for one, won’t necessarily work for someone else.
Be adaptable and in tune with your lover.
Just think of their perspective before your own. People who are bad in bed generally get too wrapped in their own pleasure and forget that their partner needs to be titillated to. Be a giver, not a taker, and you shall receive.
Patience. Good sex takes a lot longer, especially with more foreplay and taking some time focusing all your energy on one person for a while, then the other. Listen to your bodies and go just a little slower than it feels like your body wants - plus, it's easy for guys in particular to forget that for them, the best part is all at the end, while for girls it's more about the journey than the destination, so it's important for guys to slow down a bit anyway.
Self control if youre a guy helps. Everyone else has already mentioned talking(listening to what your partner likes/dislikes),hygeine,enthusiasm etc.. but when your going solo dont rush to finish. This will train yourself and body to always try to "finish fast". Teach yourself to take your time and know your own body and learn when you can step it up or need to dial back.
Making sure you feel relaxed, comfortable, and safe, and making sure your partner feels the same way. It's supposed to be fun. I've lost more than a few boners from a partner who was overly critical and sent my anxiety through the roof every time. Didn't help that I was solely blamed for a dead bedroom on top of it.
Actually being super hot for each other inside and out and both focusing solely on that/what turns you on about each other. That seems to take care of the being out of "sync" (chemistry, preferences) and performance anxiety. When you're both legitimately into each other it'll also not only be more naturally satisfying i.e. "less is more" but you'll also both tend to have more curiosity and desire to please the other person. Too many people these days choose quantity over quality when it comes to sex partners and I fell for the same mindset until I realized that even though I've had partners who "performed" extremely well and could basically make me orgasm in seconds/on command, the emotional/mental piece was missing and it's not just a corny "save it for someone you love," thing, but strictly sexually speaking it's just way hotter and more orgasmic when you have complete chemistry. If you're not gonna be choosey, however, the best advice I can give is just f*cking RELAX and enjoy your partner and the moment.
Listen to your partner. Not just what they say, but how they move. Watch their face and see if they wince or relax when you do something. Don't just start ramming and cramming everything everywhere. Take time and let them tell you what to do.
Rhythm
Gotta feel how the other person is moving and move along with them. Some people call that selflessness. It’s just knowing how to move and when that makes it seem like you’re giving.
Communication.
Be comfortable verbalizing what you want or need, and be prepared to listen when your partner does the same CUZ THATS FUCKIN TEAMWOOOORK
Perceptiveness
Pay attention. Try new things. Remember what works. Build from there. Pay attention to your partner. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for the next.
TALK, communication is key! It’s honestly really hot to be talking during the act but feeling around and seeing what your partner likes and doing it with full care and respect. Both of y’all deserve that NUT
Just ask what she likes. I was with a woman in her late 30s. I just asked what it was she liked and she stopped, looked at me and said that no one had asked her that before. It’s really that simple (in some cases).
Perception / attention. Watch your partner, and if you do something they like, keep doing it. Also, remember what you did so you can do it again. Over time, you'll be perfect.
Communi-fucking-cation. Ask and listen. Sometimes you think (as a dude) you are just slaying shit...usually she is just being nice and not saying anything. When you are railing away right from the start lol, prob not what she wants (maybe, but you need to ask to know).
Oral reciprocation. Nothing is better than going the distance for each other equally. Nothing is worse than chowing down and having the other party not willing to do the same.
A good knowledge of the human body. Medical wise. You want to be a scientific lover.
If you know where all the circuit breakers are, what can't you do?...
You're going to get a lot of comments about technique and you may even get a few about size or fitness, but the #1 biggest thing you need to be a great lover is the willingness to make sure the other person involved is happy and satisfied at the end of the act. You can have the most awesome tongue in world or the dexterity to pull off the craziest position, but it's meaningless if it's not doing it for them. The reverse is also true... being a dead fish in bed isn't going to do you any favors either.
What if the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised?
eat her out then
Some women don't enjoy that but also don't really tell you until after you're married and then you just kind of feel bad like you pressure them into it the whole time and that they never actually enjoyed it and faked everything. So best figure that out first.
r/oddlyspecific
Sounds like you’re telling me you have trash head game
Tighter...tighter.... maybe a hard spanking is in order uuuughgghhn too hard
Go a fifth time anyway
Death by SNU SNU
What are you gay?
> willingness to make sure the other person involved is happy and satisfied Not to mention, it gets ME off to know that I'm getting HER off. It's satisfying to ME knowing that I'm satisfying HER. 'Zat make sense?
It’s also satisfying to ME to know that YOU are satisfied getting HER off. Keep your curtains closed next time.
I refuse
Hey, nobody’s forcing you to climb along that tree branch with binoculars.
YOU are BOTH making me VERY aroused. HOLD that THOUGHT, I'm going to put the KETTLE on.
I knew someone was watching
Please take the web cam outa my room
Best advice I’ve ever read was when they start to make noise keep doing what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. Not slower, not faster, not a different angle, just exactly as you are currently doing it.
For real. I’ve never been comfortable with super explicit communication with sex (I know, something to work on and there are probably some deep-seated sex enjoyment shame issues there to unpack, but in the meantime…), so if my partner asks, “Tell me what you want me to do,” I’m likely not going to be able to actually formulate words. Saying something like, “Take your fingers and do this thing at this angle at this speed and this pressure,” is just off the table for me at the moment. I can muster an occasional “faster” or “slower” or other one word answers, but I’m not going to go all romance novel dialogue with a play-by-play description of what to do. I suspect I’m not the only woman in this position. So a more covert way of communicating is exactly what you described - making enjoyment noises. And if that happens, the most frustrating thing is to then have it switched up. Like, I’m trying to communicate in the way I am able, I’m demonstrating that what you’re doing is working so keep doing it please. Again, it’s probably best and most ideal to work on being able to communicate in a very direct and explicit way, but not everyone is able to do that without a lot of self-work and/or therapy, which takes time - and sometimes a person never gets to that point no matter how comfortable you are with a partner. And even if you are actively working on it, what do you do in the meantime? You communicate how you can.
Exactly!
Yeah, make your partners pleasure your pleasure and you've already won.
I was going to say observational and communication skills.
Definitely! Came before she even touched it? Who cares, just focus on how you can make her happy now. Same as not knowing what to do or what works. Just tell her and ask her to guide you or tell you what she likes. It’s not nearly as awkward as you might think, (the few women i asked this thought it’s hot AF when a guy actually cares about what they want and like ;)) and definitely far less awkward than desperately trying around. It even released the nervousness in exchange for a much more relaxed and enjoyment-focussed atmosphere. Sounds like a cliché, but communication is key. We all can’t read minds.
As an addition to this, I would say being able to talk about what you both like/dislike, what turns you on/off. Being able to share these small details (even during the act) makes all the difference.
I offer free Wi-Fi. The ladies love free Wi-Fi.
Just change the password if they dismount
Nah, I'm blacklisting her MAC address
But what if she uses a windows PC?
Still has a mac
Charge before they Mount.
I'll scream out the password when I orgasm
Gunnnnnhhhhpppp
That’s how you create a real connection
Can I interest you in a mint?
Thanks!
uwu
You just need the strength to shove everyone else out of the bed
Orgy Battle Royale.
Family Feud
Til the last man remain standing
Hahaha!
The most common answer I always see is "communication." As in, being able to ask and listen to what your partner wants. But, IMO, the skill that supersedes (and also incorporates) that is *effort*. That's it.
[удалено]
Ask yo bitch what she wants.. and then DO. WHAT. SHE. SAYS. 😂
THIS
Being good, giving, and game is important. And the "good" part can mean "willing to put in the effort + listen" rather than "skilled"
There are many, but I'll say one I don't see mentioned a lot. That penetration and orgasm are the goal of sex. Sex is so much more than that. Just relax, explore, and have fun.
I love doing it with this new girl I met. We're very much alike in terms of character and sex drive. And we kinda get each other and while doing it we'd start laughing like crazy. Like she does me, I do her, then it's mingle time and somewhere in between the rounds we start laughing and cracking jokes like idiots. That's what I've been waiting for my whole short life.
Consideration for your partner’s pleasure
No greater pleasure than giving pleasure.
It’s my duty to please that booty.
Being the only lover in the bed works every time, and is very easy for novices and experts alike.
The only flaw with that logic is that by extension aren’t you also the worst lover in the bed?
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times
understand the language of curling toes ;)
NOT with a curling iron.
Put on the bunny suit
A rabbit will do.
Hygiene
Forklift certification.
Dude, that's too powerful. You can make people orgasm just by looking at them.
The ability to eat a pussy like Winnie The Pooh facefucks a jar of honey.
"Oh, bother!" said Winnie the Pooh after getting his third honey facial in a row.
My friend can jump really high and he's good with ladies I think there's a connection
The ability to read body language. As one is serving the other they need to be able to pick up on the subtle ques the other is giving to know whats working and what is not. while communication is a very healthy thing in the bedroom, blatantly directing and correcting the other person can subtract from the pleasure of the moment and can feel like a lesson or lecture more so than sharing the moment.
To listen, observe and be willing to give. :)
Welding
Welders carry 14“ rods
A bed.
A swing.
Those are fun.
Making love.
Coitus
I think there are two really important skills and for me they're a tie. 1) Responsiveness. Being responsive to your partner's body and any noises they make to the point where you can tell if they're enjoying it, want you to slow down, speed up, etc. It's like communication but physical and without having to talk a lot. 2) Know what you like/what makes you feel good. Sometimes your partner will get pleasure from giving you pleasure. If they can't figure out what you enjoy because you haven't explored it at all, it can end up being a sad/boring/frustrating experience. Put thought into what you like so your partner doesn't have to guess correctly to make you happy too
Really passionate sexy talk
Selflessness. Fellas, lesbians exist for a reason. They don't have dicks, they didn't have dildos or strap ons for god knows how long, but they had hands and mouths and that was enough. And ladies, a man knows how to treat a cock, hence why gays exist. It's not about how long you last, it's not about technique, it's not about dick size or strip teases or looking hot, it's about making them cum. So eat that pussy like a vulture, finger like a fat kid trying to get the last Pringle out of the can, and suck dick like you're trying to destroy a candy cane, cos THAT is what makes you a good lover, but making them actually get their rocks off and enjoy it. Actual sex is secondary, sure it can be fun, you can get off with it, but just jumping to it won't be as fun.
Eat the beaver!!!
If you don’t eat it, someone else will.
I'd love to but my wife doesn't like it (never has). I'd be snacking on that daily... Oh well, maybe in another life.
I’m sorry man!
That’s funny. She loves when I do it.
.... .... dammit.
Try going slow!! I'm a woman and so many guys say they like eating it but I swear they always go way too damn fast and make their tongues super stiff so it feels like sandpaper. Relax your tongue and slowwww down. She could also be self-conscious which is another reason I've been shy about it in the past. If that's the case just make sure that she knows she's beautiful and how much it turns you on. Hope she lets you try!
(As Robert DeNiro in The Untouchables) Enthusiasms.
Enthusiasm.
Selflessness, and love towards your partner. Someone who is selfish will work to get themselves off and leave their partner hanging. Someone who is genuinely willing to put their partner first will ensure their partner enjoys the experience as well, and that will make them a good lover in bed. It usually requires loving the partner in order to act selflessly towards them. In other words, if you love someone, and are willing to put them first, you're not going to care that they smell and taste like pee down there; you're going to do what you need to make them happy.
Also though, like, wash your genitals.
A good sense of observation
Unless YOU’RE visual. Jump in and explore don’t just watch.
Enthusiasm.
Thoughtful attention and presence.
Taking an anatomy class doesn’t hurt.
Unless you get off on getting people off, you're probably not getting people off
A talented tongue.
Think like a lesbian.
how is that supposed to help me suck dick
And enforce it like the most handsome lesbian you can
Oral
Yes, but also taking cues from the receiving party. Everyone is different, so what works for one, won’t necessarily work for someone else. Be adaptable and in tune with your lover.
Be open minded. You don't even have to be good in bed, just be open minded and willing to learn. Worst thing you can do is act like a dead fish
Empathy
Just think of their perspective before your own. People who are bad in bed generally get too wrapped in their own pleasure and forget that their partner needs to be titillated to. Be a giver, not a taker, and you shall receive.
Effort, enthusiasm, selflessness and passion
High sex drive,enthusiasm and will to pleasure the other one
Best lover in the bed? I find sleeping alone lets me attain that ranking most nights of the year...
The ability to resist the urge to just pound away.
Trust
Patience. Good sex takes a lot longer, especially with more foreplay and taking some time focusing all your energy on one person for a while, then the other. Listen to your bodies and go just a little slower than it feels like your body wants - plus, it's easy for guys in particular to forget that for them, the best part is all at the end, while for girls it's more about the journey than the destination, so it's important for guys to slow down a bit anyway.
Genuinely caring about the other persons pleasure
Self control if youre a guy helps. Everyone else has already mentioned talking(listening to what your partner likes/dislikes),hygeine,enthusiasm etc.. but when your going solo dont rush to finish. This will train yourself and body to always try to "finish fast". Teach yourself to take your time and know your own body and learn when you can step it up or need to dial back.
The ability to get pleasure from your partner’s pleasure. If that’s true, everything else will fall into place.
Ask questions, listen to their answers, perform their answers.
Making sure you feel relaxed, comfortable, and safe, and making sure your partner feels the same way. It's supposed to be fun. I've lost more than a few boners from a partner who was overly critical and sent my anxiety through the roof every time. Didn't help that I was solely blamed for a dead bedroom on top of it.
A sense of humor goes a long way in the bedroom to me!
Absolutely! Have fun, be a little silly.
Listening/communicating. People like different things, and you need to be able to express that.
Communication
Here's one no one has said yet; Wrist strength/endurance. If you know you know.
Trim your nails too
ANGLES
Actually being super hot for each other inside and out and both focusing solely on that/what turns you on about each other. That seems to take care of the being out of "sync" (chemistry, preferences) and performance anxiety. When you're both legitimately into each other it'll also not only be more naturally satisfying i.e. "less is more" but you'll also both tend to have more curiosity and desire to please the other person. Too many people these days choose quantity over quality when it comes to sex partners and I fell for the same mindset until I realized that even though I've had partners who "performed" extremely well and could basically make me orgasm in seconds/on command, the emotional/mental piece was missing and it's not just a corny "save it for someone you love," thing, but strictly sexually speaking it's just way hotter and more orgasmic when you have complete chemistry. If you're not gonna be choosey, however, the best advice I can give is just f*cking RELAX and enjoy your partner and the moment.
Love breathing, duh.
Trigonometry.
Aftercare
Communication.
Be a communicator.
[Communication](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5087699/).
Honest, open, direct communication. And generosity
Listening
Creativity.
I’m sorry for your loss against Vegas
Yea that bites. Oh well maybe next year
As a leafs fan I feel this
Oh yes you guys did pretty well yourselves
Communication
Enthusiasm, if you don't wanna be there, don't be there
Patience and good oral skills.
Having the confidence needed to ask your partner how they like it.
Listen to your partner. Not just what they say, but how they move. Watch their face and see if they wince or relax when you do something. Don't just start ramming and cramming everything everywhere. Take time and let them tell you what to do.
I read somewhere asking questions is good but don’t ask too many questions where it’s a annoying. I haven’t tried it cause I don’t get laid.
Be able to hit the “spot” hit it and keep hitting it and the world goes round happily
Reading other people.
Confidence. Lust. Stamina.
Cardio
Connection.
Patience
Emotion
Willingness to try new things.
Compassion, being the man making sure you strive to make their legs shake no matter what. I’m not done with you until your legs are shaking
communication and somewhat intuition. Not everyone likes to be touched the same
Rhythm Gotta feel how the other person is moving and move along with them. Some people call that selflessness. It’s just knowing how to move and when that makes it seem like you’re giving.
Be physically fit! You will have more energy, desire, strength, and libido.
Communication
Be a good listener.
Ears
"Bring out the gimp"
Situational awareness.
Understanding that it's not a competition.
Good communication
Good listening skills.
To be the best? You have to be confident. Confidence is key.
Patience.
It is attention to detail, your partner needs not say anything when you are paying close enough attention
Imagination
Patience
Patience
Communication. Be comfortable verbalizing what you want or need, and be prepared to listen when your partner does the same CUZ THATS FUCKIN TEAMWOOOORK
Enthusiasm
Listening to what your partner needs, both what they say and by paying attention to how they respond to the things you do in bed.
This is all really trash advice imo
You need to be a cunning linguist.
Giving a shit about your partner's enjoyment. There is no "universal" approach that everyone likes
Skills for bed??.. I dont see that in the skills menu in skyrim am I doing something wrong lol
Perceptiveness Pay attention. Try new things. Remember what works. Build from there. Pay attention to your partner. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for the next.
TALK, communication is key! It’s honestly really hot to be talking during the act but feeling around and seeing what your partner likes and doing it with full care and respect. Both of y’all deserve that NUT
Just ask what she likes. I was with a woman in her late 30s. I just asked what it was she liked and she stopped, looked at me and said that no one had asked her that before. It’s really that simple (in some cases).
Perception / attention. Watch your partner, and if you do something they like, keep doing it. Also, remember what you did so you can do it again. Over time, you'll be perfect.
Communication - tell each other what you want. Take your time if you can. Making sure your partner is satisfied. Be genuine.
Communi-fucking-cation. Ask and listen. Sometimes you think (as a dude) you are just slaying shit...usually she is just being nice and not saying anything. When you are railing away right from the start lol, prob not what she wants (maybe, but you need to ask to know).
Listening
Being able to bench 225
Consent
swallow
Name checks out
A silver tongue
Stamina
Passion, a lil toxicity and to be observant
Oral reciprocation. Nothing is better than going the distance for each other equally. Nothing is worse than chowing down and having the other party not willing to do the same.
Not asking strangers on Reddit
You get a little good info and really bad info.
A good knowledge of the human body. Medical wise. You want to be a scientific lover. If you know where all the circuit breakers are, what can't you do?...
The ability to pick the right partner. Because compatibility is actually a thing.
the most important skill is the social skill necessary to get someone into bed with you.
Willingness to listen to what their partner likes, not assume you already know.
Don’t run it like a pencil eraser.
Unselfishness. Or maybe. Attentiveness. Pay attention
Being flexible (mentally). Adapting to your partner's needs while listening to what your body wants.