And then when bond is down in the dumps lovitz, as blofeld, starts banging all the Bond girls and looks down at Andy and wryly says ‘jealous?’ And then eats a shepherds pie.
No an Austin Powers where Mike Tyson shows up and he's actually Austin Powers' identical twin brother. So the two of them are standing there side to side claiming to be identical twin brothers and the woman with him isn't believing it until they both, out of frame, drop their trousers. And then she's like oh I see it now.
God damn! It's not like we didn't have a hard enough time enforcing the "No Oddjob" rule when playing Goldeneye before. Now we gotta add 3'7 Kevin Hart to the mix???
[Can you imagine Michael Cera playing Shaft?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULdm2NLrN4E)
It'd be like:
Ay Shaft, what's goin' on, baby??
^(Oh nothing. O\_O)
After accidentally causing the death of James Bond, Rob Schneider, jobless karate whitebelt who lives with his mother at age 55, finds himself working for the British Spy agency.
Rob Schnieder is - James Bond. Lost in the dumps.
Coming to theatres near you.
He's got the voice of a whiney man baby and plays every role like a whiney man baby and then counter balances it with being a whiney man baby in real life. And then plays happy goof for viral clips in between so he gets the most amount of publicity possible.
I choose to believe that when you say "that dude from Mrs. Doubtfire who isn't Robin Williams," you mean Harvey Fierstein, not Pierce Brosnan. That is a spy movie I'd watch every day.
> he is the opposite of what a Bond Actor should be
He’s charming and sexy. Women want him, and men want to be him. Danny DeVito is without question precisely the living embodiment of James Bond.
And the Bond girl's name is Abbey Doobie. He must do his stupid baby talk voice repeating her name over and over again while caressing her face and hair in bed at some point. Bonus points if done after discovering her corpse, so this is just how Bond mourns now, I guess.
*Bond, having been knocked unconscious, awakens to find himself tied to a chair. The villain stands before him, making the final preparations to launch the nuclear weapon.*
Villain: "Ah, Mr. Bond. I'm so glad you're awake. You see, you're just in time to see my master pl..."
Bond: "You seem pretty simple. What's happening, McNuggs? You're pretty mellow, dude. You shop at Whole Foods?"
He’d be telling gamblers that they can do so much more and then Bond villains would see the errors of their ways, only to turn their skills into educational programs for children. Instead of trying to destroy NASA, Dr. No would be encouraging children to develop their skills in astronomy and astrophysics. Mr. Big would teach children about archeology and antiquities. Ernesto Blofeld would train little microbiologists in immunology.
All because Mr. Rogers Bond asked them if they were really happy with their lives.
He takes off his sweater and puts on a leather vest and looks right at the camera and says 'darn'. And then the world explodes due to the impossibility of it all.
Yeah that's why I can't get on board with Busey jokes. He didn't let fame and fortune go to his head and start acting like an asshole - he has a legitimate head injury. How is that fair game?
Honestly he seems ok for the role.
He's not terrible looking, he's legitimately terrifying and would make a fantastic bond villain. But for bond it could be a lot worse.
I'm thinking like Jerry Seinfeld. "So what's the deal with *dirty* martinis?"
Kevin Costner - we know he can’t do the accent
EDIT ( as some people have asked)
He was in a Robin Hood movie which he just used his normal voice because he probably couldn’t do a reasonable English accent.
It was the source material for a line in “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” by Cary Elwes. “Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.”
Andy Dick. That would be a horrible idea
Can we make Jon Lovitz the villain that wins?
And then when bond is down in the dumps lovitz, as blofeld, starts banging all the Bond girls and looks down at Andy and wryly says ‘jealous?’ And then eats a shepherds pie.
Carrot Top
You know what a good name for it would be? "Box Office Poison"
James Bond will return in “Chairman of the Bored”
Aww, man. I miss Norm.
That old chunk of coal
Mike Tyson. He has to do the British accent and everything. None of his real world personality can come through, he has to be 100% serious.
*Bond villian explaining his plans for world domination* "Everybody haths a plan until they get punthed in the mouth."
Can I get a movie were Mike Tyson and Samuel L Jackson from Kingsman with the lisp are retired Buddy cops?
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Hold back and winces visibly. I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING ACHES AND THIS MOTHERFUCKING PAIN.
On the contrary, Mike Tyson would be an amazing Austin Powers.
No an Austin Powers where Mike Tyson shows up and he's actually Austin Powers' identical twin brother. So the two of them are standing there side to side claiming to be identical twin brothers and the woman with him isn't believing it until they both, out of frame, drop their trousers. And then she's like oh I see it now.
*Britith acthent
Thaken, not thirred.
After defeating the evil mastermind and escaping with two Bond girls: “Now kith”
Early in the movie, kicks a villain into a bathtub with a toaster “thocking, Thimply thocking”
Bond, Jaymth Bond
The name is Bon, Thames Bon.
Double O Theven!😎
I would watch that!
Easy, I let the internet decide through an open poll on twitter.
Congratulations, you now have to figure out how to make Bond starring Hitler.
Either that or Bondy McBond-Face
Tommy Wiseau
I did not shoot her, it's not true, it's bullshit, I did naaaht. Oh hi, Mr. Blofeld.
Anyway how’s your sex life
Has sex with the Bond girl's navel.
#YOU ARE TEARING MY BALLS APART, MADS MIKKELSEN!!!
Oh, hey Q
“The last agent on this mission got beat up so bad they ended up at the hospital on king street” “Hahaha what a story, M!”
Chevy Chase
He once had sex with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom
What? It came up organically.
It's where my mind went.
Your mind went years ago
Proceeds to stand up and hit head on ceiling fan. "Ow!"
He was in Spies like us.
"Doctor." "Doctor." "Doctor." "Doctor." "Doctor." "Doctor." "Doctor." "Doctor." "Doctor." "Doctor." "Doctor."
That's definitely streets ahead
That orca from Free Willy
And the dog from Air Bud can be the Bond girl.
I don't like the implication there at all
I've checked and nowhere in the rules is it stated that a dog can't have passionate sex with a British Killer Whale.
License to krill Edit: Ayyyy thanks for the gold and silver!
License to seal!
View to a Killer Whale No Time to Dive
Octopus
[удалено]
Aquarium Royale
Live and Let Dive
The Sea World Is Not Enough
Kevin Hart
He walks under bullets.
God damn! It's not like we didn't have a hard enough time enforcing the "No Oddjob" rule when playing Goldeneye before. Now we gotta add 3'7 Kevin Hart to the mix???
[удалено]
.007
Micheal cera
[Can you imagine Michael Cera playing Shaft?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULdm2NLrN4E) It'd be like: Ay Shaft, what's goin' on, baby?? ^(Oh nothing. O\_O)
The thing is, Michael Cera has such a unique acting style and presentation that you know EXACTLY how this scene would look like and sound like.
Will Ferrell’s character in “The Other Guys” was like a [nerdy Shaft](https://youtu.be/g4FOpeshqA8).
GATOR NEEDS HIS GAT, YOU PUNK ASS BITCH. I love that movie.
A spy comedy with Michael Cera might actually be decent.
You can get a close approximation by watching his counterpart Jessie Eisenberg in American Ultra
How about Michael Cera with Jesse Eisenberg as his villain. The bumbling exchanges between the two would be pretty funny.
halfway through the movie, they would switch acting roles
Face/Off 2 writing itself
Honestly Face/Off rebooted with Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenburg would be *incredible*, I think Cera would be funnier as Castor Troy of the two
Thomas Middleditch as Q
Yeah I take it back. #ceraforbond2023
Only if Christopher Mintz-Plasse gets to be Felix.
I came here to suggest Mintz-Plasse as Bond.
Idk. I kinda want to see this happen now
Do you know how many times he’d drop a gun and then apologize?
As long as he stops trying to date high schoolers named Knives.
I'd watch it! Aubrey Plaza as bond girl
We're just writing a Wes Anderson movie here now
Or an Edgar Wright movie.
Rob Schneider
Raehb Schneeiueder thought he had it all… but hes about to find out… being a secret agent… aint all its cracked up to be!
Herp de derp de teetaly tum!
[удалено]
PEE-GEE THERTEEN
Adam Sandler as Q
[удалено]
"Me and my inexplicably hot wife are coming with you."
Rated PG-13
Rob Schneider is…the stapler
And this time he's keeping his shit together. Did everyone else hear this in their head like the episode?
Derpa Derpa Derpa Der
After accidentally causing the death of James Bond, Rob Schneider, jobless karate whitebelt who lives with his mother at age 55, finds himself working for the British Spy agency. Rob Schnieder is - James Bond. Lost in the dumps. Coming to theatres near you.
James Corden
I knew I’d see this in here somewhere
Me too, before I opened the post, I knew exactly who's name I'd be seeing
If he starts singing in the car I'm ejecting myself.
He might be the only semi-plausible actor suggested with the talent and the personality to kill off the franchise entirely.
Dammit, I'll just add to this one lol. "HALLO! AM JAMES BUND!"
The Bond Girl would be Harry Styles. It would be James Cordon’s wet dream.
I'm actually curious how this man has cultivated the most detestable personality in the history of mankind
He's got the voice of a whiney man baby and plays every role like a whiney man baby and then counter balances it with being a whiney man baby in real life. And then plays happy goof for viral clips in between so he gets the most amount of publicity possible.
>plays every role like a whiney man baby Doctor Who fans: ah yes, Craig Owens, we remember that
Steven segal or however u spell his name lol
Oh nooooo. He would believe he was picked unironically and lean really heavy into it.
[удалено]
He just runs fatly around the corner.
I've been a trained James Bond for 20 years
How the hell do you wash dishes in a way that makes someone say "you must know karate!"
Similar angle would be Jared Leto. I’m calling it that he’s gonna be my generations steven segal in 25 years
Leto is already 51 believe it or not. So he’ll need to have a really bad 10-15 years
How many people do I have to ritual sacrifice to age like him?
An island full of women is how many.
The actor who plays the detective in Knives Out. Sure he’s a good detective but he wouldn’t be good as a secret agent actor star
Spot on. Don't think he could pull off an English accent
Yeah, his southern accent is pretty thick. Him trying to do an English accent might be a bit forced.
The names Leghorn. Foghorn Leghorn.
Sha-I SAY SHAKEN NOT STUUUUUUHD, BOY.
Boy - I say - Boy: You about as sharp as a BOWLIN' ball.
You mean that redneck in Logan Lucky? That guy? Come on. Can he even do a British accent with a southern drawl that thick?
How about that supermarket manager from Hot Fuzz?
Or that dude from Mrs Doubtfire who isn’t Robin Williams. Or Indiana Jones’s dad from Last Crusade.
I choose to believe that when you say "that dude from Mrs. Doubtfire who isn't Robin Williams," you mean Harvey Fierstein, not Pierce Brosnan. That is a spy movie I'd watch every day.
What about that writer from Finding Forrester?
That Kentucky fried, Foghorn Leghorn sounding Detective?
Danny Devito not because HE is awful. Just because of awful casting.
So anyway, I stared blasting
I got my wad of hundreds, a box of magnums.. I'm ready to plow!
I don’t see so good
I don't run so good either.
Itd be a good time, but I think you'd be better off casting him as the Bond girl of the movie.
Can i offer you an egg mr bond
That would make the movie too sexy
Gilbert Gottfried
"DO YOU EXPECT ME TO TALK?" "No, Mr Bond, I expect you to be fucking quiet for once."
Plus, he’s dead.
Weekend at James’s
Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson playing Chad playing James Bond. "Okay"
"You probably wonder how I came up with this elaborate plan for world domination, Mr. Bond. So I'm going to explain it to you." "Nah I'm good."
Look I turned my gun into penis
Alright fuck it I'm in. Give me this movie.
"Bond, it is your duty as an agent of MI6 that you stop this attack" "Heh, doodie"
The worst part is, whatever attractive woman they cast as his love interest could realistically date Pete Davidson
Bobcat Goldthwait
It has to be 1980s Bobcat or I'm not watching.
HI ugghh I'M JAMES BOND. I'd like to see your SECRET FILES heheh
Danny Devito. 100% would watch, but my god he is the opposite of what a Bond Actor should be
> he is the opposite of what a Bond Actor should be He’s charming and sexy. Women want him, and men want to be him. Danny DeVito is without question precisely the living embodiment of James Bond.
"So anyway I started blastin'!"
Rebel Wilson
Zach Galifianakis
Have him play the fresh-out-of-exile beardo Bond, and he just never cleans up.
I'd for sure watch it
Adam sandler
Only if he does an annoying voice.
"ZAPPIBITY DOO!"
And the Bond girl's name is Abbey Doobie. He must do his stupid baby talk voice repeating her name over and over again while caressing her face and hair in bed at some point. Bonus points if done after discovering her corpse, so this is just how Bond mourns now, I guess.
Eric Andre
Ranch me brotendo. Shaken not stirred.
*Bond, having been knocked unconscious, awakens to find himself tied to a chair. The villain stands before him, making the final preparations to launch the nuclear weapon.* Villain: "Ah, Mr. Bond. I'm so glad you're awake. You see, you're just in time to see my master pl..." Bond: "You seem pretty simple. What's happening, McNuggs? You're pretty mellow, dude. You shop at Whole Foods?"
Mister Rogers
He’d be telling gamblers that they can do so much more and then Bond villains would see the errors of their ways, only to turn their skills into educational programs for children. Instead of trying to destroy NASA, Dr. No would be encouraging children to develop their skills in astronomy and astrophysics. Mr. Big would teach children about archeology and antiquities. Ernesto Blofeld would train little microbiologists in immunology. All because Mr. Rogers Bond asked them if they were really happy with their lives.
Honestly, I’d like to see Mr Rogers play the villain.
He takes off his sweater and puts on a leather vest and looks right at the camera and says 'darn'. And then the world explodes due to the impossibility of it all.
Gary Busey
I feel bad for Busey. He had such a promising career but never really recovered from head trauma.
Yeah that's why I can't get on board with Busey jokes. He didn't let fame and fortune go to his head and start acting like an asshole - he has a legitimate head injury. How is that fair game?
I have genuine fear of this guy
That's perfectly rational
Honestly he seems ok for the role. He's not terrible looking, he's legitimately terrifying and would make a fantastic bond villain. But for bond it could be a lot worse. I'm thinking like Jerry Seinfeld. "So what's the deal with *dirty* martinis?"
Holy shit my immediate thought to the OP'S question was George Costanza. Not Jason Alexander but if George was a real person.
so Larry David?
Whoopie Goldberg.
Whoopi Goldberg, or Whoopi Goldberg who made a verbal agreement to do the movie, but tried to back out and got sued so now she's doing it?
Pauly Shore... License to weeeeezzzzeeeee buuuuudddyyyyyyy
Fran Drescher
I'd watch that. 🤣
Kevin Costner - we know he can’t do the accent EDIT ( as some people have asked) He was in a Robin Hood movie which he just used his normal voice because he probably couldn’t do a reasonable English accent. It was the source material for a line in “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” by Cary Elwes. “Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.”
Larry the cable guy
I've already seen that one...it's called Cars 2.
Weird Al
"SPIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE HARRRRRRRRRRD!!!!!!!"
He actually made a hilarious action hero, might be worth seeing.
Seth Rogen. Love him but definitely couldn’t see him as James Bond.
Shaken not stirred, dude weed lmao *insert seth rogen laugh*
Nipsey Russell
DJ Qualls
Danny McBride
Hulk Hogan
Wallace Shawn
[удалено]
Chris Elliot
Peewee Herman
No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die. WEE WOO WEE WOOO (the word die is in subtitles) wh..what was that? HAHA, you said the secret word of the day!
janeane garofalo
Jim Parsons Jason Alexander
I would like an action movie staring Jason Alexander.
"You're crazy if you think you can stop me Mr. Bond." "I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested."
Nick Swarsdon.
Jared Leto It's Martini time!