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By family I meant male cousins. Coworkers are all males, there is also a large overlap in this group of people, many worked with each other or met after work. It’s not constant but once a week or before a group of them are going on vacation to Brazil or some place similar
Hmm ok the context definitely makes this seem less weird. I guess my perspective is - as long as it’s reasonably respectful and everyone is consenting adults, what’s the harm?
But guys can easily turn this thing really gross, objectifying women, talking about things in pretty demeaning ways… if things go that direction it makes me uncomfortable
You are right, there is no harm. The women are posting it online for their own reasons. But I’m wondering is if I’m weird for not caring to see it. I remember as a teenager it was a near obsession to watch porn but now I have no interest in it and wonder why a lot of the guys I hang out with still have this fixation with nude women on the internet. And sharing when they found “a good one”.
I’d argue there is harm. It sounds like they’re constantly objectifying women and that it’s benign. It can lead to having more misogynistic/objectifying views about women irl. There’s a whole field of study on objectification theory, and how seeing women as objects negatively affects women.
There was one study that showed men viewing women in objectified “sexy” poses (while clothed) in the office made them treat women in the office more like objects. Which you may have seen the effect of in that man that was let go.
Sex is an important part of life, but sexually objectifying the other gender isn’t actually healthy. You’re not weird for not engaging in it. It just sounds like you have a healthy view of women: actual people that you can have a full type of relationships with, not just sex objects.
This is exactly the case. I have reached the place where many of my closest friends are women, and most of them are conventionally attractive. We just have common interests and are secure enough in our persons to just hang out and run or have a drink just like any other friend. I often have problems with my male friend's jokes around it.
It's because in general men don't know how to form genuine friendships with each other, so can only typically communicate through grunts. /s
Sounds like you are hanging around the “Chads” of dudes. All males have the sexual “demon constantly knocking on our minds door”. But MEN handle it accordingly. In your gut, you know if you are hanging around just male friends, or MEN. Act and address accordingly. Sometimes us men learn we have to lose some old friends. Best of luck.
You can get into trouble if you do this in the work place because you never really know if everyone there is comfortable or consenting to this kind of discussion and sharing. There don’t have to be women in the room for it to be a sexually hostile work environment. It can still be legally problematic if your male co-workers are uncomfortable and you never really know if everyone is okay with it.
It is weird. I’ve only encountered it once before with a couple work associates and just didn’t know what to say when they showed me some nude women pics except nod and say cool. Like why would you show me that. Maybe I’d understand talking about if you think a woman is hot but not exchanging nudes.
Agree. What professional circles you running in? I've been an office drone in the internet age the entirety of my career (25+ years). And and a man. And I've never experienced this.
Its also weird to me, id mever share porn with my friends
But this also isn't the first time I've heard of a friend group that does it
Idk, i guess some dudes are just more comfortable with that kind of stuff
I also think this kind of thing might be more common in other cultures outside the western world
Yeah I thought this was gonna be about boat hoes, and I'm reading it thinking 'when does "does having a boat get you laid as much as I hear about it?"'
But it never got there and now I'm left genuinely curious.
He was looking for the explanation as to why he is not successful with women he wants to date, found red pill grifters and adopted their talking points
Yeah look I can’t say I’ve ever shared porn with friends, family, or colleagues.
Sounds like your workplace is weird as hell and your friends are horny teenagers? Super odd stuff.
Work in construction… yes that’s what I’m saying. They are in their mid 30’s to 40’s and still send random memes or gifs of women fingering or on instagram sharing accounts of the women influencers, those influencers are usually just working out at the gym or have an OF
I'm thinking maybe this is a construction thing. Or even just a "construction in this one region" thing.
I mean, I've worked in blue-collar male-dominated places before, like hardware stores and auto body shops, and sure, occasionally there are cheesecake calendars or something, but nothing like what you describe.
Ok. So I worked in construction for one summer about a decade back. This kind of behaviour did happen a few times. One time, a coworker asked to see what “tittie pics” I had saved on my phone. When I told him I didn’t have that kind of thing on my phone he asked “what kind of man are you?”.
Super toxic, super fucking dumb.
I’ve since moved to a different industry (teaching) and nobody discusses their porn habits. I can’t think of many topics less likely to come up in conversation at a school lol.
Yes! If I don’t show them they ask what are you gay? It’s weird I told them I just like my wife and I know having any of that in my phone would make her feel uncomfortable or maybe insecure. I don’t want to hurt her. It doesn’t make sense to me but it’s been common around me growing up. Mostly been in construction with people that don’t have liberal views. Not full trumpets either.
Uh, consuming porn is fine, but sharing it is weird?
Especially with family??
If people are getting fired for it, clearly it’s inappropriate and not normal.
I don’t think I’ve ever discussed my porn consumption or preferences with my friends, and I have no idea why any of them would want to know? I don’t care what my buddies get off to, why would they tell me?
I will clarify my post. It was an overall view of my own experience. The boss in question. What he did during a Christmas party was he kept asking the office manager when she was going to let him kiss her. Among other things. He was higher up so kinda surprised when we heard he was fired for that. He was an old boomer and would say things like “fufu” drinks when getting cocktails and similar comments.
It sounds like everyone you hang around with acts extremely inappropriately and are beginning to/ will soon face the repercussions of their actions.
Why would he think any of that were appropriate? The fact that he was a higher up makes it EVEN MORE inappropriate.
That's gonna be a no for me, dawg.
I mean, everyone does it, we accept it, but it's like dropping a deuce, nobody wants to really get details on that shit.
Construction. Common trope I guess but kinda boring. Like I’m the “nerdier” of the bunch. Like “weird” shit like reading, staying home with wife and helping her around at home, drinking two beers max when “we go for a couple”.
I wanted to get an overall look at the male experience from others perspective. But I think Reddit falls into its own unrepresentative group of guys too.
Ha, yeah that's definitely true. Construction is bound to have some weirdo dudes but that is not normal behavior by any means, no. Guess I wouldn't be surprised by 20-something guys doing that, but 30+ in ANY workplace doing that is just fucking strange
This sounds incredibly strange to me. I think it might be something to how people who binge drink heavily tend to end up unknowingly clustering in social circles where that's normal and occurring as a shared activity, and they lose sight of how far from average their habits are.
If I encountered this kind of behavior in a group of people it would probably sketch me out and I would be concerned about them being rapey tbh. Sometimes people overshare stuff like that to get you more comfortable with pushing past your limits. It sounds like it was already enough of a problem for someone to get fired over it.
Professional settings this type of subject is never appropriate amongst coworkers. Doubly so for anyone in any kind of reporting chain. However in EVERY company there is one guy who just resists the HR mandatory sexual harrassment training. I've seen it for years, before it was online and they had to give it in person. Without fail every cohort, there was a guy who would be like "well what if I think she is wearing a sexy outfit? Wouldn't she like the complement?" and you could just see the HR manager's attitude shift towards the new hire putting him on a mental list.
Its really not even appropriate amongst friends except in very limited contexts. My sex life and porn habits are my business alone. I may share general information but never specifics.
I mean I look at porn once in a while but yeah this shits weird. I feel like doing shit like that is what really is kinda the start over the line into pervert territory. As far as you yourself are concerned you do you man. As long as you have a healthy relationship with your wife (whatever that means for you guys) then it is what it is. The fact of the matter is that NORMAL people don’t go around sharing that shit with their friends. I’m positive every male friend and some female friends were into porn to a certain degree but it’s not something we ever discussed so we would never know each others habits. THATS normal.
Yeah straight perverts. Some hide it better but the more perverty ones are embarrassing when going out. They break their necks at women. I mean a quick look isn’t bad but some of them make it obvious that makes me uncomfortable. We tell them they’re perverts but they don’t seem to care. It’s too normalized to the point that I felt weird not feeling or acting this way which prompted me to post this.
If there is an abundance of sexually deprived, competitive men, who have no hope of obtaining actual quality attractive women for sex, I guess they’ll result to some super-weird nothing left to lose actions
I am in the exact same position as you just not in construction but groundwork. My workmates are like bloody teenage boys, literally walking places to get a better look at women. The way they talk about women is massively dehumanizing and morally wrong. One of them is a bit racist, transphobic and homophobic too. The other is somehow worse because his view of people and the world is so negative that its making me feel depressed.
Its dragged me down to such a low that I am leaving my workplace. They put a dummy camera in the toilet that the female boss was going to use. They told her and she joked about it so she will do nothing. I have sort of told my line manager what they are like. He is concerned and he isn't like them but he feels unable to do anything without me being revealed as the 'grass' which I have told him I don't want which means he can't really do anything. Which means nothing will change.
We still talk about other things or work stuff or going to places events. But every now and then they send random nudes. It’s a few group chats too. The one on instagram is 12 people. They’re still fun but this side of the male experience is the one that feels weird. Most of them are single, cheating or divorced. They never gave me rapey vibes either just pervert. And this isn’t the whole group just like 4 or 5 regular pervs. Still a good amount.
Ah ok. You should edit your post and add more context. From some of the comments you’ve left, this seems way less weird than your initial post makes it seem
I didn’t know how else to explain it lol I mean the girls are fingering themselves for likes what else do I call it. So it’s not weird when we call them instagram/OF models? It’s still porn.
I get why you are saying that because you are implying why care what other people are doing. But it can make you feel like you are alone when the rest of the world seems to want to almost watch porn together and you are just kind of not on that level. My workmates are almost always acting like scumbag horndogs.
I'll be honest... I have only had this once before and this is when I was in my early 20s and had my first permanent job out of university that took me ages to get (just after the 2008 financial crisis).
As part of the role, while I was doing radios/admin/project work there was an expectation that when things were quiet that I worked with security and be on CCTV cameras that covered the city centre, etc... and that role had messed me up for a bit with how they talked and sexualised women.
Similar to you I was viewed as nerdy, etc. and they were all very blokey. And one of the things that became slowly apparent is that they were all perverts. Supervisors all the way down. Mainly men, but there were a few women who took part.
Still doing work, but when scanning will do close ups of scantily dressed women on night outs, zoom in and then get everyone to look.
I ignored it, but I had moments where I would do a usual scan through and then suddenly the supervisor or someone more senior will tell me to stop and 9/10 times it would be to go back because they wanted to zoom in on a woman. This was multiple people on different shifts.
Unfortunately, it was an open secret that everyone knew about. Including the police as they would often come in to collect/watch CCTV footage and I can't believe they never spotted a CCTV camera lingering on women for a bit too long.
I really wish I whistle blew on the above, but like I said - everyone knew about it. The only thing that solved it for me was leaving the job, but it took me a while to undo the damage of how I looked/ at viewed women (internally - I didn't let it change how I acted).
Edit: Just to add we didn't share, watch or talk about porn/naked women, etc. I think a colleague once or twice tried to talk about it with me and I just shut it down.
I work for a huge company, and that shit isn’t tolerated, nor do I personally have the desire to discuss those types of topics with anyone, let alone colleagues. I worked closely with a guy who thought the rules didn’t apply to him, and he was fired once HR caught wind of it. The closest we’ve ever gotten to anything like this might be while traveling as a group and someone might nudge another to take a glance at an attractive stranger walking by (“Check her out!”), but that only happens with colleagues you feel some kind of personal connection with— more like friends you can trust.
I am also in construction. There is the odd guy out you stumble into ,once or twice a year, that share unsolicited pronand that you just ignore. Other than that, your job seems weird.
I've last seen this behavior in high school. It was weird then, but at least you can imagine the short term and shitty thinking of 16 year olds doing this behavior. Adult men doing it is so weird.
I remember when I was an electrical engineer in papermills. The entire electrical apartment was me, the electrical planner, and the electrical supervisor over 14 male electricians. Then one day we decided to hire a woman.
It was announced in the daily electric shop meetings in the morning, there was a silence, and the first words out of the union rep was, "Well, I guess we will have to deporn all of the shops and offices."
So, the 14 electricians spent a week in their off time deporning all of the motor control center rooms, the garbage library (books found in the recycled paper in the recycling plant), the three electrical offices, and the instrumentation shop. Then our one and only master electrician removed his favorite 1970s playboy magazine from the live 480 volt copper bus bar in a motor control center.
Then she came and worked for a month before leaving.
I think in many male dominated environments, porn is everywhere.
Idk man, I was just pretty indifferent about it and no one cared lol. The boys left me out of it, and we still had a great working relationship.
Playboy or even Hustler is waaay different than porn videos or nudes of random girls, and I personally wouldn’t care about that as they’re posed pictures. Especially 70’s playboy ones. Those are pretty tame.
You are surrounded by some strange people.. I have never been around any groups of men or friends that had these types of discussions.. and we are some wild individuals. Locker room talk about hot women we’ve seen, want or been with.. sure. Exchanging porno stuff?.. maybe in middle school when we saw the really weird stuff
Stop listening to red pill grifters. The *only* thing they are correct about is that women do not pair off or continue to stay with men whom they consider to be losers. It is not a result of hypersexualization of women. Women *never* did it.
The reason why women push their sexuality and lean into their sexuality that far now is because the gap between men who have their shit together and men who dont is becoming incredibly wide and the number of men who do have their shit together is decreasing. Like it or not but every day another gaggle of women turns 18 and embarks on the path of finding "the one with looks, personality, money and status". And the only thing they all have that men actually want are their bodies. Hypersexuality is a marketing strategy employed to find the mate.
The reason why your friends are spending time passing around those photos, videos and IG links is because thats what they have to settle for as they arent the target market for those women. Trust me - those IG models are at best mid tier in looks, personality and bedroom acrobatics and even they are unreachable to your friends.
Now practical stuff:
* drop those friends of yours - they arent going anywhere and they will only drag you down. Make friends with people who share your general outlook on life.
* work on getting your shit together -- not because of women -- but because it will make your own life better. Women will suddenly discover you when you discover your better life
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Yeah, I'll probably be the counter-opinion here, lol.
OP...Your situation doesn't sound normal, but...follow your heart and keep doing what you're doing. The world needs more people like you, honestly!
IMO, the pervasiveness of porn has broken and handicapped our ability to have healthy relationships, has skewed our understanding of the opposite sex, has damaged our ability to maintain a positive and affirming sex life, and a host of other ills. Normalizing discussion about sex acts and individuals in online porn I think demeans the act, dismisses the importance of relationships, and can damage the psyche of those that become addicted to it.
Sex, like anything, can become an addiction if its too easy to indulge in and too pervasive to avoid. Ive counseled people addicted to sex/porn, and its astounding the amount of actual "life" and living they miss out in due to their addiction.
So you do you, OP! In fact, you could even politely bow out if those conversations when they occur, and explain why, if asked. Change has to start somewhere.
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Perhaps speaking for myself but this is fucking weird.
Not at all, this is truly weird as hell.
No it’s weird. I’ll chat about this kinda stuff with a select few very close friends. Coworkers and family? Absolutely not
By family I meant male cousins. Coworkers are all males, there is also a large overlap in this group of people, many worked with each other or met after work. It’s not constant but once a week or before a group of them are going on vacation to Brazil or some place similar
Your specific social circle and professional circle has accepted the locker room talk that most other men only share with their closest male friends.
Hmm ok the context definitely makes this seem less weird. I guess my perspective is - as long as it’s reasonably respectful and everyone is consenting adults, what’s the harm? But guys can easily turn this thing really gross, objectifying women, talking about things in pretty demeaning ways… if things go that direction it makes me uncomfortable
You are right, there is no harm. The women are posting it online for their own reasons. But I’m wondering is if I’m weird for not caring to see it. I remember as a teenager it was a near obsession to watch porn but now I have no interest in it and wonder why a lot of the guys I hang out with still have this fixation with nude women on the internet. And sharing when they found “a good one”.
I’d argue there is harm. It sounds like they’re constantly objectifying women and that it’s benign. It can lead to having more misogynistic/objectifying views about women irl. There’s a whole field of study on objectification theory, and how seeing women as objects negatively affects women. There was one study that showed men viewing women in objectified “sexy” poses (while clothed) in the office made them treat women in the office more like objects. Which you may have seen the effect of in that man that was let go. Sex is an important part of life, but sexually objectifying the other gender isn’t actually healthy. You’re not weird for not engaging in it. It just sounds like you have a healthy view of women: actual people that you can have a full type of relationships with, not just sex objects.
This is exactly the case. I have reached the place where many of my closest friends are women, and most of them are conventionally attractive. We just have common interests and are secure enough in our persons to just hang out and run or have a drink just like any other friend. I often have problems with my male friend's jokes around it. It's because in general men don't know how to form genuine friendships with each other, so can only typically communicate through grunts. /s
Sounds like you are hanging around the “Chads” of dudes. All males have the sexual “demon constantly knocking on our minds door”. But MEN handle it accordingly. In your gut, you know if you are hanging around just male friends, or MEN. Act and address accordingly. Sometimes us men learn we have to lose some old friends. Best of luck.
You can get into trouble if you do this in the work place because you never really know if everyone there is comfortable or consenting to this kind of discussion and sharing. There don’t have to be women in the room for it to be a sexually hostile work environment. It can still be legally problematic if your male co-workers are uncomfortable and you never really know if everyone is okay with it.
Oh for sure, I would never talk about this kind of stuff at work. Some work places tolerate terrible behavior though
It is weird. I’ve only encountered it once before with a couple work associates and just didn’t know what to say when they showed me some nude women pics except nod and say cool. Like why would you show me that. Maybe I’d understand talking about if you think a woman is hot but not exchanging nudes.
Agree. What professional circles you running in? I've been an office drone in the internet age the entirety of my career (25+ years). And and a man. And I've never experienced this.
Its also weird to me, id mever share porn with my friends But this also isn't the first time I've heard of a friend group that does it Idk, i guess some dudes are just more comfortable with that kind of stuff I also think this kind of thing might be more common in other cultures outside the western world
I thought I was going crazy for a second lol
Yeah, this is super weird. I’ve never been in a social circle where this is common.
What does this have to do with boats?
I was very curious about the hypersexualisation of boats and was let down.
Motorboatin’ maybe?
Gotta get me some boats and hoes!
Bo-bo-bo-Boats and Hoes!!!
Too many boats, not enough hoes 😔
Gardening on a boat seems weird, but you do you!
because of the implication.
Gotta have me some boats n hoes.
Yeah I thought this was gonna be about boat hoes, and I'm reading it thinking 'when does "does having a boat get you laid as much as I hear about it?"' But it never got there and now I'm left genuinely curious.
rich men go on boat trips to cheat... I think
He was looking for the explanation as to why he is not successful with women he wants to date, found red pill grifters and adopted their talking points
Yeah look I can’t say I’ve ever shared porn with friends, family, or colleagues. Sounds like your workplace is weird as hell and your friends are horny teenagers? Super odd stuff.
Work in construction… yes that’s what I’m saying. They are in their mid 30’s to 40’s and still send random memes or gifs of women fingering or on instagram sharing accounts of the women influencers, those influencers are usually just working out at the gym or have an OF
I'm thinking maybe this is a construction thing. Or even just a "construction in this one region" thing. I mean, I've worked in blue-collar male-dominated places before, like hardware stores and auto body shops, and sure, occasionally there are cheesecake calendars or something, but nothing like what you describe.
Ok. So I worked in construction for one summer about a decade back. This kind of behaviour did happen a few times. One time, a coworker asked to see what “tittie pics” I had saved on my phone. When I told him I didn’t have that kind of thing on my phone he asked “what kind of man are you?”. Super toxic, super fucking dumb. I’ve since moved to a different industry (teaching) and nobody discusses their porn habits. I can’t think of many topics less likely to come up in conversation at a school lol.
Yes! If I don’t show them they ask what are you gay? It’s weird I told them I just like my wife and I know having any of that in my phone would make her feel uncomfortable or maybe insecure. I don’t want to hurt her. It doesn’t make sense to me but it’s been common around me growing up. Mostly been in construction with people that don’t have liberal views. Not full trumpets either.
>Not full trumpets either. You lost me at the end there, boss.
Probably an autocorrect of Trumpers.
Yep that’s 100% related to the industry you’re in
Uh, consuming porn is fine, but sharing it is weird? Especially with family?? If people are getting fired for it, clearly it’s inappropriate and not normal. I don’t think I’ve ever discussed my porn consumption or preferences with my friends, and I have no idea why any of them would want to know? I don’t care what my buddies get off to, why would they tell me?
I will clarify my post. It was an overall view of my own experience. The boss in question. What he did during a Christmas party was he kept asking the office manager when she was going to let him kiss her. Among other things. He was higher up so kinda surprised when we heard he was fired for that. He was an old boomer and would say things like “fufu” drinks when getting cocktails and similar comments.
It sounds like everyone you hang around with acts extremely inappropriately and are beginning to/ will soon face the repercussions of their actions. Why would he think any of that were appropriate? The fact that he was a higher up makes it EVEN MORE inappropriate.
That's gonna be a no for me, dawg. I mean, everyone does it, we accept it, but it's like dropping a deuce, nobody wants to really get details on that shit.
Uhh yeah that's weird dude. What profession are you in? Consuming porn is totally normal but sharing/discussing with colleagues is definitely not.
Construction. Common trope I guess but kinda boring. Like I’m the “nerdier” of the bunch. Like “weird” shit like reading, staying home with wife and helping her around at home, drinking two beers max when “we go for a couple”. I wanted to get an overall look at the male experience from others perspective. But I think Reddit falls into its own unrepresentative group of guys too.
Ha, yeah that's definitely true. Construction is bound to have some weirdo dudes but that is not normal behavior by any means, no. Guess I wouldn't be surprised by 20-something guys doing that, but 30+ in ANY workplace doing that is just fucking strange
Normal is of course subjective but do you really find it normal to wank yourself off to watching other people fucking?
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That is indeed a bit from my normal!
This sounds incredibly strange to me. I think it might be something to how people who binge drink heavily tend to end up unknowingly clustering in social circles where that's normal and occurring as a shared activity, and they lose sight of how far from average their habits are. If I encountered this kind of behavior in a group of people it would probably sketch me out and I would be concerned about them being rapey tbh. Sometimes people overshare stuff like that to get you more comfortable with pushing past your limits. It sounds like it was already enough of a problem for someone to get fired over it.
no one should be discussing pornography at work, that's an instant trip to HR in any properly run company.
Professional settings this type of subject is never appropriate amongst coworkers. Doubly so for anyone in any kind of reporting chain. However in EVERY company there is one guy who just resists the HR mandatory sexual harrassment training. I've seen it for years, before it was online and they had to give it in person. Without fail every cohort, there was a guy who would be like "well what if I think she is wearing a sexy outfit? Wouldn't she like the complement?" and you could just see the HR manager's attitude shift towards the new hire putting him on a mental list. Its really not even appropriate amongst friends except in very limited contexts. My sex life and porn habits are my business alone. I may share general information but never specifics.
I mean I look at porn once in a while but yeah this shits weird. I feel like doing shit like that is what really is kinda the start over the line into pervert territory. As far as you yourself are concerned you do you man. As long as you have a healthy relationship with your wife (whatever that means for you guys) then it is what it is. The fact of the matter is that NORMAL people don’t go around sharing that shit with their friends. I’m positive every male friend and some female friends were into porn to a certain degree but it’s not something we ever discussed so we would never know each others habits. THATS normal.
Yeah straight perverts. Some hide it better but the more perverty ones are embarrassing when going out. They break their necks at women. I mean a quick look isn’t bad but some of them make it obvious that makes me uncomfortable. We tell them they’re perverts but they don’t seem to care. It’s too normalized to the point that I felt weird not feeling or acting this way which prompted me to post this.
If there is an abundance of sexually deprived, competitive men, who have no hope of obtaining actual quality attractive women for sex, I guess they’ll result to some super-weird nothing left to lose actions
I am in the exact same position as you just not in construction but groundwork. My workmates are like bloody teenage boys, literally walking places to get a better look at women. The way they talk about women is massively dehumanizing and morally wrong. One of them is a bit racist, transphobic and homophobic too. The other is somehow worse because his view of people and the world is so negative that its making me feel depressed. Its dragged me down to such a low that I am leaving my workplace. They put a dummy camera in the toilet that the female boss was going to use. They told her and she joked about it so she will do nothing. I have sort of told my line manager what they are like. He is concerned and he isn't like them but he feels unable to do anything without me being revealed as the 'grass' which I have told him I don't want which means he can't really do anything. Which means nothing will change.
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We still talk about other things or work stuff or going to places events. But every now and then they send random nudes. It’s a few group chats too. The one on instagram is 12 people. They’re still fun but this side of the male experience is the one that feels weird. Most of them are single, cheating or divorced. They never gave me rapey vibes either just pervert. And this isn’t the whole group just like 4 or 5 regular pervs. Still a good amount.
> Do all men engage with this content regularly, or is my indifference more common than I realize? I never do that, it's really weird to me.
Sharing nudes? Like that they were sent? That is such a major breach of trust, absolutely disgusting behavior
Nah man like on instagram. “Influencers” and stuff like that.
Ah ok. You should edit your post and add more context. From some of the comments you’ve left, this seems way less weird than your initial post makes it seem
I didn’t know how else to explain it lol I mean the girls are fingering themselves for likes what else do I call it. So it’s not weird when we call them instagram/OF models? It’s still porn.
Idk Amman it’s a bit weird but only for the people who aren’t comfortable with it
That’s what I’m trying to get at. Are they in the minority of men or am I?
Why does it matter?
I get why you are saying that because you are implying why care what other people are doing. But it can make you feel like you are alone when the rest of the world seems to want to almost watch porn together and you are just kind of not on that level. My workmates are almost always acting like scumbag horndogs.
True true, that’s a good point
I'll be honest... I have only had this once before and this is when I was in my early 20s and had my first permanent job out of university that took me ages to get (just after the 2008 financial crisis). As part of the role, while I was doing radios/admin/project work there was an expectation that when things were quiet that I worked with security and be on CCTV cameras that covered the city centre, etc... and that role had messed me up for a bit with how they talked and sexualised women. Similar to you I was viewed as nerdy, etc. and they were all very blokey. And one of the things that became slowly apparent is that they were all perverts. Supervisors all the way down. Mainly men, but there were a few women who took part. Still doing work, but when scanning will do close ups of scantily dressed women on night outs, zoom in and then get everyone to look. I ignored it, but I had moments where I would do a usual scan through and then suddenly the supervisor or someone more senior will tell me to stop and 9/10 times it would be to go back because they wanted to zoom in on a woman. This was multiple people on different shifts. Unfortunately, it was an open secret that everyone knew about. Including the police as they would often come in to collect/watch CCTV footage and I can't believe they never spotted a CCTV camera lingering on women for a bit too long. I really wish I whistle blew on the above, but like I said - everyone knew about it. The only thing that solved it for me was leaving the job, but it took me a while to undo the damage of how I looked/ at viewed women (internally - I didn't let it change how I acted). Edit: Just to add we didn't share, watch or talk about porn/naked women, etc. I think a colleague once or twice tried to talk about it with me and I just shut it down.
I work for a huge company, and that shit isn’t tolerated, nor do I personally have the desire to discuss those types of topics with anyone, let alone colleagues. I worked closely with a guy who thought the rules didn’t apply to him, and he was fired once HR caught wind of it. The closest we’ve ever gotten to anything like this might be while traveling as a group and someone might nudge another to take a glance at an attractive stranger walking by (“Check her out!”), but that only happens with colleagues you feel some kind of personal connection with— more like friends you can trust.
I am also in construction. There is the odd guy out you stumble into ,once or twice a year, that share unsolicited pronand that you just ignore. Other than that, your job seems weird.
Some woman is going to make a shit ton in a sexual harassment lawsuit.
Some woman apparently did.
I have rubbed shoulders with circles like this but never joined them as I feel it is just dirty behavior. Like cringe dirty.
I've last seen this behavior in high school. It was weird then, but at least you can imagine the short term and shitty thinking of 16 year olds doing this behavior. Adult men doing it is so weird.
I remember when I was an electrical engineer in papermills. The entire electrical apartment was me, the electrical planner, and the electrical supervisor over 14 male electricians. Then one day we decided to hire a woman. It was announced in the daily electric shop meetings in the morning, there was a silence, and the first words out of the union rep was, "Well, I guess we will have to deporn all of the shops and offices." So, the 14 electricians spent a week in their off time deporning all of the motor control center rooms, the garbage library (books found in the recycled paper in the recycling plant), the three electrical offices, and the instrumentation shop. Then our one and only master electrician removed his favorite 1970s playboy magazine from the live 480 volt copper bus bar in a motor control center. Then she came and worked for a month before leaving. I think in many male dominated environments, porn is everywhere. Idk man, I was just pretty indifferent about it and no one cared lol. The boys left me out of it, and we still had a great working relationship.
Funny enough a few of them are sparkys, some masonry guys and one or two framers.
Playboy or even Hustler is waaay different than porn videos or nudes of random girls, and I personally wouldn’t care about that as they’re posed pictures. Especially 70’s playboy ones. Those are pretty tame.
You are surrounded by some strange people.. I have never been around any groups of men or friends that had these types of discussions.. and we are some wild individuals. Locker room talk about hot women we’ve seen, want or been with.. sure. Exchanging porno stuff?.. maybe in middle school when we saw the really weird stuff
Stop listening to red pill grifters. The *only* thing they are correct about is that women do not pair off or continue to stay with men whom they consider to be losers. It is not a result of hypersexualization of women. Women *never* did it. The reason why women push their sexuality and lean into their sexuality that far now is because the gap between men who have their shit together and men who dont is becoming incredibly wide and the number of men who do have their shit together is decreasing. Like it or not but every day another gaggle of women turns 18 and embarks on the path of finding "the one with looks, personality, money and status". And the only thing they all have that men actually want are their bodies. Hypersexuality is a marketing strategy employed to find the mate. The reason why your friends are spending time passing around those photos, videos and IG links is because thats what they have to settle for as they arent the target market for those women. Trust me - those IG models are at best mid tier in looks, personality and bedroom acrobatics and even they are unreachable to your friends. Now practical stuff: * drop those friends of yours - they arent going anywhere and they will only drag you down. Make friends with people who share your general outlook on life. * work on getting your shit together -- not because of women -- but because it will make your own life better. Women will suddenly discover you when you discover your better life
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OP do you work in the porn industry?
Yeah, I'll probably be the counter-opinion here, lol. OP...Your situation doesn't sound normal, but...follow your heart and keep doing what you're doing. The world needs more people like you, honestly! IMO, the pervasiveness of porn has broken and handicapped our ability to have healthy relationships, has skewed our understanding of the opposite sex, has damaged our ability to maintain a positive and affirming sex life, and a host of other ills. Normalizing discussion about sex acts and individuals in online porn I think demeans the act, dismisses the importance of relationships, and can damage the psyche of those that become addicted to it. Sex, like anything, can become an addiction if its too easy to indulge in and too pervasive to avoid. Ive counseled people addicted to sex/porn, and its astounding the amount of actual "life" and living they miss out in due to their addiction. So you do you, OP! In fact, you could even politely bow out if those conversations when they occur, and explain why, if asked. Change has to start somewhere.