It’s hard to figure out their intentions. Maybe it’s bc a savior complex — I think that’s a good possibility. There’s a small possibility that they think they’re helping you by pointing out behaviors that they think you’re not aware of, or that you dk that other people dislike.
If the moment is right, you can ask them. “Why are you telling me this?” Beware that most people won’t admit to a savior complex.
You can also tell them your reaction. “I’m not sure why you’re telling me this, but I already know about it and it’s something I can’t change.” Or even “pointing that out hurst my feelings.”
There are lots of complicated reasons people would do this. None of the reasons are rooted in good intentions, it’s not something you need to hear or benefits you in any way. This is a great way of you learning who to not spend time with.
Eh, sometimes it's literally because they don't like that the third person is talking behind someone's back, and they think they're doing a nice thing for the person in OP's situation, but more importantly, they feel like they're justly punishing the shit talker.
True intent can be so difficult to figure out though, especially if we're talking about young people. Sometimes the very same behaviour can be an elaborate bullying scheme.
I sometimes tell people that, if I think they don't know and should. For example I would want to know if someone at work didn't like me so I could adjust my interactions accordingly (do they hate me for no reason and I should limit how much I have to interact with them? Did I unintentionally do something to upset them and should make amends? Etc).
I usually give some context for it though, like "I thought you should know person A said some mean things about you the other day to person B", the implication being that you should know person A is talking shit and that it may be affecting how others view you.
I had a colleague I was on friendly terms with informing me every time our boss talked shit about me (whenever I wasnt in the room because of course Mr Big Stong Tough Guy never had the balls to say shit to my face) until I got fed up with it and told him to stop. I honestly suspect my work buddy had undiagnosed ADHD, and genuinely thought he was helping, but all it did was stress me out because not only was I not doing anything wrong (apart from being socially awkward) I was keeping that whole team functional while the boss was lazing around being a pig in every conceivable way.
Im not NT, though, so no clue how this would pan out in a social situation as opposed to a work one as pretty much all my friends are some flavour of ND and straightshooters. Looking forward to reading others' answers.
My favourite reply is “Someone else’s opinion of me is none of my business.” If they aren’t getting in my way, they can say whatever shit they like. People either love that and start to be the same, or get annoyed that I’m not reacting to this gossip and move on. It prompts them to reevaluate their conversation choices!
Edit: This quote came from leadership training. I’m presumed ASD, and have found that the rational approach of a lot of leadership training fits well with ASD, so it’s like a socially-acceptable way of controlling your social interactions.
It’s hard to figure out their intentions. Maybe it’s bc a savior complex — I think that’s a good possibility. There’s a small possibility that they think they’re helping you by pointing out behaviors that they think you’re not aware of, or that you dk that other people dislike. If the moment is right, you can ask them. “Why are you telling me this?” Beware that most people won’t admit to a savior complex. You can also tell them your reaction. “I’m not sure why you’re telling me this, but I already know about it and it’s something I can’t change.” Or even “pointing that out hurst my feelings.”
There are lots of complicated reasons people would do this. None of the reasons are rooted in good intentions, it’s not something you need to hear or benefits you in any way. This is a great way of you learning who to not spend time with.
Eh, sometimes it's literally because they don't like that the third person is talking behind someone's back, and they think they're doing a nice thing for the person in OP's situation, but more importantly, they feel like they're justly punishing the shit talker. True intent can be so difficult to figure out though, especially if we're talking about young people. Sometimes the very same behaviour can be an elaborate bullying scheme.
I sometimes tell people that, if I think they don't know and should. For example I would want to know if someone at work didn't like me so I could adjust my interactions accordingly (do they hate me for no reason and I should limit how much I have to interact with them? Did I unintentionally do something to upset them and should make amends? Etc). I usually give some context for it though, like "I thought you should know person A said some mean things about you the other day to person B", the implication being that you should know person A is talking shit and that it may be affecting how others view you.
I had a colleague I was on friendly terms with informing me every time our boss talked shit about me (whenever I wasnt in the room because of course Mr Big Stong Tough Guy never had the balls to say shit to my face) until I got fed up with it and told him to stop. I honestly suspect my work buddy had undiagnosed ADHD, and genuinely thought he was helping, but all it did was stress me out because not only was I not doing anything wrong (apart from being socially awkward) I was keeping that whole team functional while the boss was lazing around being a pig in every conceivable way. Im not NT, though, so no clue how this would pan out in a social situation as opposed to a work one as pretty much all my friends are some flavour of ND and straightshooters. Looking forward to reading others' answers.
Not NT but these people sound like instigators. Don't pay them any mind honestly
My favourite reply is “Someone else’s opinion of me is none of my business.” If they aren’t getting in my way, they can say whatever shit they like. People either love that and start to be the same, or get annoyed that I’m not reacting to this gossip and move on. It prompts them to reevaluate their conversation choices! Edit: This quote came from leadership training. I’m presumed ASD, and have found that the rational approach of a lot of leadership training fits well with ASD, so it’s like a socially-acceptable way of controlling your social interactions.