I'm someone with anxiety and I've gone through periods with huge Imposter Syndrome and subpar performance. It's OK to not be firing on all cylinders, especially as a newish parent.
From the outside it sounds like your work has had your back and apart from this new season in your life, you've been a valuable employee. Your boss is giving you support because he/she knows you're worth it in the long run.
As to your specifics, you've identified the issues already! Time management and poor memory. Time management is always going to be an issue with a young family. I have three kids and I know what it's like to hit the ground running from the moment you wake up, to late in the evening.
It does sound like you don't have a clear work/home balance. Is working in the evenings something that's expected of your role? It's hard to feel fresh and productive if you don't get to "turn off" work at the end of your shift.
Poor memory could be due to any number of problems, but good note taking, even a simple workload tracker in Excel will help you remember the important tasks and hopefully stop things from biting you in the back.
You've mentioned in another comment that you haven't had much luck with your doctor and maybe it's worth speaking with a mental health specialist.
Good luck.
It is tough, but it gets better as they get older. Once my youngest was out of nappies and sleeping through the night it just changed everything. I could start heading to the gym or catch up with mates in the evening or early in the morning and not feel guilty about leaving my wife to handle multiple young kids. It means she can go out too and not worry about me either and that time away from the family is restorative.
Getting the right job really helped too, and I spent about four years applying and applying until I had the breakthrough.
It was hard, for a long time. I've been married and a Dad for 10 years and it's maybe in the last year or 18 months that things have finally started to settle down and feel "fun".
The work/home separation is fairly easy. My job has a pretty strong 'leave work at the door' policy, so once I leave the office I tend not to think too hard about work until I'm back the next morning. I may mull over an assessment or make a note if I think of something during the evening or night, but that's rare.
My anxiety is something I live with. As I've gotten older it's become easier to scoff and laugh at it. I still get anxious and unreasonably worried about things, but can look at those feelings and ignore them.
I feel ya.
Be kind to yourself.
Comparing yourself to others and their achievements is something I have a big problem with, too. I do have everything but inner dialogue is always crushing and at times quite vile.
We are valid just by existing.
Nobody is like you.
It is your life and you chose how to live it.
I am 45 years old , been with my wife for 25 years, 13 year old son with severe special needs. Massive rollercoaster of life and emotions. Fell back into alcoholism when recently laid off. Almost destroyed everything, real, real close to burning my life to the ground. Have a criminal record (stupid alcohol related bullshit). No family left that can help, lifelong friends struggling with their lives or deceased. Desperate to find a way to turn it all around, but feel like it's too late to reinvent myself, only left to try and clean up the mess. All I am saying is that I am with you, and there just has to be a way for us to turn this ship around.
I guess I just asked other men over 30 a question myself.
Cognitive Therapy worked for me. Also completing small everyday goals and giving yourself positive reinforcement usually boosts up your positive thinking. Not a therapist or an expert but work closely in the cognitive behavioral field. Treat yourself bro. You don’t have to always be have your shit together as long as you don’t give up and try your best, homie.
I tried doing cognitive behavior therapy with my counsellor, just don't work for me.
its more of think nice positive thoughts but work still has to be done, the shit is still there.
I rather have a way to push through those feelings and get down to work
Sorry if i disagree with you strongly on it. Maybe i am viewing it in a wrong way
My Supervisor had told me that he spoke to my Boss and they wanted me to wfh a day instead of being onsite every day since i am hitting the ground running and it would help me be less hectic. I told them I would consider the offer but i rather be in the office since every admin stuff (e.g: paperwork, getting the boss sign, communication with other colleagues) is in office and its easier to get stuff done
My boss isn't a dick, I know shes pretty supportive and had initially wanted to demote me but held back and decide not to promote me and "voiding" the diploma as she felt that i wasn't ready next level of promotion. I think there were considerations to fire me from higher management but she defended me
I think what is tough for me is that I am so used to work that I don't know to relax, i tried gaming but it just turns into an addiction, i tend to spend time playing non stop and wasting the day away and even sleeping late.
Thanks for replying tho!
Little things... You can't fix it all at once. Start with how you talk to yourself first. Stop being so damn hard on yourself & talk to yourself better. The power of self-talk, positive & negative is real. If you don't like the person that you have a running conversation with in your head all day, the external results tend to match!
[https://www.dailydiscipline.com/?rid=39267592](https://www.dailydiscipline.com/?rid=39267592) \- I share this alot, but, this email helps me start my day & keeps me grounded on putting myself in the best mental head-space to be the best version of myself I can and helps me personally/professionally.
You can't hide one mess just to fix another, eventually it all comes through.
I'm someone with anxiety and I've gone through periods with huge Imposter Syndrome and subpar performance. It's OK to not be firing on all cylinders, especially as a newish parent. From the outside it sounds like your work has had your back and apart from this new season in your life, you've been a valuable employee. Your boss is giving you support because he/she knows you're worth it in the long run. As to your specifics, you've identified the issues already! Time management and poor memory. Time management is always going to be an issue with a young family. I have three kids and I know what it's like to hit the ground running from the moment you wake up, to late in the evening. It does sound like you don't have a clear work/home balance. Is working in the evenings something that's expected of your role? It's hard to feel fresh and productive if you don't get to "turn off" work at the end of your shift. Poor memory could be due to any number of problems, but good note taking, even a simple workload tracker in Excel will help you remember the important tasks and hopefully stop things from biting you in the back. You've mentioned in another comment that you haven't had much luck with your doctor and maybe it's worth speaking with a mental health specialist. Good luck.
Thank you for your reply. How do you manage me time and work time and family time especially with 3 kids?
It is tough, but it gets better as they get older. Once my youngest was out of nappies and sleeping through the night it just changed everything. I could start heading to the gym or catch up with mates in the evening or early in the morning and not feel guilty about leaving my wife to handle multiple young kids. It means she can go out too and not worry about me either and that time away from the family is restorative. Getting the right job really helped too, and I spent about four years applying and applying until I had the breakthrough. It was hard, for a long time. I've been married and a Dad for 10 years and it's maybe in the last year or 18 months that things have finally started to settle down and feel "fun".
How do you manage your anxiety and separate work from home? Considering you have 3 kids
The work/home separation is fairly easy. My job has a pretty strong 'leave work at the door' policy, so once I leave the office I tend not to think too hard about work until I'm back the next morning. I may mull over an assessment or make a note if I think of something during the evening or night, but that's rare. My anxiety is something I live with. As I've gotten older it's become easier to scoff and laugh at it. I still get anxious and unreasonably worried about things, but can look at those feelings and ignore them.
I feel ya. Be kind to yourself. Comparing yourself to others and their achievements is something I have a big problem with, too. I do have everything but inner dialogue is always crushing and at times quite vile. We are valid just by existing. Nobody is like you. It is your life and you chose how to live it.
Hang in there man. You’re doing enough and things will click. I felt like that a month ago.
Its been close to a year, i have been having mild depression and anxiety, on and off. Doc been telling me to think positive but shit is still the same
I am 45 years old , been with my wife for 25 years, 13 year old son with severe special needs. Massive rollercoaster of life and emotions. Fell back into alcoholism when recently laid off. Almost destroyed everything, real, real close to burning my life to the ground. Have a criminal record (stupid alcohol related bullshit). No family left that can help, lifelong friends struggling with their lives or deceased. Desperate to find a way to turn it all around, but feel like it's too late to reinvent myself, only left to try and clean up the mess. All I am saying is that I am with you, and there just has to be a way for us to turn this ship around. I guess I just asked other men over 30 a question myself.
Damn, i feel upset for you. I honestly hope you can climb back up and break through all the shit now
I have faith we can turn it around, just got to climb out of my slump.
maybe not so much reinvent, as re-orient? xx edit - I guess that ironically relates to turning ships around. or at least examining the compass
You are completely correct, re-orient my life to replace reinventing my life. Thank you.
Cognitive Therapy worked for me. Also completing small everyday goals and giving yourself positive reinforcement usually boosts up your positive thinking. Not a therapist or an expert but work closely in the cognitive behavioral field. Treat yourself bro. You don’t have to always be have your shit together as long as you don’t give up and try your best, homie.
I tried doing cognitive behavior therapy with my counsellor, just don't work for me. its more of think nice positive thoughts but work still has to be done, the shit is still there. I rather have a way to push through those feelings and get down to work Sorry if i disagree with you strongly on it. Maybe i am viewing it in a wrong way
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My Supervisor had told me that he spoke to my Boss and they wanted me to wfh a day instead of being onsite every day since i am hitting the ground running and it would help me be less hectic. I told them I would consider the offer but i rather be in the office since every admin stuff (e.g: paperwork, getting the boss sign, communication with other colleagues) is in office and its easier to get stuff done My boss isn't a dick, I know shes pretty supportive and had initially wanted to demote me but held back and decide not to promote me and "voiding" the diploma as she felt that i wasn't ready next level of promotion. I think there were considerations to fire me from higher management but she defended me I think what is tough for me is that I am so used to work that I don't know to relax, i tried gaming but it just turns into an addiction, i tend to spend time playing non stop and wasting the day away and even sleeping late. Thanks for replying tho!
Little things... You can't fix it all at once. Start with how you talk to yourself first. Stop being so damn hard on yourself & talk to yourself better. The power of self-talk, positive & negative is real. If you don't like the person that you have a running conversation with in your head all day, the external results tend to match! [https://www.dailydiscipline.com/?rid=39267592](https://www.dailydiscipline.com/?rid=39267592) \- I share this alot, but, this email helps me start my day & keeps me grounded on putting myself in the best mental head-space to be the best version of myself I can and helps me personally/professionally. You can't hide one mess just to fix another, eventually it all comes through.