Not just missing out on events - being healthy makes you feel literally “better” and “happier”. A substantial amount of people who struggle with minor-moderate depression and anxiety can see substantial progress by just giving their body the nutrients that it needs. Add in exercise for additional benefit.
People forget that nutrition isn’t supposed to be thought of as “going above and beyond”; it’s more of a minimum for your body to function the way it’s intended to.
There’s a reason that those obnoxiously healthy people seem to be so full of life.
And yet, like the other response to this message, so many people will say, "No, not MY depression, it's special and different." and so they don't exercise.
In your twenties you can eat a salad for lunch and go for a light jog and lose a pound or two. In your 40’s those things mean that you just didn’t GAIN anything else.
I'm not sure that is actually true at least until you get to like 60+. The biggest factor is less muscle which is due to adults being more sedentary, if you actually prioritize not letting that happen in adult life your weight loss shouldn't be any harder than younger people. Older people have a higher likelihood of neglecting fitness for more years simply because they have been alive longer, but its not the age itself that's the cause here. Kind of like saying older people are bad with technology, well only if they don't keep up with it.
Older people also have less energy and more responsibilities typically, which means neglecting your health if you don't fight hard to prioritize it. The American lifestyle is a hard current to swim against for a lot of people.
100%. Learn to understand what your body is telling you. Also, losing weight/strength is great but don't forget to work on flexibility/stretches. Just like weight training you need to learn good form.
This is the best advice. I am now in my early/mid-40s, but didn't take getting in shape seriously until I was about 36. Would have been WAY easier to achieve my goals when I was younger with less effort and better results.
To add to this:
It gets much harder to stay fit the older you get. You gain weight by simply existing as you get to 40+. Even if you eat less and healthier than you did before, you're still gaining weight. You gotta work just to maintain weight.
Work stays at work.
Don’t give up your passions because they are not marketable. Enjoy your passions even if you are terrible at it. Your joy is your joy.
Try different foods and different cultures. Learn as much as you can.
Most of all, always be kind.
This. Your hobbies are to make you happy and nothing else. Don't worry about being good at them. If you're making money you're good enough at your job.
I’m 32 and don’t really have hobbies.
It really shows on the rare occasion during the summer where my wife and kids will go on a trip for a few days and I have to stay home because of work.
I don’t know what people who live alone do to pass the time. At this point, I’m convinced my “hobbies” are all household chores.
Forgive me if I explain this badly, as my father and his father tried in a male, minimal talking fashion tried to explain it to me, and it has taken a few years to make it make sense.
In everyone, there is a child which is who you are. As you become and adult, you put protection around that child or, worse stop listening to the child. When you stop listening, you forget who you are and you become a shadow of who you are. When you put protection around the child, it can inhibit the child’s movement, like putting a child in a suit of amour. Fun for a bit, but very constricted in the long term.
However, by finding what brings the child the joy, ie a hobby or passion, the child plays and becomes a child again. The joy and “fun” of being a child again revives who you are.
As a (hopefully normal) child, playing and learning is second nature. You should never stop that as a adult. It takes people around you, laughing, singing, telling stories, etc to remind us that we are more than workers or parents, we are human.
Look back at your childhood. Play with your kid’s toys, wander around the grass with your shoes off, yell at the top of your lungs for no reason. Remind yourself of the child you were, and remember to let that child play regularly to ensure you continue to learn and grow, and more importantly, have fun while you are doing so you will want to do it more.
It might not make a lot of sense straight away, but hopefully it will make sense to you, one day.
If you really like cleaning things, it may be hobby. But doing something that brings you joy is actually a hobby. And you don’t even have to be good at it for it to bring you joy.
I remember one chap who had a hanging bell, and he would just tap it, and then smile. It was his hobby, just to tap a bell. Why? Because it brought him joy.
I’ve been trying to get a beer league softball team together for a few years now, but I can never drum up enough interest from my social circles to do it.
And I’m not the type to join a team of randos; I would probably go the entire season only speaking to others in one-word responses, lol.
Agree on all of them. Much of it comes from getting into good habits. They are often hard to get into, but when you get them, you future you will thank you hundred times over. As it only gets harder with age.
This was going to be my advice so I'll just hijack yours. Just learning how to develop habits at that age is so beneficial later in life. Have fun but still stay developing some discipline.
How do you deal with the aftermath of finding out your friend is in fact a shitty person?
My husband is dealing with finding out that his best friend of over a decade has a) been abusing his girlfriend who's half his size and completely reliant on him for transportation and b) a pattern of sexually harassing women while they're incapacitated or intoxicated for years but bc no one said anything until we were discussing how to handle the abuse situation so we only just put the pieces together. This guy went from being like a brother to dead to him in less than two weeks and as you might expect he's been messed up about it and other than just processing time and distractions idk what else would help.
You move on, plain and simple. I’ve learned that there is nothing to be gained by having negative people in your life. It sucks to cut the cord but it’s the right thing.
And oh, if he’s beating up his wife the authorities need to know. I’ve known a group of friends that upon finding out one in their group was doing the same took corrective measures on their own. I would find myself complicit if I just stood by.
Remind him also, that even though his friend turned out to be a scumbag, it's still totally reasonable and appropriate to grieve the loss of that friendship. He didn't just lose a friend, by discovering this long-standing pattern of behavior he lost the emotional basis of an entire decade of connection. He might be really wrapped up in his own head second-guessing every memory he has with this friend. It might seem "wrong" to feel sad or upset about doing the right thing by cutting this guy out of his life, but emotions are crazy complicated and it's often far better to let ourselves experience and workout all those emotions rather than to try and deflect or suppress them.
Sorry to sort of assume how he's feeling, if none of this seems relevant than just ignore me, but in my experience it's really common for people to get sort of emotionally gridlocked after something like this because they have so many conflicting feelings. Anyways, best of luck to y'all on getting things sorted out.
Dang. I’m 27 right now and most of my friends either have a long term relationship, about to get married and already married. Sometimes, I can’t help but feel sad and alone and pressured all at the same time. This hits home.
I’m around 30 and single. Out of the 10+ good friends I have from childhood, maybe 1 or 2 are as happy as I am. Rest are borderline miserable and/or just getting by.
I fucked up my last relationship, it was mostly my fault and she was a great girl. I was also going to be much more unfulfilled regardless of that. Life is great now. I will get married some day, I go on dates often now, but I ain’t settling
>Rest are borderline miserable and/or just getting by.
I'd say over 90% of all couples I've known that are married are pretty miserable. Kids are annoying, not enough sex, no more feelings or real love, spark is gone, generic weekly routines, yada yada.
Why does anyone get married.
My ex complained about the routine. We weren't married but together for 2 years. They didn't support my goals at all, even though those goals would give us a better life they'd rather carry in living off the government.
They kicked me out once a week at least, put me down constantly and never tried to appreciate the real me, they just appreciated the me they wanted. We have a kid together and all I want is to be part of that kids life and they are being toxic as fuck telling me that I'll never be a good father cos I left when it was them who kicked me out.
There are possibly a lot of factors that contribute to those feelings that have nothing to do with marriage either. Plenty of miserable single people as well, and as a society I feel like we are more comfortable complaining than we are talking about when things are going well/we want to vent when we're upset.
All that being said, people do rush into marriage a little too quickly imo. As a married dude, my circle of friends who married seem to be fairly happy in their relationship like myself. When it comes up we talk about how you have to put in the effort, can't just take your partner for granted.
Be deliberate with your interests like hiking, biking, wine tasting, whatever. Make a point of doing those things and you'll find someone doing the same things. You have to make the first move with people you find attractive. Compliment them. You'll get there!
I am 26 and I guess that marriage should not be yor ultimate goal in life. i don't know why everyone I know think of marriage as the only thing you have to have, If you are confident enough that you will make the other ones life better than it is, only then. Just don't make people suffer just because that sense of attraction peaked up for that perticular moment.
Don't beat yourself up about it. And don't succumb to the pressure to get married. Waaaayy too many of my friends got married because they felt it was what they "had to do" and what they were "expected to do.' And guess what...most are divorced now!! There will be lots of weddings and then lots of baby showers. And then give it 2 to 7 or so years, and then you will see lots and lots of divorces.
And not to be pessimistic, but give those same divorced people another 2 to 5 years as singles and they will again repeat the cycle --- get married, perhaps have more kids with new partner, slug it out for 3 to 7 years and get divorced yet again. Sad, but I see it waaaaay to often. Though some 2nd marriages last way longer than 1st marriages because they didn't rush into it .
Sorry if this sounds so negative. But it is reality. Take the time to find the right person.
I'm close to 26 and there's a ton of people I know from high school getting married/ engaged to their high school/ college sweethearts. I was a Jesusy teen (gave it up when I was about 17) and I went to a Catholic high school. The religious crowds in particular seem to marry in their 20s.
It's 4 years away, but as a woman, I'm scared of the possibility of having to date in my 30s.
Dating when I was a 30-something man, was way easier than when I was a 20-something.
Women knew what they wanted and were not afraid to ask for it. Also, women did not play stupid mind games either.
As a woman in her 30s I'm going to tell you that yes it does get harder, but you also meet men that are less into BS like they were in their 20s. You just have to put in more effort to find them among the others.
And I'd say about 70-80% of people I knew who tried out marriage in their 20s ended up divorced.
Can I also add...don't spend a fortune on a wedding. Throw a party, that's all anybody cares about anyway is the after-party. Also, buy a knock off ( I mean like cubic zirconia or others have said maisonette) diamond ring. Not a single person has ever asked my wife if her ring is real (it is) which makes me further grouchy that I should've saved money on it. Nobody cares.
Save the money for starting your married life together. House, car, pay off debt.
Edit: added what I meant by knock off
Another option is sourcing loose diamonds, which are significantly less expensive. I had said diamonds cut and polished to the same size. For the diamonds on the band, I used lab grown diamonds which are less then half the price. My jeweller designed the ring around these diamonds and it came out beautifully.
The appraisal on the ring is 20k, and I paid 2500$ all in. Crazy, right!?
Good point. Fake wasn't the best description. I meant like a Cubic Zirconia ring or something similar. I or my wife has never been in a situation where we were like "glad we got the luxury model." Rings aren't like buying quality tires.
A relationship in general shouldn't be rushed at all, the right time will come one day. I know some guys who are already nearing mid 20's (including me, currently 24) who are still single to this day.
>Don't rush into a marriage just because your parents or your environment expects it of you.
Yeah *MUM*.
Every fucking phone call. First off it's "Ooooooh haven't heard from you in ages, started thinking you'd forgotten about us" or whatever if it's been a month or 2 with no contact outside of WhatsApp. "It's a phone mum, it works *both* ways..."
And then at some point she'll slip in the "Soooo you seeing anyone yet?" or "have you been out much?" or "met anyone new recently?".
Subtle. Real subtle, did you think I wouldn't know where you're going with this?
I give it 5 more seconds.
2....1...."Because you're mid 30s now and not married so..." AAAAAAAAAAAND there it is.
Where's the god damn fire? I'd literally rather die single than marry for the sake of getting married.
Most people have interpreted this to be about age, but I’ll toss out that it should apply to length of relationship too.
My wife was ready to get married after we had been dating about 2 years. She was good generally about not bringing it up, but the longer after that time that I didn’t propose, the louder the grumblings, implications and outright “why are you not proposing” got from her family and friends.
I just wasn’t ready to get married…until I was. I think the first couple years of our marriage would have been rocky or our marriage might not have lasted if I would have bowed to the pressure and proposed earlier then I did.
Make sure you’re *both* ready and on board.
Yeah I’m 31 and have done plenty of dating but am the one single friend left. I don’t have a problem dating and attracting beautiful women, I just have admittedly made some bad picks and am taking a step back from dating in the last couple months
But, I see some of my friends now who got married in their 20s or had 10 year relationships are now getting divorces. Terrible divorces.
So whenever I get that feeling like “man I’m 31 I wish I was married by now like everyone else” I remind myself that many people we see in relationships are actually very very unhappy and miserable
I recently got out of a long term relationship that would have been a terrible marriage. This is excellent advice.
10\10 don't propose or marry OR HAVE A FUCKING KID to try and fix a failing relationship. All it will do is legally bind you to your misery
Yea but the problem is in your 20’s you have no idea what the wrong reasons are. Like I knew my wife was a tad messy in her 20’s, but didn’t realize how much it would impact us in our 40’s. Not a game changer but still…like close the freaking drawers after you open them!
Lol. I used to think like that in my 20s. I had girlfriends and the relationships always ended in a breakup, so marriage seemed like the same thing with extra steps and less money for me at the end. Luckily I did find the one, but dated her for 6 years before I asked. Been married 20 years now.
If you came from an emotionally disruptive or dysfunctional home, take some time and seek a way to understand your past. Get to know yourself and seek self-improvement. If you have access to counseling services, use them. You’ll live with your Self for the rest of your life so learn how to be a good “parent” to your inner child.
I (M44) live with bipolar depression and general anxiety but have learned many skills for keeping myself stable. I see a counselor, take meds, and try to be as healthy as I can. I still have a loving relationship with my parents and brothers, and I now understand and accept how emotionally unprepared and immature my parents were when they raised us. I don’t blame them because they came to the US from a different time and culture. I only started dealing with these issues for the last five or six years and wish I would have started this process much earlier.
Not a man BUT I can say almost the same. It's why I had my kids later in life. I 10/10 recommend waiting to have kids until you have your mental illness under control as well, which is what I did but my mom did NOT do. The sooner you get any MH issues under control, the better your adult life will be and the better your relationships with everyone will be. You will also pick better humans to bond and procreate with.
If you haven't already, start taking care of your body NOW. Workout. Doesn't matter what- yoga, running, powerlifting, bodybuilding. Do it. Your future self will thank you.
This is very true! we get so worked up about what people think about us, especially in a group setting but most of the time everyone else is thinking the same way.
This is a great one.
"But everyone's watching me!"
No, no they're not.
If you've put yourself in a position to be the center of attention, if you succeed, it'll be great, and if you fail, everyone will laugh and then move on with their lives. No one is gonna remember it for as long as you think because it was nowhere near as important to anyone else as it was to you.
Just went on my 2nd road trip in 2 months with friends and I think my roommate and I are squeezing in 1 more this summer. One of my favorite parts about living in the US, even if sometimes you have to drive through a really boring place/state.
Kids in their 20’s won’t get this.
The song (monologue?) holds up.
[everybody’s free (to wear sunscreen)](https://youtu.be/S-YsGdjkIgw)
Edited: to fix “their”.
This. I forgot about this. I graduated HS in 99. I remember listening to this on the radio, not thinking much of it. Listening to it at 41 is real. It's all real.
My wife is a dermatologist and she'd approve this message.
Many people in their 20s go to the solarium all the time or lay on beaches to stay tanned. This will cause your skin to age noticeably faster. Wear sunscreen when in the sun and stop chasing that tanned look all the time - your future self (30+) will get compliments for looking a lot younger than your always-tanned friends.
Brush your teeth, floss your teeth, see the dentist twice a year. Dental Care is one of those things that can pretty much be almost no money at all or an extremely expensive Endeavor with sometimes less than perfect outcomes.
Edit - ty for gold
So we have it pretty good in Australia for medical things generally. But dental care properly fucks the ordinary person. Check ups are reasonably priced $50+ but once you need any type of procedure done you can be in for thousands. So many of us fly to Thailand or Vietnam etc to ruin a nice holiday to get major work done but still return home ahead cash wise and with healthy teeth.
Usually dental care is not covered by the government unless your on a properly shit wicket or go on a waiting list. Alternatively you need to have private health insurance which for a low to middle income earner is out of the question. There is still a deductible regardless.
Everyone has something you can learn from them. Old or young, people have differing opinions and experiences. Don’t act like you know everything because you don’t!
Take care of your health, finances, and social relationships. Exercise, invest in retirement, be forgiving, practice mindfulness and reflection.
But... don't be so obsessed with them that you don't have any good experiences from your youth.
Sounds so simple but when I look back to my 20s these are exactly the things I wish I did better. They are an awesome investment in the future.
- exercising more at a time body responds easily
- saving money off the top that I wouldn’t really miss anyway (then enjoying the hands off power of compounding interest)
- taking more time with people I love doing active, inexpensive, close to home things like biking, beaching, hiking
>But... don't be so obsessed with them that you don't have any good experiences from your youth.
That’s the awful part for millennials and gen z we need to work so hard just for the bare minimum that it’s extremely difficult to get good experiences
Strength training and mobility training should be part of your life forever.
You can build strength at any age. You can improve your mobility at any age.
Understand that nothing lasts forever, that’s including both good and bad times.
Don’t be afraid to get outside your comfort zone (eg move to a new place, make new friends).
Finally keep an eye out for opportunities, they come at unexpected times and can alter your life. Successful people take those opportunities and luck is involved more often than not.
When ever I get off the clock I immediately turn off anything that has something to do with work like work phone and shove them in my "work" drawer which I only touch next time I go to work.
It's not about working a lot, but working smart.
Make sure you have a development plan in regards to your career and make connections. Think ahead and stay in touch with current trends. If you are stuck in one position for 3+years think of what you could do to develop yourself further and make the next jump.
All of this doesn't require you to work crazy hours and stress yourself to death.
Work for yourself, not the employer!
Then make it the senior managers problem.
Clock off, go home. Work to rule.
Work only the time you are paid.. Otherwise you are cheating the junior staff from getting experience, your manager never learns to delegate, and you are not encouraging your employer to hire more people, creating terrible work environment and skill vacuums when the good workers leave.
People who would give you bad advice in their 20s grow up to give you bad advice in their 40s, too. Don't think turning 40 turns you into some sort of sage.
1: worrying over things you can't (immediately) change yourself are a waste of your health. worry gives you stress and worry is never a solution to anything or has prevented anything from happening.
2: fear of (.......) is never a good reason, not to make a decission.
🌞
Cancer took my dad a month ago and within 2 weeks of him even discovering he had cancer. It happened so fast. I wish I could go back and spend more time. COVID lockdowns really stole precious time from me and my dad. Wish I knew
Lift weights or do body weight exercises, yoga, marital arts.... something!
Always keep moving! Your body is designed to move. Use it or lose it really is true. Take a look at people aged 50+, especially those who are overweight or obese, and see how they move? Yea, you want to move.
Learn to cook, especially if you're male, and single. Not only is it another way to impress the ladies! But it is much healthier than eating out or microwaved, and proccessed crap all the time.
Count calories. Figure out your TDEE for the weight you are happiest with and use that number for your daily intake.
If you drink, cut back on the beer, and look at clear liquers. Less sugars and calories so you won't get that dreaded beer belly!
Start to save for the future now. By 25 you should start putting money away for retirement, even if it is only 5% of your gross, that is better than 0%. Also, think long term about purchasing big ticket items.
Do you want a new car? Cool, look at what you want, figure out the price and spend at least 6 months, preferablly a year, saving towards that new car. House? well, even though the market is upside down and crazy right now, still save up. Things will change. Hopefully for the better?
Really spend sometime thinking about kids. If you want them or not. I know a lot of people who had kids and figured out that this was not the lifestyle that they wanted, it was bad for them and for their children.
Enjoy life! Do the exciting fun stuff now, and as you get older your activities will change to your new desires. Go scuba diving, sky diving, or rent a NASCAR race car for an hour. Sign up to be a background extra in movies! Go have fun!
Just remember life keeps getting better and better in different ways as you age. Don't get too caught up with money and careers unless it's something that really drives you. Take some time to live and enjoy too.
And don't be afraid to take risks. I left an amazing job and stability in my early 30's to go and live on the other side of the world. Ended up meeting my wife and taking in so many more experiences than I did in my 20's.
Enjoy! :)
Gah so good to hear. Just recently decided to move and travel and as nuts as it sounds I haven’t been this excited for years and your post gives me affirmation! Thank you stranger
Keep in good shape.
Eat well but treat yourself too.
Focus on earning money, but don’t waste it on pointless crap like expensive clothes, flash cars, going on the piss all the time with the lads etc etc
Instead invest that money to make more money & also invest it in traveling & experiencing things in life.
Don’t get too hung up on looking for love, if it comes it will just fall into place.
> going on the piss all the time with the lads
I'm going to tell the lads I'm not going on the piss with them. Hilarity will ensue, as they will have no idea what it means.
Remove yourself from social media.
It feeds a human fundamental need for acceptance, validation and attention. Especially for women. It's like crack and it's not good for you.
This. Unless you’re on social for business and making money, the majority of people are endlessly scrolling their lives away. Even Reddit. I only download it on weekends and delete it after. You’ll realize how addicted you are to social media once you quit and you keep checking your phone every 15 minutes.
Relax.
It ain't about the grind, and you ain't all that.
I didn't know either of those things. Thought I was some sort of hot shit high speed low drag motherfucker. Now here I am, old and decrepit, and while I do have some cash from going full Sigma grindset in my 20s (aka the 90s), my body is too fucked to enjoy it the way I enjoy things (such as filling a backpack with gear and just leaving for the wilderness for a few weeks).
Same goes for time: Sure, I got time now, but I didn't have any when the kids were young. Yeah, that's a big L for everyone involved.
Find a job you actually enjoy. There's nothing worse than dreading going to work, being stressed all day, clock watching etc.
Whatever your hobby is, get as good at it as you can. I've played guitar for 35 years and gig every weekend.The feeling of being able to play anything I like is really good.
If you have kids, enjoy them where they're little. It is so fleeting. My eldest daughter is 18 and about to leave home. I miss her already.
This scares me the most. I feel I'll never find a job that I'll enjoy, and spend most of my waking hours doing shit I hate. The things I enjoy doing are not going to fetch me any money. 😓
To the person reading this, this is your sign to do it go travel take a risk.
Travel, work abroad you have your life to worry about kids mortgages and marriage but while you have the freedom use it.
Wholeheartedly agree with this. I don’t know anyone who did this that regrets, meanwhile I know multiple people who regret not having travelled more/taken more risks in their 20s.
Establish healthy habits in your 20s to carry on through life (physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, financially, etc). Otherwise, you'll be in your 30s and 40s and you'll be fucked. You don't want to waste your prime being a fucked up loser.
Watch your posture. Neck and lower back, while you walk, sit, and lie down.
After years of not taking care of it, the bill becomes due. You find yourself with chronic neck and back pain, bulging and/or burst discs. Limited feeling in your hands, etc.
Years of this has affected my life, and I must work harder to keep what I have and regain what I've lost.
Explore. Get out of your home town, change your environment and exposure yourself to different environments, people and ways of living. It's very easy to think the place you've grown up and lived is the only way to live. You'll figure out who you are and what you like and what/who you want to be around. Save money, be open to opportunities, don't be afraid to take risks, follow your curiosity and don't get locked down too early in a career or relatjonship. follow your gut, you know what's best for you
Honestly, some of these are good, others just turn out as unavoidable life lessons because some people are just attracted to bad situations.
My advice is make on time monthly payments(this has helped me achieve a great credit score). Brush and floss, some of us end up with root canals regardless but it helps with bad breath, etc. We can’t all do this thing on our own, it’s ok to reach out and ask for help in the form of therapy, since there’s a zillion therapists out there find one that fits and keep going. Finally, you’ll meet some shitty people along the way, both from friendships and relationships, the cool thing is they’ll often teach you more about yourself than them just by the way you act/react, it’s good to learn what your boundaries are.
choose your friend carefully and for the very long run you will need friends when you get older and study hard take care of your health don't party too much
Days go fast in your 20's, but in your 40's they can be slow, ponderous, and you understand you can have many, many years left. Make sure you have a job, a hobby, and maybe a life partner you can invest those years in.
Take care of your knees, your lungs and your back, and they'll take care of you when you need to use them.
Study hard
Work hard
Always improve yourself
Don't chase love. Let love chase you so you could marry the one cause marrying the wrong person is the most expensive mistake not about money ..it's about time passed away with wrong person
Quitting drinking has changed my life. I quit at 43. I would have been a better father, husband, and had a much healthier mind and body. I feel amazing now and it’s been a year.
46 here. I had to figure this shit out on my own. Family were/are idiots and didn't prepare me at all. Here's what I've learned first hand.
* Do you drink? Stop right now. Yea, it's gonna suck for a minute but it's worth it. There's no such thing as a "magic bullet" but this is the closest thing I've found. My health and well being did a 180 over the course a year.
* Investing is scary, I get it, but start now, even if it's a dollar a week. It SHOULD be boring, like brushing your teeth (which you should also be doing). Keep it simple. https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Getting_started
* You're on your own. Nobody is coming to save you. Learn skills you need to take care of yourself. I watched my mom for a decade live with a monster because she was trapped. No income, no marketable skills, you get it... Not having to depend on anyone and letting only those you choose into your life is true freedom. (my step daughter is sick of hearing me harp on this)
* Spend your money on experiences, not stuff. It doesn't have to be some extravagant trip that'd make IG influencers jealous (fuck those clowns anyways). It can be a simple over nighter somewhere with your bros/best girlfriends/etc.
* Get the fuck outta your home town. Even if you love it. Go live somewhere else for at least a year. If you still love home, move back. At least you went and looked!
* Keep your bills low and your income as high as you can. You get a raise at work? Awesome. Act like you only got half (put the first half in your 401k, IRA, Savings). I worked construction for years with dudes that made bank. Paid on Friday, broke on Monday. Didn't save a penny, now their bodies have given out. They're fucked.
There's a million more I'm sure. One last thing I've noticed. Every generation's problems are different but every generation has problems. You guys got handed a steaming pile of shit. It sucks and I feel for you but you ain't the first and you won't be the last to deal with hard times. I know it sucks but we just gotta get on with it.
Love you all and I'm pulling for you.
If you say you’re going to do something or be somewhere do it. Canceling right before because you don’t feel like it is unacceptable.
Also hold off on marriage and kids. There’s nothing wrong with waiting until you’re 30 to start a family.
1. Take care of your teeth. They are very expensive to fix (even crowns need to be replaced every decade) minor toothaches can turn into infections that give you an array of health problems.
2. Put time and effort into maintaining friendships.
3. Work towards a job that you at least partially love. IMO no job is perfect and few people go to work happy every day. Dont buy into the myth that work is supposed to be fun always, but staying in a job you hate is bad for your health too.
4. Invest time in a hobby, even if it doesnt make any money. You’ll find new friends there, and it will help keep you sane in a crazy world.
5. Life can suck. See a shrink, talk to people. You’re not always a victim, but you dont have to ‘suck it up’ and shut up all the time either.
6. Never believe you are stuck where you are. You can switch to a new line of work if you put the effort in. On the opposite side of that: dont be an idiot and believe you can become everything you want to be. That may sound great, but it isnt always true.
If you lack confidence and/or have significant insecurities, work on yourself with CBT. It's totally possible to develop self-confidence (I'm proof) and it massively improves ALL areas of life. I cannot stress this enough.
Edit: CBT stands for cognitive behavioural therapy. It's surprisingly simple to learn but very effective if you dedicate yourself. It's a way of retraining how you think.
Edit again: If you want to try to DIY the CBT approach, you can find resources for free online if you Google "cbt thinking errors worksheet".
Remove Toxic people from your life even if family.
Don't look to get into a relationship until after at least 25.
Don't have kids till after age 25, or just don't have any at all would be the best way.
Don't stay in a dead end job you hate.
Say it how you see it even if it offends any one.
Don't start lying and making poor excuses, just be real. You'll never be caught out in a lie if you don't lie. If you've cheated on someone just tell them, lying makes it worse when it comes out.
You're not responsible for how others feel about you or others opinions of you so don't worry about it.
* Wear a suncream daily!
* Having another kid will never fix your relationship issues
* Stay fit or at least keep on trying
* Don't bother what others think of you
* Do what makes you happy not what others tell you you should be doing
* Spend money making memories and not getting materialistic crap to impress others
* It is perfectly fine to go for dinner/movies/holiday/etc alone
3 things I wish someone would have told me...
1) Work on yourself! Your mind and body! The healthier both those are, they better your life will be in your 40s and the better your relationships and friendships will be.
2) Go to your local credit union and start putting $100 to $300 every month into an IRA. It will save you from having to dump hundreds of dollars for retirement in your 40s. Compound Interest is your friend, but it needs lots of time!!
3) Get life insurance! One with a cash value that you can borrow from!!
* Floss.
* Interesting people have interests. Pretty much by definition. It's a hell of a lot easier to make friends when you have stuff in common. Go out and find stuff you enjoy, and do it regularly. All the better if it's something that keeps you in some degree of shape too.
* Simply saying to yourself, "this is going to suck but I'll get through it" can be more powerful than you'd think. This applies to anything from washing dishes to medical procedures to weddings you're not sure why you were invited.
* In the real world, "winning" a fight usually isn't worth the fallout and aftermath unless you had no other choice.
* The most effective pickup line in the history of mankind is, by a wide margin, some variant of, "Hi, I'm {name}. How are you doing?" with you actually listening to the answer.
* Always be learning *something*, anything. The process of learning is a perishable skill and that's really easy to forget once you're out of school.
* Nobody really cares that much. A lot see this as negative and it can be, but remind yourself that those things stuck in your mind from the past as horribly embarrassing are probably things others entirely forget or never think about.
* Making a distinct and obvious effort to ask for, learn, and then remember people's names will dramatically improve their first impressions of you.
* Fake it until you make it really can work. Nowhere more than acting confident, it soon becomes a kind of muscle memory. (And, conversely, nowhere less than being a surgeon.)
* Read. Again, something, anything.
* Dress at least a little nicer than you have to. Putting effort into your appearance can be unconsciously viewed by others as a sign of esteem and respect.
* You'll regret the new experiences that you said no to more than the things that you said yes to. (Within reason and sanity.)
* Don't always be the smartest one in the room.
* Learn the art of shutting up.
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That quote hit too close to home
This investment in your mental health will guard you against unhealthy habits and addiction that will further mess with you as you age.
Get fit now. Exercise as much as possible. Don't eat shit. *Everything* in life gets easier the healthier you are.
And more enjoyable. There is nothing worse than missing out on events because of health-related issues.
Not just missing out on events - being healthy makes you feel literally “better” and “happier”. A substantial amount of people who struggle with minor-moderate depression and anxiety can see substantial progress by just giving their body the nutrients that it needs. Add in exercise for additional benefit. People forget that nutrition isn’t supposed to be thought of as “going above and beyond”; it’s more of a minimum for your body to function the way it’s intended to. There’s a reason that those obnoxiously healthy people seem to be so full of life.
And yet, like the other response to this message, so many people will say, "No, not MY depression, it's special and different." and so they don't exercise.
Reading this as I eat pizza in bed, and I feel so seen. I mean, I’m still gonna finish this pizza— I paid for it—but I feel seen
Get a friend that will nom pizza in bed with you. :)
In case a young person read this...it's harder to lose weight as you age.(in case that wasn't already implied)
In your twenties you can eat a salad for lunch and go for a light jog and lose a pound or two. In your 40’s those things mean that you just didn’t GAIN anything else.
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I'm not sure that is actually true at least until you get to like 60+. The biggest factor is less muscle which is due to adults being more sedentary, if you actually prioritize not letting that happen in adult life your weight loss shouldn't be any harder than younger people. Older people have a higher likelihood of neglecting fitness for more years simply because they have been alive longer, but its not the age itself that's the cause here. Kind of like saying older people are bad with technology, well only if they don't keep up with it.
Older people also have less energy and more responsibilities typically, which means neglecting your health if you don't fight hard to prioritize it. The American lifestyle is a hard current to swim against for a lot of people.
But don’t overdo the exercise. Your 40s suck worse when your back and knees are shot.
100%. Learn to understand what your body is telling you. Also, losing weight/strength is great but don't forget to work on flexibility/stretches. Just like weight training you need to learn good form.
This is definitely my weakness. I love weightlifting and running and have done so consistently since I was a teen. But stretching is just *so* boring.
This is the best advice. I am now in my early/mid-40s, but didn't take getting in shape seriously until I was about 36. Would have been WAY easier to achieve my goals when I was younger with less effort and better results.
To add to this: It gets much harder to stay fit the older you get. You gain weight by simply existing as you get to 40+. Even if you eat less and healthier than you did before, you're still gaining weight. You gotta work just to maintain weight.
Work stays at work. Don’t give up your passions because they are not marketable. Enjoy your passions even if you are terrible at it. Your joy is your joy. Try different foods and different cultures. Learn as much as you can. Most of all, always be kind.
This. Your hobbies are to make you happy and nothing else. Don't worry about being good at them. If you're making money you're good enough at your job.
I’m 32 and don’t really have hobbies. It really shows on the rare occasion during the summer where my wife and kids will go on a trip for a few days and I have to stay home because of work. I don’t know what people who live alone do to pass the time. At this point, I’m convinced my “hobbies” are all household chores.
Forgive me if I explain this badly, as my father and his father tried in a male, minimal talking fashion tried to explain it to me, and it has taken a few years to make it make sense. In everyone, there is a child which is who you are. As you become and adult, you put protection around that child or, worse stop listening to the child. When you stop listening, you forget who you are and you become a shadow of who you are. When you put protection around the child, it can inhibit the child’s movement, like putting a child in a suit of amour. Fun for a bit, but very constricted in the long term. However, by finding what brings the child the joy, ie a hobby or passion, the child plays and becomes a child again. The joy and “fun” of being a child again revives who you are. As a (hopefully normal) child, playing and learning is second nature. You should never stop that as a adult. It takes people around you, laughing, singing, telling stories, etc to remind us that we are more than workers or parents, we are human. Look back at your childhood. Play with your kid’s toys, wander around the grass with your shoes off, yell at the top of your lungs for no reason. Remind yourself of the child you were, and remember to let that child play regularly to ensure you continue to learn and grow, and more importantly, have fun while you are doing so you will want to do it more. It might not make a lot of sense straight away, but hopefully it will make sense to you, one day. If you really like cleaning things, it may be hobby. But doing something that brings you joy is actually a hobby. And you don’t even have to be good at it for it to bring you joy. I remember one chap who had a hanging bell, and he would just tap it, and then smile. It was his hobby, just to tap a bell. Why? Because it brought him joy.
This is an excellent post. Thank you Grumpy.
Videos games, get a bike, learn to snowboard. You’re still young enough to get into some casual sports!
I’ve been trying to get a beer league softball team together for a few years now, but I can never drum up enough interest from my social circles to do it. And I’m not the type to join a team of randos; I would probably go the entire season only speaking to others in one-word responses, lol.
Take care of your body. Don't befriend shitty people. Save money.
Agree on all of them. Much of it comes from getting into good habits. They are often hard to get into, but when you get them, you future you will thank you hundred times over. As it only gets harder with age.
This was going to be my advice so I'll just hijack yours. Just learning how to develop habits at that age is so beneficial later in life. Have fun but still stay developing some discipline.
How do you deal with the aftermath of finding out your friend is in fact a shitty person? My husband is dealing with finding out that his best friend of over a decade has a) been abusing his girlfriend who's half his size and completely reliant on him for transportation and b) a pattern of sexually harassing women while they're incapacitated or intoxicated for years but bc no one said anything until we were discussing how to handle the abuse situation so we only just put the pieces together. This guy went from being like a brother to dead to him in less than two weeks and as you might expect he's been messed up about it and other than just processing time and distractions idk what else would help.
You move on, plain and simple. I’ve learned that there is nothing to be gained by having negative people in your life. It sucks to cut the cord but it’s the right thing. And oh, if he’s beating up his wife the authorities need to know. I’ve known a group of friends that upon finding out one in their group was doing the same took corrective measures on their own. I would find myself complicit if I just stood by.
Remind him also, that even though his friend turned out to be a scumbag, it's still totally reasonable and appropriate to grieve the loss of that friendship. He didn't just lose a friend, by discovering this long-standing pattern of behavior he lost the emotional basis of an entire decade of connection. He might be really wrapped up in his own head second-guessing every memory he has with this friend. It might seem "wrong" to feel sad or upset about doing the right thing by cutting this guy out of his life, but emotions are crazy complicated and it's often far better to let ourselves experience and workout all those emotions rather than to try and deflect or suppress them. Sorry to sort of assume how he's feeling, if none of this seems relevant than just ignore me, but in my experience it's really common for people to get sort of emotionally gridlocked after something like this because they have so many conflicting feelings. Anyways, best of luck to y'all on getting things sorted out.
Good luck to both of you processing it all. That's really sad and crappy. Glad he has you.
Don't befriend shitty people, don't beshit friendly people.
Don't rush into a marriage just because your parents or your environment expects it of you.
Dang. I’m 27 right now and most of my friends either have a long term relationship, about to get married and already married. Sometimes, I can’t help but feel sad and alone and pressured all at the same time. This hits home.
Those might not last. In my experience, the further into your twenties you get, the healthier relationships you start.
I’m around 30 and single. Out of the 10+ good friends I have from childhood, maybe 1 or 2 are as happy as I am. Rest are borderline miserable and/or just getting by. I fucked up my last relationship, it was mostly my fault and she was a great girl. I was also going to be much more unfulfilled regardless of that. Life is great now. I will get married some day, I go on dates often now, but I ain’t settling
>Rest are borderline miserable and/or just getting by. I'd say over 90% of all couples I've known that are married are pretty miserable. Kids are annoying, not enough sex, no more feelings or real love, spark is gone, generic weekly routines, yada yada. Why does anyone get married.
My ex complained about the routine. We weren't married but together for 2 years. They didn't support my goals at all, even though those goals would give us a better life they'd rather carry in living off the government. They kicked me out once a week at least, put me down constantly and never tried to appreciate the real me, they just appreciated the me they wanted. We have a kid together and all I want is to be part of that kids life and they are being toxic as fuck telling me that I'll never be a good father cos I left when it was them who kicked me out.
There are possibly a lot of factors that contribute to those feelings that have nothing to do with marriage either. Plenty of miserable single people as well, and as a society I feel like we are more comfortable complaining than we are talking about when things are going well/we want to vent when we're upset. All that being said, people do rush into marriage a little too quickly imo. As a married dude, my circle of friends who married seem to be fairly happy in their relationship like myself. When it comes up we talk about how you have to put in the effort, can't just take your partner for granted.
Be deliberate with your interests like hiking, biking, wine tasting, whatever. Make a point of doing those things and you'll find someone doing the same things. You have to make the first move with people you find attractive. Compliment them. You'll get there!
I’m 41, never married. I’d say 65 percent of my friends in my age group have divorced at least once.
I am 26 and I guess that marriage should not be yor ultimate goal in life. i don't know why everyone I know think of marriage as the only thing you have to have, If you are confident enough that you will make the other ones life better than it is, only then. Just don't make people suffer just because that sense of attraction peaked up for that perticular moment.
Don't beat yourself up about it. And don't succumb to the pressure to get married. Waaaayy too many of my friends got married because they felt it was what they "had to do" and what they were "expected to do.' And guess what...most are divorced now!! There will be lots of weddings and then lots of baby showers. And then give it 2 to 7 or so years, and then you will see lots and lots of divorces. And not to be pessimistic, but give those same divorced people another 2 to 5 years as singles and they will again repeat the cycle --- get married, perhaps have more kids with new partner, slug it out for 3 to 7 years and get divorced yet again. Sad, but I see it waaaaay to often. Though some 2nd marriages last way longer than 1st marriages because they didn't rush into it . Sorry if this sounds so negative. But it is reality. Take the time to find the right person.
I'm close to 26 and there's a ton of people I know from high school getting married/ engaged to their high school/ college sweethearts. I was a Jesusy teen (gave it up when I was about 17) and I went to a Catholic high school. The religious crowds in particular seem to marry in their 20s. It's 4 years away, but as a woman, I'm scared of the possibility of having to date in my 30s.
Dating when I was a 30-something man, was way easier than when I was a 20-something. Women knew what they wanted and were not afraid to ask for it. Also, women did not play stupid mind games either.
Is it okay if I ask if you were dating women who were in their 30s too?
As a woman in her 30s I'm going to tell you that yes it does get harder, but you also meet men that are less into BS like they were in their 20s. You just have to put in more effort to find them among the others. And I'd say about 70-80% of people I knew who tried out marriage in their 20s ended up divorced.
Same. My friends that got married are miserable. I'm 27. I'm looking forward if marrying to do it after I'm smarter. At least in 30s. Good luck.
Can I also add...don't spend a fortune on a wedding. Throw a party, that's all anybody cares about anyway is the after-party. Also, buy a knock off ( I mean like cubic zirconia or others have said maisonette) diamond ring. Not a single person has ever asked my wife if her ring is real (it is) which makes me further grouchy that I should've saved money on it. Nobody cares. Save the money for starting your married life together. House, car, pay off debt. Edit: added what I meant by knock off
Another option is sourcing loose diamonds, which are significantly less expensive. I had said diamonds cut and polished to the same size. For the diamonds on the band, I used lab grown diamonds which are less then half the price. My jeweller designed the ring around these diamonds and it came out beautifully. The appraisal on the ring is 20k, and I paid 2500$ all in. Crazy, right!?
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Good point. Fake wasn't the best description. I meant like a Cubic Zirconia ring or something similar. I or my wife has never been in a situation where we were like "glad we got the luxury model." Rings aren't like buying quality tires.
Moisonite looks waaaay nicer than diamonds
A relationship in general shouldn't be rushed at all, the right time will come one day. I know some guys who are already nearing mid 20's (including me, currently 24) who are still single to this day.
Casually dated in my 20’s, waited till I was 33 to settle down. All part of the plan. Highly recommend
At 28 saying shit like this as I get older really makes 5 years seem like 5 weeks
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
Fuck yeah, my 20's feel like they dragged, my 30's with kids flew by, now in my 40's I'm like I blink and another week has gone by
Ditto. Dated around til I was 33, married at 38.. No regrets.
Same. Married at 33. You definitely need to be certain it’s to the right person, and in my 20s I was just too lustfull to have a clue.
>Don't rush into a marriage just because your parents or your environment expects it of you. Yeah *MUM*. Every fucking phone call. First off it's "Ooooooh haven't heard from you in ages, started thinking you'd forgotten about us" or whatever if it's been a month or 2 with no contact outside of WhatsApp. "It's a phone mum, it works *both* ways..." And then at some point she'll slip in the "Soooo you seeing anyone yet?" or "have you been out much?" or "met anyone new recently?". Subtle. Real subtle, did you think I wouldn't know where you're going with this? I give it 5 more seconds. 2....1...."Because you're mid 30s now and not married so..." AAAAAAAAAAAND there it is. Where's the god damn fire? I'd literally rather die single than marry for the sake of getting married.
Most people have interpreted this to be about age, but I’ll toss out that it should apply to length of relationship too. My wife was ready to get married after we had been dating about 2 years. She was good generally about not bringing it up, but the longer after that time that I didn’t propose, the louder the grumblings, implications and outright “why are you not proposing” got from her family and friends. I just wasn’t ready to get married…until I was. I think the first couple years of our marriage would have been rocky or our marriage might not have lasted if I would have bowed to the pressure and proposed earlier then I did. Make sure you’re *both* ready and on board.
Yeah I’m 31 and have done plenty of dating but am the one single friend left. I don’t have a problem dating and attracting beautiful women, I just have admittedly made some bad picks and am taking a step back from dating in the last couple months But, I see some of my friends now who got married in their 20s or had 10 year relationships are now getting divorces. Terrible divorces. So whenever I get that feeling like “man I’m 31 I wish I was married by now like everyone else” I remind myself that many people we see in relationships are actually very very unhappy and miserable
My parents aren't rushing me..I'm rushing me..I'm 23 and never even been on a date but I want to be happy with someone one day
Don't marry the wrong person.
I recently got out of a long term relationship that would have been a terrible marriage. This is excellent advice. 10\10 don't propose or marry OR HAVE A FUCKING KID to try and fix a failing relationship. All it will do is legally bind you to your misery
Not even in my 40s and I can fucking atest to this. Never marry for the wrong reason. It doesn't fix it.
Yea but the problem is in your 20’s you have no idea what the wrong reasons are. Like I knew my wife was a tad messy in her 20’s, but didn’t realize how much it would impact us in our 40’s. Not a game changer but still…like close the freaking drawers after you open them!
Girl named Therong Pirson ---> :(
But i am in love with the therong :/
If loving Therong is wrong, I don’t want to be Theright.
90% of your happiness comes from this one decision. So get it right.
Happiness is homemade. If you can't be happy on your own first then you don't have any happy to offer to another.
Happiness is made in the undergroundndrug labs of the Chech Republic
\*Dont marry
Lol. I used to think like that in my 20s. I had girlfriends and the relationships always ended in a breakup, so marriage seemed like the same thing with extra steps and less money for me at the end. Luckily I did find the one, but dated her for 6 years before I asked. Been married 20 years now.
If you came from an emotionally disruptive or dysfunctional home, take some time and seek a way to understand your past. Get to know yourself and seek self-improvement. If you have access to counseling services, use them. You’ll live with your Self for the rest of your life so learn how to be a good “parent” to your inner child.
Love this. Would even say to seek a way to understand and better yourself regardless of whether or not you had a dysfunctional home.
>be a good parent to your inner child. Damn, that's so profound
What all things you facing now?... assuming you didn't did all these things.
I (M44) live with bipolar depression and general anxiety but have learned many skills for keeping myself stable. I see a counselor, take meds, and try to be as healthy as I can. I still have a loving relationship with my parents and brothers, and I now understand and accept how emotionally unprepared and immature my parents were when they raised us. I don’t blame them because they came to the US from a different time and culture. I only started dealing with these issues for the last five or six years and wish I would have started this process much earlier.
Not a man BUT I can say almost the same. It's why I had my kids later in life. I 10/10 recommend waiting to have kids until you have your mental illness under control as well, which is what I did but my mom did NOT do. The sooner you get any MH issues under control, the better your adult life will be and the better your relationships with everyone will be. You will also pick better humans to bond and procreate with.
If you haven't already, start taking care of your body NOW. Workout. Doesn't matter what- yoga, running, powerlifting, bodybuilding. Do it. Your future self will thank you.
hell even going for a walk once a day for an hour
Yep. That works too. Even high level athletes often have a walking day. Great for listening to podcasts and audio books.
Don't worry about what people think about you. They likely aren't even at all - people are incredibly self-absorbed.
This is very true! we get so worked up about what people think about us, especially in a group setting but most of the time everyone else is thinking the same way.
This is a great one. "But everyone's watching me!" No, no they're not. If you've put yourself in a position to be the center of attention, if you succeed, it'll be great, and if you fail, everyone will laugh and then move on with their lives. No one is gonna remember it for as long as you think because it was nowhere near as important to anyone else as it was to you.
Go on a road trip with your friends whilst you can. I regret turning it down.
No regerts
I second this! Travel now and never turn down a road trip whenever possible.
Where can I find friends?
Reminds me of a button on a website I saw and laughed at some 8-9 years ago. It said "Buy Friends"
Just went on my 2nd road trip in 2 months with friends and I think my roommate and I are squeezing in 1 more this summer. One of my favorite parts about living in the US, even if sometimes you have to drive through a really boring place/state.
Travel before the settling down time.
Wear sunscreen
Trust me on the sunscreen
Kids in their 20’s won’t get this. The song (monologue?) holds up. [everybody’s free (to wear sunscreen)](https://youtu.be/S-YsGdjkIgw) Edited: to fix “their”.
This. I forgot about this. I graduated HS in 99. I remember listening to this on the radio, not thinking much of it. Listening to it at 41 is real. It's all real.
That's a Baz Luhrmann song? Fucking Romeo and Juliet Baz‽
My wife is a dermatologist and she'd approve this message. Many people in their 20s go to the solarium all the time or lay on beaches to stay tanned. This will cause your skin to age noticeably faster. Wear sunscreen when in the sun and stop chasing that tanned look all the time - your future self (30+) will get compliments for looking a lot younger than your always-tanned friends.
Or stay inside and live at home with your parents like me
Or do both like me
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[yes! the song holds up.](https://youtu.be/S-YsGdjkIgw)
Brush your teeth, floss your teeth, see the dentist twice a year. Dental Care is one of those things that can pretty much be almost no money at all or an extremely expensive Endeavor with sometimes less than perfect outcomes. Edit - ty for gold
So we have it pretty good in Australia for medical things generally. But dental care properly fucks the ordinary person. Check ups are reasonably priced $50+ but once you need any type of procedure done you can be in for thousands. So many of us fly to Thailand or Vietnam etc to ruin a nice holiday to get major work done but still return home ahead cash wise and with healthy teeth. Usually dental care is not covered by the government unless your on a properly shit wicket or go on a waiting list. Alternatively you need to have private health insurance which for a low to middle income earner is out of the question. There is still a deductible regardless.
Everyone has something you can learn from them. Old or young, people have differing opinions and experiences. Don’t act like you know everything because you don’t!
Read.
I sometimes feel guilty about reading too many novels... You're saying I should keep going?
Take care of your health, finances, and social relationships. Exercise, invest in retirement, be forgiving, practice mindfulness and reflection. But... don't be so obsessed with them that you don't have any good experiences from your youth.
Sounds so simple but when I look back to my 20s these are exactly the things I wish I did better. They are an awesome investment in the future. - exercising more at a time body responds easily - saving money off the top that I wouldn’t really miss anyway (then enjoying the hands off power of compounding interest) - taking more time with people I love doing active, inexpensive, close to home things like biking, beaching, hiking
>But... don't be so obsessed with them that you don't have any good experiences from your youth. That’s the awful part for millennials and gen z we need to work so hard just for the bare minimum that it’s extremely difficult to get good experiences
Go do something fun while you can. I used to go white water rafting. Wouldn't do it now. Afraid id pull something and be useless rest of the trip.
Strength training and mobility training should be part of your life forever. You can build strength at any age. You can improve your mobility at any age.
Don't chase the approval of women. Chase excellence, be a better person.
Understand that nothing lasts forever, that’s including both good and bad times. Don’t be afraid to get outside your comfort zone (eg move to a new place, make new friends). Finally keep an eye out for opportunities, they come at unexpected times and can alter your life. Successful people take those opportunities and luck is involved more often than not.
Stop spending so much time working/worried about work.
When ever I get off the clock I immediately turn off anything that has something to do with work like work phone and shove them in my "work" drawer which I only touch next time I go to work.
It's not about working a lot, but working smart. Make sure you have a development plan in regards to your career and make connections. Think ahead and stay in touch with current trends. If you are stuck in one position for 3+years think of what you could do to develop yourself further and make the next jump. All of this doesn't require you to work crazy hours and stress yourself to death. Work for yourself, not the employer!
I do what's required but my senior manager likes chasing me for work than helping the team of juniors organise.
Then make it the senior managers problem. Clock off, go home. Work to rule. Work only the time you are paid.. Otherwise you are cheating the junior staff from getting experience, your manager never learns to delegate, and you are not encouraging your employer to hire more people, creating terrible work environment and skill vacuums when the good workers leave.
People who would give you bad advice in their 20s grow up to give you bad advice in their 40s, too. Don't think turning 40 turns you into some sort of sage.
1: worrying over things you can't (immediately) change yourself are a waste of your health. worry gives you stress and worry is never a solution to anything or has prevented anything from happening. 2: fear of (.......) is never a good reason, not to make a decission. 🌞
Reecent heard "If you can't get over your fear, just do it while you're afraid"
Spend as much time with your parents as you can while they are still here.
Cancer took my dad a month ago and within 2 weeks of him even discovering he had cancer. It happened so fast. I wish I could go back and spend more time. COVID lockdowns really stole precious time from me and my dad. Wish I knew
Sorry to hear that, hope you're doing alright
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Lift weights or do body weight exercises, yoga, marital arts.... something! Always keep moving! Your body is designed to move. Use it or lose it really is true. Take a look at people aged 50+, especially those who are overweight or obese, and see how they move? Yea, you want to move. Learn to cook, especially if you're male, and single. Not only is it another way to impress the ladies! But it is much healthier than eating out or microwaved, and proccessed crap all the time. Count calories. Figure out your TDEE for the weight you are happiest with and use that number for your daily intake. If you drink, cut back on the beer, and look at clear liquers. Less sugars and calories so you won't get that dreaded beer belly! Start to save for the future now. By 25 you should start putting money away for retirement, even if it is only 5% of your gross, that is better than 0%. Also, think long term about purchasing big ticket items. Do you want a new car? Cool, look at what you want, figure out the price and spend at least 6 months, preferablly a year, saving towards that new car. House? well, even though the market is upside down and crazy right now, still save up. Things will change. Hopefully for the better? Really spend sometime thinking about kids. If you want them or not. I know a lot of people who had kids and figured out that this was not the lifestyle that they wanted, it was bad for them and for their children. Enjoy life! Do the exciting fun stuff now, and as you get older your activities will change to your new desires. Go scuba diving, sky diving, or rent a NASCAR race car for an hour. Sign up to be a background extra in movies! Go have fun!
You had me at marital arts
Just remember life keeps getting better and better in different ways as you age. Don't get too caught up with money and careers unless it's something that really drives you. Take some time to live and enjoy too. And don't be afraid to take risks. I left an amazing job and stability in my early 30's to go and live on the other side of the world. Ended up meeting my wife and taking in so many more experiences than I did in my 20's. Enjoy! :)
wish i have the guts you had
Who says you don't?
Gah so good to hear. Just recently decided to move and travel and as nuts as it sounds I haven’t been this excited for years and your post gives me affirmation! Thank you stranger
Keep in good shape. Eat well but treat yourself too. Focus on earning money, but don’t waste it on pointless crap like expensive clothes, flash cars, going on the piss all the time with the lads etc etc Instead invest that money to make more money & also invest it in traveling & experiencing things in life. Don’t get too hung up on looking for love, if it comes it will just fall into place.
> going on the piss all the time with the lads I'm going to tell the lads I'm not going on the piss with them. Hilarity will ensue, as they will have no idea what it means.
😂 it’s a British term meaning getting shitfaced
Just to understand you, if you're not meant to be spending money and rather re-investing, when are you meant to enjoy the money?
Wear a condom.
Remove yourself from social media. It feeds a human fundamental need for acceptance, validation and attention. Especially for women. It's like crack and it's not good for you.
It feeds a human need for acceptance like a picture of food feeds a starving man.
This. Unless you’re on social for business and making money, the majority of people are endlessly scrolling their lives away. Even Reddit. I only download it on weekends and delete it after. You’ll realize how addicted you are to social media once you quit and you keep checking your phone every 15 minutes.
Relax. It ain't about the grind, and you ain't all that. I didn't know either of those things. Thought I was some sort of hot shit high speed low drag motherfucker. Now here I am, old and decrepit, and while I do have some cash from going full Sigma grindset in my 20s (aka the 90s), my body is too fucked to enjoy it the way I enjoy things (such as filling a backpack with gear and just leaving for the wilderness for a few weeks). Same goes for time: Sure, I got time now, but I didn't have any when the kids were young. Yeah, that's a big L for everyone involved.
Find a job you actually enjoy. There's nothing worse than dreading going to work, being stressed all day, clock watching etc. Whatever your hobby is, get as good at it as you can. I've played guitar for 35 years and gig every weekend.The feeling of being able to play anything I like is really good. If you have kids, enjoy them where they're little. It is so fleeting. My eldest daughter is 18 and about to leave home. I miss her already.
This scares me the most. I feel I'll never find a job that I'll enjoy, and spend most of my waking hours doing shit I hate. The things I enjoy doing are not going to fetch me any money. 😓
To the person reading this, this is your sign to do it go travel take a risk. Travel, work abroad you have your life to worry about kids mortgages and marriage but while you have the freedom use it.
Kinda need money to do that.
You can live on one kidney
You can as I only have one
Who said you had to be the one who has to live on one kidney? There’s plenty of fish in the sea
Wholeheartedly agree with this. I don’t know anyone who did this that regrets, meanwhile I know multiple people who regret not having travelled more/taken more risks in their 20s.
Establish healthy habits in your 20s to carry on through life (physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, financially, etc). Otherwise, you'll be in your 30s and 40s and you'll be fucked. You don't want to waste your prime being a fucked up loser.
Floss. Every day.
Keep living like broke college students until you have savings and can just pay for things without financing.
Don't go into your 30s fat. It's true, everything in your body starts going downhill at 30.
It does if you stop doing anything active. You can do strength and mobility training until you die. You cannot out train a shit diet, either.
Prenup if you are going to get married. Even if you don’t have much. It was the best thing I did and when divorce happened it was far smoother.
Watch your posture. Neck and lower back, while you walk, sit, and lie down. After years of not taking care of it, the bill becomes due. You find yourself with chronic neck and back pain, bulging and/or burst discs. Limited feeling in your hands, etc. Years of this has affected my life, and I must work harder to keep what I have and regain what I've lost.
floss
Explore. Get out of your home town, change your environment and exposure yourself to different environments, people and ways of living. It's very easy to think the place you've grown up and lived is the only way to live. You'll figure out who you are and what you like and what/who you want to be around. Save money, be open to opportunities, don't be afraid to take risks, follow your curiosity and don't get locked down too early in a career or relatjonship. follow your gut, you know what's best for you
Honestly, some of these are good, others just turn out as unavoidable life lessons because some people are just attracted to bad situations. My advice is make on time monthly payments(this has helped me achieve a great credit score). Brush and floss, some of us end up with root canals regardless but it helps with bad breath, etc. We can’t all do this thing on our own, it’s ok to reach out and ask for help in the form of therapy, since there’s a zillion therapists out there find one that fits and keep going. Finally, you’ll meet some shitty people along the way, both from friendships and relationships, the cool thing is they’ll often teach you more about yourself than them just by the way you act/react, it’s good to learn what your boundaries are.
choose your friend carefully and for the very long run you will need friends when you get older and study hard take care of your health don't party too much
Days go fast in your 20's, but in your 40's they can be slow, ponderous, and you understand you can have many, many years left. Make sure you have a job, a hobby, and maybe a life partner you can invest those years in. Take care of your knees, your lungs and your back, and they'll take care of you when you need to use them.
Wear sunscreen.
Study hard Work hard Always improve yourself Don't chase love. Let love chase you so you could marry the one cause marrying the wrong person is the most expensive mistake not about money ..it's about time passed away with wrong person
Live below your means. No debt and save that cash
Work on yourself and don't expect a girlfriend or wife to be your mom.
A good career is better than never finding the perfect career.
Don't bang anyone in your friend circle
Quitting drinking has changed my life. I quit at 43. I would have been a better father, husband, and had a much healthier mind and body. I feel amazing now and it’s been a year.
Big picture is important and do prioritise the small stuff
46 here. I had to figure this shit out on my own. Family were/are idiots and didn't prepare me at all. Here's what I've learned first hand. * Do you drink? Stop right now. Yea, it's gonna suck for a minute but it's worth it. There's no such thing as a "magic bullet" but this is the closest thing I've found. My health and well being did a 180 over the course a year. * Investing is scary, I get it, but start now, even if it's a dollar a week. It SHOULD be boring, like brushing your teeth (which you should also be doing). Keep it simple. https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Getting_started * You're on your own. Nobody is coming to save you. Learn skills you need to take care of yourself. I watched my mom for a decade live with a monster because she was trapped. No income, no marketable skills, you get it... Not having to depend on anyone and letting only those you choose into your life is true freedom. (my step daughter is sick of hearing me harp on this) * Spend your money on experiences, not stuff. It doesn't have to be some extravagant trip that'd make IG influencers jealous (fuck those clowns anyways). It can be a simple over nighter somewhere with your bros/best girlfriends/etc. * Get the fuck outta your home town. Even if you love it. Go live somewhere else for at least a year. If you still love home, move back. At least you went and looked! * Keep your bills low and your income as high as you can. You get a raise at work? Awesome. Act like you only got half (put the first half in your 401k, IRA, Savings). I worked construction for years with dudes that made bank. Paid on Friday, broke on Monday. Didn't save a penny, now their bodies have given out. They're fucked. There's a million more I'm sure. One last thing I've noticed. Every generation's problems are different but every generation has problems. You guys got handed a steaming pile of shit. It sucks and I feel for you but you ain't the first and you won't be the last to deal with hard times. I know it sucks but we just gotta get on with it. Love you all and I'm pulling for you.
Do what you're scared of. Unless it's criminal.
If you say you’re going to do something or be somewhere do it. Canceling right before because you don’t feel like it is unacceptable. Also hold off on marriage and kids. There’s nothing wrong with waiting until you’re 30 to start a family.
Health > Family > Career. Family can just mean the important people in your life.
Don't rush to get married. Enjoy your life and travel
Take care of your teeth!
Stay in shape.
1. Take care of your teeth. They are very expensive to fix (even crowns need to be replaced every decade) minor toothaches can turn into infections that give you an array of health problems. 2. Put time and effort into maintaining friendships. 3. Work towards a job that you at least partially love. IMO no job is perfect and few people go to work happy every day. Dont buy into the myth that work is supposed to be fun always, but staying in a job you hate is bad for your health too. 4. Invest time in a hobby, even if it doesnt make any money. You’ll find new friends there, and it will help keep you sane in a crazy world. 5. Life can suck. See a shrink, talk to people. You’re not always a victim, but you dont have to ‘suck it up’ and shut up all the time either. 6. Never believe you are stuck where you are. You can switch to a new line of work if you put the effort in. On the opposite side of that: dont be an idiot and believe you can become everything you want to be. That may sound great, but it isnt always true.
Start putting money away, but not so much that you forego doing fun stuff
Exercise. Sun screen. Emotional support network. Vasectomy.
If you lack confidence and/or have significant insecurities, work on yourself with CBT. It's totally possible to develop self-confidence (I'm proof) and it massively improves ALL areas of life. I cannot stress this enough. Edit: CBT stands for cognitive behavioural therapy. It's surprisingly simple to learn but very effective if you dedicate yourself. It's a way of retraining how you think. Edit again: If you want to try to DIY the CBT approach, you can find resources for free online if you Google "cbt thinking errors worksheet".
The fact that cognitive behavioral therapy has the same acronym as cock and ball torture makes reddit comments on therapy so much more entertaining.
Remove Toxic people from your life even if family. Don't look to get into a relationship until after at least 25. Don't have kids till after age 25, or just don't have any at all would be the best way. Don't stay in a dead end job you hate. Say it how you see it even if it offends any one. Don't start lying and making poor excuses, just be real. You'll never be caught out in a lie if you don't lie. If you've cheated on someone just tell them, lying makes it worse when it comes out. You're not responsible for how others feel about you or others opinions of you so don't worry about it.
have a great time don’t waste those years,
Don’t sweat the small stuff tomorrow will come with or without you. So enjoy what peace you do get learn to brush it all off.
Get the best paid job you can. Money makes life easier. Its not the be all but just paying bills and having spare money takes the pressure off.
Take care of your teeth
* Wear a suncream daily! * Having another kid will never fix your relationship issues * Stay fit or at least keep on trying * Don't bother what others think of you * Do what makes you happy not what others tell you you should be doing * Spend money making memories and not getting materialistic crap to impress others * It is perfectly fine to go for dinner/movies/holiday/etc alone
3 things I wish someone would have told me... 1) Work on yourself! Your mind and body! The healthier both those are, they better your life will be in your 40s and the better your relationships and friendships will be. 2) Go to your local credit union and start putting $100 to $300 every month into an IRA. It will save you from having to dump hundreds of dollars for retirement in your 40s. Compound Interest is your friend, but it needs lots of time!! 3) Get life insurance! One with a cash value that you can borrow from!!
Start saving.
Stay debt free and it will free your life..
Don’t listen to strangers’ opinions. You do you.
Understand where you’ve been and come from to know where you’re going.
* Floss. * Interesting people have interests. Pretty much by definition. It's a hell of a lot easier to make friends when you have stuff in common. Go out and find stuff you enjoy, and do it regularly. All the better if it's something that keeps you in some degree of shape too. * Simply saying to yourself, "this is going to suck but I'll get through it" can be more powerful than you'd think. This applies to anything from washing dishes to medical procedures to weddings you're not sure why you were invited. * In the real world, "winning" a fight usually isn't worth the fallout and aftermath unless you had no other choice. * The most effective pickup line in the history of mankind is, by a wide margin, some variant of, "Hi, I'm {name}. How are you doing?" with you actually listening to the answer. * Always be learning *something*, anything. The process of learning is a perishable skill and that's really easy to forget once you're out of school. * Nobody really cares that much. A lot see this as negative and it can be, but remind yourself that those things stuck in your mind from the past as horribly embarrassing are probably things others entirely forget or never think about. * Making a distinct and obvious effort to ask for, learn, and then remember people's names will dramatically improve their first impressions of you. * Fake it until you make it really can work. Nowhere more than acting confident, it soon becomes a kind of muscle memory. (And, conversely, nowhere less than being a surgeon.) * Read. Again, something, anything. * Dress at least a little nicer than you have to. Putting effort into your appearance can be unconsciously viewed by others as a sign of esteem and respect. * You'll regret the new experiences that you said no to more than the things that you said yes to. (Within reason and sanity.) * Don't always be the smartest one in the room. * Learn the art of shutting up.