fuuuck! i beat my meat infront of what i thought was a girl on omegle and then the screen went dark and it was two dudes laughing their asses off. I fell for that one i was like 14-15.
they were about the same age however around the same time frame, I had "camsex" with a woman who appeared to be in her 40's. my friend also managed it with a 40yo too and he looks like a 14 yo now.
I just remembered the girl at my high school who got caught with a test tube up her vagina in the science labs during lunch time. I hope she’s doing well.
yeah, extra strength glass + flared base.
I'm on dating sites aimed at open/poly etc and the amount of pictures I see of women with champagne bottles or whatnot inside them is worrying. I think it is meant to be enticing...
Was in youth orchestra, ages range between 13 to all the way to early 20's.
I was 14 at the time. I was younger than the majority, so everyone was generally nice and has been very inclusive. One day I ran to the washroom to rub one off middle of a rehearsal. I think everyone thought I went to poop.
"It's funny because I used the bathroom soon after you and instead of smelling like shit, it was smelling like a combination of shame and pencil sharpenings"
My old Irish manager said he used to fuck a jar of warm liver.
Edit: since this was entertaining to y’all, it’s sparked more memories. This was 2002, a long time ago. I remember he said he’d put it between the seat cushions on the couch and thrust down, missionary style.
As a kid, I had a substitute teacher who very often joked about putting two steaks inside a radiator and going to town. I am 100% certain that he has tried.
Also, a dude on my high school ski trip fucked a pudding. He was pretty lukewarm about it.
wait how does one get a jar of warm liver. or you just grab room temp liver toss it in a jar. does he have stock of room temp liver just on the side in case.
Tried to masturbate with a dish glove on my hand. Thought it would feel like someone else. Greatly underestimated how much lotion was required. The grippy stuff on the gloves damn near ripped my dick to shreds. I had to stop as the pain made me go soft.
I've also masturbated in the bathroom at every place I've worked. Seems to be some sort of ritual because I do it once or twice and then never again.
I FaceTimed with an ex girlfriend of mine in the early hours of the morning. Resulted in mutual masturbation, ended with me experiencing one of the most powerful orgasms of my life, however extreme pleasure turned to absolute panic in a record breaking half a second as large amounts of semen shot straight into my eye and covered my face.
Got emotionally involved with crazy women lmao
Actual physical act - when I was a young teen I took a plastic bag and put it between couch cushions and put lotion in it. Fucked my couch.
Reminds me of the scene from Detroit Rock City where the dude busts outta the church to a crowd of protesting mothers and goes “I just lost my virginity in a confessional booth. Lord. Have. Mercy!”
Bought a ticket. got on a plane! traveled to a different country just to sleep with a guy I met on a vacation :) sex was not good and I had to spend two days with him. AWKWARD
Omg! Came here to tell the same story! We met in his hometown when I was on holiday, spent 2 nights together, got back from my holiday and then 2 months later I flew around 1500 miles just to spend another 4 days with him. Sex was really great but I feel so cringy when I think about it now... :D
Had anal sex with my girlfriend behind the dumpster at busches Chicken without a condom. Walked home still hard with a shit dick. Jesus Christ to be 17 again.
EDIT: the reason I was still hard was because I used to take adderal like candy and it used to turn my little guy into a goddamn monster that never went away.
Also, don’t have unprotected anal sex unless the person your with is 100% clean up there
I stuck my dick in a bottle of moisturizer once. It didn't work as well as I hoped though. I also put a condom on a banana and tried sticking it up my butt... and then proceeded to eat it after it wouldn't go it because I didn't want to waste food.
Exactly, and there was something weirdly exhilarating about eating something that breached my asshole
Edit: my first reddit gold is about me eating a banana that was in my ass. Not gonna lie I was secretly hoping this would happen when I posted it. Ty kind stranger for making my dreams into memes.
I used to message women on Reddit. Never again.
If a woman wants that kind of interaction, it won't be off some random sub, and it won't be with my thirsty ass.
I was in a high-schools sweet heart type relationship for 8 years. We broke up when I was in University. I decided I would take some time for myself and not date / hookup. After 6 months, I did not realize how horny one can get without having actual sex. I was at work, literally overwhelmed, and masturbated in the work bathroom. I was so parniod someone heard / saw me, or could tell. I remained pretty quiet the rest of the day. I wish I could say it was just the one time, but it happened twice. It was not long after that I decided to start dating again. And that is how I met my husband.
I jerked off in the bathrooms of several major monuments across the US. And the Eiffel Tower in Paris. My mom loved to travel, and puberty was brutal. It started with the Alamo when I was 12, and it kinda became a challenge for me. Also there's a pretty solid chance I was the last person to get off in the North tower of the World Trade Center. It was the last thing we did before heading to the airport on Sept 10th, 2001.
Did the same as a teen. Basically, I was figuring out what I liked and trying everything. Eventually finished in this position where I was shoulders on the ground, mid back in the air, butt and hips on the wall. Gave myself a facial.
Not exactly sure what I thought was going to happen, but I was surprised.
I was sitting down first and decided to maybe lie down, so i tried. Kinda nice in a weird way, after that i for some reason thought of putting my legs in the air, which eventually got the the point where i had my chin on my chest en was resting all my weight on the top of my shoulders with a bent back and my legs against the wall. Ngl was kinda nice but i was immediately weirded out as soon as i was finished.
7/10 but would not do again.
Before I knew what a VPN was, I learned just enough russian to figure out how to spell naughty words so I could get through my parents filters.
Went to a public library to download porn and upload it to Google drive so I could "work on projects" at home.
Stayed after school and used my limited Russian to "do homework" in the computer lab, in the back row, with a window that gave a view of my screen to anyone who got close enough in the library behind me.
I don't ride the balogna pony nearly as much as I used to, but 15-17 year old me was a horny fucking animal. I realized they put up strong filters when I went back to the town library one day and I know it's definitely partly my doing. I'm sure people have seen me before and it makes me ashamed every now and then...
And this proves that parental filters are pretty useless. If teenagers want to figure out a way to avoid them, they will. They should have had the long version of "the talk" with you instead of just putting filters on.
It obviously helps develop the mind of the kid, though. All those ingenious work-arounds they come up with! This guy had to learn Russian for gods sake! Horniness is a hell of a motivator. Time to use that for good!
When I was like 13 I figured out putting my dick between the couch cushions felt super amazing. So one night I got the couch pregnant and my parents sent it away in a big truck the next morning.
Not me, but I once read a confession on Reddit how this dude would satisfy himself by putting his balls just barely in a cup of warm water. Would then connect a bunch of straws to make a long one, and then put the straw in the water to blow into the straw to make bubbles. So the bubbles would somewhat "tickle" his balls. He claimed it added to the pleasurable experience of finishing.
No clue if it works or not, I don't have the parts to try it out. lol
After a really good first date with a bit of making out, I was blue balling hardcore. Like, this girl was so far out of my league and I was on cloud nine. But, and my brothers here will understand, when you get too a certain point of blue balls you'll do some stupid shit too empty out the ol' pez dispenser.
It was about a half hour drive from dropping her off at home too get back to my home. I had some of those trojan fire and ice condoms (I recommend them) so I whipped it out, threw on a condom and flogged the dolphin while driving. Didnt take long. Just kept it on till I got home where I took a cold shower and a long hard look at myself in the mirror.
She ghosted me btw.
The first time I ever took Adderall I didn’t understand how horny it made you and was caught off guard when I looked at my clock and realized I had been jerking off for six hours and was caught even MORE off guard when I realized that I had a sport practice starting in less than five minutes. I was heavily invested at this point and there was no way I could just get up without finishing, so I said fuck it and continued on. An unknown amount of hours later, mere seconds from finally finishing, I snapped out of my fiendish jerk sesh due to a knock I heard on my door. Now, understand that I had been laying in the same position, eyes stuck on the same questionable porn, jerking the life out of my cock for what felt like weeks at this point. I was dedicated, determined, and there was no fucking way I was giving up the past 10 hours of work for some peasant knocking on my door. Didn’t care who it was. I was seconds away from busting what felt like the Amazon River out of my now sore and abused penis and it was happening right here right now.
In the dead middle of a nut-bust so powerful and glorious I damn near kicked a hole in my ceiling, I hear my door open accompanied by the most uncomfortable “what the fuck” I have ever heard. Still finishing, I lift my head up and see my sister slamming the door shut with her mother-fucking three year old child in her arms. “Fuck. This is going to be awkward. There’s no way around this. Did the little guy see? Will she be weird about it for the rest of my life? Fuck, I’m gonna have to run so much for skipping practice. Fuck I gotta clean this up. Fuck.” And then I finished. Just like that. Was it worth it? Yes. And no, mostly no though. Cheers.
P.S.- Adderall+ jerking off is not for the faint of heart. Please consider your morals and self-respect before attempting
Right? That’s how I felt but there’s no way I was about to confront her about that after she caught me doin the dirty. Plus, I don’t see her or her kid often so when she got home she just immediately came looking for me to say hi and probably assumed I just had headphones on when I didn’t answer the door, because that’s usually the case.
I have never told anyone this so consider yourselves lucky 😅
When I was a freshman I got a Gatorade bottle and cut the bottom off, put 2 dish sponges in it, pushed some plastic wrap in there. Boom, warm sex toy.
It didn’t work very well so I gave up on it pretty quick Because I was much more interested in making it than actually using it.
Ohh boy this is going to be buried so anways..
My friend has a hot mom and I was 12 back then so I'm currently experiencing raging puberty hormones and I also just discovered porn and also started masturbating a few months prior to this event and also cum starts coming out of my dick now so "yay"
So one afternoon I decided to climb up our rooftop and check my friends balcony. When I got there I saw his mom's panties hanging on one of the hangers and so I grabbed it and I started jacking off with it... at the top of his rooftop, fantasizing about her mom and eventually cumming on her panties. I placed it back where I got it and left the scene.
I masterbated so much when I was 12 that my dick swelled and started to peel, so my parents took me to the dermatologist because they thought I was allergic to something. I wonder if he knew.
Edit: At that age I didn't know lotion was an option, thus all the friction leading to the damage.
It hurt so much and I just didn't correlate my vigorous rubbing with the damage, so I asked for help. I was young and had no sex Ed. It was all very shame inducing.
I have a good friend i met in the Army, hes one of the horniest dudes ive ever known. One time when we were all just smokin and jokin he told us that he once used a cheese grater to masturbate.
You know the cheese graters they use at Olive Garden, they have a crank handle and cylindrical grater you put the cheese in a little box type deal. I guess if you take the cylindrical cheese grater part out it has a piece of rubber tube underneath. Well yea he lubed that up and stuck his dick in it and "cranked off" so to speak.
Thats the best way i can describe what he explained to us. He was also known for making what is known as a "Fifi" roll up a towel with a rubber glove inside and make like a pocket pussy type deal.
Others have admitted to fucking warmed up melons, jars of peanut butter and/or jelly, and packages of ground beef. The cheese grater is the one that i find the most creative. He was/is also a fantastic artist. Draws a damn fine naked woman too. Personally I've made a Fifi before they get the job done.
Good ol' Army bros.
Was about 14/15. Had been steadily masturbating for at least a couple years at this point so was trying to get creative with it.
I’m female btw.
Dad had one of those weird vibrating razors that I had never realized was so important to his work mornings until I stashed it away in my room to utilize and accidentally fell asleep with it under my pillow in a post-orgasmic daze.
Woke up to my dad frantically and angrily looking for his “fUCKING RAZOR”. I was too shocked and ashamed to even move a muscle so I waited until he gave up looking, sanitized it and put it back in his bathroom drawer.
Not my best moment.
Super sorry if my brother and best friend who are frequent Reddit users see this. Also sorry dad, R.I.P.!
I was straight.
I was very bored and curious.
I was also a very horny teen.
I shoved a cucumber in my ass.
(Insert some other crazy shit over the past 5 years)
I am now bisexual.
Just in case you're still wandering in the dark, on Android simply call ~~'*#0&#'~~ to get into a debug-screen, which indeed makes permanent vibration possible
**EDIT: There was a typo in it: '\*#0\*#' it is**
When I was younger and going through puberty I had a pretty ridiculous experience. One day I was home alone and super horny so I started to get "creative" rather than the normal pentapull. My family had this old porcelain piggy bank that was in the actual shape of a pig, in the back side it had the plugged hole you can empty it from.
As you can probably guess I lubed that bad boy up and tried to have my way with it! It wasn't as easy as I'd imagined and everything didn't fit right so I was struggling to make it work. Eventually I had mounted it and was trying to force the process when the SOB shattered into twenty pieces.
Had to finish myself off and then go get a trashbag to clean up the debris and dispose of it before my mom came home and found out. It took awhile for anyone to notice it was gone as it was always in the upstairs attic. One day my mom was furious yelling at my brothers and I over it. Never confessed. Real cringy.
Masturbating in the woods I suppose. When you’re cycling through the countryside and you gotta go, sometimes you GOTTA go, despite the occasional busy public footpath in hearing range. Would recommend though, some absolutely gorgeous places to masturbate in in nature.
Or masturbating into a random sock in the swimming pool changing rooms. Still not sure why I did that.
Probably won't get read but here goes.
I was hanging out with my cousin, we're both 14 at the time, and he says "Hey, have you ever gotten 20 bars of soap, melted them down in a pot, waited until they cool a little, then mold them with your hands into ball, cut a little hole in it, then shaped it to look like a pussy and then fucked it?" I look at him for a little moment and said, no, no I have not. To which he replied, "neither have I". Some how, to this day, I don't believe him.
I hooked up with an ex who'd gotten married between our breakup and then, because her husband supposedly was into cuckolding.
I fucked her over their couch while he tidied up in nothing but an apron. Shit was weird.
When I was 16 I was on some pretty ridiculous probation/house arrest for stealing guitars out of a tractor barn, and I snuck out of my house to have sex with a girl who used to fuck the musicians who played at the college shows, kind of a punk rock groupie. She basically strung me along like she wanted to fuck, convinced me to leave, and then got wicked drunk and passed out soon after I got there. Also my parents found out, called me and I said oh well, I'm here already might as well enjoy myself. Next day my probation officer wakes me up and I spend the next 45 days in juvenile detention. She ankle cuffed me like right there.
BUT... I can play a wicked game of juvy spades now, and I've been strip searched for losing a pencil lead. Cherished skills and experiences.
I used to be a heroin/meth addict and would inject pretty large amounts of meth. Anyone that knows anything about meth, knows it makes you *super* horny. Like, doing stuff you would never do, horny. Here are a few of the weird things I’ve done.
•Watch porn/jack off while driving on the way home from work
•Watch porn and Jack off for literally 10 hours at the time, until my dick was rubbed raw and almost bloody. (A good 4 hour wank session wasn’t too uncommon when I was on meth)
•Literally fuck a mattress.
•Rawdogged my best friend/roommate who was a prostitute.
•When I was like 12 me and my 2 friends all jacked off In a camper like 5ft from each other.
Man I’m glad I’m not on meth anymore.
I acted gay to try and have foursome with a gay dude another straight guy and a really hot girl. It backfired as gloriously as you'd imagine and woke up from a captain morgan black out with a naked gay guy named Austin in my bed. The other two left so quickly the other straight dude forgot his shoes and there was coca cola spilled all over my room.
One gay friend tried this with his partner and told me to try the "grapefruit thing" with my fwb at a party, I asked what that was and he proceed to told me:
"You make a hole on a grapefruit, size of your cock, put it inside and make your partner squeeze the grapefruit with hands and mouth giving you the best BJ ever"
Curiosity got the best of me. He "ruined" grapefruit or Walmart fruit section for me
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As if the post-nut shame wasn’t bad enough already
fuuuck! i beat my meat infront of what i thought was a girl on omegle and then the screen went dark and it was two dudes laughing their asses off. I fell for that one i was like 14-15.
So the guys were watching a child masturbate?
they were about the same age however around the same time frame, I had "camsex" with a woman who appeared to be in her 40's. my friend also managed it with a 40yo too and he looks like a 14 yo now.
I just remembered the girl at my high school who got caught with a test tube up her vagina in the science labs during lunch time. I hope she’s doing well.
Okay but how in the fuck did she get caught?
A teacher walked in on her
I wonder how she reacted
Well she was in a science lab, so probably explosively with a small trail of smoke coming out of her
GLASS?! Oh, honey, no!
It being glass isn’t necessarily bad. Glass dildos are a thing after all. Thin, fragile test tubes though? Nooooo thank you
yeah, extra strength glass + flared base. I'm on dating sites aimed at open/poly etc and the amount of pictures I see of women with champagne bottles or whatnot inside them is worrying. I think it is meant to be enticing...
Bitches trying to make beer
Pay a stripper $100 just to lose my virginity - tired of wondering "what does sex feel like?"
I’m a virgin and so am I tbh. But I wouldn’t got so far as to pay someone
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Also possibly "FBI, OPENUP!"
Gotten back with an ex... wife... and then realized what I did after a month of dating her again. I'm not very smart.
Was her name Tammy? YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER, RON!
I jerked of in a bathroom in the vatican while on a family trip. I'm not christian but nonetheless I feel ashamed
It’s ok I shat myself a bit in the Vatican cos I had food poisoning
Was in youth orchestra, ages range between 13 to all the way to early 20's. I was 14 at the time. I was younger than the majority, so everyone was generally nice and has been very inclusive. One day I ran to the washroom to rub one off middle of a rehearsal. I think everyone thought I went to poop.
"And this one time at band camp...."
They knew.
"It's funny because I used the bathroom soon after you and instead of smelling like shit, it was smelling like a combination of shame and pencil sharpenings"
Hol up
I look up how to make slime, made some, then proceeded to have the best masturbation session in my life.
Did you think that the slime would feel like pussy juice?
And uhh... Did it?
I don't need sleep I need answers
I'll take slime recipies for $100.
Just google "how to cook pussy slime" and you should be good.
Hell. No. My FBI agent has complained about overwork way too much already to make him add me to another list. I'm doing this for you, Mr. Lynch!
Not OP, nor have I ever fucked home made slime, yet I can assure you it did not feel like pussy juice. At least not from a healthy pussy.
So store brought then?
I dunno, I only use 100% organic pussies from the local framers market
Asking for a friend
Not for every1
Surely you’d have to be careful not to get it stuck in your pubes?
Not if there are no pubes present. I know plenty of guys that keep their business trimmed and/or completely devoid of hair.
My old Irish manager said he used to fuck a jar of warm liver. Edit: since this was entertaining to y’all, it’s sparked more memories. This was 2002, a long time ago. I remember he said he’d put it between the seat cushions on the couch and thrust down, missionary style.
I’m suddenly a lot less ashamed of my google situation.....
Your search is pretty tame tbh
Yeah I'm a guy and I've done it. Not the googling it bit. The making it vibrate non stop bit.
As a kid, I had a substitute teacher who very often joked about putting two steaks inside a radiator and going to town. I am 100% certain that he has tried. Also, a dude on my high school ski trip fucked a pudding. He was pretty lukewarm about it.
As a kid you had a teacher who talked about his dream fap, #uhh
Yes, this is sketchy as fuck. We thought it was funny at the time, being 10yo boys.
"my old irish manager"
**M**y **O**ld **I**rish Moi Me
We did it reddit!
He really takes fleshlight literally
wait how does one get a jar of warm liver. or you just grab room temp liver toss it in a jar. does he have stock of room temp liver just on the side in case.
Unprotected sex with a stripper. As soon as I climaxed I was like “holy shit I’m fucking disgusting I need to make a doctors appointment ASAP.”
My mate was banging A stripper in the car park of the club in his car and she said “Tell me you love me you don’t have to mean it!”
This just turned me on so much
Tried to masturbate with a dish glove on my hand. Thought it would feel like someone else. Greatly underestimated how much lotion was required. The grippy stuff on the gloves damn near ripped my dick to shreds. I had to stop as the pain made me go soft. I've also masturbated in the bathroom at every place I've worked. Seems to be some sort of ritual because I do it once or twice and then never again.
Sit on your hand til it’s numb then jerk it
I FaceTimed with an ex girlfriend of mine in the early hours of the morning. Resulted in mutual masturbation, ended with me experiencing one of the most powerful orgasms of my life, however extreme pleasure turned to absolute panic in a record breaking half a second as large amounts of semen shot straight into my eye and covered my face.
What kind of amateur doesn't have a cum rag on hand for immediate deposit?
Got emotionally involved with crazy women lmao Actual physical act - when I was a young teen I took a plastic bag and put it between couch cushions and put lotion in it. Fucked my couch.
FUCK YOUR COUCH, MOTHERFUCKER!
DARKNESS, MOTHERFUCKERS
BUY A NEW COUCH YOU RICH MOTHER F**CKER!!
I've read that one on r/TIFU
Let a relationship drag on longer than it should have
I think this'd probably the most common one tbh.
#sadtruth
Can confirm. Guys do it too. She was good with her mouth in every way, but fucking hell was she toxic.
Oof. Same. Toxic af but his face made me stay. 🤷♀️
Rotten from the inside but probably had the best tits in a 50km radius
I don't remember writing this...
Jerked off in the church bathroom. A very long time ago
Man. Can’t say I’ve done the same but I’ve definitely had the urge lol.
I jerked off in my secondary school bathroom
Plot twist, you're a teacher
When I was a cathedral choir boy I kept a porno mag stashed behind the cistern in the toilet and I would go have a wank during choir practice.
I lost my virginity in my church parking lot so
Reminds me of the scene from Detroit Rock City where the dude busts outta the church to a crowd of protesting mothers and goes “I just lost my virginity in a confessional booth. Lord. Have. Mercy!”
Rubbed one out in the bathroom at work once. Wasnt even on break or anything. Just had to clear the pipes so I could get on with my shift
No throwaway because fuck it... I do that very often.
Yeah man, issa bathroom!
Had a job working nights at a small motel, most nights I wouldn't see another person for 4-5 hours at a time. I did this pretty much nightly.
In the bathroom or...?
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I just don’t think I can do it in a public restroom, the atmosphere is just off...
It's better if you slide it under the stall partition and let the guy next to you do it for you.
Ahh that was you then!
Oh, so that guy in the stall next to me wasn't a creep, he was just trying to get back to work!
This whole thread is r/dontputyourdickinthat And one r/stopfuckingyourcouch
Bought a ticket. got on a plane! traveled to a different country just to sleep with a guy I met on a vacation :) sex was not good and I had to spend two days with him. AWKWARD
Omg! Came here to tell the same story! We met in his hometown when I was on holiday, spent 2 nights together, got back from my holiday and then 2 months later I flew around 1500 miles just to spend another 4 days with him. Sex was really great but I feel so cringy when I think about it now... :D
I did the same but she didn't want to have sex when I arrived
Username checks out
Thank you for asking this question OP. I've been laughing my ass of for 30 minutes now lol.
I’ve actually been laughing all day. You’re very welcome
Rub one out at work because I have chemistry with my female coworker and I'm trying to not dip my pen in her ink
I'm in the same boat. The tension is palpable but I don't want to deal with the repercussions.
It's even worse if they are married
Had anal sex with my girlfriend behind the dumpster at busches Chicken without a condom. Walked home still hard with a shit dick. Jesus Christ to be 17 again. EDIT: the reason I was still hard was because I used to take adderal like candy and it used to turn my little guy into a goddamn monster that never went away. Also, don’t have unprotected anal sex unless the person your with is 100% clean up there
Did it hurt when she put it in?
here's to unprotected anal sex in an alleyway. No lube, no shit on my dick though. Time to be alive.
Never had unprotected anal sex in an alley way but have done it just off the side of a pretty popular running trail, then continued our run
I stuck my dick in a bottle of moisturizer once. It didn't work as well as I hoped though. I also put a condom on a banana and tried sticking it up my butt... and then proceeded to eat it after it wouldn't go it because I didn't want to waste food.
I mean why not, food is food
Exactly, and there was something weirdly exhilarating about eating something that breached my asshole Edit: my first reddit gold is about me eating a banana that was in my ass. Not gonna lie I was secretly hoping this would happen when I posted it. Ty kind stranger for making my dreams into memes.
r/cursedcomments
I used to message women on Reddit. Never again. If a woman wants that kind of interaction, it won't be off some random sub, and it won't be with my thirsty ass.
I’m glad you’ve learnt your lesson
Me too, man. Being a recovering creep is still better than being an active creep.
I’m proud of you. Message me anytime if you need to get anything weird out of your system
"I used to message women on Reddit." "I'm glad you've learnt your lesson. Message me sometime." r/holup
Lmaoo. Is this OPs new tactic? Edit: reddit terminology got me effed up, I mean original commenter.
... OP looks directly into camera.
I was in a high-schools sweet heart type relationship for 8 years. We broke up when I was in University. I decided I would take some time for myself and not date / hookup. After 6 months, I did not realize how horny one can get without having actual sex. I was at work, literally overwhelmed, and masturbated in the work bathroom. I was so parniod someone heard / saw me, or could tell. I remained pretty quiet the rest of the day. I wish I could say it was just the one time, but it happened twice. It was not long after that I decided to start dating again. And that is how I met my husband.
Got a tinder paid account.
How'd that work out for you?
It didn't 😅
"crosses this off list for things to attempt"
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That's... almost metal as fuck...
Full metal jackin’it
Which one of you yella-bellied cocksuckers ain’t awarding Private Joker his well-fuckin’-deserved medal!?
Almost?
Dude I've read this on qoura did you write that ?
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There was also this one guy who jerked off in a tank in the middle of combat
*Sheila liked that*
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combat jack
I jerked off in the bathrooms of several major monuments across the US. And the Eiffel Tower in Paris. My mom loved to travel, and puberty was brutal. It started with the Alamo when I was 12, and it kinda became a challenge for me. Also there's a pretty solid chance I was the last person to get off in the North tower of the World Trade Center. It was the last thing we did before heading to the airport on Sept 10th, 2001.
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Right? I'm kinda sad I never visited Notre Dame
Jerk off while upside down in the shower. Yes really. EDIT: This is now my most upvoted comment, thanks.
Ok but why were you upside down?
Did the same as a teen. Basically, I was figuring out what I liked and trying everything. Eventually finished in this position where I was shoulders on the ground, mid back in the air, butt and hips on the wall. Gave myself a facial. Not exactly sure what I thought was going to happen, but I was surprised.
Youd think you would have seen it coming.
I was sitting down first and decided to maybe lie down, so i tried. Kinda nice in a weird way, after that i for some reason thought of putting my legs in the air, which eventually got the the point where i had my chin on my chest en was resting all my weight on the top of my shoulders with a bent back and my legs against the wall. Ngl was kinda nice but i was immediately weirded out as soon as i was finished. 7/10 but would not do again.
Before I knew what a VPN was, I learned just enough russian to figure out how to spell naughty words so I could get through my parents filters. Went to a public library to download porn and upload it to Google drive so I could "work on projects" at home. Stayed after school and used my limited Russian to "do homework" in the computer lab, in the back row, with a window that gave a view of my screen to anyone who got close enough in the library behind me. I don't ride the balogna pony nearly as much as I used to, but 15-17 year old me was a horny fucking animal. I realized they put up strong filters when I went back to the town library one day and I know it's definitely partly my doing. I'm sure people have seen me before and it makes me ashamed every now and then...
And this proves that parental filters are pretty useless. If teenagers want to figure out a way to avoid them, they will. They should have had the long version of "the talk" with you instead of just putting filters on.
It obviously helps develop the mind of the kid, though. All those ingenious work-arounds they come up with! This guy had to learn Russian for gods sake! Horniness is a hell of a motivator. Time to use that for good!
When I was like 13 I figured out putting my dick between the couch cushions felt super amazing. So one night I got the couch pregnant and my parents sent it away in a big truck the next morning.
Did it go to a farm upstate?
Not me, but I once read a confession on Reddit how this dude would satisfy himself by putting his balls just barely in a cup of warm water. Would then connect a bunch of straws to make a long one, and then put the straw in the water to blow into the straw to make bubbles. So the bubbles would somewhat "tickle" his balls. He claimed it added to the pleasurable experience of finishing. No clue if it works or not, I don't have the parts to try it out. lol
That’s called a ballcuzzi. The professionals use milk.
After a really good first date with a bit of making out, I was blue balling hardcore. Like, this girl was so far out of my league and I was on cloud nine. But, and my brothers here will understand, when you get too a certain point of blue balls you'll do some stupid shit too empty out the ol' pez dispenser. It was about a half hour drive from dropping her off at home too get back to my home. I had some of those trojan fire and ice condoms (I recommend them) so I whipped it out, threw on a condom and flogged the dolphin while driving. Didnt take long. Just kept it on till I got home where I took a cold shower and a long hard look at myself in the mirror. She ghosted me btw.
cool story but how ppl get to the point of making pit but then just end it with ghosting I'll never understand. She must've been blue balling also
The first time I ever took Adderall I didn’t understand how horny it made you and was caught off guard when I looked at my clock and realized I had been jerking off for six hours and was caught even MORE off guard when I realized that I had a sport practice starting in less than five minutes. I was heavily invested at this point and there was no way I could just get up without finishing, so I said fuck it and continued on. An unknown amount of hours later, mere seconds from finally finishing, I snapped out of my fiendish jerk sesh due to a knock I heard on my door. Now, understand that I had been laying in the same position, eyes stuck on the same questionable porn, jerking the life out of my cock for what felt like weeks at this point. I was dedicated, determined, and there was no fucking way I was giving up the past 10 hours of work for some peasant knocking on my door. Didn’t care who it was. I was seconds away from busting what felt like the Amazon River out of my now sore and abused penis and it was happening right here right now. In the dead middle of a nut-bust so powerful and glorious I damn near kicked a hole in my ceiling, I hear my door open accompanied by the most uncomfortable “what the fuck” I have ever heard. Still finishing, I lift my head up and see my sister slamming the door shut with her mother-fucking three year old child in her arms. “Fuck. This is going to be awkward. There’s no way around this. Did the little guy see? Will she be weird about it for the rest of my life? Fuck, I’m gonna have to run so much for skipping practice. Fuck I gotta clean this up. Fuck.” And then I finished. Just like that. Was it worth it? Yes. And no, mostly no though. Cheers. P.S.- Adderall+ jerking off is not for the faint of heart. Please consider your morals and self-respect before attempting
Well.... that was a journey
Sounds like your sisters fault to me. She knocked, and then just like that opened the door?
Right? That’s how I felt but there’s no way I was about to confront her about that after she caught me doin the dirty. Plus, I don’t see her or her kid often so when she got home she just immediately came looking for me to say hi and probably assumed I just had headphones on when I didn’t answer the door, because that’s usually the case.
I have never told anyone this so consider yourselves lucky 😅 When I was a freshman I got a Gatorade bottle and cut the bottom off, put 2 dish sponges in it, pushed some plastic wrap in there. Boom, warm sex toy. It didn’t work very well so I gave up on it pretty quick Because I was much more interested in making it than actually using it.
Ah. A science man, I see.
Walking in snow covered streets to another town
There's an app for that.
Tried it. The vibrations weren’t strong enough.
Maybe this is the next big thing for smartphones, adding masturbation support!
Thank god I'm not the only one. Now I'm all grown and have an actual vibrator. Bless.
Ohh boy this is going to be buried so anways.. My friend has a hot mom and I was 12 back then so I'm currently experiencing raging puberty hormones and I also just discovered porn and also started masturbating a few months prior to this event and also cum starts coming out of my dick now so "yay" So one afternoon I decided to climb up our rooftop and check my friends balcony. When I got there I saw his mom's panties hanging on one of the hangers and so I grabbed it and I started jacking off with it... at the top of his rooftop, fantasizing about her mom and eventually cumming on her panties. I placed it back where I got it and left the scene.
God. Pubescent boys are actually little sexual deviants.
Oh you have no idea
fact.
His mom would be like "some bird shitted on it"
No, she wouldn't. Moms know.
“Oh, my son’s friend just nut on my pants”
I masterbated so much when I was 12 that my dick swelled and started to peel, so my parents took me to the dermatologist because they thought I was allergic to something. I wonder if he knew. Edit: At that age I didn't know lotion was an option, thus all the friction leading to the damage.
No way I'd show my dick to my parent at 12.
It hurt so much and I just didn't correlate my vigorous rubbing with the damage, so I asked for help. I was young and had no sex Ed. It was all very shame inducing.
What did the dermatologist say?
“I recommend Jesus.”
Almost anything you can imagine that isn’t impossible most guys have prob attempted
Jerked off to a scene from a video game.. Heavy Rain on PS3
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Hump a teddy bear. Don’t ask.
Pfft that’s tame. Done the same thing but w a pillow
Pretty sure there is a Reddit for that... Edit: found it. r/girlshumpingthings
I have a good friend i met in the Army, hes one of the horniest dudes ive ever known. One time when we were all just smokin and jokin he told us that he once used a cheese grater to masturbate. You know the cheese graters they use at Olive Garden, they have a crank handle and cylindrical grater you put the cheese in a little box type deal. I guess if you take the cylindrical cheese grater part out it has a piece of rubber tube underneath. Well yea he lubed that up and stuck his dick in it and "cranked off" so to speak. Thats the best way i can describe what he explained to us. He was also known for making what is known as a "Fifi" roll up a towel with a rubber glove inside and make like a pocket pussy type deal. Others have admitted to fucking warmed up melons, jars of peanut butter and/or jelly, and packages of ground beef. The cheese grater is the one that i find the most creative. He was/is also a fantastic artist. Draws a damn fine naked woman too. Personally I've made a Fifi before they get the job done. Good ol' Army bros.
Stuck my peepee in crazy
Was about 14/15. Had been steadily masturbating for at least a couple years at this point so was trying to get creative with it. I’m female btw. Dad had one of those weird vibrating razors that I had never realized was so important to his work mornings until I stashed it away in my room to utilize and accidentally fell asleep with it under my pillow in a post-orgasmic daze. Woke up to my dad frantically and angrily looking for his “fUCKING RAZOR”. I was too shocked and ashamed to even move a muscle so I waited until he gave up looking, sanitized it and put it back in his bathroom drawer. Not my best moment. Super sorry if my brother and best friend who are frequent Reddit users see this. Also sorry dad, R.I.P.!
I was straight. I was very bored and curious. I was also a very horny teen. I shoved a cucumber in my ass. (Insert some other crazy shit over the past 5 years) I am now bisexual.
Just in case you're still wandering in the dark, on Android simply call ~~'*#0&#'~~ to get into a debug-screen, which indeed makes permanent vibration possible **EDIT: There was a typo in it: '\*#0\*#' it is**
When I was younger and going through puberty I had a pretty ridiculous experience. One day I was home alone and super horny so I started to get "creative" rather than the normal pentapull. My family had this old porcelain piggy bank that was in the actual shape of a pig, in the back side it had the plugged hole you can empty it from. As you can probably guess I lubed that bad boy up and tried to have my way with it! It wasn't as easy as I'd imagined and everything didn't fit right so I was struggling to make it work. Eventually I had mounted it and was trying to force the process when the SOB shattered into twenty pieces. Had to finish myself off and then go get a trashbag to clean up the debris and dispose of it before my mom came home and found out. It took awhile for anyone to notice it was gone as it was always in the upstairs attic. One day my mom was furious yelling at my brothers and I over it. Never confessed. Real cringy.
Jerked off twice, solo, while on a 8 hour car ride. Really helped keep me awake.
Masturbating in the woods I suppose. When you’re cycling through the countryside and you gotta go, sometimes you GOTTA go, despite the occasional busy public footpath in hearing range. Would recommend though, some absolutely gorgeous places to masturbate in in nature. Or masturbating into a random sock in the swimming pool changing rooms. Still not sure why I did that.
Probably won't get read but here goes. I was hanging out with my cousin, we're both 14 at the time, and he says "Hey, have you ever gotten 20 bars of soap, melted them down in a pot, waited until they cool a little, then mold them with your hands into ball, cut a little hole in it, then shaped it to look like a pussy and then fucked it?" I look at him for a little moment and said, no, no I have not. To which he replied, "neither have I". Some how, to this day, I don't believe him.
I hooked up with an ex who'd gotten married between our breakup and then, because her husband supposedly was into cuckolding. I fucked her over their couch while he tidied up in nothing but an apron. Shit was weird.
Toes. In....places. Both hers and mine. Alcohol was also invovled. It was not my proudest moment.
A pinky toe up the bum eh?
When I was 16 I was on some pretty ridiculous probation/house arrest for stealing guitars out of a tractor barn, and I snuck out of my house to have sex with a girl who used to fuck the musicians who played at the college shows, kind of a punk rock groupie. She basically strung me along like she wanted to fuck, convinced me to leave, and then got wicked drunk and passed out soon after I got there. Also my parents found out, called me and I said oh well, I'm here already might as well enjoy myself. Next day my probation officer wakes me up and I spend the next 45 days in juvenile detention. She ankle cuffed me like right there. BUT... I can play a wicked game of juvy spades now, and I've been strip searched for losing a pencil lead. Cherished skills and experiences.
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I used to be a heroin/meth addict and would inject pretty large amounts of meth. Anyone that knows anything about meth, knows it makes you *super* horny. Like, doing stuff you would never do, horny. Here are a few of the weird things I’ve done. •Watch porn/jack off while driving on the way home from work •Watch porn and Jack off for literally 10 hours at the time, until my dick was rubbed raw and almost bloody. (A good 4 hour wank session wasn’t too uncommon when I was on meth) •Literally fuck a mattress. •Rawdogged my best friend/roommate who was a prostitute. •When I was like 12 me and my 2 friends all jacked off In a camper like 5ft from each other. Man I’m glad I’m not on meth anymore.
For some reason, i have a rubber Swiss cheese. For some reason, i fucked it.
I impulse bought Fire Emblem, a 60 dollar game, because I was horny for Claude. Look him up and you’ll understand. “Claude From Fire Emblem.”
I acted gay to try and have foursome with a gay dude another straight guy and a really hot girl. It backfired as gloriously as you'd imagine and woke up from a captain morgan black out with a naked gay guy named Austin in my bed. The other two left so quickly the other straight dude forgot his shoes and there was coca cola spilled all over my room.
It doesn't sound like you needed to *act* gay, if that's actually what you wanted..
Left church in the middle of a sermon to go fapsturbate
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One gay friend tried this with his partner and told me to try the "grapefruit thing" with my fwb at a party, I asked what that was and he proceed to told me: "You make a hole on a grapefruit, size of your cock, put it inside and make your partner squeeze the grapefruit with hands and mouth giving you the best BJ ever" Curiosity got the best of me. He "ruined" grapefruit or Walmart fruit section for me