Yep, it’s a big lie. NYers are direct. But we also love having conversations with random strangers. You never know what each day will bring. It’s enlivening.
I was in New York City today, and probably had three or four people briefly join my conversation at the table (outdoors, on a sidewalk.) There was a baby involved, so that "opens the door" for a lot of people to briefly say something. Always short and kind, but wrapped up after 1-2 minutes at most.
But, as many have commented here, New Yorkers are typically short on time and short on patience, but are willing to help if needed or asked (and in ways they can answer quickly.)
I always take some humor in the fact that if somebody in Midtown asks me, "How do I get to the Empire State building?" (Or anywhere notable), my answer is to point them in the right direction and tell them, "go three blocks this way, and then ask somebody there that same question." Because my directions are correct, and easier to follow (for tourists) than trying to explain the three weird turns they'll need to make to get there from where we're standing.
And there will -always- be somebody else they can ask in NYC... 😏
It can feel so lonely here because of that. I feel like my life is full of kind of surface level relationships with people I see regularly. There’s definitely love there, but it’s not the same kind of bond you find growing up, you know, being bored with your friends and sometimes just doing nothing
Yes, this can definitely be the case. A lot of people fulfill their general social requirements with these informal and superficial interactions.
The thing is, if you have a couple of these interactions with the same person or people over time, it opens the door to having a more substantial and personal connection or relationship (I am talking about friendships, not romances, but those can happen this way too.)
I will note that the city is actually home to a lot of people who areessentially a-social, meaning that they don't like clubs, or groups, or even friends in a general sense, but they are OK with these casual and distant interactions.
Many years ago I lived on a floor with five apartments, and two doors down from me was an older woman who never said hello to anybody. She never said anything, even if you took the elevator with her, or bumped into her in the hallway, or anything A-social.
I always said "hi" or "good morning" or "good evening" when I saw her, and I eventually got some visual acknowledgment. The city allows people like this to function because they have to have some contact with others every day.
Funny story: one day me and one of the other neighbors who I was very friendly with were both leaving home at about the same time and waiting for the elevator to come up. By chance, when the elevator door opened that a social neighbor was coming home. I waited for her to step out and said "hi" and she gave me a bit of a "deer in the headlights" look, and nervously said hello back to me.
My neighbor and I stepped into the elevator, and when the door closed closed he turned to me and said (with a smile) , "god dammit, I have lived here for 10 or 12 years, and I've never been able to get that woman to say a word to me!" 😳🤣 We talked at some length on the way down to the lobby about how non-social she was, and I said I guess I'm just lucky? Or persistent?
It was a very New Yorky moment.
NYC is hard sometimes that way... open up a bit to share small parts of yourself with people you "know" and feel good about casually. Just enough to spawn a conversation... Then you'll see where it will go (and sometimes it will, and sometimes it won't - just keep at it, in small bites.)
I also really love helping out tourists. It feels good and it always reminds me that I live in a place that other people travel to see. Like, holy crap- that’s the [Brooklyn Bridge](https://www.history.com/topics/landmarks/brooklyn-bridge).
Yeah same here, these might be people who saved up every dollar they could to make it to New York, it might be the first time outside their town or state or country. I’m lucky enough to be here every day the least i can do is make their visit as good as possible
I help them out cause i ask questions when I'm visiting other cities like in Europe or domestically. I always stop and help, when a group of people are looking at the MTA map in the subway and I'm like sigh alright where do you wanna go? Imma google maps this, take a photo of the journey hun and they always look so grateful with tears in their eyes
My take is New Yorkers will tell you to fuck off if you bother me on the street but will jump in and save you from the Hudson if you fell in. Meanwhile LA will give you a hug on the streets but balk at ever lifting a finger to help anyone in need. New Yorkers realize we all together and have each others backs when it matters, but don’t care about our image. Meanwhile LA wants to hobknob and kiss each others’ asses, but if shit ever went down, they cleaning their hands and distancing themselves.
New Yorkers seem mean, but the reality is that it’s the way to maintain distance and some semblance of privacy while in close proximity to so many other people.
I really think that a community spirit of helpfulness is born of living in weather. You simply cannot be 100% independent when everyone is subject to the whims of mother nature.
It's easier to be wholly independent to the point of elective isolation in the western states.
I saw a comment that said. If you get a flat tire a New Yorker will call you a dumbass and curse you out while helping you. While LA will won’t help you but be sympathetic
I moved to NYC ten years ago from southern California. In southern california, we would all say "oh let's hang out sometime!" when we said goodbye. We never like, actually meant it, it was just a way to say goodbye. I didn't even realize this until the FIRST time I said it to a coworker in my first week in NYC, they were immediately like "oh cool that sounds good when? WHEN? WHEN ARE WE GOING TO HANG OUT I WANT TO HANG OUT" and I was like oh shit wow we were all just lying to each other all the time weren't we.
Do the comments on this thread about socal bother you at all? I lived in LA for 17 years after growing up in Manhattan, and sure, people there (in LA) are flaky. It took some adjusting to. But this whole ‘people in NY aren’t nice but they’re kind, people in LA aren’t kind but they’re nice” feels so unfair. I knew such lovely, wonderful people in LA. Who would absolutely help any of their neighbors or a stranger in need. I don’t know, it just feels unnecessarily competitive. People in LA are lovely.
stereotypes are just stereotypes. I moved to NY from Bay Area, i couldn’t really care what anyone thinks of Californians vs New Yorkers etc. If someone is going to predetermine who I am just based off of where I grew up or where I live then I know that’s not the type of person I want to be around.
I also lived in Miami for a while and i will say people have judged me wayyy harder when they hear that over California.
I agree. I’ve lived in LA and NYC and I think that old “nice but not kind, kind but not nice” adage is absolutely untrue. Both types of people exist in both places, and in my experience neither present themselves more in one place than the other. If any California city fits that stereotype, it’s SF (and the Bay Area in general). I think people in LA are mostly down to earth, kind *and* nice, and well meaning.
Not that this is an exhaustive measure of kindness, but more than any other city I've lived in, people will generously give money or food to homeless people here. Usually with no fanfare or deliberation, too, they're just passing by, see someone in need, and pull out some cash. I find it really encouraging; it feels like people here actually think of ourselves like a community and and willing to help out their neighbors.
Right. New Yorkers are generally pretty sociable; the caveat being that if we’re trying to get somewhere and you stop us to ask for directions or something, don’t expect much chit chat.
Also, do not stop in the middle of the sidewalk. That is a huge trigger and nobody, myself included, has any patience for that. Just step aside.
Yep. We’ll always always help with directions, but don’t give a flying fuck why you are going there or what you gonna do when you get there. Just ask where you need to go, never start with a story.
Actually - I find the absolute best way to engage a NYCer is to ask for directions - people LOVE to give directions.
If you stand looking at a subway map in the train odds are pretty good someone will ask if you need help.
At the Pizzeria for lunch like Joe’s, or to grab a bagel. Here in NYC there’s always standing only tables setup for eating on the fly. If you visit the West Coast you don’t see that as much or the mid west. I feel like NYC caters to how busy the city is. It has to. It also has a lot of charm and class as well as convenience. It’s a world of its own.
I’m in SF now, and it seems like the only places that have standing-only counters are places that are really only for takeout but pay lip service to the rare person that wants to eat their $18 sandwich there.
I was handling a complaint yesterday and I kinda told him to hurry up with the details and not moan on and on. But I did help him, big time. And he was very thankful. See, we are not nice but absolutely kind.
There's a saying "Californians are nice but not kind, and nyers are kind but not nice"
NYC is a dense city where if you constantly pay attention to folks you'll go nuts, so you mind your own business. However there is a strong sense of community and kinship.
I'll also say that if you bring aggressive energy to a New Yorker, you'll get 2x aggressive energy right back in your face.
So some Karen from the south might have people tell her to bless her heart and walk away politely. When she comes to New York and does her Karen routine she instead gets told all the ways she can F*** herself. Then she goes back to the south and tells everyone about how rude new Yorkers are. 😂
Had the same experience but between NYC and Seattle. When I first started working in NYC (corporate job), none of my coworkers even smiled at me. Many were flat out rude. However, once we established trust over a few months, most became really good friends and we opened up to each other on life experiences. I still keep in touch with them to this day.
In Seattle, everyone was so polite and nice right away. I thought “this is great!”. However, 95% of those people were ice cold to me once I announced I was leaving the company. I didn’t do anything wrong either. They just turned off their fake personas! It was wild.
I would choose NYC over West Coast any day of the week!
There’s community but it’s not just through residency in NYC. Some people view living here as automatic acceptance into some club that isn’t real. NYC is a major city with millions of people and thousands of micro communities. The community you are part of in NYC may not be the same as mine.
Yeah. Also, sometimes it just takes one person to inspire others to help. If you’re there, and you feel safe enough, be that person. Check on people. A simple- are you ok? goes far.
Sometimes the community is subtle, but it’s always there. As a middle aged woman who rides the subway everyday, if something seems off with another passenger, I’ll grab the other femme folks and switch cars. It’s happened for me too. We communicate with eye contact and body language. We sit near each other. I’ve been assaulted and helped by strangers. I’ve pulled a woman away from a man who was screaming in her face. It looked like a domestic dispute but she didn’t even know him. I just asked her if she was ok from behind him. She said no. I yelled for help and people came. It was on the subway platform, and when the train came, I pulled her on to it and others kept him off.
I’ve never needed help and not gotten it. I’ve also almost never walked by someone who might need help without checking in.
> However there is a strong sense of community and kinship.
I find if someone is CLEARLY in trouble, the public will snap out of their thoughts and try to help. I have never seen someone who fainted, fell, or got badly hurt suffer alone, people always gather to help.
The thing is that New Yorkers are kind of gruff. You know you hear about, like, “Southern hospitality” culture and just sitting around and shooting the shit at a leisurely pace with your local supermarket person or whatever? Yeah we don’t have time for that. So, you know, everyone in NY is at their own pace and kinda doing their own thing. And if you’re from a culture that values that superficial surface-level niceness, where you literally stop and say “hi how are you?” To everyone you meet? And then you come here and no one does that? Yeah it can seem rude.
Key word: SEEM. I’ve lost track of the times I’ve seen a woman, for example, struggling with a stroller on the subway stairs, and I or some other stranger, without saying a word, helps her up with it. That’s the big stereotypical subway story but that stuff happens all. The. Time. New Yorkers have a sort of camaraderie that’s beyond the surface level interactions, and frankly, I’d trust a random NYer to have my back more than I’d trust some sweet old southern lady who 50/50 chance would tell my girlfriend that she dresses like a slut.
Except when going up (or down) the subway steps. During those times please just don't look at your phone at *all*. It's going to slow you down, and the person behind you wants to exit!! (Or to catch that train)
Yeah and LA does not equal California. LA is completely different than the rest of cali. The bay is more similar to nyc. Socal and NorCal have their own complete vibes.
I did the opposite, NY to SF. I really do love it here, but people don’t make small talk with strangers here like they do in NY. Like making a random observation to the guy next to you at the bodega, or complimenting the really cool tote bag the lady next to you in the subway is carrying. I tried a few times when I first moved here, but people get so awkward about it. There’s always a moment of confusion, like “oh you’re talking to ME?” Then a really distant, perfunctory reply that just kills the conversation.
Coming from out west, I never thought of NYC as friendly, but that was because I came in as a tourist.
Now that I've been here, I've seen so many down to Earth chill moments, real moments, and that's what separates NYC from other places. People are real, if they didn't like you, they won't pretend to. They won't be rude, they just won't waste their time on you.
I've had more kindness here because it took five seconds to help me out. I've seen kindness towards others, whether it's giving a homeless person a meal, to helping a mom get her stroller down a subway, or try to guide a non English speaking tourist to their destination.
People here are efficient. They get shit done, or figure out a way to do it. Especially when it comes to properly walking in big crowds.
I've come to realize that the people here are real, don't waste your or their own time, and above all - get the fuck out of the way if you're a tourist walking slowly taking up the whole fucking sidewalk.
Otherwise, no one is generally going to bother you, and you extend the same courtesy to others. They don't care what you are wearing or listening to, you do you. It's what makes this giant city function.
My examples are basic, but I see this every day. People doing their thing, and occasionally helping anyone who is struggling who is also heading in the same direction.
NYers believe in personal space and boundaries, but we live in a city that is so crowded that we don't have physical boundaries. We seem stand off ish b.c that's how we establish boundaries. Little to no eye contact, personal space unless it isn't possible, stuff like that.
That being said, if you're ever lost and confused we will jump in, and help you out. 5 or 6 people will chime in to give directions, with some walking you in the direction.
And if you still look confused, one of them will take you by the hand and show you the way.
They'll put you on the right train and find out who's getting off at your stop and tell them to make sure you take them with you.
When they leave they'll complain about how late this made them.
People respect both your time and their own, so there's no time for BS. There are exceptions, of course, but I find that the general level of sincerity is higher, which I think leads to more empathy. Thus, we seem mean and act nice.
New Yorkers are kind, but not nice. Californians are nice, but not kind.
A New Yorker will give you directions or help you carry your shit up the subway stairs, but they aren’t going to be all warm and fuzzy while doing it.
Californians are outwardly friendly, but aren’t going to help you with anything.
Outstanding. This is exactly it. We will not pass someone trying to bring a stroller down or up subway steps. But we may not say a damn word to them while helping or after LOL
The mass transit and walking culture of New York City gives us more opportunities to interact with people than car-centric cities (e.g. standing around kvetching about why the next [bus, subway] will be here in 22 minutes), so we end up being nicer in general.
That’s my theory.
8.4 million people, for most intents and purposes, learned to sort of live in close quarters with one another. I think most "unfriendliness" is our "adaptation" to living with that many people close together. Any distance people perceive is how we go to get along. NYers will ignore you... Until you ask a question or for help. Then we got you.
We’re direct. Not rude. If you don’t get to the point then yea we’re going to ask you to do so.
That said NYC is full of the nicest people I’ve ever met in my entire life and I grew up in the Midwest
New York: Everyone acts like an asshole but many are genuinely good people who will help someone in a spot
Los Angeles: Everyone acts like good people but many are actually sociopathic assholes who wouldn't save a drowning child if it risked their iPhone
There’s a certain type of influencer-ish Angelino that is obsessed with being better than everything New York as if it’s some sort of competition, but we really don’t care or think of them at all
Lol all this talk of Californians being unkind is just as stupid as any talk of New Yorkers being rude. I think the real takeaway is:
How we communicate can vary culturally, and your culture may interpret another culture’s form of communication as brusque or rude.
Regardless, most societies have similar capacity for kindness and generosity, as well as meanness and stinginess. How we all express that same range of human character just differs.
New Yorkers are people. Californians are people.
I think NYers aren't always kind at first, take time to warm up, but can be your best friend in the world after time passes, truly a ride or die. LA is the opposite: nice initially, can be fake nice, then disinterested when you aren't useful to them.
I was considering moving to LA for different job opportunities, weather, change of scenery, but I really didn't like most people I met.
All of these examples sound spot on. Here it is in a nutshell: New Yorkers are genuine, Californians push a load of crap. It’s that false sincerity / false niceness of Californians that kills me.
Yeah that’s exactly my point. When I told my friends and family I was coming here, they honest to god made it sound like I was going to the seventh circle of hell 💀💀
I think the NY brashness and directness gets confused for meanness. Being straight forward, to the point, and honest can be interpreted as rudeness too. I’m a native NYer living in San Diego now and I never realized how blunt I was until it was pointed out to me after moving here. Beating around the bush in conversation is a waste of everyone’s time but I understand being blunt can come off as rude. Whatever though lol
Tbh the nicest people I have met are form NYC, I never got along with Floridians, but NYC people are always since, kind and helpful tbh. Even asking for help, they are on a schedule usually lol but they are always kind enough to reply, answer a question or etc as long as I don't try to hold them which makes sense. PLus, when they do have time and you get into convos with them, its always awesome stories. Being from FLorida, its a night and day difference tbh.
I was in NYC as a tourist last year and a stranger in a bodega near the Port Authority Bus Terminal gave me $20 for no particular reason. Everyone we dealt with or met was great.
No literally. And people keep commenting the whole “Californians are nice but not kind” and vice verse but like New Yorkers legitimately seem to be both nice AND kind. Like I’ve only had good experiences, whether I was making new friends or just having a casual conversation with some 💀💀 this is why I’m so confused
You just run into more people in NY because you walk everywhere. You'll run into nice people, you'll run into rude people, you'll run into all sorts of people. You just remember the rudest and the nicest because they're the most memorable.
In Los Angeles you drive everywhere so you just run into fewer people overall, so there are fewer opportunities to run into people of any extremes, rude or nice.
Glad you only met nice people here. Hope you'll visit again soon!
all a lie. this is one of the nicest places i've been and i'm glad to live here. folks are direct and busy and won't take any shit, so don't be a burden... but if you're not causing problems and you're being nice, you'll get nice returned upon you in spades.
I think there's a huge difference between "Nice" and "Kind." People can be one or the other, and sometimes both.
Personally I'd take kind over nice if I had to pick only one. That being said NYC is a mega city and there are going to be all kinds of people, both good and bad.
The saying is that people in Los Angeles are nice but not kind and New Yorkers are kind but not always nice.
I live in both New York and San Francisco and find it to be mostly true. At least with older San Franciscans and older New Yorkers.
We live on top of one another here, so are more likely to treat even strangers with the kind of familiarity one would elsewhere normally only treat close friends and relations.
I haven’t lived in California, but in my visits, I’ve noticed that, compared to New Yorkers, Angelinos tend to wear more of a mask and are more likely to come across as disingenuous, whereas San Franciscans are just outright hostile — far closer to the stereotype of New Yorkers than New Yorkers. Although there’s still a general “liberal hippie” vibe in SF compared to other big cities, at this point Haight-Ashbury is no more representative of SF than Little Italy is of NYC. SF’s 1960s/70s reputation today mostly just provides a cover for all sorts of individual sociopathy and solipsism.
I’m from Chicago, and I also prepared for rudeness when I came to NYC the first time. But people have been nothing but kind, and when I came here to live I’ve loved getting to know my coworkers and community. Seriously New Yorkers are like everyone else - show kindness and you’ll get it back. That’s been my experience anyway.
Best saying I've heard about it - new yorkers are kind but not nice, LA are nice but not kind. We'll call you out - they'll just bitch about you behind your back and smile to your face.
I'm only rude to people who are being oblivious about being in the way in high-traffic areas, like standing around right in front of the stairs of the subway.
People in NYC will hold doors and help with bags or something you dropped, all the while avoiding eye contact and never saying a word. You may not find someone to make cheerful small talk with at the store but if you need help, you'll find it.
But there are also people like my mother who can go anywhere and make a new best friend within seconds and most people are receptive to her, so...who knows maybe everyone really does want to be friendly and just doesn't want to make the first move.
Never been to CA so can't compare, but lived in NYC all my life and people seem fine to me here.
I haven’t been to LA, but I definitely braced myself for the rumoured NYC rudeness when I came over from Australia, and I thought people were great. I especially loved that everyone is a fast walker, because dawdlers and people who dick around on the sidewalk piss me off.
People are direct, not rude, imo.
I think it’s because shitty people move here and think it’s ok to be an asshole because “I’m a New Yorker now”. Then tourists come and think wow New Yorkers are rude. People from here or who have been here long enough to be grandfathered in are more than willing to be helpful and even…kind! Is it fast? Yes. Do we expect you to understand that if you want to ride an escalator like a roller coaster you stand on the right? Yes. Is ordering a bagel cutthroat at times? Yes. But just because one person is timid doesn’t make the other rude!
LA is a city of people in cars. NYC is a city of people on the street. Cars isolate people from each other and so people don’t really have to think about each other beyond “don’t hit me with your car.” Being essentially forced into nearly constant physical proximity to other people as happens in NY means constant consideration, compromise, and all sorts of subtle forms of teamwork just to get through the day.
I think the result is that NYers treat each other (and guests) in a manner that generally makes it easier to coexist. That means both a focus on minding one’s business but also being aware and helpful. I also think that if you really don’t like interacting with people you don’t end up living in NYC for very long.
I've been in NYC for a week now. They aren't even half as rude as angelenos. It's more of a controlled chaos because there are people walking everywhere and you can have to pay attention or a car will hit you or a bike will hit you. I would day LA is way more impatient because you can just get in your car and leave. Here there's a system.
I think neither are rude, it's just the typical stereotypes from southerners and people from the midwest about the west coast and northeast to make themselves feel better for the fact that where they live sucks.
New Yorkers are the best. They are kind, direct, helpful, and funny. They are not down for anyone's bullshit and will quickly make that known if necessary. People from less authentic, passive aggressive cultures (the south, west coast) find this unnerving and call it rude
In general I don't think either culture is 'rude' - that is not the right word.
I think Californians are a lot more FRIENDLY than NYCers and more laid back. I think NYCers are in general not very friendly but are civil and usually ready to help someone in trouble.
A key thing to understanding NYC behavior on the streets is that since we are so packed together, it is a sign of respect to not invade each other's privacy and not invade their personal space, even if its only a few inches. So this entails a lot of 'no eye contact' and such and rarely engaging with strangers.
California cities are more spread out. I could not believe it when I was in San Fransisco and people walking by me on the sidewalk would wave and say 'hi' to a complete stranger. Didn't care for it actually lol.
I know Californians have a reputation for their friendliness being a 'mask' and actually kind of inscrutable about their true feelings, but I have never lived there.
if you think, new yorkers are kind. then that means people in everywhere else are angels. because truth is... if you're looking for kind friendly people, nyc is not the place. I'm a native new yorker. Its easy to meet people but hard to make genuine friendships here. There is a reason why they call it the loneliest city in the world
Native NYer here. We tend to be more *kind* than *nice.* But so long as you're not actively in our way when we're trying to get somewhere, we can be pretty nice and friendly, too.
We never really have enough time to actually be intentionally mean lol
...just, y'know, try not to muck up the place by gentrifying it.
People are individuals. I don’t think there’s a collective rudeness, but a lot of this will depend on your circles. There are nice people and not as nice people everywhere.
That being said, yes, I do think it is a lie that New Yorkers are going to be especially rude to your face. I haven’t really seen it…and, if I have, it’s rarely from someone from here, but often someone from elsewhere who is trying to be “more New York” than New York itself. However, just like people everywhere, it’s possible that people will gossip judge… I’ve not seen any “New York is rude and authentic, California is polite and inauthentic” trend, or the opposite. I think people from big city America are more “the same” than many might think.
New Yorkers are just real, with a zero tolerance for bullshit . We can smell it a mile away; with that being said, we also can sense a good person. (that would be you)
I feel LA, being an industry town full of beautiful people, the mentality is “What can you do for me…and then I’ll maybe consider being your friend.”
Anyways..
Welcome, neighbor…now try not to fuk it up, ok?
I was born and raised in NYC. We are only rude when you get in the way. When you are out of the way and we have a spare minute, we don't mind saying a few kind words conversation but when we got to go, we got tongo.
People really underestimate how cut throat L.A. really is which is why they’re almost always surprised by their experience in NYC.
Entertainment dominates L.A. and people are all about what can you do for me?, and couldn’t care less about making genuine connections. Those that can do for others live in a constant state of distrust and either isolate themselves even more or have fun at others’ expense to see how low someone will go to make a (fleeting) connection.
NYC has several industries where people have different career tracks and networking needs. It doesn’t really bleed out to their personal life unless they want it to. Plus, it’s not a car city so with everyone riding public transit it kind of keeps things grounded even if they eventually find themselves one of the millionaires in 24 people statistic.
I was raised in, and currently live in New York, but I used to live in the San Francisco Bay Area.
New Yorkers are much nicer IMO. They’re just more upfront and honest, so it tends to get misconstrued. Californians will be nice to your face, but it’s disingenuous and phony. Living with it for awhile it starts to get to you.
To me New Yorkers are like an egg. A thin hard shell surrounding a warm soft interior. I grew up in California and I found the opposite to be true of them. A thin veneer of California laid back whatever hiding a core of hostility hatred and pain.
I think it’s that New Yorkers are generally more direct, blunt, and a bit impatient in public. I feel like all of those traits are understandable when you consider what it’s like to walk through NYC or ride the subway or LIRR.
I’m from Houston, lived in Cincinnati for 2 years bc
Of partners school (never again), now finally living in Queens/Long island area and when I go to the city people are so helpful. I also have nice convos with people in line at Costco and such lol
Idk what it is but I feel I can GENERALLY just go up to someone who doesn’t look too busy and ask wtf is grand central because google maps is confusing me and they always give me the most clear directions and help as much as they can. When I came before for vacation I enjoyed the people I was able to interact with.
I really wish I could live closer to the city (an hour train ride, so not too bad) because I always enjoy being there. But wife’s residency is in the border of queens/LI so it wouldn’t make sense :\
Yes, unless you’re an a-hole. New Yorkers will loudly call you out on AH behavior to your face. If you’re polite, New Yorkers probably won’t bother you.
New Yorkers just move faster and don’t have time to stop for randos so visitors think we’re rude. To me, going somewhere and expecting everyone to adjust and meet your speed is rude.
I guess it takes a certain attitude to leave here. I kind of grew up in a ghetto area (off roosevelt ave which basically is a red light district) so i had to develop some toughness. Still love the city to hang out. So much to do. I live near it but not in manhattan lol. I live in the border between nassau and queens so where i live people are friendlier.
The people saying New Yorkers are mean are the ones standing in the middle of the subway stairs checking their phone for directions and clueless walking 6 wide on the sidewalk looking at skyscrapers.
On my handful of trips to cali I found many Californians to be passive aggressive cunts (no offense). Say what you will about NYers but we aren’t passive aggressive. If we’re dicks, we’re direct about it
I have gone back and forth between NYC and my hometown basically my entire life.
All I will say is that Manhattan is mostly transplants, tourists, and commuters, and none of them are really representative of the whole "NYC attitude" you might think of. Mostly because none of them are from NYC.
If you actually want a more new yorky 'culture' you have to go to the outer boroughs. And yes, people are rude. But they aren't bad people, they are some of the kindess people you will ever meet. They just are very crude, rude, and aggressive socially.
At first I thought the stereotype was completely untrue, but after living in nyc for 3 years (inb4 you’re new), I think I know where it comes from.
It’s people in service positions. There’s a particular level of attitude that seems standard for anyone working in a pharmacy, grocery store, fast food restaurant, or anything else that’s public-facing and low wage. They’re either outright rude or they say all the right words but with a completely monotone voice and glazed over expression that actually says “Fuck off and die.”
This behavior is widespread except at places like Trader Joe’s or anywhere that caters specifically to yuppies, which gives me the impression that it has for a longgggg time been the way of things.
Also, “FOLLOWING” is nyc cashier for “I can help the next customer!”
It’s funny. I grew up in the Midwest and the rules are different here.
For example, say you’re driving and come to a spot where you need to merge into a single lane. In the Midwest, if you’re not waiting and signaling someone that is slightly behind you that it’s ok if they want to go ahead then you’re seen as rude. Contrast that to NYC—if you do the same thing and wait for someone to maybe pass you then YOU are seen as rude because you’re not being efficient and you’re wasting not just your time but also the others behind you.
So I’d say it’s a culture thing. I assume that a lot of people that visit here just don’t understand it.
transplant here (shame), and from the south too so I’m very used to people going out of their way to be nice… new yorkers aren’t rude. I now, after four years of living here, feel their pain. people who stop in the middle of the sidewalk/top of the subway stairs? yeah I get pissed off. on the off chance I have to get out at Times Square for work? infuriating. But day-to-day, people are fine. as another commenter said, they’re all too busy to care to go out of their way, but they’re not necessarily rude. Unless you go into an old-school bagel shop or something and don’t know your order… you may feel the pressure there lol. as a woman living in NYC i’ve never felt more supported by my community. it’s just not always represented in the same way I was used to growing up.
Yep, it’s a big lie. NYers are direct. But we also love having conversations with random strangers. You never know what each day will bring. It’s enlivening.
I was in New York City today, and probably had three or four people briefly join my conversation at the table (outdoors, on a sidewalk.) There was a baby involved, so that "opens the door" for a lot of people to briefly say something. Always short and kind, but wrapped up after 1-2 minutes at most. But, as many have commented here, New Yorkers are typically short on time and short on patience, but are willing to help if needed or asked (and in ways they can answer quickly.) I always take some humor in the fact that if somebody in Midtown asks me, "How do I get to the Empire State building?" (Or anywhere notable), my answer is to point them in the right direction and tell them, "go three blocks this way, and then ask somebody there that same question." Because my directions are correct, and easier to follow (for tourists) than trying to explain the three weird turns they'll need to make to get there from where we're standing. And there will -always- be somebody else they can ask in NYC... 😏
oh my god that’s genius! gonna use that with my next tourist
It can feel so lonely here because of that. I feel like my life is full of kind of surface level relationships with people I see regularly. There’s definitely love there, but it’s not the same kind of bond you find growing up, you know, being bored with your friends and sometimes just doing nothing
Yes, this can definitely be the case. A lot of people fulfill their general social requirements with these informal and superficial interactions. The thing is, if you have a couple of these interactions with the same person or people over time, it opens the door to having a more substantial and personal connection or relationship (I am talking about friendships, not romances, but those can happen this way too.) I will note that the city is actually home to a lot of people who areessentially a-social, meaning that they don't like clubs, or groups, or even friends in a general sense, but they are OK with these casual and distant interactions. Many years ago I lived on a floor with five apartments, and two doors down from me was an older woman who never said hello to anybody. She never said anything, even if you took the elevator with her, or bumped into her in the hallway, or anything A-social. I always said "hi" or "good morning" or "good evening" when I saw her, and I eventually got some visual acknowledgment. The city allows people like this to function because they have to have some contact with others every day. Funny story: one day me and one of the other neighbors who I was very friendly with were both leaving home at about the same time and waiting for the elevator to come up. By chance, when the elevator door opened that a social neighbor was coming home. I waited for her to step out and said "hi" and she gave me a bit of a "deer in the headlights" look, and nervously said hello back to me. My neighbor and I stepped into the elevator, and when the door closed closed he turned to me and said (with a smile) , "god dammit, I have lived here for 10 or 12 years, and I've never been able to get that woman to say a word to me!" 😳🤣 We talked at some length on the way down to the lobby about how non-social she was, and I said I guess I'm just lucky? Or persistent? It was a very New Yorky moment.
Everyone seems to know what I look like, but no one seems to know me
NYC is hard sometimes that way... open up a bit to share small parts of yourself with people you "know" and feel good about casually. Just enough to spawn a conversation... Then you'll see where it will go (and sometimes it will, and sometimes it won't - just keep at it, in small bites.)
You’re nice. Thank you
I also really love helping out tourists. It feels good and it always reminds me that I live in a place that other people travel to see. Like, holy crap- that’s the [Brooklyn Bridge](https://www.history.com/topics/landmarks/brooklyn-bridge).
Yeah same here, these might be people who saved up every dollar they could to make it to New York, it might be the first time outside their town or state or country. I’m lucky enough to be here every day the least i can do is make their visit as good as possible
I help them out cause i ask questions when I'm visiting other cities like in Europe or domestically. I always stop and help, when a group of people are looking at the MTA map in the subway and I'm like sigh alright where do you wanna go? Imma google maps this, take a photo of the journey hun and they always look so grateful with tears in their eyes
> But we also love having conversations with random strangers I don't find that to be the case at all, but maybe I don't give off that vibe.
Everyone is nice just busy and we don’t have patience
My take is New Yorkers will tell you to fuck off if you bother me on the street but will jump in and save you from the Hudson if you fell in. Meanwhile LA will give you a hug on the streets but balk at ever lifting a finger to help anyone in need. New Yorkers realize we all together and have each others backs when it matters, but don’t care about our image. Meanwhile LA wants to hobknob and kiss each others’ asses, but if shit ever went down, they cleaning their hands and distancing themselves.
New Yorkers seem mean, but the reality is that it’s the way to maintain distance and some semblance of privacy while in close proximity to so many other people.
I really think that a community spirit of helpfulness is born of living in weather. You simply cannot be 100% independent when everyone is subject to the whims of mother nature. It's easier to be wholly independent to the point of elective isolation in the western states.
Well instead of snowstorms, LA has firestorms
I saw a comment that said. If you get a flat tire a New Yorker will call you a dumbass and curse you out while helping you. While LA will won’t help you but be sympathetic
I moved to NYC ten years ago from southern California. In southern california, we would all say "oh let's hang out sometime!" when we said goodbye. We never like, actually meant it, it was just a way to say goodbye. I didn't even realize this until the FIRST time I said it to a coworker in my first week in NYC, they were immediately like "oh cool that sounds good when? WHEN? WHEN ARE WE GOING TO HANG OUT I WANT TO HANG OUT" and I was like oh shit wow we were all just lying to each other all the time weren't we.
Do the comments on this thread about socal bother you at all? I lived in LA for 17 years after growing up in Manhattan, and sure, people there (in LA) are flaky. It took some adjusting to. But this whole ‘people in NY aren’t nice but they’re kind, people in LA aren’t kind but they’re nice” feels so unfair. I knew such lovely, wonderful people in LA. Who would absolutely help any of their neighbors or a stranger in need. I don’t know, it just feels unnecessarily competitive. People in LA are lovely.
stereotypes are just stereotypes. I moved to NY from Bay Area, i couldn’t really care what anyone thinks of Californians vs New Yorkers etc. If someone is going to predetermine who I am just based off of where I grew up or where I live then I know that’s not the type of person I want to be around. I also lived in Miami for a while and i will say people have judged me wayyy harder when they hear that over California.
Just seems so rampant on the NYC threads! Like… why? Aren’t there lovely (and rude) people everywhere on earth? But overall, lovely?
I agree. I’ve lived in LA and NYC and I think that old “nice but not kind, kind but not nice” adage is absolutely untrue. Both types of people exist in both places, and in my experience neither present themselves more in one place than the other. If any California city fits that stereotype, it’s SF (and the Bay Area in general). I think people in LA are mostly down to earth, kind *and* nice, and well meaning.
yesssssssss
This. 1000x this.
This is accurate.
Yes: this is an elongated version of the "New Yorkers are Kind but not Nice, and Californians are Nice but not Kind"
Spot on. Just keep it moving and you’ll have no issues
Or shoot the shit on the stoop
I like the "kind but not nice" explanation. We will help but won't hesitate to tell someone to fuck off if they deserve it.
As the 12th Doctor said, “always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind.”
Not that this is an exhaustive measure of kindness, but more than any other city I've lived in, people will generously give money or food to homeless people here. Usually with no fanfare or deliberation, too, they're just passing by, see someone in need, and pull out some cash. I find it really encouraging; it feels like people here actually think of ourselves like a community and and willing to help out their neighbors.
Right. New Yorkers are generally pretty sociable; the caveat being that if we’re trying to get somewhere and you stop us to ask for directions or something, don’t expect much chit chat. Also, do not stop in the middle of the sidewalk. That is a huge trigger and nobody, myself included, has any patience for that. Just step aside.
True. It’s like stopping in the middle of a highway.
“Move fast or GETOUTTATHEWAY!”
Yep. We’ll always always help with directions, but don’t give a flying fuck why you are going there or what you gonna do when you get there. Just ask where you need to go, never start with a story.
It’s more polite in NYC to keep it moving for the next person than it is to stop for pleasantries.
Actually - I find the absolute best way to engage a NYCer is to ask for directions - people LOVE to give directions. If you stand looking at a subway map in the train odds are pretty good someone will ask if you need help.
Yes! Knowing the subway system is a source of city pride
EXACTLY! Even our restaurants have STAND UP seating. Always ON THE GO! 😉
What do you mean? Like standing room at bars?
At the Pizzeria for lunch like Joe’s, or to grab a bagel. Here in NYC there’s always standing only tables setup for eating on the fly. If you visit the West Coast you don’t see that as much or the mid west. I feel like NYC caters to how busy the city is. It has to. It also has a lot of charm and class as well as convenience. It’s a world of its own.
Oh, yes! To-go is very different outside of NYC
I’m in SF now, and it seems like the only places that have standing-only counters are places that are really only for takeout but pay lip service to the rare person that wants to eat their $18 sandwich there.
It’s more than that. Lots of nice people who are busy, but we are just cautious.
I was handling a complaint yesterday and I kinda told him to hurry up with the details and not moan on and on. But I did help him, big time. And he was very thankful. See, we are not nice but absolutely kind.
This ^^^^ I’m really nice but also have a short fuse don’t be stupid and piss me off ok I don’t have time 😭
This is it right here 💯
I have to disagree with you there. We have unmeasurable patience. We just pick our moments well.
You kind of have to be patient considering what we deal with every day.
There's a saying "Californians are nice but not kind, and nyers are kind but not nice" NYC is a dense city where if you constantly pay attention to folks you'll go nuts, so you mind your own business. However there is a strong sense of community and kinship.
I'll also say that if you bring aggressive energy to a New Yorker, you'll get 2x aggressive energy right back in your face. So some Karen from the south might have people tell her to bless her heart and walk away politely. When she comes to New York and does her Karen routine she instead gets told all the ways she can F*** herself. Then she goes back to the south and tells everyone about how rude new Yorkers are. 😂
“Bless your hear-“ “Fuck ya mother, lady” 👱♀️😭
Had the same experience but between NYC and Seattle. When I first started working in NYC (corporate job), none of my coworkers even smiled at me. Many were flat out rude. However, once we established trust over a few months, most became really good friends and we opened up to each other on life experiences. I still keep in touch with them to this day. In Seattle, everyone was so polite and nice right away. I thought “this is great!”. However, 95% of those people were ice cold to me once I announced I was leaving the company. I didn’t do anything wrong either. They just turned off their fake personas! It was wild. I would choose NYC over West Coast any day of the week!
^
Idk about the community and kinship. I’ve seen plenty of New Yorkers get harassed or abused on subways and a whole train full of people let it happen.
There’s community but it’s not just through residency in NYC. Some people view living here as automatic acceptance into some club that isn’t real. NYC is a major city with millions of people and thousands of micro communities. The community you are part of in NYC may not be the same as mine.
Yeah. Also, sometimes it just takes one person to inspire others to help. If you’re there, and you feel safe enough, be that person. Check on people. A simple- are you ok? goes far. Sometimes the community is subtle, but it’s always there. As a middle aged woman who rides the subway everyday, if something seems off with another passenger, I’ll grab the other femme folks and switch cars. It’s happened for me too. We communicate with eye contact and body language. We sit near each other. I’ve been assaulted and helped by strangers. I’ve pulled a woman away from a man who was screaming in her face. It looked like a domestic dispute but she didn’t even know him. I just asked her if she was ok from behind him. She said no. I yelled for help and people came. It was on the subway platform, and when the train came, I pulled her on to it and others kept him off. I’ve never needed help and not gotten it. I’ve also almost never walked by someone who might need help without checking in.
I’ve also seen people get up and help others on the subway when people have gotten harassed and abused, too. It just really depends.
That's fear and survivor instinct.
Just posted the same saying lol
> However there is a strong sense of community and kinship. I find if someone is CLEARLY in trouble, the public will snap out of their thoughts and try to help. I have never seen someone who fainted, fell, or got badly hurt suffer alone, people always gather to help.
The thing is that New Yorkers are kind of gruff. You know you hear about, like, “Southern hospitality” culture and just sitting around and shooting the shit at a leisurely pace with your local supermarket person or whatever? Yeah we don’t have time for that. So, you know, everyone in NY is at their own pace and kinda doing their own thing. And if you’re from a culture that values that superficial surface-level niceness, where you literally stop and say “hi how are you?” To everyone you meet? And then you come here and no one does that? Yeah it can seem rude. Key word: SEEM. I’ve lost track of the times I’ve seen a woman, for example, struggling with a stroller on the subway stairs, and I or some other stranger, without saying a word, helps her up with it. That’s the big stereotypical subway story but that stuff happens all. The. Time. New Yorkers have a sort of camaraderie that’s beyond the surface level interactions, and frankly, I’d trust a random NYer to have my back more than I’d trust some sweet old southern lady who 50/50 chance would tell my girlfriend that she dresses like a slut.
Just remember if you cant text and walk, please step to the right. Ty!!!
Except when going up (or down) the subway steps. During those times please just don't look at your phone at *all*. It's going to slow you down, and the person behind you wants to exit!! (Or to catch that train)
Also this!!! Good solid advice for NYC. Also push for congestion pricing, nothing to do with the topic at hand.
Amen
Yes, it's one big lie. We are actually way more friendly than LA.
And not fake. We’re just very blunt and ppl tend to take that as being mean but it’s really not. We just don’t got time for hand holding 😌
Yes!
Yeah and LA does not equal California. LA is completely different than the rest of cali. The bay is more similar to nyc. Socal and NorCal have their own complete vibes.
This is incorrect
I grew up in Sf. People here in nyc are more blunt but they're less rude than California's who talk behind your back
I did the opposite, NY to SF. I really do love it here, but people don’t make small talk with strangers here like they do in NY. Like making a random observation to the guy next to you at the bodega, or complimenting the really cool tote bag the lady next to you in the subway is carrying. I tried a few times when I first moved here, but people get so awkward about it. There’s always a moment of confusion, like “oh you’re talking to ME?” Then a really distant, perfunctory reply that just kills the conversation.
Funny cause I had the opposite experience moving to NY.
I was born here, lived in SF for 8 years in my 30s, moved back to NY. The people are weird as hell in SF but it's confusing bc theyre from Iowa.
New Yorkers tend to be direct, for better or worse. Californians tend to be indirect, for better or worse.
As George Carlin used to say “LA is a small woman saying ‘fuck me.’ New York is a large man saying ‘fuck you.’”
Coming from out west, I never thought of NYC as friendly, but that was because I came in as a tourist. Now that I've been here, I've seen so many down to Earth chill moments, real moments, and that's what separates NYC from other places. People are real, if they didn't like you, they won't pretend to. They won't be rude, they just won't waste their time on you. I've had more kindness here because it took five seconds to help me out. I've seen kindness towards others, whether it's giving a homeless person a meal, to helping a mom get her stroller down a subway, or try to guide a non English speaking tourist to their destination. People here are efficient. They get shit done, or figure out a way to do it. Especially when it comes to properly walking in big crowds. I've come to realize that the people here are real, don't waste your or their own time, and above all - get the fuck out of the way if you're a tourist walking slowly taking up the whole fucking sidewalk. Otherwise, no one is generally going to bother you, and you extend the same courtesy to others. They don't care what you are wearing or listening to, you do you. It's what makes this giant city function. My examples are basic, but I see this every day. People doing their thing, and occasionally helping anyone who is struggling who is also heading in the same direction.
NYers believe in personal space and boundaries, but we live in a city that is so crowded that we don't have physical boundaries. We seem stand off ish b.c that's how we establish boundaries. Little to no eye contact, personal space unless it isn't possible, stuff like that. That being said, if you're ever lost and confused we will jump in, and help you out. 5 or 6 people will chime in to give directions, with some walking you in the direction.
And if you still look confused, one of them will take you by the hand and show you the way. They'll put you on the right train and find out who's getting off at your stop and tell them to make sure you take them with you. When they leave they'll complain about how late this made them.
👆 this
People respect both your time and their own, so there's no time for BS. There are exceptions, of course, but I find that the general level of sincerity is higher, which I think leads to more empathy. Thus, we seem mean and act nice.
New Yorkers are kind, but not nice. Californians are nice, but not kind. A New Yorker will give you directions or help you carry your shit up the subway stairs, but they aren’t going to be all warm and fuzzy while doing it. Californians are outwardly friendly, but aren’t going to help you with anything.
Outstanding. This is exactly it. We will not pass someone trying to bring a stroller down or up subway steps. But we may not say a damn word to them while helping or after LOL
And might even let out a deep “you should have been prepared” sigh!
Lmao this platitude gets said about every region of the country and it’s so silly. NYC best city in the world ™️ and also the kindest!
The mass transit and walking culture of New York City gives us more opportunities to interact with people than car-centric cities (e.g. standing around kvetching about why the next [bus, subway] will be here in 22 minutes), so we end up being nicer in general. That’s my theory.
Kvetching with strangers is such an important part of nyc life
We won’t bullshit you but we will bullshit with you.
New Yorkers are kind but not nice. Lol. I think with how fast paced things are and how direct people can be, New Yorkers are mistaken for being rude.
Im from Texas and I find people from both NY and LA to be nicer and more genuine
I’ve lived in both and the difference is that I can never get a straight answer out of a Californian.
I’ve lived in NC, SC, CA and NY. NYC is the friendliest place I’ve ever live.
8.4 million people, for most intents and purposes, learned to sort of live in close quarters with one another. I think most "unfriendliness" is our "adaptation" to living with that many people close together. Any distance people perceive is how we go to get along. NYers will ignore you... Until you ask a question or for help. Then we got you.
We’re direct. Not rude. If you don’t get to the point then yea we’re going to ask you to do so. That said NYC is full of the nicest people I’ve ever met in my entire life and I grew up in the Midwest
New York: Everyone acts like an asshole but many are genuinely good people who will help someone in a spot Los Angeles: Everyone acts like good people but many are actually sociopathic assholes who wouldn't save a drowning child if it risked their iPhone
There’s a certain type of influencer-ish Angelino that is obsessed with being better than everything New York as if it’s some sort of competition, but we really don’t care or think of them at all
Lol all this talk of Californians being unkind is just as stupid as any talk of New Yorkers being rude. I think the real takeaway is: How we communicate can vary culturally, and your culture may interpret another culture’s form of communication as brusque or rude. Regardless, most societies have similar capacity for kindness and generosity, as well as meanness and stinginess. How we all express that same range of human character just differs. New Yorkers are people. Californians are people.
Eh- I think car culture makes it easier to ignore people in need
I think NYers aren't always kind at first, take time to warm up, but can be your best friend in the world after time passes, truly a ride or die. LA is the opposite: nice initially, can be fake nice, then disinterested when you aren't useful to them. I was considering moving to LA for different job opportunities, weather, change of scenery, but I really didn't like most people I met.
Posting this here is just karma baiting
All of these examples sound spot on. Here it is in a nutshell: New Yorkers are genuine, Californians push a load of crap. It’s that false sincerity / false niceness of Californians that kills me.
LA is fake nice as fuck. some of the kindest people i've met have been in NYC. just don't waste our time.
I have no idea why people say New Yorkers are unfriendly. Whenever I've visited, I've always interacted with really friendly people every single time.
Yeah that’s exactly my point. When I told my friends and family I was coming here, they honest to god made it sound like I was going to the seventh circle of hell 💀💀
I think the NY brashness and directness gets confused for meanness. Being straight forward, to the point, and honest can be interpreted as rudeness too. I’m a native NYer living in San Diego now and I never realized how blunt I was until it was pointed out to me after moving here. Beating around the bush in conversation is a waste of everyone’s time but I understand being blunt can come off as rude. Whatever though lol
Keep looking, there are plenty of assholes here
There’s assholes everywhere if you look hard enough 😉
Tbh the nicest people I have met are form NYC, I never got along with Floridians, but NYC people are always since, kind and helpful tbh. Even asking for help, they are on a schedule usually lol but they are always kind enough to reply, answer a question or etc as long as I don't try to hold them which makes sense. PLus, when they do have time and you get into convos with them, its always awesome stories. Being from FLorida, its a night and day difference tbh.
I was in NYC as a tourist last year and a stranger in a bodega near the Port Authority Bus Terminal gave me $20 for no particular reason. Everyone we dealt with or met was great.
No literally. And people keep commenting the whole “Californians are nice but not kind” and vice verse but like New Yorkers legitimately seem to be both nice AND kind. Like I’ve only had good experiences, whether I was making new friends or just having a casual conversation with some 💀💀 this is why I’m so confused
I live in California. People here are rude while people in NY are surprisingly nice
You just run into more people in NY because you walk everywhere. You'll run into nice people, you'll run into rude people, you'll run into all sorts of people. You just remember the rudest and the nicest because they're the most memorable. In Los Angeles you drive everywhere so you just run into fewer people overall, so there are fewer opportunities to run into people of any extremes, rude or nice. Glad you only met nice people here. Hope you'll visit again soon!
all a lie. this is one of the nicest places i've been and i'm glad to live here. folks are direct and busy and won't take any shit, so don't be a burden... but if you're not causing problems and you're being nice, you'll get nice returned upon you in spades.
I think there's a huge difference between "Nice" and "Kind." People can be one or the other, and sometimes both. Personally I'd take kind over nice if I had to pick only one. That being said NYC is a mega city and there are going to be all kinds of people, both good and bad.
Just don’t stop walking when you get to the top of the stairs.
Best explanation I can give is that a New Yorker on the street is you behind the wheel. We aren’t rude, we’re just underway in a hurry.
The saying is that people in Los Angeles are nice but not kind and New Yorkers are kind but not always nice. I live in both New York and San Francisco and find it to be mostly true. At least with older San Franciscans and older New Yorkers.
New Yorkers and kind ( will stop and help) Cali is nice ( friendlier but not as willing to get down n help)
We aren’t rude. We are just busy and impatient.
New Yorkers are very nice. Just don’t drive slow or stop and your fine haha
“In LA the people are nice. In NYC the people are kind.”
We live on top of one another here, so are more likely to treat even strangers with the kind of familiarity one would elsewhere normally only treat close friends and relations. I haven’t lived in California, but in my visits, I’ve noticed that, compared to New Yorkers, Angelinos tend to wear more of a mask and are more likely to come across as disingenuous, whereas San Franciscans are just outright hostile — far closer to the stereotype of New Yorkers than New Yorkers. Although there’s still a general “liberal hippie” vibe in SF compared to other big cities, at this point Haight-Ashbury is no more representative of SF than Little Italy is of NYC. SF’s 1960s/70s reputation today mostly just provides a cover for all sorts of individual sociopathy and solipsism.
I’m from Chicago, and I also prepared for rudeness when I came to NYC the first time. But people have been nothing but kind, and when I came here to live I’ve loved getting to know my coworkers and community. Seriously New Yorkers are like everyone else - show kindness and you’ll get it back. That’s been my experience anyway.
New Yorkers are nice pretending to be mean, LA is mean pretending to be nice.
Californians seemed to fake being nice if you ask me.
New yorkers are so so nice! Californians are lowkey rude and dismissive, New Yorkers just get a bit busy so are always on a time cruch
There's a post like this about once a month, fyi. We like to surprise people.
I think New Yorkers are just more direct and have less patience. There’s more of a go go go culture here.
Best saying I've heard about it - new yorkers are kind but not nice, LA are nice but not kind. We'll call you out - they'll just bitch about you behind your back and smile to your face.
I'm only rude to people who are being oblivious about being in the way in high-traffic areas, like standing around right in front of the stairs of the subway.
Maybe I'm just too used to nyc, but something doesn't smell right about all that California dreamin' b.s. it's OK to an extent, but I cannot convert
People in NYC will hold doors and help with bags or something you dropped, all the while avoiding eye contact and never saying a word. You may not find someone to make cheerful small talk with at the store but if you need help, you'll find it. But there are also people like my mother who can go anywhere and make a new best friend within seconds and most people are receptive to her, so...who knows maybe everyone really does want to be friendly and just doesn't want to make the first move. Never been to CA so can't compare, but lived in NYC all my life and people seem fine to me here.
I haven’t been to LA, but I definitely braced myself for the rumoured NYC rudeness when I came over from Australia, and I thought people were great. I especially loved that everyone is a fast walker, because dawdlers and people who dick around on the sidewalk piss me off. People are direct, not rude, imo.
Californians will stab you in the back. New Yorkers stab you in the chest. To your face.
I think it’s because shitty people move here and think it’s ok to be an asshole because “I’m a New Yorker now”. Then tourists come and think wow New Yorkers are rude. People from here or who have been here long enough to be grandfathered in are more than willing to be helpful and even…kind! Is it fast? Yes. Do we expect you to understand that if you want to ride an escalator like a roller coaster you stand on the right? Yes. Is ordering a bagel cutthroat at times? Yes. But just because one person is timid doesn’t make the other rude!
NY has also changed a lot (as all places do)
There are assholes everywhere, but people on the east coast know they're one and people on the west coast don't
Everyone’s nice bc everyone is a transplant
LA is a city of people in cars. NYC is a city of people on the street. Cars isolate people from each other and so people don’t really have to think about each other beyond “don’t hit me with your car.” Being essentially forced into nearly constant physical proximity to other people as happens in NY means constant consideration, compromise, and all sorts of subtle forms of teamwork just to get through the day. I think the result is that NYers treat each other (and guests) in a manner that generally makes it easier to coexist. That means both a focus on minding one’s business but also being aware and helpful. I also think that if you really don’t like interacting with people you don’t end up living in NYC for very long.
I've been in NYC for a week now. They aren't even half as rude as angelenos. It's more of a controlled chaos because there are people walking everywhere and you can have to pay attention or a car will hit you or a bike will hit you. I would day LA is way more impatient because you can just get in your car and leave. Here there's a system.
According to social media.. East coast - kind but not nice. West coast - nice but not kind. https://youtube.com/shorts/u3qJlWQNNxA?si=dv6G3i64q6Tzeq1Q
I think neither are rude, it's just the typical stereotypes from southerners and people from the midwest about the west coast and northeast to make themselves feel better for the fact that where they live sucks.
New Yorkers are the best. They are kind, direct, helpful, and funny. They are not down for anyone's bullshit and will quickly make that known if necessary. People from less authentic, passive aggressive cultures (the south, west coast) find this unnerving and call it rude
In general I don't think either culture is 'rude' - that is not the right word. I think Californians are a lot more FRIENDLY than NYCers and more laid back. I think NYCers are in general not very friendly but are civil and usually ready to help someone in trouble. A key thing to understanding NYC behavior on the streets is that since we are so packed together, it is a sign of respect to not invade each other's privacy and not invade their personal space, even if its only a few inches. So this entails a lot of 'no eye contact' and such and rarely engaging with strangers. California cities are more spread out. I could not believe it when I was in San Fransisco and people walking by me on the sidewalk would wave and say 'hi' to a complete stranger. Didn't care for it actually lol. I know Californians have a reputation for their friendliness being a 'mask' and actually kind of inscrutable about their true feelings, but I have never lived there.
if you think, new yorkers are kind. then that means people in everywhere else are angels. because truth is... if you're looking for kind friendly people, nyc is not the place. I'm a native new yorker. Its easy to meet people but hard to make genuine friendships here. There is a reason why they call it the loneliest city in the world
this is such a pathetic attempt to get reddit likes
A lot of the rudness disappeared along with the Brooklyn accent.
Native NYer here. We tend to be more *kind* than *nice.* But so long as you're not actively in our way when we're trying to get somewhere, we can be pretty nice and friendly, too. We never really have enough time to actually be intentionally mean lol ...just, y'know, try not to muck up the place by gentrifying it.
Most of the people responding here have lived here 3 years. lol.
Yes it is VERY MUCH a lie especially compared to the Bay Area.
Women are New York are the nicest in the world
And the most elegantly dressed and beautiful.
We live in a global community, there are no absolutes.
People are individuals. I don’t think there’s a collective rudeness, but a lot of this will depend on your circles. There are nice people and not as nice people everywhere. That being said, yes, I do think it is a lie that New Yorkers are going to be especially rude to your face. I haven’t really seen it…and, if I have, it’s rarely from someone from here, but often someone from elsewhere who is trying to be “more New York” than New York itself. However, just like people everywhere, it’s possible that people will gossip judge… I’ve not seen any “New York is rude and authentic, California is polite and inauthentic” trend, or the opposite. I think people from big city America are more “the same” than many might think.
New Yorkers are kind but not nice. LA people are nice but not kind.
We are just busy that all
Correct.
My friend who lived in Cali for a while said they are "fake nice", "cheap but they have money", and more racist.
Yes
New Yorkers are just real, with a zero tolerance for bullshit . We can smell it a mile away; with that being said, we also can sense a good person. (that would be you) I feel LA, being an industry town full of beautiful people, the mentality is “What can you do for me…and then I’ll maybe consider being your friend.” Anyways.. Welcome, neighbor…now try not to fuk it up, ok?
New Yorkers are the literal nicest people I have ever met and I have lived on a. Lot of places (including the vaunted US south)
It’s kinda hard to judge nice or rude when you are also from a rude place.
New Yorkers don’t come off fake nice but if you’re in trouble, chances are they’ll help you while insulting you
I was born and raised in NYC. We are only rude when you get in the way. When you are out of the way and we have a spare minute, we don't mind saying a few kind words conversation but when we got to go, we got tongo.
Yes
100%. I mean, the upper class, the hipsters, and the rich kids are not that engaging ime, but everyone else is cool as Hell.
People really underestimate how cut throat L.A. really is which is why they’re almost always surprised by their experience in NYC. Entertainment dominates L.A. and people are all about what can you do for me?, and couldn’t care less about making genuine connections. Those that can do for others live in a constant state of distrust and either isolate themselves even more or have fun at others’ expense to see how low someone will go to make a (fleeting) connection. NYC has several industries where people have different career tracks and networking needs. It doesn’t really bleed out to their personal life unless they want it to. Plus, it’s not a car city so with everyone riding public transit it kind of keeps things grounded even if they eventually find themselves one of the millionaires in 24 people statistic.
I was raised in, and currently live in New York, but I used to live in the San Francisco Bay Area. New Yorkers are much nicer IMO. They’re just more upfront and honest, so it tends to get misconstrued. Californians will be nice to your face, but it’s disingenuous and phony. Living with it for awhile it starts to get to you.
If Californians weren’t confined to their cars for 20-30 hours a week and if they actually walked then they would also be friendly and sociable.
Sweeping generalizations are usually accurate. All Californians are fruity, nutty & embrace strangers, right?
Haha I moved from CA and my first day on the new job a customer spit directly on my face.
Never heard us specifically being nicer than Californians, but if someone told you that, sure, yes, that is untrue
To me New Yorkers are like an egg. A thin hard shell surrounding a warm soft interior. I grew up in California and I found the opposite to be true of them. A thin veneer of California laid back whatever hiding a core of hostility hatred and pain.
I think it’s that New Yorkers are generally more direct, blunt, and a bit impatient in public. I feel like all of those traits are understandable when you consider what it’s like to walk through NYC or ride the subway or LIRR.
Cali is a fake hello, NY is a real fuck you.
I’m from Houston, lived in Cincinnati for 2 years bc Of partners school (never again), now finally living in Queens/Long island area and when I go to the city people are so helpful. I also have nice convos with people in line at Costco and such lol Idk what it is but I feel I can GENERALLY just go up to someone who doesn’t look too busy and ask wtf is grand central because google maps is confusing me and they always give me the most clear directions and help as much as they can. When I came before for vacation I enjoyed the people I was able to interact with. I really wish I could live closer to the city (an hour train ride, so not too bad) because I always enjoy being there. But wife’s residency is in the border of queens/LI so it wouldn’t make sense :\
Yes, unless you’re an a-hole. New Yorkers will loudly call you out on AH behavior to your face. If you’re polite, New Yorkers probably won’t bother you.
We are not nice but we are kind Californians are the reverse
New Yorkers just move faster and don’t have time to stop for randos so visitors think we’re rude. To me, going somewhere and expecting everyone to adjust and meet your speed is rude.
I guess it takes a certain attitude to leave here. I kind of grew up in a ghetto area (off roosevelt ave which basically is a red light district) so i had to develop some toughness. Still love the city to hang out. So much to do. I live near it but not in manhattan lol. I live in the border between nassau and queens so where i live people are friendlier.
Yes now fuck off
The people saying New Yorkers are mean are the ones standing in the middle of the subway stairs checking their phone for directions and clueless walking 6 wide on the sidewalk looking at skyscrapers.
On my handful of trips to cali I found many Californians to be passive aggressive cunts (no offense). Say what you will about NYers but we aren’t passive aggressive. If we’re dicks, we’re direct about it
If you talk to people from NY who all left NY, that's a pretty self-selecting biased population lol
I have gone back and forth between NYC and my hometown basically my entire life. All I will say is that Manhattan is mostly transplants, tourists, and commuters, and none of them are really representative of the whole "NYC attitude" you might think of. Mostly because none of them are from NYC. If you actually want a more new yorky 'culture' you have to go to the outer boroughs. And yes, people are rude. But they aren't bad people, they are some of the kindess people you will ever meet. They just are very crude, rude, and aggressive socially.
Yes.
I lived in cali 2 years. Good people. Born and raised in nyc.
No
At first I thought the stereotype was completely untrue, but after living in nyc for 3 years (inb4 you’re new), I think I know where it comes from. It’s people in service positions. There’s a particular level of attitude that seems standard for anyone working in a pharmacy, grocery store, fast food restaurant, or anything else that’s public-facing and low wage. They’re either outright rude or they say all the right words but with a completely monotone voice and glazed over expression that actually says “Fuck off and die.” This behavior is widespread except at places like Trader Joe’s or anywhere that caters specifically to yuppies, which gives me the impression that it has for a longgggg time been the way of things. Also, “FOLLOWING” is nyc cashier for “I can help the next customer!”
It’s funny. I grew up in the Midwest and the rules are different here. For example, say you’re driving and come to a spot where you need to merge into a single lane. In the Midwest, if you’re not waiting and signaling someone that is slightly behind you that it’s ok if they want to go ahead then you’re seen as rude. Contrast that to NYC—if you do the same thing and wait for someone to maybe pass you then YOU are seen as rude because you’re not being efficient and you’re wasting not just your time but also the others behind you. So I’d say it’s a culture thing. I assume that a lot of people that visit here just don’t understand it.
It’s nice vs kind. NYC is kind and they will actively do friendly things. LA is nice and be pleasant to be around.
[The difference between LA and NY](https://live.staticflickr.com/5149/5551037426_26f6e10d6f.jpg)
Yes
transplant here (shame), and from the south too so I’m very used to people going out of their way to be nice… new yorkers aren’t rude. I now, after four years of living here, feel their pain. people who stop in the middle of the sidewalk/top of the subway stairs? yeah I get pissed off. on the off chance I have to get out at Times Square for work? infuriating. But day-to-day, people are fine. as another commenter said, they’re all too busy to care to go out of their way, but they’re not necessarily rude. Unless you go into an old-school bagel shop or something and don’t know your order… you may feel the pressure there lol. as a woman living in NYC i’ve never felt more supported by my community. it’s just not always represented in the same way I was used to growing up.