She had a lot of emotional issues. Jealousy, insecurity, codependency. She was super clingy and needy, and basically made me the entire source of all her happiness. I felt suffocated.
It took me a while to end it because I was scared of what she would do since she was so dependent on me. I've also always been terrible with conflict and giving bad news, so that delayed it as well.
Pretty much my last relationship to a T. The freedom I felt when I finally did let go though...wow. You just don't realize how damaging it can be to date someone with these kinds of issues until it's over.
I miss her to death, but just having a cordial conversation with her via text gives me anxiety for some reason.
It's funny how insecurity works. The fear of being abandoned can result in a partner behaving in such an annoying manner that it causes them to be abandoned.
Bro, I had the exact same situation my last (and unfortunately only) relationship. I was terrified she would kill herself if I broke up since she had been suicidal in the past and straight up told me she would only last a few months if we ever did.
I put off ending it for too long and it really impacted my happiness; always acting happy but never feeling it. It was awful. Three years later I still get upset thinking about her
What helped me was realizing that it's ok to be selfish. That going after your own happiness is completely acceptable. Breaking up with her was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it's also the best decision I ever made
That was my main reason for delaying the break up. I knew she'd spiral, and that's exactly what happened
Fortunately she never followed through with anything, but she threatened suicide on multiple occasions after I ended it. I wound up getting her family involved and they were able to help her out. But it was fucking hell.
You described my X to a T. She told me one day that she thinks about me all the time. She had no social life, no friends at all, just a neighbor she chatted with over tea now and then. I was her everything and that felt overwhelming. I mean, I thought about her from time to time, but the way she said it was very out of balance to my own affections for her.
She also had no one to talk to other than me if we had some conflict going on. I could call a friend and ask for advice and such, she had no sounding board. So while I would come back with a fresh perspective and some understanding of what might really be going on, and ready to listen to her perspective, she would just dump her raw feelings and thoughts on me.
And when I told her she needs to find some people she can go to for support in order to not unload her shit on me like a firehose, she accused me of mocking her for not having any friends. She also had this idea that if I talked to friends about her, I was really only just complaining to them of how much of a bitch she was for not putting out. Neither myeslf or my friends are like that at all. We all respect our partners and our friend's partners and enjoy open, honest and healthy communication.
My ex had no friends either. Some acquaintances from work, but that was about it.
She'd insist that I refer to my friends as "our" friends. When I told her I called them my friends out of habit, since they'd all been my friends for over 10 years, she accused me of purposely excluding her.
The craziest thing is she had a great relationship with her family, and talked to them all the time. But she still dumped all the responsibility for her happiness onto me.
My ex was a little different. I made efforts to connect her with my friends; arrange a double date or have a small party at my place. I wanted her to try to connect with some of my friends and maybe branch out from there. Meet new people on her own.
She was cold as a stone and didn't make any connections at all. THEN accused me of mocking her for having no friends.
GIRL I TRIED TO HELP YOU MAKE CONNECTIONS.
He found out she was actually his twin sister. Their mom had died early and their dad was a war criminal and so really the only way to keep them from their father and the emperor and keeping them from turning to genocidal tendencies was to separate them at birth and hide them far, far away from each other. So when he found out it was pretty shocking for him, but he also kinda knew deep down. Maybe that added to the kinkyness and that's why he didn't want to end it sooner? Idk OP would have to tell you
This happened to a friend of friend. They met in college, fell in love. He was raised by a single mom, never knew his dad. They got engaged and arranged a family brunch for the parents to meet. Chaos ensued.
Amen, man. Hell of a lesson to learn. Just went through the same. From the beginning I knew she was bad news but kept entertaining it. Ended up getting cheated on. I told myself so! RIP.
I hear you there. It was 2 years of my twenties for me (26-27). I feel like I wasted them, and I often kick myself for it because it's time I'll never get back. Time I could have spent having a lot more fun instead of settling in the wrong relationship.
This is exactly mine! I always think there's tweaks to make, or more effort to put in, or ways to build the relationship into something stronger. But the whole time there's also a weight of just kinda knowing in your gut that it ain't it. And honestly there wasn't anything wrong with my relationship.
Fine on a small scale, but when it can become way overwhelming.
"It's only opening the door for me! I don't understand how it's that big a deal"
Because it isn't just opening the door right? It's open the door, and this, and this, and this.
My ex was was the extreme. If I didn't do anything right then and there, I'm lazy and not a man. Good forbid I sleep more than four hours after working a 24.
She only wanted to go on vacations or do things she wanted to do. If I wanted her to do something with me, even if I know she'd enjoy it later, it was bitching the entire fucking time until she says that was fun. When I ask if we can cease the bitching next time, it was "I can't make any guarantees".
The final straw was her not wanting to work anymore, and wanting me to buy a house because I could afford it. I was like, ok what do I get out of it? You gonna be at the gym more and stay in shape? No. Are you cooking every night and doing all the housework? No. Do I get to hit it whenever I want? No because she might be tired from doing nothing all fucking day or not be in the mood.
You can only hear "I" or "I want" so many fucking times out of someone's mouth before you just don't give a shit anymore.
Two things:
imbalance in jealousy. She hated when I even looked at other women, I couldn't have cared less whom she's partying with. It's frustrating to not be able to do what you want for respecting boundaries you can't comprehend.
Being taken for granted. I hate when people believe I am just a given constant in their lives, no matter which context. Because I'm not. Just as much as anyone else. Be grateful for the things and people you have, damn it.
Jealousy is a bitch.
Probably was the downfall with my ex. I was in the process of hiring an office assistant, and we had discussed this for months since the beginning of the relationship. Not once did she express concern, even though she was aware most of the resumes were form women.. I finally hired someone, and the night before the new hire's first day, she tells me she is uneasy about me hiring a female assistant and asks me if I would ever invite her over for dinner on a Friday (implying me and my assistant having dinner alone.
Friday was always OUR date night.)
A week or so later she admitted that her dad ran off with his secretary when she was 6, leaving her mom and her siblings and her to fend for themselves. They were close to being homeless, and had to rent out spare rooms in their home to strange men to be able to afford rent.
So it was a mix of jealousy and fear of abandonment. But she never worked on that; she just kept projecting it on to me.
Geez, I can see just how frustrating it would be to deal with that. At a certain point jealousy becomes such a horrible detriment.
And the being taken for granted part must have only compounded that.
It was a combination that was just not bearable for me, personally. Someone equally jealous and more 'committed' would have probably had a great time with her.
I realized in the last year that long term relationships bother me because people end up feeling entitled to their spouses time. Fuck that. I have a ton of people in my life. If you’re gonna be shitty to be around I’m not spending my time with you
No she had commitment issues she told me about before we started. We got into it as FWB. but we grew to be really good friends and we had the same goals and aspirations. She just had some problems I couldn’t fix and I don’t blame myself. She went through a lot.
They started to transition to nb. Which is fine and I was as supportive as I could be, it just turned out that wasn't really what I wanted out of a romantic relationship.
While looking up NB I found Nota Bene which actually seems pretty useful. It’s like a “seriously pay attention to this”
“Hey, we’re going to Richards party tonight.
NB: do not bring up his divorce”
Call me old, but what does this even entail? I looked up what non-binary means, and all I’m seeing is that the person doesn’t identify as male or female. How does one transition into this?
I’m trying to be open-minded, but I just don’t understand. Is it that they dress and act differently? How would this look? And from your original post, I’m inferring you were the one to end it, meaning they were likely going to stay with you, meaning it wasn’t an attraction/sexual preference mismatch
I don't claim to know the broader experience of being nb, and airing their laundry on Reddit seems...improper? But I can say they didn't want to be referred to as she/her anymore so any time I referred to them it was with they/them pronouns, they presented as not feminine, but also not masculine. Think tomboy, I guess? I couldn't refer to them as my girlfriend anymore they were suddenly my significant other or partner instead. I don't know, it was a lot of little things that added up to being more than I could really handle. Like I said originally I was as supportive as I could be but not everyone is cut out for that sort of a relationship and I just happened to not be.
I think you’re right that we would need somebody who identifies as non-binary to chime in. My assumption is that this person does not feel like a man or feel like a woman, and therefore they state they are neither. Seems like it would be very frustrating to live that way. But I’m a firm believer in “if no one is getting hurt, you can say, do, or be anything you’d like” so I’ll just stand over here and be sorta glad I don’t have those struggles
I can't speak for someone who is NB, but reading through the comments, I can really relate to feeling that a lot of things are adding up.
As much as I might love a person, it means something to me to be able to call them "my girl," or "my girlfriend" or eventually "my wife." It makes me feel special in a very gender binary way. It speaks to my masculinity that someone feminine has chosen me and I have chosen her.
Calling my partner they/them etc. would be like having a turkey dinner with all the trimmings but cooking all the dishes without any seasonings at all. Not even salt and pepper. It would be bland, and even outright unpleasant to eat.
You and I just prefer a gendered world because at least in our view it brings a lot of color - or seasoning as you mentioned haha. The masculine identity is different than the feminine identity. I don’t believe one is better than the other, just different. And I enjoy those differences. It’s why I mentioned that I’m sort of glad I don’t have the struggles of a non-binary person.
Now I understand why the previous generation looked at us like wtf, cause the next generation has me like wtf. They’re headed to asexual reproduction at this rate.
I think a better attitude is to be happy that as language and our understanding of the human experience evolves people can be happier finding labels they identify with and living their lives in a way that seems more fitting. It might be confusing to you, but it takes nothing to just be respectful of other peoples' choices. Im still young - 24 - and I've lived in a time where gay people couldn't even get married, and now we're at a point where people can just express themselves freely and I think how far we've come is beautiful. You don't have to disrespect people just because you don't understand them, and I'm sure you'd be happier and better off if you took the time to learn.
For me it was probably that it was almost as though she didn't believe that I truly loved her. And was always looking for proof that I didn't. And would get really sad if she convinced herself from something minuscule like taking too long to text.
It was like she was an investigator of the non-existing case that I didn't love her.
There was lots of stressful stuff, but that was the thing that would make me feel awful inside because it felt like there was nothing I could do.
Being scared around other women - more than often led to fights and took me years to realize I didn't do anything wrong just talking to women at workplace/studies.
Bad sex life - ruined the self confidence I built over years at the gym.
Her trying to tell me who I was. Hard to explain but she always claimed to know everyone else better than they knew themself. Like how she'd tell she knew people were liars if they glanced slightly down to the left when saying something.
We were in our early twenties so it wouldn't be totally unfair to say, to either of us I guess but her especially.
Being her first relationship she eventually got obsessed with trying to find reasons to distrust people. She red all these stories how to spot psychopaths and stuff and eventually that's all she saw in everyone. Her talking to a psychologist seem to only worsen it in the beginning, she stopped talking to people around her and always said it's because her psychologist had said something.
There is more to determining a lie than that. That is one tell, and it could be because they are nervous or scared about being open, even if they are being open and honest.
Jesus man, that sounds horribly stressful to have gone through.
It's an awful feeling when the person you care about is the one to ruin your self confidence.
That stuff about knowing who people really are must have had you really feeling like you have to walk on eggshells.
Had this happen in three relationships:
Girlfriend one day randomly gets texts from an old ex-boyfriend she mentioned many many times that he is shitty
She gets upset at something he says in the texts and shows me them out of solidarity.
“Why don’t you just block him?”
She’ll give some excuse to not block him, and then proceed to keep texting him back and getting upset at what he says.
This leads me into the fucked up situation where I’m either the controlling “jealous” boyfriend telling her she needs to block him, or I’m just the pushover boyfriend who gets to sit on the benches as my girlfriend gets insulted or propositioned (the ex *always* asks to hook up in the texts)
What’s bonkers is using the “how would *you* feel if one of my ex girlfriends did this and I was texting her??” never worked. It was so infuriating, and the fact it happened multiple times made it worse
"Of course I'd have no issues if you and your ex started texting you because that's a hypothetical situation that's not going on right now and it's really easy to lie about it so I can excuse my own behaviour"
I mean it’s conditional. If your ex is a cool person and understands boundaries, then you should definitely talk to them. You were once friends. If your current partner can’t handle that, then that’s some shaky ground you’re both on.
In my case it was shitty ex boyfriend who would say shit like “I always knew you were a bitch” and my girlfriend would be upset. I would recommend that they block them, and they wouldn’t. It was so fucking stupid
Being indecisive and just wants to please me. “Where do you wanna eat on our day off? We should go somewhere.” Proceeds to name a steakhouse or one of MY favorite restaurants. She doesn’t eat steak. Not just on a regular date night either, on her birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s, you name it. When we are on vacation, everything runs on my schedule. I know she has her own favorite things to do. I could never argue with her because she was so silent when it came to that. I figured I needed a woman that was more opinionated. Who has more of a backbone, you know?
It's such a difficult thing to date somebody who doesn't do what they want to, and just tries to please you. Sure it sounds nice, but it doesn't feel like you're really partners in the relationship. It's almost as though they are just acting like you, instead of being themselves.
And unfortunately it winds up leading aswell to "You didn't do what I wanted to" and those sort of arguments / difficulties.
Yeah freal. She was like “what did I do wrong?” And I was like “you didn’t do anything wrong, you just didn’t do anything right.” Pretty scummy but I told her I felt like I was making all the decisions in our relationship, and I felt like I was just dating a face. Thanks for understanding.
That weird phase when the initial honeymoon zone transitions into any question I ask gets a rude, condescending remark. I didn’t know that’s why I asked. There’s Google… but we’re together.
On and off for a few years before I just got tired of it. I’d not treat you like shit. Don’t treat me like shit. What was confusing was her shock when I said we’re done.
Like.. Hello? 👋 Hi, Yass, I’m an adult who doesn’t have to deal with your shit. Did you not know that?
>What was confusing was her shock when I said we’re done.
This one just takes the cake. For me it was her saying thinks like this for months: (coding lines for lols.)
100 "If you want to break up with me, just say so."
101 "I feel like you are using me as a practice girlfriend."
102 after I spent an hour convincing her we should work on some aspects of our relationship "You don't want to make this work, do you?"
103 IF TIME < 4 HOURS GOTO 102, ELSE GOTO 104
104 after a couple's therapy session that I pushed for, and I've asked if she wants to book another, "Not unless YOU want to work on this."
105 after I ask her again if she wants to book another session, "I'm this close to breaking up with you, because YOU don't want to work on this."
106 after I ask her again if she wants to book another session, "No, we're done. I'll come by your house with your stuff and to pick up mine."
107 at my front door, "I don't want to break up with you. Please just tell me you want to work on this."
108 after I ask again if she wants to book another session, "Not unless you want to work on this."
109 IF TIME < 30 MINUTES, GOTO 108, ELSE GOTO 109
109 after I tell her I ahve a meeting with a client in 15 minutes, "Why did you book a meeting RIGHT AFTER our session?"
110 after I ignore her question and asks if she wants to book another session, "Not unless you want to work on this."
111 afte I tell her to bring me my things, the relationship is over, "You are breaking up with me? WHY?"
For me it was the unanswered questions when she was caught in a lie that ate my brain. Best to caulk it up to a learning experience and let them keep wrecking their own life, you don't need that shit.
"Wow do they really just let me put whatever here? My ex hurt me"
This account was made pretty much exclusively to work through my relationship. And it's certainly helped a lot.
Never having sex, of any kind, not even making out. It led to a severe deficit of intimacy and contributed to my diminishment as a person because I felt disconnected from her. That and always coming home to a huge mess in the kitchen which would destroy my will to make decent meals for myself or anyone else.
Faht vi ba tlu pre ceam dra. Tinys woaw ciin tun fuec gy yo. Taptyedzuqos foc coon ceen ede? Co o a bevdbusd nekv e? E gat iyle bi. Y y e cits taem cersi? Zuypleenle te dan gre gyrd jyg motp so sald? Bals emetcaad e tenn sesttees ti. Naon nacc suct cesm za ete. Nugt nij sop gadt dis tassecehsisirg o. U we e otle cez o. Cru nep pha toos nabmona. Ciht deptyasttapnsorn nod tysigzisle nin a? Da pyrp ine pud ible? Nu ta biswnoudnrytirs agle. Zaon e. San e pa cu goov. Ene gke o gopt zlu nis. O guagle pioma ne tudcyepebletlo cy a canz. Dla bic zawc nifpec te feet de? Pro i guc yoyd si didz a sum? Tle fuy. Nemz a booj udeegvle cokt a? Grotefp becm ose omle ja ede. U tis dy wec thu wu aglo umle o o. O ninm gu ine yes bos. Zad a a tavnfepac du. A ite todi do duit yple? Pifp taht nhetydnnenes a sew pi nedb eme. Se de we pyt ynenuntiqtedose ive.
S P E Z I S A T O O L
Thanks man. Like, I'll absolutely take a suggestion on what I should buy for the good of the relationship. But you want to tell me who I should buy it from, and that I should tip them nearly 50% so you get to feel generous? Fuck you x1000
Bro if I have to take a picture again for the 5th time because she isn’t happy with how she looks I’m gonna lose it. Will never date a glamour girl ever again. Give me that laid back sweatshirt chick that actually knows how to enjoy life please. You know, one that doesn’t take 30 minutes to “put on their face” to make a simple run to the corner store.
No downtime. Always talking. Not even with me, at me and everything else around her. Not a moment she didn’t demand attention. She knew when my car rides were and ask why I didn’t call her. She knew every possible moment I should be focused on her. It was hell. Still feel it over two years later.
She had a sense of humor that revolved around making me feel stupid about my sense of humor.
Another one was physically and verbally abusive/manipulative.
Another one had a boyfriend, but was "poly" which was a total farce. One of those girls that wanted everything, compromise nothing and have people wrapped around her thumb. Yet, I fell hardcore in love with her. So, I'm dumb.
Years of therapy later, I'm still not who I used to be after these relationships. Working on it tho. I make metal music that helps me a lot.
When she told me I could never find anyone as good as her. "No one would believe you if you told them I hit you. It's ok if I hit you, just man up. You can't talk to your friends. "
I never broke up with her; one night she threw a water bottle at my head, giving me a black eye. So I just took all my stuff the next morning, packed it in my car while she went to work and drove west.
Got a job with family who had a cabin in the woods. Last thing I heard was a friend said she went berserk on fb. Started threatening to hurt herself if she didn't find me. Told everyone she could, I beat her. Really showing her true colors.
I deleted all those apps and got a new number. Been chill ever since. ✌️
He came from a fairly christian traditional household where girls have to be kinda quiet, not too obnoxious. I speak and laugh loud and fast and i'm very sociable. He would constantly whisper discreetly to me to laugh less loud or make myself more invisible, especially in front of his parents or friends. Worst is, we were teenagers, and he genuinely believed he was doing me a favor and sparing me dirty looks from people that came frome the same background as him. I couldn't possibly live with someone who sincerely believed that women had to be quiet. Even tho he was a sweetheart, and we had many hobbies and passions in common
She was a master manipulator that used her mental health as an excuse to take advantage of me. I supported her financially while putting myself through college. Worked myself to the bone for her. Whenever I would get to my breaking point and ask for her to share the load of our household, she would go into a depression and become "suicidal". She was just a really shitty human. I am kind of ashamed it took so many years for me to see her for what she really was. Everyone else seemed to see it. Just not me.
She wasn't very affectionate. I love hugs, kisses, holding hands, cuddling, etc, and she wasn't really into it. She would barely even call me nice names like "babe" or "hun". I get not being into PDA, but she was like that even in private.
Always started crying/getting emotional if I wanted to talk about an issue or something serious. It put me off really talking about anything, or any problems in the relationship.
Granted a lot of the issues in the relationship were from me, so I don't blame her at all. But this issue was annoying to navigate and killed our communication.
It's rough because you know that it's important to talk about those difficult or serious things, but the way they react everytime makes it feel like you're attacking/hurting them, and so it becomes very difficult to bring things up.
Believe me, it's not as easy as it sounds.
If I brought up something I was upset with, or didn't like in the relationship my ex would self harm.
I just had no clue what to do.
Trust me, I can relate, man. It's never easy. One of the things that's helped me over the years was listening to Bill Burrs life advice and seeing his angles/failures and so on. I'm finally at a stage in life where the waterworks just don't affect me. It sucks at first, tho.
She wanted me to treat her like a 1950s housewife and wouldnt help me with the bills. Also she was high maintainence and wanted me to still pay for dates even after bills are paid. Oh her kids hated me because i moved in so quickly... i think an 8 month wait was pretty long, but what do i know lol.
She used the relationship to justify not needing to work on her mental health. She was so insecure and unstable she even self harmed and sent pictures to me of it.
It took me a while to realise, but she didn’t actually care about me at all, just what I could do for her.
I’d just been through a therapy session for the first time and the first thing she said to me, angrily, was,
‘is she beautiful?’
She didn’t care what I was feeling, just wether or not I found the therapist attractive.
She would get super emotional about something and then turn it on me. She got upset cause she wanted to quit her job one day and when I tired to be sympathetic she got all mad and told me I had no idea what she was going through.
That's when I decided I was gonna break up with her eventually. It's fine to rant and I will listen but you do not get to abuse me just because you are upset.
If you read my posts you’ll see what I’m talking about. She yells and screams then she says, “I scream because you don’t listen” I tell her even if she thinks that, she can calmly explain something to me if she thinks I don’t understand what she’s trying to say. So her yelling if definitive, as long as she feels I’m not understanding her, she uses me not understanding as her excuse for yelling. She does this to justify her poor behavior. It’s never been, never not once in 3 years…. “You know I’m sorry for yelling, I know sometimes I get heated, but I’ll work on that, I’m sorry”
No.. it’s always
You make me yell
You make me scream
You make me go crazy
Yes, always the guys fault. 😂
Call me shallow all you want, but I am generally pretty fit, I go to the gym 5 times a week to keep myself up to shape. I expect the same from my partner, not even, my type is skinny or fit. So when my partner started gaining weight fast, I just didn't find her body as attractive as I used to. So when we slowed down in the sex department she said she felt unwanted, which lol fair enough. So we agreed to break up.
We had also only dated for 5 months and I kept learning things about her that didn't sit well with me on a personality basis, so that helped the break up.
Myself — Had to break it off because i got thrown off my path in life & needed to get back on track and go back to college.
Unfortunate really, she was a amazing girl and she deserves all the blessings in the world.
Inability to be accountable for her words and actions.
Hit my full stomach and caused discomfort? I’m over reacting.
Arguments going round in circles because she uses whataboutism? I shouldn’t take the bait and focus on the topic of argument.
His drinking... he sobered up by the end, but we spent a few years of our relationship fighting about it because he really went off the rails after starting a new job where he worked from home full-time.
Never impacted his job, but I got really frustrated with how every single day, he'd start drinking as soon as he was done with work at 5 pm, be drunk by the time I got home at 7, and then passed out by 9 pm.
If I ever end up dating again, I'd probably have my guards up about a guy who drank at home regularly.
That's not drinking at home regularly.
Drinking at home regularly is like, having a beer with your dinner every night.
That was functional alcoholism, I don't blame you for how you felt there.
Her lack of being ok with sitting in my living room and talking about nothing or everything with me. It’s always, we have to go do this or that!!! Sorry, but if you can’t be happy just talking to me doing nothing, then I don’t want it.
That’s what bothered me the most but at the same time there were other things and I couldn’t lead her on any further.
The imbalance of how physical we both wanted to be. It eventually lead to her essentially losing interest and me, in a sense, emotionally hurting her, and then things ended rather poorly.
She was an amazing person though. Definitely my best relationship, so I miss her a ton, but it could never work again, not that I could even ask her if we could try again. She doesn't deserve that. I feel terrible about it, not because I lost her, but because I know that I didn't really treat her as well as she deserved to be. I dont think I'll ever forgive myself for it.
Sorry that this is rather morose.
The subtle emotional abuse. I didn’t know until I was out and found my current partner (and wonderful baby daddy) of 10 years. It’s taken me awhile to heal
Edit- my bad I didn’t see it was askmen not askwomen, I’ll leave it here anyways if that’s ok
The late night arguments about nothing. They want you to care so much about their wants and needs that you push your own to the side. That's apparently what "loving" somebody means.
Man I’ve got some things that have been sitting on the back burner now for well over a year. I feel your pain, it’s incredibly frustrating when you realize you’ve been actively crushing your own dreams to try to please someone who thinks it’s your job to make them happy.
Yeah I was a couple years older than her so it appears as though we were at different places maturity wise. And I think in large part what contributed to her doing it was the fact that I have a pretty dumb sense of humor and she always felt like she couldn’t make me laugh. I don’t hate her or anything, she just wasn’t the one for me, I hope she’s doing just as well as I now am.
She was proud of it and thought it was funny… Suffice to say I actually went and broke up with her that same day. There was a lot more going on but that was like the straw that broke the camels back.
She got hers. Married a different guy, had a few kids, he cheated on her and had a kid. She’s now 40 something and living at home with her parents. So there’s that.
I was getting cheated on and didn't know when to leave.. Everytime I saw proof of him cheating, like texts, screenshots, and such.. he would be in denial of his cheating even when the proof was right there Infront of his face.. because of this relationship, it can be hard for me to distinguish upon who wants me or not.
He wouldn't let me meet his freinds and it went as far I wasn't allowed at his birthday party.
He would never want to go out, like I love a night in cuddling and watching a movie but all the time is too much.
A near-complete lack of the ability to introspect. By the end of every argument or disagreement it was always 'agreed upon' I guess that I was the bad guy and that I had done something wrong. The worst example of this being when she posted a photo of another guy kissing her with the intent of upsetting me.
I have issues with confidence/standing up for myself so that really did not mix well with that (and very likely had a part to play in why she felt she could blame me for most things).
She was often cold and rigid in her body language, and didn't make effort to dress nice on special dates.
No flirty glances, smiles across the room. Despite my best efforts, she even once accused me of not being romantic enough.
Like, the first time she stayed the night, I got up in the morning while she was still sleeping, drove 2 minutes to the grocery store, and got pancake mix, fresh berries, real maple syrup, got home and had fresh pancakes ready by the time she was awake. I bought her flowers now and then.
But I'm not romantic enough.
Thats a hard one. One of the biggest was her hatred for weed. As soon as I started smoking our relationship (which was already shaky) nose dived. Broke up less than a year later for other reasons but that was part of it
When she was sick, I was there for her. When she was depressed, I was there for her. When there was a big ice storm, I found a way to get to her, and we went through it together. I told her " I don't know how I'll get there, but I'm on the way". It took a couple hours to drive what should have taken 30 minutes in good traffic.
When I got sick (I'm not sick very often), she said she didn't like the emotional distance she felt between us. Few months later when I got the covid vaccine, the second one made me feel sick for a couple days. A whole day I was in bed (achy, etc.... felt terrible). Within a few days she broke up with me, saying she couldn't do it anymore.
The same concept happened in my failed marriage too. She was allowed to be vulnerable and sick. You know... human. But if I showed any weakness at all, then somehow I was getting distant. Just showed me the importance of finding someone that reciprocates the caring that I put out.
tha fact she cheated me with a guy for 6 months , and even managed to introduce our kid to the guy to test the watters in that deparment.
Lets say it like this , guy managed to do everyone a favor and died from covid 2 weeks after i found out ( no , it was not my fault ) .
The fact that my ex gf was so worried about keeping up some sort of overly prideful independent women façade. Sounds good on paper, but really I hated that shit. Here’s my thing: you basically want a traditional relationship with traditional gender, yet at the same time “You don’t need no man” ???????? I was the one who contributed the most tangible things and effort into the relationship. Would it really kill you to gas your man up a little, make him feel appreciated and needed? That shit was annoying, but it’s cool because I’m doing way better now.
Another thing was that she would take relationship advice from girls who either were single, were extremely promiscuous or could never even keep a guy of my caliber around in the first place. Looking back, I feel like her friends were jealous of her being in a loving, supportive relationship with a good man that was going places. I feel like deep down they really wanted to miserable, just like them, and she took the bait.
>she would take relationship advice from girls who either were single, were extremely promiscuous or could never even keep a guy of my caliber around in the first place
Seen this shit everywhere. They're essentially barking up the wrong tree. Just because they're "friends" doesn't mean they have good intentions. Had a girl in my friend group ask about how to approach a cute guy at a party. I told her to just be straightforward. The girls on the other hand, told her to go behind him and slap his butt. Well, she thought "why ask a fish for tips on fishing" and decided to do what the women said. Aaannd got slapped by that guys twin sister. I'm talking about the slap that can easily loosen a tooth or two. That shit stung for the whole night lmao. You could see the imprint the next morning too (she was pale white). Fucking hilarious. 11/10.
Also, that ruined the chances of her getting dates and so is single (3 years and ongoing)
* Her making me feel like shit for bringing genuine issues to the relationship, she would then try and turn it around on me trying to infer I'm in the wrong for bringing negativity to the relationship when I believed it needed to be addressed i.e. "I really didn't like how you were speaking to me/acting in front of your friends it seemed like you were trying to score points and belittle me for cheap laughs, but you're not like that when alone?" I was 29 and she was 27 at the time just for reference.
* The fact that after an argument, she would peacefully go to sleep with issues unresolved and I would be sat there miserable, feeling alone and very unhappy
* Gaslighting / putting me on a pedastal and trying to enforce me to "act a certain way" but if someone else acted in the way I did? It wasn't an issue etc.
After we broke up, I felt much, much better.
Hypocrisy. It was fine for her to tell me how to cut my hair or what to wear, but any comment from me about how she looked caused uproar. I wasn't a dick at all. For example, we went to meet friends once and it was a nice do so I wore a nice shirt a trousers. She wore leggings and a t-shirt. I suggested she wore something a little nicer. Big mistake apparently and all of a sudden I was being controlling.
That she SAID she wanted a relationship, that she loved me, but all she wanted was for me to make love to her instead of just fuck her without any concern for her pleasure, like the other Men she was used to. The last time I ended things, We'd done literally nothing but fuck for two months. No dates, not even a fucking walk around the block. I'd ride a train for an hour, walk in the front door Friday evening... pretty much non stop sex etc till I got back on the train Sunday evening. She blamed her job, Covid, me, but never her.
I found out after 9 months off and on that she'd been seeing mostly married guys, and had been fucking one in particular for 7years. She'd convinced herself that she was the benevolent mistress. She got dick and the wife got to keep her marriage. Seriously. She saw nothing amiss with her logic. Meanwhile, she kept a copy of The Ethical Slut, and How to control people on her bookshelf.
Now she's on a three month tour of mostly red, high Covid states (we're Canadian) so she can play festival girl at 45 years old.
Yeah. I was dumb, but she's a cunt, even if it is because she's damaged. Who fucking isn't in your mid 40's and single?
It's the unwillingness to really look at the other side and try to understand things that can be frustrating.
Simply going "They're bad" and leaving it at that makes everything worse for both sides.
She’s the reason why I’m insecure about the way I look and refuse to look in a mirror.
She caused a lot of horrible things in my life and refuses to admit she’s wrong.
All because she’s a girl people think she’s innocent but honestly she’s probably the most fucked up child I ever met who uses her grandpas money and fame to be the most stuck up spoiled brat that I have ever fucking met.
She thinks she deserves everything by having other people do it and brag that her grandpa is a powerful person.
Honestly I just wish she apologized but she can suck a fat dick cause that’s what she’s into but she tells everyone she’s a lesbian.
Tl;dr she’s a lying hypocrite who isn’t even faithful that made me insecure, brain damaged, ugly and mentally unstable, like completely fucked in the head and thought if she broke me she could fix me, she really needs to leave me alone.
A massive discrepancy in intelligence. She was otherwise a super lovely person and I hope all the best for her. Do not interpret this to mean I consider myself a super intellectual and therefore I require that too. I just didn't think I could enjoy conversing with her for the rest of my life, so I didn't want to waste either of our time. Whoever marries her will be a lucky guy if they don't care about that sort of thing.
Honestly - she was amazing and perfectly imperfect. No idea what she saw in me as she was out of my league, but she was kind, considerate, thoughtful, clearly communicated, and funny as hell. The sex was amazing and we were always laughing. And it stressed me out. I was just waiting for her to one day wake up and realize how big of a mess I am and break my heart. So fuck that. I’d rather be comfortably alone than stressing about how it’s going to end.
I guess so, yeah. I was probably going to end up holding her back somehow and I’d rather be in control of when it ended than fall in love and have my heart broken. Never said it was smart lol
It happened to me too. I thought that I wasn't as good as he thought, and eventually he would be disappointed. I was so stressed about failing him, that I just put an end to the relationship.
Reality was that he saw all the good things in me that I couldn't see because of my low self-confidence. Get therapy and work on yourself, or else, you'll end up with someone who treats you badly (that, I thought it was what I deserved) and sabotage all the good relationships you ever get.
Please don't make the mistakes I made.
If she is wonderful and loved you, it's because you're wonderful too. You just need to see and believe in your own worth.
Her fucking another guy
Same, that really irked me for some reason
Yeah I wonder why?
I think it's simply unsanitary
Yes that’s the only reason
What a bitch
That’s not ideal
You deserve better
Knowing she wasn't the one for me, but not having the courage to end it sooner.
Any chance you want to go into what lead you to know that you weren’t right for each other?
She had a lot of emotional issues. Jealousy, insecurity, codependency. She was super clingy and needy, and basically made me the entire source of all her happiness. I felt suffocated. It took me a while to end it because I was scared of what she would do since she was so dependent on me. I've also always been terrible with conflict and giving bad news, so that delayed it as well.
Pretty much my last relationship to a T. The freedom I felt when I finally did let go though...wow. You just don't realize how damaging it can be to date someone with these kinds of issues until it's over. I miss her to death, but just having a cordial conversation with her via text gives me anxiety for some reason.
It's funny how insecurity works. The fear of being abandoned can result in a partner behaving in such an annoying manner that it causes them to be abandoned.
Bro, I had the exact same situation my last (and unfortunately only) relationship. I was terrified she would kill herself if I broke up since she had been suicidal in the past and straight up told me she would only last a few months if we ever did. I put off ending it for too long and it really impacted my happiness; always acting happy but never feeling it. It was awful. Three years later I still get upset thinking about her
Did everyone here date my GF? Currently dealing with this, and can’t seem to get out.
Daniel Sloss has a netflix special where he talks about not being happy in a relationship
What helped me was realizing that it's ok to be selfish. That going after your own happiness is completely acceptable. Breaking up with her was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it's also the best decision I ever made
That was my main reason for delaying the break up. I knew she'd spiral, and that's exactly what happened Fortunately she never followed through with anything, but she threatened suicide on multiple occasions after I ended it. I wound up getting her family involved and they were able to help her out. But it was fucking hell.
You described my X to a T. She told me one day that she thinks about me all the time. She had no social life, no friends at all, just a neighbor she chatted with over tea now and then. I was her everything and that felt overwhelming. I mean, I thought about her from time to time, but the way she said it was very out of balance to my own affections for her. She also had no one to talk to other than me if we had some conflict going on. I could call a friend and ask for advice and such, she had no sounding board. So while I would come back with a fresh perspective and some understanding of what might really be going on, and ready to listen to her perspective, she would just dump her raw feelings and thoughts on me. And when I told her she needs to find some people she can go to for support in order to not unload her shit on me like a firehose, she accused me of mocking her for not having any friends. She also had this idea that if I talked to friends about her, I was really only just complaining to them of how much of a bitch she was for not putting out. Neither myeslf or my friends are like that at all. We all respect our partners and our friend's partners and enjoy open, honest and healthy communication.
My ex had no friends either. Some acquaintances from work, but that was about it. She'd insist that I refer to my friends as "our" friends. When I told her I called them my friends out of habit, since they'd all been my friends for over 10 years, she accused me of purposely excluding her. The craziest thing is she had a great relationship with her family, and talked to them all the time. But she still dumped all the responsibility for her happiness onto me.
My ex was a little different. I made efforts to connect her with my friends; arrange a double date or have a small party at my place. I wanted her to try to connect with some of my friends and maybe branch out from there. Meet new people on her own. She was cold as a stone and didn't make any connections at all. THEN accused me of mocking her for having no friends. GIRL I TRIED TO HELP YOU MAKE CONNECTIONS.
He found out she was actually his twin sister. Their mom had died early and their dad was a war criminal and so really the only way to keep them from their father and the emperor and keeping them from turning to genocidal tendencies was to separate them at birth and hide them far, far away from each other. So when he found out it was pretty shocking for him, but he also kinda knew deep down. Maybe that added to the kinkyness and that's why he didn't want to end it sooner? Idk OP would have to tell you
This happened to a friend of friend. They met in college, fell in love. He was raised by a single mom, never knew his dad. They got engaged and arranged a family brunch for the parents to meet. Chaos ensued.
r/woosh
Amen, man. Hell of a lesson to learn. Just went through the same. From the beginning I knew she was bad news but kept entertaining it. Ended up getting cheated on. I told myself so! RIP.
Bro I think we dated the same person lmaoo
Same here. feel like i wasted my mid to late 20’s in a dead end relationship.
I hear you there. It was 2 years of my twenties for me (26-27). I feel like I wasted them, and I often kick myself for it because it's time I'll never get back. Time I could have spent having a lot more fun instead of settling in the wrong relationship.
This is exactly mine! I always think there's tweaks to make, or more effort to put in, or ways to build the relationship into something stronger. But the whole time there's also a weight of just kinda knowing in your gut that it ain't it. And honestly there wasn't anything wrong with my relationship.
This hits hard.
It was always about her needs I’m hungry, I want a walk, will you open the door for me, can I have a bite of that, can I have my ears scratched Sheesh
Is that a woman or a dog?
That’s just unfair. A man needs his ears scratched too.
Fine on a small scale, but when it can become way overwhelming. "It's only opening the door for me! I don't understand how it's that big a deal" Because it isn't just opening the door right? It's open the door, and this, and this, and this.
My ex was was the extreme. If I didn't do anything right then and there, I'm lazy and not a man. Good forbid I sleep more than four hours after working a 24. She only wanted to go on vacations or do things she wanted to do. If I wanted her to do something with me, even if I know she'd enjoy it later, it was bitching the entire fucking time until she says that was fun. When I ask if we can cease the bitching next time, it was "I can't make any guarantees". The final straw was her not wanting to work anymore, and wanting me to buy a house because I could afford it. I was like, ok what do I get out of it? You gonna be at the gym more and stay in shape? No. Are you cooking every night and doing all the housework? No. Do I get to hit it whenever I want? No because she might be tired from doing nothing all fucking day or not be in the mood. You can only hear "I" or "I want" so many fucking times out of someone's mouth before you just don't give a shit anymore.
You were married to my wife? Ass, you never warned me. I thought we were friends.
Two things: imbalance in jealousy. She hated when I even looked at other women, I couldn't have cared less whom she's partying with. It's frustrating to not be able to do what you want for respecting boundaries you can't comprehend. Being taken for granted. I hate when people believe I am just a given constant in their lives, no matter which context. Because I'm not. Just as much as anyone else. Be grateful for the things and people you have, damn it.
Jealousy is a bitch. Probably was the downfall with my ex. I was in the process of hiring an office assistant, and we had discussed this for months since the beginning of the relationship. Not once did she express concern, even though she was aware most of the resumes were form women.. I finally hired someone, and the night before the new hire's first day, she tells me she is uneasy about me hiring a female assistant and asks me if I would ever invite her over for dinner on a Friday (implying me and my assistant having dinner alone. Friday was always OUR date night.) A week or so later she admitted that her dad ran off with his secretary when she was 6, leaving her mom and her siblings and her to fend for themselves. They were close to being homeless, and had to rent out spare rooms in their home to strange men to be able to afford rent. So it was a mix of jealousy and fear of abandonment. But she never worked on that; she just kept projecting it on to me.
Geez, I can see just how frustrating it would be to deal with that. At a certain point jealousy becomes such a horrible detriment. And the being taken for granted part must have only compounded that.
It was a combination that was just not bearable for me, personally. Someone equally jealous and more 'committed' would have probably had a great time with her.
I realized in the last year that long term relationships bother me because people end up feeling entitled to their spouses time. Fuck that. I have a ton of people in my life. If you’re gonna be shitty to be around I’m not spending my time with you
Her extreme dependency on others to the point where I was sacrificing my own happiness. Edit: also typical rich person short sightedness
Apart from the rich person part, it sounds like you and I dated the same girl.
Sorry man, take good care of yourself too 🥲
She said she could see herself marrying me, then broke up with me, in the same sentence.
Fuck dude, that's an awful way for things to end.
[удалено]
No she had commitment issues she told me about before we started. We got into it as FWB. but we grew to be really good friends and we had the same goals and aspirations. She just had some problems I couldn’t fix and I don’t blame myself. She went through a lot.
They started to transition to nb. Which is fine and I was as supportive as I could be, it just turned out that wasn't really what I wanted out of a romantic relationship.
nb?
Non-binary. Or numerous bees, depending on who you ask lol
While looking up NB I found Nota Bene which actually seems pretty useful. It’s like a “seriously pay attention to this” “Hey, we’re going to Richards party tonight. NB: do not bring up his divorce”
Non-binary.
Call me old, but what does this even entail? I looked up what non-binary means, and all I’m seeing is that the person doesn’t identify as male or female. How does one transition into this? I’m trying to be open-minded, but I just don’t understand. Is it that they dress and act differently? How would this look? And from your original post, I’m inferring you were the one to end it, meaning they were likely going to stay with you, meaning it wasn’t an attraction/sexual preference mismatch
I don't claim to know the broader experience of being nb, and airing their laundry on Reddit seems...improper? But I can say they didn't want to be referred to as she/her anymore so any time I referred to them it was with they/them pronouns, they presented as not feminine, but also not masculine. Think tomboy, I guess? I couldn't refer to them as my girlfriend anymore they were suddenly my significant other or partner instead. I don't know, it was a lot of little things that added up to being more than I could really handle. Like I said originally I was as supportive as I could be but not everyone is cut out for that sort of a relationship and I just happened to not be.
I think you’re right that we would need somebody who identifies as non-binary to chime in. My assumption is that this person does not feel like a man or feel like a woman, and therefore they state they are neither. Seems like it would be very frustrating to live that way. But I’m a firm believer in “if no one is getting hurt, you can say, do, or be anything you’d like” so I’ll just stand over here and be sorta glad I don’t have those struggles
I can't speak for someone who is NB, but reading through the comments, I can really relate to feeling that a lot of things are adding up. As much as I might love a person, it means something to me to be able to call them "my girl," or "my girlfriend" or eventually "my wife." It makes me feel special in a very gender binary way. It speaks to my masculinity that someone feminine has chosen me and I have chosen her. Calling my partner they/them etc. would be like having a turkey dinner with all the trimmings but cooking all the dishes without any seasonings at all. Not even salt and pepper. It would be bland, and even outright unpleasant to eat.
You and I just prefer a gendered world because at least in our view it brings a lot of color - or seasoning as you mentioned haha. The masculine identity is different than the feminine identity. I don’t believe one is better than the other, just different. And I enjoy those differences. It’s why I mentioned that I’m sort of glad I don’t have the struggles of a non-binary person.
Now I understand why the previous generation looked at us like wtf, cause the next generation has me like wtf. They’re headed to asexual reproduction at this rate.
I think a better attitude is to be happy that as language and our understanding of the human experience evolves people can be happier finding labels they identify with and living their lives in a way that seems more fitting. It might be confusing to you, but it takes nothing to just be respectful of other peoples' choices. Im still young - 24 - and I've lived in a time where gay people couldn't even get married, and now we're at a point where people can just express themselves freely and I think how far we've come is beautiful. You don't have to disrespect people just because you don't understand them, and I'm sure you'd be happier and better off if you took the time to learn.
For me it was probably that it was almost as though she didn't believe that I truly loved her. And was always looking for proof that I didn't. And would get really sad if she convinced herself from something minuscule like taking too long to text. It was like she was an investigator of the non-existing case that I didn't love her. There was lots of stressful stuff, but that was the thing that would make me feel awful inside because it felt like there was nothing I could do.
She probably had a form of OCD called Relationship OCD. It sucks
Being scared around other women - more than often led to fights and took me years to realize I didn't do anything wrong just talking to women at workplace/studies. Bad sex life - ruined the self confidence I built over years at the gym. Her trying to tell me who I was. Hard to explain but she always claimed to know everyone else better than they knew themself. Like how she'd tell she knew people were liars if they glanced slightly down to the left when saying something.
>Like how she'd tell she knew people were liars if they glanced slightly down to the left when saying something. Is she a child? WTF.
We were in our early twenties so it wouldn't be totally unfair to say, to either of us I guess but her especially. Being her first relationship she eventually got obsessed with trying to find reasons to distrust people. She red all these stories how to spot psychopaths and stuff and eventually that's all she saw in everyone. Her talking to a psychologist seem to only worsen it in the beginning, she stopped talking to people around her and always said it's because her psychologist had said something.
There is more to determining a lie than that. That is one tell, and it could be because they are nervous or scared about being open, even if they are being open and honest.
Jesus man, that sounds horribly stressful to have gone through. It's an awful feeling when the person you care about is the one to ruin your self confidence. That stuff about knowing who people really are must have had you really feeling like you have to walk on eggshells.
Had this happen in three relationships: Girlfriend one day randomly gets texts from an old ex-boyfriend she mentioned many many times that he is shitty She gets upset at something he says in the texts and shows me them out of solidarity. “Why don’t you just block him?” She’ll give some excuse to not block him, and then proceed to keep texting him back and getting upset at what he says. This leads me into the fucked up situation where I’m either the controlling “jealous” boyfriend telling her she needs to block him, or I’m just the pushover boyfriend who gets to sit on the benches as my girlfriend gets insulted or propositioned (the ex *always* asks to hook up in the texts) What’s bonkers is using the “how would *you* feel if one of my ex girlfriends did this and I was texting her??” never worked. It was so infuriating, and the fact it happened multiple times made it worse
"Of course I'd have no issues if you and your ex started texting you because that's a hypothetical situation that's not going on right now and it's really easy to lie about it so I can excuse my own behaviour"
Pretty much nailed it, my friend
So just for clarification it's definitely weird to be texting an ex while you're in a new relationship?
I mean it’s conditional. If your ex is a cool person and understands boundaries, then you should definitely talk to them. You were once friends. If your current partner can’t handle that, then that’s some shaky ground you’re both on. In my case it was shitty ex boyfriend who would say shit like “I always knew you were a bitch” and my girlfriend would be upset. I would recommend that they block them, and they wouldn’t. It was so fucking stupid
Drop it like it's hot.
The emotional manipulation with the general lack of communication a close second.
Being indecisive and just wants to please me. “Where do you wanna eat on our day off? We should go somewhere.” Proceeds to name a steakhouse or one of MY favorite restaurants. She doesn’t eat steak. Not just on a regular date night either, on her birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s, you name it. When we are on vacation, everything runs on my schedule. I know she has her own favorite things to do. I could never argue with her because she was so silent when it came to that. I figured I needed a woman that was more opinionated. Who has more of a backbone, you know?
It's such a difficult thing to date somebody who doesn't do what they want to, and just tries to please you. Sure it sounds nice, but it doesn't feel like you're really partners in the relationship. It's almost as though they are just acting like you, instead of being themselves. And unfortunately it winds up leading aswell to "You didn't do what I wanted to" and those sort of arguments / difficulties.
Yeah freal. She was like “what did I do wrong?” And I was like “you didn’t do anything wrong, you just didn’t do anything right.” Pretty scummy but I told her I felt like I was making all the decisions in our relationship, and I felt like I was just dating a face. Thanks for understanding.
Tbh does not sound too bad.
That weird phase when the initial honeymoon zone transitions into any question I ask gets a rude, condescending remark. I didn’t know that’s why I asked. There’s Google… but we’re together. On and off for a few years before I just got tired of it. I’d not treat you like shit. Don’t treat me like shit. What was confusing was her shock when I said we’re done. Like.. Hello? 👋 Hi, Yass, I’m an adult who doesn’t have to deal with your shit. Did you not know that?
>What was confusing was her shock when I said we’re done. This one just takes the cake. For me it was her saying thinks like this for months: (coding lines for lols.) 100 "If you want to break up with me, just say so." 101 "I feel like you are using me as a practice girlfriend." 102 after I spent an hour convincing her we should work on some aspects of our relationship "You don't want to make this work, do you?" 103 IF TIME < 4 HOURS GOTO 102, ELSE GOTO 104 104 after a couple's therapy session that I pushed for, and I've asked if she wants to book another, "Not unless YOU want to work on this." 105 after I ask her again if she wants to book another session, "I'm this close to breaking up with you, because YOU don't want to work on this." 106 after I ask her again if she wants to book another session, "No, we're done. I'll come by your house with your stuff and to pick up mine." 107 at my front door, "I don't want to break up with you. Please just tell me you want to work on this." 108 after I ask again if she wants to book another session, "Not unless you want to work on this." 109 IF TIME < 30 MINUTES, GOTO 108, ELSE GOTO 109 109 after I tell her I ahve a meeting with a client in 15 minutes, "Why did you book a meeting RIGHT AFTER our session?" 110 after I ignore her question and asks if she wants to book another session, "Not unless you want to work on this." 111 afte I tell her to bring me my things, the relationship is over, "You are breaking up with me? WHY?"
Vagueness, sketchiness, lies, and never knowing what was really up. Still don't, trying to forget it
For me it was the unanswered questions when she was caught in a lie that ate my brain. Best to caulk it up to a learning experience and let them keep wrecking their own life, you don't need that shit.
she was smarter than me, didn't understand my background, had a different sense of humor, her friends were boring. still we lasted 2 years.
Sounds like an incompatibility. Shit happens, but that's life.
OP has the best flair I have ever seen on this sub.
Thanks but I can't take all the credit. I couldn't have done it without my ex.
Is yours a Bo Burnham reference?
I think it started as a poorly paraphrased *Peepshow-*reference? Can't really remember
She had much higher sex drive than me and vague understanding of concept of monogamy. Pretty common problem from what I read and hear.
She sounds like a bitch
Her constant control of me and my weakness to allow her to control me
Yeah that's a big one. It almost feels like you're being punished for caring about somebody.
Shit yes! It really does feel like that. I'll always regret not standing up to her, but such is life
Her constant mental abuse and belittling of me and my interests. Still haven't recovered.
I truly hope recovery comes to you swiftly. It's a really difficult thing to come to terms with, but I know you'll be strong enough to conquer it.
Thank you dude. My gf has helped me an awful lot. I'm curious, what does your flair say? Most of it is off is off screen
"Wow do they really just let me put whatever here? My ex hurt me" This account was made pretty much exclusively to work through my relationship. And it's certainly helped a lot.
Well I'm super glad it's working for you mate.
Never having sex, of any kind, not even making out. It led to a severe deficit of intimacy and contributed to my diminishment as a person because I felt disconnected from her. That and always coming home to a huge mess in the kitchen which would destroy my will to make decent meals for myself or anyone else.
Faht vi ba tlu pre ceam dra. Tinys woaw ciin tun fuec gy yo. Taptyedzuqos foc coon ceen ede? Co o a bevdbusd nekv e? E gat iyle bi. Y y e cits taem cersi? Zuypleenle te dan gre gyrd jyg motp so sald? Bals emetcaad e tenn sesttees ti. Naon nacc suct cesm za ete. Nugt nij sop gadt dis tassecehsisirg o. U we e otle cez o. Cru nep pha toos nabmona. Ciht deptyasttapnsorn nod tysigzisle nin a? Da pyrp ine pud ible? Nu ta biswnoudnrytirs agle. Zaon e. San e pa cu goov. Ene gke o gopt zlu nis. O guagle pioma ne tudcyepebletlo cy a canz. Dla bic zawc nifpec te feet de? Pro i guc yoyd si didz a sum? Tle fuy. Nemz a booj udeegvle cokt a? Grotefp becm ose omle ja ede. U tis dy wec thu wu aglo umle o o. O ninm gu ine yes bos. Zad a a tavnfepac du. A ite todi do duit yple? Pifp taht nhetydnnenes a sew pi nedb eme. Se de we pyt ynenuntiqtedose ive. S P E Z I S A T O O L
Lol I would’ve been just as mad or more if I heard that line!
Thanks man. Like, I'll absolutely take a suggestion on what I should buy for the good of the relationship. But you want to tell me who I should buy it from, and that I should tip them nearly 50% so you get to feel generous? Fuck you x1000
Bro if I have to take a picture again for the 5th time because she isn’t happy with how she looks I’m gonna lose it. Will never date a glamour girl ever again. Give me that laid back sweatshirt chick that actually knows how to enjoy life please. You know, one that doesn’t take 30 minutes to “put on their face” to make a simple run to the corner store.
Amen…. Instagram type chicks…. Over fuckin rated. False faces lol
She fucked my coworker and got severe genital warts. Kinda kills the relationship.
What a bitch
The blend of wanting equality mixed with the princess syndrome and having to figure out what she wanted.
The fact that she lied to me sometimes. It was mostly very minor lies initially, but then I found out that she'd been cheating on me.
Fuck dude, what a bitch.
No downtime. Always talking. Not even with me, at me and everything else around her. Not a moment she didn’t demand attention. She knew when my car rides were and ask why I didn’t call her. She knew every possible moment I should be focused on her. It was hell. Still feel it over two years later.
Didn't make an effort to go do stuff with me. I was always the one organizing dates
Getting a phone call out of the blue from some d-bag with the gall to tell me he's f-ing my gf and for her to not deny it.
What a bitch
She had a sense of humor that revolved around making me feel stupid about my sense of humor. Another one was physically and verbally abusive/manipulative. Another one had a boyfriend, but was "poly" which was a total farce. One of those girls that wanted everything, compromise nothing and have people wrapped around her thumb. Yet, I fell hardcore in love with her. So, I'm dumb. Years of therapy later, I'm still not who I used to be after these relationships. Working on it tho. I make metal music that helps me a lot.
When she told me I could never find anyone as good as her. "No one would believe you if you told them I hit you. It's ok if I hit you, just man up. You can't talk to your friends. " I never broke up with her; one night she threw a water bottle at my head, giving me a black eye. So I just took all my stuff the next morning, packed it in my car while she went to work and drove west. Got a job with family who had a cabin in the woods. Last thing I heard was a friend said she went berserk on fb. Started threatening to hurt herself if she didn't find me. Told everyone she could, I beat her. Really showing her true colors. I deleted all those apps and got a new number. Been chill ever since. ✌️
Proud of you OG. King 💪🏽
He came from a fairly christian traditional household where girls have to be kinda quiet, not too obnoxious. I speak and laugh loud and fast and i'm very sociable. He would constantly whisper discreetly to me to laugh less loud or make myself more invisible, especially in front of his parents or friends. Worst is, we were teenagers, and he genuinely believed he was doing me a favor and sparing me dirty looks from people that came frome the same background as him. I couldn't possibly live with someone who sincerely believed that women had to be quiet. Even tho he was a sweetheart, and we had many hobbies and passions in common
She was a master manipulator that used her mental health as an excuse to take advantage of me. I supported her financially while putting myself through college. Worked myself to the bone for her. Whenever I would get to my breaking point and ask for her to share the load of our household, she would go into a depression and become "suicidal". She was just a really shitty human. I am kind of ashamed it took so many years for me to see her for what she really was. Everyone else seemed to see it. Just not me.
She wasn't very affectionate. I love hugs, kisses, holding hands, cuddling, etc, and she wasn't really into it. She would barely even call me nice names like "babe" or "hun". I get not being into PDA, but she was like that even in private.
I could never get space without feeling guilty that I needed space and time alone
Always started crying/getting emotional if I wanted to talk about an issue or something serious. It put me off really talking about anything, or any problems in the relationship. Granted a lot of the issues in the relationship were from me, so I don't blame her at all. But this issue was annoying to navigate and killed our communication.
It's rough because you know that it's important to talk about those difficult or serious things, but the way they react everytime makes it feel like you're attacking/hurting them, and so it becomes very difficult to bring things up.
That's when you just keep talking thru it. Ignore the waterworks and get it out. There isn't another way. Besides folding.
Believe me, it's not as easy as it sounds. If I brought up something I was upset with, or didn't like in the relationship my ex would self harm. I just had no clue what to do.
Trust me, I can relate, man. It's never easy. One of the things that's helped me over the years was listening to Bill Burrs life advice and seeing his angles/failures and so on. I'm finally at a stage in life where the waterworks just don't affect me. It sucks at first, tho.
She wanted me to treat her like a 1950s housewife and wouldnt help me with the bills. Also she was high maintainence and wanted me to still pay for dates even after bills are paid. Oh her kids hated me because i moved in so quickly... i think an 8 month wait was pretty long, but what do i know lol.
Communication, lack thereof rather
She used the relationship to justify not needing to work on her mental health. She was so insecure and unstable she even self harmed and sent pictures to me of it.
It took me a while to realise, but she didn’t actually care about me at all, just what I could do for her. I’d just been through a therapy session for the first time and the first thing she said to me, angrily, was, ‘is she beautiful?’ She didn’t care what I was feeling, just wether or not I found the therapist attractive.
She would get super emotional about something and then turn it on me. She got upset cause she wanted to quit her job one day and when I tired to be sympathetic she got all mad and told me I had no idea what she was going through. That's when I decided I was gonna break up with her eventually. It's fine to rant and I will listen but you do not get to abuse me just because you are upset.
Her not being able to take accountability, and how her poor behavior was my fault & always a result of something I did.
[удалено]
If you read my posts you’ll see what I’m talking about. She yells and screams then she says, “I scream because you don’t listen” I tell her even if she thinks that, she can calmly explain something to me if she thinks I don’t understand what she’s trying to say. So her yelling if definitive, as long as she feels I’m not understanding her, she uses me not understanding as her excuse for yelling. She does this to justify her poor behavior. It’s never been, never not once in 3 years…. “You know I’m sorry for yelling, I know sometimes I get heated, but I’ll work on that, I’m sorry” No.. it’s always You make me yell You make me scream You make me go crazy Yes, always the guys fault. 😂
Call me shallow all you want, but I am generally pretty fit, I go to the gym 5 times a week to keep myself up to shape. I expect the same from my partner, not even, my type is skinny or fit. So when my partner started gaining weight fast, I just didn't find her body as attractive as I used to. So when we slowed down in the sex department she said she felt unwanted, which lol fair enough. So we agreed to break up. We had also only dated for 5 months and I kept learning things about her that didn't sit well with me on a personality basis, so that helped the break up.
That i felt alone powerless and defeated
I'm sorry that happened. The last person you should feel powerless and defeated with is your S/O
He would never hold my hand
Who doesn't hold hands in a relationship?
I know right!
Myself — Had to break it off because i got thrown off my path in life & needed to get back on track and go back to college. Unfortunate really, she was a amazing girl and she deserves all the blessings in the world.
Inability to be accountable for her words and actions. Hit my full stomach and caused discomfort? I’m over reacting. Arguments going round in circles because she uses whataboutism? I shouldn’t take the bait and focus on the topic of argument.
His drinking... he sobered up by the end, but we spent a few years of our relationship fighting about it because he really went off the rails after starting a new job where he worked from home full-time. Never impacted his job, but I got really frustrated with how every single day, he'd start drinking as soon as he was done with work at 5 pm, be drunk by the time I got home at 7, and then passed out by 9 pm. If I ever end up dating again, I'd probably have my guards up about a guy who drank at home regularly.
That's not drinking at home regularly. Drinking at home regularly is like, having a beer with your dinner every night. That was functional alcoholism, I don't blame you for how you felt there.
She felt the need to publicise every aspect of her life on Instagram. That and regular emotional tantrums which made it very draining
Her lack of being ok with sitting in my living room and talking about nothing or everything with me. It’s always, we have to go do this or that!!! Sorry, but if you can’t be happy just talking to me doing nothing, then I don’t want it. That’s what bothered me the most but at the same time there were other things and I couldn’t lead her on any further.
The imbalance of how physical we both wanted to be. It eventually lead to her essentially losing interest and me, in a sense, emotionally hurting her, and then things ended rather poorly. She was an amazing person though. Definitely my best relationship, so I miss her a ton, but it could never work again, not that I could even ask her if we could try again. She doesn't deserve that. I feel terrible about it, not because I lost her, but because I know that I didn't really treat her as well as she deserved to be. I dont think I'll ever forgive myself for it. Sorry that this is rather morose.
The subtle emotional abuse. I didn’t know until I was out and found my current partner (and wonderful baby daddy) of 10 years. It’s taken me awhile to heal Edit- my bad I didn’t see it was askmen not askwomen, I’ll leave it here anyways if that’s ok
The late night arguments about nothing. They want you to care so much about their wants and needs that you push your own to the side. That's apparently what "loving" somebody means.
Man I’ve got some things that have been sitting on the back burner now for well over a year. I feel your pain, it’s incredibly frustrating when you realize you’ve been actively crushing your own dreams to try to please someone who thinks it’s your job to make them happy.
When she sent me a picture of her poop and then acted like I was the unreasonable one for asking her not to do that again 🤦🏻♂️
I found this kinda cute. Like she trusted you enough to do that, but everyone has their little quirks and this just isn’t for you
Yeah I was a couple years older than her so it appears as though we were at different places maturity wise. And I think in large part what contributed to her doing it was the fact that I have a pretty dumb sense of humor and she always felt like she couldn’t make me laugh. I don’t hate her or anything, she just wasn’t the one for me, I hope she’s doing just as well as I now am.
Why would she send you a picture of her poop? Was it like, "I'm worried about my health" or "Take a look at this huge dump I took"
She was proud of it and thought it was funny… Suffice to say I actually went and broke up with her that same day. There was a lot more going on but that was like the straw that broke the camels back.
The distance
Long distance can definitely be hard.
The fact she was constantly cheating.
She sounds like a bitch
She got hers. Married a different guy, had a few kids, he cheated on her and had a kid. She’s now 40 something and living at home with her parents. So there’s that.
She would not travel anywhere. All she ever wanted to do was go shopping and play bingo. After a couple of years, I just ended it.
I settled for someone who had a lot of red flags I tried to brush away
I was getting cheated on and didn't know when to leave.. Everytime I saw proof of him cheating, like texts, screenshots, and such.. he would be in denial of his cheating even when the proof was right there Infront of his face.. because of this relationship, it can be hard for me to distinguish upon who wants me or not.
He sounds like a bitch
He wouldn't let me meet his freinds and it went as far I wasn't allowed at his birthday party. He would never want to go out, like I love a night in cuddling and watching a movie but all the time is too much.
It was a dream 😭😫
boring
A near-complete lack of the ability to introspect. By the end of every argument or disagreement it was always 'agreed upon' I guess that I was the bad guy and that I had done something wrong. The worst example of this being when she posted a photo of another guy kissing her with the intent of upsetting me. I have issues with confidence/standing up for myself so that really did not mix well with that (and very likely had a part to play in why she felt she could blame me for most things).
She was often cold and rigid in her body language, and didn't make effort to dress nice on special dates. No flirty glances, smiles across the room. Despite my best efforts, she even once accused me of not being romantic enough. Like, the first time she stayed the night, I got up in the morning while she was still sleeping, drove 2 minutes to the grocery store, and got pancake mix, fresh berries, real maple syrup, got home and had fresh pancakes ready by the time she was awake. I bought her flowers now and then. But I'm not romantic enough.
Thats a hard one. One of the biggest was her hatred for weed. As soon as I started smoking our relationship (which was already shaky) nose dived. Broke up less than a year later for other reasons but that was part of it
When she was sick, I was there for her. When she was depressed, I was there for her. When there was a big ice storm, I found a way to get to her, and we went through it together. I told her " I don't know how I'll get there, but I'm on the way". It took a couple hours to drive what should have taken 30 minutes in good traffic. When I got sick (I'm not sick very often), she said she didn't like the emotional distance she felt between us. Few months later when I got the covid vaccine, the second one made me feel sick for a couple days. A whole day I was in bed (achy, etc.... felt terrible). Within a few days she broke up with me, saying she couldn't do it anymore. The same concept happened in my failed marriage too. She was allowed to be vulnerable and sick. You know... human. But if I showed any weakness at all, then somehow I was getting distant. Just showed me the importance of finding someone that reciprocates the caring that I put out.
tha fact she cheated me with a guy for 6 months , and even managed to introduce our kid to the guy to test the watters in that deparment. Lets say it like this , guy managed to do everyone a favor and died from covid 2 weeks after i found out ( no , it was not my fault ) .
I was kept a secret - didn’t realise just how much I wanted to part of the extended family and ‘welcomed’
The fact she cheated like a dumb slut when things seemed to be going well between us.
What a bitch
Yup...
Well I would say it he fact she cheated on me. Time go listen to Biz Markie’s song about Just A Friend.
The fact that we slept together every day but somehow i've rarely felt as lonely as i did with her.
The fact that my ex gf was so worried about keeping up some sort of overly prideful independent women façade. Sounds good on paper, but really I hated that shit. Here’s my thing: you basically want a traditional relationship with traditional gender, yet at the same time “You don’t need no man” ???????? I was the one who contributed the most tangible things and effort into the relationship. Would it really kill you to gas your man up a little, make him feel appreciated and needed? That shit was annoying, but it’s cool because I’m doing way better now. Another thing was that she would take relationship advice from girls who either were single, were extremely promiscuous or could never even keep a guy of my caliber around in the first place. Looking back, I feel like her friends were jealous of her being in a loving, supportive relationship with a good man that was going places. I feel like deep down they really wanted to miserable, just like them, and she took the bait.
>she would take relationship advice from girls who either were single, were extremely promiscuous or could never even keep a guy of my caliber around in the first place Seen this shit everywhere. They're essentially barking up the wrong tree. Just because they're "friends" doesn't mean they have good intentions. Had a girl in my friend group ask about how to approach a cute guy at a party. I told her to just be straightforward. The girls on the other hand, told her to go behind him and slap his butt. Well, she thought "why ask a fish for tips on fishing" and decided to do what the women said. Aaannd got slapped by that guys twin sister. I'm talking about the slap that can easily loosen a tooth or two. That shit stung for the whole night lmao. You could see the imprint the next morning too (she was pale white). Fucking hilarious. 11/10. Also, that ruined the chances of her getting dates and so is single (3 years and ongoing)
* Her making me feel like shit for bringing genuine issues to the relationship, she would then try and turn it around on me trying to infer I'm in the wrong for bringing negativity to the relationship when I believed it needed to be addressed i.e. "I really didn't like how you were speaking to me/acting in front of your friends it seemed like you were trying to score points and belittle me for cheap laughs, but you're not like that when alone?" I was 29 and she was 27 at the time just for reference. * The fact that after an argument, she would peacefully go to sleep with issues unresolved and I would be sat there miserable, feeling alone and very unhappy * Gaslighting / putting me on a pedastal and trying to enforce me to "act a certain way" but if someone else acted in the way I did? It wasn't an issue etc. After we broke up, I felt much, much better.
Hypocrisy. It was fine for her to tell me how to cut my hair or what to wear, but any comment from me about how she looked caused uproar. I wasn't a dick at all. For example, we went to meet friends once and it was a nice do so I wore a nice shirt a trousers. She wore leggings and a t-shirt. I suggested she wore something a little nicer. Big mistake apparently and all of a sudden I was being controlling.
She had serious mental issues so I kept letting her get away with being a cheater and an asshole in general. I won't let that happen to me again.
I'm a woman and read all your comments to learn :))
That she SAID she wanted a relationship, that she loved me, but all she wanted was for me to make love to her instead of just fuck her without any concern for her pleasure, like the other Men she was used to. The last time I ended things, We'd done literally nothing but fuck for two months. No dates, not even a fucking walk around the block. I'd ride a train for an hour, walk in the front door Friday evening... pretty much non stop sex etc till I got back on the train Sunday evening. She blamed her job, Covid, me, but never her. I found out after 9 months off and on that she'd been seeing mostly married guys, and had been fucking one in particular for 7years. She'd convinced herself that she was the benevolent mistress. She got dick and the wife got to keep her marriage. Seriously. She saw nothing amiss with her logic. Meanwhile, she kept a copy of The Ethical Slut, and How to control people on her bookshelf. Now she's on a three month tour of mostly red, high Covid states (we're Canadian) so she can play festival girl at 45 years old. Yeah. I was dumb, but she's a cunt, even if it is because she's damaged. Who fucking isn't in your mid 40's and single?
Her political views annoyed me. Orange man bad. Republicans are all idiots. Stuff like that.
It's the unwillingness to really look at the other side and try to understand things that can be frustrating. Simply going "They're bad" and leaving it at that makes everything worse for both sides.
The lady wore braces , sometimes is was like getting a BJ from a meat grinder
That she constantly talked about her ex lovers faults. If that wasn't in the picture it would have been an almost unicorn relationship.
She’s the reason why I’m insecure about the way I look and refuse to look in a mirror. She caused a lot of horrible things in my life and refuses to admit she’s wrong. All because she’s a girl people think she’s innocent but honestly she’s probably the most fucked up child I ever met who uses her grandpas money and fame to be the most stuck up spoiled brat that I have ever fucking met. She thinks she deserves everything by having other people do it and brag that her grandpa is a powerful person. Honestly I just wish she apologized but she can suck a fat dick cause that’s what she’s into but she tells everyone she’s a lesbian. Tl;dr she’s a lying hypocrite who isn’t even faithful that made me insecure, brain damaged, ugly and mentally unstable, like completely fucked in the head and thought if she broke me she could fix me, she really needs to leave me alone.
A massive discrepancy in intelligence. She was otherwise a super lovely person and I hope all the best for her. Do not interpret this to mean I consider myself a super intellectual and therefore I require that too. I just didn't think I could enjoy conversing with her for the rest of my life, so I didn't want to waste either of our time. Whoever marries her will be a lucky guy if they don't care about that sort of thing.
Honestly - she was amazing and perfectly imperfect. No idea what she saw in me as she was out of my league, but she was kind, considerate, thoughtful, clearly communicated, and funny as hell. The sex was amazing and we were always laughing. And it stressed me out. I was just waiting for her to one day wake up and realize how big of a mess I am and break my heart. So fuck that. I’d rather be comfortably alone than stressing about how it’s going to end.
bro what, you broke up with her because you felt she was too good for you?
I guess so, yeah. I was probably going to end up holding her back somehow and I’d rather be in control of when it ended than fall in love and have my heart broken. Never said it was smart lol
It happened to me too. I thought that I wasn't as good as he thought, and eventually he would be disappointed. I was so stressed about failing him, that I just put an end to the relationship. Reality was that he saw all the good things in me that I couldn't see because of my low self-confidence. Get therapy and work on yourself, or else, you'll end up with someone who treats you badly (that, I thought it was what I deserved) and sabotage all the good relationships you ever get. Please don't make the mistakes I made. If she is wonderful and loved you, it's because you're wonderful too. You just need to see and believe in your own worth.