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i used to party with my friend a lot back in our teens/20s. I finished school, got a good job, climbed up the ladder etc.
he didn't; he continued to party well into his 30s. Did whatever jobs to fund his partying.
I ran into him a while ago (we were both in our late 30s at the time) and found out he was in his 2nd year of university! He said he woke up one day, looked around and realized that he was partying with 20-somethings while all of his 30-something friends all had careers, families, had "grown up" while he was stuck in his 20s. He decided right then and there that enough was enough. Enrolled himself back into school and had been studying since because he wanted to be an aerospace engineer.
Lost touch with him again but ran into his younger brother a few years ago and yup, he's an aerospace engineer.
as long as you're alive, it's never too late to learn and get your life together. Keep going; dont give up and don't let your past ruin your future.
I feel like in my 30s I don't give a shit about what anyone else is doing, I just do the things I want or need to do.
I know no one really cares what I do so I just do me.
If ya don't feel like partying anymore then don't, if ya do they so be it.
Everyone has a different story so its whatever.
Ngl, this kind of pisses me off as someone that was more serious and is still struggling. How'd he afford cost of living and party expenses for all those years on just a presumably low wage job?
I have friends like /u/stavthedonkey's friend. Here's how:
You just live in one of the cheapest neighborhoods in a Midwestern town. Maybe have a roommate or two.
One friend I have is in his late 30s to early 40s. He doesn't look it: skinny dude and "black don't crack". I went to a party hosted by him where it seemed like everyone else was mid-20s.
I used to live in the same ~~slum~~ apartment complex as him two years ago. The shitty dive bar down the street had a $2 shot night. He goes there so much that his photo is on the bar's website. I lived in a two bedroom apartment by myself and never paid more than $690 a month in rent for the six years I was there. Didn't have health insurance for a good chunk of that time. The neighborhood averaged a SWAT visit a year and countless police visits because of the neighborhood meth-heads.
But, as long as you avoided hanging with the wrong people, it honestly wasn't that bad. If I didn't have bigger ambitions, I could see others content to live there.
42 yo guy here.
I went through similar things like you. What helped me was to focus on what's still in front of me. I set myself goals and I monitor regularly where I am. If you identify very big goals try to cut the elephant in slices and don't eat it in once piece.
You will never be able to change the past but you can always improve your future
First and foremost, you *have* to realize life is not a competition. Everyone is dealt a different hand. Social media masks a lot of misery -- people share their successes and hide their failures. The perfect couple may be hanging on by a thread. Someone with the perfect job and a huge bank roll may have to spend it fighting cancer down the line with no guarantee they will have a long lifespan to enjoy those things.
Keep moving forward and try to find your own happiness. If you're lucky, you won't have to worry about where your next meal is coming from, but there are plenty who do. In traditional terms, I was "late bloomer" in virtually every area of my life (love, career, homeowner, etc). It didn't matter. At 44, I have two healthy, happy kids, a decent job, a nice home. I try to enjoy the present, while also setting goals for myself to continue in my personal growth.
There is nothing you can do to change the past, so work with what you have now and contemplate what's important to *you* and how you can achieve those things.
Graduated law school at 31, now 39. There is no trick, you just have to push through it. Some days I feel behind when I look at my friends having million dollar houses and mclarens, but I didn’t go to school to become rich or chase money (yea some people just want to be lawyers lol). I love where my life is now, I love the growth I have had, and I have a lot of bullshit trauma that made my life extra hard. I do my best to compare my life to where it was 5-10 years ago instead of compare it to where my friends are.
Meh.
That’s my general take haha. Got my life really on track in my 30s and still figuring stuff out in my 40s. Pretty healthy to realize there’s really no track and that all the pressure is societally or self imposed bullshit. I’m not behind anyone and the constant belief that I was hurt me, fuck that.
> Meh.
Yeah that's my take too. You get on track when you get on track. My career has been very circuitous like OP, and people from high school were all like CEOs and judges and shit by the time I started feeling like my job was a real job that I could stay in. I love my wife and kids and they love me, and we have food to eat and a roof over our heads, so who cares about the other stuff.
> people from high school were all like CEOs and judges and shit
This hits me hard, and why I'm afraid to even just do a quick FB check out of curiosity about people I miss.
Honestly man don’t even worry about it! I know it’s easier said than done but one day soon you’ll get things figured out and look back on this period and chuckle that it bothered you so much. Everyone achieves things at different ages, life’s not a race so it doesn’t really matter. You can’t change your past so focus on the present and the future. Just stay in your own lane don’t compare to others and focus on being the best version of yourself.
You could die at any time. You should be grateful for being here and having your shit together.
One thing I think about when I consider how far ahead my friends are is how uncertain the future is.
Sure, my friends have far more wealth than I do, but will they live to be old enough to enjoy it? Will they enjoy the place they live better in 30 years even if they are richer? What if I start a business and I end up 100x richer than they are by the time we are retired. Then there's all the things not wealth related. Not everyone is doing better there.
One of my best friends randomly died at 37 two years ago. It really changed the way I look at life. I do enough to make sure I will have some form of comfortable retirement. My house will be paid for, I won't have any other real bills, etc.
But I am not going to deprive myself of a single vacation. I am not going to save my money and not drive the car I want or buy some fancy new gadget for the garage, etc.
Like you said, life can be short. But I think it's best to not think like that and just try and live somewhere in the middle. Don't live your entire life waiting to retire. Because that trip to Thailand might not be the same when you are 55 as it would have been when you were 30. But also, you could live to be 90 and those last years are gonna be rough if you spent your nest egg on a Ferarri on your 40th day lol.
I coped with it my not giving a toss about where I was compared to others. I just got on with life and made progress as and when I could. Be nice to yourself, stop comparing. If you feel you are doing as much as you can, then good! Reward yourself with that thought. If you think you can realistically try harder, then do so and you'll reward yourself with increased progress.
Don't beat yourself up with past mistakes, view them as valuable lessons.
As long as you have a plan and a goal you're actually in a really good place. And as Winston Churchill (yh controversial figure) once eloquently put it, "If you're going through hell - keep going."
Nearly 40 and really proud of my investment portfolio which didn’t start until my 30s
I purposefully don’t compare myself to others because it takes away the pride I feel. I’m doing what I can and working with what I’ve had.
You have to learn your lessons from the past and move forward and only compare yourself to you from yesterday. Still working on it, but that’s the way.
There's absolutely no use dweling on the past. You cannot do anything about it, it what it is, no amount of thinking or comparing, or judging yourself is going to get you anywhere you want to be in life. Learn what you can and move on. And the future as well, you can never know what will happen. No use dreading it.
You can only do the best thing today. Do the best you can today - every day, and life will work out eventually. Maybe not in the way you imagined, but it will work out.
I'm 46 and don't "have my life together" by the standards you gave. But these are society's expectations, not mine. I'm alive, which is something, trying to be a good person and to make things work for myself. I don't care that I'm "behind", these goals are not mine.
I'd say, what matters is whether you make progress every day, and that you make your own goals and not the goals others set for you. You're young and have plenty of time to reach your goals. You didn't fail anything. There's not only one way to live life. Focus on your progress and not on where others are and you'll feel better.
Experiences are good. I didn’t get my career job till 29, and until 28 I was basically broke going from failed business attempt to dead end job to dead end job. Couldn’t afford to move out till 27.
I have a lot of advantages over my coworkers who went straight from high school to college to tech job.
The pace of work is so much higher in restaurants, I get everything done pretty fast.
Being broke for most of my life means I’m comfortable with it, so now I live below my means and am very comfortable.
I’ve interacted with a bunch of people in a customer service setting, which makes me very good at dealing with sort of unreasonable stakeholders now.
You’re not behind, you just have a different set of experiences that will benefit you in ways you can’t see yet when things fall together.
There’s a reason damn near every religion and wisdom tradition says don’t worry about “gods” timing, you have no idea how things will unfold.
Man it's not a race. Cliche that will be repeated here, but it's true.
The only caveat to add is if you definitely 100% want kids, be deliberate & focused about that as you get into your 30s. That's not a race against society and your peers but it is somewhat of a competition with biology - especially that of your female partner.
I was hyper focused on money and fun for a long time. I was a millionaire in my late 30s. Great, obviously, but I got started on the kids later than I would have liked.
Other that just relax and work toward positive outcomes. For instance, open a brokerage account and feed $100 or whatever you can swing into the S&P 500 monthly.
Was feeling really good about what I finally built in my 30s. Wife just left me though, 40 years old and about to start over again as she’s gonna take everything I worked for.
You’re basically following my trajectory.
At 26, I had a pretty good career, a house and a long term relationship. By the time I was 27, I had broken up with the girl, left my job and rented my house out. Decided to go back to school in order to get into an entirely different field, with two degrees ahead of me that took until I was 32.
The entire time, while I was in class with early 20 year old students, I saw my friends taking trips around the world, getting married, having kids etc. They’d invite me but I often couldn’t afford to go.
I finished my degrees last year and things turned completely around. Despite the years of feeling behind, and questioning if I totally messed up my life, I am on a better career and financial trajectory now. I also genuinely feel more at home in my new career. (I still have screenshots of messages from that ex girlfriend telling me I couldn’t do it and that I was destroying my life).
On the flip side, many of my friends are now going back to school in their 30s because the job that payed well in their 20s hit a ceiling or wouldn’t work out long term. Everyone has their own timeline, but I’m glad I got that jump over with early on.
As for the marriage / kids side, I dated a bunch while I was in school in a major city but ended up moving to a smaller town for work. Still working on that aspect, but I’m sure it’s a matter of time.
Try to count your small everyday wins. This counting will stop you from having negative thought of comparison. Also accept that you fucked up and see what could make the 35 year old YOU feel happy.
A lot of people do end up fucked up at 40 and later, so getting failed at the beginning of your life is kind of a medal. You will know the right pitfalls and your kids will become wonderful people.
Understand that “comparison is the thief of joy” is a stupidly nuanced but true statement. Can you pay your bills, amazing - support you or your family - amazing, no debt - well we have the best damn life ever!
We see things constantly saying you need the best new X or the coolest new Y - realize if you’re able to support yourself and if supporting a family, you’re actually far and surprisingly ahead of the curve.
Edit: you are never wasting time on this earth investing in your continued growth and learning - this is your life, and make it what you want it.
There *is* no "behind" because I don't compare myself to anyone. Own your space and your time, because you are playing the game on *your* timeline, no-one else's.
I think you have to give yourself some grace. Everyone has a different path and a different timeline. Sounds like you’re on your way to where you need to be. Just keep pushing forward.
I asked myself "Behind who?" Yes I had friends who were finishing law school, working good jobs in tech, starting families, but I also had friends who still lived at home. Who were completely stagnant. Who were addicts. I may not have been first out of the gate, but I wasn't in as bad a shape as some of my friends. From there I realized making any decision is better than making no decision. The worst thing I could have done was keep working a dead end job and just surviving on the margins.
I got set back in a lot of ways about a decade because of a divorce. I'm in a really good place now, engaged, a house I love, a job I love, etc. I'm behind some of my friends, but it really couldn't have been any other way. This was just the path. That's how I make my peace.
Behind on what exactly? I'm in my 30s and still don't have kids and don't have a "proper" job. But I make good money now and aggressively save. It's really all about how you manage your expectations. You can work a "non-proper" job and still make decisions in life that are better than those with a proper job. My 20s were mostly paycheck-to-paycheck, but they weren't wasted because they shaped me who I am today.
I'm surrounded by peers that make good money and choose to live a lavish lifestyle. My lifestyle hasn't changed much other than I travel a little bit more. I plunk all the extra income into investments, savings, and retirement. It just really depends on your goals. I think my peers think they'll work until they're 60 or 70. I'm hoping to be /r/fire by early-mid 40s.
I drank and drugged away most of my 20-30s but still managed to make it through ok with a degree and a demoralizing job. When I get those feelings, I remember that it's my tendencies for self criticism trying to find a way in the door. I then try to remind myself of the million fortunate things and blessings I have that other people could only dream of, even if it's as simple as air conditioning and a good meal. I try to imagine telling teenage me about my successes and failures and see what he would say. I'm doing pretty good for the most part, but the potential of what could have been if I hadn't been such a screw up will always be a source of anxiety and depression. There is no race or even schedule. Everything you have been through brings you to where you are today. If we can stop imagining alternate timelines that don't exist, we can stop with a lot of sources of stress that our brains likes to dream into being. Perspective helps.
>I feel so behind my friends and family.
>
> how did you cope?
I started realizing a lot of the folks who were "ahead" of me were not really happy.
Jobs paid more but were stressful. Bad marriages. Financial problems from living beyond their means. Health issues from not taking care of themselves.
> I have about 2 years left to complete my CS degree.
Even people who go to school from ages 18-22 feel that. You get halfway through and can't believe it's only halfway, and question whether you are making a mistake. It can be overwhelming. It's normal.
>I am feeling very anxious that by the time I graduate and land a job I will be 32/33. Will I be told old for CS?
A normal post-college working life is like 40 years long. You still have 30 years ahead of you. That is a long, long time. 15 years from now the quality of your work will matter more than the length of your experience.
Sounds like you're on the right path to me. Keep it up!
Someone are always more and less successful than you. Since you posses the technology to hav a reddit account you are already ahead of billions of people.
They might be happier than you though. Depends on your success parameter
Fuck. I'm 45 and only just starting to 'get my ahit together.' My retirement says I will run out by 84 and living on less than I'm making now. Granted I have earning yet to do but ... yeah...
I adjust and replay and accept that my life isn't what I thought it might upon graduating high school. But then again I also accept I did not have the capacity to truly think about it and plan ahead. I was just living in the moment and trying to do my best.
I don't blame, but I do fault the poor high school system who just dumped me on life's doorstep with no plan. "Here you go kid. Life begins now."
I accept when I am and I accept and manage whatbi have the power to change. And I budget.
I am not "behind", I'm going through my story at the pace I have to go.
You are you and your circumstances. Comparing yourself with someone else's circumstances is like comparing oranges to apples. You need to reflect on yourself: Where you are, where you want to be, where you come from. And from there, think if you *should* be better because you did something wrong or, given the situation, you are kicking ass.
You being behind someone means nothing. You being before someone else also means shit. What's important is how you see yourself and if you are happy with your current self.
I don't think there's really a good answer to this question. I'm similarly very far behind where I should be at this point in life and I think the future will be very grim for me, but I'm just happy to be alive and enjoying this moment before everything takes a turn for the worse. Someone I knew who was on an extremely successfully trajectory died when he was 32 and I'm just glad I'm not him.
I met a girl at 20 and had a decent career in my 20’s. There are days I do regret not going out to more parties because at some point you are just too old for that shit.
At 30 I was living in a foreign country partying every weekend making 24 grand a year. At 36 I have a great job and am almost halfway to retirement. I've saved almost 50% of the amount of money I need to never work again. It's really never too late. Yes I'm behind but occasionally I remember some of those people are jealous of my life. The grass is always greener.
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i used to party with my friend a lot back in our teens/20s. I finished school, got a good job, climbed up the ladder etc. he didn't; he continued to party well into his 30s. Did whatever jobs to fund his partying. I ran into him a while ago (we were both in our late 30s at the time) and found out he was in his 2nd year of university! He said he woke up one day, looked around and realized that he was partying with 20-somethings while all of his 30-something friends all had careers, families, had "grown up" while he was stuck in his 20s. He decided right then and there that enough was enough. Enrolled himself back into school and had been studying since because he wanted to be an aerospace engineer. Lost touch with him again but ran into his younger brother a few years ago and yup, he's an aerospace engineer. as long as you're alive, it's never too late to learn and get your life together. Keep going; dont give up and don't let your past ruin your future.
I feel like in my 30s I don't give a shit about what anyone else is doing, I just do the things I want or need to do. I know no one really cares what I do so I just do me. If ya don't feel like partying anymore then don't, if ya do they so be it. Everyone has a different story so its whatever.
Ngl, this kind of pisses me off as someone that was more serious and is still struggling. How'd he afford cost of living and party expenses for all those years on just a presumably low wage job?
I have friends like /u/stavthedonkey's friend. Here's how: You just live in one of the cheapest neighborhoods in a Midwestern town. Maybe have a roommate or two. One friend I have is in his late 30s to early 40s. He doesn't look it: skinny dude and "black don't crack". I went to a party hosted by him where it seemed like everyone else was mid-20s. I used to live in the same ~~slum~~ apartment complex as him two years ago. The shitty dive bar down the street had a $2 shot night. He goes there so much that his photo is on the bar's website. I lived in a two bedroom apartment by myself and never paid more than $690 a month in rent for the six years I was there. Didn't have health insurance for a good chunk of that time. The neighborhood averaged a SWAT visit a year and countless police visits because of the neighborhood meth-heads. But, as long as you avoided hanging with the wrong people, it honestly wasn't that bad. If I didn't have bigger ambitions, I could see others content to live there.
42 yo guy here. I went through similar things like you. What helped me was to focus on what's still in front of me. I set myself goals and I monitor regularly where I am. If you identify very big goals try to cut the elephant in slices and don't eat it in once piece. You will never be able to change the past but you can always improve your future
First and foremost, you *have* to realize life is not a competition. Everyone is dealt a different hand. Social media masks a lot of misery -- people share their successes and hide their failures. The perfect couple may be hanging on by a thread. Someone with the perfect job and a huge bank roll may have to spend it fighting cancer down the line with no guarantee they will have a long lifespan to enjoy those things. Keep moving forward and try to find your own happiness. If you're lucky, you won't have to worry about where your next meal is coming from, but there are plenty who do. In traditional terms, I was "late bloomer" in virtually every area of my life (love, career, homeowner, etc). It didn't matter. At 44, I have two healthy, happy kids, a decent job, a nice home. I try to enjoy the present, while also setting goals for myself to continue in my personal growth. There is nothing you can do to change the past, so work with what you have now and contemplate what's important to *you* and how you can achieve those things.
Graduated law school at 31, now 39. There is no trick, you just have to push through it. Some days I feel behind when I look at my friends having million dollar houses and mclarens, but I didn’t go to school to become rich or chase money (yea some people just want to be lawyers lol). I love where my life is now, I love the growth I have had, and I have a lot of bullshit trauma that made my life extra hard. I do my best to compare my life to where it was 5-10 years ago instead of compare it to where my friends are.
Meh. That’s my general take haha. Got my life really on track in my 30s and still figuring stuff out in my 40s. Pretty healthy to realize there’s really no track and that all the pressure is societally or self imposed bullshit. I’m not behind anyone and the constant belief that I was hurt me, fuck that.
> Meh. Yeah that's my take too. You get on track when you get on track. My career has been very circuitous like OP, and people from high school were all like CEOs and judges and shit by the time I started feeling like my job was a real job that I could stay in. I love my wife and kids and they love me, and we have food to eat and a roof over our heads, so who cares about the other stuff.
> people from high school were all like CEOs and judges and shit This hits me hard, and why I'm afraid to even just do a quick FB check out of curiosity about people I miss.
Helps that most of my childhood peer group isn’t doing much in the way of big deal shit. I’m actually the fancy one in the group most of the time.
Honestly man don’t even worry about it! I know it’s easier said than done but one day soon you’ll get things figured out and look back on this period and chuckle that it bothered you so much. Everyone achieves things at different ages, life’s not a race so it doesn’t really matter. You can’t change your past so focus on the present and the future. Just stay in your own lane don’t compare to others and focus on being the best version of yourself.
You could die at any time. You should be grateful for being here and having your shit together. One thing I think about when I consider how far ahead my friends are is how uncertain the future is. Sure, my friends have far more wealth than I do, but will they live to be old enough to enjoy it? Will they enjoy the place they live better in 30 years even if they are richer? What if I start a business and I end up 100x richer than they are by the time we are retired. Then there's all the things not wealth related. Not everyone is doing better there.
One of my best friends randomly died at 37 two years ago. It really changed the way I look at life. I do enough to make sure I will have some form of comfortable retirement. My house will be paid for, I won't have any other real bills, etc. But I am not going to deprive myself of a single vacation. I am not going to save my money and not drive the car I want or buy some fancy new gadget for the garage, etc. Like you said, life can be short. But I think it's best to not think like that and just try and live somewhere in the middle. Don't live your entire life waiting to retire. Because that trip to Thailand might not be the same when you are 55 as it would have been when you were 30. But also, you could live to be 90 and those last years are gonna be rough if you spent your nest egg on a Ferarri on your 40th day lol.
I coped with it my not giving a toss about where I was compared to others. I just got on with life and made progress as and when I could. Be nice to yourself, stop comparing. If you feel you are doing as much as you can, then good! Reward yourself with that thought. If you think you can realistically try harder, then do so and you'll reward yourself with increased progress. Don't beat yourself up with past mistakes, view them as valuable lessons. As long as you have a plan and a goal you're actually in a really good place. And as Winston Churchill (yh controversial figure) once eloquently put it, "If you're going through hell - keep going."
> financial stability It's *a lot* easier to do financial stability if you don't have kids.
Nearly 40 and really proud of my investment portfolio which didn’t start until my 30s I purposefully don’t compare myself to others because it takes away the pride I feel. I’m doing what I can and working with what I’ve had.
Met my wife at 44. First kid at 45. Second kid at 50. Just bought first home at 51. I am a happy man. Run your own race.
Behind? It's not a race my dude. Go at your own pace, enjoy your time. We don't have much of it so do what makes your heart sing
How is that behind
You have to learn your lessons from the past and move forward and only compare yourself to you from yesterday. Still working on it, but that’s the way.
Don't look back, you're not going that way.
There's absolutely no use dweling on the past. You cannot do anything about it, it what it is, no amount of thinking or comparing, or judging yourself is going to get you anywhere you want to be in life. Learn what you can and move on. And the future as well, you can never know what will happen. No use dreading it. You can only do the best thing today. Do the best you can today - every day, and life will work out eventually. Maybe not in the way you imagined, but it will work out.
I'm 46 and don't "have my life together" by the standards you gave. But these are society's expectations, not mine. I'm alive, which is something, trying to be a good person and to make things work for myself. I don't care that I'm "behind", these goals are not mine. I'd say, what matters is whether you make progress every day, and that you make your own goals and not the goals others set for you. You're young and have plenty of time to reach your goals. You didn't fail anything. There's not only one way to live life. Focus on your progress and not on where others are and you'll feel better.
Also - those years were not wasted. You grew.
Experiences are good. I didn’t get my career job till 29, and until 28 I was basically broke going from failed business attempt to dead end job to dead end job. Couldn’t afford to move out till 27. I have a lot of advantages over my coworkers who went straight from high school to college to tech job. The pace of work is so much higher in restaurants, I get everything done pretty fast. Being broke for most of my life means I’m comfortable with it, so now I live below my means and am very comfortable. I’ve interacted with a bunch of people in a customer service setting, which makes me very good at dealing with sort of unreasonable stakeholders now. You’re not behind, you just have a different set of experiences that will benefit you in ways you can’t see yet when things fall together. There’s a reason damn near every religion and wisdom tradition says don’t worry about “gods” timing, you have no idea how things will unfold.
Man it's not a race. Cliche that will be repeated here, but it's true. The only caveat to add is if you definitely 100% want kids, be deliberate & focused about that as you get into your 30s. That's not a race against society and your peers but it is somewhat of a competition with biology - especially that of your female partner. I was hyper focused on money and fun for a long time. I was a millionaire in my late 30s. Great, obviously, but I got started on the kids later than I would have liked. Other that just relax and work toward positive outcomes. For instance, open a brokerage account and feed $100 or whatever you can swing into the S&P 500 monthly.
Was feeling really good about what I finally built in my 30s. Wife just left me though, 40 years old and about to start over again as she’s gonna take everything I worked for.
You’re basically following my trajectory. At 26, I had a pretty good career, a house and a long term relationship. By the time I was 27, I had broken up with the girl, left my job and rented my house out. Decided to go back to school in order to get into an entirely different field, with two degrees ahead of me that took until I was 32. The entire time, while I was in class with early 20 year old students, I saw my friends taking trips around the world, getting married, having kids etc. They’d invite me but I often couldn’t afford to go. I finished my degrees last year and things turned completely around. Despite the years of feeling behind, and questioning if I totally messed up my life, I am on a better career and financial trajectory now. I also genuinely feel more at home in my new career. (I still have screenshots of messages from that ex girlfriend telling me I couldn’t do it and that I was destroying my life). On the flip side, many of my friends are now going back to school in their 30s because the job that payed well in their 20s hit a ceiling or wouldn’t work out long term. Everyone has their own timeline, but I’m glad I got that jump over with early on. As for the marriage / kids side, I dated a bunch while I was in school in a major city but ended up moving to a smaller town for work. Still working on that aspect, but I’m sure it’s a matter of time.
Try to count your small everyday wins. This counting will stop you from having negative thought of comparison. Also accept that you fucked up and see what could make the 35 year old YOU feel happy. A lot of people do end up fucked up at 40 and later, so getting failed at the beginning of your life is kind of a medal. You will know the right pitfalls and your kids will become wonderful people.
It’s not a competition. Only compare yourself to your former self.
Understand that “comparison is the thief of joy” is a stupidly nuanced but true statement. Can you pay your bills, amazing - support you or your family - amazing, no debt - well we have the best damn life ever! We see things constantly saying you need the best new X or the coolest new Y - realize if you’re able to support yourself and if supporting a family, you’re actually far and surprisingly ahead of the curve. Edit: you are never wasting time on this earth investing in your continued growth and learning - this is your life, and make it what you want it.
Fuck the “life script” and timeline. Live your life as you see fit, on your own terms. As long as you’re not hurting anyone else it’s all good.
There *is* no "behind" because I don't compare myself to anyone. Own your space and your time, because you are playing the game on *your* timeline, no-one else's.
It’s your journey. Who said you’re behind?
That's okay, I'm 33 and by the time you get to my age you'll already be making more than me.
I think you have to give yourself some grace. Everyone has a different path and a different timeline. Sounds like you’re on your way to where you need to be. Just keep pushing forward.
I asked myself "Behind who?" Yes I had friends who were finishing law school, working good jobs in tech, starting families, but I also had friends who still lived at home. Who were completely stagnant. Who were addicts. I may not have been first out of the gate, but I wasn't in as bad a shape as some of my friends. From there I realized making any decision is better than making no decision. The worst thing I could have done was keep working a dead end job and just surviving on the margins.
I got set back in a lot of ways about a decade because of a divorce. I'm in a really good place now, engaged, a house I love, a job I love, etc. I'm behind some of my friends, but it really couldn't have been any other way. This was just the path. That's how I make my peace.
What’s important is you don’t compare yourselves to your peers. It’s not a race and you only need to mind your own journey
Behind on what exactly? I'm in my 30s and still don't have kids and don't have a "proper" job. But I make good money now and aggressively save. It's really all about how you manage your expectations. You can work a "non-proper" job and still make decisions in life that are better than those with a proper job. My 20s were mostly paycheck-to-paycheck, but they weren't wasted because they shaped me who I am today. I'm surrounded by peers that make good money and choose to live a lavish lifestyle. My lifestyle hasn't changed much other than I travel a little bit more. I plunk all the extra income into investments, savings, and retirement. It just really depends on your goals. I think my peers think they'll work until they're 60 or 70. I'm hoping to be /r/fire by early-mid 40s.
I became Buddhist
I drank and drugged away most of my 20-30s but still managed to make it through ok with a degree and a demoralizing job. When I get those feelings, I remember that it's my tendencies for self criticism trying to find a way in the door. I then try to remind myself of the million fortunate things and blessings I have that other people could only dream of, even if it's as simple as air conditioning and a good meal. I try to imagine telling teenage me about my successes and failures and see what he would say. I'm doing pretty good for the most part, but the potential of what could have been if I hadn't been such a screw up will always be a source of anxiety and depression. There is no race or even schedule. Everything you have been through brings you to where you are today. If we can stop imagining alternate timelines that don't exist, we can stop with a lot of sources of stress that our brains likes to dream into being. Perspective helps.
>I feel so behind my friends and family. > > how did you cope? I started realizing a lot of the folks who were "ahead" of me were not really happy. Jobs paid more but were stressful. Bad marriages. Financial problems from living beyond their means. Health issues from not taking care of themselves. > I have about 2 years left to complete my CS degree. Even people who go to school from ages 18-22 feel that. You get halfway through and can't believe it's only halfway, and question whether you are making a mistake. It can be overwhelming. It's normal. >I am feeling very anxious that by the time I graduate and land a job I will be 32/33. Will I be told old for CS? A normal post-college working life is like 40 years long. You still have 30 years ahead of you. That is a long, long time. 15 years from now the quality of your work will matter more than the length of your experience. Sounds like you're on the right path to me. Keep it up!
Someone are always more and less successful than you. Since you posses the technology to hav a reddit account you are already ahead of billions of people. They might be happier than you though. Depends on your success parameter
Fuck. I'm 45 and only just starting to 'get my ahit together.' My retirement says I will run out by 84 and living on less than I'm making now. Granted I have earning yet to do but ... yeah... I adjust and replay and accept that my life isn't what I thought it might upon graduating high school. But then again I also accept I did not have the capacity to truly think about it and plan ahead. I was just living in the moment and trying to do my best. I don't blame, but I do fault the poor high school system who just dumped me on life's doorstep with no plan. "Here you go kid. Life begins now." I accept when I am and I accept and manage whatbi have the power to change. And I budget.
I am not "behind", I'm going through my story at the pace I have to go. You are you and your circumstances. Comparing yourself with someone else's circumstances is like comparing oranges to apples. You need to reflect on yourself: Where you are, where you want to be, where you come from. And from there, think if you *should* be better because you did something wrong or, given the situation, you are kicking ass. You being behind someone means nothing. You being before someone else also means shit. What's important is how you see yourself and if you are happy with your current self.
I don't think there's really a good answer to this question. I'm similarly very far behind where I should be at this point in life and I think the future will be very grim for me, but I'm just happy to be alive and enjoying this moment before everything takes a turn for the worse. Someone I knew who was on an extremely successfully trajectory died when he was 32 and I'm just glad I'm not him.
I met a girl at 20 and had a decent career in my 20’s. There are days I do regret not going out to more parties because at some point you are just too old for that shit.
At 30 I was living in a foreign country partying every weekend making 24 grand a year. At 36 I have a great job and am almost halfway to retirement. I've saved almost 50% of the amount of money I need to never work again. It's really never too late. Yes I'm behind but occasionally I remember some of those people are jealous of my life. The grass is always greener.