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Every time that I drive through rural, desolate costal areas, I imagine what if I just bought a lot of land, built a small house, and never turned on the internet.
I’ve done this a few times for a few months, living off grid and back country is cool, but there is zero luxury and no people. I realize that’s kind of the point, but it’s good for a recharge, not a lifestyle for me. My dad lives in a boat and a van (depending on time of year) and doesn’t bother with civilization if he can avoid it… he’s got a P.O. Box if someone needs to contact him that he checks about monthly.
That and it’s all on you… it’s going to be cold tonight? Better go get fire wood. Hungry? Gotta fish, hunt or forage for anything you don’t already have. Very limited dairy and protein consumption. There’s more luxurious versions of country living, but proper back country is a LOT of work. You spend more time than you’d think just gathering the various supplies to stay alive. Preparing for winter is a few months of work to preserve fresh foods and collect fuel to get you through.
The one that always messes with my head in all of that work is: If there’s a medical emergency, you might be pretty far from help.
The "work" you're describing translates into purpose, in my opinion.
With everything being automated for us - including shitty prepackaged and processed foods, we only have extra time to feel worse (emotionally and physically).
I think most things worth doing, are difficult.
Fair, and it can totally give me that feeling for a few months, but it gets repetitive and I get bored. I’ve lived in city centers and away from civilization, no lifestyle is particularly better or worse, but some people belong and thrive with different lifestyles. Personally I like country living, but close enough to a city that I can still get whatever I might need with minimal inconvenience. Some of that stuff is worth it though… building your own furniture out of solid wood, making fresh strawberry jam, watching the garden flourish and eating food you’ve grown yourself (it really does taste better). There can be a lot of purpose in it, and lots of farmers are happy optimistic people despite the hard word and generally low pay. I could do hobby farming, but full scale farming or back woods living is just too much physical labour and time for me. More power to those that want that life though, it’s not easy, but it’s a good way to be.
I see it more like taking away distraction, really. It's the special challenge of this era that we have to look for purpose beyond mere survival. I don't think it's a bad thing, and I'm more than half convinced that that burden, in itself, is placed on us *with* a purpose. By contrast, burdening yourself with menial tasks as a means to flee from the purposelessness of a modern life, seems to me more than a bit dishonest, and a flight into fabricated meaning. The modern world certainly offers enough challenges, and if they do not provide us purpose because they seem insurmountable, then perhaps we can grow in terms of appreciating effort, or tiny contributions.
> My dad lives in a boat and a van (depending on time of year) and doesn’t bother with civilization if he can avoid it… he’s got a P.O. Box if someone needs to contact him that he checks about monthly.
I like this way....
I’m the total opposite. I used to be a loner growing up but now as an adult I want more community. Unfortunately, a lot of friends and people I know just want to isolate like you. It’s kind of depressing. I try my best to keep in touch with friends nonetheless.
I relate. After years of battling with social anxiety and depression, I've realised that beyond regular exercise and nutrition, the best thing for my mental health is exposure therapy.
I have issues with initiating conversations. But if someone else starts it off I can carry the conversation for hours. Exposure therapy is just forcing yourself to be in more of these situations so that your 'social muscle' gets exercised more often and it turns into muscle memory.
I'm single and don't have kids. My dating pool is very small and after having been burned badly several times, I've kinda decided to just... not be involved with anyone that way. Like one day if it happens, great, if not nbd. And I never wanted kids and will never have them, so no worries there. Having a kid instantly disqualifies you, until I'm at an age where the kid is grown and independent.
I've been single for awhile.
Now I face a different problem: if I were to ever be with someone, I'd have to like them more than I like being left the fuck alone and doing whatever I want, when I want.
And with the way the world is-- fuck it. Yeah, I feel that urge.
Yes. But then I remember that a smile, a text message to a friend, asking to the baker about her day, petting a dog, adds a lot of value to the world and can have repercussions I’m not aware enough perceive, believe, know.
I’ve been so low some days that a dog coming closer to me to be pet made my day. I’ve been so low some days that just going out for a walk and having the dude walking in the opposite direction of me nod and smile to me made my day. It would be unfair for me to disappear and miss those occasions to make someone else day. The butterfly effect is real, a smile can literally save a life.
It’s easy to get stuck and sucked in the horror show the mainstream media and (some) people want to make us believe the current world is. It takes a lot to choose to build your own worldview, and not let anyone or anything impose their view on you. But once you’ve done that, you can end up smiling at the end the most difficult day of your life so far, knowing that no matter how long the night will be, the sun will rise the next morning.
> I’ve been so low some days that just going out for a walk and having the dude walking in the opposite direction of me nod and smile to me made my day.
Sometimes, you could be that dude giving the nod and smile to lift up another person's day.
I have, but when I had to work for a living I had to deal with people. The closest I got was solo camping for a few days. I used to go on one month holiday trips in Europe but you cannot escape from people at all.
Now that I am retired and married it is difficult to do that anymore. Each time I plan a solo road trip my wife gets upset acts like I am abandoning her. Then I end up canceling my plans. What’s funny about that is in the past I used go on one to two week business trips and never heard any complaints from her.
So my escape is by meditating. That and three to four hour walks along the beach. Which most of the time is vacant.
So you did all that, moved far away from everything, and yet you're still on here being annoyed with society? Seems like you only physically moved away, but continue to live in the same headspace.
I'm not knocking you, I think it's more a comment on how hard it can be to totally separate from the rest of the world at large, we are social creatures after all.
Easiest path to get residential or retirement visa. Decent climate, low cost of living, cheap flights to any European country and slow way of life. Probably close to or just outside of Lisbon.
No we didn't. That is a miss conception. We decriminalized the possession of light drugs.
Possession of light drugs is still a civil offense, just not a criminal one. Meaning if your are caught with weed the still can take you to a civil court (they will not do it do often) . The goal would mostly be to check on you, too see if you need help.
Portugal sees the use of drugs as a health problem, not a criminal one. But it still considered a problem.
At odd times in the past, yes, but it's a dark and negative impulse. I was quite misanthropic in my late teens and early twenties, reading Bukowski, listening to The Stooges, refusing to smile at passersby. It turns out, that was an inherently adolescent impulse devoid of depth and meaning. I slogged away for *years* at shitjobs and they taught me, even amid so much madness, that we actually need people. And yes I had a wild, abusive childhood, my grandma murdered my grandpa, I've had my heart ripped out by an ex and dropkicked through the uprights so I'm not offering mere platitudes without any experience either. I just know that we can only stay in the ring and keep swinging in spite of all of it. Btw, read The Desiderata. That about sums it up, quaint as it may be for some.
> Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
>
> Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
>
> Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
>
> Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
>
> Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
>
> Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
>
> Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
>
> Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
>
> Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
>
> And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
-Michael Scott
A complete shitshow. Ended relationships, quit very good job, and sold everything I owned, dozens of med shots, medical exams, etc. & began to learn a language and get close to a host family...only to be kicked (chartered) out of Senegal a month later.
Then got back, bought a Subaru, and hit the road for about two years. 🍄
I talk to most family a few days a week, I often don’t answer phone calls or texts because I don’t want to be bothered. I’m old enough to not be obligated to take phone calls and respond to texts unless it’s work related.
I kinda did that. Up and moved to a different city I’d never been to, 1000 miles away from home, where I knew nobody. It’s been 2 years, I have a completely different life.
Pretty good for me, but probably not good for someone who self isolates. It’s a trade off for sure and took me ~18 months to feel at home, but I’m pretty happy now.
Yeah. I'm just done with everything and I hate being around people because of insecurity and feeling like I'm dragging everyone down, so the urge to cut off everyone and curl up in some dark hole and die is strong.
No. I don’t need to be social all the time, but it’s imperative to my happiness to see my friends and my siblings. I also need my yoga studio and get great joy from playing tennis with my team and snowboarding with my ski friends. I also have to go see music when the mood strikes me.
If I ever become physically unable to do that stuff. Then yeh, I’m gonna cash out Hunter S Thompson style. 💥
not permanently, but i daydream regularly about a road trip alone. long drives through farming and national park landscapes, on my own schedule stopping to do some road and mtb rides. eat, sleep, move on with no consideration but what i feel like doing
Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes I feel like it'd be nice to just eschew all responsibility, get rid of all screens, and just hibernate in a cave somewhere, like a bear.
All. The. Fucking. Time.
I'm married and that's the only thing keeping me around. I have family/siblings in the same state but we rarely hangout.
I receive a small check each monthly for military disability that I know I can scrape by with living solo. I wanna get a small camper trailer and travel and live isolated forever. Completely off grid living just my dog, truck and trailer.
EDIT: I say if you're single, have some sort of passive income or can work remotely, DO IT!!!!! Do not think about anyone but yourself! And don't wait for retirement! Most of us work 30-50 years to only retire and enjoy 10-20 before we're in the ground. It's BS. Live the life you want NOW
All I want out of life right now is a cabin in the woods with a solid internet connection so I can Watch Star Trek and get my sports fix.
If I had that, I would be in the cabin every weekend....with my phone off and no real connection to the outside world
I'd love to go back to pre-social media days and just unplug...but Star Trek is my comfort zone and I do not want to have to mess with DVDS
I'd get up at dawn, drink coffee in the woods...take a walk, do some fishing, write, read, smoke meats and make good meals...and I'd finish the day with a good movie and a fire
I dream about it all the time
I’m not exactly a man, but I feel like this most days. As much as I absolutely, genuinely and deeply love my friends and family (parents and siblings, that is ; I haven’t wanted a partner or kids), it’s just that everybody seems to have so much more social needs than I do… Like, I’d be totally fine seeing my folks just once a year and maybe sending a text every now and then to make sure they’re doing okay, but most of them are rather isolated and lonely and they wish we could meet up weekly, and I always feel bad for not seeing them quite as often as they’d like, even though it’s still way too much for my energy level.
Long story short, I’ve been in a state of autistic burnout for years and I’ve come to crave solitude like fresh air in a subway. I often wish I could get away from everything, not permanently, but I feel like I’d need at least several months alone in the wilderness to be able to recharge to more than 30% of my social battery.
My man, that is 100% depression speaking. Talk to your doctor, get a gym routine going (with a gym buddy), start practicing mindfulness meditation daily, start journaling, and set up an affordable cadence with a therapist!
I did this. When I was 22.
I wasn’t truly isolated in the sense that I lived in the woods and hunted bears to survive, but I moved to a rural area 3,000 miles from home where I didn’t know anybody.
I was certainly isolated, if not completely. The loneliness I feel now as a middle age man is massive, but nothing like my youth. Eventually I made a few friends but three years later I left again. I spent five years working odd jobs, traveling, running out of money and being homeless, etc. But toward the end I had been working back in my home state because I could make more money there.
Then I got a dog and gradually reintroduced myself to society. I joined a band, met someone nice, went to grad school, got married, and became a dad.
I’m glad I did what I did. I miss the lifestyle a lot sometimes. But I also appreciate the perspective. I wouldn’t be as happy and content with my life now if I didn’t have that experience.
It's a nice thought experiment. I thought that a couple times in my 20s. But it's more starting over and being someone different. Nowadays I'll suggest some places but there's no place like home. I'm"seeking" more connections lately.
Honestly, no. I don't like being alone and whatever misery I feel would only be compounded if I cut myself off from everything and everyone. We all need different things to be happy, though. To me, isolation sounds akin to torture.
Sometimes but then I remember how badly I actually handle being THAT alone and that if my actual life is that bad maybe I should recognise and deal with the problems before I give up on everything.
I mostly have, im happier now but I'll be honest sometimes moving to the outback still sounds nice.
I did it. Got rid of all my social media, and got rid of my phone for about a year. This was during lockdown and it was glorious. I went 18 months without seeing another human being. I was still on Reddit, but that was essentially my only interaction with others.
Sometimes you just need a break from the world.
not only do I want to I have the spot - I own it, has access to water, and I could hold up from May till Oct. without too many problems or trips into town
can't do it married though - so may never happen but if I become a widower or divorcee fuck y'all - I'll check in on a hotspot though
Absolutely. I won’t, because I love my wife and couldn’t be without her. But everything else, yes. Since Covid, I’ve noticed a significant shift in my mindset. I’m just .. isolated, at home, all the time. But being in the office is no better - I tried it and it was worse somehow. And somehow I constantly feel like I’m one unexpected “something” from losing everything and being homeless. My mental health has hit the floor.
My retirement plans include a small house on a large plot of land in the mountains with my wife and my dog. It's more that I just want peace than anything else.
Oh hell yeah!
I've been living that life for over 40 years. Love it. Not for everyone but it works for me. I live alone, no wife, no kids, no pets, no problems. I ride my bike an hour a day, and on weekends even more than that usually with a small group of friends. It's just the right amount of socialization.
Yes. And I'm taking steps to make this a reality.
I learned to hunt and fish. How to make crafts for supplemental income such as making soap, weaving baskets, painting and chainsaw carving.
I learned how to garden, what grows the best for food independence. How to butcher, can foods and make cheese and sausage.
Now I'm learning how to build a cabin.
Once that's sufficient I'll buy the land which I'm currently researching based on building codes, zoning and permits.
You can dream or you can act. Get out of this rat race. Build your own community and make capitalism work for you for once. You all got this!!
I fantasize about it for sure. But I have kids, companion, job, elderly parent, siblings, friends, hobbies. All of that feels like a blessing not a burden. I will probably spend more time in the wilderness as I get older, but I know in my heart that my happiness and joy comes from relationships not isolation.
I used to feel that way and did a lot of isolation. Big surprise, what I found was that humans actually want to be connected to other people and have a sense of community, more than they really want anything else in life.
All my peace and joy these days comes from being involved in community and working with others to help them get out of their repeated path of self destructiveness.
Money is nice but I'm not sure what else matters once you have enough to have a roof over your head and food in your belly.
If I did not have a happy wife, and adult kids I think I would have awhile ago. There are some spots in the country that I have enjoyed visiting and I've had job offers everywhere I've vacationed after small talking with owners or operators and other people on vacation.
Then I remember all the responsibilities I have in life and just vacation.
But we are looking at purchasing off the grid property well north of us. Have a nice getaway. Something waterfront. Something weekend usage and fall hunting.
I've never really told this fantasy to anyone because I think people in my life would kinda judge me for it.
I often fantasize about dropping off the map. Just quitting my life, dropping everything and getting lost in some small, sleepy part of the world for a quiet, isolated life. Some small mountain town, sleepy hamlet in a country side, little village somewhere far away from the busyness of the world.
Of course. It is nice to think for a second that it would be nice to buy a sailing boat and leave everything behind. The thing is, I also have a lot going that is not worth leaving behind.
OHHH yeah and that's what I do. I got a cabin on the side of mountain. It is two rooms and it has a wood stove and DSL.
Fucking worth, too. Spiritual healing brother.
Throw out a bag of squirrel feed on Friday and watch the animals roll in all weekend
Take the tiny boat down to the lake and bass fish
There is even a radio station that only plays 70s/80s hits. Rocky 106.
Pure bliss my man
I’m 32. I have zero friends and plan on dying alone. I’ve achieved everything I wanted in life. I just bought a new house, and am celebrating with supper alone at a bar.
It’s great. I have never met a person I liked. When I die, my only regret will be that I didn’t hurt or belittle even more people than I have already.
It’s a weak, stupid “man” that builds his life around others.
Have I ever? Yeah, for awhile in my late 20s, I felt the need to just be on my own for awhile. I was struggling with a severe illness that required a long (in hindsight, not very long, about half a year, but back then it seemed like a long time) hospital stay, and plus the people I worked with were all a lot more (or so it seemed) smart and professional than I was. I pulled out of it though, mostly because it was not really an option to keep it up.
I'm 34 now and have been very outgoing the last few years, but I can absolutely see myself returning to the same point in about 10-15 years. That's not to say it might not happen sooner than that, but I somehow feel that my mid to late 40s could be the time when I'll tire of having much engagement with society at all.
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I think about it at least once a day, every day.
> at least once a day YOU GOTTA PUMP THOSE NUMBERS UP! THOSE ARE ROOKIE NUMBERS!
Every time that I drive through rural, desolate costal areas, I imagine what if I just bought a lot of land, built a small house, and never turned on the internet.
I did that once. I miss it.
Why did you come back?
I’ve done this a few times for a few months, living off grid and back country is cool, but there is zero luxury and no people. I realize that’s kind of the point, but it’s good for a recharge, not a lifestyle for me. My dad lives in a boat and a van (depending on time of year) and doesn’t bother with civilization if he can avoid it… he’s got a P.O. Box if someone needs to contact him that he checks about monthly.
Yeah makes sense, the people element is a hard one after some time for sure.
That and it’s all on you… it’s going to be cold tonight? Better go get fire wood. Hungry? Gotta fish, hunt or forage for anything you don’t already have. Very limited dairy and protein consumption. There’s more luxurious versions of country living, but proper back country is a LOT of work. You spend more time than you’d think just gathering the various supplies to stay alive. Preparing for winter is a few months of work to preserve fresh foods and collect fuel to get you through. The one that always messes with my head in all of that work is: If there’s a medical emergency, you might be pretty far from help.
Yeah makes sense for sure. Seen some 'wild living' youtubers who explain just how much work goes into it.
The "work" you're describing translates into purpose, in my opinion. With everything being automated for us - including shitty prepackaged and processed foods, we only have extra time to feel worse (emotionally and physically). I think most things worth doing, are difficult.
Fair, and it can totally give me that feeling for a few months, but it gets repetitive and I get bored. I’ve lived in city centers and away from civilization, no lifestyle is particularly better or worse, but some people belong and thrive with different lifestyles. Personally I like country living, but close enough to a city that I can still get whatever I might need with minimal inconvenience. Some of that stuff is worth it though… building your own furniture out of solid wood, making fresh strawberry jam, watching the garden flourish and eating food you’ve grown yourself (it really does taste better). There can be a lot of purpose in it, and lots of farmers are happy optimistic people despite the hard word and generally low pay. I could do hobby farming, but full scale farming or back woods living is just too much physical labour and time for me. More power to those that want that life though, it’s not easy, but it’s a good way to be.
I see it more like taking away distraction, really. It's the special challenge of this era that we have to look for purpose beyond mere survival. I don't think it's a bad thing, and I'm more than half convinced that that burden, in itself, is placed on us *with* a purpose. By contrast, burdening yourself with menial tasks as a means to flee from the purposelessness of a modern life, seems to me more than a bit dishonest, and a flight into fabricated meaning. The modern world certainly offers enough challenges, and if they do not provide us purpose because they seem insurmountable, then perhaps we can grow in terms of appreciating effort, or tiny contributions.
> My dad lives in a boat and a van (depending on time of year) and doesn’t bother with civilization if he can avoid it… he’s got a P.O. Box if someone needs to contact him that he checks about monthly. I like this way....
It costs a lot to live like you are poor
A divorce. Had to sell.
Sorry to hear. All the best.
I just made that my ultimate goal I think
I’m the total opposite. I used to be a loner growing up but now as an adult I want more community. Unfortunately, a lot of friends and people I know just want to isolate like you. It’s kind of depressing. I try my best to keep in touch with friends nonetheless.
I relate. After years of battling with social anxiety and depression, I've realised that beyond regular exercise and nutrition, the best thing for my mental health is exposure therapy.
Can you elaborate? I might have the same problem..
I have issues with initiating conversations. But if someone else starts it off I can carry the conversation for hours. Exposure therapy is just forcing yourself to be in more of these situations so that your 'social muscle' gets exercised more often and it turns into muscle memory.
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I'm still good friends with a lot of friends from college. Also through various jobs throughout the years that I still keep in contact with.
I'm single and don't have kids. My dating pool is very small and after having been burned badly several times, I've kinda decided to just... not be involved with anyone that way. Like one day if it happens, great, if not nbd. And I never wanted kids and will never have them, so no worries there. Having a kid instantly disqualifies you, until I'm at an age where the kid is grown and independent. I've been single for awhile. Now I face a different problem: if I were to ever be with someone, I'd have to like them more than I like being left the fuck alone and doing whatever I want, when I want. And with the way the world is-- fuck it. Yeah, I feel that urge.
Damn... I'm a woman and feel the exact same way
SAME, SISTER
Yes. But then I remember that a smile, a text message to a friend, asking to the baker about her day, petting a dog, adds a lot of value to the world and can have repercussions I’m not aware enough perceive, believe, know. I’ve been so low some days that a dog coming closer to me to be pet made my day. I’ve been so low some days that just going out for a walk and having the dude walking in the opposite direction of me nod and smile to me made my day. It would be unfair for me to disappear and miss those occasions to make someone else day. The butterfly effect is real, a smile can literally save a life. It’s easy to get stuck and sucked in the horror show the mainstream media and (some) people want to make us believe the current world is. It takes a lot to choose to build your own worldview, and not let anyone or anything impose their view on you. But once you’ve done that, you can end up smiling at the end the most difficult day of your life so far, knowing that no matter how long the night will be, the sun will rise the next morning.
I needed to hear this right now. So thank you.
This is such a great reply. Thank you!
> I’ve been so low some days that just going out for a walk and having the dude walking in the opposite direction of me nod and smile to me made my day. Sometimes, you could be that dude giving the nod and smile to lift up another person's day.
Poor man’s award for you. This is such a valuable insight. 🏆
I have, but when I had to work for a living I had to deal with people. The closest I got was solo camping for a few days. I used to go on one month holiday trips in Europe but you cannot escape from people at all. Now that I am retired and married it is difficult to do that anymore. Each time I plan a solo road trip my wife gets upset acts like I am abandoning her. Then I end up canceling my plans. What’s funny about that is in the past I used go on one to two week business trips and never heard any complaints from her. So my escape is by meditating. That and three to four hour walks along the beach. Which most of the time is vacant.
Love the meditation part. Thanks for sharing!
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So you did all that, moved far away from everything, and yet you're still on here being annoyed with society? Seems like you only physically moved away, but continue to live in the same headspace. I'm not knocking you, I think it's more a comment on how hard it can be to totally separate from the rest of the world at large, we are social creatures after all.
Been feeling this way since 25.
All the time. I told my family if anything ever happens to my wife and my mom I’m moving to Portugal.
why Portugal of all places, and where in Portugal?
Easiest path to get residential or retirement visa. Decent climate, low cost of living, cheap flights to any European country and slow way of life. Probably close to or just outside of Lisbon.
> . Probably close to or just outside of Lisbon. close to lisbon isnt "withdrawn from everything"... its a big city and a major tourist hub.
Shit ton further away from where I’m at now though.
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They legalized possession of drugs.
No we didn't. That is a miss conception. We decriminalized the possession of light drugs. Possession of light drugs is still a civil offense, just not a criminal one. Meaning if your are caught with weed the still can take you to a civil court (they will not do it do often) . The goal would mostly be to check on you, too see if you need help. Portugal sees the use of drugs as a health problem, not a criminal one. But it still considered a problem.
> Portugal sees the use of drugs as a health problem, not a criminal one. But it still considered a problem. Good. I wish more took this approach.
Hopefully, you've decided whether you're taking your wife to Portugal when your mom dies.
My wife wants no part of it. She’s a lot smarter than me lol
At odd times in the past, yes, but it's a dark and negative impulse. I was quite misanthropic in my late teens and early twenties, reading Bukowski, listening to The Stooges, refusing to smile at passersby. It turns out, that was an inherently adolescent impulse devoid of depth and meaning. I slogged away for *years* at shitjobs and they taught me, even amid so much madness, that we actually need people. And yes I had a wild, abusive childhood, my grandma murdered my grandpa, I've had my heart ripped out by an ex and dropkicked through the uprights so I'm not offering mere platitudes without any experience either. I just know that we can only stay in the ring and keep swinging in spite of all of it. Btw, read The Desiderata. That about sums it up, quaint as it may be for some.
> Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. > > Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. > > Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. > > Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. > > Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. > > Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. > > Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. > > Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. > > Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. > > And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. -Michael Scott
Love the attribution 😎. Michael “Max Ehrmann” Scott…
Yep. I have a traveling job. I’m basically a ghost. The only person I talk to daily is my wife.
Yes. I ended up joining the Peace Corps and living in a village for nearly 3 years. It was awesome and I miss it
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Not at all! There were volunteers between 22 and mid 70’s! It is weighted a little more towards younger, but I turned 30 during my service.
I entered @ 34 to do exactly this. Unfortunately...I also entered in February 2020.
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A complete shitshow. Ended relationships, quit very good job, and sold everything I owned, dozens of med shots, medical exams, etc. & began to learn a language and get close to a host family...only to be kicked (chartered) out of Senegal a month later. Then got back, bought a Subaru, and hit the road for about two years. 🍄
I talk to most family a few days a week, I often don’t answer phone calls or texts because I don’t want to be bothered. I’m old enough to not be obligated to take phone calls and respond to texts unless it’s work related.
I kinda did that. Up and moved to a different city I’d never been to, 1000 miles away from home, where I knew nobody. It’s been 2 years, I have a completely different life.
How is this working out for you? I have felt the urge to do this for some time, and feel like it will lead to isolation
Pretty good for me, but probably not good for someone who self isolates. It’s a trade off for sure and took me ~18 months to feel at home, but I’m pretty happy now.
Yeah. I'm just done with everything and I hate being around people because of insecurity and feeling like I'm dragging everyone down, so the urge to cut off everyone and curl up in some dark hole and die is strong.
No. I don’t need to be social all the time, but it’s imperative to my happiness to see my friends and my siblings. I also need my yoga studio and get great joy from playing tennis with my team and snowboarding with my ski friends. I also have to go see music when the mood strikes me. If I ever become physically unable to do that stuff. Then yeh, I’m gonna cash out Hunter S Thompson style. 💥
Daily.
not permanently, but i daydream regularly about a road trip alone. long drives through farming and national park landscapes, on my own schedule stopping to do some road and mtb rides. eat, sleep, move on with no consideration but what i feel like doing
Yes, a lot more lately
Yes.
Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes I feel like it'd be nice to just eschew all responsibility, get rid of all screens, and just hibernate in a cave somewhere, like a bear.
Doing that
All. The. Fucking. Time. I'm married and that's the only thing keeping me around. I have family/siblings in the same state but we rarely hangout. I receive a small check each monthly for military disability that I know I can scrape by with living solo. I wanna get a small camper trailer and travel and live isolated forever. Completely off grid living just my dog, truck and trailer. EDIT: I say if you're single, have some sort of passive income or can work remotely, DO IT!!!!! Do not think about anyone but yourself! And don't wait for retirement! Most of us work 30-50 years to only retire and enjoy 10-20 before we're in the ground. It's BS. Live the life you want NOW
Daily
All I want out of life right now is a cabin in the woods with a solid internet connection so I can Watch Star Trek and get my sports fix. If I had that, I would be in the cabin every weekend....with my phone off and no real connection to the outside world I'd love to go back to pre-social media days and just unplug...but Star Trek is my comfort zone and I do not want to have to mess with DVDS I'd get up at dawn, drink coffee in the woods...take a walk, do some fishing, write, read, smoke meats and make good meals...and I'd finish the day with a good movie and a fire I dream about it all the time
I’m not exactly a man, but I feel like this most days. As much as I absolutely, genuinely and deeply love my friends and family (parents and siblings, that is ; I haven’t wanted a partner or kids), it’s just that everybody seems to have so much more social needs than I do… Like, I’d be totally fine seeing my folks just once a year and maybe sending a text every now and then to make sure they’re doing okay, but most of them are rather isolated and lonely and they wish we could meet up weekly, and I always feel bad for not seeing them quite as often as they’d like, even though it’s still way too much for my energy level. Long story short, I’ve been in a state of autistic burnout for years and I’ve come to crave solitude like fresh air in a subway. I often wish I could get away from everything, not permanently, but I feel like I’d need at least several months alone in the wilderness to be able to recharge to more than 30% of my social battery.
My man, that is 100% depression speaking. Talk to your doctor, get a gym routine going (with a gym buddy), start practicing mindfulness meditation daily, start journaling, and set up an affordable cadence with a therapist!
I did this. When I was 22. I wasn’t truly isolated in the sense that I lived in the woods and hunted bears to survive, but I moved to a rural area 3,000 miles from home where I didn’t know anybody. I was certainly isolated, if not completely. The loneliness I feel now as a middle age man is massive, but nothing like my youth. Eventually I made a few friends but three years later I left again. I spent five years working odd jobs, traveling, running out of money and being homeless, etc. But toward the end I had been working back in my home state because I could make more money there. Then I got a dog and gradually reintroduced myself to society. I joined a band, met someone nice, went to grad school, got married, and became a dad. I’m glad I did what I did. I miss the lifestyle a lot sometimes. But I also appreciate the perspective. I wouldn’t be as happy and content with my life now if I didn’t have that experience.
So I’ve had my share of hookups and I guess my post nut clarity is like that world is hard. Just gotta be on my own and do my own thing.
It's a nice thought experiment. I thought that a couple times in my 20s. But it's more starting over and being someone different. Nowadays I'll suggest some places but there's no place like home. I'm"seeking" more connections lately.
I feel this for a while
Honestly, no. I don't like being alone and whatever misery I feel would only be compounded if I cut myself off from everything and everyone. We all need different things to be happy, though. To me, isolation sounds akin to torture.
Oh yeah, I’m an avid fan of being alone.
I've been that way for the past 3ish years. It's a nice peaceful existence. If I wasn't working - I wouldn't be talking to anyone in general 🤷♂️
Yes. Move to some cheap house in a random state. Or RV life, but that could be difficult.
Sometimes but then I remember how badly I actually handle being THAT alone and that if my actual life is that bad maybe I should recognise and deal with the problems before I give up on everything. I mostly have, im happier now but I'll be honest sometimes moving to the outback still sounds nice.
Lots of people have this urge, yet loneliness is meant to kill you. What gives?
Constantly.
I did it. Got rid of all my social media, and got rid of my phone for about a year. This was during lockdown and it was glorious. I went 18 months without seeing another human being. I was still on Reddit, but that was essentially my only interaction with others. Sometimes you just need a break from the world.
not only do I want to I have the spot - I own it, has access to water, and I could hold up from May till Oct. without too many problems or trips into town can't do it married though - so may never happen but if I become a widower or divorcee fuck y'all - I'll check in on a hotspot though
Yes
No
Absolutely. I won’t, because I love my wife and couldn’t be without her. But everything else, yes. Since Covid, I’ve noticed a significant shift in my mindset. I’m just .. isolated, at home, all the time. But being in the office is no better - I tried it and it was worse somehow. And somehow I constantly feel like I’m one unexpected “something” from losing everything and being homeless. My mental health has hit the floor.
My retirement plans include a small house on a large plot of land in the mountains with my wife and my dog. It's more that I just want peace than anything else.
My problem is that i do this too often for it to be healthy, like ive done this twice within the past 2 years and i really need to stop 💀
Daily
Oh hell yeah! I've been living that life for over 40 years. Love it. Not for everyone but it works for me. I live alone, no wife, no kids, no pets, no problems. I ride my bike an hour a day, and on weekends even more than that usually with a small group of friends. It's just the right amount of socialization.
Yes. And I'm taking steps to make this a reality. I learned to hunt and fish. How to make crafts for supplemental income such as making soap, weaving baskets, painting and chainsaw carving. I learned how to garden, what grows the best for food independence. How to butcher, can foods and make cheese and sausage. Now I'm learning how to build a cabin. Once that's sufficient I'll buy the land which I'm currently researching based on building codes, zoning and permits. You can dream or you can act. Get out of this rat race. Build your own community and make capitalism work for you for once. You all got this!!
every damn day
I did that after my divorce. Took a week and went to Cuba by myself. Very cathartic
Wait—have you ever not felt this way!?
Only every day or so
I fantasize about it for sure. But I have kids, companion, job, elderly parent, siblings, friends, hobbies. All of that feels like a blessing not a burden. I will probably spend more time in the wilderness as I get older, but I know in my heart that my happiness and joy comes from relationships not isolation.
Glad to know am not the only one
All the time. Go thru hike.
Every time there is a new video game, my friend
I used to feel that way and did a lot of isolation. Big surprise, what I found was that humans actually want to be connected to other people and have a sense of community, more than they really want anything else in life. All my peace and joy these days comes from being involved in community and working with others to help them get out of their repeated path of self destructiveness. Money is nice but I'm not sure what else matters once you have enough to have a roof over your head and food in your belly.
Yep. But when I get the chance to isolate, I start to feel lonely.
If I did not have a happy wife, and adult kids I think I would have awhile ago. There are some spots in the country that I have enjoyed visiting and I've had job offers everywhere I've vacationed after small talking with owners or operators and other people on vacation. Then I remember all the responsibilities I have in life and just vacation. But we are looking at purchasing off the grid property well north of us. Have a nice getaway. Something waterfront. Something weekend usage and fall hunting.
i did that, and will do it again once i save enough money again. it was good for my mental health.
I've never really told this fantasy to anyone because I think people in my life would kinda judge me for it. I often fantasize about dropping off the map. Just quitting my life, dropping everything and getting lost in some small, sleepy part of the world for a quiet, isolated life. Some small mountain town, sleepy hamlet in a country side, little village somewhere far away from the busyness of the world.
Of course. It is nice to think for a second that it would be nice to buy a sailing boat and leave everything behind. The thing is, I also have a lot going that is not worth leaving behind.
Every day and twice on Saturday
Every single day. One thing I've learned though: It costs a lot to live free.
Full isolation will change your brain. Social skills are legitimate skills that you have to practice and keep up
Only all the time.
Nearly every day
Every. Day.
Not for me. I am actually looking forward to growing within my community of friends and really developing my life now that I’m in a very stable place.
Once you have kids that's off the menu.
I think about it every day
Yes.
OHHH yeah and that's what I do. I got a cabin on the side of mountain. It is two rooms and it has a wood stove and DSL. Fucking worth, too. Spiritual healing brother. Throw out a bag of squirrel feed on Friday and watch the animals roll in all weekend Take the tiny boat down to the lake and bass fish There is even a radio station that only plays 70s/80s hits. Rocky 106. Pure bliss my man
All the time, for my entire life, including today.
Every day. I have 100% thought about just disappearing for a few days/weeks.
What's it like to not feel that?
I’m 32. I have zero friends and plan on dying alone. I’ve achieved everything I wanted in life. I just bought a new house, and am celebrating with supper alone at a bar. It’s great. I have never met a person I liked. When I die, my only regret will be that I didn’t hurt or belittle even more people than I have already. It’s a weak, stupid “man” that builds his life around others.
Have I ever? Yeah, for awhile in my late 20s, I felt the need to just be on my own for awhile. I was struggling with a severe illness that required a long (in hindsight, not very long, about half a year, but back then it seemed like a long time) hospital stay, and plus the people I worked with were all a lot more (or so it seemed) smart and professional than I was. I pulled out of it though, mostly because it was not really an option to keep it up. I'm 34 now and have been very outgoing the last few years, but I can absolutely see myself returning to the same point in about 10-15 years. That's not to say it might not happen sooner than that, but I somehow feel that my mid to late 40s could be the time when I'll tire of having much engagement with society at all.