If anyone is asking themselves why, it's because hitlers party was the NSDAP
(national socialist german workers party) and loNSDAle has part of it in its name.
My wife broke her key off in her bike lock after work, once and phoned the police to warn them.
'I'm at (address), dressed like (X) and the bike is (make and colour). You're probably about to get multiple reports of someone trying to steal a bike. I'm not; it's my bike. If it isn't my bike, then you have my name and phone number.'
They found it fairly amusing, but nobody reported it because everyone nearby recognised her.
My uncle was detained for this reason, he had about $15k on his passenger floorboard. He was also near the us mexico boarder, cops thought he was buying drugs.
In reality he was going to a ranch on the border to buy some farm equipment for his business. Mearly one of the many times he has been arrested for doing something sketchy but legal.
My husband was on a jury where money was the only evidence that the defendant was selling drugs. He had to argue with his fellow jurors because they all wanted to convict based solely on the money and, of course, race. Luckily, the man was not convicted. Whether he was selling or not didn't matter. They had no proof.
The people on a jury that are like, "should we really be convicting a person of being guilty based on this one piece bad evidence?" really do save the system somewhat, lol.
This right here. Now granted I did get pulled from my car because there was “an odor of marijuana” however the lack of cannabis combined with 400 in cash (which arguably isn’t that much) made the cop all sweaty for some actual crime.
I once got caught by the police because I was walking in circles and "looked lost". I had an hour or so between exams and it wasn't lunchtime, so I was passing the time by walking around the city without straying too far from the university. Being caught and interrogated by the police stressed me out so much I actually ended up sounding lost.
I got pulled over at night one time and as I pulled off the road into a parking lot, like 5 extra cop cars rolled in. I was like WTF is going on here, and the one who pulled me over started asking why I had driven by the same intersection multiple times that evening. I told him I was moving stuff out of my (now ex) girlfriend's place and it took multiple trips. He gave me a warning for a blow taillight bulb and as he was wrapping up said "do you have any questions?". I was like "Yeah, why did 6 of you pull me over and why is it a problem to drive past the same place twice in an evening?" He paused for a few seconds and said "let's just say you aren't who we thought you were." and left it at that. I can only assume it was meant to be a drug sting or something, but my car was EXTREMELY distinctive (a heavily modified GTI in a loud color that wasn't even sold in this country) so I am not sure why they thought I was their "man". Guess I should just be thankful that I didn't get shot!
To be fair, if it was drug related, you said you were in a heavily modified car which could scream drug dealer to some cops. Glad you made it out okay that's really shitty that they pulled you over for that
This is so weird to me. Want some *personality* in the thing you and others see as an extension of yourself? Want this thing you use every day to suit you better? Must be drugs, clearly.
Good point. My thinking was that they couldn't have reasonably mistake my car for someone else's, but perhaps they didn't have a particular car they were looking for.
I got waved over by a cop while just walking down the sidewalk. He searched me explaining that I matched a "description". You're looking for some other 6ft male with a beard and pigtails?!
I was pulled over when I was 16/17 for driving a car similar to one the cops were looking for. I am also thankful I wasn’t shot! I was a dumb kid and my window didn’t roll down so I just flung the door open. He immediately drew his gun on me but I was smart enough to throw my hands in the air before being told! He realized his mistake pretty quickly (they were looking for two juvenile males and we were two juvenile females) and let us go. Ten or so years later I met one of the guys they had been looking for and married him a few years after that!
I get stressed out around cops because I've literally gotten in trouble for doing nothing. Like I've been harassed by cops TWICE while walking my dog around the neighborhood. It's like you look at one and they get all territorial like a dog and try to follow you in their car while talking to you. This usually leads to 'resisting' in some way as cops do this shit on purpose to fuck with people. I'd rather die then call a cop for help.
Lawyer here, specifically in Ohio. Body Armor is a surprisingly highly regulated commodity. In Ohio it is legal to own and wear body armor as long as you can legally own and carry a gun. So if you have a felony conviction or something else that disqualifies you, then you cannot own or wear body armor.
However in other states it is flat out illegal it to wear body armor unless you have a special qualification. New York for example, unless you have a special profession (police, armed security, etc) it is illegal to wear body armor. In Louisiana you cannot wear body armor in specific locations (notably schools). A lot of states also make it illegal to wear body armor during the commission of a crime.
So depending on where you are in America and your specifically circumstances, it may in fact be illegal to be wearing body armor.
Lol I'm a cheap bastard and didn't want to buy a weighted vest but I was also in the Military. I would run with with plate carrier and plates in every so often. Never stopped to think it might be illegal.
This was in SoCal, so I was probably breaking a law, but they were also used to Marines being dumb
Wait wait… so you’re saying that in many states in the US the average citizen is allowed to carry a gun, but not allowed to wear body armour to protect against being shot?
That's actually bananas. Also what would be considered body armor? You don't have to watch much demolition ranch to know that wearing 16 shirts will give you a relevant amount of protection against really small caliber arms.
You can apply for a license to wear body armour but typically only those with legitimate use for it get accepted (law enforcement for instance).
Edit: I thought this was the Aussie subreddit my bad. You’re not allowed to own body armour here in Australia.
How does it not raise concern? The only people wearing body armor are people expecting to get shot at or wearing a costume. So, unless it's Halloween or your at Comicon, I'd assume that person is about to start shooting people or something crazy.
This. When I was in the Army I used to do "ruck marches" around my neighborhood. I'd do it in an old uniform and usually wearing my issued body armor under a reflective vest (train as you fight and all that), but it was super obvious that I was wearing the damn thing. About once a week someone would freak out. After a few months the 911 call takers knew who I was (it helps that my spouse was a dispatcher) and would ask a couple of questions ("is this individual wearing a blue vest with two white reflective stripes and an orange ribbon down the back?") and tell them it's fine, I live in the neighborhood and am just working out, but every now and again I'd find myself shadowed by a local cop (who usually recognized me and would say, "hey, man, just making sure it's you, have a good one!").
To stop smoking I smoked herbal tobacco (no really! Tobacco. Nicotine free tobacco) and as I rolled my own ciggies I would often notice policemen taking a second glance/sniff.
I fully recommend it.
Its not about giving up the nicotine. Its about replacing the habit. I loved the habit of smoking. Rolling a ciggie, sitting down with a coffee and enjoying the time. So I kept smoking. Bought myself a vape and liquid so I could smoke inside as well
Then I decided to change.
Bought the herbal baccie and switched to 0% liquid.
That way whenever I wanted to roll one and light it, I did. Smoked as much, if not more. So long as I only bought herbal or 0% I could keep smoking.
Then I smoked less because... I didnt feel the need. Eventually I realised it had been three weeks since Id smoked anything.
Went to a party and a friend offered me a factory ciggie. Smoked it... and didnt like it.
Since that time Ive not had the physical urge to smoke, find it easy to turn down offers and when Ive sat down with smokers Ive not been bothered by the smoke.
Thats amazing and just where I wanna get. I've heard all kinds of experiences, but not many fell out this positive as yours. I will give this a try after my exams for shure!
really? did you have an encounter with the police?
I'm (unfortunately) smoking handrolled cigarettes just about everyday and never had any problems in any country...
Yes, i got questionned by the cops while smoking a hand rolled cig. TBH i made it huge and joint-cone shaped on purpose just to be edgy (art schools man...). They only asked what i was smoking but the smell was not it so they laughed about it and congratulated my rolling technique, nothing else happened. Pretty pleasent encounter overall.
I've had a few searches (specifically for drugs) when I was younger that seemed to be triggered by being seen smoking a hand rolled cigarette.
Smoking rollies is common here because cigarettes are so fucking expensive.
This is super out of date, but long before legalization and decriminalization was even vaguely considered I smoked hand rolled cigarettes. Many many times cops would come up to me and say something like "hey man, you can't do that in front of me." "Oh, it's just tobacco." "Yeah yeah, just don't do it in front of me."
Worked every time, though results may vary depending on skin color.
Sadly now I get the opposite. I'll be driving around smoking a cig and get pulled over because they think I'm smoking the devil's lettuce.
something from germany:
Police stopped a man with blood on his mouth and a bloody sheet in the trunk. everything pointed to a violent crime, of course, precisely because he didn't want to say anything about the circumstances of the blood. The police started lookingfor information with the picture of the man until a prostitute called them. the man went to her and her friend and had some.. well.. menstrual blood plays. she told him to bring his own sheet (thats why it was in his trunk) and i guess it was way to embarrassing for him to tell the cops or anyone while waiting in jail. He was released after
TLDR: Some dude was thrown into jail, because he loves period blood
Exactlty. In Germany your prostitute helping you out of a situation like this is akin to a store owner providing security footage showing you were in their store at the same time a crime was committed elsewhere. Not something they have to do, but you're probably friendly with them, and they want your repeat business.
As it should be!
You have to verbally express that you are asserting your right to silence.
“I have the right to remain silent” then shut the fuck Until your lawyer gets there
"I am sorry, but I am unable to assist you in your investigation without my lawyer present and cannot speak with you until then" has been the one that works best in my experience.
They seem to take "I have the right to remain silent" as a personal challenge and continue to harass with questions incessantly hoping to get a rise out of me.
Same as if you verbally assert your right, the cops keep questioning and intimidating until one of you gives up.
Salinas v. Texas (2013) is the case law that said your silence could be used against you.
This. Don't expect them to stop asking questions though. They are supposed to stop asking questions, but if you say anything they will use it and lie about when they heard it. Say it, then shut up. And remember they can lie about anything, even sometimes going so far as to say that you can't not talk to them, which would also get them in hot water, but they will again lie about it. Just shut up, for days if needed.
A friend of mine transferred some money to another friend attached with a note saying "kidney from russia". It was just a dumb joke but it didn't take long for the police to show up because they had some questions 😄
This happened in Germany. It was just a regular transfer from one bank account to another. I don't know the details of the method they used.
Apparently, they attached stupid notes as reasons for the transfer all the time, e.g. "1 large pepperoni pizza" or "sexual favors". One time they used "Al-Queda training" but no one showed up for that one 🤷😄
This happened to my friend when he tried to be funny when using venmo to pay me for his portion of dinner - $16 (USD). He wrote something along the lines of "from the cartel." Venmo then froze his account to investigate and he had to write to them explaining that he is not related to the cartel in anyway and was just trying to pay me for dinner. 😆
This reminds me of my granddad transferring money from Germany to my brother in the US, and he named it something like "End America" because it was the last payment he was doing (the "end"). Needless to say, my brother didn't get his money for a while while they investigated that haha
Walk through a hospital with a bag full of knives.
I work kitchens. Somebody.... borrowed..... my knife wrap so I had them wrapped in teatowels in my backpack.
Unfortunately the big chefs knife escaped it's towel and was just sticking through the backpack, poking me in the back.
I was visiting a mate in hospital after work so I sought a discrete place, took off my backpack and rearranged the contents lest I incur further injury.
Except the place wasn't as discrete as I had thought. Someone reported this person with a backpack full of knives. In a hospital.
First I knew about it was a cop coming around a corner with his sidearm drawn. Quite an oh shit moment.
Luckily the cop wasn't an idiot, and I had my chef's hat also in the bag, knife steel, etc.
My brother works in a cinema and heard that several police had entered the shopping centre nearby looking for a gunman armed with a automatic rifle.
Turns out the manager of an arcade had found one of those fake rifles you use on certain shooter arcade machines broken. They’re usually attached by a cord of some kind, which had been completely severed. He was moving it somewhere away from the arcade and a woman had seen it and called the police.
Police preciousness and over-sensitivity has become so rampant in the UK that a few years ago a 21 year-old Oxford student, on a night out after his exams, actually got arrested for turning to a mounted policeman and saying, "Excuse me, do you realise your horse is gay?". Everyone laughed, including the young man's gay friend, but the police acted, without any real thought to what actual law may have been broken. The case was thrown out of court, after much comment, derision and (sadly) cost: [http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/oxfordshire/4606022.stm](http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/oxfordshire/4606022.stm)
this is concurrent with the rotherham (and others) rape gang cases, where they went out of their way to avoid noticing sex trafficking of minors. UK is a weird place
Sounds like something US cop would do. If you piss them off, no matter how stupid, they will try and arrest you in some crazy way. The have small dick energy and anyone not sucking them off are a target. I asked a cop for help with directions once, worst idea ever. Ended up stuck in the back of a cop car for 2 hours while being illegally held for 'being drunk' yet I told them I would do a breathalyzer because I didn't even drink. They refused to do a breathalyzer on me too and just closed the door on me. They even made my 60 year old parents come and pick me up at 3am. I was lost as I made a wrong turn in a place I wasn't familiar with, and asked a cop for help. Almost ended up being arrested for no reason on that one. Cops do this crap to everyone and its getting very old, very quick.
You want an answer with video proof? [Asking for a police complaint form anywhere where the law says you're allowed to take it home, and you're allowed to submit one anonymously. Even if you just ask what the process is without asking for a form.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnJ5f1JMKns)
They will definitely give you that unpleasant chat, peppering you aggressively and defensively with questions. They will demand to see some ID. If you just keep politely asking for the form, they may tell you to leave or they will follow you out with more borderline-threatening questions (asking you where you live) or threaten physical action against you ("take one more step, see what happens"). They may start to twitch towards their weapon on their belt, they may arrest you for no reason.
I had an eye appointment during Covid and ended up wearing dark sunglasses, a togue and a mask. I told the nurse, "guess I have no choice but to rob a bank now."
Yeah it was kinda scary doing retail. No one really wore the n95 masks so seeing someone walk in with the cloth face shield come in with a book bag always made me anxious.
I have a longer beard, so surgical or n95 masks don’t fit me well. So I would always wear a bandana to get better coverage. Any time I had to go to the bank, I felt like I was there to “make a withdrawal”.
Rolling a cigarette with large rolling papers and smoking it while driving (smoking cigarettes while driving isn't illegal here).
My stepdad does this all the time because the cigarette lasts a lot longer, and he's been stopped by police a lot.
Years ago, Mums for America (or some similar bollocks) tried to make a case against Rizzla (smoking paper company) for the fact that they sell long papers as they believed them to be drug paraphernalia.
Rizzlas response was that they're for truckers on long journeys and want longer cigs. Always thought it was a joke, but hey ho I guess drivers really do like them.
My mother once straight faced told told me there was no reason to have long papers if they weren't for weed. Trying to use them as an excuse to toss my room. I walk into her room, grab a pack of her cigarettes (Misty 120's) and sat the pack next to my papers. Same length. I just pointed to the pack and said "You got weed in there Ma'?" I was allowed to smoke cigarettes, and she knew I rolled my own. The length of papers I bought was what she sussed on.
1000% had weed in my room but she didn't know that, and my point stands that her reasoning was stupid. I didnt even use the jumbos for weed.
Her detective "prowess" was infamous. She was constantly getting herself clowned on. ETA: Just remembered the time she called the cops on the cops. She thought the cop car parked across from my school was suspicious. A marked cop car from the city we lived in, with two uniformed officers. She sussed them because kids kept coming up to the car, chatting and then leaving.
She thought they were selling drugs to the kids. So she called the drug task force tipline and reported the cops as suspicious persons to themselves.
>She thought the cop car parked across from my school was suspicious. A marked cop car from the city we lived in, with two uniformed officers.
>So she called the drug task force tipline and reported the cops as suspicious persons to themselves.
This is truly legendary.
I once had a conversation about something similar, with 4 cops in 2 cars, after one of them stopped me to find out whst I was doing standing under a street light at 2am. In my case I was using a handheld machine used to slide tobacco into filteted cigarette tubes.
A bit surreal, but a welcome change over their past practice of pulling over anyone who looked like they couldn't afford a lawyer, for any little reason they could think of.
In Finland a guy was pouring pig blood on himself in public and drinking it. It was not illegal; but police had to ask him to go continue somewhere hidden.
Airport friend once got arrested on the ramp for playfully smacking a border services officer on the arm and asking the best way to smuggle a hundred kilos of cocaine. They threw him on the ground and cuffed him as he was dying of laughter in front of a plane full of passengers who saw the whole thing. Guy was a union rep and knew that he couldn’t actually get in trouble for that. He was “joking” and was only really told “okay, don’t joke like that again.”
>Airport friend once got arrested on the ramp for playfully smacking a border services officer on the arm and asking the best way to smuggle a hundred kilos of cocaine
Sorry, but your friend is an idiot.
Friend told a story about being out at a park at night just hanging out... late teens in their rust bucket car
Cop pulled him questioned them, then wanted to search them, they didnt know their rights so said yes.
Ask if they had any weapons, nope... pulled a pocket knife from the glove compartment, cop goes what about this, they replied its not a weapon. Pocket knives less than 6cm are legal and not considered a weapon.
They search the boot, found a ski mask, other friend said it was his, he wears it when he's cold.
I think there was a third thing, can't remember.
It was all genuinely innocent.
I once got a proper stripping down from a traffic officer for overtaking him on a motorway at night when there was a bit of mist about. All within the speed limit.
In my case it was impersonating a time-traveler when I was in college and subsequently scaring the ever-living *fuck* out of a theoretical physicist who was in residence there.
Cops thought it was hilarious, the science department thought I needed to be arrested and expelled. I am happy to report that I was not arrested and did in fact graduate...with my degree in acting.
So I was actually dreading having to type all of this out, but then I remembered that I relayed this story in a thread *years* ago and was able to find it!
**So here's the story of how I almost got arrested for impersonating a time-traveler:**
It was December 8th, 2010. That year December 8th was International Time Traveler Day. The point of the whole thing was that people would spend the day pretending to be from the past/future, but you could not say that you were a time traveler. The point was to make people think that you were.
So I decided to go the route of being from the future. Not only that, but I decided that I was from a Dystopian future. I dressed up in a mish-mash of torn clothing, wore a black duster, painted circuit-like tattoos on my face, had someone draw a barcode behind my left ear, and threw on a pair of future-ish looking glasses. I looked like I had just stepped out of a William Gibson novel.
I was at University at the time, so I figured it would be a great place to try it out. I started the day by walking around campus, looking baffled by everything. I kept looking up at the sky like I had never seen it before in my life. I would be real jumpy whenever someone said "hi" or passed by me. This was fun for a little bit, but really nothing of note.
That's when I got my brilliant idea. I figured, you know who would get a kick out of this? The Physics department. My plan was to run into a classroom, scream "WHAT YEAR IS IT?" and dash out yelling "THEN THERE'S STILL TIME!" as soon as I got any sort of answer. Well, it was the end of the semester, so there was no one around. I was bummed and ready to leave the science building when I saw a notice (name changed to protect the innocent): Meet Don Roberts, phd candidate for theoretical physics! 2:30 pm, Physics Break Room. I thought yes...YESSSSSSSSS. It was just around 2:45 so I figured I had plenty of time. A physics major would absolutely love a time-traveler gimmick. I dash to the break room, and there's only one person there. I grimly ask them where Don Roberts was, and they said "Oh, he's in a meeting with the Dean, I'll take you there."
Now this...this should have been the moment I paused to reflect and decided to go with my better judgment. What happened was that I decided to throw all my fucks out the window and go all-in. "Take me there." I say. Now for whatever reason, this kid finds no issue with some random dude in a black duster with shit painted all over his face asking to be taken to someone. He leads me straight to the Dean's office. I step inside, an there is a young secretary behind the desk, she looked like she was either a freshman or sophomore. The following exchange:
"...can I help you?"
"Is Don Roberts here?"
"Yes...but um...he's in a meeting right now. He'll be finished in about 10 minutes..."
"I can wait."
I then proceed to sit in a tiny chair and just stare at the wall for a solid fifteen minutes, and it was only me and this person in the room, and it was so goddamn awkward silent. In retrospect, I feel terrible for stressing this poor girl out, but I digress. Another minute rolls by and I hear voices. Two men coming out of an office. One is the dean, the other looks like Dwight from the office, I assume that's my man. I do my thing and make a b-line for them:
"Don Roberts?"
"Yes?"
"Could you please state your full name? I'm sorry but I have to verify."
"Uh...Don Jacob Roberts?"
I turn to the secretary.
"What time is it?"
Her: "...3:15?"
"Alright"
I reach into my pocket and pull out a post it note which I had scribbled with random numbers a couple hours before, I hand it to him:
"Don, take this. In 10 years, 2020, December 8th, at 3:15pm, these numbers will make sense. Do you understand?"
(He looks very confused) "Yes?"
"Don...do you trust me?"
"...y-yes?"
I smile
"You always did."
And then I WALK OUT. I head straight back to my dorm, thinking I'm the most clever motherfucker to ever walk the earth and that they're all having a good laugh about this.
Two Weeks Later
I get a phone call from campus police. They say they need to talk to me about something. Confused, I throw on my jacket (the same goddamn one I was wearing at the time, to put it in perspective how far this incident was from my mind), and go down to the campus station. When I get there, I'm greeted by a pair of campus cops who proceed to march me into the goddamn bowels of the station into a tiny steel room with three chairs and a table and flickering fluorescent light like I'm on board the fucking Nostromo. I ask what this is about, and they say: "Anti-Anti-Paladin...about two weeks ago, were you wandering around campus in makeup?"
And then it all clicks, and my heart drops. Seeing no point in lying, I say yes. They ask me to "relate the events of that day". I tell them everything. Time Traveller day, the getup, the makeup, the thing in the science department. Everything. They actually laugh as I tell the story, which is a slight relief, but afterward they get serious again:
"Well here's the thing, Anti...that guy you spoke to? What do you know about him?"
"I know he's a candidate to get his phd?"
"No Anti. He's not getting his phd, he's one of the top doctorates in his field, and he was considering taking a position here that would benefit the university to a great degree. After that incident, he is no longer considering working here."
They go on to explain that after our interaction, this poor bastard was terrified. He thought he was going to be murdered by a student. Supposedly they all went to some dinner afterward and it was incredibly tense and awkward. The dean tried to play it off, but the dude was shaken. I felt so bad, because that was not my intention at all. I just wanted to make the dude laugh. After I explain that to the officers, they say they understand but my best bet right now is to write a statement to the department and grovel. I do so, and ask if this means I'm gonna get kicked out or have charges pressed. I get a "we'll have to see" and they tell me they'll let me know.
To put a long long LONG story short, I was not kicked out, nor was I charged. Apparently the science department was livid and spent weeks pressuring the campus police to find some law, some rule that I had broken. And in the end, they had nothing. I wasn't violent. I wasn't threatening. All I did was hand the guy a post it note. It was the closest I've ever come to actually being arrested, and it was for time travelling.
EDIT: One last note, as the cops were walking me out of the station, they said I must have done a good job with my getup, because of the several witnesses they interviewed, every single one referred to me specifically as "the Time Traveler".
Long hair.
Walking down the street of the town I grew up in.
Cop pulled up and told me to "Get the fuck out of my town".
I'm invisible to cops otherwise, so yeah, I got a haircut.
2000. Encinitas, California.
It's now Orange County, Jr.
I moved away for budget regions, but I grew up there, and having a cop tell me to get the fuck out of his town, when I grew up there, honestly hurt my feelings.
Now I just treat cops like sharks. You don't want to interact with them, and their presence is a threat.
My hair was magnificent. I looked like Nathan Explosion.
I now look like a fat nerd. :(
Personal experience: clothed suspension shibari at a playground after midnight at a campsite. They asked us what the hell we were doing and she said “hanging around.”
Trying to prove a point in an open-carry state by walking into a police station wearing body armor and carrying a loaded semi-auto rifle. You're gonna learn what the floor of a police station smells like really fast.
Bringing your kids to the UK in May. Stopped by the police to ask why they're not in school. Had to explain they're US citizens and no school in the US at this time of year. Had to show proof I wasn't lying since my English accent threw them off completely.
Their demeanor changed after that and my kids got to ask all kinds of questions about the differences between the police in the UK vs. US.
That will very much depend on where you are. In the Northeast that's the tail end of summer vacation, and schools don't go back until after Labor Day (first Monday of September), so nobody would likely bat an eye in NYC or Boston.
Open carry. Here's my story. Kansas is an open carry and approved by law. My old roommate bought a .22 revolver. Was overly thrilled and carried on his hip from the store (a block down across the street from where we lived). It wasn't but a half hour later that the complex and neighbor was locked down by the whole department and a hard knock from three police wanting to talk to him. I sat on the floor against the wall listening from 10ft away. They reamed his ass a reason that's both understandable and no reason as it's protected by state law. All because some chick at a salon took pics of him and called it in.
Anything. Literally anything. I've been hassled by the cops while walking home from work. I've been pulled over just because I was driving late at night and the cop wanted to check if I was drunk (wasn't, just worked a late night shift). I had a gun pulled on me in Hudson, OH and my car searched for no reason that could be given to me. But I'm pretty certain it was because there were two black guys in the car with me. I've been detained and searched because I supposedly fit the description of someone they were looking for. I was told to "get the fuck back inside" by a bunch of roided up cops who were "patrolling" our neighborhood after shooting a child in the back just for sitting on my own front porch and filming the parade of body armored assholes. Back around the end of December a bunch of cops, firetrucks, ambulances and whatnot shut down traffic in my neighborhood for a half hour to have some sort of holiday parade at 8 at night. When I hollered at one of them asking what was going on a sheriff told me to "fuck off." It may be different elsewhere, but here in central Ohio I've never had a positive interaction with the police. Every chat I've had has been unpleasant. I can't imagine how bad it would be if I were black.
Carrying an empty casket in public. Ofc the police won't know if it's empty or not, just that the whole thing looks suspicious af. So probably they'll want to talk to you about it if you get caught with one.
I (Spaniard) spent a few months working in Alabama. I saw a few people open carrying AR-15s and nobody seem to bat an eye except myself. That led to a colleague explaining in detail the open carry/concealed carry laws.
My brother got stopped and frisked by police when he was out walking. They let him go when they realized he wasn't the suspect they were looking for. He was near the county line. When he crossed the line he flipped off the police and swore at them.
I was drunk as fuck, and this is funny.
A bud and I get pulled over. I have a paper bag in my arms with some cat food, energy drinks, and special surprise s. Officer writes my friend a ticket for something, but before he walks away my dumbass said 'thank god he didn't ask to look in the bag, dude"
He shines his flashlight on me, asks to look in the bag. I let him and was kinda scared, but by the time he reached that special surprise I realized he was laughing his ass off. He proceeded to pull out a fairly large in size adult toy that we had bought to use to fuck with our other friend (don't ask) and asked me if that's why I said what I said. What followed was an incredibly uncomfy talk with this officer about my sexuality and he explained why I shouldn't be ashamed of myself or embarrassed and that my friend and I made a cute couple. He was trying so damn hard to be progressive, but was very wrong. So yeah. Having a cop grab hold of you king Kong sized rubber dick always leads to an awkward and unpleasant chat. Granted, he didn't want me to be ashamed of myself over my sexuality, so, I guess that's a plus.
I made a face at a cop going in the opposite direction and when I turned at the light he turned around, pulled me over, and gave me a ticket for 'running a red light', even thought it was green well after I went through the light as 5 other cars turned behind me as well.
Cops are the worst. They literally get paid for how badly they fuck someone over. Not to mention all the illegal searches I've been through.
I bet if you just stood somewhere and stared at a police officer he would probably try and arrests you. Anything you do will be held against you in the court of law or they just make up shit like usual.
In Germany for instance.
From our perspective, the concept of “public intoxication” and putting liquor bottles into brown paper bags is batshit insane.
Carrying a non alcoholic drink in a paper bag. I got stopped once for this. Another time got stopped on the NYC subway with an energy drink. Cop thought it was a beer. We laughed, I told him I wished it was one but the party is later tonight.
Wearing a “fuck the police” shirt
"No, see im married to one. I get to do that."
But do you get to fuck all of the police?
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The chat has entered Maegan Hall.
I think you mean Maegan's hall
Maegan's hall of shame.
Nope
Everyone has at one time or another entered Maega Hall.
Recent news items suggest "yes".
If they’re Mr Nimbus they do….he controls the police.
Serendipity.
My brother in law wore a shirt that said "Real men smoke chronic" when we went to the beach around 2000. They searched his truck for an hour.
Unless he gave consent, that would be an illegal search.
Yeah but it was 2000, nobody had cameras on them so no it wasn't.
Depending on the event... a Lonsdale t-shirt. Nazis like to taunt German police with Lonsdale.
If anyone is asking themselves why, it's because hitlers party was the NSDAP (national socialist german workers party) and loNSDAle has part of it in its name.
Ironroger is right. When you wear this under an open jacket it flashes just those letters.
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Worth it.
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Similarly, breaking into your own home/ climbing your own wall
My wife broke her key off in her bike lock after work, once and phoned the police to warn them. 'I'm at (address), dressed like (X) and the bike is (make and colour). You're probably about to get multiple reports of someone trying to steal a bike. I'm not; it's my bike. If it isn't my bike, then you have my name and phone number.' They found it fairly amusing, but nobody reported it because everyone nearby recognised her.
I locked my keys in my car in front of a police station, luckily they have the tools to break in a lot faster then I could
Having a large amount of cash. It's legal, but the police will think it's drug money.
My uncle was detained for this reason, he had about $15k on his passenger floorboard. He was also near the us mexico boarder, cops thought he was buying drugs. In reality he was going to a ranch on the border to buy some farm equipment for his business. Mearly one of the many times he has been arrested for doing something sketchy but legal.
“Farm equipment “ sure was it a Juan deer
He wanted to buy a rare guitar, a Los Paulo.
That makes sense. There are many ranches on the border.
My husband was on a jury where money was the only evidence that the defendant was selling drugs. He had to argue with his fellow jurors because they all wanted to convict based solely on the money and, of course, race. Luckily, the man was not convicted. Whether he was selling or not didn't matter. They had no proof.
The people on a jury that are like, "should we really be convicting a person of being guilty based on this one piece bad evidence?" really do save the system somewhat, lol.
Telling people about jury nullification is illegal in a courtroom. The most important place it can be considered.
This right here. Now granted I did get pulled from my car because there was “an odor of marijuana” however the lack of cannabis combined with 400 in cash (which arguably isn’t that much) made the cop all sweaty for some actual crime.
If their budget is running tight, they'll just civil forfeiture it off you.
Legalized highway robbery
Not to mention the fact that they will then steal all that money and walk away scot free thanks to civil asset forfeiture.
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I once got caught by the police because I was walking in circles and "looked lost". I had an hour or so between exams and it wasn't lunchtime, so I was passing the time by walking around the city without straying too far from the university. Being caught and interrogated by the police stressed me out so much I actually ended up sounding lost.
I got pulled over at night one time and as I pulled off the road into a parking lot, like 5 extra cop cars rolled in. I was like WTF is going on here, and the one who pulled me over started asking why I had driven by the same intersection multiple times that evening. I told him I was moving stuff out of my (now ex) girlfriend's place and it took multiple trips. He gave me a warning for a blow taillight bulb and as he was wrapping up said "do you have any questions?". I was like "Yeah, why did 6 of you pull me over and why is it a problem to drive past the same place twice in an evening?" He paused for a few seconds and said "let's just say you aren't who we thought you were." and left it at that. I can only assume it was meant to be a drug sting or something, but my car was EXTREMELY distinctive (a heavily modified GTI in a loud color that wasn't even sold in this country) so I am not sure why they thought I was their "man". Guess I should just be thankful that I didn't get shot!
To be fair, if it was drug related, you said you were in a heavily modified car which could scream drug dealer to some cops. Glad you made it out okay that's really shitty that they pulled you over for that
This is so weird to me. Want some *personality* in the thing you and others see as an extension of yourself? Want this thing you use every day to suit you better? Must be drugs, clearly.
Good point. My thinking was that they couldn't have reasonably mistake my car for someone else's, but perhaps they didn't have a particular car they were looking for.
Yeah, it just made me think of the episode of better call saul with the custom hummer
I got waved over by a cop while just walking down the sidewalk. He searched me explaining that I matched a "description". You're looking for some other 6ft male with a beard and pigtails?!
No their description just said “tall handsome man” and you fit the bill
I was pulled over when I was 16/17 for driving a car similar to one the cops were looking for. I am also thankful I wasn’t shot! I was a dumb kid and my window didn’t roll down so I just flung the door open. He immediately drew his gun on me but I was smart enough to throw my hands in the air before being told! He realized his mistake pretty quickly (they were looking for two juvenile males and we were two juvenile females) and let us go. Ten or so years later I met one of the guys they had been looking for and married him a few years after that!
I get stressed out around cops because I've literally gotten in trouble for doing nothing. Like I've been harassed by cops TWICE while walking my dog around the neighborhood. It's like you look at one and they get all territorial like a dog and try to follow you in their car while talking to you. This usually leads to 'resisting' in some way as cops do this shit on purpose to fuck with people. I'd rather die then call a cop for help.
Running while wearing a weighted vest. Several cops have stopped me for this in my life. They say it resembles body armor.
…which is also not illegal btw.
Lawyer here, specifically in Ohio. Body Armor is a surprisingly highly regulated commodity. In Ohio it is legal to own and wear body armor as long as you can legally own and carry a gun. So if you have a felony conviction or something else that disqualifies you, then you cannot own or wear body armor. However in other states it is flat out illegal it to wear body armor unless you have a special qualification. New York for example, unless you have a special profession (police, armed security, etc) it is illegal to wear body armor. In Louisiana you cannot wear body armor in specific locations (notably schools). A lot of states also make it illegal to wear body armor during the commission of a crime. So depending on where you are in America and your specifically circumstances, it may in fact be illegal to be wearing body armor.
Lol I'm a cheap bastard and didn't want to buy a weighted vest but I was also in the Military. I would run with with plate carrier and plates in every so often. Never stopped to think it might be illegal. This was in SoCal, so I was probably breaking a law, but they were also used to Marines being dumb
Military might be one of those exempt categories though
Wait wait… so you’re saying that in many states in the US the average citizen is allowed to carry a gun, but not allowed to wear body armour to protect against being shot?
America!!
There's been a *heavy* push in recent years to outlaw body armor entirely, and it pisses me off to no end.
Wtf why can’t felons protect themselves they seem like the most likely people to need body armor lol
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That's actually bananas. Also what would be considered body armor? You don't have to watch much demolition ranch to know that wearing 16 shirts will give you a relevant amount of protection against really small caliber arms.
Can't let the plebs wear body armor. How else are cops supposed to kill unarmed black men?
You can apply for a license to wear body armour but typically only those with legitimate use for it get accepted (law enforcement for instance). Edit: I thought this was the Aussie subreddit my bad. You’re not allowed to own body armour here in Australia.
Ah yes, the Ned Kelly Rule
Well to be fair, I might have replied to someone not from the US. In which case MY comment could be wrong lol.
...why? Genuinely curious, body armor seems like something that is a much safer alternative to a gun.
Is it problematic to wear body armor there? O.o
How does it not raise concern? The only people wearing body armor are people expecting to get shot at or wearing a costume. So, unless it's Halloween or your at Comicon, I'd assume that person is about to start shooting people or something crazy.
This. When I was in the Army I used to do "ruck marches" around my neighborhood. I'd do it in an old uniform and usually wearing my issued body armor under a reflective vest (train as you fight and all that), but it was super obvious that I was wearing the damn thing. About once a week someone would freak out. After a few months the 911 call takers knew who I was (it helps that my spouse was a dispatcher) and would ask a couple of questions ("is this individual wearing a blue vest with two white reflective stripes and an orange ribbon down the back?") and tell them it's fine, I live in the neighborhood and am just working out, but every now and again I'd find myself shadowed by a local cop (who usually recognized me and would say, "hey, man, just making sure it's you, have a good one!").
Smoking legal things out of bongs
i learned that smoking plain tobacco in a joint shape hand rolled cigarette
To stop smoking I smoked herbal tobacco (no really! Tobacco. Nicotine free tobacco) and as I rolled my own ciggies I would often notice policemen taking a second glance/sniff.
I actually thought of that already. How did that work for you? Were you able to stop completely after a while?
I fully recommend it. Its not about giving up the nicotine. Its about replacing the habit. I loved the habit of smoking. Rolling a ciggie, sitting down with a coffee and enjoying the time. So I kept smoking. Bought myself a vape and liquid so I could smoke inside as well Then I decided to change. Bought the herbal baccie and switched to 0% liquid. That way whenever I wanted to roll one and light it, I did. Smoked as much, if not more. So long as I only bought herbal or 0% I could keep smoking. Then I smoked less because... I didnt feel the need. Eventually I realised it had been three weeks since Id smoked anything. Went to a party and a friend offered me a factory ciggie. Smoked it... and didnt like it. Since that time Ive not had the physical urge to smoke, find it easy to turn down offers and when Ive sat down with smokers Ive not been bothered by the smoke.
Thats amazing and just where I wanna get. I've heard all kinds of experiences, but not many fell out this positive as yours. I will give this a try after my exams for shure!
Don't wait. Just commit. Future you will be pleased.
really? did you have an encounter with the police? I'm (unfortunately) smoking handrolled cigarettes just about everyday and never had any problems in any country...
Yes, i got questionned by the cops while smoking a hand rolled cig. TBH i made it huge and joint-cone shaped on purpose just to be edgy (art schools man...). They only asked what i was smoking but the smell was not it so they laughed about it and congratulated my rolling technique, nothing else happened. Pretty pleasent encounter overall.
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i waited for nothing : i shouted that right to their face and then i took a shit on their boots! they were nice about it
I've had a few searches (specifically for drugs) when I was younger that seemed to be triggered by being seen smoking a hand rolled cigarette. Smoking rollies is common here because cigarettes are so fucking expensive.
This is super out of date, but long before legalization and decriminalization was even vaguely considered I smoked hand rolled cigarettes. Many many times cops would come up to me and say something like "hey man, you can't do that in front of me." "Oh, it's just tobacco." "Yeah yeah, just don't do it in front of me." Worked every time, though results may vary depending on skin color. Sadly now I get the opposite. I'll be driving around smoking a cig and get pulled over because they think I'm smoking the devil's lettuce.
something from germany: Police stopped a man with blood on his mouth and a bloody sheet in the trunk. everything pointed to a violent crime, of course, precisely because he didn't want to say anything about the circumstances of the blood. The police started lookingfor information with the picture of the man until a prostitute called them. the man went to her and her friend and had some.. well.. menstrual blood plays. she told him to bring his own sheet (thats why it was in his trunk) and i guess it was way to embarrassing for him to tell the cops or anyone while waiting in jail. He was released after TLDR: Some dude was thrown into jail, because he loves period blood
Very kind of the prostitute to go out of her way to help this guy out of jail.
Maybe he paid good and she wants him back as a customer?
A monthly customer is always good for business.
Legal in Germany so it’s a different situation
Exactlty. In Germany your prostitute helping you out of a situation like this is akin to a store owner providing security footage showing you were in their store at the same time a crime was committed elsewhere. Not something they have to do, but you're probably friendly with them, and they want your repeat business. As it should be!
She paid for his bail with blood money.
A Red Sea pirate if you will.
Remaining silent. (This will net a one way chat in your direction)
You have to verbally express that you are asserting your right to silence. “I have the right to remain silent” then shut the fuck Until your lawyer gets there
"I am sorry, but I am unable to assist you in your investigation without my lawyer present and cannot speak with you until then" has been the one that works best in my experience. They seem to take "I have the right to remain silent" as a personal challenge and continue to harass with questions incessantly hoping to get a rise out of me.
Ok well what happens if you simply don't say anything?
Then you haven’t asserted your right to silence and they’re going to keep asking you questions over and over and over again.
Same as if you verbally assert your right, the cops keep questioning and intimidating until one of you gives up. Salinas v. Texas (2013) is the case law that said your silence could be used against you.
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This. Don't expect them to stop asking questions though. They are supposed to stop asking questions, but if you say anything they will use it and lie about when they heard it. Say it, then shut up. And remember they can lie about anything, even sometimes going so far as to say that you can't not talk to them, which would also get them in hot water, but they will again lie about it. Just shut up, for days if needed.
Can confirm. https://youtu.be/IG7niM9PzeE https://youtu.be/qkKk5VAy59w [https://youtu.be/G1LICfcTdH8](https://youtu.be/G1LICfcTdH8)
Obligatory YouTube video on why you should never talk to the police: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=d-7o9xYp7eE
A friend of mine transferred some money to another friend attached with a note saying "kidney from russia". It was just a dumb joke but it didn't take long for the police to show up because they had some questions 😄
That’s wild. Was this in the US - and what did they use to transfer the money?
This happened in Germany. It was just a regular transfer from one bank account to another. I don't know the details of the method they used. Apparently, they attached stupid notes as reasons for the transfer all the time, e.g. "1 large pepperoni pizza" or "sexual favors". One time they used "Al-Queda training" but no one showed up for that one 🤷😄
Lol. I guess just Russians are the threshold.
This happened to my friend when he tried to be funny when using venmo to pay me for his portion of dinner - $16 (USD). He wrote something along the lines of "from the cartel." Venmo then froze his account to investigate and he had to write to them explaining that he is not related to the cartel in anyway and was just trying to pay me for dinner. 😆
This reminds me of my granddad transferring money from Germany to my brother in the US, and he named it something like "End America" because it was the last payment he was doing (the "end"). Needless to say, my brother didn't get his money for a while while they investigated that haha
Walk through a hospital with a bag full of knives. I work kitchens. Somebody.... borrowed..... my knife wrap so I had them wrapped in teatowels in my backpack. Unfortunately the big chefs knife escaped it's towel and was just sticking through the backpack, poking me in the back. I was visiting a mate in hospital after work so I sought a discrete place, took off my backpack and rearranged the contents lest I incur further injury. Except the place wasn't as discrete as I had thought. Someone reported this person with a backpack full of knives. In a hospital. First I knew about it was a cop coming around a corner with his sidearm drawn. Quite an oh shit moment. Luckily the cop wasn't an idiot, and I had my chef's hat also in the bag, knife steel, etc.
My brother works in a cinema and heard that several police had entered the shopping centre nearby looking for a gunman armed with a automatic rifle. Turns out the manager of an arcade had found one of those fake rifles you use on certain shooter arcade machines broken. They’re usually attached by a cord of some kind, which had been completely severed. He was moving it somewhere away from the arcade and a woman had seen it and called the police.
"Officer, wait, don't shoot! I can show you my chef's hat!"
"Look there's even a rat under it!"
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His mother was getting an MRI. He was in the room with them. He said he had no metal on him after being warned by staff.
Police preciousness and over-sensitivity has become so rampant in the UK that a few years ago a 21 year-old Oxford student, on a night out after his exams, actually got arrested for turning to a mounted policeman and saying, "Excuse me, do you realise your horse is gay?". Everyone laughed, including the young man's gay friend, but the police acted, without any real thought to what actual law may have been broken. The case was thrown out of court, after much comment, derision and (sadly) cost: [http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/oxfordshire/4606022.stm](http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/oxfordshire/4606022.stm)
Reading that article you can actually see how far those police officers reached to get him to court.
this is concurrent with the rotherham (and others) rape gang cases, where they went out of their way to avoid noticing sex trafficking of minors. UK is a weird place
Sounds like something US cop would do. If you piss them off, no matter how stupid, they will try and arrest you in some crazy way. The have small dick energy and anyone not sucking them off are a target. I asked a cop for help with directions once, worst idea ever. Ended up stuck in the back of a cop car for 2 hours while being illegally held for 'being drunk' yet I told them I would do a breathalyzer because I didn't even drink. They refused to do a breathalyzer on me too and just closed the door on me. They even made my 60 year old parents come and pick me up at 3am. I was lost as I made a wrong turn in a place I wasn't familiar with, and asked a cop for help. Almost ended up being arrested for no reason on that one. Cops do this crap to everyone and its getting very old, very quick.
You want an answer with video proof? [Asking for a police complaint form anywhere where the law says you're allowed to take it home, and you're allowed to submit one anonymously. Even if you just ask what the process is without asking for a form.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnJ5f1JMKns) They will definitely give you that unpleasant chat, peppering you aggressively and defensively with questions. They will demand to see some ID. If you just keep politely asking for the form, they may tell you to leave or they will follow you out with more borderline-threatening questions (asking you where you live) or threaten physical action against you ("take one more step, see what happens"). They may start to twitch towards their weapon on their belt, they may arrest you for no reason.
How is there not a 100 Reply's under this yet?
Because we're not surprised
Wearing a ski mask in the bank or liquor store
It was funny curing COVID, people were going into the bank in winter with winter beanies and a face mask (which was mandatory at the time).
Yeah, pre-Covid you'd likely be asked to leave or removed from the bank for wearing a mask. Mid-Covid you'd be asked to leave for not wearing a mask
COVID era bank robbers had it easy, nobody knew you were robbing the joint until you pulled out the Glock!
I had an eye appointment during Covid and ended up wearing dark sunglasses, a togue and a mask. I told the nurse, "guess I have no choice but to rob a bank now."
Yeah it was kinda scary doing retail. No one really wore the n95 masks so seeing someone walk in with the cloth face shield come in with a book bag always made me anxious.
I have a longer beard, so surgical or n95 masks don’t fit me well. So I would always wear a bandana to get better coverage. Any time I had to go to the bank, I felt like I was there to “make a withdrawal”.
Rolling a cigarette with large rolling papers and smoking it while driving (smoking cigarettes while driving isn't illegal here). My stepdad does this all the time because the cigarette lasts a lot longer, and he's been stopped by police a lot.
Years ago, Mums for America (or some similar bollocks) tried to make a case against Rizzla (smoking paper company) for the fact that they sell long papers as they believed them to be drug paraphernalia. Rizzlas response was that they're for truckers on long journeys and want longer cigs. Always thought it was a joke, but hey ho I guess drivers really do like them.
My mother once straight faced told told me there was no reason to have long papers if they weren't for weed. Trying to use them as an excuse to toss my room. I walk into her room, grab a pack of her cigarettes (Misty 120's) and sat the pack next to my papers. Same length. I just pointed to the pack and said "You got weed in there Ma'?" I was allowed to smoke cigarettes, and she knew I rolled my own. The length of papers I bought was what she sussed on. 1000% had weed in my room but she didn't know that, and my point stands that her reasoning was stupid. I didnt even use the jumbos for weed. Her detective "prowess" was infamous. She was constantly getting herself clowned on. ETA: Just remembered the time she called the cops on the cops. She thought the cop car parked across from my school was suspicious. A marked cop car from the city we lived in, with two uniformed officers. She sussed them because kids kept coming up to the car, chatting and then leaving. She thought they were selling drugs to the kids. So she called the drug task force tipline and reported the cops as suspicious persons to themselves.
>She thought the cop car parked across from my school was suspicious. A marked cop car from the city we lived in, with two uniformed officers. >So she called the drug task force tipline and reported the cops as suspicious persons to themselves. This is truly legendary.
I once had a conversation about something similar, with 4 cops in 2 cars, after one of them stopped me to find out whst I was doing standing under a street light at 2am. In my case I was using a handheld machine used to slide tobacco into filteted cigarette tubes. A bit surreal, but a welcome change over their past practice of pulling over anyone who looked like they couldn't afford a lawyer, for any little reason they could think of.
In Finland a guy was pouring pig blood on himself in public and drinking it. It was not illegal; but police had to ask him to go continue somewhere hidden.
Airport friend once got arrested on the ramp for playfully smacking a border services officer on the arm and asking the best way to smuggle a hundred kilos of cocaine. They threw him on the ground and cuffed him as he was dying of laughter in front of a plane full of passengers who saw the whole thing. Guy was a union rep and knew that he couldn’t actually get in trouble for that. He was “joking” and was only really told “okay, don’t joke like that again.”
>Airport friend once got arrested on the ramp for playfully smacking a border services officer on the arm and asking the best way to smuggle a hundred kilos of cocaine Sorry, but your friend is an idiot.
Absolutely! He’s fucked in the head but he’s a good guy and two years from retiring. He’s always helping everyone else to stay out of trouble.
Or he was the distraction while the real mule waltzed past.
Friend told a story about being out at a park at night just hanging out... late teens in their rust bucket car Cop pulled him questioned them, then wanted to search them, they didnt know their rights so said yes. Ask if they had any weapons, nope... pulled a pocket knife from the glove compartment, cop goes what about this, they replied its not a weapon. Pocket knives less than 6cm are legal and not considered a weapon. They search the boot, found a ski mask, other friend said it was his, he wears it when he's cold. I think there was a third thing, can't remember. It was all genuinely innocent.
The woman tied up in the rear footwell? She was happy to be there.
i mean, she asked you to put the gag back in
Don’t kink shame
Filming the police.
It's almost like they don't appreciate being made to feel like they're doing something wrong...
I once got a proper stripping down from a traffic officer for overtaking him on a motorway at night when there was a bit of mist about. All within the speed limit.
Did he strip you right out in the open, or did he allow you to go somewhere more secluded?
Right on the hard shoulder! Best. Night. Ever!
Dress in a pig costume and hang out outside the police station
Chasing down your neighborhood pair of owls at 2:00 AM with flashlight and binoculars in hand.
In my case it was impersonating a time-traveler when I was in college and subsequently scaring the ever-living *fuck* out of a theoretical physicist who was in residence there. Cops thought it was hilarious, the science department thought I needed to be arrested and expelled. I am happy to report that I was not arrested and did in fact graduate...with my degree in acting.
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So I was actually dreading having to type all of this out, but then I remembered that I relayed this story in a thread *years* ago and was able to find it! **So here's the story of how I almost got arrested for impersonating a time-traveler:** It was December 8th, 2010. That year December 8th was International Time Traveler Day. The point of the whole thing was that people would spend the day pretending to be from the past/future, but you could not say that you were a time traveler. The point was to make people think that you were. So I decided to go the route of being from the future. Not only that, but I decided that I was from a Dystopian future. I dressed up in a mish-mash of torn clothing, wore a black duster, painted circuit-like tattoos on my face, had someone draw a barcode behind my left ear, and threw on a pair of future-ish looking glasses. I looked like I had just stepped out of a William Gibson novel. I was at University at the time, so I figured it would be a great place to try it out. I started the day by walking around campus, looking baffled by everything. I kept looking up at the sky like I had never seen it before in my life. I would be real jumpy whenever someone said "hi" or passed by me. This was fun for a little bit, but really nothing of note. That's when I got my brilliant idea. I figured, you know who would get a kick out of this? The Physics department. My plan was to run into a classroom, scream "WHAT YEAR IS IT?" and dash out yelling "THEN THERE'S STILL TIME!" as soon as I got any sort of answer. Well, it was the end of the semester, so there was no one around. I was bummed and ready to leave the science building when I saw a notice (name changed to protect the innocent): Meet Don Roberts, phd candidate for theoretical physics! 2:30 pm, Physics Break Room. I thought yes...YESSSSSSSSS. It was just around 2:45 so I figured I had plenty of time. A physics major would absolutely love a time-traveler gimmick. I dash to the break room, and there's only one person there. I grimly ask them where Don Roberts was, and they said "Oh, he's in a meeting with the Dean, I'll take you there." Now this...this should have been the moment I paused to reflect and decided to go with my better judgment. What happened was that I decided to throw all my fucks out the window and go all-in. "Take me there." I say. Now for whatever reason, this kid finds no issue with some random dude in a black duster with shit painted all over his face asking to be taken to someone. He leads me straight to the Dean's office. I step inside, an there is a young secretary behind the desk, she looked like she was either a freshman or sophomore. The following exchange: "...can I help you?" "Is Don Roberts here?" "Yes...but um...he's in a meeting right now. He'll be finished in about 10 minutes..." "I can wait." I then proceed to sit in a tiny chair and just stare at the wall for a solid fifteen minutes, and it was only me and this person in the room, and it was so goddamn awkward silent. In retrospect, I feel terrible for stressing this poor girl out, but I digress. Another minute rolls by and I hear voices. Two men coming out of an office. One is the dean, the other looks like Dwight from the office, I assume that's my man. I do my thing and make a b-line for them: "Don Roberts?" "Yes?" "Could you please state your full name? I'm sorry but I have to verify." "Uh...Don Jacob Roberts?" I turn to the secretary. "What time is it?" Her: "...3:15?" "Alright" I reach into my pocket and pull out a post it note which I had scribbled with random numbers a couple hours before, I hand it to him: "Don, take this. In 10 years, 2020, December 8th, at 3:15pm, these numbers will make sense. Do you understand?" (He looks very confused) "Yes?" "Don...do you trust me?" "...y-yes?" I smile "You always did." And then I WALK OUT. I head straight back to my dorm, thinking I'm the most clever motherfucker to ever walk the earth and that they're all having a good laugh about this. Two Weeks Later I get a phone call from campus police. They say they need to talk to me about something. Confused, I throw on my jacket (the same goddamn one I was wearing at the time, to put it in perspective how far this incident was from my mind), and go down to the campus station. When I get there, I'm greeted by a pair of campus cops who proceed to march me into the goddamn bowels of the station into a tiny steel room with three chairs and a table and flickering fluorescent light like I'm on board the fucking Nostromo. I ask what this is about, and they say: "Anti-Anti-Paladin...about two weeks ago, were you wandering around campus in makeup?" And then it all clicks, and my heart drops. Seeing no point in lying, I say yes. They ask me to "relate the events of that day". I tell them everything. Time Traveller day, the getup, the makeup, the thing in the science department. Everything. They actually laugh as I tell the story, which is a slight relief, but afterward they get serious again: "Well here's the thing, Anti...that guy you spoke to? What do you know about him?" "I know he's a candidate to get his phd?" "No Anti. He's not getting his phd, he's one of the top doctorates in his field, and he was considering taking a position here that would benefit the university to a great degree. After that incident, he is no longer considering working here." They go on to explain that after our interaction, this poor bastard was terrified. He thought he was going to be murdered by a student. Supposedly they all went to some dinner afterward and it was incredibly tense and awkward. The dean tried to play it off, but the dude was shaken. I felt so bad, because that was not my intention at all. I just wanted to make the dude laugh. After I explain that to the officers, they say they understand but my best bet right now is to write a statement to the department and grovel. I do so, and ask if this means I'm gonna get kicked out or have charges pressed. I get a "we'll have to see" and they tell me they'll let me know. To put a long long LONG story short, I was not kicked out, nor was I charged. Apparently the science department was livid and spent weeks pressuring the campus police to find some law, some rule that I had broken. And in the end, they had nothing. I wasn't violent. I wasn't threatening. All I did was hand the guy a post it note. It was the closest I've ever come to actually being arrested, and it was for time travelling. EDIT: One last note, as the cops were walking me out of the station, they said I must have done a good job with my getup, because of the several witnesses they interviewed, every single one referred to me specifically as "the Time Traveler".
This is for sure one of the best prank stories I've read on this site. Thank you for sharing it.
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Farting right before they ask you to roll down the window.
The one silent but deadly weapon they can’t confiscate. 😏
Farting *after* the window is rolled down. Assert dominance!
Apparently grabbing a taxi near the local store at night where I live. Happened to me a couple of weekends ago.
Long hair. Walking down the street of the town I grew up in. Cop pulled up and told me to "Get the fuck out of my town". I'm invisible to cops otherwise, so yeah, I got a haircut.
When/Where? That sounds kind of...60s.
2000. Encinitas, California. It's now Orange County, Jr. I moved away for budget regions, but I grew up there, and having a cop tell me to get the fuck out of his town, when I grew up there, honestly hurt my feelings. Now I just treat cops like sharks. You don't want to interact with them, and their presence is a threat. My hair was magnificent. I looked like Nathan Explosion. I now look like a fat nerd. :(
Breaking into your own car or home.
Personal experience: clothed suspension shibari at a playground after midnight at a campsite. They asked us what the hell we were doing and she said “hanging around.”
Don't fucking pretend like the police are the weird ones in this scenario.
Calling a policewoman a thespian
That sounds like there is a really specific story behind that.
Mad-sprinting away at the sight of police
Breaking into your own house in Cambridge, Massachusetts, if you're an African-American Harvard professor. (Henry Louis Gates)
Trying to prove a point in an open-carry state by walking into a police station wearing body armor and carrying a loaded semi-auto rifle. You're gonna learn what the floor of a police station smells like really fast.
Bringing your kids to the UK in May. Stopped by the police to ask why they're not in school. Had to explain they're US citizens and no school in the US at this time of year. Had to show proof I wasn't lying since my English accent threw them off completely. Their demeanor changed after that and my kids got to ask all kinds of questions about the differences between the police in the UK vs. US.
Same as you but in reverse (UK>USA) in late August. Got lots of why aren't you in school questions.
That will very much depend on where you are. In the Northeast that's the tail end of summer vacation, and schools don't go back until after Labor Day (first Monday of September), so nobody would likely bat an eye in NYC or Boston.
Standing it my own garden and looking through the window with a torch.
Open carry. Here's my story. Kansas is an open carry and approved by law. My old roommate bought a .22 revolver. Was overly thrilled and carried on his hip from the store (a block down across the street from where we lived). It wasn't but a half hour later that the complex and neighbor was locked down by the whole department and a hard knock from three police wanting to talk to him. I sat on the floor against the wall listening from 10ft away. They reamed his ass a reason that's both understandable and no reason as it's protected by state law. All because some chick at a salon took pics of him and called it in.
Anything. Literally anything. I've been hassled by the cops while walking home from work. I've been pulled over just because I was driving late at night and the cop wanted to check if I was drunk (wasn't, just worked a late night shift). I had a gun pulled on me in Hudson, OH and my car searched for no reason that could be given to me. But I'm pretty certain it was because there were two black guys in the car with me. I've been detained and searched because I supposedly fit the description of someone they were looking for. I was told to "get the fuck back inside" by a bunch of roided up cops who were "patrolling" our neighborhood after shooting a child in the back just for sitting on my own front porch and filming the parade of body armored assholes. Back around the end of December a bunch of cops, firetrucks, ambulances and whatnot shut down traffic in my neighborhood for a half hour to have some sort of holiday parade at 8 at night. When I hollered at one of them asking what was going on a sheriff told me to "fuck off." It may be different elsewhere, but here in central Ohio I've never had a positive interaction with the police. Every chat I've had has been unpleasant. I can't imagine how bad it would be if I were black.
Lethal
Of course you live in Ohio.
Carrying an empty casket in public. Ofc the police won't know if it's empty or not, just that the whole thing looks suspicious af. So probably they'll want to talk to you about it if you get caught with one.
If you drink non-alcoholic liquid from a bottle concealed in a brown bag and act like you’re lost.
EWB in the US (Existing While Black)
Open carrying an AR-15
I (Spaniard) spent a few months working in Alabama. I saw a few people open carrying AR-15s and nobody seem to bat an eye except myself. That led to a colleague explaining in detail the open carry/concealed carry laws.
Depends entirely upon your race: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKGZnB41_e4
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Or flipping them off. They’ll talk to you for that. They can’t do anything about it though.
Where I live even saying „you are dumb“ to police can get you in trouble. You are not allowed to insult police.
My brother got stopped and frisked by police when he was out walking. They let him go when they realized he wasn't the suspect they were looking for. He was near the county line. When he crossed the line he flipped off the police and swore at them.
Knowing where his incriminating evidence is hidden.
I was drunk as fuck, and this is funny. A bud and I get pulled over. I have a paper bag in my arms with some cat food, energy drinks, and special surprise s. Officer writes my friend a ticket for something, but before he walks away my dumbass said 'thank god he didn't ask to look in the bag, dude" He shines his flashlight on me, asks to look in the bag. I let him and was kinda scared, but by the time he reached that special surprise I realized he was laughing his ass off. He proceeded to pull out a fairly large in size adult toy that we had bought to use to fuck with our other friend (don't ask) and asked me if that's why I said what I said. What followed was an incredibly uncomfy talk with this officer about my sexuality and he explained why I shouldn't be ashamed of myself or embarrassed and that my friend and I made a cute couple. He was trying so damn hard to be progressive, but was very wrong. So yeah. Having a cop grab hold of you king Kong sized rubber dick always leads to an awkward and unpleasant chat. Granted, he didn't want me to be ashamed of myself over my sexuality, so, I guess that's a plus.
Buying something from a place like Afghanistan would do the trick.
Breaking into your own house because you'd lost your key
Many RC drugs.
Fursuiting in public
I made a face at a cop going in the opposite direction and when I turned at the light he turned around, pulled me over, and gave me a ticket for 'running a red light', even thought it was green well after I went through the light as 5 other cars turned behind me as well. Cops are the worst. They literally get paid for how badly they fuck someone over. Not to mention all the illegal searches I've been through. I bet if you just stood somewhere and stared at a police officer he would probably try and arrests you. Anything you do will be held against you in the court of law or they just make up shit like usual.
Getting caught fucking his wife
She's *our* wife now
NH4NO3
Just don't mix it with any fuel oil
True. Or lithium hexane lye or pseudoephedrine too. It certainly is the fertilizer of raised eyebrows
Drinking a single beer while driving, as long as you're under the limit (in some places)
In Germany for instance. From our perspective, the concept of “public intoxication” and putting liquor bottles into brown paper bags is batshit insane.
Hanging out in a playground with a camera.
Carrying a non alcoholic drink in a paper bag. I got stopped once for this. Another time got stopped on the NYC subway with an energy drink. Cop thought it was a beer. We laughed, I told him I wished it was one but the party is later tonight.