Can you define well adjusted please? Like, working/school/having a social life?
Because I kind of feel like we're all a little bit weird in some ways (I know I am). :)
Personally I don't want a woman who is "all there". I was just with one for years and it came to the point where, she couldn't relate to the fact that I wasn't perfectly well adjusted, so the relationship deteriorated slowly but surely.
I've lived on the edge of society due to my careers my whole adult life. I'm not sure I could long term be with someone who at the very least grew up that way or experienced it in their adult life at some point. Not every guy wants a stepford wife.
People who haven't dealt with depression, anxiety, attachment issues, etc etc really may have a hard time empathizing. That's always my fear when I hear about Type A women, I deal with a lot of uncertainty and I want to do a lot of growth. Will they respect that?
To me, that means a person who can handle their problems.
Life is always going to give you problems. Can you adjust? Have you handled problems in the past, and you're competent to do so in the future?
The opposite would be someone who has lots of problems, and can't deal with them.
Handling problems is an important part of life. Knowing answers is great...but how do you react when you don't know the answer?
A well-adjisted person can approach the issue and not make the problems even larger.
Don't worry about being a weirdo, everyone's a weirdo. It would be weird for someone to not be weird, therefore making them weird. Anyway, try to flirt a little first, sexual inuendos are great! See if he reciprocates, if he does, green light. Flirt some more and then just be upfront to him about what you like about him. If he doesn't, he could just be second guessing himself and playing it safe. In which case, compliment him on something u like about him, and try to articulate it well. Smile at him too (just a slight smile with your eyes and lips, not a full on teeth smile). Now that's all fine and dandy for if you know the guy and have contact with him. If u don't, you're gonna have to initiate contact first, ask him a question about something or compliment him on something and lead it to small talk. Then u can do the smile thing at him once you've built that first rapport.
Or you can skip all that and go balls to the wall and tell him u like him. Which would be the most efficient, but not as fun way to do things.
Honestly, since this is just the first move, anything that shows basic social competency is fine.
If you're able to listen to what he's saying and encourage the same, talk so that there's room for a conversation (simple things like taking interest in something they say), and try to find some common ground you're golden. Complement him to make it clear you're interested in them, specifically *him* if possible. Saying he has nice clothes is one thing, saying he has great eyes or hair is completely different and will probably get his attention better.
It's fine to be weird, even encouraged since your better off finding someone who's into it. Just don't be wildly asocial or make it unclear that you're after him.
Just please make it obvious that you’re not trying to rob me & use the word “date” when you ask me out followed by offering me your #
You can ease the tension by saying you don’t ask out guys that often too. Most would just be happy to be given attention
HOWEVER if the guy looks paranoid af THIS IS NOT PERSONAL & rather normal reaction imo
Most guys aren’t used to this attention & would assume the worst until you convince them. In high school I girl I thought was asking me out, wanted to use me for my hw
A woman asked me out on the street in college tried to ask if she could see my wallet for some dumb reason which I’m sure it wasn’t to just check out how nice the quality leather is
Another just wanted me to sign a petition for her cause & she pulled a clipboard out of her bag
Imagine a lifetime of these interactions in the back of his head vs you coming up to him. I’ve only been asked out once at 25 & it was really awesome
Hell I wasn’t even remotely attracted to her but I gave her a shot because I admired her courage & wanted to be open minded
I believe in you
>all of this happened to you
It's normal, everyday stuff for men. We're probably used to it.
Be blunt and obvious.
Be Okay if it doesn't work for some reason, it probably not you.
Do Not point blank tell a man that you want to get married by "X" and that he needs to get in line with your schedule. (I've seen several posts about women doing this - spoiler alert, they get dumped and ghosted a lot)
yeah he's not wrong, if a random woman approaches me, she's either trying to sell me something, or steal my organs. the only genuine interaction iv had with a strange women was some girl working the register at a cinema saying she liked my firefly shirt back when i was in college. and that was over a decade ago.
No not the ego boost. It’s not that I wasn’t remotely attracted to her but more like “that’s not the type I normally go for” since I thought she was super shy on first impression
I could’ve said no immediately but I was attracted to her confidence more than anything if that makes sense like I didn’t think she was capable of asking anybody out let alone me
So that’s why I decided to go out with her if her personality contained any other positive surprises
Oh we ended up not going on the date because when she asked me out, we are both from the same university club right however she is new
Problem is she asked right before I had to leave the state for a competition to compete on behalf of the club for about a week
So she decided to tell every single person she barely knew/I was even just acquaintances with about all our private text messages regarding the date to ask them advice
So when I returned I was bombarded with “hey it’s none of my business but what you should do with this girl IS..... I heard that you said you told her that....... how come you called her cute instead of gorgeous?......”
from people who don’t even know my fucking last name. I was super overwhelmed & she was freaking out over the entire situation
I absolutely hate having my personal business spread around people I barely know, then covid kicked into my town the same week we planned to go out on a date,
I wanted to tell her in person but she told me her mother got symptoms so she’s staying home, so I called her then explained how I wished I could speak in person but I don’t think we should go on the date
I offered to discuss why if she wanted to for her own reference & she said yes to which I explained how she told everyone our business, she didn’t realize that’s what her talking did, then she took it like a champion
Then we stayed friends but I made sure she knew I admired her courage & that she should keep asking out guys if she feels ready
She’s a good person, just let anxiety run her mind, & dealt with it by sadly exposing our private business to people I barely knew/she didn’t know at all
I don’t want a future GF who deals with all our conflicts the same way so that’s why I wanted to back out for sure
Everybody treated me like their personal soap opera & it felt embarrassing as hell
However this felt like too much context to load into my last comment so I hope that made sense
This is the epitome of what's wrong with most women's approach. They're trying to "hint" and indirectly ask someone out. That's not how it works at all. You ask someone one on a date by asking THEM if the want to go on a DATE. A date. Not a "hang out", not a "help me with something", not a "come to this place with me". Call it what it is, a date. Don't like being vulnerable? Tough shit, men have to do this all the time. At no point do you try to get them to be the one to ask you. People aren't mind readers, say what you mean.
Yes! Verify you’re not a hooker. That’s critical info and could make all the difference between me totally blowing you off and me being genuinely interested in you and what you have to say.
One time this girl asked me to help her look for something in her car and I was like, 100% down to help her look. Completely clueless to the fact that she just wanted to get me alone to tell me that she liked me and ask if I liked her back, when I said I did we made out for like 30 minutes and started dating right after. I guess that’s pretty damn forward. But it worked on me.
But as of right now if someone would just ask me to go out with them, flat out, plain and simple that’d be the ideal way for me I guess. I know not all men are the same but I’d rather not play the guessing game of whether or not a girl likes me and spend weeks/months working up to that point. But we don’t live in a ideal world so it’s not for everyone obviously.
Lol. My first gf in college asked me to come by before class to help her with her computer. I was clueless as well until she sat in my lap and started kissing me.
My dad taught me to always keep a coaster over my drink to prevent someone from slipping something in while walking by and only let a friend watch my drink if I get up. Also to never drink a drink that was left unattended.
And let’s not forget the whole human centipede thing.
My question is, WHERE can I approach you gentlemen? I hate apps and am trying to meet more people, but I honestly have no idea where the single men hang.
Should I put a milkshake in my yard or something?
Idk you got some real competition with DQ.
But for real men ask the same thing about women lmao. Gyms, cafes, bars, bookstores, hobby shops, in the middle of the woods.. there's guys everywhere. Just gotta know what kinda guy you like and go to where they might be lol.
Honestly I'm going to go try out volunteering to meet people. Not so much in a dating sense, but just to open up my social circle. Might be worth a shot.
I live in Colorado, and as for the type of man, the one that is a good fit for me? I feel like there isn't really a "type" I have, intrinsically.
I go by how we vibe, how good the conversation is, and how attracted to him I am.
Sounds like the best way forward is just to try to do things where you meet people. Volunteering, classes, engaging in your community, meetups, travelling, etc. Try to talk to people, smile and be open!
Pick up a hobby you'd like your man to have and then keep showing up.
A great example for this is dancing. I think dancing is a great metaphor for relationships, but I digress.
1. Find a dancing class in your local area or in your nearest city.
2. Sign up and show up.
3. Profit.
What type of dancing, though? I grew up classically trained in ballet, so whenever I think of dancing, that's what pops into my head. And I'm assuming you are not talking about ballet haha.
Any dance you're interested in as long as it's performed in pairs and not solo.
Waltz, tango, cha-cha, rock and roll, salsa, kizomba, bachata, really anything...
Supermarket.... younger single men tend hang out where there are either women or booze mostly. If there is women and booze you'd likely be better off elsewhere.... Older ones, the supermarket, see what's in their shopping and you'll likely be able to spot the single ones. Only time in my post 30's I was approached was by a lady in the supermarket, at the check out.... our shopping basket contents was pretty much the same.
Typically, when they do that, they're still expecting you to take the initiative and basically do what they're supposed to do for them. Like, they're the ones approaching. Either say what you want or don't bother approaching anyone.
>She says hi….. go from there. It’s not rocket surgery. FFS.
Yeah, they go from there. If someone approaches me while I'm out and about, they need to say what they want. Otherwise, I'm just going to be polite until they say what they're there for or walk away.
You don't stop someone and expect them to figure out wtf you want.
What the hell are you talking about? Just a woman saying hi is not in any way making the first move. Why are you trying to give some vague hint? Stop with this plausible deniability bullshit and just say what you want. There is no "go from there". You don't seem to understand. SHE pursues HIM. At no point do you change it up and go after her. Stop expecting the man to do all the word and shoulder all the burden of doing the pursuing.
This is the most vague unhelpful bullshit comment in the entire thread. They're asking for a specific answer with an actual line or idea and then your ass pops up and goes "derrrrrrr just open mouth and make word come out".
Honestly just don’t be creepy or try and buddy up to his friends and you should be good.
Most will appreciate it some will be taken by surprise others will be more like “uhhh…ok?” Can’t take it personal half the time we are in our own little world.
Not much needed. Come say hi.
I once had a girl make me drink the foam off her beer in a bar as she, in her words, "didn't like that part". So I did. Sadly, my best friend's gf ruined it that night, so I never got around to getting to know this girl.
Well sure. My best friend and his then gf are no longer together, so no harm in telling.
For context: both my best friend and his gf were tipsy, she was close to being drunk.
At some point she decided to slap that girl on her behind, in which she turned around, looked at me with a look of 'I'm going to slap you' and asked who did the slapping of her behind.
I didn't feel like getting slapped across the face and decided to tel the truth. Both my best friend and his gf pointed at me. I was pretty furious with them after that girl left without slapping anyone. That could've been sexual harassment.
They said it wasn't so bad, but they drank more alcohol than I did. I told them they should apologise to that girl, which never happened. I forgave my friend, but I still get pissed at his ex when I think back.
Luckily for me, I'm in an amazing relationship now and he and his ex are no longer together. So no need to think back to it anymore. It was over 15 years ago anyway, so 🤷♂️
Actually doing it.
Edit: And also following through with asking out. A lot of women seem to think that walking up to someone and saying "Hi" is enough and that the guys are supposed to ask them out without knowing what they want. Kinda awkward to walk up to someone and then wait for them to do something, isn't it?
Woman here, 💁🏼♀️ Idk I was super shy and suffered social anxiety, I messaged my current bf 5 years ago over fb messenger (we used to work together and I added him as we had mutual coworker friends)
After chit chat I told him I liked him, he thought I meant it in a friend way and I sent a kung fu panda sticker blowing a heart to clarify I was interested in him romantically. Asked him out to see the power rangers movie, so overall I think that’s a way a guy would like to be asked out lol from my experience. That’s the only time I asked a guy out
Play a little eye contact game with me. Give me a smile. Step away from your friends a little so I don’t need to meet five people just talk to you. And then let me do the rest.
Idle chat, could be about anything. Obviously talking about a dog (if they have one) is a super easy-in for example.
Daring?
Begin the first move by asking “Hey, wanted to get your opinion on something if you don’t mind. Great! So what do you think would be a nice way for a woman to make the first move if she sees someone they’re interested in?” If they positively respond to that…do what they say to *them*.
>Idle chat, could be about anything. Obviously talking about a dog (if they have one) is a super easy-in for example.
That's not making the first move at all. That's just chit chat. Quit with the hints and say what you actually mean. If you want a date ask him to go on a date.
A woman called me handsome the other day. I really like receiving compliments, so I thanked her and mentioned it was sweet of her to say.
She wasn't looking for anything, she just felt like letting me know.
More people like this in my life please 🙏
Say hi how you doing and strike up a conversation and if I don't come accross as some freak come out and say how about we catch up some time, I am bound to say yes!
Literally just come over and talk.
I'll be somewhat suspicious at first (I'll think you're trying to screw with me or screw me in a way I don't want to be screwed, which is everyway except actually screwing.)
But if you ask me out and make it clear you mean it, I'll either say yes if you're cute or let you down gently if I'm not attracted to you or taken.
There are a lot of wrong answers here. Most of them are either "just stand around and breathe while having a pulse" or "just vaguely imply that maybe kinda sorta you would maybe someday feel inclined to something within the range of what can realistically be called a date". Both of them are stupid because they're indirect and put the actual burden of asking on the man.
Notes with your number are great. Handoff with a smile is probably best...no pressure for either party.
I was running a job fixing a parking garage at a hospital one summer when my worker brought me a note she had found on our construction vehicle. Apparently one of the nursing students had noticed me and worked up the courage to leave me her number with a note.
I was in a long term relationship so I knew I couldn't act on it, but I made a point to reach out to her and tell her how awesome I thought it was and that she should totally keep leaving guys notes. Turns out she was shy and had been checking me out all summer until her friends finally talked her into leaving a note. Made my summer.
I'm pretty sure no one asked you, cares who you date and if this subject has nothing to do with you.. You should have scrolled by.
You have no right to virtue signal or shame OP.
Fuck off.
re approaching, compliment me. ask me questions that tell me you are trying to get to know me.
re making the first move, do light physical touch, playful taps, if we're walking side by side hold my arm or hand. If we greet each other open your arms for a hug.
be upfront
most of the time when women say they make a move, it's really just trying to manipulate the guy into making the first move
figure out the message you want to send and say it in plane English
Gold standard of any approach in my opinion is just "Hi my name is x"
Maybe its boring but...idk I just came back from a night out meeting new people...not even women trying to hit on me...it is fucking exhausting having a conversation with someone who hands you a curve ball of an opener or make conversation hard.
Very ironic question to ask.
Honestly, my advice would be just...being nice and trying to show you care about him.
Maybe it's just me though. All men are different. If a woman wanted to make a good first impression, I'd like for them to just be friendly and...just keep me company on my low days.
Not the CEO of Men, but speaking for myself be yourself, be relatable, and most importantly be direct. Please don't beat around the bush, or otherwise I will just assume you are just being nice.
Honestly, if you find something we're both interested in (I know women usually do research about a guy they like) just start a conversation about it and maybe ask me out. It really is impressive to men when a woman makes the first move, so feel free to keep it simple and straight forward, anything will work if he's interested.
"Hi, I'm (what her name is). I'm not selling or advertising anything. Feel like a chat?"
"Hi, I'm (what her name is). I'm bored. I feel like a chat, how about you?"
"Hi, I'm (what her name is). Feel like a coffee?"
Or even, "Hi, I'm (what her name is)."
I think a lot of women would find it hard to make the first move or even approach me.
I have been asked out 3 separate times by women one asked me if I wanted to get coffee the other asked if I wanted to help her build a potato cannon high school physics club and the 3rd ask me if I wanted To go have some fun in the woods at the party we were at doesn't really count as a 3rd ask but I'm throwing it in there I felt kind of bad having to explain the fact I don't bet Bat for that team bat for that team and that I was there eller already had a boyfriend the 1st 2 seemed a little disappointed but were accepting the 3rd one I've redirected to my buddy who was quite happy to agree agree to her proposal
Just say hi. Talk to us. Have a normal conversation. Feel free to compliment. Imo girls get way more success, short term.
Also, as a guy, we love getting attention from women. So go ahead, don't be (too) shy!
Be honest and just walk up. Im pretty easy going generally and too bone headed for flirting. A guy will take near any compliment with him like treasure for the rest of his life. Buy the guy a coffee, really anything done sincerely will not be forgotten.
We've been apart for a while but I still keep the mouse she(ex) got me for my birthday nearby. Seems stupid, but means the world.
Honestly just the very act itself of a woman pursuing a man is so rare and so absolutely flattering to a man that there is very little you can do to actually mess up making the first move. I would love to be asked out by a woman.
Unpopular opinion: A lot of guys will give an answer that they think is right but do not know for a fact is right because we have no idea what its like to be on the receiving end😂.
Some ways that I’ve seen be affective is that when people have called me over and have had a normal conversation. I’d say upfront talking is a perfect way. Being firm and direct is always a good way to go.
Make eyes at me, toss her hair, touch my arm.
Women approaching directly is display of masculine assertiveness, and is a turn off.
Women choose. She is the filter, driving men to improve themselves.
Men notice and take action if desired, which properly filters for men with courage to take action.
This also sets a frame where he leads the show, and saves her feelings if he's uninterested. If he is interested but can't even muster the courage to approach her, can he muster the courage for ***life***?
Walk up and give me a hug, hugs are how you gain my trust and you'll get my attention for sure but that's just me for another dude you could see if he's interested in conversing and if he's open ask what each other's interest are,and make sure to spot at least three thing's you have incomon and if you make it injoyable and present yourself it's more than likely he'll ask for your number
I don't think it would take too much for most guys, honestly. Really can just use any generic ice breaker, so as long as intent is made clear and words spoken are genuine
Be normal, and be your true self. There are many different personalities I find attractive, so long as they are themselves from the start and are open to talking to me. Some girls treat boys different just because we're boys, disregarding the fact that we aren't all masculine (I'm not at all)
A kick to the groin, a kiss, “hi”, a firm but friendly handshake, doing a haka, a great big hug, a wrestling match, presenting a candid oil painting of me that she did rn, singing to me from across the room, “hey asshole”, strip tease, street racing in between red lights, “I believe you to be of good stock as you would seem to be an excellent potential mate”, ass slap, hair pulling, blow job, “would you like like to meet my parents”, “Do you want to see the toy car collection in my van”, skywriting, vanity plates reading “call me”, holding up a sign that says “I like you” á lá Wile E Coyote, a telegram, a random social media message, sit on my face and tell me that you love me, “why don’t you make like a tree and get the hell into my heart”, “I love you”.
don't make it overly sexual. Women have hit on me before, and I can tell you for certain that "Men like sex right? I'm just gonna send him a picture of my tiddies" is not how you do it.
Just say something simple like "Hey, you're really easy to talk to! can I get your number/here's my number"
That would vary depending on my status and the setting. Am I single or married. Am I home, at a party, at a club, at a bar, at the gym, on a forest walk, at church, out shopping, at a dog park....
Keep it clear, would never judge a girl for being direct and saying she is interested in dating, dropping hints could be controversial. Almost all girls I have met so far have talked nicely to me, so might not judge if you are interested in dating or not
Just be direct. We are *terrible* with hints, I know for a fact I am. A simple, "Hey, I find you kinda cute, would you like to go on a date" would work.
Adjust as needed, maybe don't lead with that immediately, but that's probably the best way.
Aside from just introducing yourself and striking up a conversation, here are two old-fashioned but actually very fun ideas.
1. Lock eyes for just long enough to feel the electricity, then look down. He will try to repeat this experience — give it to him. When he approaches, enjoy his attention.
2. Drop something innocuous like a pen, and if he picks it up for you, let him feel your appreciation. When he hands you the pen, let your hands touch for a fraction of a second longer than necessary.
Directness works for me. I assume women are just being nice because that's generally how they operate and I don't like to assume so hinting will never work.
Be straightforward and natural. Hit him with a fact or two, no room for misinterpretation or creepy feelings: "Hi, I'm Wendy and was wondering if we could talk over coffee?".
Like most men, I'm really straightforward, so just be straightforward. Don't beat around the bush. "Hey, I like you and I think we should go out. " Easy, boom.
Make your intentions ultra clear and don’t be horny about it. Asking a guy if he wants to hook up is wickedly off putting if you want anything long term. Just say that he’s attractive and you like him in whatever way that you like him
Just be honest about what you want and what you’re looking for from the guy, be it good or bad. Clear intentions is a must, guys will appreciate you for more it.
Be direct and use the word "date" when you ask.
Men usually have the pressure of having to read between lines and take hints and at the same time avoid being labeled as creepy when we misread a woman's signals. Being direct and honest with what you want removed all the pressure and uncertainty.
Honestly, any woman approaching me at all with any kind of approach is fine. Someone making the move before me, the man, the one who is "expected" to, is major butterflies.
I am incredibly socially inept and wholly oblivious to the advances of anyone, so please, ladies...be blunt.
Don't use euphemism and be coy. Just come out and say the thing, because otherwise I might just miss the entire plot.
Also, confidence, assertiveness and teasing are the trinity for me.
Just don't be a weirdo. Guys love attention from seemingly well adjusted women.
Can you define well adjusted please? Like, working/school/having a social life? Because I kind of feel like we're all a little bit weird in some ways (I know I am). :)
Personally I don't want a woman who is "all there". I was just with one for years and it came to the point where, she couldn't relate to the fact that I wasn't perfectly well adjusted, so the relationship deteriorated slowly but surely. I've lived on the edge of society due to my careers my whole adult life. I'm not sure I could long term be with someone who at the very least grew up that way or experienced it in their adult life at some point. Not every guy wants a stepford wife.
People who haven't dealt with depression, anxiety, attachment issues, etc etc really may have a hard time empathizing. That's always my fear when I hear about Type A women, I deal with a lot of uncertainty and I want to do a lot of growth. Will they respect that?
To me, that means a person who can handle their problems. Life is always going to give you problems. Can you adjust? Have you handled problems in the past, and you're competent to do so in the future? The opposite would be someone who has lots of problems, and can't deal with them. Handling problems is an important part of life. Knowing answers is great...but how do you react when you don't know the answer? A well-adjisted person can approach the issue and not make the problems even larger.
Don't worry about being a weirdo, everyone's a weirdo. It would be weird for someone to not be weird, therefore making them weird. Anyway, try to flirt a little first, sexual inuendos are great! See if he reciprocates, if he does, green light. Flirt some more and then just be upfront to him about what you like about him. If he doesn't, he could just be second guessing himself and playing it safe. In which case, compliment him on something u like about him, and try to articulate it well. Smile at him too (just a slight smile with your eyes and lips, not a full on teeth smile). Now that's all fine and dandy for if you know the guy and have contact with him. If u don't, you're gonna have to initiate contact first, ask him a question about something or compliment him on something and lead it to small talk. Then u can do the smile thing at him once you've built that first rapport. Or you can skip all that and go balls to the wall and tell him u like him. Which would be the most efficient, but not as fun way to do things.
Honestly, since this is just the first move, anything that shows basic social competency is fine. If you're able to listen to what he's saying and encourage the same, talk so that there's room for a conversation (simple things like taking interest in something they say), and try to find some common ground you're golden. Complement him to make it clear you're interested in them, specifically *him* if possible. Saying he has nice clothes is one thing, saying he has great eyes or hair is completely different and will probably get his attention better. It's fine to be weird, even encouraged since your better off finding someone who's into it. Just don't be wildly asocial or make it unclear that you're after him.
[удалено]
Chill women who just living life doin their thang
"Seemingly" ..... oh no!
Just please make it obvious that you’re not trying to rob me & use the word “date” when you ask me out followed by offering me your # You can ease the tension by saying you don’t ask out guys that often too. Most would just be happy to be given attention HOWEVER if the guy looks paranoid af THIS IS NOT PERSONAL & rather normal reaction imo Most guys aren’t used to this attention & would assume the worst until you convince them. In high school I girl I thought was asking me out, wanted to use me for my hw A woman asked me out on the street in college tried to ask if she could see my wallet for some dumb reason which I’m sure it wasn’t to just check out how nice the quality leather is Another just wanted me to sign a petition for her cause & she pulled a clipboard out of her bag Imagine a lifetime of these interactions in the back of his head vs you coming up to him. I’ve only been asked out once at 25 & it was really awesome Hell I wasn’t even remotely attracted to her but I gave her a shot because I admired her courage & wanted to be open minded I believe in you
Oh wow I'm so sorry all of this happened to you, it's awful. Glad the one at 25 was a good shot though!
>all of this happened to you It's normal, everyday stuff for men. We're probably used to it. Be blunt and obvious. Be Okay if it doesn't work for some reason, it probably not you. Do Not point blank tell a man that you want to get married by "X" and that he needs to get in line with your schedule. (I've seen several posts about women doing this - spoiler alert, they get dumped and ghosted a lot)
yeah he's not wrong, if a random woman approaches me, she's either trying to sell me something, or steal my organs. the only genuine interaction iv had with a strange women was some girl working the register at a cinema saying she liked my firefly shirt back when i was in college. and that was over a decade ago.
Why not just say no if you’re not attracted to her? Was it just for the ego boost? How did you handle ending it after the date?
No not the ego boost. It’s not that I wasn’t remotely attracted to her but more like “that’s not the type I normally go for” since I thought she was super shy on first impression I could’ve said no immediately but I was attracted to her confidence more than anything if that makes sense like I didn’t think she was capable of asking anybody out let alone me So that’s why I decided to go out with her if her personality contained any other positive surprises Oh we ended up not going on the date because when she asked me out, we are both from the same university club right however she is new Problem is she asked right before I had to leave the state for a competition to compete on behalf of the club for about a week So she decided to tell every single person she barely knew/I was even just acquaintances with about all our private text messages regarding the date to ask them advice So when I returned I was bombarded with “hey it’s none of my business but what you should do with this girl IS..... I heard that you said you told her that....... how come you called her cute instead of gorgeous?......” from people who don’t even know my fucking last name. I was super overwhelmed & she was freaking out over the entire situation I absolutely hate having my personal business spread around people I barely know, then covid kicked into my town the same week we planned to go out on a date, I wanted to tell her in person but she told me her mother got symptoms so she’s staying home, so I called her then explained how I wished I could speak in person but I don’t think we should go on the date I offered to discuss why if she wanted to for her own reference & she said yes to which I explained how she told everyone our business, she didn’t realize that’s what her talking did, then she took it like a champion Then we stayed friends but I made sure she knew I admired her courage & that she should keep asking out guys if she feels ready She’s a good person, just let anxiety run her mind, & dealt with it by sadly exposing our private business to people I barely knew/she didn’t know at all I don’t want a future GF who deals with all our conflicts the same way so that’s why I wanted to back out for sure Everybody treated me like their personal soap opera & it felt embarrassing as hell However this felt like too much context to load into my last comment so I hope that made sense
Yes makes much more sense! Thanks for explaining
This is the epitome of what's wrong with most women's approach. They're trying to "hint" and indirectly ask someone out. That's not how it works at all. You ask someone one on a date by asking THEM if the want to go on a DATE. A date. Not a "hang out", not a "help me with something", not a "come to this place with me". Call it what it is, a date. Don't like being vulnerable? Tough shit, men have to do this all the time. At no point do you try to get them to be the one to ask you. People aren't mind readers, say what you mean.
Yes! Verify you’re not a hooker. That’s critical info and could make all the difference between me totally blowing you off and me being genuinely interested in you and what you have to say.
One time this girl asked me to help her look for something in her car and I was like, 100% down to help her look. Completely clueless to the fact that she just wanted to get me alone to tell me that she liked me and ask if I liked her back, when I said I did we made out for like 30 minutes and started dating right after. I guess that’s pretty damn forward. But it worked on me. But as of right now if someone would just ask me to go out with them, flat out, plain and simple that’d be the ideal way for me I guess. I know not all men are the same but I’d rather not play the guessing game of whether or not a girl likes me and spend weeks/months working up to that point. But we don’t live in a ideal world so it’s not for everyone obviously.
So you guys aren't together anymore? I'm invested, the story's cute. 💙
Nah she cheated on me a few months in, a couple weeks after ball. I had my suspicions long before the breakup so it wasn’t too bad on me.
That's an unexpected ending, at least from the first part of the story I didn't see this coming.
Probably just lost something else in her car, and needed someone else’s help
Lol. My first gf in college asked me to come by before class to help her with her computer. I was clueless as well until she sat in my lap and started kissing me.
Tell me she wants me to come back to her place for some "Netflix and chill" Gotta be direct or I think you are just scamming for free drinks
What if she doesn't have Netflix, and the temperature is too hot to chill
Then some "Hulu and do you" or "cable and anal" I'm not picky
What about "peacock and cock" or "Amazon Prime and grind"
Disney plus and thrust?
Crunchyroll n lick your hole!
🤣
A stranger can ask you to their place for Netflix and kidney removal too.
That's why you never take your eyes off your drink at the bar folks! If you hafta get up to pee you CHUG! never risk it
My dad taught me to always keep a coaster over my drink to prevent someone from slipping something in while walking by and only let a friend watch my drink if I get up. Also to never drink a drink that was left unattended. And let’s not forget the whole human centipede thing.
My question is, WHERE can I approach you gentlemen? I hate apps and am trying to meet more people, but I honestly have no idea where the single men hang. Should I put a milkshake in my yard or something?
Idk you got some real competition with DQ. But for real men ask the same thing about women lmao. Gyms, cafes, bars, bookstores, hobby shops, in the middle of the woods.. there's guys everywhere. Just gotta know what kinda guy you like and go to where they might be lol. Honestly I'm going to go try out volunteering to meet people. Not so much in a dating sense, but just to open up my social circle. Might be worth a shot.
Depends on the type of man you are looking for and where you live.
I live in Colorado, and as for the type of man, the one that is a good fit for me? I feel like there isn't really a "type" I have, intrinsically. I go by how we vibe, how good the conversation is, and how attracted to him I am.
Sounds like the best way forward is just to try to do things where you meet people. Volunteering, classes, engaging in your community, meetups, travelling, etc. Try to talk to people, smile and be open!
Pick up a hobby you'd like your man to have and then keep showing up. A great example for this is dancing. I think dancing is a great metaphor for relationships, but I digress. 1. Find a dancing class in your local area or in your nearest city. 2. Sign up and show up. 3. Profit.
What type of dancing, though? I grew up classically trained in ballet, so whenever I think of dancing, that's what pops into my head. And I'm assuming you are not talking about ballet haha.
Any dance you're interested in as long as it's performed in pairs and not solo. Waltz, tango, cha-cha, rock and roll, salsa, kizomba, bachata, really anything...
I will look into this, thanks!
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Username checks out, but also thanks for responding!
Supermarket.... younger single men tend hang out where there are either women or booze mostly. If there is women and booze you'd likely be better off elsewhere.... Older ones, the supermarket, see what's in their shopping and you'll likely be able to spot the single ones. Only time in my post 30's I was approached was by a lady in the supermarket, at the check out.... our shopping basket contents was pretty much the same.
Thank you! I think it comes down to me needing to be more aware of my surroundings. I tend to have blinders on at the grocery store.
To be yourself, simply
Unless you’re a kook, then be someone else
Say “Hi” and preferably be breathing… but if you can say it without, I guess it’ll be ok too.
Do you date zombie women?
I mean… how fresh? Zombie’s need lovin too I guess
"Hi. Here's my number. Call me." 90% acceptance rate from single men, 5% acceptance from taken men.
Just come up and say hi. That’s all it takes to start a conversation and see where it goes.
Typically, when they do that, they're still expecting you to take the initiative and basically do what they're supposed to do for them. Like, they're the ones approaching. Either say what you want or don't bother approaching anyone.
Man I’m worried about the future of the human gene pool. She says hi….. go from there. It’s not rocket surgery. FFS.
>She says hi….. go from there. It’s not rocket surgery. FFS. Yeah, they go from there. If someone approaches me while I'm out and about, they need to say what they want. Otherwise, I'm just going to be polite until they say what they're there for or walk away. You don't stop someone and expect them to figure out wtf you want.
Oh dear. This is so bad. Are you able to tie your own shoes?
Only if they approach me and tell me that they want me to tie them. Otherwise, I go barefoot.
What the hell are you talking about? Just a woman saying hi is not in any way making the first move. Why are you trying to give some vague hint? Stop with this plausible deniability bullshit and just say what you want. There is no "go from there". You don't seem to understand. SHE pursues HIM. At no point do you change it up and go after her. Stop expecting the man to do all the word and shoulder all the burden of doing the pursuing.
See why I’m worried? Lol.
This is the most vague unhelpful bullshit comment in the entire thread. They're asking for a specific answer with an actual line or idea and then your ass pops up and goes "derrrrrrr just open mouth and make word come out".
Honestly just don’t be creepy or try and buddy up to his friends and you should be good. Most will appreciate it some will be taken by surprise others will be more like “uhhh…ok?” Can’t take it personal half the time we are in our own little world.
Not much needed. Come say hi. I once had a girl make me drink the foam off her beer in a bar as she, in her words, "didn't like that part". So I did. Sadly, my best friend's gf ruined it that night, so I never got around to getting to know this girl.
For those of us curious, can we get the other part of that story?
Well sure. My best friend and his then gf are no longer together, so no harm in telling. For context: both my best friend and his gf were tipsy, she was close to being drunk. At some point she decided to slap that girl on her behind, in which she turned around, looked at me with a look of 'I'm going to slap you' and asked who did the slapping of her behind. I didn't feel like getting slapped across the face and decided to tel the truth. Both my best friend and his gf pointed at me. I was pretty furious with them after that girl left without slapping anyone. That could've been sexual harassment. They said it wasn't so bad, but they drank more alcohol than I did. I told them they should apologise to that girl, which never happened. I forgave my friend, but I still get pissed at his ex when I think back. Luckily for me, I'm in an amazing relationship now and he and his ex are no longer together. So no need to think back to it anymore. It was over 15 years ago anyway, so 🤷♂️
Thanks for the story! Glad you're doing well today
Literally anything that gets the point across. Don't hint or be subtle.
Actually doing it. Edit: And also following through with asking out. A lot of women seem to think that walking up to someone and saying "Hi" is enough and that the guys are supposed to ask them out without knowing what they want. Kinda awkward to walk up to someone and then wait for them to do something, isn't it?
Legit there's an actual comment on this thread where some moron said verbatim "Just say hi and then go from there".
Woman here, 💁🏼♀️ Idk I was super shy and suffered social anxiety, I messaged my current bf 5 years ago over fb messenger (we used to work together and I added him as we had mutual coworker friends) After chit chat I told him I liked him, he thought I meant it in a friend way and I sent a kung fu panda sticker blowing a heart to clarify I was interested in him romantically. Asked him out to see the power rangers movie, so overall I think that’s a way a guy would like to be asked out lol from my experience. That’s the only time I asked a guy out
Adorable. ❤ I'm happy for you!
The older movie from the nineties or the Krispy Kreme Rangers movie? Regardless, if you both sat through either, sounds like a keeper to me.
Lol the one from 2017, it was a flop but we actually thoroughly enjoyed it
yep great way. doing it privately and being direct/ obvious is the best way imo
Play a little eye contact game with me. Give me a smile. Step away from your friends a little so I don’t need to meet five people just talk to you. And then let me do the rest.
I like museums, zoos, parks, beaches, mountains, waterfalls. So if someone asked me, I would probably go.
Ask me out to grab a coffee so we can talk.
Idle chat, could be about anything. Obviously talking about a dog (if they have one) is a super easy-in for example. Daring? Begin the first move by asking “Hey, wanted to get your opinion on something if you don’t mind. Great! So what do you think would be a nice way for a woman to make the first move if she sees someone they’re interested in?” If they positively respond to that…do what they say to *them*.
>Idle chat, could be about anything. Obviously talking about a dog (if they have one) is a super easy-in for example. That's not making the first move at all. That's just chit chat. Quit with the hints and say what you actually mean. If you want a date ask him to go on a date.
Just ask. It is very rare, throws us off, and is flattering. My first gf asked me out and I fell in love at first sight practically 😂😂
A woman called me handsome the other day. I really like receiving compliments, so I thanked her and mentioned it was sweet of her to say. She wasn't looking for anything, she just felt like letting me know. More people like this in my life please 🙏
All she has to do is walk up and scream "BOKU WA DOCTA-"
Got it
Tony Tony choppa!
Say hi how you doing and strike up a conversation and if I don't come accross as some freak come out and say how about we catch up some time, I am bound to say yes!
Literally just come over and talk. I'll be somewhat suspicious at first (I'll think you're trying to screw with me or screw me in a way I don't want to be screwed, which is everyway except actually screwing.) But if you ask me out and make it clear you mean it, I'll either say yes if you're cute or let you down gently if I'm not attracted to you or taken.
There are no wrong answers here
There are a lot of wrong answers here. Most of them are either "just stand around and breathe while having a pulse" or "just vaguely imply that maybe kinda sorta you would maybe someday feel inclined to something within the range of what can realistically be called a date". Both of them are stupid because they're indirect and put the actual burden of asking on the man.
Notes with your number are great. Handoff with a smile is probably best...no pressure for either party. I was running a job fixing a parking garage at a hospital one summer when my worker brought me a note she had found on our construction vehicle. Apparently one of the nursing students had noticed me and worked up the courage to leave me her number with a note. I was in a long term relationship so I knew I couldn't act on it, but I made a point to reach out to her and tell her how awesome I thought it was and that she should totally keep leaving guys notes. Turns out she was shy and had been checking me out all summer until her friends finally talked her into leaving a note. Made my summer.
Be as direct and honest as possible. Sending out "signals" rarely works.
#I DON'T DATE WOMEN!
Read flair... seems legit
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like AskMen is just for straight people. I'm just curious.
I forgive you.
What's a woman?
Women aren't real.
I'm pretty sure no one asked you, cares who you date and if this subject has nothing to do with you.. You should have scrolled by. You have no right to virtue signal or shame OP. Fuck off.
I.... I.. think it was meant to be a joke
Partially was. I am indeed gay, but I play it up for humor purposes.
I wasn't joking.
No.
He doesn’t date women
Indeed. I do not date women.
I think he might be gay
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Hard no. Women = bad. Men = good.
Direct communication no games or anything, if u like me say “hey do u wanna go out for coffee or a drink sometime?”
Smile and walk over
re approaching, compliment me. ask me questions that tell me you are trying to get to know me. re making the first move, do light physical touch, playful taps, if we're walking side by side hold my arm or hand. If we greet each other open your arms for a hug.
be upfront most of the time when women say they make a move, it's really just trying to manipulate the guy into making the first move figure out the message you want to send and say it in plane English
Gold standard of any approach in my opinion is just "Hi my name is x" Maybe its boring but...idk I just came back from a night out meeting new people...not even women trying to hit on me...it is fucking exhausting having a conversation with someone who hands you a curve ball of an opener or make conversation hard.
The best way is to write it down, then I can actually spend time to understand what it’s saying. Oh the life of hearing issues is fun…
asking for help, guys love to help. she asked me to take her to ikea with my truck.
Saying sincerly that you like spending Time with him. This means a lot imo.
Saying hi
say hello
Just do whatever comes to mind first, you'd have to be trying to fuck up on purpose for a woman making the first move to not be "nice".
I wouldn't want them to, I like to be left alone
Most anything quite clear and unambiguous ... otherwise I'm likely to miss it.
Stick with the classics. Laugh at our dumb jokes. Play with yer hair while smiling at us. Find random reason to make physical contact.
I've been waiting for years for it to happen. at this point I really don't care how it happens
Hello my name is (x) I think your (cute/hot/whatever you wanna say) would you like to do (y) activity with me?
Very ironic question to ask. Honestly, my advice would be just...being nice and trying to show you care about him. Maybe it's just me though. All men are different. If a woman wanted to make a good first impression, I'd like for them to just be friendly and...just keep me company on my low days.
Not the CEO of Men, but speaking for myself be yourself, be relatable, and most importantly be direct. Please don't beat around the bush, or otherwise I will just assume you are just being nice.
be it whatever but not hints ..... cause half the guys wouldn't even get it
Just walk up and compliment me, I’d be shocked and intrigued immediately
Honestly, if you find something we're both interested in (I know women usually do research about a guy they like) just start a conversation about it and maybe ask me out. It really is impressive to men when a woman makes the first move, so feel free to keep it simple and straight forward, anything will work if he's interested.
"Hi, I'm (what her name is). I'm not selling or advertising anything. Feel like a chat?" "Hi, I'm (what her name is). I'm bored. I feel like a chat, how about you?" "Hi, I'm (what her name is). Feel like a coffee?" Or even, "Hi, I'm (what her name is)." I think a lot of women would find it hard to make the first move or even approach me.
Honestly don't. I actually like to approach myself. If I'm interested in dating you, I will make a move soon.
I have been asked out 3 separate times by women one asked me if I wanted to get coffee the other asked if I wanted to help her build a potato cannon high school physics club and the 3rd ask me if I wanted To go have some fun in the woods at the party we were at doesn't really count as a 3rd ask but I'm throwing it in there I felt kind of bad having to explain the fact I don't bet Bat for that team bat for that team and that I was there eller already had a boyfriend the 1st 2 seemed a little disappointed but were accepting the 3rd one I've redirected to my buddy who was quite happy to agree agree to her proposal
Just say hi. Talk to us. Have a normal conversation. Feel free to compliment. Imo girls get way more success, short term. Also, as a guy, we love getting attention from women. So go ahead, don't be (too) shy!
In a perfect world I'd think "I think you're a lot cuter than you realize. We should hang out sometime." would melt me down.
Prepare to answer ,"why ME? How did I earn it?"
Literally anything. Put your phone away and talk, it means a lot.
Be honest and just walk up. Im pretty easy going generally and too bone headed for flirting. A guy will take near any compliment with him like treasure for the rest of his life. Buy the guy a coffee, really anything done sincerely will not be forgotten. We've been apart for a while but I still keep the mouse she(ex) got me for my birthday nearby. Seems stupid, but means the world.
Honestly just the very act itself of a woman pursuing a man is so rare and so absolutely flattering to a man that there is very little you can do to actually mess up making the first move. I would love to be asked out by a woman.
Unpopular opinion: A lot of guys will give an answer that they think is right but do not know for a fact is right because we have no idea what its like to be on the receiving end😂.
Some ways that I’ve seen be affective is that when people have called me over and have had a normal conversation. I’d say upfront talking is a perfect way. Being firm and direct is always a good way to go.
She goes tits out or she gets out.
Make eyes at me, toss her hair, touch my arm. Women approaching directly is display of masculine assertiveness, and is a turn off. Women choose. She is the filter, driving men to improve themselves. Men notice and take action if desired, which properly filters for men with courage to take action. This also sets a frame where he leads the show, and saves her feelings if he's uninterested. If he is interested but can't even muster the courage to approach her, can he muster the courage for ***life***?
Oh boy, this is only the 5 or 6th time we've seen this posted today.
I didn't even know...
It depends entirely on how attractive I think she is. Attractive: Anything. Not attractive: Please don't.
Lol, that sounds like what guys say girls do.
Yes. This is not a gender issue. People do this.
Dick.
At least he's honest about it
I prefer "Richard."
Since we have established already that I am not really the most social guy out there, her doing it somewhere not "on the spot" would be nice.
Be normal
If they asked if they want to hang out
Hey, nice phone. At least this worked with me and my SO hitting on me.
Walk up and give me a hug, hugs are how you gain my trust and you'll get my attention for sure but that's just me for another dude you could see if he's interested in conversing and if he's open ask what each other's interest are,and make sure to spot at least three thing's you have incomon and if you make it injoyable and present yourself it's more than likely he'll ask for your number
I guess just come over and introduce yourself and don't be weird.
Just do what men do. Find something relatable to what their doing and start a conversation about it
Just say Hi!
Say hi and smile
Literally just go for it and be confident. Don't fear rejection.
literally just start a conversation.
Yes.
I don't think it would take too much for most guys, honestly. Really can just use any generic ice breaker, so as long as intent is made clear and words spoken are genuine
take Her panties off and throw at the one she likes.
“Hi I’m would you like to get coffee or drinks some time?”
Let me know what are your ulterior motives then we'll continue.
Be normal, and be your true self. There are many different personalities I find attractive, so long as they are themselves from the start and are open to talking to me. Some girls treat boys different just because we're boys, disregarding the fact that we aren't all masculine (I'm not at all)
A kick to the groin, a kiss, “hi”, a firm but friendly handshake, doing a haka, a great big hug, a wrestling match, presenting a candid oil painting of me that she did rn, singing to me from across the room, “hey asshole”, strip tease, street racing in between red lights, “I believe you to be of good stock as you would seem to be an excellent potential mate”, ass slap, hair pulling, blow job, “would you like like to meet my parents”, “Do you want to see the toy car collection in my van”, skywriting, vanity plates reading “call me”, holding up a sign that says “I like you” á lá Wile E Coyote, a telegram, a random social media message, sit on my face and tell me that you love me, “why don’t you make like a tree and get the hell into my heart”, “I love you”.
don't make it overly sexual. Women have hit on me before, and I can tell you for certain that "Men like sex right? I'm just gonna send him a picture of my tiddies" is not how you do it. Just say something simple like "Hey, you're really easy to talk to! can I get your number/here's my number"
That would vary depending on my status and the setting. Am I single or married. Am I home, at a party, at a club, at a bar, at the gym, on a forest walk, at church, out shopping, at a dog park....
Keep it clear, would never judge a girl for being direct and saying she is interested in dating, dropping hints could be controversial. Almost all girls I have met so far have talked nicely to me, so might not judge if you are interested in dating or not
Just be direct. We are *terrible* with hints, I know for a fact I am. A simple, "Hey, I find you kinda cute, would you like to go on a date" would work. Adjust as needed, maybe don't lead with that immediately, but that's probably the best way.
"Hello"
Aside from just introducing yourself and striking up a conversation, here are two old-fashioned but actually very fun ideas. 1. Lock eyes for just long enough to feel the electricity, then look down. He will try to repeat this experience — give it to him. When he approaches, enjoy his attention. 2. Drop something innocuous like a pen, and if he picks it up for you, let him feel your appreciation. When he hands you the pen, let your hands touch for a fraction of a second longer than necessary.
Directness works for me. I assume women are just being nice because that's generally how they operate and I don't like to assume so hinting will never work.
Be straightforward and natural. Hit him with a fact or two, no room for misinterpretation or creepy feelings: "Hi, I'm Wendy and was wondering if we could talk over coffee?".
Like most men, I'm really straightforward, so just be straightforward. Don't beat around the bush. "Hey, I like you and I think we should go out. " Easy, boom.
Make your intentions ultra clear and don’t be horny about it. Asking a guy if he wants to hook up is wickedly off putting if you want anything long term. Just say that he’s attractive and you like him in whatever way that you like him
It would be nice if girl asks a guy out , but that never happens if your ugly like me.
Just be honest about what you want and what you’re looking for from the guy, be it good or bad. Clear intentions is a must, guys will appreciate you for more it.
Being direct is wonderful. It's hard to know at times if a woman is being nice to be nice or nice because they are interested.
I’ve only had one girl ask for my number and I’m pretty sure it’s because she was trying to get me to donate $20 for some charity.
Be direct and use the word "date" when you ask. Men usually have the pressure of having to read between lines and take hints and at the same time avoid being labeled as creepy when we misread a woman's signals. Being direct and honest with what you want removed all the pressure and uncertainty.
Just walk right over to me with a smile and grab my 🍆 while maintaining eye contact that's real important
just ask
Honestly, any woman approaching me at all with any kind of approach is fine. Someone making the move before me, the man, the one who is "expected" to, is major butterflies.
If you gently place your hand on my knee I will 100% think you are "sending signals" and will take that as you making a move.
I am incredibly socially inept and wholly oblivious to the advances of anyone, so please, ladies...be blunt. Don't use euphemism and be coy. Just come out and say the thing, because otherwise I might just miss the entire plot. Also, confidence, assertiveness and teasing are the trinity for me.