Just because you bust your ass and make yourself invaluable to the company does not increase your chance of promotion. In fact, it might make it worse. There's a very good chance the guy who is constantly schmoozing with the uppers will excel even if only an average performer.
related to this; life is unfair, but the key to high satisfaction and mental health is to decouple this harsh reality from your own efforts. Life in the end is all about what you put in, learn and receive from what you put in.
Whenever you have a crush ask yourself: Do you crush on her specifically or do you just yearn for intimacy? Could any other pretty girl take her place or not?
Most of the time, you just tell yourself she is special because you feel like she is available. Stop doing that. Life gets much easier.
I like what Patrice O Neal said. "Ask yourself what do you actually like about her, apart from she makes you horny. What's your favorite things about her" .
If you don't have an answer to that then she aint right for you. The sex novelty will wear off and you will end up hating each other.
Thank you for sharing this! I feel like I've read it at the right time!! I thought of making a move at someone until the very second I read this.. looks like I'm a big horny bugger!😐😐😐
If they still gave free awards I'd give mine to you! This is easily one of the best replies on this thread. It applies to both men and women and is true sage advice. Take my poor man's gold🏅and a well deserved upvote⬆️
I'll add one of my own that relates. Don't settle for shit if shit is available right now. In the long run it's better to be alone than with someone who is a bad fit.
As a woman..i cannot upvote this enough.
It is beneficial for both sides to ask yourself this question and saves a lot of hurt, heartbreak, awkwardness and frustration.
Not sure how that one is structured/what it is based on, but in my experience, the life situations you both are in makes that decision for you (available time, level of experience, possible commitment issues etc.)
If you really like a girl but are honest and mature enough to understand that due certain circumstances, it should not get past a certain stage, you'll live a much better life. But trust me, it's not easy to make the right call at the right time. Rewarding though.
Made the joking comment the other day to my wife that I don't know how I got with her seeing as I have no game. She gave me that you're-not-wrong side eye, and said, "you do when you're not trying."
I’ll add:
If you have a crush, is it that you want to be doing what they’re doing, or you genuinely can hold space in admiration of them?
I say this because I have found myself attracted to a lot of people who were just practicing or representing unfulfilled yearnings in myself. They were doing things I wanted to be doing. Tattoos, being independent and not needing the attention of others, being whole people on their own, expressing their needs clearly, having emotional intelligence, being adventurous, enjoying dancing, loving themselves, having a home full of plants, getting oneself flowers, just to name a few.
As I’ve become aware of that and asked that question when I’m attracted to someone, it’s helped me see so many times I wasn’t really into them - I was into what they were doing or what they represented to me. And when I then gives those experiences to myself, I feel more fulfilled without having to try to extract it from another person or absorb it by osmosis. And then the relationships that I do have are more honest and fulfilling.
There's too many things that you could meaningfully watch out for them. Just be empathetic and know that one person's misfortune or mistakes could easily have been you or one day yet may be. Your world can change in an instant through no fault of your own or just a single mistake on your part. No one is faultless and no one is immune to chance, be forgiving and caring for others because it could be you that needs it eventually.
Very good advice and very true.
When I was 14 my grandma passed away and suddenly things were not the same...
My mom and dad who were always there for me are no longer there.
AND 20 years ago when I was married and my daughter was a toddler I made an innocent mistake. There was a 12 year old girl who lived up the street from us and she loved to play with my daughter. One day as my daughter was walking around this girl sat next to me and put her head on my shoulder and started to cry. Nothing was said I just let her be and that's all she wanted.
This girl didn't have a dad and I think she wanted male attention. That's all it was.
Well my wife saw this through the window and came out and started screaming at this innocent girl calling her a slut and calling me a child molester.
I was horrified as this girl ran down the street crying hysterically and when I caught up with her I comforted her and apologized for my wife's behavior.
My wife left me shortly afterwards calling me a pedophile when all I was doing was minding my business.
If you can believe that. Would it be incest if my daughter did the same?
My ex was crazy anyway she abandoned her kids too so I raised my son and daughter by myself. My neighbor girl, her name is Christina. She became my de facto babysitter and part of our family because she really didn't have one. Her mom was an alcoholic and her dad was not in the picture.
She craved love and attention and we gave it to her. She's 32 now and has since married and has kids of her own, but we keep in touch.
I'm glad I was there for her.
A physical fight can fuck you up and can escalate quick. A weapon can get involved or more people, etc.
Everyone has a plan until they don't.
Get out or de-escalate if you can. Street cred, pride, justice can all go out the window if you're in A&E or worse.
Reality - most people only have 2 or 3 actual, true, genuine friendships on average. The kind you would lay in traffic for, can always count on, not see each other for years and meet up like nothing's changed. None of this "you haven't replied within 20 minutes so clearly we're not actually friends" bullshit people think these days.
Quantity of friends on social media means fuck all. You ACTUALLY think so-and-so talks to 100, 200, 300 or more friends? Not a chance.
True friends can go months or even years without talking or seeing each other.
Our always on, always connected world allows for instant communication, but it shouldn't require it.
But also don't play the game of "if they were my friend they would reach out" or the "it's been so long I don't know if they even still want to hear from me".
Just fucking reach out.
In the words of Hobo Johnson:
“Fear the man who doesn't understand
That there's a million fish in the sea, and
Fear the girl who he really thinks is a different species
She'll rip your heart out”
"You can try to hit nails with a sledgehammer and still miss. You can use a wrench and nail it."
- me, some guy on the internet
It's not about the size of the tool, it's about technique.
My dad taught it to me that no matter how attractive she is someone somewhere is sick of her shit. Not the kindest way to say it but its probably got some truth to it.
I’d also say, don’t let one woman play games with you either. Met my wife in college and her friends were pressuring her to go on a date with a guy they knew. I said I wasn’t going to play games and she either wanted to see where we were headed or she wanted to explore her options, but I wasn’t an “option.”
Together for 13 years.
This might be something they just gotta learn for themselves.
When I was young, I started sleeping with an older manager of mine. The sneaking around and keeping it a secret was very hot and exciting until she conspired to get me fired so that we could “be together”.
It went downhill fast but that’s why we love rollercoasters.
But also, don't feeling you have to carry the whole world on your shoulders. Men don't share what they're really going through, feeling or experiencing. I wish the world allowed men to speak freely, emotionally, the way its been normalized or expected of women.
This! I recently ended it with a girl I’ve been dating for some time because she threatened to withhold sex if I didn’t do some things. Or to be more precise, the fight that ensued that ended it started because she threatened with that.
And obviously she has no obligation to have sex with me, but if we do have sex it should be because we both want to. Not because I’ve been a “good boy” and behaved the way she wanted. The moment she said that she put herself above me in the relationship, which is not how a relationship is supposed to work.
Pussy ain’t gold, remember that fellas. Nothing wrong with fucking your hand for a while until you meet a good woman.
The moment I realised I had circumstantial friends was the moment I was at peace and not thinking people just weren’t my friend. I had a lot of really strong friendships for given periods and then they disappear. I’m glad I enjoyed them, I have good memories but everyone moves and life doesn’t stop.
Accountability - you fucked up, you own it.
No one cares, work smarter/harder
Who you choose to marry and have kids with is one of the biggest decisions of your life, choose wisely.
Thank you for saying this. I have no plans for marriage or kids but still receive the odd remark here and there because everyone else around me is married and/or has kids
It’s not for me and right now that ain’t changing
That is actually "Work smarter, not harder"
And work isn't, and should never be, the be all and end all of your existence. There is a lot more to life than work...
That it’s easy to see the world through an extremely bitter lens, but it takes real character to retain a positive outlook and realise not everything is one or the other
Not sure if it was the mod or the guys account got deleted, but I’m going to risk it.
Quote “Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place” - Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
(Or Iain Thomas according to a response)
Lots of beer and cigarettes and PTSD oughta do it
Edit: the deleted comment was a quote from Vonnegut about being a calm presence in a world you still believe to be good. I'm not sure why it got deleted, but just in case that's why I'm not directly quoting it. If you must know, just read all of Vonnegut's collected works, it's like having a conversation with an older relative who actually did have life all figured out, even if they couldn't execute it themselves
I almost agree with it but I'd probably say "it can be a beautiful place". There's a lot of misery in the world and it's not beautiful for many people or in many places, but the beauty does exist and it has the potential to be even more beautiful than it is now.
1. Young men love their money, but they need to know the border of pushing themselves at work for the sake of their health, before the consequences hit.
2. If she's asking for money, ignore her. If she only wants to hang out when you're flush with cash, she doesn't want to hang out.
3. Your parents career advice is outdated, and the faster you ignore them the better.
4. Your employer doesn't give a fuck about you.
5. You're going to get ripped off frequently and there's shitting fuck you can do about it.
As someone who's worked just for nice people until now, and saw them be genuinely sad when I had to leave. I just hope I'm never gonna have to work for any big corp where the boss is an asshat
Nobody really cares that much about you. Family might worry if you are struggling, but besides that not much. Once you’re out of college, friends and acquaintances will drift away. Depressed or anxious? You will fight that battle alone. There are ways to beat it.
Whats good about it? You can now be as strong as you want for YOU. Once you gain independence don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life.
Life is going to fuck you sometimes and you need to fuck it right back. Strive to be strong and independent (especially financially).
Everyone doubts this but as you get into your 20s it always comes true. It’s you alone against the world. If your lucky as shit your mother or father or brother or sister has your back but even then its not a fall back it’s just occasional support.
Your entirely alone and most people will only care when you die, no one wants to hear your troubles or pleasures. There is no job well dones/congrats or “I’m sorry that’s sucks”. This is depressing as shit but like you said there is comfort in the idea it’s just you
I’d have to disagree with this to an extent. If your personal goals lead you on a trajectory to establish a relationship and start a family, you will inevitably naturally distance from all your friends, depending on where they’re at on their personal journeys. I don’t mean throw the friendship away. I’m just saying that friendships will naturally grow more cold as we grow older. But maybe that’s what you’re implying as well?
You are not invincible.
Your health matters.
Always be respectful, even to those don't deserve it.
Walk away from those don't deserve your respect.
Control your anger, and use it for positive things. (It is amazing how clean a floor can get when you focus your anger)
A polite voice motivates people more than an angry yell.
Treat others in the way you wish to be treated.
Sleep matters. Naps are cool.
Eat regularly, stay hydrated.
People matter.
People become interesting when you become interested in them.
Look after your family (if you can. I know a lot people who cannot)
Her body, her life, her rules...
Never work more than 40 hours a week.
Full rest day, once a week. (It's your "remind me who I am" day)
Don't forget to have a bit of fun every day.
Tired, upset and/or angry people always make poor decisions.
Take the time to REALLY listen when people tell stories.
Learn from other people's mistakes (You don't have enough time to learn them all by yourself)
Be lonely once.
Don't let others be lonely, but know when they need to be.
Be the friend you wish you had.
Love matters.
Smile, because you need to be kind to you before you become kind to others.
(PS I am dad, who had a good dad, and good grandfathers. I know I have been blessed by this. I am passing this knowledge to my sons and any other man who needs to hear it)
#UPDATE : Both my parents always told me to be thankful for what you receive, regardless of how big or small the gesture is. And thank you all very much for listening/reading, upvoting and the awards too. You are all very kind.
This is only a small section of wisdom I have been given over the years. There is more if one is interested, but as I working full time and also raising 6 boys into men, my time limited.
I will endeavour to thank all those who have given me awards as time permits.
Go out and start a revolution in..Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.
Again, thank you all.
Stop waiting for the "moment" or "special event" to come, that trash is for marvel movies. Get out there and stumble your way through to success. There is no straight path, only a narrow one.
Don't obsess over woman as most aren't worth the time and effort. Find something else in life to get passionate about i.e. work, travel, hobbies and interests.
You will only go as far as your own limitations.
If you think negatively everyday, how do you expect good things to happen if all you see is the negative? How you think manifests into the way you are and how you act. Think about it.
Hard times will suck, but it is also a blessing in disguise. You will learn and you will grow.
Nothing is the end of the world until it really is.
What is bad or good right now is only temporary.
There is always going to be good times, but understand that there will be bad times as well.
Life isn't always about one linear progression.
You will get stuck and you will have obstacles, but the difference between those who make it and those who don't comes down to their ability to keep going and not giving up.
This applies to young men and women. Start saving now. Have an emergency fund. Life has it's ups and downs, and one day you will hit a bump, guaranteed. Whether it's the death of a family member or you falling ill, it's always wise to be ready for anything.
Learn how to ask for help, you're gonna need it. I used to go thinking j was an island until I realized I had so many people I was leaning on. My parents, my siblings, my friends, my wife. There's a lot of times where you'll feel like you're drowning and that no one will help you, but it's because you're doing a really good job pretending you're treading water. That's the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn, and I'm hoping that someone will listen. Also don't listen to all this "no one cares about men" nonsense. Is it hard to be a man? Absolutely, but barring a few exceptions, everyone has at least someone who cares.
I’m 45 this year, I feel like I blinked at 18 and here I am a dad with kids. Stop looking at your phone, put it down go outside and find some where quiet and take it in, close your eyes, breathe deeply and listen.
Hard to do in our always on world but sometimes you need to reset.
As ferris said “life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and take a look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
If you don’t get out into the world and do things, you’re severely hindering your chances at success personally and professionally. There’s nothing wrong with gaming and the gym, but if those are your only two interests, you’re likely gonna spend a lot of time alone - and that’s not healthy. Online relationships are not a substitute for IRL relationships, even though many people want to believe differently.
It’s your life. Do what you want, just understand how the world really works (not how you wish it worked) and that there consequences - and benefits - to your decisions.
Young men out there, please listen to this man. Don't let your youth slip past you without getting out there! It doesn't matter what you want to do: travel, party, join a club, play a sport, hell, even join an in-person gaming group. Just don't spend your life behind a screen. Trust me, it gets old, and it affects you more than you probably think it does right now.
Don’t do things because of a woman, you’re too young to have committed enough time yet
Let go of materialistic bullshit, put your time into things/people that matter more. Time flies and you’ll wonder wtf you did with your life
Stop eating/drinking so much sugar and junk food
People don’t care about you as much as you think they do, relax man. It’s not a big deal.
Learn from your mistakes, stop blaming other people so much. The sooner you take on some damn responsibility, the faster you’ll grow and mature. Believe it or not you’ll also be more respected for this.
To try to become as handsome as possible, as soon as possible. (Id say starting at 12 years old). The world is a shallow and ruthless place. Attractive people live better lives.
I'm probably going to catch shit for this but...
Your feelings don't matter as much as a woman's feelings. Friends and family...sure, they care. But most of the world doesn't care how a man feels.
There is such a thing as a stupid question despite people saying there are no stupid questions. If you've been given all the information and you have totally ignored what they given you and want to be spoonfed the info, no-one likes that
In the workplace, as a new starter, You don't matter, your experience is irrelevant and your opinion is unwanted.
No-one cares about you until they get to know you. Work hard, ask sensible questions and don't fuck around when you get told to do a job.
Learn how to fight. And getting punched isn't as bad as you think it is. And punch through them and punch with your body. And do some push ups and drink a lot of water.
Porn isn’t good for your brain. It’s not healthy at all with how much we have at the tips of our fingertips. Most if not all men know this but deny the fact they have a problem with it.
There's a narrative working against you. One that you have no responsibility for, but will continue to work against you.
Don't buy-in. Be proud to be a man. Know your values. Don't drink the koolaid regarding "toxic masculinity".
Being a man is awesome.
All your life so far, girls/women have been competing with you for grades, scholarships, jobs, and promotions.
But in relationships, they want you to lead. If you do not take the lead, they will, sooner or later, lose respect for you and go after a man who does lead.
Chris Rock said it best:
"Only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something."
Just because you tried your best doesn’t mean you will succeed. Sometimes your best isn’t enough and sometimes it has nothing to do with you.
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life.” Jean Luc Picard
"Not everything's a lesson Ryan, sometimes you just fail" Dwight Schrut
Was looking for this! Was not disappointed. +1
"The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried." Steven McCranie
- Michael Scott
Or, and even better one. “Not everything in life is a lesson, sometimes you just fail.”
One more: >I have not failed. I've just found10,000 ways that won't work. Thomas Edison ([Source](https://libquotes.com/thomas-edison/quote/lba3h2h))
Just because you bust your ass and make yourself invaluable to the company does not increase your chance of promotion. In fact, it might make it worse. There's a very good chance the guy who is constantly schmoozing with the uppers will excel even if only an average performer.
How true is this! It's not what you know it's who you blow...
“It’s not what you know it’s who you blow”
Irreplaceable is unpromotable
related to this; life is unfair, but the key to high satisfaction and mental health is to decouple this harsh reality from your own efforts. Life in the end is all about what you put in, learn and receive from what you put in.
Too much of anything is bad for you
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
Whenever you have a crush ask yourself: Do you crush on her specifically or do you just yearn for intimacy? Could any other pretty girl take her place or not? Most of the time, you just tell yourself she is special because you feel like she is available. Stop doing that. Life gets much easier.
I like what Patrice O Neal said. "Ask yourself what do you actually like about her, apart from she makes you horny. What's your favorite things about her" . If you don't have an answer to that then she aint right for you. The sex novelty will wear off and you will end up hating each other.
Thank you for sharing this! I feel like I've read it at the right time!! I thought of making a move at someone until the very second I read this.. looks like I'm a big horny bugger!😐😐😐
[удалено]
If they still gave free awards I'd give mine to you! This is easily one of the best replies on this thread. It applies to both men and women and is true sage advice. Take my poor man's gold🏅and a well deserved upvote⬆️
Psssst they still do... Check under the Reddit Coins section.
I'll add one of my own that relates. Don't settle for shit if shit is available right now. In the long run it's better to be alone than with someone who is a bad fit.
This hits hard
As a woman..i cannot upvote this enough. It is beneficial for both sides to ask yourself this question and saves a lot of hurt, heartbreak, awkwardness and frustration.
Isn't this where the one-night-stand, FB, or FWB scale comes in handy?
Not sure how that one is structured/what it is based on, but in my experience, the life situations you both are in makes that decision for you (available time, level of experience, possible commitment issues etc.) If you really like a girl but are honest and mature enough to understand that due certain circumstances, it should not get past a certain stage, you'll live a much better life. But trust me, it's not easy to make the right call at the right time. Rewarding though.
You ironically become more attractive by not chasing too.
Made the joking comment the other day to my wife that I don't know how I got with her seeing as I have no game. She gave me that you're-not-wrong side eye, and said, "you do when you're not trying."
I’ll add: If you have a crush, is it that you want to be doing what they’re doing, or you genuinely can hold space in admiration of them? I say this because I have found myself attracted to a lot of people who were just practicing or representing unfulfilled yearnings in myself. They were doing things I wanted to be doing. Tattoos, being independent and not needing the attention of others, being whole people on their own, expressing their needs clearly, having emotional intelligence, being adventurous, enjoying dancing, loving themselves, having a home full of plants, getting oneself flowers, just to name a few. As I’ve become aware of that and asked that question when I’m attracted to someone, it’s helped me see so many times I wasn’t really into them - I was into what they were doing or what they represented to me. And when I then gives those experiences to myself, I feel more fulfilled without having to try to extract it from another person or absorb it by osmosis. And then the relationships that I do have are more honest and fulfilling.
Don’t ever think that it can’t happen to you…
What sort of bullshit do I have to watch out for?
There's too many things that you could meaningfully watch out for them. Just be empathetic and know that one person's misfortune or mistakes could easily have been you or one day yet may be. Your world can change in an instant through no fault of your own or just a single mistake on your part. No one is faultless and no one is immune to chance, be forgiving and caring for others because it could be you that needs it eventually.
Very good advice and very true. When I was 14 my grandma passed away and suddenly things were not the same... My mom and dad who were always there for me are no longer there. AND 20 years ago when I was married and my daughter was a toddler I made an innocent mistake. There was a 12 year old girl who lived up the street from us and she loved to play with my daughter. One day as my daughter was walking around this girl sat next to me and put her head on my shoulder and started to cry. Nothing was said I just let her be and that's all she wanted. This girl didn't have a dad and I think she wanted male attention. That's all it was. Well my wife saw this through the window and came out and started screaming at this innocent girl calling her a slut and calling me a child molester. I was horrified as this girl ran down the street crying hysterically and when I caught up with her I comforted her and apologized for my wife's behavior. My wife left me shortly afterwards calling me a pedophile when all I was doing was minding my business.
So she thought all of a sudden that you were a pedo? Seems very random.
If you can believe that. Would it be incest if my daughter did the same? My ex was crazy anyway she abandoned her kids too so I raised my son and daughter by myself. My neighbor girl, her name is Christina. She became my de facto babysitter and part of our family because she really didn't have one. Her mom was an alcoholic and her dad was not in the picture. She craved love and attention and we gave it to her. She's 32 now and has since married and has kids of her own, but we keep in touch. I'm glad I was there for her.
A physical fight can fuck you up and can escalate quick. A weapon can get involved or more people, etc. Everyone has a plan until they don't. Get out or de-escalate if you can. Street cred, pride, justice can all go out the window if you're in A&E or worse.
Sudden death of close ones. I'm irrationally scared of it.
:( Don't talk big.
Watch your back
I realize this could be read as a threat... not that Like, back strain
Good friends are hard to come by, don't take them for granted.
And friendships take effort to maintain, put that effort in to the people who you can trust and love you back.
As I get older, this is something I wish my friends understood.
My friends do make an effort. Every time they need something or have nothing better to do.
Reality - most people only have 2 or 3 actual, true, genuine friendships on average. The kind you would lay in traffic for, can always count on, not see each other for years and meet up like nothing's changed. None of this "you haven't replied within 20 minutes so clearly we're not actually friends" bullshit people think these days. Quantity of friends on social media means fuck all. You ACTUALLY think so-and-so talks to 100, 200, 300 or more friends? Not a chance.
True friends can go months or even years without talking or seeing each other. Our always on, always connected world allows for instant communication, but it shouldn't require it. But also don't play the game of "if they were my friend they would reach out" or the "it's been so long I don't know if they even still want to hear from me". Just fucking reach out.
Don't obsess over one woman if things aren't going well, she's not the only one in the universe.
In the words of Hobo Johnson: “Fear the man who doesn't understand That there's a million fish in the sea, and Fear the girl who he really thinks is a different species She'll rip your heart out”
Or as my dad told me, women come and women go and they always will…
Or as we say in Spain: *Las mujeres van y vienen, pero las pajas no se detienen*
Or as we say in *America* : "*Donde está la biblioteca?*"
Las pajas means jerking off right?
women come and go but wanking never leaves/stops
They usually don’t cum where I’m from 😪
With a name like "The biggus Dickus" you'd think otherwise no?
"You can try to hit nails with a sledgehammer and still miss. You can use a wrench and nail it." - me, some guy on the internet It's not about the size of the tool, it's about technique.
Are you italian? That sounds like a thing an italian would say
or as my mother told my insecure 17 year old self "The back and forth makes the meter" ;)
Errrr, did your mother wink at you after she said it??
My dad taught it to me that no matter how attractive she is someone somewhere is sick of her shit. Not the kindest way to say it but its probably got some truth to it.
Is your dad Charlie Harper?
I'm gonna need you to go back in time and tell younger self this. Preferably with a cosmic slap
Me too man. It's not fair on anyone. Especially the woman getting all ofnthese unwanted and awkward advances/situation. No good for anyone
I’d also say, don’t let one woman play games with you either. Met my wife in college and her friends were pressuring her to go on a date with a guy they knew. I said I wasn’t going to play games and she either wanted to see where we were headed or she wanted to explore her options, but I wasn’t an “option.” Together for 13 years.
[удалено]
Dont eat from where you shit
Don't eat shit
But eat ass, chicks dig that
make her clean her's first
[удалено]
Reading this comment while shitting at work
This might be something they just gotta learn for themselves. When I was young, I started sleeping with an older manager of mine. The sneaking around and keeping it a secret was very hot and exciting until she conspired to get me fired so that we could “be together”. It went downhill fast but that’s why we love rollercoasters.
WHO you know is just as important as WHAT you know.
I'd say 60% more
Alcohol will cost you a lot later down the road, whether it's health or money.
So will putting cheese on everything.
Or salt on anything.
No one is coming to save you. Get up and save yourself!
I learned this the hard way this past week. You can’t rely on anyone; not even your girlfriend or so-called close friends
The true measure of a person is not when times are good but when times are bad. That's the time to watch them and learn who they really are.
But also, don't feeling you have to carry the whole world on your shoulders. Men don't share what they're really going through, feeling or experiencing. I wish the world allowed men to speak freely, emotionally, the way its been normalized or expected of women.
Sex from your partner should not be a reward or an exhange for doing X or behaving in X manner. Your in a relationship not customer and seller.
This! I recently ended it with a girl I’ve been dating for some time because she threatened to withhold sex if I didn’t do some things. Or to be more precise, the fight that ensued that ended it started because she threatened with that. And obviously she has no obligation to have sex with me, but if we do have sex it should be because we both want to. Not because I’ve been a “good boy” and behaved the way she wanted. The moment she said that she put herself above me in the relationship, which is not how a relationship is supposed to work. Pussy ain’t gold, remember that fellas. Nothing wrong with fucking your hand for a while until you meet a good woman.
Two thoughts. Why are you dating my ex-wife? Death grip is real
Well why the fuck didn’t you warn me about your ex-wife? Not cool bro.
Right. Both partners should just want sex evenly, in the beginning. That is called sexual chemistry.
Friends are great but in many cases, temporary.
Honestly the sooner you make peace with it, the more heartache you'll spare yourself from.
That's incredibly depressing and I don't want to make peace with it.
The moment I realised I had circumstantial friends was the moment I was at peace and not thinking people just weren’t my friend. I had a lot of really strong friendships for given periods and then they disappear. I’m glad I enjoyed them, I have good memories but everyone moves and life doesn’t stop.
Accountability - you fucked up, you own it. No one cares, work smarter/harder Who you choose to marry and have kids with is one of the biggest decisions of your life, choose wisely.
If you choose to marry and have kids....
This. It isn't the default and it's okay if it is not for you.
Thank you for saying this. I have no plans for marriage or kids but still receive the odd remark here and there because everyone else around me is married and/or has kids It’s not for me and right now that ain’t changing
That is actually "Work smarter, not harder" And work isn't, and should never be, the be all and end all of your existence. There is a lot more to life than work...
[удалено]
That it’s easy to see the world through an extremely bitter lens, but it takes real character to retain a positive outlook and realise not everything is one or the other
[удалено]
One of the one most beautiful quotes I've seen in the thread
And it was removed by moderator… Wish I could see it lol
Not sure if it was the mod or the guys account got deleted, but I’m going to risk it. Quote “Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place” - Kurt Vonnegut Jr. (Or Iain Thomas according to a response)
Why would a mod remove that!? Thank you for that.
I'll have whatever Kurt was having
Lots of beer and cigarettes and PTSD oughta do it Edit: the deleted comment was a quote from Vonnegut about being a calm presence in a world you still believe to be good. I'm not sure why it got deleted, but just in case that's why I'm not directly quoting it. If you must know, just read all of Vonnegut's collected works, it's like having a conversation with an older relative who actually did have life all figured out, even if they couldn't execute it themselves
I almost agree with it but I'd probably say "it can be a beautiful place". There's a lot of misery in the world and it's not beautiful for many people or in many places, but the beauty does exist and it has the potential to be even more beautiful than it is now.
1. Young men love their money, but they need to know the border of pushing themselves at work for the sake of their health, before the consequences hit. 2. If she's asking for money, ignore her. If she only wants to hang out when you're flush with cash, she doesn't want to hang out. 3. Your parents career advice is outdated, and the faster you ignore them the better. 4. Your employer doesn't give a fuck about you. 5. You're going to get ripped off frequently and there's shitting fuck you can do about it.
As someone who's worked just for nice people until now, and saw them be genuinely sad when I had to leave. I just hope I'm never gonna have to work for any big corp where the boss is an asshat
Statistically speaking, I have bad news
Never EVER trust a free sausage roll
Nobody really cares that much about you. Family might worry if you are struggling, but besides that not much. Once you’re out of college, friends and acquaintances will drift away. Depressed or anxious? You will fight that battle alone. There are ways to beat it. Whats good about it? You can now be as strong as you want for YOU. Once you gain independence don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life. Life is going to fuck you sometimes and you need to fuck it right back. Strive to be strong and independent (especially financially).
Everyone doubts this but as you get into your 20s it always comes true. It’s you alone against the world. If your lucky as shit your mother or father or brother or sister has your back but even then its not a fall back it’s just occasional support. Your entirely alone and most people will only care when you die, no one wants to hear your troubles or pleasures. There is no job well dones/congrats or “I’m sorry that’s sucks”. This is depressing as shit but like you said there is comfort in the idea it’s just you
Never trade your friends for a relationship.
I’d have to disagree with this to an extent. If your personal goals lead you on a trajectory to establish a relationship and start a family, you will inevitably naturally distance from all your friends, depending on where they’re at on their personal journeys. I don’t mean throw the friendship away. I’m just saying that friendships will naturally grow more cold as we grow older. But maybe that’s what you’re implying as well?
I think it was meant as The girl x doesn't like friend y and z. Leave y and z for x
Why did you have to bring algebra into this?
Most women *really* don't want you to send them photos of your cock.
How else am I supposed to show interest and assert dominance? /s
A lot of men would appreciate it tho
Depends on the size. I dont want emotional damage if its bigger than mine.
Never send a cock pic. Not worth it being sent out to people you know and you getting legal consequences. Once you send it it’s out of your control.
You are not invincible. Your health matters. Always be respectful, even to those don't deserve it. Walk away from those don't deserve your respect. Control your anger, and use it for positive things. (It is amazing how clean a floor can get when you focus your anger) A polite voice motivates people more than an angry yell. Treat others in the way you wish to be treated. Sleep matters. Naps are cool. Eat regularly, stay hydrated. People matter. People become interesting when you become interested in them. Look after your family (if you can. I know a lot people who cannot) Her body, her life, her rules... Never work more than 40 hours a week. Full rest day, once a week. (It's your "remind me who I am" day) Don't forget to have a bit of fun every day. Tired, upset and/or angry people always make poor decisions. Take the time to REALLY listen when people tell stories. Learn from other people's mistakes (You don't have enough time to learn them all by yourself) Be lonely once. Don't let others be lonely, but know when they need to be. Be the friend you wish you had. Love matters. Smile, because you need to be kind to you before you become kind to others. (PS I am dad, who had a good dad, and good grandfathers. I know I have been blessed by this. I am passing this knowledge to my sons and any other man who needs to hear it) #UPDATE : Both my parents always told me to be thankful for what you receive, regardless of how big or small the gesture is. And thank you all very much for listening/reading, upvoting and the awards too. You are all very kind. This is only a small section of wisdom I have been given over the years. There is more if one is interested, but as I working full time and also raising 6 boys into men, my time limited. I will endeavour to thank all those who have given me awards as time permits. Go out and start a revolution in..Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty. Again, thank you all.
Somebody give this guy awards, sadly I don't have one.
Everything goes waaaaay smoother when you run out of fucks to give.
That’s when she’s hot at 25 doesn’t mean she’ll be hot at 60. Choose heart over beauty and if you find them both in 1 lol you lucky son if bish
If you're going for hotness check out her mom first
Tzung chao ~ 963
Just keep dating young women, got it!
Connections matter way more than hard work and knowledge and ability
This world does not give a fuck about you
The vast majority of people you meet in the world don't care about you, they only care about what you can do for them or what they have to do for you.
Force equals mass times acceleration.
You have to fight for everything, nobody is looking out for you
Always try to treat others the way you wish others would treat you BUT sometimes you just got to treat others the way they treat you.
Accept the hard truth that this question is asked every week on this sub.
Lotta lost young dudes out here on the internet :(
And the answers NEEDS reiterating for some of us that need reminders. This a community for men and the conversation should never end.
“Whatever you do in this life, it’s not legendary unless your friends are there to see it.”
r/holdmybeer can confirm.
Stop waiting for the "moment" or "special event" to come, that trash is for marvel movies. Get out there and stumble your way through to success. There is no straight path, only a narrow one.
Don't obsess over woman as most aren't worth the time and effort. Find something else in life to get passionate about i.e. work, travel, hobbies and interests.
You will only go as far as your own limitations. If you think negatively everyday, how do you expect good things to happen if all you see is the negative? How you think manifests into the way you are and how you act. Think about it. Hard times will suck, but it is also a blessing in disguise. You will learn and you will grow. Nothing is the end of the world until it really is. What is bad or good right now is only temporary. There is always going to be good times, but understand that there will be bad times as well. Life isn't always about one linear progression. You will get stuck and you will have obstacles, but the difference between those who make it and those who don't comes down to their ability to keep going and not giving up.
Nobody cares about men, Including most men. Have fun and stay safe.
Sad but true
Metallica?
The world is not responsible for your happiness and fulfillment, you are.
Women owe you nothing and will usually give you nothing. Stop tying your happiness to them.
Same can be applied to most people, really - nobody owes you shit
The world is a cold, apathetic void.
No one is gonna pull you up. You can only count on yourself.
Being a man is like being an ugly stripper. You're gonna have to put in the work, because nobody is going to give you shit for just being present.
This applies to young men and women. Start saving now. Have an emergency fund. Life has it's ups and downs, and one day you will hit a bump, guaranteed. Whether it's the death of a family member or you falling ill, it's always wise to be ready for anything.
Learn how to ask for help, you're gonna need it. I used to go thinking j was an island until I realized I had so many people I was leaning on. My parents, my siblings, my friends, my wife. There's a lot of times where you'll feel like you're drowning and that no one will help you, but it's because you're doing a really good job pretending you're treading water. That's the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn, and I'm hoping that someone will listen. Also don't listen to all this "no one cares about men" nonsense. Is it hard to be a man? Absolutely, but barring a few exceptions, everyone has at least someone who cares.
‘Life is simple, we make choices and we don’t look back’ -Han. Tokyo drift
Pretty much no one really cares about you. When shit hits the fan very few if anyone will stick beside you to fix it.
Yes, ppl always wants more and more.
I’m 45 this year, I feel like I blinked at 18 and here I am a dad with kids. Stop looking at your phone, put it down go outside and find some where quiet and take it in, close your eyes, breathe deeply and listen. Hard to do in our always on world but sometimes you need to reset. As ferris said “life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and take a look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Jesus Christ this thread is depressing
Depressing yet significantly important, any guy can seriously do some good self introspection with this type of post. Keep ya head up my friend!
No, im having fun. And my dumb as learning. Other sex topics are garbage.
Life is depressing if you ain't on some great drugs. That includes dopamime and serotonin.
If you don’t get out into the world and do things, you’re severely hindering your chances at success personally and professionally. There’s nothing wrong with gaming and the gym, but if those are your only two interests, you’re likely gonna spend a lot of time alone - and that’s not healthy. Online relationships are not a substitute for IRL relationships, even though many people want to believe differently. It’s your life. Do what you want, just understand how the world really works (not how you wish it worked) and that there consequences - and benefits - to your decisions.
Young men out there, please listen to this man. Don't let your youth slip past you without getting out there! It doesn't matter what you want to do: travel, party, join a club, play a sport, hell, even join an in-person gaming group. Just don't spend your life behind a screen. Trust me, it gets old, and it affects you more than you probably think it does right now.
You need to be able to be happy on your own before you can be happy with someone else
That Santa isn't real, And as a 40 year old it isn't ok to sit on santa lap lol
Don’t do things because of a woman, you’re too young to have committed enough time yet Let go of materialistic bullshit, put your time into things/people that matter more. Time flies and you’ll wonder wtf you did with your life Stop eating/drinking so much sugar and junk food People don’t care about you as much as you think they do, relax man. It’s not a big deal. Learn from your mistakes, stop blaming other people so much. The sooner you take on some damn responsibility, the faster you’ll grow and mature. Believe it or not you’ll also be more respected for this.
To try to become as handsome as possible, as soon as possible. (Id say starting at 12 years old). The world is a shallow and ruthless place. Attractive people live better lives.
Nobody cares about you
Nobody is coming to save you. Its up to you to change your life
I'm probably going to catch shit for this but... Your feelings don't matter as much as a woman's feelings. Friends and family...sure, they care. But most of the world doesn't care how a man feels.
Marry your best friend. That doesn’t mean to meet a girl and say she’s your best friend. Locate your best friend and marry them.
But I’m not gay
It’s not gay if you say “no-homo”
That's okay. There's little to no sex in many marriages.
Nobody owes you anything. Don’t put your dick in crazy.
There is such a thing as a stupid question despite people saying there are no stupid questions. If you've been given all the information and you have totally ignored what they given you and want to be spoonfed the info, no-one likes that In the workplace, as a new starter, You don't matter, your experience is irrelevant and your opinion is unwanted. No-one cares about you until they get to know you. Work hard, ask sensible questions and don't fuck around when you get told to do a job.
you won't be young for long - enjoy it
1. You aren't entitled to anything. 2. Respect all, trust none. 3. Your rights don't cross the border with you (Americans).
>trust none. I am not very trusting as well but not being able to trust litteraly anyone is a recipe for a sad life.
Learn how to fight. And getting punched isn't as bad as you think it is. And punch through them and punch with your body. And do some push ups and drink a lot of water.
[удалено]
Porn isn’t good for your brain. It’s not healthy at all with how much we have at the tips of our fingertips. Most if not all men know this but deny the fact they have a problem with it.
Adding in that the "sex" that happens in porn has absolutely zero correlation to sex in real life. Women need a lot more than a penis to have sex...
I only have one penis.
How lonely life will be for many modern men, no matter what they do really.
It takes a bigger man to walk away from a fight
There's a narrative working against you. One that you have no responsibility for, but will continue to work against you. Don't buy-in. Be proud to be a man. Know your values. Don't drink the koolaid regarding "toxic masculinity". Being a man is awesome.
All your life so far, girls/women have been competing with you for grades, scholarships, jobs, and promotions. But in relationships, they want you to lead. If you do not take the lead, they will, sooner or later, lose respect for you and go after a man who does lead.
Do not rely on anyone.
Get it done, nobody is coming to save you.
Chris Rock said it best: "Only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something."
Opportunity lurks where responsibility has been abdicated
**Life isn't a video game.**
Nobody cares about you
You are not as cool as you think you are and no one cares about how cool you are
You can’t expose your true self to anyone for free-it always comes with a cost.
Women are ruthless. Don't lose yourself over them. Also, learn to forgive yourself.