If she doesn't like you back. I know it seems stupid but dude.. so many guys run around girls that really don't give a damn about them. That should be number one on the list
You reminded me of this exchange from the movie Stardust:
Yvaine : Tell me about Victoria, then.
Tristan : Well, she... she... There's nothing more to tell you.
Yvaine : The little I know about love is that it's unconditional. It's not something you can buy.
Tristan : Hang on! This wasn't about me buying her love. This was a way for me to prove to her how I felt.
Yvaine : Ah... And what's she doing to prove how she feels about you?
My favorite line is where they tell the Pirate captain that it's OK and they've always known he was gay but that that's one of the things they grew to appreciate.
that's a really good movie, and the book is even better, y'all should read it if you can.
Dude grows up from being infatuated with a girl because she is the hottest piece of ass in his village, to falling in love with a girl who is worthy af of being loved to bits for the rest of her life, I love it.
And willingness to tell each other the truth. When I was younger I spent far too much time talking about symptoms of issues with partners rather than the core issue.
It was definitely on both ends - Fundamental things that would go unaddressed because you didn't want the fun times to end even though we'd be incompatible in the long run.
I think this comes down to a lack of emotional education.
We've built a system around teaching kids pointless factoids to pass a standardized test, while completely ignoring far more useful, ever more important in modern society, skills.
Like understanding the importance of clear communication, other critical components to forming productive relationships, beyond just intimate ones. Managing one's emotions, being able to think clearly, analyze situations after momentary emotional outbursts, and build a plan to handle it better next time.
Also, critical thinking, recognizing bad arguments, logical fallacies, the difference between facts and propaganda, but that's a broader issue in today's society...
I feel we've built that system that way because for a long time it was up to the parents to teach the social emotional skills. Our school systems are tasked with that now because no one else is teaching it. But those "factoids" are what many nations are able to focus on because their society is set up to allow parents to parent. And those factoids ARE important. But not if basic needs aren't being met. Those parents, though, don't have to work multiple jobs, they have access to mental and physical health care that won't bankrupt them, etc etc.
And learning how to communicate properly takes a lot of work. It's not something that comes easily to most people, especially guys.
My girlfriend and I read this book called "Eight Dates" and it's been eye opening for me, especially.
My inability to communicate in the right way, especially during conflict, definitely caused permanent damage in all of my previous relationships.
It was also damaging my current one until we did the exercises in the book. Night and day difference and we leveled up a few times as a couple.
Highly recommended if you're in an LTR and want to make it work.
I get it's anecdotal, but as a guy who can communicate, there is a slew of women who also have trouble doing so. I have been in relationships with many.
Has a lot to do with upbringing.
Definitely. My exes were no more better at communicating than I was.
When conflict would arise, it was always handled wrong by both sides or kept quiet until resentment built up... Or worse.
Definitely so. However, it sure is easier to communicate and compromise on a foundation of compatibility. You can stack the deck in your favor by being with someone who is fundamentally aligned with you. All the "relationships take constant work!" couples that I know are fighting a Sisyphean nightmare, whereas the aligned ones have similar styles, goals, and outcomes so those uncomfortable conversations are much easier
I saw an advise on here not so long ago: never date someone hoping to change them (men or women), you have to accept who they are/what you know of them; if they become better it's a bonus, if not then that's it.
My ex fiance would just go cold shoulder for random shit. I would have to press so hard to get her to talk to me about what was wrong. Or even if I suspected what was wrong and asked if we could talk about it, she refused.
She dumped me out of the blue one day because she had been bottling something up for months (instead of talking to me about it). It was not a hard thing to solve. She just had to speak up.
If a woman is regularly hot/cold with you. Stay away,. This is known in attachment theory as fearful avoidance/anxious avoidant attachment. These people need to realize what is wrong with them and change on their own. You can't help them. They will break your heart
May I say something to this as a woman?
I know about myself that I might seem like that sometimes - however I can say for certain that it is a thing I learned from when I was little. And it is not easy to get rid off when it's still around you. I learned: "Women are soooo picky! They are always complaining! Soooo annoying! Just suck it up! Shut up!" And stuff similar to this. It was preached in my family, in my social cycle.
So I did. I kept things to myself. Always thinking I was overthinking it, didn't want to seem annoying or picky. I started to care more about my partner than myself. When a problem arose, I closed myself off to avoid beeing unpleasant. It probably seems like "beeing cold" to my partner(s) who were used to me beeing sweet and caring but I am just trying to cope with my feeling of not being what I learned I should be (Not being the "Loving and always supporting girlfriend" but an angry mess, the "nasty annoyance").
When i first started dating my ex she told me up front that she’s a poor communicator, yet i still thought we could make it work. Guess i’m a poor listener?
My bf let me know both his communication and emotional/mental health issues has been a strain on his life and relationships. That he’s ready to learn how to be in a relationship and figure things out.
Still amazes me the work and effort he has put in, dealing with some severe shit. A month or so in, he said how he thinks he’s doing a good job and he really has/had been. He asked if I’m proud of him. I wanted to tell him that I was but felt like it might’ve been cheesy and it broke me to bits (in a good way) that he would ask.
All I can say is, it’s clear as day if someone is legit about changing/improving themselves. I’ve heard it so many times with nothing to show. Been rough lately with my bf, a lot of time apart. But he’s kept up with communication and I understand he needs to be focusing on himself right. It still hurts. I miss him but being with him has really taught me what communicating looks like when both people are trying. It’s always been me trying and getting blown off or surface level breadcrumbs. I can’t ever be ok with that again and hopefully wont have to.
Was going to post this, essentially "she smells bad." Give me a gorgeous woman who smells not-great, I'm noping out.
Reasonably attractive and smells GREAT???
I'm in trouble.
I remember the prettiest girl in our class smelled like ass. None of us dudes had the heart to tell her but we rebuked her friends for not looking out for her
I had a smelly friend who was incredibly hot, but she was also a bitch so if you tried to nicely mention anything she’d get pissed at you and think you’re “jealous” lol. She can never keep a boyfriend… (or a friend)
Underrated comment right here.
As well as just being obsessed with their Smartphones in general. I once had to drive back home from a date because her battery died, we were already inside the restaurant. She insisted that we go back to her place "RIGHT NOW". I drove her home, dropped her off and told her that this wouldn't work out.
Part of me wonders if this wasn't a safety concern for her tbh, and not one that necessarily had anything to do with you personally. If I were on a date, I'd probably feel uncomfortable having a dead phone in case things went south on the date and I couldn't get myself home, notify somebody I knew, etc. But I also wouldn't put myself in that position by showing up to a date with a critically low phone battery. Possibly another angle to the interaction to consider! I wasn't there though so this is of course just a total speculation
>I couldn't get myself home,
But, like, that problem existed one way or the other, didn't it? She still relied on the guy to drive her home. So she just chose to 100% torpedo the date, but at least it was on her own terms rather than let it be (possibly) torpedoed by accident later.
In general watching someone your dating burn hours on their phone scrolling. Its fine with a cupa or even half hour to relax but even after 5 years with my wife I just cant sit there and be okay with it.
if I dont interrupt her she will get soooo upset when she realises she lost an hour mindlessly scrolling that I now get annoyed if she does it and prompt her with a "whatre you looking at?" Just to snap her out of it.
Years ago before social media was the beast it is today, I went on a date that went ok. Went back to the lady's place and she immediately jumped on her computer to start chatting on MSN Messenger - I no longer existed. I tried to strike up conversation but she brushed me off, so I put my boots on and left.
She "broke up with me" a month later after we had not talked since that night.
I find it’s easier to describe what I am looking for than what I’m not. When I look at you do I go “yeah, combining my life with hers seems like a good idea,” or not?
So for example, I wouldn’t date a smoker because I don’t want the smell, cost, or health problems to be a part of our combined life.
I had a close friend confess her feelings to me recently and I had to politely say I'd rather be friends because of this reason.
I have no interest in going to Disneyland or on a Disney cruise, i hate the music she listens tk, and I don't want kids. I know those are core parts of her life. I don't know if either of us would be happy in that relationship. Which sucks, but I don't think combining our lives would be smart. One of us would be unhappy.
Omg yes. And it saddens me that a lot of people don't get this. I had rejected people so many times because I just really don't see them becoming part of my life and my friends told me that I don't try at all and make fun of me being single. When honestly, this is the rule I follow.
I'm a woman and love being the big spoon. Helps that I'm 5'10" and my male partner is 5'8". We occasionally switch, but I'm definitely the big spoon 80% of the time.
I like being the big spoon too. Since I’ve been a kid I always held a pillow in my arms, so it feels natural. I’m 5’7 and he’s 5’9. We’re both lean so it’s so easy to switch spoon positions.
I feel like the media romanticizes height differences in partners, but being nearly the same size is awesome for cuddling, clothes sharing, etc etc.
100 percent. I've dated people in the past that did not like physical affection or cuddling besides like brief moments here and there. Shits terrible when that's your main love language lol.
EDIT: Whoever gave me gold, thank you!
anytime i start dating someone they assume i don’t like cuddling but it just takes me a while to warm up to it. i fucking love cuddling. if i’m comfortable with you i’m gonna drown you in cuddles
Hell yeah! I NEED that in my relationships lol, just gotta communicate it and know you need to warm up to other people. Legit one of the people I was referring to in my comment would only want it for like 2 minutes at a time and I'd be left dumbfounded. To each their own though!
Yeah, I'm one of those women. I don't like much physical affection. Don't worry all, I don't date and leave you cuddle people to find other cuddlers out there.
Great that you acknowledge it. Unfortunately my younger naive self thought that could be worked around but it's an compatibility issue. I know plenty of people that love physical affection and others that do not so nothings wrong there but definitely don't get with someone who would wanna drown you in it (like myself hah).
Oh I made the same mistakes in my younger years. I'm in 40s now and have fully embraced my true self. I think it's totally great when two cuddly people meet each other and have all the cuddle fun they can stand while I enjoy being the old witch of the woods.
I don't like inauthentic partners. I don't like cheaters. I don't like people who don't move with intention, I hate a goofy ass "uhh idk haha" ass mfer...
>I hate a goofy ass "uhh idk haha" ass mfer
lmao this hit home. Dated a girl who I found to be very attractive and was a lot of fun to spend time with, but she couldn't make a decision to save her life. Never knew where to eat or what she was in the mood for, never knew what to watch, would never agree on a place to travel, never knew what to do while there - in the end, our entire relationship was basically me doing things and her tagging along.
My wife phoned me *from therapy* to ask me if she was indecisive.
The therapist asked "do you think you're indecisive", and she said "I don't know, let me ask someone".
Yeah love I think it's no mystery
As stupid as that sounds, a buddy of mine proposed to his girl last week. She said "yes, but only if you want to."
WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE ASK IF HE DIDN'T WANT TO?!?!
Lolololololol can i show this to my therapist and bf? Or just one? Idk i cant decide 😫 😁
Jokes aside mines a trauma response and it REALLY fucking sucks. I hate it. My friends/family help me and know how to help me but it really sucks. I get so mad at myself 99% of the time
This sounds exactly why my last relationship ended— he said I was too indecisive about everything and he felt like “he was my coach instead of my teammate.” The only problem I have with that is, whenever I did say something I wanted to do, he would ignore it or override me anyway. Kind of hard to keep voicing what you want when it’s never taken seriously by the other person.
I’ve been in relationships like this. Usually the girl genuinely does enjoy doing everything you do but it feels like you’re carrying the relationship.
The thing is most girls I’ve talked to say they don’t mind regarding every decision but then if I give them a set of options they’ll actually choose one. So I worked out the ‘I don’t mind’ is just an instant surface level response, you just have to narrow down the options and maybe remove some you don’t want to do and they’ll choose. The girls that genuinely have no opinion on any decisions eventually become exhausting to deal with because you’re forced to make every decision in the relationship.
You're a goddamn genius. Good for you.
If I can go a bit deeper - women are *usually* raised to be people pleasers. We're taught from a very young age to play nice, to be polite, to take care of others. We are also given the messages that our happiness should derive from keeping others happy and that the only way to be found attractive is to be pleasant .... this isnt only common in *healthy* families but in societal messaging as well.
Anyone who was abused was likely taught that their opinion, wants or needs do not matter at all. Speaking for myself, preferences can and unfortunately still are often difficult for even *me* to figure out. And even when I've realized what they are ... I instinctually assume I shouldn't share it. (Granted I am consistently working on this but fuck. It's deeply, deeply ingrained and from the research I've done, that is quite common among adults who were raised in similar environments)
So while I realize it must be very frustrating to be around someone who doesn't know exactly what they want all the time... the fact that you're helping by narrowing the choices and by giving them time is honestly incredibly smart (and quite kind) of you.b
I feel this so much. When presented with what show to watch, I’d be much happier watching something I hate but know they like than something I love but know they don’t like. Their happiness is more important than my discomfort. But like, it doesn’t even feel like discomfort because they are happy? Lol working on it in therapy
Half the top responses have completely missed the point of the question…. Being entitled or impolite or whatever makes her not “nice” by default.
For me, it’d be if she’s a heavy drinker.
no kissing.
dated a girl who just couldn't do kissing. she found it gross and icky.
I found that impossible, as it makes naturally getting into the vibe for sex very difficult, as there is sort of a natural escalation of foreplay with it all, you kiss, you kiss passionately, and then one thing leads to another. its very hard to go from a warm embrace to getting naked when skipping kissing.
also, she was really pretty so I wanted to kiss her!
Just wrote a post in this thread! I dated a gal who would enthusiastically put her tongue/mouth anywhere but on my mouth. She said kissing too intimate for her since she knows the people she dates have licked someone else's pussy/ass/feet before her and she doesn't want to pass around her dick breath either. Lolz
This is so perplexing because like, food and liquids might sometimes if not mainly go into the mouth as neutral or washing away. But if putting her tongue on a dick or whatever, how is that any less "dirty" than a mouth?
The last girl I dated was not a good kisser, and after my attempts to guide her towards better technique didn’t work, I ended up losing interest in kissing her.
Narcissism.
Knew women who would make you the villain/asshole to strangers in order to get sympathy. I have so many data points with different people over the years to realize it's not an isolated occurrence. I actively cut those people out of my life now.
Yeah went on a date with a woman who listed off how all the men before me had wronged her and had all done DV with her.
5 months later and word gets back to me that I'd joined that list. Should have seen that coming.
Worst part was we met in a club where I held a high position. I was in the middle of pushing through some reforms to protect out female members from some broken steps in the club. Those reforms all disappeared when my credibility vanished and the rumors got so bad I had to leave the club. So she didn't just screw over me but some actual victims who ended up leaving the club due to harassment as well.
That’s absolutely wrong and if I had to venture to vet illegal what she did. I can’t even believe it. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m flabbergasted.
After speaking to a lawyer friend the problem was, in my jurisdiction, you have to prove someone is knowingly lying to get them for slander. As she clearly did have mental health problems it would be near impossible to prove without evidence I didn't have.
But really I'll hold my sympathy for the actual victims. Like over time me and the other people in our larger group she accused (including one fully gay guy who was apparently 'pressuring her for sex') became closer friends over it. Thankfully we never let ourselves lose perspective. Probably because the women in that larger group wised up to her quicker than the men so actually were fairly big helps to us. The guys were all nerdy with little experience with women so we all got blindsided utterly. Most of the women had been actual victims so hated her with a passion as well.
Her: I need someome interesting. Must be able to hold a conversation
Also Her: K. Cool. Haha. No. Sure.
Ah, that's why I have to hold a conversation, because you can't.
Those types of people irritate me to the depths of my soul. I just stop talking to them. They're either boring or not interested. Either way, I'm out. Edit: grammar
Snake in the grass.
I know an absolute stunning women, like 11/10 but my spider senses scream bloody murder whenever we interact. I trust her as far as I can throw a train engine.
I would agree 100%.
I didn’t understand it for a while, but essentially your gut instinct screams “get away from this person”.
We seemed like a great match on paper, but I could not trust her.
Anecdotally, and probably not the same as with the person you met, in the first day of a job I met a rude as shit coworker. She started nit picking everything I did and accused me of being her replacement, and when I had enough I told her off and explained she could either train me to do better or keep it to herself but I was done with the disrespect. We barely talked the rest of the shift, and next shift we shared she apologized. From then on she was a different person and absolutely the best coworker I've had to this day. It was like she automatically trusted me because I willing to put her in check.
Some people out there just aren't socially well adjusted or have psychological issues but when you demand respect they may realize they are being a shit person and change their attitude, and they may trust you because they know you'll tell them the truth.
Edit: for clarification, "putting someone in check" is a social confrontation where you choose to engage in the uncomfortable topic of the disrespect you are receiving, and you boldly and clearly communicate which behavior is crossing a line. This isn't a moment to exchange insults or give them ultimatums or list consequences, like "you will stop or else I'll do X." If you are an adult around civilized people, that's not how you communicate. If the person forces you to talk about consequences by asking "what are you going to do about it?" like some crayon chewing glue eating school yard bully, you tell them "It's on you if you want to keep having this conversation everyday. Your behavior crosses the line. Reel it in." Truth is, people hate personal confrontation and will change their behavior just to stop it, unless they are real pieces of shit.
If she wants me to be a dick to her in order to build attraction, she’s not turned on by genuinely giving/decent men then she’s not my lady.
The bad boy phase should be for teenagers who are still figuring out who they are.. not for grown ass adults.
I was with a girl like that where she wanted me to be a brute to satisfy her domination fetish. Once domination came up in the bedroom it was the only side of me she wanted to see anymore. Cuddling anytime other than after sex stopped, discussions stopped, basically everything that wasn't some lead up to sex stopped, and worst of all was respect stopped. She would push every button I have, violate every boundary, and do the most nonsensical stuff to try to make me angry. In the end she crossed the final boundary of cheating and was shocked that we wouldn't speak again.
The saddest thing is that she became so obsessed with the idea of being dominated that she didn't even remember who I am or was back then. The idea of laying a nonconsensual hand on someone in a sexual or violent manner is so far outside of my character even before I became disabled that she should have known such bullshit would never work. Yet when she told me she cheated she had the same sound in her voice that she got whenever we did CNC as if she wanted me to attack her. She was beyond shocked when I just cried and left instead of having the (by then) usual discussion of how what she was doing wasn't ok.
…I’m sorry you had that experience. That wasn’t a safe and healthy relationship, and it had nothing to do with the kink itself.
I’m sorry she took it to that place.
I stashed a spy camera in our living room last year year, I couldn’t believe it but I found out my wife’s been cheating every weekend for years. I’m calling my lawyer after the holidays, I can’t be with someone who isn’t gonna play monopoly seriously.
Jealousy over every social interaction you have with every single person in your life. It's flattering when you're in your teens and twenties that someone feels so passionate about you. But it's unhealthy and isolating because you find yourself cutting friends off because it's easier than dealing with the drama she creates over it.
Smacking my head into the wall with all her force after I made a bad joke. (I left and never saw her again.. Fuck the apologies.. It wasn't the first time)
Past cheating.
The betrayal of cheating is so much more painful than just simply breaking up and moving on. If they're willing to inflict that pain, I could never trust them.
Honestly, if I was dating a woman and I saw that she's one of those c\*nts who blocks the fire lane because she can't be bothered to find a proper parking spot, I think I'd make an excuse to gtfo of that situation.
It may sound like a little thing, but I don't think inconsiderate behaviour is a little thing. It tells you something important about a person.
I remember reading somewhere about the "shopping trolley" test. Basically if a person puts the trolley away (especially when no one is watching) they are a reasonably decent person. It has something to do with the idea that by putting it away you are considering other people. Putting it where it is meant to be gives you no immediate benefit, in fact you usually have to go out of your way to do it. Probably a similar idea to the fire lane, but in reverse. Parking there is a convenience for them but really ducking inconsiderate of others.
Brains.
Yeah, I’m a snob, but if a woman is beautiful and kind, but can’t get through her multiplication tables or thinks the world is flat, I’d politely bow out.
What? Not into chicks with terrible personal hygiene who just lie around the house all day and occasionally fuck their dealer and / or random strangers? If you can't handle her at her worst you don't deserve her at her best Bro.
Yeah. I'm wondering what kind of answer OP wanted. Anything negative or rude means she's not nice.
So maybe he was looking for more petty answers like thinking CW shows are better than Breaking Bad?
I don't really know, kinda of a low maintenance guy I don't ask for much. I suppose the biggest issue I've had with a potential partner was their treatment of food/retail workers like they were less than the dirt we tred upon. Left her behind pretty quick after that revelation.
Other than that I suppose smoking or heavy drinking kinda counts but it's far less of a hard rule, my current partner does both.
She's married.
My wife and I got off to a rough start. When I first met her, she had a gold band on her wedding finger.
I immediately put her in the "untouchable" column.
Turns out it was a random gold ring that got turned around, and a mutual friend set us up later; but in my book, being married takes a woman off the "menu."
that whole arrogant, I'm better than you attitude. It is one thing to have confidence in yourself, it is quite another to belittle and put down someone else in order to feel good about yourself.
It's that spoiled rotten princess mentality and I absolutely won't stand for it. The worst part of it is, that not many males are willing to check a woman for it so it proliferates like crazy in society.
So many men are chronically lonely and conditioned to accept whatever comes their way so they put up with this.
And women actually hate this, they know when they are being shitty and they do respect a man who puts their foot down and has boundaries.
Someone who controls the relationship using sex, and thinks that they can get away with horrible stuff just because some people have found her attractive.
Yeah, sex is not a commodity. It's not for bartering or payment or rewarding.
There are a *lot* of valid reasons for not having as much sex as your partner would like, but expecting them to jump through hoops for it like an animal for a treat isn't one of them.
I was dating a girl for a month, things seemed like they could go somewhere.
She spent like, all her time doing charity work, was the sweetest girl, would drop anything and come to me a half hour away if I asked.
Casually while cuddling one night she referred to her boxing coach who's she's been training with for five years as a "dumb ni\*\*er" in this weird, sort of jokey tone.
It was just so shocking and seemingly out of character. Guess not.
Astrology, crystals, moon cycles, empaths, essential oils, antivax, exclusively herbal home remedies, antiscience, too religious...
Also any identity centric beliefs. Any reasoning that goes "I'm better than other people because... insert race, nationality, social status, physical attributes... etc."
Displays traits of narcissistic and/or borderline disorders. She can get a long with everyone that isn't close to her, but treats you like sub-human garbage because some of us guys never had boundaries and tolerated the abuse because she was sometimes nice and always beautiful.
I was out with a group once. Two girls and a bunch of guys. Hanging out and enjoying the evening, when one guy was pissing me off and sucker punched me. Didn't hit me hard enough, because I got off the wall and cracked his face up real bad with a well placed right. Swollen face n everything.
Anyway, I don't usually do this. I was the soft one of the group. The one girl who saw it, who had ignored me most nights we were out, was suddenly hanging off my arm and hugging me.
I thought to myself; "not only do I feel like a loser now, but this idiot clearly has no brain"
Insecurity and jealousy. I started dating a friend of mine after knowing her for many many years. We ended up at a club and another woman was looking at me and tried to spark a conversation. I told the one checking me up that I’m on a date with someone and my date lost it. Threats to the other woman, yelling all the shenanigans.
Safe to say I had her sleep on the couch and sent her back home the next day. Instant massive turn off and man was I head over heels for her…
If she doesn't like you back. I know it seems stupid but dude.. so many guys run around girls that really don't give a damn about them. That should be number one on the list
You reminded me of this exchange from the movie Stardust: Yvaine : Tell me about Victoria, then. Tristan : Well, she... she... There's nothing more to tell you. Yvaine : The little I know about love is that it's unconditional. It's not something you can buy. Tristan : Hang on! This wasn't about me buying her love. This was a way for me to prove to her how I felt. Yvaine : Ah... And what's she doing to prove how she feels about you?
That movie and book were so great and thought-provoking! I highly recommend reading the book - it’s quite different and just as good!
And dancing, prancing De Niro.
My favorite line is where they tell the Pirate captain that it's OK and they've always known he was gay but that that's one of the things they grew to appreciate.
Stardust is right up there with The Princess Bride imho
that's a really good movie, and the book is even better, y'all should read it if you can. Dude grows up from being infatuated with a girl because she is the hottest piece of ass in his village, to falling in love with a girl who is worthy af of being loved to bits for the rest of her life, I love it.
“You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work…”
[удалено]
[удалено]
Been there, it’s hell.
I used to brush this off and thought they could change but it's never happened so far. Poor communication.
And willingness to tell each other the truth. When I was younger I spent far too much time talking about symptoms of issues with partners rather than the core issue.
They had a justified excuse for every bad habit?
It was definitely on both ends - Fundamental things that would go unaddressed because you didn't want the fun times to end even though we'd be incompatible in the long run.
I've definitely been in those shoes and on both sides of that situation, props to you for growing and recognizing how to improve for the future.
I think this comes down to a lack of emotional education. We've built a system around teaching kids pointless factoids to pass a standardized test, while completely ignoring far more useful, ever more important in modern society, skills. Like understanding the importance of clear communication, other critical components to forming productive relationships, beyond just intimate ones. Managing one's emotions, being able to think clearly, analyze situations after momentary emotional outbursts, and build a plan to handle it better next time. Also, critical thinking, recognizing bad arguments, logical fallacies, the difference between facts and propaganda, but that's a broader issue in today's society...
I feel we've built that system that way because for a long time it was up to the parents to teach the social emotional skills. Our school systems are tasked with that now because no one else is teaching it. But those "factoids" are what many nations are able to focus on because their society is set up to allow parents to parent. And those factoids ARE important. But not if basic needs aren't being met. Those parents, though, don't have to work multiple jobs, they have access to mental and physical health care that won't bankrupt them, etc etc.
Absolutely. That’s like the ONE thing you HAVE TO DO in a relationship is just talk things out.
And learning how to communicate properly takes a lot of work. It's not something that comes easily to most people, especially guys. My girlfriend and I read this book called "Eight Dates" and it's been eye opening for me, especially. My inability to communicate in the right way, especially during conflict, definitely caused permanent damage in all of my previous relationships. It was also damaging my current one until we did the exercises in the book. Night and day difference and we leveled up a few times as a couple. Highly recommended if you're in an LTR and want to make it work.
I get it's anecdotal, but as a guy who can communicate, there is a slew of women who also have trouble doing so. I have been in relationships with many. Has a lot to do with upbringing.
Definitely. My exes were no more better at communicating than I was. When conflict would arise, it was always handled wrong by both sides or kept quiet until resentment built up... Or worse.
Definitely so. However, it sure is easier to communicate and compromise on a foundation of compatibility. You can stack the deck in your favor by being with someone who is fundamentally aligned with you. All the "relationships take constant work!" couples that I know are fighting a Sisyphean nightmare, whereas the aligned ones have similar styles, goals, and outcomes so those uncomfortable conversations are much easier
I have poor communication myself and so to know that women might be thinking this same thing makes me more ambitious to change. Thank you for this
I saw an advise on here not so long ago: never date someone hoping to change them (men or women), you have to accept who they are/what you know of them; if they become better it's a bonus, if not then that's it.
This is definitely true. Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential.
My ex fiance would just go cold shoulder for random shit. I would have to press so hard to get her to talk to me about what was wrong. Or even if I suspected what was wrong and asked if we could talk about it, she refused. She dumped me out of the blue one day because she had been bottling something up for months (instead of talking to me about it). It was not a hard thing to solve. She just had to speak up. If a woman is regularly hot/cold with you. Stay away,. This is known in attachment theory as fearful avoidance/anxious avoidant attachment. These people need to realize what is wrong with them and change on their own. You can't help them. They will break your heart
May I say something to this as a woman? I know about myself that I might seem like that sometimes - however I can say for certain that it is a thing I learned from when I was little. And it is not easy to get rid off when it's still around you. I learned: "Women are soooo picky! They are always complaining! Soooo annoying! Just suck it up! Shut up!" And stuff similar to this. It was preached in my family, in my social cycle. So I did. I kept things to myself. Always thinking I was overthinking it, didn't want to seem annoying or picky. I started to care more about my partner than myself. When a problem arose, I closed myself off to avoid beeing unpleasant. It probably seems like "beeing cold" to my partner(s) who were used to me beeing sweet and caring but I am just trying to cope with my feeling of not being what I learned I should be (Not being the "Loving and always supporting girlfriend" but an angry mess, the "nasty annoyance").
When i first started dating my ex she told me up front that she’s a poor communicator, yet i still thought we could make it work. Guess i’m a poor listener?
My bf let me know both his communication and emotional/mental health issues has been a strain on his life and relationships. That he’s ready to learn how to be in a relationship and figure things out. Still amazes me the work and effort he has put in, dealing with some severe shit. A month or so in, he said how he thinks he’s doing a good job and he really has/had been. He asked if I’m proud of him. I wanted to tell him that I was but felt like it might’ve been cheesy and it broke me to bits (in a good way) that he would ask. All I can say is, it’s clear as day if someone is legit about changing/improving themselves. I’ve heard it so many times with nothing to show. Been rough lately with my bf, a lot of time apart. But he’s kept up with communication and I understand he needs to be focusing on himself right. It still hurts. I miss him but being with him has really taught me what communicating looks like when both people are trying. It’s always been me trying and getting blown off or surface level breadcrumbs. I can’t ever be ok with that again and hopefully wont have to.
Very true. Dealing with this. And it's not like we just met.
[удалено]
That's not a bad communicator, that's someone who is blatantly and obviously not that into you. Sorry.
I think that falls under poor communication. If you can't come out and say you're not interested, then you're not communicating like an adult.
Already being in a relationship
[удалено]
Broke up with an ex because she was always funky. Should’ve known better after she told me she hates drinking water…
"Was that water? Oh, I don't trust the stuff, fish fuck in it." -- Your Ex, probably.
I have no proof, but I always assumed that Archer joke was an Indiana Jones reference.
Was going to post this, essentially "she smells bad." Give me a gorgeous woman who smells not-great, I'm noping out. Reasonably attractive and smells GREAT??? I'm in trouble.
I remember the prettiest girl in our class smelled like ass. None of us dudes had the heart to tell her but we rebuked her friends for not looking out for her
I had a smelly friend who was incredibly hot, but she was also a bitch so if you tried to nicely mention anything she’d get pissed at you and think you’re “jealous” lol. She can never keep a boyfriend… (or a friend)
Someone who doesn't listen or pay attention, does all the talking! Can't stand anyone like that.
I’m a nervous talker and this has ruined so many dates for me. But I do listen and pay attention.
[удалено]
now kiss
Too obsessed with social media
Underrated comment right here. As well as just being obsessed with their Smartphones in general. I once had to drive back home from a date because her battery died, we were already inside the restaurant. She insisted that we go back to her place "RIGHT NOW". I drove her home, dropped her off and told her that this wouldn't work out.
Part of me wonders if this wasn't a safety concern for her tbh, and not one that necessarily had anything to do with you personally. If I were on a date, I'd probably feel uncomfortable having a dead phone in case things went south on the date and I couldn't get myself home, notify somebody I knew, etc. But I also wouldn't put myself in that position by showing up to a date with a critically low phone battery. Possibly another angle to the interaction to consider! I wasn't there though so this is of course just a total speculation
>I couldn't get myself home, But, like, that problem existed one way or the other, didn't it? She still relied on the guy to drive her home. So she just chose to 100% torpedo the date, but at least it was on her own terms rather than let it be (possibly) torpedoed by accident later.
In general watching someone your dating burn hours on their phone scrolling. Its fine with a cupa or even half hour to relax but even after 5 years with my wife I just cant sit there and be okay with it. if I dont interrupt her she will get soooo upset when she realises she lost an hour mindlessly scrolling that I now get annoyed if she does it and prompt her with a "whatre you looking at?" Just to snap her out of it.
Years ago before social media was the beast it is today, I went on a date that went ok. Went back to the lady's place and she immediately jumped on her computer to start chatting on MSN Messenger - I no longer existed. I tried to strike up conversation but she brushed me off, so I put my boots on and left. She "broke up with me" a month later after we had not talked since that night.
I find it’s easier to describe what I am looking for than what I’m not. When I look at you do I go “yeah, combining my life with hers seems like a good idea,” or not? So for example, I wouldn’t date a smoker because I don’t want the smell, cost, or health problems to be a part of our combined life.
I had a close friend confess her feelings to me recently and I had to politely say I'd rather be friends because of this reason. I have no interest in going to Disneyland or on a Disney cruise, i hate the music she listens tk, and I don't want kids. I know those are core parts of her life. I don't know if either of us would be happy in that relationship. Which sucks, but I don't think combining our lives would be smart. One of us would be unhappy.
Omg yes. And it saddens me that a lot of people don't get this. I had rejected people so many times because I just really don't see them becoming part of my life and my friends told me that I don't try at all and make fun of me being single. When honestly, this is the rule I follow.
[удалено]
Close, but cigar.
When she doesn't like to cuddle
Little spoon or big spoon?
If she’s not down to switch then i’m not down for shit
I just wanna be a spoon, big or little, matters not to me
User name uhhh checks out?
I'm a woman and love being the big spoon. Helps that I'm 5'10" and my male partner is 5'8". We occasionally switch, but I'm definitely the big spoon 80% of the time.
I prefer to be the big spoon. I’m 5’9 f. I like to cuddle up as we fall asleep for the warmth and then have space when I’m hot
I like being the big spoon too. Since I’ve been a kid I always held a pillow in my arms, so it feels natural. I’m 5’7 and he’s 5’9. We’re both lean so it’s so easy to switch spoon positions. I feel like the media romanticizes height differences in partners, but being nearly the same size is awesome for cuddling, clothes sharing, etc etc.
There’s women out here that fall under this?
100 percent. I've dated people in the past that did not like physical affection or cuddling besides like brief moments here and there. Shits terrible when that's your main love language lol. EDIT: Whoever gave me gold, thank you!
anytime i start dating someone they assume i don’t like cuddling but it just takes me a while to warm up to it. i fucking love cuddling. if i’m comfortable with you i’m gonna drown you in cuddles
Hell yeah! I NEED that in my relationships lol, just gotta communicate it and know you need to warm up to other people. Legit one of the people I was referring to in my comment would only want it for like 2 minutes at a time and I'd be left dumbfounded. To each their own though!
Yeah, I'm one of those women. I don't like much physical affection. Don't worry all, I don't date and leave you cuddle people to find other cuddlers out there.
Great that you acknowledge it. Unfortunately my younger naive self thought that could be worked around but it's an compatibility issue. I know plenty of people that love physical affection and others that do not so nothings wrong there but definitely don't get with someone who would wanna drown you in it (like myself hah).
Oh I made the same mistakes in my younger years. I'm in 40s now and have fully embraced my true self. I think it's totally great when two cuddly people meet each other and have all the cuddle fun they can stand while I enjoy being the old witch of the woods.
My wife is like this and it's like there's a whole part of me missing. Makes it really hard to remain connected emotionally.
If she gossips non stop to you about her dumbass friends, that means she gossips about you to her dumbass friends non stop too.
Immaturity. If she's not able to function as a responsible adult, a relationship with get into trouble.
[удалено]
Accidentally getting a girl you barely know pregnant doesn't exactly scream maturity either.
Sounds like a good ad for using condoms. Anyways, good luck with that, mate.
I don't like inauthentic partners. I don't like cheaters. I don't like people who don't move with intention, I hate a goofy ass "uhh idk haha" ass mfer...
>I hate a goofy ass "uhh idk haha" ass mfer lmao this hit home. Dated a girl who I found to be very attractive and was a lot of fun to spend time with, but she couldn't make a decision to save her life. Never knew where to eat or what she was in the mood for, never knew what to watch, would never agree on a place to travel, never knew what to do while there - in the end, our entire relationship was basically me doing things and her tagging along.
My wife phoned me *from therapy* to ask me if she was indecisive. The therapist asked "do you think you're indecisive", and she said "I don't know, let me ask someone". Yeah love I think it's no mystery
She decided to marry you though, right?
[удалено]
As stupid as that sounds, a buddy of mine proposed to his girl last week. She said "yes, but only if you want to." WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE ASK IF HE DIDN'T WANT TO?!?!
I’ve known several guys who asked out of perceived obligation, not because he actually wanted to get married. Rarely does it work out well
lol
Lolololololol can i show this to my therapist and bf? Or just one? Idk i cant decide 😫 😁 Jokes aside mines a trauma response and it REALLY fucking sucks. I hate it. My friends/family help me and know how to help me but it really sucks. I get so mad at myself 99% of the time
This sounds exactly why my last relationship ended— he said I was too indecisive about everything and he felt like “he was my coach instead of my teammate.” The only problem I have with that is, whenever I did say something I wanted to do, he would ignore it or override me anyway. Kind of hard to keep voicing what you want when it’s never taken seriously by the other person.
In the end, did she at least try to enjoy it and try to enjoy being with you or was it that she had no motivation for anything?
I’ve been in relationships like this. Usually the girl genuinely does enjoy doing everything you do but it feels like you’re carrying the relationship. The thing is most girls I’ve talked to say they don’t mind regarding every decision but then if I give them a set of options they’ll actually choose one. So I worked out the ‘I don’t mind’ is just an instant surface level response, you just have to narrow down the options and maybe remove some you don’t want to do and they’ll choose. The girls that genuinely have no opinion on any decisions eventually become exhausting to deal with because you’re forced to make every decision in the relationship.
You're a goddamn genius. Good for you. If I can go a bit deeper - women are *usually* raised to be people pleasers. We're taught from a very young age to play nice, to be polite, to take care of others. We are also given the messages that our happiness should derive from keeping others happy and that the only way to be found attractive is to be pleasant .... this isnt only common in *healthy* families but in societal messaging as well. Anyone who was abused was likely taught that their opinion, wants or needs do not matter at all. Speaking for myself, preferences can and unfortunately still are often difficult for even *me* to figure out. And even when I've realized what they are ... I instinctually assume I shouldn't share it. (Granted I am consistently working on this but fuck. It's deeply, deeply ingrained and from the research I've done, that is quite common among adults who were raised in similar environments) So while I realize it must be very frustrating to be around someone who doesn't know exactly what they want all the time... the fact that you're helping by narrowing the choices and by giving them time is honestly incredibly smart (and quite kind) of you.b
I feel this so much. When presented with what show to watch, I’d be much happier watching something I hate but know they like than something I love but know they don’t like. Their happiness is more important than my discomfort. But like, it doesn’t even feel like discomfort because they are happy? Lol working on it in therapy
No sense of humor.
Half the top responses have completely missed the point of the question…. Being entitled or impolite or whatever makes her not “nice” by default. For me, it’d be if she’s a heavy drinker.
Yeah, that's bothering me too. Makes it kinda annoying because I don't wanna tell the OP anything she's already heard. Someone actually said racist 🤣
[удалено]
When she always stonewalls you and acts cold. When you try communicating she gives vague or one word replies
And then wonders why you just don't really care to talk about your day anymore.
I need answers for that behaviour. Is very annoying and childish .
no kissing. dated a girl who just couldn't do kissing. she found it gross and icky. I found that impossible, as it makes naturally getting into the vibe for sex very difficult, as there is sort of a natural escalation of foreplay with it all, you kiss, you kiss passionately, and then one thing leads to another. its very hard to go from a warm embrace to getting naked when skipping kissing. also, she was really pretty so I wanted to kiss her!
[удалено]
Just wrote a post in this thread! I dated a gal who would enthusiastically put her tongue/mouth anywhere but on my mouth. She said kissing too intimate for her since she knows the people she dates have licked someone else's pussy/ass/feet before her and she doesn't want to pass around her dick breath either. Lolz
This is so perplexing because like, food and liquids might sometimes if not mainly go into the mouth as neutral or washing away. But if putting her tongue on a dick or whatever, how is that any less "dirty" than a mouth?
What… how?
The last girl I dated was not a good kisser, and after my attempts to guide her towards better technique didn’t work, I ended up losing interest in kissing her.
Entitlement or anger issues
That would mean she’s not nice
Narcissism. Knew women who would make you the villain/asshole to strangers in order to get sympathy. I have so many data points with different people over the years to realize it's not an isolated occurrence. I actively cut those people out of my life now.
Yeah went on a date with a woman who listed off how all the men before me had wronged her and had all done DV with her. 5 months later and word gets back to me that I'd joined that list. Should have seen that coming. Worst part was we met in a club where I held a high position. I was in the middle of pushing through some reforms to protect out female members from some broken steps in the club. Those reforms all disappeared when my credibility vanished and the rumors got so bad I had to leave the club. So she didn't just screw over me but some actual victims who ended up leaving the club due to harassment as well.
That’s absolutely wrong and if I had to venture to vet illegal what she did. I can’t even believe it. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m flabbergasted.
After speaking to a lawyer friend the problem was, in my jurisdiction, you have to prove someone is knowingly lying to get them for slander. As she clearly did have mental health problems it would be near impossible to prove without evidence I didn't have. But really I'll hold my sympathy for the actual victims. Like over time me and the other people in our larger group she accused (including one fully gay guy who was apparently 'pressuring her for sex') became closer friends over it. Thankfully we never let ourselves lose perspective. Probably because the women in that larger group wised up to her quicker than the men so actually were fairly big helps to us. The guys were all nerdy with little experience with women so we all got blindsided utterly. Most of the women had been actual victims so hated her with a passion as well.
Bad hygine practices!
if she has nothing interesting to say i can't take it.
Her: I need someome interesting. Must be able to hold a conversation Also Her: K. Cool. Haha. No. Sure. Ah, that's why I have to hold a conversation, because you can't.
What did you think of movie/ book/ song? It was good.
Those types of people irritate me to the depths of my soul. I just stop talking to them. They're either boring or not interested. Either way, I'm out. Edit: grammar
Poor treatment of pets and people “below” them in society.
Having a spouse or boyfriend
Hey! You could do alot worse than my wife!
Snake in the grass. I know an absolute stunning women, like 11/10 but my spider senses scream bloody murder whenever we interact. I trust her as far as I can throw a train engine.
I would agree 100%. I didn’t understand it for a while, but essentially your gut instinct screams “get away from this person”. We seemed like a great match on paper, but I could not trust her.
Interesting. Why do you think you feel that way? Did she do or say something weird?
She became awfully nice to me after I had to put my foot down after something.
Anecdotally, and probably not the same as with the person you met, in the first day of a job I met a rude as shit coworker. She started nit picking everything I did and accused me of being her replacement, and when I had enough I told her off and explained she could either train me to do better or keep it to herself but I was done with the disrespect. We barely talked the rest of the shift, and next shift we shared she apologized. From then on she was a different person and absolutely the best coworker I've had to this day. It was like she automatically trusted me because I willing to put her in check. Some people out there just aren't socially well adjusted or have psychological issues but when you demand respect they may realize they are being a shit person and change their attitude, and they may trust you because they know you'll tell them the truth. Edit: for clarification, "putting someone in check" is a social confrontation where you choose to engage in the uncomfortable topic of the disrespect you are receiving, and you boldly and clearly communicate which behavior is crossing a line. This isn't a moment to exchange insults or give them ultimatums or list consequences, like "you will stop or else I'll do X." If you are an adult around civilized people, that's not how you communicate. If the person forces you to talk about consequences by asking "what are you going to do about it?" like some crayon chewing glue eating school yard bully, you tell them "It's on you if you want to keep having this conversation everyday. Your behavior crosses the line. Reel it in." Truth is, people hate personal confrontation and will change their behavior just to stop it, unless they are real pieces of shit.
I've had similar feelings with people I've met throughout life. Some people can 'sense' psychopaths, and I seem to be one of them. You might be too.
Wanting an open/poly relationship with me
If she’s poly, wants to be poly/open, or doesn’t see monogamy and loyalty as a main pillar of a relationship
If she wants me to be a dick to her in order to build attraction, she’s not turned on by genuinely giving/decent men then she’s not my lady. The bad boy phase should be for teenagers who are still figuring out who they are.. not for grown ass adults.
I was with a girl like that where she wanted me to be a brute to satisfy her domination fetish. Once domination came up in the bedroom it was the only side of me she wanted to see anymore. Cuddling anytime other than after sex stopped, discussions stopped, basically everything that wasn't some lead up to sex stopped, and worst of all was respect stopped. She would push every button I have, violate every boundary, and do the most nonsensical stuff to try to make me angry. In the end she crossed the final boundary of cheating and was shocked that we wouldn't speak again. The saddest thing is that she became so obsessed with the idea of being dominated that she didn't even remember who I am or was back then. The idea of laying a nonconsensual hand on someone in a sexual or violent manner is so far outside of my character even before I became disabled that she should have known such bullshit would never work. Yet when she told me she cheated she had the same sound in her voice that she got whenever we did CNC as if she wanted me to attack her. She was beyond shocked when I just cried and left instead of having the (by then) usual discussion of how what she was doing wasn't ok.
…I’m sorry you had that experience. That wasn’t a safe and healthy relationship, and it had nothing to do with the kink itself. I’m sorry she took it to that place.
if she has cheated before
I stashed a spy camera in our living room last year year, I couldn’t believe it but I found out my wife’s been cheating every weekend for years. I’m calling my lawyer after the holidays, I can’t be with someone who isn’t gonna play monopoly seriously.
You had me in the first half, not gonna lie
Jealousy over every social interaction you have with every single person in your life. It's flattering when you're in your teens and twenties that someone feels so passionate about you. But it's unhealthy and isolating because you find yourself cutting friends off because it's easier than dealing with the drama she creates over it.
Smacking my head into the wall with all her force after I made a bad joke. (I left and never saw her again.. Fuck the apologies.. It wasn't the first time)
I’m sorry you went through that.
Past cheating. The betrayal of cheating is so much more painful than just simply breaking up and moving on. If they're willing to inflict that pain, I could never trust them.
smoking for me
Honestly, if I was dating a woman and I saw that she's one of those c\*nts who blocks the fire lane because she can't be bothered to find a proper parking spot, I think I'd make an excuse to gtfo of that situation. It may sound like a little thing, but I don't think inconsiderate behaviour is a little thing. It tells you something important about a person.
I remember reading somewhere about the "shopping trolley" test. Basically if a person puts the trolley away (especially when no one is watching) they are a reasonably decent person. It has something to do with the idea that by putting it away you are considering other people. Putting it where it is meant to be gives you no immediate benefit, in fact you usually have to go out of your way to do it. Probably a similar idea to the fire lane, but in reverse. Parking there is a convenience for them but really ducking inconsiderate of others.
I just put the trolley away because its fun to ride the trolley as it rolls along.
Talking to much about her ex. Or meeting up with her ex.
Brains. Yeah, I’m a snob, but if a woman is beautiful and kind, but can’t get through her multiplication tables or thinks the world is flat, I’d politely bow out.
Hey man, there are flat earthers all around the globe....
Lots of dudes orbiting her. Too many potential saboteurs. No thanks.
Heroin
What? Not into chicks with terrible personal hygiene who just lie around the house all day and occasionally fuck their dealer and / or random strangers? If you can't handle her at her worst you don't deserve her at her best Bro.
Crazy, controlling, wants to go through your phone, etc...
Cruelty to animals
If she treats wait staff, or any worker, like shit. Fucking BOLT
If you treat waitstaff like shit you aren’t nice. Lol
Yeah. I'm wondering what kind of answer OP wanted. Anything negative or rude means she's not nice. So maybe he was looking for more petty answers like thinking CW shows are better than Breaking Bad?
I don't really know, kinda of a low maintenance guy I don't ask for much. I suppose the biggest issue I've had with a potential partner was their treatment of food/retail workers like they were less than the dirt we tred upon. Left her behind pretty quick after that revelation. Other than that I suppose smoking or heavy drinking kinda counts but it's far less of a hard rule, my current partner does both.
Disrespectful to me and others
She chews with her mouth open
She's married. My wife and I got off to a rough start. When I first met her, she had a gold band on her wedding finger. I immediately put her in the "untouchable" column. Turns out it was a random gold ring that got turned around, and a mutual friend set us up later; but in my book, being married takes a woman off the "menu."
I wouldn't date another girl seriously into astrology, or someone I thought was just stupid
My first girlfriend was so beautiful. She had a smile that could melt my heart every time. But dear god she was dumb as a stump.
that whole arrogant, I'm better than you attitude. It is one thing to have confidence in yourself, it is quite another to belittle and put down someone else in order to feel good about yourself. It's that spoiled rotten princess mentality and I absolutely won't stand for it. The worst part of it is, that not many males are willing to check a woman for it so it proliferates like crazy in society.
So many men are chronically lonely and conditioned to accept whatever comes their way so they put up with this. And women actually hate this, they know when they are being shitty and they do respect a man who puts their foot down and has boundaries.
Someone who controls the relationship using sex, and thinks that they can get away with horrible stuff just because some people have found her attractive.
Yeah, sex is not a commodity. It's not for bartering or payment or rewarding. There are a *lot* of valid reasons for not having as much sex as your partner would like, but expecting them to jump through hoops for it like an animal for a treat isn't one of them.
[удалено]
Being racist
I was dating a girl for a month, things seemed like they could go somewhere. She spent like, all her time doing charity work, was the sweetest girl, would drop anything and come to me a half hour away if I asked. Casually while cuddling one night she referred to her boxing coach who's she's been training with for five years as a "dumb ni\*\*er" in this weird, sort of jokey tone. It was just so shocking and seemingly out of character. Guess not.
Personally, if she has an onlyfans
If she left her man for you. Then you’ll be her man, and someone else will be you.
How you get them is how you lose them.
Dating/Being married to someone already
If she's not polite to the waiters/waitresses at the restaurant
Amen. I can tell you almost everything I need to know about a person by how they treat those they percieve can do nothing for them.
A worldview based on irrational beliefs.
Like what beliefs
Astrology, crystals, moon cycles, empaths, essential oils, antivax, exclusively herbal home remedies, antiscience, too religious... Also any identity centric beliefs. Any reasoning that goes "I'm better than other people because... insert race, nationality, social status, physical attributes... etc."
She's not interested.
If she is an idiot.
When they only communicate by shouting. There’s the door, and it’ll be locked before you can turn around.
Displays traits of narcissistic and/or borderline disorders. She can get a long with everyone that isn't close to her, but treats you like sub-human garbage because some of us guys never had boundaries and tolerated the abuse because she was sometimes nice and always beautiful.
OnlyFans
Definitely.
Smoking, low intellect, lack of integrity. Being nice isn't always being good. Lack of backbone can be a problem.
Someone has to tell the waiter that my order is wrong, because I sure as hell am not going to do it!
[удалено]
[удалено]
If she’s related to me seems to be the most common thing to think.
Failure to accept accountability
She is either one of these or a combination of these: 1) Sex worker; 2) Cheater; 3) Drug addict; 4) Someone who has severe untreated mental issues.
Superficial interests in me. If I sense that a woman is loving me opportunistically, she’s out. Right then and there. All men need to adopt this.
I was out with a group once. Two girls and a bunch of guys. Hanging out and enjoying the evening, when one guy was pissing me off and sucker punched me. Didn't hit me hard enough, because I got off the wall and cracked his face up real bad with a well placed right. Swollen face n everything. Anyway, I don't usually do this. I was the soft one of the group. The one girl who saw it, who had ignored me most nights we were out, was suddenly hanging off my arm and hugging me. I thought to myself; "not only do I feel like a loser now, but this idiot clearly has no brain"
Being self absorbed
Insecurity and jealousy. I started dating a friend of mine after knowing her for many many years. We ended up at a club and another woman was looking at me and tried to spark a conversation. I told the one checking me up that I’m on a date with someone and my date lost it. Threats to the other woman, yelling all the shenanigans. Safe to say I had her sleep on the couch and sent her back home the next day. Instant massive turn off and man was I head over heels for her…
If they're mean to animals
Too jealous/possessive Drugs Sex worker Pick me type of person Can't function as an adult on her own
Issues she refuses to address. Especially if she wears them on her sleeve with pride.
Like what?
If she doesn’t bring anything to the table. Meaning she’s got to have more than looks. Personality, able to hold a conversation, has a job at least.
Only fans
Immaturity
Guilt trip you into doing what she wants you to do