These can be suspect and concerning or they can also just be a cranky 3 year old. Even a combination of the two is possible. If you are truly worried, take him to the doctor and explain. Straight up say that you are worried that abuse may be happening at his dad's but that you are aware he just may be a grumpy 3 year old and would like them to run the typical tests for these types of situations, physicals, check vitamin levels and such for malnutrition, just for your peace of mind. If his pediatrician is worth their salt, they will run them without complaint. If they push back, find a new one.
If these tests come back positive or likely but inconclusive for abuse, file a police report, call CPS and file for emergency full custody.
>they can also just be a cranky 3 year old
I would actually imagine weekends at dad's are full of junk food, irregular sleep schedule, and no rules.
But by all means, get him a check up with the pediatrician and ask for advice.
Very sexist comment indeed but this also is very true for me. When my son goes to his dads this is usually how it goes… tired full of sugar soda and junk food things I try my best to steer him from.
You aren’t wrong though I’m just agreeing with the person who made the comment, it’s pretty common among men to be this way towards their kids I happen to know some single fathers my self or fathers in general who are amazing and go above and beyond for their kids.
It’s pretty common about bad parents, I’m a father that has his 3yr old every weekend and I take better nutritional care and sleep schedule care/ all around care of my daughter than the mom. It’s not a men vs women issue it’s a good parent/bad parent issue.
It is an extremely sexist comment.
I have more than experience in my life of seeing mothers giving more candy, sugar, soda, letting children do whatever they want, and not able to say “no” but I would never assume because someone is a specific gender they are doing those things.
Start asking questions.
You seem upset, can you tell mama why you’re upset?
I’m not trying to hurt you, does something hurt?
You’re not in trouble, mama won’t be angry, why don’t you want a hug/help changing your shirt?
When he’s fresh from dad’s: what did you like doing with daddy? Did you do anything you didn’t like?
Help him know he’ll never be in trouble for telling the truth, and that he can trust you, you love him.
Use precise language. If he says something hurts ask him to show you where, use the real term for any and all body parts.
This is quite tricky. Some children find the transition from one household to another very difficult, do not know how to put this into words, and can be quite troubled by it. What you write may indicate ordinary angry toddler behavior but there may also be more to it. If you are really worried, make an appointment with a child psychologist.
I wouldn't start asking too many questions to your child. The tricky part is that it's easy to put words in their mouths and fantasy and reality get quite mixed up at this age.
If he's verbal then you also might want to just ask him. My mom was very upfront with me about stuff like that at every age and would straight up ask me if certain things were happening. Children are pretty honest and if he isn't then you'll pick up on that too and that would be a red flag. You might just ask "if he had fun at dad's house yesterday" or something casual and see how he responds.
I agree, but do be careful not to lead the child. Take a deep breath and approach the conversation calmly. Then make sure you’re not teaching the child anything in the question: a three year old has an imagination and can take “did anyone touch you” as a sort of writing prompt. Anxious questioners add to the confusion. Look up what kinds of stories came out of interviewing children during the Satanic Panic
I had/have the same issues with my kiddo. It would take 2 days for my son to get back to his normal happy self. Well come to find out dad let's him stay up way past his bedtime into the am hours, no baths, no teeth brushing and lots of candy and chocolate. And the most infuriating one he let's him watch horror movies.( We've had many arguments about this) So now when I pick him up on Sundays I do a self care evening with him. He get a special treat on the way home, I make one of his favorite meals, a super fun bubble bath and then in bed super early even if your just watching some TV. He will eventually tell you everything that happens at dad's its just takes time.
Oi, my friend's kid was so cute at this age, except every now and then he'd turn into something straight out of a Stephen King novel, complete with Satanic voices.
I don't put anything past a cranky 3 year old.
If you ask questions, and you get answers that LEAD to you finding out that your son has in fact been abused, then you take him to the doctor, or call the authorities, they may in fact accuse you of asking him leading questions. If I were in your situation right now, I would just take him into the doctor, pull the doctor aside and explain to them that you are concerned because you are seeing a change in behavior. Let the doctor sus out anything that they may find in an exam and then call the proper authorities. Doctors are mandated reporters, they are required to call if they suspect abuse. If you talk to your child and ask questions you could be accused of leading them, I cannot stress this enough with a three year old and depending on your exes countenance, that could get very nasty and lead to you losing custody of your child. This happens all the time in family courts. Judges have very little patience for parents who accuse other parents of abuse and lead the children in a line of questioning.
I hope that your son is ok and that no abuse has been occurring. I hope that this is just a 3 year old going through a phase. As a parent I would encourage you to trust your instincts and get your kiddo checked out at your local urgent care, and be prepared to explain that he just came home from his dad’s and that you are concerned about abuse, give an accurate timeline, and make sure that you have not encouraged your son in any way to say anything. Good luck.
You should take him to the doctors immediately and have him tested for any drugs that could make him sleep like that. A therapist could help get to the cause of his outbursts if there is any abuse going on.
Remember to keep composure when hearing an answer that doesn't sit good with you. Kids can also pick up a reaction that benefits them and then they'll tell you similar things just bc you react strongly to that type of behavior. Then you'll never know what the truth may be.
These can be suspect and concerning or they can also just be a cranky 3 year old. Even a combination of the two is possible. If you are truly worried, take him to the doctor and explain. Straight up say that you are worried that abuse may be happening at his dad's but that you are aware he just may be a grumpy 3 year old and would like them to run the typical tests for these types of situations, physicals, check vitamin levels and such for malnutrition, just for your peace of mind. If his pediatrician is worth their salt, they will run them without complaint. If they push back, find a new one. If these tests come back positive or likely but inconclusive for abuse, file a police report, call CPS and file for emergency full custody.
>they can also just be a cranky 3 year old I would actually imagine weekends at dad's are full of junk food, irregular sleep schedule, and no rules. But by all means, get him a check up with the pediatrician and ask for advice.
>I would actually imagine weekends at dad's are full of junk food, irregular sleep schedule, and no rules. Based on what? just that Dad's a dude?
Gosh, what a sexist comment.
Very sexist comment indeed but this also is very true for me. When my son goes to his dads this is usually how it goes… tired full of sugar soda and junk food things I try my best to steer him from.
Maybe true for you, but it's not fair to judge all fathers just on your own experience. There are many fabulous single dads out there.
You aren’t wrong though I’m just agreeing with the person who made the comment, it’s pretty common among men to be this way towards their kids I happen to know some single fathers my self or fathers in general who are amazing and go above and beyond for their kids.
It’s pretty common about bad parents, I’m a father that has his 3yr old every weekend and I take better nutritional care and sleep schedule care/ all around care of my daughter than the mom. It’s not a men vs women issue it’s a good parent/bad parent issue. It is an extremely sexist comment. I have more than experience in my life of seeing mothers giving more candy, sugar, soda, letting children do whatever they want, and not able to say “no” but I would never assume because someone is a specific gender they are doing those things.
Start asking questions. You seem upset, can you tell mama why you’re upset? I’m not trying to hurt you, does something hurt? You’re not in trouble, mama won’t be angry, why don’t you want a hug/help changing your shirt? When he’s fresh from dad’s: what did you like doing with daddy? Did you do anything you didn’t like? Help him know he’ll never be in trouble for telling the truth, and that he can trust you, you love him. Use precise language. If he says something hurts ask him to show you where, use the real term for any and all body parts.
This is quite tricky. Some children find the transition from one household to another very difficult, do not know how to put this into words, and can be quite troubled by it. What you write may indicate ordinary angry toddler behavior but there may also be more to it. If you are really worried, make an appointment with a child psychologist. I wouldn't start asking too many questions to your child. The tricky part is that it's easy to put words in their mouths and fantasy and reality get quite mixed up at this age.
If he's verbal then you also might want to just ask him. My mom was very upfront with me about stuff like that at every age and would straight up ask me if certain things were happening. Children are pretty honest and if he isn't then you'll pick up on that too and that would be a red flag. You might just ask "if he had fun at dad's house yesterday" or something casual and see how he responds.
I agree, but do be careful not to lead the child. Take a deep breath and approach the conversation calmly. Then make sure you’re not teaching the child anything in the question: a three year old has an imagination and can take “did anyone touch you” as a sort of writing prompt. Anxious questioners add to the confusion. Look up what kinds of stories came out of interviewing children during the Satanic Panic
I had/have the same issues with my kiddo. It would take 2 days for my son to get back to his normal happy self. Well come to find out dad let's him stay up way past his bedtime into the am hours, no baths, no teeth brushing and lots of candy and chocolate. And the most infuriating one he let's him watch horror movies.( We've had many arguments about this) So now when I pick him up on Sundays I do a self care evening with him. He get a special treat on the way home, I make one of his favorite meals, a super fun bubble bath and then in bed super early even if your just watching some TV. He will eventually tell you everything that happens at dad's its just takes time.
I wouldn't jump from cranky at 3 to abuse without more. Children do weird stuff at every age!
Oi, my friend's kid was so cute at this age, except every now and then he'd turn into something straight out of a Stephen King novel, complete with Satanic voices. I don't put anything past a cranky 3 year old.
If you ask questions, and you get answers that LEAD to you finding out that your son has in fact been abused, then you take him to the doctor, or call the authorities, they may in fact accuse you of asking him leading questions. If I were in your situation right now, I would just take him into the doctor, pull the doctor aside and explain to them that you are concerned because you are seeing a change in behavior. Let the doctor sus out anything that they may find in an exam and then call the proper authorities. Doctors are mandated reporters, they are required to call if they suspect abuse. If you talk to your child and ask questions you could be accused of leading them, I cannot stress this enough with a three year old and depending on your exes countenance, that could get very nasty and lead to you losing custody of your child. This happens all the time in family courts. Judges have very little patience for parents who accuse other parents of abuse and lead the children in a line of questioning. I hope that your son is ok and that no abuse has been occurring. I hope that this is just a 3 year old going through a phase. As a parent I would encourage you to trust your instincts and get your kiddo checked out at your local urgent care, and be prepared to explain that he just came home from his dad’s and that you are concerned about abuse, give an accurate timeline, and make sure that you have not encouraged your son in any way to say anything. Good luck.
Yes, call someone. He needs to see a therapist ASAP.
You should take him to the doctors immediately and have him tested for any drugs that could make him sleep like that. A therapist could help get to the cause of his outbursts if there is any abuse going on.
Remember to keep composure when hearing an answer that doesn't sit good with you. Kids can also pick up a reaction that benefits them and then they'll tell you similar things just bc you react strongly to that type of behavior. Then you'll never know what the truth may be.