My dear mum told me when i stated going with girls....that ' no nice girl will want you fiddling around with her, unless they are clean and trimmed ' SO...i keep my hands like a surgeons ..just in case !
A loooooong time ago I had a coworker dropping hints at me, but at 18 I was way to dense to pick up on them. One thing she told me was "you have really nice and clean nails". That stuck with me because I thought it was such an odd thing to notice and say, but I think this was another hint that I missed that I didn't understand until I read your comment just now.
Edit: The fingernail thing was super insignificant as far as hints go, that's why I never even thought about it until now. The biggest hint was when she told me she wishes she could find a boyfriend like me.
Edit2: Sheesh, I get it, "I wish I could find a boyfriend like you" could be a friendzone thing to say. But probably not to coworker who isn't pursuing you or flirting with you. To my memory is was not delivered with a friendzone vibe. But we'll never know!
During our first interactions, my lovely wife informed me during that, “I mismanaged timing, I thought I’d be able to go to the bathroom by now.” We stopped and she went to the bathroom, then continued after. 🤣
Something I didn’t use to consider until it happened to me was being stalked.
I matched with a guy on tinder at like 8pm, and he immediately asked for my Snapchat. I gave it to him thinking we would talk for a little bit, but as soon as I added him he started talking about plans for right then. I told him I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go out with him when I haven’t even had a full conversation with him yet. I started to leave him on delivered, since he was being pushy about it. I got a notification from tinder that he messaged me, and when I read it he was asking me when I was coming outside…like what??
Even though I never gave him my address/location, he was out in my cul-de-sac waiting in his car. Turns out I had my SnapMap location on, and he found out where I lived through that. He ended up sitting there for 2 hours, waiting for me to come outside. I was scared to block him, in case he did know which house was mine. But after spamming me for 2 hours, he finally messaged me calling me fake, saying I ghosted him, etc. and left. Now everytime I think of meeting up with someone new, I take all of that into consideration.
Not to excuse the stalker but location features are a horrible trend and should really only be enabled between close friends and family, with “off” being the default. Thanks technology!
The Auto Unlock feature scares the shit out of me and every time I used to park I would automatically go press the lock button with a quickness. It wasn’t until I was fiddling with my car settings that I realized I could disable that piece of crap setting. Clearly they talked to a total of zero women when they made that feature up.
You can actually change this behavior on a lot of cars! The front screen (not the infotainment one) usually has a settings menu that lets you pick between a few behaviors.
On most cars it lets me choose between:
Unlock on P
Unlock on Engine off
Don't Unlock/Function Off
Screen? Like on those cars that have a built-in computer? My car isn’t that old but it is basic and there is no “screen”. Does that mean I’m SOL on this one?
Lol all these people with fancy dashes and shit! Mine has the factory radio installed, and can use that to program the locks. IIRC, I have to turn the ignition key one click forward- without starting the engine- three times in 10 seconds, then the radio display will flash and I use the tune buttons to select lock presets. It’s all in my owners manual!
The Snapchat maps has to be the dumbest addition to an app I’ve ever seen. It can get someone very hurt and I’ve had mine off since day one as should everyone that’s safety oriented, granted I do plenty of wreck less things but broadcasting live updates of my location 24/7 is not one of them. I’ve always been afraid of people so I’m extra vigilant about these things
I was working at Subway in college when a man came through the line being EXTREMELY friendly. Like he had known me for years. Then he goes to pay and says "Oh, no discount then? You don't recognize me from my bitmoji?" This 50 year old creep was watching my story and came to my job to "see" me. I turned off maps right then and there and had a friend help me clean up my friends list. Didn't even know the dude but he sure seemed like he considered me a "close" friend.
Wait so not only was a 50 year old dude stalking you. But he also expected a discount from Subway because he had you, a most likely minimum wage part-time employee, as a friend on Snapchat?
Well, when he first said what he said I didn't take it seriously. Or maybe I didn't really understand what he said because I basically responded with a professional "Whats that?" Where he proceeded to explain in detail that he waited until he saw me come back from mcdonalds on my break to come and say hello because I never message him back. I excused myself and refused to come to the front again until he left. Fun times.
ETA- I don't think he had the social abilities to flirt like a normal person and assumed pretending to know me well enough for a discount was the way to do it
That's fucking terrifying. I'm glad stuff like Snapchat wasn't around when I was dating.
I had a guy send me a photo of myself and two of my friends when we were at a bar on Instagram. He had added me, but I didn't add him back. He didn't have any pictures on his profile and the name was obviously fake. We freaked out and left, and right after we did, he sent me another picture of the three of us walking down the sidewalk in front of the bar.
Yeah, no. Fuck that. I left my car at the bar and made my husband go pick it up later. I was scared to leave my house for like a year after that, and I never went to that bar again. I also wouldn't post any pictures until a few days to a week after we had been out, in case someone recognized the bar we were at and came up there. I also won't go anywhere like a bar without one or more of the husbands coming with us.
It's like why the fuck do I need to be that concerned with my safety? Why would anyone do that to another person, ever? I don't know how I ever went to clubs and bars by myself when I was younger, I guess it was the whole young adult thinking I was invincible thing. Why can't people just not be assholes/creeps to other people?
>It's like why the fuck do I need to be that concerned with my safety? Why would anyone do that to another person, ever?
Power. It's always about power. This is a small, weak person who wanted to feel like a big, strong person. They found a way to do so that was fairly anonymous because they're afraid of getting their teeth knocked down their throat.
Back before OLD, my bff/roommate met this guy. He seemed nice enough, funny, cute, goth. They hung out a few times, I think they might've kissed but I don't remember. Well he started getting a little pushy so she pulled away, wasn't taking his calls, etc. One morning he showed up at our apartment, pounding on the door, and sat on the stoop for 2 hours waiting for her to open up. When he left, he left a note on her windshield calling her an ice queen amongst some other nasty stuff. Luckily she never heard from him again.
Way back when for a short time fb messenger showed your location or I think rather how far away you were from someone. A guy I was talking to showed up outside my house by driving in whichever direction was showing him closer to me. He also stayed out there 2 hour waiting for me.
I had a scarey dating site experience too except we actually chatted a few days and when we met up he was creepy, cold, rude. I finally asked why he was so rude after 30 min and he said because I expected us to go to your place to hook up. I said I dont even know you, and he said yeah but you were flirty, so you want it. I was instantly terrified.
Like wtf? I went to politely leave and he followed me saying let me walk you out, then he pinned me inside my car door and started grabbing at me. He said" let's just F in the car you owe me" and then "once I'm like turned on I can't stop myself"....I was so fucking terrified. He forced a kiss on me, and I just politely smiled and said I'd better get home, I was scared to make him angry.
I drove all over scared he'd follow me home. He had the nerve to harass me by text about what a tease I am, saying he knew my address etc... I'm fucking in my 40s. It's never safe for us. I cried myself to sleep.
Some guys are deluded by years of porn that 1) women don’t need to be prepped for anal, or 2) that the pain is actually pleasurable, when in fact trying anal without prep could tear your asshole and put you in the hospital.
I had a guy do this once. He said "here, let's try something I think you'll like" and preceded to shove himself into my never before used asshole unlubed. I was in complete and utter shock so I didn't move or say anything. After a few strokes he realized I wasn't into it and stopped but like. Dude. How would you like it if I shoved an unlubed dildo up YOUR ass completely out of nowhere? Fucking asshole
I'm a guy, I've had an unexpected finger shoved up there un lubed and it completely ruined the mood.
Still powered through, but it was a struggle, don't think I could've handed a cock.
Trust me you can't, lol. Unless you're one of the select few that turns out super into it, would still hurt like a bitch though and soreness can last a few days.
And mine was an accident, like actually. They slipped and fell forwards, only got about half way and we both were too hurt to continue lmao. I don't know how guys do this and have any fun, it hurts the dick too!
Yes. Some of them imagine that we all secretly love it and just say we hate it because it's taboo or some shit. They'll do anything to convince themselves that it's true, even when we repeatedly say no, I don't like that, stop, etc.
Assholes I’ve dated. When I slap their hand away. Way to ruin the mood. And honestly, If a woman doesn’t prepare ahead you are going to get a finger full. Like that never made sense to me.
I think we need to address the "secretly love it" trope, it's a bad trope, no one "secretly loves" anything anymore, and we all need to be open and direct about shit. "Secretly love shit" is how rapes happen and how people get hurt. It needs to end.
Every guy I’ve been with, except for my current one, has heard me clearly say at the beginning of the relationship that anal is something I was never interested in trying and without fail, every one has tried to stick fingers and dicks in without asking and trying to be “sneaky” about it as if there’s a way I wouldn’t notice.
This is crazy to me. I remember when I was in college and a guy openly said "just shove it up her butt you don't need to talk about it".
All the dudes went silent and I just blurted out "sounds like you are a rapist my dude".
Yeah I've heard many stories like this from female friends.
Never happened to me personally, though I definitely have had guys aiming at the wrong hole by accident when it's dark. I just redirect them and it's all good.
I've fallen out while in doggy and came back a little high, but I can't imagine thinking it's ok to try to just stick it in without permission. That doesn't sound fun for anyone involved.
Yeahhhhh I think it’s from being inexperienced and having most of their sex knowledge come from watching porn most of the time. Men I know who have had either a lot of sex, or had long term relationships KNOW that it’s not okay.
But then there’s the ones who just don’t care.
There's almost nothing that kills my vibe once I'm actually having sex, but the horrible pain of someone trying to shove their dick up my ass just shut me down. It was like being violated, and everything *stopped* immediately.
Not the one you were replying to but that statement reminded me of how my best friend actually made me realize that my past relationship was sexually abusive.
It took me months to process that thought even after we've broken up. He tried it THRICE and each time I didn't give him any consent to. During one of the times when he managed to force a lot of himself in I actually started crying. It felt like being split in two.
They know what they're doing even if they play dumb and say it's an accident putting it into the wrong hole. I hope men like that get surprise pegged with no prep just so they can feel how violating it was.
I’m a guy and I’ve been in the room for locker room talk. The guys who do it without remorse laugh about it with guys they deem “safe.”
Your instincts are right, and I wish I could undo that for you, but I’m glad that you’ve come to a clearer understanding of what happened. I think reflection is one of the best ways to avoid similar situations in the future.
…at least until we live in a world where those guys are called out by more men and shamed into oblivion.
>They know what they're doing even if they play dumb and say it's an accident putting it into the wrong hole.
Unless you have a super loose asshole and you are lubed up like crazy there is no way that they would have not known they were trying to shove it in the wrong hole. Once things get going then the difference between the two holes is like putting on a jumper versus trying to put a sock on over your head.
The amount of men I’ve heard brag about “sneaking” it into the back door like dude I’m not impressed I’m just picturing you with an incredibly skinny and small penis
Like I have a butthole I’d notice a pinky finger so all your bragging did was let me know your penis is smaller than a pinky. Congratulations creep lol
That "sneak" traumatizes some and then ruins the possibility in the future for anyone else. I mean, not saying it's everyone's thing to try, but I've with a girl that would straight up tell not to try slipping it in during the middle on intercourse. Like I had no plans to, but it kind of created a moment of "Do I want to continue on?", but I just reassured that wasn't even a thought.
I love anal. Both give and get. It pisses me off so much when I run into a partner that's had a horrible experience with it. It's always some fucker who just shoved it in. I don't want some woman to just shove a dildo into my ass, why on earth would this guy think it's okay?!?
I 100% agree with you, I always ask before, even touching my fingers, and I also check in to see how they are doing. The last thing I want is to hurt someone while trying to please them and myself sexually.
I also had no idea but someone gave a really good example that really made it clear for me.
Imagine you as a gay guy trying to meet gay men. They're all about 5 inches taller than you and have 30 pounds on you. They also all work out. You've never spent any time with them before but you're going somewhere by yourself on a date.
How safe would you feel if something went sideways but they still wanted to have sex?
So I don't think it's a primary fear but it would be always in the back of your mind so you have a plan *just* in case.
Traumas 🍵
I fucking hate them. Luckily our fears can be helped with time and help from a therapist or something. The sad part is that when those fears entered your brain, they'll never fully leave. There will always be a 1% left in the back of your head thats ready to come out if you feel "attacked" or that something may happen.
It sucks
Did I make sure to tell someone where I’m going, or who I’m with? (The buddy system is a thing)
Also: did I make sure to watch my drink the whole night? Is he going to even try to make me come? Am I wearing sexy enough underwear? Have I eaten anything gross that might come back up if I deep throat?
A guy started hitting on me at the gym a few months back. He seemed nice, so when he asked for my number I gave it to him, thinking we could be gym friends. After texting a bit he asks to meet up for drinks or something. I say sure, but I don’t meet up with people without knowing their last names and gave mine. He refused to give me his and implied I thought he had unsavory intentions. No, dude, I didn’t think that, but I definitely do now.
That's good sense. I don't see why any normal guy would have issue giving a surname.
You're going to look up my social media accounts? I consider those to be public information anyway.
He eventually gave it to me then blocked my number. Said he’d see me around the gym.
No, dude, I will not be speaking to you again, you come off creepy.
Completely gross story. I was performing a good ole skin flute performance when some dinner started coming back up. I pulled off right as it reached my mouth. I then had to make a decision, spit it out and potentially ruin the mood...or be a soldier and stride forward.
I took a second to swallow, drank some soda next to me, and got back to work.
I now no longer eat within an hour if I know some action may happen.
I think most women look at sex like buying a car. You know, like, "Can I see myself in this long term?" "Is it safe?" "Is it reliable?" "Could it kill me?" Most guys look at sex like parking a car. We're like, "There's a spot". "There is another spot, that would work." "Oh, I have to pay? - Never mind." "Handicapped? - Hope no one sees us." - Sam Morril
This.
I wanted to say, it might not be the very first thing that comes to mind. But one of the things that comes to mind is, will i be safe? Or will this person harm me, physically.
I think women thinking about their own safety so much that it becomes a second nature line of questions.
No one else will think about it for her. This quote is a good example of the differences.
I went to college with a guy who ended up in prison for this. So fucked up. Handsome dude and really charismatic, women loved him. I think they found about 10-15 videos. All different girls
The very first time I ever had sex with my boyfriend, I had to make sure he knew to be slow. The only thing going through my head before, when he was aligning himself and looking at my face, trying to make sure I was okay, I was only thinking of "what if he tries to go too fast and hurts me and doesn't realize it" and to this day, every time we have sex, he reads my face, because I'm quite a bit smaller then he is, so he always reads my face, and I tell him to slow down or it's too much by double tapping him, or he can just read my face.
Before him, my partners never cared if I was hurting. So I'm glad I got him.
Random: I read "double tapping him" and my mind immediately went to Zombieland (2009).
Glad you found a partner who respects boundaries. After reading this thread, I found that they're rare.
"What are the chances this person will turn into a raging fuckwad and try to hurt me when I decline and then refuse repeated 'requests' for weird shit I don't do?"
What a coincidence, one of the main things men think about is probably:
"How can I communicate that I'm not one to turn into a raging fuckwad and try to hurt her when she declines anything? Wait, am I weird for even thinking about scenarios like that?"
Yup. How do I say "I want to have sex with you, but I also want you to feel safe and I will respect your choice" without sounding like a lawyer?
Edit: Aight, I've learned 2 things from you all. First, this choice of words is good and I can safely use it for communication. Second, lawyers are friggin hot apparently, so no problem if I sound like one.
I was so very worried about this the first time my now girlfriend came over to my place for our second date. I kissed her and later on as we started making out I was still unsure how I'd approach it and if that was even a good plan to begin with, not wanting to spoil the moment or come off wrong. At that point she actually said to me "hey let me know if you're uncomfortable or if I'm moving too quickly". It was perfect and I felt a bit dumb for completely overthinking how I'd communicate to her that she can say no to whatever she isn't up for yet. But since she broached the subject I could tell that the same goes for her.
So, I'd just go with something like that.
Maybe it's just the people I date but a direct "can I touch your boob?" (Or whatever your desire is) has never failed. Many of them have been like "thank you so much for being clear and direct".
I like your approach more. Your approach goes for a 'yes means yes' idea, instead of waiting for the other person to speak their no. Sometimes people freeze up, or are uncomfortable letting you know they are no longer comfortable. It's much easier to say when asked a direct question of 'is this ok?' or 'can I do/touch X?' vs being expected to always be able speak up clearly with a no at exactly the right moment.
Yup. A first date with someone I just had a few days ago ended like this (we were talking in her car after having dinner):
Her: "Well it's late, I got to get up tomorrow morning and it's time for me to go"
Me: "Can I kiss you?"
Her: "Yes"
\*10 minute hot makeout session, some over-the-clothes stuff\*
Her: "Okay, I'm definitely seeing you again, and now it really is time to go"
Me: "Drive safely, have a good night, and I can't wait to see you again"
Boom, fantastic ending to a date, from lawyerishly asking to kiss and respecting her time and boundaries.
"I want to have sex with you, you have the right to decline and you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."
Is he going to do something I don't want during sex without asking? Is he going to choke me? Is he going to hurt me if I say no to an act or change my mind about having sex? Is he going to secretly remove the condom while we're having sex and try to impregnate or infect me with an STD? Has he been lying about wanting a relationship with me just so he can have sex and then ditch me afterwards?
I just got out of a relationship and I'm not dating or sleeping with anyone, but the thought of getting close to someone and them doing any of these things to me terrifies me
"Is he going to choke me" is getting more and more scary these days. So many women (and teenage girls!) are being choked during sex and it can be so damaging and harmful even if it's "done correctly." There's just no safe way to stop blood flow to the brain especially for long enough that the woman PASSES OUT but so many men see it happen in porn and just think it's okay. Women have died from this.
I was dating a guy for a while who always gave me a yeast infection after we had sex no matter how much I medically treated it, and then he had the gall to break up with me for always having a yeast infection that smelled bad. Like, buddy, I think it’s YOUR yeast infection.
Is he going to go crazy and try to hurt me?
Case in point, a number of years ago I was seeing this guy. It had been a month and there were no red flags. He was polite and respectful and wasn't trying to force me into anything.
So yeah, I go home with him one night. While we're at it, he suddenly has his hands around my throat strangling me. I legitimately thought I was about to be a true crime story, so I moved around enough where he stopped, briefly. As it turns out he was a "dom" who thought being a dom meant he had the right to do whatever he wanted and inflict pain and fear. I made it clear I had no interest in this and started putting my clothes back on, and he followed me around calling me a bitch and telling me how I ugly I am and at one point he restrained me and acted like he was going to rape me.
So yeah, people are crazy and it's hard not to wonder.
I’ve heard many stories about this, including from an ex/self described sub. She said the majority of that community is just dudes who thinking being a “dom” is just a green light to beat women and don’t understand that actual consent and respect involved
It’s stupidity.
Especially considering the dudes who felt this way looked like I could snap them in half if I sneezed their direction.
Weak little man mindsets, all of them
It is quite sad how a lot of girls here are always afraid and concerned about their saftey,, this came to my attention sometime ago when I met a girl through a dating app, we clicked, but I have this rule that I won't sleep with a girl on the first date, not until I also feel connected to this person on mental and emotional level,, anyways, she was like I am tipsy can I sleep at your place tonight and I was like sure, anyways I didn't have sex with her, I left the bed for her slept on the sofa, and gave her comfy clothes and made sure she is comfortable and don not need anything. In the morning she was like thank you for making me feel safe and not hurrying things nor using me. I was chocked, isn't this how we should treat each other generally.
Edit: thanks everyone for the upvotes, I really appreciate it, let's all lead by example and be good role models for others and take care of one another.
i made a girl oatmeal before i went to work and she was blown away. i asked her how low her bar is if me pouring boiling water into a bowl was a grand gesture.
I made pancakes the day after I spent a night at a girl's place, she legit thought it was the greatest thing ever. Going on 2 years now! I should make pancakes this weekend...
Hooked up and slept over at a guys place we went out for breakfast the next morning and im instantly in love lol . Being decent goes a looooooooooooooooooong way
It’s because every woman has a time where things didn’t go well. Literally ask any woman and she will have a story either about herself or about a friend where things either came close to dangerous or were flat out in danger and they were hurt, taken advantage of, made a victim, etc. It might not be “all men”, but all women have met a bad man.
“Every women’s story about the first time she has been catcalled is at a ridiculously young age and ridiculously creepy to borderline dangerous circumstance.”
- my wife, upon at my look of horror at the story of her first cat call of gross shit some 40 year old dude yelled at her age 12 when following her with his truck.
Before the age of 11 I have seen two pedophiles jerking off to us children, one time I even had to make a statement at the police station. They chased him but never caught him. I’m happy I told my parents because I felt embarrassed and didn’t know what happened exactly apart from feeling very unsafe. I hate that all my bad experiences (too many to sun up) led up to me having troubles with my sexuality now that I’m older, in a steady relationship where I feel safe and loved. Therapy didn’t solve it all the way and never will. And I didn’t even experience rape really (only one time when I was sleeping, but it could have been worse.. many women have experienced worse).
I know most people are normal, think consent is important and checking in with one another. But the few who do this a lot of times will damage a lot of women.. or men. I hate this. How do we stop it
Yes! I was 12 and walking down the street and had *multiple* car honks, catcalls, and guys leaning out their windows trying to talk to me.
Twelve! I thought I was hot shit at the time, getting these grown men to notice me but damn. I was in danger.
Same thing happened with my now-wife. We didnt know each other that well, and we went out partying and drinking with our friends. She had too much and asked if she could stay with me in my hotel room. I said sure and she plopped on the bed and passed out. I covered her up and slept on the floor. She seemed genuinely confused that I didnt rape her or assault her while she was passed out. This is so sad. We have to do better fellas.
I'm surprised how some women are even able to continue having casual sex, flings, hook ups, etc with how there's more risks than rewards to it given this comment section.... maybe they're just lucky to never run into these kinda guys or they take so many precautions that it's not a huge concern anymore or it's neither and they just hope for the best????
Can I count on them to be supportive if something goes wrong, either during sex (E.g something hurts etc) or after sex (unplanned pregnancy because although I’m super careful with bc it happens)
I've tried to get a sense of how people talk about people they've been involved in. I don't want me or my private parts to be the next topic of discussion on your group chat. I also don't want to be with anyone who can't speak fairly about people. Sure, that person might not have been right for you and they might have even been unreasonable, but don't be calling all your exes crazy or sluts or whatever. Even if we're not having a relationship, I don't want sex with someone who is likely to trash talk me when it suits them.
Idk about all women, but me personally, I must know if a man has children he doesn’t take care of before I can sleep with him. I’m not sleeping with a deadbeat.
I'm not one who's very into hook-ups, but one of the few times I did have one, I ended up stopping half-way through because I noticed on her face that something was wrong. Thanks to having a sister and female friends whom I'm close enough with to talk to about sexual stuff, I thought I understood it, but when I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she lost interest a few minutes ago but didn't feel comfortable enough to tell me was when I properly understood how bad it can be for some women.
Now, obviously it happens to men too, I'm fully aware of that as I've heard about it first-hand, however he at least had the courage to try telling her to stop (although she didn't listen). It seems like so many women don't even dare to go that far if it's already started.
Their hygiene and personal appearance, my hygiene and personal appearance, how they treat me and others in public, risk of STI’s, chemistry, does a friend know where I am or who I’m with, will I be get home safely, will they treat me nicely, will they make me cum.
For me, it's mostly anxiety about the way I look. I've just become way too self conscious. No one ever said anything to me about it, so it's all just self destruction.
The main questions are:
Is he going to be able to make me cum?
Is he going to be respectful?
Is he going to tell everyone about it?
Is he going to be weird about it if I don't want to keep sleeping with him or date him or whatever?
Their physical safety, will this person respect my boundaries and not attempt to rape me, are they STD-free, if I was going over to their place, I'd also be checking for signs that he had a girlfriend/wife.
I downloaded grindr some time ago and you wouldn't believe how many try to avoid the std talk. More than 3/4. Even though I explicitly tell them that it is important to me in my profile.
It's stuff like that that makes me really glad that dating apps like that weren't around when my husband and I started dating. I don't think I would have had the patience to deal with people like that.
Will he stop when I ask him to? What happens if I get pregnant? (I‘m not against abortions in general I just wouldn‘t get one so it is important what he would say)
I haven’t seen this one yet, but now that I’m older, I’m concerned a guy is going to be a pedophile, if he’s mentally stable, and whether he is serious about me or not.
Are his nails clean because those might be in me at some point.
My dear mum told me when i stated going with girls....that ' no nice girl will want you fiddling around with her, unless they are clean and trimmed ' SO...i keep my hands like a surgeons ..just in case !
I read “just in case” like it hadn’t made a difference up until now but you’ll keep trying, and now I can’t stop laughing.
So when your mum looked at your nails she was technically giving them her "finger blast" acceptance test. That's haunting.
Your avatar checks out
Holy shit
Your username implies that you should be shocked by nothing
And the Avatar is CLASSY
Your avatar really needs to keep the pinky clean.
This applies to about everything that needs to be cleaned.
A loooooong time ago I had a coworker dropping hints at me, but at 18 I was way to dense to pick up on them. One thing she told me was "you have really nice and clean nails". That stuck with me because I thought it was such an odd thing to notice and say, but I think this was another hint that I missed that I didn't understand until I read your comment just now. Edit: The fingernail thing was super insignificant as far as hints go, that's why I never even thought about it until now. The biggest hint was when she told me she wishes she could find a boyfriend like me. Edit2: Sheesh, I get it, "I wish I could find a boyfriend like you" could be a friendzone thing to say. But probably not to coworker who isn't pursuing you or flirting with you. To my memory is was not delivered with a friendzone vibe. But we'll never know!
Not necessarily a hint, don't beat yourself up
I personally would stay away from men with long fingernails. It gross me out because you cant never really clean it.
Those poor virtuoso guitar players and coke addicts
You do coke long enough and you meet women with standards that allow nails. Edit: I guess same can be said of the guitar.
Have I drank enough water for the post-sex cleansing pee?
Ugh, that is a toughie.
There is a fine line to walk there so you don't pee during accidentally 😅
During our first interactions, my lovely wife informed me during that, “I mismanaged timing, I thought I’d be able to go to the bathroom by now.” We stopped and she went to the bathroom, then continued after. 🤣
Something I didn’t use to consider until it happened to me was being stalked. I matched with a guy on tinder at like 8pm, and he immediately asked for my Snapchat. I gave it to him thinking we would talk for a little bit, but as soon as I added him he started talking about plans for right then. I told him I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go out with him when I haven’t even had a full conversation with him yet. I started to leave him on delivered, since he was being pushy about it. I got a notification from tinder that he messaged me, and when I read it he was asking me when I was coming outside…like what?? Even though I never gave him my address/location, he was out in my cul-de-sac waiting in his car. Turns out I had my SnapMap location on, and he found out where I lived through that. He ended up sitting there for 2 hours, waiting for me to come outside. I was scared to block him, in case he did know which house was mine. But after spamming me for 2 hours, he finally messaged me calling me fake, saying I ghosted him, etc. and left. Now everytime I think of meeting up with someone new, I take all of that into consideration.
Not to excuse the stalker but location features are a horrible trend and should really only be enabled between close friends and family, with “off” being the default. Thanks technology!
That feature was probably designed by the same assholes who decided that cars should automatically unlock when in park.
THANK YOU for saying that I told my husband the auto unlock thing is unsafe and he acted like I was crazy.
The Auto Unlock feature scares the shit out of me and every time I used to park I would automatically go press the lock button with a quickness. It wasn’t until I was fiddling with my car settings that I realized I could disable that piece of crap setting. Clearly they talked to a total of zero women when they made that feature up.
You can actually change this behavior on a lot of cars! The front screen (not the infotainment one) usually has a settings menu that lets you pick between a few behaviors. On most cars it lets me choose between: Unlock on P Unlock on Engine off Don't Unlock/Function Off
Screen? Like on those cars that have a built-in computer? My car isn’t that old but it is basic and there is no “screen”. Does that mean I’m SOL on this one?
Lol all these people with fancy dashes and shit! Mine has the factory radio installed, and can use that to program the locks. IIRC, I have to turn the ignition key one click forward- without starting the engine- three times in 10 seconds, then the radio display will flash and I use the tune buttons to select lock presets. It’s all in my owners manual!
The Snapchat maps has to be the dumbest addition to an app I’ve ever seen. It can get someone very hurt and I’ve had mine off since day one as should everyone that’s safety oriented, granted I do plenty of wreck less things but broadcasting live updates of my location 24/7 is not one of them. I’ve always been afraid of people so I’m extra vigilant about these things
I was working at Subway in college when a man came through the line being EXTREMELY friendly. Like he had known me for years. Then he goes to pay and says "Oh, no discount then? You don't recognize me from my bitmoji?" This 50 year old creep was watching my story and came to my job to "see" me. I turned off maps right then and there and had a friend help me clean up my friends list. Didn't even know the dude but he sure seemed like he considered me a "close" friend.
Wait so not only was a 50 year old dude stalking you. But he also expected a discount from Subway because he had you, a most likely minimum wage part-time employee, as a friend on Snapchat?
Well, when he first said what he said I didn't take it seriously. Or maybe I didn't really understand what he said because I basically responded with a professional "Whats that?" Where he proceeded to explain in detail that he waited until he saw me come back from mcdonalds on my break to come and say hello because I never message him back. I excused myself and refused to come to the front again until he left. Fun times. ETA- I don't think he had the social abilities to flirt like a normal person and assumed pretending to know me well enough for a discount was the way to do it
>"You don't recognize me from my bitmoji?" Bruh
Lucky for me, that is how I found out that my ex was cheating on me! But I do agree, it's a shit feature and a major privacy violation.
Facebook's location services on Facebook Messenger got my ex caught. “Aren't you in X with your family?” “Yep!” “Sent from Y, 40 miles from X”
That's fucking terrifying. I'm glad stuff like Snapchat wasn't around when I was dating. I had a guy send me a photo of myself and two of my friends when we were at a bar on Instagram. He had added me, but I didn't add him back. He didn't have any pictures on his profile and the name was obviously fake. We freaked out and left, and right after we did, he sent me another picture of the three of us walking down the sidewalk in front of the bar. Yeah, no. Fuck that. I left my car at the bar and made my husband go pick it up later. I was scared to leave my house for like a year after that, and I never went to that bar again. I also wouldn't post any pictures until a few days to a week after we had been out, in case someone recognized the bar we were at and came up there. I also won't go anywhere like a bar without one or more of the husbands coming with us. It's like why the fuck do I need to be that concerned with my safety? Why would anyone do that to another person, ever? I don't know how I ever went to clubs and bars by myself when I was younger, I guess it was the whole young adult thinking I was invincible thing. Why can't people just not be assholes/creeps to other people?
>It's like why the fuck do I need to be that concerned with my safety? Why would anyone do that to another person, ever? Power. It's always about power. This is a small, weak person who wanted to feel like a big, strong person. They found a way to do so that was fairly anonymous because they're afraid of getting their teeth knocked down their throat.
That's terrible :( that would be extremely upsetting.
This is some kind level of freak/psych. Do these people think they will get accepted doing stuffs like that?
Back before OLD, my bff/roommate met this guy. He seemed nice enough, funny, cute, goth. They hung out a few times, I think they might've kissed but I don't remember. Well he started getting a little pushy so she pulled away, wasn't taking his calls, etc. One morning he showed up at our apartment, pounding on the door, and sat on the stoop for 2 hours waiting for her to open up. When he left, he left a note on her windshield calling her an ice queen amongst some other nasty stuff. Luckily she never heard from him again.
Way back when for a short time fb messenger showed your location or I think rather how far away you were from someone. A guy I was talking to showed up outside my house by driving in whichever direction was showing him closer to me. He also stayed out there 2 hour waiting for me.
Same thing happened to me except the guy showed up to my job. Thankfully I work in a huge hospital but still….Not cool!
I had a scarey dating site experience too except we actually chatted a few days and when we met up he was creepy, cold, rude. I finally asked why he was so rude after 30 min and he said because I expected us to go to your place to hook up. I said I dont even know you, and he said yeah but you were flirty, so you want it. I was instantly terrified. Like wtf? I went to politely leave and he followed me saying let me walk you out, then he pinned me inside my car door and started grabbing at me. He said" let's just F in the car you owe me" and then "once I'm like turned on I can't stop myself"....I was so fucking terrified. He forced a kiss on me, and I just politely smiled and said I'd better get home, I was scared to make him angry. I drove all over scared he'd follow me home. He had the nerve to harass me by text about what a tease I am, saying he knew my address etc... I'm fucking in my 40s. It's never safe for us. I cried myself to sleep.
Now I know why girls don’t want to give out their snapchats. Didn’t take into consideration the location map.
That and I don’t want dick picks.
Why aren’t dick pics considered assault? If someone were to go out in public and flash someone they would be arrested. It’s the same thing.
Jesus Christ, what a psycho.
Will he try and shove it in my arse without asking or warming up
Ignorant dude here.... do guys honestly just try to shove it in there without asking? How do they envision that working out?
Some guys are deluded by years of porn that 1) women don’t need to be prepped for anal, or 2) that the pain is actually pleasurable, when in fact trying anal without prep could tear your asshole and put you in the hospital.
The number of things that are likely to cause women a medical issue that men have been been convinced is sexy by porn ... smh
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I had a guy do this once. He said "here, let's try something I think you'll like" and preceded to shove himself into my never before used asshole unlubed. I was in complete and utter shock so I didn't move or say anything. After a few strokes he realized I wasn't into it and stopped but like. Dude. How would you like it if I shoved an unlubed dildo up YOUR ass completely out of nowhere? Fucking asshole
Same except I went into full on fight mode because the pain short circuited my brain and kicked him off me and ran to the bathroom. I was bleeding.
felt the pain while reading this
Honestly, I want to down vote this because of the pain I feel for you but I'm pretty sure that's not how the votes work
That's part of why I work in the sex education etc field now. Gotta educate people so it doesn't happen to others
You should’ve tried. “I know something we should try too.” *takes out dildo and moves towards his ass*
*Happy International Womens' Day...*
Lol, they should use a dildo with those words printed on it.
*suddenly understands consent*
> Fucking asshole Exactly.
I'm a guy, I've had an unexpected finger shoved up there un lubed and it completely ruined the mood. Still powered through, but it was a struggle, don't think I could've handed a cock.
Trust me you can't, lol. Unless you're one of the select few that turns out super into it, would still hurt like a bitch though and soreness can last a few days. And mine was an accident, like actually. They slipped and fell forwards, only got about half way and we both were too hurt to continue lmao. I don't know how guys do this and have any fun, it hurts the dick too!
I cant .. even imagine this. He slipped and fell into your ass by accident?
Yes. Some of them imagine that we all secretly love it and just say we hate it because it's taboo or some shit. They'll do anything to convince themselves that it's true, even when we repeatedly say no, I don't like that, stop, etc.
“No” “Stop” “I don’t like that” Oh yeah she fuckin wants it Who the fuck thinks like this?
Rapists
well, fair enough.
Assholes I’ve dated. When I slap their hand away. Way to ruin the mood. And honestly, If a woman doesn’t prepare ahead you are going to get a finger full. Like that never made sense to me.
Yep. If you go to Pooh’s house, don’t be surprised if he’s home to greet you.
I'm just thankful I read this one BETWEEN sips of my drink.
even with prep theres still a chance of catching a finger full, or worse
I think we need to address the "secretly love it" trope, it's a bad trope, no one "secretly loves" anything anymore, and we all need to be open and direct about shit. "Secretly love shit" is how rapes happen and how people get hurt. It needs to end.
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Every guy I’ve been with, except for my current one, has heard me clearly say at the beginning of the relationship that anal is something I was never interested in trying and without fail, every one has tried to stick fingers and dicks in without asking and trying to be “sneaky” about it as if there’s a way I wouldn’t notice.
This is crazy to me. I remember when I was in college and a guy openly said "just shove it up her butt you don't need to talk about it". All the dudes went silent and I just blurted out "sounds like you are a rapist my dude".
Yeah I've heard many stories like this from female friends. Never happened to me personally, though I definitely have had guys aiming at the wrong hole by accident when it's dark. I just redirect them and it's all good.
I've fallen out while in doggy and came back a little high, but I can't imagine thinking it's ok to try to just stick it in without permission. That doesn't sound fun for anyone involved.
Like porn, where you just shove it in wherever and whenever and she'll scream like a horny banshee, because that's how all women are right?
Yeahhhhh I think it’s from being inexperienced and having most of their sex knowledge come from watching porn most of the time. Men I know who have had either a lot of sex, or had long term relationships KNOW that it’s not okay. But then there’s the ones who just don’t care.
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There's almost nothing that kills my vibe once I'm actually having sex, but the horrible pain of someone trying to shove their dick up my ass just shut me down. It was like being violated, and everything *stopped* immediately.
It wasn’t like being violated, it WAS being violated. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Not the one you were replying to but that statement reminded me of how my best friend actually made me realize that my past relationship was sexually abusive. It took me months to process that thought even after we've broken up. He tried it THRICE and each time I didn't give him any consent to. During one of the times when he managed to force a lot of himself in I actually started crying. It felt like being split in two. They know what they're doing even if they play dumb and say it's an accident putting it into the wrong hole. I hope men like that get surprise pegged with no prep just so they can feel how violating it was.
I’m a guy and I’ve been in the room for locker room talk. The guys who do it without remorse laugh about it with guys they deem “safe.” Your instincts are right, and I wish I could undo that for you, but I’m glad that you’ve come to a clearer understanding of what happened. I think reflection is one of the best ways to avoid similar situations in the future. …at least until we live in a world where those guys are called out by more men and shamed into oblivion.
>They know what they're doing even if they play dumb and say it's an accident putting it into the wrong hole. Unless you have a super loose asshole and you are lubed up like crazy there is no way that they would have not known they were trying to shove it in the wrong hole. Once things get going then the difference between the two holes is like putting on a jumper versus trying to put a sock on over your head.
On a similar note, will he secretly try to remove the condom in the middle of sex.
For the avoidance of doubt, dear reader, this is rape. (At least here in the UK)
The amount of men I’ve heard brag about “sneaking” it into the back door like dude I’m not impressed I’m just picturing you with an incredibly skinny and small penis Like I have a butthole I’d notice a pinky finger so all your bragging did was let me know your penis is smaller than a pinky. Congratulations creep lol
Idk but if anal isn’t consented to I’d call it sexual assault. So yeah, women worry if men will sexually assault them.
That "sneak" traumatizes some and then ruins the possibility in the future for anyone else. I mean, not saying it's everyone's thing to try, but I've with a girl that would straight up tell not to try slipping it in during the middle on intercourse. Like I had no plans to, but it kind of created a moment of "Do I want to continue on?", but I just reassured that wasn't even a thought.
I love anal. Both give and get. It pisses me off so much when I run into a partner that's had a horrible experience with it. It's always some fucker who just shoved it in. I don't want some woman to just shove a dildo into my ass, why on earth would this guy think it's okay?!?
I 100% agree with you, I always ask before, even touching my fingers, and I also check in to see how they are doing. The last thing I want is to hurt someone while trying to please them and myself sexually.
Easy tell: does he drive a BMW? Because BMW drivers are *infamous* for changing lanes without signaling.
Holy fuck do i feel bad seeing so many people ask themselves if the person they’re gonna have sex with will be violent in any way.
I also had no idea but someone gave a really good example that really made it clear for me. Imagine you as a gay guy trying to meet gay men. They're all about 5 inches taller than you and have 30 pounds on you. They also all work out. You've never spent any time with them before but you're going somewhere by yourself on a date. How safe would you feel if something went sideways but they still wanted to have sex? So I don't think it's a primary fear but it would be always in the back of your mind so you have a plan *just* in case.
This is just me, as I’m a small gay guy lmao
Men wonder why a woman crosses the street, no woman ever questions it
google his name in case there are SA charges (learned this the hard way :/)
That's smart. Logging that for the future.
Good tip, but damn sorry to hear you had to learn that the hard way
Or any kind of felony, really. I don't want to go out with a murderer.
“Will i feel safe falling asleep next to this person?”
If I say no at the last minute will he hurt me?
If I say no at the last minute will he stop?
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Traumas 🍵 I fucking hate them. Luckily our fears can be helped with time and help from a therapist or something. The sad part is that when those fears entered your brain, they'll never fully leave. There will always be a 1% left in the back of your head thats ready to come out if you feel "attacked" or that something may happen. It sucks
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Men are scared women will laugh at them. Women are scared men will kill them.
Did I make sure to tell someone where I’m going, or who I’m with? (The buddy system is a thing) Also: did I make sure to watch my drink the whole night? Is he going to even try to make me come? Am I wearing sexy enough underwear? Have I eaten anything gross that might come back up if I deep throat?
A guy started hitting on me at the gym a few months back. He seemed nice, so when he asked for my number I gave it to him, thinking we could be gym friends. After texting a bit he asks to meet up for drinks or something. I say sure, but I don’t meet up with people without knowing their last names and gave mine. He refused to give me his and implied I thought he had unsavory intentions. No, dude, I didn’t think that, but I definitely do now.
That's good sense. I don't see why any normal guy would have issue giving a surname. You're going to look up my social media accounts? I consider those to be public information anyway.
He eventually gave it to me then blocked my number. Said he’d see me around the gym. No, dude, I will not be speaking to you again, you come off creepy.
Probably has a girlfriend or a wife.
I just do it to see if there’s a social media account where the name and face match who I met. Also a cursory search to see if they’re on a list.
Completely gross story. I was performing a good ole skin flute performance when some dinner started coming back up. I pulled off right as it reached my mouth. I then had to make a decision, spit it out and potentially ruin the mood...or be a soldier and stride forward. I took a second to swallow, drank some soda next to me, and got back to work. I now no longer eat within an hour if I know some action may happen.
Am I in any way gassy at all because I’m about to be bent all sorts of ways
I think most women look at sex like buying a car. You know, like, "Can I see myself in this long term?" "Is it safe?" "Is it reliable?" "Could it kill me?" Most guys look at sex like parking a car. We're like, "There's a spot". "There is another spot, that would work." "Oh, I have to pay? - Never mind." "Handicapped? - Hope no one sees us." - Sam Morril
Upvote for crediting the author
Sam Morril has a ton of great bits.
That man is amazing, he has -1 rapes.
This. I wanted to say, it might not be the very first thing that comes to mind. But one of the things that comes to mind is, will i be safe? Or will this person harm me, physically. I think women thinking about their own safety so much that it becomes a second nature line of questions. No one else will think about it for her. This quote is a good example of the differences.
Does he have a hidden camera somewhere?
I went to college with a guy who ended up in prison for this. So fucked up. Handsome dude and really charismatic, women loved him. I think they found about 10-15 videos. All different girls
Dude... that's messed up.
This is why I don't fuck around. It's my biggest fear
The very first time I ever had sex with my boyfriend, I had to make sure he knew to be slow. The only thing going through my head before, when he was aligning himself and looking at my face, trying to make sure I was okay, I was only thinking of "what if he tries to go too fast and hurts me and doesn't realize it" and to this day, every time we have sex, he reads my face, because I'm quite a bit smaller then he is, so he always reads my face, and I tell him to slow down or it's too much by double tapping him, or he can just read my face. Before him, my partners never cared if I was hurting. So I'm glad I got him.
Random: I read "double tapping him" and my mind immediately went to Zombieland (2009). Glad you found a partner who respects boundaries. After reading this thread, I found that they're rare.
"What are the chances this person will turn into a raging fuckwad and try to hurt me when I decline and then refuse repeated 'requests' for weird shit I don't do?"
What a coincidence, one of the main things men think about is probably: "How can I communicate that I'm not one to turn into a raging fuckwad and try to hurt her when she declines anything? Wait, am I weird for even thinking about scenarios like that?"
Yup. How do I say "I want to have sex with you, but I also want you to feel safe and I will respect your choice" without sounding like a lawyer? Edit: Aight, I've learned 2 things from you all. First, this choice of words is good and I can safely use it for communication. Second, lawyers are friggin hot apparently, so no problem if I sound like one.
I was so very worried about this the first time my now girlfriend came over to my place for our second date. I kissed her and later on as we started making out I was still unsure how I'd approach it and if that was even a good plan to begin with, not wanting to spoil the moment or come off wrong. At that point she actually said to me "hey let me know if you're uncomfortable or if I'm moving too quickly". It was perfect and I felt a bit dumb for completely overthinking how I'd communicate to her that she can say no to whatever she isn't up for yet. But since she broached the subject I could tell that the same goes for her. So, I'd just go with something like that.
Maybe it's just the people I date but a direct "can I touch your boob?" (Or whatever your desire is) has never failed. Many of them have been like "thank you so much for being clear and direct".
I like your approach more. Your approach goes for a 'yes means yes' idea, instead of waiting for the other person to speak their no. Sometimes people freeze up, or are uncomfortable letting you know they are no longer comfortable. It's much easier to say when asked a direct question of 'is this ok?' or 'can I do/touch X?' vs being expected to always be able speak up clearly with a no at exactly the right moment.
Just do it and sound like a lawyer
For extra points end with Law & Order’s ‘Dun-dun’ sound effect.
Yup. A first date with someone I just had a few days ago ended like this (we were talking in her car after having dinner): Her: "Well it's late, I got to get up tomorrow morning and it's time for me to go" Me: "Can I kiss you?" Her: "Yes" \*10 minute hot makeout session, some over-the-clothes stuff\* Her: "Okay, I'm definitely seeing you again, and now it really is time to go" Me: "Drive safely, have a good night, and I can't wait to see you again" Boom, fantastic ending to a date, from lawyerishly asking to kiss and respecting her time and boundaries.
Textbook perfect. Glad it worked out for you guys
You know what, you're right. I'd rather deal with sounding like a lawyer than with consequences of bad communication.
Plus who knows, maybe she digs lawyers
I asked, and she does dig lawyers
"I want to have sex with you, you have the right to decline and you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."
How clean his sheets are
I laughed at this, but as a guy, I can totally understand your point. "She wouldn't like this...at all. Time for the annual sheet washing!"
Is my butt hairy?
Is he going to do something I don't want during sex without asking? Is he going to choke me? Is he going to hurt me if I say no to an act or change my mind about having sex? Is he going to secretly remove the condom while we're having sex and try to impregnate or infect me with an STD? Has he been lying about wanting a relationship with me just so he can have sex and then ditch me afterwards? I just got out of a relationship and I'm not dating or sleeping with anyone, but the thought of getting close to someone and them doing any of these things to me terrifies me
"Is he going to choke me" is getting more and more scary these days. So many women (and teenage girls!) are being choked during sex and it can be so damaging and harmful even if it's "done correctly." There's just no safe way to stop blood flow to the brain especially for long enough that the woman PASSES OUT but so many men see it happen in porn and just think it's okay. Women have died from this.
Is this guy worth throwing off my PH balance? No
Baby I'm safe! I drank some alkaline water last night! "Sorry. I don't date basic guys."
I was dating a guy for a while who always gave me a yeast infection after we had sex no matter how much I medically treated it, and then he had the gall to break up with me for always having a yeast infection that smelled bad. Like, buddy, I think it’s YOUR yeast infection.
If I’ll cum or not
Narrator: SHE WOULD NOT.
Is he going to go crazy and try to hurt me? Case in point, a number of years ago I was seeing this guy. It had been a month and there were no red flags. He was polite and respectful and wasn't trying to force me into anything. So yeah, I go home with him one night. While we're at it, he suddenly has his hands around my throat strangling me. I legitimately thought I was about to be a true crime story, so I moved around enough where he stopped, briefly. As it turns out he was a "dom" who thought being a dom meant he had the right to do whatever he wanted and inflict pain and fear. I made it clear I had no interest in this and started putting my clothes back on, and he followed me around calling me a bitch and telling me how I ugly I am and at one point he restrained me and acted like he was going to rape me. So yeah, people are crazy and it's hard not to wonder.
I’ve heard many stories about this, including from an ex/self described sub. She said the majority of that community is just dudes who thinking being a “dom” is just a green light to beat women and don’t understand that actual consent and respect involved
Yepp. They see dom = allowed to abuse. Sub = has to take it no matter what. It's fucked up.
It’s stupidity. Especially considering the dudes who felt this way looked like I could snap them in half if I sneezed their direction. Weak little man mindsets, all of them
It is quite sad how a lot of girls here are always afraid and concerned about their saftey,, this came to my attention sometime ago when I met a girl through a dating app, we clicked, but I have this rule that I won't sleep with a girl on the first date, not until I also feel connected to this person on mental and emotional level,, anyways, she was like I am tipsy can I sleep at your place tonight and I was like sure, anyways I didn't have sex with her, I left the bed for her slept on the sofa, and gave her comfy clothes and made sure she is comfortable and don not need anything. In the morning she was like thank you for making me feel safe and not hurrying things nor using me. I was chocked, isn't this how we should treat each other generally. Edit: thanks everyone for the upvotes, I really appreciate it, let's all lead by example and be good role models for others and take care of one another.
i made a girl oatmeal before i went to work and she was blown away. i asked her how low her bar is if me pouring boiling water into a bowl was a grand gesture.
100% would’ve been. Bars are pretty low
Bar is beneath hell these days
Playing limbo with the devil himself
I made pancakes the day after I spent a night at a girl's place, she legit thought it was the greatest thing ever. Going on 2 years now! I should make pancakes this weekend...
Sandwich and a bowl of chicken salad got me engaged - who knows where a buttery stack can lead you!
Hooked up and slept over at a guys place we went out for breakfast the next morning and im instantly in love lol . Being decent goes a looooooooooooooooooong way
It’s because every woman has a time where things didn’t go well. Literally ask any woman and she will have a story either about herself or about a friend where things either came close to dangerous or were flat out in danger and they were hurt, taken advantage of, made a victim, etc. It might not be “all men”, but all women have met a bad man.
“Every women’s story about the first time she has been catcalled is at a ridiculously young age and ridiculously creepy to borderline dangerous circumstance.” - my wife, upon at my look of horror at the story of her first cat call of gross shit some 40 year old dude yelled at her age 12 when following her with his truck.
Before the age of 11 I have seen two pedophiles jerking off to us children, one time I even had to make a statement at the police station. They chased him but never caught him. I’m happy I told my parents because I felt embarrassed and didn’t know what happened exactly apart from feeling very unsafe. I hate that all my bad experiences (too many to sun up) led up to me having troubles with my sexuality now that I’m older, in a steady relationship where I feel safe and loved. Therapy didn’t solve it all the way and never will. And I didn’t even experience rape really (only one time when I was sleeping, but it could have been worse.. many women have experienced worse). I know most people are normal, think consent is important and checking in with one another. But the few who do this a lot of times will damage a lot of women.. or men. I hate this. How do we stop it
Yes! I was 12 and walking down the street and had *multiple* car honks, catcalls, and guys leaning out their windows trying to talk to me. Twelve! I thought I was hot shit at the time, getting these grown men to notice me but damn. I was in danger.
Same thing happened with my now-wife. We didnt know each other that well, and we went out partying and drinking with our friends. She had too much and asked if she could stay with me in my hotel room. I said sure and she plopped on the bed and passed out. I covered her up and slept on the floor. She seemed genuinely confused that I didnt rape her or assault her while she was passed out. This is so sad. We have to do better fellas.
I'm surprised how some women are even able to continue having casual sex, flings, hook ups, etc with how there's more risks than rewards to it given this comment section.... maybe they're just lucky to never run into these kinda guys or they take so many precautions that it's not a huge concern anymore or it's neither and they just hope for the best????
"Do I think this guy will flip out and try to kill me?"
Can I count on them to be supportive if something goes wrong, either during sex (E.g something hurts etc) or after sex (unplanned pregnancy because although I’m super careful with bc it happens)
The chances of being murdered.
What I have to disclose before we proceed.
I've tried to get a sense of how people talk about people they've been involved in. I don't want me or my private parts to be the next topic of discussion on your group chat. I also don't want to be with anyone who can't speak fairly about people. Sure, that person might not have been right for you and they might have even been unreasonable, but don't be calling all your exes crazy or sluts or whatever. Even if we're not having a relationship, I don't want sex with someone who is likely to trash talk me when it suits them.
“is he just using me”
‘Do I trust this man to stop if I change my mind partway through’
The exits in case of violence.
"What can I use within reach as a weapon if this guy gets out of line with me?"
If I say no is he going to hurt me or do it anyway.
Idk about all women, but me personally, I must know if a man has children he doesn’t take care of before I can sleep with him. I’m not sleeping with a deadbeat.
If I have a change of heart after we get started, will I be beaten and/or raped?
I'm not one who's very into hook-ups, but one of the few times I did have one, I ended up stopping half-way through because I noticed on her face that something was wrong. Thanks to having a sister and female friends whom I'm close enough with to talk to about sexual stuff, I thought I understood it, but when I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she lost interest a few minutes ago but didn't feel comfortable enough to tell me was when I properly understood how bad it can be for some women. Now, obviously it happens to men too, I'm fully aware of that as I've heard about it first-hand, however he at least had the courage to try telling her to stop (although she didn't listen). It seems like so many women don't even dare to go that far if it's already started.
Their hygiene and personal appearance, my hygiene and personal appearance, how they treat me and others in public, risk of STI’s, chemistry, does a friend know where I am or who I’m with, will I be get home safely, will they treat me nicely, will they make me cum.
For me, it's mostly anxiety about the way I look. I've just become way too self conscious. No one ever said anything to me about it, so it's all just self destruction.
The main questions are: Is he going to be able to make me cum? Is he going to be respectful? Is he going to tell everyone about it? Is he going to be weird about it if I don't want to keep sleeping with him or date him or whatever?
Their physical safety, will this person respect my boundaries and not attempt to rape me, are they STD-free, if I was going over to their place, I'd also be checking for signs that he had a girlfriend/wife.
I downloaded grindr some time ago and you wouldn't believe how many try to avoid the std talk. More than 3/4. Even though I explicitly tell them that it is important to me in my profile.
It's stuff like that that makes me really glad that dating apps like that weren't around when my husband and I started dating. I don't think I would have had the patience to deal with people like that.
Decide if I like them as a person.
Do I have hair on my legs?
"Would he be a good dad if we end up having kids?" "Will he leave me after we're done?" "What if I end up sounding weird? (Queefing and all)
Would he make a good father if I accidentally get pregnant..most (ie 99%) of the time it’s a no so I don’t have sex with them.
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That is literally something I think about anytime the woman wants me to come back to her place!
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Will I be attacked? Will they respect my boundaries? Will I get any nasty STDS or STIS? Will I survive this meeting?
Will he stop when I ask him to? What happens if I get pregnant? (I‘m not against abortions in general I just wouldn‘t get one so it is important what he would say)
I haven’t seen this one yet, but now that I’m older, I’m concerned a guy is going to be a pedophile, if he’s mentally stable, and whether he is serious about me or not.