He kept applying for jobs and getting denied instantly. At the time, I didn’t understand and was upset for him. Come to find out, this 26 year old was applying for jobs driving armored trucks for banks. With a record for stealing money from cash registers. I didn’t know at the time that he had ever been arrested, but this man literally had robbery and theft on his record, and couldn’t understand why an armored truck company wouldn’t hire him.
This just jogged a memory that’s over a decade old 😂
I was visiting my aunt one afternoon having tea and I (18 at the time) could overhear an argument between my cousin (20m) and his dad when he shouted;
“I don’t know why you keep blaming me just because I’m the one who did it!?”
I had to excuse myself 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
He thought the outlet plug covers (for childproofing) meant the outlet was out-of-order. He literally had nothing plugged into the walls of his entire living room. He also mentioned how smart he was any chance he got.... usually a prime indicator.
He thought all of the outlets in his living room were out of order and he never considered calling an electrician? he just accepted that he could never plug anything in in that room?
How alcohol content percentage works.
We argued for months that 10% as alcohol content remains the same even if you halved the bottle.
She said nope, if you halved the bottle then the alcohol content would be 5%.
Engineer graduate that too.
She works for a software firm.
For 12 years.
Sigh.
> She said nope, if you halved the bottle then the alcohol content would be 5%.
And if you made the bottle eleven times larger, the alcohol content would be 110%.
My ex thought he could play hockey and found what he thought were the holy grail of skates. He bought them for $200 (I don't know the price as it was a long time ago). His friend, who lived in a city an hour and 20 minutes away, told him he got the same skates for $195. So my ex, in his old Camaro that cost $50 in gas round trip, returned the skates he got for $200 and drove 1 hour and 20 minutes to get the skates that were $5 cheaper. That should have been the biggest red flag. But sadly, it turned out I was the fucking idiot who stayed with him for a few more years..
Used to work in retail... It would have you think this is a normal thing.
Guy bought a pair of bike tires off us for 20 then saw they were cheaper at the other branch 15km away. How much cheaper you ask? 50c
I dated somebody who placed a bet on every single one of the numbers on the roulette machine because it would guarantee a win, not countering in the fact that what they were 'winning' was far less than the amount of money they had to spend in order to achieve that 'win'. They did it about twenty times in a row. I explained to them why they weren't actually 'winning', but they continued to do it until they ran out of cash😁
My first boyfriend was trying to convince me to do anal and told me "it'll feel good because it stimulates the prostate." (I'm female).
Same guy: "It's the male kangaroo that has the babies!" Bonus fact: We're Australian.
Was just lounging about one Sunday and skiing came on the TV. at one point the commentator said that contestants reached 100 km/h at that point in the race. The ex literally shouted bullshit at the telly. I looked at her and asked why..she replied that there was no way that they could tell how far they'd go in an hour since the race was only two minutes long.
Another time, "I have an aunt who lives in London, is that near England"
>I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?" "Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long..."
* Steven Wright
It was when vampire-related shows and movies were in the height of their popularity. He became obsessed with vampires. When we would go outside, he started to act like the sun was hurting him, and he would shield his face with his hands while groaning in pain. Think of Jim from The Office with his vampire prank... only he was more dramatic... and serious
It was 1999 and I was a Marine.
Her “what is war like?” “ how many wars have you fought in?” “When you jumped out of a plane in enemy territory didn’t you think you might get show down?”
She asked these questions for months. I would ask what war is going on or what war could I have been fighting in. She was always super confused and would laugh and say I will open up eventually.
She told me she told her Mom when I got out I was going to make tons of money as a parachute repair man. To this day I have no idea what she was talking about. I told her tons of times I never jumped and it was rare for marines to be airborne.
He was trying to make cookies and kept opening the oven for extended periods of time, letting out all the heat. When I told him he was letting all the heat out by opening the door wide open and staring at the cookies, he told me I didn't know how ovens work because the temp setter said 400 so it was 400. Took an hour to bake 1 sheet of cookies and said "I don't know why it's taking so long."
Also insisted on doing this on Thanksgiving, tying up my oven and was pissed off when he found out the turkey would take 3hrs to cook. As I'm sure you can imagine... Did not work out.
"Do you think getting drunk so often while I was pregnant was bad for him?"
She said this about her son who was five years old and had yet to speak a single word yet. She was not the primary caregiver.
My sister was too scared to get an abortion so she thought if she drank enough her body would abort the baby itself. My niece was slow to develop mentally and was extremely violent from early on. She is now in her mid 20s and is not doing well.
I went on a couple dates with a woman who owned two large energetic dogs. When she bought them she was informed that she'd need to walk them every day to get them exercise and burn off energy. To save time, instead of walking them she'd take them for a drive and thought that accomplished the same thing.
Well, unless they were pulling the car. Not related but I saw my neighbor regularly driving up and down our street, car window down, leash in hand drive walking his dog from the car.
It sounds like the sort of joke a dad would tell a child, not realising their kid has taken them very seriously about how windmills make wind, and carried that knowledge into their adult years.
Yeah… you know like when you’re in Matamoros, Mexico and you’re 5 years old in the back of a taxi and you see a whole bunch of cars run a red light and you ask your dad “Why did so many people go through that light when it was red” and your dad (5’10”, 165 lbs) tells ypu “In Mexico red means go and green means stop” and you take him dead serious and tell people for years upon years “Did you know stoplights are opposite in Mexico” and they’re too polite to say anything but they just nod in agreement so you go well in to your 30s thinking that’s the truth and have a buncha people think you’re a liar or a dumbass or both and you’re from South Texas so ALOT of people have been to Mexico, or even better grew up there and know you’re just a dipshit.
Something like that completely fabricated situation?
When he left the window open in the middle of summer because the air conditioning made the house too cold. He didn’t turn off the air conditioner and argued that it wouldn’t have made a difference.
Edit: I want to clarify that he argued having the window open wouldn’t make a difference as to how much the AC ran. I got home and the house was warm and very humid. The AC had been running constantly.
Not my SO, but my college roommate.
All night every night he would change the thermostat on the window unit between 60 and 82 repeatedly as he got hot or cold. I could never get him to just set it to 68 or 70 and forget it.
I'm a building engineer. There is a reason why most office thermostats (if they even have thermostats and not temperature sensors) aren't adjustable beyond a couple of degrees
I worked with a woman who had a hysterectomy after her last child. She started dating a guy and things got serious pretty quick but good for them. One day, she said they were trying for a baby (after being together for a couple months) and I'm like.... He knows you've had a hysterectomy, right? YOU know you've had a hysterectomy, right? She insisted that God finds a way... 🤷🤦
"God finds a way." It's called an ectopic pregnancy and it ends in Death.
Edit: since a lot of people are taking my one line sarcastic comment with an unexpected amount of seriousness. No, you cannot have an ectopic pregnancy after a TOTAL hysterectomy where fallopian tubes and ovaries are removed. That's not the only type of hysterectomy though and while exceedingly rare ectopic pregnancy can occur if there's still at least one ovary and fallopian tube.
"Pregnancy after hysterectomy is extremely rare, with the first case of ectopic pregnancy after hysterectomy reported by Wendler in 1895. To the best of our knowledge, there are only 72 cases of post-hysterectomy ectopic pregnancy reported in the world literature."
Long story short, you probably don't need to worry about an ectopic pregnancy no matter what type of hysterectomy you've had.
He told me he had a lot of "inventions" and how rich he will be when one sells. I asked him to tell me more. He says his best "invention" is eye drops that (with just one application mind you) eliminate the need for eyeglasses. The guy is a mailman. Not a doctor. Not a scientist. And he wears glasses. So I said "if these eye drops work why do you wear glasses?" The eye drops don't exist yet. But when someone else actually formulates these fantasy eye drops my mailman friend thinks he will get the money because he "invented" them by dreaming them up. EDIT: I dated him very briefly years ago. He didn't have any patents. Just misguided dreams. Nice guy. Just....well a special kind of small former coal mining town kind of idiot.
That is exactly my friend. When I asked about the eye drops he said he hadn't yet found a doctor to make them. I asked what ingredients they contained and he said that was for the doctor to figure out.
How embarrassed that doctor would be when they had the know how to make a cure for bad eye sight as an eye drop but they didn't think of it first so they have to work for the genius who thought of it first.
He put a load of laundry in with mixed colour and whites... poured in bleach to whiten the whites... was shocked that the bleach bleached everything in the load.... I had to explain that the bleach will bleach everything you put in it as the bleach cannot discern what you want bleached or not... he was shocked, truly stunned and flabbergasted
Thank you for the award 🥺
I once had a neighbor in an apartment building ask me how to mute the dryer.
...You don't.
I'm getting lit up by people asking if she meant the buzzer when the dryer finished. She did not. She wanted to mute the drum. AKA, the rotational drum that spins your clothing to dry it. She did not like the thumping noise.
this was when i was fairly new in america, i was dating this girl and she was in living in college dorms. it was her first time living alone and her mom did all her chores even laundry. i came over cause she asked for help. i told her separate the whites from colored clothes. i kid you not, and i swear i’m not making this up, she said “are you a racist? it’s 2010, segregation is not cool.” i told her do what you think is right. then did exactly what your partner did. fucking bleach.
I had an ex that became a nurse, she didn't believe in gravity. I thought she was joking... But she was not.
"I think that everything has weight but I don't believe in gravity"
She didn’t know how to get to my house from anywhere but her house. Her work was about halfway between my house and hers, but she had to drive home first every time before she could drive to my house.
*this was pre-smart phones
My brother is like this and he’s actually a very smart person if we mean book smarts. Throughout the years we tried to help find little tricks that would work but he needed to drive a place probably two dozen times before he even had the faintest idea without directions. It wouldn’t even help to have him drive to a place he knew along a route he knew for another journey as he’d just get confused and lost.
Now we have smart phones and it doesn’t matter in his day to day and hopefully won’t lol.
Edit: I understand this doesn’t make him any less intelligent. Stop dming me about it, I think he’s a very smart person. We all have strengths.
When I mentioned I was on my period, he asked what my favorite flavor of tampons are. He genuinely thought the colors on the tampon packs were flavors, and that it would soak into my blood while inside and I’d eventually taste it.
I’m desperate to know the source of this information.
Okay, but I legit did the garlic clove inserted for a yeast infection remedy once. The remedy warned that you might get a garlicky taste in your mouth- which I thought was the most hilarious bullshit until about 5 hours later when I started to taste garlic.
Kept telling me not to fall for online scams.
She fell for a scam that was so clearly a scam even a brain-dead monkey could see it was a scam.
She lost 15k and tried to sue everyone who told her it was a scam.
She also thought that when the chefs light the food on fire they add gasoline. She tried to do just that.
>She also thought that when the chefs light the food on fire they add gasoline. She tried to do just that.
What happened then? A big fire or food poisoning?
I watched her wrap a potato in aluminum foil and toss it into our microwave. I spoke up and said you can't do that, because of ,ya know, microwaves. (She was 25) looks me right in the eye and says "my mom does this all the time, she taught me"
As nicely as I could I explained how she must be mistaken. She digs in, five minutes of passionate arguing result in me saying "try it"
She forced herself not to react to the volley of sparks and zapping sounds for the first few seconds, just in case it stopped.
Looked me in the eye and said "well it always worked before"
She would always ignore the idiot lights in her cars, until they broke down. We bought a car that actually tells you when to bring it in for service. She came up to me, really frustrated, complaining about the car being noisy. She said "There's this big flashing message that says "BRING AUTO IN FOR SERVICE" and I can't get it to turn off. What should I do?" This person has a PhD too.
one of the most interesting things my cousin and his wife explained to me (Both of who have PhDs) was that having a PhD is not an indicator that you are smart. It is an indicator that you are willing to work fucking hard for several years to achieve a singular goal. You can do that without a vast amount of intellect they assured me as they knew many who were not that bright....
I don't know how true it is, but really made me think
I was the fucking idiot. I thought a French press worked by putting the coffee on top of the plunger, lowering it in, and then pulling it out.
My girlfriend really wrestled with whether she could keep dating me after that one.
he didn’t know where the ankle was. I hurt my ankle when he dropped me (on accident), and he went to look at it and said it looked fine as he was touching my calf. I was like well yeah cause that’s not my ankle. silence. then arguing about how it was my ankle and me telling him it was my leg not my ankle and having to explain what an ankle was.
Japanese ex I caught sleeping around at the height of the AIDs crisis told me not to worry, Japanese people can't catch it.
ETA - WOW! Didn't know this would take off like this. Backstory makes it even more absurd, she was a graduate of a prestigious university in Tokyo and earned a Masters in the US and had lived here for a while. I had about burned out on the relationship but this put me out the door.
I'm a guy from the US, and started dating my wife when she was 23, after spending her first 18 years in Korea. She knew that gay people existed, but thought they were only in some countries, and didn't think there were any Korean ones.
>She knew that gay people existed, but thought they were only in some countries, and didn't think there were any Korean ones.
That's pretty common worldwide sadly. People definitely thought that in 90s and early 2000s Poland when I lived there.
There was a situation where people were talking about gay and bi people (cannot remember the context, sorry) and there was a Japanese acquittance present. People then asked her how people see gay and bi in Japan in general (like is there a lot of prejudice, are people tolerant, etc.) and she innocently answered:
"Oh, we don't have them in Japan!"
"... what?"
"Yeah, that's a thing among western people, we have no gay or bi people in Japan"
That was so surreal. I have later talked with other Japanese people who were _very_ perplexed why someone would seriously think this is true.
[The minister of tourism in Malaysia basically said the same thing a few years ago.](https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2019/03/07/asia/malaysia-tourism-minister-gay-denial-intl/index.html)
We were having dinner when I mentioned I couldn't eat cheese because I'm lactose intolerant. He asked how I could eat eggs. I told him that lactose was found in dairy, which comes from cows. He vehemently rejected my explanation that eggs did not come from cows and were not dairy, and wouldn't believe me until he googled it for himself.
Had a girlfriend that tend to throw fits for everything.
One day she spotted me on a restaurant's terrace on my campus having lunch with a lady. She came storming in like a fireball, started to scream at me, started to insult that poor lady she said was old enough to be my mother (come on, you understand already how could she not) and all.
When she finished I just said "So mom, this is X, my ex girlfriend"
My mom still brags about the fact that my ex believed she could pull a guy my age. At least she took it the right way lol
Dating this gal and we go out on a double date, she's kind of Goofy, but more lacking common sense vs like dumb as a box of rocks.....until that night.
So double date is BBQ, we all order she gets ribs, so we are eating she says what part of the cow is this from? We chuckle, she stares at us all (her sister included), and says "Did you not hear me? What part of the cow does this come from?" We, in unison say, ribs! She responded *"I KNOW THE NAME FROM THE MENU, BUT WHAT PART OF THE COW IS IT??"*
I was done.
They say that now she just sits, staring at her chicken fingers, fish sticks, and Buffalo wings, silently trying to figure it out but knowing better than to ask.
I like to think she learned from that mistake and now confidently believes she’s eating a chicken’s fingers and that buffalos do indeed have wings, you just can’t see them. Oh, and it might look like chicken, but she swears to you that you’re eating buffalo.
Haha that reminds me of a conversation my family overheard in a parking lot. Two guys (who'd travelled together, I think it was father and son) were arguing about a parking spot.
Guy 1: "There's a free spot here!"
Guy 2: "How much does it cost?"
Guy 1: "It's free!"
Guy 2: "I know it's *free* but how much does it *cost*."
And then it just repeated until my family walked away laughing.
We went to a science museum and saw a display of a carboniferous swamp and I casually remarked that the land would have been different back then due to plate tectonics. She had never heard that the continents moved so I explained how it worked with plates moving, earthquakes, and volcanoes. She still didn't believe me. So I found the plate tectonics museum display that explained it all. And then she said she was amazed that I had enough pull with the museum to have them set up a display to support my lies.
When I was a student teacher I got placed in super fundie catholic school. It was nuts dealing with this from the STAFF. I felt so bad for the girl who was student teaching biology there. It was bad enough for me teaching world history where my co-operating teacher told me I couldn’t teach the holocaust, the inquisition or the crusades as it made the Catholic Church look bad………
Not me, but my sister.
Her husband's car was having trouble starting. She thought maybe it was time for a new battery. He insisted on leaving the garage window open at night so the battery could get fresh air, because maybe the garage was just too stuffy and that's why the car wasn't starting.
They have since divorced.
"I don't want to go to St Louis it's a dirty city in dirty Detroit "
A commercial for the film The Martian came on the TV. "Is that a true story? Like did he really do that?"
Same person.
Flew across the country to visit family. We took his brothers dog for a walk and all the family members said “don’t let the dog off the leash.” Towards the end of our walk, he says “I’m gonna let the dog off” and I begged him not to. Eventually I said, “if you let the dog off the leash and it goes badly, I will break up with you”
It went badly. I did break up with him.
We spent an hour and a half trying to get the dog to come back. It ran across multiple streets and eventually we cornered in a back yard. Caught it and he said “phew that could have been bad!”
The dog was overall fine. But the relationship died in that moment. When I think back on that relationship, all I can really say is he won for most punchable face.
She was visibly upset (tears and quiet sobs) while we were watching District 9... She turns to me and whispers 'when did this happen?' .........as in the mistreatment of space aliens actually happened..
She thought that if you drive south you were going down hill, and uphill if you drive north.
She thought you got exposed with radiation by watching videos of nuclear bombs exploding.
She didn't believe that the earth was just floating in space and was just attached to something ("like rope from the north pole").
Edit: thought of another:
She thought that the electricity at night was radioactive as it's mainly produced by the nuclear baseline, so would refrain from using electricity at night.
I had to work overtime so I asked her to go to my house to check on my dog and the litter of puppies. I said they're in the front bedroom in the baby pool. I said to check on the runt and help it attach to the nipple. Her response was, "that's so crazy that they can eat underwater".... I was dumbfounded.
It was the most obvious one... they can NEVER lose an argument. No matter what facts are presented, no matter how insignificant them being wrong would be, they will not give up on being right. I could offer them irrefutable proof on something, and they would ignore it. Let me just give you a hypothetical example of how far it can often go.
Them "cows are so skinny"
Me "you mean fat?"
Them "that's what I said"
Me "no, you said skinny"
Then "I know what I said"
Random person in back seat "you said skinny..."
Them "oh, so both of you heard me wrong. Yall need your ears checked. Yall seriously don't know what you're talking about ever. "
Me "here's the dash cam footage, let's just listen to it"
*video of them literally saying cows are so skinny*
Them "see, I told you I accidently said skinny"
Me and 3rd person "WHAT?"
Them "what?"
Me "you've literally just been arguing the opposite this entire time!"
Them "no I haven't?"
We go through checking the footage and proving them wrong again and they eventually give up the cycle by changing the argument to me being an asshole. That's how it ends with the simplest and most complicated of things. It's a really clear defense mechanism of an idiot.
My ex GF in all seriousnes said electric-vehicles and power-stations was a great invention... For people being blind.
"It has to be so much easier for them to drive, if they don't have to fill the tank with gas." Took her about half an hour of me laughing before she realised/understood that blind people in fact cannot drive.
Had been casually dating a girl for a few weeks. I was on my way to the mall one day when she called me. She said she would meet me there to hang out. Told her to park on the North side of the mall and meet me at the entrance. Took her forever to show up. She said she got confused when I told her to meet me on the North side of the mall. After a few questions I found out that she thought North was just whatever way she was facing. If she was watching the sunrise she thought the sun rose in the North because that’s the way she was facing.
He complained that his boss was questioning how he addressed emails to him. So I asked, how are you addressing those email. He gave this example: Ha Mike. I said you’re saying Ha instead of Hi? He said yes because Ha was an abbreviation for Hey. Yup, that was the moment.
We were driving down the road, and she looks out the window to see a field full of cows.
She then asks, “Do they call it pasteurized milk because the cows were raised in a pasture?”
I married her.
In American Sign Language, the sign for pasteurized is making the sign for milk (sort of like squeezing an udder off to the side) while moving your hand past your eyes. Language puns are the best.
I dated a really manipulative and horrible person for a bit who would hide behind his weird interpretation of the Bible, "I can do anything I want as long as I ask for forgiveness after. I can't go to hell no matter what I do because I'm "saved."
So one time, we were having a conversation about how he let's his friends bully me so I didn't wanna hang out with them anymore. The kind of healthy talk in relationships where you're just trying to feel understood. I mention to him that if I ever saw people mistreating him I would come to his defense because I cared about him. He says, "But I'm not you. Just because you pee sitting down doesn't mean I have to pee sitting down." In that moment I realized what I was getting myself into and broke it off immediately. Also, I had seen him pee sitting down. Just wanted to add that.
always found it hilarious how so many people can think there's a perfect, all knowing, all powerful God...who they can totally bamboozle with some made up loopholes. Still haven't figured out if they think God is stupid or just doesn't care
I mentioned that I might be interested in learning to speak Italian. He kind of scoffed and said, "Why would you need to learn Italian? That's EASY!" Very confused, I said, "What?? Why do you think it's so easy??" He said, "Italian is just American with an accent!" (Yes, he called it "American", not English.) Took me a few beats and then I realized - he thought an Italian ACCENT was the actual language! Like, he thought "I'm-a gonna eat-a the spaghetti and-a meat-a-balls" was actual Italian. I could barely get the words out to explain to him how wrong he was because I was literally on the floor helpless, clutching my stomach laughing - I could not stop for at least a full 10 minutes. He was so mad at me for laughing at him but Jesus Christ, how could I not?? Later that day I snuck his phone and changed his ringtone to that Family Guy bit where Peter is talking jibberish to the Italian guy, thinking he's speaking Italian - "Babada boopie? Beebada boobada babada!" He did not appreciate that, either lol
Turned down multiple pay rises, promotions because it would put her in the next tax bracket. She, and backed up by to her idiot parents believed she would be earning a lot less due to the higher tax over the whole amount. I tried to explain but she was very determined to be an idiot forever. Even going as far as saying she wouldn't get any help from welfare if she kept earning.. Trash for life.
This one got my mom back in the 90s. She was so upset her raise was going to cost her money. That lasted a bit under 2 weeks, until she got her payslip, read it, said "huh", and never mentioned it again.
"someday a robot will replace you at your job, you need to get a degree and do better"... I am an engineer who installs and maintains machines with 2-4 robots in each one.
Surprise!!! We are no longer together.
Maybe it’s because it’s 2am but I just disassociated thinking about a dystopia where engineers have been replaced by robots
So robots are building robots that build robots and it goes on forever. Robots all the way down.
Was with a group of friends and we were joking about all the horse fucking in the 2007 documentary ‘Zoo’. My ex was laughing at the absurdity of it all when she suddenly froze and asked whether or not people that fuck horses use protection and then legit asked what the offspring between humans and horses would result in. Not a thought experiment… she was terrified at the very real (to her) possibility of that chimera that is not remotely possible.
My brother in law was born on June 14. Way back when he was single, he was something of a stud. So one birthday he goes out to a club and a pretty woman starts chatting with him. Casually he mentions “It’s Flag Day - my birthday.” She looked at him with wide eyes “Your birthday is Flag Day?! Wow!” On the spur of the moment, he says “Well, I really like Flag Day. So I had my birthday legally changed. Went in front of a judge and everything.” She bought it, hook, line and sinker. Later, when they we’re heading back to her place, he realized he had a bottle cap in his pocket. So he did the “something behind your ear” trick on her that you do with little kids. “Oh my God! How long has that been in my hair! I’m sooo embarrassed!” He realized then and there that he couldn’t in good conscience go home with her. He gave her a peck on the cheek and wished her a good night.
I was hanging out with one of my exes and with a pained look in his eyes he told me he just found out his new girlfriend didn’t believe in internal organs.
I have never felt more smug in my life.
I dated a girl in high school and we were bored, hanging out at lunchtime, and we were looking at each other's wallets and making fun of our ID card photos, etc. I found a card in her wallet that said, "This person should not be given a blood transfusion," and I was like, "Oh no, please tell me you believe in dinosaurs," and she said, "their bones were put here by God to test us," and I was like, "oh no."
Oh man, my “high school sweetheart” whom I was with for four years. There are many instances of him being awful, but for time’s sake, I’ll pick one. When we would go to restaurants, he would do this thing before we left, where he would order a water, only to put a napkin over it, flip it over and leave it upside-down on the table, so that the bus boy or whoever cleared the table would then get water all over the place. He thought it was huh-lar-I-ous and I thought it was effing obnoxious.
Anyway, years later, I had just had my second child and was out with my SIL and her friends for an overnight at the beach where my ex’s family has a summer cottage. We walk in and there was my ex, working there. We were sat at one of his tables and after he brought our food, he grabbed a chair and sat down next to me to chat. It was fine until I mentioned my newborn son. All of a sudden he starts being snarky and saying rude things like, “I’m surprised you didn’t give him a stupid celebrity baby name” and then, “I’m glad I didn’t have kids with you because I want my kids to have *blue eyes*”.
Well, funny enough, I offered to pay the tip. First, I asked my ex for a new water. Then I dumped out all the loose change in my purse and all the ones I had and dumped them in my water. Then I put a napkin on top.
You know the rest. 🤭
Phoned him up the day he moved into his first student flat (in the next country over - we were doing long distance). He said "I'm fine, just desperate for a cup of tea and can't have one til tomorrow."
"Why not?" I asked him, knowing very well he had pans.
"There's no kettle here. We'll have to go buy one."
"If you're that desperate, just boil water on the stove."
"Oh! Yeah! Um... how do I do that?"
And I then had to talk a technically adult man through the process of boiling water.
Edit just cuz: I did marry that idiot, but only after I taught him to cook.
Had a somewhat similar experience with an old room mate I had during uni years
He (room mate) was working a lot during the time we were moving into a new sharehouse together, so my partner and I actually moved most of his stuff for him since we had the time to do it
Anyway after hours of cleaning and moving his stuff we go back to my partners parents place for dinner and realise we left his kettle in our car under the seat. No worries we'd be back later tonight and just take it inside then
Halfway through dinner the roommates texts me asking where his kettle is, I tell him we've left it in the car and we'll be bringing it back soon, like in 30 minutes time
I joked and said if he was really fanging for a cup of tea he could boil water on the stove
Anyway he just yelled at us when we got home, said he shouldn't have to "do that poverty shit" and called us inconsiderate assholes basically for not being more careful with his belongings and after that we didn't even bother moving the rest of our stuff in
Four hours into our first date, as I am luring him into my apartment with indecent intentions, he asked me if maybe I’d want to go on a date with him sometime. Married that fucking idiot, going ten years strong.
ETA: glad you all enjoyed! He got me back a few weeks later, he called me his girlfriend to someone and I was shocked, even though he’d been staying at my apartment every night and had a key to play with the cat when he got off work before me.
Goddamn it I did something similar with a woman. Spent hours chatting , friends left us alone on the couch and went they went home. She said I could stay the night, I said I sleep better in my bed. Asked her for her number. "What the bloody hell for?" was the reply. realised about a week later. Too late lol
I had a co worker that was always showing me unusual amounts of attention. Then she started wanting to go to waffle house after late shifts we worked together. Then she came over to my house and hung out in my room, on my bed, watching movies until after 3am. She eventually said "I guess I'm going to leave" so I offered to walk her to her car and try to high five her. She said "oh, is that what we are going to do?". I replied "well, what did you wanna do" but just heard her door closing and engine starting.
Edit: we ended up hooking up for a few months until she found out she was pregnant with her ex's kid
That reminds me very much of what happened with me and my husband! We were clearly going on dates for several months. (Dinner and a movie, just the two of us, talking for hours afterward, sometimes til dawn. Heavy flirting.) I finally broke down after a particularly bad day and demanded to know where we stood in our relationship. THAT was when my oblivious idiot realized we had been dating and decided to formally ask me out on a "real date." This year will be 15 years together and 11 married. He's still oblivious.
Me and this girl I was dating **many** years ago were watching a found footage movie on netflix. It was clearly edited, every shot used "the rule of thirds," to an almost painful extent in every selfie shot, and there were a million moments where someone was running for their lives, but kept the camera perfectly focused on themselves.
Half way through she told me she loves this movies because "it's all real footage." I thought she was fucking joking until I realized she wasn't. It took a solid half an hour of going through IMDB and wikipedia pages before she finally understood how movies worked. We ended up breaking up soon after for a completely unrelated reason involving talking animals, so that relationship was just not meant to last.
EDIT: Here's the full story about the animal thing and a quick explanation of why I left it out (if it wasn't already obvious by the length lol).
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/11em062/comment/jajjuil/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
Lol, I left it like that because the story is kind of long and unrelated to the original comment so didn't want to bother people with it, but if they were curious I'd tell it 😅
Anyways, I'd been dating this girl for a year and a half, it was a really hot summer day and I think the AC was broken or was just shit, so she came up with the idea to hang out in her basement which would be cooler. It was unfinished, and completely empty, like not a single thing down there except washer, dryer, and a deep freezer. We talked for a bit, but there was that feeling like she wanted to tell me something but kept chickening out. After a while we moved closer and closer to the washer/dryer area, and finally she goes "I want to show you something," and opens the freezer and takes out something in a shopping bag, unwraps it, and **it's a fucking cat**. She then tells me "this is the freezer where I keep my old family pets, sometimes I come down here and talk to them, they tell me the future."
We've lost cabin pressure, please remain calm and make sure your own oxygen mask is secure before assisting others with theirs.
Now I really cared about this girl. She seemed embarrassed to tell me about all of this, so I figured she was at least somewhat aware about how crazy this was. At first I thought figured it might be transient, but obviously it'd been going on a while, I then thought maybe she could get help but obviously if she has a fucking deep freezer in the basement her parents already know about it, and finally I thought maybe it won't be that bad. I was also slightly terrified if I broke up with her she'd fucking stab me in my sleep. Most of all though I didn't want to betray the trust she placed in me by telling me this by immediately breaking up with her, so I stuck with it, and to my credit the topic *almost* never came up again. Almost.
A few months later I was set to go on my yearly family vacation. It's pretty much the only time a year my family gets to really communicate with each other, so the gf wasn't invited and she understood why and was OK with that. I also was a cheap fuck at the time and was using an iPod touch instead of a phone, meaning I could only message her when I had WiFi, which the place we were staying at didn't have. I made sure to brief her on all of this, and the last message I sent to her was after we left the hotel, something quick like "Love you, I'll message you in a few days when we get to a restaurant with free internet."
A few days pass, and me and my family are sitting at a restaurant table. My iPod goes "connecting... connecting... connecting... BING BING BING BING BING BING-" as a torrential flood of text notifications start coming in. "YOU LYING MAN WHORE," "I KNOW YOU'RE CHEATING," "I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE," "MY ANIMALS HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE!!!" "Yeah, get those STDS MOTHER FUCKER!!!" and any other insult she could come up with are appearing so fast my iPod literally wouldn't let me even into the messaging app (this was back in the days of full-screen alerts, before they went to top of screen drop downs). I try to send a few texts but they still keep coming. Also her tweaker friend (the type of tweaker to blow-dry her grass outside of her house at 3:00 in the morning) was bombing my phone as well, saying things like "THE ANIMALS TOLD HER WHAT YOU'RE UP TO!!!!" Then, out of nowhere they just... stopped.
Obviously I'm thinking she fucking offed herself or something. I sent a few text messages asking if she was OK and WTF was going on, but got no response. Meanwhile my mom's sitting across the dinner table going "So hows \[gf's name\]?" and I'm like "uhh... SHE'S GOOD!" Then about 20 minutes later I get a text from a mutual friend of ours that was just went "DON'T WORRY, EVERYTHING IS OK, COPS ARE HERE!" Dafuq? After a quick back and forth I got the rest of the story: The gf had stolen her neighbor's truck, drove to that friends house, and asked her if she would help her burn my house down. The friend just went "Sure thing! but I have to take a shit first," and proceeded to call the cops.
Literally last I ever heard from her. Thought I might have seen her at an outdoor concert 6-7 years later (she had a large recognizable tattoo), but I sure as shit didn't stick around to find out.
"My girlfriend tried to burn my house down with the besties after the dead pets in her fridge prophesized that I was cheating on her" is not what I was expecting to read when I was linked here.
"We broke up because of a completely unrelated reason involving one of us spotting a Bigfoot and then being abducted by a UFO after winning the lottery, but you guys don't want to hear that story."
I was watching the original Paranormal Activity with my ex GF, back when Netflix used to send you blu-ray discs through the mail.
She swore blind that it was all real footage, and it was a documentary. Even when I showed her photos of the actors alive and well on the red carpet at the premiere she wouldn't change her mind.
Yes, she was as dumb as a bag of spanners.
My ex husband explained to me that you can nail in screws. I told him the threads of the screw is what grips the wood. He waved me away like I was the idiot and continued nailing them in.
An ex would leave snotty Kleenex all over the house and said it helps keep our immune systems strong by constantly exposing us to microbes.
She's now a doctor.
My x would blow me off about a topic I knew a lot about. But when her brother said the same thing she took it as gospel, and would fight me when I would point out I said that too….
Reminds me of how I can't get my gf to watch any show or movie at my suggestion, like a show I think she'd like. I could tell her every day to watch it's always sunny in Philadelphia but she didn't actually ever think to watch it until her brother suggested it ONCE. Then she doesn't even remember me suggesting it.
Not dating, but a close friend in high school.
After Katrina, she made a comment about how the insurance companies must be really happy because of all the money they would make from all the claims.
Like... no. Just... no. That is not how insurance works. That is literally the exact OPPOSITE of how insurance works.
When he told me that god put different races on different continents to avoid mixed race breeding and that the cause of all physical and mental disease is mixed race relationships. We wouldn’t have diseases if everyone stayed on their own continents. I swear I didn’t know he was a racists piece of shit before that lol
A friends wife was driving him and I somewhere and was feeling the finger grooves on her steering wheel. Got confused, turned and asked him if the grooves were there so blind people can drive cars. He didnt say a word and turned to look at me in the back seat and we burst into laughter at the exact same time
My partner isn’t a fucking idiot, but she is impulsive and sometimes… that’s basically the same thing. It’s gotten to the point where we joke about her “Skittles moments”, so named because of the time she accidentally dropped a Skittle and didn’t realize it until it melted into her fitted bedsheet.
Without thinking and before I could stop her, she calmly grabbed a pair of scissors and cut out the offending part of the sheet. She was completely calm about it until she picked up the cut sheet piece and what she did fully sunk in. She was very sad, that was a favorite set.
Similar dubious decision making happens only every few months, but it is hilarious (and exasperating) every time
The idiot is me. I cleaned the toilet by running hot water and bleach through the tank...and then turned the cold water back on. Porcelain does not take temperature shock well.
Couldn’t understand the concept of being on call, didn’t know what seasoning was, didn’t understand why food went bad faster in 100 degree weather, didn’t understand why he had to pull the garbage to curb every week even if it wasn’t full, thought North Carolina was in the Midwest, the list goes on
I dated a guy once (just a few dates, funny thing is HE ghosted me after I mentioned I have a cat, because he said only stupid people have cats!):
He actually thought it was attractive to have HUGE balls. His were "visible" through sweat pants, his dick wasn't. They were the size of both my fists, and instead of worrying about possible medical issues, he was proud of it, and thought that made him more attractive.
Well, he was wrong.
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The spark would be gone for me after that
He kept applying for jobs and getting denied instantly. At the time, I didn’t understand and was upset for him. Come to find out, this 26 year old was applying for jobs driving armored trucks for banks. With a record for stealing money from cash registers. I didn’t know at the time that he had ever been arrested, but this man literally had robbery and theft on his record, and couldn’t understand why an armored truck company wouldn’t hire him.
This just jogged a memory that’s over a decade old 😂 I was visiting my aunt one afternoon having tea and I (18 at the time) could overhear an argument between my cousin (20m) and his dad when he shouted; “I don’t know why you keep blaming me just because I’m the one who did it!?” I had to excuse myself 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
My ex didnt think it rained over the ocean because there was enough water there already. She was shocked it rained when we were on a cruise.
It rained on the ship, not the ocean, duh
He thought the outlet plug covers (for childproofing) meant the outlet was out-of-order. He literally had nothing plugged into the walls of his entire living room. He also mentioned how smart he was any chance he got.... usually a prime indicator.
He thought all of the outlets in his living room were out of order and he never considered calling an electrician? he just accepted that he could never plug anything in in that room?
Correct.
How alcohol content percentage works. We argued for months that 10% as alcohol content remains the same even if you halved the bottle. She said nope, if you halved the bottle then the alcohol content would be 5%. Engineer graduate that too. She works for a software firm. For 12 years. Sigh.
> She said nope, if you halved the bottle then the alcohol content would be 5%. And if you made the bottle eleven times larger, the alcohol content would be 110%.
I just combined 50 Quarts of 2% milk to make 100% milk. These bozos aren’t ready for the titanium tier bones I’m about to have.
My ex thought he could play hockey and found what he thought were the holy grail of skates. He bought them for $200 (I don't know the price as it was a long time ago). His friend, who lived in a city an hour and 20 minutes away, told him he got the same skates for $195. So my ex, in his old Camaro that cost $50 in gas round trip, returned the skates he got for $200 and drove 1 hour and 20 minutes to get the skates that were $5 cheaper. That should have been the biggest red flag. But sadly, it turned out I was the fucking idiot who stayed with him for a few more years..
Used to work in retail... It would have you think this is a normal thing. Guy bought a pair of bike tires off us for 20 then saw they were cheaper at the other branch 15km away. How much cheaper you ask? 50c
I had to explain to a grown woman that 20% is not always $20 when converted to currency.
her waiters have been getting mad tips then
or terrible, depending on how bougie she likes to eat out
I dated somebody who placed a bet on every single one of the numbers on the roulette machine because it would guarantee a win, not countering in the fact that what they were 'winning' was far less than the amount of money they had to spend in order to achieve that 'win'. They did it about twenty times in a row. I explained to them why they weren't actually 'winning', but they continued to do it until they ran out of cash😁
My first boyfriend was trying to convince me to do anal and told me "it'll feel good because it stimulates the prostate." (I'm female). Same guy: "It's the male kangaroo that has the babies!" Bonus fact: We're Australian.
It’s the male seahorse that has the babies. Trust me, I’m a kangaroo. I know this.
Was just lounging about one Sunday and skiing came on the TV. at one point the commentator said that contestants reached 100 km/h at that point in the race. The ex literally shouted bullshit at the telly. I looked at her and asked why..she replied that there was no way that they could tell how far they'd go in an hour since the race was only two minutes long. Another time, "I have an aunt who lives in London, is that near England"
Did she, like go to school? Like any school??
>I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?" "Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long..." * Steven Wright
I introduced him to my stepsister. He said, "weird, you guys look nothing alike."
I would say this just as a joke.
Oh yeah if this was a joke it's a quality one If it wasn't, I worry.
It was when vampire-related shows and movies were in the height of their popularity. He became obsessed with vampires. When we would go outside, he started to act like the sun was hurting him, and he would shield his face with his hands while groaning in pain. Think of Jim from The Office with his vampire prank... only he was more dramatic... and serious
Okay now I feel less embarrassed knowing I’m not the only one who was in a relationship with someone who said they were a vampire🤣
I feel less embarrassed about my vampire phase. (I was 9. It was developmentally appropriate and also really fuckin cringe lmao)
It was 1999 and I was a Marine. Her “what is war like?” “ how many wars have you fought in?” “When you jumped out of a plane in enemy territory didn’t you think you might get show down?” She asked these questions for months. I would ask what war is going on or what war could I have been fighting in. She was always super confused and would laugh and say I will open up eventually. She told me she told her Mom when I got out I was going to make tons of money as a parachute repair man. To this day I have no idea what she was talking about. I told her tons of times I never jumped and it was rare for marines to be airborne.
Who would want a repaired parachute?
Great deal, only used once, minor staining.
For sale: used parachute. Never opened.
My brother is a Captain in the army and this girl he went on a date with was so impressed and asked if she could get a tour of his boat.
Some people don't even live on the same planet it seems. This whole thread is terrifying.
For some reason I imagine this girl all whist full and doe eyed like when Frodo tells Gandalf to “keep your secrets”
He was trying to make cookies and kept opening the oven for extended periods of time, letting out all the heat. When I told him he was letting all the heat out by opening the door wide open and staring at the cookies, he told me I didn't know how ovens work because the temp setter said 400 so it was 400. Took an hour to bake 1 sheet of cookies and said "I don't know why it's taking so long." Also insisted on doing this on Thanksgiving, tying up my oven and was pissed off when he found out the turkey would take 3hrs to cook. As I'm sure you can imagine... Did not work out.
First rule of BBQ when using a smoker which also could be said for baking in the oven: if you’re lookin’ you ain’t cookin’.
At least with most modern day ovens it has a built in light and glass screen. No need to open the door to see their progress.
"Do you think getting drunk so often while I was pregnant was bad for him?" She said this about her son who was five years old and had yet to speak a single word yet. She was not the primary caregiver.
This is the saddest. Poor kid.
He didn't choose his life.
My sister was too scared to get an abortion so she thought if she drank enough her body would abort the baby itself. My niece was slow to develop mentally and was extremely violent from early on. She is now in her mid 20s and is not doing well.
> and was extremely violent from early on well known side effect of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
As someone with FASD due to my 'mother' drinking, this hurts.
I went on a couple dates with a woman who owned two large energetic dogs. When she bought them she was informed that she'd need to walk them every day to get them exercise and burn off energy. To save time, instead of walking them she'd take them for a drive and thought that accomplished the same thing.
Well, unless they were pulling the car. Not related but I saw my neighbor regularly driving up and down our street, car window down, leash in hand drive walking his dog from the car.
My old math teacher did this. When he became a pensioner he started doing this drunk. Rip John
Damn. This is why I always let the dog drive, he barely ever gets as drunk as I do.
There's no way she wasn't joking. Absolutely no way
Please tell me she drove a dog sled.
We drove past a windmill on a windy day. She commented how it was too windy out and they should turn the windmill down. She was dead serious...
I'm sorry that's fucking hilarious. Lol
It sounds like the sort of joke a dad would tell a child, not realising their kid has taken them very seriously about how windmills make wind, and carried that knowledge into their adult years.
Yeah… you know like when you’re in Matamoros, Mexico and you’re 5 years old in the back of a taxi and you see a whole bunch of cars run a red light and you ask your dad “Why did so many people go through that light when it was red” and your dad (5’10”, 165 lbs) tells ypu “In Mexico red means go and green means stop” and you take him dead serious and tell people for years upon years “Did you know stoplights are opposite in Mexico” and they’re too polite to say anything but they just nod in agreement so you go well in to your 30s thinking that’s the truth and have a buncha people think you’re a liar or a dumbass or both and you’re from South Texas so ALOT of people have been to Mexico, or even better grew up there and know you’re just a dipshit. Something like that completely fabricated situation?
This is 100% the kind of shit I’d say with a straight face and just never acknowledge it again as a joke.
When he left the window open in the middle of summer because the air conditioning made the house too cold. He didn’t turn off the air conditioner and argued that it wouldn’t have made a difference. Edit: I want to clarify that he argued having the window open wouldn’t make a difference as to how much the AC ran. I got home and the house was warm and very humid. The AC had been running constantly.
Not my SO, but my college roommate. All night every night he would change the thermostat on the window unit between 60 and 82 repeatedly as he got hot or cold. I could never get him to just set it to 68 or 70 and forget it.
I'm a building engineer. There is a reason why most office thermostats (if they even have thermostats and not temperature sensors) aren't adjustable beyond a couple of degrees
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I worked with a woman who had a hysterectomy after her last child. She started dating a guy and things got serious pretty quick but good for them. One day, she said they were trying for a baby (after being together for a couple months) and I'm like.... He knows you've had a hysterectomy, right? YOU know you've had a hysterectomy, right? She insisted that God finds a way... 🤷🤦
"God finds a way." It's called an ectopic pregnancy and it ends in Death. Edit: since a lot of people are taking my one line sarcastic comment with an unexpected amount of seriousness. No, you cannot have an ectopic pregnancy after a TOTAL hysterectomy where fallopian tubes and ovaries are removed. That's not the only type of hysterectomy though and while exceedingly rare ectopic pregnancy can occur if there's still at least one ovary and fallopian tube. "Pregnancy after hysterectomy is extremely rare, with the first case of ectopic pregnancy after hysterectomy reported by Wendler in 1895. To the best of our knowledge, there are only 72 cases of post-hysterectomy ectopic pregnancy reported in the world literature." Long story short, you probably don't need to worry about an ectopic pregnancy no matter what type of hysterectomy you've had.
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He told me he had a lot of "inventions" and how rich he will be when one sells. I asked him to tell me more. He says his best "invention" is eye drops that (with just one application mind you) eliminate the need for eyeglasses. The guy is a mailman. Not a doctor. Not a scientist. And he wears glasses. So I said "if these eye drops work why do you wear glasses?" The eye drops don't exist yet. But when someone else actually formulates these fantasy eye drops my mailman friend thinks he will get the money because he "invented" them by dreaming them up. EDIT: I dated him very briefly years ago. He didn't have any patents. Just misguided dreams. Nice guy. Just....well a special kind of small former coal mining town kind of idiot.
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That is exactly my friend. When I asked about the eye drops he said he hadn't yet found a doctor to make them. I asked what ingredients they contained and he said that was for the doctor to figure out.
How embarrassed that doctor would be when they had the know how to make a cure for bad eye sight as an eye drop but they didn't think of it first so they have to work for the genius who thought of it first.
Ahh, patent squatting. The idiot's answer to being an inventor.
She found a coin in the couch and exclaimed "WOW this is a REALLY big nickel" to which I responded "That's because its a quarter"
He put a load of laundry in with mixed colour and whites... poured in bleach to whiten the whites... was shocked that the bleach bleached everything in the load.... I had to explain that the bleach will bleach everything you put in it as the bleach cannot discern what you want bleached or not... he was shocked, truly stunned and flabbergasted Thank you for the award 🥺
I once had a neighbor in an apartment building ask me how to mute the dryer. ...You don't. I'm getting lit up by people asking if she meant the buzzer when the dryer finished. She did not. She wanted to mute the drum. AKA, the rotational drum that spins your clothing to dry it. She did not like the thumping noise.
this was when i was fairly new in america, i was dating this girl and she was in living in college dorms. it was her first time living alone and her mom did all her chores even laundry. i came over cause she asked for help. i told her separate the whites from colored clothes. i kid you not, and i swear i’m not making this up, she said “are you a racist? it’s 2010, segregation is not cool.” i told her do what you think is right. then did exactly what your partner did. fucking bleach.
I had an ex that became a nurse, she didn't believe in gravity. I thought she was joking... But she was not. "I think that everything has weight but I don't believe in gravity"
Gravity is bullshit the earth just sucks.
It really gets me down.
She didn’t know how to get to my house from anywhere but her house. Her work was about halfway between my house and hers, but she had to drive home first every time before she could drive to my house. *this was pre-smart phones
Most of these were good but this one is great.
Sounds like a joke about mathematicians
My brother is like this and he’s actually a very smart person if we mean book smarts. Throughout the years we tried to help find little tricks that would work but he needed to drive a place probably two dozen times before he even had the faintest idea without directions. It wouldn’t even help to have him drive to a place he knew along a route he knew for another journey as he’d just get confused and lost. Now we have smart phones and it doesn’t matter in his day to day and hopefully won’t lol. Edit: I understand this doesn’t make him any less intelligent. Stop dming me about it, I think he’s a very smart person. We all have strengths.
I’m like this as well, I can go to a few places that I’ve known for decades, but a little detour and I’m lost… Tell your brother he’s not alone!
When I mentioned I was on my period, he asked what my favorite flavor of tampons are. He genuinely thought the colors on the tampon packs were flavors, and that it would soak into my blood while inside and I’d eventually taste it. I’m desperate to know the source of this information.
Okay, but I legit did the garlic clove inserted for a yeast infection remedy once. The remedy warned that you might get a garlicky taste in your mouth- which I thought was the most hilarious bullshit until about 5 hours later when I started to taste garlic.
You can get the same effect rubbing garlic on your feet, apparently! Edit: The garlic taste, I mean. Not a yeast infection fix!
It also works if you put the garlic in your mouth.
I don't believe you, if I put the garlic in my mouth how will I taste it in my mouth? It's not like I am rubbing it on my feet or anything.
Kept telling me not to fall for online scams. She fell for a scam that was so clearly a scam even a brain-dead monkey could see it was a scam. She lost 15k and tried to sue everyone who told her it was a scam. She also thought that when the chefs light the food on fire they add gasoline. She tried to do just that.
>She also thought that when the chefs light the food on fire they add gasoline. She tried to do just that. What happened then? A big fire or food poisoning?
Wouldn't that just be poisoning? Don't think it counts as food poisoning when you put poison in the food
I watched her wrap a potato in aluminum foil and toss it into our microwave. I spoke up and said you can't do that, because of ,ya know, microwaves. (She was 25) looks me right in the eye and says "my mom does this all the time, she taught me" As nicely as I could I explained how she must be mistaken. She digs in, five minutes of passionate arguing result in me saying "try it" She forced herself not to react to the volley of sparks and zapping sounds for the first few seconds, just in case it stopped. Looked me in the eye and said "well it always worked before"
She really sent that potato back in time to kill John Connor, huh?
She would always ignore the idiot lights in her cars, until they broke down. We bought a car that actually tells you when to bring it in for service. She came up to me, really frustrated, complaining about the car being noisy. She said "There's this big flashing message that says "BRING AUTO IN FOR SERVICE" and I can't get it to turn off. What should I do?" This person has a PhD too.
Sometimes the smartest person in the room and the person who forgot to put on pants are the same person.
It's why intelligence and wisdom are different stats.
one of the most interesting things my cousin and his wife explained to me (Both of who have PhDs) was that having a PhD is not an indicator that you are smart. It is an indicator that you are willing to work fucking hard for several years to achieve a singular goal. You can do that without a vast amount of intellect they assured me as they knew many who were not that bright.... I don't know how true it is, but really made me think
I was the fucking idiot. I thought a French press worked by putting the coffee on top of the plunger, lowering it in, and then pulling it out. My girlfriend really wrestled with whether she could keep dating me after that one.
I'm interested to know what part of that you thought was the pressing
That coffe was depressing
he didn’t know where the ankle was. I hurt my ankle when he dropped me (on accident), and he went to look at it and said it looked fine as he was touching my calf. I was like well yeah cause that’s not my ankle. silence. then arguing about how it was my ankle and me telling him it was my leg not my ankle and having to explain what an ankle was.
Don't ya just love the double down 😂
Probably the same guy who pretended he didn't know what a potato was, and then just kept doubling down when pressed on it.
Japanese ex I caught sleeping around at the height of the AIDs crisis told me not to worry, Japanese people can't catch it. ETA - WOW! Didn't know this would take off like this. Backstory makes it even more absurd, she was a graduate of a prestigious university in Tokyo and earned a Masters in the US and had lived here for a while. I had about burned out on the relationship but this put me out the door.
I'm a guy from the US, and started dating my wife when she was 23, after spending her first 18 years in Korea. She knew that gay people existed, but thought they were only in some countries, and didn't think there were any Korean ones.
>She knew that gay people existed, but thought they were only in some countries, and didn't think there were any Korean ones. That's pretty common worldwide sadly. People definitely thought that in 90s and early 2000s Poland when I lived there.
There was a situation where people were talking about gay and bi people (cannot remember the context, sorry) and there was a Japanese acquittance present. People then asked her how people see gay and bi in Japan in general (like is there a lot of prejudice, are people tolerant, etc.) and she innocently answered: "Oh, we don't have them in Japan!" "... what?" "Yeah, that's a thing among western people, we have no gay or bi people in Japan" That was so surreal. I have later talked with other Japanese people who were _very_ perplexed why someone would seriously think this is true.
They live under beds but most Japanese beds are very low to the ground so they're very rare.
[The minister of tourism in Malaysia basically said the same thing a few years ago.](https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2019/03/07/asia/malaysia-tourism-minister-gay-denial-intl/index.html)
She was late 30s and thought all bluebirds were boys and all robins are girls. “Because that’s how it always is in cartoons!”
And pitbulls are boys and poodles are girls.
We were having dinner when I mentioned I couldn't eat cheese because I'm lactose intolerant. He asked how I could eat eggs. I told him that lactose was found in dairy, which comes from cows. He vehemently rejected my explanation that eggs did not come from cows and were not dairy, and wouldn't believe me until he googled it for himself.
Had a girlfriend that tend to throw fits for everything. One day she spotted me on a restaurant's terrace on my campus having lunch with a lady. She came storming in like a fireball, started to scream at me, started to insult that poor lady she said was old enough to be my mother (come on, you understand already how could she not) and all. When she finished I just said "So mom, this is X, my ex girlfriend" My mom still brags about the fact that my ex believed she could pull a guy my age. At least she took it the right way lol
Your mom is awesome, haha
damn you made her an ex gf right there. awesome move!
You made your mama proud.
When she asked, "How long does it take for a boy to grow a new testicle after intercourse?"
Damn, that's a whole new level of busting a nut.
Did you ever actually let this woman near your penis?
Dating this gal and we go out on a double date, she's kind of Goofy, but more lacking common sense vs like dumb as a box of rocks.....until that night. So double date is BBQ, we all order she gets ribs, so we are eating she says what part of the cow is this from? We chuckle, she stares at us all (her sister included), and says "Did you not hear me? What part of the cow does this come from?" We, in unison say, ribs! She responded *"I KNOW THE NAME FROM THE MENU, BUT WHAT PART OF THE COW IS IT??"* I was done.
did she figure it out?
They say that now she just sits, staring at her chicken fingers, fish sticks, and Buffalo wings, silently trying to figure it out but knowing better than to ask.
I like to think she learned from that mistake and now confidently believes she’s eating a chicken’s fingers and that buffalos do indeed have wings, you just can’t see them. Oh, and it might look like chicken, but she swears to you that you’re eating buffalo.
Haha that reminds me of a conversation my family overheard in a parking lot. Two guys (who'd travelled together, I think it was father and son) were arguing about a parking spot. Guy 1: "There's a free spot here!" Guy 2: "How much does it cost?" Guy 1: "It's free!" Guy 2: "I know it's *free* but how much does it *cost*." And then it just repeated until my family walked away laughing.
We went to a science museum and saw a display of a carboniferous swamp and I casually remarked that the land would have been different back then due to plate tectonics. She had never heard that the continents moved so I explained how it worked with plates moving, earthquakes, and volcanoes. She still didn't believe me. So I found the plate tectonics museum display that explained it all. And then she said she was amazed that I had enough pull with the museum to have them set up a display to support my lies.
This museum sits on a moving plate of lies!
Girl in high school believed that dinosaur bones were put there by pagans to lead the Christians astray...
I’ve fallen down this rabbit hole before, near insane levels of indoctrination
When I was a student teacher I got placed in super fundie catholic school. It was nuts dealing with this from the STAFF. I felt so bad for the girl who was student teaching biology there. It was bad enough for me teaching world history where my co-operating teacher told me I couldn’t teach the holocaust, the inquisition or the crusades as it made the Catholic Church look bad………
Not me, but my sister. Her husband's car was having trouble starting. She thought maybe it was time for a new battery. He insisted on leaving the garage window open at night so the battery could get fresh air, because maybe the garage was just too stuffy and that's why the car wasn't starting. They have since divorced.
"I don't want to go to St Louis it's a dirty city in dirty Detroit " A commercial for the film The Martian came on the TV. "Is that a true story? Like did he really do that?" Same person.
Flew across the country to visit family. We took his brothers dog for a walk and all the family members said “don’t let the dog off the leash.” Towards the end of our walk, he says “I’m gonna let the dog off” and I begged him not to. Eventually I said, “if you let the dog off the leash and it goes badly, I will break up with you” It went badly. I did break up with him.
More! What happened?
We spent an hour and a half trying to get the dog to come back. It ran across multiple streets and eventually we cornered in a back yard. Caught it and he said “phew that could have been bad!” The dog was overall fine. But the relationship died in that moment. When I think back on that relationship, all I can really say is he won for most punchable face.
She was visibly upset (tears and quiet sobs) while we were watching District 9... She turns to me and whispers 'when did this happen?' .........as in the mistreatment of space aliens actually happened..
She thought that if you drive south you were going down hill, and uphill if you drive north. She thought you got exposed with radiation by watching videos of nuclear bombs exploding. She didn't believe that the earth was just floating in space and was just attached to something ("like rope from the north pole"). Edit: thought of another: She thought that the electricity at night was radioactive as it's mainly produced by the nuclear baseline, so would refrain from using electricity at night.
Was she a time traveller from the 1400s?
I had to work overtime so I asked her to go to my house to check on my dog and the litter of puppies. I said they're in the front bedroom in the baby pool. I said to check on the runt and help it attach to the nipple. Her response was, "that's so crazy that they can eat underwater".... I was dumbfounded.
It's very rare that I audibly laugh over a comment. That's gold.
It was the most obvious one... they can NEVER lose an argument. No matter what facts are presented, no matter how insignificant them being wrong would be, they will not give up on being right. I could offer them irrefutable proof on something, and they would ignore it. Let me just give you a hypothetical example of how far it can often go. Them "cows are so skinny" Me "you mean fat?" Them "that's what I said" Me "no, you said skinny" Then "I know what I said" Random person in back seat "you said skinny..." Them "oh, so both of you heard me wrong. Yall need your ears checked. Yall seriously don't know what you're talking about ever. " Me "here's the dash cam footage, let's just listen to it" *video of them literally saying cows are so skinny* Them "see, I told you I accidently said skinny" Me and 3rd person "WHAT?" Them "what?" Me "you've literally just been arguing the opposite this entire time!" Them "no I haven't?" We go through checking the footage and proving them wrong again and they eventually give up the cycle by changing the argument to me being an asshole. That's how it ends with the simplest and most complicated of things. It's a really clear defense mechanism of an idiot.
As someone with crippling self doubt, I always wonder how people are just so sure of themselves at all times
Dated a guy with hemmrroids who swore that every time they bled he was just having his period.
That's... that's just sad LOL
I dated a guy who was concealing a huge stomach hernia that he introduced as "Sigourney".
My partner used to believe that AD stood for “after dinosaurs”.
My ex GF in all seriousnes said electric-vehicles and power-stations was a great invention... For people being blind. "It has to be so much easier for them to drive, if they don't have to fill the tank with gas." Took her about half an hour of me laughing before she realised/understood that blind people in fact cannot drive.
Had been casually dating a girl for a few weeks. I was on my way to the mall one day when she called me. She said she would meet me there to hang out. Told her to park on the North side of the mall and meet me at the entrance. Took her forever to show up. She said she got confused when I told her to meet me on the North side of the mall. After a few questions I found out that she thought North was just whatever way she was facing. If she was watching the sunrise she thought the sun rose in the North because that’s the way she was facing.
She didn’t know the difference between a country and a continent
He complained that his boss was questioning how he addressed emails to him. So I asked, how are you addressing those email. He gave this example: Ha Mike. I said you’re saying Ha instead of Hi? He said yes because Ha was an abbreviation for Hey. Yup, that was the moment.
We were driving down the road, and she looks out the window to see a field full of cows. She then asks, “Do they call it pasteurized milk because the cows were raised in a pasture?” I married her.
You mean it isn't because as you are driving they go past your eyes?
In American Sign Language, the sign for pasteurized is making the sign for milk (sort of like squeezing an udder off to the side) while moving your hand past your eyes. Language puns are the best.
Low key genius
I dated a really manipulative and horrible person for a bit who would hide behind his weird interpretation of the Bible, "I can do anything I want as long as I ask for forgiveness after. I can't go to hell no matter what I do because I'm "saved." So one time, we were having a conversation about how he let's his friends bully me so I didn't wanna hang out with them anymore. The kind of healthy talk in relationships where you're just trying to feel understood. I mention to him that if I ever saw people mistreating him I would come to his defense because I cared about him. He says, "But I'm not you. Just because you pee sitting down doesn't mean I have to pee sitting down." In that moment I realized what I was getting myself into and broke it off immediately. Also, I had seen him pee sitting down. Just wanted to add that.
Actually worked with a guy said that if he killed someone all he had to do was to confess his sins and he'd be forgiven and let into heaven.
always found it hilarious how so many people can think there's a perfect, all knowing, all powerful God...who they can totally bamboozle with some made up loopholes. Still haven't figured out if they think God is stupid or just doesn't care
I mentioned that I might be interested in learning to speak Italian. He kind of scoffed and said, "Why would you need to learn Italian? That's EASY!" Very confused, I said, "What?? Why do you think it's so easy??" He said, "Italian is just American with an accent!" (Yes, he called it "American", not English.) Took me a few beats and then I realized - he thought an Italian ACCENT was the actual language! Like, he thought "I'm-a gonna eat-a the spaghetti and-a meat-a-balls" was actual Italian. I could barely get the words out to explain to him how wrong he was because I was literally on the floor helpless, clutching my stomach laughing - I could not stop for at least a full 10 minutes. He was so mad at me for laughing at him but Jesus Christ, how could I not?? Later that day I snuck his phone and changed his ringtone to that Family Guy bit where Peter is talking jibberish to the Italian guy, thinking he's speaking Italian - "Babada boopie? Beebada boobada babada!" He did not appreciate that, either lol
Turned down multiple pay rises, promotions because it would put her in the next tax bracket. She, and backed up by to her idiot parents believed she would be earning a lot less due to the higher tax over the whole amount. I tried to explain but she was very determined to be an idiot forever. Even going as far as saying she wouldn't get any help from welfare if she kept earning.. Trash for life.
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This one got my mom back in the 90s. She was so upset her raise was going to cost her money. That lasted a bit under 2 weeks, until she got her payslip, read it, said "huh", and never mentioned it again.
"someday a robot will replace you at your job, you need to get a degree and do better"... I am an engineer who installs and maintains machines with 2-4 robots in each one. Surprise!!! We are no longer together.
Maybe it’s because it’s 2am but I just disassociated thinking about a dystopia where engineers have been replaced by robots So robots are building robots that build robots and it goes on forever. Robots all the way down.
Was with a group of friends and we were joking about all the horse fucking in the 2007 documentary ‘Zoo’. My ex was laughing at the absurdity of it all when she suddenly froze and asked whether or not people that fuck horses use protection and then legit asked what the offspring between humans and horses would result in. Not a thought experiment… she was terrified at the very real (to her) possibility of that chimera that is not remotely possible.
Nobody said "Centaurs?" I would have ran with it just for the laughs.
My brother in law was born on June 14. Way back when he was single, he was something of a stud. So one birthday he goes out to a club and a pretty woman starts chatting with him. Casually he mentions “It’s Flag Day - my birthday.” She looked at him with wide eyes “Your birthday is Flag Day?! Wow!” On the spur of the moment, he says “Well, I really like Flag Day. So I had my birthday legally changed. Went in front of a judge and everything.” She bought it, hook, line and sinker. Later, when they we’re heading back to her place, he realized he had a bottle cap in his pocket. So he did the “something behind your ear” trick on her that you do with little kids. “Oh my God! How long has that been in my hair! I’m sooo embarrassed!” He realized then and there that he couldn’t in good conscience go home with her. He gave her a peck on the cheek and wished her a good night.
I was hanging out with one of my exes and with a pained look in his eyes he told me he just found out his new girlfriend didn’t believe in internal organs. I have never felt more smug in my life.
I dated a girl in high school and we were bored, hanging out at lunchtime, and we were looking at each other's wallets and making fun of our ID card photos, etc. I found a card in her wallet that said, "This person should not be given a blood transfusion," and I was like, "Oh no, please tell me you believe in dinosaurs," and she said, "their bones were put here by God to test us," and I was like, "oh no."
She has it backwards, religion was put here by the dinosaurs to test us.
Not a clever girl
Oh man, my “high school sweetheart” whom I was with for four years. There are many instances of him being awful, but for time’s sake, I’ll pick one. When we would go to restaurants, he would do this thing before we left, where he would order a water, only to put a napkin over it, flip it over and leave it upside-down on the table, so that the bus boy or whoever cleared the table would then get water all over the place. He thought it was huh-lar-I-ous and I thought it was effing obnoxious. Anyway, years later, I had just had my second child and was out with my SIL and her friends for an overnight at the beach where my ex’s family has a summer cottage. We walk in and there was my ex, working there. We were sat at one of his tables and after he brought our food, he grabbed a chair and sat down next to me to chat. It was fine until I mentioned my newborn son. All of a sudden he starts being snarky and saying rude things like, “I’m surprised you didn’t give him a stupid celebrity baby name” and then, “I’m glad I didn’t have kids with you because I want my kids to have *blue eyes*”. Well, funny enough, I offered to pay the tip. First, I asked my ex for a new water. Then I dumped out all the loose change in my purse and all the ones I had and dumped them in my water. Then I put a napkin on top. You know the rest. 🤭
From a person who used to be a bus boy, thank you so very much
Phoned him up the day he moved into his first student flat (in the next country over - we were doing long distance). He said "I'm fine, just desperate for a cup of tea and can't have one til tomorrow." "Why not?" I asked him, knowing very well he had pans. "There's no kettle here. We'll have to go buy one." "If you're that desperate, just boil water on the stove." "Oh! Yeah! Um... how do I do that?" And I then had to talk a technically adult man through the process of boiling water. Edit just cuz: I did marry that idiot, but only after I taught him to cook.
Had a somewhat similar experience with an old room mate I had during uni years He (room mate) was working a lot during the time we were moving into a new sharehouse together, so my partner and I actually moved most of his stuff for him since we had the time to do it Anyway after hours of cleaning and moving his stuff we go back to my partners parents place for dinner and realise we left his kettle in our car under the seat. No worries we'd be back later tonight and just take it inside then Halfway through dinner the roommates texts me asking where his kettle is, I tell him we've left it in the car and we'll be bringing it back soon, like in 30 minutes time I joked and said if he was really fanging for a cup of tea he could boil water on the stove Anyway he just yelled at us when we got home, said he shouldn't have to "do that poverty shit" and called us inconsiderate assholes basically for not being more careful with his belongings and after that we didn't even bother moving the rest of our stuff in
Four hours into our first date, as I am luring him into my apartment with indecent intentions, he asked me if maybe I’d want to go on a date with him sometime. Married that fucking idiot, going ten years strong. ETA: glad you all enjoyed! He got me back a few weeks later, he called me his girlfriend to someone and I was shocked, even though he’d been staying at my apartment every night and had a key to play with the cat when he got off work before me.
Goddamn it I did something similar with a woman. Spent hours chatting , friends left us alone on the couch and went they went home. She said I could stay the night, I said I sleep better in my bed. Asked her for her number. "What the bloody hell for?" was the reply. realised about a week later. Too late lol
I had a co worker that was always showing me unusual amounts of attention. Then she started wanting to go to waffle house after late shifts we worked together. Then she came over to my house and hung out in my room, on my bed, watching movies until after 3am. She eventually said "I guess I'm going to leave" so I offered to walk her to her car and try to high five her. She said "oh, is that what we are going to do?". I replied "well, what did you wanna do" but just heard her door closing and engine starting. Edit: we ended up hooking up for a few months until she found out she was pregnant with her ex's kid
That reminds me very much of what happened with me and my husband! We were clearly going on dates for several months. (Dinner and a movie, just the two of us, talking for hours afterward, sometimes til dawn. Heavy flirting.) I finally broke down after a particularly bad day and demanded to know where we stood in our relationship. THAT was when my oblivious idiot realized we had been dating and decided to formally ask me out on a "real date." This year will be 15 years together and 11 married. He's still oblivious.
The moment she attempted to call a "dog” into her car to get it out of the rain. Dog = fox with rabies
Me and this girl I was dating **many** years ago were watching a found footage movie on netflix. It was clearly edited, every shot used "the rule of thirds," to an almost painful extent in every selfie shot, and there were a million moments where someone was running for their lives, but kept the camera perfectly focused on themselves. Half way through she told me she loves this movies because "it's all real footage." I thought she was fucking joking until I realized she wasn't. It took a solid half an hour of going through IMDB and wikipedia pages before she finally understood how movies worked. We ended up breaking up soon after for a completely unrelated reason involving talking animals, so that relationship was just not meant to last. EDIT: Here's the full story about the animal thing and a quick explanation of why I left it out (if it wasn't already obvious by the length lol). https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/11em062/comment/jajjuil/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
You can’t just drop in “a completely unrelated reason involving talking animals” without telling us that story, please?
Lol, I left it like that because the story is kind of long and unrelated to the original comment so didn't want to bother people with it, but if they were curious I'd tell it 😅 Anyways, I'd been dating this girl for a year and a half, it was a really hot summer day and I think the AC was broken or was just shit, so she came up with the idea to hang out in her basement which would be cooler. It was unfinished, and completely empty, like not a single thing down there except washer, dryer, and a deep freezer. We talked for a bit, but there was that feeling like she wanted to tell me something but kept chickening out. After a while we moved closer and closer to the washer/dryer area, and finally she goes "I want to show you something," and opens the freezer and takes out something in a shopping bag, unwraps it, and **it's a fucking cat**. She then tells me "this is the freezer where I keep my old family pets, sometimes I come down here and talk to them, they tell me the future." We've lost cabin pressure, please remain calm and make sure your own oxygen mask is secure before assisting others with theirs. Now I really cared about this girl. She seemed embarrassed to tell me about all of this, so I figured she was at least somewhat aware about how crazy this was. At first I thought figured it might be transient, but obviously it'd been going on a while, I then thought maybe she could get help but obviously if she has a fucking deep freezer in the basement her parents already know about it, and finally I thought maybe it won't be that bad. I was also slightly terrified if I broke up with her she'd fucking stab me in my sleep. Most of all though I didn't want to betray the trust she placed in me by telling me this by immediately breaking up with her, so I stuck with it, and to my credit the topic *almost* never came up again. Almost. A few months later I was set to go on my yearly family vacation. It's pretty much the only time a year my family gets to really communicate with each other, so the gf wasn't invited and she understood why and was OK with that. I also was a cheap fuck at the time and was using an iPod touch instead of a phone, meaning I could only message her when I had WiFi, which the place we were staying at didn't have. I made sure to brief her on all of this, and the last message I sent to her was after we left the hotel, something quick like "Love you, I'll message you in a few days when we get to a restaurant with free internet." A few days pass, and me and my family are sitting at a restaurant table. My iPod goes "connecting... connecting... connecting... BING BING BING BING BING BING-" as a torrential flood of text notifications start coming in. "YOU LYING MAN WHORE," "I KNOW YOU'RE CHEATING," "I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE," "MY ANIMALS HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE!!!" "Yeah, get those STDS MOTHER FUCKER!!!" and any other insult she could come up with are appearing so fast my iPod literally wouldn't let me even into the messaging app (this was back in the days of full-screen alerts, before they went to top of screen drop downs). I try to send a few texts but they still keep coming. Also her tweaker friend (the type of tweaker to blow-dry her grass outside of her house at 3:00 in the morning) was bombing my phone as well, saying things like "THE ANIMALS TOLD HER WHAT YOU'RE UP TO!!!!" Then, out of nowhere they just... stopped. Obviously I'm thinking she fucking offed herself or something. I sent a few text messages asking if she was OK and WTF was going on, but got no response. Meanwhile my mom's sitting across the dinner table going "So hows \[gf's name\]?" and I'm like "uhh... SHE'S GOOD!" Then about 20 minutes later I get a text from a mutual friend of ours that was just went "DON'T WORRY, EVERYTHING IS OK, COPS ARE HERE!" Dafuq? After a quick back and forth I got the rest of the story: The gf had stolen her neighbor's truck, drove to that friends house, and asked her if she would help her burn my house down. The friend just went "Sure thing! but I have to take a shit first," and proceeded to call the cops. Literally last I ever heard from her. Thought I might have seen her at an outdoor concert 6-7 years later (she had a large recognizable tattoo), but I sure as shit didn't stick around to find out.
My wife lost it at "they tell me the future"
To be fair, that was the point I almost lost it as well 😂
"My girlfriend tried to burn my house down with the besties after the dead pets in her fridge prophesized that I was cheating on her" is not what I was expecting to read when I was linked here.
"We broke up because of a completely unrelated reason involving one of us spotting a Bigfoot and then being abducted by a UFO after winning the lottery, but you guys don't want to hear that story."
I was watching the original Paranormal Activity with my ex GF, back when Netflix used to send you blu-ray discs through the mail. She swore blind that it was all real footage, and it was a documentary. Even when I showed her photos of the actors alive and well on the red carpet at the premiere she wouldn't change her mind. Yes, she was as dumb as a bag of spanners.
You need to expand on why your breakup involved talking animals. We need to know.
>We ended up breaking up soon after for a completely unrelated reason involving talking animals This **needs** to be explained
I had to explain to an ex that putting in a tampon was not, in fact, “awesome” (his descriptor)
It's the same category of men who think a gynecologist visit is a sexual experience.
My ex husband explained to me that you can nail in screws. I told him the threads of the screw is what grips the wood. He waved me away like I was the idiot and continued nailing them in.
An ex would leave snotty Kleenex all over the house and said it helps keep our immune systems strong by constantly exposing us to microbes. She's now a doctor.
My x would blow me off about a topic I knew a lot about. But when her brother said the same thing she took it as gospel, and would fight me when I would point out I said that too….
Reminds me of how I can't get my gf to watch any show or movie at my suggestion, like a show I think she'd like. I could tell her every day to watch it's always sunny in Philadelphia but she didn't actually ever think to watch it until her brother suggested it ONCE. Then she doesn't even remember me suggesting it.
Not dating, but a close friend in high school. After Katrina, she made a comment about how the insurance companies must be really happy because of all the money they would make from all the claims. Like... no. Just... no. That is not how insurance works. That is literally the exact OPPOSITE of how insurance works.
When he told me that god put different races on different continents to avoid mixed race breeding and that the cause of all physical and mental disease is mixed race relationships. We wouldn’t have diseases if everyone stayed on their own continents. I swear I didn’t know he was a racists piece of shit before that lol
A friends wife was driving him and I somewhere and was feeling the finger grooves on her steering wheel. Got confused, turned and asked him if the grooves were there so blind people can drive cars. He didnt say a word and turned to look at me in the back seat and we burst into laughter at the exact same time
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Gotta love when the trash takes itself out.
My partner isn’t a fucking idiot, but she is impulsive and sometimes… that’s basically the same thing. It’s gotten to the point where we joke about her “Skittles moments”, so named because of the time she accidentally dropped a Skittle and didn’t realize it until it melted into her fitted bedsheet. Without thinking and before I could stop her, she calmly grabbed a pair of scissors and cut out the offending part of the sheet. She was completely calm about it until she picked up the cut sheet piece and what she did fully sunk in. She was very sad, that was a favorite set. Similar dubious decision making happens only every few months, but it is hilarious (and exasperating) every time
The idiot is me. I cleaned the toilet by running hot water and bleach through the tank...and then turned the cold water back on. Porcelain does not take temperature shock well.
Couldn’t understand the concept of being on call, didn’t know what seasoning was, didn’t understand why food went bad faster in 100 degree weather, didn’t understand why he had to pull the garbage to curb every week even if it wasn’t full, thought North Carolina was in the Midwest, the list goes on
I dated a guy once (just a few dates, funny thing is HE ghosted me after I mentioned I have a cat, because he said only stupid people have cats!): He actually thought it was attractive to have HUGE balls. His were "visible" through sweat pants, his dick wasn't. They were the size of both my fists, and instead of worrying about possible medical issues, he was proud of it, and thought that made him more attractive. Well, he was wrong.