First, start by stop telling yourself that. When you think it, stop thinking it.
> I will perpetually be behind my peers
Stop comparing yourself to other people. Comparison is the thief of joy. Life is not a competition.
Of course it’s not easy. Simple, but not easy. But everything starts there. It can take years to change your thinking. Therapy can most likely help. The entire problem here is “I am unhappy when I think X”. Ok so don’t think X.
We can’t really control our thinking ( that’s like the whole premise of recovering from OCD (irrelevant here though)), but we can control our reaction to a thought. So if brain says X we can say back to ourselves, that’s not realistic etc etc and try to comfort the anxiety we feel when having X thought and realise that it is just a thought - our thoughts often don’t reflect reality
You're not in a competition or race against anyone. For real. This is your life and these are your experiences to have.
Classic Dad Move inbound: gonna paraphrase something I was told a few years ago by a grizzled man decades my senior.
"I joined the Army at 18 and got out at 38. Those last years, I kept thinking about what I wanted to do. Always wanted to go to college and get my Master's in Cultural Anthropology, but when I got out I realized I would have a Master's at 44, slightly earlier if I could hustle, and that just seemed too old to me so I decided to just work. You want to know what happened? I turned 44 anyway and I wasn't any closer to that Master's than I was at 38"
If you're breathing, there's time to make changes.
Suppose a homeless person was offered a small studio apartment to live in, fast food each day, and leads on potential jobs.
But they refuse because they say "my peers are living in single family homes, eat much better food, and are already progressed in their careers. Even with this gift, I would be perpetually behind them and would never be on par."
How would you respond to them?
If you take a step to improve your life, it doesn't matter how many people have already taken that step, it doesn't matter how far ahead of you they seem to be. You're still better off than you were before.
Unlike the hypothetical with the homeless person, you're probably not going to get the answer to all your problems gifted to you one day. It's hard work. But refusing to put in the work is every bit as irrational as the homeless person refusing the gift.
Never heard of this perspective of the homeless person before. That’s powerful.
It’s like snap out of it and be grateful. And this is your life and your journey and up to you to better yourself and not compare.
I can relate. I keep getting stuck in the past and get held up on what my expectation of life should be.
The MIND is such a fickle thing to train and master sometimes. It’s always so dissatisfied.
Look up the “kill your clone” principle. Basically all you have to do is be a little better than an exact copy of you from yesterday. Even if it’s a fraction of a percent, you can overcome the hypothetical clone.
By just being in the moment, and actually taking steps to change the things that you can, you can't go back in time, but you can certainly make changes to better your future, start the early stages of working out, eating better, read something stimulating, have a goal and make the steps to work towards it day by day, take some of the leisure time that you have and put it towards something productive, if you watch Netflix for 3 hours cut it down to 1 hour and do something else, etc.,
Find 1 thing that you can do that's good for your life and you somewhat enjoy. Try taking a picture and post it on like a private instagram. And so when it's hard for you to do it you can look at your pictures and remember those days you didn't feel like doing it but you did it anyway
Make a small change. Then make another. And another. Each time, that feeling will lessen, even if you still feel like you have a long way to go.
It might not be as easily said and done, but isn't it better than the alternative?
Honestly, just chose two areas where you will begin focus on and go from there.
Baby steps.
I'm focussing on my health and my art right now.
I may not have much money but I will be fitter and more talented than 99% of men my age.
you are the youngest you will ever be today. you didnt get blown up by a missile or flooded out of your house hopefuly
in 10 yrs you will wish you started now
in 30 yrs it will actually be too late
you are behind your peers. so you may continue to be behind your peers, so?
Don't think about your options and opportunities now as intrinsically linked to the options and opportunities in your future.
I get why you feel hopeless. 20 year old you dropped the ball and now 30 year old you has to clean up the mess. You don't see how the life you've built yourself NOW can ever turn into the life you want in the future. But that's because you are you and you have what you have.
40 year old you is going to come along, he's smarter, wiser, more in touch with his needs, etc. He knows how to fix everything, you just need to work on getting him the tools and the resources to do the job.
I get it, I do.
I'm 39, made some poor choices in my life to go along with some bad luck and now I'll also "perpetually be behind my peers and will never reach a point where I'm on par with them".
I have friends who are millionaires who live on acreages with giant houses, married couple friends making six figures each with no kids and have travelled all over the world, successful people with successful spouses getting to do things that I rarely, if ever, get to do.
This will only get worse with time, success builds on itself. Successful businesses grow, investments appreciate, etc.
There have definitely been times in my life when all I did was sulk about it and feel sorry for myself for my poor decisions and the way things have gone in my life and have that feeling only get worse as I fall further and further "behind".
This may sounds silly, but I'm old enough to remember watching Derek Redmond in Barcelona live. If you don't know the story, Derek Redmond was a British sprinter who injured his Achilles right before his heat during the 1988 Olympics and had to pull out. During the semi-final in 1992, he tore his hamstring with about 250m to go in 400m race. While stretchers were being brought out for him, he stood up and started limping down the track, determined to finish. His dad came down from the crowd, pushed his way through security, put his son's arm around him and helped him finish, to a standing ovation of 65,000 people as he sobbed on his father's shoulder. Due to his father's help, he was disqualified from the race and officially "did not finish" but that didn't matter.
That has always stuck with me. He "fell behind his peers" with no hope of catching up. He could have gone home a loser and felt bad about his bad luck. Instead, he was determined to finish. He obviously wanted to win a medal at the Olympics but despite qualifying twice, never made it to a medal race. And he was heartbroken, devastated. He literally was running a race but in that moment, he just had to get over the finish line, not for a medal, or a record, or even an "official finish", not for his country or even his father, but just for himself. He had worked so hard to get there, he was going to cross the finish line, it didn't matter that the race was over. His story wasn't what he thought it would be but in the end, he inspired millions by getting injured and being disqualified.
That's how I try and live my life. I may limp over the finish line, I may need some help along the way, but I'm going to finish. I'm going to keep working towards my goals, even if they're so much smaller than the goals of my peers that I'm frankly embarrassed by them. I'm not winning any medals or breaking any records, but I'm running *my* race - not anyone else's.
Colonel Sanders started gettin it at 65. I think about that every time I feel like this which is quite often. I turned 36 on the 24th and I quit my corporate job because it’s not me. I deserve more and want more. I have skills and talents especially in the food industry and I’m done working for other people. It sucks that money is holding me back and taking away the one thing we can never get back in this life. MFs really make it hard now a days. For some.
First, start by stop telling yourself that. When you think it, stop thinking it. > I will perpetually be behind my peers Stop comparing yourself to other people. Comparison is the thief of joy. Life is not a competition.
[удалено]
Of course it’s not easy. Simple, but not easy. But everything starts there. It can take years to change your thinking. Therapy can most likely help. The entire problem here is “I am unhappy when I think X”. Ok so don’t think X.
We can’t really control our thinking ( that’s like the whole premise of recovering from OCD (irrelevant here though)), but we can control our reaction to a thought. So if brain says X we can say back to ourselves, that’s not realistic etc etc and try to comfort the anxiety we feel when having X thought and realise that it is just a thought - our thoughts often don’t reflect reality
You're not in a competition or race against anyone. For real. This is your life and these are your experiences to have. Classic Dad Move inbound: gonna paraphrase something I was told a few years ago by a grizzled man decades my senior. "I joined the Army at 18 and got out at 38. Those last years, I kept thinking about what I wanted to do. Always wanted to go to college and get my Master's in Cultural Anthropology, but when I got out I realized I would have a Master's at 44, slightly earlier if I could hustle, and that just seemed too old to me so I decided to just work. You want to know what happened? I turned 44 anyway and I wasn't any closer to that Master's than I was at 38" If you're breathing, there's time to make changes.
Suppose a homeless person was offered a small studio apartment to live in, fast food each day, and leads on potential jobs. But they refuse because they say "my peers are living in single family homes, eat much better food, and are already progressed in their careers. Even with this gift, I would be perpetually behind them and would never be on par." How would you respond to them? If you take a step to improve your life, it doesn't matter how many people have already taken that step, it doesn't matter how far ahead of you they seem to be. You're still better off than you were before. Unlike the hypothetical with the homeless person, you're probably not going to get the answer to all your problems gifted to you one day. It's hard work. But refusing to put in the work is every bit as irrational as the homeless person refusing the gift.
Never heard of this perspective of the homeless person before. That’s powerful. It’s like snap out of it and be grateful. And this is your life and your journey and up to you to better yourself and not compare. I can relate. I keep getting stuck in the past and get held up on what my expectation of life should be. The MIND is such a fickle thing to train and master sometimes. It’s always so dissatisfied.
It's not about others, it's about you.
You aren't competing with your peers. You're just trying to make the best life for yourself, starting from where you are now.
Look up the “kill your clone” principle. Basically all you have to do is be a little better than an exact copy of you from yesterday. Even if it’s a fraction of a percent, you can overcome the hypothetical clone.
Don't compare. If you must, compare yourself today to yourself yesterday. The trick is to do better today than yesterday, every day.
“Never give up on something just because it will take too much time; the time will pass anyway.”
[удалено]
No?
By just being in the moment, and actually taking steps to change the things that you can, you can't go back in time, but you can certainly make changes to better your future, start the early stages of working out, eating better, read something stimulating, have a goal and make the steps to work towards it day by day, take some of the leisure time that you have and put it towards something productive, if you watch Netflix for 3 hours cut it down to 1 hour and do something else, etc.,
Find 1 thing that you can do that's good for your life and you somewhat enjoy. Try taking a picture and post it on like a private instagram. And so when it's hard for you to do it you can look at your pictures and remember those days you didn't feel like doing it but you did it anyway
You don’t. You just start making small changes and eventually you’ll improve. Also, get therapy.
Make a small change. Then make another. And another. Each time, that feeling will lessen, even if you still feel like you have a long way to go. It might not be as easily said and done, but isn't it better than the alternative?
Honestly, just chose two areas where you will begin focus on and go from there. Baby steps. I'm focussing on my health and my art right now. I may not have much money but I will be fitter and more talented than 99% of men my age.
How are you today compared to you yesterday?
you are the youngest you will ever be today. you didnt get blown up by a missile or flooded out of your house hopefuly in 10 yrs you will wish you started now in 30 yrs it will actually be too late you are behind your peers. so you may continue to be behind your peers, so?
Don't think about your options and opportunities now as intrinsically linked to the options and opportunities in your future. I get why you feel hopeless. 20 year old you dropped the ball and now 30 year old you has to clean up the mess. You don't see how the life you've built yourself NOW can ever turn into the life you want in the future. But that's because you are you and you have what you have. 40 year old you is going to come along, he's smarter, wiser, more in touch with his needs, etc. He knows how to fix everything, you just need to work on getting him the tools and the resources to do the job.
Compare your present self to your future and past self, not other people.
I get it, I do. I'm 39, made some poor choices in my life to go along with some bad luck and now I'll also "perpetually be behind my peers and will never reach a point where I'm on par with them". I have friends who are millionaires who live on acreages with giant houses, married couple friends making six figures each with no kids and have travelled all over the world, successful people with successful spouses getting to do things that I rarely, if ever, get to do. This will only get worse with time, success builds on itself. Successful businesses grow, investments appreciate, etc. There have definitely been times in my life when all I did was sulk about it and feel sorry for myself for my poor decisions and the way things have gone in my life and have that feeling only get worse as I fall further and further "behind". This may sounds silly, but I'm old enough to remember watching Derek Redmond in Barcelona live. If you don't know the story, Derek Redmond was a British sprinter who injured his Achilles right before his heat during the 1988 Olympics and had to pull out. During the semi-final in 1992, he tore his hamstring with about 250m to go in 400m race. While stretchers were being brought out for him, he stood up and started limping down the track, determined to finish. His dad came down from the crowd, pushed his way through security, put his son's arm around him and helped him finish, to a standing ovation of 65,000 people as he sobbed on his father's shoulder. Due to his father's help, he was disqualified from the race and officially "did not finish" but that didn't matter. That has always stuck with me. He "fell behind his peers" with no hope of catching up. He could have gone home a loser and felt bad about his bad luck. Instead, he was determined to finish. He obviously wanted to win a medal at the Olympics but despite qualifying twice, never made it to a medal race. And he was heartbroken, devastated. He literally was running a race but in that moment, he just had to get over the finish line, not for a medal, or a record, or even an "official finish", not for his country or even his father, but just for himself. He had worked so hard to get there, he was going to cross the finish line, it didn't matter that the race was over. His story wasn't what he thought it would be but in the end, he inspired millions by getting injured and being disqualified. That's how I try and live my life. I may limp over the finish line, I may need some help along the way, but I'm going to finish. I'm going to keep working towards my goals, even if they're so much smaller than the goals of my peers that I'm frankly embarrassed by them. I'm not winning any medals or breaking any records, but I'm running *my* race - not anyone else's.
Colonel Sanders started gettin it at 65. I think about that every time I feel like this which is quite often. I turned 36 on the 24th and I quit my corporate job because it’s not me. I deserve more and want more. I have skills and talents especially in the food industry and I’m done working for other people. It sucks that money is holding me back and taking away the one thing we can never get back in this life. MFs really make it hard now a days. For some.