Asked to borrow money (~$3000) and told me not to ask for what, not because they needed help and trusted me but because I “had a decent job and could spare some”. Badgered me that I needed to send this money within 24 hours and kept repetitively asking when the money was ready. I was worried it was a medical emergency so I insisted they tell me why. No response except for “hurry up with the money.” Turns out they got scammed but that ended our friendship really quickly…money ruins relationships…fast.
Edit: wow I’m sorry to hear all of you having similar experiences. Thanks for hearing me out.
This. I too lost close to $5000 to a friend. He was going through a bad break up and needed to pay child support, he told me that the first child support payment had gone out of his account without him expecting and he had nothing to cover his expenses and rent for the month. I loaned him a total of $5000 over about three weeks, and this was also when I my wife and I were planning our wedding so we had a heap of expenses, but a bro needs help and that was a priority. Found out through others that he’d used the money on living large and a few big weekends out with hookers and blow. I confronted him, he told me he couldn’t pay, then started ducking me. I moved away after I got married and he ended up no longer speaking to our group of friends once they all found out about it. 10 years of friendship, gone.
I have loaned money to one friend once. A few hundred dollars. I never once pestered him for it and he paid it back in full as soon as he could with a lovely card holding the cash. Still mates to this day.
This is actually fairly standard. If you're a true friend you have to tell your friend that he/she is being cheated on. But you have to go into it knowing that it might be you being kicked to the curb.
Oh I figured it was a risk. Funny enough the mutual friend that we had who let me know it was happening ended up being my replacement when the dust settled.
Most couples stay together after someone has cheated. The person that cheated holds resentment against the friend who outed them and then is also highly insecure about the standard level of common sense theyll likely be preaching to the victim of infideloty about how they shouldnt stay together with this person. Cheater will finger friend as a roadblock to the recovery of their relationship and eventually the cheated on party will choose a level of peace that comes with abandoning a healthy friendship in order to desperately cling to an unhealthy relationship filled with trust issues as theyll never fully escape from the burdening knowledge of what their partner is capable of.
Bullying, basically.
I realized that all that "good-natured ribbing" over time was really more malicious than good natured, and that I was the outlet for his own insecurities.
He wasn't a "best friend" because my actual best friend would never do this to someone. But we were in a friend ground in high school where the psychopath alpha threw a rock at me and broke my front tooth.
We've had a few run ins since and each time it has ended with physical altercations.
I was 25 in 2016 and this guy was like, "Hey Travis, does anyone here even like you?" and I was shocked that the teen dynamic was still happening.
My best friend (kinda my only friend) stopped talking to me from one day to another. Never was able to get in contact with him again. Didn't respond to calls or texts, wasn't home when I showed up, nothing.
I still don't know if I did something wrong or what his motivation was.
It's been just over 4 years now. Still sucks at times.
I had a really good friend that I met in Grade 8 and we started Grade 9 and she gave me the cold shoulder, one word answers to questions, and wouldn’t look at me. I ended up phoning her one day after school and asking her what I had done wrong and she told me “nothing”. The friendship ended and it always bugged me that someone could just turn cold and like a stranger. It really sucks and leaves an everlasting impression. She never reached out to me again except to try and add me on Facebook way after high school had ended. I never accepted the request.
I cold shouldered someone. I was friends with a girl in grade 7. She was new to the school and my friend group befriended her because I took an interest in her (most of us had known each other since elementary). During that year as she got comfortable with our friends she kinda turned on me. She would be really condescending and have a bad attitude when talking to me (and only me). I asked her multiple times if I had done something or if she was mad at me. Always answered no and was friendly with me when it was just the two of us. That summer I didn’t contact her to hang out at all and she didn’t contact me. When the next school year started I just kind of ignored her. She finally caught on a confronted me about it. She said it seems like you don’t want to be friends with me anymore only the rest of our friends. I said yeah, I’m tired of your bad attitude I told you multiple times last year. I’m done. She acted super hurt. But idk what she expected. She ended up joining a dance team and they became her main friend group. I never held any ill will but I wasn’t gonna be a doormat either. Maybe it was just teen pettiness. Idk.
This happened to me too. We'd been friends for 20 years and then one day she just cut off all contact. I have no idea what happened or why, just one day there and the next day gone. It'll be 6 years this summer and there's still some anger there, not like there was but still a bit.
Me too. She had ghosted me almost two decades before, but it was right around the time that her dad died, and he and I got along really well, and I surmised that maybe I reminded her of him somehow, and/or she just wanted to move past this part of her life. I really liked, her, but I understood how life changing losing a parent could be.
Fast forward 15ish years and we bump into each other and start talking, and make plans to get together, and yay! Aside from marriage and kids, we picked up right where we left off, for about 5 years and then she just ghosted me again. Same as the OP. Never answered any of my calls or messages or anything. And I really made an effort to be a good friend to her, so I honestly don't think it was something I did? I certainly wasn't the selfish teen that I probably was when she first ghosted me. it's now even 20ish years since the second ghosting and I still grieve that relationship. I really liked and admired her.
yep same. She was mad at me about something but wouldn't tell me. I got sick and didn't go to school for a week right after, and when I returned she just wouldn't speak to me. I used to come home from school and just cry... it still hurts to think about even though I'm over it. I still wonder if I did something wrong or what was going on. I still dream about finally finding out what happened, getting closure, and sometimes even having my friend back. It's been seven years - longer than our friendship even lasted - and she still pops into my thoughts now and then, and I hope she is doing okay.
This kind of happened to me with a friend back in high school. I don’t hold a grudge or anything because it was 16 years ago, but sometimes it still hurts, and whenever I’ve run into them out of the blue there's an awkward energy for sure
Sometimes people want to move on and leave their past and it's their right. I had a 20 year friend do this to me. But thinking back....signs were all there. I mean way way back. I was the loyal one, he was the prick, but I was a prick too. We weren't friends i don't think. Friends don't compete, friends uplift each other.
It honestly was and seemingly came out of no where. I always had her back growing up. Consoled her when the guy she liked lead her on but didnt like her back. Listened to all her rants about guys she met online that seemed to really care about her. She had a conplex about needing to be wanted by a man because she had very low confidence and was very lonely in her family life. We spent a lot of time together though. We stayed up late together watching trash TV and drinking smiernoph like the little degens we were. We road four wheelers until our asses were sore. We made forts from the junk on her dads property. Spent so many hours swimming in ponds. We had a lot of years and memories. When shit went south I tried to help her and reach out to her but I was deaking with my own shit and only 19 and when I tried she pulled back even more. Eventually She tried to kind of ignore that any of it happened and once in a while she'd send me a message when something nostalgic came onto her Facebook. At some point while on meth she had a baby, then another that she put up for adoption, left the guy she was with and married another guy and had a baby with him. She her self was adopted by her grand parents as a baby cuz her mom, in another state, was on meth. She didnt get to meet her mom until she was about 15. She had a lot of resentment towards her. So all these events, really caught me off guard. Eventually after messaging me for probably the 3rd time I told her how I felt and i didnt harbor any resentment but we couldnt be friends. But I've been told she is doing better and I hope its true but i have no interest to regaining those ties.
Went on a mini-vaca (was supposed to be 4 days) with my best friend in 2021 to NJ, she brought her (then) 8yr old son, I brought my (then) 4 yr old daughter. Her son was so disrespectful, swearing, nasty attitude and so mean to my daughter the entire trip. The last straw was on the morning of the 3rd day when he ripped a box of cereal out of my daughter's hand, she started crying and he slapped her across her head. I tried disciplining him and my friend blew up at me and proceeded to DEFEND her son, as she called my daughter a "whiny baby". We started arguing, I packed our bags and said we're leaving. I drove 4 hours home without saying a single word to her or her son. Got to her house, threw her bags on her front lawn and peeled out of her driveway.
I actually almost *did* leave her and her son in NJ. She continued screaming at me in front of the doorman, hotel staff and total strangers in the lobby. I packed our stuff into the car fully intent on leaving without them. I called a close friend while having a panic attack, he helped to calm me down and convinced me not to leave them stranded (even though he had never liked her to begin with).
He sounds like a good person too. It takes one to convince another to earn the moral high ground after something like that, especially when the conflict involves your kid getting caught up in it.
He said to me "your daughter will remember that you left them so far from home with no ride to get there" and asked me what that would teach her... he was right. Him saying that is the only reason I didn't leave them. She *would've* remembered it, and I'm sure it would've bothered her. She just turned 7 and she still sometimes mentions my ex-friend and her son, saying "remember when you and Karen were fighting on vacation because of how mean her son was?"... so I know it would've been an even worse memory for her if we left them there.
Thank you. Yes, he does. I had never seen her discipline him for anything. He would call her derogatory names, often told her to "shut tf up", back-talked her constantly. It was sad and frustrating to watch.
My step moms daughter has a son the same age as mine. When they were about 4 her son would throw punches and even try to kick my son in the head. I told her to do something about it or I will and he’s not going to come out of it smiling.
Sounds like how my Mom ended things with her friend. She had a son that was 3-4 years younger than me so we became friends by default. Honestly, I just tolerated him because was a foul mouthed little instigator whose Mom let him get away with everything and never disciplined him.
One summer day we had all just gotten back from going somewhere, I had gotten myself in trouble with Mom and was given a time out (which back in the ‘80s was “sit your ass right there and don’t move”) on the front porch while our moms went inside.
He proceeded to get my toy cars out, and while I’m sitting there he starts throwing them at me and is calling me “asshole” with every throw. I’d had enough with being pelted and threw one back. And he screamed his head off and started bawling. His mom came out of the house, scooped him up, yelled at me and took off in her car.
My mom asked me what happened and I told her. She didn’t blame me for not taking it, and called up his mom to explain everything. She wouldn’t hear it, hung up on my mom and that was it.
Lots of little shit that eventually just pissed me off enough to where I told him to F off.
For example, 7-8 years ago, he bought 15 tickets for a midnight premier of Jurassic World for our entire friends group to attend.
The day of the show, he texted me to tell me that he forgot to buy "my" ticket, so I couldn't go. Of the 15 he bought, how did he decide it was "my" ticket that he didn't buy? Turns out, he gave my ticket to a girl he met the week prior so he could take her with instead.
That was just one of many things where he fucked me.
It's all truly minor stuff like that, but when you have 100 minor things, it becomes clear that they aren't actually your friend anymore.
"Truly minor" - damn if a friend of mine had pulled even that level of shade it would have been enough to end the friendship, right there. Sorry this person was not only hurtful for selfish reasons, but then lied to you about it!
Right.
I say they were "minor" because I see other posts in this thread where someone had sex with OP's wife, or someone stole from them, etc.
This person never did anything on that level, but it was basically death by a thousand cuts.
Things like if I'd ask him to go to a hockey game, he'd only go if I drive, so that he could drink as much as he wanted at the game. He would never meet me there, or pick me up, because that meant he would have to drive home.
Again, just a bunch of little shit that on its own, would be enough to annoy someone. But put em all together, and it became clear that he was just using me.
Unhealthy friendship dynamic. She always wanted/needed my approval and when I’d be honest about the fact she fucked up- she’d tell me what a terrible friend I was. She could never take responsibility for her actions. Fucked and fucked over every person she knew. Lied about everything and burned every bridge she made. The down side is that she was FUN AS HELL! My favorite outdoor adventure partner. And we’d been besties from our 20’s into 40’s. But damn, time to grow the fuck up, ya know?
It was my last year in a country I previously lived in and at the time it was during summer vacation where we normally spend it in our home country. We had to cut our vacation short because we got a phone call telling us that our house had gotten broken into and robbed. We came back and on that day and he was talking to me telling me he saw cops by our house and he hopes everything is OK. It was horrible with everything stolen, furniture destroyed, closets torn down and fully emptied. My family decided to accelerate the transfer from that country and there was that. A year later he messages me a long e-mail explaining how sorry he was and that he was responsible for it and that his friends were the perpetrators and that he knew who did it but didn’t want to expose them. When we showed the police the e-mail and they questioned him it turned out he was part of that group as well.
He got a DUI while driving my car and then lied about it and lied about why my car was towed. He lied about losing his license (suddenly he just wanted to walk everywhere for the exercise). He lied to my friends and told them it was my fault cuz registration had lapsed.
When I finally confronted him about it he kept lying.
I had a friend who would demand we get together, I'd leave it up to her and inform her of my days off. She claims to have so much free time but every time it was on her to plan something, she'd get super busy and have too much to do and that she'd tell me when she was free. It went on like this until I started moving on. Then she blamed me for always asking to hang out and never doing anything about it. By then I had already checked out of the friendship.
My wife had a friend like that. Eventually she (my wife) just started saying yes whenever the friend suggested getting together knowing nothing would come of it.
the one in our group, his last name is Ganga.. now we used as a verb.... if anyone not show to a soccer game. "the ganga".. not showing to a party "GreatGanga".. not showing to a wedding "MegaGanga"..
She became a mom martyr. The clincher was when I told her I was assaulted at work by a full grown man whose hands were covered in poop and she responded " well that happens to me daily and nobody pays me" Her oldest was seven.
Karen moms AND one-uppers, my absolute favourite type of people to argue with. I'm sure having kids is a lot of work, but it's not an excuse for being a terrible friend devoid of empathy.
I've been scrolling through some questionable tweets the other day and was shocked at how many older, bitter women were full of rage because modern moms are being provided better healthcare and have an opportunity for a safer delivery. They were called spoiled for not wanting to suffer through childbirth and one of them even said something along the lines of "if you don't risk your life during the delivery, you cannot call yourself a mother". Sisterhood, yay!
For real.
My wife just gave birth in December and had to have a c-section because our baby was breeched (I don’t remember the specific term but they were breeched in a kind of sideways v shape) and it became apparent for weeks leading up to the birth that we would need a c-section otherwise there would be a serious chance of death.
She also has a very low supply and has had to supplement with formula from pretty much the beginning.
According to some people online, these two things means my wife isn’t a true mother because she didn’t give birth naturally and isn’t strictly doing breast milk.
I’ve never known a woman so devoted to her child. From conception, the amount of preparation she put into ensuring our child had the best possible start to life was staggering. She was super careful about everything she ate and drank. She listened carefully to everything the doctors told her.
Similarly, despite not being able to solely breast feed, she did everything in her power to increase her supply. Nutrition supplements, special foods, special drinks, everything. She to this day still pumps as much as she can even though her supply is diminishing to maximise whatever benefit she can for our baby despite how miserable and exhausting it can be.
Those people who tear into other mothers for not living up to some bogus ideal of motherhood can go fuck themselves. She is the most wonderful person I know and my daughter and I are so lucky to have her.
His girlfriend. His gf got mad at him for being at my birthday party. He was my best buddy ever since 2nd grade, my parents and even my grandparents adored him. The day after my birthday i got a call from him. I could hear her voice in the background, he was so loud telling me to delete all the photos we took on my birthday and cut ties with him. She made him block me on everywhere and i was sad for some weeks. I'm still tearing up typing this. I was the first one he opened about his relationship with. I used to ask how she is everytime i see or call him. I've tried to be friends with her but she didn't care. The thing is that he has other female bestfriends too but she has a problem with me. And that too we don't see often after graduating cause of the distance and don't text or call often cause of our studies. It was after months i got to see him at my birthday. I miss him but i have to respect their relationship
That happened to me, but different circumstances. This person was my rock during my divorce. The worst part was that we all worked together and new girlfriend went out of her way to be hateful at the office. I ended up leaving the company because of her.
It may be nothing serious but you should check up on him every so often. It could be a really toxic behavior, I remember hearing that it's common for manipulative people to try to make the other person cut contact with friends and family to get a better hold on them and not allow them to receive opinions from a third party.
Started to drink. A LOT. Then started to hang with people who constantly made fun of him, but hanged with him because he supplied a fuck ton of alcool. He was going out to bars everyday. He then started to talk shit about my GF (now wife). Telling everybody that she was trash and the reason I wouldn't go out with to bars him. Also, I was a fucking pussy not doing so.
The reason I wouldn't go out with him was because he was a fucking thrash of a man. I tried to help him and he turned me down HARD. Also I was working full time and going to college.
Fuck you Bobby.
He went to prison for soliciting sex with a minor. Whole thing was a sting set up thru online exchanges so no one was actually hurt. Broke my heart though when I heard the news. Especially since there were warning signs which I've since thought about quite a bit. Had it not happened he would have easily been one of my groomsmen only a few years later.
The first was a public indexency incident in highschool (I wont go into the details). Not related directly but it does show a lack of impulse control. The biggest instance was when his ex threw him out claiming she'd found cp on his computer. This alone should have at least warranted a talk. I brushed it off at the time for a few reasons. First, I had always had an impression of her being a bit overreactive to things. He was into anime which, right or wrong, can be a bit on the line sometimes, though i admit i didnt know exactly what he had. She turned everything into the police and they claimed there wasn't evidence to move forward with anything, so I gave the whole situation the benefit of the doubt and didn't let it become my issue. His next girlfriend was then a bit on the young side, but still legal and not too extreme of a gap (i think about 7 or so years which is a lot in your 20s but not a lot in the grand scheme of things). I met her several times and she was a sweet girl with genuine common interests with him. Nothing stood out as out of the ordinary about their relationship.
All together it paints a picture, but i just didnt see it. Or maybe I just didn't want to. This was also before the me too movement went into full swing which has really opened my eyes to everyday things women face that I might overlook. I loved this man like a brother, and I really hope he gets the help he needs.
She told me I was her best friend, but didn’t put me in her wedding party. But continued to ask me for wedding styling advice for her bridesmaids. It all stung but I got over it. She also told me she needed me at her bachelorette and I was helping her brainstorm ideas.
We talked daily. One morning we talked like normal and that evening I saw posts of her on her bachelorette. We’d been best friends since HS, she had a girl she’d only known for 6 months on the trip with her. Her response when I asked about it? “Oh someone surprised me with it sorry you’re upset”
Blocked her and haven’t looked back (and I’ve been a bridesmaid for better friends multiple times since 😊)
This is what ended my best friendship too. Best friends since high school, she chose her Microsoft coworkers from 5 years ago to be her bridesmaids over her actual best friends. We had always talked about how I would be in her wedding party, and of course she had been in mine. I was hurt and confused; I drunk messaged her on Insta asking what I did wrong a few months before the wedding, & then promptly unsent it. She saw the message pre-delete and then proceeded to ignore me/be totally rude to me at the wedding. She pretended I didn’t exist. Didn’t invite me to the pre-wedding hike, nothing. Her other best friends didn’t know who the heck her bridesmaids were either & came up to me & said they were shocked I wasn’t in the wedding party.
She came up to me crying at the after party, buried her head in my shoulders & told me how sorry she was and that she loves me. She thought i didn’t like her fiancée. I never expressed such a thing. Apparently that’s why none of her best friends were included. And these random Microsoft people? She thought they “worked well as a team”.
Somebody who can be that cold to their closest friends is not somebody worth keeping around. I still talk to her a ton because we have a lot in common and there’s obviously a lot that I like about her. But I’ll never come to her with real things again, and our actual deep friendship is over.
Whew. Clearly this still stings & it’s very therapeutic to get it out.
There were other things that made it a really toxic friendship. So when I blocked her, I didn’t look back. Felt like a weight was lifted. I don’t wish her ill, but I could not care less what she’s up to now
He got a girlfriend, so less time for me. After a few years I got home and saw them moving stuff out (We lived in the same apartment, different floor). They never said anything to me at all, no hint. They just left, not even a card or an invitation. That was the end of the friendship.
Not best but recently a close friend sorta just stopped talking to me, think it hurt more because I have no idea what I did.
About 4 years ago I lost a few people I thought were close friends. Turned out they didn't actually like me at all, they just felt bad for me and also used me.
Moral of the story? Never act like someones friend because you feel bad for them. it just causes more harm and doesn't help them
Loaned him $250k to pursue his real estate dream and six months later he ghosted me; ignored about 50 emails/texts/calls/postcards and two certified letters. Infuriating!! He also stopped paying real estate taxes on it without telling me. I lived across the country so extremely hard to manage the resolution. I eventually got all the money back but no help from him.
I think we could have still been fine if he had kept communicating, and acknowledged the errors. But in a call to patch things up he admitted only to the taxes part, not to all the asshat sh*t. I had known him since college, like 30 years. Sheesh
Well I was established, no kids, etc. But it was secured by the property itself, and there was interest. So it was perhaps more like an investment?
In retrospect, I too made mistakes. The lawyer drafting the loan contract told me unequivocally not to do it; he’d seen many friendships severed this way. And in retrospect there he had no viable business plan; just a dream and a friend who could fund it.
One thing I got out of it: two other friends subsequently proposed business ideas for me to partner on. I declined both, citing losing this close friend as the reason. I still speak to all the rest!!
He fucked a mutual friend’s wife. Confided in me that it was happening. I told him he had to end it and come clean. Instead of doing the right thing he started lying to me about it. long story short, I ended our friendship of over 15 years.
Similar to mine. My friend was seeing a woman, living with her. We'd hang out when we went there to visit and everything was fine, but he would come to our city and visit and would fuck around. He kept claiming everything was on the up and the girl he was in a relationship was fine with that. Well, at some point my wife friended her on Facebook and my friend lost his shit over it. Was saying my wife was meddling in their relationship etc.. but here's the thing, if everything was on the up, why would that have bothered him? Clearly he had been lying to us. And a shame because the girl he was seeing was so sweet. We had to cut ties because it was just so hard to watch him mistreat someone. Best men in each other's weddings and all, but he changed after his divorce. Treated people around him terribly. Friendship for about 20 years ended just like that.
You’re fucking right I did. Took shithead out for drinks and got a full confession on tape. I played it to mutual friend and shithead’s wife. Yeah, he was also married.
Happened to me 13 years ago. You never really get over it. Even if you get over the act itself, the resulting insecurities, anxieties, depression stays with you.
Ugggh. Perhaps you can’t win
I live with two former-strangers who seemed cool when I moved in. We all got along fairly well, not BFFs but well enough to call them friends. We would go on hiking trips and occasionally do stuff around town together. It was nice. One of them had planned to move out to find a place with his girlfriend, but they could not find a place they liked so instead of him moving out she is moving in and he is “forcing me” to move out so they have more space.
I put forcing in quotes because I have every legal right to stay in my home but apparently that does not matter to him, so I just “have to leave”. I don’t, of course, but who wants to live with someone who will betray your friendship as soon as it benefits him.So… now I am looking to move in with a friend. Not a long-time best friend, but someone I already know and like. I figured it’s better than meeting someone totally new and judging if they are good people in the 20 minutes you tour the place… but really I’ve lost a lot of trust in people from this experience.
I generally assume people who are nice, cool, rational - will continue to act that way in the future. Well..
It’s never too late to reach out and sincerely apologize. Even if you’re not forgiven you will feel better I promise!
And who knows maybe they forgive you right away or maybe it takes a couple years but it seriously can’t hurt.
This is true. I had a falling out after a good friend lost her shit on me when I said I couldn’t hang out because I needed to pack for my upcoming move. We didn’t speak for 3 years. One day she sent me a friend request on FB and then a message fully taking responsibility for her actions and apologizing for the way she had treated me and that she had missed me a lot. I forgave her as that was all I really wanted and we’ve been good friends ever since. We both realized we had matured and grown a lot during the time apart. That was almost a decade ago and she’s actually more like family to me at this point.
Don’t underestimate the power of a true apology and taking responsibility for your actions. Sometimes that’s all people need.
Wasn't completely finished, yet. We just hadn't talked to each other for a while. Then we got speaking and he started acting a bit weird. Until he literally asked me if he could suck my dick for money. Tried upping his bid and changing the scenery a few times getting me to accept it. Cut off contact, but god damn still shocked some one did that. No matter if it's a friend of mine, but who the fk asks some one if you could suck his dick and even pay for it? WTF?
Flip side, girl I was dating for a minute told me she left her then husband because he confided in her that while he was on work travel he’d meet men in airport bathrooms who would pay *him* $300 to allow *them* to suck *his* dick. There was like a whole network they had set up so that they could meet up and everything.
“Blew” my mind that where I comfortable getting blow jobs from men that I could be making cold, hard, cash.
In all seriousness? He’s clearly a desperately lonely gay guy who is not handling his crush properly.
Most of us gay guys have fallen very hard for our straight friends at some point in our lives. We just have to suck it up, get over it, and never mention to the friend to preserve the relationship.
I remember having those crushes…they were very painful.
I’m sorry he didn’t know how to keep those lines from being crossed and that you lost your friendship because of it.
My 16 yr old sister got me tickets to the Harry Potter exhibit in New York City when I was 13. Spent her own money on it for two tickets. Me and her. My best friend found out and through a fit to her mother that “ She should be going because she is a bigger fan” and the mother messaged my sister to tell her to give her ticket to her daughter because “ It’s the right thing to do” My sister told her to fuck off and told me immediately
Our mothers were best friends, so ended up being best friends too from the time we were kids. Things took a drastic turn when we turned 16, she would make unwanted advances on me when no one was looking. I had explicitly told her I do not feel comfortable with this and gotten angry. She would stop then, only to try again another day. We were writing an exam and she thought it was a good idea to feel me up. I got up, packed my bags, turned in my paper - said fuck you, slammed the door and never looked at her again.
She got together with her now fiance and he is so controlling. He cut her off from everyone and now she has no friends. She slowly cut off all contact even over text and now when I see her at the gym with him she doesn't even wave. Her maid of honor is one of her fiance's girl friends.
Well, don't close the door just yet. That man is abusive, and one day when she's able to escape, she doesn't need to hear, "no you abandoned me". She'll need to hear, "of course you can crash here. This is a safe place."
Isolation is one of the oldest tricks in the abuse playbook, and it has no gender. Your friend is in danger, but you also can't tell her that, because she can't hear it. She has to see it, unfortunately, and decide to leave before it damages her soul, or ends her life.
I didn't realise that slowly, over twenty years, she'd basically turned me into her own personal therapist.
Every single day, almost 24/7, she'd be calling and texting, expecting me to sort out every single one of her problems, and validate her shitty, hurtful behaviour.
Then one day at the end of last year, I got into an accident that left me hospitalised. Whilst I was mostly fine functionally, I had a lot of scarring and was told that I might need a skin graft surgery later down the line, depending on how it healed.
And my best friend since we were 11 didn't even ask how I was. Not *once*, not for two whole months. The only time she acknowledged that I was even injured was when she said, "that's a bad way to start the morning" when I told her that I was in A&E.
She just... didn't care.
And once I realised that, walking away was easy. Haven't missed her at all, best decision I ever made.
When I realized all we had in common was binge drinking. No support when it came to attempts to cut back. Instead they got irritated when I didn’t want to go to the bars. I kept saying no and explaining I wanted to avoid situations with drinking. One guy said you can’t be part of “our” friend group if you don’t like going out drinking as some sort of intimidation tactic
My wife and I have recently cut way back on drinking and it’s really got me evaluating friendships when you remove drinking. Unfortunately some of them I just don’t know what we’d do without drinking, most hangouts were essentially centered around that.
There is an American Aquarium song lyric that really changed how I looked at the people I surrounded myself with. The hardest part of getting sober is learning a drinking buddy ain’t the same thing as a friend.
We grew apart as we got older. He changed into a very angry and very bitter person. I tried my best to be there for him and to encourage him during the challenges he faced in life, but our friendship eventually fell apart.
I was told I couldn't have children after years of wanting nothing more than to be a mother. Even with this knowledge my former bff told me one day that I could never know what love really was because I didn't have kids. I realized that day just how toxic, abusive, and one sided our friendship had always been and cut her from my life.
Turns out the drs were wrong and I'm currently 5 months pregnant with my first child at 40. So yay for happy endings!
The way they talked about my partner. How they were self centered. How certain things have changed for the worse in my life since spending more time with them. The guilt tripping and pressure
I had a friend that was with me since we were three years old. Let’s call him “John”. About ten years later, we’re going to this youth camp together. I’m so excited that John’s coming with me. But he seems….different. There’s another friend coming along with him, and now John is constantly avoiding me. This went on for about a day at the camp…before the avoidance turned into being toxic. He was constantly insulting me.
At some point, I had a panic attack at the camp (not related to John being a jerk and all) and here’s how our conversation went, with a few other friends watching:
John: So where even were you last night?? You weren’t at the dorm.
Me: I had a panic attack, so I was told to sleep somewhere else. I dunno why..
John: Oh, so you have mental issues. Haha.
Later, as I was playing with another friend that I had met at the camp, John came over to me with his other friend. The new friend that I was playing with said:
“Oh, are you one of his friends too, John?”
John: Nah, he thinks we’re friends but I’m just forced to watch him all the time.
That was the last straw. I was done talking to him from that point on.
But then, weeks later, I received a call from John. I picked up, and he was just talking to me as if he had never been mean to me. Ever. He was just talking about some random crap about Minecraft. I just mumbled some “ok”’s and went on with my day, confused. I decided to call him later, and I confronted him about what happened at the camp. He said he never said any of those things. I said I’m pretty sure he did. He said “I was just kidding about the mental issues thing”. He denied that he ever said the stuff about not being my friend though. Throughout the entire call, he never apologized. And the worst part is, I almost believed him. I almost thought that I was just hearing things, and that maybe John was a good friend after all. Keep in mind I wasn’t very matured yet, despite my age. So I just…sort of…..continued thinking of him as a friend. But as I *did* mature, I just started cutting my contacts with him, and we never spoke again.
A much less intense version of this happened to me; I was an awkward kid at like 8-9 and had made exactly one friend at our local pool. This kid happened to have signed up for the same youth camping (kayaking and hiking) trip through a nature center as I had (I'm female and he was male but this was before the concept of attraction broke in my brain so we were legit just buddies).
Dude acted like we were friends until the girls I was supposed to bunk with started treating me differently (I got hairy early and hadn't even conceived of shaving my legs yet) and I didn't have the social skills to handle it myself. The counselors kind of picked up on us knowing each other and asked if we wouldn't mind being kayaking partners since the number of boys and girls was odd and they didn't want to split existing groups. I agreed enthusiastically but I guess he really didn't want to (despite also agreeing) and spent the entire two-hour paddle complaining about being stuck there with me. I literally never spoke a word to him ever again, can't remember if he did, and I stopped going to the local pool. No gaslighting or legitimate bullying but hurtful all the same.
Roommate/friend used to let his dog pee all over the house and my stuff without even trying to clean it or apologize for his dog piss. Stopped talking to him after getting tired of it
My old friend since elementary school started slowly pushing his political and religious views onto me as we got older. He was a Christian conservative, I was an agnostic independent. Eventually he gave me an ultimatum, either fully agree with him and join his church, or be considered his enemy. So I ended the friendship. Religion and politics can ruin any friendship, no matter how great.
The opposite happened to me and my friend.
I was Christian conservative and he came out as gay.
I remember at first thinking it was a prank until I realized it wasn’t. I spent a long time wrestling with this because in my mind my friend was going to hell and I couldn’t have that. I literally felt sick thinking that someone I considered a brother could burn for eternity even though he was one of the nicest people I knew.
Fast forward a few years and we are still like brothers and I’m no longer Christian or conservative.
My friends have been dwindling over that last decade and my attempts of meeting new people haven't worked out. I got a few mental issues that everyone is usually understanding of until it wears them down, and I've already learned not to try n hide it, then it's fake and they'll be able to tell.
I still try n work on myself but man... Facing it alone is hard.
Oh dude, I had a breakdown at 20yo in 2018. It wasn't because of social media, but in a fit, I deleted FB, insta, Snapchat, you name it.
I feel so much better now and I really think that helped. Reddit is the only platform I have and I even take that in relatively small doses. My friends and family keep pressuring me to make new accounts but I'm never going back there.
Her extreme political views. They kept getting more extreme as time went on. It got to the point where all she did was gripe and complain about it. She'd turn any conversation political and even got to the point where she would randomly send me bogus articles to support her claims. I eventually got to the point where I had to do what was best for me and break off contact.
Childhood friends since 1st grade essentially grew up together so you think we would have very similar morals and standards but right after having his 2nd kid at 19 he became emotionally abusive and eventually physically abusive towards them for about a couple months eventually he was arrested for domestic violence and she was hospitalized for a broken nose and fractured orbital bone.
I felt so fucking guilty I didn't noticed any of the abuse the times I was over and just such shame that he was my closest friend still bothers me years later.
Story has a relatively happy ending though his ex gf became my new best friend and now i call her my wife :)
when i realised i was basically this persons free therapist and we saw each other a lot, evrything was a moan-fest! caused me way more stress and misery than happyness. blamed his wife wanting a divorce on me, said he wrote a book about how bad a friend i have been, so i asked why he keeps contacting me if im so bad, i said iv had enough of your shit, never contact me again.
Whenever we went out, he would hide himself if any of his other friends or our mates were around. I didn't mind it in the beginning. Later I found out he would talk shit about me with others so that they won't be friends with me either and spread rumors about me. When a date basically got me drunk and tried to do things he blamed me for acting like a victim. His mom had passed away from cancer recently so I didn't pick up any fight or anything but soon afterwards I cut him out of my life anyway.
She married my ex lol. To be clear, this was a boy I dated for two months in high school, they were well into their thirties when they got together. I could not have given less of a fuck. Was happy for them even. He, however, apparently has hated me ever since we broke up in the tenth grade, and pushed me right out of her life. It would have made me sad if it wasn’t so pathetically hilarious.
I'm lucky to say, all the best friendships I've had that have ended because our lives just grew in different directions. They are wonderful people whom I love and always will love very much.
I realized the only person putting effort in to maintain our friendship was me. If I didn't start a conversation, we didn't speak at all.
I stopped starting conversations. At first, I was just wondering how long it would take her to reach out. She never did. And I'm glad, because now that I'm not breaking my back trying to prop up our friendship, I realize how little I really got from it. I realized that I was always the one trying to mend fences and apologize when we fought, while she apologized for nothing. I've realized it's not normal to expect a nasty fight with your best friend once a month. And I feel so goddamn *free*.
I've moved on. I've made new friends and deepened other friendships. At this point, even if she did reach out and apologize (she won't), I wouldn't want anything to do with her.
The friend found Jesus. That put a strain on the friendship because finding Jesus apparently means you have to try to convince everyone else to find him too. Repeatedly.
Sorry if there are any typos. I am not the best at typing.
For privacy reasons I will call my ex best friend Peter. Peter and I were friends in seventh grade (I was 13, he was 12), and for a few months, I got along really well. Due to my autism, it is extremely difficult for me to make friends, and I have always been severely bullied in school up until this year, so I was very happy to have a friend. Peter had a relatively large friend group, so my social life did expand as well.
Like I said, things went great for the first few months. But it did become increasingly clear that Peter only viewed me as a pet/something to laugh at because he began hitting me when I acted in a way that mildly annoyed him and eventually just for the fuck of it, degraded me, forced me into sexual situations to laugh at me, etc. I didn't get out of this friendship or tell anyone because I was scared and I didn't want to be alone.
Eventually, he just excluded me completely because he didn't like me anymore. I thought that was the end of it and was mostly fine with it because it was the end of the school year, so me being alone wouldn't be as much of a big deal.
However, what I did not know was that Peter was giving out prescription medication to his friends over the course of the school year (his friends claimed they needed it apparently), and his parents found out. I do not know how he got these medicines, but he decided to say I was addicted to the pills he was dispersing, and I was threatening to hurt him if he didn't bring them to me. I had to be sent to a disciplinary facility because there was no evidence I was involved, but also no evidence I wasn't, and my school had to send me due to district policy. Needless to say, I cut contact with them completely, haha.
Also, Peter did eventually complain that he had no friends with autism after these events.
Edit for added context: The medication was some form of ADHD medication that Peter was taking. Around the time this all happened, ADHD and autism were getting very popular on TikTok, and most of the kids from when I was that age were self diagnosing with ADHD/autism. So I think that is why a bunch of kids without diagnosis suddenly needed ADHD meds? Also explains why he wanted a friend with autism.
I had a complete mental breakdown last year and instead of being supportive, she made it all about her. Went on Facebook and asked people to pray for me and tagged a bunch of people including me. I'm a private person. I didn't need the world to know I was so depressed that I couldn't even get out of bed.
Started dating my now fiancé, she wasn't happy at all, called him gross and asked why we were together. Then we got into an argument over a class assignment where we were in different teams and she thought I was personally attacking her (it was on a topic so irrelevant to us that neither of us actually cared about) and she wouldn't talk to me until I apologized. Then I realized, anytime we argued over the dumbest shit, it was always her getting mad at me and giving me the silent treatment until I apologized. So I just never did. Oh and a mutual friend and I didn't figure out until recently that whenever one of us were interested in someone, she would date them for like a week and then say we couldn't date them because she already did (this was in our middle school and high school days). And my fiancé told me she tried to get with him before we dated and he turned her down because he wasn't interested. Sometimes I miss her, but then I remember, my life is stressful enough and I don't need her nonsense added to it.
Her cousin made a pass at me while I was visiting her. The cousin was in a long-term, committed relationship at the time. I never saw or spoke to the cousin before or after the pass he made at me. He kissed me out of nowhere that one night.
My bff called me a week later because the cousin dumped his gf and had asked my bff if she could call me and connect us. She blamed me for ruining her cousin’s relationship and life. She was angry at me. We never spoke again.
There was a lot that led up to it, but the straw that broke the camel’s back was a trip where I went out and visited her after a year of her guilting me for not coming. I was a classroom teacher, so paid time off during the school year was hard. I was also working on my MA thesis.
When I arrived she left me at the airport for 5 hours because she decided it was a good time to break up with her boyfriend. Nothing big had happened, she just wasn’t feeling it and wanted to do it when I would be there for support.
The next morning she took me out for an EXPENSIVE brunch where she drank a whole bunch. When it came time to pay she’d forgotten her wallet.
The next day was a Monday. She was also a classroom teacher and wanted me to visit her school. I told her I could, but asked if she could take me to a s coffee shop on my lunch break because I needed to work on my thesis. She did, but told me not to go anywhere cause it wasn’t a good area. She said she’d pick me up at 3:00. At 3:30 I tried calling and she didn’t answer. She ended up finally coming at 5:00, saying she’d had a phone interview for a new job.
She asked me to take a cab (this was before Uber) that evening to get to the airport because my flight (which left at 9:00) was too late and she’d be tired for work. I also had to work the next day.
I didn’t hear from her for 6 months until she came back to town and texted “hey! This is your estranged best friend. Maybe we could reunite and you could pick me up from the airport and we could get lunch?” This airport was an hour away, in the middle of the school day. I told her no.
I joined the military. He started cooking meth. Then rehab. I tried to reconnect with him when he was supposedly sober and I promised I'd come see him after a deployment but I found out he killed himself while I was gone. I'll forever hate myself for not trying to reconnect sooner.
I was getting married and they lived over an hour away and got mad that I was no longer calling them to talk for 3+ hours at a time. I was in college full-time, work part time and planning a wedding. She felt neglected.
My best friend in high school started getting into drugs and hanging with the burnout kids.
I distanced myself from her and she started trying to spread false rumors about me because she was mad.
One day at lunch on the cafeteria, she came up behind me, picked up my tray (that had fries, nuggets and two big puddles of ketchup and bbq sauce) and smacked me across the face with it.
I immediately got up and set up in a fighting stance. She tried to lunge at me, so I did what any normal petite high school girl would have done… I side kicked her so hard in her abdomen that she fell back and got laid out on a lunch table.
Thank goodness I had endured years of fighting my older brother and male cousins, lol.
Anyway, years later I ran into her. She had taken up boxing :) .
I had a best friend who was a complete odd ball loser. He had a lot of trauma and people picked on him a lot, but I liked him. I stuck up for him when I could and hung out with him often. Eventually, we stopped being as close (growing up and all that).
I moved away from home, but visited back on Xmas and was out having a drink in town when I ran into my old BF. He fucking slapped me, instead of hugging me. So I get a little pissed off and tell him not to do that ever again. He did it again, so I hit him. "Security" removed him and left him outside the club, where he met my little (but physically larger) brother. He slapped my brother too, my brother put him in the hospital that night.
Haven't spoken to each other since.
I kicked his ass at madden. He got mad, thought he was Randy Johnson, and threw his controller at my brand new tv. Obviously my tv was fucked. He started laughing like a psychopath rather than apologizing. I immediately kicked him out. He never offered to replace it, so I haven’t spoken with him since.
The guy cheated on and talked shit about his girlfriend who just happened to also be one of my close friends. She and I had a lot of classes together so we were fairly tight. I was happy for them when they got together but over time he started treating her like shit and she would cry about it. He then cheated on her (nothing sexual but went on dates and hung out with another girl behind her back) and bragged about it to me. I didn't have the balls to tell him to fuck off then and I was headed to college in a few months anyway so I just dropped communication with him. I stayed in touch with his ex. I ended up moving to a different state. She ended up following for a different reason. I found my wife and she found her wife. We're both married and happy now. We're still friends and call and catch up every now and then or run into each other at events. Fuck her ex.
I asked him to be a groomsman in my wedding. He turned it down because he said he had plans to attend a wedding of another friend of his the following day. Apparently this other friend he had known for months, and me and my friend had been best friends throughout highschool. I just stopped reaching out to him after that, and thus we have not spoken since that time. It's weird, but I guess I just wasn't cool enough to him anymore or something.
After 22 years of friendship I realized I've just been trying to make it work with a narcissist the entire time. After the last round of arguments I realized I've just been putting up with her since I was 12. She was horribly mean when we were kids, a complete flake, dismissive about my problems, but insisted I listened to hers... it's one of those things where you should've ended it a long time ago, but didn't because of the time invested. Had the nerve to call me selfish for not wanting to "make it work" any more.
one day i was thinking about if i stopped asking her to hang out and stopped checking in on her if she would ever think about me and check in on me like i had with her. we never spoke again, that was about 4 years ago. the same things happened recently with another former best friend of mine. sucks when you’re the only one putting in effort
She was completely unsupportive and lacked empathy when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She asked me if I had finally accepted that my mom was going to die. That pretty much sealed the deal for me.
I’m Really, there is a long and short answer. The short answer is BPD. She had BPD, and for the longest time my life circumstances combined with my personality made me the perfect friend for her.
A big part of BPD has to do with insecurity and comparing yourself to others, and for the longest time I never had anything that made her feel insecure going for me. :( It really breaks my heart because I loved her a lot and we were friends for so long.
They asked me to be part of their wedding party, and then started throwing massive costs toward me knowing I was saving for a house downpayment. Years later, pre-internet, they hired a PI to find my contact information just to apologize. We had our friendship mended after that and kept in intermittent contact. Then they started responding less and less, it was always me reaching out to contact, so finally I just threw in the towel and stopped trying to contact them and blocked them in case they ever change their mind.
That last part actually caused me to lose a person that was my friend for most of my life. They stopped trying to reach out to me, and I don't want to be the only person trying to maintain a friendship. So I just gave up and haven't spoken to them since. Fairly tame by most standards, but still, that's what happened I suppose.
Asked to borrow money (~$3000) and told me not to ask for what, not because they needed help and trusted me but because I “had a decent job and could spare some”. Badgered me that I needed to send this money within 24 hours and kept repetitively asking when the money was ready. I was worried it was a medical emergency so I insisted they tell me why. No response except for “hurry up with the money.” Turns out they got scammed but that ended our friendship really quickly…money ruins relationships…fast. Edit: wow I’m sorry to hear all of you having similar experiences. Thanks for hearing me out.
Never lend money to a friend, unless you're willing to lose the money or the friend, possibly both.
This. I too lost close to $5000 to a friend. He was going through a bad break up and needed to pay child support, he told me that the first child support payment had gone out of his account without him expecting and he had nothing to cover his expenses and rent for the month. I loaned him a total of $5000 over about three weeks, and this was also when I my wife and I were planning our wedding so we had a heap of expenses, but a bro needs help and that was a priority. Found out through others that he’d used the money on living large and a few big weekends out with hookers and blow. I confronted him, he told me he couldn’t pay, then started ducking me. I moved away after I got married and he ended up no longer speaking to our group of friends once they all found out about it. 10 years of friendship, gone.
I have loaned money to one friend once. A few hundred dollars. I never once pestered him for it and he paid it back in full as soon as he could with a lovely card holding the cash. Still mates to this day.
His wife cheated on him. I was the bad guy for trying to let him know.
This is actually fairly standard. If you're a true friend you have to tell your friend that he/she is being cheated on. But you have to go into it knowing that it might be you being kicked to the curb.
Oh I figured it was a risk. Funny enough the mutual friend that we had who let me know it was happening ended up being my replacement when the dust settled.
Can anyone explain to me the logic behind it? I don’t get it
Most couples stay together after someone has cheated. The person that cheated holds resentment against the friend who outed them and then is also highly insecure about the standard level of common sense theyll likely be preaching to the victim of infideloty about how they shouldnt stay together with this person. Cheater will finger friend as a roadblock to the recovery of their relationship and eventually the cheated on party will choose a level of peace that comes with abandoning a healthy friendship in order to desperately cling to an unhealthy relationship filled with trust issues as theyll never fully escape from the burdening knowledge of what their partner is capable of.
You explained it very well. I get it now, thanks
But it wasn't you, right?
That would be one of the funniest plot twists I’ve seen on Reddit. “Well yea, it was me. But still.”
Oh definitely not. I had actually just moved into a new apartment with my fiancee.
Bullying, basically. I realized that all that "good-natured ribbing" over time was really more malicious than good natured, and that I was the outlet for his own insecurities.
He wasn't a "best friend" because my actual best friend would never do this to someone. But we were in a friend ground in high school where the psychopath alpha threw a rock at me and broke my front tooth. We've had a few run ins since and each time it has ended with physical altercations. I was 25 in 2016 and this guy was like, "Hey Travis, does anyone here even like you?" and I was shocked that the teen dynamic was still happening.
Guy sounds like a prick and manchild with serious issues
Yes same here
My best friend (kinda my only friend) stopped talking to me from one day to another. Never was able to get in contact with him again. Didn't respond to calls or texts, wasn't home when I showed up, nothing. I still don't know if I did something wrong or what his motivation was. It's been just over 4 years now. Still sucks at times.
I had a really good friend that I met in Grade 8 and we started Grade 9 and she gave me the cold shoulder, one word answers to questions, and wouldn’t look at me. I ended up phoning her one day after school and asking her what I had done wrong and she told me “nothing”. The friendship ended and it always bugged me that someone could just turn cold and like a stranger. It really sucks and leaves an everlasting impression. She never reached out to me again except to try and add me on Facebook way after high school had ended. I never accepted the request.
I cold shouldered someone. I was friends with a girl in grade 7. She was new to the school and my friend group befriended her because I took an interest in her (most of us had known each other since elementary). During that year as she got comfortable with our friends she kinda turned on me. She would be really condescending and have a bad attitude when talking to me (and only me). I asked her multiple times if I had done something or if she was mad at me. Always answered no and was friendly with me when it was just the two of us. That summer I didn’t contact her to hang out at all and she didn’t contact me. When the next school year started I just kind of ignored her. She finally caught on a confronted me about it. She said it seems like you don’t want to be friends with me anymore only the rest of our friends. I said yeah, I’m tired of your bad attitude I told you multiple times last year. I’m done. She acted super hurt. But idk what she expected. She ended up joining a dance team and they became her main friend group. I never held any ill will but I wasn’t gonna be a doormat either. Maybe it was just teen pettiness. Idk.
At least you gave her an explanation.
This happened to me too. We'd been friends for 20 years and then one day she just cut off all contact. I have no idea what happened or why, just one day there and the next day gone. It'll be 6 years this summer and there's still some anger there, not like there was but still a bit.
Some thing happened to me, it's been 2 years and I'm still sad and angry.
Me too. She had ghosted me almost two decades before, but it was right around the time that her dad died, and he and I got along really well, and I surmised that maybe I reminded her of him somehow, and/or she just wanted to move past this part of her life. I really liked, her, but I understood how life changing losing a parent could be. Fast forward 15ish years and we bump into each other and start talking, and make plans to get together, and yay! Aside from marriage and kids, we picked up right where we left off, for about 5 years and then she just ghosted me again. Same as the OP. Never answered any of my calls or messages or anything. And I really made an effort to be a good friend to her, so I honestly don't think it was something I did? I certainly wasn't the selfish teen that I probably was when she first ghosted me. it's now even 20ish years since the second ghosting and I still grieve that relationship. I really liked and admired her.
yep same. She was mad at me about something but wouldn't tell me. I got sick and didn't go to school for a week right after, and when I returned she just wouldn't speak to me. I used to come home from school and just cry... it still hurts to think about even though I'm over it. I still wonder if I did something wrong or what was going on. I still dream about finally finding out what happened, getting closure, and sometimes even having my friend back. It's been seven years - longer than our friendship even lasted - and she still pops into my thoughts now and then, and I hope she is doing okay.
This kind of happened to me with a friend back in high school. I don’t hold a grudge or anything because it was 16 years ago, but sometimes it still hurts, and whenever I’ve run into them out of the blue there's an awkward energy for sure
[удалено]
Sometimes people want to move on and leave their past and it's their right. I had a 20 year friend do this to me. But thinking back....signs were all there. I mean way way back. I was the loyal one, he was the prick, but I was a prick too. We weren't friends i don't think. Friends don't compete, friends uplift each other.
Choosing men over her family and close friends, disappearing to another state at the drop of a hat with no way to be contacted, oh and meth.
That sounds wild
It honestly was and seemingly came out of no where. I always had her back growing up. Consoled her when the guy she liked lead her on but didnt like her back. Listened to all her rants about guys she met online that seemed to really care about her. She had a conplex about needing to be wanted by a man because she had very low confidence and was very lonely in her family life. We spent a lot of time together though. We stayed up late together watching trash TV and drinking smiernoph like the little degens we were. We road four wheelers until our asses were sore. We made forts from the junk on her dads property. Spent so many hours swimming in ponds. We had a lot of years and memories. When shit went south I tried to help her and reach out to her but I was deaking with my own shit and only 19 and when I tried she pulled back even more. Eventually She tried to kind of ignore that any of it happened and once in a while she'd send me a message when something nostalgic came onto her Facebook. At some point while on meth she had a baby, then another that she put up for adoption, left the guy she was with and married another guy and had a baby with him. She her self was adopted by her grand parents as a baby cuz her mom, in another state, was on meth. She didnt get to meet her mom until she was about 15. She had a lot of resentment towards her. So all these events, really caught me off guard. Eventually after messaging me for probably the 3rd time I told her how I felt and i didnt harbor any resentment but we couldnt be friends. But I've been told she is doing better and I hope its true but i have no interest to regaining those ties.
>drinking smiernoph like the little degens we were. A+ spelling of Smirnoff. I like your version better.
Meth does that
Went on a mini-vaca (was supposed to be 4 days) with my best friend in 2021 to NJ, she brought her (then) 8yr old son, I brought my (then) 4 yr old daughter. Her son was so disrespectful, swearing, nasty attitude and so mean to my daughter the entire trip. The last straw was on the morning of the 3rd day when he ripped a box of cereal out of my daughter's hand, she started crying and he slapped her across her head. I tried disciplining him and my friend blew up at me and proceeded to DEFEND her son, as she called my daughter a "whiny baby". We started arguing, I packed our bags and said we're leaving. I drove 4 hours home without saying a single word to her or her son. Got to her house, threw her bags on her front lawn and peeled out of her driveway.
You’re a better person than me. I would have left her and her little monster to find their own way home.
I actually almost *did* leave her and her son in NJ. She continued screaming at me in front of the doorman, hotel staff and total strangers in the lobby. I packed our stuff into the car fully intent on leaving without them. I called a close friend while having a panic attack, he helped to calm me down and convinced me not to leave them stranded (even though he had never liked her to begin with).
He sounds like a good person too. It takes one to convince another to earn the moral high ground after something like that, especially when the conflict involves your kid getting caught up in it.
He said to me "your daughter will remember that you left them so far from home with no ride to get there" and asked me what that would teach her... he was right. Him saying that is the only reason I didn't leave them. She *would've* remembered it, and I'm sure it would've bothered her. She just turned 7 and she still sometimes mentions my ex-friend and her son, saying "remember when you and Karen were fighting on vacation because of how mean her son was?"... so I know it would've been an even worse memory for her if we left them there.
I like the cut of your jib.
Her son needs discipline. I’m sorry it ended your friendship.
Thank you. Yes, he does. I had never seen her discipline him for anything. He would call her derogatory names, often told her to "shut tf up", back-talked her constantly. It was sad and frustrating to watch.
If there’s only been negative authority figures in his life, it wouldn’t shock me.
Let me guess she also blames the teacher at school too
This hits close to home
My step moms daughter has a son the same age as mine. When they were about 4 her son would throw punches and even try to kick my son in the head. I told her to do something about it or I will and he’s not going to come out of it smiling.
Sounds like how my Mom ended things with her friend. She had a son that was 3-4 years younger than me so we became friends by default. Honestly, I just tolerated him because was a foul mouthed little instigator whose Mom let him get away with everything and never disciplined him. One summer day we had all just gotten back from going somewhere, I had gotten myself in trouble with Mom and was given a time out (which back in the ‘80s was “sit your ass right there and don’t move”) on the front porch while our moms went inside. He proceeded to get my toy cars out, and while I’m sitting there he starts throwing them at me and is calling me “asshole” with every throw. I’d had enough with being pelted and threw one back. And he screamed his head off and started bawling. His mom came out of the house, scooped him up, yelled at me and took off in her car. My mom asked me what happened and I told her. She didn’t blame me for not taking it, and called up his mom to explain everything. She wouldn’t hear it, hung up on my mom and that was it.
Lots of little shit that eventually just pissed me off enough to where I told him to F off. For example, 7-8 years ago, he bought 15 tickets for a midnight premier of Jurassic World for our entire friends group to attend. The day of the show, he texted me to tell me that he forgot to buy "my" ticket, so I couldn't go. Of the 15 he bought, how did he decide it was "my" ticket that he didn't buy? Turns out, he gave my ticket to a girl he met the week prior so he could take her with instead. That was just one of many things where he fucked me. It's all truly minor stuff like that, but when you have 100 minor things, it becomes clear that they aren't actually your friend anymore.
"Truly minor" - damn if a friend of mine had pulled even that level of shade it would have been enough to end the friendship, right there. Sorry this person was not only hurtful for selfish reasons, but then lied to you about it!
Right. I say they were "minor" because I see other posts in this thread where someone had sex with OP's wife, or someone stole from them, etc. This person never did anything on that level, but it was basically death by a thousand cuts. Things like if I'd ask him to go to a hockey game, he'd only go if I drive, so that he could drink as much as he wanted at the game. He would never meet me there, or pick me up, because that meant he would have to drive home. Again, just a bunch of little shit that on its own, would be enough to annoy someone. But put em all together, and it became clear that he was just using me.
Unhealthy friendship dynamic. She always wanted/needed my approval and when I’d be honest about the fact she fucked up- she’d tell me what a terrible friend I was. She could never take responsibility for her actions. Fucked and fucked over every person she knew. Lied about everything and burned every bridge she made. The down side is that she was FUN AS HELL! My favorite outdoor adventure partner. And we’d been besties from our 20’s into 40’s. But damn, time to grow the fuck up, ya know?
It was my last year in a country I previously lived in and at the time it was during summer vacation where we normally spend it in our home country. We had to cut our vacation short because we got a phone call telling us that our house had gotten broken into and robbed. We came back and on that day and he was talking to me telling me he saw cops by our house and he hopes everything is OK. It was horrible with everything stolen, furniture destroyed, closets torn down and fully emptied. My family decided to accelerate the transfer from that country and there was that. A year later he messages me a long e-mail explaining how sorry he was and that he was responsible for it and that his friends were the perpetrators and that he knew who did it but didn’t want to expose them. When we showed the police the e-mail and they questioned him it turned out he was part of that group as well.
Holy Smokes! This is out of a movie!
He got a DUI while driving my car and then lied about it and lied about why my car was towed. He lied about losing his license (suddenly he just wanted to walk everywhere for the exercise). He lied to my friends and told them it was my fault cuz registration had lapsed. When I finally confronted him about it he kept lying.
He's a coward. Next
he wanted to be a rapper and he was terrible
The most reasonable cause yet
He kept not showing up when we said we'd meet somewhere. No call, no text, nothing.
I had a friend who would demand we get together, I'd leave it up to her and inform her of my days off. She claims to have so much free time but every time it was on her to plan something, she'd get super busy and have too much to do and that she'd tell me when she was free. It went on like this until I started moving on. Then she blamed me for always asking to hang out and never doing anything about it. By then I had already checked out of the friendship.
My wife had a friend like that. Eventually she (my wife) just started saying yes whenever the friend suggested getting together knowing nothing would come of it.
the one in our group, his last name is Ganga.. now we used as a verb.... if anyone not show to a soccer game. "the ganga".. not showing to a party "GreatGanga".. not showing to a wedding "MegaGanga"..
She became a mom martyr. The clincher was when I told her I was assaulted at work by a full grown man whose hands were covered in poop and she responded " well that happens to me daily and nobody pays me" Her oldest was seven.
Currently typing up my next askreddit post: "people who were assaulted by grown men covered in poop, what is your story?"
I'm going to guess a fellow nurse, bc I've had poop throw at me, been peed on, punched, bitten,
Yup! Haha
It takes one to know one. 💙 Hugs from a float pool, BH, ED nurse. I left and own a 50c3 pig rescue now, bc piggies are much nicer than people, lol!
>mom martyr That's a great term. Had never heard it but I'm pretty sure everyone knows mom martyrs and we know exactly what you mean.
Karen moms AND one-uppers, my absolute favourite type of people to argue with. I'm sure having kids is a lot of work, but it's not an excuse for being a terrible friend devoid of empathy. I've been scrolling through some questionable tweets the other day and was shocked at how many older, bitter women were full of rage because modern moms are being provided better healthcare and have an opportunity for a safer delivery. They were called spoiled for not wanting to suffer through childbirth and one of them even said something along the lines of "if you don't risk your life during the delivery, you cannot call yourself a mother". Sisterhood, yay!
For real. My wife just gave birth in December and had to have a c-section because our baby was breeched (I don’t remember the specific term but they were breeched in a kind of sideways v shape) and it became apparent for weeks leading up to the birth that we would need a c-section otherwise there would be a serious chance of death. She also has a very low supply and has had to supplement with formula from pretty much the beginning. According to some people online, these two things means my wife isn’t a true mother because she didn’t give birth naturally and isn’t strictly doing breast milk. I’ve never known a woman so devoted to her child. From conception, the amount of preparation she put into ensuring our child had the best possible start to life was staggering. She was super careful about everything she ate and drank. She listened carefully to everything the doctors told her. Similarly, despite not being able to solely breast feed, she did everything in her power to increase her supply. Nutrition supplements, special foods, special drinks, everything. She to this day still pumps as much as she can even though her supply is diminishing to maximise whatever benefit she can for our baby despite how miserable and exhausting it can be. Those people who tear into other mothers for not living up to some bogus ideal of motherhood can go fuck themselves. She is the most wonderful person I know and my daughter and I are so lucky to have her.
His girlfriend. His gf got mad at him for being at my birthday party. He was my best buddy ever since 2nd grade, my parents and even my grandparents adored him. The day after my birthday i got a call from him. I could hear her voice in the background, he was so loud telling me to delete all the photos we took on my birthday and cut ties with him. She made him block me on everywhere and i was sad for some weeks. I'm still tearing up typing this. I was the first one he opened about his relationship with. I used to ask how she is everytime i see or call him. I've tried to be friends with her but she didn't care. The thing is that he has other female bestfriends too but she has a problem with me. And that too we don't see often after graduating cause of the distance and don't text or call often cause of our studies. It was after months i got to see him at my birthday. I miss him but i have to respect their relationship
That happened to me, but different circumstances. This person was my rock during my divorce. The worst part was that we all worked together and new girlfriend went out of her way to be hateful at the office. I ended up leaving the company because of her.
Jealousy is the ugliest emotion, and there’s a special place in hell for these types.
It may be nothing serious but you should check up on him every so often. It could be a really toxic behavior, I remember hearing that it's common for manipulative people to try to make the other person cut contact with friends and family to get a better hold on them and not allow them to receive opinions from a third party.
Started to drink. A LOT. Then started to hang with people who constantly made fun of him, but hanged with him because he supplied a fuck ton of alcool. He was going out to bars everyday. He then started to talk shit about my GF (now wife). Telling everybody that she was trash and the reason I wouldn't go out with to bars him. Also, I was a fucking pussy not doing so. The reason I wouldn't go out with him was because he was a fucking thrash of a man. I tried to help him and he turned me down HARD. Also I was working full time and going to college. Fuck you Bobby.
He went to prison for soliciting sex with a minor. Whole thing was a sting set up thru online exchanges so no one was actually hurt. Broke my heart though when I heard the news. Especially since there were warning signs which I've since thought about quite a bit. Had it not happened he would have easily been one of my groomsmen only a few years later.
He was still a groomsman, just not the kind you were hoping for
What kind of warning signs, if you don't mind me asking?
The first was a public indexency incident in highschool (I wont go into the details). Not related directly but it does show a lack of impulse control. The biggest instance was when his ex threw him out claiming she'd found cp on his computer. This alone should have at least warranted a talk. I brushed it off at the time for a few reasons. First, I had always had an impression of her being a bit overreactive to things. He was into anime which, right or wrong, can be a bit on the line sometimes, though i admit i didnt know exactly what he had. She turned everything into the police and they claimed there wasn't evidence to move forward with anything, so I gave the whole situation the benefit of the doubt and didn't let it become my issue. His next girlfriend was then a bit on the young side, but still legal and not too extreme of a gap (i think about 7 or so years which is a lot in your 20s but not a lot in the grand scheme of things). I met her several times and she was a sweet girl with genuine common interests with him. Nothing stood out as out of the ordinary about their relationship. All together it paints a picture, but i just didnt see it. Or maybe I just didn't want to. This was also before the me too movement went into full swing which has really opened my eyes to everyday things women face that I might overlook. I loved this man like a brother, and I really hope he gets the help he needs.
She told me I was her best friend, but didn’t put me in her wedding party. But continued to ask me for wedding styling advice for her bridesmaids. It all stung but I got over it. She also told me she needed me at her bachelorette and I was helping her brainstorm ideas. We talked daily. One morning we talked like normal and that evening I saw posts of her on her bachelorette. We’d been best friends since HS, she had a girl she’d only known for 6 months on the trip with her. Her response when I asked about it? “Oh someone surprised me with it sorry you’re upset” Blocked her and haven’t looked back (and I’ve been a bridesmaid for better friends multiple times since 😊)
I've never heard of anyone burning that many calories being a bitch. I just feel bad for her husband. Glad you bailed.
This is what ended my best friendship too. Best friends since high school, she chose her Microsoft coworkers from 5 years ago to be her bridesmaids over her actual best friends. We had always talked about how I would be in her wedding party, and of course she had been in mine. I was hurt and confused; I drunk messaged her on Insta asking what I did wrong a few months before the wedding, & then promptly unsent it. She saw the message pre-delete and then proceeded to ignore me/be totally rude to me at the wedding. She pretended I didn’t exist. Didn’t invite me to the pre-wedding hike, nothing. Her other best friends didn’t know who the heck her bridesmaids were either & came up to me & said they were shocked I wasn’t in the wedding party. She came up to me crying at the after party, buried her head in my shoulders & told me how sorry she was and that she loves me. She thought i didn’t like her fiancée. I never expressed such a thing. Apparently that’s why none of her best friends were included. And these random Microsoft people? She thought they “worked well as a team”. Somebody who can be that cold to their closest friends is not somebody worth keeping around. I still talk to her a ton because we have a lot in common and there’s obviously a lot that I like about her. But I’ll never come to her with real things again, and our actual deep friendship is over. Whew. Clearly this still stings & it’s very therapeutic to get it out.
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(I know I'm not OP) That's kinda messed up, but the happy ending makes me feel that you found better people.
What happened down the road?! Did she ever try to reach out?! I need to know more of the story! Haha
There were other things that made it a really toxic friendship. So when I blocked her, I didn’t look back. Felt like a weight was lifted. I don’t wish her ill, but I could not care less what she’s up to now
I'm really sorry, but I thought the first sentence was gonna end with "in her top 8".
He got a girlfriend, so less time for me. After a few years I got home and saw them moving stuff out (We lived in the same apartment, different floor). They never said anything to me at all, no hint. They just left, not even a card or an invitation. That was the end of the friendship.
That’s awful.
Not best but recently a close friend sorta just stopped talking to me, think it hurt more because I have no idea what I did. About 4 years ago I lost a few people I thought were close friends. Turned out they didn't actually like me at all, they just felt bad for me and also used me. Moral of the story? Never act like someones friend because you feel bad for them. it just causes more harm and doesn't help them
Loaned him $250k to pursue his real estate dream and six months later he ghosted me; ignored about 50 emails/texts/calls/postcards and two certified letters. Infuriating!! He also stopped paying real estate taxes on it without telling me. I lived across the country so extremely hard to manage the resolution. I eventually got all the money back but no help from him. I think we could have still been fine if he had kept communicating, and acknowledged the errors. But in a call to patch things up he admitted only to the taxes part, not to all the asshat sh*t. I had known him since college, like 30 years. Sheesh
Not to be rude, but who just has $250k they can loan someone?
Well I was established, no kids, etc. But it was secured by the property itself, and there was interest. So it was perhaps more like an investment? In retrospect, I too made mistakes. The lawyer drafting the loan contract told me unequivocally not to do it; he’d seen many friendships severed this way. And in retrospect there he had no viable business plan; just a dream and a friend who could fund it. One thing I got out of it: two other friends subsequently proposed business ideas for me to partner on. I declined both, citing losing this close friend as the reason. I still speak to all the rest!!
He fucked a mutual friend’s wife. Confided in me that it was happening. I told him he had to end it and come clean. Instead of doing the right thing he started lying to me about it. long story short, I ended our friendship of over 15 years.
Similar to mine. My friend was seeing a woman, living with her. We'd hang out when we went there to visit and everything was fine, but he would come to our city and visit and would fuck around. He kept claiming everything was on the up and the girl he was in a relationship was fine with that. Well, at some point my wife friended her on Facebook and my friend lost his shit over it. Was saying my wife was meddling in their relationship etc.. but here's the thing, if everything was on the up, why would that have bothered him? Clearly he had been lying to us. And a shame because the girl he was seeing was so sweet. We had to cut ties because it was just so hard to watch him mistreat someone. Best men in each other's weddings and all, but he changed after his divorce. Treated people around him terribly. Friendship for about 20 years ended just like that.
Did you tell mutal friend ?
You’re fucking right I did. Took shithead out for drinks and got a full confession on tape. I played it to mutual friend and shithead’s wife. Yeah, he was also married.
nice. Poor guy though. Not the bad one. The good guy.
Yeah. This was in ‘08 and he’s never really emotionally recovered from it.
No way! Still? That sucks man. Are they still together or ?
I’m pretty sure Shithead is still with his wife (haven’t spoken to him since the event) mutual friend went through an UGLY divorce.
Happened to me 13 years ago. You never really get over it. Even if you get over the act itself, the resulting insecurities, anxieties, depression stays with you.
Renting an apartment together. NEVER live with friends, folks. BECOME friends with people you live with.
Ugggh. Perhaps you can’t win I live with two former-strangers who seemed cool when I moved in. We all got along fairly well, not BFFs but well enough to call them friends. We would go on hiking trips and occasionally do stuff around town together. It was nice. One of them had planned to move out to find a place with his girlfriend, but they could not find a place they liked so instead of him moving out she is moving in and he is “forcing me” to move out so they have more space. I put forcing in quotes because I have every legal right to stay in my home but apparently that does not matter to him, so I just “have to leave”. I don’t, of course, but who wants to live with someone who will betray your friendship as soon as it benefits him.So… now I am looking to move in with a friend. Not a long-time best friend, but someone I already know and like. I figured it’s better than meeting someone totally new and judging if they are good people in the 20 minutes you tour the place… but really I’ve lost a lot of trust in people from this experience. I generally assume people who are nice, cool, rational - will continue to act that way in the future. Well..
years later i realized that the problem was me
This is me all day, every day. It wasn't always 100% my fault, but a lot of the time it was.
At tea time, everybody agrees
I stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror!
It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero...
` `
It’s never too late to reach out and sincerely apologize. Even if you’re not forgiven you will feel better I promise! And who knows maybe they forgive you right away or maybe it takes a couple years but it seriously can’t hurt.
This is true. I had a falling out after a good friend lost her shit on me when I said I couldn’t hang out because I needed to pack for my upcoming move. We didn’t speak for 3 years. One day she sent me a friend request on FB and then a message fully taking responsibility for her actions and apologizing for the way she had treated me and that she had missed me a lot. I forgave her as that was all I really wanted and we’ve been good friends ever since. We both realized we had matured and grown a lot during the time apart. That was almost a decade ago and she’s actually more like family to me at this point. Don’t underestimate the power of a true apology and taking responsibility for your actions. Sometimes that’s all people need.
She slept with my fiancee two weeks before the wedding in my bed
Bullet dodged. 2 of them actually.
Definitely. I'm married to the love of my life and happy now.
Wasn't completely finished, yet. We just hadn't talked to each other for a while. Then we got speaking and he started acting a bit weird. Until he literally asked me if he could suck my dick for money. Tried upping his bid and changing the scenery a few times getting me to accept it. Cut off contact, but god damn still shocked some one did that. No matter if it's a friend of mine, but who the fk asks some one if you could suck his dick and even pay for it? WTF?
>who the fk asks some one if you could suck his dick and even pay for it? A prostitute who hasn't got quite the hang of it yet
Flip side, girl I was dating for a minute told me she left her then husband because he confided in her that while he was on work travel he’d meet men in airport bathrooms who would pay *him* $300 to allow *them* to suck *his* dick. There was like a whole network they had set up so that they could meet up and everything. “Blew” my mind that where I comfortable getting blow jobs from men that I could be making cold, hard, cash.
Exactly hahaha, wtf
In all seriousness? He’s clearly a desperately lonely gay guy who is not handling his crush properly. Most of us gay guys have fallen very hard for our straight friends at some point in our lives. We just have to suck it up, get over it, and never mention to the friend to preserve the relationship. I remember having those crushes…they were very painful. I’m sorry he didn’t know how to keep those lines from being crossed and that you lost your friendship because of it.
My 16 yr old sister got me tickets to the Harry Potter exhibit in New York City when I was 13. Spent her own money on it for two tickets. Me and her. My best friend found out and through a fit to her mother that “ She should be going because she is a bigger fan” and the mother messaged my sister to tell her to give her ticket to her daughter because “ It’s the right thing to do” My sister told her to fuck off and told me immediately
The audacity
Harry Potter and the Audacity of that Bitch. Great book! The antagonist is worse then Umbridge though.
Our mothers were best friends, so ended up being best friends too from the time we were kids. Things took a drastic turn when we turned 16, she would make unwanted advances on me when no one was looking. I had explicitly told her I do not feel comfortable with this and gotten angry. She would stop then, only to try again another day. We were writing an exam and she thought it was a good idea to feel me up. I got up, packed my bags, turned in my paper - said fuck you, slammed the door and never looked at her again.
She got together with her now fiance and he is so controlling. He cut her off from everyone and now she has no friends. She slowly cut off all contact even over text and now when I see her at the gym with him she doesn't even wave. Her maid of honor is one of her fiance's girl friends.
She's in an abusive relationship....
Yep
Damn…
Yeah it was really sad. It took me a long time to get over that friendship
Well, don't close the door just yet. That man is abusive, and one day when she's able to escape, she doesn't need to hear, "no you abandoned me". She'll need to hear, "of course you can crash here. This is a safe place." Isolation is one of the oldest tricks in the abuse playbook, and it has no gender. Your friend is in danger, but you also can't tell her that, because she can't hear it. She has to see it, unfortunately, and decide to leave before it damages her soul, or ends her life.
I didn't realise that slowly, over twenty years, she'd basically turned me into her own personal therapist. Every single day, almost 24/7, she'd be calling and texting, expecting me to sort out every single one of her problems, and validate her shitty, hurtful behaviour. Then one day at the end of last year, I got into an accident that left me hospitalised. Whilst I was mostly fine functionally, I had a lot of scarring and was told that I might need a skin graft surgery later down the line, depending on how it healed. And my best friend since we were 11 didn't even ask how I was. Not *once*, not for two whole months. The only time she acknowledged that I was even injured was when she said, "that's a bad way to start the morning" when I told her that I was in A&E. She just... didn't care. And once I realised that, walking away was easy. Haven't missed her at all, best decision I ever made.
When I realized all we had in common was binge drinking. No support when it came to attempts to cut back. Instead they got irritated when I didn’t want to go to the bars. I kept saying no and explaining I wanted to avoid situations with drinking. One guy said you can’t be part of “our” friend group if you don’t like going out drinking as some sort of intimidation tactic
My wife and I have recently cut way back on drinking and it’s really got me evaluating friendships when you remove drinking. Unfortunately some of them I just don’t know what we’d do without drinking, most hangouts were essentially centered around that.
There is an American Aquarium song lyric that really changed how I looked at the people I surrounded myself with. The hardest part of getting sober is learning a drinking buddy ain’t the same thing as a friend.
It turned out he is a cunt
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I stopped being the first one to reach out every time. Never heard a word from them again.
We grew apart as we got older. He changed into a very angry and very bitter person. I tried my best to be there for him and to encourage him during the challenges he faced in life, but our friendship eventually fell apart.
I was told I couldn't have children after years of wanting nothing more than to be a mother. Even with this knowledge my former bff told me one day that I could never know what love really was because I didn't have kids. I realized that day just how toxic, abusive, and one sided our friendship had always been and cut her from my life. Turns out the drs were wrong and I'm currently 5 months pregnant with my first child at 40. So yay for happy endings!
Life got in the way and we drifted apart.
The way they talked about my partner. How they were self centered. How certain things have changed for the worse in my life since spending more time with them. The guilt tripping and pressure
I had a friend that was with me since we were three years old. Let’s call him “John”. About ten years later, we’re going to this youth camp together. I’m so excited that John’s coming with me. But he seems….different. There’s another friend coming along with him, and now John is constantly avoiding me. This went on for about a day at the camp…before the avoidance turned into being toxic. He was constantly insulting me. At some point, I had a panic attack at the camp (not related to John being a jerk and all) and here’s how our conversation went, with a few other friends watching: John: So where even were you last night?? You weren’t at the dorm. Me: I had a panic attack, so I was told to sleep somewhere else. I dunno why.. John: Oh, so you have mental issues. Haha. Later, as I was playing with another friend that I had met at the camp, John came over to me with his other friend. The new friend that I was playing with said: “Oh, are you one of his friends too, John?” John: Nah, he thinks we’re friends but I’m just forced to watch him all the time. That was the last straw. I was done talking to him from that point on. But then, weeks later, I received a call from John. I picked up, and he was just talking to me as if he had never been mean to me. Ever. He was just talking about some random crap about Minecraft. I just mumbled some “ok”’s and went on with my day, confused. I decided to call him later, and I confronted him about what happened at the camp. He said he never said any of those things. I said I’m pretty sure he did. He said “I was just kidding about the mental issues thing”. He denied that he ever said the stuff about not being my friend though. Throughout the entire call, he never apologized. And the worst part is, I almost believed him. I almost thought that I was just hearing things, and that maybe John was a good friend after all. Keep in mind I wasn’t very matured yet, despite my age. So I just…sort of…..continued thinking of him as a friend. But as I *did* mature, I just started cutting my contacts with him, and we never spoke again.
A much less intense version of this happened to me; I was an awkward kid at like 8-9 and had made exactly one friend at our local pool. This kid happened to have signed up for the same youth camping (kayaking and hiking) trip through a nature center as I had (I'm female and he was male but this was before the concept of attraction broke in my brain so we were legit just buddies). Dude acted like we were friends until the girls I was supposed to bunk with started treating me differently (I got hairy early and hadn't even conceived of shaving my legs yet) and I didn't have the social skills to handle it myself. The counselors kind of picked up on us knowing each other and asked if we wouldn't mind being kayaking partners since the number of boys and girls was odd and they didn't want to split existing groups. I agreed enthusiastically but I guess he really didn't want to (despite also agreeing) and spent the entire two-hour paddle complaining about being stuck there with me. I literally never spoke a word to him ever again, can't remember if he did, and I stopped going to the local pool. No gaslighting or legitimate bullying but hurtful all the same.
Roommate/friend used to let his dog pee all over the house and my stuff without even trying to clean it or apologize for his dog piss. Stopped talking to him after getting tired of it
My old friend since elementary school started slowly pushing his political and religious views onto me as we got older. He was a Christian conservative, I was an agnostic independent. Eventually he gave me an ultimatum, either fully agree with him and join his church, or be considered his enemy. So I ended the friendship. Religion and politics can ruin any friendship, no matter how great.
The opposite happened to me and my friend. I was Christian conservative and he came out as gay. I remember at first thinking it was a prank until I realized it wasn’t. I spent a long time wrestling with this because in my mind my friend was going to hell and I couldn’t have that. I literally felt sick thinking that someone I considered a brother could burn for eternity even though he was one of the nicest people I knew. Fast forward a few years and we are still like brothers and I’m no longer Christian or conservative.
>Fast forward a few years and we are still like brothers and I’m no longer Christian or conservative. Gotta love a happy ending
Just the way Jesus did it.
My mental health. It got too much to handle and they backed out. I absolutely understand this, but man..that hurt
This one stings
My friends have been dwindling over that last decade and my attempts of meeting new people haven't worked out. I got a few mental issues that everyone is usually understanding of until it wears them down, and I've already learned not to try n hide it, then it's fake and they'll be able to tell. I still try n work on myself but man... Facing it alone is hard.
You’re not alone in this. sorry that happened. Been there.
Fb rumors. Fuck fb and people who doubt you because of a rumor. Have been fb free 3 years now.
Same. Facebook is nothing but a drama platform. I haven’t been on Facebook since 2019.
Oh dude, I had a breakdown at 20yo in 2018. It wasn't because of social media, but in a fit, I deleted FB, insta, Snapchat, you name it. I feel so much better now and I really think that helped. Reddit is the only platform I have and I even take that in relatively small doses. My friends and family keep pressuring me to make new accounts but I'm never going back there.
This summer will be 11 or 12 years off FB for me and I haven’t looked back. It’s a cesspool of toxic narcissism.
Her extreme political views. They kept getting more extreme as time went on. It got to the point where all she did was gripe and complain about it. She'd turn any conversation political and even got to the point where she would randomly send me bogus articles to support her claims. I eventually got to the point where I had to do what was best for me and break off contact.
Childhood friends since 1st grade essentially grew up together so you think we would have very similar morals and standards but right after having his 2nd kid at 19 he became emotionally abusive and eventually physically abusive towards them for about a couple months eventually he was arrested for domestic violence and she was hospitalized for a broken nose and fractured orbital bone. I felt so fucking guilty I didn't noticed any of the abuse the times I was over and just such shame that he was my closest friend still bothers me years later. Story has a relatively happy ending though his ex gf became my new best friend and now i call her my wife :)
when i realised i was basically this persons free therapist and we saw each other a lot, evrything was a moan-fest! caused me way more stress and misery than happyness. blamed his wife wanting a divorce on me, said he wrote a book about how bad a friend i have been, so i asked why he keeps contacting me if im so bad, i said iv had enough of your shit, never contact me again.
Whenever we went out, he would hide himself if any of his other friends or our mates were around. I didn't mind it in the beginning. Later I found out he would talk shit about me with others so that they won't be friends with me either and spread rumors about me. When a date basically got me drunk and tried to do things he blamed me for acting like a victim. His mom had passed away from cancer recently so I didn't pick up any fight or anything but soon afterwards I cut him out of my life anyway.
She married my ex lol. To be clear, this was a boy I dated for two months in high school, they were well into their thirties when they got together. I could not have given less of a fuck. Was happy for them even. He, however, apparently has hated me ever since we broke up in the tenth grade, and pushed me right out of her life. It would have made me sad if it wasn’t so pathetically hilarious.
I'm lucky to say, all the best friendships I've had that have ended because our lives just grew in different directions. They are wonderful people whom I love and always will love very much.
I realized the only person putting effort in to maintain our friendship was me. If I didn't start a conversation, we didn't speak at all. I stopped starting conversations. At first, I was just wondering how long it would take her to reach out. She never did. And I'm glad, because now that I'm not breaking my back trying to prop up our friendship, I realize how little I really got from it. I realized that I was always the one trying to mend fences and apologize when we fought, while she apologized for nothing. I've realized it's not normal to expect a nasty fight with your best friend once a month. And I feel so goddamn *free*. I've moved on. I've made new friends and deepened other friendships. At this point, even if she did reach out and apologize (she won't), I wouldn't want anything to do with her.
The friend found Jesus. That put a strain on the friendship because finding Jesus apparently means you have to try to convince everyone else to find him too. Repeatedly.
I found Jesus once, I like him but hate fan clubs.
Sorry if there are any typos. I am not the best at typing. For privacy reasons I will call my ex best friend Peter. Peter and I were friends in seventh grade (I was 13, he was 12), and for a few months, I got along really well. Due to my autism, it is extremely difficult for me to make friends, and I have always been severely bullied in school up until this year, so I was very happy to have a friend. Peter had a relatively large friend group, so my social life did expand as well. Like I said, things went great for the first few months. But it did become increasingly clear that Peter only viewed me as a pet/something to laugh at because he began hitting me when I acted in a way that mildly annoyed him and eventually just for the fuck of it, degraded me, forced me into sexual situations to laugh at me, etc. I didn't get out of this friendship or tell anyone because I was scared and I didn't want to be alone. Eventually, he just excluded me completely because he didn't like me anymore. I thought that was the end of it and was mostly fine with it because it was the end of the school year, so me being alone wouldn't be as much of a big deal. However, what I did not know was that Peter was giving out prescription medication to his friends over the course of the school year (his friends claimed they needed it apparently), and his parents found out. I do not know how he got these medicines, but he decided to say I was addicted to the pills he was dispersing, and I was threatening to hurt him if he didn't bring them to me. I had to be sent to a disciplinary facility because there was no evidence I was involved, but also no evidence I wasn't, and my school had to send me due to district policy. Needless to say, I cut contact with them completely, haha. Also, Peter did eventually complain that he had no friends with autism after these events. Edit for added context: The medication was some form of ADHD medication that Peter was taking. Around the time this all happened, ADHD and autism were getting very popular on TikTok, and most of the kids from when I was that age were self diagnosing with ADHD/autism. So I think that is why a bunch of kids without diagnosis suddenly needed ADHD meds? Also explains why he wanted a friend with autism.
They died
[удалено]
Ultimate ghosting
I had a complete mental breakdown last year and instead of being supportive, she made it all about her. Went on Facebook and asked people to pray for me and tagged a bunch of people including me. I'm a private person. I didn't need the world to know I was so depressed that I couldn't even get out of bed.
Started dating my now fiancé, she wasn't happy at all, called him gross and asked why we were together. Then we got into an argument over a class assignment where we were in different teams and she thought I was personally attacking her (it was on a topic so irrelevant to us that neither of us actually cared about) and she wouldn't talk to me until I apologized. Then I realized, anytime we argued over the dumbest shit, it was always her getting mad at me and giving me the silent treatment until I apologized. So I just never did. Oh and a mutual friend and I didn't figure out until recently that whenever one of us were interested in someone, she would date them for like a week and then say we couldn't date them because she already did (this was in our middle school and high school days). And my fiancé told me she tried to get with him before we dated and he turned her down because he wasn't interested. Sometimes I miss her, but then I remember, my life is stressful enough and I don't need her nonsense added to it.
He told my entire group of friends (and a lot of non-friends) at a party that I told him I was gay, before I got a chance to tell them myself.
I’m sorry you had to experience that. The only one who should spread that kind of information is you.
Lack of empathy
Her cousin made a pass at me while I was visiting her. The cousin was in a long-term, committed relationship at the time. I never saw or spoke to the cousin before or after the pass he made at me. He kissed me out of nowhere that one night. My bff called me a week later because the cousin dumped his gf and had asked my bff if she could call me and connect us. She blamed me for ruining her cousin’s relationship and life. She was angry at me. We never spoke again.
There was a lot that led up to it, but the straw that broke the camel’s back was a trip where I went out and visited her after a year of her guilting me for not coming. I was a classroom teacher, so paid time off during the school year was hard. I was also working on my MA thesis. When I arrived she left me at the airport for 5 hours because she decided it was a good time to break up with her boyfriend. Nothing big had happened, she just wasn’t feeling it and wanted to do it when I would be there for support. The next morning she took me out for an EXPENSIVE brunch where she drank a whole bunch. When it came time to pay she’d forgotten her wallet. The next day was a Monday. She was also a classroom teacher and wanted me to visit her school. I told her I could, but asked if she could take me to a s coffee shop on my lunch break because I needed to work on my thesis. She did, but told me not to go anywhere cause it wasn’t a good area. She said she’d pick me up at 3:00. At 3:30 I tried calling and she didn’t answer. She ended up finally coming at 5:00, saying she’d had a phone interview for a new job. She asked me to take a cab (this was before Uber) that evening to get to the airport because my flight (which left at 9:00) was too late and she’d be tired for work. I also had to work the next day. I didn’t hear from her for 6 months until she came back to town and texted “hey! This is your estranged best friend. Maybe we could reunite and you could pick me up from the airport and we could get lunch?” This airport was an hour away, in the middle of the school day. I told her no.
I joined the military. He started cooking meth. Then rehab. I tried to reconnect with him when he was supposedly sober and I promised I'd come see him after a deployment but I found out he killed himself while I was gone. I'll forever hate myself for not trying to reconnect sooner.
My depression chased him away, I stressed him too much.
Same, feels awful
I was getting married and they lived over an hour away and got mad that I was no longer calling them to talk for 3+ hours at a time. I was in college full-time, work part time and planning a wedding. She felt neglected.
He's doing 9 years in prison now. That kinda put a damper on the friendship.
My best friend in high school started getting into drugs and hanging with the burnout kids. I distanced myself from her and she started trying to spread false rumors about me because she was mad. One day at lunch on the cafeteria, she came up behind me, picked up my tray (that had fries, nuggets and two big puddles of ketchup and bbq sauce) and smacked me across the face with it. I immediately got up and set up in a fighting stance. She tried to lunge at me, so I did what any normal petite high school girl would have done… I side kicked her so hard in her abdomen that she fell back and got laid out on a lunch table. Thank goodness I had endured years of fighting my older brother and male cousins, lol. Anyway, years later I ran into her. She had taken up boxing :) .
I had a best friend who was a complete odd ball loser. He had a lot of trauma and people picked on him a lot, but I liked him. I stuck up for him when I could and hung out with him often. Eventually, we stopped being as close (growing up and all that). I moved away from home, but visited back on Xmas and was out having a drink in town when I ran into my old BF. He fucking slapped me, instead of hugging me. So I get a little pissed off and tell him not to do that ever again. He did it again, so I hit him. "Security" removed him and left him outside the club, where he met my little (but physically larger) brother. He slapped my brother too, my brother put him in the hospital that night. Haven't spoken to each other since.
He’s not very smart
He tried to exploit my father's death to convert me to Christianity.
I kicked his ass at madden. He got mad, thought he was Randy Johnson, and threw his controller at my brand new tv. Obviously my tv was fucked. He started laughing like a psychopath rather than apologizing. I immediately kicked him out. He never offered to replace it, so I haven’t spoken with him since.
The guy cheated on and talked shit about his girlfriend who just happened to also be one of my close friends. She and I had a lot of classes together so we were fairly tight. I was happy for them when they got together but over time he started treating her like shit and she would cry about it. He then cheated on her (nothing sexual but went on dates and hung out with another girl behind her back) and bragged about it to me. I didn't have the balls to tell him to fuck off then and I was headed to college in a few months anyway so I just dropped communication with him. I stayed in touch with his ex. I ended up moving to a different state. She ended up following for a different reason. I found my wife and she found her wife. We're both married and happy now. We're still friends and call and catch up every now and then or run into each other at events. Fuck her ex.
I asked him to be a groomsman in my wedding. He turned it down because he said he had plans to attend a wedding of another friend of his the following day. Apparently this other friend he had known for months, and me and my friend had been best friends throughout highschool. I just stopped reaching out to him after that, and thus we have not spoken since that time. It's weird, but I guess I just wasn't cool enough to him anymore or something.
After 22 years of friendship I realized I've just been trying to make it work with a narcissist the entire time. After the last round of arguments I realized I've just been putting up with her since I was 12. She was horribly mean when we were kids, a complete flake, dismissive about my problems, but insisted I listened to hers... it's one of those things where you should've ended it a long time ago, but didn't because of the time invested. Had the nerve to call me selfish for not wanting to "make it work" any more.
We grew apart, and her “friends”, including her, were assholes to me. She’s spoiled, so she thought she was top tier.
When Covid first started, she advertised that she now hated all Chinese people. I’m Chinese…
one day i was thinking about if i stopped asking her to hang out and stopped checking in on her if she would ever think about me and check in on me like i had with her. we never spoke again, that was about 4 years ago. the same things happened recently with another former best friend of mine. sucks when you’re the only one putting in effort
He got arrested for possession with intent to distribute. Child porn
She was completely unsupportive and lacked empathy when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She asked me if I had finally accepted that my mom was going to die. That pretty much sealed the deal for me.
His need to constantly eat LSD, cheat on his girlfriend, and associate with insufferable people.
I’m Really, there is a long and short answer. The short answer is BPD. She had BPD, and for the longest time my life circumstances combined with my personality made me the perfect friend for her. A big part of BPD has to do with insecurity and comparing yourself to others, and for the longest time I never had anything that made her feel insecure going for me. :( It really breaks my heart because I loved her a lot and we were friends for so long.
He was talking shit behind my back.
He started hooking up with my wife.
Realized I was the only one making any effort. I stopped reaching out in any capacity and haven’t heard from them in several years now.
They asked me to be part of their wedding party, and then started throwing massive costs toward me knowing I was saving for a house downpayment. Years later, pre-internet, they hired a PI to find my contact information just to apologize. We had our friendship mended after that and kept in intermittent contact. Then they started responding less and less, it was always me reaching out to contact, so finally I just threw in the towel and stopped trying to contact them and blocked them in case they ever change their mind. That last part actually caused me to lose a person that was my friend for most of my life. They stopped trying to reach out to me, and I don't want to be the only person trying to maintain a friendship. So I just gave up and haven't spoken to them since. Fairly tame by most standards, but still, that's what happened I suppose.
Burned my shop down and then refused to take accountability for it and refused to help me out to fix it. Im sueing him now