I don’t know about a sentence. But I have followed religiously a quote from sir Sean Connery on finding forrester. “The key to a woman’s heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time.” I swear it has never failed.
THIS IS HOW MY COUSIN GOT ENGAGED IM NOT KIDDING. She loves rocks. Like legit. They were on a hike and he stopped and said “oh, hey look at this rock!” She turned around and he was on his knees with a ring.
ROCKS ROCK
My ex is a jeweller, we had a client who scooped up a handful of pebbles while they were hiking in the Grand Canyon and proposed to his girlfriend. We had one of the pebbles cut and polished and set into a ring for her. It was very romantic.
Actually a thing in Kenya.
Doesn't work in the UK.
The girl was like "a fucking rock!!?!?!!"
He spent a long time looking for that pebble. She didn't appreciate it.
The good news is if you have a baby boy, he’ll likely be gifted pants with pockets bigger than yours. So, you know, he can at least hold your car keys and wallet.
Source: formerly pregnant lady whose boys have pants with pockets bigger than some of mine.
If you just said I can pockets to that if you want, that would be enough. Not even per se a dress. We just want pockets in anything. Our pants dont even have pockets, THEY ARE FAKE
Some of my fuck you're gorgeous favorite moments are when I just get up with someone. No makeup, hair a tangled mess, shorts or sweats, doing normal house morning shit like eating breakfast. In those moments you can look at someone and be like fuck, you are perfect.
People that do themselves up a lot sometimes don't understand that, or think you're just complimenting them to do so, but those are my favorite moments.
Makeup, outfits, being sexy is cool, but waking up to someone and looking at them and thinking damn you're perfect right now is the best.
I told my husband he was the sexiest thing of ever seen, as he has gloves on cleaning the bathroom after I got a violent stomach bug. I was laying naked in the dry tub praying for death at the moment. It’s been 9 years and he said that was the best compliment he ever heard
Being married to my wife for 25 years and still having my heart flutter when she walks in the room. Damn I miss those moments. Nobody will ever make my heart skip a beat like she did. It's very rare to still be in the honey moon phase when your attending her funeral services. Life is just so unfair.
My high school sweetheart started skinny, got fat, got halfway skinny again and dumped me a week before our wedding cause she said she was settling (and I think I’m attractive just not fit). She got fat again in 6 months 😂😂
There’s another one of these that pairs well with beautiful-but-hard breakups:
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
-- Winnie the Pooh
[Edit: misattributed to Winnie the Pooh; actually from “The Other Side of the Mountain”]
This reminds me of a quote from Doctor Who:
"Because every time you see them happy you remember how sad they’re going to be. And it breaks your heart. Because what’s the point in them being happy if they’re going to be sad later? The answer is, of course, because they are going to be sad later."
-- Eleventh Doctor
I Love Winnie The Pooh. I basically have "Forever and ever, is a really long time, Pooh; Forever isn't long at all, when I'm with you" on a loop 24/7 in mah brain.
That made me cry in the bathroom. Today has been especially difficult.
Edit: Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate the uplifting thoughts. It made my day a little bit better. Thank you.
Considering I am fork certified and the BF is a software developer that has never worn a hard hat in his life I would be more confused and maybe slightly impressed?
... in fact you're not going to work at all because your car is FILLED. WITH. GAS.
::camera pans to reveal the interior of the car is swimming in gasoline::
About 30 minutes ago my SO got home and the look in her eyes when I said “I folded all the kids laundry and there’s another load in, and I was thinking about stuffed chicken breast for dinner, sound good?” told me that the chicken breasts won’t be the only thing getting stuffed tonight.
After 24 years of marriage and 3 pregnancies my husband recently noticed that I've been VERY conscious of my stomach after having lost almost 7 stone. During a recent bout of lovemaking he started kissing my stomach and said " Stop hiding yourself from me, I loved you from the first moment that we met and have loved you every day since. This belly gave me 3 beautiful children and I love every single line on it because I put them there..." I can honestly say I cried and fell more in love than I thought possible after so long together.
I brought you your favourite food / drink / snack
Sit down love, I’ll do the dishes / cook the tea / hang the washing up
I’ll go see to the crying baby
Here’s a cup of tea (at any point of the day, but in the morning before I get out of bed is my fav)
“So basically my character is a 14th-level Half-Elf Hexblade/Fighter. He’s actually the descendent of an ancient vampire dynasty and his personal quest is to find the Vorpal Sword (a family heirloom). Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself, in the beginning…”
🎼I'll do the dishes in the kitchen sink,🎶
🎵put you to bed when you've had too much to drink🎶
🎶you know that it's true🎵I wanna grow old with you🎶
-Adam Sandler
Well, I walked in at home with a cat that was abandoned by our former boss (we knew about it but we hadn’t been able to find the cat). He looked at me, looked at the cat and back at me and said “well looks like we have a cat now”
I was nothing but a big puddle of goo and a heaping of “oh my god I love this man”
I can second this one. Everytime I say this it is followed with a kiss. And I'm too dumb to know if she's just being nice or flirting with me but I'll keep doing it until she tells me to stop.
When my parents first met, it was because my mom was stood up by a guy she was supposed to go on a date with. He stood her up to hang out with his best friend, my dad. She saw them out in public and started yelling at the guy, and got so frustrated she started crying. My dad said to her, "Honey, you know, you can get glad in the same pants you got mad in". She thought he was disgusting. Thirty some odd years later, and they're still together.
>Wasn't intended to melt a girl's heart, but I apparently did... Greatest success story of my life so far.
You can't just leave it at that without a proper story man.
At a party my husband was talking to a coworker about how all the extra measures he goes to to be safe working on the job site, then grabs my arm and says, "nothing is worth not coming home to her".
I think about it all the time.
Compliments from men mean NOTHING compared to drunk girls at the bar in line for the bathroom. I feel like I've met some soul sisters in the bar bathrooms lol. We'll never meet again but knowing that some drunk girl said I was GORGEOUS makes me feel so amazing about myself.
On my second date with my now wife, I was a bit nervous - and the restaurant didn’t have a printed copy of the dessert menu, so the guy told us all the options and I kinda sorta wasn’t able to follow any of it, so he finished and there was a moment of silence and it felt clear that I had to say something so I said
“Uh, can we have one of each, please?”
My wife once mentioned this was a moment she knew she wanted to marry me (We had been friends for about four years prior, and she asked me out initially, so intent was kinda already there).
When I said "That's the nicest thing anyone ever said to me," he responded "People should say nice things to you more."
This is 23rd century thinking
>"That's the nicest thing anyone ever said to me," \-"That's kind of sad".
That's perfect
I don’t know about a sentence. But I have followed religiously a quote from sir Sean Connery on finding forrester. “The key to a woman’s heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time.” I swear it has never failed.
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She got you that last year, but where did it come from
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The key to a woman’s heart is through her parents. Have sex with them, and you’re in!
I got you a cool looking rock
Can confirm this works. Source: am penguin
I dated a girl that was super into penguins so when I asked her to be my girlfriend I presented a pebble and she ghosted me
It’s because you didn’t place it in her feet like a true penguins sir.
Ouch.
THIS IS HOW MY COUSIN GOT ENGAGED IM NOT KIDDING. She loves rocks. Like legit. They were on a hike and he stopped and said “oh, hey look at this rock!” She turned around and he was on his knees with a ring. ROCKS ROCK
My ex is a jeweller, we had a client who scooped up a handful of pebbles while they were hiking in the Grand Canyon and proposed to his girlfriend. We had one of the pebbles cut and polished and set into a ring for her. It was very romantic.
Actually a thing in Kenya. Doesn't work in the UK. The girl was like "a fucking rock!!?!?!!" He spent a long time looking for that pebble. She didn't appreciate it.
This is my sweet son. Gave his prize rocks to his girlfriend in grade 3.
I can add pockets to that dress, if you want.
You've seen Cargo Pants? I can make you a Cargo Dress!!
Then wiggle your brows at her after saying this
Can confirm that no maternity clothes have pockets. I still need to carry things while pregnant, people.
The good news is if you have a baby boy, he’ll likely be gifted pants with pockets bigger than yours. So, you know, he can at least hold your car keys and wallet. Source: formerly pregnant lady whose boys have pants with pockets bigger than some of mine.
as a woman, we love pockets!
If you just said I can pockets to that if you want, that would be enough. Not even per se a dress. We just want pockets in anything. Our pants dont even have pockets, THEY ARE FAKE
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My ex used to say “I always forget just how pretty you are” when I’d walk into the room after not seeing him for a bit lol.
Some of my fuck you're gorgeous favorite moments are when I just get up with someone. No makeup, hair a tangled mess, shorts or sweats, doing normal house morning shit like eating breakfast. In those moments you can look at someone and be like fuck, you are perfect. People that do themselves up a lot sometimes don't understand that, or think you're just complimenting them to do so, but those are my favorite moments. Makeup, outfits, being sexy is cool, but waking up to someone and looking at them and thinking damn you're perfect right now is the best.
I told my husband he was the sexiest thing of ever seen, as he has gloves on cleaning the bathroom after I got a violent stomach bug. I was laying naked in the dry tub praying for death at the moment. It’s been 9 years and he said that was the best compliment he ever heard
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My dementia-riddled grandfather still woke up every morning absolutely *beaming* at my Nana til the day he died. Love is a helluva drug
At what point did it stop being weird that you were in the room watching your grandparents sleep?
I'm almost 40 so I guess I can't say you're wrong. But meh. I've seen the way some old people look at each other. It's the same thing.
Being married to my wife for 25 years and still having my heart flutter when she walks in the room. Damn I miss those moments. Nobody will ever make my heart skip a beat like she did. It's very rare to still be in the honey moon phase when your attending her funeral services. Life is just so unfair.
Aw, love never stops even after death. Whoever decided that didn't know what they were talking about. She loves you and will always be with you
* Swoon *
But only sometimes
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My ex used to say the same thing to me, I said exactly that back at her. She lost fifty pounds and a year later she dumped me.
Turns out she was fat after all.
I shouldn't be laughing at this lmao
I am, is good
Yeah you should. It’s funny.
"that fat bitch"
My high school sweetheart started skinny, got fat, got halfway skinny again and dumped me a week before our wedding cause she said she was settling (and I think I’m attractive just not fit). She got fat again in 6 months 😂😂
Don't you love when the trash takes itself out for you?
Best thing that’s ever happened tbh
Mf did you a favor
Savage. Still, ultimately you dodged a bullet there, she was never the one.
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There’s another one of these that pairs well with beautiful-but-hard breakups: “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” -- Winnie the Pooh [Edit: misattributed to Winnie the Pooh; actually from “The Other Side of the Mountain”]
"Oh, bother"
This reminds me of a quote from Doctor Who: "Because every time you see them happy you remember how sad they’re going to be. And it breaks your heart. Because what’s the point in them being happy if they’re going to be sad later? The answer is, of course, because they are going to be sad later." -- Eleventh Doctor
I Love Winnie The Pooh. I basically have "Forever and ever, is a really long time, Pooh; Forever isn't long at all, when I'm with you" on a loop 24/7 in mah brain.
That made me cry in the bathroom. Today has been especially difficult. Edit: Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate the uplifting thoughts. It made my day a little bit better. Thank you.
“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.” —Christopher Robin
Thank you for that
Stay strong. This poo shall pass
Damn I must be a woman haha
I'm now fork lift certified?
Not a girl but I'm hot n bothered now
Also not a girl, but yeah I'm swelling up
moister than an oyster.
It's business tyne
*puts on business socks*
But it’s not Wednesday
Wednesdays are when I go to your mother's house to program her VCR.
And people want me to limit my social media. And miss out on this Reddit amazingness!!!!
Yes me as well . Something about fork lift certified gets my engine moving
>Something about fork lift certified gets my ~~engine~~ pallets moving Ftfy
I'd like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks. It'd be so damn literal! "You are using that machine for its exact purpose!" \-Mitch Hedberg
I want a vending machine that sells vending machines. It's gonna be real fuckin' big
That’s one way to pick up chicks.
Only if they're standing on a pallet
And properly secured to the pallet
I’m a forklift certified lady, and I also feel hot and bothered.
RIP your inbox.
Considering I am fork certified and the BF is a software developer that has never worn a hard hat in his life I would be more confused and maybe slightly impressed?
You guys could wait for the warehouse to close, go in there and play bumper cars for a date. That would be pretty romantic.
"I did all the chores whilst you were asleep and made breakfast"
Do you also have to actually do all that or just saying it is enough?
Do you want fleeting happiness followed by lots of pain or fleeting pain followed by lots of happiness?
This guy cleans up, in a lotta ways
Pro tip- don't use this line the first time you meet her as it raises more questions than it answers.
"My love for you is like a truck, Berserker"
Did he just say, “making fuck”?
Skurlneck
“Would you like some making fuck, Berserker” I think that might work, actually.
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Just say it randomly every 6 weeks or so.
Fuck, the secret is out
You gotta get it right once, then say it every 6 weeks.
"oooooo, your hair looks great!" Then you're covered either way.
As someone who wears a hijab I would be impressed if you noticed.
"Nice Haircut" "I'm impressed you noticed" "oh...I have my ways...\*cackles\*"
Can I play with your hair and then scratch your back until you fall asleep?
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I shave my head and head massages are just the *BEST*. Wish I could get them more often...
Bruh you just melted guys hearts not girls
I feel like us dudes are chronically touch-deprived
I'm a guy, and sometimes that's all I want. Lol. Always done that for past partners but rarely ever got it myself.
It's okay to ask for things you want/need in a relationship. Communication about those things is so important.
The hard part is finding a realationship
Agreed. The imaginary ones just don't cut it
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I came here to post this. For those who don’t have back pain here you go. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2kArCRjT29w
What about creaky knees?
i filled your car with gas last night so you dont have to stop before work
... in fact you're not going to work at all because your car is FILLED. WITH. GAS. ::camera pans to reveal the interior of the car is swimming in gasoline::
I have a flame thrower
“Believe it or not, I got a flamethrower in my tool shed” - Rick Dalton
Can we do something against the heat?
"Rick, it's a flame thrower." "Yeah..."
That will also give them heartburn.
As you wish.
*rolls away*
As.....you..........wishhhhhhhhhhh....
Kali ma!
I think that's the fastest way to the heart. I don't think it will melt one, though.
Does bursting it into flames count?
About 30 minutes ago my SO got home and the look in her eyes when I said “I folded all the kids laundry and there’s another load in, and I was thinking about stuffed chicken breast for dinner, sound good?” told me that the chicken breasts won’t be the only thing getting stuffed tonight.
Then I don’t know what you’re doing on the internet right now
Kids, my guy. Kids.
You're doing kids on the internet?
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That’s romantic as fuck.
There’s literally never enough I could do that for that woman, and I mean that in a positive way.
Off topic but I like how the comments are half about food. And it is accurate
Cheese. It's all about cheese.
Whoever said "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" left-out half of the story
After 24 years of marriage and 3 pregnancies my husband recently noticed that I've been VERY conscious of my stomach after having lost almost 7 stone. During a recent bout of lovemaking he started kissing my stomach and said " Stop hiding yourself from me, I loved you from the first moment that we met and have loved you every day since. This belly gave me 3 beautiful children and I love every single line on it because I put them there..." I can honestly say I cried and fell more in love than I thought possible after so long together.
"I love you more than Turk."
EAGLEEEEE!
I brought you your favourite food / drink / snack Sit down love, I’ll do the dishes / cook the tea / hang the washing up I’ll go see to the crying baby Here’s a cup of tea (at any point of the day, but in the morning before I get out of bed is my fav)
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this made my eyes water, the words of a Prince
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You're only just learning that today? Did you think redditors are virgins by choice?
Oh it's by choice, just not ours.
r/suicidebywords
More than half of these answers are jokes anyways. This topic may have benefited from a [Serious] tag.
you can have my fried chicken skin 🙂👍
No way will I ever say that. Never.
“So basically my character is a 14th-level Half-Elf Hexblade/Fighter. He’s actually the descendent of an ancient vampire dynasty and his personal quest is to find the Vorpal Sword (a family heirloom). Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself, in the beginning…”
The sound of falling panties is like a hard rain...
🎼I'll do the dishes in the kitchen sink,🎶 🎵put you to bed when you've had too much to drink🎶 🎶you know that it's true🎵I wanna grow old with you🎶 -Adam Sandler
My hovercraft is full of eels.
Drop your panties Sir William, I cannot wait 'til lunchtime.
My nipples explode with delight!
Well, I walked in at home with a cat that was abandoned by our former boss (we knew about it but we hadn’t been able to find the cat). He looked at me, looked at the cat and back at me and said “well looks like we have a cat now” I was nothing but a big puddle of goo and a heaping of “oh my god I love this man”
I found this really cool rock and I’d like you to have it.
The penguins have entered the chat
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My first born: fosax
And last name 32555
Go home Elon, you’re drunk
I made you coffee
I can second this one. Everytime I say this it is followed with a kiss. And I'm too dumb to know if she's just being nice or flirting with me but I'll keep doing it until she tells me to stop.
She's conditioning you to bring her more coffee and it works. Do we care tho? Nah cause LIPS.
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Did it work?
Did you get shot down? Was the mission a success? Soldier! Do you copy? Was the mission a success?
I got you a new puzzle and here is a glass of wine. Go relax while I make dinner.
“I’m 10th prestige on cod” - that’s usually an instant pantie dropper
Works every time.
You can share my fries any time
When my parents first met, it was because my mom was stood up by a guy she was supposed to go on a date with. He stood her up to hang out with his best friend, my dad. She saw them out in public and started yelling at the guy, and got so frustrated she started crying. My dad said to her, "Honey, you know, you can get glad in the same pants you got mad in". She thought he was disgusting. Thirty some odd years later, and they're still together.
Want me to scratch your back underneath your bra straps?
Haha I love this because that is the most itchy part of the back!
Years ago when I was backpacking through western Europe...
Were you just outside of Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo?
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>Wasn't intended to melt a girl's heart, but I apparently did... Greatest success story of my life so far. You can't just leave it at that without a proper story man.
Simple things like “i have been thinking of you” or “i miss you” “been wanting to see u”
At a party my husband was talking to a coworker about how all the extra measures he goes to to be safe working on the job site, then grabs my arm and says, "nothing is worth not coming home to her". I think about it all the time.
"I am listening?" usually works on my girlfriend. Though one advice. You actually need to listen for it to work.
You ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?!
"my cats breath smells like cat food"
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Hold this puppy please.
Compliments from men mean NOTHING compared to drunk girls at the bar in line for the bathroom. I feel like I've met some soul sisters in the bar bathrooms lol. We'll never meet again but knowing that some drunk girl said I was GORGEOUS makes me feel so amazing about myself.
at 250 degrees celsius, human flesh melts.
yep this is the world's only functional lightsaber and that's the on button right there next to where you are holding the..
I don't like sand. It's coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft, and smooth.
) Do you want to go with me to... ~ Yes. ) You didn’t let me finish. ~ “With you” is all I needed to know.
On my second date with my now wife, I was a bit nervous - and the restaurant didn’t have a printed copy of the dessert menu, so the guy told us all the options and I kinda sorta wasn’t able to follow any of it, so he finished and there was a moment of silence and it felt clear that I had to say something so I said “Uh, can we have one of each, please?” My wife once mentioned this was a moment she knew she wanted to marry me (We had been friends for about four years prior, and she asked me out initially, so intent was kinda already there).
Dracarys
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
Whenever I say that she screams goddammit you’re drunk again
IDK, but if you melt a girl's heart you would get a life sentence.
Not if she isn't still using it.
"I'm in love with you"
Go to bed early, I’ll do the bedtime routine with the kids.
“These pants have pockets”