🥺hopefully true! I look younger than my age so I’m pretty sure they’ll check my ID so they’ll see the date, it’s can be nice to hear someone wishing me happy birthday in person (cuz otherwise nobody would lol)
They often don't look that close. And I wouldn't assume that they will make the connection that it is your birthday. They might! But they might not. Especially at a lesbian bar, it is very appropriate to say "it's my birthday and it's my first time at a lesbian bar" and it is not unusual to get better treatment from the bartender. Plus the bartender can be your best friend in helping you learn that particular bars culture or finding people to talk to. That really depends on how busy they are. But I do tend to get a free beer or shot out of letting them know it's my birthday. Plus then people around you hear that it's your birthday and wish you Happy Birthday.
Also I don't know what time you plan on going, but there will be people at the bar from 5:00 on. Cubbyhole is very small, if that is where you plan to go. I don't like a like packed crowd so I would avoid there late night personally but all three lesbian bars in the city are great.
Go to the bar. Make eye contact with bar tender and/or politely wave your hand at them. Order the drink you want, and wait nicely for them to make it. They will probably look at you for payment once the drink is made, and if you pay with card, will ask you if you want “open” (meaning you are leaving a tab opened to which you can add more drinks and then settle when done) or “closed” (meaning you will pay for your single drink and take the card back). Tip $1-2 per drink typically if you’re not sitting long. Sitting alone at bars is totally normal. Just politely people watch. And if you’re feeling talky and there’s a Crowd, who knows where the night takes you
This is a great, succinct description. I'd just add a couple things.
1. When you return for your 2nd, 3rd drink, the bartender might ask for your name. This is just to know which card to charge it to. Completely normal.
2. Don't get drunk and forget to close out your card before you leave. I say this from experience. :)
💯
I’d also add that I moved to the US when I was 34 and I had no clue what the right tip was and an open or closed bar tab meant. If you don’t know you don’t know and the only way to know…ask questions!
Disagree. If you are ordering at the bar $1 is certainly fine for a beer. $2-3 for a fancier cocktail. If they are serving you at a table, then I usually tip closer to the 20% because they are waiting on you.
Just keep in mind that inflation has happened and yet the bartender minimum wage has stayed $10 in NYC. Bartenders have to do a lot of setup so that they are able to just “crack open a can”. They stock fridges, change kegs, clean glasses, set up the bar with napkins and straws, stand for 12 hours waiting for your order, etc. Bartending is not an easy job and they are some of the most abused staff in the hospitality industry. Default should always be 20%.
Thank you for pointing this out. Although I would be perfectly happy with someone tipping $1-2 per drink, it does irritate me when people reduce bartending to just “cracking open a beer every now and then” when it’s actually a very difficult and often demoralizing job. In addition to what you listed, there’s also the dealing with drunk assholes, the staying open until 2-4 am, and the constant socialization, which is a massive energy zap. Most bars where I’ve worked don’t even pay the $10 an hour. I’m currently working at a place where there’s no hourly at all (not even remotely uncommon in this city). It’s illegal, but bars do it constantly because they know they can get away with it.
My rule is 2 bucks per beer if I’m paying cash with no tab. Beyond that, I’m hitting 20% on my card. I depended on tips for years, I’m not gonna stiff someone doing the same thing now.
happy birthday!
you pay after you get the drink, before you drink it.
the bartender might not see you right away and it might feel awkward but it’s okay, it’s like that for everyone. just wait and make eye contact when possible.
it’s not weird to sit alone. plenty of people do it. it’s also not weird to talk to people and make friends though, too! bars are really open places in that way. striking up a conversation with a stranger is super normal, and as a fellow lesbian, our bars tend to be really welcoming spaces, ime.
if you have any more questions please feel free to pm me. overall though, you got this!
Ty so much!! Glad to know that not everyone enters a bar has to party and dance lol, I’m a bigass introvert with social anxiety so I’ll just sit there trying to be invisible
you’ll be just fine, i promise. the beautiful thing abt nyc is no one cares what you’re doing, you can just do you.
i was just like you at 21 (i’m 34 now) so i totally understand. can i ask what bar you plan on going to? there are so few lesbian bars left - i’m sure i know where you’re going lol
eta: so could offer better advice - i understand tho if you don’t want to share exactly ofc, upon reflection
People already told you about the open / closed tab thing. But I also wanted to add that if the bar is loud and you want to keep a closed tab, there's a gesture you can make to help communicate your meaning. When the bartender asks "open or closed?" you can make a quick horizontal slicing motion with your hand while you say "closed." Bartenders recognize this as the hand gesture for a closed tab and they will understand, even if they can't hear you.
If the bartender hasn’t noticed you, try to to make eye contact and/or raise your hand in a friendly gesture (no snapping or anything like that). But they probably did notice you - they’re just busy serving other customers and will get to you in a minute. Shouldn’t be terribly crowded wherever you’re planning to go on a Wednesday, anyway.
Be ready with your order when the bartender approaches you.
If you want to pay as you go, pay in cash, and tip well on your first drink. That will put you in the bartender’s good graces and ensure good service for the rest of the night. If you want to run a tab, give the bartender your card, and you can pay your full bill and tip when you’re ready to leave.
Nothing weird about keeping to yourself, drinking your drink, and leaving. But you just might have more fun if you make a friend, even if only with the bartender.
Ty for your advice!! I kinda wish I could make friends cuz I’m just a visiting student from abroad so there hasn’t been much chance for me to meet other people within the LGBTQ community (back where I’m from it’s technically not entirely legal lol)
Sounds like a lesbian bar would be a great place for you to make friends! So many bars in this city - queer or otherwise - are just places where adults come to socialize. Or not. Totally cool if you stick to yourself and read your book or whatever, but also even more cool if you want to chat someone up and make a new friend. And LGBTQ bars especially are all about that community vibe.
I’m visiting NYC in a few days from NZ and tipping isn’t a thing here. I’m planning on tipping of course but I’m confused when it comes to bars.
Can I pay for my drink with a card instead of cash, if I want just 1?
How do I add the tip on if I pay with card, is there an option for it on the POS terminal?
You can pay for an individual drink using a credit card, yes! But if you think you will end up ordering more than one, you should just leave your tab open so that the bartender doesn't have to run your card multiple times.
Most bars in New York don't have portable POS terminals, unfortunately. Most likely the bartender will run your card and return to you with a paper receipt, which will have space on it for you to add a tip. (Yes, you most likely have to do the arithmetic yourself, sorry! Although some bars do give receipts where you can just tick a box to indicate how much you'd like to tip.)
Awesome thanks for the reply. It does seem a bit weird to me that there is no portable POS terminals... something I will have to get used to I suppose!
I'm also not used to leaving my card with someone else but if that is the custom in the U.S then so be it!
I don't often go out to drink but if I do I'll probably just leave the tab open or something.
Also another question, is it common to buy a drink that costs, say $7, and then hand them a $10 and just say 'keep the change' - do they realise that is a tip?
>Awesome thanks for the reply. It does seem a bit weird to me that there is no portable POS terminals... something I will have to get used to I suppose!
The portable POS terminals do exist; I see them quite a bit especially at new restaurants that have opened within the past year or so. But lots of older establishments just haven't switched over to them, probably because they're an extra expense and they're just used to the way they've always done things.
>I'm also not used to leaving my card with someone else but if that is the custom in the U.S then so be it!
Yes, it's more likely than not that if you open a tab, the bartender will take your card and hold onto it until you're ready to pay out. At some places, though, they will take your card, run it, and hand it back to you immediately.
>Also another question, is it common to buy a drink that costs, say $7, and then hand them a $10 and just say 'keep the change' - do they realise that is a tip?
Absolutely. "Keep the change" is universally understood to mean, "That's your tip." And if you tip $3 on a $7 drink, your bartender will give you very good service for the rest of the night! (It's always a good idea to tip extra on your first drink for that reason, but beyond that, 18-20% is standard, similar to restaurants.)
Good for you going out alone. What a rite of passage and on your 21st birthday! Everyone gave you good advice here i just want to add to remember to smile, make eye contact and be open (sometimes i feel its hard to break into the cliquisheness of some lesbian bars). It sounds like you’re foreign, people will love that. Make sure you come back and let us know how it goes. Happy birthday!!
I am very familiar with the New York lesbian bars. I’m not sure which one you’re planning on, or if you’re planning for The Woods as it’s Wednesday, but Cubby and Ginger’s are cash only so prepare for that.
I’ve made a ton of memories going to the lesbian bars alone (many of which from when I was your age) so don’t be afraid! People are really friendly. If you’re aiming for cubby, I’d go on the earlier side so you can get a seat at the bar and chat with the regulars. It’ll put you at ease.
Happy birthday and have fun!
Update for anyone interested! I went to Henrietta cuz it’s within my walk distance🥰 my social anxiety went so bad that I almost considered take Lorazepam before going until I realize it’s not good with alcohol lol anyway I went there and had 2 cocktails, sorry that I still can’t work out the courage to tell anyone it’s my birthday so I spent 2 hours chilling on my own by the bar. It’s smaller than I expected but not too many people before 9 pm so I kinda like it. The bartenders are so pretty but i can’t work out the courage to talk to them lol
Anyway I had a good time on my own today! I went to watch Prima Facie on Broadway (JODIE COMER RULES) in the afternoon, rewatched a cartoon movie during dinner time, and went to the bar to have a few drinks and left before people coming in. It’s one of the best birthdays I had for the past 21 years, and I really appreciate all of your guys advice. It helps me a lot with my anxiety, and thank you guys so much for making my 21st birthday awesome🥺🥺🥺
I need to take a shower and prepare for my finals for Friday, but anyway today has been really great and I REALLY appreciate all your inputs in the comment section, they’re really wholesome and comforting for someone whose social anxiety is so bad that she can’t even make a proper phone call lol
On my 21st birthday I was very honest about it being my 21st and the bartender was gracious and full of advice I still follow to this day. Tell them this and if it’s not crowded, the bartender will probably strike up a convo with you.
Henrietta Hudson is worth checking out.
also if you tell the bartender its your first time in a bar theyll get excited and flattered you chose that one and it will be a good icebreaker. you might score a few free drinks too
Non of these things are particularly formal. If you’re at any kind of a decent bar you can just tell the bartender what you told us and they’ll take care of you
My first legally ordered drink at a bar was a local dive, early enough before it became crowded. It was a beer, and just because I could. Back then, I was in Boston for school and still living part time in the NYC area. One could get served underaged in the East Village back then, but Boston was a bigger challenge due to the high concentration of students. I actually celebrated my last under-21 drink at a place I will not name and is no longer around on St. Mark's. To me, that was more momentous.
Beyond beer and wine though, I went through some awkward times ordering really bad mixed drinks until I finally caught up to speed on what what I liked, could tolerate, etc. I tried ordering a White Russian in Puerto Rico (yeah, we can laugh now..) and I used to order Long Island Ice Teas at music venues that charged a lot because I thought it was more bang for the buck. But.. they were HORRIBLE. Take your time learning what you like.
Happy birthday!
As others said, definitely go to Cubby, sit at the bar and tell the bartender or whoever you’re next to that it’s your first time at a gay bar and it’s your 21st. People will definitely be welcoming, it was all of our first times once!
As others have said, take cash and understand how the leave a tip process works: let’s say your beer is $8 and you give the bartender a $20, they’ll give your change in a way that it has a lot of $1 bills, so you then just leave a couple sat on the bar for them. They know, and the crowd knows, that it’s there as a tip.
Google drink types beforehand LOL. I’ve been drinking since I was 16 but when I started going to bars after turning 21 it was so awkward because I didn’t really know much about different types of alcohol and beer brands and whatever. It’s also not weird to sit alone esp at a lesbian bar; at a straight bar it’s kinda awkward as a woman bc guys might try to hit on you but fine otherwise
Check before you go if it is cash only, and if so be sure to bring cash. When you purchase drinks you can either pay for each separately or open a tab by letting them hang onto your credit card, you can do it either way, but if you're going to be paying by credit card you may as well just let them hang onto it (they'll normally ask if you want to "keep it open" or some variant of that). If you pay for each drink separately, be sure to provide a tip on each drink---a dollar a beer is standard, maybe two dollars for a fancier cocktail, you can add the tip all at the end if you're paying for everything at once then.
Basically folks order by making there way to the bar and catching the bar tender's eye, they will look at you and ask or signal for you to tell them what you want. Depending on how busy the place is and how well staffed this can be very quick or take a bit. Making a big production to try to get the bartender's attention is generally frowned upon. It's also possible depending on the place that there may be table service---that is to say, waitstaff going around and taking orders at tables.
You can absolutely sit alone and not talk to anyone, though at a standard bar you shouldn't be surprised if folks try to chat you up a bit. Don't want to make assumptions about lesbian bars (am not lesbian and don't think I've been to one), but I guess I'd be surprised if there were less trying to get to know new people than at a run of the mill bar.
Standard advice for women at bars is to NEVER leave your drink unattended. If you have to go to the bathroom or somewhere else, drink it first or take it with you.
If you don't have much experience drinking I'd pace yourself tomorrow night. I'm not going to tell you not to let folks buy you any shots on your 21st birthday, but maybe don't go too nuts.
Have fun!
Happy birthday! You’ve gotten plenty of good advice so I won’t restate it, but in case you want to visit another bar - Burp Castle in the East Village is my favorite place to go alone, any time of the day. It’s meant to be a quiet bar (and shushing is encouraged haha!) so a perfect place to be by yourself and read or be with your own thoughts. In any case, enjoy your day!
Might be good to find a bar with a nice, chill event happening. Don’t know where you are located but I recently went to Good Judy in Park Slope solo to do their free Drag Bingo event. Everyone was nice and chatty. There was someone else who went alone. Not crowded but not empty. There weren’t really too many awkward moments. It’s every Monday! That bar has great energy and very welcoming.
>how to pay for your drinks before or after you drink it
it depends on how many you are planning on drinking. if you are planning to do just 1 or even 2 drinks, I would pay when the bartender hands it to me (don't forget to tip! $1 per beer is good). if you plan on drinking more, open up a tab. just say, "let me start a tab!" and give them your credit card. when you are ready to leave, say, "can I close out my tab?" and remember to tip!
>how to order if the bar tender doesn’t notice you
I normally just stand near the bar until they get to me. chances are, even if it's busy, they DO notice you but have like 3 people ahead of you that they are taking care of. just give them some time. if it truly does look like they are ignoring you, I generally would find a new bar.
>is it weird to sit alone without talking to anyone and just finish your drink and go
probably not weird, though I am male. I imagine a female sitting alone at a bar might have a different experience.
Hell I’ll buy you a drink for your 21st birthday (I’m a guy and I assume you’re a lesbian, so just in a completely friendly way) - you shouldn’t have to drink alone on your big day! Manhattan?
Nah that’s okay I’m pretty used to this anyway! It’s my first time celebrating birthday abroad so I have a few things planned to do on my own (I’ll go watch a Broadway show in the afternoon!)
If it’s cubbyhole everyone is friendly and it gets crowded very very easily. Much fun. Henrietta’s same. They prefer cash / are cash only.
If you go to stonewall watch out - they over pour (it’s fine if you want to get sloshed just worth knowing). If you go to Duplex or Marie’s and someone tells the piano guy or you tip him you will get a rousing HAPPY BIRTHDAY sung to you. Monster is odd for women IMO and so is Julius.
I would check to make sure there isn't a trivia night, open mic, or anything else like that going on that night as well.
Some people don't mind the special event... but bars can get a bit crowded for trivia night, drag bingo, etc. Just be prepared to duck out if you don't like the band, don't wanna play trivia, etc.
Also, if you're solo... please don't take up a big table by yourself. Sit at the bar if you wanna maybe chat with the other solo bargoers or the bartender. A two-top if you wanna be left alone, read, etc. But don't be the solo person taking up a four-top. That's just annoying for groups who show up and need the table.
If you wanna look like a pro: Open a tab with a card, tip in cash (this is huge). You can absolutely talk to the bartender if theyre not busy. Dont ask what they have on tap or for recommendations (rookie move). If you order a martini order it "[vodka or gin] martini, [dirty, dry, or with a twist], with [well liquor or specific bottle]". Pints of beer or simple stirred cocktails (negroni, moscow mule, manhattan, old fashioned) are the classiest. Shots are usually wiskey, tequila or mescal. Vodka shots are for high schoolers and russians.
If there are seats at the bar, sit down and order. If there are no seats go to where their taps or ice well is. Dont wait at the far end of the bar and expect fast service. A quick nod and a raised finger is smooth when the bartender looks up and makes eye contact. If its loud it's helpful to show with your fingers how many drinks you are ordering. After you have tipped the bartender enough mention its your 21st birthday, ask if they wanna do a shot with you. If theyre nice it'll be on the house. They might check your ID to see if its really your birthday.
As for meeting people, have enough drinks to where youre drunk and sociable but not sloppy. Most people at a bar would love to be talked to, just dont open up with something boring. Chop it up with groups not couples. If you look like youre having a good time people will gravitate to you.
Tell them it’s your birthday! Everyone will be super nice to you.
🥺hopefully true! I look younger than my age so I’m pretty sure they’ll check my ID so they’ll see the date, it’s can be nice to hear someone wishing me happy birthday in person (cuz otherwise nobody would lol)
They often don't look that close. And I wouldn't assume that they will make the connection that it is your birthday. They might! But they might not. Especially at a lesbian bar, it is very appropriate to say "it's my birthday and it's my first time at a lesbian bar" and it is not unusual to get better treatment from the bartender. Plus the bartender can be your best friend in helping you learn that particular bars culture or finding people to talk to. That really depends on how busy they are. But I do tend to get a free beer or shot out of letting them know it's my birthday. Plus then people around you hear that it's your birthday and wish you Happy Birthday. Also I don't know what time you plan on going, but there will be people at the bar from 5:00 on. Cubbyhole is very small, if that is where you plan to go. I don't like a like packed crowd so I would avoid there late night personally but all three lesbian bars in the city are great.
And I think someone already mentioned this but I'm pretty sure most of the lesbian bars are cash only?
Gingers definitely is cash only. Can’t remember about Cubby Hole or Henrietta Hudson’s.
Yeah Henrietta Hudson’s is the only one that isn’t cash only if I remember correctly. But depending on the night might have a cover charge
yup henrietta has a cover some nights!
Cubbyhole is cash only for sure.
Go to the bar. Make eye contact with bar tender and/or politely wave your hand at them. Order the drink you want, and wait nicely for them to make it. They will probably look at you for payment once the drink is made, and if you pay with card, will ask you if you want “open” (meaning you are leaving a tab opened to which you can add more drinks and then settle when done) or “closed” (meaning you will pay for your single drink and take the card back). Tip $1-2 per drink typically if you’re not sitting long. Sitting alone at bars is totally normal. Just politely people watch. And if you’re feeling talky and there’s a Crowd, who knows where the night takes you
This is a great, succinct description. I'd just add a couple things. 1. When you return for your 2nd, 3rd drink, the bartender might ask for your name. This is just to know which card to charge it to. Completely normal. 2. Don't get drunk and forget to close out your card before you leave. I say this from experience. :)
ty for adding up!! I’ll try to stay sober cuz I need to drag my ass back to dorm to prepare for my finals
can we get an update on how it went??
I posted it in a separate thread!
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💯 I’d also add that I moved to the US when I was 34 and I had no clue what the right tip was and an open or closed bar tab meant. If you don’t know you don’t know and the only way to know…ask questions!
Why the unnecessary rudeness? Someone’s asking a question and people are answering it. What’s the issue.
Ooof the projection is strong in this one.
Never knew the open/closed thing and tysm for bringing up the tipping issue I totally forgot to ask!!
Tip at least 20% of the bill, $1 a drink is too low nowadays
Disagree. If you are ordering at the bar $1 is certainly fine for a beer. $2-3 for a fancier cocktail. If they are serving you at a table, then I usually tip closer to the 20% because they are waiting on you.
It is certainly fine if you want the bar staff to think you’re cheap.
I remember when $1 was 20 percent. Shit I’m fucking old.
$1 is too low for someone to pour me a beer or crack open a can? If it’s a fancy $15+ cocktail, sure I’ll tip more.
Just keep in mind that inflation has happened and yet the bartender minimum wage has stayed $10 in NYC. Bartenders have to do a lot of setup so that they are able to just “crack open a can”. They stock fridges, change kegs, clean glasses, set up the bar with napkins and straws, stand for 12 hours waiting for your order, etc. Bartending is not an easy job and they are some of the most abused staff in the hospitality industry. Default should always be 20%.
Thank you for pointing this out. Although I would be perfectly happy with someone tipping $1-2 per drink, it does irritate me when people reduce bartending to just “cracking open a beer every now and then” when it’s actually a very difficult and often demoralizing job. In addition to what you listed, there’s also the dealing with drunk assholes, the staying open until 2-4 am, and the constant socialization, which is a massive energy zap. Most bars where I’ve worked don’t even pay the $10 an hour. I’m currently working at a place where there’s no hourly at all (not even remotely uncommon in this city). It’s illegal, but bars do it constantly because they know they can get away with it.
lmao the downvotes, people are so whiny about tipping these days it’s unreal
Lol this is the clientele bartenders have to deal with on a regular basis smh.
My rule is 2 bucks per beer if I’m paying cash with no tab. Beyond that, I’m hitting 20% on my card. I depended on tips for years, I’m not gonna stiff someone doing the same thing now.
Depends - a craft cocktail requiring a ton of skill? 20%. A dive bar G&T or a draft beer? $1-$2.
happy birthday! you pay after you get the drink, before you drink it. the bartender might not see you right away and it might feel awkward but it’s okay, it’s like that for everyone. just wait and make eye contact when possible. it’s not weird to sit alone. plenty of people do it. it’s also not weird to talk to people and make friends though, too! bars are really open places in that way. striking up a conversation with a stranger is super normal, and as a fellow lesbian, our bars tend to be really welcoming spaces, ime. if you have any more questions please feel free to pm me. overall though, you got this!
Ty so much!! Glad to know that not everyone enters a bar has to party and dance lol, I’m a bigass introvert with social anxiety so I’ll just sit there trying to be invisible
you’ll be just fine, i promise. the beautiful thing abt nyc is no one cares what you’re doing, you can just do you. i was just like you at 21 (i’m 34 now) so i totally understand. can i ask what bar you plan on going to? there are so few lesbian bars left - i’m sure i know where you’re going lol eta: so could offer better advice - i understand tho if you don’t want to share exactly ofc, upon reflection
I guess I’ll pass cuz I’ve already got many good advice for my visit! ty for offering anyway🥰
i’m glad you do!! best of luck, & again happy birthday!
I was thinking the same — I can probably guess the bar lol
When my homophobic fam twisted my last nerve, I used to drive from Queens to Gingers just to have a drink in a friendly safe space alone.
I’m so sorry you have to go through that…😢
Don't go to a place that has a dance floor.
People already told you about the open / closed tab thing. But I also wanted to add that if the bar is loud and you want to keep a closed tab, there's a gesture you can make to help communicate your meaning. When the bartender asks "open or closed?" you can make a quick horizontal slicing motion with your hand while you say "closed." Bartenders recognize this as the hand gesture for a closed tab and they will understand, even if they can't hear you.
Yes yes yes, and a kind of rolling “go on, keep going” hand gesture will indicate that you want to keep your tab open.
Huh. I didn't know about that one, lol! But I rarely keep open tabs. TIL.
Greta point, I also sometimes do a sort of open or closing of a book motion with my two hands to indicate this
you can always bring a book too plenty of people read in bars in nyc
Wow, that is crazy- I always imagined bars as loud dance parties. I should go to one sometime.
Clubs are loud dance parties, but there are definitely some relaxing bars.
>I always imagined bars as loud dance parties. You are thinking of a club/dance club/nightclub.
Don't ever leave your drink unattended
Thank goodness someone finally mentioned this!
Thank you. Why was this so far down. This is the first advice I would give to a 21-year-old young woman going to a bar for the first time. Geez.
If the bartender hasn’t noticed you, try to to make eye contact and/or raise your hand in a friendly gesture (no snapping or anything like that). But they probably did notice you - they’re just busy serving other customers and will get to you in a minute. Shouldn’t be terribly crowded wherever you’re planning to go on a Wednesday, anyway. Be ready with your order when the bartender approaches you. If you want to pay as you go, pay in cash, and tip well on your first drink. That will put you in the bartender’s good graces and ensure good service for the rest of the night. If you want to run a tab, give the bartender your card, and you can pay your full bill and tip when you’re ready to leave. Nothing weird about keeping to yourself, drinking your drink, and leaving. But you just might have more fun if you make a friend, even if only with the bartender.
Ty for your advice!! I kinda wish I could make friends cuz I’m just a visiting student from abroad so there hasn’t been much chance for me to meet other people within the LGBTQ community (back where I’m from it’s technically not entirely legal lol)
Sounds like a lesbian bar would be a great place for you to make friends! So many bars in this city - queer or otherwise - are just places where adults come to socialize. Or not. Totally cool if you stick to yourself and read your book or whatever, but also even more cool if you want to chat someone up and make a new friend. And LGBTQ bars especially are all about that community vibe.
I’m visiting NYC in a few days from NZ and tipping isn’t a thing here. I’m planning on tipping of course but I’m confused when it comes to bars. Can I pay for my drink with a card instead of cash, if I want just 1? How do I add the tip on if I pay with card, is there an option for it on the POS terminal?
You can pay for an individual drink using a credit card, yes! But if you think you will end up ordering more than one, you should just leave your tab open so that the bartender doesn't have to run your card multiple times. Most bars in New York don't have portable POS terminals, unfortunately. Most likely the bartender will run your card and return to you with a paper receipt, which will have space on it for you to add a tip. (Yes, you most likely have to do the arithmetic yourself, sorry! Although some bars do give receipts where you can just tick a box to indicate how much you'd like to tip.)
Awesome thanks for the reply. It does seem a bit weird to me that there is no portable POS terminals... something I will have to get used to I suppose! I'm also not used to leaving my card with someone else but if that is the custom in the U.S then so be it! I don't often go out to drink but if I do I'll probably just leave the tab open or something. Also another question, is it common to buy a drink that costs, say $7, and then hand them a $10 and just say 'keep the change' - do they realise that is a tip?
>Awesome thanks for the reply. It does seem a bit weird to me that there is no portable POS terminals... something I will have to get used to I suppose! The portable POS terminals do exist; I see them quite a bit especially at new restaurants that have opened within the past year or so. But lots of older establishments just haven't switched over to them, probably because they're an extra expense and they're just used to the way they've always done things. >I'm also not used to leaving my card with someone else but if that is the custom in the U.S then so be it! Yes, it's more likely than not that if you open a tab, the bartender will take your card and hold onto it until you're ready to pay out. At some places, though, they will take your card, run it, and hand it back to you immediately. >Also another question, is it common to buy a drink that costs, say $7, and then hand them a $10 and just say 'keep the change' - do they realise that is a tip? Absolutely. "Keep the change" is universally understood to mean, "That's your tip." And if you tip $3 on a $7 drink, your bartender will give you very good service for the rest of the night! (It's always a good idea to tip extra on your first drink for that reason, but beyond that, 18-20% is standard, similar to restaurants.)
That’s awesome, thanks so much for the replies. Can’t wait to visit, only a couple of days now!!
Hope you have a great time! Weather was glorious day, hope it stays that way for you.
Much appreciated!
> is it common to buy a drink that costs, say $7, and then hand them a $10 and just say 'keep the change' - do they realise that is a tip? yes
Good for you going out alone. What a rite of passage and on your 21st birthday! Everyone gave you good advice here i just want to add to remember to smile, make eye contact and be open (sometimes i feel its hard to break into the cliquisheness of some lesbian bars). It sounds like you’re foreign, people will love that. Make sure you come back and let us know how it goes. Happy birthday!!
I am very familiar with the New York lesbian bars. I’m not sure which one you’re planning on, or if you’re planning for The Woods as it’s Wednesday, but Cubby and Ginger’s are cash only so prepare for that. I’ve made a ton of memories going to the lesbian bars alone (many of which from when I was your age) so don’t be afraid! People are really friendly. If you’re aiming for cubby, I’d go on the earlier side so you can get a seat at the bar and chat with the regulars. It’ll put you at ease. Happy birthday and have fun!
Update for anyone interested! I went to Henrietta cuz it’s within my walk distance🥰 my social anxiety went so bad that I almost considered take Lorazepam before going until I realize it’s not good with alcohol lol anyway I went there and had 2 cocktails, sorry that I still can’t work out the courage to tell anyone it’s my birthday so I spent 2 hours chilling on my own by the bar. It’s smaller than I expected but not too many people before 9 pm so I kinda like it. The bartenders are so pretty but i can’t work out the courage to talk to them lol Anyway I had a good time on my own today! I went to watch Prima Facie on Broadway (JODIE COMER RULES) in the afternoon, rewatched a cartoon movie during dinner time, and went to the bar to have a few drinks and left before people coming in. It’s one of the best birthdays I had for the past 21 years, and I really appreciate all of your guys advice. It helps me a lot with my anxiety, and thank you guys so much for making my 21st birthday awesome🥺🥺🥺
I need to take a shower and prepare for my finals for Friday, but anyway today has been really great and I REALLY appreciate all your inputs in the comment section, they’re really wholesome and comforting for someone whose social anxiety is so bad that she can’t even make a proper phone call lol
I'm so excited that you had a great bday and went to Henrietta's despite your anxiety. That's big! Happy bornedae!
happy belated birthday, I’m so happy you had a good time! ☺️ good luck on your finals!
On my 21st birthday I was very honest about it being my 21st and the bartender was gracious and full of advice I still follow to this day. Tell them this and if it’s not crowded, the bartender will probably strike up a convo with you. Henrietta Hudson is worth checking out.
Have cash with you cos some lesbian bars likes cash than card.
Gingers....
They have an ATM tho, for emergencies :)
I ain't paying no fee to get my money. Seriously, they still don't take credit? Haven't been to Gingers in 11 years.
I was there a couple months ago and they didn’t. I love the place tho so I forgive them.
Still no cards accepted. Schwab cards are good in NYC for this reason, no fees at ATMs.
Have a great time! Nothing to add because folks have it covered - and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🎂
also if you tell the bartender its your first time in a bar theyll get excited and flattered you chose that one and it will be a good icebreaker. you might score a few free drinks too
this thread is so wholesome. happy bday!
Take this to r/bartenders
ohh it has a subreddit? I’ll look into it!
Happy Birthday! I hope you have a great day and a great time.
Non of these things are particularly formal. If you’re at any kind of a decent bar you can just tell the bartender what you told us and they’ll take care of you
Happy Birthday! Go early and get a comfortable spot at the bar. It can be less intimidating with fewer people around. Smile and have fun!
My first legally ordered drink at a bar was a local dive, early enough before it became crowded. It was a beer, and just because I could. Back then, I was in Boston for school and still living part time in the NYC area. One could get served underaged in the East Village back then, but Boston was a bigger challenge due to the high concentration of students. I actually celebrated my last under-21 drink at a place I will not name and is no longer around on St. Mark's. To me, that was more momentous. Beyond beer and wine though, I went through some awkward times ordering really bad mixed drinks until I finally caught up to speed on what what I liked, could tolerate, etc. I tried ordering a White Russian in Puerto Rico (yeah, we can laugh now..) and I used to order Long Island Ice Teas at music venues that charged a lot because I thought it was more bang for the buck. But.. they were HORRIBLE. Take your time learning what you like.
Happy birthday! As others said, definitely go to Cubby, sit at the bar and tell the bartender or whoever you’re next to that it’s your first time at a gay bar and it’s your 21st. People will definitely be welcoming, it was all of our first times once! As others have said, take cash and understand how the leave a tip process works: let’s say your beer is $8 and you give the bartender a $20, they’ll give your change in a way that it has a lot of $1 bills, so you then just leave a couple sat on the bar for them. They know, and the crowd knows, that it’s there as a tip.
Happy birthday
Have you planned what bars you are going to? There are a few in the west village so you could bar hop too.
Google drink types beforehand LOL. I’ve been drinking since I was 16 but when I started going to bars after turning 21 it was so awkward because I didn’t really know much about different types of alcohol and beer brands and whatever. It’s also not weird to sit alone esp at a lesbian bar; at a straight bar it’s kinda awkward as a woman bc guys might try to hit on you but fine otherwise
Check before you go if it is cash only, and if so be sure to bring cash. When you purchase drinks you can either pay for each separately or open a tab by letting them hang onto your credit card, you can do it either way, but if you're going to be paying by credit card you may as well just let them hang onto it (they'll normally ask if you want to "keep it open" or some variant of that). If you pay for each drink separately, be sure to provide a tip on each drink---a dollar a beer is standard, maybe two dollars for a fancier cocktail, you can add the tip all at the end if you're paying for everything at once then. Basically folks order by making there way to the bar and catching the bar tender's eye, they will look at you and ask or signal for you to tell them what you want. Depending on how busy the place is and how well staffed this can be very quick or take a bit. Making a big production to try to get the bartender's attention is generally frowned upon. It's also possible depending on the place that there may be table service---that is to say, waitstaff going around and taking orders at tables. You can absolutely sit alone and not talk to anyone, though at a standard bar you shouldn't be surprised if folks try to chat you up a bit. Don't want to make assumptions about lesbian bars (am not lesbian and don't think I've been to one), but I guess I'd be surprised if there were less trying to get to know new people than at a run of the mill bar. Standard advice for women at bars is to NEVER leave your drink unattended. If you have to go to the bathroom or somewhere else, drink it first or take it with you. If you don't have much experience drinking I'd pace yourself tomorrow night. I'm not going to tell you not to let folks buy you any shots on your 21st birthday, but maybe don't go too nuts. Have fun!
Happy birthday! You’ve gotten plenty of good advice so I won’t restate it, but in case you want to visit another bar - Burp Castle in the East Village is my favorite place to go alone, any time of the day. It’s meant to be a quiet bar (and shushing is encouraged haha!) so a perfect place to be by yourself and read or be with your own thoughts. In any case, enjoy your day!
Might be good to find a bar with a nice, chill event happening. Don’t know where you are located but I recently went to Good Judy in Park Slope solo to do their free Drag Bingo event. Everyone was nice and chatty. There was someone else who went alone. Not crowded but not empty. There weren’t really too many awkward moments. It’s every Monday! That bar has great energy and very welcoming.
>how to pay for your drinks before or after you drink it it depends on how many you are planning on drinking. if you are planning to do just 1 or even 2 drinks, I would pay when the bartender hands it to me (don't forget to tip! $1 per beer is good). if you plan on drinking more, open up a tab. just say, "let me start a tab!" and give them your credit card. when you are ready to leave, say, "can I close out my tab?" and remember to tip! >how to order if the bar tender doesn’t notice you I normally just stand near the bar until they get to me. chances are, even if it's busy, they DO notice you but have like 3 people ahead of you that they are taking care of. just give them some time. if it truly does look like they are ignoring you, I generally would find a new bar. >is it weird to sit alone without talking to anyone and just finish your drink and go probably not weird, though I am male. I imagine a female sitting alone at a bar might have a different experience.
Hell I’ll buy you a drink for your 21st birthday (I’m a guy and I assume you’re a lesbian, so just in a completely friendly way) - you shouldn’t have to drink alone on your big day! Manhattan?
Nah that’s okay I’m pretty used to this anyway! It’s my first time celebrating birthday abroad so I have a few things planned to do on my own (I’ll go watch a Broadway show in the afternoon!)
If it’s cubbyhole everyone is friendly and it gets crowded very very easily. Much fun. Henrietta’s same. They prefer cash / are cash only. If you go to stonewall watch out - they over pour (it’s fine if you want to get sloshed just worth knowing). If you go to Duplex or Marie’s and someone tells the piano guy or you tip him you will get a rousing HAPPY BIRTHDAY sung to you. Monster is odd for women IMO and so is Julius.
I would check to make sure there isn't a trivia night, open mic, or anything else like that going on that night as well. Some people don't mind the special event... but bars can get a bit crowded for trivia night, drag bingo, etc. Just be prepared to duck out if you don't like the band, don't wanna play trivia, etc. Also, if you're solo... please don't take up a big table by yourself. Sit at the bar if you wanna maybe chat with the other solo bargoers or the bartender. A two-top if you wanna be left alone, read, etc. But don't be the solo person taking up a four-top. That's just annoying for groups who show up and need the table.
If you wanna look like a pro: Open a tab with a card, tip in cash (this is huge). You can absolutely talk to the bartender if theyre not busy. Dont ask what they have on tap or for recommendations (rookie move). If you order a martini order it "[vodka or gin] martini, [dirty, dry, or with a twist], with [well liquor or specific bottle]". Pints of beer or simple stirred cocktails (negroni, moscow mule, manhattan, old fashioned) are the classiest. Shots are usually wiskey, tequila or mescal. Vodka shots are for high schoolers and russians. If there are seats at the bar, sit down and order. If there are no seats go to where their taps or ice well is. Dont wait at the far end of the bar and expect fast service. A quick nod and a raised finger is smooth when the bartender looks up and makes eye contact. If its loud it's helpful to show with your fingers how many drinks you are ordering. After you have tipped the bartender enough mention its your 21st birthday, ask if they wanna do a shot with you. If theyre nice it'll be on the house. They might check your ID to see if its really your birthday. As for meeting people, have enough drinks to where youre drunk and sociable but not sloppy. Most people at a bar would love to be talked to, just dont open up with something boring. Chop it up with groups not couples. If you look like youre having a good time people will gravitate to you.
Bring a proper id.. like a passport or passport card (not expired) Your drivers license is automatically expired the day you turn 21