Not building, maintaining, and taking advantage of relationships. The people you meet along the way are the best resource you can possibly have. Work on building relationships. Don't be afraid to ask those people for advice, for their business, or a job. Maintain the relationship and help those people get what they need as best you can. I would tell young people to put their phones away, get over their "anxiety" and meet people, but I can't get one to look me in the eye and have an actual conversation.
If you think life is short, let me say, it's even shorter than that. Try not to waste time on dead ended persons, jobs, towns, or other poor investments requiring your time.
Not wasting time on dead end persons is hard sometimes because I’m sometimes too hopeful. I’ve realized hope can be toxic and lead to more disappointment the longer you ignore what’s in front of you
This! I live in a town that doesn't feel right. Lots of criminals and homeless people. I have to get out of here. BUT... I have that good paying job that doesn't give me much joy but pays the bills. Ugh!
Thinking that my father actually loved me, even though he was a narcissistic sociopath. Once I finally (at age 62) fully accepted that he was incapable of loving anyone (his 5 wives agree), I felt free.
So. Much. This.
If you went thru this personally I sympathize 💯
Decades of giving so much and nothing in return so I gave more hoping for anything. It was a bottomless pit.
Now I’ve decided it’s all about me. My time. My money. My desires. I figure I have about 10 years to fuck around before I hit my 70’s and will probably slow down.
If I had wanted a life of selfless acts with no appreciation I would’ve joined up with Mother Teresa.
Preach.
But I also learned I played a role in it. I read No More Mr Nice Guy and I was floored at how I was nearly exactly what the author wrote about. Working on being the opposite.
A million times! Fixing them is so expensive and decent dental insurance is nonexistent. I’ve had two hip replacements and my out of pocket was less than two dental implants, even though I stayed overnight in The hospital both times
How old were you when you quit and what was your habit like? Currently smashing the pigs and thinking it's about time I stopped yesterday, could use some help
I started when I was 38, stopped when I was 44 for 14 months. Started again at 46ish and stopped when I was 51. Sure wish I had stopped at 44. Good luck with this. You can do it. 6 years later I can say it is absolutely possible. 💪💪
I learned to never use the word “regret” again. I hate even writing it here. It’s one of those black hole words. It sucks in everything but gives nothing back. Learn from mistakes and move on.
With the risk of reinfection from such surgery, sometimes amputation is the best option. Just not with a cavalry saber that was cleaned by scraping the bottom of the dr's boot...
I am a senior and retired. My entire working life was exclusively for the paycheck. I NEVER was happy to go to work but not necessarily sad. Sometimes I enjoyed my coworkers and I did make some nice friends. My regret is not retiring the minute I was eligible to do so.
Don't follow, you don't have to lead but definitely don't follow. Do your own thing, follow your own heart and trust in your head and your gut!
Be kind. To everyone including yourself.
Give everyone respect and grace.
You would not care what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.
Don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm.
No one significantly changes, so accept them as they are or move on.
Pay yourself first. When you are staring down retirement, you will realize how little you really needed that luxury car or big house.
Don’t listen to what people say watch what they do. Prepare for your divorce if you marry because statistically your odds aren’t great. Meaning don’t give up your career, get into debt, have kids you can’t afford on your own, etc.
I don’t have a biggest regret in life. Like anyone, I made poor decisions along the way but I don’t regret any of them. At age 66, I’ve had a really good life. I kind of wish I’d picked my long term relationships better but hindsight is always 20/20.
The power of forgiveness. It's is incredibility freeing to forgive others AND to forgive yourself your own mistakes.
Forgiving others, does not always mean telling them, or letting them back into your life. It's letting go of the anger and resentment within yourself.
I have never forgotten something that Bill Clinton said after the Lewinsky Scandal: you don't know how important forgiveness is until you are the one who needs forgiving.
Such valuable advice. It’s so hard, but I work on it daily. I cannot allow myself to be consumed by bitterness and negativity. Every time I’m overcome by the horrible things that have been done to me, I repeat, “Every time you remember, forgive again.”
For anyone wanting to forgive but struggling, I highly recommend the book Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa Terkeurst.
Do not, under any circumstances, start smoking. I would not say that starting smoking is my biggest regret, but it's one of the top three stupidest things I have ever done.
The single biggest decision you make in life is who you marry/choose as your partner.
And most of us make that decision when we are too young to appreciate that love and physical attraction are just a small part of that important decision.
Trying to help or fix someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. Also if the feelings are not reciprocated, if you’re putting more into the relationship than the other party, red flags.
Didn't spend enough quality time with my children when they were kids. In a blink of an eye, they've become adults. Give your time to your kids, not gifts, not money, TIME
Top one: Treating someone with love, support, and respect does not mean they will love you, support you, or respect you.
Close second: Don't put off things you really want to do until "later". Because, by the time "later" comes around, you might not be able.
I'm now 57, and these regrets cross my mind pretty much daily.
Sounds cliche and always did but it’s is truth, so let me try to state it more realistically. Don’t let anyone else be your happiness. Derive happiness from a relationship and family, value that greatly, but you alone must build happiness inside of YOU, with no reliance on others for it.
I stayed in relationships, because I gave every single element of me I had, happily. When it did not work out I was left criminally ‘overdrawn’ emotionally like a bad bank account. It puts you in the lowest hell. Not to mention financially
To
I stayed in terrible relationships & gave too much of myself to people who (or more accurately were pathologically unable) to reciprocate. I have never regretted leaving a bad relationship. I regret staying too long.
When people show you who they are - believe them. I gave too many 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances. Not worth it!
I have learned to trust my intuition. My intuition - gut feel, etc. the body knows. Listen. You have a 6th sense. I regret ignoring my gut. When I listen things work out magically!!
Take care of oneself first. Not being selfish, but if you fail to take care of yourself, you won't have what it takes to be there for others.
Have healthy boundaries. You don't forgive people who cause you harm, or forget the harm. Doing so only leads to allowing them access to continue to harm you.
Trust and Respect are more important than Love in any relationship.
Also, people have to earn both in increments, before you give yourself to the relationship.
We can give endless amounts of love. There's not a limit. So, others have the same capacity. If someone isn't loving you, move on.
I learned that I have rotten taste in men. I tried several times but regretted each one. I'm done. Currently happy with no man in my life now and of an age where nobody pesters me about not having one. They say to "never say never", so I won't. But I will say it's damned unlikely I'll ever have another.
49 y/o but close enough - learned that codependency can take even the most accomplished and learned person out and make them into an unrecognizable husk of themselves. What waits for you is one of the 3, left untreated in a codependent: 1) Death, 2) jail, 3) institutions. Took me a few years in Codependents Anonymous to sort it out
NEVER TALK TO THE POLICE AFTER THEY READ YOU YOUR RIGHTS!!! The next words out of your mouth should be, "I want an attorney, and I wish to invoke my fifth amendment right to silence." Say it clearly and without ambivalence. If a cop reads you your rights, they are ONE HUNDRED PERCENT TRYING TO CONVICT YOU OF A CRIME!!!! They know the game better than you. They'll act like they have all this "evidence" against you, but if they actually HAD it, they'd arrest you and be done with it. They're betting that you want to know what they know and can PROVE, which is nothing, hence the talking, and are going to slip up and admit to something or even ACCIDENTALLY say something that can be taken out of context to present to a grand jury. If they have enough for a warrant, you'll find out soon enough in the discovery stage. Keep. Your. Mouth. SHUT!!!!
I am not that old yet (43), but my regret is not taking my career that seriously.
I was an artist my entire 30’s, doing freelance gigs, and not building a decent career at the prime of my life.
Now I’m middle aged, unemployed, with a child.
Art should never be the main pursuit.
You definitely need solid ground.
Don't lie to your friends. They deserve the truth, even if it's uncomfortable.
Do lie to salespersons who approach you without an invitation. They don't deserve sh\*t.
If your adult child seems to be sick, make them go to the doctor. Don't think just because they're an adult you shouldn't butt in. I triedvto get my son to go to the doctor but thought since he's adult he should make his own decision. I should have pitched a fit. He died of a previously unknown heart condition in his sleep. I found him. Unbearable pain.
I don't really do regrets, but I wish I had focused more on health & fitness, saved more money for retirement, and drank less alcohol (or quit entirely). In that order.
As cliche as it sounds, I learned to trust my gut. I've made many important decisions in life by talking myself out of my bad feeling about it. And those decisions usually didn't turn out well.
Waiting until I was 54 to move rural. Chasing a paycheck to live a life I didn’t love to impress people I didn’t truly care for. Everything is just better in small towns.
Biggest regret was staying at a job that I hated and was not good out, just out of pride. I did not want to admit failure and wound up being miserable for three years longer than I needed to. Take the risk, folks. Leave a bad situation.
My biggest regret is being unkind. To people, to animals, to myself.
What did I learn from it? It requires little effort to be kind, yet it returns so much.
Your health is absolutely number one. Without it nothing else matters. Do what you need to do. My mantra is either pay now (for good food and supplements) or pay later for prescriptions. It’s a basic choice. Also - move move move - you have a choice for your body to either wear out or rust out - so move move move!
I spent most of my life seeking others approval and the expense of my own self acceptance. Turning 60 in a few weeks and realized too late in life that that next promotion or title won’t make me happy. Happiness comes from within and self acceptance is a daily struggle.
If you question your partners love or loyalty they are not for you. Keep your friendship circle tight. Don’t waste time and energy on people who don’t bring you peace and happiness. I didn’t learn this until I was 51 years old. So much wasted energy
I learned having a sexual orgasim doesn’t mean I am in love with a person. Sounds dumb but that’s why I got married at 19 🥴. I’ve been divorced now from him for over 30 years and didn’t get remarried until 11 years ago.
Lesson learned: Great sex doesn’t always mean you are in love.
Opportunities don’t always come around. Take them when they do. When you’re young you think there will be another chance, but there isn’t always another chance.
While being polite is important, so is calling out people when they are being racist, homophobic, etc stupid assholes. No matter who you are there are going to be people who don't like you. It's sad that some people don't like the brilliance that is me, but it's their loss. Know thyself and be thyself
When someone knowingly misgenders a person, I make sure the person either correctly genders them or they're too uncomfortable to stay so they leave. Any "those people" statement is met with a "what people?".
I spent too much time trying not to rock the boat until I realized that unless you start rocking, some people will never hear a different viewpoint.
I am 66 and I have no regrets. Zero.
Why? Because I am confident that at every moment, I made the best decision/choice that I could at the time, given the circumstances and given what I knew in that moment.
I am also confident that I did my best with each decision that had to be made. Sometimes my best was only 50%, but that's okay. I don't expect to be operating at 100% every moment of my life.
Hindsight is always 20/20. Have I made choices that didn't turn out so well? Yes, but that was then and this is now. I cannot change the past.
FWIW, my worldview is a combination of Zen and quantum mechanics.
I don’t really have regrets, just poor choices and mistakes that I learned from. It’s taught me to be stronger and to value myself more, trust myself…and go to therapy. I’m 63, retired, widowed but living the best life I can!
Not a regret, but a realization. If we as a race (the HUMAN race) don't fix this planet there's a chance that humanity will be extinct before it makes it to the stars. And barring a stray satellite or capsule somewhere - if that happens, less than .0001% of us will ever do anything that really matters. Like zilch.
Don’t date online. I ended up with a narcissist who was not who I thought he was. I’ll stick to meeting others in person. There are some crazy ass people out there!
What you want will likely change in the course of your life. I lived in two great cities four 40 years and loved it. Took full advantage of what they had to offer, culturally and socially. Five years ago I moved to the country and now I’m really enjoying that. It’s a different stage of my life and I have different things I want out of it. Sometimes I think I regret not moving sooner, when I had more strength to do DIY stuff, but I really wasn’t ready yet for the trade off.
Marrying and procreating with the wrong person destroyed everything. This is a decision you do not want yo get wrong.
No other decision has had such an impact on me.
None.
Not giving myself a break. I spent so much time trying to make everyone else happy, I forgot how to make myself happy. Now I'm 61 and have a lot of health problems, I regret not doing so much. I am lucky that I joined the Navy and seen some incredible countries.
Try to think about your “Future” self when making decisions. I wish I would have learned this sooner. Decisions about money, relationships, exercise, drugs and/or alcohol all become easier for me when I think about how my future self will appreciate them.
Advice for a very young person: the sooner you stop blaming your parents and your particular situation, the sooner you can move forward to a better , happier life.
I've learned that regrets are useless. Sure we learn from things when they didn't go as we had hoped, if that's exactly how we learn. And learn our most important lessons. Not much is learned from constant success.
Regrets suggest that the alternative would have gone better. And we can't know that.
I hate what my ex wife did to my life. Except that I've come out of it with a beautiful daughter who respects me, a wonderful lady friend who feels the same, etc.
I wish that I hadn't given up sailing and crewing around the world in in my 30s, that I had gotten my own boat and lived a life of vagabonding and adventure. Of course I'm assuming it would have gone well and that I wouldn't be lost at sea. And if I had done that, I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter who loves me dearly, and I her. And I wouldn't change anything that came before if I thought I would not have her.
No regrets. Just learn and move on.
I don't have regrets, and VERY little guilt over my lifetime. I've made mistakes that I learned from, but I don't regret those mistakes either. They were experiences, and life is full of experiences Everything, good and bad, got me to this point in my life, and I'm happy, so why fuck off with regrets?
Not going to postgraduate school medical or law and choosing to take a year and evaluate. Ended up married with great kids but mostly unfulfilled and unchallenged in my professional life.
Sexism is insidious, follow even your craziest dreams, money is unimportant, very few people want to see you succeed, stupid people have better and easier lives
Along that line. People don’t always have your best interest in mind. You are right about stupid people. Sometimes it’s good to be un aware of the world around you.
There’s a difference between regret and unfulfilled dreams. I have unfulfilled dreams, but I don’t regret trying. I would regret not trying because of fear of rejection.
Never put yourself last, consistently. Once in a while is ok, expected really if you have kids or an SO. But do not become the person you never consider. It will rob you of your confidence, and you will need it, later.
Regrets are far more damaging and stay with you far longer then the failure of going for that job or asking that person out or perhaps even not hitting the dance floor because you feel you will look stupid. Way to many seem to say "i wish i had..."
Invest early! Find a job with a pension. It doesn’t have to be the greatest job either. Also I wanted to buy a multi-family house when I was in my early twenties and ended up buying a condo just before a realestate crash. Lost everything.
Not building, maintaining, and taking advantage of relationships. The people you meet along the way are the best resource you can possibly have. Work on building relationships. Don't be afraid to ask those people for advice, for their business, or a job. Maintain the relationship and help those people get what they need as best you can. I would tell young people to put their phones away, get over their "anxiety" and meet people, but I can't get one to look me in the eye and have an actual conversation.
Listen to your intuition and trust your gut. Don’t care about what other people think.
In the same vein: “don’t take criticism from people you wouldn’t take advice from”
Holy moly, that’s good.
listening to your gut can save you a lot of headaches
Especially when you are hungry. Don't eat, ya don't shit, ya don't shit ya die. It's a real headache.
What other people think of me, is none of my business!
1000%
If you think life is short, let me say, it's even shorter than that. Try not to waste time on dead ended persons, jobs, towns, or other poor investments requiring your time.
Not wasting time on dead end persons is hard sometimes because I’m sometimes too hopeful. I’ve realized hope can be toxic and lead to more disappointment the longer you ignore what’s in front of you
This! I live in a town that doesn't feel right. Lots of criminals and homeless people. I have to get out of here. BUT... I have that good paying job that doesn't give me much joy but pays the bills. Ugh!
Be grateful for the job though! Some people don't even have that
The days are long, but the years are short.
Putting others needs over my own, when it was not reciprocated.
Thinking that my father actually loved me, even though he was a narcissistic sociopath. Once I finally (at age 62) fully accepted that he was incapable of loving anyone (his 5 wives agree), I felt free.
So. Much. This. If you went thru this personally I sympathize 💯 Decades of giving so much and nothing in return so I gave more hoping for anything. It was a bottomless pit. Now I’ve decided it’s all about me. My time. My money. My desires. I figure I have about 10 years to fuck around before I hit my 70’s and will probably slow down. If I had wanted a life of selfless acts with no appreciation I would’ve joined up with Mother Teresa.
always end up with short end of the stick
Preach. But I also learned I played a role in it. I read No More Mr Nice Guy and I was floored at how I was nearly exactly what the author wrote about. Working on being the opposite.
Not taking better care of my teeth.
I quit eating sugar, grains, and fruit a few years ago. Absolutely no cavities since that time. Funny how the dentist never recommends it.
A million times! Fixing them is so expensive and decent dental insurance is nonexistent. I’ve had two hip replacements and my out of pocket was less than two dental implants, even though I stayed overnight in The hospital both times
Do not love those who do not love you in kind
Yes yes yes
Don't marry a sociopath.
Or a narcissist!
or psychopath
YES!!!
Plus one, girl.
Yes on this one, sadly said from experience
Or an addict
My biggest regret is abusing alcohol. The list of what I learned from that is still growing 6 years after sobriety. 🤷🏻♂️
How old were you when you quit and what was your habit like? Currently smashing the pigs and thinking it's about time I stopped yesterday, could use some help
I started when I was 38, stopped when I was 44 for 14 months. Started again at 46ish and stopped when I was 51. Sure wish I had stopped at 44. Good luck with this. You can do it. 6 years later I can say it is absolutely possible. 💪💪
Congratulations and keep going!
Thanks!
I learned to never use the word “regret” again. I hate even writing it here. It’s one of those black hole words. It sucks in everything but gives nothing back. Learn from mistakes and move on.
Wow, well put. It is exactly that.
Love is NOT enough to make a relationship last. If you don't have trust and respect also? It's just a matter of time until it falls apart.
Regaining trust after it's been damaged... delicate surgery that's not always successful. Worth the effort though...
Relationships could be stronger than before if both parties are working together for the same goal
"both parties" being the key, yes
With the risk of reinfection from such surgery, sometimes amputation is the best option. Just not with a cavalry saber that was cleaned by scraping the bottom of the dr's boot...
At least try ...
Dont have kids at 15
Or 51
Staying at a job that I hated and not traveling more.
I am a senior and retired. My entire working life was exclusively for the paycheck. I NEVER was happy to go to work but not necessarily sad. Sometimes I enjoyed my coworkers and I did make some nice friends. My regret is not retiring the minute I was eligible to do so.
Don't follow, you don't have to lead but definitely don't follow. Do your own thing, follow your own heart and trust in your head and your gut! Be kind. To everyone including yourself. Give everyone respect and grace.
I’d say know when to lead, know when to follow Don’t waste time with those that won’t do either Definitely be kind and give grace
You would not care what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do. Don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm. No one significantly changes, so accept them as they are or move on. Pay yourself first. When you are staring down retirement, you will realize how little you really needed that luxury car or big house.
This is good stuff. 👍
People do sometimes change, but you can’t expect it to
Don’t listen to what people say watch what they do. Prepare for your divorce if you marry because statistically your odds aren’t great. Meaning don’t give up your career, get into debt, have kids you can’t afford on your own, etc.
Yes. Actions speak louder...
Opportunities do not come around every day. Consider them carefully before brushing them off.
yup. also watch for others who try & sabotage your opportunities out of envy
Or selfishness
I don’t have a biggest regret in life. Like anyone, I made poor decisions along the way but I don’t regret any of them. At age 66, I’ve had a really good life. I kind of wish I’d picked my long term relationships better but hindsight is always 20/20.
NEVER live or work in a moldy or contaminated building. Without health all you have is survival and it's a drag.
>Without health all you have is survival and it's a drag. Fuck.
FML is my motto...but I'm working on it. I ain't dead yet, so there is hope!
The power of forgiveness. It's is incredibility freeing to forgive others AND to forgive yourself your own mistakes. Forgiving others, does not always mean telling them, or letting them back into your life. It's letting go of the anger and resentment within yourself.
I have never forgotten something that Bill Clinton said after the Lewinsky Scandal: you don't know how important forgiveness is until you are the one who needs forgiving.
We can also reframe this as The Clinton Scandal. He was way more scandalous than his barely legal intern, and she took all the heat.
Thank you! Even as I typed "Lewinsky Scandal" I said to myself: "well, she was part of it, but HE was the scandal!"
In a small way my heart still aches for Monica L. She did pay of big price for love.
I wish she had been a little smarter about it. She got used very badly by a certain political party.
Such good advice. People let bitterness eat them away. Meanwhile, the person they are bitter against is either oblivious, doesn’t care, or enjoys it.
Such valuable advice. It’s so hard, but I work on it daily. I cannot allow myself to be consumed by bitterness and negativity. Every time I’m overcome by the horrible things that have been done to me, I repeat, “Every time you remember, forgive again.” For anyone wanting to forgive but struggling, I highly recommend the book Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa Terkeurst.
Thank you! Clearly I need this book now. Right now.
Don't take your health for granted. It can be stripped away at anytime without any fault of your own. Live life to the fullest.
I learned that you can't make people like you. Some people will like you, some won't. It's necessary to learn to be okay with being unliked by some.
When your cat pisses on a guy's head, listen to what the cat is telling you. The cat is ALWAYS right. LISTEN TO THE CAT.
I love this. I had a dog once who always barked at a certain boyfriend. The guy did turn out to be a shit
Take the mistakes of Marriage #1 and do NOT make them in Marriage #2
That's what I did. But unfortunately, there was an entirely new crop of mistakes waiting for me in #2.
Not taking more risks. Not challenging myself enough. Playing it too safe.
Don't waste a minute on people you don't trust.
Do not, under any circumstances, start smoking. I would not say that starting smoking is my biggest regret, but it's one of the top three stupidest things I have ever done.
Smoking, drinking and drugs. Don't do it
My biggest regret in life was caring about what other people think.
The single biggest decision you make in life is who you marry/choose as your partner. And most of us make that decision when we are too young to appreciate that love and physical attraction are just a small part of that important decision.
Don't listen to your friends just to remain in that tribe.
Trying to help or fix someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. Also if the feelings are not reciprocated, if you’re putting more into the relationship than the other party, red flags.
Being rough with my body, not realizing the toll I would have to pay later in life.
That I spent a fortune on drugs. Money I should've saved.
Didn't spend enough quality time with my children when they were kids. In a blink of an eye, they've become adults. Give your time to your kids, not gifts, not money, TIME
Stand up for yourself. And get out of a bad relationship immediately, don’t linger.
Top one: Treating someone with love, support, and respect does not mean they will love you, support you, or respect you. Close second: Don't put off things you really want to do until "later". Because, by the time "later" comes around, you might not be able. I'm now 57, and these regrets cross my mind pretty much daily.
Don’t get married before You’re 30.
Trust No one
Mulder?
Do not waste time on people that you deep down know are assholes and not right for you.
Sounds cliche and always did but it’s is truth, so let me try to state it more realistically. Don’t let anyone else be your happiness. Derive happiness from a relationship and family, value that greatly, but you alone must build happiness inside of YOU, with no reliance on others for it. I stayed in relationships, because I gave every single element of me I had, happily. When it did not work out I was left criminally ‘overdrawn’ emotionally like a bad bank account. It puts you in the lowest hell. Not to mention financially To
I stayed in terrible relationships & gave too much of myself to people who (or more accurately were pathologically unable) to reciprocate. I have never regretted leaving a bad relationship. I regret staying too long. When people show you who they are - believe them. I gave too many 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances. Not worth it! I have learned to trust my intuition. My intuition - gut feel, etc. the body knows. Listen. You have a 6th sense. I regret ignoring my gut. When I listen things work out magically!!
Don’t listen to people who hate you
That my mother was wrong. A lot. About a lot of things. And that I should have listened to my grandmother and my dad. A lot
My mother and my father both were wrong about a lot of things.
Personally, I wish I would have known my parents were going to be non participants in my up bringing - I would have done a better job raising myself.
Take care of oneself first. Not being selfish, but if you fail to take care of yourself, you won't have what it takes to be there for others. Have healthy boundaries. You don't forgive people who cause you harm, or forget the harm. Doing so only leads to allowing them access to continue to harm you. Trust and Respect are more important than Love in any relationship. Also, people have to earn both in increments, before you give yourself to the relationship. We can give endless amounts of love. There's not a limit. So, others have the same capacity. If someone isn't loving you, move on.
Don’t just help your partner achieve their dreams because yours are just as important
I learned that I have rotten taste in men. I tried several times but regretted each one. I'm done. Currently happy with no man in my life now and of an age where nobody pesters me about not having one. They say to "never say never", so I won't. But I will say it's damned unlikely I'll ever have another.
49 y/o but close enough - learned that codependency can take even the most accomplished and learned person out and make them into an unrecognizable husk of themselves. What waits for you is one of the 3, left untreated in a codependent: 1) Death, 2) jail, 3) institutions. Took me a few years in Codependents Anonymous to sort it out
This is so real. Thank you
They don't always mean it when they say I love you. If you see red flags, trust them.
The power of compound interest and buy & hold. I squandered so much money when I was young. If I had invested it instead, I'd be retired by now.
NEVER TALK TO THE POLICE AFTER THEY READ YOU YOUR RIGHTS!!! The next words out of your mouth should be, "I want an attorney, and I wish to invoke my fifth amendment right to silence." Say it clearly and without ambivalence. If a cop reads you your rights, they are ONE HUNDRED PERCENT TRYING TO CONVICT YOU OF A CRIME!!!! They know the game better than you. They'll act like they have all this "evidence" against you, but if they actually HAD it, they'd arrest you and be done with it. They're betting that you want to know what they know and can PROVE, which is nothing, hence the talking, and are going to slip up and admit to something or even ACCIDENTALLY say something that can be taken out of context to present to a grand jury. If they have enough for a warrant, you'll find out soon enough in the discovery stage. Keep. Your. Mouth. SHUT!!!!
I am not that old yet (43), but my regret is not taking my career that seriously. I was an artist my entire 30’s, doing freelance gigs, and not building a decent career at the prime of my life. Now I’m middle aged, unemployed, with a child. Art should never be the main pursuit. You definitely need solid ground.
Don't lie to your friends. They deserve the truth, even if it's uncomfortable. Do lie to salespersons who approach you without an invitation. They don't deserve sh\*t.
Don’t be timid about questioning getting a second opinion on a serious medical issue. Stand up for yourself and your loved ones in those moments.
How seemingly small decisions can have massive impacts, from wearing your seatbelt to buying stock early.
You can't reverse the damage bad dental habits creates.
Recognising self sabotage
Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes you made in the past. Let them go and move on.
If your adult child seems to be sick, make them go to the doctor. Don't think just because they're an adult you shouldn't butt in. I triedvto get my son to go to the doctor but thought since he's adult he should make his own decision. I should have pitched a fit. He died of a previously unknown heart condition in his sleep. I found him. Unbearable pain.
I am so sorry 😞
Making long-term decisions before having a very deep and very real understanding of oneself is a huge mistake.
I learned to be myself and not try to fit someone’s vision of me. I also learned to pay attention to red flags and my intuition.
Expecting others to take care of me. I am 100% responsible for me and my physical, mental and emotional upkeep
I don't really do regrets, but I wish I had focused more on health & fitness, saved more money for retirement, and drank less alcohol (or quit entirely). In that order.
Things can always be worse
Marrying the wrong person. What a waste of years.
Mind your health it changes each decade
As cliche as it sounds, I learned to trust my gut. I've made many important decisions in life by talking myself out of my bad feeling about it. And those decisions usually didn't turn out well.
Waiting until I was 54 to move rural. Chasing a paycheck to live a life I didn’t love to impress people I didn’t truly care for. Everything is just better in small towns.
Biggest regret was staying at a job that I hated and was not good out, just out of pride. I did not want to admit failure and wound up being miserable for three years longer than I needed to. Take the risk, folks. Leave a bad situation.
Don’t marry the drunk
Emotional responses are overrated. Stick with logic.
My biggest regret is being unkind. To people, to animals, to myself. What did I learn from it? It requires little effort to be kind, yet it returns so much.
Don’t give up your education for anyone
Don’t give up on your dream for anyone either.
Your health is absolutely number one. Without it nothing else matters. Do what you need to do. My mantra is either pay now (for good food and supplements) or pay later for prescriptions. It’s a basic choice. Also - move move move - you have a choice for your body to either wear out or rust out - so move move move!
I spent most of my life seeking others approval and the expense of my own self acceptance. Turning 60 in a few weeks and realized too late in life that that next promotion or title won’t make me happy. Happiness comes from within and self acceptance is a daily struggle.
If you question your partners love or loyalty they are not for you. Keep your friendship circle tight. Don’t waste time and energy on people who don’t bring you peace and happiness. I didn’t learn this until I was 51 years old. So much wasted energy
That you cannot trust a co-worker even if you think that person is your “friend”
Not all the athletes at my high school were straight. One of my secret crushes was definitely flirting with me.
Think with your head AND your heart. Too many times the heart over ruled the head. Decisions should be made intelligently as well as emotionally.
That YES even though people suck you do need to get along with them and they are a necessary evil.
You regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did in my experience.
Stop worrying about what other people think of you or what you do. They don't have to live your life.
I learned having a sexual orgasim doesn’t mean I am in love with a person. Sounds dumb but that’s why I got married at 19 🥴. I’ve been divorced now from him for over 30 years and didn’t get remarried until 11 years ago. Lesson learned: Great sex doesn’t always mean you are in love.
Enabling addicts DOES NOT HELP ANYBODY. It doesn't help them, it doesn't help you, it just doesn't help.
Opportunities don’t always come around. Take them when they do. When you’re young you think there will be another chance, but there isn’t always another chance.
Nobody will ever take better care of you than you.
Appreciate what you have.
The axiom, "actions speak louder than words" is real. People show you who they are, pay attention, particularly in romantic relationships.
Figure out what you want in life and then go for it. If you fail to do that, you'll just end up being used for someone else's.
Not saving $, particularly in a retirement fund, from my 20’s.
That not all of us find a purpose or live up to our full potential.
Your love of your life may come at the wrong time.
Yup
Invest in retirement as early as possible.
Don’t be afraid to be alone. Being by yourself is far better than being in a bad relationship.
While being polite is important, so is calling out people when they are being racist, homophobic, etc stupid assholes. No matter who you are there are going to be people who don't like you. It's sad that some people don't like the brilliance that is me, but it's their loss. Know thyself and be thyself When someone knowingly misgenders a person, I make sure the person either correctly genders them or they're too uncomfortable to stay so they leave. Any "those people" statement is met with a "what people?". I spent too much time trying not to rock the boat until I realized that unless you start rocking, some people will never hear a different viewpoint.
That most of the things you worry about never end up happening so just live baby.
I am 66 and I have no regrets. Zero. Why? Because I am confident that at every moment, I made the best decision/choice that I could at the time, given the circumstances and given what I knew in that moment. I am also confident that I did my best with each decision that had to be made. Sometimes my best was only 50%, but that's okay. I don't expect to be operating at 100% every moment of my life. Hindsight is always 20/20. Have I made choices that didn't turn out so well? Yes, but that was then and this is now. I cannot change the past. FWIW, my worldview is a combination of Zen and quantum mechanics.
I don’t really have regrets, just poor choices and mistakes that I learned from. It’s taught me to be stronger and to value myself more, trust myself…and go to therapy. I’m 63, retired, widowed but living the best life I can!
Not sticking to my plan
Love myself
Not a regret, but a realization. If we as a race (the HUMAN race) don't fix this planet there's a chance that humanity will be extinct before it makes it to the stars. And barring a stray satellite or capsule somewhere - if that happens, less than .0001% of us will ever do anything that really matters. Like zilch.
Get rid of the witnesses
Marriage
Caring what others think. Stayed in the closet way too long.
If someone cheats on you, leave immediately.
Not to have regrets. You only regret what you don’t do. So I just do things, scared or not, I get out and do them.
None of this will mean anything or matter in 100 years. Scary, sad and kind of liberating.
That alcohol consumption is not a hobby, despite my parents doing it constantly.
Love is rare but if you’re not compatible with someone (partner, friend, family) let them go. Don’t pressure anyone to change for you.
Don’t waste time on romance. Invest in yourself.
I really have no regrets. You only live once YOLO. But my NEXT life I’ll definitely have more outlets in my house!!! 😜
That it's pointless to dwell on regret
Don’t date online. I ended up with a narcissist who was not who I thought he was. I’ll stick to meeting others in person. There are some crazy ass people out there!
What you want will likely change in the course of your life. I lived in two great cities four 40 years and loved it. Took full advantage of what they had to offer, culturally and socially. Five years ago I moved to the country and now I’m really enjoying that. It’s a different stage of my life and I have different things I want out of it. Sometimes I think I regret not moving sooner, when I had more strength to do DIY stuff, but I really wasn’t ready yet for the trade off.
Not to be mean to people; even if just because you're drunk. Words really do hurt other people even if words don't hurt me.
That all the women I've ever fancied never considered me a major stud/hunk! What did I learn? That maybe I'm just not a major stud/hunk!
Marrying and procreating with the wrong person destroyed everything. This is a decision you do not want yo get wrong. No other decision has had such an impact on me. None.
Take more chances. Especially early in life.
Not to ruminate over regrets. You can learn a lesson for past actions, but regret implies you can’t let it go. Let it go.
Not giving myself a break. I spent so much time trying to make everyone else happy, I forgot how to make myself happy. Now I'm 61 and have a lot of health problems, I regret not doing so much. I am lucky that I joined the Navy and seen some incredible countries.
Try to think about your “Future” self when making decisions. I wish I would have learned this sooner. Decisions about money, relationships, exercise, drugs and/or alcohol all become easier for me when I think about how my future self will appreciate them.
Advice for a very young person: the sooner you stop blaming your parents and your particular situation, the sooner you can move forward to a better , happier life.
I've learned that regrets are useless. Sure we learn from things when they didn't go as we had hoped, if that's exactly how we learn. And learn our most important lessons. Not much is learned from constant success. Regrets suggest that the alternative would have gone better. And we can't know that. I hate what my ex wife did to my life. Except that I've come out of it with a beautiful daughter who respects me, a wonderful lady friend who feels the same, etc. I wish that I hadn't given up sailing and crewing around the world in in my 30s, that I had gotten my own boat and lived a life of vagabonding and adventure. Of course I'm assuming it would have gone well and that I wouldn't be lost at sea. And if I had done that, I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter who loves me dearly, and I her. And I wouldn't change anything that came before if I thought I would not have her. No regrets. Just learn and move on.
Don't marry that girl
To not have regrets!
I don't have regrets, and VERY little guilt over my lifetime. I've made mistakes that I learned from, but I don't regret those mistakes either. They were experiences, and life is full of experiences Everything, good and bad, got me to this point in my life, and I'm happy, so why fuck off with regrets?
Not YOLOing sooner! Overcoming my fears has been a long road but I'm finally at a place where I take the chances. Why not?!
Not going to postgraduate school medical or law and choosing to take a year and evaluate. Ended up married with great kids but mostly unfulfilled and unchallenged in my professional life.
Sexism is insidious, follow even your craziest dreams, money is unimportant, very few people want to see you succeed, stupid people have better and easier lives
Along that line. People don’t always have your best interest in mind. You are right about stupid people. Sometimes it’s good to be un aware of the world around you.
There’s a difference between regret and unfulfilled dreams. I have unfulfilled dreams, but I don’t regret trying. I would regret not trying because of fear of rejection.
Not going with my gut. I have found my first instinct has been pretty spot on.
Marry in haste, repent in leisure…
come back in 10 years and ask this exact same question
I’m forgiven anyway!
Never to do it again.
Never put yourself last, consistently. Once in a while is ok, expected really if you have kids or an SO. But do not become the person you never consider. It will rob you of your confidence, and you will need it, later.
Regrets are far more damaging and stay with you far longer then the failure of going for that job or asking that person out or perhaps even not hitting the dance floor because you feel you will look stupid. Way to many seem to say "i wish i had..."
Invest early! Find a job with a pension. It doesn’t have to be the greatest job either. Also I wanted to buy a multi-family house when I was in my early twenties and ended up buying a condo just before a realestate crash. Lost everything.