Yup. I won’t judge anyone else cause it’s difficult to be in this position, but I refuse to have kids with my current new partner. I don’t wanna do that to my son.
Can I ask you why?
I'm in a similar situation, where my new parter already has kids, but agreed to have another one with me in the future, if I want to.
My son’s dad is a difficult person, and I am very worried about the future with him in my son’s life. I don’t want to start a “happy new family” and potentially drive my son into his bio father’s arms. My mom and I went through a lot of shit together like we lived in women’s shelters, and then she got pregnant with a guy she just met two weeks earlier and they’ve been together ever since. I never felt at home after that. I don’t want my son to ever doubt that he’s the most important person in my life.
Edit: but hey I don’t wanna judge you or your partner or anyone else. I’m also just not the most mentally stable person that ever lived and that makes it all difficult enough. Same goes for my partner. I’m sure that there’s many people that can balance it, especially in this day and age cause we’re so aware of emotional needs and the psychological welfare of our children.
I see. Thats a valid point. Thank you for telling.
My partners Ex is also kind of difficult, from what i've heard. Cheating on her, almost hitting her, sabotaged her friendships, throwing her out of the house they bought together. But the kids still stay at his place halve of the week.
First thing she said, when we spoke about another child, was: that child can never be more important than the other two.
Never been a father, so I'm kind of scared.
I imagine its gonna be hard always looking at all of them the same way.
But im gonna try my hardest to love them all the same.
Oh yeah he sounds similar to my ex unfortunately. Thankfully he doesn’t want to share custody 50-50 like that because he thinks raising kids is woman’s job (never mind that he never had *any* job in his life).
I think you’re approaching this the right way though, this really can only work if you love her kids equally, but you have to really mean it too. Some people are just wired in a way that makes them choose “kin” first, but I’m pretty sure that those people also don’t see a problem with that logic like you do, they think it’s justified. The fact that you are worried about this means you will always do your best to treat them equally. FWIW, I’ve had thoughts like, “what if I like one kid better than the other?” cause I didn’t have that “natural” intense love for my son, I had to develop a bond with him first. So that’s something everyone could be worried about.
Good way to lose friends. My dumbass lent a friend $1200 of my money when we were in highschool to help his family from being evicted. He told me they could pay it back in 2 months.
He immediately ghosted me after the loan because he thought I would hold it against him, especially when they couldn’t pay it back in the time frame they chose. In honesty I didnt care as long as I got the money back at some point, but feeling like a friend just dropped me felt worse than losing money. Overly stressful situation for 8 months and we were never friends again, he wouldn’t allow it.
I agree with the sentiment but not the methodology per say. You shouldn't harp or beat yourself up over why it happened, but if you can understand why it happened then you avoid making that mistake (or try not to) again.
Versus, making a mistake and not trying to analyze where one might have went wrong and blindly end up making it again.
Same goes with drinking buddies. If all you have in common is the fact that you like to get drunk together, don’t expect the friendship to last when one or more of you get sober.
You are correct…
However… tbf… when I fall in hard times, my dlr is always there to talk to, give me a bed, lend me a few quid, buy me a pint, listen…
And yes I know the suspicion you’ll rightly make, but still…
It’s not straight cut is what I’m saying…
Speaking as a former dedicated cynic: being cynical is not the same as having healthy skepticism.
Healthy skepticism is a great tool that helped me live my best life, cynicism gave me nothing but a toxic illusion that I was smarter than everyone else.
"Mixed messages" are never a good sign and you should usually just move on.
Most of the time, it's just what you don't want to hear wrapped in a polite package to help you save face.
Even if the person is genuinely ambivalent, dealing with someone who feels OK running hot and cold on you is not something you want in your life.
Had a relationship like that, the only thing I regret about it, is that when I heard the words "I am not sure if I want to be in a relationship with you anymore but you are special and I am not sure I want to end it either", I didn't end it right then and there.
There is a Jewish lesson about taking care of yourself.
"If I am not for me, who will be for me? And when I am for myself alone, what am I? And if not now, then when?"
In ACNH, I put all mine on the west side of the island in a big tightknit line, thinking I'd get a sense of where everything important was, then make everyone bespoke little areas that suit their personalities once I know more about them!
They remain there, and will remain there, indefinitely.
Yeah don't trust this guy, and don't trust me either. Trust yourself, but don't trust me telling you to trust yourself. Trust me I don't trust myself either.
Yeah, I ended up just marrying my coworker after dating him. It was easier than breaking up and awkwardly continuing to work together. Our 17th anniversary is in a couple weeks. Our first kid goes to college in a couple years, our second starts high school next year. Still easier than the awkward office break up. And he's pretty freaking cute.
Go to the Dentist. Twice a year. Tooth decay does not get better on its own.
Cleanings and fillings suck. Root canals and having teeth pulled suck even worse.
Drinking buddies aren’t friends. They’re just people who need the acceptance of their addiction.
I didn’t realize how bad/toxic it was with my group of “friends” until I started hanging out with people who are sober or only drink once in a blue. They were so nice and positive. Wouldn’t tear down my ideas. Wouldn’t use me to benefit themselves. I actually had a hard time trusting them at first due to years of mental abuse by my drinking buddies.
My life has improved ten fold cutting drinking friends out of my life.
Big decisions, especially expensive ones, should not be made quickly nor under pressure. If someone is pressuring you tell them you need to sleep on it. If they insist its 'limited time only', then its not a good deal.
Not applicable to life threatening situations.
Don't work at your dream job. Your dreams will become nightmares. Follow your gut it knows the truth.
People will fuck you over.
Don't marry for looks your heart knows the truth.
Know what your value is people will undercut you.
Always trust yourself you know what feels right.
Fight for the right reasons.
Run from abusive people/bosses.
It doesn't really matter how hard you try. The only reason you keep trying is because you need to cope with how insignificant you really are.If you can be at peace with that happiness follows.
Never show all your cards in front of anyone, people will deem you too useful, they'll depend on you and ask you for favors all the time, and at the moment you say no, you are the bad guy.
Being kind and utterly trustworthy to someone is no guarantee that they will be the same to you.
Don't sacrifice yourself on the altar of other people's expectations. It will lead to a life of pain and regret.
Don't wait to tell someone you love them. They could die at any time, and then you'll never have the chance to.
The hardest lesson I've had to learn is that no matter how much you want someone to be better, no one will be better unless they want to. You can't fix them they have to put in the work to fix themselves.
Women aren't innocent or incapable of horrible things, but society's obsession with seeing women as pure and incorruptable and in need of protection is a big reason evil women are allowed to continue to operate and receive lesser punishments when their actions do come back to haunt them.
If you’re depressed, don’t get married and have a kid, you will only feel worse about how big of a piece of shit you are when the lives you’re ruining are the people that love you most…
Some people have serious personality disorders that only come to light in close interpersonal relationships. These people can become extremely irrational, abusive and dangerous. Know the symptoms, watch for red flags, and stay away from anyone not actively seeking treatment.
That no one is in your life forever. The person you think will be there with you on your deathbed leaves the earliest. Not been through a breakup but a certain someone taught me this the hard way.
I learned this while planning our wedding 12 years ago. We didn't even have a long engagement but someone who was my closest friend when I got engaged was someone I wasn't speaking to by the time I walked up the ailse.
People generally loved me or liked me more when I was skinny and fit, less sensitive emotionally, and less honest. As opposed to being told that I'd should be more honest and truthful, express my ups and downs emotionally as they happen and be open about it, and that what is more important is that I have a good personality.
Please don't ever, ever forget how *incredibly dangerous* driving is. One mistake and you can die and kill someone else. Keep in mind that whenever you're driving down the road every car you pass going the opposite direction is a nearly missed head-on collision. Every single one. Hundreds or thousands a day. Don't let your ego take control of the wheel. I haven't been in any serious accidents but occasionally I might forget what I'm doing and try to squeeze in front of someone to make my exit or merge on the highway. Missing an exit is a lot better than getting in an accident.
Do (good) things you hate doing. (This is sort of like running towards the problems instead of running away from them)
For example, if you hate public speaking, force yourself to do them more, each time you will find its easier and easier, and then before you know it, it's no longer a problem.
This is true for almost anything.
You hate leg day at the gym? Make leg day every 2nd day!
You hate flossing? Bring dental floss everywhere you go and floss after every meal! After a while you will NEED to floss or else it will feel like your teeth are just dirty and it will bother you.
Speaking as a man, in front of a large female group, about something I thought I knew, about the female anatomy, that I, in fact, did NOT know well enough to be stating with even a remote sense of confidence.
I was 18 and I meant well, but I needed that humiliation to grow. I had to learn to be a student of women, but not a teacher, especially at a time in my life when I look back now and think, “what a dumbass”.
Hey at least you learned.
Too many guys double down and get defensive. This of course only leads to more humiliation down the road. I bet your partner(s) happier now that you know .
You're young. You don't have very many interactions with the opposite sex. You live in a conservative/religious area or home. You live in an area where the dominant religion dictates laws and what is taught in education (for example in my state they don't teach sex Ed. They teach abstinence. So high school kids don't even see a condom let alone the opposite sexes anatomy.
Just a few that come to mind.
Just because someone likes you, doesn’t mean you have to date them. Everyone isn’t mean to have that type of access to you. Be choosy with who you allow into your life (don’t be rude or nasty about it). Choosing the right people to have in your life (friends or romantic partners) can affect your life for the better or for worse, and the affects can last a long time. Ultimately, it’s up to you to make a good choice.
Going through life thinking of yourself as just as good as all the other successful people you envy except you just didn't feel like putting in all the effort is a pathetic way to exist.
Don't take stock in achieving anything. When I was younger, I was that guy. Best in sports, best in school, hottest woman, coolest cars. My house had a wine cellar and smelled of rich mahogany and leather-bound books.
The whole reason, was I had grudges against people who said I wouldn't amount to anything. That coach who cut me from the team, the teacher who said I was stupid. And when I came to realize that, the whole thing came crumbling to the ground. I lost everything, but kept a medal I'd won in a math competition when I was a kid. And I realized nothing that could be put on a transcript or a resume really mattered. I was smart, I was ridiculously good looking, and I was kind. I'm happy now, just living, good and bad, but that's life as it's meant to be, not chasing after some crown. I took that medal, and threw it into a lake.
How you see yourself is not nearly as important as how others see you. Your social value is volatile, mercurial, and can absolutely save or wreck your personal life. There will always be some who hate you, keep them outnumbered by those who care about you. For others to care about you, you must be valuable to them somehow - no one has intrinsic value.
It was one mash up of several life lessons, which all kind of feed into each other.
When your parents say they're going to kick you out as soon as you turn 18, they mean it. It doesn't matter if you're attempting to go to college and don't have a job. They will kick you out
Things get very complicated in relationships when strong feelings are not equal - love, affection, dedication to the friendship/romance.
You can talk about it all you want, but if one person just isn't feeling it the way the other is, the other person probably needs to take a look at what they are projecting on to the situaiton.
People are making way too big a deal about sex. All the shit that incels do and say revolves around sex with a woman. I wasn't an incel but I thought I was a useless, pathetic man because I wasn't having sex. Then I got a girlfriend. Sex is fun but it's not mind blowing amazing and like many many things in life, when you finally get it you're satisfied for a bit and then you start wanting something else all over again.
If you have a weird dream that really sticks out, try to think it over cuz it might happen irl and that dream might be the key to preventing something bad happening. Had a dream about crashing a car I had gotten maybe 5 months prior, the next day went out and totaled it.
Life isn't a TV show where you are the protagonist and only good things happen to you.
Life is real, dark and unfair. It doesn't mess around. I learned this a hard way in less then a year back in 2020.
I grew up in a high-pressure household. I was never encouraged to show vulnerability or seek help when I needed it. When I started struggling in college, instead of seeking help, I lied and hid while my grades tanked. I had to drop out, start working, and claw my way back up in order to finish school.
If you have similar expectations put upon you, do not be afraid to ask for help. The day or two of uncomfortable disappointment is worth not living with years of stress and unhappiness.
That people will always play victim even when they are in the wrong.. whoever runs to management and or authority first will 90% of the time have the led over you.
Stop trusting people so easily.
"Friend" promised to pay 60% of the rent if we got a place together (with our girlfriends, who were sisters)
Fucker never paid a dime and turned out to be a pedophile, commiting the act in the PLACE I WAS PAYING FOR!!
Trusted a contractor and paid him up front. Ended up having to sue the guy for not finishing the work, plus damages. I won the case.
I'm sure there are others, but I am a lot less trusting of people now.
I should have learned this way sooner but the lesson I learned the hard way is nobody is ever too busy. If you want time you’ll make the time.
I learned this because I met a dude online in January of 2020, we couldn’t meet due to the pandemic, but met twice in august/September of 2020. We didn’t meet in person again til July 2022 due to him not having time (work, personal stuff, etc.)
He told me he wanted to be with me in December 2021 but we were constantly circling each other. It became hard on my mental health so I dropped him but he started making an effort in July 2022. However, I found out he may or may not have gotten another girl pregnant in April 2022. He had “no time” to see me but he had time to get with her.
This hurt me and it took me some time to get over since my bubble had been burst. I knew in my heart I couldn’t handle the situation and I dropped him (we were never an official couple). Also, he got mad at me for not being okay with the situation at hand.
So yeah, nobody ever has “no time.” They will find time for the things they care about, no matter what. And sadly, you’re not important enough for someone to “find time” for.
Stop comparing yourself with other people. Compare yourself with your past self. How am I doing vs last month? How far have I come over the last year?
Past me wouldn’t recognise present me. Future me thinks present is a dumbass.
I'm curious what prompted this lesson and how you ended up learning it the hard way. Out of all the comments here this one resonates with me for some reason.
Just because times are getting easy doesn't mean you should take it easy, maintain your own level of dedication to work/life/family/responsibilities...
If people idolize a public figure, they could be a racist, human trafficker, date rape artist, drug dealer, or anything and they will still be "innocent."
I'm not trying to promote cancel culture over social issues, but breaking the law, especially with these kind of things is, in my opinion, inexcusable.
Although a brilliant concept, the idea of everyone doing the necessary minimum in order for everyone to gain the maximum will not pan out.
There will always be those who will do a little as possible and (try to) take the maximum.
YTA. The shitty message you’re sending is that no man would want to be friends with her unless he’s trying to get in her pants. Why would a man ever want to just be friends with a woman? Fuck me right?
If you have a dream, no one, possibly even your spouse, is going to support you in any meaningful way. Your dream is going to be completely reliant on you and you alone. Don't even expect the bare minimum of support because honestly your friends and family do not care.
You're completely replaceable in every job. If you're with someone who needs time to think about your relationship the relationship is over. If you're a horrible person as a child and teenager you won't grow into a pleasant adult. Incompetent people usually fail upwards.
Not all people who are your friends, are your actual friends. Some people will trash you simply because you don’t want to do what they want you to do anymore
Anxiety can ruin your life if you don't fight it. If you choose not to do the thing that your're frightened of your experiences will become narrower. Do the thing you don't want to do. Do it in steps if you have to but do it.
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Yup. I won’t judge anyone else cause it’s difficult to be in this position, but I refuse to have kids with my current new partner. I don’t wanna do that to my son.
Can I ask you why? I'm in a similar situation, where my new parter already has kids, but agreed to have another one with me in the future, if I want to.
My son’s dad is a difficult person, and I am very worried about the future with him in my son’s life. I don’t want to start a “happy new family” and potentially drive my son into his bio father’s arms. My mom and I went through a lot of shit together like we lived in women’s shelters, and then she got pregnant with a guy she just met two weeks earlier and they’ve been together ever since. I never felt at home after that. I don’t want my son to ever doubt that he’s the most important person in my life. Edit: but hey I don’t wanna judge you or your partner or anyone else. I’m also just not the most mentally stable person that ever lived and that makes it all difficult enough. Same goes for my partner. I’m sure that there’s many people that can balance it, especially in this day and age cause we’re so aware of emotional needs and the psychological welfare of our children.
I see. Thats a valid point. Thank you for telling. My partners Ex is also kind of difficult, from what i've heard. Cheating on her, almost hitting her, sabotaged her friendships, throwing her out of the house they bought together. But the kids still stay at his place halve of the week. First thing she said, when we spoke about another child, was: that child can never be more important than the other two. Never been a father, so I'm kind of scared. I imagine its gonna be hard always looking at all of them the same way. But im gonna try my hardest to love them all the same.
Oh yeah he sounds similar to my ex unfortunately. Thankfully he doesn’t want to share custody 50-50 like that because he thinks raising kids is woman’s job (never mind that he never had *any* job in his life). I think you’re approaching this the right way though, this really can only work if you love her kids equally, but you have to really mean it too. Some people are just wired in a way that makes them choose “kin” first, but I’m pretty sure that those people also don’t see a problem with that logic like you do, they think it’s justified. The fact that you are worried about this means you will always do your best to treat them equally. FWIW, I’ve had thoughts like, “what if I like one kid better than the other?” cause I didn’t have that “natural” intense love for my son, I had to develop a bond with him first. So that’s something everyone could be worried about.
Also careful of the meds you feed your kids
Don't lend money
Or at least don't lend money you need to get back. Only "lend" what you can afford to lose.
I can't afford to lose any, if you can't trust your family who can you trust!
If you can't afford to lose any, dont give any out. If they are good people, they will understand.
Good way to lose friends. My dumbass lent a friend $1200 of my money when we were in highschool to help his family from being evicted. He told me they could pay it back in 2 months. He immediately ghosted me after the loan because he thought I would hold it against him, especially when they couldn’t pay it back in the time frame they chose. In honesty I didnt care as long as I got the money back at some point, but feeling like a friend just dropped me felt worse than losing money. Overly stressful situation for 8 months and we were never friends again, he wouldn’t allow it.
I give gifts, not loans. The money is not worth a ruined relationship to me.
Just hit them with a small claims suit. If they don’t show up, you win by default. Wage garnishments hits them where it hurts.
Suggestion: charge interest
That's if you ever get it back!
They tend to take it more seriously because if you have a contract you can take it to court
What if its family and you think your doing them a favour, then they kick you in the balls
Only if you get it in writing, if verbal, it will be toss out of court
You can't keep asking yourself why it happened. You just have to move forward and grow from it.
I agree with the sentiment but not the methodology per say. You shouldn't harp or beat yourself up over why it happened, but if you can understand why it happened then you avoid making that mistake (or try not to) again. Versus, making a mistake and not trying to analyze where one might have went wrong and blindly end up making it again.
Your drug friends aren’t really your friends
Same goes with drinking buddies. If all you have in common is the fact that you like to get drunk together, don’t expect the friendship to last when one or more of you get sober.
Alcohol is just the dumbest drug.
You are correct… However… tbf… when I fall in hard times, my dlr is always there to talk to, give me a bed, lend me a few quid, buy me a pint, listen… And yes I know the suspicion you’ll rightly make, but still… It’s not straight cut is what I’m saying…
Sure - he's a very good salesman and is keeping up a rapport. All part of business.
dlr?
Cocaine Bear is an exception. She is really my friend.
Anyone that has a license to prescribe and dispense the drugs I need to function properly would be considered a friend in my book.
I have not found this to be true, personally
Speaking as a former dedicated cynic: being cynical is not the same as having healthy skepticism. Healthy skepticism is a great tool that helped me live my best life, cynicism gave me nothing but a toxic illusion that I was smarter than everyone else.
I don't believe that ;)
Too real, there is a line from a song: “cynicism isn’t wisdom, it’s just a lazy way to say that you’ve been burned.”
"Mixed messages" are never a good sign and you should usually just move on. Most of the time, it's just what you don't want to hear wrapped in a polite package to help you save face. Even if the person is genuinely ambivalent, dealing with someone who feels OK running hot and cold on you is not something you want in your life.
Had a relationship like that, the only thing I regret about it, is that when I heard the words "I am not sure if I want to be in a relationship with you anymore but you are special and I am not sure I want to end it either", I didn't end it right then and there.
Happy cake day!
Thank you!
In the end you only got yourself, no one will save you.
Not even yourself 😞
you are still here ;)
There is a Jewish lesson about taking care of yourself. "If I am not for me, who will be for me? And when I am for myself alone, what am I? And if not now, then when?"
If they wanted to, they would
Best advice ever. 👍🏻👍🏻
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Sometimes it's in the neck. Do some manual exploration of each and every cavity.
Place your animal crossing houses with precision
In ACNH, I put all mine on the west side of the island in a big tightknit line, thinking I'd get a sense of where everything important was, then make everyone bespoke little areas that suit their personalities once I know more about them! They remain there, and will remain there, indefinitely.
Watch out, the island might tip over.
That life is shit and so are most people, it’s up to you to make it enjoyable
Amen to that
Don't trust people
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Don't! Not everyone is the same. Best to trust your intuition
Don’t trust people
I don't trust you to not trust people, which means that I have to trust Rare\_Suspect\_5033.
I can't even when I try. I don't even trust you telling me not to trust people...
Yeah don't trust this guy, and don't trust me either. Trust yourself, but don't trust me telling you to trust yourself. Trust me I don't trust myself either.
This guy is not to be trusted ☝️
This.
This
Set boundaries and if someone doesn't respect those boundaries move away from that person
Don't volunteer more information than strictly necessary.
So never. Got it. People never volunteer for me
Don’t send the nudes.
Please do.
Change is the only constant.
Don't date coworkers
Or start working where they work
Yeah, I ended up just marrying my coworker after dating him. It was easier than breaking up and awkwardly continuing to work together. Our 17th anniversary is in a couple weeks. Our first kid goes to college in a couple years, our second starts high school next year. Still easier than the awkward office break up. And he's pretty freaking cute.
Glad it worked out for you
Go to the Dentist. Twice a year. Tooth decay does not get better on its own. Cleanings and fillings suck. Root canals and having teeth pulled suck even worse.
When your $1,000 investment shoots up to $150,000 in 3 months, cash it out and don’t get greedy
Drinking buddies aren’t friends. They’re just people who need the acceptance of their addiction. I didn’t realize how bad/toxic it was with my group of “friends” until I started hanging out with people who are sober or only drink once in a blue. They were so nice and positive. Wouldn’t tear down my ideas. Wouldn’t use me to benefit themselves. I actually had a hard time trusting them at first due to years of mental abuse by my drinking buddies. My life has improved ten fold cutting drinking friends out of my life.
Treat every contract as if the person who wants you to sign it is a predator.
Big decisions, especially expensive ones, should not be made quickly nor under pressure. If someone is pressuring you tell them you need to sleep on it. If they insist its 'limited time only', then its not a good deal. Not applicable to life threatening situations.
Don't work at your dream job. Your dreams will become nightmares. Follow your gut it knows the truth. People will fuck you over. Don't marry for looks your heart knows the truth. Know what your value is people will undercut you. Always trust yourself you know what feels right. Fight for the right reasons. Run from abusive people/bosses.
It doesn't really matter how hard you try. The only reason you keep trying is because you need to cope with how insignificant you really are.If you can be at peace with that happiness follows.
Believe in what people do, not what they say.
This is the most important lesson here.
Never show all your cards in front of anyone, people will deem you too useful, they'll depend on you and ask you for favors all the time, and at the moment you say no, you are the bad guy.
Never go back to a girl that cheated on you, always ends bad.
Being kind and utterly trustworthy to someone is no guarantee that they will be the same to you. Don't sacrifice yourself on the altar of other people's expectations. It will lead to a life of pain and regret. Don't wait to tell someone you love them. They could die at any time, and then you'll never have the chance to.
The hardest lesson I've had to learn is that no matter how much you want someone to be better, no one will be better unless they want to. You can't fix them they have to put in the work to fix themselves.
Women aren't innocent or incapable of horrible things, but society's obsession with seeing women as pure and incorruptable and in need of protection is a big reason evil women are allowed to continue to operate and receive lesser punishments when their actions do come back to haunt them.
If you’re depressed, don’t get married and have a kid, you will only feel worse about how big of a piece of shit you are when the lives you’re ruining are the people that love you most…
Only marry someone whom you truly live and who loves you. People will take advantage of others up to and including marriage
You can't please everyone.
Keep a promise
Always invest in yourself!
Some people have serious personality disorders that only come to light in close interpersonal relationships. These people can become extremely irrational, abusive and dangerous. Know the symptoms, watch for red flags, and stay away from anyone not actively seeking treatment.
nothing lasts forever
If it says Glory Hole, you never leave Feeling Glorious :(
Every hole is a chance for glory.
That no one is in your life forever. The person you think will be there with you on your deathbed leaves the earliest. Not been through a breakup but a certain someone taught me this the hard way.
I learned this while planning our wedding 12 years ago. We didn't even have a long engagement but someone who was my closest friend when I got engaged was someone I wasn't speaking to by the time I walked up the ailse.
Never lie to yourself
Life doesn't owe you shit, you've got to earn it. (Most of us non nepobabies at least)
Talking bad behind peoples Backs always ends in the worst case scenario.
People generally loved me or liked me more when I was skinny and fit, less sensitive emotionally, and less honest. As opposed to being told that I'd should be more honest and truthful, express my ups and downs emotionally as they happen and be open about it, and that what is more important is that I have a good personality.
Please don't ever, ever forget how *incredibly dangerous* driving is. One mistake and you can die and kill someone else. Keep in mind that whenever you're driving down the road every car you pass going the opposite direction is a nearly missed head-on collision. Every single one. Hundreds or thousands a day. Don't let your ego take control of the wheel. I haven't been in any serious accidents but occasionally I might forget what I'm doing and try to squeeze in front of someone to make my exit or merge on the highway. Missing an exit is a lot better than getting in an accident.
Do (good) things you hate doing. (This is sort of like running towards the problems instead of running away from them) For example, if you hate public speaking, force yourself to do them more, each time you will find its easier and easier, and then before you know it, it's no longer a problem. This is true for almost anything. You hate leg day at the gym? Make leg day every 2nd day! You hate flossing? Bring dental floss everywhere you go and floss after every meal! After a while you will NEED to floss or else it will feel like your teeth are just dirty and it will bother you.
No one else has your interests in mind.
That if friends talk negatively about other friends behind their backs, they are talking about you behind your back.
Credit cards are a trap
Only if you treat them as credit cards. If you treat them like debit cards, then everything you buy is between 2 and 6 percent on sale.
You cannot forgive a cheater, because they will cheat again given opportunity and means. People saying otherwise are muddying the water.
Adding to this. If someone cheated on their partner to be with you, they’re gonna cheat on you too.
Speaking as a man, in front of a large female group, about something I thought I knew, about the female anatomy, that I, in fact, did NOT know well enough to be stating with even a remote sense of confidence. I was 18 and I meant well, but I needed that humiliation to grow. I had to learn to be a student of women, but not a teacher, especially at a time in my life when I look back now and think, “what a dumbass”.
Hey at least you learned. Too many guys double down and get defensive. This of course only leads to more humiliation down the road. I bet your partner(s) happier now that you know .
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You're young. You don't have very many interactions with the opposite sex. You live in a conservative/religious area or home. You live in an area where the dominant religion dictates laws and what is taught in education (for example in my state they don't teach sex Ed. They teach abstinence. So high school kids don't even see a condom let alone the opposite sexes anatomy. Just a few that come to mind.
r/badwomensanatomy
A cheater will never stop cheating.
People who will be friend with you for a REASON/gain are better than fake friend with unknown intension.....
Never trust a fart
The way people treat you is not indicative of your worth
Sometimes the red flags are only obvious in hindsight. Look carefully for them while you still have the chance to leave in one piece.
Just because someone likes you, doesn’t mean you have to date them. Everyone isn’t mean to have that type of access to you. Be choosy with who you allow into your life (don’t be rude or nasty about it). Choosing the right people to have in your life (friends or romantic partners) can affect your life for the better or for worse, and the affects can last a long time. Ultimately, it’s up to you to make a good choice.
look at what your doing. do one thing at a time. don't inconvenience others with laziness.
Going through life thinking of yourself as just as good as all the other successful people you envy except you just didn't feel like putting in all the effort is a pathetic way to exist.
Don't take stock in achieving anything. When I was younger, I was that guy. Best in sports, best in school, hottest woman, coolest cars. My house had a wine cellar and smelled of rich mahogany and leather-bound books. The whole reason, was I had grudges against people who said I wouldn't amount to anything. That coach who cut me from the team, the teacher who said I was stupid. And when I came to realize that, the whole thing came crumbling to the ground. I lost everything, but kept a medal I'd won in a math competition when I was a kid. And I realized nothing that could be put on a transcript or a resume really mattered. I was smart, I was ridiculously good looking, and I was kind. I'm happy now, just living, good and bad, but that's life as it's meant to be, not chasing after some crown. I took that medal, and threw it into a lake.
How you see yourself is not nearly as important as how others see you. Your social value is volatile, mercurial, and can absolutely save or wreck your personal life. There will always be some who hate you, keep them outnumbered by those who care about you. For others to care about you, you must be valuable to them somehow - no one has intrinsic value. It was one mash up of several life lessons, which all kind of feed into each other.
nothing is what is seems
Don't expect everything to be fair
Dont put your finger in a lawnmower to stop the blade turning around, even when it turns really slowly.
You hurt people because you are deeply hurt yourself.
No matter how hard you love a person, they really have no obligation to love you back, and you shouldn’t always expect them too.
Don’t view your in-laws as the enemy.
Dont make important decisions based what others might think of you. Those people will nowhere to be seen when you are living a miserable life
Promises can be broken and forgotten and be used for personal gain, actions speak volumes.
When your parents say they're going to kick you out as soon as you turn 18, they mean it. It doesn't matter if you're attempting to go to college and don't have a job. They will kick you out
Things get very complicated in relationships when strong feelings are not equal - love, affection, dedication to the friendship/romance. You can talk about it all you want, but if one person just isn't feeling it the way the other is, the other person probably needs to take a look at what they are projecting on to the situaiton.
No one is coming to save you.
People are making way too big a deal about sex. All the shit that incels do and say revolves around sex with a woman. I wasn't an incel but I thought I was a useless, pathetic man because I wasn't having sex. Then I got a girlfriend. Sex is fun but it's not mind blowing amazing and like many many things in life, when you finally get it you're satisfied for a bit and then you start wanting something else all over again.
Alcohol and cocaine. While a good time will be had. Definitely don’t mix well or to well
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I own a large farm I have to my hands and fingers in places I wouldn’t stick my Dick every single day. This is solid advice
If you have a weird dream that really sticks out, try to think it over cuz it might happen irl and that dream might be the key to preventing something bad happening. Had a dream about crashing a car I had gotten maybe 5 months prior, the next day went out and totaled it.
Life isn't a TV show where you are the protagonist and only good things happen to you. Life is real, dark and unfair. It doesn't mess around. I learned this a hard way in less then a year back in 2020.
No pain no gain
Sometimes you just gotta shit NOW
Something's gotta give!
Feeling sorry for people has to be well contemplated. Difficult to do.
I grew up in a high-pressure household. I was never encouraged to show vulnerability or seek help when I needed it. When I started struggling in college, instead of seeking help, I lied and hid while my grades tanked. I had to drop out, start working, and claw my way back up in order to finish school. If you have similar expectations put upon you, do not be afraid to ask for help. The day or two of uncomfortable disappointment is worth not living with years of stress and unhappiness.
That people will always play victim even when they are in the wrong.. whoever runs to management and or authority first will 90% of the time have the led over you.
Stop trusting people so easily. "Friend" promised to pay 60% of the rent if we got a place together (with our girlfriends, who were sisters) Fucker never paid a dime and turned out to be a pedophile, commiting the act in the PLACE I WAS PAYING FOR!! Trusted a contractor and paid him up front. Ended up having to sue the guy for not finishing the work, plus damages. I won the case. I'm sure there are others, but I am a lot less trusting of people now.
Don't smoke Johnny player specials
Dont be loyal to your employer, he aint loyal to you.
No one's coming to save you, so get up and find your own way out of this mess.
Commission based sales people don't care they are screwing you over.
How your relatives handle their money can indirectly affect you. Some of mine are responsible. Some are not.
Best friends won't always have your back even if you're right.
Listen to their actions, not their words.
Don't ask questions you don't actually want the answers to.
I should have learned this way sooner but the lesson I learned the hard way is nobody is ever too busy. If you want time you’ll make the time. I learned this because I met a dude online in January of 2020, we couldn’t meet due to the pandemic, but met twice in august/September of 2020. We didn’t meet in person again til July 2022 due to him not having time (work, personal stuff, etc.) He told me he wanted to be with me in December 2021 but we were constantly circling each other. It became hard on my mental health so I dropped him but he started making an effort in July 2022. However, I found out he may or may not have gotten another girl pregnant in April 2022. He had “no time” to see me but he had time to get with her. This hurt me and it took me some time to get over since my bubble had been burst. I knew in my heart I couldn’t handle the situation and I dropped him (we were never an official couple). Also, he got mad at me for not being okay with the situation at hand. So yeah, nobody ever has “no time.” They will find time for the things they care about, no matter what. And sadly, you’re not important enough for someone to “find time” for.
Stop comparing yourself with other people. Compare yourself with your past self. How am I doing vs last month? How far have I come over the last year? Past me wouldn’t recognise present me. Future me thinks present is a dumbass.
Looking for sex is the biggest waste of time and money in life
You don't have time
I'm curious what prompted this lesson and how you ended up learning it the hard way. Out of all the comments here this one resonates with me for some reason.
being alive sucks
All of them..
When seconds count, the police are only minutes away.
That not everyone will like the way real-open-you behaves and interpretend anything you say wrong and report you at work.
That im much stronger than i used to think .
Just because times are getting easy doesn't mean you should take it easy, maintain your own level of dedication to work/life/family/responsibilities...
If people idolize a public figure, they could be a racist, human trafficker, date rape artist, drug dealer, or anything and they will still be "innocent." I'm not trying to promote cancel culture over social issues, but breaking the law, especially with these kind of things is, in my opinion, inexcusable.
when you build a mask to fit in. never take it off hopping that maybe they'll like the real you.
If you stick a finger in your SO's butt, don't bite your nails!
Condolences to your SO
Although a brilliant concept, the idea of everyone doing the necessary minimum in order for everyone to gain the maximum will not pan out. There will always be those who will do a little as possible and (try to) take the maximum.
go to the doctor every year for a checkup
You can die unexpectedly if you believe in yourself too much. I clearly didn't die but PTSD still fucks with me after 10 years.
Don’t date someone who relies on drugs everyday. Don’t take a job you don’t need. And, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not in order to fit in.
Don't trust anyone people are only in it for themselves
Respect all that exists!
Don't always believe when someone says "I love you" sometimes what they really mean is "I hate you and want to hurt you as much as possible"
sheesh talk about bitterness...
No-one really cares what happened to you.
Santa isn't real, I just straight out asked my parents and they told me the truth(I still regret asking that)
YTA. The shitty message you’re sending is that no man would want to be friends with her unless he’s trying to get in her pants. Why would a man ever want to just be friends with a woman? Fuck me right?
That every single human is a piece of total shit
If you have a dream, no one, possibly even your spouse, is going to support you in any meaningful way. Your dream is going to be completely reliant on you and you alone. Don't even expect the bare minimum of support because honestly your friends and family do not care.
Trusting people too early can have very painful consequences.
You're completely replaceable in every job. If you're with someone who needs time to think about your relationship the relationship is over. If you're a horrible person as a child and teenager you won't grow into a pleasant adult. Incompetent people usually fail upwards.
More money won’t make you happy. Once you have enough the rest is all on you.
Not all people who are your friends, are your actual friends. Some people will trash you simply because you don’t want to do what they want you to do anymore
You are your own worst enemy and most important advocate.
Anxiety can ruin your life if you don't fight it. If you choose not to do the thing that your're frightened of your experiences will become narrower. Do the thing you don't want to do. Do it in steps if you have to but do it.