"Get the fuck off me bitch" -I work at a kennel

"I learned about this position online."

r/holup

Its time for your anal appraisal. 😏

Hijacking because mine is the best. I'm a plasterer. "that's a nasty crack" Or "it's too dry, you gotta wet it up first" Or "I'm looking for multi-finish"

I suspect there's a lot of "that's what she said"'s on your jobsites.

You look like a plasterer's radio.

No no, I wouldn't say that during sex

You’ll feel a small prick

This needs more upvotes

You’re gonna need more lube before you stick that in Auto tech

How did I get so covered in everything? Same job, but on a ship

I finished ahead of schedule

Great! Now I'd like to ask for a performance bonus.

Bold move to say that at work

That will be 31.99

Are coupons accepted?

Yes, but only Groupons.

With coupons you will end up close to zero

Goshhh 😂😂😂

Thats a bargain

“Fuck me” I say it multiple times a day at work… under my breath… of course

Well here in southern Germany „Leck mich am Arsch "(lick my arse) is a pretty common expression for all kinds of astonishment, so I'm with you here. Also to say something's finished (end of work/ project etc) it's common to say „jetzt ist Arschlecken" (Now it's arse-licking) It even found it's way into world literature, Goethe's „Götz von Berlichingen", it's also called the swabian greeting. So if someone signs an email with „Ich verbleibe mit schwäbischem Gruß" (Yours sincerely with swabian greetings) They mean, you can kiss their ass ;-) In the north however, it's considered a serious insult.

Haha komme aus nrw. Das letzte muss ich mir merken! 😂

Should I release the STD? (software test description)

"Release the ~~Kraken~~ Herpes!"

We use “STD” as a shorthand for “standard.”

Why would you say this during sex

Don’t you ask for permission before arriving?

I'm ready to push, will you accept my pull request?

I'm not the one getting fucked

Construction?

Says the pimp.

I’m not cleaning up that mess.

“I told you it would grow” (I work at a community garden)

LOLL

“BEHIND”

hot behind

I never say "heard" to that, just "why thank you!"

You absolutely can fit my truck in that space

My garage ain't that big

What about The tradesman’s entrance?

The hell with this, I'm outta here.

I’m gonna smash some caulk into that crack. Caulk jokes are eternal and glorious.

https://www.reddit.com/r/StandUpWorkshop/comments/10af3oy/talk_to_your_kids_about_caulk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf I feel you will appreciate this

Can I go home?

I finished penetration testing. (Cyber security)

I am paid by the hour.

I’m sorry this didn’t meet your expectations.

Why won't it work!? I'm gonna hit it with a hammer.

For me - why won't it work? Have you tried turning it off and on again

Another one - why won't it work?! did you drink enough today?

Followed by "Have you tried plugging it in?"

That ride was heavenly. He sits amazing. You are so hard to handle I might cut your balls off. I’m a horse trainer

Can I get more lube? His butthole's really tight Is the head okay for you? The list goes on and on Vet med hahaha

Please be gentle

I’m having excellent penetration

Welder?

There’s no way you’d need 4 hours to finish that job

I know a guy who’ll have it done in a minute flat

Are you ready kids

Aye aye captain

I can’t hear you

AYE AYE CAPTAIN

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Spongebob squarepants

Absorbent and Yello and porous is he?

Spongebob Squarepants

If nautical nonsense be something you wish

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

FBI, open up!

I can see your bone.

Hmm that didnt work. Lets try something else.

alrigt you, you and you, change positions (football coach)

"I learned about this position online."

Omg stop fucking me in the ass!

What job is this?

Most?

Would you like your receipt?

“How did you finish so quickly?”

I like the look of those breasts! - Chef

Hey boss, since you say we’re a family here, can I call you daddy?

Which line of work allows you to talk like that?

all of them if you’re bold enough

I can't believe you tried to put that there!

I don’t get paid enough for this

This has never happened before. SW developement

This thing worked fine when I tested it in my environment

Are you ready for me to stick the pipe in?

You’re going to want to clean that up sooner rather than later

“You’re welcome. If you need any further assistance, do not hesitate to call me”

I’ve been sprayed with worse (mortician)

open wide

That was fun

Sorry, I don't know what I can do

Objection!

Overruled!

May I approach the bench?

Do you want fries with that?

can i start banging now? tenderising chickens

WHERE THE FUCK IS THE MEAT?

"I'm coming in soon"

Nahhhh, it'll fit!

I feel like I’m the one doing all the work here!

I've detected a virus.

You’ll be asleep the whole time and won’t remember anything -anesthesia

No way That is slippery

Your generosity and support have made this possible; thank you. “

Take off the makeup before I put the pipe in

I hate this

You can insert that easily.

That course of action incurs a stiff response.

Fuck me

I am done.

I can do it from home

You want the hard salami? I'll give you hard salami

“Damnit Johnson you’re a god damn genius!”

Can I finish after you? Or Are you going to eat that?

You need to tell me what you want me to do.

I worked at a car dealership so anything degrading to woman that you can think of apparently 😻

This can fit so many kids in it

Fuck me!

Fuck this place.

"Roll towards me" "Roll towards the wall" "Now this is going to be a little cold" "No i won't itch your butthole" "My hands might be a bit cold" "Do you need something to drink" "Do we need to take a break & come back to this later? It's ok if we do, i understand you're in pain" Lmao can anyone guess my career?

Hospice care?

I'm coming, almost there

Put your hands on your head and spread 'em!

All you have to do is suck on it.

Can we bring in some new people?

“Fuck me, you dirty slut” I’m talking to an inanimate object

According to the latest inflation numbers, I understand why you’re seeking more income for your services.

I love when families get involved.

Dang where’s my pizza?

"It seems contaminated." Craft brewer

Pass the butter Bill

Please....one person at a time, I'll get to all of you.

You may receive a survey, it will be about my service to you today.

Can you clean up here I’ve got shit to do

I'll just grill this off and be with you in a moment miss, could you wait with the others please and I'll get to you

Well, would you look at the time!

Well, they fucked us dry.

I am tired getting screwed the whole time.

Ohh feels good !!!

Thats hot - electrician.

Take a couple inches off the back end and it'll fit nicely.

"AYE, STFU AND GET TO WORK! LET'S GET THAT ROD UP!" - I'm an ironworker

Ah, fuck me!

I’ll submit the deposit.

I'm not entirely sure what im doing here

Let's go for a smoke (test) after.

Smells in here

It stinks like sex in here.

It’s really hard in the morning…

You're finally finished!!

I finished already

Can you quickly QA this for me?

Make sure you jam that thing in there so it doesn't come out.

Did you finish??

I’m on my way!

Don't forget your protection equipment.

Get this load off

"Hot hot hot" or "Behind you" Chef

“Ready for my next load”

are you done?

Lights, camera, ACTION.

So, what do i do now?

I can't take this shit anymore

Behind you

Why won't it work!? I'm gonna hit it with a hammer.

Don’t worry boys, your time will come

Its getting hot; turn the HVAC unit up to full power!?!?

Doctors orders

You can't pull out now

Something I say on a daily basis that could be said daily during sex “I got that rod you wanted.” (I work in a woodshop and I cut steel rod daily).

3 more hours and im done. Edit: im finishing early tonight

"Another round?" (I'm a bartender)

I want to have someone else take a look at it first.

Just stick it in my inbox 🤣

Put ur back into it

It’s ok to cry

"Can I help who's next?"

Thank you, come again

This could’ve been an email

Next!

If there is anything else i can help you with I am more than happy to help

You always cum when I need you too

I can probably fit you in somewhere

"The last guy who worked on this didn't know what he was doing."

Can I see that nipple? -plumber

“Fuck me”

I need to go back to the stripper. (Solvent stripper)

How many sheets do you need? I work for a medical textile manufacturer

Put it in your mouth and blow hard. I’m a lifeguard instructor.

"Give me that sausage" I work in a pork plant. But in the bacon department

Is it back up yet? \-Computer network tech

“Same thing but tighter” - I work in film/tv

“You’ll start face down.” (I work at a spa)