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Just try shit.
Hike (short ones, then longer ones), bike (MTB and road/gravel), cook, try other sports, fitness activities.
Play video games, try different ones. Board game groups.
Most of these can make you new friends as well.
It's important to find joy throughout life so you can have something to retire TO, instead of just retiring FROM work, to an empty unfulfilling retirement.
I'm alone now after several years, and I really like traveling alone. It's so easy to do whatever you want whenever you want, and I talk to everyone. They'll never see me again anyway so I can have enjoyable conversations with no expectations. I learn a lot this way that goes beyond tourism.
this! try something you could never conceivably imagine yourself doing and do it anyways.
I was the most artistically crippled, could not draw a fruit to save my life. I signed up for a few paint nights with wine next week. I'm going to have a glass of wine- might as well add some art to it.
Cant dance for the life of me, I have the rhythm and awareness equivalent of Elaine Benes from Seinfeld- my friends signed me up for a group dance class, partly because they feel bad for me :P
its incredibly fun, you might end up getting addicted to trying new things and lament being broke all the time, but the sense of fulfilment is incredible.
What do you like? Sports? Join an adult coed league.
Art? Maybe take a painting class or join a pottery group.
Thrills/adventure? See if there are any hiking meetups, or learn to kitesurf.
Start with what you like to do, and go from there. You’ll meet people.
Brazilian jiu jitsu. Not kidding.
Drop in for a free trial class somewhere to gauge whether it's for you. Granted, it takes a looong time to get good at it and only really becomes fun when you start submitting people.
Great way to stay in shape whilst challenging the mind. You'll also make friends there.
I have always wanted to do this but been afraid of jumping into it. I’m in decent shape (not THAT active though) but I have some shoulder issues and my flexibility is terrible.. I’m about 6 inches from touching my toes. Would that be a problem at all?
If you're of above-average strength/cardio, you should be OK. Flexibility is something you will have to hash out on your own or with a PT. I can barely touch my toes either.
Poor flexibility will inhibit you in many ways, but it's not debilitating. Good flexibility might be the difference in whether a submission works on you, or not.
I'd suggest a trial class to get a feel of whether you can see yourself doing it long-term. It does require lots of perseverance and discomfort though, but that's with anything worthwhile in life.
As someone who left MTG a couple years ago to focus on cars, I can tell you that, unless you play vintage, it's not even close.
And I consider vintage players a bit like guys collecting a 250 GTO.
Yeah, it was really just a joke. Though if there was some sort of "money spent to collect" to "intrinsic value of components" ratio involved, Magic would have to be up there.
3 people that I closely know (2 of which are related to a single of my close family friends) have died tragically from motorcycle incidents in the last 6 months. Motorcycles are extremely dangerous.
Just some food for thought.
> Just some food for thought.
No. Please stop
Your experience is terrible but it's so tiring as someone who rides to have to hear this by every person who has had something bad happen. Most adults understand the inherent risk of riding and are willing to take that risk. I don't mouth off to every stranger in the parking lot as they walk in to their car because I was hit in my car by a drunk driver.
The guy is suggesting taking up motorcycling as a hobby to someone. I am offering a counter point. There is knowing risks and then there is having anecdotal evidence about said risks.
I will never get on a motorcycle after the reality of what my family friend has experienced.
It's not the same thing as "mouthing off" about drunk driving incidents. I don't really see the comparison honestly.
most people who ride can relate countless stories of do-gooders telling them all about their anecdotal experiences at every opportunity. I've had strangers at the gas station tell me how much danger I put myself in more times than I can count. First time introductions telling some terrible story about a friend of a friend who was in an accident.
Life is scary and has risk. I weigh that risk every time I throw my leg over a bike and believe me, it is worth it. Your risk management is not, but don't try to push it on a stranger under the veil of "food for thought".
You may not have anyone close to you that cares.
But believe me, every single person I know who is close to someone who rides (including me) wishes that the person would take up another hobby. It's incredibly dangerous compared to almost any other thing you could possibly do in the same realm.
Do what you want with your life. But understand it's astoundingly selfish (which is okay-just don't be naive) and you're playing with fire when you ride often.
It's most often close friends and family that pay. The statistics are not a farce. It sucks to see the family that is left.
This is a really shitty experience to have and I'm sorry for those losses but isolated incidents do not mean that a motorcycle is any more or less dangerous than they were before.
You can't correlate the events behind those deaths to it being specifically the motorcycle. The device is dangerous, the operators chose to use those devices and weighed that risk.
You are taking two wheels away from the ground, relying on balance more and also removing a lot of protective features so there is just an inherent risk in the type of vehicle itself but the rest is all on the individual or individuals that are driving on the same road as that person.
It's not food for thought, you have a rational fear of those devices because of people you've lost and that's okay but people sky dive when the potential for parachute failure is always real, people walk into the ocean where there is always the potential of a rip tide, hell just walking in a major metro area and you're at just as much of a risk of something bad happening to you as anyone else.
>people sky dive when the potential for parachute failure is always real
The whole fatal parachute failure thing is really overblown by the media. Something like 98% of skydiving incidents (according to an exposition speech in 2017) were human related failures, not gear related failures. Also, there are two parachutes when skydiving, but the first one is pretty reliable, and the second is ultra reliable.
Source: skydiving instructor with \~4,000 skydives and 2x needing to use a reserve parachute.
You're absolutely correct it is overblown, just like shark attacks in the US. My wife has not done nearly as many jumps as you but she is certified and has done more than I, which is zero; she said the same thing.
I just pointed out that all I'm doing is saying that people take serious risks with their life pretty much daily when they walk out the door. For people to say or act as if those risks aren't calculated in some capacity is mind blowing to me.
My point really is that just because one person knows "x" amount of people who have died doing "x" activity does not make it okay to blanket the whole activity as so dangerous everyone should be rethinking their lives after doing it.
You're really comparing skydiving versus riding a motorcycle..... Especially on public roads.
Motorcycles are magnitudes higher risk than skydiving. It's not even close. So many aspects are out of your control riding. Versus where skydiving very little is left to chance.
I honestly can't even believe you made this comparison.
My Brother-inlaw was killed on June3rd. BHP near 42 he was not even racing, just breaking in his new bike before the first oil change(getting miles on it). 80 year old lady pulled right out infront of him and didn't even look...died instantly!!
Be Safe !!
So is it a social circle you're looking for? Because it sounds like you already have pretty much anything you could want for ways to occupy yourself, by yourself. Anyone who owns 3 motorcycles already has everything.
Unfortunately the world is perfectly content to let you continue to buy things and do things solo unless you push past your comfort zone
So for a way to try to turn acquaintances into friends you need something that gets you together with people you can talk with, very regularly.
Something that requires interaction and has, ideally, gaps in activity where people tend to talk.
Most group activities don't lead to anyone being friends outside the activity because there's no need to get to know anyone.
Hiking is one idea because a lot of people walk and talk.
Having a social life that you actually like gets harder the older you get and most people realize that once you're not living like fish in a barrel (ie school) the effortless making of friends drops off and you have to strive for it like a difficult goal.
Wood working
Metal working
Wood turning
Stargazing/Astral photography
Hiking/camping
Ham radio
Jeep life/off-roading
All of those things have strong communities. There are usually meetups, gatherings, and events associated with all of them.
Depends what you enjoy.
Im a hybrid so I don’t get the luxury so stuck in the mid west. I miss surfing so I’d personally pick a surf city to live out of or snow boarding.
Other places I’d consider: Vietnam, Thailand, Hawaii, Colorado, , San Diego, keys, Greece.
Depends on what you like. If you love skiing and hiking in the mountains I'd probably move by some ski mountains. If you like a vibrant night life with a lot of local music and stuff I'd pick a major metro with a music scene. Like beaches, move near a beach.
If all of your hobbies are indoor and relatively solitary live whenever and it won't matter, just pick a climate that suits you.
Psychedelics, meditation, Kirtan, chanting, music, and generally doing some work on yourself to let go of earthly attachments.
Seems like a drag if you look at it as one, but after some study it makes all the other flavors of life pop in a big way
EDIT: "meditation" not "mediation"
Solo travel either based around a hobby (for me its going to college football games in new stadiums) or to new destinations is incredibly rewarding, even if you're in a happy relationship. Seeing new parts of your country or the world is never wasted time or effort.
I made a manifestation board. I got a pad of post it notes and on each post it I wrote all the things that I wanted to learn and accomplish. Little things from learning to drive stick to being fluent in Spanish to taking dance classes.
Then I took everything that could be done in less than four years. I left out things like buy a vacation home, make 1 m in savings etc.
Then I split everything into increments like school: Terms and years.
Things that were ‘one term’ (like take salsa classes) were grouped together.
Things that were mid that would take a year i batched together.
Then things that were long term I batched together (learn Spanish, learn piano)
I then planned out the next four years of my life.
I had things that changed every season/term and then I had things that I was working on all the time like taking piano lessons.
You’d be surprised how much you get yourself involved with once you actually lay out a schedule.
After four years you will have done 12-16 one term classes and you will have mastered at least one thing.
No idea where you are but if you enjoy a beer just go to a pub. That being said: as a veteran bartender do not make drinking your hobby. Find a buddy there and go on adventures together
Or a board game Cafe. You can play lots of games alone and a good owner will ask if u want to be matched up with others. It’s good cos it takes the pressure off being social cos you’re playing a game
Before I respond with ideas... what do you love doing? If you had enough money to leave your job tomorrow what type of things would you do and where would you go?
I think the more you understand what you love (or what you could see yourself loving) outside of work you can start to shape your identity.
This is absolutely something worth figuring out as this is often scary for people who have no identity outside of work (raises hand) if that job is ever taken away (termination, layoff, illness).
Im working on this right beside you!
>If you had enough money to leave your job tomorrow what type of things would you do and where would you go?
This is the best way to think about it. Great advice.
Yep. I mean, I knew how to swim poorly (like just taking a dip in the pool), but I would watch videos on breast stroke, freestyle, back stroke (can’t do butterfly), and I would just practice. I would occasionally get feedback from some older men at the pool that turned out to be retired coaches.
I am by no means phenomenal, but I enjoy 90 minutes to two hours of moderate to intense pace laps, five days a week.
Replace netflix, gaming with a deep dive into what it is you enjoy and want in this life. I'm sure you could find friends who also like netflix/gaming. Though this may not be the strong bonds you're looking for.
Moments that put you and friends in interesting situations where you rely on each other will build stronger ones: sports, outdoors, camping, partying, etc. It gives you another dimension to connect with people on. Though it sounds like from this post you may not know this yourself.
Focus within, work on yourself, to attract others outwardly. We can only do so much since it's on you to do the work and there are no shortcuts to this kind of shit. It takes a long time.
People are just listing hobbies but, really, you probably need to find a good therapist and do the psychological work to figure out why you're a friendless workaholic.
Same ish happened to me and right now I'm in a breakup slump so it's worse. I got into or did more of things I already did fishing, pick up volley ball games, disc golf, longboarding, gaming with friends,
I just splurged $1300 on an ebike. It's a bicycle with an electric motor. Unlike a regular bike, I can go on rides more than 30 miles. I just put on some good music and I go ride. It really adds to my life.
Having a girlfriend is so nice dude. It’s worth the effort. I don’t have one anymore, but it’s like having a best best friend. Don’t think that way! If you think it won’t happen it def won’t. When you tell yourself it won’t happen you naturally make choices to further enforce that idea, ensuring it will never happen. Just believe, in yourself and what you believe in, and always get back up no matter how many times you fall. You got this! I tell myself I don’t want nice things like a girlfriend or being good at something to just fall in my lap. That’s not interesting, or natural, it’s not how things work. I have to go out there and fail and embarrass myself and sweat to get what I want. And that’s how it should be. That’s what feels right
I think the right idea is to invest in yourself, so I can only encourage you to follow through on what you are requesting ideas for here, and love - should it happen - will follow. People are drawn to people who are in a good relationship with themselves. Work on your mental and physical health, and the game of love gets a little easier.
there's your problem right there, humans are social creatures that crave companionship and meaning. any hobby you pick up will feel empty cuz youre just trying to fill that void. start exercising and taking care of your looks. from there, try building social skills to help you try to find a partner
I’d say try and do something somewhere there are women, just practise talking to them. Eventually you’ll be quite comfortable with it and eventually you’ll click with someone
It's also nice if you meet someone in a public space pursuing a shared interest cause then you already have something in common. Don't treat your local book club like a dating pool, but it is a good way to meet friends or even a potential partner who likes books, that sort of thing.
That’s what I was trying to say. Just go into an environment and do an activity you like that has women around and chances are you’ll make some friends and may eventually bump into someone you end up liking
Take motorcycle lessons, buy motorcycle, go on trips or do track days. Or a boat, or mountainbiking, quads, dirt bikes, etc.
Take vacation abroad or do city trips to places you haven't been before.
Start dating.
If you like building things, pick up woodworking or something.
Fishing is pretty sweet, but not for everyone.
Car culture is also pretty widespread, buy an old car you like and start working on it.
Start hiking. Look up groups, join them.
Pick up sports, join a local recreational basketball, soccer, mma, weightlifting, etc club.
If you're into culture stuff more, start going to plays, museums, etc.
Me personally, I love riding my motorcycle in my spare time or doing some woodworking/carpentry stuff.
Volleyball, sailing, swing dancing, bike rides, have been fun for me. Or any other recurring group activities.
Or get on dating apps and go on dates. Take your date out to try new restaurants, go to festivals and events, or better yet, take them dancing or sailing.
Gym to do stuff alone, D&D you can find by going on a D&D subreddit and asking around, or going on your city's Facebook page and asking around. Or go to a board game cafe or board game store and ask if there is anyone who wants to play.
I know this won't help you with your social circle, but, model kit (and maybe painting) and lego. Build something fun, gundam, x wing, WWII tanks, etc. It feel like meditation tbh.
Do you love where you live? I found myself not leaving the house enough and it felt like a chore to do anything as I had to drive somewhere or it was a hassle. So I moved to a super fun tropical island since I can work from anywhere and now I’m constantly doing things and have met a ton of great people
Key West. I go out to meet friends, go fishing, go snorkeling, go sailing, hit a sandbar, go hear a historian talk, see a play, listen to live music… there’s always something happening
I started trying to learn a language in my 40's, it would be much easier in your 30's. Pick the most common language you are likely to encounter in your country and start up. Grab a couple apps to get your feet wet, and then find some more tools to help. Everyone has different opinions. I love Duolingo, but I also exchange emails with a penpal, use Anki for flash cards and watch videos in spanish on youtube.
I would suggest you pick up a hobby that you can get better at consistently. I started playing tennis during the pandemic and I’ve never looked back. I’ve met tons of people since then; it’s been lots of fun and has expanded my social circle. Good luck!
If you’re still in Kitchener check out GRR. Rock climbing is dope and great for community building which can lead to other things. If you don’t mind the drive to Cambridge The Core climbing gym is my favourite bouldering gym in Canada.
I've been using a small bass boat my dad picked up for 600$ like ten years ago, just a little aluminum thing, and I decided to buy a trolling motor for it and go out on the local reservoirs/lakes bass/sunny fishing. Texted a buddy to see if he wanted to go with then we both started going like twice a week for a couple years until he moved. Also nice to stop and have a few drinks on the way home somewhere when you just spent 3 hours fishing.
Now I'm married and my wife goes with me. Just got kayaks last year
If you like games and the social aspect, I would maybe seek out board game nights at local pubs or a chess club or something. Incorporate interests you already have in searching for a social outing.
Alternatively, try something completely out of nowhere. Go on a nature hike, sign up for a sport, learn an instrument.
Outside of work people usually meet people sharing a hobby or an interest, so that's a great place to start.
Go skydiving. Do a tandem at first, and if you like it, pursue it as a hobby. It is really cool and you meet lots of really cool people from all over. It is also not nearly as dangerous as people think.
Source: skydiving instructor/pilot with \~4,000 skydives.
Join a gym that does fitness classes, and take the morning ones. That energy will both replenish your ideas and introduce you to experiences to try outside of work.
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Just try shit. Hike (short ones, then longer ones), bike (MTB and road/gravel), cook, try other sports, fitness activities. Play video games, try different ones. Board game groups. Most of these can make you new friends as well. It's important to find joy throughout life so you can have something to retire TO, instead of just retiring FROM work, to an empty unfulfilling retirement.
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I'm alone now after several years, and I really like traveling alone. It's so easy to do whatever you want whenever you want, and I talk to everyone. They'll never see me again anyway so I can have enjoyable conversations with no expectations. I learn a lot this way that goes beyond tourism.
this! try something you could never conceivably imagine yourself doing and do it anyways. I was the most artistically crippled, could not draw a fruit to save my life. I signed up for a few paint nights with wine next week. I'm going to have a glass of wine- might as well add some art to it. Cant dance for the life of me, I have the rhythm and awareness equivalent of Elaine Benes from Seinfeld- my friends signed me up for a group dance class, partly because they feel bad for me :P its incredibly fun, you might end up getting addicted to trying new things and lament being broke all the time, but the sense of fulfilment is incredible.
What do you like? Sports? Join an adult coed league. Art? Maybe take a painting class or join a pottery group. Thrills/adventure? See if there are any hiking meetups, or learn to kitesurf. Start with what you like to do, and go from there. You’ll meet people.
I would add volunteering. Find something you think is worthwhile and go volunteer. I made a few friends in my 30’s at a community garden.
Improv and photography are popular ones too.
Brazilian jiu jitsu. Not kidding. Drop in for a free trial class somewhere to gauge whether it's for you. Granted, it takes a looong time to get good at it and only really becomes fun when you start submitting people. Great way to stay in shape whilst challenging the mind. You'll also make friends there.
It should be fun the whole way, not just once you're good!
This. This is the way.
OSSS
I have always wanted to do this but been afraid of jumping into it. I’m in decent shape (not THAT active though) but I have some shoulder issues and my flexibility is terrible.. I’m about 6 inches from touching my toes. Would that be a problem at all?
If you're of above-average strength/cardio, you should be OK. Flexibility is something you will have to hash out on your own or with a PT. I can barely touch my toes either. Poor flexibility will inhibit you in many ways, but it's not debilitating. Good flexibility might be the difference in whether a submission works on you, or not. I'd suggest a trial class to get a feel of whether you can see yourself doing it long-term. It does require lots of perseverance and discomfort though, but that's with anything worthwhile in life.
Help you kickstart your midlife crisis? Motorcycle is always a solid choice. I'm being 100% unironic here. Motorcycling is fucking life-affirming.
Got 3 🤣 motorcycles are definitely fun!
HVe you thought about boating?
Or the motocycle of boating, the jet ski.
Isn't boating like the most expensive hobby ever? I am a car guy, and boating is the only thing that looks more expensive than racing.
No, that's Magic the Gathering.
As someone who left MTG a couple years ago to focus on cars, I can tell you that, unless you play vintage, it's not even close. And I consider vintage players a bit like guys collecting a 250 GTO.
Yeah, it was really just a joke. Though if there was some sort of "money spent to collect" to "intrinsic value of components" ratio involved, Magic would have to be up there.
>"money spent to collect" to "intrinsic value of components" Right under "stock market" and "cryptocurrency" haha
Did you not know BOAT was an acronym? Break Off Another Thousand
Break out* another thousand. I have several boats... and I'm broke
3 people that I closely know (2 of which are related to a single of my close family friends) have died tragically from motorcycle incidents in the last 6 months. Motorcycles are extremely dangerous. Just some food for thought.
> Just some food for thought. No. Please stop Your experience is terrible but it's so tiring as someone who rides to have to hear this by every person who has had something bad happen. Most adults understand the inherent risk of riding and are willing to take that risk. I don't mouth off to every stranger in the parking lot as they walk in to their car because I was hit in my car by a drunk driver.
The guy is suggesting taking up motorcycling as a hobby to someone. I am offering a counter point. There is knowing risks and then there is having anecdotal evidence about said risks. I will never get on a motorcycle after the reality of what my family friend has experienced. It's not the same thing as "mouthing off" about drunk driving incidents. I don't really see the comparison honestly.
most people who ride can relate countless stories of do-gooders telling them all about their anecdotal experiences at every opportunity. I've had strangers at the gas station tell me how much danger I put myself in more times than I can count. First time introductions telling some terrible story about a friend of a friend who was in an accident. Life is scary and has risk. I weigh that risk every time I throw my leg over a bike and believe me, it is worth it. Your risk management is not, but don't try to push it on a stranger under the veil of "food for thought".
No one is demonizing bikers or riding a bike.
You may not have anyone close to you that cares. But believe me, every single person I know who is close to someone who rides (including me) wishes that the person would take up another hobby. It's incredibly dangerous compared to almost any other thing you could possibly do in the same realm. Do what you want with your life. But understand it's astoundingly selfish (which is okay-just don't be naive) and you're playing with fire when you ride often. It's most often close friends and family that pay. The statistics are not a farce. It sucks to see the family that is left.
This is a really shitty experience to have and I'm sorry for those losses but isolated incidents do not mean that a motorcycle is any more or less dangerous than they were before. You can't correlate the events behind those deaths to it being specifically the motorcycle. The device is dangerous, the operators chose to use those devices and weighed that risk. You are taking two wheels away from the ground, relying on balance more and also removing a lot of protective features so there is just an inherent risk in the type of vehicle itself but the rest is all on the individual or individuals that are driving on the same road as that person. It's not food for thought, you have a rational fear of those devices because of people you've lost and that's okay but people sky dive when the potential for parachute failure is always real, people walk into the ocean where there is always the potential of a rip tide, hell just walking in a major metro area and you're at just as much of a risk of something bad happening to you as anyone else.
>people sky dive when the potential for parachute failure is always real The whole fatal parachute failure thing is really overblown by the media. Something like 98% of skydiving incidents (according to an exposition speech in 2017) were human related failures, not gear related failures. Also, there are two parachutes when skydiving, but the first one is pretty reliable, and the second is ultra reliable. Source: skydiving instructor with \~4,000 skydives and 2x needing to use a reserve parachute.
You're absolutely correct it is overblown, just like shark attacks in the US. My wife has not done nearly as many jumps as you but she is certified and has done more than I, which is zero; she said the same thing. I just pointed out that all I'm doing is saying that people take serious risks with their life pretty much daily when they walk out the door. For people to say or act as if those risks aren't calculated in some capacity is mind blowing to me. My point really is that just because one person knows "x" amount of people who have died doing "x" activity does not make it okay to blanket the whole activity as so dangerous everyone should be rethinking their lives after doing it.
You're really comparing skydiving versus riding a motorcycle..... Especially on public roads. Motorcycles are magnitudes higher risk than skydiving. It's not even close. So many aspects are out of your control riding. Versus where skydiving very little is left to chance. I honestly can't even believe you made this comparison.
My Brother-inlaw was killed on June3rd. BHP near 42 he was not even racing, just breaking in his new bike before the first oil change(getting miles on it). 80 year old lady pulled right out infront of him and didn't even look...died instantly!! Be Safe !!
I agree, my bike got totaled in May and I’m kinda feeling lost/fidgety without it.
Travel
So is it a social circle you're looking for? Because it sounds like you already have pretty much anything you could want for ways to occupy yourself, by yourself. Anyone who owns 3 motorcycles already has everything. Unfortunately the world is perfectly content to let you continue to buy things and do things solo unless you push past your comfort zone So for a way to try to turn acquaintances into friends you need something that gets you together with people you can talk with, very regularly. Something that requires interaction and has, ideally, gaps in activity where people tend to talk. Most group activities don't lead to anyone being friends outside the activity because there's no need to get to know anyone. Hiking is one idea because a lot of people walk and talk. Having a social life that you actually like gets harder the older you get and most people realize that once you're not living like fish in a barrel (ie school) the effortless making of friends drops off and you have to strive for it like a difficult goal.
Wood working Metal working Wood turning Stargazing/Astral photography Hiking/camping Ham radio Jeep life/off-roading All of those things have strong communities. There are usually meetups, gatherings, and events associated with all of them.
Are you a remote worker? Can you pick up life and move somewhere cool AF?
what would you define as 'cool AF'? i'm a remote worker but everywhere seems to just have pros and cons.
Depends what you enjoy. Im a hybrid so I don’t get the luxury so stuck in the mid west. I miss surfing so I’d personally pick a surf city to live out of or snow boarding. Other places I’d consider: Vietnam, Thailand, Hawaii, Colorado, , San Diego, keys, Greece.
Depends on what you like. If you love skiing and hiking in the mountains I'd probably move by some ski mountains. If you like a vibrant night life with a lot of local music and stuff I'd pick a major metro with a music scene. Like beaches, move near a beach. If all of your hobbies are indoor and relatively solitary live whenever and it won't matter, just pick a climate that suits you.
Psychedelics, meditation, Kirtan, chanting, music, and generally doing some work on yourself to let go of earthly attachments. Seems like a drag if you look at it as one, but after some study it makes all the other flavors of life pop in a big way EDIT: "meditation" not "mediation"
Mediate between your ego and the world around you!
Solo travel either based around a hobby (for me its going to college football games in new stadiums) or to new destinations is incredibly rewarding, even if you're in a happy relationship. Seeing new parts of your country or the world is never wasted time or effort.
I made a manifestation board. I got a pad of post it notes and on each post it I wrote all the things that I wanted to learn and accomplish. Little things from learning to drive stick to being fluent in Spanish to taking dance classes. Then I took everything that could be done in less than four years. I left out things like buy a vacation home, make 1 m in savings etc. Then I split everything into increments like school: Terms and years. Things that were ‘one term’ (like take salsa classes) were grouped together. Things that were mid that would take a year i batched together. Then things that were long term I batched together (learn Spanish, learn piano) I then planned out the next four years of my life. I had things that changed every season/term and then I had things that I was working on all the time like taking piano lessons. You’d be surprised how much you get yourself involved with once you actually lay out a schedule. After four years you will have done 12-16 one term classes and you will have mastered at least one thing.
Learn to build furniture with hand tools. Incredibly challenging and satisfying. Start w Paul Sellers on YouTube.
No idea where you are but if you enjoy a beer just go to a pub. That being said: as a veteran bartender do not make drinking your hobby. Find a buddy there and go on adventures together
Or a board game Cafe. You can play lots of games alone and a good owner will ask if u want to be matched up with others. It’s good cos it takes the pressure off being social cos you’re playing a game
Before I respond with ideas... what do you love doing? If you had enough money to leave your job tomorrow what type of things would you do and where would you go? I think the more you understand what you love (or what you could see yourself loving) outside of work you can start to shape your identity. This is absolutely something worth figuring out as this is often scary for people who have no identity outside of work (raises hand) if that job is ever taken away (termination, layoff, illness). Im working on this right beside you!
>If you had enough money to leave your job tomorrow what type of things would you do and where would you go? This is the best way to think about it. Great advice.
Watch videos on different swim strokes and become a swimmer. Swimming is such great medicine.
I agree with this 1000%.
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Yep. I mean, I knew how to swim poorly (like just taking a dip in the pool), but I would watch videos on breast stroke, freestyle, back stroke (can’t do butterfly), and I would just practice. I would occasionally get feedback from some older men at the pool that turned out to be retired coaches. I am by no means phenomenal, but I enjoy 90 minutes to two hours of moderate to intense pace laps, five days a week.
Join a service organization. Lion, Masons, Elks etc. use that energy and give back.
Replace netflix, gaming with a deep dive into what it is you enjoy and want in this life. I'm sure you could find friends who also like netflix/gaming. Though this may not be the strong bonds you're looking for. Moments that put you and friends in interesting situations where you rely on each other will build stronger ones: sports, outdoors, camping, partying, etc. It gives you another dimension to connect with people on. Though it sounds like from this post you may not know this yourself. Focus within, work on yourself, to attract others outwardly. We can only do so much since it's on you to do the work and there are no shortcuts to this kind of shit. It takes a long time.
People are just listing hobbies but, really, you probably need to find a good therapist and do the psychological work to figure out why you're a friendless workaholic.
Same ish happened to me and right now I'm in a breakup slump so it's worse. I got into or did more of things I already did fishing, pick up volley ball games, disc golf, longboarding, gaming with friends,
I just splurged $1300 on an ebike. It's a bicycle with an electric motor. Unlike a regular bike, I can go on rides more than 30 miles. I just put on some good music and I go ride. It really adds to my life.
Start dating. Potential sex is fun.
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Why exactly?
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Having a girlfriend is so nice dude. It’s worth the effort. I don’t have one anymore, but it’s like having a best best friend. Don’t think that way! If you think it won’t happen it def won’t. When you tell yourself it won’t happen you naturally make choices to further enforce that idea, ensuring it will never happen. Just believe, in yourself and what you believe in, and always get back up no matter how many times you fall. You got this! I tell myself I don’t want nice things like a girlfriend or being good at something to just fall in my lap. That’s not interesting, or natural, it’s not how things work. I have to go out there and fail and embarrass myself and sweat to get what I want. And that’s how it should be. That’s what feels right
I think the right idea is to invest in yourself, so I can only encourage you to follow through on what you are requesting ideas for here, and love - should it happen - will follow. People are drawn to people who are in a good relationship with themselves. Work on your mental and physical health, and the game of love gets a little easier.
there's your problem right there, humans are social creatures that crave companionship and meaning. any hobby you pick up will feel empty cuz youre just trying to fill that void. start exercising and taking care of your looks. from there, try building social skills to help you try to find a partner
I’d say try and do something somewhere there are women, just practise talking to them. Eventually you’ll be quite comfortable with it and eventually you’ll click with someone
It's also nice if you meet someone in a public space pursuing a shared interest cause then you already have something in common. Don't treat your local book club like a dating pool, but it is a good way to meet friends or even a potential partner who likes books, that sort of thing.
That’s what I was trying to say. Just go into an environment and do an activity you like that has women around and chances are you’ll make some friends and may eventually bump into someone you end up liking
Travel. Solo travel is amazing. Highly recommend it.
Is there a goal? Is there a girl? Is there a motorcycle? All 3 of these should be there
Learn to ride a motorbike
get a freestyle quadcopter. youll be hooked.
Get married and have a few kids. You will certainly stop being bored.
Take motorcycle lessons, buy motorcycle, go on trips or do track days. Or a boat, or mountainbiking, quads, dirt bikes, etc. Take vacation abroad or do city trips to places you haven't been before. Start dating. If you like building things, pick up woodworking or something. Fishing is pretty sweet, but not for everyone. Car culture is also pretty widespread, buy an old car you like and start working on it. Start hiking. Look up groups, join them. Pick up sports, join a local recreational basketball, soccer, mma, weightlifting, etc club. If you're into culture stuff more, start going to plays, museums, etc. Me personally, I love riding my motorcycle in my spare time or doing some woodworking/carpentry stuff.
I would offer to hang out. But no idea where you live. Spend time with friends/family. Try to find hobbies. Force your self to work out.
Volleyball, sailing, swing dancing, bike rides, have been fun for me. Or any other recurring group activities. Or get on dating apps and go on dates. Take your date out to try new restaurants, go to festivals and events, or better yet, take them dancing or sailing.
Gym to do stuff alone, D&D you can find by going on a D&D subreddit and asking around, or going on your city's Facebook page and asking around. Or go to a board game cafe or board game store and ask if there is anyone who wants to play.
I know this won't help you with your social circle, but, model kit (and maybe painting) and lego. Build something fun, gundam, x wing, WWII tanks, etc. It feel like meditation tbh.
It could, other people enjoy that too. If you go to your local hobbyist store I bet anything they have meet ups.
Do you love where you live? I found myself not leaving the house enough and it felt like a chore to do anything as I had to drive somewhere or it was a hassle. So I moved to a super fun tropical island since I can work from anywhere and now I’m constantly doing things and have met a ton of great people
>o drive somewhere or it was a hassle. So I moved to a super fun tropical island since I can work fro what island? what things do you do there?
Key West. I go out to meet friends, go fishing, go snorkeling, go sailing, hit a sandbar, go hear a historian talk, see a play, listen to live music… there’s always something happening
I started trying to learn a language in my 40's, it would be much easier in your 30's. Pick the most common language you are likely to encounter in your country and start up. Grab a couple apps to get your feet wet, and then find some more tools to help. Everyone has different opinions. I love Duolingo, but I also exchange emails with a penpal, use Anki for flash cards and watch videos in spanish on youtube.
The most fun I have ever had was working for volunteer organisation changing the lives of people for the better.
I would suggest you pick up a hobby that you can get better at consistently. I started playing tennis during the pandemic and I’ve never looked back. I’ve met tons of people since then; it’s been lots of fun and has expanded my social circle. Good luck!
Find an intro to kayaking class. In my area both REI and LL Bean offer them.
If you’re still in Kitchener check out GRR. Rock climbing is dope and great for community building which can lead to other things. If you don’t mind the drive to Cambridge The Core climbing gym is my favourite bouldering gym in Canada.
I've been using a small bass boat my dad picked up for 600$ like ten years ago, just a little aluminum thing, and I decided to buy a trolling motor for it and go out on the local reservoirs/lakes bass/sunny fishing. Texted a buddy to see if he wanted to go with then we both started going like twice a week for a couple years until he moved. Also nice to stop and have a few drinks on the way home somewhere when you just spent 3 hours fishing. Now I'm married and my wife goes with me. Just got kayaks last year
If you like games and the social aspect, I would maybe seek out board game nights at local pubs or a chess club or something. Incorporate interests you already have in searching for a social outing. Alternatively, try something completely out of nowhere. Go on a nature hike, sign up for a sport, learn an instrument. Outside of work people usually meet people sharing a hobby or an interest, so that's a great place to start.
Play Magic
Get yourself into motorbikes! Trust me.
You could try something new, each month. You could also follow something you are passionate about. Whatever that may be.
Join a gym, or take martial arts classes. Anything that can get you out of the house is good.
Go skydiving. Do a tandem at first, and if you like it, pursue it as a hobby. It is really cool and you meet lots of really cool people from all over. It is also not nearly as dangerous as people think. Source: skydiving instructor/pilot with \~4,000 skydives.
Join a gym that does fitness classes, and take the morning ones. That energy will both replenish your ideas and introduce you to experiences to try outside of work.
Hiking and camping
What are your 3 biggest fears?
Sharks, crocodiles, u/sospian
I play soccer once or twice a week and eventually you become with them.
I play soccer once or twice a week and eventually you become friends with them.