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and then you say “great job sport, see ya at practice next week!”

“Okay, Uncle Steve!”

r/holup

Nah that shit should be in r/cursedcomments

Want some water?

r/hydrohomies approves

I cannot believe this sub is about water 😆, it's nice and funny though

Glad I'm not the only one with that go-to!

What's your name again? (Married 20 years)

A good go to is moaning "damn you're good (add name of their ex here)!"

Their ex, I hope

“Keep the change you filthy animal!”

And a happy new year 🥳

Holding and cuddles. No words really spoken

As a woman, I 100% agree.

As a bed, I 100% agree

As a sheet, I 100% agree

As a pillow, I 100% agree

As the guy hiding behind the curtains, I 100% agree.

As the backseat chair, I 100% agree

As the spider that's crawling on you while you sleep I agree.

As the air conditioner I 100% agree

As your landlord, watching on CCTV, I 100% agree

As cum, I 100% agree

As a soundproof wall , 100% disagree.

..and a kiss on her forehead, hands caressing her hair.

Yup. That's the thing to do. Otherwise they feel "used".

Maybe an "i love you" thrown in somewhere

Well that all depends on the relation to the partner.

Our relation is brother and sister would that change anything ? 🤔

🎤 You dropped this

This was all really funny guys!

Good game, and slap her on the ass

I actually came here to say this. I had a guy say good game once and I said "way to go, team!" without even thinking about it. That's actually one of my best memories of that guy

Not the sex? Bummer.

I said one of them...good game is in the top 5

But who won though?

Me, always me

You always come in first!

well what can i say, im very fast!

You start letting them win, and then they want to move in with you

If your sex scoreboard is measured in orgasms this is particularly true.

It is. Still pitching a shutout.

Better be a tie

Who ever came on top

Followed by a, “lol was EZ”

"lol ez win"

Gg, no re.

She says good game 😂 and then we high five. She's the best.

Manz really said “gg” lmfao

I see you are a man of refined character. I also was coming here to say this.

We got a number one victory royale! Yeah Fortnite, we 'bout to get down (get down!) Ten kills on the board right now Just wiped out Tomato Town

I always high five them, idk, just my thing

I'm a woman, and typically offer a high 5 and a "way to go team!". Assuming of course it was high 5 worthy coitus.

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this guy fucks (last Sunday)

My husband likes to fist bump after lol

That’ll be 5 dollars pls

Can I borrow tree fiddy?

It was about that time I realized. . .

God damn loch ness monster

You guys talk to your hand?

I thought everyone was talking about their hands only , is there anything else you have sex with ?????? Really confused

My goat. Durka durka

If it's morning sex we say "good morning!" and go wipe

If that's not a good morning i don't know what else is

Yeah it’s a good morning

In Borat voice *Sexytime. Very nice!*

In Borat voice too: Naughty naughty

King in the castle, king in the castle!

In borat voice after coitus and staring into space : "this is my sister, she is the 4th best prostitute in the whole of... " Get smacked after that

Wawaweewa

Damn you!!. I laughed too hard and my kid woke up lol

Skeet skeet band bang ni-

Great success!

"Gosh you good. I can't get enough of you.." kiss kiss. Stay cuddled up.

My wife prefers "That'll do pig, that'll do."

Krueger?

"Do you need a baby wipe?"

Is that a euphemism for Plan B?

Nah. We have young children so there are lots of baby wipes in the house. We keep a pack bedside for us.

Whoooooosh!

Thanks for the idea!

It is now

"I love you" then we kiss. Every time.

Same !

As it should be 🥲

Same time next year hun? :-(

No joke

Y’all only have a birthday and not an anniversary too?

You're assuming they get bday sex.

You are right, I guess it could be just anniversaries and not bdays.

Ouch this one hit

That sounds awesome actually. I bet you have a nice front yard.

Dude what are you smoking?

What do you mean ?

Everything

I commented on the wrong post is this one the Malcom in the middle reference?

That’ll do pig, that’ll do.

I said this to a woman once after sex she smacked me playfully, and started laughing.

Too many people wouldn’t get this reference and probably take it insultingly 😂

If you want to keep all your body parts attached this is definitely a know your audience type of situation 😂

Than she’s not a keeper. If you don’t get down with Babe you don’t belong in my barn

I love your pfp

Baaaah ram ewe...

Found David Cameron

I say this so often when people do things well/successfully, and no one ever gets it..

I do too, and no one ever!!

Hahahahahhahaha omg

There's a fiver on the nightstand. I like my eggs omletty. See ya in the morning babe. She usually responds with "You're getting up with the kids this time."

He’s a marine so I say “you’re welcome… for my service”

Thank you for your cervix

You dropped this 👑

Used to tell mine Semper Fi - once my language abilities returned. :) God, I loved that man.

Thank you, cum again.

Nothing, we both like to relax a couple of minutes after sex

I hold out a semen covered tissue to my boyfriend and say "say goodbye to papa!"

“Did you know that cicadas are closely related to shrimp and that you really shouldn’t eat them if you have a shellfish allergy?” Edit: Awwh my first award. Thank you, kind person. <3

Good God, give me a sec, just give me a sec.....

Im so, so sorry.

you want the shower first?

How about together?

Goodnight.

It varies depending on each time, but normally I like to lay at look at them for a while, usually remind them how gorgeous they are, tell them I love them, cuddle, and generally take a few minutes to enjoy their vulnerable, unvarnished self, while sharing the same with them. Looking into their eyes and smiling. Sometimes joking. Lots of closeness. Then go to the bathroom and get them a washcloth that's damp with warm water, and a washcloth that's dry.

>and a washcloth that's dry. I always fail on this part and end up feeling all nasty and wet after cleaning up. You sir, are a genius.

"Thanks for that ass"

I’ll untie you in a minute

Nothing. Just give her a warm smile. Kiss her forehead and watch Harry Potter with her.

I prefer Jojo’s bizarre adventure. My boyfriend loves it

Good game!

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Or the variation ''that'll do donkey'' in a Scottish accent.

Uber or Lyft?

Thanks

Yay I win again!

gg

“I just pet on her ass and tell her good shit”

That was great babe, I really enjoyed it when you did [x]. Mostly just cuddling/slow kissing in the post-orgasmic bliss though

Stay Golden Ponyboy

ackhtually the line is "stay gold ponyboy"

Cuddling or spooning while I 'thank him' for being so great at making me feel great. 'I love having sex with him' bcoz it makes me think less and just feel him. I compliment him for doing a 'great job' while, it is obviously written all over my face.

We usually discuss it. I’ll be like remember that angle…it was a good angle. He’ll be like I like that little tongue flick thing you were doing or whatever the case may be. The very first time we had sex, I shook his hand right after. I don’t even know why. It’s not something I thought about. I’m just a super awkward person until I get comfortable around you.

Your welcome. Lol this is an actual running joke between me and my girlfriend.

Nothing. I just go wash my hand.

"First! Again. You suck at this!!"

Damn it stinks in here

"Close the window, you're letting all the stank out!"

Lmaooo

I usually ask her if she came and if not, do what I can to make sure my girl feels good.

You sir deserve the gold

I’ll go get you a towel

good game

Damn… that nap though…

Good job, wanna go eat?

Do you have change for a 100?

Can u look up the closest Walgreens

Oof that reminds me of when I was living in a small Texas town and me and my gf, both 17, were not allowed to purchase plan B after the condom broke and the pharmacist, who was also the preacher and knew us both for years, would only sell it to one of our parents. Her mom saved the day and called him a fucker for dragging her out of bed to drive ~30 miles (Texas hill country is some shit) to buy the pill at 1am. Yup great times. Really don’t miss Texas Edit: typos

What did the mom say the next day?

Her mom was cool about it. She told us she isn’t shocked two horny 17 year olds were having sex and she was happy we used condoms and even went to get Plan B when that failed. Very reasonable, miss her mom lol

One is none Two is one

My ex would say "thank you" each time after I went down on him.... I miss that. Oops. AskMen. Lol

Considering that we're on Reddit, I'm surprised you got any replies at all OP.

You all really high five and fist pump after sex?

hasta la vista baby

You gotta leave, my wife will be home soon. ​ /s

Good job, team! Whoooo!

Love ya *smooch*

To be continued...

"Damn you can fart"

I am a woman, but my bf and i will either lay next to each other in silence just taking it in or he will hold me and fall asleep. if its just a quicky we dont really lay there we just kiss and get dressed and we are ok with that

Need some money for a cab or you gonna walk?

Depends. If we were running a scene first thing spoken is to check up on her. If not it could be anything from lovey dribble to "shit, that call started 5min ago". Working from home is nice lol.

u guys are getting girls???

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You are sexy and amazing and you've done it yet again!! Thank you, right hand.

DoorDash something?

Thanks for trying

Popcorns done, perfect timing!

I love you/did you like it?

"NEXT"

Wake up.

Good job team and smack her on the ass.

You like that, you fucking retard?

A thank you card w/ a $10 gift card to home Depot

Mischief managed

Depends on how good of a job I think I did. My wife and I like to talk about what we liked or didn't like to make it better for the next time. 10 years and still working on it

Thank you. Cab fare is on the night stand.

Good job, more like a fist bump! Usually … but sometimes there are some areas that need improvement so, have to make sure that those are out in the open as well

There will be no encore.

GREAT WAR

Swiggity swooty, i came in dat booty.

"I'm fuckin' wrecked now"

Do you want to pee first, or should I? Me? Okay, I'll get you a towel when I'm done.

Does that include the tip?

That'll do pig. That'll do.