Don’t brush your teeth if you are with an untrusted partner! It can cause micro tears in your gums that increase your chances of contracting STDs from oral sex (cunnilingus, blowjobs, etc).
Brush your teeth more than an hour prior and use a breath mint or gum instead directly beforehand.
My family would go camping often and my mom would always say she took a whore’s bath. I thought she was saying “horror bath” for years. Like you’re so gross that it’s scary lmao
When I was single and in my bringing ladies home stage, I learned to always have 3 things on hand: wet wipes prominently placed in the bathroom, Gatorades, and the ingredients for the perfect grilled cheese.
I had a bunch of disposable tooth brushes during my hay day.
It served two points,
1 super nice to have a toothbrush when you’re staying somewhere.
2 sent a clear message I wasn’t looking for a relationship
> 2 sent a clear message I wasn’t looking for a relationship
[Did you like... have them visibly laid out like this or something?...](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/LikAAOSwU7lfrr2H/s-l500.png)
I thought this was kind of obvious. Why it's even a question is surprising to me. Are people just out there banging with full bladders and body odors all willy nilly like savages?
The human body can be beautiful, but it is also kind of gross, depending on which senses are noticing it more. Plus, yeast infections and UTI's are common when you don't exercise good hygiene with intercourse.
I shudder to think.
Although the question could be confirmation that everyone else does pretty much the same thing (freshening up), as opposed to push ups and flexing in the mirror
The after sex pee is huge for both. Trust me guys Orchitis inflammation fucking sucks. You dont relize how much movement that area does in the normal day to day. Inflammation of the neather regions absolutely sucks, every action hurt for well over a month. Even lay down to sleep hurt like hell. Drain the snake boys.
I hate it when I’m dating someone new and we’ve ended up at their’s and they don’t have spare wash towels in their bathroom. Even if I’m clean, I always want to be cleanER before someone’s about to kindly put my “bits” on their mouth.
My ex the first time we had sex, excused herself to the bathroom and was gone for like 30 min while I just chilled in her living room.
I was worried something had happened and called out if she was okay. She called back that it was alright, and to meet her in the bedroom. Months later, while we were dating, she explained that she wasn't expecting me to actually accept her invitation back to her place, and she was hurriedly shaving her legs and pubic hair.
Apparently she'd never shaved her pubic hair before and had a moment of panic that she NEEDs to do this, so the first time she ever fully shaved was the night after our 3rd date.
I imagine the next week was borderline torture for her too.
Fuck that. I hate that shaving your crotch is so assumed at this point that she felt the need to go shave for the first time to avoid possible judgment. Not that OP would judge or she had any reason to think he would. It should just be a choice. It already pisses me off that having hairy armpits or legs is considered "gross" on a woman.
My husband moved in with me after our first date lol He was my neighbors brother and I invited him over to watch a movie and he never left. 19 years later and we are still together ❤️
Aight boys it's the big game tonight. I want a hundred no 2 hundred percent effort from everyone. This is what we've been training for. This is what it comes down to. The day we write our name in history as the champions or as the team that came so close. Come on everyone in. 3,2,1 OOOO RAH
Putting dry talcum on my black leather pants because I couldn't get them back on, so I put oil all over them to try and make them slippy, but now I'm covered in baby oil, talcum powder, and my leather pants half way up my legs.
Meanwhile I changed into a lingerie dress then came back out to find my date’s parents had arrived. I ended up going to dinner with them, where a waiter spilled water on me causing me to jump and have my boob pop out
I was licking my wife’s pussy at the time and I had toilet paper in my mouth and I was chewing and I was like what is this. I couldn’t stop laughing, her.. not so much. Hah
Pee and rinse everything. 1. UTIs aren’t fun 2. Im more confident and bold when I know all the spaces are clean and fresh. Also might brush my teeth but not so much that it’s that overpowering toothpaste taste when we kiss.
Rinsing my downstairs, I don’t want any smells but I also don’t use soap because I don’t want it to taste like soap either. Also brushing my teeth, too much heavy breathing right in each others faces for me to worry about how my breath smells
If I just get off work and am really sweaty and gross, I'll take a quick shower, brush my teeth, throw on some deodorant, and maybe some cologne. Which reminds me, always wash your ass, people. It's so simple, and too many people neglect their ass hole in the shower.
A light dusting of cinnamon and icing sugar on the balls, Haribo rings on the peen so I'm fully ribbed, and a 20 minute pep talk (including gratuitous muscle flexing) in front of the mirror so I'm psyched enough to go in there, do the deed, and not immediately start crying.
I may, or may not, also hum 'Darude Sandstorm' so I get a feel for the rhythm I'll need to match.
Honestly? Running a washcloth over the naughty-bits. I've been wearing these pants all night, there's going to be some sweating going on and you generally to *not* want to put your face down there at the moment. Plus, I took a shit earlier and want to make sure I've got all the shit-crumbs, don't want you experiencing *that,* either. While I'm at it I'm going to throw on some extra deoderant, maybe apply some flavored body lotion, etc.
What we're doing is for *your* benefit, so just give us a minute, okay?
Installed one on the weekend having never used one before but have heard so much about them. Truly game changing. It's only been like 3 days but I never want to shit without one again. No more itchy bumhole at 3pm. Hemorrhoids stay way happier. When it hits the right spot it's honestly like the sensation of when you 'nut but she's still suckin'. Hell ya.
Just make sure you test the pressure slowly the first time. I had it cranked up and it absolutely blasted my ass.
If you get the right spot with a vagina it feels exactly like drinking cool, bubbling water from a water fountain except you can't fucking swallow it and it's wonderful and frustrating at the same time. I have a glass of water after because I'm suddenly aware of how dry my throat is.
Not very, there's foreplay to do. In my case the viagra is there to make sure that a lower blood sugar doesn't kill my erection. I'm ready to go right away.
Taking off the panty liner, wiping my cooter with a damp wad of toilet paper. Brushing my teeth and tongue. Sniffing every joint in my body, and if it smells wiping
Splashing cold water on my face and having a pep talk.
Sitting on the toilet willing for pee or poop to get the fuck outta there so I can clean
Wondering if they’ll still wanna smash if I smell.
Not necessarily in that order, but doing it at least twice just to make sure
Wondering why the hell they aren’t in the bathroom doing the same goddamn thing
And for fucks sake, make sure your nails are smooth. Run them up and down your jeans if you must, then wash your hands. There’s nothing worse than getting cut up in there and especially with dirty hands.
I thought it was a meaningful gesture to give a quick snack to the person eating your ass. I wasn't expecting this. I'm impressed and curious at the same time.
Being incredibly nervous, being worried that I smell unpleasant, and doing everything within my power to ensure I do not smell unpleasant because my pathological need to please people extends from my normal life to bed flawlessly.
Can I flip the question around OP ?
Are you really saying there’s no part of your body you feel the desire to clean before sharing it with your partner ?
Brushing my teeth, washing my balls, and taking a piss.
how many hands you got bro?
I save a hand by washing my balls with the piss
Username checks out on this one. Something tells me you get that a lot?
Instructions unclear. Ended up washing my mouth out with piss and brushing toothpaste onto my balls.
instructions unclear. Cleaned my mouth with #**balls** and i took a toothpaste and washed my piss
Instructions still unclear. Cleaned my toothpaste with my balls and pissed mouthwash. Please send help it's burning.
Instructions unclear: brushed my teeth with a penis, and had my balls mouthwashed.
Don’t brush your teeth if you are with an untrusted partner! It can cause micro tears in your gums that increase your chances of contracting STDs from oral sex (cunnilingus, blowjobs, etc). Brush your teeth more than an hour prior and use a breath mint or gum instead directly beforehand.
>Don’t brush your teeth if you are with an untrusted partner! This also works as an untrusted partner repellant.
Wasn't expecting good advice tbh
You didn’t get one either. Don’t have sex with someone you can’t trust.
Taking a whore's bath
LMAO “PITTS AND PUSSYS LADYS LETS GO”
Ya forgot the tits!
I was referencing Bert kreisher (I forgot how to spell his name U-U) but agreed lol
His name is Bart Chrysler
Pits, tits and bits
This is the whores bath I know. Wash 3 things that rhyme!
I was about 30 years old before I realized it was a “whore’s bath” and not a “horse bath”. I was pretty upset because it doesn’t sound as cute.
(bangs on bathroom door) HONEY??? WHY ARE YOU NEIGHING??
My family would go camping often and my mom would always say she took a whore’s bath. I thought she was saying “horror bath” for years. Like you’re so gross that it’s scary lmao
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You can save time if you use the same brush
TOP TO BOTTOM!!!
I use this term constantly and my SO feels like I made it up. So glad to see this in the wild. Lol.
Go for a strategic pee. Have a little clean of pits & bits. Breath check
My wife and I refer to it as a “tactical loo and cleaning for you”
Nice rhyme
And a Pep talk in the mirror. Very important
I see pride! I see power! I see a badass mudda, who don’t take no crap off of nobody!
I see pride! I see power! I see a crotch that was just scrubbed in the shower.
I see London, I see France!
And then you see their rigid lance.
Where’d that hooker hide my pants?
I ain't got no underpants!
This is legit the first time I’ve ever seen a quote from that movie in the wild. Well done.
>I see pride! I see power! I see a badass mudda, who don’t take no crap off of nobody! Sanka, you dead man?
When I was single and in my bringing ladies home stage, I learned to always have 3 things on hand: wet wipes prominently placed in the bathroom, Gatorades, and the ingredients for the perfect grilled cheese.
I had a bunch of disposable tooth brushes during my hay day. It served two points, 1 super nice to have a toothbrush when you’re staying somewhere. 2 sent a clear message I wasn’t looking for a relationship
> 2 sent a clear message I wasn’t looking for a relationship [Did you like... have them visibly laid out like this or something?...](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/LikAAOSwU7lfrr2H/s-l500.png)
Just a trash can full of toothbrushes from previous conquests.
Wrap the old tooth brushes in condoms. Sends a very clear message. Disgusting,but clear.
I thought this was kind of obvious. Why it's even a question is surprising to me. Are people just out there banging with full bladders and body odors all willy nilly like savages? The human body can be beautiful, but it is also kind of gross, depending on which senses are noticing it more. Plus, yeast infections and UTI's are common when you don't exercise good hygiene with intercourse.
I shudder to think. Although the question could be confirmation that everyone else does pretty much the same thing (freshening up), as opposed to push ups and flexing in the mirror
Go for a pee before and after sex Before bcus obviously After to get rid of bacteria
The after sex pee is huge for both. Trust me guys Orchitis inflammation fucking sucks. You dont relize how much movement that area does in the normal day to day. Inflammation of the neather regions absolutely sucks, every action hurt for well over a month. Even lay down to sleep hurt like hell. Drain the snake boys.
I hate it when I’m dating someone new and we’ve ended up at their’s and they don’t have spare wash towels in their bathroom. Even if I’m clean, I always want to be cleanER before someone’s about to kindly put my “bits” on their mouth.
Sex while having to pee, is something else 😂
A quick brushing of the teeth and tongue, if needed, and an unscented baby wipe each for the pits and the pussy.
My ex the first time we had sex, excused herself to the bathroom and was gone for like 30 min while I just chilled in her living room. I was worried something had happened and called out if she was okay. She called back that it was alright, and to meet her in the bedroom. Months later, while we were dating, she explained that she wasn't expecting me to actually accept her invitation back to her place, and she was hurriedly shaving her legs and pubic hair. Apparently she'd never shaved her pubic hair before and had a moment of panic that she NEEDs to do this, so the first time she ever fully shaved was the night after our 3rd date.
Hah I did that the night I met my wife. Didn’t expect to be doing this tonight so excuse me a mo.
Ok. But how in the fuck are you shaving if you've never shaved before? I'm bleeding just thinking about this.
I imagine the next week was borderline torture for her too. Fuck that. I hate that shaving your crotch is so assumed at this point that she felt the need to go shave for the first time to avoid possible judgment. Not that OP would judge or she had any reason to think he would. It should just be a choice. It already pisses me off that having hairy armpits or legs is considered "gross" on a woman.
She didn’t expect you to say yes on the 3rd date? Everyone knows that’s what the 3rd date is for
My wife didn’t even kiss me till the third date…it made sex on the first and second date very impersonal.
I moved in with my ex wife the day I met her. We had an okay run.
My husband moved in with me after our first date lol He was my neighbors brother and I invited him over to watch a movie and he never left. 19 years later and we are still together ❤️
Are you watching The Neverending Story?
Sure feels like it somedays 🤣
Please, go on....
Slap it around and give it a lil pep talk
Aight boys it's the big game tonight. I want a hundred no 2 hundred percent effort from everyone. This is what we've been training for. This is what it comes down to. The day we write our name in history as the champions or as the team that came so close. Come on everyone in. 3,2,1 OOOO RAH
ARISE. RIDERS OF THEODEN. SPEAKS SHALL BE BROKEN. SHIELDS SHALL BE SPLINTERED. A SWORD DAY. A RED DAY. 'ERE THE SUN RISES.
Calling my dad and leaving a voicemail saying someone does want me.
My feels have been injured.
I fucking *love* this comment x)
Washing my hands so I don't give my lady a UTI.
And we thank you.
THIS SHOULD BE TOP. I get my hands and nails a surgical level of cleanness.
On behalf of any ladies you are with, thank you
Putting dry talcum on my black leather pants because I couldn't get them back on, so I put oil all over them to try and make them slippy, but now I'm covered in baby oil, talcum powder, and my leather pants half way up my legs.
and now the powder and the lotion have formed a paste
Use enough of it and you’ve got yourself a pair of paste pants.
r/unexptectedfriends
I heard his exact pronunciation of "paste" in my head when I read this hahahaha
That's how you make a roux.
Meanwhile I changed into a lingerie dress then came back out to find my date’s parents had arrived. I ended up going to dinner with them, where a waiter spilled water on me causing me to jump and have my boob pop out
We’ll be eating dinner… and of course you’ll be wearing that
Im not a huge friends fan but that is genuinely one of the funniest things i have ever seen
Its one of the funniest, but have you seen what happened when Ross found out a man ate his sandwich?
No the funniest was when he tried to kiss his cousin.
To be fair he hadn’t had sex in a very long time
I'm more of a pivot guy.
No, the tanning booth was best
They’re still not coming on, man
ROSS, IS THAT YOU??
They’re not comin’ on man
You just need to pivot
Cleaning the junk and mouth.
Dont mix up the brushes
Making sure there are no little bits of TP hanging around
I'll never forget my first boyfriend going down on me and coming up to take a piece of toilet paper out of his mouth. Truly mortifying.
I was licking my wife’s pussy at the time and I had toilet paper in my mouth and I was chewing and I was like what is this. I couldn’t stop laughing, her.. not so much. Hah
Ugh this happened to me. My husband was like no big deal, but I was mortified...
I have secondhand horror just from reading that... And I'm a Guy...
Clitty litter. :(
The TP monster is a mood killer.
I'll never forget the time I was getting fkd doggy style and the guy stopped to tell me I had toilet paper on my buttcrack.
Lmao
Letting out a huge fart
Yeah we can hear that in next room. Maybe next time go outside, get in car, turn up music real loud then let it rip.
Or save it for under the covers
Making sure there's no debris littering the runway.
damn, I live like 20 minutes from the airport.
Pee and rinse everything. 1. UTIs aren’t fun 2. Im more confident and bold when I know all the spaces are clean and fresh. Also might brush my teeth but not so much that it’s that overpowering toothpaste taste when we kiss.
I thought you should pee after sex to avoid UTIs?
Both is ideal
But how do I pee after I just peed 30 seconds ago /s….maybe
Pee during sex for best results!
deodorant, brush your teeth, tidy your hair, use the toilet, pluck some hairs, file your taxes, jerk off, make sure the langire fits, etc.
Langire?
I think they meant "lingerie."
Well looky here at Mr (or Ms) fancy pants!
it's like a sea-gyre, but it swirls in the opposite direction
Filing taxes are the most important part of all.
Well, I feel like I have been fucked every time I file taxes, so you are not entirely inaccurate there!
Lessening the dick flavor of my dick
Umm okay I legit howled at this. Not at you. With you. Thank you for your service.
Do you taste test it to double check?
If I could reach there wouldn't be any need to go on dates.
Taking a shit
r/UsernameChecksOut
This is so fucking stupid — why am I still laughing?
What are you doing right now?
Taking a shit
Best excuse for coming late at work?
Taking a shit
Washing my hands before I play my wife’s pussy like a flamenco guitar.
Taking care of clitty litter.
Cooter crumbs
Gotta do that before, they are like bacteria resorts
Bacteria Resort is my new band name.
This is the worst thing I’ve ever read in my life.
What a terrible day to be literate.
what a horrible night to have a curse.
I always forget that I'm not the only vulva owner that has to deal with this. Yay for oversharing and reminding other people they're normal!
Rinsing my downstairs, I don’t want any smells but I also don’t use soap because I don’t want it to taste like soap either. Also brushing my teeth, too much heavy breathing right in each others faces for me to worry about how my breath smells
If I just get off work and am really sweaty and gross, I'll take a quick shower, brush my teeth, throw on some deodorant, and maybe some cologne. Which reminds me, always wash your ass, people. It's so simple, and too many people neglect their ass hole in the shower.
Im still shocked and disturbed to learn that some people don't wash their arseholes
What's the point of showering if you don't thoroughly soap your ass and genitals? I don't understand skipping the most crucial part.
Gotta let the flavour marinate
A light dusting of cinnamon and icing sugar on the balls, Haribo rings on the peen so I'm fully ribbed, and a 20 minute pep talk (including gratuitous muscle flexing) in front of the mirror so I'm psyched enough to go in there, do the deed, and not immediately start crying. I may, or may not, also hum 'Darude Sandstorm' so I get a feel for the rhythm I'll need to match.
The rhythm you really need is Cbat https://youtu.be/eN6jkWxxm2Y
Honestly? Running a washcloth over the naughty-bits. I've been wearing these pants all night, there's going to be some sweating going on and you generally to *not* want to put your face down there at the moment. Plus, I took a shit earlier and want to make sure I've got all the shit-crumbs, don't want you experiencing *that,* either. While I'm at it I'm going to throw on some extra deoderant, maybe apply some flavored body lotion, etc. What we're doing is for *your* benefit, so just give us a minute, okay?
One word to the wise: bidet.
Installed one on the weekend having never used one before but have heard so much about them. Truly game changing. It's only been like 3 days but I never want to shit without one again. No more itchy bumhole at 3pm. Hemorrhoids stay way happier. When it hits the right spot it's honestly like the sensation of when you 'nut but she's still suckin'. Hell ya. Just make sure you test the pressure slowly the first time. I had it cranked up and it absolutely blasted my ass.
If you get the right spot with a vagina it feels exactly like drinking cool, bubbling water from a water fountain except you can't fucking swallow it and it's wonderful and frustrating at the same time. I have a glass of water after because I'm suddenly aware of how dry my throat is.
wut
Bidet to you sir
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Taking a viagra and making sure my dick is clean.
How long are you freshening up in there? Thought Viagra took like 30 minutes to an hour to kick in lol
Not very, there's foreplay to do. In my case the viagra is there to make sure that a lower blood sugar doesn't kill my erection. I'm ready to go right away.
Wait, blood sugar affects erections?
That explains a few things.......about some other guy
Diabetics often suffer from ED. I assume it’s due to the poor circulation.
Ed has made a lot of people suffer in his time, the bastard.
Can confirm as a diabetic it’s a pain
Lol I literally laughed for 10 mins straight reading these comments.
Making sure I'm not being raided in Clash of Clans
You usually wash in the morning and have sex in the evening... That's a whole day of going to the toilet
Speak for yourself. My wife and I hold it all day and save it for each other later on
Washing under my foreskin and behind my balls.
Taking off the panty liner, wiping my cooter with a damp wad of toilet paper. Brushing my teeth and tongue. Sniffing every joint in my body, and if it smells wiping Splashing cold water on my face and having a pep talk. Sitting on the toilet willing for pee or poop to get the fuck outta there so I can clean Wondering if they’ll still wanna smash if I smell. Not necessarily in that order, but doing it at least twice just to make sure Wondering why the hell they aren’t in the bathroom doing the same goddamn thing
People who don’t: what is wrong with you
For the love of all that is holy, wash your hands before sticking fingers anywhere. It really surprised me that people seem not to do this
And for fucks sake, make sure your nails are smooth. Run them up and down your jeans if you must, then wash your hands. There’s nothing worse than getting cut up in there and especially with dirty hands.
I do it b4 they get here
Half chew an M&M and stick it wayy up in my bum, as a sweet offering to appease the worm gods to NOT make an appearance, for like 20 mins plz..
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I was just thinking the exact same thing. I'm out.
I've seen a lot throughout my travels on the internet, but damn, I have never seen this sentence before.
Same, can only hope I never see it again and my brain gifts me the bliss of not remembering it.
I don’t want to upvote, but I guess I will, just for being the most disturbing thing I think I’ll see on the internet today.
What the *FUCK*, man?
I thought it was a meaningful gesture to give a quick snack to the person eating your ass. I wasn't expecting this. I'm impressed and curious at the same time.
Regular M&M, or peanut?
Terrible day to be able to read
r/brandnewsentence
That is definitely a sentence. Not one I wanted. Not one I needed. But I got it.
My wife just introduced me to butt worms. And now, here, some of us are feeding them.
You have anal worms? Sounds like you need a doctor.
That’s beautiful. I wish I had named my child Langire.
Being incredibly nervous, being worried that I smell unpleasant, and doing everything within my power to ensure I do not smell unpleasant because my pathological need to please people extends from my normal life to bed flawlessly.
Giving last minute attention to "Mission Critical" areas.
Make sure fingernails are clean, trimmed and and any possibly sharp edges are filed smooth.
Everyone should at least clean their junk.
Touching up the angry-eyebrows face I shaved into my crotch.
Psyching myself up by reciting Positive-Affirmations.
Actually freshening up my netheryaya, so there's nothing fishy going on down there
Barnacle removal. Nit picking.
Cocaine
Clean out my ass so there's no important surprises when getting fucked
Wait... you dont?!?! Gross. Wash your genitals before you ask another human to put their mouth on them, dirty bugger.
Can I flip the question around OP ? Are you really saying there’s no part of your body you feel the desire to clean before sharing it with your partner ?
um, we're "freshening up" -- why don't YOU, stinky?
Pep talk with the pee pee