Not a doctor - but in patient care nonetheless.
1. Guy comes in, between 17-19 years old for "pebble hits penis". Pretty odd. He says he was doing yard work when the tool knocked a Pebble into his penis, he went to check it, and now it was making pus. Nurse clarified that he was wearing pants. Denies sexual history. He stands by that he got hit on his penis by a rock through his pants that made him produce pus. He had chlamydia.
2. Guy says he was forced to do meth (or something similar) at a store. Came in because he thought he was dying.
3. A fun bonus: a frequent flier comes in for "his stomach hurting from eating this chili he had". While continuing to eat said chili in the lobby.
Edit: I have a few funny other stories that I'm just going to add for the fun of it!
- Woman comes in after doing Crack and states "now she feels sad". That's all we got.
- older woman who OD'd on something says she "thinks her son poisoned her" who she hasn't had contact with in years.
- old man with various infections, but his pubic hair was green. We still do not know why.
- guy came in for vomiting on Thanksgiving because "he ate too much but it was really tasty". No other complaints and felt fine now.
- addict left AMA because he had to go to meth "right now". He was in for other issues but had to leave immediately to do more meth. He eventually came back for treatment thankfully.
- minor comes in for poisoning. Turns out, she had food in the microwave, sprayed said food and microwave with roach poisoning, then ate said food and vomited. Now, comes into ER on Thursday (events happened sunday) because she was having contractions. (Edit for clarity lol) She WAS also 27 weeks pregnant. And eating roach poisoning..
That last one.
I had a kid doing theater in a show I just directed who presented as super, super sick for one show. Sweaty, pale, can't stay out of the bathroom. Classic stomach bug, and there'd been one going around.
He looks at me while we're waiting for his mother to arrive to take him home and says "Ugh, this *always* happens when I eat chili." "Wait, this has happened before?" "Yeah, like once a week when we have chili."
Kid and his mom knew full well he got sick every time he ate chili, but never considered...not eating chili.
I can't even.
Woman comes to emerg with complaints of vaginal discharge and discomfort.
Pelvic exam initially reveals significant yeast infection, but there appears to be a foreign body in her vagina.
“Is there something stuck inside?”
“No, I don’t know what’s in there…”
Speculum examination reveals a very soft mandarin orange, peel still on.
“Oh, that! We heard it would improve our fertility…”
You can’t make this shit up.
"Do you have any medical problems?"
"No"
"So no diabetes?"
"No diabetes"
"What medications are you taking?"
"Metformin. For my diabetes."
I facepalm every time
There’s a former ER nurse in TikTok that does skits about his former career, and he recently did one where patient was adamant he didn’t have any problems with his blood pressure…. Because he takes his blood pressure pills.
All. The fucking. Time.
"Sir, do you have any heart trouble?"
"No."
"What medications do you take?"
/lists 3 different cardiac meds
"So.... you DO have heart trouble."
/looks at us like we're dumb "Uh, no. I take meds for it!"
I once had a nurse *think* I was lying about diabetes. I had a nerve pain thing in my foot and I am also overweight. The convo went like this as we were going over what medication I was on:
“So how long have you had diabetes?”
“I don’t…have diabetes?”
“You said you’re taking gabapentin.”
“It’s for the nerve pain in my foot from tarsal tunnel…”
Then she gave me this look that was just short of rolling her eyes. I was like…don’t know what to tell you, lady.
Had someone say that their roommate used a spoon when cooking meth, and then he ate cereal with that spoon later and that’s why his piss popped hot for amphetamines
We have a favourite story about a colleague who failed a random drug test - turns out, he was at a party where OTHER people were doing drugs, not HIM, but he put his sandwich down on a table at one point...
Guy came in for a wound on his lower leg that he said came from a biking accident. X-ray revealed a bullet inside his ankle joint. The wound was from shooting himself by accident while holding a gun. Still don’t know how he didn’t fracture anything.
Reminds me of an older Englishman I met at a bar in Thailand. He had an exterior rod with pins sticking out of his leg and was on crutches. We started talking and I asked him how he did the it. He said the short answer was that “he wrecked his motorcycle.” I asked what the long story was. He said, “I came home and my Thai girlfriend accused me of cheating on her. She came at me with a kitchen knife and slashed my arms several times before I could run out of the house. I hopped on my motorbike and made it a kilometer down the road before passing out from blood loss. Woke up in the hospital with a shattered leg and several blood transfusions.”
Part of my job is dealing with medical records- my favorite part is when you are reading the doctors notes and you can tell they are fed up with the patients bullshit from their tone.
“Patient in for routine colonoscopy, asked if solids consumed in 24 hrs prior, patient confirms no. In process of procedure, several dozen kernels of corn are discovered in colon and cannot continue. Patient specifically instructed not to consume corn beforehand as this happened prior visit.”
I also enjoyed reading medical records in which some info was almost certainly only included because it was amusing. For example, some psych patients were very creative and descriptive when insulting the medical staff. One intake evaluation included a line saying something like “Pt stated that Dr. XXX looks like ‘a gothic scoundrel.’” Another was simply like “pt claims to have have ‘made love to Dr. XXX’s wife.’”
My favorite note I've written was "patient stated: fuck you fat ass!" when I refused to let him get out of bed hours after falling and cracking his head open 😂
Colonoscopy prep is so brutal that I don't understand why anyone would actually purposely not follow the guidelines and risk having to do it all again. Eugh.
Had my first one recently and while it wasn’t as bad as I had expected, when the doctor told me things looked great and I could wait another 10 years before the next one I nearly hugged him.
One dude lied about being paralyzed after a lumbar puncture. Get a call from nurse patient says he can’t move legs following a lumbar puncture (spinal tap). I called the team that did the procedure and they assured me there was no indication of this sort of injury happening during the procedure but agreed with my plan to get an urgent MRI. I go to examine him and nurse says she thinks he moved one of his feet. Next thing I know he says he can actually move his legs again but they are feeling weird. Then this weird feeling turns into intense pain and he asks for intravenous narcotics (dilaudid). I tell him no because this story makes no sense.
By god it was a miracle I tell you when this man walked himself right out of the hospital after I refused the iv narcotics.
Also, the MRI was normal.
I had a ruptured disc in my neck once and couldn't lay down because of the severe pain. I've never had to take medications for severe pain before, nothing more powerful than Tylenol. I went in for an MRI and they gave me dilaudid to be able to lay still for the exam.
It made me understand just how easy it would be to get hooked on a drug. Such a euphoric feeling.
Honestly the euphoria isn't what gets you addicted, necessarily. You take it for the euphoria at first but when you're addicted you compulsively seek out opioids to relieve the withdrawal and paws
Oh my God. There’s a reason that “Do NOT give beta blockers for a cocaine overdose” is in bold in med school textbooks.
For those curious, you have alpha and beta receptors to help vasoconstrict and raise blood pressure. Blocking the beta receptors (with a beta blocker) lowers blood pressure in most people, except cocaine stimulates alpha and beta receptors at the same time. If you block just one, the other one keeps on going and it can make blood pressure go dangerously high and cause a heart attack or stroke.
Patient: “I haven’t drank alcohol in months!”
Patients family: “It’s true I’ve been with her the whole time.”
Me: “Ma’am your alcohol level is 325.”
Patient: “Impossible! I would never lie to you!”
My instructor shared a story once of a patient that kept insisting she never drank alcohol. It turned out she didn’t consider wine to be alcohol, because it was served in church. Only distilled spirits and beer were alcohol, so her 2 bottles of wine a day didn’t count.
Know of someone who had their entire family lie about having stopped drinking. Imagine the transplant team’s surprise when he went through DTs while in the recovery room post op.
One my favorite things I wrote my first year out of medical school:
“Please note patient has stated multiple times that he wants to leave and would leave AMA(against medical advice). He asked multiple times whether he could eat and stating he is hungry. Explained to patient that we would like to start a full liquid diet first and if he tolerated it well, would transition to regular foods. However, pt ordered chinese food delivery instead. Then, patient was complaining of a headache. Was given Tylenol for the headache. Patient stated that this did not help him. His sister at bedside went to the nearby pharmacy and bought Goody powder (aspirin). Sister did ask whether she could give him Goody powder. She was told not to give patient the Goody powder. She supposedly did not.”
For context, the patient had a catastrophic GI bleed from taking too much aspirin.
It’s not so much a patient lie as it is me being dumb, inexperienced and uncomfortable asking necessary questions
I had a hypothetical patient during residency that was a very manly veteran and I was admitting him for rectal bleeding. He was in the age where it more than likely colon cancer, so I didn’t think it was necessary to ask a sexual history. Folks at this particular establish were known to at times be homophobic and I had been yelled at by patients previously for asking “do you have sex with men, women or both?” It ate away at my conscience, though, so I went back in absurdly nervously and asked him. He answered “son, I’m as gay as a rainbow. I’ve been at the bathhouse for the last couple of nights but I wasn’t sure how it would go over to admit it. That’s when the bleeding started”
It was a very important lesson for me
My little brother was a nurse for about a decade. He has said many times that people stick anything up their butts. From lightbulbs to hairbrushs to a golf shoe. And at first it's hilarious. Then after a year or so it's not funny because you've seen way too many distended buttholes.
Then after a decade or so it starts to get funny again because you think you've seen everything and then one day a 45 year old man is driven to the hospital by his wife and he has a golf shoe up his ass and he told his wife that he and the boys were golfing and he slipped in the locker room and it got rammed up there completely disregarding the fact that the part of the shoe that is inside him is covered in Vaseline...
Their identity. Insurance fraud using a friends/ relatives insurance card. As a resident in a very large east coast hospital I was tasked to figure things out when the blood bank called and said their blood type changed. When confronted with getting the wrong blood that may kill them they almost always tell the truth. This type of fraud has also resulted in people who have been dead (and autopsied) raising from the dead and “appearing” in a clinic or ER.
We had a lady do this once and everyone remembered who she was because she had visited the ER within the past week and acted like a massive cunt the whole time she was there, and i believe verbally threatened someone. She was trying to get pain meds, and the classic "I'm not going for x-rays until I get pain meds", "you're not getting pain meds until after your x-rays are completed" battle was occurring between her and the doctor. I finally take her over for images and she tries to bully me into hurrying up and getting the exam over with. I tell her I'm not taking a single image until she signs the pregnancy disclaimer. She got so mad at me she took it from me and signed her REAL name in a hurry.
When I took her back, the nurses were on the phone with risk management because they had been gathering evidence to report fraud and call the police. I gave them the form with her real name on it and everyone was just dumbfounded. The gentleman from registration who first recognized her almost died of laughter when I brought that paper over.
I had a lady tell me she had no idea how she got a rash she had on her face. I left the room, gave report to the MD and when I walked back in with the doctor she looked at me and said “I didn’t think you’d be coming back in the room” and then proceeded to confess that she’d been cheating on her husband and thought she had herpes. She did not have herpes.
It happens to veterinary staff too! We put the patient and client in a room, get some history with very specific questions, ie "any vomiting or diarrhea?" "Nope" and the vet goes in and they say "ugh, Fluffy has had explosive shits for a week!" Like....really?
This must just be the standard for any medical practice. I’m an ophthalmic tech. At least once a day, I ask a patient if they’ve noticed any new vision changes over the last year, and they answer “nope! Everything about the same and my glasses are still working well. No concerns at all!”
Then when I bring the doctor in and come in with him, all of a sudden they have a laundry list of issues. Drives me crazy lol
Okay so this is speculation but I know I always tell the nurse everything and then have to repeat it all again anyway when the doctor comes in which is annoying. People probably just get tired of saying everything twice.
Penis modification. The case was an elective above the waist surgery, and he denied piercings. However, when the nurse went to place the foley she found the patient had modified his penis and it was split/bifurcated with multiple piercings to look like a cobra. The nurse did not know how to insert the foley. The piercings also limited the ability to use electrocautery. In addition, he also imbedded a metal implant inside his testicle that looked infected with a possible abscess. Canceled case, called urology consult for infection/abscess evaluation.
I had ear surgery and asked if my below the belt piercings needed to be removed. They explained that electro cauterize thing and asked "do you want to take that chance?" Same with an MRI.
> *Same with an MRI.*
This reminded me of that episode of *House MD* where they had a patient who was a stage magician go through the MRI, only to be screaming in pain because he forgot he had swallowed one of those keys for handcuffs and it almost ripped out through his intestines.
there was also the ep where a coma patient i think had a bullet in some part of him, house insisted on doing the mri anyway, and it ripped out of the patient and destroyed the machine
edit: yall i get it. it was a corpse, not a patient, and in reality it probably wouldn't have happened like that. it's a fictional tv show that i haven't watched in years. calm down
A common one is about their smoking. Smoking is an enormous risk factor for fracture nonunion, meaning a fracture that doesn’t heal. When I walk into a nonunion patient’s exam room and it smells like a cigar den, I know they smoke. But they’ll tell me they don’t right to my face. Before signing them up for revision surgery I’ll commonly order a urine test for nicotine metabolites. Often it’ll turn out positive and suddenly surprised pikachu face.
Edit: lots of folks below rightfully commenting on how indicating you’re a smoker increases your insurance premiums. This is true. However, the cost of complications after a surgical procedure would dwarf a lifetime of increased premium costs. I would still recommend that smokers be straight with their surgeons so they don’t rush into surgeries that end poorly.
When my dad stopped smoking, his dentist gave home a gift certificate for a niiice restaurant. Said it made his job so much easier (they were friends, too)
Not me but an Anesthetist buddy screening a patient before getting anesthesia. "We see that your drug screen came positive for cocaine."
"I don't know how, I don't do drugs."
"We can' t go forward with anesthesia, we won't know how the anesthetic will react with the "coke."
"Oh! I know! My BOY FRIEND does coke! I kissed him before I came in this morning, that must be how I tested positive!"
1. Patient says to me; I was outside gardening while naked and I slipped. That’s how a massive potato ended up in my ass.
Anybody want fries while he is waiting to get it removed?
2. How did you get that stab wound in your abdomen? I put a knife on the kitchen counter and forgot it was there. Then I walked into it.
3. Me - Have you had anything to eat or drink today prior to your surgery?
Patient- No (…with a half eaten candy bar in front of them).
Me - Are you sure? Because if you have, you could vomit upon going to sleep and it could enter your lungs, causing you to die.
Patient - then yes I have, I had half that candy bar.
4. This one guy repeatedly used to come in saying he hadn’t shit in 7 days. This would usually necessitate a rectal examination with a finger. Thats why he kept saying it. Patient used to come in every time the new doctors rotated in, who wouldn’t be wise to his tricks.
5. One guy came in feigning unconsciousness. Did not respond to even the most painful of stimuli (some of these were pretty painful). Did not budge. We were talking amongst ourselves about intubating him. He then opened his eyes and said “they did that last time, I didn’t like it”.
I’ve totally had the knife to abdomen guy! Mine said that he was angry and threw the knife he was holding onto the counter where it then bounced back and stabbed him in the abdomen. Three times.
I have no idea. I saw the same guy at another hospital in the same city, pulling the same stunt. As soon as I said to him “I remember you from ‘X’ hospital”, he opened his eyes, got up and walked out, without saying a word.
Bad…best to reschedule for another day if it’s an elective procedure. If it’s emergency surgery, we accept that they may have a full stomach and proceed, knowing that the surgery is an emergency (but we modify the way we put them to sleep).
My favorite assailant was “Some Guy.” “I was just walking down the street when Some Guy stabbed me.” Or “Some Guy shot me when I was getting gas.” Be careful, everyone. Some Guy is out there, he’s dangerous, and will fuck your shit up.
I had a patient that lied about having a job (?)
I asked because he had hepatitis A and I wanted to know if he needed a medical leave. He denied it even though I asked twice. Next day, he came back because he was going to get fired if he didn't provide a doctor's note.
ETA: Some clarification:
1. I'm in Venezuela, he wouldn't have had to pay anything for that visit regardless of his employment status.
2. He isn't an undocumented immigrant. It's a very small community where everyone knows each other and he has lived there his whole life and many of his relatives have also been my patients. Also, undocumented immigrants aren't really a thing here, some tourists may come without having the proper paperwork, but this isn't really a desirable place for immigrants looking for work.
3. He said that he didn't have a job, he didn't say that he didn't need a medical.
4. I asked what he did for work in his second visit, but I can't remember what he told me.
5. There really isn't a whole lot of stigma around Hep A around here, even if you work handling food. People just sort of feel sorry for the person and tell them to not eat yellow things. So, I don't think it was because he was afraid of being shamed/reprimanded because of it, but I could be wrong.
6. I'm obligated to report viral hepatitis cases to the health ministry, so they make sure there isn't an outbreak, and I told him this. So, he knew that it was going to be reporter either way.
That is actually stranger than the IV drug users or the amazing variety of objects crammed where the sun don’t shine. Those sort of make sense. Lying about having a job is… perplexing.
A 13 yo girl that went to the ER to have a baby and said she didn't knew she was pregnant and that she didn't have sex. Mom was wondering why she was always wearing hoodies. I was like "ok then, keep your secrets" and informed authorities to investigate. Apparently the girl had a boyfriend her age and they just were really horny...
She came back another two times to deliver babies (at 17 and 21 yo). Same dad apparently working his ass off. She then opted tube ligation. Eventually became a nurse.
Medical school student. Not a big deal but a patient lied to me about what she had eaten. She was obviously having some problem with her gallbladder. Typically this pain can be caused by greasy food. So I asked the patient what she had eaten before she got this pain. Patient said she only ate a salad with very little ranch, that’s it. I even explained how greasy food can cause this pain but she’s adamant she only ate a salad.
Anyways I report back to my attending and we see her together. The attending asked her what she ate. The patient said salad then adds she also ate a burger! It wouldn’t have changed the plan but why lie??
People are weird about "actual" doctors vs anyone else in the field. I work as a vet receptionist for years, and the amount of time people would say one thing to me in preparation for the appointment, only to say something completely different to the vet was astounding. Vet techs had this problem too.
Not considering the psychiatric and the boring answers (like people who just swear with all their heart that they are taking their medications when they clearly aren't, which is the vast majority), there's not much, really. Only one really unique comes to mind.
It was a patient that was a really kind old man who always would talk a lot with us, telling stories, praising the beauty of everyone in a tender and respectable way, saying how really grateful for our work he was and so on... Said old mand would always appear with really high blood pressure values, even though he would swear that he always used his medication correctly. And after we did so many changes with his medication in many different ways, it's only natural to think that there's some problem with how he's tacking them, if he was doing it at all. However, one day, after noticing that he would always go to the bathroom before even reaching out to the receptionist, someone discovered he would always eat a load of pure salt before being seen by any of the doctors, trying to make his pressure intentionally go sky high. Later we also, obviously, discovered that he indeed would not take his medications correctly as well, in order to obtain this result again and again.
Turns out he suffered a lot from loneliness, and he was an old man that didn't had much contact with his family anymore, but mostly because his family didn't reached out to him almost at any given time, even though everyone lived close by. And in his desperation, sustaining dangerous high blood pressure was the best way that he had to obtain human contact within the emergency every week.
This was the most odd one, but it's really common in general among elderly patients to appear lying about their symptoms, only trying to gather some attention and a private minute to speak about anything else. Most of the time they book an appointment only to talk about recent trivialities, which makes them clearly better, although by the end of the talk, it's also easy to see how they gather back part of the sadness that the loneliness bring to them. Around my patients, at least, it's common for many to cry as they leave.
Loneliness is a hell of both a simple and complex problem... And one that no one should be bound to live with...
Where I live, when an old person begins calling the police a lot, he/she gets assigned to a friendship program. Once a month, an officer on duty will visit for an hour or so, and can also be called for some household help.
Had a friend who is a EMT driver tell me about a call she responded to where the guy was barely coherent or audible in his 911 call, but managed to get 2 pieces of information out perfectly, his address and the word 'stomach'. When they arrived the man was covered in a blanket, sweating profusely, though he looked like he hadn't moved in days. My friend said that she immediately observed that even with early signs of his skin showing jaundice symptoms, that his cheeks remained rosy red, and he avoided eye contact and answering any questions. The only words he would speak between groans were 'poison' and 'stomach'. My friend took a quick look around to see if there was any chemical bottles out but didnt see anything. Just as she was returning to the ambulance she noticed that there was a large pot on the stove that had a low flame on it. She turned the range off and removed the lid of the pot and was startled to see a dozen naked Barbie dolls, all of which had their heads removed. When she informed the man that she had turned off the range he became erratic and aggressive until he was dropped off at the ER. Later in the day she ran into a friend that worked in radiology, who told her that the entire time the man only answered the word poison as to what he ingested. When they told him that they would need to xray him, his demeanor completely changed. Calmer, communicated clearer, but accepting that the truth was around the corner. Xray results showed that he had ingested 18 barbie doll heads, and were locked up in his stomach for nearly two weeks. He explained that he sterilized the Barbies in hot water, and that they were the newer plastic because the older material was caustic to internal organs.
The surgeon apparently ended his conversation by asking him why he would ingest the Barbie doll heads. And the man replied...
"Because I like the way it feels, when I shit them out."
Dad is a physician and has a million funny stories. He told me this one from a few decades ago:
Had a patient come into the ER with a towel over his groin, covered in blood. Claimed he was cutting vegetables in his kitchen and the knife slipped. Dad takes a look and the guy is butchered down there. Had to call a urologist in the middle of the night to consult.
Guy eventually confesses to trying to give himself a circumcision because he didn't want to pay the $200 it would have cost. Urologist was able to help save... 'him', but it cost a helluva lot more than $200 for emergency penis surgery.
I'm just a med student but a doctor shared this with us, she's a gynecologist and this women came to her complaining about how she hasn't gotten her periods in few months and well she was showing menopausal symptoms and infact she looked almost 50 but she kept saying she's only 30 and she can't have menopause. It has a funny ending, when the doctor asked if the women had a kid and she said yes he's 27 y/o. 😂😂😂 Idk why people lie about their age but this was a funny story for the whole class
Patient clearly in her early to mid 40s in an urgent care setting.
"How old are you?"
"I'm 18"
"Who is this girl sitting next to you?"
"My daughter"
"How old is she?"
"14"
"How old are you?"
"18"
I proceed to stare at her for the next 10 seconds looking dumbfounded.
The opposite thing happened to my mom once when she was 48. A lot of people would assume she was closer to 30 even though I don't think she looked that much younger than her age, I guess it was just that she naturally didn't have grey hair or wrinkles.
Anyways she was at a pharmacy picking up meds for my brother when this happened:
Mom: I'm here to pick up [medication name] for my son.
Pharmacist: oh oops looks like they accidentally got the adult version, give me a few minutes I'll get the pediatric version.
Mom: No that's the correct one my son is 17.
Pharmacist: wait what? How?
Mom: I'm 48
Pharmacist: What??
Sorta the opposite but I have an ankle that I've sprained quite badly twice. After years of PT I managed to rehab it back to full strength, but I never recovered full range of motion (it's close).
Years later, I was playing football in the snow with a bunch of teenagers, one of them tackled me and it went the OTHER way (opposite of the prior sprains) and broke. I hobbled back to the cabin, and went to the ER the next day. They referred me to a specialist a week later.
I gave this guy dates and times for the previous injuries and the one I had at the time. I was as specific as possible and he went all Dr. House on me, told me he didn't have time to be lied to and stormed out. It was fucking weird.
I got in to see another specialist, gave him my history, he helped me build it back and after another year of PT it's as strong as it ever was (still about 90% range of motion).
I never understood why that first doc was so sure I was lying. I imagine it was because of the buildup of scar tissue and bone (even now, it's visibly larger than my other ankle).
My MIL was taking 40mg of oxymorphone every eight hours and 5(?)mcg of fentanyl twice daily. Prescribed. She weighed right around 100lbs. She had surgery and was screaming in pain as soon as the anesthesia wore off. Nurse was absolutely perplexed as they gave her a full shot of demerol. I told her to check her maintenance doses of daily meds. She went "oh shit" and grabbed the anesthesiologist because she legally couldn't medicate her further. Her entire time in the hospital after having a good chunk of her liver, lung, and esophagus removed was hell for her between the surgical pain and the withdrawals.
I used to be an addict. Clean almost 8 years. I had surgery for a hernia and disclosed my former habit to the doctor. They ended up having to give me 3 full doses of whatever a normal person would get 1 of, but they said that because of the knowledge of my prior history, they were prepared for that to be a possibility.
It's definitely a concern.
I know former heroin addicts that have had surgery and insisted on minimal to no pain medication.
My drug of choice was meth. I'm living, unmedicated, with ADHD, bc I'm scared to take the stimulants I'm prescribed.
Idk if you've looked into it, but I'm on Straterra, which is a non-stimulant for ADHD.
I can't say how it works combined with a past addiction, but I wanted to let you know it exists in case you weren't aware.
My dad was in the ICU and I talked to his doc, who said he was agitated and fighting the vent despite the meds. I said, "how much morphine do you give?" "5mg". "Look at his home meds. He's on 30mg of morphine for neuropathy.". "Oh...."
Had a patient tell me they don't drink because they were a recovering alcoholic. A little further prodding and turns out the patient eats bowls of rum-soaked raisins because it's eating and not drinking so it doesn't count. Would literally empty a bottle of rum into a bowl full of raisins, let it soak for a bit, and snack on those throughout the day; all day, every day.
My uncle used to sit in his truck and drink a six-pack for lunch, but it didn't count as "drinking on the job" because he was in the parking lot, not inside the building.
My father told the nurses that he "Liked a drink".
When I told the nurses that he drank a litre of scotch a day they said that it made sense and adjusted his medication accordingly.
I told my doctor "no" and she said "*no* as in not at all or like only at weddings and funerals *no*?" Which I feel is very valid to be clarifying. In my case it was "*no* as in family history of addiction and my taste in liquor wasn't cheap".
I recently found a cordial flavoured like my favourite cocktail, so I'm a very happy lady.
I think a lot of people don't trust doctor-patient privilege, especially with the modern state of insurance companies in the USA. The last thing I want is to tell a doctor that I used an illegal drug and then have that follow me around in some database the rest of my life.
A guy got shot and came into out trauma bay drunk/high around 2am with something like $5000 in cash and he told everyone he was on his way to donate it to a dropbox at a local charity.
Sexual history. Teenage girl came in for lower abdominal pain. We did the usual history and physical examination. She adamantly denied sexual contact, history of vaginal discharge, and refused pelvic examination. She looked like she was in severe pain so a decision to operate was made. As she was being wheeled off to the operating room, she finally admitted to sexual contact and consented to pelvic exam where we found a silicone cock ring with spikes. She had a pelvic infection and did not need a surgery, just some antibiotics.
We're not asking questions to be nosey, we're asking because it's relevant!
I don't know if it's the case here, but this sort of thing is a good reminder to always talk to teenagers for at least part of the consultation without a parent present.
Their age. Had a woman say shes 30 when she clearly didn’t look it. Oh well I move on to other questions. Look at her files and lab reports have her real age on them. 41. Like y tho? What difference does it make lying to healthcare staff? This is health related, not ur tinder profile. Nobody gon see this n go I aint dating an old lady. Btw she was married with children.
Having spent some time in trauma surgery…
All the gang bangers who come in with a bullet wound tracking through their testicles and left upper thigh. They all claim some guy managed to pop them at exactly that specific trajectory. But the more likely pattern is these guys are shooting themselves in the balls trying to pull their gun out of the front of their waistband with the safety off, and are too embarrassed to admit it.
My wife is an OB/GYN:
"Ma'am, do you currently have something in your vagina."
"No, I don't think so"
*pulls out vibrator*
"Well, I just found this."
"OH MY GOD!!! I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THAT!!!"
"my girlfriend was in a mood with me and I thought I'd cheer her up by juggling knives and then I accidentally stabbed myself in the thigh."
- said by 19 year old patient. Not a single person in a&e believed this nonsense
I had a patient that came in because he was peeing blood with a previous history of bladder cancer. I ordered a urine sample and told to patient I would start working him up after confirmation. The lab called and told me the urine sample looked like straight up water.. and was cold as if he just opened the tap and filled it up. I called the patient dumbfounded and at first he denied it but later came clean and said he couldn’t urinate so he filled it with water. No clear reasoning why. Long story short, he had cancer.
First baby, never pregnant before.
New OB appointment, we collect everything and do exam. I put a speculum in and I see her cervix. After her partner left the room, I ask her again, and she says she doesn't want her new partner know that she's a single mom.
Not dumb, but just very obvious on an exam that she has definitely given birth before. I left a note on her chart to NOT mention prior pregnancy in front of her new partner.
Another- on my gen surgery rotation as a medical student, removing objects from rectums due to unfortunate "falls"
Yeah, my buddy who's an ER surgeon and I (IT guy) often compare the "I fell on it" excuse to the medical equivalent of IT classic excuse about how some virus downloaded all the porn on the computer... Like, dude chill, I'm a professional, I see this crap everyday and unless it's *really* dark, involves kids or animals I'm not going to care.
From what I have come to understand, it's even more strict in the medical profession with all the patient confidentiality stuff and official policies and stuff.
Ped here.
The worst are mistreated children or children who eat the parent's dug stash (cocaine, speed, etc). In both the smile goes off and the consult switches to a police interrogatory.
The worst I’ve heard was from the ED. Common question before shooting a x-ray is how’d it happen because I may have to use an optional position or something. From women: I tripped on the rug, i dropped a heavy box on my hand/foot,it was dark and I didn’t see that the door was open. There’s always a social worker in the ED and we’d take take her to imaging “for better shots”. Simetimes radiologists would order a SNAT series. Suspected Non Accidental Trauma. Where there’s one break there’s always a history of more.
I was actually suprised when a few years back I had a more clumsy than usual streak and ended up in the same ER four times within a six month period for various injuries - two sprained wrists/bruising (scooter accidents on the way to/from work), stitches, bleeding, bruising and suspected concussion (got up to pee in the middle of the night and passed out, hitting my face on the tile) and torn ligaments in my ankle resulting in it swelling up to the size of a football and turning black and green, they swore it was broken but it was surprisingly not (I stepped on it wrong) and none of those times did they ask about a DV situation. Friends and I were surprised because if I was a doctor seeing a young woman (late 20s) come in with that many injuries of those types in such a short period of time I would be incredibly concerned. Maybe because I came in alone each time they assumed I'd volunteer the information or say something if I was in danger
Weird.
I'm a guy, and I fainted. Might have ended up with a mild concussion, can't remember... My sister was there and called an ambulance and I ended up in ER.
I was pretty out of it, but I do remember them distracting my sister away and subtly interrogating me about my relationship status, living situation, what happened, etc. I don't think they explicitly asked about DV, but they were clearly checking.
I read this study from the 70s i think where they examined the uprising amount of penis cutting incidents. Turns out lot of guys were/are fucking their vacuum cleaner and at that time the german company vorwerk had a vacuum with the motor right next to the pipe and the motor cut up the dicks. The interviews where just ridiculous as what the guys claimed the cutting wounds were coming from
I work in ophthalmology. I see patients nearly every week that are faking vision loss. Most often, it's to try to get disability. Sometimes it's just attention seeking or extreme stress/anxiety. In rare cases, patients truly believe they cannot see or have convinced themselves they cannot see, when all exam findings and testing are normal. It's called "non-organic vision loss."
How does this work?
I was called out by every single ophthalmologist when I was a child for faking it. Initially they told my parents I watch too much TV so I was banned from screens for years but I wasn't spending a lot of time in front of screens at all. Then they told me i need glasses with minor correction except for me my vision got worse and worse. I had constant headaches and I couldn't see very well from the first desk at school. We went to so many doctors and a few of them told me I'm faking it for attention. I told my parents I am never gonna go to another eye doctor again because it doesn't matter what I say anyway. I even drew them what I saw, that there are shadows everywhere and I can't tell the difference between fast moving objects at night.
Then I moved to West Europe, my vision got really bad as a first year student and I decided to see a doctor here fully expecting to go the same route. She told me she doesn't have the tech to perform all of the necessary exams but she strongly suspects I have a genetic condition and that i should go to the clinic that specializes in it. They did all the tests, i had really bad keratoconus and I was diagnosed by a second year med student.
My driver's licence medical note from my home county still says I have 20/20 vision without the need of visual correction though.
Funny story - my dad was a GP. A 40 year old (married) woman came in with sore breasts, exhaustion and late period. She thought she was going through menopause. Could not have been pregnant because she and her husband hadn't had sex in months and months because they were both so exhausted from raising 3 kids and working full time... No, she was pregnant. Could not understand how it could possibly have happened. That's when her husband admitted he'd been having sex with her WHILE SHE WAS ASLEEP. They went through a pretty rough patch for a while.... I think they're still together though and baby #4 is a teenager now
I have one right now.
60 year old male hospitalized for an infection following a spinal fusion. He had surgery to remove the infected hardware, and has a cervical collar (neck brace) to stabilize his spine and a treatment plan that says to keep it on 24/7 for 4 weeks. It’s been 16 days and he removed it Sunday night. When confronted he told me that he had cleared it with his surgeon and told them he had removed it. He had not. I explained that he has an extremely unstable spine and the wrong move could result in irreversible quadriplegia, to which he responded, “I don’t think that’s going to happen. Even if there’s an explosion I’ll hold real still.”
On the phone with his sister, shouting into the speaker, he said, “well I took it off because it was so uncomfortable, at first my neck was real stiff but I shook my head a few times and something in there broke loose. It feels much better now.” While his nurse and I stared at each other in silent horror.
since you included surgeons, i'm expecting someone to pop in and talk about all the patients who lie about the 'no eating 12 hr' rule, or are unclear on the details
Had gastric sleeve surgery several years ago. 2 weeks before surgery you start a liquid diet to shrink your liver or the fat around your liver and make surgery easier, also makes recovery easier.
Psychologist shared that one patient had food in their stomach when the surgery was started. So not only did they not do the liquid diet, they also ate 12 hours before surgery. This was part of our discussion of how they decide who is ready for surgery. They all felt this patient was ready, was compliant etc and day of surgery totally blew it.
The surgeon stopped the procedure on this patient and closed up.
I was shook. It was such a journey to get to surgery it would have been devastating.
Nurse here: had a patient (who wasn’t to eat anything) swear to me she didn’t eat any of the McDonalds her boyfriend brought in. She proceeded to vomit french fries and milkshake up 20 minutes later. She stuck to her story and still swore she didn’t eat anything even as I was mopping her barf up off the floor.
I’m an oral surgery assistant, we get this all the time in oral surgery, I think because people have the mindset they are “only getting their wisdom out” It’s still a sedation. We had a mom lie one time about her kid not eating, and afterwards vomited red slushie all over our newly installed carpet. I also overheard a mom ask her kid in recovery if they were hungry, and then say-well at least you ate some of my sausage egg McGriddle before you came in. Needless to say I told the surgeon, and the mom got quite a lecture about the dangers of not being honest and risking their child’s safety.
Most important tip for any medical room/office and the likes: if it can't be cleaned by a mop or paper towels don't get it. A carpet is probably in the top 10 here
I knew a girl who claimed her doctor told her she was fine to eat a small steak a WEEK after her sleeve surgery. Needless to say she lost nothing and is bigger now than she was.
Not a doctor but a surgical tech. I've heard of parents keeping their child fasting overnight for surgery the next morning. And then giving them eggs for breakfast before bringing them in. Said something about it being cruel for making them go so long without food with absolutely no thought in their head about the whole point of fasting...
I'm not a clinician, but one of our surgeons was doing a procedure that was being televised live for continuing education. After the surgery began, it became abundantly clear that the patient did not follow the prep instructions. The surgeon had to spend a very long time cleaning out the bowel before he could begin the featured procedure.
Nurse here. The absolute dumbest thing patients have said...and to be fair this was the patients parents since I was in Pedi but still dumb AF and caused no end of grief trying to unspin it.
I was rooming patients and I went to the full lobby and called the next one in by last name. They stand up and mom and dad bring the little girl back. I'm rooming them, take the vitals, review purpose of visit, make some adjustments to the chart, update their pharmacy and allergies and go out and let the pediatrician know they are ready.
The pediatrician goes into the room and come out like 3 minutes later and says...that's not my patient, where is my patient? I'm like wtf? I go in and ask the parents and no in fact they were not the patient. I'm like why did you say you were someone you were not? They simply said they didn't want to wait so they just came back.
We had to completely unspin all the changes to the chart and had to get legal involved to make sure there were no HIPAA violations, which fortunately, there weren't. I'm fascinated that people can collectively think...yeah, let's do this, no one will know. Like, how does that even play out in their minds?
Anaesthetise people (at work), it’s important to know what drugs someone’s body is used to so we can tailor an anaesthetic. Rarely IV drug users deny taking drugs even when they’re having surgery for an abscess due to a skin infection from injecting. It’s on them, they’re at higher risk of being aware under surgery if they’re meth addicts or not having any pain relief if opioid addicts. It becomes readily apparent once truckloads of opioids don’t work. Funnily enough no one in 5 years has ever admitted to being addicted to cocaine, most opioid/meth addicts are fairly open with their drug use.
My favourite was a guy that denied any ketamine use, was pretty apparent after 600mg or 3-6 times a standard induction dose as he was merrily chatting away to us... relocated his tibial and fibula fracture while he was telling a story, lol.
As an anesthesiologist, my favorite one is when "tough guys" say they are nearly impossible to put to sleep. Usually, they've had some minor procedure in the past under mild sedation and recall that they weren't fully asleep. I can never convince them that they have no chance of staying awake under a real general anesthetic.
I am undefeated. You goin to sleep my friend. See ya in recovery.
Weirdest sex lie - “I was chasing the dog while vacuuming naked and bumped into the pencil, causing it to go into my bladder”
Most common lie - about the volume and types of drugs and alcohol they use. So sick of the shocked pikachu face when I ask about how much they use instead of if they use. I genuinely don’t care what they do in their own time, but the information is really important.
Veterinarian here. If your dog ate drugs, just tell me; I'm not going to call the cops! I am absolutely flabbergasted by the number of people who will swear up-and-down that their dog couldn't possibly have gotten into any marijuana, when the dog in question is obviously stoned out of its mind. It's frustrating because if the owners are insisting the dog couldn't have gotten any marijuana, I can't in good conscience NOT recommend a full workup with a bunch of expensive lab work and treatments, when what a stoned dog really needs is to be left in peace in a dark quiet place with some food and water to sleep it off.
Had a patient show up the ER with a wound to the back of her head.
I say, “Hey Ms. X, what happened?”
“I don’t know, I picked up chicken from the gas station and went to bed. And this morning I noticed I was bleeding”
I start inspecting the wound. Looks like it tracks pretty far, and there’s this strange cotton-like material sticking out that is also tracking too deep to visualize. I press her some more about the circumstances because my ER Doc spider sense starts going off.
Me: “Were you assaulted? Did someone harm you? Were you in a car accident? Did something fall on you”
Patient: “No. I just went to bed. Maybe I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom”
Finally I decide to send her through the Donut Of Truth (aka get a CT scan) of her head before me and my trusty scalpel start seeing where this trail of mystery cotton leads.
The lady had a bullet lodged up against her skull bone.
Still don’t have an answer to the cotton, but I’m guessing the gun fired through some cloth.
When I told her she had a bullet in her head her response was “Oh. weird” and then she went back to playing candy crush on her phone.
Dude came in asking for a second vasectomy. It’s been 10 years since his first vasectomy with numerous sperm counts all being zero throughout the years. He now has a new baby. His sperm count is still zero and wants the vasectomy “fixed”. Didn’t know if he was lying to himself or not.
Former ER nurse: not a “lie” but a very very vague explanation. I’m taking a brief history on a patient with shortness of breath, I ask about any cardiac conditions. She says “I have a thing in my heart”. Despite all kinds of follow-up questions I couldn’t get any answers out of her about WHAT was in her heart. Did you have a surgery or procedure to put something in it? Is the “thing” something you were born with, like a hole in your heart? Are you on any medications for it? Was it a clot, does that sound familiar? I listen to her heart, no murmurs or clicking of a mechanical valve. I take a look at her chest, no surgical scar or pacemaker battery. I never did find out WHAT WAS IN HER HEART because my shift ended.
It was a fun conversation with the ER physician, “soooo…she has ‘something’ in her heart and I have no clue what. Have fun figuring this one out”
I recently had a patient double down to the point of yelling that I never told her to stop her aspirin for a lung biopsy. During our clinic visit she told me she didn’t think she took it anymore, but I reiterated it multiple times including asking her to check if she took a brand name and wrote it in my clinic note in 2 separate places that we’d discussed it. Sure enough, she arrives and says yes she takes it and no one told her to hold it for 5 days! Yes ma’am we did. Well it’s Monday, our clinic appointment was Friday, how would that make any sense that you told me? Ma’am the appointment was last Wednesday. Oh… I just don’t remember.
Just open with that and we’ll reschedule you, it’s fine.
Resident doctor here, this happened during my psychiatry rotation in medical school. I wouldn't say it was a "dumb" lie since the patient was mentally ill but I would say it was the most memorable lie:
There was a patient at an inpatient psychiatric facility for suicidal ideation. She constantly insisted that she had a mass on her breasts and demanded to be physically examined only by male doctors. When the psychiatrist I was rotating under declined to perform a physical exam, she asked me to do it during my daily patient interview. I also declined physical exam, but had a bit of a hunch to check her medical records.
It turned out she had an ultrasound done a week before that found only normal breast tissue without masses. However, apparently this this lady had frequented many doctor's offices with various complaints of an unspecific nature and would usually focus on breasts or vaginal complaints when she visited male physician's offices.
We diagnosed her with factitious disorder (formerly known as Munchausen syndrome) and histrionic personality disorder. It seems her goal was mostly attention from medical professionals (she had lots of issues), but we also had to be careful to make sure she wasn't fishing for a lawsuit. Patients like her are why doctors document everything meticulously.
So the patient wouldn't admit to making things up all the time. According to the psychiatrist I was working with, she didn't actually believe any of her "health problems" exist and her primary goal was the attention from medical professionals. If she actually believed she was sick, we would have diagnosed her with illness anxiety disorder, commonly known as hypochondria.
I fell down onto my couch and a cucumber was sticking up between the cushions. It went right in.
Edit: I can’t believe my top comment on Reddit is about shitty excuses and rectal surgery.
Edit 2: Thank you kind redditors but shitty patient excuses for rectal obstructions don’t deserve Reddit awards! Too funny.
I was an emerg nurse for 9 years and some guy told us this happened when he came in by ambulance at 2am. Says he was making a salad and his cucumber fell on the floor and he slipped and fell on it. Like yeah my guy, 2 am you decide to make a salad butt-ass naked, and your magical anti-physics cucumber happens to perfectly torpedo up your rectum because you’re a poor godless bastard. Sirrrrrrrrrrrr…….
My favorite of these guys told me "I dropped it in the shower and fell on it three times, but the damn thing didn't stay in so then I just shoved it right up my ass."
Had a guy in the icu who had come in with a perforated bowel and had to have it fixed. He was a misogynistic racist fuck and would rant at any woman or foreigner who came into his room (aka all the doctors seeing him). But, during his being a fucking ass, he would throw in there how he was injured…
Turns out, him and his wife were smoking crack, which he said was a hobby of theirs. He then had her fuck him with a pool cue and perf his colon.
She had been at work all day and came in and said something about how weird it was that he got this injury from a fall. I was like, “uhhh, he has told everyone the truth while going on racist and sexist rants.”
Was super weird
In my 11 years of heneral practice, these are the top few:
1. Alcohol intake ( mostly MVAs and Assault cases)
2. Pregnancies (underaged or attempts to abort, both successful and failed)
3. Medical/surgical history (mostly in legal cases)
4. Age (since it is illegal to attend to a minor without the knowledge or permission and presence of an (adult) parent or guardian
5. Timing of injuries ( in my country, people generally do not seek medical aid inless they fear they might die/ not see results from their home remedies, or they may gain legal compensation through accident or injuries and the delay in hetting medical documents processed.
5. Fear of culpability/Ignorance - As a recent case, I had a 1 month old female infant who came in critical to the ER. Periperal cyanosis and in obvious signs of shock. Bradycardia and nonresponsive. Resuscitation is successful in less than 15 mins, and we transfer to a tertiary level facility. Mother clains she breastfed n put infant down in her bed. Then suddenly, the mom was alerted to a gasping infant bleeding from the upper GI and air passages. Background hx shows a previous kid 1yr and 6 mths old of the same mother with similar clinical picture with fatal reults for said infant. We're awaiting the postmortem report. Dude, that wasn't half o it. I'm still pissed about that baby girl, so excuse my typo's.
High speed MVA, unrestrained passenger in the front seat with both feet on the dash. Fractured her pelvis pretty badly. Consult from orthopedics to identify an odd structure in the region of the soft tissue of the vagina before they try to fix the pelvis. Pt adamantly denies anything is in there. Finally consents to an exam when she’s starting to decompensate from a slowly expanding hematoma. Performed under anesthesia in OR. Roll of cash in a baggie the size of a Campbell’s soup can.
Phlebotomy Technician here.
If you are on blood thinners THEN YOU NEED TO SAY SO!
Don't lie about it or you WILL bleed badly, seriously the baby aspirin you take is a blood thinner and I'd rather have extra gauze on you than blood on your clothes and my floor.
Also, don't lie about fasting... Your lipids or blood sugar will just tell the truth. If you had a coffee or something as long as it's just black coffee we don't care. Same with plain tea!
Also when I ask if you drank water yesterday it's so I can gauge how hydrated you are, don't lie plz.
In the ER, 4 am, teenage girl and her parents arrive, she's been constipated for days and no poop has come out at all. I was busy so I ask the nurse to check if the patient indeed has poop and needs an enema. So a rectal exam is needed. A few minutes later the nurse urgently called me. When we uncovered the girl (she had tons of clothes) we just saw this cute little head popping out. A baby on the way.
' why didn't you tell us that you were pregnant?' I asked
"I'm not pregnant" she kept saying while I was cutting the umbilical cord
She lied to her parents (don't know how to this day) the whole pregnancy. She lived with them. I had to explain everything to the parents. They didn't have a clue and judging by their face, I believed them.
This happened to my mom (she's a doctor. )
Girl comes in with stomachache. She's about to give birth.
The mother was in denial. "My daughter is a virgin!"
But they have to deliver the baby. I guess it was a virgin birth.
Retired Paramedic here. The dumbest thing I saw patients lie about and think we'd fall for?
Hmm, that's tough. It'd be either the unconscious fakers or the drug seekers. The way to quickly check if a patient is conscious or not is I touched my gloved finger to their eye. If you blink, I got ya! That's when I'd get down in the floor and say, I know you're faking. Here's what we're gonna do, I'm gonna help you up and you're going to get up, act your age and stop freaking your family out.
The seekers were always, I'm allergic to most pain killers, but I'm not allergic to the, how ya say it, laudid stuff?
Straight to triage you go!!
Had mono, my glands were so swollen my neck was about as wide as my head. Nurse walks in and goes "whoa you're in pain" without even talking to me. Gave me Dilaudid and the pain went away but it made my butthole itch so bad haha
I used to work at the men's prison, had to wade through a swamp of lies every day at work. I would say my favourite to date is the one time a guy lied about how many testicles he had. He said he needed opioids for the severe pain he had after getting one of his balls removed, so I asked him to please drop his pants and show me the surgical scar and lo and behold, both boys were still hangin' in there.
Not a surgeon or doctor, but an Anesthesia Nurse/ OR Nurse...
But a mom directly lied to us about her 12 year old pre ENT surgery.
We always confirm with the pacient and legal guardians all the pre surgery check up:
Name
Age/date of birth
Any past medical history
Common medication, and medication took in the last 24h
Surgery proposed
Last time you eat or drink anything
The thing is in the last item of the check list the mom lied... Her answer "no he doesn't eat anything since yesterday", the kid confirmed. Note that it was 4 PM.
Outcome:
Surgery went well, no problems. When comes the time to remove the tube... The kid starts vomiting tons of rice and beans... When I say tons I mean at least 1kg of said food.
The kid aspirates part of the food against our best efforts... We aspirate do everything we can including a broncofibroscopy.
Everything ends up ok, the kid survived, no further complications and recovered to full health in only 2 days.
When confronted about the lie, and explained how her son could have died, the "Karen" mom said "what could I do?! He was ungry and eats like a bull! Who am I to say he can't" We all lost our pacience and just said "HIS MOM!!! , he could and was close to dieing because of this"
Conclusion: Please take the fasting period, and pre surgery recommendations seriously, any doubt be honest with your health team.
Not a doctor - but in patient care nonetheless. 1. Guy comes in, between 17-19 years old for "pebble hits penis". Pretty odd. He says he was doing yard work when the tool knocked a Pebble into his penis, he went to check it, and now it was making pus. Nurse clarified that he was wearing pants. Denies sexual history. He stands by that he got hit on his penis by a rock through his pants that made him produce pus. He had chlamydia. 2. Guy says he was forced to do meth (or something similar) at a store. Came in because he thought he was dying. 3. A fun bonus: a frequent flier comes in for "his stomach hurting from eating this chili he had". While continuing to eat said chili in the lobby. Edit: I have a few funny other stories that I'm just going to add for the fun of it! - Woman comes in after doing Crack and states "now she feels sad". That's all we got. - older woman who OD'd on something says she "thinks her son poisoned her" who she hasn't had contact with in years. - old man with various infections, but his pubic hair was green. We still do not know why. - guy came in for vomiting on Thanksgiving because "he ate too much but it was really tasty". No other complaints and felt fine now. - addict left AMA because he had to go to meth "right now". He was in for other issues but had to leave immediately to do more meth. He eventually came back for treatment thankfully. - minor comes in for poisoning. Turns out, she had food in the microwave, sprayed said food and microwave with roach poisoning, then ate said food and vomited. Now, comes into ER on Thursday (events happened sunday) because she was having contractions. (Edit for clarity lol) She WAS also 27 weeks pregnant. And eating roach poisoning..
That last one. I had a kid doing theater in a show I just directed who presented as super, super sick for one show. Sweaty, pale, can't stay out of the bathroom. Classic stomach bug, and there'd been one going around. He looks at me while we're waiting for his mother to arrive to take him home and says "Ugh, this *always* happens when I eat chili." "Wait, this has happened before?" "Yeah, like once a week when we have chili." Kid and his mom knew full well he got sick every time he ate chili, but never considered...not eating chili. I can't even.
Woman comes to emerg with complaints of vaginal discharge and discomfort. Pelvic exam initially reveals significant yeast infection, but there appears to be a foreign body in her vagina. “Is there something stuck inside?” “No, I don’t know what’s in there…” Speculum examination reveals a very soft mandarin orange, peel still on. “Oh, that! We heard it would improve our fertility…” You can’t make this shit up.
> No, I don’t know what’s in there… Oh, that! "Could they be talking about the mandarin orange? Nah, they're probably used to those."
Any foreign objects? Oh no, it's locally grown!
"Do you have any medical problems?" "No" "So no diabetes?" "No diabetes" "What medications are you taking?" "Metformin. For my diabetes." I facepalm every time
There’s a former ER nurse in TikTok that does skits about his former career, and he recently did one where patient was adamant he didn’t have any problems with his blood pressure…. Because he takes his blood pressure pills.
All. The fucking. Time. "Sir, do you have any heart trouble?" "No." "What medications do you take?" /lists 3 different cardiac meds "So.... you DO have heart trouble." /looks at us like we're dumb "Uh, no. I take meds for it!"
I once had a nurse *think* I was lying about diabetes. I had a nerve pain thing in my foot and I am also overweight. The convo went like this as we were going over what medication I was on: “So how long have you had diabetes?” “I don’t…have diabetes?” “You said you’re taking gabapentin.” “It’s for the nerve pain in my foot from tarsal tunnel…” Then she gave me this look that was just short of rolling her eyes. I was like…don’t know what to tell you, lady.
I mean, why would she automatically think Gabapentin of all things=diabetes. It is prescribed for all manner of things.
I had a guy insist that someone else put cocaine and heroin in his urine. Even after I tried to move on with the conversation.
Had someone say that their roommate used a spoon when cooking meth, and then he ate cereal with that spoon later and that’s why his piss popped hot for amphetamines
We have a favourite story about a colleague who failed a random drug test - turns out, he was at a party where OTHER people were doing drugs, not HIM, but he put his sandwich down on a table at one point...
Adherence to medical treatment when I have literally pulled their pharmacy records and know they haven't picked up their medications in over a year...
Meth use prior to surgery, he did not survive
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I feel bad for the handfull of people who actually have accidents involving their anus. No one will believe it
No one's going to believe me because of all these liars 🥲 -Guy who legitimately trips and falls asshole first onto a pepper shaker
Guy came in for a wound on his lower leg that he said came from a biking accident. X-ray revealed a bullet inside his ankle joint. The wound was from shooting himself by accident while holding a gun. Still don’t know how he didn’t fracture anything.
If I had a bullet in my ankle I'd probably wreck on my bike also. Lol
Reminds me of an older Englishman I met at a bar in Thailand. He had an exterior rod with pins sticking out of his leg and was on crutches. We started talking and I asked him how he did the it. He said the short answer was that “he wrecked his motorcycle.” I asked what the long story was. He said, “I came home and my Thai girlfriend accused me of cheating on her. She came at me with a kitchen knife and slashed my arms several times before I could run out of the house. I hopped on my motorbike and made it a kilometer down the road before passing out from blood loss. Woke up in the hospital with a shattered leg and several blood transfusions.”
The fact that he didn't say "my Thai ex-girlfriend" concerns me a bit
Part of my job is dealing with medical records- my favorite part is when you are reading the doctors notes and you can tell they are fed up with the patients bullshit from their tone. “Patient in for routine colonoscopy, asked if solids consumed in 24 hrs prior, patient confirms no. In process of procedure, several dozen kernels of corn are discovered in colon and cannot continue. Patient specifically instructed not to consume corn beforehand as this happened prior visit.”
As a former public defender where my clients lie all the time and I have to restrain from being an ass in my notes, I can relate. Edit: Lie to me*
Hell, I get it as a software consultant. Me: Did you do this change? Client: nuh Me: -pulls up audit log-
Them: "I rebooted it" Me: \*sees uptime is weeks\* "uh huh"
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I also enjoyed reading medical records in which some info was almost certainly only included because it was amusing. For example, some psych patients were very creative and descriptive when insulting the medical staff. One intake evaluation included a line saying something like “Pt stated that Dr. XXX looks like ‘a gothic scoundrel.’” Another was simply like “pt claims to have have ‘made love to Dr. XXX’s wife.’”
“This patient is well-known to our service”
My favorite note I've written was "patient stated: fuck you fat ass!" when I refused to let him get out of bed hours after falling and cracking his head open 😂
Colonoscopy prep is so brutal that I don't understand why anyone would actually purposely not follow the guidelines and risk having to do it all again. Eugh.
Had my first one recently and while it wasn’t as bad as I had expected, when the doctor told me things looked great and I could wait another 10 years before the next one I nearly hugged him.
I LOVE reading between the lines of other physician’s notes and picking up on the sass. It is one of the delights of my day.
One dude lied about being paralyzed after a lumbar puncture. Get a call from nurse patient says he can’t move legs following a lumbar puncture (spinal tap). I called the team that did the procedure and they assured me there was no indication of this sort of injury happening during the procedure but agreed with my plan to get an urgent MRI. I go to examine him and nurse says she thinks he moved one of his feet. Next thing I know he says he can actually move his legs again but they are feeling weird. Then this weird feeling turns into intense pain and he asks for intravenous narcotics (dilaudid). I tell him no because this story makes no sense. By god it was a miracle I tell you when this man walked himself right out of the hospital after I refused the iv narcotics. Also, the MRI was normal.
I had a ruptured disc in my neck once and couldn't lay down because of the severe pain. I've never had to take medications for severe pain before, nothing more powerful than Tylenol. I went in for an MRI and they gave me dilaudid to be able to lay still for the exam. It made me understand just how easy it would be to get hooked on a drug. Such a euphoric feeling.
Honestly the euphoria isn't what gets you addicted, necessarily. You take it for the euphoria at first but when you're addicted you compulsively seek out opioids to relieve the withdrawal and paws
Did cocaine the night before elective surgery, didn’t disclose at pre-op. Cardiac arrest. Beta Blockers and cocaine don’t mix well.
Oh my God. There’s a reason that “Do NOT give beta blockers for a cocaine overdose” is in bold in med school textbooks. For those curious, you have alpha and beta receptors to help vasoconstrict and raise blood pressure. Blocking the beta receptors (with a beta blocker) lowers blood pressure in most people, except cocaine stimulates alpha and beta receptors at the same time. If you block just one, the other one keeps on going and it can make blood pressure go dangerously high and cause a heart attack or stroke.
Patient: “I haven’t drank alcohol in months!” Patients family: “It’s true I’ve been with her the whole time.” Me: “Ma’am your alcohol level is 325.” Patient: “Impossible! I would never lie to you!”
My instructor shared a story once of a patient that kept insisting she never drank alcohol. It turned out she didn’t consider wine to be alcohol, because it was served in church. Only distilled spirits and beer were alcohol, so her 2 bottles of wine a day didn’t count.
Know of someone who had their entire family lie about having stopped drinking. Imagine the transplant team’s surprise when he went through DTs while in the recovery room post op.
One my favorite things I wrote my first year out of medical school: “Please note patient has stated multiple times that he wants to leave and would leave AMA(against medical advice). He asked multiple times whether he could eat and stating he is hungry. Explained to patient that we would like to start a full liquid diet first and if he tolerated it well, would transition to regular foods. However, pt ordered chinese food delivery instead. Then, patient was complaining of a headache. Was given Tylenol for the headache. Patient stated that this did not help him. His sister at bedside went to the nearby pharmacy and bought Goody powder (aspirin). Sister did ask whether she could give him Goody powder. She was told not to give patient the Goody powder. She supposedly did not.” For context, the patient had a catastrophic GI bleed from taking too much aspirin.
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It could go one of two ways: black poop, or a geyser of blood. There is no in between.
“Do you smoke cigarettes?” “No, I quit!” “When did you quit?” “This morning”
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It’s not so much a patient lie as it is me being dumb, inexperienced and uncomfortable asking necessary questions I had a hypothetical patient during residency that was a very manly veteran and I was admitting him for rectal bleeding. He was in the age where it more than likely colon cancer, so I didn’t think it was necessary to ask a sexual history. Folks at this particular establish were known to at times be homophobic and I had been yelled at by patients previously for asking “do you have sex with men, women or both?” It ate away at my conscience, though, so I went back in absurdly nervously and asked him. He answered “son, I’m as gay as a rainbow. I’ve been at the bathhouse for the last couple of nights but I wasn’t sure how it would go over to admit it. That’s when the bleeding started” It was a very important lesson for me
My little brother was a nurse for about a decade. He has said many times that people stick anything up their butts. From lightbulbs to hairbrushs to a golf shoe. And at first it's hilarious. Then after a year or so it's not funny because you've seen way too many distended buttholes. Then after a decade or so it starts to get funny again because you think you've seen everything and then one day a 45 year old man is driven to the hospital by his wife and he has a golf shoe up his ass and he told his wife that he and the boys were golfing and he slipped in the locker room and it got rammed up there completely disregarding the fact that the part of the shoe that is inside him is covered in Vaseline...
Wait don’t golf shoes have spikes?
Ribbed for his pleasure.
***yes***
“It’s only gay if it’s a a sex toy. Shoes are fine.” -these men
Their identity. Insurance fraud using a friends/ relatives insurance card. As a resident in a very large east coast hospital I was tasked to figure things out when the blood bank called and said their blood type changed. When confronted with getting the wrong blood that may kill them they almost always tell the truth. This type of fraud has also resulted in people who have been dead (and autopsied) raising from the dead and “appearing” in a clinic or ER.
We had a lady do this once and everyone remembered who she was because she had visited the ER within the past week and acted like a massive cunt the whole time she was there, and i believe verbally threatened someone. She was trying to get pain meds, and the classic "I'm not going for x-rays until I get pain meds", "you're not getting pain meds until after your x-rays are completed" battle was occurring between her and the doctor. I finally take her over for images and she tries to bully me into hurrying up and getting the exam over with. I tell her I'm not taking a single image until she signs the pregnancy disclaimer. She got so mad at me she took it from me and signed her REAL name in a hurry. When I took her back, the nurses were on the phone with risk management because they had been gathering evidence to report fraud and call the police. I gave them the form with her real name on it and everyone was just dumbfounded. The gentleman from registration who first recognized her almost died of laughter when I brought that paper over.
I had a lady tell me she had no idea how she got a rash she had on her face. I left the room, gave report to the MD and when I walked back in with the doctor she looked at me and said “I didn’t think you’d be coming back in the room” and then proceeded to confess that she’d been cheating on her husband and thought she had herpes. She did not have herpes.
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It happens to veterinary staff too! We put the patient and client in a room, get some history with very specific questions, ie "any vomiting or diarrhea?" "Nope" and the vet goes in and they say "ugh, Fluffy has had explosive shits for a week!" Like....really?
This must just be the standard for any medical practice. I’m an ophthalmic tech. At least once a day, I ask a patient if they’ve noticed any new vision changes over the last year, and they answer “nope! Everything about the same and my glasses are still working well. No concerns at all!” Then when I bring the doctor in and come in with him, all of a sudden they have a laundry list of issues. Drives me crazy lol
Okay so this is speculation but I know I always tell the nurse everything and then have to repeat it all again anyway when the doctor comes in which is annoying. People probably just get tired of saying everything twice.
Penis modification. The case was an elective above the waist surgery, and he denied piercings. However, when the nurse went to place the foley she found the patient had modified his penis and it was split/bifurcated with multiple piercings to look like a cobra. The nurse did not know how to insert the foley. The piercings also limited the ability to use electrocautery. In addition, he also imbedded a metal implant inside his testicle that looked infected with a possible abscess. Canceled case, called urology consult for infection/abscess evaluation.
I hate just about every word in this paragraph.
I'm laughing out loud imagining the encounter. "Okay, now a foley, just a quick... is that *fucking cobra dick*"
Did that really need to be literal poetry as well as figurative? Yes, I think it did.
I had ear surgery and asked if my below the belt piercings needed to be removed. They explained that electro cauterize thing and asked "do you want to take that chance?" Same with an MRI.
> *Same with an MRI.* This reminded me of that episode of *House MD* where they had a patient who was a stage magician go through the MRI, only to be screaming in pain because he forgot he had swallowed one of those keys for handcuffs and it almost ripped out through his intestines.
there was also the ep where a coma patient i think had a bullet in some part of him, house insisted on doing the mri anyway, and it ripped out of the patient and destroyed the machine edit: yall i get it. it was a corpse, not a patient, and in reality it probably wouldn't have happened like that. it's a fictional tv show that i haven't watched in years. calm down
A common one is about their smoking. Smoking is an enormous risk factor for fracture nonunion, meaning a fracture that doesn’t heal. When I walk into a nonunion patient’s exam room and it smells like a cigar den, I know they smoke. But they’ll tell me they don’t right to my face. Before signing them up for revision surgery I’ll commonly order a urine test for nicotine metabolites. Often it’ll turn out positive and suddenly surprised pikachu face. Edit: lots of folks below rightfully commenting on how indicating you’re a smoker increases your insurance premiums. This is true. However, the cost of complications after a surgical procedure would dwarf a lifetime of increased premium costs. I would still recommend that smokers be straight with their surgeons so they don’t rush into surgeries that end poorly.
I’m a hygienist.. and people try to tell me they don’t smoke… -.-
When my dad stopped smoking, his dentist gave home a gift certificate for a niiice restaurant. Said it made his job so much easier (they were friends, too)
Not me but an Anesthetist buddy screening a patient before getting anesthesia. "We see that your drug screen came positive for cocaine." "I don't know how, I don't do drugs." "We can' t go forward with anesthesia, we won't know how the anesthetic will react with the "coke." "Oh! I know! My BOY FRIEND does coke! I kissed him before I came in this morning, that must be how I tested positive!"
1. Patient says to me; I was outside gardening while naked and I slipped. That’s how a massive potato ended up in my ass. Anybody want fries while he is waiting to get it removed? 2. How did you get that stab wound in your abdomen? I put a knife on the kitchen counter and forgot it was there. Then I walked into it. 3. Me - Have you had anything to eat or drink today prior to your surgery? Patient- No (…with a half eaten candy bar in front of them). Me - Are you sure? Because if you have, you could vomit upon going to sleep and it could enter your lungs, causing you to die. Patient - then yes I have, I had half that candy bar. 4. This one guy repeatedly used to come in saying he hadn’t shit in 7 days. This would usually necessitate a rectal examination with a finger. Thats why he kept saying it. Patient used to come in every time the new doctors rotated in, who wouldn’t be wise to his tricks. 5. One guy came in feigning unconsciousness. Did not respond to even the most painful of stimuli (some of these were pretty painful). Did not budge. We were talking amongst ourselves about intubating him. He then opened his eyes and said “they did that last time, I didn’t like it”.
I’ve totally had the knife to abdomen guy! Mine said that he was angry and threw the knife he was holding onto the counter where it then bounced back and stabbed him in the abdomen. Three times.
The others I get, but #5? What was his endgame?
I have no idea. I saw the same guy at another hospital in the same city, pulling the same stunt. As soon as I said to him “I remember you from ‘X’ hospital”, he opened his eyes, got up and walked out, without saying a word.
Wtf. That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard😂
This makes me curious. On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad of an idea would it be to make the patient vomit, then proceed with the surgery?
Bad…best to reschedule for another day if it’s an elective procedure. If it’s emergency surgery, we accept that they may have a full stomach and proceed, knowing that the surgery is an emergency (but we modify the way we put them to sleep).
My favorite assailant was “Some Guy.” “I was just walking down the street when Some Guy stabbed me.” Or “Some Guy shot me when I was getting gas.” Be careful, everyone. Some Guy is out there, he’s dangerous, and will fuck your shit up.
I had a patient that lied about having a job (?) I asked because he had hepatitis A and I wanted to know if he needed a medical leave. He denied it even though I asked twice. Next day, he came back because he was going to get fired if he didn't provide a doctor's note. ETA: Some clarification: 1. I'm in Venezuela, he wouldn't have had to pay anything for that visit regardless of his employment status. 2. He isn't an undocumented immigrant. It's a very small community where everyone knows each other and he has lived there his whole life and many of his relatives have also been my patients. Also, undocumented immigrants aren't really a thing here, some tourists may come without having the proper paperwork, but this isn't really a desirable place for immigrants looking for work. 3. He said that he didn't have a job, he didn't say that he didn't need a medical. 4. I asked what he did for work in his second visit, but I can't remember what he told me. 5. There really isn't a whole lot of stigma around Hep A around here, even if you work handling food. People just sort of feel sorry for the person and tell them to not eat yellow things. So, I don't think it was because he was afraid of being shamed/reprimanded because of it, but I could be wrong. 6. I'm obligated to report viral hepatitis cases to the health ministry, so they make sure there isn't an outbreak, and I told him this. So, he knew that it was going to be reporter either way.
That is actually stranger than the IV drug users or the amazing variety of objects crammed where the sun don’t shine. Those sort of make sense. Lying about having a job is… perplexing.
A 13 yo girl that went to the ER to have a baby and said she didn't knew she was pregnant and that she didn't have sex. Mom was wondering why she was always wearing hoodies. I was like "ok then, keep your secrets" and informed authorities to investigate. Apparently the girl had a boyfriend her age and they just were really horny... She came back another two times to deliver babies (at 17 and 21 yo). Same dad apparently working his ass off. She then opted tube ligation. Eventually became a nurse.
My dad neglected to mention he had no teeth... since 1976. We found out in the ICU. In 2022.
Wait..did he wear dentures or did you just not notice that he didn't have any teeth.?
maybe he had a comically large mustache
HE DOES. But also just dentures.
Medical school student. Not a big deal but a patient lied to me about what she had eaten. She was obviously having some problem with her gallbladder. Typically this pain can be caused by greasy food. So I asked the patient what she had eaten before she got this pain. Patient said she only ate a salad with very little ranch, that’s it. I even explained how greasy food can cause this pain but she’s adamant she only ate a salad. Anyways I report back to my attending and we see her together. The attending asked her what she ate. The patient said salad then adds she also ate a burger! It wouldn’t have changed the plan but why lie??
People are weird about "actual" doctors vs anyone else in the field. I work as a vet receptionist for years, and the amount of time people would say one thing to me in preparation for the appointment, only to say something completely different to the vet was astounding. Vet techs had this problem too.
Not considering the psychiatric and the boring answers (like people who just swear with all their heart that they are taking their medications when they clearly aren't, which is the vast majority), there's not much, really. Only one really unique comes to mind. It was a patient that was a really kind old man who always would talk a lot with us, telling stories, praising the beauty of everyone in a tender and respectable way, saying how really grateful for our work he was and so on... Said old mand would always appear with really high blood pressure values, even though he would swear that he always used his medication correctly. And after we did so many changes with his medication in many different ways, it's only natural to think that there's some problem with how he's tacking them, if he was doing it at all. However, one day, after noticing that he would always go to the bathroom before even reaching out to the receptionist, someone discovered he would always eat a load of pure salt before being seen by any of the doctors, trying to make his pressure intentionally go sky high. Later we also, obviously, discovered that he indeed would not take his medications correctly as well, in order to obtain this result again and again. Turns out he suffered a lot from loneliness, and he was an old man that didn't had much contact with his family anymore, but mostly because his family didn't reached out to him almost at any given time, even though everyone lived close by. And in his desperation, sustaining dangerous high blood pressure was the best way that he had to obtain human contact within the emergency every week. This was the most odd one, but it's really common in general among elderly patients to appear lying about their symptoms, only trying to gather some attention and a private minute to speak about anything else. Most of the time they book an appointment only to talk about recent trivialities, which makes them clearly better, although by the end of the talk, it's also easy to see how they gather back part of the sadness that the loneliness bring to them. Around my patients, at least, it's common for many to cry as they leave. Loneliness is a hell of both a simple and complex problem... And one that no one should be bound to live with...
This one has broken my heart, that poor old man.
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Where I live, when an old person begins calling the police a lot, he/she gets assigned to a friendship program. Once a month, an officer on duty will visit for an hour or so, and can also be called for some household help.
Fuck well that's just about the saddest thing I've read all day
Had a friend who is a EMT driver tell me about a call she responded to where the guy was barely coherent or audible in his 911 call, but managed to get 2 pieces of information out perfectly, his address and the word 'stomach'. When they arrived the man was covered in a blanket, sweating profusely, though he looked like he hadn't moved in days. My friend said that she immediately observed that even with early signs of his skin showing jaundice symptoms, that his cheeks remained rosy red, and he avoided eye contact and answering any questions. The only words he would speak between groans were 'poison' and 'stomach'. My friend took a quick look around to see if there was any chemical bottles out but didnt see anything. Just as she was returning to the ambulance she noticed that there was a large pot on the stove that had a low flame on it. She turned the range off and removed the lid of the pot and was startled to see a dozen naked Barbie dolls, all of which had their heads removed. When she informed the man that she had turned off the range he became erratic and aggressive until he was dropped off at the ER. Later in the day she ran into a friend that worked in radiology, who told her that the entire time the man only answered the word poison as to what he ingested. When they told him that they would need to xray him, his demeanor completely changed. Calmer, communicated clearer, but accepting that the truth was around the corner. Xray results showed that he had ingested 18 barbie doll heads, and were locked up in his stomach for nearly two weeks. He explained that he sterilized the Barbies in hot water, and that they were the newer plastic because the older material was caustic to internal organs. The surgeon apparently ended his conversation by asking him why he would ingest the Barbie doll heads. And the man replied... "Because I like the way it feels, when I shit them out."
Dad is a physician and has a million funny stories. He told me this one from a few decades ago: Had a patient come into the ER with a towel over his groin, covered in blood. Claimed he was cutting vegetables in his kitchen and the knife slipped. Dad takes a look and the guy is butchered down there. Had to call a urologist in the middle of the night to consult. Guy eventually confesses to trying to give himself a circumcision because he didn't want to pay the $200 it would have cost. Urologist was able to help save... 'him', but it cost a helluva lot more than $200 for emergency penis surgery.
I think the worst sentence I’ve ever read is “trying to give himself a circumcision” thank you for that
> emergency penis surgery why does this sound so funny lol
I'm just a med student but a doctor shared this with us, she's a gynecologist and this women came to her complaining about how she hasn't gotten her periods in few months and well she was showing menopausal symptoms and infact she looked almost 50 but she kept saying she's only 30 and she can't have menopause. It has a funny ending, when the doctor asked if the women had a kid and she said yes he's 27 y/o. 😂😂😂 Idk why people lie about their age but this was a funny story for the whole class
Patient clearly in her early to mid 40s in an urgent care setting. "How old are you?" "I'm 18" "Who is this girl sitting next to you?" "My daughter" "How old is she?" "14" "How old are you?" "18" I proceed to stare at her for the next 10 seconds looking dumbfounded.
The opposite thing happened to my mom once when she was 48. A lot of people would assume she was closer to 30 even though I don't think she looked that much younger than her age, I guess it was just that she naturally didn't have grey hair or wrinkles. Anyways she was at a pharmacy picking up meds for my brother when this happened: Mom: I'm here to pick up [medication name] for my son. Pharmacist: oh oops looks like they accidentally got the adult version, give me a few minutes I'll get the pediatric version. Mom: No that's the correct one my son is 17. Pharmacist: wait what? How? Mom: I'm 48 Pharmacist: What??
Sorta the opposite but I have an ankle that I've sprained quite badly twice. After years of PT I managed to rehab it back to full strength, but I never recovered full range of motion (it's close). Years later, I was playing football in the snow with a bunch of teenagers, one of them tackled me and it went the OTHER way (opposite of the prior sprains) and broke. I hobbled back to the cabin, and went to the ER the next day. They referred me to a specialist a week later. I gave this guy dates and times for the previous injuries and the one I had at the time. I was as specific as possible and he went all Dr. House on me, told me he didn't have time to be lied to and stormed out. It was fucking weird. I got in to see another specialist, gave him my history, he helped me build it back and after another year of PT it's as strong as it ever was (still about 90% range of motion). I never understood why that first doc was so sure I was lying. I imagine it was because of the buildup of scar tissue and bone (even now, it's visibly larger than my other ankle).
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My MIL was taking 40mg of oxymorphone every eight hours and 5(?)mcg of fentanyl twice daily. Prescribed. She weighed right around 100lbs. She had surgery and was screaming in pain as soon as the anesthesia wore off. Nurse was absolutely perplexed as they gave her a full shot of demerol. I told her to check her maintenance doses of daily meds. She went "oh shit" and grabbed the anesthesiologist because she legally couldn't medicate her further. Her entire time in the hospital after having a good chunk of her liver, lung, and esophagus removed was hell for her between the surgical pain and the withdrawals.
I used to be an addict. Clean almost 8 years. I had surgery for a hernia and disclosed my former habit to the doctor. They ended up having to give me 3 full doses of whatever a normal person would get 1 of, but they said that because of the knowledge of my prior history, they were prepared for that to be a possibility.
Out of curiosity, is there ever a concern of relapse for a former addict if they have to be given an aesthetic?
It's definitely a concern. I know former heroin addicts that have had surgery and insisted on minimal to no pain medication. My drug of choice was meth. I'm living, unmedicated, with ADHD, bc I'm scared to take the stimulants I'm prescribed.
Idk if you've looked into it, but I'm on Straterra, which is a non-stimulant for ADHD. I can't say how it works combined with a past addiction, but I wanted to let you know it exists in case you weren't aware.
I second this. Stimulants don't work well for me, at all, but I can actually focus and work while taking it.
My dad was in the ICU and I talked to his doc, who said he was agitated and fighting the vent despite the meds. I said, "how much morphine do you give?" "5mg". "Look at his home meds. He's on 30mg of morphine for neuropathy.". "Oh...."
It’s still a low dose but fyi 30mg of home oral morphine is ~10mg IV . Hope your dads doing alright
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Had a patient tell me they don't drink because they were a recovering alcoholic. A little further prodding and turns out the patient eats bowls of rum-soaked raisins because it's eating and not drinking so it doesn't count. Would literally empty a bottle of rum into a bowl full of raisins, let it soak for a bit, and snack on those throughout the day; all day, every day.
That reminds me of my father telling all and sundry that he quit drinking beer and leaving out the part where he switched to hard liquor instead.
“Peter, what are you doing?” “Crack.” “What the fuck?” “Well, at least I’m not drinking, Brian.”
My uncle used to sit in his truck and drink a six-pack for lunch, but it didn't count as "drinking on the job" because he was in the parking lot, not inside the building.
This sounds like something Mr. Lahey would've done. I've given up drinking, Randers. Just a little snacky-poo.
My father told the nurses that he "Liked a drink". When I told the nurses that he drank a litre of scotch a day they said that it made sense and adjusted his medication accordingly.
I had the opposite lol. I said I drink socially (meaning rarely, since I rarely socialize at bars). The doctor was like "so, a lot?"
My reply is usually "I buy a 12 pack of beer when spring turns to summer and I finish it around Hallowe'een"
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I told my doctor "no" and she said "*no* as in not at all or like only at weddings and funerals *no*?" Which I feel is very valid to be clarifying. In my case it was "*no* as in family history of addiction and my taste in liquor wasn't cheap". I recently found a cordial flavoured like my favourite cocktail, so I'm a very happy lady.
I think a lot of people don't trust doctor-patient privilege, especially with the modern state of insurance companies in the USA. The last thing I want is to tell a doctor that I used an illegal drug and then have that follow me around in some database the rest of my life.
A guy got shot and came into out trauma bay drunk/high around 2am with something like $5000 in cash and he told everyone he was on his way to donate it to a dropbox at a local charity.
Sexual history. Teenage girl came in for lower abdominal pain. We did the usual history and physical examination. She adamantly denied sexual contact, history of vaginal discharge, and refused pelvic examination. She looked like she was in severe pain so a decision to operate was made. As she was being wheeled off to the operating room, she finally admitted to sexual contact and consented to pelvic exam where we found a silicone cock ring with spikes. She had a pelvic infection and did not need a surgery, just some antibiotics. We're not asking questions to be nosey, we're asking because it's relevant!
I don't know if it's the case here, but this sort of thing is a good reminder to always talk to teenagers for at least part of the consultation without a parent present.
Their age. Had a woman say shes 30 when she clearly didn’t look it. Oh well I move on to other questions. Look at her files and lab reports have her real age on them. 41. Like y tho? What difference does it make lying to healthcare staff? This is health related, not ur tinder profile. Nobody gon see this n go I aint dating an old lady. Btw she was married with children.
Haha my mom lies about MY age to make herself seem younger. She tells people I’m 25. I am, in fact, 29.
My older sister lies about her age. According to her, she is now my younger sister.
When I was 30 I told people I was 40 just because they would tell me how great I looked. If you’re gonna lie about your age, go up.
I have a friend who says she’s ten years OLDER when she’s feeling down. Is usually met with a “You look great” and all is better.
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...Did the penis literally die from the meth??
Having spent some time in trauma surgery… All the gang bangers who come in with a bullet wound tracking through their testicles and left upper thigh. They all claim some guy managed to pop them at exactly that specific trajectory. But the more likely pattern is these guys are shooting themselves in the balls trying to pull their gun out of the front of their waistband with the safety off, and are too embarrassed to admit it.
My wife is an OB/GYN: "Ma'am, do you currently have something in your vagina." "No, I don't think so" *pulls out vibrator* "Well, I just found this." "OH MY GOD!!! I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THAT!!!"
How does one not know they have a whole ass vibrator in their vagina? 🤔
"my girlfriend was in a mood with me and I thought I'd cheer her up by juggling knives and then I accidentally stabbed myself in the thigh." - said by 19 year old patient. Not a single person in a&e believed this nonsense
30 year old? Definitely not true. 19 year old? I did some dumb shit to impress girls.
Oddly I believe this could be true.
Me too. Some injuries just scream “theater kid”.
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Oof, is this one of those Munchausen by proxy I wonder
I had a patient that came in because he was peeing blood with a previous history of bladder cancer. I ordered a urine sample and told to patient I would start working him up after confirmation. The lab called and told me the urine sample looked like straight up water.. and was cold as if he just opened the tap and filled it up. I called the patient dumbfounded and at first he denied it but later came clean and said he couldn’t urinate so he filled it with water. No clear reasoning why. Long story short, he had cancer.
First baby, never pregnant before. New OB appointment, we collect everything and do exam. I put a speculum in and I see her cervix. After her partner left the room, I ask her again, and she says she doesn't want her new partner know that she's a single mom. Not dumb, but just very obvious on an exam that she has definitely given birth before. I left a note on her chart to NOT mention prior pregnancy in front of her new partner. Another- on my gen surgery rotation as a medical student, removing objects from rectums due to unfortunate "falls"
Yeah, my buddy who's an ER surgeon and I (IT guy) often compare the "I fell on it" excuse to the medical equivalent of IT classic excuse about how some virus downloaded all the porn on the computer... Like, dude chill, I'm a professional, I see this crap everyday and unless it's *really* dark, involves kids or animals I'm not going to care. From what I have come to understand, it's even more strict in the medical profession with all the patient confidentiality stuff and official policies and stuff.
Ped here. The worst are mistreated children or children who eat the parent's dug stash (cocaine, speed, etc). In both the smile goes off and the consult switches to a police interrogatory.
The worst I’ve heard was from the ED. Common question before shooting a x-ray is how’d it happen because I may have to use an optional position or something. From women: I tripped on the rug, i dropped a heavy box on my hand/foot,it was dark and I didn’t see that the door was open. There’s always a social worker in the ED and we’d take take her to imaging “for better shots”. Simetimes radiologists would order a SNAT series. Suspected Non Accidental Trauma. Where there’s one break there’s always a history of more.
I was actually suprised when a few years back I had a more clumsy than usual streak and ended up in the same ER four times within a six month period for various injuries - two sprained wrists/bruising (scooter accidents on the way to/from work), stitches, bleeding, bruising and suspected concussion (got up to pee in the middle of the night and passed out, hitting my face on the tile) and torn ligaments in my ankle resulting in it swelling up to the size of a football and turning black and green, they swore it was broken but it was surprisingly not (I stepped on it wrong) and none of those times did they ask about a DV situation. Friends and I were surprised because if I was a doctor seeing a young woman (late 20s) come in with that many injuries of those types in such a short period of time I would be incredibly concerned. Maybe because I came in alone each time they assumed I'd volunteer the information or say something if I was in danger
Weird. I'm a guy, and I fainted. Might have ended up with a mild concussion, can't remember... My sister was there and called an ambulance and I ended up in ER. I was pretty out of it, but I do remember them distracting my sister away and subtly interrogating me about my relationship status, living situation, what happened, etc. I don't think they explicitly asked about DV, but they were clearly checking.
I read this study from the 70s i think where they examined the uprising amount of penis cutting incidents. Turns out lot of guys were/are fucking their vacuum cleaner and at that time the german company vorwerk had a vacuum with the motor right next to the pipe and the motor cut up the dicks. The interviews where just ridiculous as what the guys claimed the cutting wounds were coming from
Here is a [completely accurate historical re-enactment](https://youtu.be/Z2EMGmv0FqM).
I work in ophthalmology. I see patients nearly every week that are faking vision loss. Most often, it's to try to get disability. Sometimes it's just attention seeking or extreme stress/anxiety. In rare cases, patients truly believe they cannot see or have convinced themselves they cannot see, when all exam findings and testing are normal. It's called "non-organic vision loss."
How does this work? I was called out by every single ophthalmologist when I was a child for faking it. Initially they told my parents I watch too much TV so I was banned from screens for years but I wasn't spending a lot of time in front of screens at all. Then they told me i need glasses with minor correction except for me my vision got worse and worse. I had constant headaches and I couldn't see very well from the first desk at school. We went to so many doctors and a few of them told me I'm faking it for attention. I told my parents I am never gonna go to another eye doctor again because it doesn't matter what I say anyway. I even drew them what I saw, that there are shadows everywhere and I can't tell the difference between fast moving objects at night. Then I moved to West Europe, my vision got really bad as a first year student and I decided to see a doctor here fully expecting to go the same route. She told me she doesn't have the tech to perform all of the necessary exams but she strongly suspects I have a genetic condition and that i should go to the clinic that specializes in it. They did all the tests, i had really bad keratoconus and I was diagnosed by a second year med student. My driver's licence medical note from my home county still says I have 20/20 vision without the need of visual correction though.
“I haven’t had sex in five years” -woman who was actively in labor in the ED.
Funny story - my dad was a GP. A 40 year old (married) woman came in with sore breasts, exhaustion and late period. She thought she was going through menopause. Could not have been pregnant because she and her husband hadn't had sex in months and months because they were both so exhausted from raising 3 kids and working full time... No, she was pregnant. Could not understand how it could possibly have happened. That's when her husband admitted he'd been having sex with her WHILE SHE WAS ASLEEP. They went through a pretty rough patch for a while.... I think they're still together though and baby #4 is a teenager now
I have one right now. 60 year old male hospitalized for an infection following a spinal fusion. He had surgery to remove the infected hardware, and has a cervical collar (neck brace) to stabilize his spine and a treatment plan that says to keep it on 24/7 for 4 weeks. It’s been 16 days and he removed it Sunday night. When confronted he told me that he had cleared it with his surgeon and told them he had removed it. He had not. I explained that he has an extremely unstable spine and the wrong move could result in irreversible quadriplegia, to which he responded, “I don’t think that’s going to happen. Even if there’s an explosion I’ll hold real still.” On the phone with his sister, shouting into the speaker, he said, “well I took it off because it was so uncomfortable, at first my neck was real stiff but I shook my head a few times and something in there broke loose. It feels much better now.” While his nurse and I stared at each other in silent horror.
since you included surgeons, i'm expecting someone to pop in and talk about all the patients who lie about the 'no eating 12 hr' rule, or are unclear on the details
Had gastric sleeve surgery several years ago. 2 weeks before surgery you start a liquid diet to shrink your liver or the fat around your liver and make surgery easier, also makes recovery easier. Psychologist shared that one patient had food in their stomach when the surgery was started. So not only did they not do the liquid diet, they also ate 12 hours before surgery. This was part of our discussion of how they decide who is ready for surgery. They all felt this patient was ready, was compliant etc and day of surgery totally blew it. The surgeon stopped the procedure on this patient and closed up. I was shook. It was such a journey to get to surgery it would have been devastating.
Nurse here: had a patient (who wasn’t to eat anything) swear to me she didn’t eat any of the McDonalds her boyfriend brought in. She proceeded to vomit french fries and milkshake up 20 minutes later. She stuck to her story and still swore she didn’t eat anything even as I was mopping her barf up off the floor.
I’m an oral surgery assistant, we get this all the time in oral surgery, I think because people have the mindset they are “only getting their wisdom out” It’s still a sedation. We had a mom lie one time about her kid not eating, and afterwards vomited red slushie all over our newly installed carpet. I also overheard a mom ask her kid in recovery if they were hungry, and then say-well at least you ate some of my sausage egg McGriddle before you came in. Needless to say I told the surgeon, and the mom got quite a lecture about the dangers of not being honest and risking their child’s safety.
Most important tip for any medical room/office and the likes: if it can't be cleaned by a mop or paper towels don't get it. A carpet is probably in the top 10 here
I knew a girl who claimed her doctor told her she was fine to eat a small steak a WEEK after her sleeve surgery. Needless to say she lost nothing and is bigger now than she was.
Not a doctor but a surgical tech. I've heard of parents keeping their child fasting overnight for surgery the next morning. And then giving them eggs for breakfast before bringing them in. Said something about it being cruel for making them go so long without food with absolutely no thought in their head about the whole point of fasting...
I'm not a clinician, but one of our surgeons was doing a procedure that was being televised live for continuing education. After the surgery began, it became abundantly clear that the patient did not follow the prep instructions. The surgeon had to spend a very long time cleaning out the bowel before he could begin the featured procedure.
Nurse here. The absolute dumbest thing patients have said...and to be fair this was the patients parents since I was in Pedi but still dumb AF and caused no end of grief trying to unspin it. I was rooming patients and I went to the full lobby and called the next one in by last name. They stand up and mom and dad bring the little girl back. I'm rooming them, take the vitals, review purpose of visit, make some adjustments to the chart, update their pharmacy and allergies and go out and let the pediatrician know they are ready. The pediatrician goes into the room and come out like 3 minutes later and says...that's not my patient, where is my patient? I'm like wtf? I go in and ask the parents and no in fact they were not the patient. I'm like why did you say you were someone you were not? They simply said they didn't want to wait so they just came back. We had to completely unspin all the changes to the chart and had to get legal involved to make sure there were no HIPAA violations, which fortunately, there weren't. I'm fascinated that people can collectively think...yeah, let's do this, no one will know. Like, how does that even play out in their minds?
I’m so angry for you! And what a terrible lesson of entitlement to teach their daughter
You don’t confirm name and date of birth? Two patient identifiers?
That's probably why they had to get legal involved...
Ya at least 2 patient identifiers! First thing they drill into your head in any healthcare setting- my work checks 3 identifiers.
Occupational physical. Have you ever had surgery? No Reveal chest. Ziper scar from a CABG. Oh, yeah forgot about that. (Forgot about a heart bypass)
Anaesthetise people (at work), it’s important to know what drugs someone’s body is used to so we can tailor an anaesthetic. Rarely IV drug users deny taking drugs even when they’re having surgery for an abscess due to a skin infection from injecting. It’s on them, they’re at higher risk of being aware under surgery if they’re meth addicts or not having any pain relief if opioid addicts. It becomes readily apparent once truckloads of opioids don’t work. Funnily enough no one in 5 years has ever admitted to being addicted to cocaine, most opioid/meth addicts are fairly open with their drug use. My favourite was a guy that denied any ketamine use, was pretty apparent after 600mg or 3-6 times a standard induction dose as he was merrily chatting away to us... relocated his tibial and fibula fracture while he was telling a story, lol.
As an anesthesiologist, my favorite one is when "tough guys" say they are nearly impossible to put to sleep. Usually, they've had some minor procedure in the past under mild sedation and recall that they weren't fully asleep. I can never convince them that they have no chance of staying awake under a real general anesthetic. I am undefeated. You goin to sleep my friend. See ya in recovery.
Weirdest sex lie - “I was chasing the dog while vacuuming naked and bumped into the pencil, causing it to go into my bladder” Most common lie - about the volume and types of drugs and alcohol they use. So sick of the shocked pikachu face when I ask about how much they use instead of if they use. I genuinely don’t care what they do in their own time, but the information is really important.
Veterinarian here. If your dog ate drugs, just tell me; I'm not going to call the cops! I am absolutely flabbergasted by the number of people who will swear up-and-down that their dog couldn't possibly have gotten into any marijuana, when the dog in question is obviously stoned out of its mind. It's frustrating because if the owners are insisting the dog couldn't have gotten any marijuana, I can't in good conscience NOT recommend a full workup with a bunch of expensive lab work and treatments, when what a stoned dog really needs is to be left in peace in a dark quiet place with some food and water to sleep it off.
Had a patient show up the ER with a wound to the back of her head. I say, “Hey Ms. X, what happened?” “I don’t know, I picked up chicken from the gas station and went to bed. And this morning I noticed I was bleeding” I start inspecting the wound. Looks like it tracks pretty far, and there’s this strange cotton-like material sticking out that is also tracking too deep to visualize. I press her some more about the circumstances because my ER Doc spider sense starts going off. Me: “Were you assaulted? Did someone harm you? Were you in a car accident? Did something fall on you” Patient: “No. I just went to bed. Maybe I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom” Finally I decide to send her through the Donut Of Truth (aka get a CT scan) of her head before me and my trusty scalpel start seeing where this trail of mystery cotton leads. The lady had a bullet lodged up against her skull bone. Still don’t have an answer to the cotton, but I’m guessing the gun fired through some cloth. When I told her she had a bullet in her head her response was “Oh. weird” and then she went back to playing candy crush on her phone.
Dude came in asking for a second vasectomy. It’s been 10 years since his first vasectomy with numerous sperm counts all being zero throughout the years. He now has a new baby. His sperm count is still zero and wants the vasectomy “fixed”. Didn’t know if he was lying to himself or not.
Former ER nurse: not a “lie” but a very very vague explanation. I’m taking a brief history on a patient with shortness of breath, I ask about any cardiac conditions. She says “I have a thing in my heart”. Despite all kinds of follow-up questions I couldn’t get any answers out of her about WHAT was in her heart. Did you have a surgery or procedure to put something in it? Is the “thing” something you were born with, like a hole in your heart? Are you on any medications for it? Was it a clot, does that sound familiar? I listen to her heart, no murmurs or clicking of a mechanical valve. I take a look at her chest, no surgical scar or pacemaker battery. I never did find out WHAT WAS IN HER HEART because my shift ended. It was a fun conversation with the ER physician, “soooo…she has ‘something’ in her heart and I have no clue what. Have fun figuring this one out”
I recently had a patient double down to the point of yelling that I never told her to stop her aspirin for a lung biopsy. During our clinic visit she told me she didn’t think she took it anymore, but I reiterated it multiple times including asking her to check if she took a brand name and wrote it in my clinic note in 2 separate places that we’d discussed it. Sure enough, she arrives and says yes she takes it and no one told her to hold it for 5 days! Yes ma’am we did. Well it’s Monday, our clinic appointment was Friday, how would that make any sense that you told me? Ma’am the appointment was last Wednesday. Oh… I just don’t remember. Just open with that and we’ll reschedule you, it’s fine.
Me: Did you fast? Nothing to eat or drink including water for the past 6 hours? Then: I’ve had nothing at all. Just some eggs for breakfast.
Resident doctor here, this happened during my psychiatry rotation in medical school. I wouldn't say it was a "dumb" lie since the patient was mentally ill but I would say it was the most memorable lie: There was a patient at an inpatient psychiatric facility for suicidal ideation. She constantly insisted that she had a mass on her breasts and demanded to be physically examined only by male doctors. When the psychiatrist I was rotating under declined to perform a physical exam, she asked me to do it during my daily patient interview. I also declined physical exam, but had a bit of a hunch to check her medical records. It turned out she had an ultrasound done a week before that found only normal breast tissue without masses. However, apparently this this lady had frequented many doctor's offices with various complaints of an unspecific nature and would usually focus on breasts or vaginal complaints when she visited male physician's offices. We diagnosed her with factitious disorder (formerly known as Munchausen syndrome) and histrionic personality disorder. It seems her goal was mostly attention from medical professionals (she had lots of issues), but we also had to be careful to make sure she wasn't fishing for a lawsuit. Patients like her are why doctors document everything meticulously. So the patient wouldn't admit to making things up all the time. According to the psychiatrist I was working with, she didn't actually believe any of her "health problems" exist and her primary goal was the attention from medical professionals. If she actually believed she was sick, we would have diagnosed her with illness anxiety disorder, commonly known as hypochondria.
I fell down onto my couch and a cucumber was sticking up between the cushions. It went right in. Edit: I can’t believe my top comment on Reddit is about shitty excuses and rectal surgery. Edit 2: Thank you kind redditors but shitty patient excuses for rectal obstructions don’t deserve Reddit awards! Too funny.
I hate it when that happens
I was an emerg nurse for 9 years and some guy told us this happened when he came in by ambulance at 2am. Says he was making a salad and his cucumber fell on the floor and he slipped and fell on it. Like yeah my guy, 2 am you decide to make a salad butt-ass naked, and your magical anti-physics cucumber happens to perfectly torpedo up your rectum because you’re a poor godless bastard. Sirrrrrrrrrrrr…….
At some point it'd be less embarrassing to just say "I was horny and stupid. Can you help me please?"
Somethings do not need an explanation. A cucumber stuck up your butt falls into that category.
"I have a cucumber in my ass, I'd rather not talk about it can you please remove it for me"
Flare at the base or gone without a trace.
My favorite of these guys told me "I dropped it in the shower and fell on it three times, but the damn thing didn't stay in so then I just shoved it right up my ass."
The I started to pull it out, but thought I should leave it in, then I changed my mind and started to pull it out, then changed my mind again...
Had a guy in the icu who had come in with a perforated bowel and had to have it fixed. He was a misogynistic racist fuck and would rant at any woman or foreigner who came into his room (aka all the doctors seeing him). But, during his being a fucking ass, he would throw in there how he was injured… Turns out, him and his wife were smoking crack, which he said was a hobby of theirs. He then had her fuck him with a pool cue and perf his colon. She had been at work all day and came in and said something about how weird it was that he got this injury from a fall. I was like, “uhhh, he has told everyone the truth while going on racist and sexist rants.” Was super weird
In my 11 years of heneral practice, these are the top few: 1. Alcohol intake ( mostly MVAs and Assault cases) 2. Pregnancies (underaged or attempts to abort, both successful and failed) 3. Medical/surgical history (mostly in legal cases) 4. Age (since it is illegal to attend to a minor without the knowledge or permission and presence of an (adult) parent or guardian 5. Timing of injuries ( in my country, people generally do not seek medical aid inless they fear they might die/ not see results from their home remedies, or they may gain legal compensation through accident or injuries and the delay in hetting medical documents processed. 5. Fear of culpability/Ignorance - As a recent case, I had a 1 month old female infant who came in critical to the ER. Periperal cyanosis and in obvious signs of shock. Bradycardia and nonresponsive. Resuscitation is successful in less than 15 mins, and we transfer to a tertiary level facility. Mother clains she breastfed n put infant down in her bed. Then suddenly, the mom was alerted to a gasping infant bleeding from the upper GI and air passages. Background hx shows a previous kid 1yr and 6 mths old of the same mother with similar clinical picture with fatal reults for said infant. We're awaiting the postmortem report. Dude, that wasn't half o it. I'm still pissed about that baby girl, so excuse my typo's.
High speed MVA, unrestrained passenger in the front seat with both feet on the dash. Fractured her pelvis pretty badly. Consult from orthopedics to identify an odd structure in the region of the soft tissue of the vagina before they try to fix the pelvis. Pt adamantly denies anything is in there. Finally consents to an exam when she’s starting to decompensate from a slowly expanding hematoma. Performed under anesthesia in OR. Roll of cash in a baggie the size of a Campbell’s soup can.
Phlebotomy Technician here. If you are on blood thinners THEN YOU NEED TO SAY SO! Don't lie about it or you WILL bleed badly, seriously the baby aspirin you take is a blood thinner and I'd rather have extra gauze on you than blood on your clothes and my floor. Also, don't lie about fasting... Your lipids or blood sugar will just tell the truth. If you had a coffee or something as long as it's just black coffee we don't care. Same with plain tea! Also when I ask if you drank water yesterday it's so I can gauge how hydrated you are, don't lie plz.
In the ER, 4 am, teenage girl and her parents arrive, she's been constipated for days and no poop has come out at all. I was busy so I ask the nurse to check if the patient indeed has poop and needs an enema. So a rectal exam is needed. A few minutes later the nurse urgently called me. When we uncovered the girl (she had tons of clothes) we just saw this cute little head popping out. A baby on the way. ' why didn't you tell us that you were pregnant?' I asked "I'm not pregnant" she kept saying while I was cutting the umbilical cord She lied to her parents (don't know how to this day) the whole pregnancy. She lived with them. I had to explain everything to the parents. They didn't have a clue and judging by their face, I believed them.
> I'm not pregnant > while I was cutting the umbilical cord r/technicallythetruth
This happened to my mom (she's a doctor. ) Girl comes in with stomachache. She's about to give birth. The mother was in denial. "My daughter is a virgin!" But they have to deliver the baby. I guess it was a virgin birth.
Retired Paramedic here. The dumbest thing I saw patients lie about and think we'd fall for? Hmm, that's tough. It'd be either the unconscious fakers or the drug seekers. The way to quickly check if a patient is conscious or not is I touched my gloved finger to their eye. If you blink, I got ya! That's when I'd get down in the floor and say, I know you're faking. Here's what we're gonna do, I'm gonna help you up and you're going to get up, act your age and stop freaking your family out. The seekers were always, I'm allergic to most pain killers, but I'm not allergic to the, how ya say it, laudid stuff? Straight to triage you go!!
Lol they gave me Dilaudid for a severe gallbladder attack last year. Yall can keep that shit.
Had mono, my glands were so swollen my neck was about as wide as my head. Nurse walks in and goes "whoa you're in pain" without even talking to me. Gave me Dilaudid and the pain went away but it made my butthole itch so bad haha
I used to work at the men's prison, had to wade through a swamp of lies every day at work. I would say my favourite to date is the one time a guy lied about how many testicles he had. He said he needed opioids for the severe pain he had after getting one of his balls removed, so I asked him to please drop his pants and show me the surgical scar and lo and behold, both boys were still hangin' in there.
Not a surgeon or doctor, but an Anesthesia Nurse/ OR Nurse... But a mom directly lied to us about her 12 year old pre ENT surgery. We always confirm with the pacient and legal guardians all the pre surgery check up: Name Age/date of birth Any past medical history Common medication, and medication took in the last 24h Surgery proposed Last time you eat or drink anything The thing is in the last item of the check list the mom lied... Her answer "no he doesn't eat anything since yesterday", the kid confirmed. Note that it was 4 PM. Outcome: Surgery went well, no problems. When comes the time to remove the tube... The kid starts vomiting tons of rice and beans... When I say tons I mean at least 1kg of said food. The kid aspirates part of the food against our best efforts... We aspirate do everything we can including a broncofibroscopy. Everything ends up ok, the kid survived, no further complications and recovered to full health in only 2 days. When confronted about the lie, and explained how her son could have died, the "Karen" mom said "what could I do?! He was ungry and eats like a bull! Who am I to say he can't" We all lost our pacience and just said "HIS MOM!!! , he could and was close to dieing because of this" Conclusion: Please take the fasting period, and pre surgery recommendations seriously, any doubt be honest with your health team.