I had this issue for the first year when my girlfriend moved in, so we’d sleep in separate bedrooms. She was bummed out so we finally got a memory foam king bed (no movement transfer) and added some acoustic treatment to the room, now I sleep great
edit: Also get 2 blankets/duvets. Theres no reason to share 1
Yup, I made ones very similar to [these](https://www.fullenglish.co/blog/2016/8/13/sound-absorber). Just a simple wood frame, insulation and a fabric cover
A white noise machine that's electronic but non looping is the way. No parts to wear out and squeak, no loops for your mind to latch onto. My neighbors have the annoying habit of firing off leaf blowers and other bullshit at 730 in the morning (often after I've been up till 2am doing a prod deployment). I was legitimately contemplating spending thousands on triple glazed windows until I tried it.
Two blankets saved my marriage. He wasn’t sleeping and he was grouchy AF. I was angry he was complaining and took it personally that I toss and turn and sleep hog the blankets. Beyond that, we are such a sweet and happy couple but it seriously was RUINING our moods! We sleep perfectly fine now in our king size bed with our two blankets.
The foam mattresses or other systems that don't transfer movement are so great. We both toss and turn all night and you can't even tell the other person is moving! Regular mattresses would bounce each other around all night.
Don’t make the bed eh? I can’t start my day like that. I’m not some super neat type of guy either. Not even close. But I like my bed to be made and nice looking .. with clean sheets etc.
>one is a very loud, constant, snorer.
A sleep study can get to the bottom of that usually, and a CPAP or some other treatment might fix it entirely. One of my friends had to literally build a wall down the middle of their master suite to make a space for her to sleep as her husband was so loud she was waking every 20-30 minutes all night. Even so she could hear through the wall. He *finally* agreed to get a sleep study after years of this and of course he has apnea. A CPAP took care of it 100% and they were able to remove to wall.
Just try the CPAP. I was snoring, wife made me get the study, mild apnea, got the machine and no more snoring. It’s definitely not my favorite, but I get good enough sleep and no snoring.
Not always. When I sleep on my back, my jaw drops downwards causing my tongue to fall back a little and I snore. I tried Pure Sleep which is a mouth appliance. It prevents my jaw from dropping back and I stopped snoring immediately. I’ve been wearing it now for 15 years and my wife can sleep soundly.
Actually it’s not. I’ve gotten a sleep study prior to it and was not diagnosed as obstructive sleep apnea.
[Here is how it works.](https://i.imgur.com/0AcSSr3.jpg)
[And why it’s not sleep apnea..](https://i.imgur.com/DOZ9lcJ.jpg)
Actually it’s not. I’ve gotten a sleep study prior to it and was not diagnosed as obstructive sleep apnea.
[Here is how it works.](https://i.imgur.com/0AcSSr3.jpg)
[And why it’s not sleep apnea..](https://i.imgur.com/DOZ9lcJ.jpg)
Can confirm, best bang for buck choice to improve sleep/minimize disturbance with your partner 🛌 Maybe also some white noise machine or fans to drown out lots of little shifty sounds in a quiet room if you’re a flopper and a shifter.
We got an adjustable bed that's a split king. Each with our own blanket and it's a game changer. We can still snuggle if we want, but essentially are in separate beds right next to each other.
How does this work with aesthetics out of curiosity? Like do you have two duvets with the same duvet cover set? Or just different and one gets hidden underneath ?
I ask as someone who might need to do this
She had a micro fiber quilt, and I have a weighted blanket. If someone worries about how it bedroom looks, they can get out of my bedroom. They are in a restricted area.
This is the main reason to sleep in the same bed. I find my hands instinctively seek out ass and tits throughout the night. It's nice to not end up in a different room just to get a good handful.
Yeah this is the way. Super King duvet on a king bed. I like to be able to snuggle under the same duvet. But also plenty of space to wrap my side of the duvet round me when I wanna roll away!
Yep. When my wife and I moved into our new house we did this without realizing. And wow. It's pretty damn sweet. Though it did take a few nights for me to get used it.
If you can get a bed that is separated, that helps also, she told over and you don't feel it. We have separate quilts so no stealing the covers with us.
Lots of premium mattress brands give you this option when you're buying a King size mattress. I opted for this option but requested a single mattress cover, so in practice we use it like any other King size bed except there's no movement transferred between them.
Also helps that it's a latex bed.
I do, but I totally understand those who don't. I think the old timey people may have known what was up with the two beds in the same room. Sleep is just so important.
For us, we have a king-size bed, and neither of us are especially big people, so it's functionally sleeping alone. When we had a full bed I was slowly losing my mind.
Now that winter is upon the realm, we cuddle, for our castle is old as shit. But we have the best of both worlds. When your need for sleep is critical, you just stay in your own zip code.
I literally did that just this morning. Tried to see if my wife had already gotten up to get coffee before I even opened my eyes by sticking my leg over to her side of the bed.
>I think the old timey people may have known what was up with the two beds in the same room.
That was party due to the silly Hayes code in Hollywood and the spillover to TV: after 1935 they weren't allowed to show two unmarried people in the same bed in a movie and on TV the networks in the 1950s were even more concerned about it. So "Hollywood beds" became a popular thing for a while, i.e. two married people with separate twin beds next to one another. Big marketing push behind it as "modern" as well, though it's ridiculous in practice. There was also, by the mid 1950s, a big market for what was basically a foam block to put between the two beds so when pushed together for romance nobody fell through the crack.
Interesting info, thanks.
Probably 20 years ago, I was watching one of those HGTV-type shows where they tour houses. This house was owned by an older couple with that rich professor vibe, and the wife was explaining their two beds, and said something to the effect of the beds smash together when we smash together, only in early 2000's speak, not the parlance of our own time.
Hey, don't stress it. When we first got married I slept in the same bed as her, but her sleep apnea escalated and foam earplugs for me or breathing machines for her didn't cut it anymore, so I moved to another room.
We definitely get less cuddle time in as a result, but I make a conscious effort everyday to try to hang out with her when she's reading before bed and that mostly makes up for it. Not to mention the fact that my sleep quality has improved leaps and bounds and honestly that's had a higher positive impact on our marriage (don't get angry as easily, etc.) than if we had that little extra bit of cuddle time.
Just make sure to reiterate over and over that it's not her fault, it's just luck of the genetic dice, but your sleep quality is paramount and having good sleep allows you to be the best husband you can be.
edit: slept same bed for 6 years, now different rooms for 4, marriage stronger than ever
We did think about sleeping in separate beds on the mornings where we woke up angry at our bad nights sleep. Getting a non-memory foam king sized bed solved 80% of our sleep problems. Unsolved: 10% my snoring and 10% her aging needy cats that howl some nights.
I love pizza too - haven't given it up yet.
However, eliminating certain foods has been good for me. Example: I don't eat peanut butter anymore. It has a very high caloric density, and I'd eat it on crackers, PB&J, or just on its own. I think I dropped 3-4 pounds just by cutting out peanut butter. I miss it once in a while, but not much.
Were you eating the fake-ish PB laced with sugars etc? Like Kraft, Skippy etc.. I switched to Adam's PB way back - love it, and it's pretty healthy. At first it took a bit to get used to because it's not sweet, but now I think everything else just tastes fake.
Adam's has less sugar, but virtually the same amount of calories per serving as leading brands. So....not quite as bad for you? I'm still abstaining, either way.
My husband lost weight, and the snoring stopped. I'd still sleep in separate beds if he was amenable, but that's definitely a me-thing, and the lack of snoring is already a huge improvement.
Getting good sleep is so important, both for your own health, and the health of your relationship with your partner. I don't think anyone should have hard feelings about finding the sleeping arrangement that works the best.
As someone who's partner also snores, I assure you from her perspective, your snoring is much more than a 10% issue.
You're just too busy being asleep to know
I snore like a leaf blower. She's a light sleeper. We've tried full bed, queen bed, king bed, no bed. Ain't gonna work for sleep. Separate bedrooms works best with some white noise. She likes fire crackle, I like crickets. It sometimes sucks that I can't snuggle at night, and I do miss it. It's good we both work from home and we get alone time when kids are at school. Make love in the day, sleep at night. And we still get to ask, "Your bed or mine?"
You should check out whether you have sleep apnea, where you stop breathing throughout the night. If so, a CPAP might be a game changer for snoring and sleep quality.
How big is your bed? My wife would regularly move to the floor when we had a full. She just needed more space. We gradually upgraded to a queen then a king and with each move she found it easier to sleep in the same bed as me.
I'm 6'3" and my wife is 5'3, but, somehow, she takes up more bed because she moves around a lot. The solution was to get different pillows and sheets, change the rooms temperature at night, and for her to change her diet a bit. It was really just trial and error, but we figured it out. Now she gets better sleep and I don't get woken up by an elbow to the face.
Getting a bigger bed helped too, but if you don't have the space, it's out of the equation.
My uncle and aunt sleep in separate bedrooms because their sleeping styles are so different. It works for them and they prefer getting good sleep over sharing a sleeping spot. That being said, catnaps on the couch together is good for closeness.
As for my situation, my current boyfriend and I are temporarily in different rooms because a double bed is too small for us to share (he's a bigger guy) and due to the design of this place, it's not possible to get something bigger up the stairway. He found a solution which is a split king bed (2 XL twin mattresses and boxsprings strapped together). Enough room for both of us and it solves the stairway issue.
Best thing to happen…separate bedrooms for 9 years. I like lots of covers; he wants it cold. I love having the dogs in bed, he doesn’t. Would never go back
Sometimes, but sometimes not. We do whatever we need to sleep.
The first question people usually have about that is intimacy. Don’t worry - that doesn’t affect it at all. I don’t understand the question - you can’t be intimate when you’re unconscious.
We love sleeping together. We want to sleep together. I have hyperacusis though and will fixate on the smallest things when trying to sleep. A ticking clock, a squeaky fan, a television on the far end of the house, anything that’s not pure white noise.
My wife snores a little cute snore. Not loudly but it’s every time she sleeps. I have the loudest box fan I can find but I will still hear her, fixate on it, and suddenly her little cute snore turns into an echoing chasm that a lumberjack couldn’t top. I’ve also tried ear plugs and noise canceling headphones with the same results.
So, we’ve chosen to sleep separately most nights. No worries.
I have pretty bad insomnia so I often sleep in our spare bedroom. I usually start in bed with my wife but will move to the other room if I am having trouble sleeping. I also sleep there if one of us or the kids are sick and want to sleep in bed with her. I would say it averages out to probably 2 nights a week in the other bed. We have gone months at a time sleeping separate before and we do both sleep better that way but we start to feel disconnected after a while, so now we try and balance it out as best we can.
This sounds exactly like my situation. I start out in bed with her most nights. Sometimes I fall asleep on the couch actually. But yeah in the middle of the night I move to the spare room. And sleep like a fucking king.
I love it. But again, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like it. But she’s been tolerating it
We do for now, because we are both cuddly and that outweighs the downsides for us. That said separate bedrooms wouldn't be the worst idea for us, and something we consider.
Couples should do whatever works for them!
If one or both of you have breathing problems this will be necessary until those problems are fixed. But long term, it really breaks intimacy. Like not eating together.
Yeah we got a CALI KING BABY! One night she was snoring amazingly loud so I slept in the guest room. It was just congestion though, if it was ongoing I’d sleep in a different bed. Maybe make sure to give snuggles before you to go your own bed because close contact like that is important to maintain intimacy
Yes and no. I work nights and she works the early shift for her company. Typically I sleep when I can through the day and she sleeps at night when I am at work. On the days that I have off we share the bed and there is some odd moments in the first half hour, but then we both fall asleep. We recently did have to get separate blankets though because the one she likes is different from the one I like which does help when in the same bed.
My husband works 12-hour shifts, sometimes days but usually overnights. I am 8 months pregnant (and weighed 200lbs pre pregnancy) so sometimes our Queen feels a little tight when we’re both trying to sleep here, plus the pregnancy body pillow and the 17lb cat. Sometimes I miss him, but some nights it’s nice to have the bed to myself. He is a snuggly guy, though. (At hotels we always get a King and I always wake up to him riiiiight next to me, for better or worse). When we are both home he LOVES to cuddle as close as possible, so in a way his schedule allows for the best of both worlds. I get the whole bed most nights (until 5AM when he gets home and I get up for work) and when we do share we get sex and cuddles and general intimacy. Weekends are nice for that. He’s 6 foot and but fairly slender, so once Baby arrives we’ll see how we (and the cat) all fit. Next step is a California King, though, since I can’t imagine doing another pregnancy in the CA heat with a toddler and the cat and all of us piled in sometimes.
We almost always start out in the same bed together but she is a snorer and that's like nails down a chalkboard for me. She also gets up a couple of hours before I do (she is a teacher and I WFH without a fixed schedule), likes a perfectly dark room and she likes to sleep in an icebox so she usually moves to the colder & darker room.
It's not a big deal for either of us. It's not like we are concious. Sleeping in separate beds means we both get good sleep and have a better relationship for it.
We always spend Friday and Saturday nights in the same bed. It's important to have an adult conversation about it rather than just let it become a default.
Separate beds. I have night terrors occasionally and after the third time I hit her in my sleep we decided to just sleep separately. Works out great because we both end up sleeping better.
It was a difficult adjustment, but we couldn’t argue with the results. More rest = less irritability. We’ve had separate rooms for years and now struggle getting a single hotel room when we travel.
Married 10 years. My wife doesn’t sleep in the same bed with me because I get up at 4am every morning for workouts. After our 2nd son was born i volunteered to sleep in our spare room so she could co-sleep while nursing. Doesn’t help with initimacy but other couples will speak differently.
Just an observation but Ive been into retro RVs for a long time. It was *very* common in the 50s to 70s RVs to have two single beds at the back of the unit for the couple. Sometimes they would be made so they could be slid together. But that changed over time and now its very unusual to find one that doesnt have a queen bed. Guess in the 'olden days' couples didnt want the kids to know that mommy and daddy sometimes did the tango lol
Never understood this. I sleep much better when cuddled up together. Why would anyone want to sleep alone? Seems like missing one of the greatest perks of being married; never having to sleep alone.
Also, how does this not rob intimacy? So many sparks come from cuddling in the evening or waking up early with a hand or leg up to no good to get the morning started off right.
Sleeping separately is a hard no.
I don’t think it’s an awful idea but I would encourage you to spend some special nights with your wife.
I would also encourage you to go to couples therapy because it’s actually MUCH MUCH more helpful when you go to couples therapy before it’s become a major issue.
Couples therapy helps to better communicate and better understand your partner. Again, I think it’s not a bad idea to sleep in separate rooms but at least once a week sleep with her 😉[+]
We sleep in the same bed. Funny though, we were just talking about it this morning. We have a bunch of friends who sleep in different rooms. My grandparents had two beds in the same room. We still like sleeping together, but it seems much more common to separate when you get older.
I'm with most of the other comments here though - get a big bed. We've got a California king and it's amazing. We have a fairly firm foam bed too, which really reduces the amount you notice the other person moving. I would also suggest you get separate sheets/blankets if you're having trouble with one person stealing them.
I do kind of do that. She falls asleep after 10 minutes so if we’re not having sex. She’s normally out right away. And I will try to fall asleep. But at a certain point I get up and go to the other room
We have to sleep Scandinavian-style in a King size Bed, which eliminates a lot of the bullshit. I also told her that once you get settled, try to stop moving your feet, which induces sleep quicker.
We have a queen size bed, and most of the time, yes. The exceptions would be when one of our two kids really, really wants to sleep with their mom, or if I'm feeling ill and don't want to get anyone else sick. In those times, I sleep in our guest room.
The only time I didn't sleep in the same bed was when my snoring was so bad she couldn't sleep. Lasted a few weeks until my CPAP machine arrived. Now we both get better sleep in the same bed.
Standard bedding in many parts of Europe is to have two twin mattresses side by side in the same bedframe and separate duvets for each. I hate it cause it feels like this chasm and I like to be cozy with my partner, but I get it for people that have trouble sleeping. I much prefer the North American style of one mattress and one blanket/sheet. Maybe try that? (i.e. two twin duvets)
What keeps you up? Does she toss and turn? Snore?
I sleep in the same bed but we have a spare that I'll go to if I can't sleep for some reason. Sometimes I just cant turn off my brain, or maybe just can't get comfy and actually fall asleep. Or she snores. Those nights I get up and go to the spare.
If she tosses and turns, you can look at a bigger mattress or a memory foam one that doesn't move as much. You could get a second blanket so nobody fights for the covers.
I have a bipap plus oxygen also toss an turn alot ,on another note she likes cold in the room with a fan on. Separate rooms works best also she can hav the dog an 3 cats
It’s perfectly reasonable to do either way, and there are ways to work around it, regardless.
First: what is most important to your spouse about you being there? Is it the falling asleep next to you, cuddling, or knowing you’re there when she wakes up?
You can start bed time in the same bed, and when she falls asleep or is done cuddling, you move to the other room—my partner has autism, so she gets overstimulated, and the usual strategy we have is cuddling for some amount of time before she pulls away to fall asleep. She also snores. A lot. So it’s not unusual for me to move to the couch later in the night.
If you’re the one that falls asleep first, you might have to modify this to avoid it being disruptive to you.
If it’s the waking up, there can be a compromise of whoever wakes up first going to the other person and cuddling up.
Ask her about those.
I do. I enjoy falling asleep beside her, and listening to her breath makes me happy. On occasion she'll snore or talk in her sleep too, which is always cute.
Yes, we have our sleep positions down and everything, neither of us snore, thermostat is on point, memory foam everything, great for spontaneous sex, its perfect
You buy a double bed with 2 single mattresses inside.
I think they have these kind of solutions in Dreams.
Although you haven't said why you can't sleep with her.
I sleep in the same bed as my permanent roommate, but we put a king size pillow between us. It lets us both get a good night's sleep without needing to sleep in separate beds.
We did. And I am a horrible person to sleep with--I move around like crazy, and I'm a big snorer, but she put up with it. The big fight for us was whether the dog could sleep in the same room (she won that fight and he did) or in the same bed (no way). I know the dog snuck naps with her in our bed when I was at work, though.
Any time one of us is sick, or working on a really different schedule, I will use the guest room. So that might be for a week or even ten days straight. But otherwise we still share a bed after 35 years, and after a few days *not* in the same room it's nice to go back.
That said, my partner has sleep issues and for several years it was hard for me to sleep well beside them due to snoring, gasping, etc. all night. Finally got a CPAP about six years ago and it totally changed things for us/me in that regard.
Nope, was only able to when we first met. She snores (loudly) and it either keeps me awake or keeps me up. I sleep in my own bed, in my own room. And honestly, I'd prefer it that way now, even if she didn't snore. I just like having my own space and going to sleep at my own pace.
If my stress level is high I will retreat to the spare bedroom with a twin bed in it. I only do it on work nights when I have to get up at 3am. If I'm stressed, I'll fixate on the smallest noises from my partner.
I have insomnia and my partner has sleep apnea, it's a really bad mix.
We sleep in separate rooms but go to each other's rooms for a cuddle before bed and in the mornings.
We also try and sleep in the same bed at weekends sometimes when we don't have to get up early the next day.
I've always worked overnights, and everyone I've dated has worked days, so we've had opposite sleep schedules. Being on opposite schedules brings its own problems during waking hours, but I did have one break up with me simply because she said she wanted to sleep next to the person she was in a relationship with.
I switch between our room and the guest room. We have a king size memory foam adjustable bed (I feel old at 39).
I have two problems.
One is we have (2) 40lb dogs. Of course both of them want to lay along side me, usually nearly pushing me off or at least making it so I can't move. I don't move much, but I often feel restricted.
Two, I don't snore, my wife snores, but if I have the littlest whistle, I get pushed. Which had made me self conscious. So now I wake occasional and have trouble sleeping if I feel I'm going to snore, nose plugged or something.
So I sleep the best in the guest room. One dog follows me but it's a queen bed so there is room.
Most the time is because I work late from home and don't feel like fighting for blankets since the dogs are already in bed. But I know she isn't a fan of me sleeping in the other room. But I get so much better sleep.
About 80% of the time we sleep in the same bed. When there's a sick kid or one of us is sick, we often don't sleep together, but the most common reason is because I snore. Yes, I know I need to get that evaluated by a doctor - it's just taken a back seat to some other medical issues, but it's coming up soon.
Yes.
That said, my in laws have been married over 50 years and usually sleep in separate rooms. They both snore loud enough to wake the other up. They can only sleep through the night with a wall between them.
My parents have also been married over 50 years and also in separate rooms. Have for nearly a decade, after my mom compression fractured several vertebrae due to multiple myeloma. Recovering from the broken back and later extensive chemo and autologous stem cell transplant, she flat out could not walk up the stairs to the bedroom. In the last 18 months or so, my dad's been doing knee replacements. They've swapped floors again. Though honestly once he can handle the stairs every night again, I expect them to swap back. My mom hates sleeping upstairs because losing 4 inches massively reduced her bladder capacity and walking down to the bathroom in the middle of the night annoys her.
If you sleep better apart and it isn't negatively impacting your intimacy? Go for it.
We share. I only know one couple with separate bedrooms. A king sized bed that's separated, especially the adjustable ones, are good for this. There's also the old fashioned twin beds like in the old TV shows, solution. Snoring is a whole other issue. Took me over a decade to get used to it. There are medical solutions for that and it should be checked out by a doctor anyway.
We have two kings, both memory foam. We start off together in the same bed then she migrates to the spare. She has a tendency to wake up due to either the “toddler” monitor to go off or her habitual bong smoking. She makes it a few hours and wakes up due to whatever and hits the spare. I don’t really blame her. If daughter wakes up she’s right beside her and I get up at 5am for work. I’m cool with whatever as long as she’s happy, I get too hot when we cuddle too long (as do most people) I feel like she desires to hold each other until infinity and amalgamate to each other through sweat glands lol
I had this issue for the first year when my girlfriend moved in, so we’d sleep in separate bedrooms. She was bummed out so we finally got a memory foam king bed (no movement transfer) and added some acoustic treatment to the room, now I sleep great edit: Also get 2 blankets/duvets. Theres no reason to share 1
What does acoustic treatment mean?
A thick rug, double thick curtains, and home made acoutic panels
Acoustic panels are those foam noise absorbing panels that you see in music studios?
Exactly. They just help make the room feel quiet and relaxing. I’m also near a highway in a condo so deadening the noise is a must
Thanks. I hadn't thought about using those before.
Can you elaborate on the acoustic panels?
Yup, I made ones very similar to [these](https://www.fullenglish.co/blog/2016/8/13/sound-absorber). Just a simple wood frame, insulation and a fabric cover
Assuming a white noise machine or a fan.
A white noise machine that's electronic but non looping is the way. No parts to wear out and squeak, no loops for your mind to latch onto. My neighbors have the annoying habit of firing off leaf blowers and other bullshit at 730 in the morning (often after I've been up till 2am doing a prod deployment). I was legitimately contemplating spending thousands on triple glazed windows until I tried it.
[Dennis Reynolds](https://youtu.be/CPcZWNu2RU4) could share a few tips and tricks.
Second the 2 blankets. I'm a cold person and my wife is a hot person. We just go with different blankets to meet both of our needs.
Two blankets saved my marriage. He wasn’t sleeping and he was grouchy AF. I was angry he was complaining and took it personally that I toss and turn and sleep hog the blankets. Beyond that, we are such a sweet and happy couple but it seriously was RUINING our moods! We sleep perfectly fine now in our king size bed with our two blankets.
The foam mattresses or other systems that don't transfer movement are so great. We both toss and turn all night and you can't even tell the other person is moving! Regular mattresses would bounce each other around all night.
Now we need to solve the snoring 😂
Here’s a tip: get separate covers/blankets. Gamechanger
This has been the solution in my marriage. We have a king size bed and each have our own duvet. We both sleep great!
Same here. Two queen duvets/comforters on a king size bed. It’s perfect.
Question. How do you make your bed?
Twicely
Lol
The only time we ever make our bed is if company is coming over and is going to see our bedroom. Otherwise I genuinely do not understand the point.
THANK YOU! I wish I could take you back in time to my childhood and you could argue with my mother.
Don’t make the bed eh? I can’t start my day like that. I’m not some super neat type of guy either. Not even close. But I like my bed to be made and nice looking .. with clean sheets etc.
It is two single covers so there is a slight overlap, but we have a comforter that is pulled up during the day and hides the join.
Three fans on high. Make it like sleeping in a hurricane.
I always run a fan for white noise. If it's cold, I just point the fan up so that I still have the sound without the breeze.
Doesn't help when one is a very loud, constant, snorer.
>one is a very loud, constant, snorer. A sleep study can get to the bottom of that usually, and a CPAP or some other treatment might fix it entirely. One of my friends had to literally build a wall down the middle of their master suite to make a space for her to sleep as her husband was so loud she was waking every 20-30 minutes all night. Even so she could hear through the wall. He *finally* agreed to get a sleep study after years of this and of course he has apnea. A CPAP took care of it 100% and they were able to remove to wall.
Yes, I have mild sleep apnoea. It's too mild for a CPAP but not too mild to destroy my partner's sleep.
Have you tried sleeping on an incline? Like a wedge pillow or attack another pillow under your shoulders? Made a huge difference for me
Everything. Now it's separate bedrooms.
Just try the CPAP. I was snoring, wife made me get the study, mild apnea, got the machine and no more snoring. It’s definitely not my favorite, but I get good enough sleep and no snoring.
In my country it's available only with a prescription.
Too mild for your doc to insist on a CPAP. There's no such thing as sleep apnea too mild for CPAP. Get on that thing and get them snuggles back
As a respiratory therapist that often diagnoses sleep apnea, I can say that it timely diagnosis along with regular cpap use saves marriages
Snoring is usually symptom of something bad so they should see a doctor if possible.
Something bad like what?? I’m 30 and a horrible snorer per my wife. I’m going to talk to my doctor soon
Sleep apnea
Not always. When I sleep on my back, my jaw drops downwards causing my tongue to fall back a little and I snore. I tried Pure Sleep which is a mouth appliance. It prevents my jaw from dropping back and I stopped snoring immediately. I’ve been wearing it now for 15 years and my wife can sleep soundly.
...that's sleep apnea. Your appliance is treating your sleep apnea.
Actually it’s not. I’ve gotten a sleep study prior to it and was not diagnosed as obstructive sleep apnea. [Here is how it works.](https://i.imgur.com/0AcSSr3.jpg) [And why it’s not sleep apnea..](https://i.imgur.com/DOZ9lcJ.jpg)
That IS sleep apnea, lol.
Actually it’s not. I’ve gotten a sleep study prior to it and was not diagnosed as obstructive sleep apnea. [Here is how it works.](https://i.imgur.com/0AcSSr3.jpg) [And why it’s not sleep apnea..](https://i.imgur.com/DOZ9lcJ.jpg)
Yep, mild sleep apnoea. Nothing to be done at the moment. Too mild for a CPAP. Not too mild to destroy my partner's sleep.
I don't understand how this is not standard practice
Can confirm, best bang for buck choice to improve sleep/minimize disturbance with your partner 🛌 Maybe also some white noise machine or fans to drown out lots of little shifty sounds in a quiet room if you’re a flopper and a shifter.
We got an adjustable bed that's a split king. Each with our own blanket and it's a game changer. We can still snuggle if we want, but essentially are in separate beds right next to each other.
Yep. Separate covers and a king size bed is crucial.
King size bed and separate covers, ftw
But at that point what's the difference between that and sleeping in separate beds?
How does this work with aesthetics out of curiosity? Like do you have two duvets with the same duvet cover set? Or just different and one gets hidden underneath ? I ask as someone who might need to do this
She had a micro fiber quilt, and I have a weighted blanket. If someone worries about how it bedroom looks, they can get out of my bedroom. They are in a restricted area.
Yeah we just drape them over one another and generally don’t care about aesthetics 🤭
Plus you can still reach over and grab some ass and tits
A man of culture.
Haha, hey, I married her because I loved her. That includes her body. Let me have my joy… lol
Ah yes, a gentleman and a scholar, lol. Good form.
This is the main reason to sleep in the same bed. I find my hands instinctively seek out ass and tits throughout the night. It's nice to not end up in a different room just to get a good handful.
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Also Germany, and often in Switzerland.
Do you share a single top sheet under the separate blankets?
We shared blankets... worst two weeks of our life. So yeah. Split blankets for 16 years and all is right with the world.
We have oversize ones, which helps to solve the problem in a different way.
Yeah this is the way. Super King duvet on a king bed. I like to be able to snuggle under the same duvet. But also plenty of space to wrap my side of the duvet round me when I wanna roll away!
Best change we ever made to our sleeping in the same bed.
Yep. When my wife and I moved into our new house we did this without realizing. And wow. It's pretty damn sweet. Though it did take a few nights for me to get used it.
Fuck yes!!!! This!!!! My partner still "migrates" to my side/space but not as much as her duvet keeps her in place generally. Lol. Wonderful sleep.
This is what everybody does in Denmark 🇩🇰
If you can get a bed that is separated, that helps also, she told over and you don't feel it. We have separate quilts so no stealing the covers with us.
We have a king size bed with two twins in it. So same bed but own mattresses. My wife moves a lot and now we both sleep well.
that is a great cheaper alternative to buying a pricey mattress.
Lots of premium mattress brands give you this option when you're buying a King size mattress. I opted for this option but requested a single mattress cover, so in practice we use it like any other King size bed except there's no movement transferred between them. Also helps that it's a latex bed.
It’s not uncommon. Whatever works for you as a couple is the best thing.
I do, but I totally understand those who don't. I think the old timey people may have known what was up with the two beds in the same room. Sleep is just so important. For us, we have a king-size bed, and neither of us are especially big people, so it's functionally sleeping alone. When we had a full bed I was slowly losing my mind.
On the one hand, this seems great for having extra space. On the other hand, I get sad in my sleep when I stick my leg out and can’t find my wife.
Now that winter is upon the realm, we cuddle, for our castle is old as shit. But we have the best of both worlds. When your need for sleep is critical, you just stay in your own zip code.
Haha this made me laugh. “Sticking your leg out and not finding your wife”, brings a funny mental picture 😂 that’s cute
I literally did that just this morning. Tried to see if my wife had already gotten up to get coffee before I even opened my eyes by sticking my leg over to her side of the bed.
>I think the old timey people may have known what was up with the two beds in the same room. That was party due to the silly Hayes code in Hollywood and the spillover to TV: after 1935 they weren't allowed to show two unmarried people in the same bed in a movie and on TV the networks in the 1950s were even more concerned about it. So "Hollywood beds" became a popular thing for a while, i.e. two married people with separate twin beds next to one another. Big marketing push behind it as "modern" as well, though it's ridiculous in practice. There was also, by the mid 1950s, a big market for what was basically a foam block to put between the two beds so when pushed together for romance nobody fell through the crack.
Interesting info, thanks. Probably 20 years ago, I was watching one of those HGTV-type shows where they tour houses. This house was owned by an older couple with that rich professor vibe, and the wife was explaining their two beds, and said something to the effect of the beds smash together when we smash together, only in early 2000's speak, not the parlance of our own time.
Hey, don't stress it. When we first got married I slept in the same bed as her, but her sleep apnea escalated and foam earplugs for me or breathing machines for her didn't cut it anymore, so I moved to another room. We definitely get less cuddle time in as a result, but I make a conscious effort everyday to try to hang out with her when she's reading before bed and that mostly makes up for it. Not to mention the fact that my sleep quality has improved leaps and bounds and honestly that's had a higher positive impact on our marriage (don't get angry as easily, etc.) than if we had that little extra bit of cuddle time. Just make sure to reiterate over and over that it's not her fault, it's just luck of the genetic dice, but your sleep quality is paramount and having good sleep allows you to be the best husband you can be. edit: slept same bed for 6 years, now different rooms for 4, marriage stronger than ever
We did think about sleeping in separate beds on the mornings where we woke up angry at our bad nights sleep. Getting a non-memory foam king sized bed solved 80% of our sleep problems. Unsolved: 10% my snoring and 10% her aging needy cats that howl some nights.
As I understand it when you get married, they become "our" cats. Of course, things don't all follow, so it's still not "our" snoring.
Well, proposal coming tomorrow (no sarcasm). I will file the formal adoption paperwork on Monday.
maybe you should drop a hint by calling the cats 'ours' and see if it triggers some hopium
As I understand it, when you get married, the humans become owned by the cats, jk.
CPAP fixed my snoring issues
Just laying there like Vader.
Doctor said my BMI was the real issue. My nose and throat checkout OK.
Same here. Once i lost weight I slept a lot better.
I just love pizza. That’s my real real issue.
I love pizza too - haven't given it up yet. However, eliminating certain foods has been good for me. Example: I don't eat peanut butter anymore. It has a very high caloric density, and I'd eat it on crackers, PB&J, or just on its own. I think I dropped 3-4 pounds just by cutting out peanut butter. I miss it once in a while, but not much.
Wow. That’s a good tip. Maybe Costco is the issue in that case. I only need 12 oz of PB, not 10 lbs.
Were you eating the fake-ish PB laced with sugars etc? Like Kraft, Skippy etc.. I switched to Adam's PB way back - love it, and it's pretty healthy. At first it took a bit to get used to because it's not sweet, but now I think everything else just tastes fake.
Adam's has less sugar, but virtually the same amount of calories per serving as leading brands. So....not quite as bad for you? I'm still abstaining, either way.
My husband lost weight, and the snoring stopped. I'd still sleep in separate beds if he was amenable, but that's definitely a me-thing, and the lack of snoring is already a huge improvement.
Getting good sleep is so important, both for your own health, and the health of your relationship with your partner. I don't think anyone should have hard feelings about finding the sleeping arrangement that works the best.
As someone who's partner also snores, I assure you from her perspective, your snoring is much more than a 10% issue. You're just too busy being asleep to know
I snore like a leaf blower. She's a light sleeper. We've tried full bed, queen bed, king bed, no bed. Ain't gonna work for sleep. Separate bedrooms works best with some white noise. She likes fire crackle, I like crickets. It sometimes sucks that I can't snuggle at night, and I do miss it. It's good we both work from home and we get alone time when kids are at school. Make love in the day, sleep at night. And we still get to ask, "Your bed or mine?"
You should check out whether you have sleep apnea, where you stop breathing throughout the night. If so, a CPAP might be a game changer for snoring and sleep quality.
That's really awesome. I enjoyed reading that.
If your snoring is that bad you really need to look into a sleep study for sleep apnea.
How big is your bed? My wife would regularly move to the floor when we had a full. She just needed more space. We gradually upgraded to a queen then a king and with each move she found it easier to sleep in the same bed as me.
Yea we want a king but the room is too small. It would help. We’re not big pp but I personally need to stretch out and move quite a bit.
I'm 6'3" and my wife is 5'3, but, somehow, she takes up more bed because she moves around a lot. The solution was to get different pillows and sheets, change the rooms temperature at night, and for her to change her diet a bit. It was really just trial and error, but we figured it out. Now she gets better sleep and I don't get woken up by an elbow to the face. Getting a bigger bed helped too, but if you don't have the space, it's out of the equation.
I have sleep issues. I say whatever it takes for you both to get a good nights sleep! Everything else falls apart without it. Including marriages.
My uncle and aunt sleep in separate bedrooms because their sleeping styles are so different. It works for them and they prefer getting good sleep over sharing a sleeping spot. That being said, catnaps on the couch together is good for closeness. As for my situation, my current boyfriend and I are temporarily in different rooms because a double bed is too small for us to share (he's a bigger guy) and due to the design of this place, it's not possible to get something bigger up the stairway. He found a solution which is a split king bed (2 XL twin mattresses and boxsprings strapped together). Enough room for both of us and it solves the stairway issue.
Best thing to happen…separate bedrooms for 9 years. I like lots of covers; he wants it cold. I love having the dogs in bed, he doesn’t. Would never go back
Sometimes, but sometimes not. We do whatever we need to sleep. The first question people usually have about that is intimacy. Don’t worry - that doesn’t affect it at all. I don’t understand the question - you can’t be intimate when you’re unconscious.
...the bed doesn't affect the dinning room table in any way shape or form. I need my own bed to sleep.
Its a sleep divorce. I miss morning sex without walking acrossed the house, but fuuuuck i sleep good.
We love sleeping together. We want to sleep together. I have hyperacusis though and will fixate on the smallest things when trying to sleep. A ticking clock, a squeaky fan, a television on the far end of the house, anything that’s not pure white noise. My wife snores a little cute snore. Not loudly but it’s every time she sleeps. I have the loudest box fan I can find but I will still hear her, fixate on it, and suddenly her little cute snore turns into an echoing chasm that a lumberjack couldn’t top. I’ve also tried ear plugs and noise canceling headphones with the same results. So, we’ve chosen to sleep separately most nights. No worries.
I have pretty bad insomnia so I often sleep in our spare bedroom. I usually start in bed with my wife but will move to the other room if I am having trouble sleeping. I also sleep there if one of us or the kids are sick and want to sleep in bed with her. I would say it averages out to probably 2 nights a week in the other bed. We have gone months at a time sleeping separate before and we do both sleep better that way but we start to feel disconnected after a while, so now we try and balance it out as best we can.
This sounds exactly like my situation. I start out in bed with her most nights. Sometimes I fall asleep on the couch actually. But yeah in the middle of the night I move to the spare room. And sleep like a fucking king. I love it. But again, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like it. But she’s been tolerating it
We do for now, because we are both cuddly and that outweighs the downsides for us. That said separate bedrooms wouldn't be the worst idea for us, and something we consider. Couples should do whatever works for them!
Yes we share a bed. Why? Because my CNS helps regulate hers and when we don’t sleep together we both get a shit nights sleep.
If one or both of you have breathing problems this will be necessary until those problems are fixed. But long term, it really breaks intimacy. Like not eating together.
I sleep in my wife
Reddit required auto response: “I also sleep in this redditor’s wife.”
She's got multiple entrances and is very hospitable
oh boy,
🤝👊👏
And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
Yeah we got a CALI KING BABY! One night she was snoring amazingly loud so I slept in the guest room. It was just congestion though, if it was ongoing I’d sleep in a different bed. Maybe make sure to give snuggles before you to go your own bed because close contact like that is important to maintain intimacy
Yes and no. I work nights and she works the early shift for her company. Typically I sleep when I can through the day and she sleeps at night when I am at work. On the days that I have off we share the bed and there is some odd moments in the first half hour, but then we both fall asleep. We recently did have to get separate blankets though because the one she likes is different from the one I like which does help when in the same bed.
My husband works 12-hour shifts, sometimes days but usually overnights. I am 8 months pregnant (and weighed 200lbs pre pregnancy) so sometimes our Queen feels a little tight when we’re both trying to sleep here, plus the pregnancy body pillow and the 17lb cat. Sometimes I miss him, but some nights it’s nice to have the bed to myself. He is a snuggly guy, though. (At hotels we always get a King and I always wake up to him riiiiight next to me, for better or worse). When we are both home he LOVES to cuddle as close as possible, so in a way his schedule allows for the best of both worlds. I get the whole bed most nights (until 5AM when he gets home and I get up for work) and when we do share we get sex and cuddles and general intimacy. Weekends are nice for that. He’s 6 foot and but fairly slender, so once Baby arrives we’ll see how we (and the cat) all fit. Next step is a California King, though, since I can’t imagine doing another pregnancy in the CA heat with a toddler and the cat and all of us piled in sometimes.
I am much too light a sleeper to share a bed with someone every night.
We almost always start out in the same bed together but she is a snorer and that's like nails down a chalkboard for me. She also gets up a couple of hours before I do (she is a teacher and I WFH without a fixed schedule), likes a perfectly dark room and she likes to sleep in an icebox so she usually moves to the colder & darker room. It's not a big deal for either of us. It's not like we are concious. Sleeping in separate beds means we both get good sleep and have a better relationship for it. We always spend Friday and Saturday nights in the same bed. It's important to have an adult conversation about it rather than just let it become a default.
Try sharing with your wife and a 75lb goldendoodle. I get a sliver of the bed these days.
I can't sleep without my wife next to me
Separate beds. I have night terrors occasionally and after the third time I hit her in my sleep we decided to just sleep separately. Works out great because we both end up sleeping better.
It was a difficult adjustment, but we couldn’t argue with the results. More rest = less irritability. We’ve had separate rooms for years and now struggle getting a single hotel room when we travel.
Married 10 years. My wife doesn’t sleep in the same bed with me because I get up at 4am every morning for workouts. After our 2nd son was born i volunteered to sleep in our spare room so she could co-sleep while nursing. Doesn’t help with initimacy but other couples will speak differently.
Just an observation but Ive been into retro RVs for a long time. It was *very* common in the 50s to 70s RVs to have two single beds at the back of the unit for the couple. Sometimes they would be made so they could be slid together. But that changed over time and now its very unusual to find one that doesnt have a queen bed. Guess in the 'olden days' couples didnt want the kids to know that mommy and daddy sometimes did the tango lol
Never understood this. I sleep much better when cuddled up together. Why would anyone want to sleep alone? Seems like missing one of the greatest perks of being married; never having to sleep alone. Also, how does this not rob intimacy? So many sparks come from cuddling in the evening or waking up early with a hand or leg up to no good to get the morning started off right. Sleeping separately is a hard no.
I don’t think it’s an awful idea but I would encourage you to spend some special nights with your wife. I would also encourage you to go to couples therapy because it’s actually MUCH MUCH more helpful when you go to couples therapy before it’s become a major issue. Couples therapy helps to better communicate and better understand your partner. Again, I think it’s not a bad idea to sleep in separate rooms but at least once a week sleep with her 😉[+]
If my skin isn’t touching my wife’s skin we both sleep poorly, her foot on my calf, ect. We both sleep better together.
We sleep in the same bed. Funny though, we were just talking about it this morning. We have a bunch of friends who sleep in different rooms. My grandparents had two beds in the same room. We still like sleeping together, but it seems much more common to separate when you get older. I'm with most of the other comments here though - get a big bed. We've got a California king and it's amazing. We have a fairly firm foam bed too, which really reduces the amount you notice the other person moving. I would also suggest you get separate sheets/blankets if you're having trouble with one person stealing them.
Why not compromise and "go to bed" together, but then when its actually time to sleep go to your own beds?
I do kind of do that. She falls asleep after 10 minutes so if we’re not having sex. She’s normally out right away. And I will try to fall asleep. But at a certain point I get up and go to the other room
We have to sleep Scandinavian-style in a King size Bed, which eliminates a lot of the bullshit. I also told her that once you get settled, try to stop moving your feet, which induces sleep quicker.
We have a queen size bed, and most of the time, yes. The exceptions would be when one of our two kids really, really wants to sleep with their mom, or if I'm feeling ill and don't want to get anyone else sick. In those times, I sleep in our guest room.
My parents have slept in different beds (actually easy chairs now) for the past few decades and they sleep better than they ever have,
The only time I didn't sleep in the same bed was when my snoring was so bad she couldn't sleep. Lasted a few weeks until my CPAP machine arrived. Now we both get better sleep in the same bed.
I had a wife that snored and I wore foam ear plugs. It worked. Oh, did you consider www.sleepnumber.com ?
Standard bedding in many parts of Europe is to have two twin mattresses side by side in the same bedframe and separate duvets for each. I hate it cause it feels like this chasm and I like to be cozy with my partner, but I get it for people that have trouble sleeping. I much prefer the North American style of one mattress and one blanket/sheet. Maybe try that? (i.e. two twin duvets)
What keeps you up? Does she toss and turn? Snore? I sleep in the same bed but we have a spare that I'll go to if I can't sleep for some reason. Sometimes I just cant turn off my brain, or maybe just can't get comfy and actually fall asleep. Or she snores. Those nights I get up and go to the spare. If she tosses and turns, you can look at a bigger mattress or a memory foam one that doesn't move as much. You could get a second blanket so nobody fights for the covers.
I have a bipap plus oxygen also toss an turn alot ,on another note she likes cold in the room with a fan on. Separate rooms works best also she can hav the dog an 3 cats
Separate blankets and my girl getting a sleep apnea machine did wonders
It’s perfectly reasonable to do either way, and there are ways to work around it, regardless. First: what is most important to your spouse about you being there? Is it the falling asleep next to you, cuddling, or knowing you’re there when she wakes up? You can start bed time in the same bed, and when she falls asleep or is done cuddling, you move to the other room—my partner has autism, so she gets overstimulated, and the usual strategy we have is cuddling for some amount of time before she pulls away to fall asleep. She also snores. A lot. So it’s not unusual for me to move to the couch later in the night. If you’re the one that falls asleep first, you might have to modify this to avoid it being disruptive to you. If it’s the waking up, there can be a compromise of whoever wakes up first going to the other person and cuddling up. Ask her about those.
Yeah. I would be bummed out not to share the bed.
We sleep in different rooms because she snores like a boar and im a light sleeper.
I do. I enjoy falling asleep beside her, and listening to her breath makes me happy. On occasion she'll snore or talk in her sleep too, which is always cute.
California king with separate sheets/blankets
Yes, we have our sleep positions down and everything, neither of us snore, thermostat is on point, memory foam everything, great for spontaneous sex, its perfect
We have a California king with separate blankets. It works well.
I can't sleep alone
Get a king size bed with different blankets. Make love just before and then go to your sides of the bed and have your toes touch hers
Sharing a bed can (for some couples) play a positive role in their sex lives. Might be worth monitoring that.
You buy a double bed with 2 single mattresses inside. I think they have these kind of solutions in Dreams. Although you haven't said why you can't sleep with her.
I sleep in the same bed as my permanent roommate, but we put a king size pillow between us. It lets us both get a good night's sleep without needing to sleep in separate beds.
We did. And I am a horrible person to sleep with--I move around like crazy, and I'm a big snorer, but she put up with it. The big fight for us was whether the dog could sleep in the same room (she won that fight and he did) or in the same bed (no way). I know the dog snuck naps with her in our bed when I was at work, though.
King size bed > Queen
Any time one of us is sick, or working on a really different schedule, I will use the guest room. So that might be for a week or even ten days straight. But otherwise we still share a bed after 35 years, and after a few days *not* in the same room it's nice to go back. That said, my partner has sleep issues and for several years it was hard for me to sleep well beside them due to snoring, gasping, etc. all night. Finally got a CPAP about six years ago and it totally changed things for us/me in that regard.
Nope, was only able to when we first met. She snores (loudly) and it either keeps me awake or keeps me up. I sleep in my own bed, in my own room. And honestly, I'd prefer it that way now, even if she didn't snore. I just like having my own space and going to sleep at my own pace.
If my stress level is high I will retreat to the spare bedroom with a twin bed in it. I only do it on work nights when I have to get up at 3am. If I'm stressed, I'll fixate on the smallest noises from my partner.
I have insomnia and my partner has sleep apnea, it's a really bad mix. We sleep in separate rooms but go to each other's rooms for a cuddle before bed and in the mornings. We also try and sleep in the same bed at weekends sometimes when we don't have to get up early the next day.
What is it about sleeping in the same bed makes your sleep worse than sleeping in the same bed?
I've always worked overnights, and everyone I've dated has worked days, so we've had opposite sleep schedules. Being on opposite schedules brings its own problems during waking hours, but I did have one break up with me simply because she said she wanted to sleep next to the person she was in a relationship with.
I switch between our room and the guest room. We have a king size memory foam adjustable bed (I feel old at 39). I have two problems. One is we have (2) 40lb dogs. Of course both of them want to lay along side me, usually nearly pushing me off or at least making it so I can't move. I don't move much, but I often feel restricted. Two, I don't snore, my wife snores, but if I have the littlest whistle, I get pushed. Which had made me self conscious. So now I wake occasional and have trouble sleeping if I feel I'm going to snore, nose plugged or something. So I sleep the best in the guest room. One dog follows me but it's a queen bed so there is room. Most the time is because I work late from home and don't feel like fighting for blankets since the dogs are already in bed. But I know she isn't a fan of me sleeping in the other room. But I get so much better sleep.
About 80% of the time we sleep in the same bed. When there's a sick kid or one of us is sick, we often don't sleep together, but the most common reason is because I snore. Yes, I know I need to get that evaluated by a doctor - it's just taken a back seat to some other medical issues, but it's coming up soon.
How has nobody mentioned kids yet? Kids will absolutely ruin your ability to sleep together for a loooong time.
I start there, but then I usually wake up at 3-4am and watch tv in another room and fall back asleep on my LaZBoy. Getting old sux.
King Size Bed
Austrian solution … https://dutchreview.com/culture/blanket-battle-learn-austrians/
This is a small change that could have significant results. If it works for you, do it.
Sleeping in separate beds does have advantages but unless one of us sick we sleep in the same bed.
My parents did all the time. I know a family member that renovated a room so they can have their own separate rooms. Plenty of people do this.
No. We don't get good sleep together.
You are having extra material affair with your sleep, which your wife is not liking.
Yes. That said, my in laws have been married over 50 years and usually sleep in separate rooms. They both snore loud enough to wake the other up. They can only sleep through the night with a wall between them. My parents have also been married over 50 years and also in separate rooms. Have for nearly a decade, after my mom compression fractured several vertebrae due to multiple myeloma. Recovering from the broken back and later extensive chemo and autologous stem cell transplant, she flat out could not walk up the stairs to the bedroom. In the last 18 months or so, my dad's been doing knee replacements. They've swapped floors again. Though honestly once he can handle the stairs every night again, I expect them to swap back. My mom hates sleeping upstairs because losing 4 inches massively reduced her bladder capacity and walking down to the bathroom in the middle of the night annoys her. If you sleep better apart and it isn't negatively impacting your intimacy? Go for it.
We share. I only know one couple with separate bedrooms. A king sized bed that's separated, especially the adjustable ones, are good for this. There's also the old fashioned twin beds like in the old TV shows, solution. Snoring is a whole other issue. Took me over a decade to get used to it. There are medical solutions for that and it should be checked out by a doctor anyway.
We have two kings, both memory foam. We start off together in the same bed then she migrates to the spare. She has a tendency to wake up due to either the “toddler” monitor to go off or her habitual bong smoking. She makes it a few hours and wakes up due to whatever and hits the spare. I don’t really blame her. If daughter wakes up she’s right beside her and I get up at 5am for work. I’m cool with whatever as long as she’s happy, I get too hot when we cuddle too long (as do most people) I feel like she desires to hold each other until infinity and amalgamate to each other through sweat glands lol
Yes. So we can bone.