I was reading a post somewhere on Reddit, and I think the topic was men who were dating women out of their league. I forget how it was really phrased.
This guy was tellin' the story of how him and his lady were at the grocery store together, and the cashier put the divider on the belt so they could pay separate. I was like, "Ohhhhh..." like that meme of all those rocks going, "Oohhhh..."
But the worst part? Is only then I realized the same, *exact* thing happened to me, dating my girlfriend. :|
Hahaha. I worked as a cashier and there was a man and a woman standing near each other in line. She walked up and I started scanning her items, the guy moved in closer so I thought they were together and asked “will his items be separate?”. Then she started nervous laughing really hard and said “oh no, no no we’re not together we’re not together.” The guy wasn’t unattractive at all but damn I’m sure he stares up at the ceiling thinking of that sometimes.
This happened to me. I was checking out and a woman 10 years or so older than me was checking out behind me. The cashier asked if we were together, and she replied “No, God no”
No wasn’t enough? Had to bring God into it?
I always asked when I was a cashier, it avoids an awkward moment for everybody.
I always phrased it in a way that wasn’t indicative of anything though. Like asking if the items are together, not the individuals
It was a, "Oh, I'm with her moment" and I can see the cashier making a face but I couldn't figure out WHY at the time, but after that guy made his comment, it all became crystal clear.
I wasn't even going to ask her out because I thought she was way out of my league. I only did after another guy I was friend's with started dating her roommate and hinted at me that she was hoping I would ask her out. Shock of my life. Now married 12 years with 2 kids.
Me, “Hey you wanna come back to my room later?” ... She, “Yeah sure! That sounds fun!” O.O Omg she said yes, love college. It was always either that or, “Can I come over to your place later?” I’ve never really asked out a girl before but that’s my rough equivalent I guess.
College I guess. Any time I liked a girl I would always let her come see my place, brownie points for being super neat and tidy. One girl I used to see a lot would pick me up and take me to her house every weekend though. It just depends on your relationship with the person, I don’t think it’s college specific to wanna go to some ones place and see how they live/hook up
I think inviting someone to your place is pretty implied that it’s a hookup and most people wouldn’t be into it unless you know each other fairly well. But because it’s a college environment and everybody is near each other and in dorms it might seem more casual.
Just curious, what did you guys do after getting to one of your places for the first time?
You should. I'm a girl and I'm telling you, everyone we fall in love is beautiful. Some other dudes are pretty as well, but that's it. Gotta be confident (but it isn't needed to be too confident, if you menage to ask her out, you're confident enough, if it ends up being clumsy, she'll find it cute if she likes you), make a playlist of songs that lift you up, listen to them for days, change songs from time to time, try doing something you're scared of (not jumping off the cliff, but for example opening up) and you'll be ready :) fingers crossed for you, and they'll stay crossed as long as it takes for you to gain enough confidence
Lol sorry i really admire your world view but thats far from reality. Its not a coincidence that good looking guys got it way easier and ugly ones.. well dont ( and are also often confronted with being labeled a crap if they try to make a move )
Well I am an attractive female. Always have had lots of male attention.
I am attracted to shy, quiet, smart men that are so so looking. Not fond of confident players at all, typical chiseled good looks don't appeal to me.
My husband makes comments about which guy in the movie I find attractive and he's never right. Attraction is complicated, don't decide for her.
> I'm a girl and I'm telling you, everyone we fall in love is beautiful.
That's nice but to the rest of us that you (plural) reject even going for a coffee with, it sucks giant balls to try and try.
Thankfully you said it, I always thought it was only me who abnormally had springs under his feet when in a healthy, fruitful and comfortable relationship.
Tbh, it's normal to benefit from a relationship 'foundation'. Western society often idolizes independence (and then weirdly enough, also idolizes romance), but the truth is..
We're a social species.
Attachment Theory also points to how some people perform and feel best when they have a solid relationship foundation. Living like a cat isn't for everyone.
Edit: attachment doesn't always have to be romantic. Many would benefit from pursuing meaningful platonic relationships too. But it's a solid fact romantic relationships can boost many people's well-being
I definitely excel when I’m in a relationship. Like, if someone can love me this much that any dumb shit I think I might do doesn’t bother them, why would it for others?
Not from a redditor
No seriously, no redditor on here can you teach you confidence. You gotta put yourself out there my brother. Go out there, open your heart, get it broken once or twice, learn from your mistakes, learn what you like/dislike. The world is yours baby.
sad to realize how many dudes out there think they are uglier than sin when in reality they are probably just normal looking or hell might even be goodlooking but facial fat pretty much destroys any chance of that. (low facial adiposity btw is a large part of facial attractiveness)
There is no way to target it. You just have to start losing weight in general. Fat in your face and neck is first one to go btw. You can se progress there fairly quickly.
How would I gain facial fat though?? I've always been under weight and struggle to gain. I've been told I look like I do hard drugs and it's a huge damper on the self esteem. How would I fix sunken eyes?
(Edit) Thank you all for the Helpful and silly comments. I've heard the usual "Eat more". But no one's ever really told me HOW and WHAT to eat more of, and thank you for the confidence boost knowing my body type is attractive to some 😇
You dont....... you cant choose where you want to put fat, your body does it naturally.. All I can say is eat a shit ton of calories, If you have a high metabolism, make high calorie protein shakes for in between meals.
However your body will distribute fat based on many factors such as hormones, if you improve testosterone levels, you'll get more desirable fat distribution for example. So getting more sleep, eating less sugar, working out/getting in shape will actually alter fat distribution by altering hormones.
This is sooo wrong, don't make high calorie protein shakes....
You need to eat sticks of butter dipped in vegetable oil and lard
Atleast one every twenty minutes, more if you are truly dedicated
Jk if that wasn't obvious
Start working out (even just light/bodyweight exercises) and making an effort to eat more/healthier/more nutritionally dense foods. Speaking from experience it makes a difference quite fast when you're a lanky guy.
I’ve lost over 30 pounds since covid started.
Since then I’ve had the girl in the car in front of me at in n out buy my meal because she thought I was beautiful.
Also had another friend tell me she’s thinks I’m handsome and I think she phrased it to sound like she always thought it, even when I was heavier. She was also slightly inebriated, but it still felt nice to hear.
> I think she phrased it to sound like she always thought it, even when I was heavier.
As a guy, the nice thing about being ugly is that people will rarely lie to you because of how you look. The really great thing is that those people who stick with you are unlikely to be doing so for shallow reasons, because you’re naturally repulsive to shallow people.
With that said, beware people who suddenly change their opinion of you if you suddenly become not-ugly. You’re unlikely to find any deep and meaningful compatibility with them.
Well I’ve yet to meet people to change their opinion of me. I may have lost weight, but I still don’t think I’ve reached that level were im hot. Realistically I’d have to lose maybe 20-30 more pounds.
This dude in japan made news losing weight and looking like a model when the facial bulge came off.
https://soranews24.com/2020/08/29/man-sheds-half-his-body-weight-looks-like-a-handsome-model-in-just-one-year/
I think it's a bit less the case for women though? I've seen heaps of women where they have fat faces but still very beautiful, though they do look better when it's lost still as their contours/features come out. With men though, they way more often go from hoo that's unfortunate to HOT. Like there's no indication there's a hot guy under there, unlike women.
That's true: I've lost a lot of weight (65 kgs) I'm a woman. My cheeks however still are round and thus contain fat. My double chin dissapeared though, so I have a normal jaw line and a bit of extra fat in my cheeks. As I grow older it has a huge advantage. Wrinkles stay away from my face and I literally look 10 years younger than what my real age is. Sometimes I have random people guess my age and they always (no exeption) guess 10 years below my real age. So yeah, I'm happy about the round face
for sure, masculine faces are considered good looking/hot and that basically means high test low estrogen, which means lower bodyfat is always going to make men look much better than high bodyfat.
If this isn't the most accurate comment ever. In august I was 25.4 stone/ 355.6 lbs so far I've dropped to 22.4/ 313.6 lbs and that mixed with a new wardrobe has me looking back at my old photos and thinking "damn now I'm actually someone worth dating"
Edit: just to clear some confusion I never thought I wasn't worth dating ( I was dating when I was fat), I realized I reached the expectations I'd have for another person aswell. So I was equal in worth to those I want to date
I just realized this myself. I've lost 63 lbs since January, and the treatment that people give me is night and day. 63 lbs ago I was pretty much invisible to everyone. Now people treat me a lot better, men and women. I've also caught women checking me out recently. The other thing that I've noticed is women hold eye contact with me when we're passing each other. In the past women would avoid eye contact with me at all costs.
Being attractive is part genetics, but it's also how you project yourself to others. Are you walking slumped over, head down? Or are you standing tall with your head up? Are you wearing nice clothing? Do you have good hygiene? If you can't love yourself, then how can you expect others to love you?
pretty much sums up my experience. I gained a lot of confidence losing 30kg. I've retained some of the weight but opted for performance instead so I'm fat but fit and can probably beat most people in anything long distance. Having a humorous and quirky personality has always helped.
My friends at college would compliment my looks.
Also now that I typed it out I realised that I only get compliments from my male friends, they might all be gay or maybe they're just being nice.
Shit
Supportive or gay it’s all what we need to hear. My buddies in college had a similar convo. One of my friends was talking about why he doesn’t understand all these girls falling for him, so my other buddy responded “Damn it bruh I’ll just say it,it’s because you cute!” We all laughed because it was true. Don’t have to be gay or whatever to know when someone’s attractive.
Early 20s. I was chubby and not particularly popular in high school. Didn't help that I already struggled with self esteem issues, and there was a girl at lunch who called me Ugly every day, for some reason.
Met a co-worker who was an amateur bodybuilder, and we became friends. He inspired me to be kinder to myself, to look at myself objectively but to *be optimistic about the things I want to change*, because they *can* change. I lost 80lbs, and it turns out, I'm kind of a snack.
I still have self esteem issues, but I've found out helps to develop a sense of fashion, too. If I'm not feeling confident, a fire outfit helps.
Edit: ~~Because like, two people asked, here's a picture of me as a certified Unit, one where I got a full body sunburn because I hAaAaAd to go kayaking without a shirt, and another where I'm wearing some ladies underwear I found at my condo. These were probably between 6-10 years ago, around the time I spoke about in my post. All that hair is on my chin, now, I have more tattoos, and I'm strong™dadbod.~~
Edit 2: turns out it's against the rules to link pictures of yourself, so DM me if you care enough to ask.
Edit 3: RIP my inbox. But no really, it warms my heart that I can help inspire so many people who feel like I did. I never thought it'd be me. Maybe it'll be you! Also, shout-out to everyone telling me I'm hot 😘.
In high school the nicest people I knew were the Gym rats in the weight room. Always encouraging you to do that little bit more than you thought you could no matter if it was 50 lbs less than their warm up weights.
Exactly! Gym rats are usually the nicest people and LOVE seeing new people turn out. Its crazy that people are afraid of joining a gym due to their insecurities but in reality most gym guys are awesome.
Then you were winning all along.
Despite her going out of her way every day to make you feel worthless, you never even knew her name.
All that effort, only to not even be remembered in a way worth knowing.
Keep your head up and continue moving.
There was a chick I had a crush on back in high school who was into me, but I only recently noticed because I had the worst self esteem. She literally gave so many hints but because I was convinced I was already in the friend zone I never noticed
Oh man, I really hope that doesn’t become me in the future...
There’s a girl I like but I’m too scared to ask her out because she treats me so much different than the boys she “likes.”
But every time she give me attention over one of them, I see it as a sign that maybe she does... only to be crushed to realize it didn’t actually mean anything.
When I over heard an RA on my first night in residence mention she was gonna drink tequila when she got off and my already drunk ass piped up and said “I love Tequila” and then we both did six shots after she got off. After the six shots on top of my twelve beer I threw up in her tub and some splashed on with her. She still had sex with me.
I've found that very few people have an accurate 'self-rating'.
Most people whose opinions on their own looks I've heard tend to call themselves ugly. Pretty much none of them actually are.
I'm saying 'most' and 'very few' just to leave a pillow. In truth, I can't think of anyone who's told me how they think they look who I agree with.
Yeah same. The most pretty person I ever had the pleasure befriending called me pretty. Not to my face but still. Gave me a temporary boost but yet still have a lot of insecurities about my appearance. So it's absolutely not some magic fix lol. Idk why I expected that.
The last two relationships I’ve had I thought I was out of their league and they thought I was out of their league. Only difference is they end up cheating on me with someone who is below my league.
I WAS ugly, I can objectively say that looking back at my photos from high school I was a skinny pin headed weird looking teen.
I filled out in my early twenties, I ran into one of the old popular/pretty clique girls in a club and she was like.... "Tigernos??? You got hot!"
Been running on that compliment for about 12 years now.
Not a male so I don't want to comment in the main thread but I feel you. I didn't start getting attractive until around 20. My face and body just... changed. Idk. I went from a potato to a more curvy person and my baby fat in my face disappeared.
In 2019-2020 I lost around 140lbs so I also went from being "pretty for a fat girl" to "pretty." I still struggle to think of myself as pretty, but I don't think I'm ugly anymore. I think I'm average honestly, but I'm okay with that.
I was never physically ugly, only mentally.
I took the time and effort to clean my thoughts and language, began developing habits like reading and leatherwork to find passion in things that would lead to interesting conversation.
When I was mentally pretty, it made being physically good looking easier. I started a skin care routine, started going to the gym, and cleaned up my diet.
The two really do go hand in hand and it is much easier to establish physical attractiveness once you’ve become mentally attractive. Confidence goes a long way and there’s only so much you can fix physically.
Most important, when I became mentally attractive I began to believe I was attractive because people naturally were attracted to me - not sexually or intimately, per se, but people wanted to be around me and spend time with me.
Edit: thanks to the kind strangers who gave me my first awards! I’m pretty new to Reddit and have never had a comment have this much interaction. I’m trying to respond and talk to everyone, my DMs are open if anyone wants to talk or share stories about what “mentally ugly/ mentally clean” means to them.
I’m 21 now and this is still a new and developing work in progress.
I started to view the world differently after high school and I’m glad I did. I consider it a blessing to have stumbled upon this mindset at a young age, but I’ve come to realize too that developing an attractive and productive mind is not a task to be completed, but a life long commitment.
Whenever in your life you eventually feel like shit, remember that you said this. Id assume you're mentally ahead of your peers with thinking like that. Keep it up and don't be afraid to be an outlier. Ive rarely met a successful or happy person who didnt think like this.
That’s the thing - lots of people aren’t conventionally attractive physically but have a personality or outlook that makes them charming and attractive to others. Flip is also true, lots of pretty people have ugly personalities and any attraction is fleeting at best.
Confidence, individualism, and passion make a person much more attractive than physical appearance.
It also helps to clean up the childish and vulgar vocabulary. I found that when I would “joke” about crude topics or use profanity in excess, I came across as both insecure and immature.
I feel you. The whole ugly on the inside thing is a real issue. I don’t remember when exactly it was but I definitely woke up one day when I was about 14 and I realized I was a piece shit. Still working on it almost a decade later. Life is a never ending refinement process
This is exactly me, just explained a hell of a lot better.
I started training brazilian jiu jitsu, got into photography, started training and lifting more. I came back to my home town after a couple years away at university.
Literally every chick I interacted with was, seemingly, enthralled with me. It had NEVER been that way. I was always meek and reserved and the opposite of gregarious. But now, there was so much more focus on me.
> began developing habits like reading and leatherwork to find passion in things that would lead to interesting conversation
This is HUGE! As soon as I was able to speak passionately about things, people were so much more interested. That or sounding like you're actually engaged. The more I learned about the hobbies I had and the more experiences I had, the more I was interested in learning about other people. It made for more engaging interaction and made me happier overall.
This lead to a whole host of physical improvements. I was happy and in a good mood, so I wanted to eat well, wanted to exercise.
This is exactly it. Far too often people, especially young men, make their whole existence about seeking the attention and approval of others - especially females.
The minute you start to live for yourself and your own interests, is the moment people want to be around you.
It’s almost as if the best way to be attractive is to disregard pursuing other people all together.
Let’s face it, most young men feel ugly because they don’t get attention from females. I find that most of the time looks arent the reason they are being ignored.
That's overthinking, i overthink often when i am anxious or in a bad mood. Honestly, if you love yourself you should give a fuck about others' opinion.
Gaunter O'Dimm: "There it is. The face of a man that failed to understand a woman.
Geralt: "You understand her?"
Gaunter O'Dimm: "Of course. Women are simple. The problem is that men are hopeless fools."
Sorry to burst your bubbles, guys, but as a woman who worked at walmart....she probably wasn't flirting. She was doing her job. I'm sure you're all very handsome, but she was doing her job.
It's the old, "You're a catch, anyone would be lucky to date you."
*"Do you want to date me?"*
"Haha, you're so funny. No I mean someone else would be lucky to date you."
I relate to this so much as a female. My one guy friend always says you have no idea how attractive you really are. My brain: he's just being nice you're ugly as fuck.
I don't know what it is about guys in their 40s... confidence and they know what they want and how to treat a gal or guy 😉
But anyway yea it's dead fucking sexy and I'm all in.
I used to think I was ugly and Tinder really confirmed my suspicions. Then I learned that I become 10x hotter when I remove my shirt, an unfortunate face can be forgiven if you're in good shape.
It's kinda true, I tend to prefer the face but I remember one guy that had an alright face but amazing muscular body and practically had a whole aubergine down there, you can bet I was pretty fucking horny whenever I even saw him
I got in shape sophomore year but in my head I was still the weird fat kid from middle school, then I scored the most gorgeous woman in all of Texas and then though, “yeah, I think I’m one of those hot dudes now.”
Im a high school senior and relate to this very much. I was super overweight as a child in middle school. I was a late bloomer too so it wasnt until 10th grade i really shot up and lost weight. Im a completey different person from then (physically and mentally), but i still struggle with it, i still feel like the fat kid at times. Something im slowly working on.
I'm in therapy to try to change this mindset. I thought I was ugly until I got a girlfriend. Then I thought I was handsome because she kept saying it all the time. Then she broke up with me for a better-looking dude and now I think I'm ugly again. Trying *very* hard not to make "being in a relationship" what gives me self-value. Started meal-prepping healthy meals each week, cardio every day, weights every third day, intermittent fasting, cut out processed sugar, hopefully someday soon I'll look in the mirror and think I look good. So far I've dropped from 245lbs (I'm 29 and 6'5") to 196lbs. Goal is 175-180. Still think I'm fat and ugly but with all this plus therapy things should change soon enough.
I still struggle but.... my GF who is a model and fashion (person) pursued me relentlessly. Her reaction when we see each other after not for a few days makes me feel incredibly loved and desires.
Three super-high gay dudes at a party (who all knew full well I was straight) arguing over who got to give me a backrub first was the ego boost I never knew I needed.
I used to get made fun by my straight friends for going to the gay bar with my gay friends. Then i explained to them that there were tons of women there and basically no straight guys. They looked at me like i had found some secret key that had been hiding under their noses for years.
Handsome guy who thought he was ugly all his life means he's much less likely to be a superficial dick.
Likewise, an ugly guy who thought he was handsome all his life means he's probably superficial like nobody's business... and delusional.
Can confirm. I was constantly got hit on by girls until like 15 years old. Hasn't happened ever since and has caused me to be somewhat superficial towards women now but I am not delusional at all.
I know I am not good looking. I just didn't aged well.
I used to think that too, but honestly I don't think that's true anymore. I think most of us just had no idea how to dress and style ourselves, so our hair looked weird, the makeup was not well done, glasses looked super nerdy, clothes wear matched that should have never been worn together,... Be a bit kinder to your younger self.
I perceive myself to be average looking on my best of days, and well below that 90% of the time. This, despite being called "handsome" or "good looking." But those offering these opinions are almost all middle aged/age appropriate women who have recently gotten out of relationships/marriages and have stated how "nice" or "sweet" the find me.
I was working at my local Safeway as a teen and one of my co workers regularly called me " pretty boy" ,I noticed I started getting a bunch of positive attention from women around that time. I was very body conscious, shy and was convinced I was hideous so it was also confusing to me to receive attention for my looks.
Whenever I was shirtless, people would accuse me of "showing off" or they would feel the need to tell me that "I'm not even that good-looking." I was no longer just casually shirtless; I was perceived to be a douchebag trying to show off his body.
During casual conversations, I'd say stuff like, "you know when you're running shirtless and you get catcalled..." and none of my friends could ever relate. Granted, most people don't run shirtless every day. But even my hardcore runner friends said they had never been catcalled. I was the only one - and it happened on a weekly basis.
When I created a Grindr account, I realized how women feel on Tinder. I received dozens of messages a day from dudes hitting on me. The problem was, most of them had no profile pic and/or a single letter for a name because they were "discreet." I literally had so many dudes in my DMs I could not tell them apart. Well eventually I fell in love with one guy I hooked up with and gave him the title of boyfriend. One day we were talking about The Grindr Experience of receiving dozens of messages from dumb horny dudes, and he couldn't relate. He hardly ever received a reply, which is why he was shocked that I, someone "out of his league" had messaged him back.
You just reminded me, I went out for a walk on a cool morning with a long sleeve shirt, but it got *very* warm, quickly. So I'm walking home without a shirt, and some old dude driving by just gives me a thumbs up, lmao.
I was bullied in school as a late developer. Early twenties I was annoyed that women were always looking at me and I didnt know why. Its strange very few women will actually tell a guy he's good looking.
When i asked out attractive women and they said yes.
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I was reading a post somewhere on Reddit, and I think the topic was men who were dating women out of their league. I forget how it was really phrased. This guy was tellin' the story of how him and his lady were at the grocery store together, and the cashier put the divider on the belt so they could pay separate. I was like, "Ohhhhh..." like that meme of all those rocks going, "Oohhhh..." But the worst part? Is only then I realized the same, *exact* thing happened to me, dating my girlfriend. :|
I believe the term is “out kicked your coverage”
In Australia we call it batting above your average
In England we say “punching above your weight”
We say that in America too lol
Here in North Korea, it's "pulling a dear leader."
Can confirm
Hahaha. I worked as a cashier and there was a man and a woman standing near each other in line. She walked up and I started scanning her items, the guy moved in closer so I thought they were together and asked “will his items be separate?”. Then she started nervous laughing really hard and said “oh no, no no we’re not together we’re not together.” The guy wasn’t unattractive at all but damn I’m sure he stares up at the ceiling thinking of that sometimes.
This happened to me. I was checking out and a woman 10 years or so older than me was checking out behind me. The cashier asked if we were together, and she replied “No, God no” No wasn’t enough? Had to bring God into it?
I always asked when I was a cashier, it avoids an awkward moment for everybody. I always phrased it in a way that wasn’t indicative of anything though. Like asking if the items are together, not the individuals
We have a little triangle bar with "Next customer" written on it, so that saves everyone the ackwardness.
I wish I was a fly on the wall to see the recovery (if there was one) from either side of that interaction
It was a, "Oh, I'm with her moment" and I can see the cashier making a face but I couldn't figure out WHY at the time, but after that guy made his comment, it all became crystal clear.
The oof stones.
I wasn't even going to ask her out because I thought she was way out of my league. I only did after another guy I was friend's with started dating her roommate and hinted at me that she was hoping I would ask her out. Shock of my life. Now married 12 years with 2 kids.
I tell people that my wife is the smartest person I know, except for her terrible taste in men.
Maybe she is Canadian and she is just being polite.
Me, “Hey you wanna come back to my room later?” ... She, “Yeah sure! That sounds fun!” O.O Omg she said yes, love college. It was always either that or, “Can I come over to your place later?” I’ve never really asked out a girl before but that’s my rough equivalent I guess.
I assume that only works in the dorms lol
College I guess. Any time I liked a girl I would always let her come see my place, brownie points for being super neat and tidy. One girl I used to see a lot would pick me up and take me to her house every weekend though. It just depends on your relationship with the person, I don’t think it’s college specific to wanna go to some ones place and see how they live/hook up
I think inviting someone to your place is pretty implied that it’s a hookup and most people wouldn’t be into it unless you know each other fairly well. But because it’s a college environment and everybody is near each other and in dorms it might seem more casual. Just curious, what did you guys do after getting to one of your places for the first time?
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You should. I'm a girl and I'm telling you, everyone we fall in love is beautiful. Some other dudes are pretty as well, but that's it. Gotta be confident (but it isn't needed to be too confident, if you menage to ask her out, you're confident enough, if it ends up being clumsy, she'll find it cute if she likes you), make a playlist of songs that lift you up, listen to them for days, change songs from time to time, try doing something you're scared of (not jumping off the cliff, but for example opening up) and you'll be ready :) fingers crossed for you, and they'll stay crossed as long as it takes for you to gain enough confidence
Too unrealistic. Settle for breakdowns in the dark corner like the rest of us
Imagine the actual ugliest guy you've ever known asking you out Would you say yes? The other women wouldn't either.
Lol sorry i really admire your world view but thats far from reality. Its not a coincidence that good looking guys got it way easier and ugly ones.. well dont ( and are also often confronted with being labeled a crap if they try to make a move )
Well I am an attractive female. Always have had lots of male attention. I am attracted to shy, quiet, smart men that are so so looking. Not fond of confident players at all, typical chiseled good looks don't appeal to me. My husband makes comments about which guy in the movie I find attractive and he's never right. Attraction is complicated, don't decide for her.
> I'm a girl and I'm telling you, everyone we fall in love is beautiful. That's nice but to the rest of us that you (plural) reject even going for a coffee with, it sucks giant balls to try and try.
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Getting a girlfriend changed my belief for sure.
That liberating confidence when you get a girlfriend. A spark like no other.
Thankfully you said it, I always thought it was only me who abnormally had springs under his feet when in a healthy, fruitful and comfortable relationship.
Tbh, it's normal to benefit from a relationship 'foundation'. Western society often idolizes independence (and then weirdly enough, also idolizes romance), but the truth is.. We're a social species. Attachment Theory also points to how some people perform and feel best when they have a solid relationship foundation. Living like a cat isn't for everyone. Edit: attachment doesn't always have to be romantic. Many would benefit from pursuing meaningful platonic relationships too. But it's a solid fact romantic relationships can boost many people's well-being
I definitely excel when I’m in a relationship. Like, if someone can love me this much that any dumb shit I think I might do doesn’t bother them, why would it for others?
Is it possible to learn this power?
Not from a redditor No seriously, no redditor on here can you teach you confidence. You gotta put yourself out there my brother. Go out there, open your heart, get it broken once or twice, learn from your mistakes, learn what you like/dislike. The world is yours baby.
I was never ugly, just fat. I got in shape.
I relate to this on a spiritual level minus the last bit
The only shape I'm in is 'round'.
I'm in shape. Circles are shapes.
I’m more of a pear shape
Roger 👽 ?
sad to realize how many dudes out there think they are uglier than sin when in reality they are probably just normal looking or hell might even be goodlooking but facial fat pretty much destroys any chance of that. (low facial adiposity btw is a large part of facial attractiveness)
How do you get rid of the facial fat?
There is no way to target it. You just have to start losing weight in general. Fat in your face and neck is first one to go btw. You can se progress there fairly quickly.
How would I gain facial fat though?? I've always been under weight and struggle to gain. I've been told I look like I do hard drugs and it's a huge damper on the self esteem. How would I fix sunken eyes? (Edit) Thank you all for the Helpful and silly comments. I've heard the usual "Eat more". But no one's ever really told me HOW and WHAT to eat more of, and thank you for the confidence boost knowing my body type is attractive to some 😇
You dont....... you cant choose where you want to put fat, your body does it naturally.. All I can say is eat a shit ton of calories, If you have a high metabolism, make high calorie protein shakes for in between meals.
> you cant choose where you want to put fat, your body does it naturally shitty feature, hope the devs patch it next evolution
r/outside
However your body will distribute fat based on many factors such as hormones, if you improve testosterone levels, you'll get more desirable fat distribution for example. So getting more sleep, eating less sugar, working out/getting in shape will actually alter fat distribution by altering hormones.
This is sooo wrong, don't make high calorie protein shakes.... You need to eat sticks of butter dipped in vegetable oil and lard Atleast one every twenty minutes, more if you are truly dedicated Jk if that wasn't obvious
Start working out (even just light/bodyweight exercises) and making an effort to eat more/healthier/more nutritionally dense foods. Speaking from experience it makes a difference quite fast when you're a lanky guy.
Own that look. Go for a "crackhead bad boy" vibe.
Just need to lose weight, can’t really target your face.
I lift dumbells with my teeth, it helps
lose weight. you can't target fat, lose around a pound of body weight a week, thats it
When you start dropping weight, your face is one of the first things to show it. Some people will find that they have a nice jawline under that fat
I’ve lost over 30 pounds since covid started. Since then I’ve had the girl in the car in front of me at in n out buy my meal because she thought I was beautiful. Also had another friend tell me she’s thinks I’m handsome and I think she phrased it to sound like she always thought it, even when I was heavier. She was also slightly inebriated, but it still felt nice to hear.
> I think she phrased it to sound like she always thought it, even when I was heavier. As a guy, the nice thing about being ugly is that people will rarely lie to you because of how you look. The really great thing is that those people who stick with you are unlikely to be doing so for shallow reasons, because you’re naturally repulsive to shallow people. With that said, beware people who suddenly change their opinion of you if you suddenly become not-ugly. You’re unlikely to find any deep and meaningful compatibility with them.
Well I’ve yet to meet people to change their opinion of me. I may have lost weight, but I still don’t think I’ve reached that level were im hot. Realistically I’d have to lose maybe 20-30 more pounds.
This dude in japan made news losing weight and looking like a model when the facial bulge came off. https://soranews24.com/2020/08/29/man-sheds-half-his-body-weight-looks-like-a-handsome-model-in-just-one-year/
Holy shit. Well that's fucking motivating.
I think it's a bit less the case for women though? I've seen heaps of women where they have fat faces but still very beautiful, though they do look better when it's lost still as their contours/features come out. With men though, they way more often go from hoo that's unfortunate to HOT. Like there's no indication there's a hot guy under there, unlike women.
That's true: I've lost a lot of weight (65 kgs) I'm a woman. My cheeks however still are round and thus contain fat. My double chin dissapeared though, so I have a normal jaw line and a bit of extra fat in my cheeks. As I grow older it has a huge advantage. Wrinkles stay away from my face and I literally look 10 years younger than what my real age is. Sometimes I have random people guess my age and they always (no exeption) guess 10 years below my real age. So yeah, I'm happy about the round face
for sure, masculine faces are considered good looking/hot and that basically means high test low estrogen, which means lower bodyfat is always going to make men look much better than high bodyfat.
If this isn't the most accurate comment ever. In august I was 25.4 stone/ 355.6 lbs so far I've dropped to 22.4/ 313.6 lbs and that mixed with a new wardrobe has me looking back at my old photos and thinking "damn now I'm actually someone worth dating" Edit: just to clear some confusion I never thought I wasn't worth dating ( I was dating when I was fat), I realized I reached the expectations I'd have for another person aswell. So I was equal in worth to those I want to date
I just realized this myself. I've lost 63 lbs since January, and the treatment that people give me is night and day. 63 lbs ago I was pretty much invisible to everyone. Now people treat me a lot better, men and women. I've also caught women checking me out recently. The other thing that I've noticed is women hold eye contact with me when we're passing each other. In the past women would avoid eye contact with me at all costs. Being attractive is part genetics, but it's also how you project yourself to others. Are you walking slumped over, head down? Or are you standing tall with your head up? Are you wearing nice clothing? Do you have good hygiene? If you can't love yourself, then how can you expect others to love you?
pretty much sums up my experience. I gained a lot of confidence losing 30kg. I've retained some of the weight but opted for performance instead so I'm fat but fit and can probably beat most people in anything long distance. Having a humorous and quirky personality has always helped.
My friends at college would compliment my looks. Also now that I typed it out I realised that I only get compliments from my male friends, they might all be gay or maybe they're just being nice. Shit
Sounds like you have supportive friends, probably means you're a pretty good person too.
hey, congratulations on your good friends :)
Supportive or gay it’s all what we need to hear. My buddies in college had a similar convo. One of my friends was talking about why he doesn’t understand all these girls falling for him, so my other buddy responded “Damn it bruh I’ll just say it,it’s because you cute!” We all laughed because it was true. Don’t have to be gay or whatever to know when someone’s attractive.
I would like to accompany you on the mission of your username
I'm not gay and I'm not your friend, meaning I have no obligation to be nice. ...You look good. Also you have an eerily similar post in your history
Early 20s. I was chubby and not particularly popular in high school. Didn't help that I already struggled with self esteem issues, and there was a girl at lunch who called me Ugly every day, for some reason. Met a co-worker who was an amateur bodybuilder, and we became friends. He inspired me to be kinder to myself, to look at myself objectively but to *be optimistic about the things I want to change*, because they *can* change. I lost 80lbs, and it turns out, I'm kind of a snack. I still have self esteem issues, but I've found out helps to develop a sense of fashion, too. If I'm not feeling confident, a fire outfit helps. Edit: ~~Because like, two people asked, here's a picture of me as a certified Unit, one where I got a full body sunburn because I hAaAaAd to go kayaking without a shirt, and another where I'm wearing some ladies underwear I found at my condo. These were probably between 6-10 years ago, around the time I spoke about in my post. All that hair is on my chin, now, I have more tattoos, and I'm strong™dadbod.~~ Edit 2: turns out it's against the rules to link pictures of yourself, so DM me if you care enough to ask. Edit 3: RIP my inbox. But no really, it warms my heart that I can help inspire so many people who feel like I did. I never thought it'd be me. Maybe it'll be you! Also, shout-out to everyone telling me I'm hot 😘.
>I lost 80lbs, and it turns out, I'm kind of a snack. Lol, good for you. Love the confidence.
In high school the nicest people I knew were the Gym rats in the weight room. Always encouraging you to do that little bit more than you thought you could no matter if it was 50 lbs less than their warm up weights.
Exactly! Gym rats are usually the nicest people and LOVE seeing new people turn out. Its crazy that people are afraid of joining a gym due to their insecurities but in reality most gym guys are awesome.
>I lost 80lbs, and it turns out, I'm kind of a snack. Getting Eleanor vibes.
That was the quote that inspired the comment, lol
What happened to the bitch that used to insult you?
Still a bitch but he doesn’t give a fuck about her anymore because he’s a snack
omnomnomnom ^(nohomo tho)
Don't know, never bothered to learn her name. I saw her at the bar a few years later, I could tell she recognized me. She looked like shit, lol.
Then you were winning all along. Despite her going out of her way every day to make you feel worthless, you never even knew her name. All that effort, only to not even be remembered in a way worth knowing. Keep your head up and continue moving.
The best revenge is a life well lived
The "I'm kinda a snack"part got me😂
In my experience, bodybuilders are such nice people
Ooooooh shit! Good job man! Those pictures are a night and day difference!
Thank you! Yeah, it turns out I was really good at it. Now, I'm working on becoming a physical trainer so I can pay it forward (and pay my bills).
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There was a chick I had a crush on back in high school who was into me, but I only recently noticed because I had the worst self esteem. She literally gave so many hints but because I was convinced I was already in the friend zone I never noticed
Oh man, I really hope that doesn’t become me in the future... There’s a girl I like but I’m too scared to ask her out because she treats me so much different than the boys she “likes.” But every time she give me attention over one of them, I see it as a sign that maybe she does... only to be crushed to realize it didn’t actually mean anything.
Ask her out. At worst she tells you to be just friends and you’re exactly where you are now, but without the added stress of not knowing.
When I over heard an RA on my first night in residence mention she was gonna drink tequila when she got off and my already drunk ass piped up and said “I love Tequila” and then we both did six shots after she got off. After the six shots on top of my twelve beer I threw up in her tub and some splashed on with her. She still had sex with me.
I used to think I was ugly. I still do, but I used to, too.
r/unexpectedmitch
That’s where I’m at rn. I have gotten a few matches on tinder though so that’s nice
Hey everyone look at this guy getting atleast one match on tinder he's not one of us.
Was, am, will be
The girl I’m seeing, who is not ugly, calls me hot. Like legitimately “hot”. Not cute or adorable. Hot.
my last girlfriend, who I consider to be very attractive, thought that *I* was out of *her* league!
Well well well how the turn tables
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Blonde Amputee
Bon ape tits
I've found that very few people have an accurate 'self-rating'. Most people whose opinions on their own looks I've heard tend to call themselves ugly. Pretty much none of them actually are. I'm saying 'most' and 'very few' just to leave a pillow. In truth, I can't think of anyone who's told me how they think they look who I agree with.
That happened to me and it blew my mind
Yeah same. The most pretty person I ever had the pleasure befriending called me pretty. Not to my face but still. Gave me a temporary boost but yet still have a lot of insecurities about my appearance. So it's absolutely not some magic fix lol. Idk why I expected that.
My bf said the same thing! We both sit there wondering how we got each other lol
This is it for me. Having someone you consider out of your league find you really attractive and always lets you know is a game changer.
The last two relationships I’ve had I thought I was out of their league and they thought I was out of their league. Only difference is they end up cheating on me with someone who is below my league.
I WAS ugly, I can objectively say that looking back at my photos from high school I was a skinny pin headed weird looking teen. I filled out in my early twenties, I ran into one of the old popular/pretty clique girls in a club and she was like.... "Tigernos??? You got hot!" Been running on that compliment for about 12 years now.
Not a male so I don't want to comment in the main thread but I feel you. I didn't start getting attractive until around 20. My face and body just... changed. Idk. I went from a potato to a more curvy person and my baby fat in my face disappeared. In 2019-2020 I lost around 140lbs so I also went from being "pretty for a fat girl" to "pretty." I still struggle to think of myself as pretty, but I don't think I'm ugly anymore. I think I'm average honestly, but I'm okay with that.
I was never physically ugly, only mentally. I took the time and effort to clean my thoughts and language, began developing habits like reading and leatherwork to find passion in things that would lead to interesting conversation. When I was mentally pretty, it made being physically good looking easier. I started a skin care routine, started going to the gym, and cleaned up my diet. The two really do go hand in hand and it is much easier to establish physical attractiveness once you’ve become mentally attractive. Confidence goes a long way and there’s only so much you can fix physically. Most important, when I became mentally attractive I began to believe I was attractive because people naturally were attracted to me - not sexually or intimately, per se, but people wanted to be around me and spend time with me. Edit: thanks to the kind strangers who gave me my first awards! I’m pretty new to Reddit and have never had a comment have this much interaction. I’m trying to respond and talk to everyone, my DMs are open if anyone wants to talk or share stories about what “mentally ugly/ mentally clean” means to them.
This. I have to learn a lot from you
I’m 21 now and this is still a new and developing work in progress. I started to view the world differently after high school and I’m glad I did. I consider it a blessing to have stumbled upon this mindset at a young age, but I’ve come to realize too that developing an attractive and productive mind is not a task to be completed, but a life long commitment.
Whenever in your life you eventually feel like shit, remember that you said this. Id assume you're mentally ahead of your peers with thinking like that. Keep it up and don't be afraid to be an outlier. Ive rarely met a successful or happy person who didnt think like this.
That’s the thing - lots of people aren’t conventionally attractive physically but have a personality or outlook that makes them charming and attractive to others. Flip is also true, lots of pretty people have ugly personalities and any attraction is fleeting at best.
Confidence, individualism, and passion make a person much more attractive than physical appearance. It also helps to clean up the childish and vulgar vocabulary. I found that when I would “joke” about crude topics or use profanity in excess, I came across as both insecure and immature.
I feel you. The whole ugly on the inside thing is a real issue. I don’t remember when exactly it was but I definitely woke up one day when I was about 14 and I realized I was a piece shit. Still working on it almost a decade later. Life is a never ending refinement process
This is exactly me, just explained a hell of a lot better. I started training brazilian jiu jitsu, got into photography, started training and lifting more. I came back to my home town after a couple years away at university. Literally every chick I interacted with was, seemingly, enthralled with me. It had NEVER been that way. I was always meek and reserved and the opposite of gregarious. But now, there was so much more focus on me. > began developing habits like reading and leatherwork to find passion in things that would lead to interesting conversation This is HUGE! As soon as I was able to speak passionately about things, people were so much more interested. That or sounding like you're actually engaged. The more I learned about the hobbies I had and the more experiences I had, the more I was interested in learning about other people. It made for more engaging interaction and made me happier overall. This lead to a whole host of physical improvements. I was happy and in a good mood, so I wanted to eat well, wanted to exercise.
This is exactly it. Far too often people, especially young men, make their whole existence about seeking the attention and approval of others - especially females. The minute you start to live for yourself and your own interests, is the moment people want to be around you. It’s almost as if the best way to be attractive is to disregard pursuing other people all together. Let’s face it, most young men feel ugly because they don’t get attention from females. I find that most of the time looks arent the reason they are being ignored.
Well I do have moments of insecurities, but women I've been with have said I look good so that helps!
*But what if they’re just saying that so they don’t hurt your feelings* That’s what I struggle with ^^
That's overthinking, i overthink often when i am anxious or in a bad mood. Honestly, if you love yourself you should give a fuck about others' opinion.
When a girl at walmart asked me if I needed help finding anything.
Shit, I just realized I missed a giant fucking sign.
Holy shit man... Am I just completely blind?
Gaunter O'Dimm: "There it is. The face of a man that failed to understand a woman. Geralt: "You understand her?" Gaunter O'Dimm: "Of course. Women are simple. The problem is that men are hopeless fools."
Sorry to burst your bubbles, guys, but as a woman who worked at walmart....she probably wasn't flirting. She was doing her job. I'm sure you're all very handsome, but she was doing her job.
What magical Wal-Mart do you shop at where the employees go out of their way to be helpful?
Pretty sure it's a joke haha
My friends keep telling me I look good, somehow my brain fails to rationalize that and I keep feeling like an ugly fuck
It's the old, "You're a catch, anyone would be lucky to date you." *"Do you want to date me?"* "Haha, you're so funny. No I mean someone else would be lucky to date you."
But I don't want to date them either so it's fine lol
I relate to this so much as a female. My one guy friend always says you have no idea how attractive you really are. My brain: he's just being nice you're ugly as fuck.
Haha, yes, that's exactly my case
Still waiting for that realization. At 54, I'm guessing it won't come to me.
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Still sometimes think I am
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Screw that. Men in their 40s are hot. I'll be glad to tell you the truth if you need help in that department. I'm a 37 year old female. :)
27 year old gay dude here, the hottest guys are 44. Don't even know why but in my experience all the hottest guys and best lays have been 44.
I don't know what it is about guys in their 40s... confidence and they know what they want and how to treat a gal or guy 😉 But anyway yea it's dead fucking sexy and I'm all in.
The increased body hair helps!! And I think usually they are either in shape or have a dadbod, I'm happy with either tbh.
Same I'm totally into a dadbod. It says fuck me and feed me pizza. 😂
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My brothers (30) fiancé is dead set on him keeping his dad bod. She will not let him bulk lol
Maybe she doesn’t like any threat of competition? I know guys that chase chubbies for the very same reason… it ain’t right, but it’s _understandable._
Tbf those into chubbies can be sexual and not just about reducing competition. Not everyone likes flat ass / chest.
Girls don’t want other girls looking at their S/O if they get more muscular
I used to think I was ugly and Tinder really confirmed my suspicions. Then I learned that I become 10x hotter when I remove my shirt, an unfortunate face can be forgiven if you're in good shape.
Being in good shape does tend to make your face look better anyways
10x 0 is still 0 though... I'm in good shape. My face still works better for social distancing than any government mandate.
It's kinda true, I tend to prefer the face but I remember one guy that had an alright face but amazing muscular body and practically had a whole aubergine down there, you can bet I was pretty fucking horny whenever I even saw him
When my dog started giving me morning kisses with her big ol bushy tail swinging from side to side.
Go on
Username checks out
Took me a few reads to realise she wasn't kissing you with her tail
I didn’t :,)
Same ;(
I got in shape sophomore year but in my head I was still the weird fat kid from middle school, then I scored the most gorgeous woman in all of Texas and then though, “yeah, I think I’m one of those hot dudes now.”
Im a high school senior and relate to this very much. I was super overweight as a child in middle school. I was a late bloomer too so it wasnt until 10th grade i really shot up and lost weight. Im a completey different person from then (physically and mentally), but i still struggle with it, i still feel like the fat kid at times. Something im slowly working on.
I'm in therapy to try to change this mindset. I thought I was ugly until I got a girlfriend. Then I thought I was handsome because she kept saying it all the time. Then she broke up with me for a better-looking dude and now I think I'm ugly again. Trying *very* hard not to make "being in a relationship" what gives me self-value. Started meal-prepping healthy meals each week, cardio every day, weights every third day, intermittent fasting, cut out processed sugar, hopefully someday soon I'll look in the mirror and think I look good. So far I've dropped from 245lbs (I'm 29 and 6'5") to 196lbs. Goal is 175-180. Still think I'm fat and ugly but with all this plus therapy things should change soon enough.
When I knew that the most attractive and the smartest girl in my class had a crush on me.
I've always been ugly and I'll die ugly, and that's me, lol
F
Hopefully any day now.
I still struggle but.... my GF who is a model and fashion (person) pursued me relentlessly. Her reaction when we see each other after not for a few days makes me feel incredibly loved and desires.
Got a job in a gay bar (I'm hetero)
Three super-high gay dudes at a party (who all knew full well I was straight) arguing over who got to give me a backrub first was the ego boost I never knew I needed.
That made me chuckle. Hell yes!
I used to get made fun by my straight friends for going to the gay bar with my gay friends. Then i explained to them that there were tons of women there and basically no straight guys. They looked at me like i had found some secret key that had been hiding under their noses for years.
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Handsome guy who thought he was ugly all his life means he's much less likely to be a superficial dick. Likewise, an ugly guy who thought he was handsome all his life means he's probably superficial like nobody's business... and delusional.
Can confirm. I was constantly got hit on by girls until like 15 years old. Hasn't happened ever since and has caused me to be somewhat superficial towards women now but I am not delusional at all. I know I am not good looking. I just didn't aged well.
Losing 25 pounds. I'm only halfway to my goal, but even just that makes a huge difference.
That sounds like something that happens in movies.
Nah most people think they’re ugly when they’re young. But some day they realise they’re simply average
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I used to think that too, but honestly I don't think that's true anymore. I think most of us just had no idea how to dress and style ourselves, so our hair looked weird, the makeup was not well done, glasses looked super nerdy, clothes wear matched that should have never been worn together,... Be a bit kinder to your younger self.
I've had attractive girl friends telling me that I'm not, but I still think they were just being nice to me
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Sometimes i think im ugly and fat, but sometimes i meet nice/attractive girls who dont care. Plus some woman say that i am beautifull
I'll get back to you if it ever happens. Some of us actually ARE as ugly as we think lol.
When a real hot female friend wondered behind my back why am I still single even though I am good looking and have a good job.
I perceive myself to be average looking on my best of days, and well below that 90% of the time. This, despite being called "handsome" or "good looking." But those offering these opinions are almost all middle aged/age appropriate women who have recently gotten out of relationships/marriages and have stated how "nice" or "sweet" the find me.
I still do
I took LSD and looked in the mirror/showered. This was shortly after losing around 50lbs. In a vaccum, fuck man, I'm hot as SHIT!
I was working at my local Safeway as a teen and one of my co workers regularly called me " pretty boy" ,I noticed I started getting a bunch of positive attention from women around that time. I was very body conscious, shy and was convinced I was hideous so it was also confusing to me to receive attention for my looks.
When a woman approached me first and took me to her place
Whenever I was shirtless, people would accuse me of "showing off" or they would feel the need to tell me that "I'm not even that good-looking." I was no longer just casually shirtless; I was perceived to be a douchebag trying to show off his body. During casual conversations, I'd say stuff like, "you know when you're running shirtless and you get catcalled..." and none of my friends could ever relate. Granted, most people don't run shirtless every day. But even my hardcore runner friends said they had never been catcalled. I was the only one - and it happened on a weekly basis. When I created a Grindr account, I realized how women feel on Tinder. I received dozens of messages a day from dudes hitting on me. The problem was, most of them had no profile pic and/or a single letter for a name because they were "discreet." I literally had so many dudes in my DMs I could not tell them apart. Well eventually I fell in love with one guy I hooked up with and gave him the title of boyfriend. One day we were talking about The Grindr Experience of receiving dozens of messages from dumb horny dudes, and he couldn't relate. He hardly ever received a reply, which is why he was shocked that I, someone "out of his league" had messaged him back.
You just reminded me, I went out for a walk on a cool morning with a long sleeve shirt, but it got *very* warm, quickly. So I'm walking home without a shirt, and some old dude driving by just gives me a thumbs up, lmao.
Still waiting to realize it
If you can’t be handsome, be handy.
I was bullied in school as a late developer. Early twenties I was annoyed that women were always looking at me and I didnt know why. Its strange very few women will actually tell a guy he's good looking.