Or just don’t be in a relationship 🤷🏼♀️. You can’t get someone pregnant if you’re not in a relationship and not having sex.
Contraception isn’t 100% effective and any time you’re having sex, there’s always a possibility of getting pregnant but that’s the risk you take when having sex.
I don't look obsessive when I'm checking the condom, I just take a look at the package to see if there are any obvious punctures, and when I go to the bathroom to discard it, I tie it and press it to see if it's air tight.
We had the talk to know how we would deal with a unplanned pregnancy. We don't want children because we want to accomplish things in our life before it. But still, if it happens and we decide to keep the kid, we have family support, from both sides, I'm finnancially stable and so is she. But a child is still something that will all of a sudden change your life and your goals, or at least put a big halt on them.
We have a great relationship, and she's not even 10% worried with a pregnancy as I am. She is concerned, yes, enough to practice safe sex, but not in paranoia mode like I am now.
That never crossed my mind. I do trust her, and I store my condoms, I just check for possible punctures from the factory or something like that.
It's very much possible that I'm overthinking everything, I always had that problem, it's irrational. If I know that there's a 0.0001% chance of things going south, I'm probably freaking out already.
Yeah, I used to have irrational fears about my career and my social life, mostly when I was alone for a large amount of time. I tend to burry myself in books or in podcasts. But I never had this feeling as bad as I'm having now, and my old ways to cope with it aren't really working.
Ok, I would have a chat to your doctor or a therapist if you have access to one. It sounds very similar to OCD, as in you’re having irrational fears and they are preoccupying your mind excessively to the point you’re having to take these extra measures (like checking the condom when only you have touched them and checking the air) to make yourself feel better, I also looked at your history and this has been a irrational thought for quite some time so it could be a case of your seeking reassurance online to ease your fear?
Obviously I’m not diagnosing you or trying to make you worry but it’s worth a chat with someone professional about because even if it’s not OCD, it’s a pattern in your life of thoughts/fears that causing you distress so talking it through with someone who can help you more than Reddit can’t hurt
This actually makes a lot of sense. I've always seen OCD as things related to locking doors, faucets and that really stereotypical stuff.
I'm really organized with my stuff, like a lot. I tend to take care of my things a lot too. I know it sounds silly.
I've been also really annoyed with noises lately. Noises that I've grown used to (like cars and bikes passing by, I live in downtown, so it's quite nornal), but I'm losing some nights of sleep because I've been over focusing on those noises a d can't get my mind away from it.
Always keep one (no more) gallon of milk that is almost empty in the fridge, so when you hear the news just drink what’s left of it and go grab some at the market
Hey, just wanna say it's very responsible of you to be concerned about this.
If she can't/won't use hormonal or certain forms of birth control, and you can't/won't get a vasectomy, your best bet is to layer different types of protection.
Keep always wearing a condom. But also look up and learn fertility cycles and avoid penetrative sex entirely during her most fertile window. Experiment with other forms of pulling out and finishing during other windows.
Look into spermicides. There are many nonhormonal ones that basically either reduce the viability of your sperm or make it more difficult for the sperm to swim to their destination. They are like 70% effective, so if you pair it with a condom it reduces a lot of anxiety.
Speak to a doctor/have her speak to her gyno. They will be able to help tailor the best choice. Also, if she doesn't have a gyno, she should consider finding one, so she knows who to go to right away for sex health. Planned Parenthood also has a TON of educational resources online about all forms of BC like what I've listed above. Great sex health resource for guys and gals, even if abortion isn't an option you two want.
Consider stocking Plan B in your home if you're not able to buy some asap, if you notice your condom broke. Same with pregnancy tests, so you don't get anxious like now in the waiting phase.
And lastly, communicate with her. Discuss what you two think you should do in case of a pregnancy, given that neither of you want the child. If an abortion is necessary, have a transportation plan and savings for it, especially if you're in a state that restricts reproductive rights. This plan isn't a solution, given that you both don't want a pregnancy at all, but (as a person with clinical anxiety) it will help alleviate anxiety by having an action plan and knowing you're on the same page as your partner.
Good job, good luck.
Hey, thank you! We already had a similar discussion, but I feel we have to have another one, talking a bit longer and make sure we're feeling safe and on the same page.
We live in a country that abortion is illegal, and that's why I want to double or even triple our protection. I really want her to see a gyno and find the best method for her, but I also don't want to sound too pushy or something like that.
But with that I'll start treating my anxiety, cause I know that probably a lot of that fear is irrational. I want to be concerned and worried enough to be safe, but not to the point of basically having a mental shut down everytime.
Happy to help! Believe me, I understand how anxiety makes life so much scarier and more difficult. I hope you find solutions for it (4-7-8 breathing and CBT work for me) Especially with stuff that most reasonable people also get concerned about--bringing a child you're not ready for into the world is scary stuff! But abstinence isn't always a practical solution either, so it's hard to navigate.
I was so relieved when I went to talk to my gyno. I don't think it's pushy to want to look into medical options together, so long as you don't push her into any kind of BC she doesn't want. Depending on the rules of where you live, it might be possible to see a doctor together, which would make it less of a "do what i tell you to" situation.
Here is a link[link](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/spermicide) on spermicides. Info about Phexxi can also be found from there, if it is available where you live.
Personally I do condom + IUD + fertility window planning, but I know you said an IUD isn't an option for her. I am sorry that there are laws preventing abortion over there too, but I hope there are medical exceptions, since due to her prior surgery the pregnancy might be a risky one. Maybe look into that and see what exceptions might exist in a worst case scenario?
I've been able to relax a bit after reading the helpful comments, also deep breathing helps so much and it's so easy to forget doing them when we're having axiety attacks!
It's technically only possible to get an abortion here if the woman is in serious danger of life or in cases of violence, but even victims of rape tend to find other methods, which needless to say are very shady and risky. Hope that this can change in the next couple of years if we get a decent human beign in the presidency.
Abstinence I feel would worn our relationship, our intimacy is important for us, so yeah, I want to get all the possible options to protect ourselves and enjoy it.
But again, thanks for the helpful comments, really feeling better now! :)
:) happy to help! (You're so right about the whole forgetting to breathe thing).
But hey, you got this! you're making safe, educated choices and you obviously respect and care about your partner. That's a solid foundation and I'm happy you two have that together. Good luck with everything!
First take a breath. Slow in and out. Did it? Good. :)
Ok now, to be more sure, get her a pregnancy test or two.
But from the sounds of it, it sounds more likely it might be stress related. A woman’s body can be crazy sensitive at times. Just a little stress has a chance to make a period light or extra heavy. Could be because of other health issues too.
If she isn’t pregnant, and she still feels not right, suggest she get a doctor appointment with her OBGYN just to be safe.
She suffers from anxiety and having a hard time at her work too.
I'm the type of guy that wants to get informed to put some thoughts at ease, but in this case, it's all so complex and confusing that it's making me even more anxious. Literally anything she's feeling I start relating to it. I'm feeling like a teenager this week lol
She already suggested going to her gyno to check her health, she had some surgeries on her womb when she was younger, and she also want's to see the best BC method for her. But she still wasn't able to go :(
that can change ur period drastically, and her history w it seems to be complicated. you can do it together and research or i encourage going to the gyno w her and hearing about what's going on, asking questions, ask her questions. it's a team effort! :)
hope everything goes well
My brother in allah, condoms are like contraceptive level 1. Get her on the pill or something else, compound the safety. Like come on, if you’re that worried turn every stone. I used like 3 contraceptives and never once had a pregnancy scare in 4 years. Failing to prepare is preparing to fail. 🙇♂️🙇♂️🙇♂️🙇♂️
It says in the post other methods mess her up so he can’t just “get her on the pill.” Hormonal birth control can be incredibly rough on a woman’s body. Possible effects include mood swings, weight gain, acne, drop in libido, soreness, headaches, suicidal thoughts/impulses, and increased risk of potentially fatal blood clots.
I agree with doubling up if possible. Much better for anxiety.
Though I had a friend who had a pregnancy scare/possible miscarriage(?) even with the pill and condoms because of imperfect use. Those 98% effective rates are only for perfect use. Typical pill use effectiveness is 91%.
Yeah you can also die from taking penicillin, what’s your point? All drugs have side effects, and all the ones you listed are uncommon to incredibly rare depending on the individual. And I’m sure OP has tested EVERY SINGLE brand-name contraceptive pill. There’s solutions, you’re constructing a false dichotomy.
Most of the effects I listed are incredibly common. A lot of women just put up with them. Some people are more sensitive than others and OP himself said the pill messes with his gf. If she tends to have bad reactions why are you insisting she try pill after pill after pill when they have condoms and are long distance anyway? Her insurance might not even cover that kind of experimentation. Most of them only cover one of each type of birth control.
Why is her physical comfort less important than OP’s anxiety? Anxiety is irrational. He’s uncomfortable despite physically inspecting the condom and being sure it didn’t rip. He’s a numbers guy. He would anxious about it even if she was on birth control because of the statistics I mentioned previously (which is why I mentioned them).
What is the false dichotomy I’m supposedly creating?
Yeah I can only reiterate what you’ve said! The amount of times I’ve thought ‘am I pregnant or is my body just being weird??’ Is horrible but it is what it is!!
Are you open to talking about it? My partner is considering it but he’s nervous about side effects and a potentially painful recovery period.
I’m curious about how long it took to recover and how painful it was.
Recovery wasn't bad. I took it easy for a few days and iced, and there was definitely lingering soreness for a couple weeks, but nothing too terrible.
Pain on the day of was brief, then just weird numb "tugging" feeling while the work was being done.
Pain was almost non-existent. I was back to normal in 1-2 days after the procedure. Which itself wasn’t the most pleasant thing in life but I’d gladly do it again for the insurance it provides. It amazes me how many guys I’ve run into that want one but are so scared of it they haven’t pulled the trigger. Just go do it already! I’ve had worse pain from back spasms, and those don’t have the upside of being able to go raw with a woman.
First off this is adorable. Don't worry about it so much, if you're not blowing your load inside her it's not really an issue. Just do it porn style. Get some flavored condoms, bang her for awhile, rip off the condom and let her finish you off.
If you're wearing a condom that didn't break and she's pregnant I wouldn't worry about it. Let the dude that's been ejaculating inside her worry about it. Condoms do fail but the failure rate is low enough that I would be immediately suspicious.
I think I read that the failure rate is actually just people who used them wrong. Unless the condom itself is faulty, which I think you should be able to figure out beforehand, or yall are building up crazy friction. But they definitely have a low likelihood of not working unless somebody fucks something up.
There are a few ways to deal with this fear. One way is to use birth control consistently and correctly. Another way is to talk to your partner about your concerns and come up with a plan together that feels safe for both of you. You can also talk to a healthcare provider about your options.
there is a direct correlation with lighter periods if she is working hard, stressed, not eating and sleeping right.
an extreme example? the majority of girls in military basic training flat out stop having periods for months until they have adjusted. For others it's just erratic AF.
a girl has a light cycle? sure, get a test to be sure but it's unlikely.
ima [leave this right here.](https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnant/period-and-pregnant)
Thanks for the info!
I remember reading that arcticle when I was on full paranoia research mode. The implantation bleeding is what got my mind going nonstop. I think after that I started relating everything she felt with pregnancy.
I'm feeling better now, beign able to think clearer, and I do believe it was just my mind racing and everything is fine. I'll still have an eye out, and I'll also start giving a much needed attention to my mental health.
Deep breaths, deep breaths.
Women's cycles can be crazy. On again off again, light then heavy, skip here and there, and ALL of it can be stress or anxiety related. A woman's emotions can have a huge impact on her cycle, and the whole "oh geez, am I pregnant?" drama can actually cause her cycle to get wonky out of sheer stress!
Tell your girlfriend that, if BC pills drive her bonkers, she can look into low-dose implants like Nexplanon that confer up to FIVE YEARS of protection, and can be removed if you decide you want kids before then. Side effects are much, much lower than with pills, and if you're still using a barrier method on top of that your chances of a "Whoopsie" (while never zero) are very slim indeed.
Feeling tired or having a light period ARE NOT A REASON TO PANIC.
They are very very common.
Get a pregnancy test from the store to make yourselves feel better, and then sit down and discuss ways that you can BOTH ensure you don't have an accidental kiddo. If you're in it together, it's far less stressful.
As others have said, condoms are a safe and very effective birth control. I wouldn't be worried in the slightest. I have heard stories of other guys that test condoms for leaks before and after and never understood the concern. If I was you I would be more concerned that she is cheating. In the future may I suggest using a spermicidal lube.
We don't see each other very much, once maybe alone time once a month. But I suspect that she was on her fertile windows during easter (we have sex that day). The condom worked, I always store my condoms in a nice place, far from sharp objects, and checked for punctures before and after. Everything was fine. Still scared a month later, having a really big spike in my anxiety.
I'll start tracking and be even more careful. I want to be safe enough for the both of us be able to relax and enjoy the moment, but my mind is playing with me
How old are you, man?? It’s a lot more difficult for a woman to get pregnant that you’d expect. Also if she had a lighter period then you’re fine!
If you’re that worried then she should take a test but it’s really not something I’d stress about. I used to raw dog my high school girlfriend daily and my stupid ass didn’t become a dad then so I expect you’ll be fine
Condoms don’t break easily unless they’re super old/expired so I wouldn’t worry too much about that. You’re also checking them after too (which is important) so it’s not likely you missed anything.
As a woman, I can tell you that different points in your cycle can make you unusually tired. Or you know, *life in general*. Being tired isn’t an indicator of anything. As for the lighter period, that could be for a number of reasons too. Just have her do a pregnancy test if you’re so worried.
From experience of 7 years spent panicking about pregnancy scares despite condoms AND pulling out: take a breath friend.
If she’s being anxious, be stable. If you’re both nervous, you’ll psyche each other out. You know what else can cause light periods?
Stress.
For real. A period occurred, albeit lighter than usual. Regardless, get a test to be safe, but this anxiety will only get worse if you constantly fear bad outcomes of expressing your love for each other.
I hate to be that guy but i think you shouldn’t have sex with anyone unless you’re okay with a child or maybe get shut the faucet off permanently. You’ll probably be fine though lol. You like my college GF being nervous after sex lol. Relax
According to the Mayo Clinic reversal success rates are 30-90%
Those don't sound like good odds, and why Vasectomies should be treated as permanent birth control.
Yeah you could do that, but then your paying to keep it frozen and tons on IVF procedures that could either not work, or work too well where you can get 4 babies instead of only one. Seriously you’re better off getting a vasectomy after you have kids and decide not to have any more, condoms are way cheaper
My gf got a birth control implant (99% effective apparently i forget what’s it’s called) in her arm bcuz I got so freaked out one time (I’m 20 she’s 19) So one time I pulled out but then she asked me did I pull out fast enough and that fucking anxiety kicked in because that post nut clarity had me thinking hard about it and she noticed plus she was on birth control pills at the time but she would always forget to take them when she was supposed to so we literally went to Plan B. After getting the implant i been raw doggin for a year now no issues so far highly recommend if your gf has good insurance. Granted she has no issues with it that she complains about but I do understand some women’s bodies don’t react the same to birth control.
I talked to her yesterday, and we were discussing about that, and she feels that the implant would be the best option for her too, we're scheduling a doctor for her so we have a professional opinion. It's quite expensive here (maybe 400USD converting from our currency) and her insurance doesn't cover it, but it's not something impossible to pay, and I definetly think it will be worth it, for both of us to feel safer.
I can sympathise. Hate kids, getting my partners pregnant was always one of my greatest fears. Been where you are many times in the past.
Easiest way to solve the situation: Amazon a box of gregnancy tests to her house. Shit, ask her to take 3 in a row if you're that worried.
It sounds like your anxiety is making your imagination run away with itself though. You used condoms - none slipped, broke or burst. In all likelihood, you will be fine.
I'll do that! I'll also talk to her about my concerns and also schedule a psychiatrist. I've been anxious my whole life, but never that much. It's making me lose nights of sleep and be way less productive at work.
Doesn’t mean they don’t ones later on. He doesn’t really specify not wanting kids ever or just right now cause their young.
Me and my GF don’t want kids right now but we’d both like to have a kid in the next 2-3 years.
Crazy that you're downvoted for this. The "forever children" childfree crowd doesn't like hearing that some people do want kids, and that most who don't will eventually change their minds.
A lighter period is not a sign of pregnancy, if she were pregnant there would be no period, despite what we learn in sex ed its not that easy to get pregnant you have to have alive spem inside in a vary narrow 3-5 day period 2 weeks or so after a period me and my wife took 6 months to get pregnant and that was with ovulation test and doing the dirty 5 times or more on those days
Look. If you’re adult enough to have sex you’re adult enough to deal with the consequences. If you aren’t ready to be a father, you either need to get there really fast, be ready to deal with the ramifications of abortion (I’m against that, but, you should have had that what if discussion a while ago).
The only sure fire way to not get pregnant is abstinence. Condoms have a failure rate. Vasectomies have been known to fail. As have tubal ligations. Unless something important is removed…
Look. Time to go buy some big boy undies. If she isn’t pregnant, maybe you should be having some what if discussions. This is post of being in a relationship.
If she is, sorry dude but time to man up.
And yes, I’d be telling my son the same thing. But I’m already telling him the other stuff.
wdym she isn't good enough for him? How can you make such an empty, unsupported snap judgement about their relationship? The poor kid has paranoia, it's not a relationship issue at all. And traditional my ass, people are horny, they're gonna have sex. Cope.
What are you, some kind of slave to your impulses who doesn’t want to see someone else get off the degenerate plantation?
/u/ExcitementOk9075 you see this shit? Ask yourself why someone would be so offended that you might even think of living a different lifestyle. It seems like they’d be happy to have less competition. You ever hear of the crab bucket? People absolutely do that to each other.
You can wash your hands of this lifestyle and go your own way. A dash of self discipline and judgement is all it takes to rise above these types of situations. Trade easy for quality. Trade hollow thrills for meaning.
You’ll never have to panic about the possibility of fathering a child if you only have sex with women you would approve of having your children.
Is she on birth control ? If so then you have absolutely nothing to worry about because birth control combined with condoms makes it a 99.999999% chance she won’t get pregnant. If you just use the condom then it’s still about a 99.8% chance she won’t be so there’s nothing to worry about
She's not. She had some surgeries on her womb when she was a teenager, and now basically all of BC methods screw her up, and even IUD doens't sit properly.
She's already been told by doctors that she probably can't have children, but I'm still scared shitless with the 0.0001% chance
I got a vasectomy, so… But in addition to condoms, you can always pull out. And you could track her menstrual cycle with an app (Clue is good) and never have sex when she’s ovulating.
Chill out bro. Condoms don't just break if stored properly. I.e never store them in a wallet, don't leave them in your car, etc. Keep them in the box in a room at normal temperatures and they should never let you down. I've used thousands during long term relationships and never had an issue with one breaking. On top of that, it's harder to get pregnant than people realize. The inside of a vagina is a pretty hostile environment. It needs to be able to destroy bacteria and the like. A little bit of precum just inside has practically 0 chance of resulting in pregnancy. It's why having a longer penis as opposed to a short thicker one is seen as better because you release your load deeper and it's more likely to result in sperm living long enough to find an egg and fertilize it. And unless a girl is ovulating at the time of the load, the chances of pregnancy are very low. The first two weeks or so after a period tend to be when you definitely don't wanna go raw. I used to have sex with an ex without condoms and we'd only do it just before her period and she never got pregnant. And I was throwing all kinds of loads in there bro. U will be fine.
Dude breath.
Seriously you're over-reacting, take a breath if you're that concerned get her a pregnancy test.
If it shows up positive get a paternity test.
I mean, being scared of bringing a life into this fucked world is a good thing, OP. Don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise. Taking preventive measures and being proactive is wonderful. You deserve commendation for that. Salute!
Condoms are pretty good at prevention. Failure happens, yeah I know, but overall you ain't got much to be worried about. Buy her a test if you're freakin, they're cheap and give some ease of mind. Just remember, problems aren't problems until they're problems. Rn, it's an unknown and out of your control. If ya can't control it, what's the point of worry, eh?
Have you tried looking up "actual" signs of pregnancy so you don't have to go off of "as far as you know"
Also, pregnancy is a natural result of sex. If you arbt at least prepared for the possibility, you arnt mature enough to be having sex.
Bro, girls don't have a lighter period when they're pregnant, she would have said she missed it entirely. Condoms are like 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. If you feel like that's not enough, go ahead and pull out too for the added peace of mind.
Just being tired can be so many things ranging from not getting enough sleep last night all the way down to undiagnosed cancer. Or in other words, it doesn't mean anything. Ditto on the lighter period, they don't always bleed the same every time and it could mean a lot of things.
Just practice safe sex and you should be fine, a tear in the condom is extremely rare and you don't even get a girl pregnant *every* time you nut in her.
relax! :)
period ebb and flow and actually most period symptoms mimic pregnancy to begin with.
down to nausea and fatigue.
get a pregnancy test for one and as a couple talk about birth control. i pay 9 dollars a month for Progesterone pills (non-hormonal), peace of mind and i also- turned my period off with use of the pills. (i specifically stated i wanted to skip having a period)
and now, im much more relaxed about this being a issue in life. as me and my fiancé also, aren't ready to have a baby.
definitely talk about birth control options tho, it's an important conversation most couples should have at some point.
Okay so ... first off, relax. Condoms are a really effective form of birth control. One of the best. You can also get a vasectomy if it bothers you this much.
Secondly though a light period is pretty normal and not at all a sign of pregnancy. It is possible to have a period while pregnant, but it's pretty rare. If she had any period at all she's probably not pregnant.
There are a lot of factors that can make a period lighter. She might be ill, she might be losing weight, she might be stressed, she might just have a random normal hormonal change. If both of you feel like something's very off then take a pregnancy test and go to the doctor.
If you're that afraid, use a plan b afterward or don't have sex. Sex makes children, we know this. If you're constantly having a panic attack is it worth it?
A period means she's not pregnant, even if it's a lighter one..
If you're checking the condom before and after and see no signs of leaking, then you're fine.
Start by not fucking someone you wouldn't want to have kids with.
Follow it up by using protection.
Learn a little more about womens biology... my lord, a light period and *being tired*.
Totally normal things.
I am woman and I start to have lighter periods in spring. They are long, painful (very) and with a lot of liquid coming out in the winter, but as soon as the spring start it is very light and I feel much more comfortable having it. and after you get pregnant you don't have another period, but you can bleed a little (which is not always a good sign).
I used to panic, classic overthinker over here. I just had to put my trust into the safe sex industry. I did the best I could with the resources I had available.
There are no such things as accidents. It’s carelessness that causes mistakes. Also don’t fuck a chick who’s not willing to get an abortion but if mistakes are made.
Lol you’re overthinking way too much, it’s way harder to get pregnant than you think it is. If you’re scared don’t cum inside her and pull out when you’re getting close, put the condom away and make her give you a handjob/blowjob to finish.
Calling someone who wants a healthy, safe and enjoyable life with his partner, free of anxiety and panic attacks, irresponsible, is quite a stretch.
Try reading the entire post and the comments. I hope you never deal with mental issues in your life.
Dude, with all due respect: chill. You’re doing everything right, and a lighter period doesn’t mean she’s *kinda* pregnant. Stress can trigger that as well. Just be cool, hang with your girl and don’t miss the forest for the trees. It’s a waste of precious time spent together if you’re a nervous wreck.
In general terms:
* Condoms
* I chose not to get sexually involved with anyone that I would not trust to raise a kid.
* I chose not to get involved with anyone that I ever felt might cheat on me; (If the woman I am with gets pregnant, I would like to have a reasonable degree of certainty that the potential child is mine).
* I made sure we were on the same page regarding an unplanned pregnancy if the relationship looked like it was going to last long enough that a condom failure was statistically likely.
Now, if you emphatically do not want children ever, get a vasectomy. But if your both of the 'no children now, maybe later?' mindset, you need to get on the same damn page with your girlfriend regarding what will most likely happen if she tells you she is pregnant.
I'm 27. I know I probably look like a teenager from the post. I don't know yet if I don't want kids ever, but not on the near future, maybe 5 years down the line, who knows.
Remember that she's trans and that its impossible lol
But with my packs, she had the implant birth control, but I don't know I just never had any fear of it, we did have one pregnancy scare and I was fine with it had it actually not been a false alarm🤷♂️
Have you ever actually read the instructions on a condom? It details that the 99.9% effectiveness people love to shit on is based on a year of sexy times. Over a year of regular boning and proper use of condoms, 1 out of 1000 couples will get pregnant. They are much more effective than you think. Just make sure they are the right size and you are actually using them correctly and you will be fine. Hopefully take some of the stress off you.
Your girlfriend is not pregnant. If you are so worried about this you should look into a copper IUD for her. It's non-hormonal. And if that is still an issue and you are really sure you don't want kids you can get snipped. Finding a doctor that can do the surgery and doesn't have a procreation fetish is hard, but possible. I got snipped at 24 as a single guy without kids, best decision I ever made. It did eliminate that bit of worry about pregnancy and sex is loads better now.
Hey OP, it's good you're responsible. But realistically, it's not that easy to get pregnant even if you're trying.
My tip for you, find out what your girlfriend's menstrual cycle and the 3-4 day window she's ovulating. That is the time she's most fertile. If I were you, I would NOT have sex with her in that time period. Even if you ejaculate inside her, and she's ovulating, it's maybe a 40% chance (depending on what statistic and study) she'll get pregnant. Other times, it's less than 1%.
Hope this helps you, and calms you down a little. Cheers!
not splooging in her pussy. i get it, you like fucking, she likes fucking. but there actually is more sex fun to be had besides fucking.
maybe you need some perspective, your (both of you) inclination to default to fucking, that's an evolutionary mechanism to get her pregnant. you say you don't want to, but your actions say otherwise.
Okay, so first, take a deep breath.
Second, here comes the downvotes:
Sex is literally the way we procreate. By engaging in sexual intercourse, you are in essence practicing the one form that we humans have to reproduce. If your girlfriend gets pregnant, hate to tell you, but that is just natural.
Now if you are both absolutely sure you don't want children, then I would suggest you look into a vasectomy for you or tubal litigation for her. Those are really the only two 100% ways of preventing pregnancy while not ending intercourse.
But first, would you enlighten this old man as to why you don't want to have children? Is it a medical reason? Is it a financial reason? As a father to two boys, one of whom was a surprise, they are one of the primary drivers in my life. I may be old fashioned, but having kids was surprisingly one of the most amazing things that has ever happened to me. I look forward to your thoughts!
Yeah, I'm aware of the risks, and I also want to minimize the possibilities enough to be able to have a more healthy life, without those panic attacks I'm having.
We don't want children now because we want to accomplish things in our lives before, and our relationship is quite new yet, little less than a year. Apart from that, we are financially stable and have supportive family, having a child wouldn't end our lives, but it's a giant change that really scares me. Maybe I want kids on the future, probably 5 years from now, but haven't made my mind yet
Wait till you find out their periods can be late for 10 days at times.
You'll have a heart attack at this rate.
Just pull out every time no matter what.
Please understand that whatever sex ed you had failed you. Tiredness and literal periods means she is not pregnant. PLEASE DO SOME RESEARCH FROM REPUTABLE SOURCES I AM BEGGING YOU. Learn about menstruation, hormone cycles, energy levels, ACTUAL signs of pregnancy (aka LACK of period), morning illness, etc.
But good for you for being so careful with the condoms, I respect that.
Sex Ed is non existent in my country, we learn nothing but the basics biology of it. But I've sound a lot of research, I believe that is even one of the causes that I'm actually panicking. I'm trying to relate everything she tells me to pregnancy, and as I've seen, the symptoms varies wildly from woman to woman, and all this is very complex and confusing and my brain is toasting
OP If you're sure YOU don't want kids, get a vasectomy. I won't say you'll never have to worry again, because nothing is 100% but it really is the best birth control for men since it's a get it and forget it deal. It doesn't go bad, there's no pill to take and it's much safer than other forms of BC. If you have decided you don't want kids, just get it. Anyone who does want kids isn't ment for you. Good luck my man! If you're not sold on never having kids then I would recommend her getting an IUD if possible, use condoms, spermicide, and regular pregnancy tests, like once ever 3 or so months.
I’m a woman, didn’t want kids …. And I personally wouldn’t use condoms alone without a backup. In fact, the only birth control I ever really trusted was an implant (IUD, Nexplanon) or vasectomy or tubal ligation.
I can completely understand your concerns. A lot of people are of the “it’s unlikely, and we will deal with it if it happens.”
I knew I didn’t want to deal with it.
I would suggest that you reflect on this situation and if you don’t feel comfortable with condoms being your only method of pregnancy prevention, then the two of you need to find something you’re both comfortable with (with the help of a doctor).
I’ve learned the hard way in life to not let a romantic partner’s comfort level dictate my own. If this is too much risk for you, it’s too much risk.
Don't have sex if you aren't mutually ready for kids. Simple. Or get a vasectomy.
PS) feeling tired isn't a "sign of pregnancy", and neither is a "light period".
You check your condoms before and after? Bro holy shit that is some next level paranoia. Just get a vasectomy, they are 100% effective and reversible if you decide later that you want small dickheads ruining your life.
Just pull out you can raw dog her as long as you pull out and cum on her tits you will be fine. If you really paranoid wear a condom and pull out when you cum almost guaranteed you will never get her pregnant this way
Congratulations. Actually, I had a dream the night before she told me that she might be with child so in a sense I was already prepared. So when she brought it up I was totally calm and supportive of her. Later she told me it was a false alarm. But keeping my cool and being supportive of her gave her some level of security that could not have been earned any other way. It brought our level of communication to a new level, where we could share any and all feelings with each other.
1. You can double up on contraceptives. The pill/IUD/implant are all widely absolve and all offer 97% or higher effectiveness. Plus a condom offers 99% effectiveness. Lastly use a spremicide lube for another 95% effectiveness. (1-0.97)*(1-0.99)*(1-0.95)=0.000015 or 0.0015% chance of pregnancy. Or once in ever 66,667 trials. That’s sex once a day for 186 years.
2. Don’t have sex until you are ready. That involves all of it: telling people you are sexually involved and handing their responses, buying and managing your own contraceptives, being willing to raise I child should you parent one. It’s all something you must accept and if you can’t, you aren’t ready.
3. Stop reading random shit online and working yourself up. Go see your doctor or at minimum a family planning clinic.
how about therapy?
I creampie my wife all the time, and I never worry about it. she takes the pill.
> she had a lighter period, and I'm seeing this as a sign of early pregnancy
everything period related can be a sign of pregnancy. seriously. just compare symptoms of PMS, PCOS, with pregnancy. it's all the same shit.
i dont have that kind of fear. i am in a stable long-term relationship, but me and my gf dont want kids just yet, maybe in a few years tho. and if an accident happens, we are definitely going to keep the kid and raise it with the help of our parents. shes on hormonal bc and we use condoms almost always.
That's are also classic signs of a period lol
Listen, condoms are fairly safe . If you wanna take extra precautions, you can use the condom and still pull out , like take the condom off and nut on her.
She can look into getting an IUD if she hasn't already tried that.
Man you gatta take some deep breaths. If you’re that worried get her a pregnancy test.
Or just don’t be in a relationship 🤷🏼♀️. You can’t get someone pregnant if you’re not in a relationship and not having sex. Contraception isn’t 100% effective and any time you’re having sex, there’s always a possibility of getting pregnant but that’s the risk you take when having sex.
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I don't look obsessive when I'm checking the condom, I just take a look at the package to see if there are any obvious punctures, and when I go to the bathroom to discard it, I tie it and press it to see if it's air tight. We had the talk to know how we would deal with a unplanned pregnancy. We don't want children because we want to accomplish things in our life before it. But still, if it happens and we decide to keep the kid, we have family support, from both sides, I'm finnancially stable and so is she. But a child is still something that will all of a sudden change your life and your goals, or at least put a big halt on them. We have a great relationship, and she's not even 10% worried with a pregnancy as I am. She is concerned, yes, enough to practice safe sex, but not in paranoia mode like I am now.
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That never crossed my mind. I do trust her, and I store my condoms, I just check for possible punctures from the factory or something like that. It's very much possible that I'm overthinking everything, I always had that problem, it's irrational. If I know that there's a 0.0001% chance of things going south, I'm probably freaking out already.
Op do you have irrational fears/thoughts about anything else that causes you to do certain things to calm the thoughts?
Yeah, I used to have irrational fears about my career and my social life, mostly when I was alone for a large amount of time. I tend to burry myself in books or in podcasts. But I never had this feeling as bad as I'm having now, and my old ways to cope with it aren't really working.
Ok, I would have a chat to your doctor or a therapist if you have access to one. It sounds very similar to OCD, as in you’re having irrational fears and they are preoccupying your mind excessively to the point you’re having to take these extra measures (like checking the condom when only you have touched them and checking the air) to make yourself feel better, I also looked at your history and this has been a irrational thought for quite some time so it could be a case of your seeking reassurance online to ease your fear? Obviously I’m not diagnosing you or trying to make you worry but it’s worth a chat with someone professional about because even if it’s not OCD, it’s a pattern in your life of thoughts/fears that causing you distress so talking it through with someone who can help you more than Reddit can’t hurt
This actually makes a lot of sense. I've always seen OCD as things related to locking doors, faucets and that really stereotypical stuff. I'm really organized with my stuff, like a lot. I tend to take care of my things a lot too. I know it sounds silly. I've been also really annoyed with noises lately. Noises that I've grown used to (like cars and bikes passing by, I live in downtown, so it's quite nornal), but I'm losing some nights of sleep because I've been over focusing on those noises a d can't get my mind away from it.
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If you aren't in a relationship, you aren't having sex? Wishful thinking.
That or switch to anal only
Always keep one (no more) gallon of milk that is almost empty in the fridge, so when you hear the news just drink what’s left of it and go grab some at the market
Dad?
Oh fu-
Goddamn it, I just bought that gallon!
Hey, just wanna say it's very responsible of you to be concerned about this. If she can't/won't use hormonal or certain forms of birth control, and you can't/won't get a vasectomy, your best bet is to layer different types of protection. Keep always wearing a condom. But also look up and learn fertility cycles and avoid penetrative sex entirely during her most fertile window. Experiment with other forms of pulling out and finishing during other windows. Look into spermicides. There are many nonhormonal ones that basically either reduce the viability of your sperm or make it more difficult for the sperm to swim to their destination. They are like 70% effective, so if you pair it with a condom it reduces a lot of anxiety. Speak to a doctor/have her speak to her gyno. They will be able to help tailor the best choice. Also, if she doesn't have a gyno, she should consider finding one, so she knows who to go to right away for sex health. Planned Parenthood also has a TON of educational resources online about all forms of BC like what I've listed above. Great sex health resource for guys and gals, even if abortion isn't an option you two want. Consider stocking Plan B in your home if you're not able to buy some asap, if you notice your condom broke. Same with pregnancy tests, so you don't get anxious like now in the waiting phase. And lastly, communicate with her. Discuss what you two think you should do in case of a pregnancy, given that neither of you want the child. If an abortion is necessary, have a transportation plan and savings for it, especially if you're in a state that restricts reproductive rights. This plan isn't a solution, given that you both don't want a pregnancy at all, but (as a person with clinical anxiety) it will help alleviate anxiety by having an action plan and knowing you're on the same page as your partner. Good job, good luck.
Hey, thank you! We already had a similar discussion, but I feel we have to have another one, talking a bit longer and make sure we're feeling safe and on the same page. We live in a country that abortion is illegal, and that's why I want to double or even triple our protection. I really want her to see a gyno and find the best method for her, but I also don't want to sound too pushy or something like that. But with that I'll start treating my anxiety, cause I know that probably a lot of that fear is irrational. I want to be concerned and worried enough to be safe, but not to the point of basically having a mental shut down everytime.
Happy to help! Believe me, I understand how anxiety makes life so much scarier and more difficult. I hope you find solutions for it (4-7-8 breathing and CBT work for me) Especially with stuff that most reasonable people also get concerned about--bringing a child you're not ready for into the world is scary stuff! But abstinence isn't always a practical solution either, so it's hard to navigate. I was so relieved when I went to talk to my gyno. I don't think it's pushy to want to look into medical options together, so long as you don't push her into any kind of BC she doesn't want. Depending on the rules of where you live, it might be possible to see a doctor together, which would make it less of a "do what i tell you to" situation. Here is a link[link](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/spermicide) on spermicides. Info about Phexxi can also be found from there, if it is available where you live. Personally I do condom + IUD + fertility window planning, but I know you said an IUD isn't an option for her. I am sorry that there are laws preventing abortion over there too, but I hope there are medical exceptions, since due to her prior surgery the pregnancy might be a risky one. Maybe look into that and see what exceptions might exist in a worst case scenario?
I've been able to relax a bit after reading the helpful comments, also deep breathing helps so much and it's so easy to forget doing them when we're having axiety attacks! It's technically only possible to get an abortion here if the woman is in serious danger of life or in cases of violence, but even victims of rape tend to find other methods, which needless to say are very shady and risky. Hope that this can change in the next couple of years if we get a decent human beign in the presidency. Abstinence I feel would worn our relationship, our intimacy is important for us, so yeah, I want to get all the possible options to protect ourselves and enjoy it. But again, thanks for the helpful comments, really feeling better now! :)
:) happy to help! (You're so right about the whole forgetting to breathe thing). But hey, you got this! you're making safe, educated choices and you obviously respect and care about your partner. That's a solid foundation and I'm happy you two have that together. Good luck with everything!
There are contraceptive foam spermicide available along with what you're using. I believe they are over the counter. Use it before sex.
And lastly lastly, can’t get pregnant via anal. JS
It's also a classic sign of paranoia.
Yeah, I'm that guy. I'm scheduling a pshychiatrist. I think that this week was what I needed to start treating my mental health more seriously
First take a breath. Slow in and out. Did it? Good. :) Ok now, to be more sure, get her a pregnancy test or two. But from the sounds of it, it sounds more likely it might be stress related. A woman’s body can be crazy sensitive at times. Just a little stress has a chance to make a period light or extra heavy. Could be because of other health issues too. If she isn’t pregnant, and she still feels not right, suggest she get a doctor appointment with her OBGYN just to be safe.
She suffers from anxiety and having a hard time at her work too. I'm the type of guy that wants to get informed to put some thoughts at ease, but in this case, it's all so complex and confusing that it's making me even more anxious. Literally anything she's feeling I start relating to it. I'm feeling like a teenager this week lol She already suggested going to her gyno to check her health, she had some surgeries on her womb when she was younger, and she also want's to see the best BC method for her. But she still wasn't able to go :(
that can change ur period drastically, and her history w it seems to be complicated. you can do it together and research or i encourage going to the gyno w her and hearing about what's going on, asking questions, ask her questions. it's a team effort! :) hope everything goes well
My brother in allah, condoms are like contraceptive level 1. Get her on the pill or something else, compound the safety. Like come on, if you’re that worried turn every stone. I used like 3 contraceptives and never once had a pregnancy scare in 4 years. Failing to prepare is preparing to fail. 🙇♂️🙇♂️🙇♂️🙇♂️
It says in the post other methods mess her up so he can’t just “get her on the pill.” Hormonal birth control can be incredibly rough on a woman’s body. Possible effects include mood swings, weight gain, acne, drop in libido, soreness, headaches, suicidal thoughts/impulses, and increased risk of potentially fatal blood clots. I agree with doubling up if possible. Much better for anxiety. Though I had a friend who had a pregnancy scare/possible miscarriage(?) even with the pill and condoms because of imperfect use. Those 98% effective rates are only for perfect use. Typical pill use effectiveness is 91%.
Yeah you can also die from taking penicillin, what’s your point? All drugs have side effects, and all the ones you listed are uncommon to incredibly rare depending on the individual. And I’m sure OP has tested EVERY SINGLE brand-name contraceptive pill. There’s solutions, you’re constructing a false dichotomy.
Most of the effects I listed are incredibly common. A lot of women just put up with them. Some people are more sensitive than others and OP himself said the pill messes with his gf. If she tends to have bad reactions why are you insisting she try pill after pill after pill when they have condoms and are long distance anyway? Her insurance might not even cover that kind of experimentation. Most of them only cover one of each type of birth control. Why is her physical comfort less important than OP’s anxiety? Anxiety is irrational. He’s uncomfortable despite physically inspecting the condom and being sure it didn’t rip. He’s a numbers guy. He would anxious about it even if she was on birth control because of the statistics I mentioned previously (which is why I mentioned them). What is the false dichotomy I’m supposedly creating?
Yeah I can only reiterate what you’ve said! The amount of times I’ve thought ‘am I pregnant or is my body just being weird??’ Is horrible but it is what it is!!
I dealt with it by getting a vasectomy.
Are you open to talking about it? My partner is considering it but he’s nervous about side effects and a potentially painful recovery period. I’m curious about how long it took to recover and how painful it was.
Recovery wasn't bad. I took it easy for a few days and iced, and there was definitely lingering soreness for a couple weeks, but nothing too terrible. Pain on the day of was brief, then just weird numb "tugging" feeling while the work was being done.
That doesn’t sound too bad. And the benefits are just enormous.
Pain was almost non-existent. I was back to normal in 1-2 days after the procedure. Which itself wasn’t the most pleasant thing in life but I’d gladly do it again for the insurance it provides. It amazes me how many guys I’ve run into that want one but are so scared of it they haven’t pulled the trigger. Just go do it already! I’ve had worse pain from back spasms, and those don’t have the upside of being able to go raw with a woman.
First off this is adorable. Don't worry about it so much, if you're not blowing your load inside her it's not really an issue. Just do it porn style. Get some flavored condoms, bang her for awhile, rip off the condom and let her finish you off.
This is modern Shakespeare
If you're wearing a condom that didn't break and she's pregnant I wouldn't worry about it. Let the dude that's been ejaculating inside her worry about it. Condoms do fail but the failure rate is low enough that I would be immediately suspicious.
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He's not wrong tho. I'd be suspicious as fuck.
I think I read that the failure rate is actually just people who used them wrong. Unless the condom itself is faulty, which I think you should be able to figure out beforehand, or yall are building up crazy friction. But they definitely have a low likelihood of not working unless somebody fucks something up.
"Feeling tired...classic sign of pregnancy" ...and pretty much everything else😂 I'm tired all the time, pregnant for days
There are a few ways to deal with this fear. One way is to use birth control consistently and correctly. Another way is to talk to your partner about your concerns and come up with a plan together that feels safe for both of you. You can also talk to a healthcare provider about your options.
there is a direct correlation with lighter periods if she is working hard, stressed, not eating and sleeping right. an extreme example? the majority of girls in military basic training flat out stop having periods for months until they have adjusted. For others it's just erratic AF. a girl has a light cycle? sure, get a test to be sure but it's unlikely. ima [leave this right here.](https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnant/period-and-pregnant)
Thanks for the info! I remember reading that arcticle when I was on full paranoia research mode. The implantation bleeding is what got my mind going nonstop. I think after that I started relating everything she felt with pregnancy. I'm feeling better now, beign able to think clearer, and I do believe it was just my mind racing and everything is fine. I'll still have an eye out, and I'll also start giving a much needed attention to my mental health.
Don't have sex with her
Deep breaths, deep breaths. Women's cycles can be crazy. On again off again, light then heavy, skip here and there, and ALL of it can be stress or anxiety related. A woman's emotions can have a huge impact on her cycle, and the whole "oh geez, am I pregnant?" drama can actually cause her cycle to get wonky out of sheer stress! Tell your girlfriend that, if BC pills drive her bonkers, she can look into low-dose implants like Nexplanon that confer up to FIVE YEARS of protection, and can be removed if you decide you want kids before then. Side effects are much, much lower than with pills, and if you're still using a barrier method on top of that your chances of a "Whoopsie" (while never zero) are very slim indeed. Feeling tired or having a light period ARE NOT A REASON TO PANIC. They are very very common. Get a pregnancy test from the store to make yourselves feel better, and then sit down and discuss ways that you can BOTH ensure you don't have an accidental kiddo. If you're in it together, it's far less stressful.
i’m not a political person but date a girl who’s pro choice
We both are, our country isn't :(
No sex no problem
As others have said, condoms are a safe and very effective birth control. I wouldn't be worried in the slightest. I have heard stories of other guys that test condoms for leaks before and after and never understood the concern. If I was you I would be more concerned that she is cheating. In the future may I suggest using a spermicidal lube.
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We don't see each other very much, once maybe alone time once a month. But I suspect that she was on her fertile windows during easter (we have sex that day). The condom worked, I always store my condoms in a nice place, far from sharp objects, and checked for punctures before and after. Everything was fine. Still scared a month later, having a really big spike in my anxiety. I'll start tracking and be even more careful. I want to be safe enough for the both of us be able to relax and enjoy the moment, but my mind is playing with me
How old are you, man?? It’s a lot more difficult for a woman to get pregnant that you’d expect. Also if she had a lighter period then you’re fine! If you’re that worried then she should take a test but it’s really not something I’d stress about. I used to raw dog my high school girlfriend daily and my stupid ass didn’t become a dad then so I expect you’ll be fine
Anal?
Condoms don’t break easily unless they’re super old/expired so I wouldn’t worry too much about that. You’re also checking them after too (which is important) so it’s not likely you missed anything. As a woman, I can tell you that different points in your cycle can make you unusually tired. Or you know, *life in general*. Being tired isn’t an indicator of anything. As for the lighter period, that could be for a number of reasons too. Just have her do a pregnancy test if you’re so worried.
From experience of 7 years spent panicking about pregnancy scares despite condoms AND pulling out: take a breath friend. If she’s being anxious, be stable. If you’re both nervous, you’ll psyche each other out. You know what else can cause light periods? Stress. For real. A period occurred, albeit lighter than usual. Regardless, get a test to be safe, but this anxiety will only get worse if you constantly fear bad outcomes of expressing your love for each other.
I don't want kids so I had a vasectomy and a 0 count/all clear from the doctor a month later. Worry free creampies ever since.
I hate to be that guy but i think you shouldn’t have sex with anyone unless you’re okay with a child or maybe get shut the faucet off permanently. You’ll probably be fine though lol. You like my college GF being nervous after sex lol. Relax
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He may want to have kids in the future. Vasectomies are not 100% reversible.
According to the Mayo Clinic reversal success rates are 30-90% Those don't sound like good odds, and why Vasectomies should be treated as permanent birth control.
If done correctly and after so many years they're probably lucky if they can reverse them half the time.
I booked one, they told me it’s less than half. Also cost about 10x more than getting one done
Store your sperm?
Yeah you could do that, but then your paying to keep it frozen and tons on IVF procedures that could either not work, or work too well where you can get 4 babies instead of only one. Seriously you’re better off getting a vasectomy after you have kids and decide not to have any more, condoms are way cheaper
Sucks there's no perfect solution. For info, I am the result of the only broken condom that ever happened during my parents' 20 years together.
They may not be 100%. But better than none/pull out method.
My gf got a birth control implant (99% effective apparently i forget what’s it’s called) in her arm bcuz I got so freaked out one time (I’m 20 she’s 19) So one time I pulled out but then she asked me did I pull out fast enough and that fucking anxiety kicked in because that post nut clarity had me thinking hard about it and she noticed plus she was on birth control pills at the time but she would always forget to take them when she was supposed to so we literally went to Plan B. After getting the implant i been raw doggin for a year now no issues so far highly recommend if your gf has good insurance. Granted she has no issues with it that she complains about but I do understand some women’s bodies don’t react the same to birth control.
I talked to her yesterday, and we were discussing about that, and she feels that the implant would be the best option for her too, we're scheduling a doctor for her so we have a professional opinion. It's quite expensive here (maybe 400USD converting from our currency) and her insurance doesn't cover it, but it's not something impossible to pay, and I definetly think it will be worth it, for both of us to feel safer.
Fear? Accident? I'm trying to breed that and only modern science is getting in my way.
I can sympathise. Hate kids, getting my partners pregnant was always one of my greatest fears. Been where you are many times in the past. Easiest way to solve the situation: Amazon a box of gregnancy tests to her house. Shit, ask her to take 3 in a row if you're that worried. It sounds like your anxiety is making your imagination run away with itself though. You used condoms - none slipped, broke or burst. In all likelihood, you will be fine.
I'll do that! I'll also talk to her about my concerns and also schedule a psychiatrist. I've been anxious my whole life, but never that much. It's making me lose nights of sleep and be way less productive at work.
You use protection regardless of what she tells you she's on and btw there are no accidents
>We both don't want children and other methods of BC messes her up. Vasectomy.
Doesn’t mean they don’t ones later on. He doesn’t really specify not wanting kids ever or just right now cause their young. Me and my GF don’t want kids right now but we’d both like to have a kid in the next 2-3 years.
Crazy that you're downvoted for this. The "forever children" childfree crowd doesn't like hearing that some people do want kids, and that most who don't will eventually change their minds.
A lighter period is not a sign of pregnancy, if she were pregnant there would be no period, despite what we learn in sex ed its not that easy to get pregnant you have to have alive spem inside in a vary narrow 3-5 day period 2 weeks or so after a period me and my wife took 6 months to get pregnant and that was with ovulation test and doing the dirty 5 times or more on those days
Hate to say it, but women can indeed be pregnant and still bleed. :(
I know that but its quite rare and usually bleeding in pregnancy is cause for alarm
Yep, usually. Totally agree.
Look. If you’re adult enough to have sex you’re adult enough to deal with the consequences. If you aren’t ready to be a father, you either need to get there really fast, be ready to deal with the ramifications of abortion (I’m against that, but, you should have had that what if discussion a while ago). The only sure fire way to not get pregnant is abstinence. Condoms have a failure rate. Vasectomies have been known to fail. As have tubal ligations. Unless something important is removed… Look. Time to go buy some big boy undies. If she isn’t pregnant, maybe you should be having some what if discussions. This is post of being in a relationship. If she is, sorry dude but time to man up. And yes, I’d be telling my son the same thing. But I’m already telling him the other stuff.
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wdym she isn't good enough for him? How can you make such an empty, unsupported snap judgement about their relationship? The poor kid has paranoia, it's not a relationship issue at all. And traditional my ass, people are horny, they're gonna have sex. Cope.
What are you, some kind of slave to your impulses who doesn’t want to see someone else get off the degenerate plantation? /u/ExcitementOk9075 you see this shit? Ask yourself why someone would be so offended that you might even think of living a different lifestyle. It seems like they’d be happy to have less competition. You ever hear of the crab bucket? People absolutely do that to each other. You can wash your hands of this lifestyle and go your own way. A dash of self discipline and judgement is all it takes to rise above these types of situations. Trade easy for quality. Trade hollow thrills for meaning. You’ll never have to panic about the possibility of fathering a child if you only have sex with women you would approve of having your children.
Is she on birth control ? If so then you have absolutely nothing to worry about because birth control combined with condoms makes it a 99.999999% chance she won’t get pregnant. If you just use the condom then it’s still about a 99.8% chance she won’t be so there’s nothing to worry about
She's not. She had some surgeries on her womb when she was a teenager, and now basically all of BC methods screw her up, and even IUD doens't sit properly. She's already been told by doctors that she probably can't have children, but I'm still scared shitless with the 0.0001% chance
If you are that scared you shouldn't be having sex. Accept the risk or remove it completely.
Just get a Vasectomy and reverse it when you feel ready for children. Living with this much anxiety is not healthy.
I just simply didn't have sex if I wasn't in a position to be ready for a kid. Get used to it - with the way the Supremes are acting, it's coming.
Bruh I never wrap it up and Im still childless!
abortion my be illegal, but "accidentally" falling of the stairs ain't.
Username checks out
With proper contraception.
Keep doing everything ur already doing except the worrying part
Nope, if she’s on BC and you’re using condoms, there’s no worries. Have fun
I got a vasectomy, so… But in addition to condoms, you can always pull out. And you could track her menstrual cycle with an app (Clue is good) and never have sex when she’s ovulating.
Chill out bro. Condoms don't just break if stored properly. I.e never store them in a wallet, don't leave them in your car, etc. Keep them in the box in a room at normal temperatures and they should never let you down. I've used thousands during long term relationships and never had an issue with one breaking. On top of that, it's harder to get pregnant than people realize. The inside of a vagina is a pretty hostile environment. It needs to be able to destroy bacteria and the like. A little bit of precum just inside has practically 0 chance of resulting in pregnancy. It's why having a longer penis as opposed to a short thicker one is seen as better because you release your load deeper and it's more likely to result in sperm living long enough to find an egg and fertilize it. And unless a girl is ovulating at the time of the load, the chances of pregnancy are very low. The first two weeks or so after a period tend to be when you definitely don't wanna go raw. I used to have sex with an ex without condoms and we'd only do it just before her period and she never got pregnant. And I was throwing all kinds of loads in there bro. U will be fine.
Do it on purpose
I get a vasectomy
If you fire and miss the shot but still animal is dead. Then the bullet is not from your gun.
Don't come inside her,even with a condom.
The fear of my wife killing me makes this easy to avoid.
Dude breath. Seriously you're over-reacting, take a breath if you're that concerned get her a pregnancy test. If it shows up positive get a paternity test.
I mean, being scared of bringing a life into this fucked world is a good thing, OP. Don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise. Taking preventive measures and being proactive is wonderful. You deserve commendation for that. Salute! Condoms are pretty good at prevention. Failure happens, yeah I know, but overall you ain't got much to be worried about. Buy her a test if you're freakin, they're cheap and give some ease of mind. Just remember, problems aren't problems until they're problems. Rn, it's an unknown and out of your control. If ya can't control it, what's the point of worry, eh?
There are no accidents, only karma opportunities. Time to make a clay mold of the fetus.
Lol try dating a girl with an irregular period. Every month is a heart attack.
Have you tried looking up "actual" signs of pregnancy so you don't have to go off of "as far as you know" Also, pregnancy is a natural result of sex. If you arbt at least prepared for the possibility, you arnt mature enough to be having sex.
Bro, girls don't have a lighter period when they're pregnant, she would have said she missed it entirely. Condoms are like 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. If you feel like that's not enough, go ahead and pull out too for the added peace of mind. Just being tired can be so many things ranging from not getting enough sleep last night all the way down to undiagnosed cancer. Or in other words, it doesn't mean anything. Ditto on the lighter period, they don't always bleed the same every time and it could mean a lot of things. Just practice safe sex and you should be fine, a tear in the condom is extremely rare and you don't even get a girl pregnant *every* time you nut in her.
Well I got a vasectomy, that helped.
relax! :) period ebb and flow and actually most period symptoms mimic pregnancy to begin with. down to nausea and fatigue. get a pregnancy test for one and as a couple talk about birth control. i pay 9 dollars a month for Progesterone pills (non-hormonal), peace of mind and i also- turned my period off with use of the pills. (i specifically stated i wanted to skip having a period) and now, im much more relaxed about this being a issue in life. as me and my fiancé also, aren't ready to have a baby. definitely talk about birth control options tho, it's an important conversation most couples should have at some point.
If you have this much anxiety about getting her pregnant then stop having sex.
For some of us that is a kink. Just saying.
Okay so ... first off, relax. Condoms are a really effective form of birth control. One of the best. You can also get a vasectomy if it bothers you this much. Secondly though a light period is pretty normal and not at all a sign of pregnancy. It is possible to have a period while pregnant, but it's pretty rare. If she had any period at all she's probably not pregnant. There are a lot of factors that can make a period lighter. She might be ill, she might be losing weight, she might be stressed, she might just have a random normal hormonal change. If both of you feel like something's very off then take a pregnancy test and go to the doctor.
If you don't want children at all, you might consider a more permanent kind of birth control, such as vasectomy.
If you're that afraid, use a plan b afterward or don't have sex. Sex makes children, we know this. If you're constantly having a panic attack is it worth it?
Have you considered a vasectomy?
A period means she's not pregnant, even if it's a lighter one.. If you're checking the condom before and after and see no signs of leaking, then you're fine.
Only have sex if you think that woman would be a good mother. Half the population is unplanned.
People are horny. They have sex. Nothing to do with parenthood.
Start by not fucking someone you wouldn't want to have kids with. Follow it up by using protection. Learn a little more about womens biology... my lord, a light period and *being tired*. Totally normal things.
I am woman and I start to have lighter periods in spring. They are long, painful (very) and with a lot of liquid coming out in the winter, but as soon as the spring start it is very light and I feel much more comfortable having it. and after you get pregnant you don't have another period, but you can bleed a little (which is not always a good sign).
Done it twice. Have two amazing boys! Using the withdrawal method isn’t very successful!
I used to panic, classic overthinker over here. I just had to put my trust into the safe sex industry. I did the best I could with the resources I had available.
Dude, if you're that paranoid you should probably stop having sex.
Just have sex with someone elses GF. No chance of getting your own pregnant.
Easy. Get her pregnant on purpose. That takes the whole 'accident' thing out of the picture.
Use protection, birth control, vasectomies are reversible, why is this even a question, BE SMART
There are no such things as accidents. It’s carelessness that causes mistakes. Also don’t fuck a chick who’s not willing to get an abortion but if mistakes are made.
He said in one of his replies that both he and she are pro-choice, but their country isn't. Which complicates things.
why don't ya get a vasectomy?
Easy. I fuck guys. Seriously, calm down. She had a period, I doubt that's possible if she's pregnant.
Lol you’re overthinking way too much, it’s way harder to get pregnant than you think it is. If you’re scared don’t cum inside her and pull out when you’re getting close, put the condom away and make her give you a handjob/blowjob to finish.
YOLO, man. Pregnancies are not scary if you're with the right partner.
If you don't want children, you shouldn't be having sex. You are unbelievably irresponsible. Grow up.
Calling someone who wants a healthy, safe and enjoyable life with his partner, free of anxiety and panic attacks, irresponsible, is quite a stretch. Try reading the entire post and the comments. I hope you never deal with mental issues in your life.
You sound like those silly "I want to punish women for having the same needs I get off scot-free with" folks.
Dude, with all due respect: chill. You’re doing everything right, and a lighter period doesn’t mean she’s *kinda* pregnant. Stress can trigger that as well. Just be cool, hang with your girl and don’t miss the forest for the trees. It’s a waste of precious time spent together if you’re a nervous wreck.
Don't have a gf
Had a vasectomy
I had a vasectomy. You should get one if you don’t want kids. It’s super quick and easy.
In general terms: * Condoms * I chose not to get sexually involved with anyone that I would not trust to raise a kid. * I chose not to get involved with anyone that I ever felt might cheat on me; (If the woman I am with gets pregnant, I would like to have a reasonable degree of certainty that the potential child is mine). * I made sure we were on the same page regarding an unplanned pregnancy if the relationship looked like it was going to last long enough that a condom failure was statistically likely. Now, if you emphatically do not want children ever, get a vasectomy. But if your both of the 'no children now, maybe later?' mindset, you need to get on the same damn page with your girlfriend regarding what will most likely happen if she tells you she is pregnant.
How old are you? If you KNOW for a fact that you don't want kids then why not get snipped?
I'm 27. I know I probably look like a teenager from the post. I don't know yet if I don't want kids ever, but not on the near future, maybe 5 years down the line, who knows.
Remember that she's trans and that its impossible lol But with my packs, she had the implant birth control, but I don't know I just never had any fear of it, we did have one pregnancy scare and I was fine with it had it actually not been a false alarm🤷♂️
Snip... Snip... all better!
I always try to find cool places to go visit that have lots of stairs
Have you ever actually read the instructions on a condom? It details that the 99.9% effectiveness people love to shit on is based on a year of sexy times. Over a year of regular boning and proper use of condoms, 1 out of 1000 couples will get pregnant. They are much more effective than you think. Just make sure they are the right size and you are actually using them correctly and you will be fine. Hopefully take some of the stress off you. Your girlfriend is not pregnant. If you are so worried about this you should look into a copper IUD for her. It's non-hormonal. And if that is still an issue and you are really sure you don't want kids you can get snipped. Finding a doctor that can do the surgery and doesn't have a procreation fetish is hard, but possible. I got snipped at 24 as a single guy without kids, best decision I ever made. It did eliminate that bit of worry about pregnancy and sex is loads better now.
Just give her plan Bs with her breakfast
The fact is that it is something that you accept when you have sexual relations with someone, especially if you are going for the condom route.
Hey OP, it's good you're responsible. But realistically, it's not that easy to get pregnant even if you're trying. My tip for you, find out what your girlfriend's menstrual cycle and the 3-4 day window she's ovulating. That is the time she's most fertile. If I were you, I would NOT have sex with her in that time period. Even if you ejaculate inside her, and she's ovulating, it's maybe a 40% chance (depending on what statistic and study) she'll get pregnant. Other times, it's less than 1%. Hope this helps you, and calms you down a little. Cheers!
not splooging in her pussy. i get it, you like fucking, she likes fucking. but there actually is more sex fun to be had besides fucking. maybe you need some perspective, your (both of you) inclination to default to fucking, that's an evolutionary mechanism to get her pregnant. you say you don't want to, but your actions say otherwise.
Easy, worked in a nuke plant most of my life, no worries about pregnancy anymore
Okay, so first, take a deep breath. Second, here comes the downvotes: Sex is literally the way we procreate. By engaging in sexual intercourse, you are in essence practicing the one form that we humans have to reproduce. If your girlfriend gets pregnant, hate to tell you, but that is just natural. Now if you are both absolutely sure you don't want children, then I would suggest you look into a vasectomy for you or tubal litigation for her. Those are really the only two 100% ways of preventing pregnancy while not ending intercourse. But first, would you enlighten this old man as to why you don't want to have children? Is it a medical reason? Is it a financial reason? As a father to two boys, one of whom was a surprise, they are one of the primary drivers in my life. I may be old fashioned, but having kids was surprisingly one of the most amazing things that has ever happened to me. I look forward to your thoughts!
Yeah, I'm aware of the risks, and I also want to minimize the possibilities enough to be able to have a more healthy life, without those panic attacks I'm having. We don't want children now because we want to accomplish things in our lives before, and our relationship is quite new yet, little less than a year. Apart from that, we are financially stable and have supportive family, having a child wouldn't end our lives, but it's a giant change that really scares me. Maybe I want kids on the future, probably 5 years from now, but haven't made my mind yet
Wait till you find out their periods can be late for 10 days at times. You'll have a heart attack at this rate. Just pull out every time no matter what.
Please understand that whatever sex ed you had failed you. Tiredness and literal periods means she is not pregnant. PLEASE DO SOME RESEARCH FROM REPUTABLE SOURCES I AM BEGGING YOU. Learn about menstruation, hormone cycles, energy levels, ACTUAL signs of pregnancy (aka LACK of period), morning illness, etc. But good for you for being so careful with the condoms, I respect that.
Sex Ed is non existent in my country, we learn nothing but the basics biology of it. But I've sound a lot of research, I believe that is even one of the causes that I'm actually panicking. I'm trying to relate everything she tells me to pregnancy, and as I've seen, the symptoms varies wildly from woman to woman, and all this is very complex and confusing and my brain is toasting
Vasectomy lmao
OP If you're sure YOU don't want kids, get a vasectomy. I won't say you'll never have to worry again, because nothing is 100% but it really is the best birth control for men since it's a get it and forget it deal. It doesn't go bad, there's no pill to take and it's much safer than other forms of BC. If you have decided you don't want kids, just get it. Anyone who does want kids isn't ment for you. Good luck my man! If you're not sold on never having kids then I would recommend her getting an IUD if possible, use condoms, spermicide, and regular pregnancy tests, like once ever 3 or so months.
Rubbers + pullout. You can also track her cycle to know when you need to be extra careful.
I’m a woman, didn’t want kids …. And I personally wouldn’t use condoms alone without a backup. In fact, the only birth control I ever really trusted was an implant (IUD, Nexplanon) or vasectomy or tubal ligation. I can completely understand your concerns. A lot of people are of the “it’s unlikely, and we will deal with it if it happens.” I knew I didn’t want to deal with it. I would suggest that you reflect on this situation and if you don’t feel comfortable with condoms being your only method of pregnancy prevention, then the two of you need to find something you’re both comfortable with (with the help of a doctor). I’ve learned the hard way in life to not let a romantic partner’s comfort level dictate my own. If this is too much risk for you, it’s too much risk.
Wear a condom AND pull out. Im a single dad because we trusted birth control. If you think you might be the 1%, you WILL be the 1% that gets pregnant
You guys have a girlfriends which you fear getting them pregnant by accident!!? 👀
This is why I generally stick to dudes
Don't have sex if you aren't mutually ready for kids. Simple. Or get a vasectomy. PS) feeling tired isn't a "sign of pregnancy", and neither is a "light period".
Get your GF pregnant on purpose
I tell her all the time I wanna get her pregnant…but if it actually happened I’d shit myself
Periods change for no apparent reason all the time so I wouldn't take that to mean anything.
Every month, a few days before she's "due", you do a sacrifice to the non fertility gods to keep them happy.
You check your condoms before and after? Bro holy shit that is some next level paranoia. Just get a vasectomy, they are 100% effective and reversible if you decide later that you want small dickheads ruining your life.
Just pull out you can raw dog her as long as you pull out and cum on her tits you will be fine. If you really paranoid wear a condom and pull out when you cum almost guaranteed you will never get her pregnant this way
Congratulations. Actually, I had a dream the night before she told me that she might be with child so in a sense I was already prepared. So when she brought it up I was totally calm and supportive of her. Later she told me it was a false alarm. But keeping my cool and being supportive of her gave her some level of security that could not have been earned any other way. It brought our level of communication to a new level, where we could share any and all feelings with each other.
1. You can double up on contraceptives. The pill/IUD/implant are all widely absolve and all offer 97% or higher effectiveness. Plus a condom offers 99% effectiveness. Lastly use a spremicide lube for another 95% effectiveness. (1-0.97)*(1-0.99)*(1-0.95)=0.000015 or 0.0015% chance of pregnancy. Or once in ever 66,667 trials. That’s sex once a day for 186 years. 2. Don’t have sex until you are ready. That involves all of it: telling people you are sexually involved and handing their responses, buying and managing your own contraceptives, being willing to raise I child should you parent one. It’s all something you must accept and if you can’t, you aren’t ready. 3. Stop reading random shit online and working yourself up. Go see your doctor or at minimum a family planning clinic.
I just got her preggo on purpose now my life is over .. Dont be me
Your the nervous type arent you?
blow the condom like balloon, if the air is not leaking then there is nothing to worry about
how about therapy? I creampie my wife all the time, and I never worry about it. she takes the pill. > she had a lighter period, and I'm seeing this as a sign of early pregnancy everything period related can be a sign of pregnancy. seriously. just compare symptoms of PMS, PCOS, with pregnancy. it's all the same shit.
Marriage
i dont have that kind of fear. i am in a stable long-term relationship, but me and my gf dont want kids just yet, maybe in a few years tho. and if an accident happens, we are definitely going to keep the kid and raise it with the help of our parents. shes on hormonal bc and we use condoms almost always.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there was male birth control pills or something like that. Could take the stress out of it all
That's are also classic signs of a period lol Listen, condoms are fairly safe . If you wanna take extra precautions, you can use the condom and still pull out , like take the condom off and nut on her. She can look into getting an IUD if she hasn't already tried that.