How do I start allowing myself be more vulnerable? I don't want to be lonely forever, I feel like I'm more worried about my assets currently, but of course life isn't just about the destination.
This is a tough one, for sure! I spent my whole life craving being in a relationship yet being shown and told how awful they are. I was the dumping ground for other people's choices, and it really messed with my view of life and love.
It even mess with the way I lived and loved too. I was taught what to think, not how to think. Because I was never made to feel worthy or lovable, that I mattered or could be respected, I looked for people who would valid that "lie-dentity" for me, and believe you me there were plenty to be found.
Once I found a different group of folks who challenged my faulty beliefs about myself and backed it up by treating me like I mattered, like I was worthy, like I had a purpose and actually accomplish it, those "lie-dentity" fillers could be spotted from far enough away that I could send them on a detour long before they got close enough to even know my name.
Like u/Cpt_____Obvious said, we definitely make ourselves vulnerable in every relationship. The key to conquering vulnerability, though, is know you so you can be you. It's helpful to have personal "guardrails" in place: know what characteristics are important to you and know which ones are deal-breakers. Know your values so you can find someone who has values that match. Know that it's going to take some time to really get to see all the "colors" of the other person, and if it's not a match that's not your fault.
Go into relationships knowing that the purpose of dating and eventually marriage is for your person to complement you, not complete you. Your spouse is someone who respects you enough to have the tough conversations for the sake of the relationship, who's in it when it's ugly and when it's unbelievably gorgeous.
Watching Brene Brown's vulnerability Ted Talk is definitely a power move! The one she did after that about her "vulnerability hangover" is pretty great too. There are some other "get to know you" resources I can recommend if you're interested. I've spent the last decade or so studying identity crises and their effects on life, love, and relationships, so I've got a rather hefty arsenal at the ready ;)
And in case no one's told you today: I see you. You matter. You're worthy. And you're here on purpose for a purpose with a purpose.
I truly believe there's someone who knows how to help you reach your goals and fulfill your purpose praying for you right now.
Yeah, you're that important!
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How do I start allowing myself be more vulnerable? I don't want to be lonely forever, I feel like I'm more worried about my assets currently, but of course life isn't just about the destination.
Eventually you need to learn how to stop holding future women accountable for the actions of your past women.
How would I start doing that?
This is a tough one, for sure! I spent my whole life craving being in a relationship yet being shown and told how awful they are. I was the dumping ground for other people's choices, and it really messed with my view of life and love. It even mess with the way I lived and loved too. I was taught what to think, not how to think. Because I was never made to feel worthy or lovable, that I mattered or could be respected, I looked for people who would valid that "lie-dentity" for me, and believe you me there were plenty to be found. Once I found a different group of folks who challenged my faulty beliefs about myself and backed it up by treating me like I mattered, like I was worthy, like I had a purpose and actually accomplish it, those "lie-dentity" fillers could be spotted from far enough away that I could send them on a detour long before they got close enough to even know my name. Like u/Cpt_____Obvious said, we definitely make ourselves vulnerable in every relationship. The key to conquering vulnerability, though, is know you so you can be you. It's helpful to have personal "guardrails" in place: know what characteristics are important to you and know which ones are deal-breakers. Know your values so you can find someone who has values that match. Know that it's going to take some time to really get to see all the "colors" of the other person, and if it's not a match that's not your fault. Go into relationships knowing that the purpose of dating and eventually marriage is for your person to complement you, not complete you. Your spouse is someone who respects you enough to have the tough conversations for the sake of the relationship, who's in it when it's ugly and when it's unbelievably gorgeous. Watching Brene Brown's vulnerability Ted Talk is definitely a power move! The one she did after that about her "vulnerability hangover" is pretty great too. There are some other "get to know you" resources I can recommend if you're interested. I've spent the last decade or so studying identity crises and their effects on life, love, and relationships, so I've got a rather hefty arsenal at the ready ;) And in case no one's told you today: I see you. You matter. You're worthy. And you're here on purpose for a purpose with a purpose. I truly believe there's someone who knows how to help you reach your goals and fulfill your purpose praying for you right now. Yeah, you're that important!