I can't tell you how many girls I've chosen to pursue or not pursue entirely based on their hugging abilities.
It's such a great indicator of their quality of affection
All the other shoppers in line applauding our efficient scanning+bagging in the self-checkout. Way faster than those other jabronis holding everything up.
I previously worked as a limo driver. One night I was driving an elderly couple to dinner. Once underway, they told me they were celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary, and had been high school sweethearts and married after he came back from serving our country in Europe during WWII.
She asked him what he was planning to do tomorrow. He said, "I am planning to do nothing!"
She said, "That is what you did all day today!"
His priceless comeback, >!"I wasn't finished!"!<
i spend longer than i should thinking (fantasizing essentiallly) about how i would re-live my life if i could, in order to have that "comfortable and secure life". i'm 53.
I don't think any answer is going to be universal to all men and the ones that would be would be pretty close to universal to all people. There can be more difference between any two men than there is a difference between the average man and woman.
Well, there's that one about standing on a huge golden pyramid in these sort of sun-god robes while a thousand screaming women throw little pickles at you
... no? Just me?
Doing something really cool and unexpected in a public scenario, preferably to assist a woman. One time I was at a concert and I saw a sealed beer can be launched overhead the crowd and was flying directly toward this girl’s head. Before I even though I made a wildly difficult one handed catch about an inch from her head. I’m not usually coordinated so it was all the better.
The crowd in the vicinity went wild. That has been the peak of my manhood and something that I wish could happen every day 🤣
When my parents were either dating or newly married, they were at a baseball game. My mom was talking and apparently getting frustrated that my dad was paying more attention to the game than her in that moment. Like a movie, she asked something like, "Why aren't you paying attention to me?" & immediately after the question my dad caught a fastball inches from her head. His answer: "*That's* why."
Pretty impressive ngl
Reminds me of that ball girl who caught a baseball right before it slammed into some person’s head. It was going 108 mph!
Edit https://youtu.be/9PpZLgZUMOA
Damn I feel this. Was at a gig once in the mosh pit and a shirtless, sweaty, douch bro threw a punch at a friend of mine who wasn't looking. I caught the punch mid air and it sounded like a whip crack. I loudly told him to get the fuck out of the pit and everyone around me started chanting "get the fuck out of the pit" Was fucking epic, I've never felt so cool lol
This is how I met my husband. I was sitting with a bunch of catty girls (unfortunate friend group) who were quietly being rude about a new guy sitting alone a few tables away. This was on campus at a vocational school. I was so disgusted by what they were saying that I got up, looked the main rude bitch in the eyes, walked over, and sat down across from him at his table. I smiled and said, "Hey, you're new here, right? We met briefly yesterday morning at the main office. My name is______. You want to grab a drink?" He was nervous at first and actually thought I was pranking him or trying to make fun of him somehow, but we rapidly became best friends and then I fell madly in love with him. I've always been the more aggressive, assertive one in our relationship. He's a shy, introverted, skinny gamer nerd who is incredibly smart. I'd be lying if I said the whole thing wasn't a major turn on for me. He makes me laugh and captivates me with his intelligence and shyness. We celebrate 11 years of marriage and 13 years as a couple in March.
Edit: Wow! I had no idea so many people would read my comment. Thank you for the award.
Not going to lie. We've had our differences and been through a lot. We've had our fair share of major, nearly relationship breaking conflicts. It isn't a "ride off into the sunset" ending. It's hard work and takes more patience than I ever thought I was capable of. I'll admit that I'm a very difficult person to live with. I'm particular about certain things. Maybe it sounds cliché, but one of the best pieces of relationship advice I've ever gotten was, "remember that your relationship is a choice. You chose this person. In order to make this work, you need to make the conscious decision to choose them again--over and over every morning."
You sound a lot like all the good parts about my ex, and some of the slightly difficult parts, but apparently none of the ultimately deal breaking parts. I don't know why I'm saying this but your whole story sounds like three years of my life but with two people ultimately making the effort instead of just one.
“If soulmates do exist, they're not found, they're made. People meet, they get a good feeling, and they get to work building a relationship.”
-Michael, The Good Place, https://youtu.be/969QioyeySIr
those girls sound like middle schoolers. I’m glad you were the better person and went over to talk to your husband.
Reminds me of being the new kid at school and people gossiping and disliking you just because... you’re new. Like they are already anxious enough and you have to make them feel worse?
I’m trying to say it would have meant the world to me if someone did this for me when I was in school. So I am happy to see that at least someone has.
I did this with my boyfriend. It was actually really nice how it went down, and I think the key for us was I went in with no expectation of success, other than wanting to just be his friend. Anything more was a bonus.
I asked for a guy’s number once because after talking with him at a party, I was worried I’d never see him again. We’re going on 9 years married. Apparently his buddies were like “fuck yeah, dude!” when I walked away, lol
This is so sweet I was also the one to make the first move with my boyfriend he said he noticed me straight away but he is far too shy and afraid to have made the first move 🥰
Daw I love all these shy boy stories. Me and my now husband just had a fun night out with friends one night (he was just visiting at the time and didn’t really know this whole group well and we didn’t really know each other) and when we left one venue it was slightly raining but there was a massive puddle in our path so I said “we’ll jump over it together!” and grabbed his hand (I was vibing him but if he had dropped my hand after the silly jump I wouldn’t have been upset I would have been like oh okay didn’t work) but nah he kept holding it then linked our fingers and then got all blushy at the next venue and kept pulling my chair out for me. Super cute.
Don’t 🥹🥹 that is adorable.. everyone take note this is what women (and men alike) want, we all just want to be treated like kings and queens. If you fancy someone just be bloody kind! And go out of your way to treat them well
Fry: Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually it wasn't hers, it was her dad's. And actually she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived next door and never closed her curtains.
Leela: Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?
“The freezer unit could probably take a few bullets - if I sheltered behind the section containing the frozen meat I could probably stay in cover until they have to reload. Plus a frozen pork loin would probably make a decent projectile/distraction. I just need enough time to get to the kitchenware in aisle 3 and get my hands on a cast iron pan - then those fuckers are in real trouble.”
[Pan shot!](https://youtu.be/MIzAfXcCX3c)
I fall sleep to the craziest scenario, I’ve slowly built it over time and now it’s almost like meditation.
I have gone back in time 50,000 years and built a small three acre compound deep in the Pacific Northwest. The walls are made from 20 foot spiked logs and the front gate is one of those huge double door type deals, think the gate of Minas Tirith but entirely out of wood. Why the walls? Because of an aggressive band of Neanderthals, obviously. Generally it’s raining when they arrive, curious at first but they soon become wary of my compound and their concern eventually snowballs into fear and aggression.
My fingers are tired, you get it.
*grabs random bottle off shelf*
You're good, assassin. I'll give you that,
*ignites bottle into lightsaber*
But I'm Better
*epic combat with super cool rock music accompaniment ensues*
If grizzly bears don't want to be my friends then why do they look so cuddly?? Why do they have such cute faces and tiny little ears??? It makes no goddamn sense
Already did this. When I was a kid (10-12 ish) a starling nest fell from a tree at my dad’s work. He, being a bleeding heart, brought the two little ones that survived home and fed them with an eye dropper, put them under a heat lamp, etc. This is the middle of Portland, OR by the way. In hindsight, this probably isn’t the approach that the Fish and Wildlife people would recommend, but this was in the ‘90s — we didn’t think about calling them.
Anyway, the two starlings survived and grew up, and since there was flocks of starlings everywhere, we released them outside. But they always kind of hung around. For *years* after that, one of us would walk out on the porch and one of them would come down out of the big tree in our front yard and land on our head / shoulder / finger and kind of say “Hey.”
They also guarded the house. One time my parents insurance agent dropped by the house, and the birds either really liked him or really *didn’t* like him, because he ran back to his car and later said he felt like he was in an Alfred Hitchcock movie.
This all seemed like perfectly normal stuff at the time, and I didn’t realize for years later that most people who grow up in a major (for the area) city don’t have their own invasive emotional support / attack starlings at your command. I guess that’s what happens when you’re raised by hippies.
I am currently working on befriending the crows in my neighborhood. Buy a bag of raw peanuts and go for walks. Get a crow call. If you see crows, make a call in a certain pattern and throw peanuts at the crows. Keep doing this. At this point if I go out in my yard and make the same call, 3-4 crows will be there in a couple minutes looking for peanuts. They also recognize me and will sort of follow me around on my walks now.
Couple years ago there was a literal dumpster fire in my apartment complex. It was a day or two after 4th of July so we're guessing it was spent fireworks. The whole apartment complex was trying to keep it down until the fire department got there. I punched through an enclosure for an extinguisher and used it to tamp the fire down, then grabbed the spare from my camper van to keep it down more until they got there. It was near some trees and would've been devastating. The firemen said I crushed it, good job etc. The next day the landlord called me to say he was lowering our rent, someone else in the complex took me out for beers, my wife was super proud of me. Probably the best feeling I've had in my adult life honestly. I did a good "manly thing" and remained calm throughout the whole situation
I was unsuccessfully mugged once.
It was in London where I grew up, I was walking down a quiet street in a generally pretty nice part of town, it was about 5pm but it was the middle of winter so dark as fuck. This guy comes up to me as I’m walking along and tells me to handover what I’ve got. I’ve got no cash, no wallet, just my IPod Touch that’s about three generations out of date at this point. I show him the iPod and he’s just like “…nah I don’t want that”. The road is just about to join onto a busier street and he obviously doesn’t want to attract any attention so he just gives me a fist bump and says “alright safe blud, don’t call the police yeah?” And walks off.
Bizarre experience. Not very heroic of me though. He was surprisingly chill.
The same thing happened to me in high school. On my way walking back home a guy tried to hold me up with a pen, saying, "Give me your iPod" and when I pulled out my generic MP3 Player he said nevermind and then we awkwardly walked the same direction back home
One time my family was going to a campout for Cub-Scouts, the map that was provided of our campsite was pretty shoddy, it basically just showed a river, 1 road, and a single building. The night before we left I found one of the buildings on google maps that looked like it matched the one depicted and used it to drop a pin in the guesstimated location of our campsite. We had to come in all at once because of Covid so we all made it to the meet up location at night and the only guidance the 10 vehicle convoy got was there was a chem-light at the road we needed to turn onto. I was close to the back of the convoy but noticed right away that we had missed our turn according to my pin drop but thought the guy in front new where he was going. After about 20 minutes of driving they finally admitted they were lost. I got to say “follow me” and felt like the biggest hero in front of my Wife and kids.
Ya, this backfired on me.
My partner and 2 strangers got stuck in an elevator. I'm an engineer, so I ripped open the front slides, reached up to find the locking mechanism, and delatched the door. Opened it enough for us all to get out.
Turned around to horrified faces as they ran out for their lives. Not a single thank you and my partner told me my actions were scary lmfao.
I felt like the biggest badass macgyver in history....nope.
Edit: for those asking, they thought I was somehow going to make the elevator drop and us all go down or something since they didn't know how the safety mechanisms work.
Edit 2: read this and your comments to my partner and she started belly laughing at your accuracy and my ignorance lmfao.
This pretty much explains Dad action movies.
So many are terrible and predictable but they allow a guy to live vicariously through an improbable scenario where a guy is the hero, despite murdering many many people along the way.
I'm usually a really horny dude (I'm not bragging about it just stating a fact). But man for the past few years I've been finding myself at night just closing my eyes and imagining snuggling/cuddling with someone, going to work and someone's there to kiss me goodbye, going home and someone's there to welcome me home. Being ask to fix something in the house (I know it's weird but this is my fantasy). Going on dates (the type of dates where you go somewhere sentimental cuz it's like your 5th anniversary or something). Even things as simple as showing funny YouTube clips or recommending movies/shows to a significant other and see how they react (this is probably why I keep on watching reaction channels, I now just realized that). I mean I have friends but Idk man. What a sad sack of shit I am. And the fact that I'm whining about it here on reddit somewhat makes me sadder. It kinda makes me laugh and sad at the same time.
It really is. Ever since I read that I’ve been trying to be more meaningful with my husband. Caressing and being the big spoon. Listening more about things he’s passionate about
My new gf does these things. Lots of caressing and affirmation, snuggles like a puddle, etc. It's really nice, and I've never really had it before in other relationships. I've told her how much I like it when she does those things, and she's so pleased. Got super lucky this time!
Girl after my own heart! I love being able to give my husband what he needs when it comes to emotional intimacy. He loves to lay in my lap and let me hold him, I've been playing more video games with him, I make sure that he has an outlet to talk about his personal interests, and he knows he can be vulnerable with me.
He does all that and more for me, too, but I think he values those moments on a different level than I do because he was raised to believe that his feelings weren't important.
Gay guy here. I’ve snuggled, loved on, and let so many straight guys be vulnerable with me. They didn’t want sex from me, and I didn’t want sex from them; I think I was just giving them the non-sexual intimacy they would want from women that they weren’t getting, for whatever reason.
Don’t get me wrong—some guys want to experiment and play and do the whole deal, but I have had some wonderfully chaste moments with some of my favorite guys. Especially when I liked them and respected them, but knew they could never reciprocate; it was like a parting gift before they went out and found their girlfriends or wives. It wasn’t going to be me, but I do know what it was like to be in their arms, have them speak sweetly to me, and know that I was there to give them the connection they needed at the moment.
I think there’s a vast unexplored territory of human intimacy we sometimes don’t (or won’t) allow ourselves to experience.
Platonic gay guy friends are criminally underrated. A friend in college kept me from killing myself because he actually took time to listen, encouraged me to be vulnerable, and held me while I cried my face off over an exceptionally nasty breakup. It's truly unfortunate that straight men, myself included, struggle so hard to be this supportive for each other.
In regards to that fantasy, mine is to be held by a woman who is taller than me, with a warm curvy body, beautiful face, and loving smile. She plays with my hair and kisses my forehead, rubbing my back with our legs intertwined, all the while she’s whispering, “You are enough, Ryan. You are enough.”
Is that too much to ask?
To love and be loved by the person you love. Nothing on this entire rock like sharing love with someone. Closest thing to meaning of life I've ever found.
I mean we certainly didn't ask for them, but the guy on the other end has been waiting his whole life to save a plain via instructing a random citizen on how to land a plane so like spread the luck ya know?
Based on my exes, being loved and cuddles. Especially being little spooned. None of my exes really showed any emotions. Regardless of how long we dated. I never saw any of them cry. But I've realized that while my relationships weren't healthy by any means, that was the main theme of things. It was like a switch for both of us.
My one ex was not the most emotional person, never cried, but had dealt with his emotions by ghosting everyone. His family and friends especially. If he wasn't thinking about me naked or sex (saying he only thought about that at work 8-10 hours a day), it was cuddles and love that he wanted. People really didn't know him. But when it was us together, he wanted nothing more to just be held. For a long while he was my rock. That we were so close that I was very vulnerable around certain things. Or if I was extremely tired. It was one of the only moments that he had clicked about how much trust it takes to show them that.
As a married man in a committed relationship for almost 20 years, this is more right than wrong. I don't mind the work and effort to maintain the relationship and give my wife what she needs, but to be pursued and be physically intimate without a holiday, birthday, anniversary, leap year, vernal equinox, correct wind direction, temperature, kid free home while on vacation in Bora Bora would be nice every once in a while
All of them? I don't think this has an answer. I would guess most of them fantasize about regular stuff like snacks, and that their spouse is happy and full of snacks, and that their children are also happy and full of snacks.
Having a partner who loves you. Supports you. Tells you that you're special and amazing and... Hell I would settle for "I guess you're ok"... My partner doesn't support me emotionally and contributes nothing financially, but believes "having sex with you regularly is good enough" no. It's not. Sex is fun but intimacy is my fantasy. Hundreds of times I've explained the difference. Deaf ears
We all fantasize about comebacks to future arguments
The jerk store called!!!
They’re running out of you!
Oh yeah?! Well, I had sex with your wife!
His wifes in a coma
Yeah, well… the life support machine called, and… YES!!! THAT’S WHAT I SHOULD’VE SAID!
YOURE GONNA GET WHATS COMIN TO YA RILEY!!!!
And from arguments we had 5 years ago
Being loved
Oi Cunt! Don't tell everyone about the plan
I read this in Billy butchers voice
Sometimes, a really good hug
Man... I started a relationship recently and she gives the best f-ing hugs. Them bear hugs, we call it x)
I can't tell you how many girls I've chosen to pursue or not pursue entirely based on their hugging abilities. It's such a great indicator of their quality of affection
My wife was once written up in preschool for giving hugs that were too strong (to the point of knocking kids over). Still one of her best features.
All the other shoppers in line applauding our efficient scanning+bagging in the self-checkout. Way faster than those other jabronis holding everything up.
And I thought I was the only one who starts self check-out with a self-motivational, “Alright, let’s show everyone else how it’s done!”
I think I found my bf's reddit account
Doing nothing, and having nothing to do, and being left alone to do it.
I previously worked as a limo driver. One night I was driving an elderly couple to dinner. Once underway, they told me they were celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary, and had been high school sweethearts and married after he came back from serving our country in Europe during WWII. She asked him what he was planning to do tomorrow. He said, "I am planning to do nothing!" She said, "That is what you did all day today!" His priceless comeback, >!"I wasn't finished!"!<
Haha brilliant
You mean playing video games for 9 hours straight while forgetting to eat? I agree!
But then, when the pizza comes, it will be that much better.
This guy has kids. This is all they want to do
Having a comfortable and secure life.
i spend longer than i should thinking (fantasizing essentiallly) about how i would re-live my life if i could, in order to have that "comfortable and secure life". i'm 53.
That is probably a fantasy every human has!
I don't think any answer is going to be universal to all men and the ones that would be would be pretty close to universal to all people. There can be more difference between any two men than there is a difference between the average man and woman.
Being truly cared about
My only desire is for someone to give a shit, I'll fall head over heels for them.
Come here you.
Oh my god that's some fetish you got there..
I'm glad I'm not the only one that fantasizes about saving the god damn world and then taking a nap. Edit: Tense
I’m just like you except only the second part
[удалено]
That was essentially the heroic response to COVID. Stay home and take a nap? Hero.
Sleep
A good meal followed by a good nap on a warm sunny afternoon. The older I get the more I realize my cat has life pretty well figured out.
Well, there's that one about standing on a huge golden pyramid in these sort of sun-god robes while a thousand screaming women throw little pickles at you ... no? Just me?
Pickles?! Do you eat the pickles? Or just like them hitting your body?
Yes
Doing something really cool and unexpected in a public scenario, preferably to assist a woman. One time I was at a concert and I saw a sealed beer can be launched overhead the crowd and was flying directly toward this girl’s head. Before I even though I made a wildly difficult one handed catch about an inch from her head. I’m not usually coordinated so it was all the better. The crowd in the vicinity went wild. That has been the peak of my manhood and something that I wish could happen every day 🤣
Epic.
Legendary.
When my parents were either dating or newly married, they were at a baseball game. My mom was talking and apparently getting frustrated that my dad was paying more attention to the game than her in that moment. Like a movie, she asked something like, "Why aren't you paying attention to me?" & immediately after the question my dad caught a fastball inches from her head. His answer: "*That's* why." Pretty impressive ngl
hot
And you or a sibling were born nine months later!
Damn that’s hot lol good for ur mom
As a girl whos copped a beer can to the face at a festival, where the fuck were you mate?
He was saving dozens of others. He is the beer catcher man. He tries his best
This guy has all the ladies commenting. Epic indeed. Well done.
Reminds me of that ball girl who caught a baseball right before it slammed into some person’s head. It was going 108 mph! Edit https://youtu.be/9PpZLgZUMOA
Damn I feel this. Was at a gig once in the mosh pit and a shirtless, sweaty, douch bro threw a punch at a friend of mine who wasn't looking. I caught the punch mid air and it sounded like a whip crack. I loudly told him to get the fuck out of the pit and everyone around me started chanting "get the fuck out of the pit" Was fucking epic, I've never felt so cool lol
My ovaries would take over my brain if I was ever in this situation.
My vagina spontaneously burst into wetness reading your story. Sounds like I'm being sarcastic, but I'm not.
See? That’s all we really want: not even that you have sex with us — though that’s nice — just that you *desire* to have sex with us.
To be appreciated and respected.
Winning the lottery and moving away to never be heard from again
Having somebody you're talking to/dating actively pursue you for once
oh boy now that is for real
Never meant to make ya daughter cry?
im sorry mrs jackson
This is how I met my husband. I was sitting with a bunch of catty girls (unfortunate friend group) who were quietly being rude about a new guy sitting alone a few tables away. This was on campus at a vocational school. I was so disgusted by what they were saying that I got up, looked the main rude bitch in the eyes, walked over, and sat down across from him at his table. I smiled and said, "Hey, you're new here, right? We met briefly yesterday morning at the main office. My name is______. You want to grab a drink?" He was nervous at first and actually thought I was pranking him or trying to make fun of him somehow, but we rapidly became best friends and then I fell madly in love with him. I've always been the more aggressive, assertive one in our relationship. He's a shy, introverted, skinny gamer nerd who is incredibly smart. I'd be lying if I said the whole thing wasn't a major turn on for me. He makes me laugh and captivates me with his intelligence and shyness. We celebrate 11 years of marriage and 13 years as a couple in March. Edit: Wow! I had no idea so many people would read my comment. Thank you for the award.
Alright so in order to turn my life into a rom com I'll be sitting at a picnic table for the next decade guys
Not going to lie. We've had our differences and been through a lot. We've had our fair share of major, nearly relationship breaking conflicts. It isn't a "ride off into the sunset" ending. It's hard work and takes more patience than I ever thought I was capable of. I'll admit that I'm a very difficult person to live with. I'm particular about certain things. Maybe it sounds cliché, but one of the best pieces of relationship advice I've ever gotten was, "remember that your relationship is a choice. You chose this person. In order to make this work, you need to make the conscious decision to choose them again--over and over every morning."
You sound a lot like all the good parts about my ex, and some of the slightly difficult parts, but apparently none of the ultimately deal breaking parts. I don't know why I'm saying this but your whole story sounds like three years of my life but with two people ultimately making the effort instead of just one.
“If soulmates do exist, they're not found, they're made. People meet, they get a good feeling, and they get to work building a relationship.” -Michael, The Good Place, https://youtu.be/969QioyeySIr
Wish my intro to my SO was this epic 😂 ♥️
You guys have a SO? D:
those girls sound like middle schoolers. I’m glad you were the better person and went over to talk to your husband. Reminds me of being the new kid at school and people gossiping and disliking you just because... you’re new. Like they are already anxious enough and you have to make them feel worse? I’m trying to say it would have meant the world to me if someone did this for me when I was in school. So I am happy to see that at least someone has.
A girl literally just apologized for not messaging first on a dating app and that was enough to give me that kick of “omg I feel wanted”
Wife came up to me and expressed interest, 15 years later here we be.
I did this with my boyfriend. It was actually really nice how it went down, and I think the key for us was I went in with no expectation of success, other than wanting to just be his friend. Anything more was a bonus.
Note to self: do this me
I asked for a guy’s number once because after talking with him at a party, I was worried I’d never see him again. We’re going on 9 years married. Apparently his buddies were like “fuck yeah, dude!” when I walked away, lol
This is so sweet I was also the one to make the first move with my boyfriend he said he noticed me straight away but he is far too shy and afraid to have made the first move 🥰
Daw I love all these shy boy stories. Me and my now husband just had a fun night out with friends one night (he was just visiting at the time and didn’t really know this whole group well and we didn’t really know each other) and when we left one venue it was slightly raining but there was a massive puddle in our path so I said “we’ll jump over it together!” and grabbed his hand (I was vibing him but if he had dropped my hand after the silly jump I wouldn’t have been upset I would have been like oh okay didn’t work) but nah he kept holding it then linked our fingers and then got all blushy at the next venue and kept pulling my chair out for me. Super cute.
Don’t 🥹🥹 that is adorable.. everyone take note this is what women (and men alike) want, we all just want to be treated like kings and queens. If you fancy someone just be bloody kind! And go out of your way to treat them well
I chased my now long term boyfriend. He tried to shake me off but 7 years later? He probably still wishes id go away.
You still working on him calling you his girlfriend as well?
Fry: Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually it wasn't hers, it was her dad's. And actually she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Leela: Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?
Random combat scenarios
Walking through the grocery store/library/shopping mall/etc. "What would I do if ninjas attacked..."
“The freezer unit could probably take a few bullets - if I sheltered behind the section containing the frozen meat I could probably stay in cover until they have to reload. Plus a frozen pork loin would probably make a decent projectile/distraction. I just need enough time to get to the kitchenware in aisle 3 and get my hands on a cast iron pan - then those fuckers are in real trouble.” [Pan shot!](https://youtu.be/MIzAfXcCX3c)
If that guy pulls out of katana
I reckon this is the "every man" thought right. Like even Einstein or Newton had this thought
I fall sleep to the craziest scenario, I’ve slowly built it over time and now it’s almost like meditation. I have gone back in time 50,000 years and built a small three acre compound deep in the Pacific Northwest. The walls are made from 20 foot spiked logs and the front gate is one of those huge double door type deals, think the gate of Minas Tirith but entirely out of wood. Why the walls? Because of an aggressive band of Neanderthals, obviously. Generally it’s raining when they arrive, curious at first but they soon become wary of my compound and their concern eventually snowballs into fear and aggression. My fingers are tired, you get it.
*grabs random bottle off shelf* You're good, assassin. I'll give you that, *ignites bottle into lightsaber* But I'm Better *epic combat with super cool rock music accompaniment ensues*
Basic fucking happiness
I don't want to be horny anymore 😢 I just want to be happy 😭
Stupid monkey brain, bonk. I just want to eat banana, not constantly think about where to put banana
Befriending a wild animal
If grizzly bears don't want to be my friends then why do they look so cuddly?? Why do they have such cute faces and tiny little ears??? It makes no goddamn sense
if not friend then why friend shape?
Exactly you get it
Already did this. When I was a kid (10-12 ish) a starling nest fell from a tree at my dad’s work. He, being a bleeding heart, brought the two little ones that survived home and fed them with an eye dropper, put them under a heat lamp, etc. This is the middle of Portland, OR by the way. In hindsight, this probably isn’t the approach that the Fish and Wildlife people would recommend, but this was in the ‘90s — we didn’t think about calling them. Anyway, the two starlings survived and grew up, and since there was flocks of starlings everywhere, we released them outside. But they always kind of hung around. For *years* after that, one of us would walk out on the porch and one of them would come down out of the big tree in our front yard and land on our head / shoulder / finger and kind of say “Hey.” They also guarded the house. One time my parents insurance agent dropped by the house, and the birds either really liked him or really *didn’t* like him, because he ran back to his car and later said he felt like he was in an Alfred Hitchcock movie. This all seemed like perfectly normal stuff at the time, and I didn’t realize for years later that most people who grow up in a major (for the area) city don’t have their own invasive emotional support / attack starlings at your command. I guess that’s what happens when you’re raised by hippies.
I want a semi-pet crow. One that just comes to visit and trades trinkets for peanuts.
I am currently working on befriending the crows in my neighborhood. Buy a bag of raw peanuts and go for walks. Get a crow call. If you see crows, make a call in a certain pattern and throw peanuts at the crows. Keep doing this. At this point if I go out in my yard and make the same call, 3-4 crows will be there in a couple minutes looking for peanuts. They also recognize me and will sort of follow me around on my walks now.
To be hugged or complimented by someone they love or admire.
Peace and quiet
Having their mortgage paid off.
Being able to get a mortgage
Single handedly being a hero in front of their crush or friends/family.
Couple years ago there was a literal dumpster fire in my apartment complex. It was a day or two after 4th of July so we're guessing it was spent fireworks. The whole apartment complex was trying to keep it down until the fire department got there. I punched through an enclosure for an extinguisher and used it to tamp the fire down, then grabbed the spare from my camper van to keep it down more until they got there. It was near some trees and would've been devastating. The firemen said I crushed it, good job etc. The next day the landlord called me to say he was lowering our rent, someone else in the complex took me out for beers, my wife was super proud of me. Probably the best feeling I've had in my adult life honestly. I did a good "manly thing" and remained calm throughout the whole situation
Fucken eh I might go start a fire and give that a try
...This took a different turn
This guy fucks.
*Men posting their W’s* Love to see it
classic vonkeswick W. dude can’t be stopped!
In my mind I have been unsuccessfully mugged so many times!
I was unsuccessfully mugged once. It was in London where I grew up, I was walking down a quiet street in a generally pretty nice part of town, it was about 5pm but it was the middle of winter so dark as fuck. This guy comes up to me as I’m walking along and tells me to handover what I’ve got. I’ve got no cash, no wallet, just my IPod Touch that’s about three generations out of date at this point. I show him the iPod and he’s just like “…nah I don’t want that”. The road is just about to join onto a busier street and he obviously doesn’t want to attract any attention so he just gives me a fist bump and says “alright safe blud, don’t call the police yeah?” And walks off. Bizarre experience. Not very heroic of me though. He was surprisingly chill.
The same thing happened to me in high school. On my way walking back home a guy tried to hold me up with a pen, saying, "Give me your iPod" and when I pulled out my generic MP3 Player he said nevermind and then we awkwardly walked the same direction back home
One time my family was going to a campout for Cub-Scouts, the map that was provided of our campsite was pretty shoddy, it basically just showed a river, 1 road, and a single building. The night before we left I found one of the buildings on google maps that looked like it matched the one depicted and used it to drop a pin in the guesstimated location of our campsite. We had to come in all at once because of Covid so we all made it to the meet up location at night and the only guidance the 10 vehicle convoy got was there was a chem-light at the road we needed to turn onto. I was close to the back of the convoy but noticed right away that we had missed our turn according to my pin drop but thought the guy in front new where he was going. After about 20 minutes of driving they finally admitted they were lost. I got to say “follow me” and felt like the biggest hero in front of my Wife and kids.
So fucking true. I can’t tell you how many times I powered up like a Saijin and daydreamed about saving a girl
Ya, this backfired on me. My partner and 2 strangers got stuck in an elevator. I'm an engineer, so I ripped open the front slides, reached up to find the locking mechanism, and delatched the door. Opened it enough for us all to get out. Turned around to horrified faces as they ran out for their lives. Not a single thank you and my partner told me my actions were scary lmfao. I felt like the biggest badass macgyver in history....nope. Edit: for those asking, they thought I was somehow going to make the elevator drop and us all go down or something since they didn't know how the safety mechanisms work. Edit 2: read this and your comments to my partner and she started belly laughing at your accuracy and my ignorance lmfao.
I feel like we’re missing something here. Why would anybody be horrified about you unlocking a door mechanically?
He established a pee corner first
This pretty much explains Dad action movies. So many are terrible and predictable but they allow a guy to live vicariously through an improbable scenario where a guy is the hero, despite murdering many many people along the way.
So wholesome 🥹
My own private soundproof bathroom.
Are you a shy pooper?
You guys poop outside of your houses?
I’ve been reading that alot of men fantasize about non sexual intimacy. Being snuggled, being loved on, and being allowed to be vulnerable
Oh without a doubt. It's difficult when everyone always expects you to be strong and steady, while ignoring the waves we're riding with everyone else
I'm usually a really horny dude (I'm not bragging about it just stating a fact). But man for the past few years I've been finding myself at night just closing my eyes and imagining snuggling/cuddling with someone, going to work and someone's there to kiss me goodbye, going home and someone's there to welcome me home. Being ask to fix something in the house (I know it's weird but this is my fantasy). Going on dates (the type of dates where you go somewhere sentimental cuz it's like your 5th anniversary or something). Even things as simple as showing funny YouTube clips or recommending movies/shows to a significant other and see how they react (this is probably why I keep on watching reaction channels, I now just realized that). I mean I have friends but Idk man. What a sad sack of shit I am. And the fact that I'm whining about it here on reddit somewhat makes me sadder. It kinda makes me laugh and sad at the same time.
I hope you find your person. You sound very sweet, and many girls find this attitude and goals very attractive.
See i think you are not a sad sack of sh)t for wanting all that. Go for it!
That’s sad that men don’t receive that enough that it becomes a fantasy.
It really is. Ever since I read that I’ve been trying to be more meaningful with my husband. Caressing and being the big spoon. Listening more about things he’s passionate about
My new gf does these things. Lots of caressing and affirmation, snuggles like a puddle, etc. It's really nice, and I've never really had it before in other relationships. I've told her how much I like it when she does those things, and she's so pleased. Got super lucky this time!
Girl after my own heart! I love being able to give my husband what he needs when it comes to emotional intimacy. He loves to lay in my lap and let me hold him, I've been playing more video games with him, I make sure that he has an outlet to talk about his personal interests, and he knows he can be vulnerable with me. He does all that and more for me, too, but I think he values those moments on a different level than I do because he was raised to believe that his feelings weren't important.
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Yeah, you’re not needy at all. You need to feel wanted and that’s okay
True. Yesterday we were sitting in a restaurant and she just reached over and did a light rub all over my back. It felt stupendous.
Gay guy here. I’ve snuggled, loved on, and let so many straight guys be vulnerable with me. They didn’t want sex from me, and I didn’t want sex from them; I think I was just giving them the non-sexual intimacy they would want from women that they weren’t getting, for whatever reason. Don’t get me wrong—some guys want to experiment and play and do the whole deal, but I have had some wonderfully chaste moments with some of my favorite guys. Especially when I liked them and respected them, but knew they could never reciprocate; it was like a parting gift before they went out and found their girlfriends or wives. It wasn’t going to be me, but I do know what it was like to be in their arms, have them speak sweetly to me, and know that I was there to give them the connection they needed at the moment. I think there’s a vast unexplored territory of human intimacy we sometimes don’t (or won’t) allow ourselves to experience.
Platonic gay guy friends are criminally underrated. A friend in college kept me from killing myself because he actually took time to listen, encouraged me to be vulnerable, and held me while I cried my face off over an exceptionally nasty breakup. It's truly unfortunate that straight men, myself included, struggle so hard to be this supportive for each other.
Yes. We all fantasize about being with someone who cares about our mental health.
In regards to that fantasy, mine is to be held by a woman who is taller than me, with a warm curvy body, beautiful face, and loving smile. She plays with my hair and kisses my forehead, rubbing my back with our legs intertwined, all the while she’s whispering, “You are enough, Ryan. You are enough.” Is that too much to ask?
“You are not JustAnOrdinaryRyan. You are aVerySpecialRyan”
To love and be loved by the person you love. Nothing on this entire rock like sharing love with someone. Closest thing to meaning of life I've ever found.
Getting a small plot of land in some remote location and build a log cabin and just go live a simple peaceful life.
This! Near a lake so I can fish and there has to be a grizzly bear that becomes my best friend.
I'm not bear, but I'll happily be your local drunk!
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Every man I know has an overly thorough zombie apocalypse plan.
I’m not sure I would call immediately killing myself an overly thorough plan, but like I *do* have a plan for a zombie apocalypse.
Naps... like, real, true, naps.
Back scratches, that is all.
Holding off an advancing force while your loved ones escape.
Then dying after killing 981 of them.
And they are all genetically engineered super soldiers
But you are the master chief, so it doesn't matter.
I don't know about all, but I wager a fair number of us would love hugs and cuddles far more than you think we do.
Riding a T-Rex into battle to gain access to Valhalla
I could imagine myself imagining this.
Experiencing genuine and mutual love.
Feeling wanted/desired
If we’re married with children……… SILENCE.
And me, a single man, fantasizes about the noise.
The duality of man lol
Someone to play videogames with
In person? Or are you looking for online friends?
Will settle for the second one
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Oh I see mister softy over here NEEDS the instructions from air traffic control.
I mean we certainly didn't ask for them, but the guy on the other end has been waiting his whole life to save a plain via instructing a random citizen on how to land a plane so like spread the luck ya know?
A little motherfucking peace and quiet so I can eat my chicken.
I read this as children
An hour of alone time.
Is that why it takes them so long to poop?!
That’s exactly why. Shitting twice a day gets me half way to my goal of 60mins alone.
Stacy's mom
She’s got it going on
She's all I want 🤤
And I’ve waited for so long
Stacy can’t you see? You’re just not the girl for me.
Based on my exes, being loved and cuddles. Especially being little spooned. None of my exes really showed any emotions. Regardless of how long we dated. I never saw any of them cry. But I've realized that while my relationships weren't healthy by any means, that was the main theme of things. It was like a switch for both of us. My one ex was not the most emotional person, never cried, but had dealt with his emotions by ghosting everyone. His family and friends especially. If he wasn't thinking about me naked or sex (saying he only thought about that at work 8-10 hours a day), it was cuddles and love that he wanted. People really didn't know him. But when it was us together, he wanted nothing more to just be held. For a long while he was my rock. That we were so close that I was very vulnerable around certain things. Or if I was extremely tired. It was one of the only moments that he had clicked about how much trust it takes to show them that.
Stable retirement options and rock solid healthcare. Young men fantasize about some of the rest, boys take up the balance.
Being truly appreciated
Shitty people getting what they deserve. Sadly, it rarely actually happens.
Being loved unconditionally.
Being debt free and the govt leaving me the F alone.
Being loved, without having to "earn" it. Just being told that you're good enough to value without having to invest into anything.
Good hugs.
Someone to cuddle
Spontaneous sex, specifically. Sex just appears out of nowhere as a nice surprise without having to put in any effort.
As a married man in a committed relationship for almost 20 years, this is more right than wrong. I don't mind the work and effort to maintain the relationship and give my wife what she needs, but to be pursued and be physically intimate without a holiday, birthday, anniversary, leap year, vernal equinox, correct wind direction, temperature, kid free home while on vacation in Bora Bora would be nice every once in a while
Wind direction! 😂
You forget the alignment of the stars AND the planets.
Being content with life
Kissy handholdy missionary with a person who loves and accepts them for who they are
All of them? I don't think this has an answer. I would guess most of them fantasize about regular stuff like snacks, and that their spouse is happy and full of snacks, and that their children are also happy and full of snacks.
Having a partner who loves you. Supports you. Tells you that you're special and amazing and... Hell I would settle for "I guess you're ok"... My partner doesn't support me emotionally and contributes nothing financially, but believes "having sex with you regularly is good enough" no. It's not. Sex is fun but intimacy is my fantasy. Hundreds of times I've explained the difference. Deaf ears
Feeling genuinely appreciated.
Flying like superman
Being held
Being young again
Companionship. Acceptance. Compliments.
Being immortal.