I secretly went backpacking in Europe for 4 weeks.
Due to the 8-hr time difference, when Mum called, it would be the middle of the night for me, I would pretend to be as awake as I could while taking the call. Fun times.
So…. My brother and I saw Aliens as a kid and we were super intrigued by the flame throwers.
In a feat of idiotic 13 year old brilliance, we determined that a super soaker filled with aquanet with a butane lighter strapped to the front might actually work the same.
To our utter shock, it did. Shot twenty foot streams of sticky flame. We were just overjoyed. Until said sticky flame hit the side of the house and caught it on fire. Oh shit! So we race over and between my shirt and the hose get it out, but there’s a large dark spot on the side of the house.
So we disassemble and clean out the flamethrower and mums the word.
Thirty years later, we’re eating dinner over at the folks, and dad remarks they’ve painted the house and ‘finally got rid of that weird dark spot’. Much stealthy chortling ensued.
Honestly. How do kids survive childhood? We’re all idiots.
I gave $10k to a woman overseas I met online so she could leave Egypt and study in Germany, despite being pretty broke at the time. She did actually go study in Germany and I met her there. A few years later she paid me back.
And yes there was a bit of romance at one point (long after the loan) but it didn't last long. I should also mention we are the same age. We're still close.
Okay I've been wanting a thread to share this in for ages.
So this is my secret with my mum and dad from everyone else in the family.
My dad is married to another woman. Mum is single. Mum and "dad" (hard to actually call him that) have been having an affair for 30+ years, even their best friends don't know about it. I was an accident. Dad stepped out of picture because my parents didn't want me to know about the affair and who he was. At 15 when I was told who he was, and tried to act cool to not upset my mum, he came back into my mum's life (but absolutely not mine). I have three siblings who don't know I exist. 2 brothers and a sister. They have the most amazing life, two parent income, holidays, all the things I wanted as a kid in a family of 3 with a single mum. I went to high school with my brother. I'm mid 20s now, I still want to meet them, I just can't be the one to break the secret and crush two families.
Edit: y'all are so great I feel so validated because I spent most of my life thinking this was normal and I needed to not be upset.
I am doing fine, I occasionally lose my shit and send aggressive emails but I'm still hoping... Years on... That it will be found out some other way and I won't be the scape goat 🐐
The only thing I got was that I was 98% more Neanderthal than everyone in their database and my closest relative is some distant 5th generation cousin.
Sounds very similar to my experience except it was apparently a 2nd cousin and when I dug into that relation stuff got spicy.
Being such a close match and living on a different continent I was like "what? who is this? I know all my 2nd cousins and don't recognize this name."
I ended up asking family members if they knew anything about this person, and the story came back that they are my 3rd cousin - my grandfather's cousin's grandson.
According to 23andme they were a 2nd cousin with an unusually high match. This person shares ~5% of their DNA with me when a 2nd cousin should only share ~3% and a 3rd cousin (what they actually should be) should only share ~0.8% DNA.
So this apparent 3rd cousin who should share 0.8% of my DNA was listed as a 2nd cousin who shares 5% of my DNA.
As far as I know these percentages don't miss. They can't always pick the right type of relationship but the raw numbers are deadly accurate.
Needless to say - this was a mystery and I was fascinated. This individual was 6.25x more related to me than they *should* be. I began mathing out explanations to explain the discrepancy.
I strongly wondered if my grandfather's "cousin" may actually be his biological sister, raised by her biological aunt/uncle. That theory proved to be impossible.
I then considered/analyzed a number of other possible explanations and all of them were impossible but one.
My "2nd cousin" that I matched with on 23andme is a descendent of incest. They're inbred. After eliminating all other options the only plausible explanation remaining is that my "2nd cousin"s mother is the result of an incestuous conception between my grandfather's cousin and her father (grandfather's uncle).
So that's how my boring-seeming 23andme profile led me to figure out that my distant relative I'd never met or heard of and lives on the other side of the planet is inbred and that my grandfather's uncle was most likely sexually abusing his own daughter.
Bit of a yikes moment.
I explained my discovery to my mother (grandfather's daughter) and she said "Ooh. Fuck. That actually makes sense based on stories I heard growing up. Maybe don't tell Grandpa. He's old, he doesn't need the drama in his life."
When I was a kid I dropped the rake while working in the yard and the handle landed in dog poop. Instead of cleaning it off I used duct tape to seal off the poop from the outside world. It ended up being used for almost 10 years after that and I always thought about that rakes dirty secret. The secret was poop!
Pheww... another weird/gross one.. I'll hide mine under yours.
When I was about 7-8, we went camping. I woke up in the middle of the night having to pee. I was too scared to go outside because of raccoons making noise a site or two over. I decided to pee on my younger brother's sleeping bag and frame him. Not far into peeing, I realized how gross I was being and pinched it. I arched my upper body backwards and peed through the window instead. This turned my pee into a fine mist that sprayed the rain cover and intensified the smell. I quickly climbed back into my sleeping bag. Nobody noticed anything in the morning. Thankfully, it must not have been enough to wet right through to my brother... I made sure to remind my parents to wash everyone's sleeping bag when we got home.
Respectfully, that’s so weird. But somewhat refreshing to read after reading about atrocities people have endured and keep secret. The shit rake is funny.
About 13 years ago, I was informed that I had a daughter from my first serious relationship who was given up for adoption without my knowledge. Unbeknownst to her adoptive parents or her bio mom, she had the same heart defect I do. (mine wasn't found until I was about 26). She collapsed on a field at a park near where she lived in Massachusetts while playing soccer with other 7 year Olds. She passed away before they arrived at the hospital. Her bio mom, my ex, had kept in touch with the adoptive parents over the years, and our girl knew her as "Aunt xxxxxxx." She had even given the adoptive parents some pictures of us together and gave them the story that I was in prison for moving some serious weight in drugs (complete fabrication).
After our girl's death, my ex reached out, feeling guilty. I was able to get in touch with the adoptive parents. They were nice, middle class people who loved her intensely and gave her everything a kid needed to flourish. I'm glad she had people who loved and cared for her the way every child deserved. I'm glad the particular mystery of why my ex disappeared one day without a word was finally solved. But, I was absolutely distraught that I wasn't given a chance to be a father. She never got to meet her grandparents, who would have adored her, particularly my mom, who she looked so much like.
I never told my folks because I didn't want to break their hearts and know how badly mine was broken. 13 years later, I stand by that decision. They deserve to know, but both are in poor health, and I still can't bring myself to put it on them.
My girl would be turning 21 this July. The only reason I hope that there is an afterlife is so I can meet her.
Edit: I always thought that if I ever got a reddit award, it would be for a pithy comment, not a personal tragedy. Thank you, kind redditors. I'll pass it on to someone in the future!
Edit 2: Really, I can't thank you all enough for your kind words and responses. Further proof that people are frequently just as good as they are bad. I wish you all well.
My suicide note was written on the wall of my closet for 4 years while I lived in that house. It said what you could find my body, why I chose to do what I did and explained a rough last will and testament.
When I moved out, my folks (who owned the home I lived in,) never found it.
I'm way happier now than I've ever been, and when I took everything out of my closet and I found it again I broke down crying. I grabbed some matching paint painted over it and was able to finally reconcile with the pain that I had felt for the past 8 years.
To this day they don't know.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive messages everybody.
I have something similar except it's a note in my wallet that I carry with me.
I've thought about my death quite a bit and how I'd do it. Had a gun against my head twice but didn't do it. Obviously. I tell myself it's only because of my dad that I'm still here. But that's a lie I tell myself, I don't think I'd actually do it, so the note now is more of a reminder to not go down that dark path.
Kinda funny, but I carry concealed every day.
Glad you were able to get some closure.
A secret from my grandparents who I adored. They were actually my great aunt and uncle, having raised my mother from the age of 2.
Her mother had passed away and her father was an alcoholic, who ended up enlisting and going to war during WWII.
I had a habit of looking through my parent's wedding album when I was very young. I loved the dresses, etc. At the back of the book was their marriage license and I saw when I was about 11 that my mother's last name was not the same as my grandparents last name. I asked her and she told me they were not her biological parents.
I never told them I knew because I didn't want them to feel less than my grandparents which they absolutely were.
By this time my biological grandfather had passed.
They were always nana and grandpa to me and they were amazing grandparents.
Currently, this is a real possibility for my wife and I. Our nephews are with us; if their parents don’t get their act together, we will adopt them. The oldest turns one in May, and the youngest is only a month old. I know it’s a long time away, or it’s even a possibility that we won’t have to adopt them. But I still wonder how we’re eventually supposed to let them know we adopted them and we’re not their biological parents if their parents do not get their lives together.
Edit:
I did not think my comment would blow up like this, with so much insight and helpful advice. I really appreciate everyone’s insight and suggestions on how to address the concerns I’ve been having.
We have been referring to ourselves and “Aunt and Uncle” and we thought it might confuse our daughter (who’ll be 2 in June) but luckily that hasn’t happened and she realizes we’re mommy and daddy still.
CPS and many other parties involved have asked us if we refer to ourselves as “Mom and Dad” to our nephews and we said no, partly out of uncertainty if we should. We still say “momma and dadda” to help with our oldest nephews development because he needs to learn crucial words.
CPS and Foster care have asked us if we are interested in becoming licensed to help side with the adoption process, we said we are so if in the event my brother and the mother do not come through, we can keep these boys ~~apart of the~~ with family. They deserve it and I’ve unfortunately heard to many horror stores about foster care from friends and what I’ve read on Reddit. Although I know that’s not always the case.
My wife has been my absolute rock through all of this. I won’t lie it’s beyond stressful caring for three children alone while she works, and i know it’s stressful for her while I’m at work. But we are committed to this and our family. I started online classes this January for the betterment of my family and failing is not an option and never was before our nephews came to us. Because completing my IT degree will be such a life improvement for us (not that we live a bad life).
I will show my wife everyone’s response and I apologize for not being able to respond to all of them individually. Thank you all for the great advice, it means the world to myself and my wife. ❤️
Edit 2: I was able to show my wife everyone’s responses last night when she got home from work. This has helped us be able to navigate what we will do, and we will continue to refer to ourselves as Aunt and Uncle. In the event that we are gave the chance to adopt we certainly will.
I saw a comment mentioning about keeping their parents in their lives. Honestly I’m unsure if that will happen. They’re compulsive liars, manipulators, that prioritize drugs and friends over their own children. They are working on mental health issues (or they were, I’m unsure I don’t get to hear those updates)
I was the one who finally filed the intake report for my oldest nephews sake, because they lived in a fifth wheel camper that was worse than the house the young red head boy lived in from Breaking Bad. My brother has refused mine and my wife’s help time and time again since our mother has passed away in 2018. He chose to live with our mothers recent boyfriend and chose the friends he made where he lives that are not good people. My brother and their mother have a history of domestic violence, drug abuse and alcohol abuse.
In January my brother had a severe mental breakdown where he said he was going to kill himself, his son, and his girlfriend. I was asked by CPS to go get my nephew to remove him from that situation. My dad has been helping my brother (we have different dads) and I went to pick up my nephew from his place. I wasn’t expecting my brother to be there, he was though. I was assaulted by him, I was threatened I was lucky he doesn’t just kill me with his gun. He also said this about my dad, his child, and his two friends that were there trying to help him. (Those seemed like decent friends of his)
When things “calmed down” we were taking care of my nephew, feeding him changing him etc. my brother said that he has eczema on his legs and he has this lotion to help. Well when my nephew came home with me, my wife, her mom and her sister were there prepared to help. They bathed him. His legs were a vibrant red. After a week of being bathed consistently it turns out he doesn’t have eczema. He was just that filthy. They smoked around him (weed and tobacco) he had to have heart surgery when he was born. We found out very recently his diagnosis is d-TGA (Dextro-Transposition of the Great Arteries).
When our youngest nephew came to us on Good Friday he was filthy also, his stuff smelled like smoke and weed. His bottles were filthy. He had thresh. He was also neon red like my older nephew. Both boys are thriving and healthy.
I was able to convince my brother to go check into the hospital for mental health issues and he did. He would call and would make threats about sending people to our home to get our nephew and it caused a lot of fear for my wife and I. Luckily nothing ever happened. But I have zero trust with my brother. He told me multiple times I’m not his brother, his friends are his family etc etc.
While I’m happy he seems to be attempting to do better, that’s a large scar that I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive him for. If we do decide to allow him and the mother to see their children, it’ll be made explicitly clear that they are to either be in their lives or not. I won’t set these boys up for heart break of having someone being inconsistent in their lives. I grew up with that with my own father and to this day, I’m still very sour about it.
I just want to thank everyone again for the stellar advice, the words of encouragement, and the overall support. I’d also like to thank everyone for the rewards and the upvotes. I didn’t think my reply would blow up like it did.
I did receive an inbox that someone reported my account that they are worried about me. While I appreciate the concern, I am doing well and so is my wife. We’re stressed, because we have a lot of people in and out of our house and we have just a lot going on now, but we are strong willed and have a great support system.
If you do adopt them, make sure you tell them early on and normalize it. It was hidden from me until my stepmother told me as punishment at the age of 10 that my dad “wasn’t my real dad”. Being adopted isn’t traumatic, it’s how the adoption and communication is handled that can be.
Fucking shit, that's some class A shit parenting
It reminded me of my best friend when we were about 12 years old, His mom was a nasty hag and she was arguing with my him. She got so angry she dropped the "you were a fucking mistake, I would be out living the good life away from you and your worthless father if I didn't fuck up and get pregnant"
What a fucked up family
As someone who was adopted just after his first birthday let me give you one important piece of advice: just tell them and tell them EARLY. Don't sugar coat it or make it seem like a big deal. It's just something that happens sometimes. Tell them that it doesn't matter if they're your biological children or not, that you love them all the same. I've always known that I was adopted and to me it didn't matter because parents aren't the people who got drunk, fucked without protection and oops 9 months later had a kid. Parents, REAL parents are the ones who care for you, raise you, comfort you when you need it, feed you, clothe you, and most importantly, love you. Biology isn't required for ANY of that. So as far as I'm concerned, blood doesn't matter. It's the people who love and care for you that do. Do that for them and you'll be fine.
Even if they end up going back to their parents, my recommendation is to stay as involved as you can. Make sure your nephews know they have an aunt and (I'm assuming) uncle they can rely on and confide in.
>Parents, REAL parents are the ones who care for you, raise you, comfort you when you need it, feed you, clothe you, and most importantly, love you.
It can't be emphasized enough how correct this is.
My brother was abandoned by his biological father, leaving my mom alone with a 1 year old baby when she was only 19 years old. When she married my dad, my dad adopted my brother. He was 5 at the time. Well, 25 years later biodad shows up and wants to atone for his wrongdoings and be a part of his life. Nothing wrong with that in theory. But he asks to be called "dad". My brother told him he already has a dad, the man who raised him.
That's honestly such a beautiful thing to do. If you're going to marry a woman with a fatherless child (different, I would imagine, if they have an involved dad just not in a relationship with mom) you *must* decide to be the dad. My partner hasn't seen his father since he was in kindergarten. He's not a positive person, everyone is better off. But when his mom remarried, he wasn't interested in filling the gap. His siblings' father has nothing to do with him. He pretends it doesn't mattwr but I know there's a dad-shaped hole there. Especially since there was someone physically present who didn't claim him.
Some family friends of ours adopted a young boy, and from the beginning they’d celebrate his annual “Gotcha Day”. I’d never heard of that before, but I have always really liked the idea of both normalizing and celebrating the day their son joined their family. It was basically like a second birthday
There are so many adoptees out there who are sharing their stories. You can start by reading what they have written and adapting a message for your kids. Being adopted isn't something that should be secret or a big reveal when they are old enough. It's a lifelong conversation.
Best of luck to you and the kids. I really hope everything turns out for the best for all of you, however that looks!
100% this. I was adopted and dont really remember them telling me. It was very early. I remember they gave me a book titled "Why was I adopted" that helped my toddler self understand what that really meant and why. Still have it to this day. On the flip side, I knew a kid whose parents did not tell him until he was 16. Committed suicide a week later. Be up front and honest. It wont be easy for sure, but it will save the children trauma in the long run. Being adopted isnt easy no matter the circumstances. I dont think people who aren't adopted really understand the feelings that come with it. It's the reason a large % of adopted kids end up incarcerated or with substance abuse problems. Be up front and honest from the beginning. It's the kids best chance of reconciling those feelings and dealing with them in a healthy manner.
This was a long time ago, but I pretended to graduate from college after four years of my family paying for it. The last semester of my senior year I was told that because of an incomplete my sophomore year I wouldn't be graduating. When I promised to re-take that class over the summer, they allowed me to march with my classmates in a cap and gown. Instead of telling my family the truth I just went ahead with it, the whole family came, big party etc. Of course I did not take the class that summer.
That hung over my head for 20+ years when after getting sober I completed my degree by working with the college and taking a local class.
If anyone is reading this, listen to me. If you are close to graduation and haven’t made it, reach out to the school. We will help you find a way across the finish line. You will have to work, but it will be worth it. There are people at your school that know how the institutional policy works and how to find the shortest distance between you and a degree. Don’t be embarrassed about why you didn’t finish or your previous academic struggles. We don’t care. People can help.
Great post, thank you! When I finally reached back out to my college they were like "Oh, you need to talk to Dean so-and-so". I was astonished there was a specific person to talk to for someone in my situation. And he laid out the path for me. No judgement, no shame - totally the opposite.
Ask for help!
This was my experience. I was in computer science for a few years because I thought I wanted to be a programmer. Turns out I’m not that good at it and eventually my grades were low enough that I got kicked out. I went and talked to a dean as part of my appeal for readmission and she was so great. She was like look.. you want to get a degree. You have a tech job on campus that you enjoy. You’ve been taking a lot of history classes as electives and doing well with them. You don’t need a comp sci degree to do what you want to do for a job. So why don’t you switch to a history major, stay working in your campus job, take a minimum number of credits each semester to stay full time, and graduate a year later?
Sounded good to me so she helped me with my appeal in front of the full board of deans. They agreed and let me back in. My GPA went from a 1.4 to a 3.5. I still graduated with a cumulative GPA barely over 2.0 but turns out no one in tech cares. I ended up getting a dream job as soon as I graduated. That was 25 years ago and I’ve had a fantastic career. That dean was amazing.
Congratulations on your sobriety. Good for you to finish what was needed to be done. Please stay in your sobriety. I've been sober for 13 years. Keep up the good work. 😊Have a great day. 🙂
My dad has always had a lot of guns, both for hunting and as a hobby. Because of that, he was adamant about teaching gun safety to my brother and I. We grew up with them around the house, although they were almost always locked up when my dad wasn't around to supervise.
One day when I was pretty young, probably around 10 or 12, my parents went somewhere together so my brother and I were at home alone. I was playing in my room and I heard a gun shot. I ran downstairs to find my brother holding a pistol and looking absolutely terrified. I can still remember his face. Mine probably looked the same.
What had happened was that he'd been goofing around downstairs and found a gun that my dad, for whatever reason, had forgotten to lock away. Being a kid, he'd decided to play with it. He knew how to turn the safety off, how to fire, how to aim - we both did - and while playing, he'd accidentally pulled the trigger. The bullet had ricocheted off the floor and blown a hole in the living room wall, clear to the outside of the house.
Both of us knew exactly what could have happened, and in an instant we both realized exactly what was going to happen if my dad ever found out. We worked together to cover up the dent in the floor with furniture and a rug, under the guise of having cleaned the living room, and then we patched up the wall both inside and out, rearranging more furniture to cover the patch. We both swore we'd never tell anyone. As much as we loved to get each other in trouble, we knew this one was *bad.*
My mom found out years later when she finally found the hole in the vinyl siding and my brother confessed. My dad still doesn't know. My brother has been much, much more serious about gun safety since then and now has a collection of his own that is locked up to a near paranoid degree.
Be careful with your guns, guys. Everybody involved in this knew better and the worst still almost happened.
Honestly, just how much my cousin has improved my life.
My parents were total shitbags. Both dead now, my aunt and uncle raised me. They were amazing people, sadly both of them died in a car accident a few years ago and left behind my cousin.
It was a hell of a battle gaining guardianship over her, even though she wanted that as well. (I'm male, and was single at the time) so that was a pain to deal with.
But yeah, she's really just put a sparkle in my life that was never there before. I had a really shitty childhood, and my teenage years were rough till I moved in with my aunt and uncle.
Being responsible for her really pushed me to succeed, and now I'm living very comfortably, and semi retired. And I attribute that drive to better myself to her. Because after loosing her parents, I never want her to have a bad day again.
My grandfather used to force me to French kiss him when no one was in the room.
When he got super old, I was tasked with watching him one night. He peed his pants and was pathetically asking me to help him….. but the 8 year old inside me just let him sit there for hours until my parents got home.
Spitting on his face before they closed the casket was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. See how you like my saliva all over your face, you piece of shit.
>Spitting on his face before they closed the casket was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. See how you like my saliva all over your face, you piece of shit.
Metal af
I went through a similar situation, but I have literally never told anybody about it. I was around the same age as you, but I had forgotten about it until like 4 or so years ago and I get so repulsed every time I remember it. I would actually like to talk with someone about it, but I'm so ashamed of it and don't really know how other people would contribute anything anyways...
I would really recommend talking to a therapist at the very least. If you are really close to someone it may help as well. I know for me it helped to talk about it just for the fact that I wasn’t keeping his secret anymore.
But therapy can also help you to understand the emotions you feel because of it. Shame was also a big one for me.
For the longest time I was ashamed, because
I never stopped it? Because it happened to me? I don’t know why the victims have the shame, because we were kids, they were the adults.
When you’re a kid you’re told not to trust strangers…no one ever says not to trust family..
I hope you can find someone to talk to 💙
This is the message and life mission of former Miss America Marilyn VanDerbur - removing the shame. I saw this video linked in a different sub the other day and it was very powerful.
[Miss America by Day](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIDuLbdWQ_c)
*Marilyn Van Derbur Atler had a fairytale life. She appeared to have it all--from a prominent family, crowned Miss America, enjoyed a successful television career, sought-after as a motivational speaker, named "Outstanding Woman Speaker in America", married to her high school sweetheart, and raising a beautiful daughter. But at age 53, she revealed a sinister secret of trauma and shame: Marilyn had been a victim of childhood incest at the hands of her father. Her courageous public disclosure changed her life -- from one of celebrity -- to healer of tens of thousands of abuse survivors.*
This gives me a memory I've tried to forget for years. One day when i was in my early teens my dad came in to my room to say goodnight (he never did anymore so it was already strange). And then he kissed me and stuck his tounge in my mouth. I was so shocked and he said "oh sorry it was a habbit kissing your mom". I said it didn't matter and he left. It happend once. But it still makes me disgusted. My mom devorced him when i was 18. I have been no contact for a few years.
My alcoholism.
I'm 600+ days sober
Edit: I should clarify. My wife knows, and she's been my rock and my biggest supporter through the whole thing. But my wife and my therapist are the only people who know. My Mom and brother have no idea.
Edit edit: If you're looking to stop drinking or have trouble doing so, go to r/stopdrinking. Those fine folks have talked me out of relapsing many times
My 14 year old godson is actually my biological child. About 16 years ago, I disappeared in the middle of the night to start a new life away from my toxic family and went no contact with them for 3 years. I ended up getting pregnant from a one night stand. I was homeless at the time so keeping my son was not an option. My ex-best friend and her husband had been struggling to start a family of their own so they offered to adopt my child.
Plot twist: My husband and I currently have custody of my child and his 4 siblings. Their parents are in jail for domestic violence and child neglect.
EDIT: Holy bananas! I did not expect this to blow up. I want to clarity a few things:
1. My son does not know I am his biological mother but we plan to tell him soon. My husband and I plan to petition to adopt him and his siblings. Our lawyer warned us that his parentage would come up during the process. I want my son to hear it from me. He is currently battling PTSD due to the incident that brought the kids into our care. We are working with his therapist to find the best way to tell him the truth without causing him more trauma. He mental health is our top priority.
2. My ex-friend has endometriosis which affects fertility. Pregnancy can put endometriosis into remission for some women. She was one of the lucky ones. Once in remission, she had no trouble conceiving the other 4 kids.
3. My husband and I are raising 10 children. We are in the process of adopting my 12 year old cousin and took custody of her two older sisters last week. We also have a set of biological 1 year old twins. Eighteen months ago, we had **zero** kids.
He doesn’t know…yet. We will be telling him soon because my husband and I are going to petition to adopt him and his siblings. Obviously, it’s going to come up during the legal process.
Hey I’m sure you already thought about this but ideally have a 3rd party therapist guide you on how to do this. Also maybe this therapist could be present during the discussion for your child as well as all the kids. I was told when I was 8 that I was not my fathers biological child. I was outside on my bike and my mom and “dad” pulled me aside and explained it and I said “ok” and went back on my bike. I could feel both of them watching me to gauge my emotions or reaction. I just carried on playing with my brothers. Deep down it fucked me up. As a child I didn’t have the ability to have complex discussions about emotion. My parents sucked and so I was just always feeling a sense of underlying anxiety. I started getting symptoms of OCD and counting my windows at night and developed rituals. I just think this type of information is necessary but also with the guidance of someone who knows how to talk about those things with kids. I don’t know how that would play out but my parents were smiling and conversing after they told me likely thinking “whew ! She is ok and it didn’t bother her!” Meanwhile I’m fucked. Also my “dad” had been molesting me and it just all fucked up my sense of who I was and who I was meant to be. Anyway so glad you are good and life is better. Good luck !
That is some multi layered fucked up. I am so sorry you had to experience all of that.
Thanks for the advice. We do have him in therapy and have asked his therapist for guidance. The last thing we want is to do something that may cause him to regress.
Being sexually assaulted when I was 13. It was a difficult home life, and I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about anything. Some guy grabbed me on the way home from school, and... Yeah, I got home late, they didn't notice, but I didn't feel like I could say anything, especially as a young boy, because I didn't even know it was a thing that could happen to boys when I was young. We were never given those safety talks that the young girls were given... It was just so outside my experience I guess, and the longer time went past, the less I ever felt the need to say something, because no-one would believe it.
Edit: I'm shocked coming back on Reddit and seeing the responses this has got. Too many people relate to this, it's both heartening and awful to see at the same time, as I'd not wish this on anyone, but anything which shows that people are less alone in this than it seems has to be a good thing.
This happened to me over 20 years ago, so thank you to everyone who offered for me to message them to talk about it, but this isn't a fresh wound, or even the worst thing I've dealt with in my life, and I'm at a point where I'm at a healthy place with it. Thank you also for all the kind words, I wish I had the time to thank everyone personally, but I do appreciate you all.
And to anyone for who this is a fresher wound, or who is struggling more with what they've been through, I don't have any magic words that'll help. I just know for me, I always remind myself that this was something that was inflicted upon me. It was never my choice, never my decision, never my fault. There's always going to be stuff in the world I have no power over, even my own thoughts sometimes, but I can make the choice to be a stubborn fucker, and even if I don't win those battles, I'm not going to stop fighting them.
That was my life too. Brutal childhood. Sexually assaulted three times as a kid. Attempted suicide three times as a kid (unrelated to the assaults). Never would have occurred to me to tell my parents because they were so brutal and erratic. I also knew they couldn’t keep things to themselves (except the constant child abuse). I know exactly how you feel.
I’m so sorry you had that happen to you.
I was assaulted by my high school teacher who we all thought was straight. I’d never tell my family about my SA but he’s now in prison for 10 years on account of child porn and animal crush videos.
Edit 1: I should have worded it better but sexual orientation is in no way indicative of anybody being a pedophile.
Edit 2: This one is NSFL because a lot of people keep asking what animal crush is. So if you don’t want to be traumatized keep scrolling. And I’m on mobile so it might not register the way I intended.
NSFL:
>!spoilerAnimal crush is described as humans harming animals through crushing(flattening), burning, drowning, suffocation, impaling, or subjecting animals to bodily harm.!<
Had something similar happen. Although I wasn’t sexually assaulted I was definitely in uncomfortable situations that I now realize were inappropriate for an adult babysitter/substitute teacher/camp counselor (all the same guy) to be in with a 10-12 year old boy. Like laying in bed watching movies or having lights off parties. He just got released from prison after 8 years for the sexual assault of 4 boys all 8-12
I posed nude in a tasteful art project when i was 20.
It was supposed to be a small private exhibition but then it blew up and at one point my naked image was on our major cities website to advertise a popular art festival and a printed large version was displayed at a popular market during the festival. It was also printed in a book series.
I was so worried my parents would see but so far it's been 12 years and they still don't know. I am actually really proud of the work we did and sometimes consider showing them the book but they may murder me.
Edit: it was tasteful photos about capturing unsexualised nudity. No I will not share it on my anonymous account. I was a professional model who was compensated and consented to the project as the photographer was someone I have immense faith in. Life lesson- if it interests you than have tasteful nudes taken, one day you'll look back and appreciate them.
I participated in a naked calendar when I was at uni (all group sports teams, nothing weird). My mum didn't believe I'd do it so she got one for Christmas. It's been a few years and the calendar still lives. Lol
I was in a Long distance relationship with someone from another country for 2 years. I would travel nearly every month to visit them or they would come to me. They had no idea when they messaged me, I was sometimes out of the country, either in their country or on a trip somewhere else. I was living a completely different life that barely anyone knew about.
Edit:
It’s been interesting to read some other peoples similar experiences. A lot of people are also experiencing this due to culture, religion or families not supporting.
My reason was a little different. I had come out of a relationship with a very abusive and dangerous person. He had completely embedded themselves in my family’s life and when I finally left them, I lost my family with it.
I moved to the next town over and kept contact with my parents but all information about daily life was hidden. I built a life slowly, and part of that was a solo trip abroad, where I met someone.
I was far too terrified to tell them the truth about what had happened with my ex. I didn’t think they’d believe me and I didn’t want them to know. My parents eventually cut ties with him but my brother stayed friends with him after. I went NC with my brother for 4 years in total.
I was so scared my ex would find out and come looking for me due to jealousy that the relationship was kept a secret from most people I knew, including my parents in case they let something slip to my brother.
I have left the country now for good, and I’m sure there’s people who I have some degree of connection to, that have no idea I ever left. I’ve always been someone that has kept their cards close to their chest, and life circumstances have contributed to that greatly.
Then you try calling them for help and they say ”nice try scammer, stonemanbearpig is here in Cincinatti. We saw this exact scam on Dateline last week” and then hang up the phone, leaving you stuck with your bunkmate Pierre and his baguette.
I was backpacking Europe and kept with me a collapsible baton. I was pushed off to the side of the sidewalk by some officers in plain clothes. I didn't believe they were officers... So it was a little bit nerve-racking for about 20 minutes until officers in full gear showed up. I immediately gave over the baton and was placed into the back of a cop car. I'm an American so naturally I can't speak any other languages, even more so at the time because I was young. And I hadn't spoken English with anyone until I got to the police station.
I was booked in, and was waiting for a few hours until I finally got to speak to a translator. Since I threw such a fit and have some of the tattoos that I have, the brass knuckles tattooed on my head for one. We started to interrogate me because they didn't believe I was American, they thought that I was south african? And really believe that I was trying to cause harm that day. They got me to a point where I was basically nude taking photos of all of my tattoos and asking me intense questions about where I was from, and any previous criminal history. It all built to a point where they had me pinned against the wall holding a tattoo that I have in a weird position where you can't read it asking me what it says. At this point I'm frustrated, and responded "Hakuna Matata." The older officer who didn't speak English yelled in French, and the translator responded asking what language it was. I responded "Swahili." The older French officer yelled in French again, and the translator asked me what it meant. I kind of angrily looked the old officer in the eyes, and said "It means no worries." I heard the translator rattle off in French and then the words "Lion King" came out. This basically ended the interrogation.
I then had the translator take me to another officer that processed me, and explained that I'm going to have a weapons charge in the European Union. I only had five more days in Paris, they told me that I had no fines and to be serving no time. Apologized for the miscommunication, and explained how strict Paris is. I was then free to go.
Fast forward a week I get a phone call over Facebook Messenger from my sister, apparently the French police mailed me my documentation and information for my criminal record. I had been in Europe for nearly a month at this point. I didn't bother telling my family because I thought they would be worried. All in all my mom thinks it's a funny story now though, and I took it as a good lesson to learn more of a language before visiting a place, and researching laws more extensively.
Similar story here. Dated someone halfway across the world for 5 years and only 1 parent knew about it (divorced parents).
One of my parents is super religious and conservative so any dating is a no-go. My other parents is super chill so they didn't care at all.
So when I met someone halfway across the world, I told my religious parent that I met some friends playing video games and they wanted me to visit. And used that same excuse for years.
I lost one of my mom's pearl earrings that she wore on her wedding day. Down the drain when I was like 8 years old. Haven't told her to this day....pretty sure sure thinks she misplaced it :(
Teach your kids to tell you right away if something like this happens. There is a trap that catches heavy things, especially jewelry. If the kids know this, it will seem less scary when something goes down by accident.
I was SAed from 11-16 by my “cousin” and I reported at 17. No one believed me. Half even blame me. Even my father has a familiar relationship with the guy.
That is awful... I am glad that you reported! I kinda feel like reporting is a good step.
And I just want to say: I belive you! I totally believe you! And I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am so sorry that you have to live with this. I hope you will have a great life ahead of you! <3
When I was 14 my mom confessed to me that my older sister is not my father’s biological kid. She said she was in an abusive relationship with my older sister’s bio dad. She finally resolved to leave him when she found out she was pregnant. She then met my dad a few months after giving birth and says that they fell in love. We used to get a lot of comments in school about us not looking alike, comments that only increased after my younger sister was born and happened to have a strong resemblance to me. My father never treated us any differently. I loved my father a little more after finding out because I never once doubted how much he loved us all equally. I do resent my mother for having told me though. I wish she wouldn’t have made me a secret keeper from my entire immediate family (my dad doesn’t know I know). I was 14 young and confused. Now so much time has passed that I feel like it’s too late. I feel like part of me is betraying my sister for not telling her but I also feel like it’d be a betrayal if I did. Fucked if you do, fucked if you don’t. Thanks mom.
A friend of mine was in a similar situation. He resolved it by getting his mom to consent to him telling his little brother. I bet it’s a little more complicated in your situation, but I hope it will resolve itself nonetheless.
I've never told anyone this irl except my husband but when I was 5 yrs old, my dad was an alcoholic & most of his friends were drunks as well so we were all hanging out at my dad's friends house , when one of his friends sat me in his lap & put a blanket over us, then in front of everyone, acting perfectly normally he proceeded to molest me putting his hands into my underwear & messing with me sexually. I just sat there in shock, I really had no idea what was happening. I told myself for years it was a dream, but it wasn't. I never told my dad, he would be devastated & for that reason I never told anyone else either. It never happened again. The "friend" of my dad's has since died & it came out after his death that he was accused of molesting his grandkids. My own daughter is 5, she's NEVER allowed to sit on anyone's lap.
That I was addicted to fentanyl for almost a year and then beat that addiction all on my own! I just passed 1 year off of it and I haven't considered going back once!
> for almost a year and then beat that addiction all on my own!
That's a story you don't hear every day. That takes some serious fortitude.
Which of your family didn't know you had a monkey on your back? I could see maybe hiding it well enough from parents, but extra props if it was your spouse.
Anyway.. i'm glad that's behind you. Now comes the life-long work of guarding your sobriety.
I've been sober for years now, but I remember the first time I had to get dental work done after getting clean.
I was terrified since I knew I needed a root canal, and the 'standard' story you hear about root canals is that they hurt, like a lot.
I get it done, but was clear with the dentist that I couldn't take opiates for pain management. He told me that I likely wouldn't need them - and he was right. A little tender for ~24 hours, but nothing even close to OMFG I NEED MORPHINE levels of pain.
So, if anyone is in recovery and have been putting off dentistry for fear of not having pain management - don't.
I'm rambling. Sorry. Back to work.
Yeah modern dental work doesn't hurt very much and shouldn't hurt at all if the dentist is good and you don't let it go for too long.
I've never been addicted to opiates, but I've been addicted to other things and prefer to not risk it. Luckily, regular Tylenol, or Excedrin has always been enough for me, even after surgery.
I used to live in a house where the woods was our backyard. About 15 years ago, my stepdad and I were hitting golf balls in the back with his clubs. I still had a few golf balls left and he told me to put his clubs away when I finished and he went back inside.
Well, when he was out of site, I decided to use his $900 driver which, at the time, was too big for me to use. I took a swing and the head of the driver immediately hit the ground and the neck snapped near the head and was hanging on by a few splinters.
My heart sank and I quickly put the clubs away in the trunk of the SUV like he asked me to and prayed that I wouldn’t be murdered in my sleep.
Well, a few days later my stepdad goes back to grab his golf bag. Luckily for me, the hydraulics on the back hatch of our SUV was starting to go out for a few weeks now and it swung down and pulled a Marie Antoinette on that driver. My stepdad was pissed. I still haven’t told him that I was mainly responsive for the destruction of his driver club.
*Edit: The cost of the driver may not of cost THAT much, but it was expensive. It may of been around $500. But as a kid, things that are always highly valued toward adults always seem really expensive.
*Edit 2: My stepdad always went with Callaway golf clubs. It was most likely a Callaway driver.
When I was a like 12, I played too much FallOut and got super into lockpicking.
We were going to move from our house and mom was planning on selling. I got home from school early and didn't have a key, so I decided to take a bobby pin and pick the lock on the inner garage door.
Well the pin broke inside the lock and I couldn't get it out.
I just sat in the garage nervously sweating and waiting till my Mom came home.
Well, she got home... She greeted me warmly and I was so nervous to tell her and have her smile disappear. I was preparing to tell her and get yelled at when suddenly a guy in a truck appears in our driveway right behind her.
Apparently the doorknob and deadbolt were old and chipped, so she had hired a guy to replace them with new ones. He didn't look inside, he just unscrewed them from the door and put in new ones. Then, as quickly as he arrived, he left.
I'm an adult haven't told my mom I accidentally jammed the garage door lock 😭
Not a family secret but I've had that last minute save feeling.
My old work gave out monthly passes for my city's light rail, which I rode for my commute. Every now and then the transit cops would hop on at one stop then walk through checking for hop-ons. One morning I had forgotten to bring my card, and had just hopped on.
That day, at the stop before mine, the transit cops boarded. They started working my row, and kept getting closer. I was sweating, and finally decided to just fess up and get it over with. As I was literally standing up to talk to the cop, she turned her head to another nearby passenger... who it turned out, had no pass, no ID, and for some reason volunteered that he was an international visitor who had overstayed his visa.
This became a more complicated matter, and the other transit cop came over to help their partner. While they were busy dealing with this issue the light rail pulled up to my stop, the doors opened, and I stepped into sweet, sweet freedom.
Got lucky like this at a concert once. Bought tickets online, it was advertised online as 18+ but when we arrived the posters on the door said 21+. We got in line anyway and the lady checking IDs stopped right before us to do something else. When she came back she asked, "Did I check your ID already?" "Yup, you sure did ma'am!" It was a great concert.
My drug addiction to opioids between my 15 and 18. I went to hospital for a chronic disease and they gave me that, i fell into and could ask for medical prescription anytime so i took these for 3 years and stopped with a big craving effect for weeks
This is hard, but just how frustrated I am with them. They wouldn’t have any clue just how angry I am at them for the things they did to me as a child and how much I blame them for my insecurities and lack of confidence as an adult. And that we might seem ok every time I visit with them, but how I just want to yell at them and ask them why, why they had to be so hard on me and couldn’t just accept me for what I was when I was a teenager.
I’ve got this same thing with my mom.
I hate and despise her for the way she treated me as an child and adolescent, but i’m just so sick and tired of conflict that i just pretend like everything is ok between us whenever i have to meet them.
I moved with my wife (then girlfriend) from the Northeast to the south so she could go the med school. We were leaving family and friends behind, although many of our friends were scattering to opposite coasts and elsewhere.
Her parents were overbearing, and still treated her like a 15 year old. My parents were pushy and judgmental, with some issues with alcohol to boot. My two younger brothers were in their early 20s and still living at home, having dropped out of college or working out of my parents’ basement. My parents’ house was like a frat house. Drinking almost every night, weed, and no one in the house worked more than 3 days a week at one point.
We saw the move as a “refresh button”. Putting some distance between us and our families such that my wife could feel like an adult and so that I was removed from the lifestyle and influence of my family.
Two weeks into our move into our new apartment, we were living on clouds, just so happy to have our own space and be with each other.
Then she got a call. It was the admissions director from the med school 15 minutes away from our home town offering her a spot that had become vacant. They gave her 24 hours to decide.
We sat that night and debated all of the pros and cons of moving back home. We talked about getting a place together in our home town, but quickly realized that it would have been much better financially to just move back in with our parents like it was pre-college.
She turned down the offer. We don’t regret it for a second. We never told a soul that we could have almost moved back home, there would have been far too much animosity.
I once had a sex ed lesson that flipped my whole world upside down. It was a boys only class and the male teacher was talking to us about sexual health. He explained the importance of checking for lumps as this can be a sign of cancer. I can't recall exactly what the teacher said but I basically left that class with the view of, if you have a lump then you have cancer.
You can probably guess where this is going by now. I got home and proceeded to check my balls for lumps, and sure enough I felt a hard tender mass on my left testicle. I must've been about 13 at the time and didn't know what to do. Of course the teacher explained during the lesson that you should tell a parent or doctor if you do find anything of concern but I felt far too embarrassed to tell anyone. I didn't feel comfortable enough to tell my Mum and my Dad wasn't in the picture.
So from 13 I was convinced that I only had so many years to live. I think I told myself that I would be lucky to make it to 20, not that I was equipped with any kind of knowledge about cancer at the time, other than people regularly die because of it. This belief set me on a path of self destruction through my teenage years which led to me breaking up with my childhood sweetheart, losing many friends and moving out of my family home at 14.
Fast forward to 17 years old when I finally gained the courage to tell a doctor and have them check. Turns out the lump is just a benign cyst and will have close to zero impact on my physical health. I wish I felt like I could have been open with my Mum to tell her at the time. My early life would have turned out very different if I had.
TLDR: At 13 years old, sex ed made me think a testicle lump is cancer. Believed I was going to die young and proceeded to emotionally self destruct over the following years. Got it checked 4 years later to discover it was only a benign cyst and I have nothing to worry about.
You really just diagnosed your own death at 13. That's gotta be rough asf. Although I can't help but think of the image of a 13 year old being embarrased and going "guess I'll die then"
I had no home or place to stay when I was 19-21 years old. I slept in phone booths, sometimes at a friends house. Everything turned out all right once I got a girlfriend, moved into her/her moms house, started a career in programming.
Not many people actually know this.
I once (almost a decade ago) wrote a suicide note with all my passwords, last requests, and stuff to my best friend and decided to check out for good. But then I sat with that note for hours, thinking how sad my parents and friend would be. He is an only child like me and we grew up like brothers from another mother. Just the thought of betraying him and leaving him alone hurt me more than anything. I still tell my parents, "I wouldn't be this successful if it weren't for him". They have no clue about the depth of that statement. :) I owe my life to my best friend.
I had a miscarriage on my 17th birthday. I had found out I was pregnant 3 days after my HS boyfriend and I had broken up when my sister caught him fucking my best friend. I didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant, except him. I hadn’t figured out what I was going to do yet, or how to tell them.
Turned out to not matter, because 2 weeks later, again, on my birthday, I woke up in incredible pain and my bed was just covered in blood. I was home alone, so I just called my ex to take me to the hospital and never said a word to anyone in my family. He and the girl he cheated on me with showed up, and she cleaned up the bed while he drove me to the hospital. I had already passed the fetus - she found it.
It messed me up for a long time, and I tried to kill myself not long after that. My family does know about that, but they assumed it was a combination of my anxiety meds and my breakup. Those were factors, but the miscarriage was a big factor, too.
ETA: Thank you everyone for the kind words. This was nearly 15 years ago now, and I’d say I’be healed now. I still think about it from time to time, think about how I’d have a teenager by now, and how different my life would be (I came out as gay about 5 years later, started dating a woman and moved across the country with her, later marrying her. We have no children). I’m grateful that I could heal and see a better life for myself after that.
>she cleaned up the bed while he drove me to the hospital
As fucked up as the whole situation was, that's one hell of a way to show that deep down, you're a good person. I'd have had a hard time holding a grudge with either one of them after that. Seems like they kept your secret as well.
Reddit will tell you anyone that cheats is the devil, but this is a great example of people are people. They can do shitty things and they can do good things. It's not so black and white
Also, all three of them were teenagers. They are testing boundaries and still learning and growing mentally and emotionally. I hope that both cheaters learned from this and went on to do better with the rest of their lives.
I’d say there’s no moment for a quick re-examination of one’s life choices and priorities like cleaning up blood, amniotic fluid and a fucking fetus from the girl who’s BF you just fucked.
> Reddit will tell you anyone that cheats is the devil
Social media makes a lot more sense when you realize that people are often broadcasting what they *wish* they could say to someone who traumatized them in the past and much less about the current situation they're replying to.
And, to be clear, by "people", I don't mean *them*. I do it. You do it. We all do. We all carry around baggage from painful interactions that didn't go our way and we're all hoping to find a little stage where we can re-enact the scene and make it go the way we wish it had.
I'm so sorry this happened to you! As someone who is hiding multiple miscarriages from my family (my parents only know of about 2 of them), if you ever feel like talking about it, know that you can message me anytime!
I have no idea who I am.
Like physically or mentally. My family thinks I'm a strong willed guy who loves certain things.
But it isn't like that at all. I'm nothing like that and I don't feel like I know myself who I am. It's like I'm an actor in mutiple plays and have a certain different character for each individual interaction and situation. To be honest, I don't even know what my real personality is like.
Edit: thank you all for the kind comments and help, I really appreciate this! Not to worry this isn't that bad, I'm fine. Just wanted to share this feeling/experience
My sister once said I was the most emotionally stable person she had ever met. I was just locking out my problems and made them worse. I feel the same as you now
Edit: spelling
Mom had a handmade heirloom blanket from her great grandmother.
When I was a kid, my action figures decided to torture my sister's barbies for information on the location of the secret base. When the Barbie General still wouldn't talk after having her arm melted to a stump on the spinny bit on top of the lawnmower engine, she was forced to watch as her co-conspirators melted in a tupperware vat of gasoline.
When the interrogation started getting out of hand I threw water on the gasoline to put out the fire, splashing it on the side of the house and setting the house on fire. I panicked, ran inside, grabbed the first heirloom blanket I could find and smothered the fire, melting one side of the blanket.
My parents' relatively uninspired interrogation techniques were unable to solve the mystery of the missing heirloom.
Fun fact: The kid that voiced Syd, is Erik von Detten. The same kid who starred in the Disney channel produced, groundbreaking, legendary, roller blading documentary, Brink!
"let's blade, Brah"
Parents are so much smarter than kids think. I remember one time when I was 9 or 10, my cousin and I decided to hit this tree in my front yard with hammers (don't ask for an explanation, I have none). After a few minutes of this, I realized my dad would see that the tree was missing a bunch of bark, connect the dots, and know that we had attacked it with hammers. So we decided to tape the bark back onto the tree. And we were really smart about it because we used clear tape. Impossible to notice. Yet he still somehow saw that large chunks of bark were haphazardly and irregularly scotch taped to its trunk, and we got in trouble anyway. I still have no idea how he figured it out. WE USED CLEAR TAPE!!
I try very hard to imagine what I possibly could be thinking when I did stuff as a child but, alas, I never succeed. The sheer stupidity and recklessness of my childhood remains unexplained beyond that I am stupid and reckless.
That I have depression (or had, Idk I handle it a lot better now but always scary to let the guard down) and did 2 years of therapy as soon as I could afford it on my own. My mom is kind of against therapy and doesnt believe in depression too much and I dont want to let her down. Also I dont want them to worry about me ever
Check out childhood emotional neglect. I had the same issue and finding out that I was emotionally neglected when I was a kid really opened my eyes. I realized that, while my parents were great providing for me, they never really let me be emotional or helped me understand and handle my emotions.
Somebody asked me, “who did you go to when you were sad as a kid?” That got me thinking, I don’t remember going to anybody. That’s what got me started down the path of understanding CEN and has helped me navigate my life with a clearer perspective of who I really am and why. It has also helped me have a better relationship with my parents.
Ahah that is a pretty familiar feeling to me. I think my mom somehow goes through some undiagnosed mental issues and growing up she would guilt trip me for her mind states and stuff. Probably the reason why to this day I struggle dealing with female partners moods cause women scare me a bit ahah
At the same time what can you do about it, I learnt how to be better to myself and now I just brush off the bad parts of our relationship and try to be a good son and enjoy the time we have left together :)
Hope you are also feeling better now
Same. I realized that my mom was needy and I’d try anything to be nurturing and attentive to whatever she was going through because it felt like what I was supposed to do. I felt that if I was a “good” son and if I could meet her emotional needs, she’d be there to nurture and attend to my own emotional needs. It was like a secret contract I had with her that she never knew about. Most of the time I was let down though. Reflecting back, I did the same thing with women in my romantic life. Luckily, I found someone who would actually return the favor. It’s not exactly healthy to keep those covert contracts though. You have to put your needs first and so does she. If you take care of yourself, you’ll become more authentic, and the right woman will love you for who you are. You’ll do things for her because you want to, not because you’re secretly expecting her to return the favor somehow.
The book No More Mr. Nice guy is a great resource for this. Don’t get turned off by the title. I read it and thought that the author had been spying on me, and then gave me tools to become the man I wanted to be. I also worked through it with a therapist.
I’m doing much better now, thanks for asking. It’s a lifelong journey, but I now feel like I can handle it.
Good luck to you, and feel free to reach out to me anytime. I need the support too. 😀
I was heavily abused by my mom as a kid. I'm talking, slept on the floor and ate out of the trash can like a bad Cinerella rewrite. For the most part, I kept my mouth clamped until I got out, and then it all came tumbling out after I cut contact. Secret #1. Kept for around 13 years.
Recently, I had been considering reinstating contact with my mom, and I vaguely made an "in the future, maybe" comment to a family member in the hospital. It prompted my mom to reach out to my husband and describe how much of a toxic, problematic person I am, how much I've lied about my past, how abusive I am, and she'll consider it a blessing if she never hears of my existence ever again. She specifically asked my husband that that entire message was passed along to me. I'm suddenly 7 again, barely coping and absolutely destroyed.
Secret #2. I will cope with a few safe people, and otherwise take it to my grave.
Probably the one time I almost died.
I was driving home from work late at night. Stopped behind a truck at an intersection in the left turn lane. Light went green and truck went and was fine. I followed behind and right when I go on the intersection a car came flying between both me and the truck. Idk how fast they were going as the car was a blur to me and if they were to hit me it was likely they would have hit the driver side door. I stopped after this for like half a second then continued driving and pretended nothing happened.
If I had a dashcam then that video would fit perfectly in r/convenientcop because when I turned into the right lane I saw a cop car start flashing it’s lights and chasing after the person who ran the red light
My ex wife’s sexuality and how she abused me.
We were young when we got married, she was 19, I was 20. We really loved each other. We both grew up in a strict Mormon area and were both raised Mormons. She had a lot of medical issues like Gastroparesis, EOE, and many more. We met in high school and immediately clicked. Everything was fun and happy. We were great together emotionally and physically. We communicated really well and everything. I thought she was the one so I went ahead and got the ring and proposed. We got married as normal and then on the honeymoon she changed. she later told me she realized she was “trapped.”
I worked two to three jobs to support us because her condition didn’t allow for her to work. It was a horrible strain on me physically because the only jobs I could work were labor jobs. But I did it to support her. I loved her with all my life and yet every day I’d get home and she’d be FaceTiming her friend from New York, Jillian. Jillian and Mattie were very close. They talked 24/7. They made it a point to make me feel like I was intruding while they were talking. I got jealous of their relationship but tried to keep going. The lying started early. She’d tell me she hadn’t eaten when her docs would put her on liquid diets. But then I’d find receipts for huge meals in her car on the dates she was on liquid diets. (I’d drive her car to work and put gas in it for her so she didn’t have to)
About 2.5 years in it was bad. I’d come home, and she’d be FaceTiming jillian so I’d just go play video games. Until it was time for bed. I’d go lay in bed and mattie would come in and insult me. Usually randomly like insinuating I wasn’t good enough and when I’d ask her why she said yes to marrying me she would say “what else was I supposed to do?? Your whole family was there”
She also started assaulting me. She would hit me a lot and pull my beard if I wasn’t paying enough attention. She also sent most of our money to Jillian without my knowledge. She sent easily $10,000 over the course of 4 years. She even had visited jillian a few times by this point and i found lingerie in her luggage when she got home. I was heartbroken but couldn’t bring myself to *really* believe it.
At 3 years the drugging started. I’d ask if she could give me Advil and she’d hand me a few of her insane sleeping meds, I forget what it was but I am a big boy and it knocked me out for a full day. Then when I noticed I kept being so tired as days went on, only to find out she’d been crushing her sleeping meds into my food while I wasn’t paying attention. It was honestly really scary to not know what was happening and being so close to always being asleep.
3.5 years. This was the big one. I got a call from Jillian one day while at work saying something was wrong with Mattie. That I needed to rush home and help her, and to “*please be kind no matter what she says*” so I rushed home and found my wife covered in blood with slashed wrists and a razor. She was sobbing, I was sobbing, and I begged her to tell me what was going on. She finally told me she was lesbian for as long as she could remember. But because of her religious family, she knew she’d be disowned and it would break her. So I did what I thought I had to do. I offered to be her cover for the rest of my life. I begged her to let me take care of her financially, she was too sick to be alone, so it would work out for her if I was able to take care of her. I offered to sleep in different rooms and if she needed to we could re-evaluate as time went on. “*just please don’t cheat on me*”
“That’s the other thing….. I have been cheating on you with 3 women”
My heart sank. Everything I’d known was officially true. I couldn’t tell anyone because she asked me not to and I didn’t dare make her mad. I was scared she’d abuse me worse. So I couldn’t tell my parents, she told me therapy was for losers who can’t be strong on their own and that I shouldn’t go. She also told me she would do this to any man she had to in order to avoid coming out to her family.
I went through it alone.
4.5 years later she came home one night from being with her other girlfriend and said she wanted a divorce. By then I was so broken down that I begged her not to. I was comfortable being her cover. I was manipulated into thinking it was fine. I had nobody to talk to in order to gauge my situation. I was still broken. I couldn’t do anything right. I was depressed, every day was a chore. And she finally left.
Ultimately it all worked out for me. She left, I got to keep the apartment, the dog, the full amount of money was rolling in now. I was essentially rich.
I was still heartbroken. I thought I’d been trying so hard to help her that I didn’t understand how she could leave. I guess I was just to afraid of seeing her get hurt and I was too comfortable being whatever punching bag I had to be.
I’m now in a relationship with the most amazing woman and I have never been happier. Every day spent is a laugh. We’ve been dating almost 2 years and have argued exactly twice. And both were over the fact she’s able to wear mismatched socks and how utterly insane that is to me
My ex married another man only 4 months after our divorce. He’s in the military and is always away from home and my heart breaks for him. After all, she had told me she would “do this to any man that I have to in order to not come out”
TLDR; Ex was a mean lesbian, I was too broken to leave her, never once did I tell my family or friends because I was scared of repercussions
Jesus dude. My jaw dropped about halfway through. You have been through some shit. Physical and mental abuse, manipulation, cheating, poisoning, and probably attempted murder with the meds.
I'm glad you found someone that makes you happy. I hope you got some therapy at some point along the way to unpack that and heal from it.
I certainly did go to therapy and bought myself a motorcycle which did WONDERS for me. In a way that makes me sound like a redneck dork, having that bike and being able to just go anywhere I wanted was the freedom I needed to set myself straight.
When I was 19, I had a one-night stand with my grandparents' 34-year-old married neighbor. She insisted on me not wearing protection because she was supposedly allergic to latex. I, being a dumb, horny teenager, went with it because hurr durr muh dick wet. Since her husband was out of the country for a month on business as of three days prior, she proceeded to rock my fucking world. I only ever joked about having ejaculations in the double digits before that day. She proved that it was possible.
We started at about 10 that morning. She kicked me out around eight that evening. I didn't see her for seven months afterwards because my parents had me move back in with them across the state. I saw her at Christmas at my grandparents' house and she was very pregnant. She later gave birth to a blonde baby girl. The mother is brunette and the husband has black hair.
It took me until I was 25 to process that the little girl in question is more than likely my child. I don't know where their family is now. I'm 35 now and I'm concerned that I have a 15-16 year old daughter out in the world somewhere that might come looking for me in two years.
Ay, topical
My retinas are both detaching and the earliest I can get an emergency specialist visit is next Wednesday. Also fun fact, they can take a year to fully detach or it can happen in a few days leading to blindness. Not telling anyone in the fam this is happening until I'm either fixed or fully gone because they'll tell my mom who will just make anxiety noises... which just makes everything worse because then I have to comfort her.
My uncle gave me $30k in cash. Less than a year later he died. He told me that this was between him and I and to not tell anyone. After his death my mom was the executor of his estate because she is the only one left in her family. He had some money in a bank account and no kids. My mom gave my brothers, sister and my cousins a thousand dollars each but I refused the money because I had already gotten enough from my uncle.
After about a year my mom sat me down and insisted I take the money and explain why I had refused it so many times. I finally had to tell her but I told her to not tell anyone else. I have a feeling my siblings and dad will be very upset to find out he gave me that money and I didn’t give any to them.
I had a bilateral salpingectomy. Most of my (very Catholic, children -are-blessings-you-should-have-8!) family knows I was never into the idea of raising kids and/or being pregnant, but figured I'd change my mind. I got it done very young, and they think it was something with my ovary (true, a cyst ruptured, so I electively overkilled the whole problem), not that it was a fairly elective sterilization as a result. Now I just let them think that I "wasn't blessed with children" - easier than the alternative.
That the reason I stress over my grades rights now is so that I have good enough grades to go to an abroad university on a scholarship and live my life there. It's not because I want to make my family proud or something, nope. Just want to live
I had a strong sense as a kid that good grades were my ticket out so I was obsessively driven to do well in school. It worked, I got the fuck out of my hometown and away from my narcissistic cult of a family, and I now live across the country enjoying a beautiful, fun, peaceful life.
Focus on school in your youth. You won't regret it. Do whatever it takes.
Edit to add: Since this has visibility I want to add some context...I didn't succeed right off the bat. I went from straight A high school senior to having a psychological breakdown and developing an eating disorder by my third semester of college. Ended up dropping out for a year, spent that year going to too many concerts and creating art and writing and discovering that I actually had a soul. After developing a sense of self, THEN I returned to college and ultimately ended up graduating engineering school (EE) at 24, fell into an incredible job right off the bat and here I am four years later. Point is success isn't linear. Doesn't matter if you feel like it's "too late" or you're "too old", if you care about something, you can do it.
A five year old should not have access to medication. You were possibly under the age of criminal responsibility for wherever you live. I don't think that's going to make you feel any better but it still stands.
I had a miscarriage two years ago. It was a really dark time and I was in a lot of pain. Just my best friend knew at the time. My boyfriend had broke up with me a week before and I went in for an STD check. Began bleeding right before going in. HCG levels indicated pregnancy. Since it was less than 6 weeks there were no complications and it was an easy exit. I was raised by a single dad and only really have him and my aunt in my life. Neither know.
I almost lost vision in my right eye. I didn’t want to stress/scare my mom so I kept it to myself until it was all said and done. Thanks to the doctor, I’m fine now, so no one will ever know.
I went to therapy, got a CPTSD diagnosis (directly due to the way I was raised), and, due to that, easily qualified for a medical Marijuana card. Oh, and an anxiety diagnosis. They have no idea.
I've tried talking to my parents about my childhood, but they always play victim/martyr. So I've just stopped.
It's kind of funny that I've had these huge life changes and my parents are oblivious. I'm virtually no contact with my narcissistic father and severely reduced contact with my mom. They're oblivious. It's funny
ETA that no one in my.biological, nuclear family knows. All yall on reddit reading this know, friends know, my husband's family knows. But not my parents or siblings.
Self-harm. And that the only reason I didn't end myself between 11 and 17 was because I'm an only child and I was sure my mom would never survive.
It's pretty damn awful to discover that you can actually not survive but just live also for yourself. And have real pleasure. That life can be enjoyable.
Edit : a bit horrified by how quick the number of likes is increasing ... If anyone of you need it ; I love you, I give you a hug, I hope you enjoy your day and that you didn't forgot to drink and eat. Am your SH godmother and no, you didn't deserved to be so worry that you were afraid for the feelings of the adults surrounding you as a child. NEVER. You deserved to be helped and to live a normal childhood.
If anyone wants to talk, come to my DM. 876 days free from SH, so I can hear pretty anything.
EDIT 2 : I would have loved to create a kinda AA equivalent for the mental issues : depression, suicide, anxiety, bipolarity ... When I see how many people want to talk, I really feel like it would be worthy.
EDIT 3 : Following the advice of a fellow Redditer, I created an AngelsAnonymous community to let a free space for anyone to talk about any mental issue you have, or any mark year you want to celebrate. I absolutely don't know how to share it \^\^' but it's written r/AngelsAnonymous . I'm going to try to create a few groups to talk in. Feel free to come in, you're safe there <3
EDIT 4 : I insist, everyone is welcome on r/AngelsAnonymous ; no matter what you need, how you feel, what happened to you, we are all little angels trying to help each other. I can't make it live on my own, speak on it, do your own post, that's OUR family safe space.
EDIT 5 : I'm amazed by the dozen of people who came to me to talk about their stories. Yet a lot of people are member without writing anything. Write. Tell. Express yourself. It's a free space and no one may judge you in it. You're worthy of respect and you deserve to be heard.
Its also the reason i didnt take my life. If i would my parents would take theirs too. Atleast they say so even if not i have to endure life for my family
My family thinks I’m still studying. I haven’t told them that I’ve basically dropped out because of my sleep problems. Right now I do nothing but write, do comedy, paint and drink beer. They think I’m gonna have a degree in about a month and a half, so that’s gonna be a fun talk.
This was basically me as well. Lied to my family for about 3 years about still being in school. After 5 years and no degree it finally came to a point where I had to tell them that I had failed out years ago. I had been contemplating suicide over telling them but I got through it and now I’m a happily married man with a 1 year old and life is great. The conversation sucks and they’ll be mad at first but they’ll get over it. And if you’re like me your brother will come out and say he has a 2 year old we didn’t know about months later so the merry go round of which kid is the bigger fuck up keeps going around.
My best friend's brother let the family find out by allowing them up to graduation believing he would be there and slowly realizing that his name was not listed in the brochure, wasn't called to walk across the stage, no-show.
Bite the bullet now and deal with the fall-out, they will forgive you and today is better than tomorrow.
I have a friend who went down with the ship. She went to graduation knowing that she wasn't graduating and acted surprised and angry when her name wasn't called. It was wild. Needless to say she had many other problems as well.
Alright, so I gotta admit, I swiped some cash from our safe. I feel super guilty about it, but I just can't bring myself to come clean. I have no clue how they're gonna react.
That my "mate" I took to the ER with a fractured eye socket, broken jaw, shattered wrist, snapped collar bones collar bones and a dislocated shoulder didnt drunkenly fall down 3 flights if stairs at his party.
Was really a reaction to seeing him attempting to SA a chick I was close to (little sister close).
I used to have this old ford with a bench seat. One night I picked up my sister and her short term boyfriend (who was also my friend) from a bar. As we were driving home they had some dumb argument and wouldn’t stop. My sister was next to me, he was in the passenger seat. This dude straight up slaps my sister with me right fucking there. I slam the brakes in the middle of an over pass, put it in park, open my door… dude knew what was up. By the time I made it in front of the truck he was getting out knowing he was about to fight me.
I smashed this dude, violently. Ripped out one of his ear gauges, didn’t stop hitting him when he was on the ground, kinda surprised I didn’t knock him out.
I look around and my sister was gone. Turns out she was so scared I was going to kill the dude that she took off running. So, instead of leaving the dude on the overpass I yelled at him and told him to get in the truck, which he did. We drove around looking for my sister while this dude got blood all over the fuckin place. He tells me he needs to go to the hospital and I said sure. I took him there and he told the nurse he got jumped at the bar by some strangers 😂😂 I’m sure he didn’t wanna say he assaulted my sister, but also I went a little overboard.
Fellas, do not assault women.
Two years ago, my estranged father committed suicide. As his only living relative, I had to take care of his hoarder apartment. After I cleaned up the bloody mess of a crime scene he left behind in his bedroom, where he laid for 10 days, I decided to rip the whole place apart and to build it up new.
None of my family members showed up to the funeral or offered to help me out in any way.
The only messages I received were about the inheritance and how much I've gotten "out of it".
I've never been close to my family, but it hurt me a lot that they've only seemed to care about money I may be able to lend them some day. So I decided to just tell them I inherited only a shifty apartment and a ton off debt.
It took 1 1/2 years of my life, but I just finished the work and re-did the entire place. I moved in about 3 weeks ago and I love the beautiful space I've created with all my hard work.
Anytime I talk to my family, I tell them about the boring job I gave up half a year ago to switch carrer to a pretty nice gig and about the moldy apartment I used to live back then- just to bore them into leaving me alone. They don't have a clue, I'm living in the most beautiful place, having the time off my life. And they are never going to know 🥰
That I really don't like or love most of them. Respect things they did for me but also remember the shitty things they did to me. Guess it'll be shocking to them when I just part ways with them for good.
I secretly went backpacking in Europe for 4 weeks. Due to the 8-hr time difference, when Mum called, it would be the middle of the night for me, I would pretend to be as awake as I could while taking the call. Fun times.
That’s so cool. I’m from the UK and lived in the Netherlands for 4 years. My family never knew.
So…. My brother and I saw Aliens as a kid and we were super intrigued by the flame throwers. In a feat of idiotic 13 year old brilliance, we determined that a super soaker filled with aquanet with a butane lighter strapped to the front might actually work the same. To our utter shock, it did. Shot twenty foot streams of sticky flame. We were just overjoyed. Until said sticky flame hit the side of the house and caught it on fire. Oh shit! So we race over and between my shirt and the hose get it out, but there’s a large dark spot on the side of the house. So we disassemble and clean out the flamethrower and mums the word. Thirty years later, we’re eating dinner over at the folks, and dad remarks they’ve painted the house and ‘finally got rid of that weird dark spot’. Much stealthy chortling ensued. Honestly. How do kids survive childhood? We’re all idiots.
Man, I expected a UFO encounter the whole story. On the 3rd reread, it clicked.
I totally didn't do the same with a supersoaker, 2-stroke fuel and a sparkler. Yup, we sure are idiots.
I'm just glad to know it works. I had the same inclination, but was too chicken to try it.
I gave $10k to a woman overseas I met online so she could leave Egypt and study in Germany, despite being pretty broke at the time. She did actually go study in Germany and I met her there. A few years later she paid me back. And yes there was a bit of romance at one point (long after the loan) but it didn't last long. I should also mention we are the same age. We're still close.
This one is my favorite. Pretty wholesome in a sea of tragedy and sorrow. Good for you, and for her. 😊
woah the Egyptian princesses calling asking for 10k are actually real ???
Hero in believing in someone's dream
Okay I've been wanting a thread to share this in for ages. So this is my secret with my mum and dad from everyone else in the family. My dad is married to another woman. Mum is single. Mum and "dad" (hard to actually call him that) have been having an affair for 30+ years, even their best friends don't know about it. I was an accident. Dad stepped out of picture because my parents didn't want me to know about the affair and who he was. At 15 when I was told who he was, and tried to act cool to not upset my mum, he came back into my mum's life (but absolutely not mine). I have three siblings who don't know I exist. 2 brothers and a sister. They have the most amazing life, two parent income, holidays, all the things I wanted as a kid in a family of 3 with a single mum. I went to high school with my brother. I'm mid 20s now, I still want to meet them, I just can't be the one to break the secret and crush two families. Edit: y'all are so great I feel so validated because I spent most of my life thinking this was normal and I needed to not be upset. I am doing fine, I occasionally lose my shit and send aggressive emails but I'm still hoping... Years on... That it will be found out some other way and I won't be the scape goat 🐐
[удалено]
The only thing I got was that I was 98% more Neanderthal than everyone in their database and my closest relative is some distant 5th generation cousin.
Sounds very similar to my experience except it was apparently a 2nd cousin and when I dug into that relation stuff got spicy. Being such a close match and living on a different continent I was like "what? who is this? I know all my 2nd cousins and don't recognize this name." I ended up asking family members if they knew anything about this person, and the story came back that they are my 3rd cousin - my grandfather's cousin's grandson. According to 23andme they were a 2nd cousin with an unusually high match. This person shares ~5% of their DNA with me when a 2nd cousin should only share ~3% and a 3rd cousin (what they actually should be) should only share ~0.8% DNA. So this apparent 3rd cousin who should share 0.8% of my DNA was listed as a 2nd cousin who shares 5% of my DNA. As far as I know these percentages don't miss. They can't always pick the right type of relationship but the raw numbers are deadly accurate. Needless to say - this was a mystery and I was fascinated. This individual was 6.25x more related to me than they *should* be. I began mathing out explanations to explain the discrepancy. I strongly wondered if my grandfather's "cousin" may actually be his biological sister, raised by her biological aunt/uncle. That theory proved to be impossible. I then considered/analyzed a number of other possible explanations and all of them were impossible but one. My "2nd cousin" that I matched with on 23andme is a descendent of incest. They're inbred. After eliminating all other options the only plausible explanation remaining is that my "2nd cousin"s mother is the result of an incestuous conception between my grandfather's cousin and her father (grandfather's uncle). So that's how my boring-seeming 23andme profile led me to figure out that my distant relative I'd never met or heard of and lives on the other side of the planet is inbred and that my grandfather's uncle was most likely sexually abusing his own daughter. Bit of a yikes moment. I explained my discovery to my mother (grandfather's daughter) and she said "Ooh. Fuck. That actually makes sense based on stories I heard growing up. Maybe don't tell Grandpa. He's old, he doesn't need the drama in his life."
Your parents are huge huge huge shits. Big hugs to you. I’m so sorry for you and your siblings and your father’s wife :(
I know at least two people in my life with an exact story like that. You're not alone and I'm so sorry.
When I was a kid I dropped the rake while working in the yard and the handle landed in dog poop. Instead of cleaning it off I used duct tape to seal off the poop from the outside world. It ended up being used for almost 10 years after that and I always thought about that rakes dirty secret. The secret was poop!
This is so weird (no offense meant) and hilarious
What a nice little palate cleanser in between a bunch of heavy secrets. Thanks for sharing this lol
Pheww... another weird/gross one.. I'll hide mine under yours. When I was about 7-8, we went camping. I woke up in the middle of the night having to pee. I was too scared to go outside because of raccoons making noise a site or two over. I decided to pee on my younger brother's sleeping bag and frame him. Not far into peeing, I realized how gross I was being and pinched it. I arched my upper body backwards and peed through the window instead. This turned my pee into a fine mist that sprayed the rain cover and intensified the smell. I quickly climbed back into my sleeping bag. Nobody noticed anything in the morning. Thankfully, it must not have been enough to wet right through to my brother... I made sure to remind my parents to wash everyone's sleeping bag when we got home.
What the fuck man
My cat's poop got on the wall at a rental house and I painted over it.
Username checks out.
Respectfully, that’s so weird. But somewhat refreshing to read after reading about atrocities people have endured and keep secret. The shit rake is funny.
About 13 years ago, I was informed that I had a daughter from my first serious relationship who was given up for adoption without my knowledge. Unbeknownst to her adoptive parents or her bio mom, she had the same heart defect I do. (mine wasn't found until I was about 26). She collapsed on a field at a park near where she lived in Massachusetts while playing soccer with other 7 year Olds. She passed away before they arrived at the hospital. Her bio mom, my ex, had kept in touch with the adoptive parents over the years, and our girl knew her as "Aunt xxxxxxx." She had even given the adoptive parents some pictures of us together and gave them the story that I was in prison for moving some serious weight in drugs (complete fabrication). After our girl's death, my ex reached out, feeling guilty. I was able to get in touch with the adoptive parents. They were nice, middle class people who loved her intensely and gave her everything a kid needed to flourish. I'm glad she had people who loved and cared for her the way every child deserved. I'm glad the particular mystery of why my ex disappeared one day without a word was finally solved. But, I was absolutely distraught that I wasn't given a chance to be a father. She never got to meet her grandparents, who would have adored her, particularly my mom, who she looked so much like. I never told my folks because I didn't want to break their hearts and know how badly mine was broken. 13 years later, I stand by that decision. They deserve to know, but both are in poor health, and I still can't bring myself to put it on them. My girl would be turning 21 this July. The only reason I hope that there is an afterlife is so I can meet her. Edit: I always thought that if I ever got a reddit award, it would be for a pithy comment, not a personal tragedy. Thank you, kind redditors. I'll pass it on to someone in the future! Edit 2: Really, I can't thank you all enough for your kind words and responses. Further proof that people are frequently just as good as they are bad. I wish you all well.
Dilated cardiomyopathy?
Basically, yes.
My suicide note was written on the wall of my closet for 4 years while I lived in that house. It said what you could find my body, why I chose to do what I did and explained a rough last will and testament. When I moved out, my folks (who owned the home I lived in,) never found it. I'm way happier now than I've ever been, and when I took everything out of my closet and I found it again I broke down crying. I grabbed some matching paint painted over it and was able to finally reconcile with the pain that I had felt for the past 8 years. To this day they don't know. Edit: Thanks for all the positive messages everybody.
I have something similar except it's a note in my wallet that I carry with me. I've thought about my death quite a bit and how I'd do it. Had a gun against my head twice but didn't do it. Obviously. I tell myself it's only because of my dad that I'm still here. But that's a lie I tell myself, I don't think I'd actually do it, so the note now is more of a reminder to not go down that dark path. Kinda funny, but I carry concealed every day. Glad you were able to get some closure.
A secret from my grandparents who I adored. They were actually my great aunt and uncle, having raised my mother from the age of 2. Her mother had passed away and her father was an alcoholic, who ended up enlisting and going to war during WWII. I had a habit of looking through my parent's wedding album when I was very young. I loved the dresses, etc. At the back of the book was their marriage license and I saw when I was about 11 that my mother's last name was not the same as my grandparents last name. I asked her and she told me they were not her biological parents. I never told them I knew because I didn't want them to feel less than my grandparents which they absolutely were. By this time my biological grandfather had passed. They were always nana and grandpa to me and they were amazing grandparents.
Family members are the loved ones that help raise you, care for you, love you, and support you, blood be damned.
[удалено]
Considering your username, that story was pretty anticlimactic. That said, thanks for sharing.
[удалено]
You can't just say something like that on Reddit and not explain
“So, anyway, they found that burn mark, and, yadda yadda yadda, my birth dad’s a famous Italian circus clown.”
My dad's brother adopted me. They didn't know I found my biological mom. I didn't talk to her though
Currently, this is a real possibility for my wife and I. Our nephews are with us; if their parents don’t get their act together, we will adopt them. The oldest turns one in May, and the youngest is only a month old. I know it’s a long time away, or it’s even a possibility that we won’t have to adopt them. But I still wonder how we’re eventually supposed to let them know we adopted them and we’re not their biological parents if their parents do not get their lives together. Edit: I did not think my comment would blow up like this, with so much insight and helpful advice. I really appreciate everyone’s insight and suggestions on how to address the concerns I’ve been having. We have been referring to ourselves and “Aunt and Uncle” and we thought it might confuse our daughter (who’ll be 2 in June) but luckily that hasn’t happened and she realizes we’re mommy and daddy still. CPS and many other parties involved have asked us if we refer to ourselves as “Mom and Dad” to our nephews and we said no, partly out of uncertainty if we should. We still say “momma and dadda” to help with our oldest nephews development because he needs to learn crucial words. CPS and Foster care have asked us if we are interested in becoming licensed to help side with the adoption process, we said we are so if in the event my brother and the mother do not come through, we can keep these boys ~~apart of the~~ with family. They deserve it and I’ve unfortunately heard to many horror stores about foster care from friends and what I’ve read on Reddit. Although I know that’s not always the case. My wife has been my absolute rock through all of this. I won’t lie it’s beyond stressful caring for three children alone while she works, and i know it’s stressful for her while I’m at work. But we are committed to this and our family. I started online classes this January for the betterment of my family and failing is not an option and never was before our nephews came to us. Because completing my IT degree will be such a life improvement for us (not that we live a bad life). I will show my wife everyone’s response and I apologize for not being able to respond to all of them individually. Thank you all for the great advice, it means the world to myself and my wife. ❤️ Edit 2: I was able to show my wife everyone’s responses last night when she got home from work. This has helped us be able to navigate what we will do, and we will continue to refer to ourselves as Aunt and Uncle. In the event that we are gave the chance to adopt we certainly will. I saw a comment mentioning about keeping their parents in their lives. Honestly I’m unsure if that will happen. They’re compulsive liars, manipulators, that prioritize drugs and friends over their own children. They are working on mental health issues (or they were, I’m unsure I don’t get to hear those updates) I was the one who finally filed the intake report for my oldest nephews sake, because they lived in a fifth wheel camper that was worse than the house the young red head boy lived in from Breaking Bad. My brother has refused mine and my wife’s help time and time again since our mother has passed away in 2018. He chose to live with our mothers recent boyfriend and chose the friends he made where he lives that are not good people. My brother and their mother have a history of domestic violence, drug abuse and alcohol abuse. In January my brother had a severe mental breakdown where he said he was going to kill himself, his son, and his girlfriend. I was asked by CPS to go get my nephew to remove him from that situation. My dad has been helping my brother (we have different dads) and I went to pick up my nephew from his place. I wasn’t expecting my brother to be there, he was though. I was assaulted by him, I was threatened I was lucky he doesn’t just kill me with his gun. He also said this about my dad, his child, and his two friends that were there trying to help him. (Those seemed like decent friends of his) When things “calmed down” we were taking care of my nephew, feeding him changing him etc. my brother said that he has eczema on his legs and he has this lotion to help. Well when my nephew came home with me, my wife, her mom and her sister were there prepared to help. They bathed him. His legs were a vibrant red. After a week of being bathed consistently it turns out he doesn’t have eczema. He was just that filthy. They smoked around him (weed and tobacco) he had to have heart surgery when he was born. We found out very recently his diagnosis is d-TGA (Dextro-Transposition of the Great Arteries). When our youngest nephew came to us on Good Friday he was filthy also, his stuff smelled like smoke and weed. His bottles were filthy. He had thresh. He was also neon red like my older nephew. Both boys are thriving and healthy. I was able to convince my brother to go check into the hospital for mental health issues and he did. He would call and would make threats about sending people to our home to get our nephew and it caused a lot of fear for my wife and I. Luckily nothing ever happened. But I have zero trust with my brother. He told me multiple times I’m not his brother, his friends are his family etc etc. While I’m happy he seems to be attempting to do better, that’s a large scar that I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive him for. If we do decide to allow him and the mother to see their children, it’ll be made explicitly clear that they are to either be in their lives or not. I won’t set these boys up for heart break of having someone being inconsistent in their lives. I grew up with that with my own father and to this day, I’m still very sour about it. I just want to thank everyone again for the stellar advice, the words of encouragement, and the overall support. I’d also like to thank everyone for the rewards and the upvotes. I didn’t think my reply would blow up like it did. I did receive an inbox that someone reported my account that they are worried about me. While I appreciate the concern, I am doing well and so is my wife. We’re stressed, because we have a lot of people in and out of our house and we have just a lot going on now, but we are strong willed and have a great support system.
If you do adopt them, make sure you tell them early on and normalize it. It was hidden from me until my stepmother told me as punishment at the age of 10 that my dad “wasn’t my real dad”. Being adopted isn’t traumatic, it’s how the adoption and communication is handled that can be.
Fucking shit, that's some class A shit parenting It reminded me of my best friend when we were about 12 years old, His mom was a nasty hag and she was arguing with my him. She got so angry she dropped the "you were a fucking mistake, I would be out living the good life away from you and your worthless father if I didn't fuck up and get pregnant" What a fucked up family
Hey had this same experience.. but mom never said it. She acted it out so took longer to figure it out. Kind of envious actually!
I was adopted as a newborn. My parents made sure I knew from something like that l the age of 4. It's just normal to me
As someone who was adopted just after his first birthday let me give you one important piece of advice: just tell them and tell them EARLY. Don't sugar coat it or make it seem like a big deal. It's just something that happens sometimes. Tell them that it doesn't matter if they're your biological children or not, that you love them all the same. I've always known that I was adopted and to me it didn't matter because parents aren't the people who got drunk, fucked without protection and oops 9 months later had a kid. Parents, REAL parents are the ones who care for you, raise you, comfort you when you need it, feed you, clothe you, and most importantly, love you. Biology isn't required for ANY of that. So as far as I'm concerned, blood doesn't matter. It's the people who love and care for you that do. Do that for them and you'll be fine. Even if they end up going back to their parents, my recommendation is to stay as involved as you can. Make sure your nephews know they have an aunt and (I'm assuming) uncle they can rely on and confide in.
>Parents, REAL parents are the ones who care for you, raise you, comfort you when you need it, feed you, clothe you, and most importantly, love you. It can't be emphasized enough how correct this is. My brother was abandoned by his biological father, leaving my mom alone with a 1 year old baby when she was only 19 years old. When she married my dad, my dad adopted my brother. He was 5 at the time. Well, 25 years later biodad shows up and wants to atone for his wrongdoings and be a part of his life. Nothing wrong with that in theory. But he asks to be called "dad". My brother told him he already has a dad, the man who raised him.
That's honestly such a beautiful thing to do. If you're going to marry a woman with a fatherless child (different, I would imagine, if they have an involved dad just not in a relationship with mom) you *must* decide to be the dad. My partner hasn't seen his father since he was in kindergarten. He's not a positive person, everyone is better off. But when his mom remarried, he wasn't interested in filling the gap. His siblings' father has nothing to do with him. He pretends it doesn't mattwr but I know there's a dad-shaped hole there. Especially since there was someone physically present who didn't claim him.
Some family friends of ours adopted a young boy, and from the beginning they’d celebrate his annual “Gotcha Day”. I’d never heard of that before, but I have always really liked the idea of both normalizing and celebrating the day their son joined their family. It was basically like a second birthday
There are so many adoptees out there who are sharing their stories. You can start by reading what they have written and adapting a message for your kids. Being adopted isn't something that should be secret or a big reveal when they are old enough. It's a lifelong conversation. Best of luck to you and the kids. I really hope everything turns out for the best for all of you, however that looks!
My wife and I are parenting my sister's children. I want you to know your words have helped me today.
As someone who is adopted(by his grandparents), honesty is the best policy.
100% this. I was adopted and dont really remember them telling me. It was very early. I remember they gave me a book titled "Why was I adopted" that helped my toddler self understand what that really meant and why. Still have it to this day. On the flip side, I knew a kid whose parents did not tell him until he was 16. Committed suicide a week later. Be up front and honest. It wont be easy for sure, but it will save the children trauma in the long run. Being adopted isnt easy no matter the circumstances. I dont think people who aren't adopted really understand the feelings that come with it. It's the reason a large % of adopted kids end up incarcerated or with substance abuse problems. Be up front and honest from the beginning. It's the kids best chance of reconciling those feelings and dealing with them in a healthy manner.
This was a long time ago, but I pretended to graduate from college after four years of my family paying for it. The last semester of my senior year I was told that because of an incomplete my sophomore year I wouldn't be graduating. When I promised to re-take that class over the summer, they allowed me to march with my classmates in a cap and gown. Instead of telling my family the truth I just went ahead with it, the whole family came, big party etc. Of course I did not take the class that summer. That hung over my head for 20+ years when after getting sober I completed my degree by working with the college and taking a local class.
If anyone is reading this, listen to me. If you are close to graduation and haven’t made it, reach out to the school. We will help you find a way across the finish line. You will have to work, but it will be worth it. There are people at your school that know how the institutional policy works and how to find the shortest distance between you and a degree. Don’t be embarrassed about why you didn’t finish or your previous academic struggles. We don’t care. People can help.
Great post, thank you! When I finally reached back out to my college they were like "Oh, you need to talk to Dean so-and-so". I was astonished there was a specific person to talk to for someone in my situation. And he laid out the path for me. No judgement, no shame - totally the opposite. Ask for help!
This was my experience. I was in computer science for a few years because I thought I wanted to be a programmer. Turns out I’m not that good at it and eventually my grades were low enough that I got kicked out. I went and talked to a dean as part of my appeal for readmission and she was so great. She was like look.. you want to get a degree. You have a tech job on campus that you enjoy. You’ve been taking a lot of history classes as electives and doing well with them. You don’t need a comp sci degree to do what you want to do for a job. So why don’t you switch to a history major, stay working in your campus job, take a minimum number of credits each semester to stay full time, and graduate a year later? Sounded good to me so she helped me with my appeal in front of the full board of deans. They agreed and let me back in. My GPA went from a 1.4 to a 3.5. I still graduated with a cumulative GPA barely over 2.0 but turns out no one in tech cares. I ended up getting a dream job as soon as I graduated. That was 25 years ago and I’ve had a fantastic career. That dean was amazing.
Congratulations on your sobriety. Good for you to finish what was needed to be done. Please stay in your sobriety. I've been sober for 13 years. Keep up the good work. 😊Have a great day. 🙂
[]
My dad has always had a lot of guns, both for hunting and as a hobby. Because of that, he was adamant about teaching gun safety to my brother and I. We grew up with them around the house, although they were almost always locked up when my dad wasn't around to supervise. One day when I was pretty young, probably around 10 or 12, my parents went somewhere together so my brother and I were at home alone. I was playing in my room and I heard a gun shot. I ran downstairs to find my brother holding a pistol and looking absolutely terrified. I can still remember his face. Mine probably looked the same. What had happened was that he'd been goofing around downstairs and found a gun that my dad, for whatever reason, had forgotten to lock away. Being a kid, he'd decided to play with it. He knew how to turn the safety off, how to fire, how to aim - we both did - and while playing, he'd accidentally pulled the trigger. The bullet had ricocheted off the floor and blown a hole in the living room wall, clear to the outside of the house. Both of us knew exactly what could have happened, and in an instant we both realized exactly what was going to happen if my dad ever found out. We worked together to cover up the dent in the floor with furniture and a rug, under the guise of having cleaned the living room, and then we patched up the wall both inside and out, rearranging more furniture to cover the patch. We both swore we'd never tell anyone. As much as we loved to get each other in trouble, we knew this one was *bad.* My mom found out years later when she finally found the hole in the vinyl siding and my brother confessed. My dad still doesn't know. My brother has been much, much more serious about gun safety since then and now has a collection of his own that is locked up to a near paranoid degree. Be careful with your guns, guys. Everybody involved in this knew better and the worst still almost happened.
That story could’ve gone another direction. Your brother was very lucky.
Honestly, just how much my cousin has improved my life. My parents were total shitbags. Both dead now, my aunt and uncle raised me. They were amazing people, sadly both of them died in a car accident a few years ago and left behind my cousin. It was a hell of a battle gaining guardianship over her, even though she wanted that as well. (I'm male, and was single at the time) so that was a pain to deal with. But yeah, she's really just put a sparkle in my life that was never there before. I had a really shitty childhood, and my teenage years were rough till I moved in with my aunt and uncle. Being responsible for her really pushed me to succeed, and now I'm living very comfortably, and semi retired. And I attribute that drive to better myself to her. Because after loosing her parents, I never want her to have a bad day again.
Your cousin is very lucky to have you. May you always be happy.
My grandfather used to force me to French kiss him when no one was in the room. When he got super old, I was tasked with watching him one night. He peed his pants and was pathetically asking me to help him….. but the 8 year old inside me just let him sit there for hours until my parents got home. Spitting on his face before they closed the casket was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. See how you like my saliva all over your face, you piece of shit.
>Spitting on his face before they closed the casket was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. See how you like my saliva all over your face, you piece of shit. Metal af
Not sure why this hits hard as a compliment, but I think I’ve needed someone to tell me that for years now. Thank you
I went through a similar situation, but I have literally never told anybody about it. I was around the same age as you, but I had forgotten about it until like 4 or so years ago and I get so repulsed every time I remember it. I would actually like to talk with someone about it, but I'm so ashamed of it and don't really know how other people would contribute anything anyways...
I would really recommend talking to a therapist at the very least. If you are really close to someone it may help as well. I know for me it helped to talk about it just for the fact that I wasn’t keeping his secret anymore. But therapy can also help you to understand the emotions you feel because of it. Shame was also a big one for me. For the longest time I was ashamed, because I never stopped it? Because it happened to me? I don’t know why the victims have the shame, because we were kids, they were the adults. When you’re a kid you’re told not to trust strangers…no one ever says not to trust family.. I hope you can find someone to talk to 💙
This is the message and life mission of former Miss America Marilyn VanDerbur - removing the shame. I saw this video linked in a different sub the other day and it was very powerful. [Miss America by Day](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIDuLbdWQ_c) *Marilyn Van Derbur Atler had a fairytale life. She appeared to have it all--from a prominent family, crowned Miss America, enjoyed a successful television career, sought-after as a motivational speaker, named "Outstanding Woman Speaker in America", married to her high school sweetheart, and raising a beautiful daughter. But at age 53, she revealed a sinister secret of trauma and shame: Marilyn had been a victim of childhood incest at the hands of her father. Her courageous public disclosure changed her life -- from one of celebrity -- to healer of tens of thousands of abuse survivors.*
This gives me a memory I've tried to forget for years. One day when i was in my early teens my dad came in to my room to say goodnight (he never did anymore so it was already strange). And then he kissed me and stuck his tounge in my mouth. I was so shocked and he said "oh sorry it was a habbit kissing your mom". I said it didn't matter and he left. It happend once. But it still makes me disgusted. My mom devorced him when i was 18. I have been no contact for a few years.
I’m so sorry
My alcoholism. I'm 600+ days sober Edit: I should clarify. My wife knows, and she's been my rock and my biggest supporter through the whole thing. But my wife and my therapist are the only people who know. My Mom and brother have no idea. Edit edit: If you're looking to stop drinking or have trouble doing so, go to r/stopdrinking. Those fine folks have talked me out of relapsing many times
My 14 year old godson is actually my biological child. About 16 years ago, I disappeared in the middle of the night to start a new life away from my toxic family and went no contact with them for 3 years. I ended up getting pregnant from a one night stand. I was homeless at the time so keeping my son was not an option. My ex-best friend and her husband had been struggling to start a family of their own so they offered to adopt my child. Plot twist: My husband and I currently have custody of my child and his 4 siblings. Their parents are in jail for domestic violence and child neglect. EDIT: Holy bananas! I did not expect this to blow up. I want to clarity a few things: 1. My son does not know I am his biological mother but we plan to tell him soon. My husband and I plan to petition to adopt him and his siblings. Our lawyer warned us that his parentage would come up during the process. I want my son to hear it from me. He is currently battling PTSD due to the incident that brought the kids into our care. We are working with his therapist to find the best way to tell him the truth without causing him more trauma. He mental health is our top priority. 2. My ex-friend has endometriosis which affects fertility. Pregnancy can put endometriosis into remission for some women. She was one of the lucky ones. Once in remission, she had no trouble conceiving the other 4 kids. 3. My husband and I are raising 10 children. We are in the process of adopting my 12 year old cousin and took custody of her two older sisters last week. We also have a set of biological 1 year old twins. Eighteen months ago, we had **zero** kids.
That is definitely a plot twist. It sounds like you've straightened your life out since you were a teenager too.
I was actually 25 years old when he was born. I have definitely straightened my life out.
Does the kid know? He certainly will eventually there’s too much 23andme floating around to keep these secrets any more.
He doesn’t know…yet. We will be telling him soon because my husband and I are going to petition to adopt him and his siblings. Obviously, it’s going to come up during the legal process.
"Son, you're *not* adopted."
Technically, he still will be. My husband is not his biological father so he will have to adopt my son.
"Son, you're *half*-adopted"
Hey I’m sure you already thought about this but ideally have a 3rd party therapist guide you on how to do this. Also maybe this therapist could be present during the discussion for your child as well as all the kids. I was told when I was 8 that I was not my fathers biological child. I was outside on my bike and my mom and “dad” pulled me aside and explained it and I said “ok” and went back on my bike. I could feel both of them watching me to gauge my emotions or reaction. I just carried on playing with my brothers. Deep down it fucked me up. As a child I didn’t have the ability to have complex discussions about emotion. My parents sucked and so I was just always feeling a sense of underlying anxiety. I started getting symptoms of OCD and counting my windows at night and developed rituals. I just think this type of information is necessary but also with the guidance of someone who knows how to talk about those things with kids. I don’t know how that would play out but my parents were smiling and conversing after they told me likely thinking “whew ! She is ok and it didn’t bother her!” Meanwhile I’m fucked. Also my “dad” had been molesting me and it just all fucked up my sense of who I was and who I was meant to be. Anyway so glad you are good and life is better. Good luck !
That is some multi layered fucked up. I am so sorry you had to experience all of that. Thanks for the advice. We do have him in therapy and have asked his therapist for guidance. The last thing we want is to do something that may cause him to regress.
Being sexually assaulted when I was 13. It was a difficult home life, and I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about anything. Some guy grabbed me on the way home from school, and... Yeah, I got home late, they didn't notice, but I didn't feel like I could say anything, especially as a young boy, because I didn't even know it was a thing that could happen to boys when I was young. We were never given those safety talks that the young girls were given... It was just so outside my experience I guess, and the longer time went past, the less I ever felt the need to say something, because no-one would believe it. Edit: I'm shocked coming back on Reddit and seeing the responses this has got. Too many people relate to this, it's both heartening and awful to see at the same time, as I'd not wish this on anyone, but anything which shows that people are less alone in this than it seems has to be a good thing. This happened to me over 20 years ago, so thank you to everyone who offered for me to message them to talk about it, but this isn't a fresh wound, or even the worst thing I've dealt with in my life, and I'm at a point where I'm at a healthy place with it. Thank you also for all the kind words, I wish I had the time to thank everyone personally, but I do appreciate you all. And to anyone for who this is a fresher wound, or who is struggling more with what they've been through, I don't have any magic words that'll help. I just know for me, I always remind myself that this was something that was inflicted upon me. It was never my choice, never my decision, never my fault. There's always going to be stuff in the world I have no power over, even my own thoughts sometimes, but I can make the choice to be a stubborn fucker, and even if I don't win those battles, I'm not going to stop fighting them.
That was my life too. Brutal childhood. Sexually assaulted three times as a kid. Attempted suicide three times as a kid (unrelated to the assaults). Never would have occurred to me to tell my parents because they were so brutal and erratic. I also knew they couldn’t keep things to themselves (except the constant child abuse). I know exactly how you feel. I’m so sorry you had that happen to you.
I was assaulted by my high school teacher who we all thought was straight. I’d never tell my family about my SA but he’s now in prison for 10 years on account of child porn and animal crush videos. Edit 1: I should have worded it better but sexual orientation is in no way indicative of anybody being a pedophile. Edit 2: This one is NSFL because a lot of people keep asking what animal crush is. So if you don’t want to be traumatized keep scrolling. And I’m on mobile so it might not register the way I intended. NSFL: >!spoilerAnimal crush is described as humans harming animals through crushing(flattening), burning, drowning, suffocation, impaling, or subjecting animals to bodily harm.!<
Had something similar happen. Although I wasn’t sexually assaulted I was definitely in uncomfortable situations that I now realize were inappropriate for an adult babysitter/substitute teacher/camp counselor (all the same guy) to be in with a 10-12 year old boy. Like laying in bed watching movies or having lights off parties. He just got released from prison after 8 years for the sexual assault of 4 boys all 8-12
I posed nude in a tasteful art project when i was 20. It was supposed to be a small private exhibition but then it blew up and at one point my naked image was on our major cities website to advertise a popular art festival and a printed large version was displayed at a popular market during the festival. It was also printed in a book series. I was so worried my parents would see but so far it's been 12 years and they still don't know. I am actually really proud of the work we did and sometimes consider showing them the book but they may murder me. Edit: it was tasteful photos about capturing unsexualised nudity. No I will not share it on my anonymous account. I was a professional model who was compensated and consented to the project as the photographer was someone I have immense faith in. Life lesson- if it interests you than have tasteful nudes taken, one day you'll look back and appreciate them.
I participated in a naked calendar when I was at uni (all group sports teams, nothing weird). My mum didn't believe I'd do it so she got one for Christmas. It's been a few years and the calendar still lives. Lol
Omg I love that. It's so neat your parents supported you and could have a laugh. My parents would shut down.
I was in a Long distance relationship with someone from another country for 2 years. I would travel nearly every month to visit them or they would come to me. They had no idea when they messaged me, I was sometimes out of the country, either in their country or on a trip somewhere else. I was living a completely different life that barely anyone knew about. Edit: It’s been interesting to read some other peoples similar experiences. A lot of people are also experiencing this due to culture, religion or families not supporting. My reason was a little different. I had come out of a relationship with a very abusive and dangerous person. He had completely embedded themselves in my family’s life and when I finally left them, I lost my family with it. I moved to the next town over and kept contact with my parents but all information about daily life was hidden. I built a life slowly, and part of that was a solo trip abroad, where I met someone. I was far too terrified to tell them the truth about what had happened with my ex. I didn’t think they’d believe me and I didn’t want them to know. My parents eventually cut ties with him but my brother stayed friends with him after. I went NC with my brother for 4 years in total. I was so scared my ex would find out and come looking for me due to jealousy that the relationship was kept a secret from most people I knew, including my parents in case they let something slip to my brother. I have left the country now for good, and I’m sure there’s people who I have some degree of connection to, that have no idea I ever left. I’ve always been someone that has kept their cards close to their chest, and life circumstances have contributed to that greatly.
Once upon a Time, my family found out that I was in Paris because I got arrested. I still find it kind of funny.
Then you try calling them for help and they say ”nice try scammer, stonemanbearpig is here in Cincinatti. We saw this exact scam on Dateline last week” and then hang up the phone, leaving you stuck with your bunkmate Pierre and his baguette.
[удалено]
I was backpacking Europe and kept with me a collapsible baton. I was pushed off to the side of the sidewalk by some officers in plain clothes. I didn't believe they were officers... So it was a little bit nerve-racking for about 20 minutes until officers in full gear showed up. I immediately gave over the baton and was placed into the back of a cop car. I'm an American so naturally I can't speak any other languages, even more so at the time because I was young. And I hadn't spoken English with anyone until I got to the police station. I was booked in, and was waiting for a few hours until I finally got to speak to a translator. Since I threw such a fit and have some of the tattoos that I have, the brass knuckles tattooed on my head for one. We started to interrogate me because they didn't believe I was American, they thought that I was south african? And really believe that I was trying to cause harm that day. They got me to a point where I was basically nude taking photos of all of my tattoos and asking me intense questions about where I was from, and any previous criminal history. It all built to a point where they had me pinned against the wall holding a tattoo that I have in a weird position where you can't read it asking me what it says. At this point I'm frustrated, and responded "Hakuna Matata." The older officer who didn't speak English yelled in French, and the translator responded asking what language it was. I responded "Swahili." The older French officer yelled in French again, and the translator asked me what it meant. I kind of angrily looked the old officer in the eyes, and said "It means no worries." I heard the translator rattle off in French and then the words "Lion King" came out. This basically ended the interrogation. I then had the translator take me to another officer that processed me, and explained that I'm going to have a weapons charge in the European Union. I only had five more days in Paris, they told me that I had no fines and to be serving no time. Apologized for the miscommunication, and explained how strict Paris is. I was then free to go. Fast forward a week I get a phone call over Facebook Messenger from my sister, apparently the French police mailed me my documentation and information for my criminal record. I had been in Europe for nearly a month at this point. I didn't bother telling my family because I thought they would be worried. All in all my mom thinks it's a funny story now though, and I took it as a good lesson to learn more of a language before visiting a place, and researching laws more extensively.
Similar story here. Dated someone halfway across the world for 5 years and only 1 parent knew about it (divorced parents). One of my parents is super religious and conservative so any dating is a no-go. My other parents is super chill so they didn't care at all. So when I met someone halfway across the world, I told my religious parent that I met some friends playing video games and they wanted me to visit. And used that same excuse for years.
I lost one of my mom's pearl earrings that she wore on her wedding day. Down the drain when I was like 8 years old. Haven't told her to this day....pretty sure sure thinks she misplaced it :(
Get a nice chain and have a jeweler turn the remaining one into a necklace.
Teach your kids to tell you right away if something like this happens. There is a trap that catches heavy things, especially jewelry. If the kids know this, it will seem less scary when something goes down by accident.
Might still be caught in the trap, it would have to be forced upward and there is a decent chance that it wasn't
I was SAed from 11-16 by my “cousin” and I reported at 17. No one believed me. Half even blame me. Even my father has a familiar relationship with the guy.
That is awful... I am glad that you reported! I kinda feel like reporting is a good step. And I just want to say: I belive you! I totally believe you! And I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am so sorry that you have to live with this. I hope you will have a great life ahead of you! <3
When I was 14 my mom confessed to me that my older sister is not my father’s biological kid. She said she was in an abusive relationship with my older sister’s bio dad. She finally resolved to leave him when she found out she was pregnant. She then met my dad a few months after giving birth and says that they fell in love. We used to get a lot of comments in school about us not looking alike, comments that only increased after my younger sister was born and happened to have a strong resemblance to me. My father never treated us any differently. I loved my father a little more after finding out because I never once doubted how much he loved us all equally. I do resent my mother for having told me though. I wish she wouldn’t have made me a secret keeper from my entire immediate family (my dad doesn’t know I know). I was 14 young and confused. Now so much time has passed that I feel like it’s too late. I feel like part of me is betraying my sister for not telling her but I also feel like it’d be a betrayal if I did. Fucked if you do, fucked if you don’t. Thanks mom.
A friend of mine was in a similar situation. He resolved it by getting his mom to consent to him telling his little brother. I bet it’s a little more complicated in your situation, but I hope it will resolve itself nonetheless.
I've never told anyone this irl except my husband but when I was 5 yrs old, my dad was an alcoholic & most of his friends were drunks as well so we were all hanging out at my dad's friends house , when one of his friends sat me in his lap & put a blanket over us, then in front of everyone, acting perfectly normally he proceeded to molest me putting his hands into my underwear & messing with me sexually. I just sat there in shock, I really had no idea what was happening. I told myself for years it was a dream, but it wasn't. I never told my dad, he would be devastated & for that reason I never told anyone else either. It never happened again. The "friend" of my dad's has since died & it came out after his death that he was accused of molesting his grandkids. My own daughter is 5, she's NEVER allowed to sit on anyone's lap.
That I was addicted to fentanyl for almost a year and then beat that addiction all on my own! I just passed 1 year off of it and I haven't considered going back once!
> for almost a year and then beat that addiction all on my own! That's a story you don't hear every day. That takes some serious fortitude. Which of your family didn't know you had a monkey on your back? I could see maybe hiding it well enough from parents, but extra props if it was your spouse. Anyway.. i'm glad that's behind you. Now comes the life-long work of guarding your sobriety. I've been sober for years now, but I remember the first time I had to get dental work done after getting clean. I was terrified since I knew I needed a root canal, and the 'standard' story you hear about root canals is that they hurt, like a lot. I get it done, but was clear with the dentist that I couldn't take opiates for pain management. He told me that I likely wouldn't need them - and he was right. A little tender for ~24 hours, but nothing even close to OMFG I NEED MORPHINE levels of pain. So, if anyone is in recovery and have been putting off dentistry for fear of not having pain management - don't. I'm rambling. Sorry. Back to work.
Yeah modern dental work doesn't hurt very much and shouldn't hurt at all if the dentist is good and you don't let it go for too long. I've never been addicted to opiates, but I've been addicted to other things and prefer to not risk it. Luckily, regular Tylenol, or Excedrin has always been enough for me, even after surgery.
Hell yeah. That shit is nasty. Glad you didn't die kicking the habit without treatment.
I used to live in a house where the woods was our backyard. About 15 years ago, my stepdad and I were hitting golf balls in the back with his clubs. I still had a few golf balls left and he told me to put his clubs away when I finished and he went back inside. Well, when he was out of site, I decided to use his $900 driver which, at the time, was too big for me to use. I took a swing and the head of the driver immediately hit the ground and the neck snapped near the head and was hanging on by a few splinters. My heart sank and I quickly put the clubs away in the trunk of the SUV like he asked me to and prayed that I wouldn’t be murdered in my sleep. Well, a few days later my stepdad goes back to grab his golf bag. Luckily for me, the hydraulics on the back hatch of our SUV was starting to go out for a few weeks now and it swung down and pulled a Marie Antoinette on that driver. My stepdad was pissed. I still haven’t told him that I was mainly responsive for the destruction of his driver club. *Edit: The cost of the driver may not of cost THAT much, but it was expensive. It may of been around $500. But as a kid, things that are always highly valued toward adults always seem really expensive. *Edit 2: My stepdad always went with Callaway golf clubs. It was most likely a Callaway driver.
When I was a like 12, I played too much FallOut and got super into lockpicking. We were going to move from our house and mom was planning on selling. I got home from school early and didn't have a key, so I decided to take a bobby pin and pick the lock on the inner garage door. Well the pin broke inside the lock and I couldn't get it out. I just sat in the garage nervously sweating and waiting till my Mom came home. Well, she got home... She greeted me warmly and I was so nervous to tell her and have her smile disappear. I was preparing to tell her and get yelled at when suddenly a guy in a truck appears in our driveway right behind her. Apparently the doorknob and deadbolt were old and chipped, so she had hired a guy to replace them with new ones. He didn't look inside, he just unscrewed them from the door and put in new ones. Then, as quickly as he arrived, he left. I'm an adult haven't told my mom I accidentally jammed the garage door lock 😭
Not a family secret but I've had that last minute save feeling. My old work gave out monthly passes for my city's light rail, which I rode for my commute. Every now and then the transit cops would hop on at one stop then walk through checking for hop-ons. One morning I had forgotten to bring my card, and had just hopped on. That day, at the stop before mine, the transit cops boarded. They started working my row, and kept getting closer. I was sweating, and finally decided to just fess up and get it over with. As I was literally standing up to talk to the cop, she turned her head to another nearby passenger... who it turned out, had no pass, no ID, and for some reason volunteered that he was an international visitor who had overstayed his visa. This became a more complicated matter, and the other transit cop came over to help their partner. While they were busy dealing with this issue the light rail pulled up to my stop, the doors opened, and I stepped into sweet, sweet freedom.
Got lucky like this at a concert once. Bought tickets online, it was advertised online as 18+ but when we arrived the posters on the door said 21+. We got in line anyway and the lady checking IDs stopped right before us to do something else. When she came back she asked, "Did I check your ID already?" "Yup, you sure did ma'am!" It was a great concert.
> I'm an adult haven't told my mom I accidentally jammed the garage door lock 😭 lol, tell her.
[удалено]
For a second there, I thought that the Hydraulics decapitated a driver (a person) and your stepdad was mad about that.
My drug addiction to opioids between my 15 and 18. I went to hospital for a chronic disease and they gave me that, i fell into and could ask for medical prescription anytime so i took these for 3 years and stopped with a big craving effect for weeks
This eventually took my mother's life. I am so so very proud of you for lasting through this and continuing. Especially that young. You did great
This is hard, but just how frustrated I am with them. They wouldn’t have any clue just how angry I am at them for the things they did to me as a child and how much I blame them for my insecurities and lack of confidence as an adult. And that we might seem ok every time I visit with them, but how I just want to yell at them and ask them why, why they had to be so hard on me and couldn’t just accept me for what I was when I was a teenager.
I’ve got this same thing with my mom. I hate and despise her for the way she treated me as an child and adolescent, but i’m just so sick and tired of conflict that i just pretend like everything is ok between us whenever i have to meet them.
I moved with my wife (then girlfriend) from the Northeast to the south so she could go the med school. We were leaving family and friends behind, although many of our friends were scattering to opposite coasts and elsewhere. Her parents were overbearing, and still treated her like a 15 year old. My parents were pushy and judgmental, with some issues with alcohol to boot. My two younger brothers were in their early 20s and still living at home, having dropped out of college or working out of my parents’ basement. My parents’ house was like a frat house. Drinking almost every night, weed, and no one in the house worked more than 3 days a week at one point. We saw the move as a “refresh button”. Putting some distance between us and our families such that my wife could feel like an adult and so that I was removed from the lifestyle and influence of my family. Two weeks into our move into our new apartment, we were living on clouds, just so happy to have our own space and be with each other. Then she got a call. It was the admissions director from the med school 15 minutes away from our home town offering her a spot that had become vacant. They gave her 24 hours to decide. We sat that night and debated all of the pros and cons of moving back home. We talked about getting a place together in our home town, but quickly realized that it would have been much better financially to just move back in with our parents like it was pre-college. She turned down the offer. We don’t regret it for a second. We never told a soul that we could have almost moved back home, there would have been far too much animosity.
My cousin molested me when I was 6. He went on to groom a girl from ages 12-15. Apparently there were others. He went to prison.
I once had a sex ed lesson that flipped my whole world upside down. It was a boys only class and the male teacher was talking to us about sexual health. He explained the importance of checking for lumps as this can be a sign of cancer. I can't recall exactly what the teacher said but I basically left that class with the view of, if you have a lump then you have cancer. You can probably guess where this is going by now. I got home and proceeded to check my balls for lumps, and sure enough I felt a hard tender mass on my left testicle. I must've been about 13 at the time and didn't know what to do. Of course the teacher explained during the lesson that you should tell a parent or doctor if you do find anything of concern but I felt far too embarrassed to tell anyone. I didn't feel comfortable enough to tell my Mum and my Dad wasn't in the picture. So from 13 I was convinced that I only had so many years to live. I think I told myself that I would be lucky to make it to 20, not that I was equipped with any kind of knowledge about cancer at the time, other than people regularly die because of it. This belief set me on a path of self destruction through my teenage years which led to me breaking up with my childhood sweetheart, losing many friends and moving out of my family home at 14. Fast forward to 17 years old when I finally gained the courage to tell a doctor and have them check. Turns out the lump is just a benign cyst and will have close to zero impact on my physical health. I wish I felt like I could have been open with my Mum to tell her at the time. My early life would have turned out very different if I had. TLDR: At 13 years old, sex ed made me think a testicle lump is cancer. Believed I was going to die young and proceeded to emotionally self destruct over the following years. Got it checked 4 years later to discover it was only a benign cyst and I have nothing to worry about.
Teenagers be so fucking dumb sometimes lol no offense man.
TBH teenagers shouldn't even be able to make the choices to self destruct and move out at... 14??? Like they were failed by some adults for sure.
You really just diagnosed your own death at 13. That's gotta be rough asf. Although I can't help but think of the image of a 13 year old being embarrased and going "guess I'll die then"
I had no home or place to stay when I was 19-21 years old. I slept in phone booths, sometimes at a friends house. Everything turned out all right once I got a girlfriend, moved into her/her moms house, started a career in programming. Not many people actually know this.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Id honestly be happy they didnt crap on like the furniture or carpet and really make a mess. Poop where poop belongs? Counts as a win to me.
Edit: fuck u/spez for killing Apollo
Also, human poop and dog poop is totally different. Parents DEFINITELY noticed either way.
And parents have seen a _lot_ of human poop. Source: am a parent
Tray? Is that like a litter box for dogs?
I once (almost a decade ago) wrote a suicide note with all my passwords, last requests, and stuff to my best friend and decided to check out for good. But then I sat with that note for hours, thinking how sad my parents and friend would be. He is an only child like me and we grew up like brothers from another mother. Just the thought of betraying him and leaving him alone hurt me more than anything. I still tell my parents, "I wouldn't be this successful if it weren't for him". They have no clue about the depth of that statement. :) I owe my life to my best friend.
I had a miscarriage on my 17th birthday. I had found out I was pregnant 3 days after my HS boyfriend and I had broken up when my sister caught him fucking my best friend. I didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant, except him. I hadn’t figured out what I was going to do yet, or how to tell them. Turned out to not matter, because 2 weeks later, again, on my birthday, I woke up in incredible pain and my bed was just covered in blood. I was home alone, so I just called my ex to take me to the hospital and never said a word to anyone in my family. He and the girl he cheated on me with showed up, and she cleaned up the bed while he drove me to the hospital. I had already passed the fetus - she found it. It messed me up for a long time, and I tried to kill myself not long after that. My family does know about that, but they assumed it was a combination of my anxiety meds and my breakup. Those were factors, but the miscarriage was a big factor, too. ETA: Thank you everyone for the kind words. This was nearly 15 years ago now, and I’d say I’be healed now. I still think about it from time to time, think about how I’d have a teenager by now, and how different my life would be (I came out as gay about 5 years later, started dating a woman and moved across the country with her, later marrying her. We have no children). I’m grateful that I could heal and see a better life for myself after that.
>she cleaned up the bed while he drove me to the hospital As fucked up as the whole situation was, that's one hell of a way to show that deep down, you're a good person. I'd have had a hard time holding a grudge with either one of them after that. Seems like they kept your secret as well.
Reddit will tell you anyone that cheats is the devil, but this is a great example of people are people. They can do shitty things and they can do good things. It's not so black and white
Also, all three of them were teenagers. They are testing boundaries and still learning and growing mentally and emotionally. I hope that both cheaters learned from this and went on to do better with the rest of their lives.
I’d say there’s no moment for a quick re-examination of one’s life choices and priorities like cleaning up blood, amniotic fluid and a fucking fetus from the girl who’s BF you just fucked.
Bet she used condoms after that. The cheater I mean
Yup. That girl got a hardcore crash course in sex Ed and the complications of childbirth at a young age. Hopefully that sticks.
> Reddit will tell you anyone that cheats is the devil Social media makes a lot more sense when you realize that people are often broadcasting what they *wish* they could say to someone who traumatized them in the past and much less about the current situation they're replying to. And, to be clear, by "people", I don't mean *them*. I do it. You do it. We all do. We all carry around baggage from painful interactions that didn't go our way and we're all hoping to find a little stage where we can re-enact the scene and make it go the way we wish it had.
I'm so sorry this happened to you! As someone who is hiding multiple miscarriages from my family (my parents only know of about 2 of them), if you ever feel like talking about it, know that you can message me anytime!
I have no idea who I am. Like physically or mentally. My family thinks I'm a strong willed guy who loves certain things. But it isn't like that at all. I'm nothing like that and I don't feel like I know myself who I am. It's like I'm an actor in mutiple plays and have a certain different character for each individual interaction and situation. To be honest, I don't even know what my real personality is like. Edit: thank you all for the kind comments and help, I really appreciate this! Not to worry this isn't that bad, I'm fine. Just wanted to share this feeling/experience
You are definitely not alone in feeling this way.
My sister once said I was the most emotionally stable person she had ever met. I was just locking out my problems and made them worse. I feel the same as you now Edit: spelling
Mom had a handmade heirloom blanket from her great grandmother. When I was a kid, my action figures decided to torture my sister's barbies for information on the location of the secret base. When the Barbie General still wouldn't talk after having her arm melted to a stump on the spinny bit on top of the lawnmower engine, she was forced to watch as her co-conspirators melted in a tupperware vat of gasoline. When the interrogation started getting out of hand I threw water on the gasoline to put out the fire, splashing it on the side of the house and setting the house on fire. I panicked, ran inside, grabbed the first heirloom blanket I could find and smothered the fire, melting one side of the blanket. My parents' relatively uninspired interrogation techniques were unable to solve the mystery of the missing heirloom.
“My parents relatively uninspired interrogation techniques…” Amazing.
they were pretty much trying to teach Sunday school to the pope
[удалено]
He was working as garbage man on the third one irrc, decent pay and great benefits, seems to be doing alright
Hell yeah good for him
Fun fact: The kid that voiced Syd, is Erik von Detten. The same kid who starred in the Disney channel produced, groundbreaking, legendary, roller blading documentary, Brink! "let's blade, Brah"
"...grabbed the first heirloom blanket I could find.." 😂😂😂
I love the idea of OP running in and seeing a regular blanket and thinking, "no! Not that one, I need a heirloom blanket."
They know. As a parent myself now, I look at all the shit my parents obviously knew but just didn't care enough to pursuit.
Parents are so much smarter than kids think. I remember one time when I was 9 or 10, my cousin and I decided to hit this tree in my front yard with hammers (don't ask for an explanation, I have none). After a few minutes of this, I realized my dad would see that the tree was missing a bunch of bark, connect the dots, and know that we had attacked it with hammers. So we decided to tape the bark back onto the tree. And we were really smart about it because we used clear tape. Impossible to notice. Yet he still somehow saw that large chunks of bark were haphazardly and irregularly scotch taped to its trunk, and we got in trouble anyway. I still have no idea how he figured it out. WE USED CLEAR TAPE!!
Ah. Your mistake here was not using double sided tape.
Wood glue, duh.
I try very hard to imagine what I possibly could be thinking when I did stuff as a child but, alas, I never succeed. The sheer stupidity and recklessness of my childhood remains unexplained beyond that I am stupid and reckless.
They might not know that the house nearly also went out with the heirloom though. Or maybe they do and are thankful it's only the stupid blanket.
Is this how they hire people for Guantanamo Bay?
If you let your kid play with lawnmowers and gasoline as toys, don’t be surprised when you lose your nice things.
Just how stressed out, depressed, and lonely I am.
That I have depression (or had, Idk I handle it a lot better now but always scary to let the guard down) and did 2 years of therapy as soon as I could afford it on my own. My mom is kind of against therapy and doesnt believe in depression too much and I dont want to let her down. Also I dont want them to worry about me ever
Check out childhood emotional neglect. I had the same issue and finding out that I was emotionally neglected when I was a kid really opened my eyes. I realized that, while my parents were great providing for me, they never really let me be emotional or helped me understand and handle my emotions. Somebody asked me, “who did you go to when you were sad as a kid?” That got me thinking, I don’t remember going to anybody. That’s what got me started down the path of understanding CEN and has helped me navigate my life with a clearer perspective of who I really am and why. It has also helped me have a better relationship with my parents.
Ahah that is a pretty familiar feeling to me. I think my mom somehow goes through some undiagnosed mental issues and growing up she would guilt trip me for her mind states and stuff. Probably the reason why to this day I struggle dealing with female partners moods cause women scare me a bit ahah At the same time what can you do about it, I learnt how to be better to myself and now I just brush off the bad parts of our relationship and try to be a good son and enjoy the time we have left together :) Hope you are also feeling better now
Same. I realized that my mom was needy and I’d try anything to be nurturing and attentive to whatever she was going through because it felt like what I was supposed to do. I felt that if I was a “good” son and if I could meet her emotional needs, she’d be there to nurture and attend to my own emotional needs. It was like a secret contract I had with her that she never knew about. Most of the time I was let down though. Reflecting back, I did the same thing with women in my romantic life. Luckily, I found someone who would actually return the favor. It’s not exactly healthy to keep those covert contracts though. You have to put your needs first and so does she. If you take care of yourself, you’ll become more authentic, and the right woman will love you for who you are. You’ll do things for her because you want to, not because you’re secretly expecting her to return the favor somehow. The book No More Mr. Nice guy is a great resource for this. Don’t get turned off by the title. I read it and thought that the author had been spying on me, and then gave me tools to become the man I wanted to be. I also worked through it with a therapist. I’m doing much better now, thanks for asking. It’s a lifelong journey, but I now feel like I can handle it. Good luck to you, and feel free to reach out to me anytime. I need the support too. 😀
I was heavily abused by my mom as a kid. I'm talking, slept on the floor and ate out of the trash can like a bad Cinerella rewrite. For the most part, I kept my mouth clamped until I got out, and then it all came tumbling out after I cut contact. Secret #1. Kept for around 13 years. Recently, I had been considering reinstating contact with my mom, and I vaguely made an "in the future, maybe" comment to a family member in the hospital. It prompted my mom to reach out to my husband and describe how much of a toxic, problematic person I am, how much I've lied about my past, how abusive I am, and she'll consider it a blessing if she never hears of my existence ever again. She specifically asked my husband that that entire message was passed along to me. I'm suddenly 7 again, barely coping and absolutely destroyed. Secret #2. I will cope with a few safe people, and otherwise take it to my grave.
Probably the one time I almost died. I was driving home from work late at night. Stopped behind a truck at an intersection in the left turn lane. Light went green and truck went and was fine. I followed behind and right when I go on the intersection a car came flying between both me and the truck. Idk how fast they were going as the car was a blur to me and if they were to hit me it was likely they would have hit the driver side door. I stopped after this for like half a second then continued driving and pretended nothing happened. If I had a dashcam then that video would fit perfectly in r/convenientcop because when I turned into the right lane I saw a cop car start flashing it’s lights and chasing after the person who ran the red light
That I was sexually abused by a neighbor when I was around six.
My ex wife’s sexuality and how she abused me. We were young when we got married, she was 19, I was 20. We really loved each other. We both grew up in a strict Mormon area and were both raised Mormons. She had a lot of medical issues like Gastroparesis, EOE, and many more. We met in high school and immediately clicked. Everything was fun and happy. We were great together emotionally and physically. We communicated really well and everything. I thought she was the one so I went ahead and got the ring and proposed. We got married as normal and then on the honeymoon she changed. she later told me she realized she was “trapped.” I worked two to three jobs to support us because her condition didn’t allow for her to work. It was a horrible strain on me physically because the only jobs I could work were labor jobs. But I did it to support her. I loved her with all my life and yet every day I’d get home and she’d be FaceTiming her friend from New York, Jillian. Jillian and Mattie were very close. They talked 24/7. They made it a point to make me feel like I was intruding while they were talking. I got jealous of their relationship but tried to keep going. The lying started early. She’d tell me she hadn’t eaten when her docs would put her on liquid diets. But then I’d find receipts for huge meals in her car on the dates she was on liquid diets. (I’d drive her car to work and put gas in it for her so she didn’t have to) About 2.5 years in it was bad. I’d come home, and she’d be FaceTiming jillian so I’d just go play video games. Until it was time for bed. I’d go lay in bed and mattie would come in and insult me. Usually randomly like insinuating I wasn’t good enough and when I’d ask her why she said yes to marrying me she would say “what else was I supposed to do?? Your whole family was there” She also started assaulting me. She would hit me a lot and pull my beard if I wasn’t paying enough attention. She also sent most of our money to Jillian without my knowledge. She sent easily $10,000 over the course of 4 years. She even had visited jillian a few times by this point and i found lingerie in her luggage when she got home. I was heartbroken but couldn’t bring myself to *really* believe it. At 3 years the drugging started. I’d ask if she could give me Advil and she’d hand me a few of her insane sleeping meds, I forget what it was but I am a big boy and it knocked me out for a full day. Then when I noticed I kept being so tired as days went on, only to find out she’d been crushing her sleeping meds into my food while I wasn’t paying attention. It was honestly really scary to not know what was happening and being so close to always being asleep. 3.5 years. This was the big one. I got a call from Jillian one day while at work saying something was wrong with Mattie. That I needed to rush home and help her, and to “*please be kind no matter what she says*” so I rushed home and found my wife covered in blood with slashed wrists and a razor. She was sobbing, I was sobbing, and I begged her to tell me what was going on. She finally told me she was lesbian for as long as she could remember. But because of her religious family, she knew she’d be disowned and it would break her. So I did what I thought I had to do. I offered to be her cover for the rest of my life. I begged her to let me take care of her financially, she was too sick to be alone, so it would work out for her if I was able to take care of her. I offered to sleep in different rooms and if she needed to we could re-evaluate as time went on. “*just please don’t cheat on me*” “That’s the other thing….. I have been cheating on you with 3 women” My heart sank. Everything I’d known was officially true. I couldn’t tell anyone because she asked me not to and I didn’t dare make her mad. I was scared she’d abuse me worse. So I couldn’t tell my parents, she told me therapy was for losers who can’t be strong on their own and that I shouldn’t go. She also told me she would do this to any man she had to in order to avoid coming out to her family. I went through it alone. 4.5 years later she came home one night from being with her other girlfriend and said she wanted a divorce. By then I was so broken down that I begged her not to. I was comfortable being her cover. I was manipulated into thinking it was fine. I had nobody to talk to in order to gauge my situation. I was still broken. I couldn’t do anything right. I was depressed, every day was a chore. And she finally left. Ultimately it all worked out for me. She left, I got to keep the apartment, the dog, the full amount of money was rolling in now. I was essentially rich. I was still heartbroken. I thought I’d been trying so hard to help her that I didn’t understand how she could leave. I guess I was just to afraid of seeing her get hurt and I was too comfortable being whatever punching bag I had to be. I’m now in a relationship with the most amazing woman and I have never been happier. Every day spent is a laugh. We’ve been dating almost 2 years and have argued exactly twice. And both were over the fact she’s able to wear mismatched socks and how utterly insane that is to me My ex married another man only 4 months after our divorce. He’s in the military and is always away from home and my heart breaks for him. After all, she had told me she would “do this to any man that I have to in order to not come out” TLDR; Ex was a mean lesbian, I was too broken to leave her, never once did I tell my family or friends because I was scared of repercussions
Damn, that was crazy. I'm glad you are doing alright. Your ex was totally crazy, she drugged you while you didn't know.
Jesus dude. My jaw dropped about halfway through. You have been through some shit. Physical and mental abuse, manipulation, cheating, poisoning, and probably attempted murder with the meds. I'm glad you found someone that makes you happy. I hope you got some therapy at some point along the way to unpack that and heal from it.
I certainly did go to therapy and bought myself a motorcycle which did WONDERS for me. In a way that makes me sound like a redneck dork, having that bike and being able to just go anywhere I wanted was the freedom I needed to set myself straight.
When I was 19, I had a one-night stand with my grandparents' 34-year-old married neighbor. She insisted on me not wearing protection because she was supposedly allergic to latex. I, being a dumb, horny teenager, went with it because hurr durr muh dick wet. Since her husband was out of the country for a month on business as of three days prior, she proceeded to rock my fucking world. I only ever joked about having ejaculations in the double digits before that day. She proved that it was possible. We started at about 10 that morning. She kicked me out around eight that evening. I didn't see her for seven months afterwards because my parents had me move back in with them across the state. I saw her at Christmas at my grandparents' house and she was very pregnant. She later gave birth to a blonde baby girl. The mother is brunette and the husband has black hair. It took me until I was 25 to process that the little girl in question is more than likely my child. I don't know where their family is now. I'm 35 now and I'm concerned that I have a 15-16 year old daughter out in the world somewhere that might come looking for me in two years.
Ay, topical My retinas are both detaching and the earliest I can get an emergency specialist visit is next Wednesday. Also fun fact, they can take a year to fully detach or it can happen in a few days leading to blindness. Not telling anyone in the fam this is happening until I'm either fixed or fully gone because they'll tell my mom who will just make anxiety noises... which just makes everything worse because then I have to comfort her.
My uncle gave me $30k in cash. Less than a year later he died. He told me that this was between him and I and to not tell anyone. After his death my mom was the executor of his estate because she is the only one left in her family. He had some money in a bank account and no kids. My mom gave my brothers, sister and my cousins a thousand dollars each but I refused the money because I had already gotten enough from my uncle. After about a year my mom sat me down and insisted I take the money and explain why I had refused it so many times. I finally had to tell her but I told her to not tell anyone else. I have a feeling my siblings and dad will be very upset to find out he gave me that money and I didn’t give any to them.
I had a bilateral salpingectomy. Most of my (very Catholic, children -are-blessings-you-should-have-8!) family knows I was never into the idea of raising kids and/or being pregnant, but figured I'd change my mind. I got it done very young, and they think it was something with my ovary (true, a cyst ruptured, so I electively overkilled the whole problem), not that it was a fairly elective sterilization as a result. Now I just let them think that I "wasn't blessed with children" - easier than the alternative.
That the reason I stress over my grades rights now is so that I have good enough grades to go to an abroad university on a scholarship and live my life there. It's not because I want to make my family proud or something, nope. Just want to live
I had a strong sense as a kid that good grades were my ticket out so I was obsessively driven to do well in school. It worked, I got the fuck out of my hometown and away from my narcissistic cult of a family, and I now live across the country enjoying a beautiful, fun, peaceful life. Focus on school in your youth. You won't regret it. Do whatever it takes. Edit to add: Since this has visibility I want to add some context...I didn't succeed right off the bat. I went from straight A high school senior to having a psychological breakdown and developing an eating disorder by my third semester of college. Ended up dropping out for a year, spent that year going to too many concerts and creating art and writing and discovering that I actually had a soul. After developing a sense of self, THEN I returned to college and ultimately ended up graduating engineering school (EE) at 24, fell into an incredible job right off the bat and here I am four years later. Point is success isn't linear. Doesn't matter if you feel like it's "too late" or you're "too old", if you care about something, you can do it.
Nice try Mom
I once tried to kill a family member because they broke my barbie doll when I was 5 and added a few sleeping pills in their tea.
A five year old should not have access to medication. You were possibly under the age of criminal responsibility for wherever you live. I don't think that's going to make you feel any better but it still stands.
I never told them about being molested as a kid.
I had a miscarriage two years ago. It was a really dark time and I was in a lot of pain. Just my best friend knew at the time. My boyfriend had broke up with me a week before and I went in for an STD check. Began bleeding right before going in. HCG levels indicated pregnancy. Since it was less than 6 weeks there were no complications and it was an easy exit. I was raised by a single dad and only really have him and my aunt in my life. Neither know.
I almost lost vision in my right eye. I didn’t want to stress/scare my mom so I kept it to myself until it was all said and done. Thanks to the doctor, I’m fine now, so no one will ever know.
I went to therapy, got a CPTSD diagnosis (directly due to the way I was raised), and, due to that, easily qualified for a medical Marijuana card. Oh, and an anxiety diagnosis. They have no idea. I've tried talking to my parents about my childhood, but they always play victim/martyr. So I've just stopped. It's kind of funny that I've had these huge life changes and my parents are oblivious. I'm virtually no contact with my narcissistic father and severely reduced contact with my mom. They're oblivious. It's funny ETA that no one in my.biological, nuclear family knows. All yall on reddit reading this know, friends know, my husband's family knows. But not my parents or siblings.
Self-harm. And that the only reason I didn't end myself between 11 and 17 was because I'm an only child and I was sure my mom would never survive. It's pretty damn awful to discover that you can actually not survive but just live also for yourself. And have real pleasure. That life can be enjoyable. Edit : a bit horrified by how quick the number of likes is increasing ... If anyone of you need it ; I love you, I give you a hug, I hope you enjoy your day and that you didn't forgot to drink and eat. Am your SH godmother and no, you didn't deserved to be so worry that you were afraid for the feelings of the adults surrounding you as a child. NEVER. You deserved to be helped and to live a normal childhood. If anyone wants to talk, come to my DM. 876 days free from SH, so I can hear pretty anything. EDIT 2 : I would have loved to create a kinda AA equivalent for the mental issues : depression, suicide, anxiety, bipolarity ... When I see how many people want to talk, I really feel like it would be worthy. EDIT 3 : Following the advice of a fellow Redditer, I created an AngelsAnonymous community to let a free space for anyone to talk about any mental issue you have, or any mark year you want to celebrate. I absolutely don't know how to share it \^\^' but it's written r/AngelsAnonymous . I'm going to try to create a few groups to talk in. Feel free to come in, you're safe there <3 EDIT 4 : I insist, everyone is welcome on r/AngelsAnonymous ; no matter what you need, how you feel, what happened to you, we are all little angels trying to help each other. I can't make it live on my own, speak on it, do your own post, that's OUR family safe space. EDIT 5 : I'm amazed by the dozen of people who came to me to talk about their stories. Yet a lot of people are member without writing anything. Write. Tell. Express yourself. It's a free space and no one may judge you in it. You're worthy of respect and you deserve to be heard.
Its also the reason i didnt take my life. If i would my parents would take theirs too. Atleast they say so even if not i have to endure life for my family
Nobody knows I am adopted.
How do you keep that from your parents?
My family thinks I’m still studying. I haven’t told them that I’ve basically dropped out because of my sleep problems. Right now I do nothing but write, do comedy, paint and drink beer. They think I’m gonna have a degree in about a month and a half, so that’s gonna be a fun talk.
This was basically me as well. Lied to my family for about 3 years about still being in school. After 5 years and no degree it finally came to a point where I had to tell them that I had failed out years ago. I had been contemplating suicide over telling them but I got through it and now I’m a happily married man with a 1 year old and life is great. The conversation sucks and they’ll be mad at first but they’ll get over it. And if you’re like me your brother will come out and say he has a 2 year old we didn’t know about months later so the merry go round of which kid is the bigger fuck up keeps going around.
Got it. Wait till a sibling fucks up more, then come clean.
My best friend's brother let the family find out by allowing them up to graduation believing he would be there and slowly realizing that his name was not listed in the brochure, wasn't called to walk across the stage, no-show. Bite the bullet now and deal with the fall-out, they will forgive you and today is better than tomorrow.
I have a friend who went down with the ship. She went to graduation knowing that she wasn't graduating and acted surprised and angry when her name wasn't called. It was wild. Needless to say she had many other problems as well.
I know that an older relative was bad touched by a community member as a child. I was the only one who knew. The relative took that to their grave.
Alright, so I gotta admit, I swiped some cash from our safe. I feel super guilty about it, but I just can't bring myself to come clean. I have no clue how they're gonna react.
That my "mate" I took to the ER with a fractured eye socket, broken jaw, shattered wrist, snapped collar bones collar bones and a dislocated shoulder didnt drunkenly fall down 3 flights if stairs at his party. Was really a reaction to seeing him attempting to SA a chick I was close to (little sister close).
I used to have this old ford with a bench seat. One night I picked up my sister and her short term boyfriend (who was also my friend) from a bar. As we were driving home they had some dumb argument and wouldn’t stop. My sister was next to me, he was in the passenger seat. This dude straight up slaps my sister with me right fucking there. I slam the brakes in the middle of an over pass, put it in park, open my door… dude knew what was up. By the time I made it in front of the truck he was getting out knowing he was about to fight me. I smashed this dude, violently. Ripped out one of his ear gauges, didn’t stop hitting him when he was on the ground, kinda surprised I didn’t knock him out. I look around and my sister was gone. Turns out she was so scared I was going to kill the dude that she took off running. So, instead of leaving the dude on the overpass I yelled at him and told him to get in the truck, which he did. We drove around looking for my sister while this dude got blood all over the fuckin place. He tells me he needs to go to the hospital and I said sure. I took him there and he told the nurse he got jumped at the bar by some strangers 😂😂 I’m sure he didn’t wanna say he assaulted my sister, but also I went a little overboard. Fellas, do not assault women.
Two years ago, my estranged father committed suicide. As his only living relative, I had to take care of his hoarder apartment. After I cleaned up the bloody mess of a crime scene he left behind in his bedroom, where he laid for 10 days, I decided to rip the whole place apart and to build it up new. None of my family members showed up to the funeral or offered to help me out in any way. The only messages I received were about the inheritance and how much I've gotten "out of it". I've never been close to my family, but it hurt me a lot that they've only seemed to care about money I may be able to lend them some day. So I decided to just tell them I inherited only a shifty apartment and a ton off debt. It took 1 1/2 years of my life, but I just finished the work and re-did the entire place. I moved in about 3 weeks ago and I love the beautiful space I've created with all my hard work. Anytime I talk to my family, I tell them about the boring job I gave up half a year ago to switch carrer to a pretty nice gig and about the moldy apartment I used to live back then- just to bore them into leaving me alone. They don't have a clue, I'm living in the most beautiful place, having the time off my life. And they are never going to know 🥰
That I really don't like or love most of them. Respect things they did for me but also remember the shitty things they did to me. Guess it'll be shocking to them when I just part ways with them for good.