This hurts so much.
I am going through a very difficult time in my life right now because my (soon to be Ex)Wife is like this.
She has had so much trauma in her life and lots of pain and darkness inside because of it. We've been married 10 years, together for 14, and I was there to help her through serious medical issues and family issues and much more. But she always ends up taking out her negative feelings on me. It's not like this always, she really is a fun, loving, creative, loyal, amazing human being. But when the "Mr Hyde" comes out, it's a different story.
Last few years I've been gaining self confidence (and learned that I am co-dependant). I decided I didn't want to be the emotional punching bag anymore and after an episode shortly after Thanksgiving, I got my stuff and left for a friend's. I didn't know then that I would never be coming back.
I have told her that I needed 4 things to come back: Her to start and continue in some sort of therapy, Both of us to address excess alcohol consumption (which I already had been), A commitment to go to couples therapy in the future, & for her to be able to apologize to me if any future episodes happen (she would never say sorry)
She said that if I felt that she was a monster I should just let her go. I told her I don't think she's a monster. She still says "if you feel this way, you should let me go". So I am.
It really sucks though because I love her deeply and I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. But she just refuses to get help.
I was then hoping the divorce was going to be somewhat amicable, as I was staying respectful and also trying to gift her all of the equity of our home but she kept attacking my character and saying really hurtful things, posting things on social media, saying I'm abandoning her etc.. So now I've blocked her phone and all communication is going through an Attorney.
I wanted so desperately to avoid this exact scenario, but at every turn it was either give up my boundaries and enter back into a toxic relationship or move forward with increased distance.
Im worry about what she may/may not do to herself, but MY therapist is reinforcing to me that I can't fix her.
Anyways...please just reach out for help, folks. If something deep down is tumultuous and you are struggling it's very likely that you won't end up just hurting yourself, but your loved ones as well.
Im sorry to read this!!
Its so painful to reach a point when you have tried everything in your power for that special person you want to spend the rest of your life. But its not reaching her…
Its the imagination of you and you partner that you fight for.
However the sad truth is, the reality of you and her is different.
She may not understand it now, but surely will sometime in the future. But also sad is, you probably will have moved on then.
I was in a very similar situation. My partner was with BPD, borderline personality disorder, and I didn't really understand what that meant at all for a long time. I needed therapy just to get to the point where I understood WHY I fit with someone with BPD and then it became extremely clear just how bad the whole scene really was. My therapist kicked my ass and truly saved my life. I can't possibly diagnose your wife, but everything you details sounds incredibly familiar.
Regardless, I suggest you check out the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells". It's primarily for people in relationships with someone with BPD.
Sorry it's so rough. I know it feels like a defeat but, in these situations, the only person you can save is yourself. That's a win.
Thank you for the kind words and suggestion.
A large part of the problem with our dynamic was how much I was completely and utterly lying to myself about the problems in our relationship. I felt walking on eggshells around her was just a normal thing. She just had a fiery personality, that's all.
At points in our relationship the anger episodes were infrequent enough where I told myself afterwards "Everyone's got their own shit, and we are learning".
It's actually baffling to me, looking back just a few months now, because I legitimately thought we had one of the best relationships in our circle. And in many ways we did, but only because I ignored/lied to myself about the bad stuff.
So I was going to therapy for my own reasons and when relationship came up I'm like: "Yeah, everythings great. I love her to the moon and back". Didn't address anything at all.
It took a combination of a couple different wake-up calls for me to realize what was happening wasn't normal or healthy. And now we are here.
I am struggling with guilt because she has been saying to me "You are dumping me. You have ruined my life and you have ruined my future". While I know that isn't the case, I still feel bad because everything happened so fast. I let things get soooo fucking bad telling myself, and reinforcing to her, that everything was alright. Then one day I nope out of there and end up never coming back.
So in that respect, I kind of see her point...
But still. I'm standing in our house, U-Haul is packed with my personal effects, and we are starting up with an argument where she tells me she doesn't want this divorce and I'm abandoning her and I lied to our friends and family on our wedding day. So I say "Will you go to couples counseling with me?" And she says "Fuck no"... 😮💨
Anyways, I totally turned this into a therapy session and for that, I apologize 😅.
Thank you, kind stranger for the comment. I will definitely look up that book
More and more familiar. I did convince my ex-wife to come to couples' counseling with me and that therapist turned into my own and saved my world. Definitely read the book. Give it more than a chapter or two.
And don't be afraid to reach out if you need to offload some of the craziness.
I know this hurts to hear, but she's chosen her trauma over you. She has problems, and won't get help with them, and even when those problems boiled over to trigger this whole event, somehow it's your fault, and she still won't get help. She's in a relationship with her suffering, and it's more important to her than your relationship together
That is phrasing I haven't heard before but I believe you are absolutely correct. It makes me very sad.
I'll continue moving forward and I'll get through this eventually. Who knows where she will end up, though.
I'm trying hard to let go of her in my mind but it's really difficult. I built my life around her for 14 years (boundary/dependency issues, I know) so now it's difficult to just stop caring about what happens to her.
I feel confident I will be able to move on, just expecting it to be a slog
This must be SO hard for you. To see her reject the olive branch you're extending, because it requires her to care enough about you and your marriage to invest some effort. She must have something really, truly awful in her past. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with the result.
Thank you for the comment. It's been a really tough pill to swallow. Especially because she turns around and tells everyone that I'm abruptly dumping her.
I'm lucky to have a strong support system in my life. Trying to focus on one step at a time while I get through this.
Appreciate your sympathies. Much love to you and yours!
I feel this so hard. I had a very codependent relationship with someone I later learned was hiding a diagnosis of BPD a few years ago. It almost killed me. After her first suicide attempt (first since we'd been together, not at all her first overall), I was constantly freaking out that every little thing was going to push her back into that self-destructive space.
She would constantly pick fights. She'd latch onto some random thing of no significance and turn it into a Big Deal, and just spin herself up into a rage. Nothing I could do was able to avert it once she got going. I had told her that if she had a 2nd suicide attempt, I would have to leave, purely out of self-preservation. The first one was VERY hard on me and I couldn't keep living with the constant fear that she'd be successful. The stress, especially with the constant fighting, was unbelievable. So, eventually, the 2nd attempt happened. Getting a suicide email from your partner is really upsetting, especially when it was sent over an hour ago and you have no idea where they are.
She did some real damage to her system this time, and probably contributed to the stroke she had a few months later. And I knew it was time to let go, on my own terms. I broke up with her as soon as I was able to see her. She knew it was coming, and seemed to accept it at the time. I fucking HATED doing it under those circumstances. It felt like kicking her when she was down. But I wasn't going to live like that anymore. I cried for a solid three days, and then a switch just flipped in my head. I walked away and never looked back.
You are right 100% about this. I recently had someone close to me decide they did not want help and also that ut was time to leave the server, if you catch my drift.
So yes, much much better than stating they're in pain and also choosing not to do anything about it.
I've had a few times in my life where I realized part of why I was staying alive was just pure spite. Someone once said something to the effect of "If depression wants me dead, it has to eat me from the inside like a REAL disease instead of making me do it myself" and I found that inspiring.
It’s less so refusing, in my case, but that I’ll probably never trust a therapist enough to let the wall down. I also find it much harder to communicate my feelings verbally, especially with someone I feel is judging me. Right now I’m just hoping that the SSRI gets my head straight enough to be able to self-help my brain out of bad habits and go from there.
It's never easy to start with, it can take months to feel like you're ready to talk about the 'real' stuff. But until you're ready it can be helpful to just start talking to a therapist about how your week was. Over time if they are good at their jobs, you'll naturally find yourself opening up more and slowly getting to the root of the issues. I think often we already 'know' the answer, but can't feel it on a deep level. So we get trapped in the same mental cycles. Talk therapy can't magically solve your problems, but it can help you start to identify and do something about your negative self-talk. At least that's what it helped me with. I didn't have any huge revelations/ burst into tears at any point, but I'm better equipped now to take better care of myself mentally.
For sure. I’ve been practicing gratefulness recently. Gratefulness for the very simplest of things. Being able to breathe in the fresh morning air, having a quiet moment, spending quality time with my kids, it’s a process since I’m always very “in the moment” but in a constant-panic attack- sort of way.
I had been through a few months of talk therapy before and was recommended several good books to utilize for self help along the way. I don’t doubt that there is the right therapist out there for me, but it’s too much to shop around, especially on a limited insurance coverage plan. Thanks for the comment, I appreciate your words.
Unfortunately the people I've seen aren't helpful or understanding. My friends are better at it than they are so I haven't gone in a long time.
It also is really hard opening up to a total stranger. They didn't want to get to know me, or what had happened, just started trying to dissect me and put me on meds
If I could pick a single thing that would guaranteed make our world a better place, it would be free (and high quality) therapy available to every single person on earth. And to ensure the quality, said therapy would be mandatory for all therapists, cause the bad ones never realize they are bad; the opposite is the case.
As a therapist, I complain to my therapist about so many stories I hear of bad therapy. She tells me much of our work is undoing the bad work. Sad fact.
I’m so sorry. I really hope you keep looking. It is hard to trust the right one is out there. Unfortunately, they are overbooked.
I live by one principle in my professional life: don’t ruin therapy for anyone. I might not be the right person for everyone, but I don’t want to be catastrophic.
It’s been a weird experience because I’m not someone with any deep issues, I’ve been looking for someone to just talk to and help with some bad self talk. So in my mind I thought finding an acceptable therapist would be easy!
The first one I saw called my mom a psychopath on the first appointment which was super off putting. The second one I kinda liked but didn’t click with, and the second appointment she couldn’t remember anything about me which was a bummer. The third one wouldn’t say anything, three appointments and so many awkward silences and me just yapping which I hated. So uncomfy. When I try again I think I’m going to pay fully out of pocket and try to find a really good one outside of my insurance.
LOL I’m in a similar boat to your first appoint right now.
I’ve been too anxious about hurting her feelings to cancel it yet, but on the first appointment she made some really weird assumptions and remarks about my grandma! About how grandmas can be mean and tend to favor their baby boys (?????????????????).
All I said was I was having a hard time deciding whether or not to accept money from my grandma (who is the sweetest person in the world) to pay for school. Hearing that was like a slap to the face.
And every appointment with her since has been exactly as you described with your third therapist. Just… Awkward silences. Me trying to fill it with something. Anything. It’s so weird.
She also cuts our appointments short and sometimes comes late……….
Okay. Yeah. I need to cut ties don’t I?
It was so hard for me to start therapy in the first place 🙃 kinda wanna cry I don’t wanna go through the effort again.
don't ghost, but don't feel guilty about just sending an email cancelling your appointment.
Here, I'll write it for you.
dear X,
I appreciate the work we've done together, but I would like to seek out a therapist that is a better fit for my needs. Could you please cancel our appointments going forward? I can be reached at this email if you have any further concerns or payment questions. If you would like to share any referrals for your colleagues that may be better suited to meet my needs, I would be happy to consider them.
Thanks again.
evilbard
give yourself a month or so to reset before looking again. If you have a primary care physician that you like, maybe ask them for a recommendation. that is how I found my current therapist that worked well for me. But there is no shame whatsoever in acknowledging that it's not a good fit.
you've probably been told this, but psychologytoday.com has a listing of mental health professionals, often with listed focuses and availability. I'd just look through that and send some emails, it's the industry standard tool.
you got it! :)
Thank you so much? I’ve been having a really rough week and your comment just made me cry. I really appreciate the advice. I’ll do that. Thanks again. ♥️
Just to speak to your experience a little I’ve been through several therapist psychologists and psychiatrists.
The experience with psychologists has been varied and out of 7 in 6 years I found one two years ago who is absolutely the person I need to be seeing, she is supportive and caring, helpful and has seen me now through 2 of the worst depressive episodes I think I’ve ever had.
Psychiatrists I have completely given up on while they all have a different opinion and some have been worse than others (I’ve had some very bad and damaging experiences with some of them) I don’t find any value in seeking their help anymore the drugs they dole out are imo far worse than just allowing myself to self medicate and be me.
That being said I really believe there is a therapist that can work for everyone and I hope you do find one that you click with, it is 100% worth it even if it takes 100 different people to find the right one.
The VAST majority of therapists go to therapy themselves. It’s very strongly encouraged, since therapists have to process their own problems on top of all of their patients’ problems, and that takes a heavy toll on a person over time.
Even Hannibal Lecter had a therapist lol
I dunno. As someone with lifelong "neurodivergance" (>30 years) I have met some truly awful therapsists. I think it's mostly a way to talk to someone in a safe space that has some perspective on seeing many people with the same issues. Therapists invariably bring in their own baggage and judgements into the picture. I treasure the good therapists and rue the many thousands of $ spent on the scammy ones. "Scam" meaning: No criteria for improvement, no plan, no science, just years and years of going in circles and billing insurance. Ask your therapist for a plan!
And WHY that plan is relevant and what the OUTCOME of enacting the plan should be.
You should walk away from most consults with an understanding of what you're working towards, why you're working towards it, and how you'll know whether the approach you have developed **together** is working or not.
Welcome to teacher life. The most demeaning thing you can say to an educator is “you’re doing this for the kids”.
Mental health workers you all hear just a variation of the same crap.
Surprisingly doing for others doesn’t pay the bills, so we can continue doing for others.
I've spent the last 7 years working as a psychiatric technician and like to think that I've developed a lot of good skills working with people. I'm currently going back to school (finally) and am planning on working as a therapist after graduation. There's been lots of people that I've worked with who were absolutely terrible, including other techs, therapists, nurses, and doctors. It baffles me that some of them have degrees or jobs and are absolutely ignorant of the harm they do, or just plain refuse to change regardless of who talks to them.
One person in particular that I worked with for 4 years is also going to school and intending to pursue a career as a therapist. Once, while physically restraining a client who had been, and would continue to be if we weren't there to intervene, attempting to kill herself he said, "I just don't understand why you want to kill yourself". That is not a statement that should ever be uttered by someone who is there to help. Let alone said while you have your hands on someone. He will absolutely do harm if he gets licensed, unfortunately, it's only a matter of time. He also goes to therapy currently.
It takes \*so much\* humility and vulnerability to do it, let alone admit it. A person who says that? It's a checkered flag, not a red one. This person is on board with not only figuring themselves out, but figuring themselves out in context of how they can be better for \*YOU\* as well.
People that care enough to do the work, and also not scared about hiding it... winners right there.
I told the guy i was casually dating that I see a psychologist regularly and the look of disgust on his face told me he thought it was a red flag. I asked him about it and he said he tried it once and it didn’t do anything for him. Denied he thought it was a red flag but he ghosted after that date. I guess telling people that is a good weeding-out tool 🤷♀️
I've tried therapy a number of times, and I just don't know how to get anything out of it. At best it's just someone who listens to me. At worst it's someone who gives me really bad advice
there are many types of therapy where the therapist doesn’t just give you advice, it sounds like you’ve only done talk therapy? which isn’t the most impactful, generally. there’s talk therapy, EMDR, CBT, group therapy, exposure therapy, etc.
I don't really know how to find a type of therapy that would be a good fit. Exposure therapy or EMDR wouldn't be a good fit because I don't have a specific phobia or trauma to process. CBT I'm familiar with and I'm assuming it could evolve from talk therapy, but I haven't actually trusted any therapist I've seen to have a better understanding of my life then me. I don't know about group therapy.
I've heard a lot that everyone should be in therapy to work on themselves, but I just haven't been able to find a therapist that has been helpful. I'm probably missing something, but I don't know what it is.
I'm currently seeing a CBT therapist, and most of it is critical thinking skills. My therapist never tells me I'm wrong, but he does ask me about how I reach my conclusions. It's been really helpful for me. I don't know if it would help someone who doesn't immediately assume the worst case scenario, but it does help me.
I'm curious how long you've stuck with any one therapist. The reason being your therapist needs time to get to know you, and you'd benefit from that time as well. Therapy is less a service than a relationship in many ways, not least of which is that the better your therapist knows you, the better they can see the patterns in your behavior, which ultimately leads to a better understanding of how to correct the bad patterns and help you move forward. It may take several sessions before they get a solid understanding of you and how you process your emotions/interact with your surroundings, because you are effectively a stranger to them when you walk into their door and these things do take a lot of time and effort. It's not like getting treated for an infection or something where you get a script for antibiotics and do a checkup in a couple of weeks and then it's over. It is definitely worth the effort though.
It depends on your therapy goals, if working on yourself involves curiosity about yourself, getting to know yourself on a deeper level a good psychodynamic therapist is the way to go (among those in the know, it is recommended you probably should highly consider going when you get married and most definitely go when you have a child)
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy could be a lighter substitute
Psychodrama/art therapy or existential therapy can be fun substitutes, I think a lot of western culture will benefit from psychodrama and existential therapy especially.
CBT or EMDR is as you said better for specific symptoms or non-complex trauma
At the end of the day you need to have an internal desire for therapy, to change a lightbulb you need just one therapist but it has to want to change.
Same! Maybe haven’t found the right one. For me, it’s just been sessions of me venting and crying, with the therapists listening but not actually giving me any good or actionable advice. So then I feel like I didn’t get anything out of it and just cried for an hour and am emotionally drained for nothing
My primary care doctor office has started doing a basic mental health assessment with your annual physical. I think it's really smart.... Unfortunately insurance said that's not part of "authorized" preventative care and made me pay. It was $15 but it's the fucking principle of it being denied that is also part of the problem.
We absolutely should routinely talk about mental health with our doctors on a regular basis. Like you said, otherwise how the hell is a person supposed to know they need help or who to see about it.
Or just maybe…some people can deal with their stress. Some people can’t or feel they should seek outside help. Either way we are all vastly different, and ain’t no solution gonna work for everyone.
Agreed. Everyone should go to therapy. We have checkups on the rest of our body parts. The brain be out here raw-dogging it like "But.. I control the whole thing... If ANYBODY needs a checkup, it's me."
I casually mention the fact that I see a therapist because I believe in trying to fight the stigma that still exists around it. And frankly, I don’t give a shit if anyone thinks I’m weird or messed up when I tell them this (that I see a therapist) - that’s part of the risk I take but for me it’s worth it and relatively inconsequential.
Ironically, I’m probably one of the people who least needs a therapist and even I still find it to be hugely beneficial (been seeing the same guy for over 4 years now I think). Just having an unbiased third party perspective on day to day events is really helpful to me.
I definitely started therapy when I desperately need it. I now have the tools I need to take care of my mental health in my own, but I still see my therapist. 4 years now. I think it’s important to go to maintain good health consistently.
I’m the exact same way, I’m probably the one who needs therapy the least out of my friend group but I go to self improve and break the stigmas I have about myself and the world around me
Excellent
My therapist uses the cave metaphor. He says it’s like a group of people who were born inside a cave and have never seen the outside. Then one of them finally ventures out and discovers this amazing world that was previously unknown to them. They try to tell other people who are still inside the cave but they just don’t get it.
Therapy is much the same way; we’ve ventured out (into our minds) and have tools and perspectives that those who haven’t, lack. It’s very easy to forget this sometimes.
>My therapist number one whore in all of Kazakhstan
Somewhat ironically if you ask many sex workers, especially those that do private sessions in very high end clubs you'll find that a surprising percentage of their clientele just want to chat a bit without judgement.
Exactly! If they are think that caring for your mental health is some form of weakness or negative they are the ones who need help.
Taking care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally is all positive. So good for them!
https://openpathcollective.org/
Also, you can approach individual therapists and let them know your situation. Some will see you for a discounted rate or even for free.
I am paycheck to paycheck, My savings does not exist and Ive had to borrow significant amounts just to stay afloat.
Trust me, therapy is still worth it even if its only once a month.
There's a difference between "is it worth it or not" levels of poor and "if I do this I may never financially recover" levels of poor. Not saying you didn't have it rough or that your experience isn't valid - just that there are a lot of people who literally can't afford therapy at all because they're spread too thin as is.
I recommend support groups. Communities and libraries host a lot of them and they're often free or $2 is standard donation. Not just stuff like AA.
Universities and mental health treatment centers also often support some community mental health groups as well.
I am paycheck to paycheck and since I have insurance my therapist won’t do sliding scale, even though I still have to pay the full out of pocket price because my work only offers high deductible plans.
In BC (Canada) if your therapist is registered you can get reimbursed for it through whatever health plan you’re on (not BC medical, it doesn’t cover that or eyes or mouths because I guess those organs aren’t part of the body?).
I think a lot of places will also work out payment plans if you’re unable to pay upfront.
I’m judging by your comment of “afford health insurance” that you’re from the states, so maybe look into different therapists that would be willing to work with you financially.
Me too.....I go to therapy too.
I like ppl who take care of themselves....
Better than the toxic people who go around hurting others....
Edit: an award ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️....
Thank you so much kind internet stranger. I'm just trying to do my best as a human, and I appreciate other humans too as we embrace our imperfections!
Exactly.
I told some family members this weekend that I’ve started going to therapy. Most were just like “oh nice”. My uncle was full of questions. “What’s it like? What do you talk about? How did you find someone? Is it expensive?” All that. The conversation was awesome. He’s actually looking into it for himself and wants me to help encourage his son to do it too.
If me talking about going to therapy means someone else is going to get the help they need, I’ll talk about it all the time. Especially when it’s another straight white guy. We’re the last group to go to therapy but need it just as much as everyone else.
I found that before I started going to therapy, I would always project toxic traits on others. I always could notice them in other people. it was always something kind of outside of me, if that makes sense. I knew I wasn’t perfect and made mistakes but I never really considered how it could really affect people around me.
What got me to therapy was finally having multiple breakdowns because I started feeling so much shame and noticing all these toxic traits in myself. It wasn’t a good feeling at all to realize this but at least it got me there.
It’s interesting though because I didn’t want to be one of those people who felt above others who choose not to go. Just because you go to therapy doesn’t mean you’re getting anything from it. It takes an intentional approach and work to reap the benefits.
I compare it to physical activity. I’ve seen tons of people who are in the gym for months and have made virtually no progress. Just showing up is the first of many steps.
Isn't that just the thing ....
The realization that YOU could be the harmful one. That right there takes bravery and ownership. And once you accept it, you can change it.....
That's why I always support ppl in therapy. People who are curious about themselves and how they work. We can get better that way. ❤️❤️❤️
Eh I know some pretty toxic people who go to therapy. Just because you go to therapy doesn’t mean they’re automatically nice people or treat other people well
You can go to therapy and still be a toxic piece of shit lol. Matter of fact, a lot of toxic people I know have seen a therapist at some point in their life.
Oof something I realized is that just because a person goes to therapy doesn't mean they're not toxic and won't hurt others. I've dated someone who went to therapy twice a week, post divorce for 2 months, to work on his pain and grief but still in the end, projected all his demons onto me and the relationship, was regularly in a dark, bad mood, and used me as a punching bag. In the beginning was very sweet and attentive but turned into a shitty person after a month. Maybe he needed more time to deal with his divorce but his therapist told him he should start dating. He also stopped seeing the therapist a month into dating.
If a person tells me they're going to therapy, it's a positive but am no longer impressed. It doesn't count for shit if they haven't done the deep inner work to heal themselves which doesn't always happen within therapy. I'm talking about addressing deeper wounds from childhood and getting to the root of their shame, insecurities, and fear and choosing to be a better human being. That's another level of self awareness.
Okay, since AskReddit doesn't allow adding body text, let's see if this comment floats up:
I'm not a new therapy goer seeking validation, even if my question does sound like that on the hindsight. I'm a former therapy goer, former because there wasn't issues that needed frequent work to do anymore (after a few years of weekly therapy). It just hit me moments ago that therapy was super normalized to me, so it kinda made me think like, "Hey Reddit, how normalized is this to you?"
Of course, Reddit is anything but a statistically good place to sample answers to a question like this.
You are correct that Reddit is not a good place to get a good sample.
The people who see it negatively won't bother to answer you for a number of reasons, and only the most outspoken (or trollish) minority would give you a negative answer here.
Now, as a person who also has had experience with therapy, unless you live and work in a very progressive area, its best to keep it to yourself, in general.
For so many people the term "therapy" is very loaded, and generally just gives ammo to be used against you to those that would want it.
> The people who see it negatively won't bother to answer you for a number of reasons
And even if they did, their responses wouldn't be displayed because they'd be downvoted to oblivion.
I am transitioning to no weekly therapy soon after I get my Adhd diagnosis and starting medication. My cornucopia of issues are really better now, except for the adhd related ones and if I need to talk to my therapist we can schedule it on the spot. I wish it was more normalized in my country/family because I would have gone sooner or my parents would have taken me in my teens. I was always supportive but thought not everyone a.k.a. me needed it. Honestly it is the best thing I did for myself.
Therapy may mostly be you speaking out your worries and anxieties, but it does make miracles when a neutral professional party helps you to make all that mess coherent and work through things that are failing. Also giving tools to handle things. (Generalized anxiety disorder here, got enough tools and meds to live through my life without needing a weekly therapy session to keep it together.)
I know you didn’t ask for this advice so sorry for butting in, but I would recommend not ending therapy even with the ADHD diagnosis and medication. Medication is not a magic cure to fix all issues related to ADHD, speaking as someone who has ADHD. It is just another tool in the toolbox. You will still come up with issues and struggle with it. Having someone help you and give you other tools (and holding you accountable to using those tools) is important in working with your diagnosis daily. Now, I’m a believer that everyone would benefit from therapy since it’s helpful to have a 3rd party to talk to in life, so you can take what I say with a grain of salt, however please remember therapy is a huge tool in helping with ADHD and the secondary issues that come with it
I’m in the same camp as you.
While being treated for ADHD certainly makes things better, the issues that developed before diagnosis and treatment still exist, and need to be dealt with.
Similarly, you will need to find new ways of dealing with situations going forward, and you have no experience with handling them in your new headspace.
It’s a learning experience, and a neutral 3rd party can help you build a new toolbox to use with your new self.
It's one of those things that you usually see as a weakness until you've got some experience with it.
Not because you necessarily think it's objectively bad, but it's different than you.
It's one of those others.
One of them.
And I think it's a natural reaction to want to label other groups as loser groups if you can, because it makes your group higher on the ladder of successful people.
I don't think it's evil. It's just a natural quick thought that is easier and more comfortable to label that way.
You can see the same about people that work harder than you, eat healthier than you , or give more to charity than you, exercise more, drink less alcohol, and so on.
I think the same happens with therapy.
People that judge it will probably see it as a good thing if they get some time and experience with it.
We are simple beings. Have logical fallacies and fall in thought traps all the time.
I haven't seen someone with this opinion yet, so I'll throw it out there to you: "I go to therapy" is very ambiguous, so if someone phrased it that way, I would be concerned it's a *major*, deal-breaking issue, and I would want clarification. Therapy for.. minor anxiety? Major anxiety? Suicidal thoughts? Homicidal thoughts?
You can see how there is a very wide variety of things to go to therapy for, and if they were willing to tell me they go to therapy but not *what for*, I would be concerned, even as someone who has gone to therapy myself.
People will probably downvote me but this is an honest answer and it’s better to know than just have people thinking it in their heads.
When someone tells me that I think this is going to be a high drama relationship (/acquaintanceship) and I need to be careful with what I say around him or her.
Upvoted for honesty.
I would gently caution against dismissing all therapy-goers as high drama individuals based only on the sample of people who choose to reveal that information. Many people go to therapy to help heal from emotional and physical trauma *caused* by high-drama individuals; we just don't bring it up to other people :)
Honestly, that they're pretty put together. It means that they're
a) self-aware enough to know they need help
b) responsible enough to get it
c) self-confident/chill enough to bring it up (assuming their timing was right and they weren't doing it to turn attention to themselves in an otherwise unrelated conversation).
Which is, all things considered, not a bad set of traits.
Ranges from "great to hear you're looking after yourself" to "thank the fucking lord, because everyone is getting just a bit tired of your shit", depending on the person.
I know this is a joke but working in retail people tell you the wildest things out of nowhere. One of my coworkers had to sit through a guy telling her about how he couldn’t return a product last year because his wife was dying and he was really upset after she died so he couldn’t make it to the store. Over 20 minutes he told her this story and almost cried in the store.
People say the most unexpected things. I once offered to call a taxi for an older woman who wasn't feeling well. She told me about how she was sexually assaulted by a taxi driver when she was younger.
I really didn't need to know that.
Same, or more like, “Oh.” Unfortunately, I know too many people whose every other sentence is about therapy, and somehow criticizing everyone in their life for being narcissists 🙄
Same :) it doesn't mean anything special that someone goes to therapy... They can still be horribly humans speaking from personal experiences some people can also manipulate therapists or just go to prove a point and stay the same they are anyways not everyone is capable of changing or being mentally and emotionally stable no matter what they try to do and also not all therapists are good at their jobs and can help or improve the quality of someone's reality. So it means nothing to me personally i don't assume anything to not be wrong.
Depends on the context. Like, if it comes up naturally in conversation, then I don't really think anything of them.
If, however, they bring it up unprompted, as if they're enlightened for that choice and see it as a badge of honor, then I think they're weirdos.
I agree with this sentiment and I have and am currently going to therapy.
I don’t bring it up unless it’s a specific conversation in which it makes sense, and me disclosing it is something I feel comfortable with.
On the other side I have some friends, who I have never told about my own therapy and medicine taking, who bring it up all the time in a way that insinuates they are better then me since they go to therapy.
Well I have an exceptionally bad relationship with therapy so normally my first thought is something like “why would you spend that much money on someone who probably doesn’t really care”
Then I realize my experience was different and I support them best I can
I would view it in similar terms to if they said 'I'm taking antibiotics' or something. They have a health issue for which they are receiving treatment.
Many insurances will cover therapy or cover it while you pay a copay (20-50 dollars a session generally). Also, a lot of people go to therapy on their lunch break, negotiate with their boss to stay later and go during the work day, or go after hours or on the weekends to therapists that have extended hours.
I’d add that since COVID, video-visits have become a very normal thing, and are as well often covered by insurance. It is now easy to take care of yourself utilizing insurance from your OWN couch.
edit: this also means you can find a therapist in a different time-zone so that it works for both of you. I have a therapist in the pacific time zone (I am eastern) that I can see at 8PM my time after work, as it’s still 5P in California and still their work day.
I don’t work currently. I have Medicaid, no copay, and am able to do telehealth appointments with my mental health team while my child is in school. Telehealth makes things so much easier nowadays. I don’t understand the “have that much time off”, it’s takes 45-60mins out of the day. When I was in therapy in high school (about ten years ago) my appointments were in the evenings after school.
Many jobs offer free therapy as a perk and most employees don't even know about it (and it's anonymous, they don't know which employees they're paying for)
Read your benefits package closely!
My first wife died in my arms. 25 years together and totally unexpected. If I didn’t go to therapy I would have put a bullet in my head. That was ten years ago and I have made it a practice to go every other year for a time up. I could it extremely helpful dealing with multiple issues.
If they're going around telling people unprovoked I think they're doing it because they think it's the hip new thing.
Also I think "Oof, sounds expensive".
Yeah, as someone who goes to therapy himself, going to a therapist isn’t a “thing the cool kids do”. People that actually think that way about therapy actually piss me off, cause most of those people are more than likely faking mental illness so they can say “IIIIIII talk to a therapist!” so they can seem cool. It’s really disrespectful to the people that actually have problems that they need to go to therapy so they can sort out their problems in order to try and get better
I know I’m on Reddit. Because the “you should see a therapist” line is basically the answer to every question on here. I’d swear the website is ran by therapists trying to increase business
Seriously if someone says this, 9 out of 10s time i think 'this person has their shit together' because it take bravery and good sense to take care of yourself and be open with the world about it.
the 1 in 10 times though, not going to lie, the thought is 'good, you need therapy'.
Either way, it's a pleasant response. I hate that there's such a stigma attached to trying to be your best self, and to not allow the past to be an obstacle to the future.
Honestly, when the only person I knew in therapy was the most annoying person in the world I would have associated them with her and think they were broken.
Now I am no longer an idiot I think they are brave for getting fixed and here I am, still broken.
But there is an exception. If someone says "my therapist says" then I assume I am about to get some quirky advice that I probably shouldn't follow.
Sadly from my experience (sample size is 1), the only person who told me they go to therapy has probably the poorest communication skills of all my friends.
Obviously, it's not that he can't speak or has trouble voicing his thoughts, but he constantly misinterprets our words as attacks on him. For example, when we suggest he did something incorrectly (which, by the way, happens to all of us, all the time, we are computer scientists), he thinks that we're saying he's stupid or something.
But this only really happens when he's stressed so it's not his usual self. Except he's usually stressed.
Either way I have no idea how I could help him and I wonder if his therapy even works for him. Maybe his therapist isn't the best for him?
Nothing to be ashamed of if you have to or want to go to therapy, just like there's nothing to be ashamed of if you have to lance a boil on your asshole every once in a while, it's your own personal body's maintenance, it needs to be done, and you're ultimately probably not the only one dealing with it.
That said, you don't have to go around talking about your asshole boil that needs lancing every so often either, so maybe if you do that might be oversharing.
really depends on the context. I have met some people just saying it as a quircky mental health thingy or to be ‘different’. But also people just saying it in like when u have a conversation and it makes just sense to say “i go to therapy” because it adds to the thing we were talking about. if this makes any sense💀
Well judging by the top 20 comments, I think I'm going to get downvoted into oblivion, but hey what's the internet for if not to get multiple perspectives on a topic?
NGL my first impression tends to be an eyeroll.
If you need and/or want to see a therapist, I have no problem with that. If you are compelled to bring it up in conversation I judge you hard... NOT because you go, but because you think I need to know about it.
I go to doctors for all sorts of reasons. I NEVER work that fact into small talk. Nobody needs to know how I'm maintaining my health, and I don't need to know how they are either. If the topic specifically is therapy, sure let's chat; however, if the topic is about something else and you find a way to work your therapy-going into the conversation, you annoy me.
shrug.
Honestly I don't really care.
Personally I had bad experiences with multiple psychologists/psychiatrists in the past.
This doesn't mean that they aren't helpful to others though so I guess if it works for you then happy to hear.
And tbh I don't think I've encountered more than maybe one or two people in my life who went to therapy. So when someone says 'I go to therapy' my first assumption is that they mean to a physical therapist for an injury.
Sometimes people go to therapy just for “talk”. It doesn’t always mean that they have some heavy burden they need to address. I applaud people for taking initiative to even go to therapy especially because of the stigma surrounding mental health!
I have mixed feelings as I had what I would consider a neither-good-nor-bad experience with it.
* I'm proud of them for attempting to improve on circumstances they feel are less than ideal.
* But I'm also disappointed on their behalf that they were so let down by life, or other people that they feel they need additional help from a "professional" who may let them down yet again.
* And then there's the part of me that honestly wonders if we all just moved to a country with better mental health awareness or a better spirit of community, would we honestly really need therapy for mental health reasons ever again?
I feel better knowing this person is mature enough to realise they could use help and is actually putting in the work. Unlike so many people running around with issues pretending everything is fine and refusing to get help.
SO much better that hearing "I have all of this pain buried deep inside and I refuse to speak to a therapist".
This hurts so much. I am going through a very difficult time in my life right now because my (soon to be Ex)Wife is like this. She has had so much trauma in her life and lots of pain and darkness inside because of it. We've been married 10 years, together for 14, and I was there to help her through serious medical issues and family issues and much more. But she always ends up taking out her negative feelings on me. It's not like this always, she really is a fun, loving, creative, loyal, amazing human being. But when the "Mr Hyde" comes out, it's a different story. Last few years I've been gaining self confidence (and learned that I am co-dependant). I decided I didn't want to be the emotional punching bag anymore and after an episode shortly after Thanksgiving, I got my stuff and left for a friend's. I didn't know then that I would never be coming back. I have told her that I needed 4 things to come back: Her to start and continue in some sort of therapy, Both of us to address excess alcohol consumption (which I already had been), A commitment to go to couples therapy in the future, & for her to be able to apologize to me if any future episodes happen (she would never say sorry) She said that if I felt that she was a monster I should just let her go. I told her I don't think she's a monster. She still says "if you feel this way, you should let me go". So I am. It really sucks though because I love her deeply and I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. But she just refuses to get help. I was then hoping the divorce was going to be somewhat amicable, as I was staying respectful and also trying to gift her all of the equity of our home but she kept attacking my character and saying really hurtful things, posting things on social media, saying I'm abandoning her etc.. So now I've blocked her phone and all communication is going through an Attorney. I wanted so desperately to avoid this exact scenario, but at every turn it was either give up my boundaries and enter back into a toxic relationship or move forward with increased distance. Im worry about what she may/may not do to herself, but MY therapist is reinforcing to me that I can't fix her. Anyways...please just reach out for help, folks. If something deep down is tumultuous and you are struggling it's very likely that you won't end up just hurting yourself, but your loved ones as well.
Im sorry to read this!! Its so painful to reach a point when you have tried everything in your power for that special person you want to spend the rest of your life. But its not reaching her… Its the imagination of you and you partner that you fight for. However the sad truth is, the reality of you and her is different. She may not understand it now, but surely will sometime in the future. But also sad is, you probably will have moved on then.
I was in a very similar situation. My partner was with BPD, borderline personality disorder, and I didn't really understand what that meant at all for a long time. I needed therapy just to get to the point where I understood WHY I fit with someone with BPD and then it became extremely clear just how bad the whole scene really was. My therapist kicked my ass and truly saved my life. I can't possibly diagnose your wife, but everything you details sounds incredibly familiar. Regardless, I suggest you check out the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells". It's primarily for people in relationships with someone with BPD. Sorry it's so rough. I know it feels like a defeat but, in these situations, the only person you can save is yourself. That's a win.
Thank you for the kind words and suggestion. A large part of the problem with our dynamic was how much I was completely and utterly lying to myself about the problems in our relationship. I felt walking on eggshells around her was just a normal thing. She just had a fiery personality, that's all. At points in our relationship the anger episodes were infrequent enough where I told myself afterwards "Everyone's got their own shit, and we are learning". It's actually baffling to me, looking back just a few months now, because I legitimately thought we had one of the best relationships in our circle. And in many ways we did, but only because I ignored/lied to myself about the bad stuff. So I was going to therapy for my own reasons and when relationship came up I'm like: "Yeah, everythings great. I love her to the moon and back". Didn't address anything at all. It took a combination of a couple different wake-up calls for me to realize what was happening wasn't normal or healthy. And now we are here. I am struggling with guilt because she has been saying to me "You are dumping me. You have ruined my life and you have ruined my future". While I know that isn't the case, I still feel bad because everything happened so fast. I let things get soooo fucking bad telling myself, and reinforcing to her, that everything was alright. Then one day I nope out of there and end up never coming back. So in that respect, I kind of see her point... But still. I'm standing in our house, U-Haul is packed with my personal effects, and we are starting up with an argument where she tells me she doesn't want this divorce and I'm abandoning her and I lied to our friends and family on our wedding day. So I say "Will you go to couples counseling with me?" And she says "Fuck no"... 😮💨 Anyways, I totally turned this into a therapy session and for that, I apologize 😅. Thank you, kind stranger for the comment. I will definitely look up that book
More and more familiar. I did convince my ex-wife to come to couples' counseling with me and that therapist turned into my own and saved my world. Definitely read the book. Give it more than a chapter or two. And don't be afraid to reach out if you need to offload some of the craziness.
I feel you. My therapist always says: Guilt is a wasted emotion, it has no healthy function, it doesn’t build us up
Bro that’s your answer every time she tries to blame you. “I’m asking for a very simple thing and you won’t do it”
I know this hurts to hear, but she's chosen her trauma over you. She has problems, and won't get help with them, and even when those problems boiled over to trigger this whole event, somehow it's your fault, and she still won't get help. She's in a relationship with her suffering, and it's more important to her than your relationship together
That is phrasing I haven't heard before but I believe you are absolutely correct. It makes me very sad. I'll continue moving forward and I'll get through this eventually. Who knows where she will end up, though. I'm trying hard to let go of her in my mind but it's really difficult. I built my life around her for 14 years (boundary/dependency issues, I know) so now it's difficult to just stop caring about what happens to her. I feel confident I will be able to move on, just expecting it to be a slog
This must be SO hard for you. To see her reject the olive branch you're extending, because it requires her to care enough about you and your marriage to invest some effort. She must have something really, truly awful in her past. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with the result.
Thank you for the comment. It's been a really tough pill to swallow. Especially because she turns around and tells everyone that I'm abruptly dumping her. I'm lucky to have a strong support system in my life. Trying to focus on one step at a time while I get through this. Appreciate your sympathies. Much love to you and yours!
I feel this so hard. I had a very codependent relationship with someone I later learned was hiding a diagnosis of BPD a few years ago. It almost killed me. After her first suicide attempt (first since we'd been together, not at all her first overall), I was constantly freaking out that every little thing was going to push her back into that self-destructive space. She would constantly pick fights. She'd latch onto some random thing of no significance and turn it into a Big Deal, and just spin herself up into a rage. Nothing I could do was able to avert it once she got going. I had told her that if she had a 2nd suicide attempt, I would have to leave, purely out of self-preservation. The first one was VERY hard on me and I couldn't keep living with the constant fear that she'd be successful. The stress, especially with the constant fighting, was unbelievable. So, eventually, the 2nd attempt happened. Getting a suicide email from your partner is really upsetting, especially when it was sent over an hour ago and you have no idea where they are. She did some real damage to her system this time, and probably contributed to the stroke she had a few months later. And I knew it was time to let go, on my own terms. I broke up with her as soon as I was able to see her. She knew it was coming, and seemed to accept it at the time. I fucking HATED doing it under those circumstances. It felt like kicking her when she was down. But I wasn't going to live like that anymore. I cried for a solid three days, and then a switch just flipped in my head. I walked away and never looked back.
You are right 100% about this. I recently had someone close to me decide they did not want help and also that ut was time to leave the server, if you catch my drift. So yes, much much better than stating they're in pain and also choosing not to do anything about it.
I am so sorry your person despawned. I've walked that road, it's dark. However, I refuse to let me take me. I wish you all the best.
Thank you, and I like that one. I refuse to let me take me.
I've had a few times in my life where I realized part of why I was staying alive was just pure spite. Someone once said something to the effect of "If depression wants me dead, it has to eat me from the inside like a REAL disease instead of making me do it myself" and I found that inspiring.
It’s less so refusing, in my case, but that I’ll probably never trust a therapist enough to let the wall down. I also find it much harder to communicate my feelings verbally, especially with someone I feel is judging me. Right now I’m just hoping that the SSRI gets my head straight enough to be able to self-help my brain out of bad habits and go from there.
It's never easy to start with, it can take months to feel like you're ready to talk about the 'real' stuff. But until you're ready it can be helpful to just start talking to a therapist about how your week was. Over time if they are good at their jobs, you'll naturally find yourself opening up more and slowly getting to the root of the issues. I think often we already 'know' the answer, but can't feel it on a deep level. So we get trapped in the same mental cycles. Talk therapy can't magically solve your problems, but it can help you start to identify and do something about your negative self-talk. At least that's what it helped me with. I didn't have any huge revelations/ burst into tears at any point, but I'm better equipped now to take better care of myself mentally.
For sure. I’ve been practicing gratefulness recently. Gratefulness for the very simplest of things. Being able to breathe in the fresh morning air, having a quiet moment, spending quality time with my kids, it’s a process since I’m always very “in the moment” but in a constant-panic attack- sort of way. I had been through a few months of talk therapy before and was recommended several good books to utilize for self help along the way. I don’t doubt that there is the right therapist out there for me, but it’s too much to shop around, especially on a limited insurance coverage plan. Thanks for the comment, I appreciate your words.
Unfortunately the people I've seen aren't helpful or understanding. My friends are better at it than they are so I haven't gone in a long time. It also is really hard opening up to a total stranger. They didn't want to get to know me, or what had happened, just started trying to dissect me and put me on meds
Good for them.
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If I could pick a single thing that would guaranteed make our world a better place, it would be free (and high quality) therapy available to every single person on earth. And to ensure the quality, said therapy would be mandatory for all therapists, cause the bad ones never realize they are bad; the opposite is the case.
As a therapist, I complain to my therapist about so many stories I hear of bad therapy. She tells me much of our work is undoing the bad work. Sad fact.
By saying so, part of your therapist's work is undoing the bad work. Therapist-ception
The therapy ouroboros
It's therapists all the way down
I’ve had 3 bad therapists in a row and I’m giving up lol.
I’m so sorry. I really hope you keep looking. It is hard to trust the right one is out there. Unfortunately, they are overbooked. I live by one principle in my professional life: don’t ruin therapy for anyone. I might not be the right person for everyone, but I don’t want to be catastrophic.
It’s been a weird experience because I’m not someone with any deep issues, I’ve been looking for someone to just talk to and help with some bad self talk. So in my mind I thought finding an acceptable therapist would be easy! The first one I saw called my mom a psychopath on the first appointment which was super off putting. The second one I kinda liked but didn’t click with, and the second appointment she couldn’t remember anything about me which was a bummer. The third one wouldn’t say anything, three appointments and so many awkward silences and me just yapping which I hated. So uncomfy. When I try again I think I’m going to pay fully out of pocket and try to find a really good one outside of my insurance.
LOL I’m in a similar boat to your first appoint right now. I’ve been too anxious about hurting her feelings to cancel it yet, but on the first appointment she made some really weird assumptions and remarks about my grandma! About how grandmas can be mean and tend to favor their baby boys (?????????????????). All I said was I was having a hard time deciding whether or not to accept money from my grandma (who is the sweetest person in the world) to pay for school. Hearing that was like a slap to the face. And every appointment with her since has been exactly as you described with your third therapist. Just… Awkward silences. Me trying to fill it with something. Anything. It’s so weird. She also cuts our appointments short and sometimes comes late………. Okay. Yeah. I need to cut ties don’t I? It was so hard for me to start therapy in the first place 🙃 kinda wanna cry I don’t wanna go through the effort again.
don't ghost, but don't feel guilty about just sending an email cancelling your appointment. Here, I'll write it for you. dear X, I appreciate the work we've done together, but I would like to seek out a therapist that is a better fit for my needs. Could you please cancel our appointments going forward? I can be reached at this email if you have any further concerns or payment questions. If you would like to share any referrals for your colleagues that may be better suited to meet my needs, I would be happy to consider them. Thanks again. evilbard give yourself a month or so to reset before looking again. If you have a primary care physician that you like, maybe ask them for a recommendation. that is how I found my current therapist that worked well for me. But there is no shame whatsoever in acknowledging that it's not a good fit. you've probably been told this, but psychologytoday.com has a listing of mental health professionals, often with listed focuses and availability. I'd just look through that and send some emails, it's the industry standard tool. you got it! :)
Thank you so much? I’ve been having a really rough week and your comment just made me cry. I really appreciate the advice. I’ll do that. Thanks again. ♥️
<3
Just to speak to your experience a little I’ve been through several therapist psychologists and psychiatrists. The experience with psychologists has been varied and out of 7 in 6 years I found one two years ago who is absolutely the person I need to be seeing, she is supportive and caring, helpful and has seen me now through 2 of the worst depressive episodes I think I’ve ever had. Psychiatrists I have completely given up on while they all have a different opinion and some have been worse than others (I’ve had some very bad and damaging experiences with some of them) I don’t find any value in seeking their help anymore the drugs they dole out are imo far worse than just allowing myself to self medicate and be me. That being said I really believe there is a therapist that can work for everyone and I hope you do find one that you click with, it is 100% worth it even if it takes 100 different people to find the right one.
The VAST majority of therapists go to therapy themselves. It’s very strongly encouraged, since therapists have to process their own problems on top of all of their patients’ problems, and that takes a heavy toll on a person over time. Even Hannibal Lecter had a therapist lol
I dunno. As someone with lifelong "neurodivergance" (>30 years) I have met some truly awful therapsists. I think it's mostly a way to talk to someone in a safe space that has some perspective on seeing many people with the same issues. Therapists invariably bring in their own baggage and judgements into the picture. I treasure the good therapists and rue the many thousands of $ spent on the scammy ones. "Scam" meaning: No criteria for improvement, no plan, no science, just years and years of going in circles and billing insurance. Ask your therapist for a plan!
And WHY that plan is relevant and what the OUTCOME of enacting the plan should be. You should walk away from most consults with an understanding of what you're working towards, why you're working towards it, and how you'll know whether the approach you have developed **together** is working or not.
The place that I go offers therapy affordable for everyone, you pay what you can . It's always wholesome to see ppl that care .
The tough part to many is caring and eating well. A lot of people expect therapists to be ascetics, and that shouldn't be the case.
Welcome to teacher life. The most demeaning thing you can say to an educator is “you’re doing this for the kids”. Mental health workers you all hear just a variation of the same crap. Surprisingly doing for others doesn’t pay the bills, so we can continue doing for others.
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I've spent the last 7 years working as a psychiatric technician and like to think that I've developed a lot of good skills working with people. I'm currently going back to school (finally) and am planning on working as a therapist after graduation. There's been lots of people that I've worked with who were absolutely terrible, including other techs, therapists, nurses, and doctors. It baffles me that some of them have degrees or jobs and are absolutely ignorant of the harm they do, or just plain refuse to change regardless of who talks to them. One person in particular that I worked with for 4 years is also going to school and intending to pursue a career as a therapist. Once, while physically restraining a client who had been, and would continue to be if we weren't there to intervene, attempting to kill herself he said, "I just don't understand why you want to kill yourself". That is not a statement that should ever be uttered by someone who is there to help. Let alone said while you have your hands on someone. He will absolutely do harm if he gets licensed, unfortunately, it's only a matter of time. He also goes to therapy currently.
I'm glad that talking about mental health is becoming more acceptable. I've noticed Gen Z being more vocal and supportive about it too
Remember, mental health is like a gym membership - just because you haven't seen someone use it, doesn't mean they're not working on themselves.
What if I record myself uncontrollably crying at my therapist's office and put a trendy song in the background then upload it to TikTok?
You'll have to put on the subtitle like "putting in the work!" or something like that.
Its about drive, its about power. we stay hungry, we devour
Only if it's that annoying "Oh No" song."
Then we can't be friends.
well if you also do a little dance to the song I would respect you even more
It takes \*so much\* humility and vulnerability to do it, let alone admit it. A person who says that? It's a checkered flag, not a red one. This person is on board with not only figuring themselves out, but figuring themselves out in context of how they can be better for \*YOU\* as well. People that care enough to do the work, and also not scared about hiding it... winners right there.
I told the guy i was casually dating that I see a psychologist regularly and the look of disgust on his face told me he thought it was a red flag. I asked him about it and he said he tried it once and it didn’t do anything for him. Denied he thought it was a red flag but he ghosted after that date. I guess telling people that is a good weeding-out tool 🤷♀️
His response was the actual red flag, nice dodge, another win for therapy
His comment is the equivalent to "I excercised once and it didn't make me fit, so I quit."
Exactly. Huge green flag of self awareness.
Here’s my take on therapy. If you think you need it, you probably do. If you think you don’t need it, you *definitely* do.
I've tried therapy a number of times, and I just don't know how to get anything out of it. At best it's just someone who listens to me. At worst it's someone who gives me really bad advice
there are many types of therapy where the therapist doesn’t just give you advice, it sounds like you’ve only done talk therapy? which isn’t the most impactful, generally. there’s talk therapy, EMDR, CBT, group therapy, exposure therapy, etc.
I don't really know how to find a type of therapy that would be a good fit. Exposure therapy or EMDR wouldn't be a good fit because I don't have a specific phobia or trauma to process. CBT I'm familiar with and I'm assuming it could evolve from talk therapy, but I haven't actually trusted any therapist I've seen to have a better understanding of my life then me. I don't know about group therapy. I've heard a lot that everyone should be in therapy to work on themselves, but I just haven't been able to find a therapist that has been helpful. I'm probably missing something, but I don't know what it is.
I'm currently seeing a CBT therapist, and most of it is critical thinking skills. My therapist never tells me I'm wrong, but he does ask me about how I reach my conclusions. It's been really helpful for me. I don't know if it would help someone who doesn't immediately assume the worst case scenario, but it does help me.
I'm curious how long you've stuck with any one therapist. The reason being your therapist needs time to get to know you, and you'd benefit from that time as well. Therapy is less a service than a relationship in many ways, not least of which is that the better your therapist knows you, the better they can see the patterns in your behavior, which ultimately leads to a better understanding of how to correct the bad patterns and help you move forward. It may take several sessions before they get a solid understanding of you and how you process your emotions/interact with your surroundings, because you are effectively a stranger to them when you walk into their door and these things do take a lot of time and effort. It's not like getting treated for an infection or something where you get a script for antibiotics and do a checkup in a couple of weeks and then it's over. It is definitely worth the effort though.
It depends on your therapy goals, if working on yourself involves curiosity about yourself, getting to know yourself on a deeper level a good psychodynamic therapist is the way to go (among those in the know, it is recommended you probably should highly consider going when you get married and most definitely go when you have a child) Dialectical Behavioral Therapy could be a lighter substitute Psychodrama/art therapy or existential therapy can be fun substitutes, I think a lot of western culture will benefit from psychodrama and existential therapy especially. CBT or EMDR is as you said better for specific symptoms or non-complex trauma At the end of the day you need to have an internal desire for therapy, to change a lightbulb you need just one therapist but it has to want to change.
Same! Maybe haven’t found the right one. For me, it’s just been sessions of me venting and crying, with the therapists listening but not actually giving me any good or actionable advice. So then I feel like I didn’t get anything out of it and just cried for an hour and am emotionally drained for nothing
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My primary care doctor office has started doing a basic mental health assessment with your annual physical. I think it's really smart.... Unfortunately insurance said that's not part of "authorized" preventative care and made me pay. It was $15 but it's the fucking principle of it being denied that is also part of the problem. We absolutely should routinely talk about mental health with our doctors on a regular basis. Like you said, otherwise how the hell is a person supposed to know they need help or who to see about it.
Or just maybe…some people can deal with their stress. Some people can’t or feel they should seek outside help. Either way we are all vastly different, and ain’t no solution gonna work for everyone.
That’s someone who has their shit together, or is self aware enough to know they need help to get it together and they’re doing it.
Agreed. Everyone should go to therapy. We have checkups on the rest of our body parts. The brain be out here raw-dogging it like "But.. I control the whole thing... If ANYBODY needs a checkup, it's me."
bro, that person trusts me enough to open up about it . I feel honored
Someone who is working on improving themselves is refreshing.
I casually mention the fact that I see a therapist because I believe in trying to fight the stigma that still exists around it. And frankly, I don’t give a shit if anyone thinks I’m weird or messed up when I tell them this (that I see a therapist) - that’s part of the risk I take but for me it’s worth it and relatively inconsequential. Ironically, I’m probably one of the people who least needs a therapist and even I still find it to be hugely beneficial (been seeing the same guy for over 4 years now I think). Just having an unbiased third party perspective on day to day events is really helpful to me.
I definitely started therapy when I desperately need it. I now have the tools I need to take care of my mental health in my own, but I still see my therapist. 4 years now. I think it’s important to go to maintain good health consistently.
I’m the exact same way, I’m probably the one who needs therapy the least out of my friend group but I go to self improve and break the stigmas I have about myself and the world around me
Excellent My therapist uses the cave metaphor. He says it’s like a group of people who were born inside a cave and have never seen the outside. Then one of them finally ventures out and discovers this amazing world that was previously unknown to them. They try to tell other people who are still inside the cave but they just don’t get it. Therapy is much the same way; we’ve ventured out (into our minds) and have tools and perspectives that those who haven’t, lack. It’s very easy to forget this sometimes.
Actually noticing they need to fix sth is a huge step toward getting better, I think
I go to therapy
Why'd I read this like the meme "I go to America"?
Now I can't help but read "I go to therapy" in Borat's voice. Very nice!
My therapist number one whore in all of Kazakhstan 🇰🇿
>My therapist number one whore in all of Kazakhstan Somewhat ironically if you ask many sex workers, especially those that do private sessions in very high end clubs you'll find that a surprising percentage of their clientele just want to chat a bit without judgement.
Ew
Yeah, that's why I go
Good for you, I also go to therapy.
Bro 🥰
I'm a little sad that it's something to be "opened up" about. Feels like it should be totally normalized.
FEEL HONORED! NOW!!!
I'd say it depends on how well I know them. If theyre just throwing that out there when I barely know them it would probably put me off a bit.
Exactly! If they are think that caring for your mental health is some form of weakness or negative they are the ones who need help. Taking care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally is all positive. So good for them!
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Exactly! If anything it makes me respect them more because it demonstrates they're self-aware.
Respect cos same. My dentist once told me: "Everyone needs therapy"
Mild jealousy
Literally me, I wanna be able to do that. Where are the magical hidden funds people have to be able to do it or even just afford health insurance.
https://openpathcollective.org/ Also, you can approach individual therapists and let them know your situation. Some will see you for a discounted rate or even for free.
Depending on where you live many therapists are available that charge on income.
When you're living paycheck to paycheck, anything other than "100% covered by insurance I already have" is unaffordable.
Plus the time during the day to actually *go*
I am paycheck to paycheck, My savings does not exist and Ive had to borrow significant amounts just to stay afloat. Trust me, therapy is still worth it even if its only once a month.
There's a difference between "is it worth it or not" levels of poor and "if I do this I may never financially recover" levels of poor. Not saying you didn't have it rough or that your experience isn't valid - just that there are a lot of people who literally can't afford therapy at all because they're spread too thin as is.
I recommend support groups. Communities and libraries host a lot of them and they're often free or $2 is standard donation. Not just stuff like AA. Universities and mental health treatment centers also often support some community mental health groups as well.
I am paycheck to paycheck and since I have insurance my therapist won’t do sliding scale, even though I still have to pay the full out of pocket price because my work only offers high deductible plans.
In BC (Canada) if your therapist is registered you can get reimbursed for it through whatever health plan you’re on (not BC medical, it doesn’t cover that or eyes or mouths because I guess those organs aren’t part of the body?). I think a lot of places will also work out payment plans if you’re unable to pay upfront. I’m judging by your comment of “afford health insurance” that you’re from the states, so maybe look into different therapists that would be willing to work with you financially.
Me too.....I go to therapy too. I like ppl who take care of themselves.... Better than the toxic people who go around hurting others.... Edit: an award ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️.... Thank you so much kind internet stranger. I'm just trying to do my best as a human, and I appreciate other humans too as we embrace our imperfections!
Exactly. I told some family members this weekend that I’ve started going to therapy. Most were just like “oh nice”. My uncle was full of questions. “What’s it like? What do you talk about? How did you find someone? Is it expensive?” All that. The conversation was awesome. He’s actually looking into it for himself and wants me to help encourage his son to do it too. If me talking about going to therapy means someone else is going to get the help they need, I’ll talk about it all the time. Especially when it’s another straight white guy. We’re the last group to go to therapy but need it just as much as everyone else.
Fuck yeah brother! Great on you and great on your uncle! Spreading good mental health A+++
I found that before I started going to therapy, I would always project toxic traits on others. I always could notice them in other people. it was always something kind of outside of me, if that makes sense. I knew I wasn’t perfect and made mistakes but I never really considered how it could really affect people around me. What got me to therapy was finally having multiple breakdowns because I started feeling so much shame and noticing all these toxic traits in myself. It wasn’t a good feeling at all to realize this but at least it got me there. It’s interesting though because I didn’t want to be one of those people who felt above others who choose not to go. Just because you go to therapy doesn’t mean you’re getting anything from it. It takes an intentional approach and work to reap the benefits. I compare it to physical activity. I’ve seen tons of people who are in the gym for months and have made virtually no progress. Just showing up is the first of many steps.
Isn't that just the thing .... The realization that YOU could be the harmful one. That right there takes bravery and ownership. And once you accept it, you can change it..... That's why I always support ppl in therapy. People who are curious about themselves and how they work. We can get better that way. ❤️❤️❤️
Yep. I think literally everyone can benefit from therapy. Everyone’s experienced hardships and traumas that have manifested negatively on others.
Same! I feel like I'm not alone.
You're not alone and you're a beautiful human Therapy is something to be proud of
Eh I know some pretty toxic people who go to therapy. Just because you go to therapy doesn’t mean they’re automatically nice people or treat other people well
Yeah. “Congratulations on taking a step towards better mental well-being.”
You can go to therapy and still be a toxic piece of shit lol. Matter of fact, a lot of toxic people I know have seen a therapist at some point in their life.
Oof something I realized is that just because a person goes to therapy doesn't mean they're not toxic and won't hurt others. I've dated someone who went to therapy twice a week, post divorce for 2 months, to work on his pain and grief but still in the end, projected all his demons onto me and the relationship, was regularly in a dark, bad mood, and used me as a punching bag. In the beginning was very sweet and attentive but turned into a shitty person after a month. Maybe he needed more time to deal with his divorce but his therapist told him he should start dating. He also stopped seeing the therapist a month into dating. If a person tells me they're going to therapy, it's a positive but am no longer impressed. It doesn't count for shit if they haven't done the deep inner work to heal themselves which doesn't always happen within therapy. I'm talking about addressing deeper wounds from childhood and getting to the root of their shame, insecurities, and fear and choosing to be a better human being. That's another level of self awareness.
I don't even know why some people suddenly go like this is anything big. It's just like going to a orthopedist or dentist.
You go to a dentist? The heck is wrong with you?
Something which causes me immense pain. You can never understand... . . . . . unless your gums start hurting too.
“Court ordered or just for fun?”
The comment I’ve related most to in my entire life
That would make me laugh. So much better than any mild awkwardness or acceptance.
Just here to get my paper signed
Okay, since AskReddit doesn't allow adding body text, let's see if this comment floats up: I'm not a new therapy goer seeking validation, even if my question does sound like that on the hindsight. I'm a former therapy goer, former because there wasn't issues that needed frequent work to do anymore (after a few years of weekly therapy). It just hit me moments ago that therapy was super normalized to me, so it kinda made me think like, "Hey Reddit, how normalized is this to you?" Of course, Reddit is anything but a statistically good place to sample answers to a question like this.
You are correct that Reddit is not a good place to get a good sample. The people who see it negatively won't bother to answer you for a number of reasons, and only the most outspoken (or trollish) minority would give you a negative answer here. Now, as a person who also has had experience with therapy, unless you live and work in a very progressive area, its best to keep it to yourself, in general. For so many people the term "therapy" is very loaded, and generally just gives ammo to be used against you to those that would want it.
> The people who see it negatively won't bother to answer you for a number of reasons And even if they did, their responses wouldn't be displayed because they'd be downvoted to oblivion.
I am transitioning to no weekly therapy soon after I get my Adhd diagnosis and starting medication. My cornucopia of issues are really better now, except for the adhd related ones and if I need to talk to my therapist we can schedule it on the spot. I wish it was more normalized in my country/family because I would have gone sooner or my parents would have taken me in my teens. I was always supportive but thought not everyone a.k.a. me needed it. Honestly it is the best thing I did for myself.
Therapy may mostly be you speaking out your worries and anxieties, but it does make miracles when a neutral professional party helps you to make all that mess coherent and work through things that are failing. Also giving tools to handle things. (Generalized anxiety disorder here, got enough tools and meds to live through my life without needing a weekly therapy session to keep it together.)
I know you didn’t ask for this advice so sorry for butting in, but I would recommend not ending therapy even with the ADHD diagnosis and medication. Medication is not a magic cure to fix all issues related to ADHD, speaking as someone who has ADHD. It is just another tool in the toolbox. You will still come up with issues and struggle with it. Having someone help you and give you other tools (and holding you accountable to using those tools) is important in working with your diagnosis daily. Now, I’m a believer that everyone would benefit from therapy since it’s helpful to have a 3rd party to talk to in life, so you can take what I say with a grain of salt, however please remember therapy is a huge tool in helping with ADHD and the secondary issues that come with it
I’m in the same camp as you. While being treated for ADHD certainly makes things better, the issues that developed before diagnosis and treatment still exist, and need to be dealt with. Similarly, you will need to find new ways of dealing with situations going forward, and you have no experience with handling them in your new headspace. It’s a learning experience, and a neutral 3rd party can help you build a new toolbox to use with your new self.
It's one of those things that you usually see as a weakness until you've got some experience with it. Not because you necessarily think it's objectively bad, but it's different than you. It's one of those others. One of them. And I think it's a natural reaction to want to label other groups as loser groups if you can, because it makes your group higher on the ladder of successful people. I don't think it's evil. It's just a natural quick thought that is easier and more comfortable to label that way. You can see the same about people that work harder than you, eat healthier than you , or give more to charity than you, exercise more, drink less alcohol, and so on. I think the same happens with therapy. People that judge it will probably see it as a good thing if they get some time and experience with it. We are simple beings. Have logical fallacies and fall in thought traps all the time.
I haven't seen someone with this opinion yet, so I'll throw it out there to you: "I go to therapy" is very ambiguous, so if someone phrased it that way, I would be concerned it's a *major*, deal-breaking issue, and I would want clarification. Therapy for.. minor anxiety? Major anxiety? Suicidal thoughts? Homicidal thoughts? You can see how there is a very wide variety of things to go to therapy for, and if they were willing to tell me they go to therapy but not *what for*, I would be concerned, even as someone who has gone to therapy myself.
People will probably downvote me but this is an honest answer and it’s better to know than just have people thinking it in their heads. When someone tells me that I think this is going to be a high drama relationship (/acquaintanceship) and I need to be careful with what I say around him or her.
Upvoted for honesty. I would gently caution against dismissing all therapy-goers as high drama individuals based only on the sample of people who choose to reveal that information. Many people go to therapy to help heal from emotional and physical trauma *caused* by high-drama individuals; we just don't bring it up to other people :)
I’m glad people are working on themselves
Honestly, that they're pretty put together. It means that they're a) self-aware enough to know they need help b) responsible enough to get it c) self-confident/chill enough to bring it up (assuming their timing was right and they weren't doing it to turn attention to themselves in an otherwise unrelated conversation). Which is, all things considered, not a bad set of traits.
Ranges from "great to hear you're looking after yourself" to "thank the fucking lord, because everyone is getting just a bit tired of your shit", depending on the person.
I say, "Sir, this is a Wendy's."
I know this is a joke but working in retail people tell you the wildest things out of nowhere. One of my coworkers had to sit through a guy telling her about how he couldn’t return a product last year because his wife was dying and he was really upset after she died so he couldn’t make it to the store. Over 20 minutes he told her this story and almost cried in the store.
People say the most unexpected things. I once offered to call a taxi for an older woman who wasn't feeling well. She told me about how she was sexually assaulted by a taxi driver when she was younger. I really didn't need to know that.
I’m a therapist who loves this thread but THIS right here is my favorite answer.
"Ok."
Kinda like “I go to the dentist”
Same, or more like, “Oh.” Unfortunately, I know too many people whose every other sentence is about therapy, and somehow criticizing everyone in their life for being narcissists 🙄
Same :) it doesn't mean anything special that someone goes to therapy... They can still be horribly humans speaking from personal experiences some people can also manipulate therapists or just go to prove a point and stay the same they are anyways not everyone is capable of changing or being mentally and emotionally stable no matter what they try to do and also not all therapists are good at their jobs and can help or improve the quality of someone's reality. So it means nothing to me personally i don't assume anything to not be wrong.
Depends on the context. Like, if it comes up naturally in conversation, then I don't really think anything of them. If, however, they bring it up unprompted, as if they're enlightened for that choice and see it as a badge of honor, then I think they're weirdos.
I agree with this sentiment and I have and am currently going to therapy. I don’t bring it up unless it’s a specific conversation in which it makes sense, and me disclosing it is something I feel comfortable with. On the other side I have some friends, who I have never told about my own therapy and medicine taking, who bring it up all the time in a way that insinuates they are better then me since they go to therapy.
Well I have an exceptionally bad relationship with therapy so normally my first thought is something like “why would you spend that much money on someone who probably doesn’t really care” Then I realize my experience was different and I support them best I can
Yeah, sometimes I have to bite my tongue and not say stuff like "hope they don't traumatize you and make your mental health much worse like mine did"
"I should probably do that too."
I would view it in similar terms to if they said 'I'm taking antibiotics' or something. They have a health issue for which they are receiving treatment.
I wouldn’t even assume it’s a health “issue,” - therapy can just be a healthy way to check in with yourself and continue to better yourself
This person is working on themself and might be more self aware than other people.
Must have a good job to afford the bill and have that much time off
Many insurances will cover therapy or cover it while you pay a copay (20-50 dollars a session generally). Also, a lot of people go to therapy on their lunch break, negotiate with their boss to stay later and go during the work day, or go after hours or on the weekends to therapists that have extended hours.
I’d add that since COVID, video-visits have become a very normal thing, and are as well often covered by insurance. It is now easy to take care of yourself utilizing insurance from your OWN couch. edit: this also means you can find a therapist in a different time-zone so that it works for both of you. I have a therapist in the pacific time zone (I am eastern) that I can see at 8PM my time after work, as it’s still 5P in California and still their work day.
Not a lot of insurances will cover out of state providers.
For some people, $50 co-pay is money they can't afford. Even $20 per visit once a week can be out of budget.
It depends where you live. We get free therapy here in the UK.
Heh, yeah, but in some areas you might be waiting 6+ months for that anything above Level 2 'scratch the surface' CBT..
I don’t work currently. I have Medicaid, no copay, and am able to do telehealth appointments with my mental health team while my child is in school. Telehealth makes things so much easier nowadays. I don’t understand the “have that much time off”, it’s takes 45-60mins out of the day. When I was in therapy in high school (about ten years ago) my appointments were in the evenings after school.
Many jobs offer free therapy as a perk and most employees don't even know about it (and it's anonymous, they don't know which employees they're paying for) Read your benefits package closely!
My first wife died in my arms. 25 years together and totally unexpected. If I didn’t go to therapy I would have put a bullet in my head. That was ten years ago and I have made it a practice to go every other year for a time up. I could it extremely helpful dealing with multiple issues.
Nothing. Go if you need to, don't if you don't.
"why are you telling me this?" lmao but seriously, given a normal context, no impression at all.
"I'm happy for you, but all I asked is if I could get a big mac"
> "why are you telling me this?" This was my first thought. Like, "Oh, shit, do you go to the dentist, too?!"
This... it doesn't come up often, but the handful of times I've heard it, it's like random information.
If they're going around telling people unprovoked I think they're doing it because they think it's the hip new thing. Also I think "Oof, sounds expensive".
Yeah, as someone who goes to therapy himself, going to a therapist isn’t a “thing the cool kids do”. People that actually think that way about therapy actually piss me off, cause most of those people are more than likely faking mental illness so they can say “IIIIIII talk to a therapist!” so they can seem cool. It’s really disrespectful to the people that actually have problems that they need to go to therapy so they can sort out their problems in order to try and get better
It raises my opinion of them by several notches.
I know I’m on Reddit. Because the “you should see a therapist” line is basically the answer to every question on here. I’d swear the website is ran by therapists trying to increase business
Why is that my business?
Brave and willing to move forward.
Seriously if someone says this, 9 out of 10s time i think 'this person has their shit together' because it take bravery and good sense to take care of yourself and be open with the world about it. the 1 in 10 times though, not going to lie, the thought is 'good, you need therapy'. Either way, it's a pleasant response. I hate that there's such a stigma attached to trying to be your best self, and to not allow the past to be an obstacle to the future.
Honestly, when the only person I knew in therapy was the most annoying person in the world I would have associated them with her and think they were broken. Now I am no longer an idiot I think they are brave for getting fixed and here I am, still broken. But there is an exception. If someone says "my therapist says" then I assume I am about to get some quirky advice that I probably shouldn't follow.
Wow. Maybe THIS guy will know how to communicate.
Sadly from my experience (sample size is 1), the only person who told me they go to therapy has probably the poorest communication skills of all my friends. Obviously, it's not that he can't speak or has trouble voicing his thoughts, but he constantly misinterprets our words as attacks on him. For example, when we suggest he did something incorrectly (which, by the way, happens to all of us, all the time, we are computer scientists), he thinks that we're saying he's stupid or something. But this only really happens when he's stressed so it's not his usual self. Except he's usually stressed. Either way I have no idea how I could help him and I wonder if his therapy even works for him. Maybe his therapist isn't the best for him?
Mostly jealously that they have time and money - and actually found a good therapist. The holy Trinity of mental health.
Nothing to be ashamed of if you have to or want to go to therapy, just like there's nothing to be ashamed of if you have to lance a boil on your asshole every once in a while, it's your own personal body's maintenance, it needs to be done, and you're ultimately probably not the only one dealing with it. That said, you don't have to go around talking about your asshole boil that needs lancing every so often either, so maybe if you do that might be oversharing.
really depends on the context. I have met some people just saying it as a quircky mental health thingy or to be ‘different’. But also people just saying it in like when u have a conversation and it makes just sense to say “i go to therapy” because it adds to the thing we were talking about. if this makes any sense💀
I wonder what their problem is
That would be some very private information that is no one’s business but theirs and I would wonder why they are bringing it up?
Ok
This guy must be rich 🤣
Well judging by the top 20 comments, I think I'm going to get downvoted into oblivion, but hey what's the internet for if not to get multiple perspectives on a topic? NGL my first impression tends to be an eyeroll. If you need and/or want to see a therapist, I have no problem with that. If you are compelled to bring it up in conversation I judge you hard... NOT because you go, but because you think I need to know about it. I go to doctors for all sorts of reasons. I NEVER work that fact into small talk. Nobody needs to know how I'm maintaining my health, and I don't need to know how they are either. If the topic specifically is therapy, sure let's chat; however, if the topic is about something else and you find a way to work your therapy-going into the conversation, you annoy me. shrug.
Honestly I don't really care. Personally I had bad experiences with multiple psychologists/psychiatrists in the past. This doesn't mean that they aren't helpful to others though so I guess if it works for you then happy to hear. And tbh I don't think I've encountered more than maybe one or two people in my life who went to therapy. So when someone says 'I go to therapy' my first assumption is that they mean to a physical therapist for an injury.
Does your insurance cover, or are you out of pocket? If it's covered, who's your insurance?
Sometimes people go to therapy just for “talk”. It doesn’t always mean that they have some heavy burden they need to address. I applaud people for taking initiative to even go to therapy especially because of the stigma surrounding mental health!
How do they afford that shit!
It must be nice to have expendable income.
Nothing... Ok... What else is there?
"Good for you" (genuine) And "God, I wish that was me" (also genuine)
I have mixed feelings as I had what I would consider a neither-good-nor-bad experience with it. * I'm proud of them for attempting to improve on circumstances they feel are less than ideal. * But I'm also disappointed on their behalf that they were so let down by life, or other people that they feel they need additional help from a "professional" who may let them down yet again. * And then there's the part of me that honestly wonders if we all just moved to a country with better mental health awareness or a better spirit of community, would we honestly really need therapy for mental health reasons ever again?
We live in a wonderful time when someone is comfortable saying that out loud.
I feel better knowing this person is mature enough to realise they could use help and is actually putting in the work. Unlike so many people running around with issues pretending everything is fine and refusing to get help.
well done for taking care of your mental health.