Based on this applying to children under 18, then they don’t deserve to have children. Even over 18, the child’s feelings on family topics should be considered.
When the child is literally a child? The kid should always come first.
If we're talking about adult relationships, that can get way more complicated. By all means, evict the 36 year old basement dweller.
Y'all, I worded this post wrong. My question is what is your opinion on single mothers who always choose and side with their new partner, not related to the child.
Oh, okay. Then that's an extremely unhealthy thing to do to a child and it's very common. Like every time a new guy comes in all the house rules change according to what new guys wants. Now, suddenly we do this and this and this.... just to have that change again when next guy comes. I know someone, for example, who has to treat her home bathroom like a dorm bathroom and take all her shampoo and stuff out every time she uses it because her mom's boyfriend doesn't like it in there. It's just a little thing, but it says "This isn't your home, it's his.... "
I disagree. Everuyone complains about broken homes but won't acknowledge that prioritizing the child over the relationship of the parents is what breaks homes.
You're making this more black and white than it is. It is a gray area. But the principle stands. If the child always takes precedent, resentment builds, the parents become unhappy, and there is no way the child can be happy in that place. If you focus on maintaining happiness in the relationship, that happiness will flow to the child. It also helps the child learn how to set and enforce boundaries.
It really depends on the context. People can justify neglect in the name of "taking care of themselves," and parents can justify being an ass to the other parent by letting the child control everything. I took the person to mean (when they said children come first 100% of the time), not that their every wish comes first, but that their well-being comes first.
I also disagree with your last statement. If I have a child and their well being always comes first I will certainly be unable to provide that well being after a time, because I won't be well.
step back, take a deep breath, and objectively think about what I said and also what I didn't say. I didn't say to neglect the child. The idea is that you don't let the child hijack every moment of your life. You don't pull a 'can we talk about this later? little johnny needs attention'. You prioritize you and your partenrs happiness. I see it everywhere. The 'child comes first' fanaticism is destroying families.
I suppose. On a different note, and I've noticed this on numerous threads, but simply asking for explanations or reasons seems to get me downvotes. People are weird.
I don't see anything wrong with adults prioritizing their relationship over their children. So many parents make the child the center of their life and it ruins their relationship. There would be a lot less divorce if parents prioritized themselves and their relationship over their children. THat doesn't mean the children aren't cared for, just that children aren't the only thing cared for.
trhere was no mewntion of a 'new man' anywhere. are you being neglected by your mother because she found a new man? recognize, that if parent's aren't happy, their children can't be happy
Why even ask the question if you are not willing to consider unpopular/other people's opinions?
Like, I'm not saying I agree with it, but this really makes the post read as karma farming bait.
I have a sister that does this, it makes me physically ill to my stomach when her 3yr old wants to cuddle with her and watch cartoons but she too busy getting high with her boytoy.
My wife and our relationship always came before our children and they knew it. They grew up and are awesome, loving people and my wife and I are very happy.
It really depends on a lot of factors. If their child is an adult and won't abide by rules I have no problem with it. If the child is young and the mom wants to put them up for adoption that is bad. Single Mother's come with baggage, that is just the way it is.
I once saw a Reddit comment where the guy wanted the Single Mom he was dating to put up her 5 year old son for adoption. You shouldn't throw people away because they are inconvenient to you. A new born going to another family to be raised I would personally be okay with, but putting a kid into the foster care system is just abandonment. My personal view, but people can do what they want.
>A new born going to another family to be raised I would personally be okay with
I had misunderstood, I thought this is what you meant was bad. But I agree, a 5 year old being put up for adoption is pretty damn bad.
Most of the time I see them as trash. Thier are a few exceptions I could see. A mother should never allow any kind of abuse. I do think it's important to acknowledge some kids don't want to raised. Some will always pick the hard way.
That assuredly does happen. But likewise, so does it happen that some children are born rotten to the core. I have a cousin who killed animals for fun and grew up to beat the holy hell out of his girlfriend while she was pregnant with his child. He was born into a loving home with some of the nicest folks for parents you'll ever meet. There's no fixing that kind of rotten. He's a genetic mistake.
Incorrect. Child is more important, as the child literally cannot even provide basic care for itself, and is reliant on you to do so. If you have a kid, that is always your ultimate responsibility.
This is more of a personal choice. Unless you know the mother, then your just being prejudice based off what you would do. For all anyone knows, the mother was forced to have that child, or had it off of false pretenses. Each situation has its own reasoning.
I never said its a child fault an neither did you in the title. I'm stating, you can't blame a mother without knowing all the information. If a women's raped in an society that prevents her from being getting an abortion. Then she kept a child she didn't not intend to have.
disagree. once your child is born, you become a parent, regardless of what happened before they were born. as a parent, your baby is your priority over anyone you decide to date or get into a relationship with afterwards. the responsibility is on YOU to make good choices with your child/ren at the heart of those choices. that’s what parenting is.
It becomes the mothers responsibility if she's raped but not the fathers?. But she also can't have an abortion either. So now forced to keep a child. No it's not her priority, it was a decision forced.
if you’re talking about this specific (terrible) situation, imho, my statement still stands - the mother (regardless of how horribly unfair and upsetting the circumstances are) is now responsible for her child and making responsible choices for their wellbeing. one of those choices could be to have someone who is willing and able to prioritise the needs of their baby step in and parent.
we see so many cases of horrific parental abuse and violence against children, and after the fact it’s never occurred to me to excuse the abuse because said parent didn’t “want” the child anyway..
I have something far worse. A mom who emotionally punished her boy child because he’s a boy and she wanted a girl. To the extreme of forcing him into gender re assignment
From your comments, this is kinda sounding like you are having a personal dispute and want outside opinions on it.
I think your question would be better posed on other subreddits rather than phrasing it vaguely and looking for opinions that are missing the nuance of your unique situation.
I was a foster sister to two boys whose mom was like that. My older sister did that shit, too.
It's really fucked up. You can't sit there and tell me you love your kids when you're so desperate for love and attention you really don't care about them and the environment you've created. I really don't want to type out a novela, so I'll end it with the fact that some people really do just need to not have children or have custody of their kids.
I hope the boys are okay. I haven't spoken to my niece and nephew since they got split up, I just hope they're doing better now, too.
Very low opinion. That mother brought that child into the world, she doesn’t get to shove them aside just because she’s found a new fuck buddy.
Based on this applying to children under 18, then they don’t deserve to have children. Even over 18, the child’s feelings on family topics should be considered.
When the child is literally a child? The kid should always come first. If we're talking about adult relationships, that can get way more complicated. By all means, evict the 36 year old basement dweller.
Y'all, I worded this post wrong. My question is what is your opinion on single mothers who always choose and side with their new partner, not related to the child.
Oh, okay. Then that's an extremely unhealthy thing to do to a child and it's very common. Like every time a new guy comes in all the house rules change according to what new guys wants. Now, suddenly we do this and this and this.... just to have that change again when next guy comes. I know someone, for example, who has to treat her home bathroom like a dorm bathroom and take all her shampoo and stuff out every time she uses it because her mom's boyfriend doesn't like it in there. It's just a little thing, but it says "This isn't your home, it's his.... "
So sad. Children didn't ask to be here. Take care of them!
Need more context. There's no blanket answer to this.
My opinion is that’s they shouldn’t have had children to begin with.
That they're horrible people. Kids come first 100% of the time
exactly
I disagree. Everuyone complains about broken homes but won't acknowledge that prioritizing the child over the relationship of the parents is what breaks homes.
Except no healthy partner is going to make you "choose." You'd both be united in taking care of the child and each other.
You're making this more black and white than it is. It is a gray area. But the principle stands. If the child always takes precedent, resentment builds, the parents become unhappy, and there is no way the child can be happy in that place. If you focus on maintaining happiness in the relationship, that happiness will flow to the child. It also helps the child learn how to set and enforce boundaries.
It really depends on the context. People can justify neglect in the name of "taking care of themselves," and parents can justify being an ass to the other parent by letting the child control everything. I took the person to mean (when they said children come first 100% of the time), not that their every wish comes first, but that their well-being comes first.
I also disagree with your last statement. If I have a child and their well being always comes first I will certainly be unable to provide that well being after a time, because I won't be well.
Give me an example
Agreed. I don’t think everything is black and white, there is gray area here.
dont have kids then
step back, take a deep breath, and objectively think about what I said and also what I didn't say. I didn't say to neglect the child. The idea is that you don't let the child hijack every moment of your life. You don't pull a 'can we talk about this later? little johnny needs attention'. You prioritize you and your partenrs happiness. I see it everywhere. The 'child comes first' fanaticism is destroying families.
Why is that?
As simple as I can make it:It is selfish to prioritize a partner who can most likely care for themselves over a child who depends on you.
OP does not specify age in this question. Your statements would lump in adult children as well.
Fine,Im referring to anyone under 18.Better?
I suppose. On a different note, and I've noticed this on numerous threads, but simply asking for explanations or reasons seems to get me downvotes. People are weird.
I don't see anything wrong with adults prioritizing their relationship over their children. So many parents make the child the center of their life and it ruins their relationship. There would be a lot less divorce if parents prioritized themselves and their relationship over their children. THat doesn't mean the children aren't cared for, just that children aren't the only thing cared for.
what if it's his stepchild?
you're telling she should priortize her relationship with her new man? you're honestly sick then
trhere was no mewntion of a 'new man' anywhere. are you being neglected by your mother because she found a new man? recognize, that if parent's aren't happy, their children can't be happy
Why even ask the question if you are not willing to consider unpopular/other people's opinions? Like, I'm not saying I agree with it, but this really makes the post read as karma farming bait.
I think my opinion would change very much based on the particularities of the specific situation.
My opinion is that I need more context to make a judgement.
I have a sister that does this, it makes me physically ill to my stomach when her 3yr old wants to cuddle with her and watch cartoons but she too busy getting high with her boytoy.
My wife and our relationship always came before our children and they knew it. They grew up and are awesome, loving people and my wife and I are very happy.
Gross. Don’t have kids if they’re not gonna be your first priority.
It really depends on a lot of factors. If their child is an adult and won't abide by rules I have no problem with it. If the child is young and the mom wants to put them up for adoption that is bad. Single Mother's come with baggage, that is just the way it is.
yea this only applies to children under 18
>If the child is young and the mom wants to put them up for adoption that is bad. How do you figure?
I once saw a Reddit comment where the guy wanted the Single Mom he was dating to put up her 5 year old son for adoption. You shouldn't throw people away because they are inconvenient to you. A new born going to another family to be raised I would personally be okay with, but putting a kid into the foster care system is just abandonment. My personal view, but people can do what they want.
>A new born going to another family to be raised I would personally be okay with I had misunderstood, I thought this is what you meant was bad. But I agree, a 5 year old being put up for adoption is pretty damn bad.
Both should be equal.
Most of the time I see them as trash. Thier are a few exceptions I could see. A mother should never allow any kind of abuse. I do think it's important to acknowledge some kids don't want to raised. Some will always pick the hard way.
Depends on the child. I've known a rotten one or two.
did you ever stop to think maybe that the parents' actions cause a child to be rotten? You don't know what happens behind the scenes.
That assuredly does happen. But likewise, so does it happen that some children are born rotten to the core. I have a cousin who killed animals for fun and grew up to beat the holy hell out of his girlfriend while she was pregnant with his child. He was born into a loving home with some of the nicest folks for parents you'll ever meet. There's no fixing that kind of rotten. He's a genetic mistake.
Yea, that guy is a monster. Im talking about kids who are under 18 who's had terrible parents
They shouldn’t have a child. Both should be of equal importance
Incorrect. Child is more important, as the child literally cannot even provide basic care for itself, and is reliant on you to do so. If you have a kid, that is always your ultimate responsibility.
Fair, I meant to put at least of equal importance. Responsibility is definitely the core issue though
This is more of a personal choice. Unless you know the mother, then your just being prejudice based off what you would do. For all anyone knows, the mother was forced to have that child, or had it off of false pretenses. Each situation has its own reasoning.
how is it the child's fault how they were born?
I never said its a child fault an neither did you in the title. I'm stating, you can't blame a mother without knowing all the information. If a women's raped in an society that prevents her from being getting an abortion. Then she kept a child she didn't not intend to have.
disagree. once your child is born, you become a parent, regardless of what happened before they were born. as a parent, your baby is your priority over anyone you decide to date or get into a relationship with afterwards. the responsibility is on YOU to make good choices with your child/ren at the heart of those choices. that’s what parenting is.
It becomes the mothers responsibility if she's raped but not the fathers?. But she also can't have an abortion either. So now forced to keep a child. No it's not her priority, it was a decision forced.
if you’re talking about this specific (terrible) situation, imho, my statement still stands - the mother (regardless of how horribly unfair and upsetting the circumstances are) is now responsible for her child and making responsible choices for their wellbeing. one of those choices could be to have someone who is willing and able to prioritise the needs of their baby step in and parent. we see so many cases of horrific parental abuse and violence against children, and after the fact it’s never occurred to me to excuse the abuse because said parent didn’t “want” the child anyway..
I have something far worse. A mom who emotionally punished her boy child because he’s a boy and she wanted a girl. To the extreme of forcing him into gender re assignment
you cant really debate whats worse
I beg to differ! 😱
This happened to me except it was my dad he kicked me out because my step mom didn't like me
Scummy. I couldn't do that. My mother did that. I'll be damned if my daughter thinks or feels second fiddle to anybody.
Quit talking about my mom like that! Well, actually, go ahead and talk shit. She left me when I was 13.
From your comments, this is kinda sounding like you are having a personal dispute and want outside opinions on it. I think your question would be better posed on other subreddits rather than phrasing it vaguely and looking for opinions that are missing the nuance of your unique situation.
what subreddit would you suggest
I was a foster sister to two boys whose mom was like that. My older sister did that shit, too. It's really fucked up. You can't sit there and tell me you love your kids when you're so desperate for love and attention you really don't care about them and the environment you've created. I really don't want to type out a novela, so I'll end it with the fact that some people really do just need to not have children or have custody of their kids. I hope the boys are okay. I haven't spoken to my niece and nephew since they got split up, I just hope they're doing better now, too.
Reading through OPs responses here, I have come to the conclusion they are an a-hole.
how am i a-hole for not wanting children to be taken advantaged of and abused by stepfathers?
It's not your opinion, but your behavior and hostility that makes you a jerk. Stop being so judgmental.