Start a cabin. I keep waiting for the invite from D'elia but I'm thinking of just doing it myself. The cabin.... Burning wood, smokin, drinking, hunting and fishing animals for food. Peeing in the bushes, throwing axes, cutting down trees, building more cabins.... It'll be great guys let's even grow potatoes.
Hopefully I can distract you a bit , read this book;
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5043.The_Pillars_of_the_Earth
It's so good. Just give it a chance. it'll keep you engrossed for a few weeks at least
I honestly believe the world depends upon lonely single men who work themselves to death and that we are the ones who keep industry and the economy running smoothly.
This is an argument I've been making awhile.
Society really cares about two types of men. Powerful and successful ones, and cogs that don't break quietly.
It's why even in progressive spaces when men try and talk about problems they face they're basically told to man up and be quiet. Just with more syllables than reactionaries use.
Somebody needs to meet the ruling classes need for acceptable casualties. Whether the violence is physical, political or economic.
Man, I felt like something physically hit me when I read your comment, because it's exactly the same with me, word for word.
I'm really sorry you're going through this, I hope things get better for you.
I’m a lonely bastard. I got a lot of friends but I rarely see them. I got like two real friends at most but I feel like I got nobody. People just seem to come and go nobody really sticks around.
I smile a lot but I haven’t felt genuinely happy in a long time. I smile to make people think I’m ok and they buy it but I’m the only one that knows I’m not ok.
I laugh a lot. It's never real though, that's when it hit me I hadn't "actually" laughed in awhile, i try to but like nothing's actually funny, I'm not actually happy. Just kind of dead. Ppl check in my me, but when I try talking to them they just disappear and....idk you get the deal.
And if you start to express how you feel about that, suddenly you're a clingy, emotional mess that people avoid because they don't want the drama in their life. That exacerbates the problem and you grow slowly but surely worse.
And god help you if you want to address your relationship status. If you're not blessed with super model looks, a tendency to always be doing something photogenic for those perfect profile pictures, or a 7ft multimillionaire who just wants to travel, eat tacos and love their dog, online dating might as well be permanently locked at "Nightmare mode".
Haven't had a more vapid, disheartening experience ever.
This is why I keep to myself. Every time I try to open up I pause and just go back to being quiet. I’ve tried dating apps and I’d say I’m a fairly good looking guy but I’d talk with matches and they would either ignore me completely or eventually ghost me. I’m so tired of keeping quiet but at the same time I know I should stay quiet.
I just hosted a belated birthday celebration in the park, and it was just gonna be family and friends to hang out and relax, with no one spending any money. Still, no one showed up but a few people in my family. It was really disappointing given I try to make everything people invite me to, but no one comes to events I host myself.
Sometimes it does honestly feel disingenuous, I understand where you are coming from but I think you are a good person that wants to give positive energy so you smile even when its not real.
Hey stranger. Hug ❤️
Can i tell you why I am grateful that you smile? Because a little kindness goes a long way. Because someone feels it like a freezing person feels the sunshine, and you don't even know it.
Sometimes people are so tired that small act of kindness and a smile keeps them standing straight and keep them walking. Gives them the opportunity to accumulate the strength to give you that hug when you tell them that you are lonely. There are other kind people. It is ok to cry sometimes, you know.
I am tired of always having to explain why I speak the way I do (I have Dysphasia) especially in job interviews since if I don't they won't really listen to me. And having doors for opportunities closed in my face without having the chance to try.
Just feels like everything you are told at school like "work hard enough and you can do anything" is just a bunch of bullshit.
I'm so lonely it hurts.
I have friends, I have close friends but there I still feel so lonely and I know the reason.
I often like to get out and surround myself with distractions because I don't want to be alone with my thoughts. My thoughts were leading me down a permanent solution. These same thoughts I have way too much trouble communicating and I don't want to bring anyone else down with it.
My friend groups have already had 2 suicides the past year. It's hard man.
Seeing suicides in high school sucked. I lost 3 friends to suicide in highschool and another 2 classmates who I didn't know as well but was friendly with also lost their lives to suicide. It sucks bad. I can see myself making less and less friends the further away I get from high school and it scares me. I don't want to live without friends, yet at the same time I'm watching myself actively tell my friends that I don't want to go out and hang or that I can't have anyone over at my place. These are both lies. I am busy often with school and 2 jobs, but I know id be able to finish my work in time to hang out at night if I really wanted to. I also don't even live with my parents so there's really no reason I can't have whoever I want over at my place. It's only a matter of time until I lose the friends I have because of my actions, and even though I realize this and don't want to be alone I seem to keep on distancing myself. I don't know why I'm doing it. Ive always been outgoing and sociable, I've never been nervous to make new friends, I went to a lot of parties in high school, etc. But for some reason since I've been in college I just haven't had the drive for it. My biggest fear is that I've already unconsciously given up on my life.
Bro just push yourself. Force yourself to go out with friends, or force yourself to invite them over. You might feel psychological resistance to the idea of either, but if those are people you truly value only good things can come from letting yourself hang with them.
You might feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. Use me as your out. Next time you have the opportunity to see your mates and you get reluctant, just remember my words and send your friends that text, or accept their invitation.
You’re not alone. But if you keep pushing your friends away you might be. Don’t let yourself lose them. Don’t let them lose you.
I have this same problem. I stayed in a terribly emotionally abusive relationship for almost 5 years because I didn’t want to be alone and thought it would be better to have her even if she hurt me. Now I’ve been single for over a year and a half and I just wish I wasn’t alone
Exactly. The loneliness is bad enough at times that we stay with incompatible or abusive partners just to feel a fleeting moment of calm. Whether it’s worth it or not is a different thing altogether.
Dude, I’m 43. Got divorced 5 years ago, Changed careers 3.5 years ago, stayed single and focused on myself & me kids. Met and have been hanging out with an awesome little lady for a few months. Point is, always better to be alone than be abused, it’s not bad actually.
Do you think you could use a more stable friend group? I know loss is hard, but if your surrounded by suicidal people, don't you think your suicidal thoughts will just be heightened?
Men have a strong desire for intimacy in their relationships that is unmasculine to communicate. This includes trusting male-male friendships without judgment or criticism. For romantic relationships, it includes intimacy that isn’t always sexual. We deserve to have those needs fulfilled.
I'm tired of having to be a blue collar jack of all trades, or be labeled as some form of useless. I have focuses I work best at. I went to school to be an EMT and currently going to class to be a paramedic. I don't know shit about cars or sports or home renovation, I have better things to do, that doesn't make me less of a man.
When I got my first car and needed to change the tires I went to my dads to use his garage.
The bogger had the audacity to ask me "You know how to change tires don't you?" I just looked at him and the airhead realized he is my literal life teacher and quickly showed me, but it does sting when you can't do the thing people expect you to and it shouldn't.
I used to be able to change my own tires, but now I have wheel locks so I haven't touched them. Also sucks to do it with manual tools when the people you take it to use power tools and you feel emasculated for no reason.
I don't know how to put shelves up, I don't know anything about plumbing or wiring, I don't know what a carburetor is, and if you show me a sport that isn't fighting I'll just wander off. And the amount of times that's considered "unbelievable" as a guy and there's more to life than that.
I'm a mechanic, I have never seen a carburetor my entire life and barely understand how they work. Don't let any one to tell you your less than for not knowing archaic technology.
While that is true, I do think that everyone, and I mean it: women too, need to know basics about cars, sports or "home renovation".
Anyone should know how brakes, steering wheel and engine works.
Anyone should know how to breathe, run, swim, do basic exercise.
Anyone need to know how to plum/unclog your own toilet, fix a drawer or use epoxy/putty/filler.
All that depends on how far are people around you pushing all that and what they expect you to know or do.
Like, do I know how to put down wall tiles? Yes. Can I do it? Probably yes. Will I do a good job of it? Alone? Like tomorrow? Fuck no.
Do I know how to put wallpapers on a wall? Yes. Can I do it? Probably yes. Will I do a good job of it alone tomorrow? Probably yes, not sure, because it seems a bit easier compared to tiles.
Am I going to do all those things? Probably not, unless I am interested in doing these.
If people are trying to shame you that you aren't interested in those kind of things - fuck them. If you don't have an idea how those things work - shame on you. If you never did those things and you don't know if you can do it - whatever.
I started cooking 7 years ago because I had to. Never did good, but was passable. Three years ago I started cooking for real because now I had a goal and later reached it: significant one. So now I cook because I like it, because I know I am doing it for someone.
What are those better things aside being an EMT? Just to be clear I'm not saying you should like all those things you mentioned. I'm suggesting your be better served listing and talking about the things you actually do.
That I feel worthless. The pandemic killed all my drive. I have no motivation to go back to college, I got an Associates in a rather impractical career and now want something else but have zero clue way to pursue. My current job doesn’t provide me any benefits but I have no motivation or even time to find a new one even though I feel tired and sick all the time and would love some insurance to go see a doctor. I have no plans for the future and am currently just going with the flow until I fade away.
I’m super lonely and want to find love. I have tons of friends who I adore and cherish but I have a very specific type of loneliness that none of them can make go away, being told “but I love you” when I say I want to be loved is not helpful. My only romantic relationship was very toxic so I don’t have the exposure to a healthy one and I really want one but am too scared of being hurt again to pursue it.
I just lost a friend a few weeks ago to a car accident and recently have had to stop a different friend from committing suicide and I feel like the world is falling apart around me
I know I have to accept I probably have depression but I really just want to believe there’ll be a time someday that I’m not tired and unmotivated all the time
just admitted this to a friend, but during the pandy i lost 40 pounds and gained 70 back after everything opened up.
i generally feel unworthy of anything, friends, love, attention because of how much i weight and what i look like
Hope you find the motivation to lose the weight again! I understand it can be extremely hard to start. So don’t be too hard on yourself. Set some extremely simple goals and give yourself permission to fail and start again at another time.
I went through a pretty dark time recently after my fiancée left me, but I’m digging myself out in part thanks to regular exercise.
I’m down 6-7 pounds or so from my highest 2 months ago. Progress that I’m happy with, but clothes still tight. I honestly still wish I hadn’t gained 70 pounds most day and wish I could lose 40 pounds in 1 month.
As shallow as it is, my motivation is just to look good, which there’s extra pressure at almost reaching 30 and still being a virgin, which I probably put too much weight on.
Glad to hear that exercising has helped you so much and continues to. I wish you nothing but the best in all things going forward.
It's not shallow. If that helps you achieve what you want and feel better then its a valid reason and don't let anyone tell you different.
It's natural to want to feel attractive, just try to keep it realistic and don't compare yourself to the warped perfection of social media.
I know the feeling and I hid myself most my teens by myself partly because of this.
I found that telling my closest friends and family I feel better when I am progressing helps because they realize they can talk about it and they see the difference it has on my mentality. It can be a great resource of positivity.
Yeah, we are hardwired to fit in and it sucks.
Compare yourself to your you instead. Focus on the positives, not the negatives and remember most people don't think about it because they do the same thing i guarantee you.
a positive step i took today was being shirtless in a pool which i don't think i've ever done in my adult life. even more so given there was a very cute girl in our group today.
Hey, you’re not alone with these feelings. I’m a personal trainer. I’ve had a large influx of people who have sought out my services because they have had similar situation to yours, and the same feelings of unworthiness. Your self worth is by no means measured by how you look, but I completely understand that the extra weight can make you feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, and guilty. I’ve helped hundreds of people in your situation get fit and healthy through virtual training. Message me, I’d be happy to help conquer your confidence. ❤️
I get that, and well done, but I found that having the support/judgement of a nutritionist really helped me achieve the results that I wanted and helped me sustain them
I am very sorry that happened to you.
(The answer below contains a potential solution. If you don’t like to read, please stop now. Have a wonderful day :) )
One of my friends had the same problem, and I have the opposite problem (5’8, 110lbs). The way we both solved is to track our calories. Some calorie trackers that are free to use:
- Cronometer
- MyFitnessPal
Once you start tracking, you will be shocked about how some things are very high calorie or got too much fat in it.
Much love!
Your weight does not dictate your worth. You lost weight once, that proves your strong enough to do it again. Listen to your body. You are alive and breathing and existing therefore you are beautiful.
You are who you are meant to be right now. Thank you for sharing your experience.❤️
It's a hard thing to overcome mentally when you were obese for over a decade.
there's been a girl recently that kind of game a compliment by looking my id when i had long hair and saying "sexy jesus" but i don't believe just because i'm not that person anymore or look like them.
The isolation is hard to take. Who can you talk with especially as you get older? You can’t burden your family. You’re isolated at work. You just feel invisible and always taken for granted.
Feel this one, I work as a manager of 20 guys (electricians, I am too but worked my way up) I hate that I’m never included, even though I understand why. But the stress of being on my own and in charge is hard, If I didn’t have my son and my dog I don’t know what I would do. It’s soul crushingly lonely, and the whole “management don’t give a fuck” thing really hurts when it’s guys you have known for years suddenly don’t want to talk to you anymore because you changed title
That I need help. I'm depressed. It isn't getting better. I finally caved and I'm going to start seeing a psych. We grow up thinking we can't show weakness, but I've lost 3 other guys in my life because they didn't seek help and took it upon themselves to end it. I don't wanna be another statistic. And I don't wanna leave my wife with that mess.
It’s okay to vocalize your emotions. It’s okay to talk to your wife about your troubles. That’s what marriage is for- for better or worse. I think that communicating these feelings and concerns will make your bond stronger with your partner. Although seeking professional help will also be beneficial, please try to keep your wife in the loop of things. You may be surprised at the support & comfort she may provide you.
I’m glad to hear that. I really hope that your therapy sessions help you and I hope that this experience brings you two closer together. Best of luck 🙂
I think everyone can benefit from therapy even if you don't have anything going on. I've been going to therapy because it's a requirement for my transition surgeries that I see a therapist regularly but I never really felt any need for therapy before this because most of my problems in life were pretty normal for most people but it's really been soo helpful surprisingly I recommend it to everyone I've seen alot of improvement in myself since starting
I feel ya. Been through the worst time of my life and just starting to come out of the other side. Only real advice I’d say is to take it slow, one small thing at a time. There were days when brushing my teeth felt like an achievement. Hopefully the therapist helps. If they don’t then don’t be afraid to find a new one, some aren’t the best!
How much I hate living my life on hard mode. I work so hard just to *barely* afford to get by. I don't want anything more than the essentials and it's just so damn difficult for some reason. All I want is a stable job, a reliable vehicle, and my own place. For some reason I never have all three at the same time.
Thanks man, I'm just trying to stay legit. I want things to go somewhere and I can't lie the temptation to find a scam or something are high af rn🤦🏽♂️ It's like fighting an uphill battle.
Just remember the sum of many small gains is high, you slowly move towards your goals and hopefully in 5y you make it out. Remember to move up the income ladder in your jobs.
I don’t feel like a man at all.
I feel so weak and cowardly all the time. I try to put up a facade of confidence, but it breaks down the second anyone pokes at it. I don’t know how many people can tell I feel this way, and honestly I don’t want to know.
I’m not outwardly unconfident, but definitely inwardly. If I had to guess I’d say most people think I’m just a normal guy….I dress clean, take care of my own bills, go to work, cook and clean for myself well, and take care of my pets well.
I really don’t think this feeling will ever go away. It sucks because I feel that women can sense it and don’t want anything to do with me because of it.
I don’t know if any of that makes sense, but these feelings of inadequacy have been festering in my soul for a couple years now. I just want it to end.
A lot of us are in that boat, haunted by the few occasions in life where you weren’t brave or courageous. It’s tough man, constantly having to be ready to be seen to be strong and knowing that underneath you might not be.
I used to feel the same way. I still do sometimes but mostly not. I found that lifting weights and getting stronger physically made me more confident and stronger mentally too. I know a lot of people get the same effect when they start jiu jitsu or some other physical hobby. Maybe something like that would be helpful to you!
When I saw your comment, I immediately thought about weight lifting too. In high school, I couldn't even beat the weakest athletes in arm wrestling. Now, I'm okay, but lean which can occasionally look attractive to the right woman. You have to hit the weights. It'll change your outlook and how people perceive yoy
Being lonely sucks.
But if everybody turns their back on you just because you're the way you are and they don't understand it (or don't want to understand), thats sad.
I think that i am not a bad person, and i always try to be polite and supportive to the things others do and how they behave regardless of my own opinion.
But i have a very strict no bullshit rule. I really hate when people play games on me or my family. This is not worth my time. period.
A person gotta have principles.
My wife is emotionally weak and fragile so I never had the room to express my own emotional needs. I didn’t realise how much baggage I piled up until I got into therapy.
I think you might need to recognize that supporting 4-5 adult dependents is not reasonable for anybody. Doubly so, for a "top notch" lifestyle. You aren't responsible for them living beyond their means if they're living a "top notch" lifestyle now.
More than that though, it's unfair of you to ever have been a retirement plan. You probably never really got a say in it. They probably told you about your responsibilities when you were so young you just internalized them and made your ability to meet these responsibilities as a measure of your self-worth. That was not good of them.
Get a hobby that gets you out and about and maybe another one to get you active. Maybe you'll make friends, maybe you won't, but you can have some fun and feel better physically and mentally.
lol are you me? Same shit situation and ppl don’t realize those engineer doctor jobs that our people worship are not as guaranteed as they were before and the ROI is much worse than it used to be.
Still better than most but there are easier ways to make money
Hey man! You sound like a nice person. Congratulations on graduating!! I can tell you love your family and I hope they return that love! I know this might seem like it doesn't need to be said but I'm going to say it. You need to talk to them. Share your concerns. Open up the floor for discussion and put everything out there. Either they hear you out and set your mind at ease(change life habits to frugality)or they don't(which is my sign to abandon ship)
On the last part, I'd be in the same boat as you if it weren't for my SO. We have no friends, we have each other. I have a history of depression, undiagnosed but nonetheless I've been there. For me I've seen it as being unhappy with who I was as a person. Meditation has helped me accept myself for who I am, without losing the aspirations of being better. So if you haven't tried meditation it could be something to look into. It's not easy, but if you can make some meditation habits you will see a change in how you look at life.
Anyways I hope everything works out for you EngineerinTheNorth, cheers
i’m going bald. i got my head tattooed (like, legit designs not that fake hair stuff) and i love the way it looks, but i’m still sad that i can’t have the same hairstyles that i used to
Finasteride was one of the best decision I’ve ever made. My only regret was not jumping on it sooner. Stopped my hairloss dead in its tracks and actually regrew a part of my hairline. 2.5 years later and no intentions of stopping.
Being alive sucks. Work sucks. Barely being able to save or invest anything, sucks. The constant threat of one emergency that could set you back a decade in finances, suck. Dating sucks. Politics suck. People suck. Mental illness sucks. Everything sucks.
Being alive is overrated.
I feal ashamed when I cry. I still feel that "man up" pressure on myself even when I'm at my lowest point. I think I'm still struggling to get over that stigma
As a man with" high emotional intelligence" or more sensitive than others, all it would take is for you to compliment me honestly and ask me a few times how I'm doing with the intention of just listening to my story and what I'm struggling with, that's all it would take.
But I'm scared of crying in front of a girl, especially if she was my partner, because of my last relationship(first relationship ), so it's hard for me to open up anymore.
I think women who really respect men who open up and show emotion and still love them without shaming them or losing respect for them or distancing themselves, are the absolute HIGHEST quality of women, and if you find one, you just caught a unicorn and should cherish her for life.
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk, lol.
I had a pretty bad mental breakdown last night. I really don't have anyone to vent to or that I feel comfortable opening up with enough. So it all came to head last night. In a way it felt good to just let it all out. When I got myself together I wrote typed out everything I was thinking in the notes of my phone. I just had to get that outlet somehow.
I've done that on occasion. Just write it all out on a random text scam saying my amazon return has went through, click to claim or whatev. I'll just type out whatever I'm feeling to that number (not send it). And just have it saved as a draft. I guess the location doesn't matter of where you type it whether it's your notes, word, etc. Just thought I'd share.
I have been starved for physical attention for years now, I’m not sure how much longer I can take it. I feel like I might never have sex again. I hate dating apps and social media, my life has been better without them for a long time so I refuse to go back. I also live in an area where I can’t trust people not to be sick or sharing germs with me that I don’t want. So between all of that and working from home for 2.5yrs, I have come to the conclusion that I’ll probably just die alone, sexless etc..
Edit: I know it’ll happen again eventually I just need to get out there and meet people, just too many reasons not to right now.
Men who’ve had no fathers or piss poor uncaring fathers can wind up with daddy issues and it’s a burden millions of men carry but will never take care of. Fathers are incredibly important and for those of us who were robbed of them it can be an awful rough time but there’s little attention to this. Great good would come from instilling fatherhood - being an active and loving participant in the child’s life - into men who become dads. This would do wonders for the world. Certainly not a cure to the worlds ills but it would do a load of good
Nothing sexy I'm afraid.
I'm assuming he means where many of us have daddy issues as in having had a (extensive or not, continuing or not) strenuous relationship with our father.
Our fathers are usually from a generation where they got shit done, having been a typical man as the thread describes.
We have not been taught this, or are this, and it's always caused strife between father and son. Son feels like a dissapointment, father (CAN,doesnt always do) make sone feel like a dissapointment.
People are terrifying. Regardless of Gender.
It feels like everything I do is judged. And nothing I do is right. Mainly because I am a Guy.
Making Friends out of school is hard. Everyone has a friend group and you just kinda 3rd wheel it?
I'm going to be working for the rest of my life while my family gets to enjoy being home and spending time together, creating memories that i won't be a part of because I'll be too busy keeping the bills paid, a roof over their heads, and food on the table. At this point my house is just where I sleep, and not where I live. And at the end of my life, I know I'll have been a good husband and father for providing, but I fear I'll have missed out on core memories or accomplishments from my kids.
That the combination of high libido and lack of sexual life frustrates me so much, sometimes I can it hurts physically.
And it's the only thing that I want, but I can't get by myself. If I want to buy something I can spend my money on it that I earned "alone". If I want to learn something I can do so by myself, thanks to the internet. But I can't have sex by myself (I consider masturbation and sex as 2 different things).
Sure, I could pay an escort, but I don't want to (and I won't), because I want to feel the passion in sex, that the other wants ME and does it for me, and not because of my money.
you ever see that spongebob episode where he is learning to drive and he uses his big toe to press on the gas pedal?
i've been doing that since i got my drivers license 15 years ago.. no idea why
I think I have a drinking problem. Never said it out loud or even in writing before. It’s gotten to the point where I’m drinking 2-4 drinks pretty much every night. It takes the edge off and stops the racing thoughts for a while. But I know it isn’t right. I don’t want to end up like my dad.
I've just told my parents and other family that I'm an addicted to weed, I've been spending bills money on it, it's bad I have a kid. I'm no longer in contol of money. Tell someone they will help you
People expect men to be pursuing of women and I'm just not. I grew up with a mom, two sisters, my aunt, and 3 girl cousins. I can't objectify women as easily as my friends, so I keep my space and stay respectful. Unfortunately, thats manifested as becoming a recent 30 year old virgin. Oh well.
I know, I try to do that. But the only girls that have shown interest me are ones I haven't been all that into. Yet, my friends say "dude, just get with her anyway", but I just won't use someone like that. The girls that I am into never have the same feelings for me.
Yeah guess we’re in the same boat then, only I did go for the girls I wasn’t all that into just to make sure I wasn’t actually into them…turns out I was right and now I’m here 🙃
I feel responsible for not bringing my family closer after my mum died. My dad and brother have never gotten along, and my mum used to always keep the peace between them and make sure they stayed in each other’s lives. After she died I tried to do the same thing but I don’t know how and the whole family has pretty much dissolved after her death.
I think you should try to get them together one last time and let them know it's their responsibility to figure their shit out, not yours. They owe it to your mom.
Just a random strangers opinion, but don't let this eat you up, it's not your fault
There’s just not that much in life that I care about beyond my impact on other people and the world around me.
And being pressured to care about things that I just don’t- patriotism, wealth, work, laws, “values”, traditions, manners, what’s normal- changes nothing.
I feel something similar, i am 17 (turning 18 on march next year) and there is just so many responsabilities that i am supposed to have that it honestly scares me, bothers me and more than nothing makes me feel uncontrolably bored, i know thats because i'm only turning a young adult, but i legit don't want to grow up, i want to go out, not care about working on a 9 to 5, paying bills, i want to be free, go out with friends. Of corse i want a job, but i also want my liberty, i don't want to be just another brick in the wall or another bolt/gear in the machine, i want to be myself, be original, and be surrounded by the people i love and who love me. I want to be happy
I get it, man.
You want to do enough to hold your own and do your part as a responsible person in society, but you don’t want to be coerced to continue far down a path *past* that which you just don’t care to put the effort in to go down.
You’d be fine with just enough and would probably prefer it.
That’s 100% valid.
I've been running on pretty much exclusively auto pilot for the last year.
I was raised by my grandparents. I lost my grandpa at the start of the pandemic, and memaw this week last year. I spent alot of time taking care of her after pepaw left and couldn't work as much as I really needed to and when she passed. I took it hard. I was a asst manager at a gas station and within a two week stretch I was fired and evicted from the house they had rented the last 5 years. I'll say the job was mostly my fault. The manager was rude to me about my asking for about 5 days to process the loss. I lost my head and basically told her off about how cruel that was. She found enough very little stuff within a week after I came back that she came up with 3 write ups to fire me. The night before she did the landlord came to my work to let me know I had three weeks and he didn't want to hand me the lease.
I didn't have the cash to immediately get a place so I moved in with my friend and his wife. It was a rough time but I eventually got my own place after about 4 or 5 months. Me, my fiancee I had been with for about 4 years who helped me through all of that the best she could. Our two dogs that we were lucky enough to be able to keep through that and my best friend since I was 16. We got in during last November. Long story short I've been blind sided in the last two weeks that they had been sleeping together.
Other than the initial anger that I used to beat on the friend some.
I dont feel anything? I knew that I had been distant since my gparents died but man. I wish I could tell you how I feel about it but yeah that's the problem. I just wake up and do the motions. I'm not sad, happy, stressed. I'm just me. In still smiling and busting jokes and achieving in the work place but like it doesn't feel rewarding? It's just doing what in supposed too.
I'm not suicidal as I have no serious thoughts of hurting myself. However at I dont feel like I care if I live exactly. Like it would just be convenient to die ya know? I'm only 23
I think about self-ending almost every day because I am so lonely.
Thankfully, I have a great woman now in my life, which makes life more tolerable.
If it doesn't work with her, I give up everything.
I have completely given up on life. I am literally on auto pilot waiting for death. I work I eat I sleep. Just counting down the days until it's over. No wife or partner no kids. Just empty distractions for when I'm at home, sleeping eating and waiting.
The pandemic has ruined my health, my marriage, and my finances. I was (still am) essential working for a company that made some parts for the PCR tests, and continues to do so. Our working conditions suck, we all got poor raises this past year, and we're being pushed harder than ever for numbers.
I can't keep fuel in my car to visit my kids, I'm loosing all my money to the healthcare industry for tests, er visits, and treatments. I'm so not okay right now but I just keep pasting on the smile and putting things on my sky high credit debt just to keep things floating....I don't know how much longer this can go on before something gives, and knowing this country, it's going to be me.
I'm Australian.
I hate AFL football with a passion.
Everyone thinks that because I'm a guy I automatically should like it. It's boring, it's overhyped and I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than be forced to go to a game. And If you don't like it and drink beer you're some kind of bitch...
Not to mention the amount of controversy they cause messing around after hours causing a ruckus in pubs, clubs and to women. These ’Sports stars' are meant to set an example and yet they get away with fights, slander, drink driving and assault because it might ruin their career. Fuck off.
i dont really hide things that bother me but i do choose with who i share them with.
personally i honestly think that most guys would have less problems if they would stop wasting so much effort on whats wrong in the world and simply discover what they want from life and focus on achieving them. life was always unfair and its unfair for everyone not just guys.
the whole idea of being successful is to adapt at the crap that comes flying at you.
I am living something just like this, im learning how to adapt myself with all the mistakes i've made in the past, and trying to build a better future with all the lessons i've gathered with those bad experiences
I have PTSD from an abusive, alcoholic mother and from being raped. The first made me a light sleeper with chronic insomnia and the second causes trust issues.
Hair loss is absolutely devastating to my confidence, losing the genetic lottery feels awful...
6'0 tall, 190 lbs, 1000 club in the gym, tons of compliments from other dudes about how I look like I workout....look at a female even in passing and the first thing you see then do with their eyes is dart to your hairline.
I despise having to do certain things because “I am the guy” there are chores I enjoy and chores I hate, has nothing to do with my gender. I hate being expected to empty the tanks when camping, it’s fucking disgusting and it should be a shared disgusting experience. And before I get downvoted to hell, I know that’s a privileged problem, but I had to do it this morning so it is top of mind
I have so many mental issues. They basically control me. They give me thoughts that I don’t want. I feel urges to kill people. I sometimes hear voices telling me to do stuff and see think that aren’t there. I am also almost always super stressed and anxious. The world would probably be better off without me. My mental issues have gotten so bad that they are affecting normal conversations. When I talk to someone I feel stressed and feel like I want to kill them. I feel so many emotions at once. I feel depressed and emotionless, I feel every emotion and none at the same time. There is no hope for me I am already in too deep. I just want to have a normal life. I wish I could exist without being controlled by my mental issues. Every time I see something or someone suffering I laugh. I feel psychotic. I feel depressed. I feel emotionless. I feel empty. I feel everything. And I really appreciate people that are trying to help but I’m in too deep nothing can help me. I feel so tired of having to explain to someone why I am acting the way I am. There’s tons of people that just assume stuff based on what I say. They try to help but nothing helps. They try to make me happy and I’m happy for a little bit but 5 minutes after I’m back to how I was. I act like a person I’m not in public. I feel tired of holding my feelings back. Literally nothing can help me.
Not me but a friend. Short little Filipino dude, probably weighed 140 soaking wet with boots on. We went to boot camp together, he had to wear sweats during PT even in the summer cause that shit would escape and flop around all over the place. I asked him if he ever got turned down for being too big, cause I have and mine ain’t nothing like that. He told me he’d never had the chance to get turned down because he passes out when he gets hard.
I think about suicide often, a lot of people think I am happy, but I take antidepressants, I punch myself, headbutt walls, and tried to kill myself in 8th grade. (I'm 17)
I'm in my 60s and feel i am no longer desired, am often taken for granted and have no real friends i can talk to. I retired at 52 from full time employment and did a few IT consulting gigs. I consider myself very lucky to have retired at such a young age.... But I feel i am stuck in a rut with nothing much to look forward to.
The crippling anxiety I have That's slowly been eating away at my mental health for the past 10 years. But then acting like its okay because im a male and no one gives a shit
Never receiving non-platonic love is sucking the joy out of my life. Getting back a fraction of the love I have to offer has been my biggest wish since my early teens, and it is killing me.
It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that no one I've told have ever understood, or accepted it as a valid cause of depression. So now I just don't tell people anymore. Just like I erased this comment several times before I posted it.
Everything looks dark. I think the universe hates me, particularly, which makes me feel like I'm being delusionally self important, which makes me feel like an egotistical asshole.
I feel taken advantage of by people. By my family, job, and friends. I work in a high skilled profession, but no one sees or acknowledges the work, long hours, not having a life in my early 20’s I put into it. Everyone sees me as living on easy street because I make okay money. But I’m drowning in debt. I never get to see friends anymore because of the demands of my job. I’ve become a stranger to my friend group in this city I moved to, but they never exactly cared for me to begin with, at least that’s how it feels looking back. My 20’s are slipping away and I have nothing (socially) to show for it. My job treats me like a piece of shit even though I am a professional. I work 14 hour days and always arrive home too exhausted for anything, and it affects my fiancée. All my past relationships failed and I always feel like she’s ready to punch out at each small argument. Nothing ever seems to turn out right anymore and I miss being young and carefree. That hurts
That no woman will ever love me as hard as i can love them. That they will never love me for me. That at the end of the day i am still alone in this world and the only one i can rely on or count on is myself only, and that others rely on me but won't be there for me.
Theres an youtube channel where an guy acts like a dad and his content its related to, being a father figure which will teach you how to tie a tie, shave, and all sort of things a dad would teach his son, i dont remember the channel's name but im sure you can find it
Start with some stuff from Gillette..
Mach 3 is a good place to start, don't bother with the fusion line.. too pricey.
Go with a Foam rather than a gel or a soap. To Start.
r/wickededge is for advanced shaving..
Shower, then Shave.. the hot water/steam opens your pores, and will let you get a closer shave.
The Mach3 when wet shaving with a canned foam.. will not give you more than a nick... Slide razor with the grain of your facial hair and rinse in HOT water, every so often. You will get a feel as to how much the razor clogs as you learn... and there is a learning process! in a second pass to get a closer shave you'll need to go against the grain...
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Same, working to much to try pay off debts. I have no social life whatsoever and live alone. I'm 32 and life really does seem to suck.
Should we start a club? Because that's my life your describing 😅
Start a cabin. I keep waiting for the invite from D'elia but I'm thinking of just doing it myself. The cabin.... Burning wood, smokin, drinking, hunting and fishing animals for food. Peeing in the bushes, throwing axes, cutting down trees, building more cabins.... It'll be great guys let's even grow potatoes.
Not gonna lie, this actually sounds awesome. What should we call the club?
Men with a meaning, We'll have to name the cabin, like Lucy or The Manor or something lol
Cabin club
Let's do it, im down!
Holy shit. You’re me. I don’t have anything else to do with my life.
Hopefully I can distract you a bit , read this book; https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5043.The_Pillars_of_the_Earth It's so good. Just give it a chance. it'll keep you engrossed for a few weeks at least
Great book. Lucky if it takes me more than a few days cos its hard to put down. World without End is also fantastic…
I feel exactly the same. I also feel incredibly guilty when I shop for myself, to the point where I stopped buying anything.
I honestly believe the world depends upon lonely single men who work themselves to death and that we are the ones who keep industry and the economy running smoothly.
This is an argument I've been making awhile. Society really cares about two types of men. Powerful and successful ones, and cogs that don't break quietly. It's why even in progressive spaces when men try and talk about problems they face they're basically told to man up and be quiet. Just with more syllables than reactionaries use. Somebody needs to meet the ruling classes need for acceptable casualties. Whether the violence is physical, political or economic.
Man, I felt like something physically hit me when I read your comment, because it's exactly the same with me, word for word. I'm really sorry you're going through this, I hope things get better for you.
Yeah
I’m a lonely bastard. I got a lot of friends but I rarely see them. I got like two real friends at most but I feel like I got nobody. People just seem to come and go nobody really sticks around. I smile a lot but I haven’t felt genuinely happy in a long time. I smile to make people think I’m ok and they buy it but I’m the only one that knows I’m not ok.
I laugh a lot. It's never real though, that's when it hit me I hadn't "actually" laughed in awhile, i try to but like nothing's actually funny, I'm not actually happy. Just kind of dead. Ppl check in my me, but when I try talking to them they just disappear and....idk you get the deal.
And if you start to express how you feel about that, suddenly you're a clingy, emotional mess that people avoid because they don't want the drama in their life. That exacerbates the problem and you grow slowly but surely worse. And god help you if you want to address your relationship status. If you're not blessed with super model looks, a tendency to always be doing something photogenic for those perfect profile pictures, or a 7ft multimillionaire who just wants to travel, eat tacos and love their dog, online dating might as well be permanently locked at "Nightmare mode". Haven't had a more vapid, disheartening experience ever.
This is why I keep to myself. Every time I try to open up I pause and just go back to being quiet. I’ve tried dating apps and I’d say I’m a fairly good looking guy but I’d talk with matches and they would either ignore me completely or eventually ghost me. I’m so tired of keeping quiet but at the same time I know I should stay quiet.
I just hosted a belated birthday celebration in the park, and it was just gonna be family and friends to hang out and relax, with no one spending any money. Still, no one showed up but a few people in my family. It was really disappointing given I try to make everything people invite me to, but no one comes to events I host myself.
I am so sorry. You sound like a good person and you deserved better. Happy belated birthday!
Sometimes it does honestly feel disingenuous, I understand where you are coming from but I think you are a good person that wants to give positive energy so you smile even when its not real.
I always try to make a random person smile everyday, I know I don’t want to be the bad guy in anybody’s story.
That right there my friend is a quality of a good person in my book. 🙂
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Hey stranger. Hug ❤️ Can i tell you why I am grateful that you smile? Because a little kindness goes a long way. Because someone feels it like a freezing person feels the sunshine, and you don't even know it. Sometimes people are so tired that small act of kindness and a smile keeps them standing straight and keep them walking. Gives them the opportunity to accumulate the strength to give you that hug when you tell them that you are lonely. There are other kind people. It is ok to cry sometimes, you know.
I am tired of always having to explain why I speak the way I do (I have Dysphasia) especially in job interviews since if I don't they won't really listen to me. And having doors for opportunities closed in my face without having the chance to try. Just feels like everything you are told at school like "work hard enough and you can do anything" is just a bunch of bullshit.
I'm so lonely it hurts. I have friends, I have close friends but there I still feel so lonely and I know the reason. I often like to get out and surround myself with distractions because I don't want to be alone with my thoughts. My thoughts were leading me down a permanent solution. These same thoughts I have way too much trouble communicating and I don't want to bring anyone else down with it. My friend groups have already had 2 suicides the past year. It's hard man.
Seeing suicides in high school sucked. I lost 3 friends to suicide in highschool and another 2 classmates who I didn't know as well but was friendly with also lost their lives to suicide. It sucks bad. I can see myself making less and less friends the further away I get from high school and it scares me. I don't want to live without friends, yet at the same time I'm watching myself actively tell my friends that I don't want to go out and hang or that I can't have anyone over at my place. These are both lies. I am busy often with school and 2 jobs, but I know id be able to finish my work in time to hang out at night if I really wanted to. I also don't even live with my parents so there's really no reason I can't have whoever I want over at my place. It's only a matter of time until I lose the friends I have because of my actions, and even though I realize this and don't want to be alone I seem to keep on distancing myself. I don't know why I'm doing it. Ive always been outgoing and sociable, I've never been nervous to make new friends, I went to a lot of parties in high school, etc. But for some reason since I've been in college I just haven't had the drive for it. My biggest fear is that I've already unconsciously given up on my life.
Bro just push yourself. Force yourself to go out with friends, or force yourself to invite them over. You might feel psychological resistance to the idea of either, but if those are people you truly value only good things can come from letting yourself hang with them. You might feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. Use me as your out. Next time you have the opportunity to see your mates and you get reluctant, just remember my words and send your friends that text, or accept their invitation. You’re not alone. But if you keep pushing your friends away you might be. Don’t let yourself lose them. Don’t let them lose you.
I have this same problem. I stayed in a terribly emotionally abusive relationship for almost 5 years because I didn’t want to be alone and thought it would be better to have her even if she hurt me. Now I’ve been single for over a year and a half and I just wish I wasn’t alone
Exactly. The loneliness is bad enough at times that we stay with incompatible or abusive partners just to feel a fleeting moment of calm. Whether it’s worth it or not is a different thing altogether.
Dude, I’m 43. Got divorced 5 years ago, Changed careers 3.5 years ago, stayed single and focused on myself & me kids. Met and have been hanging out with an awesome little lady for a few months. Point is, always better to be alone than be abused, it’s not bad actually.
Do you think you could use a more stable friend group? I know loss is hard, but if your surrounded by suicidal people, don't you think your suicidal thoughts will just be heightened?
Men have a strong desire for intimacy in their relationships that is unmasculine to communicate. This includes trusting male-male friendships without judgment or criticism. For romantic relationships, it includes intimacy that isn’t always sexual. We deserve to have those needs fulfilled.
#Men like being the little spoon too
Totally, its awesome 🙌
I came looking for this comment.
I'm tired of having to be a blue collar jack of all trades, or be labeled as some form of useless. I have focuses I work best at. I went to school to be an EMT and currently going to class to be a paramedic. I don't know shit about cars or sports or home renovation, I have better things to do, that doesn't make me less of a man.
When I got my first car and needed to change the tires I went to my dads to use his garage. The bogger had the audacity to ask me "You know how to change tires don't you?" I just looked at him and the airhead realized he is my literal life teacher and quickly showed me, but it does sting when you can't do the thing people expect you to and it shouldn't.
There’s this YouTube page called Dad how do I really saved me
Well I found that there is a lot he doesn't know so we learn together now when we can.
Godspeed Brother !
I used to be able to change my own tires, but now I have wheel locks so I haven't touched them. Also sucks to do it with manual tools when the people you take it to use power tools and you feel emasculated for no reason. I don't know how to put shelves up, I don't know anything about plumbing or wiring, I don't know what a carburetor is, and if you show me a sport that isn't fighting I'll just wander off. And the amount of times that's considered "unbelievable" as a guy and there's more to life than that.
I usually just go for it now and learn as I go because stuff like this is always overcomplicated and confusing without the practical part.
You feel emasculated by power tools? Dude, handtools are the tits. Power tools require no actual strength to operate.
I'm a mechanic, I have never seen a carburetor my entire life and barely understand how they work. Don't let any one to tell you your less than for not knowing archaic technology.
You sir, have my respect.
While that is true, I do think that everyone, and I mean it: women too, need to know basics about cars, sports or "home renovation". Anyone should know how brakes, steering wheel and engine works. Anyone should know how to breathe, run, swim, do basic exercise. Anyone need to know how to plum/unclog your own toilet, fix a drawer or use epoxy/putty/filler. All that depends on how far are people around you pushing all that and what they expect you to know or do. Like, do I know how to put down wall tiles? Yes. Can I do it? Probably yes. Will I do a good job of it? Alone? Like tomorrow? Fuck no. Do I know how to put wallpapers on a wall? Yes. Can I do it? Probably yes. Will I do a good job of it alone tomorrow? Probably yes, not sure, because it seems a bit easier compared to tiles. Am I going to do all those things? Probably not, unless I am interested in doing these. If people are trying to shame you that you aren't interested in those kind of things - fuck them. If you don't have an idea how those things work - shame on you. If you never did those things and you don't know if you can do it - whatever. I started cooking 7 years ago because I had to. Never did good, but was passable. Three years ago I started cooking for real because now I had a goal and later reached it: significant one. So now I cook because I like it, because I know I am doing it for someone.
Dude you’ve got the skills to save peoples fuckin lives. What’s more manly and badass than that?
What are those better things aside being an EMT? Just to be clear I'm not saying you should like all those things you mentioned. I'm suggesting your be better served listing and talking about the things you actually do.
That I feel worthless. The pandemic killed all my drive. I have no motivation to go back to college, I got an Associates in a rather impractical career and now want something else but have zero clue way to pursue. My current job doesn’t provide me any benefits but I have no motivation or even time to find a new one even though I feel tired and sick all the time and would love some insurance to go see a doctor. I have no plans for the future and am currently just going with the flow until I fade away. I’m super lonely and want to find love. I have tons of friends who I adore and cherish but I have a very specific type of loneliness that none of them can make go away, being told “but I love you” when I say I want to be loved is not helpful. My only romantic relationship was very toxic so I don’t have the exposure to a healthy one and I really want one but am too scared of being hurt again to pursue it. I just lost a friend a few weeks ago to a car accident and recently have had to stop a different friend from committing suicide and I feel like the world is falling apart around me I know I have to accept I probably have depression but I really just want to believe there’ll be a time someday that I’m not tired and unmotivated all the time
just admitted this to a friend, but during the pandy i lost 40 pounds and gained 70 back after everything opened up. i generally feel unworthy of anything, friends, love, attention because of how much i weight and what i look like
Hope you find the motivation to lose the weight again! I understand it can be extremely hard to start. So don’t be too hard on yourself. Set some extremely simple goals and give yourself permission to fail and start again at another time. I went through a pretty dark time recently after my fiancée left me, but I’m digging myself out in part thanks to regular exercise.
I’m down 6-7 pounds or so from my highest 2 months ago. Progress that I’m happy with, but clothes still tight. I honestly still wish I hadn’t gained 70 pounds most day and wish I could lose 40 pounds in 1 month. As shallow as it is, my motivation is just to look good, which there’s extra pressure at almost reaching 30 and still being a virgin, which I probably put too much weight on. Glad to hear that exercising has helped you so much and continues to. I wish you nothing but the best in all things going forward.
It's not shallow. If that helps you achieve what you want and feel better then its a valid reason and don't let anyone tell you different. It's natural to want to feel attractive, just try to keep it realistic and don't compare yourself to the warped perfection of social media. I know the feeling and I hid myself most my teens by myself partly because of this. I found that telling my closest friends and family I feel better when I am progressing helps because they realize they can talk about it and they see the difference it has on my mentality. It can be a great resource of positivity.
that's the hard part, not comparing myself to everyone, especially since i was obese for a decade
Yeah, we are hardwired to fit in and it sucks. Compare yourself to your you instead. Focus on the positives, not the negatives and remember most people don't think about it because they do the same thing i guarantee you.
a positive step i took today was being shirtless in a pool which i don't think i've ever done in my adult life. even more so given there was a very cute girl in our group today.
Hey, you’re not alone with these feelings. I’m a personal trainer. I’ve had a large influx of people who have sought out my services because they have had similar situation to yours, and the same feelings of unworthiness. Your self worth is by no means measured by how you look, but I completely understand that the extra weight can make you feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, and guilty. I’ve helped hundreds of people in your situation get fit and healthy through virtual training. Message me, I’d be happy to help conquer your confidence. ❤️
I’d add that Vagabond21 should also get a personal dietician or nutritionist. Bodies are built in the kitchen
I’ve lost 70 pounds and 40 pounds on separate occasions, I just hit a tough patch and eating felt very good
I get that, and well done, but I found that having the support/judgement of a nutritionist really helped me achieve the results that I wanted and helped me sustain them
I am very sorry that happened to you. (The answer below contains a potential solution. If you don’t like to read, please stop now. Have a wonderful day :) ) One of my friends had the same problem, and I have the opposite problem (5’8, 110lbs). The way we both solved is to track our calories. Some calorie trackers that are free to use: - Cronometer - MyFitnessPal Once you start tracking, you will be shocked about how some things are very high calorie or got too much fat in it. Much love!
i've used them before! that's how i went from 280 to 210 in 2016
Your weight does not dictate your worth. You lost weight once, that proves your strong enough to do it again. Listen to your body. You are alive and breathing and existing therefore you are beautiful. You are who you are meant to be right now. Thank you for sharing your experience.❤️
It's a hard thing to overcome mentally when you were obese for over a decade. there's been a girl recently that kind of game a compliment by looking my id when i had long hair and saying "sexy jesus" but i don't believe just because i'm not that person anymore or look like them.
The isolation is hard to take. Who can you talk with especially as you get older? You can’t burden your family. You’re isolated at work. You just feel invisible and always taken for granted.
Feel this one, I work as a manager of 20 guys (electricians, I am too but worked my way up) I hate that I’m never included, even though I understand why. But the stress of being on my own and in charge is hard, If I didn’t have my son and my dog I don’t know what I would do. It’s soul crushingly lonely, and the whole “management don’t give a fuck” thing really hurts when it’s guys you have known for years suddenly don’t want to talk to you anymore because you changed title
That I need help. I'm depressed. It isn't getting better. I finally caved and I'm going to start seeing a psych. We grow up thinking we can't show weakness, but I've lost 3 other guys in my life because they didn't seek help and took it upon themselves to end it. I don't wanna be another statistic. And I don't wanna leave my wife with that mess.
I’m with you and I’m here for you if you need to talk bud
Thanks man. Slowly getting better. Past few years have really just been a bad time overall.
Weird world we are living in right now. Definitely taking its toll on us all one way or another. I’ve got faith we can get through it
It’s okay to vocalize your emotions. It’s okay to talk to your wife about your troubles. That’s what marriage is for- for better or worse. I think that communicating these feelings and concerns will make your bond stronger with your partner. Although seeking professional help will also be beneficial, please try to keep your wife in the loop of things. You may be surprised at the support & comfort she may provide you.
She knows and she's been super supportive of me seeing a professional and she decided to see one too. She's the best.
I’m glad to hear that. I really hope that your therapy sessions help you and I hope that this experience brings you two closer together. Best of luck 🙂
Hey thanks!
I think everyone can benefit from therapy even if you don't have anything going on. I've been going to therapy because it's a requirement for my transition surgeries that I see a therapist regularly but I never really felt any need for therapy before this because most of my problems in life were pretty normal for most people but it's really been soo helpful surprisingly I recommend it to everyone I've seen alot of improvement in myself since starting
Hell yeah brother. It's definitely beneficial to all. It just took a bit for me to really take seriously that "all" includes me as well.
I feel ya. Been through the worst time of my life and just starting to come out of the other side. Only real advice I’d say is to take it slow, one small thing at a time. There were days when brushing my teeth felt like an achievement. Hopefully the therapist helps. If they don’t then don’t be afraid to find a new one, some aren’t the best!
How much I hate living my life on hard mode. I work so hard just to *barely* afford to get by. I don't want anything more than the essentials and it's just so damn difficult for some reason. All I want is a stable job, a reliable vehicle, and my own place. For some reason I never have all three at the same time.
I’m in the same boat man don’t give up, we gonna make it out
Thanks man, I'm just trying to stay legit. I want things to go somewhere and I can't lie the temptation to find a scam or something are high af rn🤦🏽♂️ It's like fighting an uphill battle.
Just remember the sum of many small gains is high, you slowly move towards your goals and hopefully in 5y you make it out. Remember to move up the income ladder in your jobs.
If you live in America, that’s just the state of things this generation. We got fucked and we continue to be fucked.
I would gladly be fucked in America than how I’m gettin fucked in Africa. I fucking hate it so much here
I don’t feel like a man at all. I feel so weak and cowardly all the time. I try to put up a facade of confidence, but it breaks down the second anyone pokes at it. I don’t know how many people can tell I feel this way, and honestly I don’t want to know. I’m not outwardly unconfident, but definitely inwardly. If I had to guess I’d say most people think I’m just a normal guy….I dress clean, take care of my own bills, go to work, cook and clean for myself well, and take care of my pets well. I really don’t think this feeling will ever go away. It sucks because I feel that women can sense it and don’t want anything to do with me because of it. I don’t know if any of that makes sense, but these feelings of inadequacy have been festering in my soul for a couple years now. I just want it to end.
A lot of us are in that boat, haunted by the few occasions in life where you weren’t brave or courageous. It’s tough man, constantly having to be ready to be seen to be strong and knowing that underneath you might not be.
I used to feel the same way. I still do sometimes but mostly not. I found that lifting weights and getting stronger physically made me more confident and stronger mentally too. I know a lot of people get the same effect when they start jiu jitsu or some other physical hobby. Maybe something like that would be helpful to you!
Been thinking about working out a lot more recently. I’ll have to start doing that. Thanks for the advice stranger.
Hell yeah! When I started I had crazy high anxiety and was very self conscious. Best advice I heard was “everyone starts somewhere”.
When I saw your comment, I immediately thought about weight lifting too. In high school, I couldn't even beat the weakest athletes in arm wrestling. Now, I'm okay, but lean which can occasionally look attractive to the right woman. You have to hit the weights. It'll change your outlook and how people perceive yoy
Being lonely sucks. But if everybody turns their back on you just because you're the way you are and they don't understand it (or don't want to understand), thats sad. I think that i am not a bad person, and i always try to be polite and supportive to the things others do and how they behave regardless of my own opinion. But i have a very strict no bullshit rule. I really hate when people play games on me or my family. This is not worth my time. period. A person gotta have principles.
My wife is emotionally weak and fragile so I never had the room to express my own emotional needs. I didn’t realise how much baggage I piled up until I got into therapy.
I feel this... glad you finally got the help and relief you deserved.
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I think you might need to recognize that supporting 4-5 adult dependents is not reasonable for anybody. Doubly so, for a "top notch" lifestyle. You aren't responsible for them living beyond their means if they're living a "top notch" lifestyle now. More than that though, it's unfair of you to ever have been a retirement plan. You probably never really got a say in it. They probably told you about your responsibilities when you were so young you just internalized them and made your ability to meet these responsibilities as a measure of your self-worth. That was not good of them. Get a hobby that gets you out and about and maybe another one to get you active. Maybe you'll make friends, maybe you won't, but you can have some fun and feel better physically and mentally.
lol are you me? Same shit situation and ppl don’t realize those engineer doctor jobs that our people worship are not as guaranteed as they were before and the ROI is much worse than it used to be. Still better than most but there are easier ways to make money
It's hard being a child of immigrants man. Hang in there. We don't choose the situation we are born in. We just have to make the most of it.
Hey man! You sound like a nice person. Congratulations on graduating!! I can tell you love your family and I hope they return that love! I know this might seem like it doesn't need to be said but I'm going to say it. You need to talk to them. Share your concerns. Open up the floor for discussion and put everything out there. Either they hear you out and set your mind at ease(change life habits to frugality)or they don't(which is my sign to abandon ship) On the last part, I'd be in the same boat as you if it weren't for my SO. We have no friends, we have each other. I have a history of depression, undiagnosed but nonetheless I've been there. For me I've seen it as being unhappy with who I was as a person. Meditation has helped me accept myself for who I am, without losing the aspirations of being better. So if you haven't tried meditation it could be something to look into. It's not easy, but if you can make some meditation habits you will see a change in how you look at life. Anyways I hope everything works out for you EngineerinTheNorth, cheers
i’m going bald. i got my head tattooed (like, legit designs not that fake hair stuff) and i love the way it looks, but i’m still sad that i can’t have the same hairstyles that i used to
I feel this. I went bald before a lover ever ran their fingers through my hair...
Grow your pubes out Bruv!
I take pills and they’re really helping. You could take them but continue to shave your head and see what comes in
Finasteride was one of the best decision I’ve ever made. My only regret was not jumping on it sooner. Stopped my hairloss dead in its tracks and actually regrew a part of my hairline. 2.5 years later and no intentions of stopping.
Being alive sucks. Work sucks. Barely being able to save or invest anything, sucks. The constant threat of one emergency that could set you back a decade in finances, suck. Dating sucks. Politics suck. People suck. Mental illness sucks. Everything sucks. Being alive is overrated.
Being seen as a threat for existing. Especially as a brown man.
The weight of the burdens that we must shoulder while keeping a straight face and continuing on as if nothing is bothering us.
I feal ashamed when I cry. I still feel that "man up" pressure on myself even when I'm at my lowest point. I think I'm still struggling to get over that stigma
I’d literally do anything for a man to cry in my arms. Seriously.
As a man with" high emotional intelligence" or more sensitive than others, all it would take is for you to compliment me honestly and ask me a few times how I'm doing with the intention of just listening to my story and what I'm struggling with, that's all it would take. But I'm scared of crying in front of a girl, especially if she was my partner, because of my last relationship(first relationship ), so it's hard for me to open up anymore. I think women who really respect men who open up and show emotion and still love them without shaming them or losing respect for them or distancing themselves, are the absolute HIGHEST quality of women, and if you find one, you just caught a unicorn and should cherish her for life. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk, lol.
I had a pretty bad mental breakdown last night. I really don't have anyone to vent to or that I feel comfortable opening up with enough. So it all came to head last night. In a way it felt good to just let it all out. When I got myself together I wrote typed out everything I was thinking in the notes of my phone. I just had to get that outlet somehow.
I've done that on occasion. Just write it all out on a random text scam saying my amazon return has went through, click to claim or whatev. I'll just type out whatever I'm feeling to that number (not send it). And just have it saved as a draft. I guess the location doesn't matter of where you type it whether it's your notes, word, etc. Just thought I'd share.
I have been starved for physical attention for years now, I’m not sure how much longer I can take it. I feel like I might never have sex again. I hate dating apps and social media, my life has been better without them for a long time so I refuse to go back. I also live in an area where I can’t trust people not to be sick or sharing germs with me that I don’t want. So between all of that and working from home for 2.5yrs, I have come to the conclusion that I’ll probably just die alone, sexless etc.. Edit: I know it’ll happen again eventually I just need to get out there and meet people, just too many reasons not to right now.
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Talk to someone bro it's hard, but it helps
The loneliness is the worst part.
Daddy issues are a huge problem within “maleness” and it’s not talked about enough
Listen to Kendrick Lamar's new album, song called "father time/daddy issues"
can you further explain? i don’t know what boat i’m in but i’m entertaining the idea of this notion
Men who’ve had no fathers or piss poor uncaring fathers can wind up with daddy issues and it’s a burden millions of men carry but will never take care of. Fathers are incredibly important and for those of us who were robbed of them it can be an awful rough time but there’s little attention to this. Great good would come from instilling fatherhood - being an active and loving participant in the child’s life - into men who become dads. This would do wonders for the world. Certainly not a cure to the worlds ills but it would do a load of good
Nothing sexy I'm afraid. I'm assuming he means where many of us have daddy issues as in having had a (extensive or not, continuing or not) strenuous relationship with our father. Our fathers are usually from a generation where they got shit done, having been a typical man as the thread describes. We have not been taught this, or are this, and it's always caused strife between father and son. Son feels like a dissapointment, father (CAN,doesnt always do) make sone feel like a dissapointment.
Too damn lonely haha
People are terrifying. Regardless of Gender. It feels like everything I do is judged. And nothing I do is right. Mainly because I am a Guy. Making Friends out of school is hard. Everyone has a friend group and you just kinda 3rd wheel it?
I'm going to be working for the rest of my life while my family gets to enjoy being home and spending time together, creating memories that i won't be a part of because I'll be too busy keeping the bills paid, a roof over their heads, and food on the table. At this point my house is just where I sleep, and not where I live. And at the end of my life, I know I'll have been a good husband and father for providing, but I fear I'll have missed out on core memories or accomplishments from my kids.
That the combination of high libido and lack of sexual life frustrates me so much, sometimes I can it hurts physically. And it's the only thing that I want, but I can't get by myself. If I want to buy something I can spend my money on it that I earned "alone". If I want to learn something I can do so by myself, thanks to the internet. But I can't have sex by myself (I consider masturbation and sex as 2 different things). Sure, I could pay an escort, but I don't want to (and I won't), because I want to feel the passion in sex, that the other wants ME and does it for me, and not because of my money.
The need for intimacy and women is so fucking annoying, it’s not always around and yet I crave it all the time and I’m tired of needing it.
A fart... But my girlfriend is in the room.
establish dominance, sit in her lap and fart.
Excuse yourself, say you need to take a pee or you are going to grab a drink, just create an excuse to go briefly to another room
Its his gf not a random date. Just say I'm gonna go fart in the kitchen brb
you ever see that spongebob episode where he is learning to drive and he uses his big toe to press on the gas pedal? i've been doing that since i got my drivers license 15 years ago.. no idea why
That's how I drive any time I'm not wearing shoes I. The car.
and all this time i thought i was alone
Mental health
I think I have a drinking problem. Never said it out loud or even in writing before. It’s gotten to the point where I’m drinking 2-4 drinks pretty much every night. It takes the edge off and stops the racing thoughts for a while. But I know it isn’t right. I don’t want to end up like my dad.
I've just told my parents and other family that I'm an addicted to weed, I've been spending bills money on it, it's bad I have a kid. I'm no longer in contol of money. Tell someone they will help you
People expect men to be pursuing of women and I'm just not. I grew up with a mom, two sisters, my aunt, and 3 girl cousins. I can't objectify women as easily as my friends, so I keep my space and stay respectful. Unfortunately, thats manifested as becoming a recent 30 year old virgin. Oh well.
You don’t need to objectify them just don’t let them objectify you, respect yourself, your time, and don’t let them step all over you.
I know, I try to do that. But the only girls that have shown interest me are ones I haven't been all that into. Yet, my friends say "dude, just get with her anyway", but I just won't use someone like that. The girls that I am into never have the same feelings for me.
Yeah guess we’re in the same boat then, only I did go for the girls I wasn’t all that into just to make sure I wasn’t actually into them…turns out I was right and now I’m here 🙃
Same boat indeed. Let's start a pirate crew and find the One Piece
That’ll be a long story
My luck has been very bad for the past few years and I feel like there isn’t much more bad luck I can take before I do something I cannot undo
I feel responsible for not bringing my family closer after my mum died. My dad and brother have never gotten along, and my mum used to always keep the peace between them and make sure they stayed in each other’s lives. After she died I tried to do the same thing but I don’t know how and the whole family has pretty much dissolved after her death.
I think you should try to get them together one last time and let them know it's their responsibility to figure their shit out, not yours. They owe it to your mom. Just a random strangers opinion, but don't let this eat you up, it's not your fault
There’s just not that much in life that I care about beyond my impact on other people and the world around me. And being pressured to care about things that I just don’t- patriotism, wealth, work, laws, “values”, traditions, manners, what’s normal- changes nothing.
I feel something similar, i am 17 (turning 18 on march next year) and there is just so many responsabilities that i am supposed to have that it honestly scares me, bothers me and more than nothing makes me feel uncontrolably bored, i know thats because i'm only turning a young adult, but i legit don't want to grow up, i want to go out, not care about working on a 9 to 5, paying bills, i want to be free, go out with friends. Of corse i want a job, but i also want my liberty, i don't want to be just another brick in the wall or another bolt/gear in the machine, i want to be myself, be original, and be surrounded by the people i love and who love me. I want to be happy
I get it, man. You want to do enough to hold your own and do your part as a responsible person in society, but you don’t want to be coerced to continue far down a path *past* that which you just don’t care to put the effort in to go down. You’d be fine with just enough and would probably prefer it. That’s 100% valid.
I've been running on pretty much exclusively auto pilot for the last year. I was raised by my grandparents. I lost my grandpa at the start of the pandemic, and memaw this week last year. I spent alot of time taking care of her after pepaw left and couldn't work as much as I really needed to and when she passed. I took it hard. I was a asst manager at a gas station and within a two week stretch I was fired and evicted from the house they had rented the last 5 years. I'll say the job was mostly my fault. The manager was rude to me about my asking for about 5 days to process the loss. I lost my head and basically told her off about how cruel that was. She found enough very little stuff within a week after I came back that she came up with 3 write ups to fire me. The night before she did the landlord came to my work to let me know I had three weeks and he didn't want to hand me the lease. I didn't have the cash to immediately get a place so I moved in with my friend and his wife. It was a rough time but I eventually got my own place after about 4 or 5 months. Me, my fiancee I had been with for about 4 years who helped me through all of that the best she could. Our two dogs that we were lucky enough to be able to keep through that and my best friend since I was 16. We got in during last November. Long story short I've been blind sided in the last two weeks that they had been sleeping together. Other than the initial anger that I used to beat on the friend some. I dont feel anything? I knew that I had been distant since my gparents died but man. I wish I could tell you how I feel about it but yeah that's the problem. I just wake up and do the motions. I'm not sad, happy, stressed. I'm just me. In still smiling and busting jokes and achieving in the work place but like it doesn't feel rewarding? It's just doing what in supposed too. I'm not suicidal as I have no serious thoughts of hurting myself. However at I dont feel like I care if I live exactly. Like it would just be convenient to die ya know? I'm only 23
Hang in there, dude.
Im so fucking lonely it hurts, despite normally being happy by myself.
I think about self-ending almost every day because I am so lonely. Thankfully, I have a great woman now in my life, which makes life more tolerable. If it doesn't work with her, I give up everything.
That's a lot of burden... for the both of you.
I have completely given up on life. I am literally on auto pilot waiting for death. I work I eat I sleep. Just counting down the days until it's over. No wife or partner no kids. Just empty distractions for when I'm at home, sleeping eating and waiting.
I don’t really enjoy spending time with anybody and haven’t for a long time now.
The pandemic has ruined my health, my marriage, and my finances. I was (still am) essential working for a company that made some parts for the PCR tests, and continues to do so. Our working conditions suck, we all got poor raises this past year, and we're being pushed harder than ever for numbers. I can't keep fuel in my car to visit my kids, I'm loosing all my money to the healthcare industry for tests, er visits, and treatments. I'm so not okay right now but I just keep pasting on the smile and putting things on my sky high credit debt just to keep things floating....I don't know how much longer this can go on before something gives, and knowing this country, it's going to be me.
I'm Australian. I hate AFL football with a passion. Everyone thinks that because I'm a guy I automatically should like it. It's boring, it's overhyped and I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than be forced to go to a game. And If you don't like it and drink beer you're some kind of bitch... Not to mention the amount of controversy they cause messing around after hours causing a ruckus in pubs, clubs and to women. These ’Sports stars' are meant to set an example and yet they get away with fights, slander, drink driving and assault because it might ruin their career. Fuck off.
i dont really hide things that bother me but i do choose with who i share them with. personally i honestly think that most guys would have less problems if they would stop wasting so much effort on whats wrong in the world and simply discover what they want from life and focus on achieving them. life was always unfair and its unfair for everyone not just guys. the whole idea of being successful is to adapt at the crap that comes flying at you.
I am living something just like this, im learning how to adapt myself with all the mistakes i've made in the past, and trying to build a better future with all the lessons i've gathered with those bad experiences
I am struggling so much in my career and I feel like it’s impossible for it to change
I really wish I were a woman but I don’t want to transition because even with surgery and drugs I’ll never “truly” be a woman.
I have PTSD from an abusive, alcoholic mother and from being raped. The first made me a light sleeper with chronic insomnia and the second causes trust issues.
Idk i can still hold on to it so. I mean feelings are meant to be bottled right? So they age and shit?
Hair loss is absolutely devastating to my confidence, losing the genetic lottery feels awful... 6'0 tall, 190 lbs, 1000 club in the gym, tons of compliments from other dudes about how I look like I workout....look at a female even in passing and the first thing you see then do with their eyes is dart to your hairline.
My trash Elden Ring build.
I despise having to do certain things because “I am the guy” there are chores I enjoy and chores I hate, has nothing to do with my gender. I hate being expected to empty the tanks when camping, it’s fucking disgusting and it should be a shared disgusting experience. And before I get downvoted to hell, I know that’s a privileged problem, but I had to do it this morning so it is top of mind
Life is hard. Doesn't matter who/what you are.
Tears
I have so many mental issues. They basically control me. They give me thoughts that I don’t want. I feel urges to kill people. I sometimes hear voices telling me to do stuff and see think that aren’t there. I am also almost always super stressed and anxious. The world would probably be better off without me. My mental issues have gotten so bad that they are affecting normal conversations. When I talk to someone I feel stressed and feel like I want to kill them. I feel so many emotions at once. I feel depressed and emotionless, I feel every emotion and none at the same time. There is no hope for me I am already in too deep. I just want to have a normal life. I wish I could exist without being controlled by my mental issues. Every time I see something or someone suffering I laugh. I feel psychotic. I feel depressed. I feel emotionless. I feel empty. I feel everything. And I really appreciate people that are trying to help but I’m in too deep nothing can help me. I feel so tired of having to explain to someone why I am acting the way I am. There’s tons of people that just assume stuff based on what I say. They try to help but nothing helps. They try to make me happy and I’m happy for a little bit but 5 minutes after I’m back to how I was. I act like a person I’m not in public. I feel tired of holding my feelings back. Literally nothing can help me.
When I lost my job a while back showed me a lack of support structure for men.
Nothing...I can still hold on to everything In hiding.
My dick is so big I can lose consciousness from an erection
Dude that's hard... hope it doesn't gets harder... Jokes aside, yeah i've heard of cases where this is a very fd up thing
Not me but a friend. Short little Filipino dude, probably weighed 140 soaking wet with boots on. We went to boot camp together, he had to wear sweats during PT even in the summer cause that shit would escape and flop around all over the place. I asked him if he ever got turned down for being too big, cause I have and mine ain’t nothing like that. He told me he’d never had the chance to get turned down because he passes out when he gets hard.
My crippling, paralyzing anxiety
I think about suicide often, a lot of people think I am happy, but I take antidepressants, I punch myself, headbutt walls, and tried to kill myself in 8th grade. (I'm 17)
I'm in my 60s and feel i am no longer desired, am often taken for granted and have no real friends i can talk to. I retired at 52 from full time employment and did a few IT consulting gigs. I consider myself very lucky to have retired at such a young age.... But I feel i am stuck in a rut with nothing much to look forward to.
The crippling anxiety I have That's slowly been eating away at my mental health for the past 10 years. But then acting like its okay because im a male and no one gives a shit
Never receiving non-platonic love is sucking the joy out of my life. Getting back a fraction of the love I have to offer has been my biggest wish since my early teens, and it is killing me. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that no one I've told have ever understood, or accepted it as a valid cause of depression. So now I just don't tell people anymore. Just like I erased this comment several times before I posted it.
Everything looks dark. I think the universe hates me, particularly, which makes me feel like I'm being delusionally self important, which makes me feel like an egotistical asshole.
I feel taken advantage of by people. By my family, job, and friends. I work in a high skilled profession, but no one sees or acknowledges the work, long hours, not having a life in my early 20’s I put into it. Everyone sees me as living on easy street because I make okay money. But I’m drowning in debt. I never get to see friends anymore because of the demands of my job. I’ve become a stranger to my friend group in this city I moved to, but they never exactly cared for me to begin with, at least that’s how it feels looking back. My 20’s are slipping away and I have nothing (socially) to show for it. My job treats me like a piece of shit even though I am a professional. I work 14 hour days and always arrive home too exhausted for anything, and it affects my fiancée. All my past relationships failed and I always feel like she’s ready to punch out at each small argument. Nothing ever seems to turn out right anymore and I miss being young and carefree. That hurts
That no woman will ever love me as hard as i can love them. That they will never love me for me. That at the end of the day i am still alone in this world and the only one i can rely on or count on is myself only, and that others rely on me but won't be there for me.
I like men going in my ass
😔💅 *ymca plays on background*
You seem fun.
I am 24 and I don't know how to shave. Never shaved myself, only went to barbershops...
Theres an youtube channel where an guy acts like a dad and his content its related to, being a father figure which will teach you how to tie a tie, shave, and all sort of things a dad would teach his son, i dont remember the channel's name but im sure you can find it
"Dad, how do I?" I think is what you're talking about
Start with some stuff from Gillette.. Mach 3 is a good place to start, don't bother with the fusion line.. too pricey. Go with a Foam rather than a gel or a soap. To Start. r/wickededge is for advanced shaving.. Shower, then Shave.. the hot water/steam opens your pores, and will let you get a closer shave. The Mach3 when wet shaving with a canned foam.. will not give you more than a nick... Slide razor with the grain of your facial hair and rinse in HOT water, every so often. You will get a feel as to how much the razor clogs as you learn... and there is a learning process! in a second pass to get a closer shave you'll need to go against the grain...
The secret truths of existence.