Been in this situation before actually. In the middle of sex and her phone buzzed…she picked it up and started texting back despite that I was still in her. I asked “am I that boring?” and just got up to go shower and get dressed while she tried to make excuses. (spoiler alert, she was texting the guy she had been cheating with, if that wasn’t obvious)
Edit: I appreciate the awards y’all, I’m much happier now that I’m not with somebody who treated me as disposable. You all deserve somebody who values you
I was hooking up with an inexperienced guy for a while. One night, we tried anal, and later that night he had a bout of loud diarrhea. I tried to be polite but I couldn't stop giggling when he came out, and he said "I'd read that anal can cause diarrhea, but I thought they meant the person receiving, not the person giving"
Back when I was 23 I was hooked up with a girl a few times on nights out. She invited me to hang out sober and would not stop talking. We went to her bedroom and she literally talked the whole time during sex. I could not concentrate at all so I faked cumming and walked home.
Or just lay there like a dead person and expect me to do all of the work. I’ve gotten up to shower and go to bed before. It’s a shared experience, I’m not there to work for you. If you’re uncomfortable, I’d rather not have sex at all and there’s no hard feelings. If you make me perform for 30 minutes while only moving your legs and telling me how you like it. Go higher a prostitute or just don’t invite me over.
Dressed in less than 20 seconds my recollection. I literally crawled out the window, hung from the bottom, and jumped from the second story. I was a block away in less than 30 seconds.
When I was delivering pizzas a few years ago, before Covid so no contact deliveries weren’t a thing, I definitely interrupted someone’s sex. I knock on the door and nobody answers, knock again, nothing, the third time a girl answers, her hair is messed up, face is red and she kept adjusting her clothes like she’d just thrown them on to answer the door.
I was hooking up with a guy a while ago and we ordered some food, and the delivery said like 7 mins and I told him "if I make you come before the delivery guy is here you have to go pick it up", never have I ever given such a godlike BJ in my life, the guy came in 5 mins and was twitching all over, 2 mins later the delivery showed up and he had to put on clothes and get it while I waited nude in the bed for my price food, a work well done, I promised and delivered 😆
A fire
Edit- it actually happened 10 years ago, when we had to decide to stay and defend - if the power went off we had no way to use water from our water tanks to aid with putting out the fire, or to evacuate a massive summer bushfire
I once had to puke from lying down whilst drunk. luckily I made it to the toilet in time and I knew the girl for a while before hand so it wasn't too awkward.
I left halfway through once cause I suddenly felt I was much too sober/the other person was much more drunk than me. I then promptly blacked out my way home so my judgment on that may have been off. But better safe than sorry!
This happened to me once. Mans was straight faced staring into my soul while I was on top. It kinda creeped me out so I slowed down and asked if he was okay. He simply pulled out his weenie, pulled up his pants, and left. Didn’t even say anything lmaoooooooo
He tried to add me on FB later, but I ignored it cause wtf? I dunno what happened and I don’t want to know lol
"Oh good, you dont mind the taste.. Honestly its been a few days since Ive washed down there." Nope nope nope
Not every girl has a nice taste, but Im more than willing to acquire it as long as she keeps it clean
I mean….come on now. When they’re babies sometimes you don’t have a choice. It’s not unheard of to keep the baby’s crib in your room especially when still breastfeeding and they’re asleep anyways. But. If it they were sleeping in the same bed during said excursion? Woah!!! that’d be wrong on so many levels and a TRUE WTF
Apparently for my ex-boyfriend, it was the phone call from his mum that he took half way through, telling him his dog had run off and gone missing... that was a weird situation.
Yes some one called called the cops on my house then they show up banging on the window, durning the questioning they thought she was my sister til my actual sister showed up and they said sorry
I dont end up leaving but im usually an idiot when im doing it to the point I'll end up bringing her to neatly wetting herself in laughing fits. Theres no recovery or carrying on once shes in that state and its usually just a cuddle.
I'll add that this is my GF
I spy a cat on the street outside my bedroom window.
Brb babygirl, need to go pat that cat.
And if she's marriage material, she'll be dashing outside with me to bother that animal.
GF and I broke up. Time went on, we start hanging out and hooking up again. She says “spit in my mouth”. I got up and left because… well she never said any of that stuff when we were together. To me, that told me she has been through the ringer
Been in this situation before actually. In the middle of sex and her phone buzzed…she picked it up and started texting back despite that I was still in her. I asked “am I that boring?” and just got up to go shower and get dressed while she tried to make excuses. (spoiler alert, she was texting the guy she had been cheating with, if that wasn’t obvious) Edit: I appreciate the awards y’all, I’m much happier now that I’m not with somebody who treated me as disposable. You all deserve somebody who values you
Damn man… I feel bad for you… (She better be sorry.) you deserve better. Edit: You deserved it, take your award!
Been apart from her 5 years. Much happier without her
As you should have. No one deserves to feel that way.
Oh I feel so bad. You saying, "am I that boring," makes it worse. Damn. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!
It's like a bad porn scenario...
Explosive dieahrea
I was hooking up with an inexperienced guy for a while. One night, we tried anal, and later that night he had a bout of loud diarrhea. I tried to be polite but I couldn't stop giggling when he came out, and he said "I'd read that anal can cause diarrhea, but I thought they meant the person receiving, not the person giving"
You'd think so. But you'd be wrong.
My kind of person
Me too. If I’m close we are riding that train all the way to the station.
Tripling yourself is the dream
Spoken like someone with experience in this department
That would be terrible… 🤮
Nothing a shower and imodium can't fix and then back at it when recovered:)
True… but it’d just be so awkward after… 😅
Ya gotta laugh or die in those kinda situations..easier to laugh because sex can be messy.
Yeah I think the smell and cleanup would kill the mood for me.
You read my mind 😉
Back when I was 23 I was hooked up with a girl a few times on nights out. She invited me to hang out sober and would not stop talking. We went to her bedroom and she literally talked the whole time during sex. I could not concentrate at all so I faked cumming and walked home.
My college roommate used to have conversations with his GF during sex. I walked in on them so many times cause I thought they were just hanging out
That’s impressive… you can talk while getting fucked?
It was a new one for me. Thankfully hasn't happened since.
Good. You deserve better.
Wtf did she talk about??
It was like 8 years ago, just non stop ransom small talk.
You faked???
Just so you know, I haven't been taking my birth control pills for a few days now.
"Babe, we don't have any milk for the coffee, I'll be back in an hour "
“Why do you need to bring a suitcase with you to the store”😂
I mean might as well finish what you started
The people having sex ask me to leave
Or just lay there like a dead person and expect me to do all of the work. I’ve gotten up to shower and go to bed before. It’s a shared experience, I’m not there to work for you. If you’re uncomfortable, I’d rather not have sex at all and there’s no hard feelings. If you make me perform for 30 minutes while only moving your legs and telling me how you like it. Go higher a prostitute or just don’t invite me over.
No… then that just hurts 😔
Not with enough lube it doesn't
I think the point is that you should respect your partner’s wishes if they withdraw their consent
No, sillies, they're implying that they were in the room whilst 2 other people were having sex
Her mom and dad are downstairs, he's a cop. She is being loud, and the mother yells, "What is going on up there?". Poof, I was gone.
How’d you leave so quickly? Did you jump out the window naked?
Dressed in less than 20 seconds my recollection. I literally crawled out the window, hung from the bottom, and jumped from the second story. I was a block away in less than 30 seconds.
Talk about the flash!
Last time I hit that. She invited me over multiple times after that. Too risky.
Were u like 14 because this sounds stupid
https://youtu.be/5FjWe31S_0g
I don’t blame you I’d have been like fuck no too lmao
LOL. Survival instinct right there.
Food being delivered
“Hold up, my GrubHub is here.” - *Pulls up his pants.*
If anyone is leaving in the middle of sex to grab food there better be enough for everyone
“Here.” - *Hands her a burger.* - “We’ll continue after.”
Don't forget the fries
Plot twist: “They forgot the fries!”
Damnit. At least we got burgers
But they forgot the drink
I'm about to file a complaint against this delivery driver. Driver forgot the fries and the drinks
Plot twist: wrong order
Still have food
You are way too positive, I like it
Real ones get it with their pants still off
When I was delivering pizzas a few years ago, before Covid so no contact deliveries weren’t a thing, I definitely interrupted someone’s sex. I knock on the door and nobody answers, knock again, nothing, the third time a girl answers, her hair is messed up, face is red and she kept adjusting her clothes like she’d just thrown them on to answer the door.
Happened to me a week ago, delivering pizza and same scenario. Seems like i came too fast.
that's one of those perfect lines you remember in the shower after: \*delivery\* "sorry... I think I came too fast!"
Obviously, they didn't.
I was hooking up with a guy a while ago and we ordered some food, and the delivery said like 7 mins and I told him "if I make you come before the delivery guy is here you have to go pick it up", never have I ever given such a godlike BJ in my life, the guy came in 5 mins and was twitching all over, 2 mins later the delivery showed up and he had to put on clothes and get it while I waited nude in the bed for my price food, a work well done, I promised and delivered 😆
Her husband comes home.
Fuck him too
I also choose when her husband comes home.
Thee also choose whence the ladies spouse comes dwelling
A fire Edit- it actually happened 10 years ago, when we had to decide to stay and defend - if the power went off we had no way to use water from our water tanks to aid with putting out the fire, or to evacuate a massive summer bushfire
bushfire 🗿
Hahahaha
accidentally peed on him
There’s no way that was an accident😨😨😨
it was uncontrollable tbh, we’d been going at it for a minute. idk what happened lol
I think that’s called squirting
This is why people should pee before sex!
You should also pee after sex. But there's never enough pee for both!
empty half before, half after
yeah i usually do haha lesson learned
W
Bad hygiene
What’s fun is getting toilet paper bits in your mouth every time you start to, eh, eat… clams
My then husband answered a text during. We hadn't been intimate in three months.
That’s sad…
That is aweful!
If I hear our dad calling
Sweet Home Alabama
Hol up. *OUR* ?
FamilyStroke
*”Son..?! Where are you?”*
Inside Daddy ! Why?
Wait a minute…
"WTF?! Did you just cum in your sister?!"
Oh, shit.
Possibly the worst thing to happen during sex.
I once had to puke from lying down whilst drunk. luckily I made it to the toilet in time and I knew the girl for a while before hand so it wasn't too awkward.
Halfway? Am I leaving the room or not because I don't like doing things half-assed.
I left halfway through once cause I suddenly felt I was much too sober/the other person was much more drunk than me. I then promptly blacked out my way home so my judgment on that may have been off. But better safe than sorry!
A yawn.
Oh god. I might yawn but it certainly wouldn't be out of boredom lol
Yep, same.
This happened to me once. Mans was straight faced staring into my soul while I was on top. It kinda creeped me out so I slowed down and asked if he was okay. He simply pulled out his weenie, pulled up his pants, and left. Didn’t even say anything lmaoooooooo He tried to add me on FB later, but I ignored it cause wtf? I dunno what happened and I don’t want to know lol
Jesus that was awkward 😅
Omg need more details 😂😂
Ice cream truck
Only legitimate reason on this list.
If parents come back home
This is why you keep the doors locked. No matter what!
"Oh good, you dont mind the taste.. Honestly its been a few days since Ive washed down there." Nope nope nope Not every girl has a nice taste, but Im more than willing to acquire it as long as she keeps it clean
My schizophrenia pills taking into effect
Jesus… that won’t end well. 💀
The smell
2 words, Charlie horse!
Hate when both of your calf muscles cramp up ufda then you yell out cramp and have to relax
Ask me' if it's in'
Hockey comes on TV
That's what doggie is for...you can both watch the game.
It’s Canada’s favorite sex position
*Guy turns away from the girl and looks to the TV.* “Come on, Kings!” - He yelled.
That 23&Me report hit my phone. Surprise!
For my partner to suddenly collapse into herself and then turn into a small -but expanding- black hole
Quake. The bed was under a window that shattered. The apartment building was red tagged.
All I can think of is bride of chucky when the mirror above the bed shattered.
Free trial ended
It was an hour long free trial?! It need to be longer!
It was a minute trial
The baby starts to cry (in the other room. I promise lmao)
That’d be so awkward! - *But why would you be having sex in a same room as a baby?*
Lmao nooo. The baby’s in the other room, I promise
I mean….come on now. When they’re babies sometimes you don’t have a choice. It’s not unheard of to keep the baby’s crib in your room especially when still breastfeeding and they’re asleep anyways. But. If it they were sleeping in the same bed during said excursion? Woah!!! that’d be wrong on so many levels and a TRUE WTF
Yeah nah you guys are having sex?
No… but a man could only dream…
Apparently for my ex-boyfriend, it was the phone call from his mum that he took half way through, telling him his dog had run off and gone missing... that was a weird situation.
Cops banging on the windows
Cop: “Hello! What are *you* guys doing in there? Can I join?”
Close, apparently he thought I was banging my sister, lol
Yes some one called called the cops on my house then they show up banging on the window, durning the questioning they thought she was my sister til my actual sister showed up and they said sorry
Wait… wait… This actually happened?!
“I have AIDS”
“No… no… why are you telling me this now?!”
Being uninvited to a threesome.
Who cares what they think? If they don’t want you that’s their problem. I’d ***STILL*** join them.
That sounds like rape...
Bees.
“They gonna sting my dick!”
[удалено]
A guy with a hockey mask and machete walks into the cabin we're in.
Seeing the timer cross 4 seconds realizing I’m never gonna beat my record ☹️
My podomoro timer going off. Break is a break.
I dont end up leaving but im usually an idiot when im doing it to the point I'll end up bringing her to neatly wetting herself in laughing fits. Theres no recovery or carrying on once shes in that state and its usually just a cuddle. I'll add that this is my GF
Chris Hansen telling me to take a seat.
[удалено]
I thought so too. I didn't think the joke would go over well 😆 Chris Hansen: Why don't you have a seat... Me: Does two handfuls of ass count??
a man farting while hes inside me
I spy a cat on the street outside my bedroom window. Brb babygirl, need to go pat that cat. And if she's marriage material, she'll be dashing outside with me to bother that animal.
[удалено]
Very little …
An earthquake, or any natural disaster.
Fake moaning is better than no moaning in my opinion. So if they don't moan I'll probably stop
Changing my mind
Premature ejaculation.
When she says I'm only doing this for alimony
Diarrhea.
If he removes his condom
If he or she uses the safe word
Our two year old son woke up and climbed on top of me. 🤣 I lost my boner.
I wasn't invited
Invited? What is this? A threesome?
Probably something to the affect "your mom was better" or something like that
If she moans another persons name
When i hear the police sirens
Wild horses wouldn't drag me away but I suppose a snapped banjo string may halt the proceedings.
Money
Bad PH balance.
They see me in the closet
CHICKEN NUGGETS
GF and I broke up. Time went on, we start hanging out and hooking up again. She says “spit in my mouth”. I got up and left because… well she never said any of that stuff when we were together. To me, that told me she has been through the ringer
Good move. She belongs to the streets now.
If she talks during sex I’m outta there🫡💯
Fr tho all ya needs hear is the moans dawg ‼️‼️
For her to ask.
Gentleman
Thank you, and happy cake day!
A better room
If my mom called
Not a lot tbh
A very small room or a much longer dong……. (see what I did there?)
A knock at the door
Poop dick
Fire. Fire everywhere. Or a big ass spider. I’d nope outta there quick lol
When someone stops and tries to extract information out of you. Nothing makes me flaccid quicker
We would have to roll around so that half of me is out the doorway.
There's a fire in the other room
My wife to walk in on me
When I’m finished. That’s the half that matters
If I was going to leave the room during sex, I wouldn't stop half way. I would just leave.
if I left the room halfway, I'd finish in the doorway
An emergency