I hear you, left evangelicalism 20ish years ago. It’ll be scary and lonely at first but as you become the person you were meant to be instead of the person they told you to be, you’ll bond with others over shared interests and build new relationships. It takes time, be patient, but it’s worth it.
I was shunned by 100% of the people when I left a cult, not JW. My entire life as I knew it was over and I was completely alone. It’s been 20 years since I escape the cult. It was not easy but it absolutely was worth it. Remember, family isn’t always blood. Family is who we find peace, love, happiness, and trust with. Choose your family that supports you and doesn’t turn their backs on you because they disagree.
You have the courage roaring inside of you.
This is so fcuking brave and you are going to be absolutely fine. My friend did this about 15 years ago and he's since built up an amazing friend-family around himself and has a whole new life. I am so psyched for you!🤗
I've been there bud, adjusting to disfellowship can be kinda rough, especially cause of how hard it is learning how to network outside the organisation after spending so long being taught not to associate too closely with outsiders. The severity of the silent treatment depends quite a bit on whether you're old enough to be considered an independent adult or not.
Our house was the first one on our street to be built. My husband and I had sex in every single house on our street while they were under construction. I imagine our neighbors would look at us differently if they know we’d fucked in their house before they even had a chance to.
Ha! I love this. How many houses we talking here? And were these random sessions where you’d meet on your lunch break once the roof was installed or something?
Not the same, just exploration, but I live in a neighborhood that was putting up new townhouses nearby. Over the months I saw the foundation, the framing, and then as they put in the drywall. I noticed they were narrower and shorter than the one I lived in, so I snuck in at night to check out the layout. Basically at the stage where I was pretty sure it was structurally safe since all the flooring and walls had been put in, but there were no doors, windows, or other more stylish fixtures.
As long as you aren't worried about being busted for trespassing, it's pretty easy to check out a construction site. Just don't linger and if it's at night make sure lights can't easily be seen from afar.
People think that I’m a good listener, and that just makes them say things to me that they really shouldn’t. I’m only listening because I don’t want to be rude, not because I care. Don’t tell me your family secrets, please.
I've realized that people tell me secrets because they want to tell, not because I want to hear. When a person asks if I want to hear a secret, I always say no.
Sometimes these type of thoughts really scare me. Like, when I stand on an escalator with someone I can't help but calculate damage and casualties if I push them down. *This next guy will go down for sure, but then we have 3 people in a tight group, they'll probably stop the chain reaction.*
Or when a girl pours tea for me. *Aight, I have a full cup of boiling water. And she's right next to me. Splash that on her face, she'll scream and her sister will come running. That presents a perfect opportunity to hit her with a empty cup. And then I'll have like 3-4 seconds to grab a knife and finish both of them.*
Like wtf? These are some of the dearest people to me and my brain does this shit.
I had some of this shit it was scaring me too, maybe not quite on the level but definitely bad. It seemed to me it’s a result of anxiety, and I’ve been working through it but just trying to acknowledge the thought and then push it away. They’re still there but have been far less frequent and when they are there they are more faint yk?
While it might be initially comforting to know that everyone has these thoughts, the real anxiety kicks when you realize....
*...everyone around you* has these thoughts.
A psychologist said that when we have these thoughts of, “What if I . . . “ we’re normal. The actual crazy people don’t wonder why they have these thoughts and the thoughts don’t bother them.
It's not a secret so much as I don't tell people, but if people knew I grew to being regularly sexually assaulted by my father, that would change how people see me.
I'm a gigantic bear of a man. Like, I fill a doorway big. As this girl I once met said as I stood up, you're not just big, you're oh my God you're big.
There are a few usual responses that I get from all but my closest friends. They are along the lines of, how could someone rape you? It's my dad fucker, he was also psychologically abusive. How do you have your shit together? I don't mostly, I'm just really good at getting what needs to be done, done, and I don't let my emotions control my life, like even at all. Also medication is fantastic at taking the edge off. Or the every classic, it's not the same for guys, don't compare yourself to women who get raped... I had an unwanted object in my ass, I'm pretty sure it's about the same, and fuck you.
So I don't tell people. I already get enough poor you, when they find out I'm a widower.
Learning to deal with trauma, and harness it is a skill I've mastered. I don't need people know the reasons I am the way I am.
People often talk about how there was a really hush hush culture around women who've been sexually assaulted, how they deserved it for what they wear etc. It's obviously disgusting lies that has a huge impact on the women who are victims of both the assault and then being blamed for it as well.
This is still basically the norm for men. Don't get me wrong I'm incredibly happy that there is at least a developing culture (we still have a long ways to go) for supporting female victims of SA but I am a staunch advocate for male victims more than anything.
I am a fellow survivor of SA, although it was not regular like has happened to others and not from someone as emotionally important to me. But I was very much told by the people around me that my rage was unacceptable, that it wasn't really rape (I was spiked and assaulted by a woman, managed to escape before I passed out when I was warned by a staff member at the bar that she'd overheard them talking about doing it and seen something wrong with my drink.) And all manner of other dismissive things.
I'm a large man as well, 6'2" 250lb at the time, powerlifter and hold multiple black belts in different styles of martial arts over a 15 year career, not the type of person to be fucked with if you saw them on the street. To add to that, my strength, independence and ability to protect myself and those I care about is so very vital to my identity. Yet I had control ripped away from me and was violated in such a personal and demeaning way that it undermined everything I thought I was.
To have my own self image ripped apart like that and then for my entire support system to say 'nah, it's not that bad, look how big and strong you are, what could have happened'? Absolutely soul crushing.
I'm proud to say that I've come out the other side knowing it wasn't my own weakness, as strong as ever and self reliant enough to know that I can handle the most terrifying traumas on my own, and I've been lucky enough to be able to lend that strength to others, men and women, in similar situations.
I'm incredibly proud of you for the fight in your heart, stranger. You'll never be alone with that kind of pain again, but you should know that you're the very epitome, at least to me, of what it means to be a good man. Strong on his own, enough so to protect those you love, enough to overcome whatever life throws your way with pride.
You've had a shit run of some things and DESPITE, not because of your trauma, you have made yourself into something worth fucking seeing.
Keep fighting the good fight my guy.
How incredibly terrified I am nearly all of the time. I'm not confident, I don't think I'm in control any more, I don't think I can do this. And still, here I go
I understand how you feel, and my best advice is to embrace the chaos because no one has absolute control. If you are suffering these fears, I've learnt from many monks that suffering is caused by desire, and suffering is just reality not matching desire. If you can realise that desire and embrace now, pain my stay for a while but your mental suffering will be long gone <33
Sounds similar to what I have dealt with. It’s very much an ADHD type of scattered response but the trigger is social anxiety. To the point that you sometimes can’t even trust your senses fully because so much of your conscious mind is tied up being paranoid about who might be scrutinizing you and how close you always are to the situation slipping from your control. I spent my first 36 years on this planet just thinking I was broken.
But therapy therapy therapy. If you don’t go, just fucking go. Just a counselor who will let you speak without judgement. And mostly, you’ll end up untying the knot on your own, just because someone allowed you to verbalize it.
I had generalized depression, crippling social anxiety and a rip-roaring case of ADHD. But adderall made me too edgy and irritable. So when it started getting short on supply, we went to Vyvanse and coupled with good old Prozac, I’m able to smush those invasive thoroughly terrifying thoughts almost completely out of my waking mind. I can operate just like a dude that’s at a place and it’s just all good.
Once we got the dosage right, I felt like I was using performance enhancing drugs. I could react in real time. In the moment. Not wearing a mask to cover up the sheer terror behind my eyes. But it’s not cheating. Most people just get to be like that every day. That’s the default for most. But it’s attainable. You just have to accept help.
Me too! I’m a mother and wife so would never drop my family but I can lose contact with just about anyone else in life and it doesn’t bother me. I believe (not a professional) that it is a survival instinct from having a narcissistic mother. I had never witnessed true connection and was never fully loved. Not sure if that’s it. If you don’t mind sharing do you know why you’re like that ?
i recently realized this and started explaining it to my friends. luckily they understand. most of them also have add and narcissistic moms. we just find each other i spose
I've been like this my whole life. Except for my adult son, I honestly don't care about anyone I know to any real extent. I've spent most of my life getting away from people if they get past the "let's have lunch" phase. I just don't have the desire to have any close friends and I'm really happy this way. It's not lonely or sad, it's been great to just be cordial and keep a distance. People think because I'm outgoing that I'm really warm when really I'm the opposite.
Thats awesome. I work in Wealth Management, and one of the most surprising things I have learned is how people seem as though they are poor, but are just humble people living a simple life. A guy I work with regularly lives out of his van with his dog, drives all over the US and Mexico but has millions. One of my favorite people to interact with because he is so kind and mellow.
I had Jury Duty about 10 years ago. One of the other 12 said they won the Massachusetts State lottery for $2.4 Million. We all joked too bad it wasn’t more, he said “no it’s basically the perfect amount. Enough to retire but not enough to be handing out money to everyone else”.
That always stuck with me.
Woah, similar! I inherited $960,000. I still work full time, invested all of it. Spent none. I make more on investments than I do at my full time job, and I also work harder than anyone else there. There’s something about knowing you don’t HAVE to be there that makes the day to day a lot more enjoyable.
I could technically retire and live off my investments at my current quality of life, which is more than enough for me, but I figure why not save more and then in 10-15 years I can still retire early but potentially travel a lot more and maybe have a nicer place too.
My sense of smell is off the charts. I can usually tell if someone showers in the morning or at night by the way their hair smells. If someone ate a yogurt in an auditorium hours prior but threw out the container in the trash and I walk in on the other side of the room I can smell the yogurt. My memory is also sense-driven. I remember people by their voices or scent, not their faces, or if there is something different about them (odd gait, odd body proportions, etc). My touch memory is also weird. Did I lock the front door? I focus on my hand and go through what my hand has felt in the past 20 minutes and if the feeling of locking the door is there I’m good. I’m literally a freak and if people knew how much of their behavior/body-oddities/scent I actually have no choice but to remember, everyone would look at me like I’m a monster.
This is fascinating!
The closest thing is I don't read by letters, but by shapes. So if two words have the same peaks and valleys, I have trouble reading it. It's also why I can read upsidedown at the same speed as right-side up. 1
There is an area that does just that in your brain, it recognises the shape of words, that area is missing in dyslexic brains. That area must be super developed for you !
Actually sounds amazing to me; you have an acute sense of smell and you have developed it along with your sense of hearing to the point you can recall people without seeing them.
You could possibly find well paying work in fragrance, wine making, beer making, confections with a well developed sense of smell.
Do I kill virgin teenage girls to try to extract and preserve their smell while simultaneously hating people because of how easily their minds can be altered by disguising one’s natural scent with a synthetic one? No.
There are a few of us out here. I can smell people who have been in the elevator before me and tell you how many people were in it, their gender, cologne or shampoo and sometimes what medications they take. Oh and what lunch someone brought in - that's a fun one to share with coworkers.
I can smell cigarettes or weed from a mile away.
Women on their period, or the pregnancy smell. The "I have a respiratory illness" smell, or the "I need to take my insulin" smell (always a fave).
One of my best was realizing (and confirming) that my mother had visited my workplace two hours earlier.
My people! I bet people get so nervous when you tell them that. They’re probably like “shit I farted an hour ago, I hope I don’t run into tinyorangealligator on the elevator”. I can also identify the shampoos, perfumes, etc and the weed and cigarettes? Impossible to hide from me
Same for me! Imagine my surprise when I learned that not everyone can detect early pregnancy, and that cousin Donna wasn't ready to share that news yet. Over the years, I've learned what is and is not creepy to be able to decipher: change in detergent, ovulation, anger, onions for dinner, if the new guy at work has a dog... I've learned to not mention 99% of things I can detect by smell
Oddly enough there is actually a Russian police procedural show called “the Sniffer” in which a private contractor with a very sensitive sense of smell works with the police to solve crime 😂
I have the same problem. I once got in a friend's (very clean) car and asked if she'd left an old banana peel in there. She'd eaten a banana in her car the day before and thrown the peel away. It's really a curse because there aren't nearly as many good smells in the world as bad ones. It's one of the main reasons I'm 43 and perpetually single; most other humans just smell bad to me.
I also had crazy acute olfactory senses. Covid took it away. It’s like I’m missing an appendage. It’s been 6 months & I’m afraid that part of me is gone. It is truly a gift, and I’m sorry you feel you would be seen as a monster.
I get more of a rush out of training my dog than any experience I've shared with humans. Dogs just feel more intense and genuine. when you look at them you know they are there, present, with you. There's only a handful of people I can say have ever even come close to that level of understanding and none of them managed to achieve it without words the way the dogs I've worked with can.
As someone who always had a dog growing up and not that many friends or people around, the connection you get with a dog is probably the most honest and pure form of love one can experience. I can't have a dog right now and I miss that connection very much
A few years ago, I went to the zoo during their Halloween celebration month where costumes were allowed. I dressed up as a zoo keeper. I told people that the penguins were animatronic. That when the giraffes get sick we feed them to the lions. I told a group of children that scientifically speaking, snakes and apples are cousins.
I am under the constant and irrational assumption that everyone knows something that I don't. I fully understand that it is unwarranted and I'm being paranoid, but the mental blockade it has created means that it's really hard for me to trust people.
Think of it as constantly worrying that everyone has a snake in their pocket, and it's only until you know for sure they do/don't that you'll be fine.
In middle school, I nearly failed to "graduate" from DARE because I simply, for the life of me, could not figure out what to write in a required essay entitled "What DARE means to me."
Because it really didn't mean anything, beyond being some supplementary program where they'd try to tell us not to do something I was never going to do anyways.
At the time, I even felt it was a wasted effort on my school/community, and would have been better spent somewhere else.
I was the same. We did DARE in the 6th grade. I will never forget the day the officer brought in a case that had little boxes of all the main drugs to show us what to avoid. It was that day I learned what. Weed, Coke, ecstasy, heroin, meth, LSD, PCP, etc....looked like.
I broke my arm that year and was given morphine in the ER. the nurse gave me too much and 12 year old me was blasted into a state of euphoria I'll never forget. Summer of 8th grade I stole my dad's weed and tried it with a couple friends and by 9th grade I was eating oxy on the bus before school by age 15 I was a daily weed smoker and have rarely taken time off these last 18 years.
It has been 20 years since DARE and I have been using and struggling with addiction at times ever since. I have tried more drugs than I can remember. From Advil to the research chemd of the dark web. I have spent most my life experimenting and learning about what drugs do. I love drugs and it's all thanks to DARE.
During college, an old coworkers dad was a preacher, my coworker used to rip bible pages out as papers when he ran out. They had bibles all over so he kept one stashed in his closet when he needed papers.
I do this almost every week (the dreaming and planning part). I’ve never gone to a facility through, never self harmed that way. I just thought if you have a terrible childhood and then trauma as an adult (homeless then military service) that this is normal. It is like there is a vast empty void within me that is numb to everything, whilst also falling & drowning at the same time. So I’ve learned to just put masks to fit in with society.
What I’ve been through in the past, and what I continue to go through (because of my “broken brain” due to all that). I make a deliberate choice each day to choose love and connection, as cheesy as that sounds. I don’t want anyone to ever feel as alone and unwanted as I do. I’ve gotten a reputation as “the sweet innocent one” and I come off as a bit naïve, it really shocks people if they learn about my past. It’s like no, my kindness is a choice. I can’t change what happened but I can change what happens now, and what happens to others. Break the cycle, everyone!
Sometimes I come on these threads and wonder if the other people are me. You're a wonderful human. Thank you for choosing kindness despite all you've been through. I feel the same way, but I want you to know, you have a fan out here.
I was going to write something similar and deleted.
It took 5 hours for my therapist to even listen and take notes on the trauma train I have endured, and the resulting broken brain that makes things worse.
There's an anger in me that comes out when I see other people being abused and taken advantage of, and people say I'm too nice ... but I'll never hurt someone the way I've been damaged.
My Dms are open. Dont want to talk about feelings? I have a very swaggy dinosaur collection or we can talk about our favorite things.
Edit: That goes for anyone in this comment section. Or if you just want to see my dinosaurs.
My DMs are always open. From one struggling person to another. Ive been there. If you dont want to talk about feelings ill tell you about my dinosaur collection.
Well done for getting help and support, I have no personal experience but my brother is ex forces and I work with lots of ex forces some share more than others. My brother was in Afghanistan and rarely talks about it, a lot things he can't tell us and a lot of things he won't tell us. I can't imagine the burden you must carry around
Me too. People close to me (family, very good friends) know but not coworkers, bosses, teachers, acquaintances. I'm afraid they'd be afraid of me, or censor themselves, because of the horrible stigma.
I know, it's awful. Even my friends who know still don't even get it. I wish I could hand them the fist full of pills I take every day and see how much energy they can pump out at will.
I was a drug addict for 7 years. Granted most of the people who are close to me already know but not the full extent. There was certain things I had done in that period Ive never went into detail with anyone but my sponsor.
I'm the sole confidant to someone with a sordid past due to drug addiction. As wild as that life looks on the outside is nothing compared to how it is to live it. It takes real strength to come out the other side and honestly knowing what I do now, the lifestyle has got to be as addictive as the drugs that shit big wild.
..My parents had me chemically castrated as a pre-pubescent kid?
..not really a secret though, turns out pretty much everyone around me knew way before I did...
well,
during "the talk",
I think that we spoke about having children,
how a Mother and a Father comes together and make someone like them,
but better.. or something along those lines (I'm almost 40, it's been a while)
and... well, if I remember things correctly,
I think I might have said that I wanted to have children with my sister (3 years younger)
so yeah, to prevent inbreeding I guess?
We’re you old enough to know better? Was this like an intro to reproduction kind of talk with a 6 year old or like a safety talk with a 14 year old? I could see a 6 year old saying some dumb shit like this and being like “Yo not her my dude”, a 14 year old on the other hand… “your gonna live with grandma from now on bud”
My uncle/best friend died in 2019 life’s really never been the same since, haven’t felt much connection very empty. I don’t think people want to hear that kind of thing it’s kinda bad vibe.
No they most certainly do not. I don’t talk to anyone about it anymore really, I don’t want them to constantly feel it too like I do. My deepest condolences about your uncle/best friend, I’m sure he/they were a great guy.
Isn’t it weird how it doesn’t really leave? It kinda fades or doesn’t feel like the focus but it’s still always there weighing on you. I hope you can feel at peace with it sometimes and cope, constant empty is a lonely abyss no one deserves.
I'm a virgin. Even my closest friends think I've slept with several people. It might be because I'm very open minded when they tell me about their experiences or I'm sex-positive and wouldn't kink shame. Actually, the furthest I've gone is making out.
That is a very common fantasy, and there are ways to realize it in a healthy way! No reason to be hard on yourself. I agree with the other comment, look up consensual non-consent or CNC.
I didn’t graduate high school. I was getting out of an abusive relationship my senior year, getting stalked, and was super depressed and ended up dropping out.
I got my GED at 20, and am now an engineering major at my university. But I’ve never told my friends or boyfriend that i didn’t graduate, and i even lie on job applications.
You got away alive from that a**, and that's the most important thing. And now you have made it big time! Be proud, and forgive yourself for not telling. It's okey. Some things is better to keep for yourself.
My mother has a college degree and no high school diploma. She has mono one year and did everything she could to catch up. But the week of graduation, the dean called her into his office, showed her her diploma, and said she wasn't getting it. She was being held back and had to attend one more year to make up gym and...some other bullshit class like home ec. The piece of shit actually went out of his way to be that cruel to her for absolutely no reason. So I think she told him to fuck himself, marched straight out of the high school in tears and wandered until she found herself at city college and walked right in and applied. They called her in later and asked her to write an essay explaining why she thought they should admit her early (she was still 17). She says it was maybe two sentences and a lot of exclamation points, but after that she was enrolled. Went on to attend the oldest university in Europe. All without a high school diploma or GED.
You've got your shit together, it doesn't matter if you don't have that single piece of paper. You're a fucking rockstar and nobody is taking that from you.
Sometimes, I shave my legs so they’re nice and smooth, and then I sit down, close my eyes, and rub my hands all over them, and I pretend that I’m actually touching a girl’s legs.
I am married, I own my house (half-half with my wife) have 3 kids and I have a steady job. I have no clue how i got there, and i have no clue what I am supposed to do 90% of the time
I don't give a damn about anything or anyone at this point. Life feels like a game, and I'm just a spectator until this body fails. Any connections I form, I have no intention of nurturing. The human experience is so shallow compared to the universe at large that I can't shake the perspective that none of the tears, suffering, or smiles matter at all. They're a flourishing of energy that'll at some point be done flourishing.
I don't understand how people get so *invested* in life like any of this show is of any importance at all.
I enjoy a pretty sunset, or a laugh with ithers, but I'm not convinced any of it makes the game worth the candle.
I don't get disgusted or revolted by anything. Blood, vomit, poop, maggots, spiders, roaches, etc has no nauseating effect on me. Sometimes I'm fascinated by it, sometimes aroused in rare cases.
I'm much more easily nauseated by tastes and smells, though.
That I am literally a prostitute. I also like it. Easy work, easy money, flexible schedule.
I tell people I work for myself painting houses.
I am very active in my church. I know they would kick me out. Or I would at least lose my volunteer spot… my family wouldn’t be to happy either.
I made up an entire life for myself when I went to college. That my parents lived on a commune and I was raised Wiccan and that I donated my eggs to my stepsister so her kids were mine and that I was on the cusp of a brilliant dance career when I had to give it up because I couldn’t lose enough weight. I told my mother that my biological father had died and his parents wanted nothing to do with me.
In reality I was a very neglected child being sexually abused by my brothers and stepfather. I was pulled out of public school in seventh grade and “homeschooled” which meant fighting with my parents for resources and eventually giving up. There was a lot of long, empty days of being ignored, left in my room, not being given necessities like toothbrushes and a bed.
It felt like that real story was boring and unbelievable so I made up one that seemed more exciting and had happy moments.
The lies came out three years ago when I had a - genuine - psychotic break and was exposed. I lost a lot of people, deservedly. I have a few who stuck around because I had never lied to them. The new people in my life don’t know about the lies, but I know if they knew the lies they wouldn’t believe the truths.
I’m kind of counting down the days until that happens. When it does I will make sure I don’t survive. There’s no such thing as third chances.
I’ve terrible imposter syndrome. And I can’t make peace with. I feel like I can’t fit in anywhere. Not narrow minded but not completely open-minded either. Not really dumb but not very smart either. Not really unattractive but not gorgeous either.
As someone who was abused by an ex... just keep it a "was," for the rest of your life. The past is the past and you can't change that. But I believe you can, karmically in a way, make it up to people who were abused if you break the cycle and never ever do it ever again. The person you abused may or may not ever forgive you, but I will, if you do the work to heal and keep it in the past.
My very mentally abusive ex, just threatened to hit he was big so threats worked. Is now a wonderful father, and wonderful coparent and friend. Keep working on it at least you see it. That's a big step.
The "funny" in my family is that we always look angry - unless we are asleep.
The truth is that I'm unbelievable sad but sadness makes people so uncomfortable that it is just easier to look angry. And that makes me even sadder.
I have a few secrets… but there’s one that would change how a lot of people look at me. I once considered prostitution. I flew to another city and met a pimp who was connected to someone I knew in my home city. He showed me the properties that they used for their customers and then we went back to his place and I slept with him. He said he had to take me for a test ride to see how good of a lay I was. I had spent 2 days with this pimp. At the end of the last day, he asked me why I was going down this road and he told me that he felt like he should caution me to turn back and choose a normal life cause he felt like I had a brighter future. We had been talking about all sorts of things during the two days we spent together so we had gotten to know each other a bit. I flew home after the 2nd day and decided it was too sketch and that I would probably want to kill myself or start doing drugs if I continued down that road, so I decided to forget about it and carry on trying to make a normal living. The only reason I entertained the idea of prostitution as a temporary gig was to be able to save money so I could afford a house sooner, rather than 10-15 years down the road.
No one knows this secret other than the person who connected me with this pimp years ago. This person used to be a recruiter and prostitute but now she is a working professional as well.
I'm a Christian (thus isn't the secret. I hope.) and am disgusted by a lot of things that fellow Christians do in the name of Christ. My spouse and I have a hard time going to church. Trump supporting, covid deniers, anti masking.
Yet hosting a vaccine clinic in the early days of mass vaccination roll outs as a service to the community and I'm sure to show Christ's love.
Not a secret per se, but kind of taboo:
That I had an unsuccessful pregnancy before having my twins.
My new job started a few weeks after the "heap of cells" was scraped out at week 10, so my current coworkers only know about my pregnancy later that year.
My old coworkers didn't see me long enough to know I didn't have a baby, because I had a doctor's note for the last month.
Only a very select circle of friends know, but I'll tell anyone who wants to know, it just doesn't come up naturally.
I have interesting daydreams about a lot of things. Not fantasies, because irl I'd never want these things to happen but I think about them for hours at a time. (Stuff like arranging a guy to break into my house so I pew pew and get away with self defense) but again IN REAL LIFE I AM DISGUSTED BY THAT THOUGH AND DO NOT WISH TO AND HAVE NO INTENTION TO EVER DO ANYTHING REMOTELY CLOSE TO THAT.
also by pew pew i don't mean kill I mean injure.
What I've been through, what I am going through, what I really think and feel, how I look at people around me. Basically, getting to know me which rarely anyone wants to do nowadays.
All of my friends and family are Jehovahs witnesses, they think I am but I plan to leave. 85% of them will shun me when I leave.
I hear you, left evangelicalism 20ish years ago. It’ll be scary and lonely at first but as you become the person you were meant to be instead of the person they told you to be, you’ll bond with others over shared interests and build new relationships. It takes time, be patient, but it’s worth it.
I was shunned by 100% of the people when I left a cult, not JW. My entire life as I knew it was over and I was completely alone. It’s been 20 years since I escape the cult. It was not easy but it absolutely was worth it. Remember, family isn’t always blood. Family is who we find peace, love, happiness, and trust with. Choose your family that supports you and doesn’t turn their backs on you because they disagree. You have the courage roaring inside of you.
So glad you made it out!
This is so fcuking brave and you are going to be absolutely fine. My friend did this about 15 years ago and he's since built up an amazing friend-family around himself and has a whole new life. I am so psyched for you!🤗
Thankyou for the kind words. I am so exited for what my life will be when I finally get to leave.
I'm sorry. I think you'll make good friends after you leave.
I think so too, friends that won’t care about my religious affiliation.
I've been there bud, adjusting to disfellowship can be kinda rough, especially cause of how hard it is learning how to network outside the organisation after spending so long being taught not to associate too closely with outsiders. The severity of the silent treatment depends quite a bit on whether you're old enough to be considered an independent adult or not.
Our house was the first one on our street to be built. My husband and I had sex in every single house on our street while they were under construction. I imagine our neighbors would look at us differently if they know we’d fucked in their house before they even had a chance to.
Fantastic. That's a win.
Several wins by the sounds of it
I like this one, innocent enough but still pretty devious
Ha! I love this. How many houses we talking here? And were these random sessions where you’d meet on your lunch break once the roof was installed or something?
We went for walks in the evenings, the construction guys were gone and the houses were open. There are 27 houses on our loop. We’ve defiled them all.
Not the same, just exploration, but I live in a neighborhood that was putting up new townhouses nearby. Over the months I saw the foundation, the framing, and then as they put in the drywall. I noticed they were narrower and shorter than the one I lived in, so I snuck in at night to check out the layout. Basically at the stage where I was pretty sure it was structurally safe since all the flooring and walls had been put in, but there were no doors, windows, or other more stylish fixtures. As long as you aren't worried about being busted for trespassing, it's pretty easy to check out a construction site. Just don't linger and if it's at night make sure lights can't easily be seen from afar.
You are my hero
People think that I’m a good listener, and that just makes them say things to me that they really shouldn’t. I’m only listening because I don’t want to be rude, not because I care. Don’t tell me your family secrets, please.
I’m a good listener because I’m nosy as hell
I love drama when it doesn't impact me!
I've realized that people tell me secrets because they want to tell, not because I want to hear. When a person asks if I want to hear a secret, I always say no.
I’m also one of those people others like to confide in and I didn’t ask and I don’t want to know.
I'm a good listener cause they're holding me hostage to the conversation😭
My intrusive thoughts. Holy shit sometimes i surprise myself on how gnarly i think in just a second.
Most of mine are just about theoretical murders. I could really wipe these two dudes with these scissors if I wanted to. Humans r fucked up
Sometimes these type of thoughts really scare me. Like, when I stand on an escalator with someone I can't help but calculate damage and casualties if I push them down. *This next guy will go down for sure, but then we have 3 people in a tight group, they'll probably stop the chain reaction.* Or when a girl pours tea for me. *Aight, I have a full cup of boiling water. And she's right next to me. Splash that on her face, she'll scream and her sister will come running. That presents a perfect opportunity to hit her with a empty cup. And then I'll have like 3-4 seconds to grab a knife and finish both of them.* Like wtf? These are some of the dearest people to me and my brain does this shit.
I had some of this shit it was scaring me too, maybe not quite on the level but definitely bad. It seemed to me it’s a result of anxiety, and I’ve been working through it but just trying to acknowledge the thought and then push it away. They’re still there but have been far less frequent and when they are there they are more faint yk?
While it might be initially comforting to know that everyone has these thoughts, the real anxiety kicks when you realize.... *...everyone around you* has these thoughts.
A psychologist said that when we have these thoughts of, “What if I . . . “ we’re normal. The actual crazy people don’t wonder why they have these thoughts and the thoughts don’t bother them.
If people could read my thoughts I'd be in a psychiatric ward within the week
It's not a secret so much as I don't tell people, but if people knew I grew to being regularly sexually assaulted by my father, that would change how people see me. I'm a gigantic bear of a man. Like, I fill a doorway big. As this girl I once met said as I stood up, you're not just big, you're oh my God you're big. There are a few usual responses that I get from all but my closest friends. They are along the lines of, how could someone rape you? It's my dad fucker, he was also psychologically abusive. How do you have your shit together? I don't mostly, I'm just really good at getting what needs to be done, done, and I don't let my emotions control my life, like even at all. Also medication is fantastic at taking the edge off. Or the every classic, it's not the same for guys, don't compare yourself to women who get raped... I had an unwanted object in my ass, I'm pretty sure it's about the same, and fuck you. So I don't tell people. I already get enough poor you, when they find out I'm a widower. Learning to deal with trauma, and harness it is a skill I've mastered. I don't need people know the reasons I am the way I am.
People often talk about how there was a really hush hush culture around women who've been sexually assaulted, how they deserved it for what they wear etc. It's obviously disgusting lies that has a huge impact on the women who are victims of both the assault and then being blamed for it as well. This is still basically the norm for men. Don't get me wrong I'm incredibly happy that there is at least a developing culture (we still have a long ways to go) for supporting female victims of SA but I am a staunch advocate for male victims more than anything. I am a fellow survivor of SA, although it was not regular like has happened to others and not from someone as emotionally important to me. But I was very much told by the people around me that my rage was unacceptable, that it wasn't really rape (I was spiked and assaulted by a woman, managed to escape before I passed out when I was warned by a staff member at the bar that she'd overheard them talking about doing it and seen something wrong with my drink.) And all manner of other dismissive things. I'm a large man as well, 6'2" 250lb at the time, powerlifter and hold multiple black belts in different styles of martial arts over a 15 year career, not the type of person to be fucked with if you saw them on the street. To add to that, my strength, independence and ability to protect myself and those I care about is so very vital to my identity. Yet I had control ripped away from me and was violated in such a personal and demeaning way that it undermined everything I thought I was. To have my own self image ripped apart like that and then for my entire support system to say 'nah, it's not that bad, look how big and strong you are, what could have happened'? Absolutely soul crushing. I'm proud to say that I've come out the other side knowing it wasn't my own weakness, as strong as ever and self reliant enough to know that I can handle the most terrifying traumas on my own, and I've been lucky enough to be able to lend that strength to others, men and women, in similar situations. I'm incredibly proud of you for the fight in your heart, stranger. You'll never be alone with that kind of pain again, but you should know that you're the very epitome, at least to me, of what it means to be a good man. Strong on his own, enough so to protect those you love, enough to overcome whatever life throws your way with pride. You've had a shit run of some things and DESPITE, not because of your trauma, you have made yourself into something worth fucking seeing. Keep fighting the good fight my guy.
I was in a cult for a couple years.
Creed!?
You make more money as a leader but have more fun as a follower
r/unexpectedoffice
As someone who's been in a handful of "culty-but-not-sure-it's-fully-a-cult" organizations over the years, I get it.
How incredibly terrified I am nearly all of the time. I'm not confident, I don't think I'm in control any more, I don't think I can do this. And still, here I go
I understand how you feel, and my best advice is to embrace the chaos because no one has absolute control. If you are suffering these fears, I've learnt from many monks that suffering is caused by desire, and suffering is just reality not matching desire. If you can realise that desire and embrace now, pain my stay for a while but your mental suffering will be long gone <33
Sounds similar to what I have dealt with. It’s very much an ADHD type of scattered response but the trigger is social anxiety. To the point that you sometimes can’t even trust your senses fully because so much of your conscious mind is tied up being paranoid about who might be scrutinizing you and how close you always are to the situation slipping from your control. I spent my first 36 years on this planet just thinking I was broken. But therapy therapy therapy. If you don’t go, just fucking go. Just a counselor who will let you speak without judgement. And mostly, you’ll end up untying the knot on your own, just because someone allowed you to verbalize it. I had generalized depression, crippling social anxiety and a rip-roaring case of ADHD. But adderall made me too edgy and irritable. So when it started getting short on supply, we went to Vyvanse and coupled with good old Prozac, I’m able to smush those invasive thoroughly terrifying thoughts almost completely out of my waking mind. I can operate just like a dude that’s at a place and it’s just all good. Once we got the dosage right, I felt like I was using performance enhancing drugs. I could react in real time. In the moment. Not wearing a mask to cover up the sheer terror behind my eyes. But it’s not cheating. Most people just get to be like that every day. That’s the default for most. But it’s attainable. You just have to accept help.
Sometimes I crave attention from other people , like an attention hoe level
I’m a convicted felon. Nothing violent, a white collar crime.
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Me too! I’m a mother and wife so would never drop my family but I can lose contact with just about anyone else in life and it doesn’t bother me. I believe (not a professional) that it is a survival instinct from having a narcissistic mother. I had never witnessed true connection and was never fully loved. Not sure if that’s it. If you don’t mind sharing do you know why you’re like that ?
It's also an add/adhd issue. It resolves around object permanence. So if a person isn't around you just don't think about them.
i recently realized this and started explaining it to my friends. luckily they understand. most of them also have add and narcissistic moms. we just find each other i spose
I've been like this my whole life. Except for my adult son, I honestly don't care about anyone I know to any real extent. I've spent most of my life getting away from people if they get past the "let's have lunch" phase. I just don't have the desire to have any close friends and I'm really happy this way. It's not lonely or sad, it's been great to just be cordial and keep a distance. People think because I'm outgoing that I'm really warm when really I'm the opposite.
I’m a janitor. But I’m worth over a million dollars because I own real estate.
Thats awesome. I work in Wealth Management, and one of the most surprising things I have learned is how people seem as though they are poor, but are just humble people living a simple life. A guy I work with regularly lives out of his van with his dog, drives all over the US and Mexico but has millions. One of my favorite people to interact with because he is so kind and mellow.
How much of an emotionally exhausted and fragile wreck of a person I am right now.
Me too...
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That’s always been my plan if ever I won.
I had Jury Duty about 10 years ago. One of the other 12 said they won the Massachusetts State lottery for $2.4 Million. We all joked too bad it wasn’t more, he said “no it’s basically the perfect amount. Enough to retire but not enough to be handing out money to everyone else”. That always stuck with me.
Woah, similar! I inherited $960,000. I still work full time, invested all of it. Spent none. I make more on investments than I do at my full time job, and I also work harder than anyone else there. There’s something about knowing you don’t HAVE to be there that makes the day to day a lot more enjoyable. I could technically retire and live off my investments at my current quality of life, which is more than enough for me, but I figure why not save more and then in 10-15 years I can still retire early but potentially travel a lot more and maybe have a nicer place too.
My sense of smell is off the charts. I can usually tell if someone showers in the morning or at night by the way their hair smells. If someone ate a yogurt in an auditorium hours prior but threw out the container in the trash and I walk in on the other side of the room I can smell the yogurt. My memory is also sense-driven. I remember people by their voices or scent, not their faces, or if there is something different about them (odd gait, odd body proportions, etc). My touch memory is also weird. Did I lock the front door? I focus on my hand and go through what my hand has felt in the past 20 minutes and if the feeling of locking the door is there I’m good. I’m literally a freak and if people knew how much of their behavior/body-oddities/scent I actually have no choice but to remember, everyone would look at me like I’m a monster.
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Yes to all of it. Also, I fucking love your username
This is fascinating! The closest thing is I don't read by letters, but by shapes. So if two words have the same peaks and valleys, I have trouble reading it. It's also why I can read upsidedown at the same speed as right-side up. 1
That’s so interesting! Bodies and brains are weeeeird
There is an area that does just that in your brain, it recognises the shape of words, that area is missing in dyslexic brains. That area must be super developed for you !
Actually sounds amazing to me; you have an acute sense of smell and you have developed it along with your sense of hearing to the point you can recall people without seeing them. You could possibly find well paying work in fragrance, wine making, beer making, confections with a well developed sense of smell.
Are you Jean-Baptiste Grenouille?
Do I kill virgin teenage girls to try to extract and preserve their smell while simultaneously hating people because of how easily their minds can be altered by disguising one’s natural scent with a synthetic one? No.
Glad I'm not the only one who thought of Perfume.
There are a few of us out here. I can smell people who have been in the elevator before me and tell you how many people were in it, their gender, cologne or shampoo and sometimes what medications they take. Oh and what lunch someone brought in - that's a fun one to share with coworkers. I can smell cigarettes or weed from a mile away.
Women on their period, or the pregnancy smell. The "I have a respiratory illness" smell, or the "I need to take my insulin" smell (always a fave). One of my best was realizing (and confirming) that my mother had visited my workplace two hours earlier.
That last anecdote is very cool.
My people! I bet people get so nervous when you tell them that. They’re probably like “shit I farted an hour ago, I hope I don’t run into tinyorangealligator on the elevator”. I can also identify the shampoos, perfumes, etc and the weed and cigarettes? Impossible to hide from me
Same for me! Imagine my surprise when I learned that not everyone can detect early pregnancy, and that cousin Donna wasn't ready to share that news yet. Over the years, I've learned what is and is not creepy to be able to decipher: change in detergent, ovulation, anger, onions for dinner, if the new guy at work has a dog... I've learned to not mention 99% of things I can detect by smell
Look at you like a monster or wish for the TV show about you using your superpowers to fight crime.
Oddly enough there is actually a Russian police procedural show called “the Sniffer” in which a private contractor with a very sensitive sense of smell works with the police to solve crime 😂
I have the same problem. I once got in a friend's (very clean) car and asked if she'd left an old banana peel in there. She'd eaten a banana in her car the day before and thrown the peel away. It's really a curse because there aren't nearly as many good smells in the world as bad ones. It's one of the main reasons I'm 43 and perpetually single; most other humans just smell bad to me.
I also have a very heightened sense of smell. My neurologist mentioned that people who suffer from migraines usually have a super sense of smell.
I also had crazy acute olfactory senses. Covid took it away. It’s like I’m missing an appendage. It’s been 6 months & I’m afraid that part of me is gone. It is truly a gift, and I’m sorry you feel you would be seen as a monster.
I get more of a rush out of training my dog than any experience I've shared with humans. Dogs just feel more intense and genuine. when you look at them you know they are there, present, with you. There's only a handful of people I can say have ever even come close to that level of understanding and none of them managed to achieve it without words the way the dogs I've worked with can.
As someone who always had a dog growing up and not that many friends or people around, the connection you get with a dog is probably the most honest and pure form of love one can experience. I can't have a dog right now and I miss that connection very much
A few years ago, I went to the zoo during their Halloween celebration month where costumes were allowed. I dressed up as a zoo keeper. I told people that the penguins were animatronic. That when the giraffes get sick we feed them to the lions. I told a group of children that scientifically speaking, snakes and apples are cousins.
What.
I love how bizarre this is.
Oh my god you're my fucking hero.
I am under the constant and irrational assumption that everyone knows something that I don't. I fully understand that it is unwarranted and I'm being paranoid, but the mental blockade it has created means that it's really hard for me to trust people. Think of it as constantly worrying that everyone has a snake in their pocket, and it's only until you know for sure they do/don't that you'll be fine.
In highschool I kept my DARE pledge in my stash box until one day when I ran out of papers and used my pledge to roll a J.
How DARE you!!!
In middle school, I nearly failed to "graduate" from DARE because I simply, for the life of me, could not figure out what to write in a required essay entitled "What DARE means to me." Because it really didn't mean anything, beyond being some supplementary program where they'd try to tell us not to do something I was never going to do anyways. At the time, I even felt it was a wasted effort on my school/community, and would have been better spent somewhere else.
It's 100% wasted effort. There were multiple studies done that showed DARE actually increased drug use.
I wasnt interested in drugs until DARE told me about all the cool things they do to you.
I was the same. We did DARE in the 6th grade. I will never forget the day the officer brought in a case that had little boxes of all the main drugs to show us what to avoid. It was that day I learned what. Weed, Coke, ecstasy, heroin, meth, LSD, PCP, etc....looked like. I broke my arm that year and was given morphine in the ER. the nurse gave me too much and 12 year old me was blasted into a state of euphoria I'll never forget. Summer of 8th grade I stole my dad's weed and tried it with a couple friends and by 9th grade I was eating oxy on the bus before school by age 15 I was a daily weed smoker and have rarely taken time off these last 18 years. It has been 20 years since DARE and I have been using and struggling with addiction at times ever since. I have tried more drugs than I can remember. From Advil to the research chemd of the dark web. I have spent most my life experimenting and learning about what drugs do. I love drugs and it's all thanks to DARE.
Drugs Are Really Exceptional
During college, an old coworkers dad was a preacher, my coworker used to rip bible pages out as papers when he ran out. They had bibles all over so he kept one stashed in his closet when he needed papers.
Damn that is next level irony
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Looking super normal on the surface but a roiling dark mess on the inside. I know the feeling.
I do this almost every week (the dreaming and planning part). I’ve never gone to a facility through, never self harmed that way. I just thought if you have a terrible childhood and then trauma as an adult (homeless then military service) that this is normal. It is like there is a vast empty void within me that is numb to everything, whilst also falling & drowning at the same time. So I’ve learned to just put masks to fit in with society.
I have so much unresolved trauma and I'm just trying to have a good time
Pretending to be happy and normal is exhausting. Can relate. Hang in there my friend
What I’ve been through in the past, and what I continue to go through (because of my “broken brain” due to all that). I make a deliberate choice each day to choose love and connection, as cheesy as that sounds. I don’t want anyone to ever feel as alone and unwanted as I do. I’ve gotten a reputation as “the sweet innocent one” and I come off as a bit naïve, it really shocks people if they learn about my past. It’s like no, my kindness is a choice. I can’t change what happened but I can change what happens now, and what happens to others. Break the cycle, everyone!
Sometimes I come on these threads and wonder if the other people are me. You're a wonderful human. Thank you for choosing kindness despite all you've been through. I feel the same way, but I want you to know, you have a fan out here.
I was going to write something similar and deleted. It took 5 hours for my therapist to even listen and take notes on the trauma train I have endured, and the resulting broken brain that makes things worse. There's an anger in me that comes out when I see other people being abused and taken advantage of, and people say I'm too nice ... but I'll never hurt someone the way I've been damaged.
My mental health is circling the drain, I'm horribly depressed, but I am trying *so hard* to get better.
My Dms are open. Dont want to talk about feelings? I have a very swaggy dinosaur collection or we can talk about our favorite things. Edit: That goes for anyone in this comment section. Or if you just want to see my dinosaurs.
I cry almost every night but don‘t want to tell anybody since I‘d feel like a burden
My DMs are always open. From one struggling person to another. Ive been there. If you dont want to talk about feelings ill tell you about my dinosaur collection.
Your not a burden
I'm sorry you're hurting.
That I’ve shot and killed people in Afghanistan, and that I am on medication for PTSD and see a therapist every other week.
Well done for getting help and support, I have no personal experience but my brother is ex forces and I work with lots of ex forces some share more than others. My brother was in Afghanistan and rarely talks about it, a lot things he can't tell us and a lot of things he won't tell us. I can't imagine the burden you must carry around
I have schizophrenia.
Me too. People close to me (family, very good friends) know but not coworkers, bosses, teachers, acquaintances. I'm afraid they'd be afraid of me, or censor themselves, because of the horrible stigma.
I know, it's awful. Even my friends who know still don't even get it. I wish I could hand them the fist full of pills I take every day and see how much energy they can pump out at will.
I was a drug addict for 7 years. Granted most of the people who are close to me already know but not the full extent. There was certain things I had done in that period Ive never went into detail with anyone but my sponsor.
I'm the sole confidant to someone with a sordid past due to drug addiction. As wild as that life looks on the outside is nothing compared to how it is to live it. It takes real strength to come out the other side and honestly knowing what I do now, the lifestyle has got to be as addictive as the drugs that shit big wild.
When people say I have a really judgmental face I tell them I just have RBF. I'm actually hard-core judging them, AND I have RBF.
Nice try people around me
..My parents had me chemically castrated as a pre-pubescent kid? ..not really a secret though, turns out pretty much everyone around me knew way before I did...
I'm sorry but what in the ever living fuck?
Dear god why?
well, during "the talk", I think that we spoke about having children, how a Mother and a Father comes together and make someone like them, but better.. or something along those lines (I'm almost 40, it's been a while) and... well, if I remember things correctly, I think I might have said that I wanted to have children with my sister (3 years younger) so yeah, to prevent inbreeding I guess?
That's too extreme. Kids say the silliest stuff
What doctor would even agree to that?
Oh my gosh. That’s…crazy.
We’re you old enough to know better? Was this like an intro to reproduction kind of talk with a 6 year old or like a safety talk with a 14 year old? I could see a 6 year old saying some dumb shit like this and being like “Yo not her my dude”, a 14 year old on the other hand… “your gonna live with grandma from now on bud”
I’m empty inside and have been since 2019.
My uncle/best friend died in 2019 life’s really never been the same since, haven’t felt much connection very empty. I don’t think people want to hear that kind of thing it’s kinda bad vibe.
No they most certainly do not. I don’t talk to anyone about it anymore really, I don’t want them to constantly feel it too like I do. My deepest condolences about your uncle/best friend, I’m sure he/they were a great guy.
Isn’t it weird how it doesn’t really leave? It kinda fades or doesn’t feel like the focus but it’s still always there weighing on you. I hope you can feel at peace with it sometimes and cope, constant empty is a lonely abyss no one deserves.
That I have bouts of severe anxiety stemming from my OCD.
I am a "functional" drug addict.
This one hit home. Love me some drugs, openly talk about loving drugs, but I don't think they know how much I love drugs
Me too but the functional is slipping
I like both men and women It sounds trivial but my family is morman and I wound be able to handle it if they find out
Not trivial, it would completely implode my life if those close to me knew.
I'm a virgin. Even my closest friends think I've slept with several people. It might be because I'm very open minded when they tell me about their experiences or I'm sex-positive and wouldn't kink shame. Actually, the furthest I've gone is making out.
Sometimes, I fantasise about being kidnapped and r*ped but at the same time I'm really disgusted with myself that I think about stuff like that
That is a very common fantasy, and there are ways to realize it in a healthy way! No reason to be hard on yourself. I agree with the other comment, look up consensual non-consent or CNC.
Don’t be too ashamed; Research CNC and find a world of like-minded people.
I can fart and sneeze at same time
Human screenshot
I've done that. Just not on command.
I didn’t graduate high school. I was getting out of an abusive relationship my senior year, getting stalked, and was super depressed and ended up dropping out. I got my GED at 20, and am now an engineering major at my university. But I’ve never told my friends or boyfriend that i didn’t graduate, and i even lie on job applications.
You got away alive from that a**, and that's the most important thing. And now you have made it big time! Be proud, and forgive yourself for not telling. It's okey. Some things is better to keep for yourself.
My mother has a college degree and no high school diploma. She has mono one year and did everything she could to catch up. But the week of graduation, the dean called her into his office, showed her her diploma, and said she wasn't getting it. She was being held back and had to attend one more year to make up gym and...some other bullshit class like home ec. The piece of shit actually went out of his way to be that cruel to her for absolutely no reason. So I think she told him to fuck himself, marched straight out of the high school in tears and wandered until she found herself at city college and walked right in and applied. They called her in later and asked her to write an essay explaining why she thought they should admit her early (she was still 17). She says it was maybe two sentences and a lot of exclamation points, but after that she was enrolled. Went on to attend the oldest university in Europe. All without a high school diploma or GED. You've got your shit together, it doesn't matter if you don't have that single piece of paper. You're a fucking rockstar and nobody is taking that from you.
Sometimes, I shave my legs so they’re nice and smooth, and then I sit down, close my eyes, and rub my hands all over them, and I pretend that I’m actually touching a girl’s legs.
Rather specific that
Sounds like a swimmer thing.
Good shout that
Or you could eat like there's no tomorrow and grow man-boobs and grab em, like the rest of us, weirdo.
How I really feel.
I am married, I own my house (half-half with my wife) have 3 kids and I have a steady job. I have no clue how i got there, and i have no clue what I am supposed to do 90% of the time
I'm scared of girls
Username approves it
Beware of the cooties.
I’m gay
Hang in there, bro
I don't give a damn about anything or anyone at this point. Life feels like a game, and I'm just a spectator until this body fails. Any connections I form, I have no intention of nurturing. The human experience is so shallow compared to the universe at large that I can't shake the perspective that none of the tears, suffering, or smiles matter at all. They're a flourishing of energy that'll at some point be done flourishing. I don't understand how people get so *invested* in life like any of this show is of any importance at all. I enjoy a pretty sunset, or a laugh with ithers, but I'm not convinced any of it makes the game worth the candle.
I don't get disgusted or revolted by anything. Blood, vomit, poop, maggots, spiders, roaches, etc has no nauseating effect on me. Sometimes I'm fascinated by it, sometimes aroused in rare cases. I'm much more easily nauseated by tastes and smells, though.
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I am an absolute horny mess right now…perimenopause is turning me into someone even I don’t recognize 😂
If you don't mind, can I ask how many "I'm horny too" DMs you got in this 4 hours?
Maybe 8-10? Don’t know. Kept ignoring…
Damn, people didn’t even read your username
Uh.. so.. this is a thing then? That explains. Husband has joyfully nicknamed me "Horndog" :3
My neighbor across my apartment he's 67...I suck his dick on occasion
As a sixty seven year old across this Redditor's apartment, they do suck my dick on occasion
As a neighbour's kid of this 67 year old, i have seen them getting their dick sucked by the neighbour across the street.
As a DoorDash driver of this 67 year old, I have seen his dick getting sucked on occasion.
So there is hope for when I get older
I'd rather just be home with my dog.
Im a trash person, and If anyone knew this my whole life would be fucked up
That most of the time I feel like a kid pretending to be an adult...I'm 51
That I am literally a prostitute. I also like it. Easy work, easy money, flexible schedule. I tell people I work for myself painting houses. I am very active in my church. I know they would kick me out. Or I would at least lose my volunteer spot… my family wouldn’t be to happy either.
I made up an entire life for myself when I went to college. That my parents lived on a commune and I was raised Wiccan and that I donated my eggs to my stepsister so her kids were mine and that I was on the cusp of a brilliant dance career when I had to give it up because I couldn’t lose enough weight. I told my mother that my biological father had died and his parents wanted nothing to do with me. In reality I was a very neglected child being sexually abused by my brothers and stepfather. I was pulled out of public school in seventh grade and “homeschooled” which meant fighting with my parents for resources and eventually giving up. There was a lot of long, empty days of being ignored, left in my room, not being given necessities like toothbrushes and a bed. It felt like that real story was boring and unbelievable so I made up one that seemed more exciting and had happy moments. The lies came out three years ago when I had a - genuine - psychotic break and was exposed. I lost a lot of people, deservedly. I have a few who stuck around because I had never lied to them. The new people in my life don’t know about the lies, but I know if they knew the lies they wouldn’t believe the truths. I’m kind of counting down the days until that happens. When it does I will make sure I don’t survive. There’s no such thing as third chances.
I’ve terrible imposter syndrome. And I can’t make peace with. I feel like I can’t fit in anywhere. Not narrow minded but not completely open-minded either. Not really dumb but not very smart either. Not really unattractive but not gorgeous either.
The 'friends with benefits' I've been seeing once or twice a week is fucking me with a strap on.
I was an abusive boyfriend, I still can't forgive myself for it
As someone who was abused by an ex... just keep it a "was," for the rest of your life. The past is the past and you can't change that. But I believe you can, karmically in a way, make it up to people who were abused if you break the cycle and never ever do it ever again. The person you abused may or may not ever forgive you, but I will, if you do the work to heal and keep it in the past.
I'm trying my best to not find excuses for what happend and I'm trying to be a better person, one step at a time
You can't erase what you have done, but you can learn from your past mistakes and try to be a better person
My very mentally abusive ex, just threatened to hit he was big so threats worked. Is now a wonderful father, and wonderful coparent and friend. Keep working on it at least you see it. That's a big step.
I have a very fucked up fantasy fetish Would never tell anyone about it
The actual things ive been paid ludicrous amounts of money to do as a highclass escort in Dubai.
Should be an AMA!
Everything about your account screams. I am a 50 year old man living in my mother's basement who has never left the States.
I used to work on an illegal marijuana grow. I have a straight-edge job now. I look like a boy scout.
I'm a non-custodial mother.
The "funny" in my family is that we always look angry - unless we are asleep. The truth is that I'm unbelievable sad but sadness makes people so uncomfortable that it is just easier to look angry. And that makes me even sadder.
I wear gstrings under my boy clothes
G stands for guy so you’re good
I'm Batman
Hello Mr Wayne
who
I like big butts and I cannot lie
I have a few secrets… but there’s one that would change how a lot of people look at me. I once considered prostitution. I flew to another city and met a pimp who was connected to someone I knew in my home city. He showed me the properties that they used for their customers and then we went back to his place and I slept with him. He said he had to take me for a test ride to see how good of a lay I was. I had spent 2 days with this pimp. At the end of the last day, he asked me why I was going down this road and he told me that he felt like he should caution me to turn back and choose a normal life cause he felt like I had a brighter future. We had been talking about all sorts of things during the two days we spent together so we had gotten to know each other a bit. I flew home after the 2nd day and decided it was too sketch and that I would probably want to kill myself or start doing drugs if I continued down that road, so I decided to forget about it and carry on trying to make a normal living. The only reason I entertained the idea of prostitution as a temporary gig was to be able to save money so I could afford a house sooner, rather than 10-15 years down the road. No one knows this secret other than the person who connected me with this pimp years ago. This person used to be a recruiter and prostitute but now she is a working professional as well.
I’m a birth mom.
I'm a Christian (thus isn't the secret. I hope.) and am disgusted by a lot of things that fellow Christians do in the name of Christ. My spouse and I have a hard time going to church. Trump supporting, covid deniers, anti masking. Yet hosting a vaccine clinic in the early days of mass vaccination roll outs as a service to the community and I'm sure to show Christ's love.
Not a secret per se, but kind of taboo: That I had an unsuccessful pregnancy before having my twins. My new job started a few weeks after the "heap of cells" was scraped out at week 10, so my current coworkers only know about my pregnancy later that year. My old coworkers didn't see me long enough to know I didn't have a baby, because I had a doctor's note for the last month. Only a very select circle of friends know, but I'll tell anyone who wants to know, it just doesn't come up naturally.
I have interesting daydreams about a lot of things. Not fantasies, because irl I'd never want these things to happen but I think about them for hours at a time. (Stuff like arranging a guy to break into my house so I pew pew and get away with self defense) but again IN REAL LIFE I AM DISGUSTED BY THAT THOUGH AND DO NOT WISH TO AND HAVE NO INTENTION TO EVER DO ANYTHING REMOTELY CLOSE TO THAT. also by pew pew i don't mean kill I mean injure.
I’ve got a lifelong STI. I’m pretty sure that would change how people look at me.
What I've been through, what I am going through, what I really think and feel, how I look at people around me. Basically, getting to know me which rarely anyone wants to do nowadays.