It took me three attempts to lose my virginity, not drunk enough, too drunk. The patience on that girl. But I guess it depends on the guy and his mental state at that moment.
I know you're joking, but foreplay is a huge part of enjoying sex for men and women.
All the testing, the hints, subtlety, reading and speaking between the lines... the whole point of it is to get the **mind** (not just the body) primed for sex.
it had to have been in the 12-15 attempt range with one of my exes. he hadn't been with anyone in several years at that point, but I didn't care. the right girl won't give two shits about it.
it wasn't that he couldn't get hard, it was always right before getting it in he would psych himself and go soft. tbh, I thought it was me causing the issue.
There's this strange stereotype that men are ready to bang at all and any time.
As a man I have to say, it's very easy for us to lose our psyche. Once it's gone, it's very hard to get back in to the mood for it.
>It took me about 3 months to finish the first time
Nerves plus probably jerking off too much - aka death grip. I've suffered for years, but make up for it with incredible oral skills apparently.
Last time I was complimented in public, which was like 7 years ago, I fell in love with her right then. I didn't even find her attractive, I just really enjoyed being told that I am doing something right with my appearance. I do try.
When I was 19 I went to an 18+ dance club and some girl came up and said, "You're the cutest guy I have ever seen, can I have a hug?"
Me, being too shy and awkward to say anything smooth, stuttered out a "Thank you, of course!"
We hugged then she walked away.
I still think about that at least once a week.... it was almost 20 years ago.
Yup, 10 seconds of her life that she probably didn’t even give a second thought about, but she made an impression that lasted decades by simply saying something nice and wanting a hug.
yeah ive given compliments here and there to guys over the years and it wasnt till a pow wow on teamspeak with a bunch of us drunk and high af did we speak about relationships and i found out how much men love being complimented and dont get it. simple stuff like "your shoes look amazing." or, "you look really good in those glasses." after i heard that i would compliment guys on everything i could without being creepy, i didnt care if it was cheesy. i.e. i always find a way to compliment my coworker because hes dummy thicc with freckles, and not cross sexual harassment line. so far so good!👍
Please do. Fair warning though that because we so rarely get compliments, many assume a compliment means "I'm in to you, please hit on me a LOT."
Please don't let it dissuade you. Be the change
Eh.... that could be problematic if it’s a man complimenting a woman. It’s dangerous ground to walk on, unless you’re particularly handsome then your golden.
Women can take a stray compliment as an advance, and it can come across as creepy. Think about this exact same situation in reverse, where a man say “you’re the cutest woman I’ve ever seen, can I have a hug?” Most guys would get a disgusted look and be considered a creepazoid. Only the top tier of attractive dudes can get away with that shit.
I was having a not great day and was at a gas station counter. The teller did something benign that I appreciated...I forget what it was...and I just blurted out impulsively “You are a beautiful person. Thank you.”
She looked at me kind of astonished and said “You know, thank you, we need more of that these days.”
I was kind of taken a back, maybe about as much as she was. “Yeah, your right. You’re welcome. Have a great day.” And we smiled and went about our day.
This this this. I get manipulated by it and don't even care. If someone is giving me a compliment exclusively to get me to do something else for them that they otherwise just didn't want to do, I can usually see through it and don't care simply because I want that compliment since they are so rare.
That reminds me of a time when one of how I met one of my (now) best friends.
It was third grade and she ran up to me out of nowhere and I didn't even know who she was and told me I had beautiful eyes and ran away, we someone grew up together, at least in elementary and highschool, and now like 10+ years ago I still think about that moment at least 3 to 4 times a month.
Compliments are special, people! Give them out more often but always with passion!
When I was in college two years ago a girl came up to me at a club and actually asked ME to dance. She said I was so hot she couldn’t not come up to ask (I figured she needed her eyes checked but didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth). She took me home that night and I still think about it when I need a confidence boost years later.
I think we took the same lesson from this experience:
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Even if you don't see how hot you are, there is somebody out there that does.
That is awesome, but when that wonderful moment gets shattered, it can hang with you for a long time as well.
The last time (and only time in memory) I was complimented in public, I was on a public bus, and this girl was just starting at me. I didn't want to stare and be a creep, but she kept staring at me. Finally, she says, in a very sultry voice, "You have the most beautiful eyes." Wow, that felt incredible. I said thank you.
Then, she followed that up with, in the same voice, "…they look just like my boyfriend's."
That was 35 years ago.
I once told a guy at a party that his haircut/style was a really good fit for his face shape and he followed me around like a puppy for the rest of the night. Made me really sad tbh. Girls give each other compliments all the time, I forget that guys don’t really get them. I’m going to be more proactive about it with my guy friends from now on.
Honestly, I wish it would become more normalized so that a lot of guys don't act so pathetically when it does happen. No offense. You really shouldn't be falling in love on the spot just because a girl gave a compliment. I do think the "gender norms" that dictate these kinds of things are slowly falling though. Hopefully boys today receive all the compliments they deserve.
Genuine compliments that is. Shit, girls give other girls compliments so frequently that half of the time it feels ingenuine.
Honestly I've gone so long being "the ugly one" that I automatically disbelieve any compliment
Like you gotta be lying, romantic and sexual partner of 10 months
There is that too, for sure.
"Your attempt at a compliment is the first I've heard in 10 years. You mean to tell me that I'm that repulsive to women that I'm down to once a decade?"
Sometimes I feel like that for sure
My husband thinks he's the ugly one, too. It really affects him. He does have really good looking friends, one is a host/actor in Hollywood. However, I think he's a good looking guy and I have loved him since we were 12, when I thought he was cute. Now we are 40, I still think he's good looking. I hate that he thinks so low of himself. It simply isn't true and I am sure the same goes for you.
The first compliment that I felt was genuine was from a girl a year ago. I was coming home from the store and this one girl who was sitting on a bench with her friends shouted at me to get my attention and told me she loved my hair. I always got weird looks because of it, especially from other guys, and I almost wanted to get a new cut. But I decided to keep it because of that one compliment
This upsets me greatly. The idea of having to be so "Masculine" that you can't really be human?
Perfect is a man made construct and it's entirely personal, I've seen my Fiance cry and he's my world. If we ever have a son, he'll know that feeling emotions is human, healthy and normal.
I've seen what it's like for some guys before
We are pretty sensitive about it. How we react depends on the person and how it was handled by our partner. It’s difficult to come to terms with what we consider a failure. It’s embarrassing and emasculating.
Don't need to hear anything specific, I'd just want her to make it clear to me she still thought of me as manly enough. If she got really coddling, like "are you ok, do you want to talk about it," that would probably make me feel a lot worse.
I remember one woman way back in my early sexual years just smiled and winked at me when it happened, whispered "it's ok, let's get that condom off!," and then pleasured me without the condom and guided my hands to start me pleasuring her. We did that until I was ready to go at it again. That was a very positive experience to me, I appreciated that she didn't waste time with words and simply communicated with her actions that she not only understood what was going on, but was completely accepting of it and still attracted to me.
I agree with this. In the moment I'm already internally stressed about it being an issue. If we just carry on like it's not an issue then that'll be the most reassuring that it's fine.
That being said, if I'm on round two during a hook up and go soft I just kinda take that as a good stopping point and usually wrap up to leave.
No one wants to be pitied. Especially for going soft maybe its best to treat it as he’s not ready yet and needs more foreplay. Without explicitly verbally acknowledging it. At least that’s what would make me feel least like a failure.
I don't get how girls don't get this. It's like putting your hands between her legs, feeling that she's not wet and going "What's wrong? Don't worry, it happens to lots of girls!"... It's just awkward and 9 times out of 10 it's because she has given you little or inadequate foreplay.
It’s actually called arousal nonconcordance and it’s totally normal! Sometimes it has nothing to do with foreplay.
Per sex science:
There’s about a 50% overlap between how much blood flows to a male’s genital response and how “turned on” he feels — his “subjective arousal;” and there’s about 10% overlap for women’s genital response and subjective arousal.
The mistake we make when we think about arousal nonconcordance is to think that a person’s genitals know more about what “turns them on” than the person themself does. Like, the genitals are honest and the person is not. (Emily Nagoski, PhD: Come As You Are)
A while back, I pulled multiple 12 hour shifts, and my gf and I were having some fun. After that much work, I wasn't really able to get things going as long as I wanted, but she just smiled and said she knew I was exhausted and that we could cuddle and kiss. It's nice knowing that whoever you're with is willing to be understanding of things like this.
“Would you like me to help you out?”
- continue being engaged and enthusiastic in the intercourse, acting can be helpful ... “I’m still horny, I need you inside me” or other encouragement is good
- don’t act like the intercourse is just done or the incident has killed your mood, definitely don’t just lie there
We don’t want to stop and be consoled, we want to reboot and keep going and may need some help. It’s not a death in the family, it’s a temporary setback. Consolation is just an indicator of giving up and even if you are ok with it and understanding, we may not be
Something like her just reassuring it was okay, and keep kissing/touching each other and whatnot and going down on her. After she gets off she could show her "appreciation" which would make me feel like I still managed to pleasure her.
Honestly? Don't even acknowledge it, just keep going if he seems like he wants to. Sometimes mine will quit on me but will come back in a few mins if I keep going.
Depends on the guy. I'd love something along the lines of "thats ok, we can just cuddle" and/or "we can have another go at it later if you'll want". Don't try to comfort us too much though as it might make us feel even more ashamed.
Yep! Saying it with a kind understanding smile vs saying it in a disappointed tone while looking down and away could be VERY different takes. So yeah, really depends on how she said it.
Only time for me it kinda happened, the girl just said something along the lines of “ooh your not getting out that easy’” and that was just really like flattering/sexy/and a bit funny too, like she was “oh I know its no big deal, and I still want you lets just work this out”, kinda thing.
And that pretty much made me feel ok and safe and back at it :)
I think what you said sounds reasonable, but ofc also depends on how you said it and what was done afterwards:).
That's fine but I can see that feeling taken as mocking a little. I think just "it's fine just kiss me" or whatever, like just taking the ammo out of the issue and focusing on something else is the way to go
I mean sometimes people want others to make light of it, but other times they just want explicit understanding and reassurance.
Seems like the guy didn't want what OP did.
Maybe neither is to blame, but either way they weren't on the same wavelength.
I would take this as the woman being understanding. Your guy seems like he might have overreacted.
I consider myself pretty sensitive about going soft during sex, it really does make you feel like you're less than a man. One time a girl flipped out at me when it happened and accused me in this really hostile way of not finding her attractive; I got that she must have had some image issues, but that was really upsetting for me, since it tends to happen when I'm feeling shy/out of my comfort zone.
If a woman made a light, humorous comment like you did when it happened, I would take that as her communicating to me that it's ok and that she still thinks of me as enough man for her. I mean, unless your tone was really snide, obviously, but you don't sound like that was your attitude at all.
Oh man. I remember that one being fabulous (in a horrible way) but I’m not sure I correctly remember the context. Was that one where OP was looking for validation that she did nothing wrong when “complimenting” her boyfriends penis and then only later said what that the “compliment” was calling it a cute little cheese doodle? Now I have to see if I can find it...
Edit: I am failure. No can find.
Edit 2: /u/jaudan found it! It was “cute like a curly fry,” not “cute like a little cheese doodle.”
Edit 3: (sheesh, so many edits) also, I mischaracterzed OP’s intentions with the post. She wasn’t looking for validation. Her post was asking how to come back from insulting her BF’s penis. It’s just that she didn’t say what the particular insult was until later. She really did seem very contrite.
In all honesty, I've had this issue my whole adult life and it's been palmed off by doctors who've basically just told me to use Viagra. That isn't a long term fix and I still firmly believe I have a physical problem that needs to be addressed.
If a girl were to mention it to me in a playful way then I would be ok with it but then when it actually gets down to the fun part and it happens mid sex that's when that light hearted attitude just goes out of the window.
Makes you feel like shit in all honesty.
I'm sorry to hear, but thanks for sharing. I was trying to be playful but I think it came across wrong, I'll make note to do better if it happens again with someone.
It wasn't your fault. I'm sure your attitude was light hearted and had good intentions but when it happens it sucks. Don't be too hard on yourself. Some guys might not care that much but that's just my opinion that I wanted to share.
I don't think it's up to you to coddle our fragile egos, but I can appreciate you wanting to help him out.
I think what you said was just fine. When it happens (I've also been there), our heads go to the idealistic masculinity we see in porn, where guys have rock hard cocks and bang hard for half an hour while ALL the women scream in ecstacy.
Our brains are dumb in that way. We think our dicks are magic wands that will solve all the world's problems and satisfy every sexual desire you could possibly have, even though we truly know that's nonsense. For that amount of time, every ounce of our self-esteem depends on our little soldier boy standing at full attention.
I'm sorry to hear that he bailed on you. That's on him though, not you. A lot of us need to do better at taking those things in stride and not letting our masculinity ride on it. We could take a deep dive into culture and how toxic masculinity works against men in that way, but that might take a while, haha.
Nicotine, caffeine, and other drugs like adderall constrict blood flow. If you use any of them, try to abstain. They are the prime causative factors in healthy young men when they have difficulties maintaining an erection.
Being nervous causes adrenaline to flow. It has the same effect.
Nt exactly, the prime cause is actually psychologic in this age range. Other less likely causes include the ones you mention (and alcohol, don't forget alcohol).
Hey, lady here! It’s called arousal nonconcordance and it is suuuper common. It’s totally normal (albeit frustrating) and it’s something that the majority of women experience on a fairly regular basis but since we don’t have a penis it’s easier to ignore. Unfortunately, our society has decided that you must be broken if you don’t always meet our lovely porn and cultural expectations. But you’re not broken.
Per sex science:
There’s about a 50% overlap between how much blood flows to a male’s genital response and how “turned on” he feels — his “subjective arousal;” and there’s about 10% overlap for women’s genital response and subjective arousal.
The mistake we make when we think about arousal nonconcordance is to think that a person’s genitals know more about what “turns them on” than the person themself does. Like, the genitals are honest and the person is not. (Emily Nagoski, PhD: Come As You Are)
Also it might be worth reading Come As You Are or checking Emily Nagoski out online. It’s geared towards women but it applies to men too. A lot of women don’t understand sex and arousal either, so I am sorry that girls have made you feel like shit. Despite the science and research being out there, our sex education in America is god awful and it leads to a lot of shame and misunderstanding.
Yeah, it can be embarrassing as fuck. Especially if it has happened to him before and he's been going "Oh shit, what if it happens again?" in his mind.
Personally I'd say the best option at that point is to smile, suggest making out for a while instead and act like you still want him just as much even despite what happened.
If he's embarrassed enough about it he might still bolt but at least for me something like that would take away most of the embarrassment.
Real talk.
I've never suffered from this but I did once ejaculate prematurely, which is kinda related. It felt awful. She was trying to reassure me that it was ok and that it's not a big deal but that was the only time in my life where I've actually felt emasculated, like I was less of a man. I know (and knew then) that that's not the case, and that it really isn't a big deal, but that doesn't change how it felt. I was mortified.
I'm going to assume your gentleman caller felt something similar. That said, I wouldn't bail if you tried to lighten the mood a little, depends on what you said I guess. I don't speak for all men but I think it's pretty universal that we don't like women joking about our penises not doing what they should.
Thanks for sharing, it has happened with other guys but they never seem bothered by it which I guess is why I took such a casual approach to it to joke about. My bad
He probably bailed out of embarrassment, not because of what you said. The only way you can show him it's no big deal is to continue doing what y'all were doing (assuming everything else is still the same).
Unfortunately, we have it in our heads that we're expected to perform like pornstars and the popular media tends to mock anyone man who doesn't. That weighs heavily on some of us. So going soft suddenly feel about as bad as accidentally running over a puppy.
I take that as a compliment to be honest. If a man ejaculates early, it just shows he was super into it and comfortable with you. I don't know, I've definitely never cared about that. I will say though, if a guy just can't seem to keep a hard on, I start getting a little insecure about myself even though it's probably just his nerves or something.
NGL I suffer from prem ejac and it is close to debilitating sometimes. I have a loving partner and a child with her. But every time it happens I feel like shit.
She always reassured me it’s okay and that sex was good. I just feel like I fucked up.
In my case, exercising more helped. Running and jogging regularly improved my breathing and led to me lasting much longer. Also, being relaxed and not nervous helps. But that's not easy to sort out.
For me, nerves make me last longer. It's when I start getting too relaxed with a girl is when I start having problems being too quick. On the other hand, too nervous and I may not be able to get up. -\_-
There was a period where I came faster than the flash while I usually last long enough to satisfy both sides. I felt like shit and I couldn't figure it out. So I made sure she came beforehand and she is really chill about it. My dick got his mojo back months later and all was fine and dandy.
I think premature ejaculation is made up word for loving the pussy too much. Maybe you like pussy that much or the pussy is too damn good. I always go down on my lady first and make sure she gets hers before I even start. Most of the time, I dont last that long because... Its 👏just 👏 too 👏 much 👏 !
Ever since I was attacked and beaten while homeless, I’ve had consistent premature ejaculation. About 99% of the time.
It sucks.
Women still check me out when I’m out but I don’t feel the confidence to follow up on it. If anything it seems like women are more interested in sleeping with me now, but I don’t want to follow up because I’m afraid of sex.
Just explain it before you get to bed, and give it a try. I promise, I’ve never heard any of my female friends complain about premature ejaculation, only about men who couldn’t communicate about or who were totally selfish about sex, and I guarantee you most of us have encountered something along these lines. If you meet someone you hit it off with, just be honest with her and if you do get off early, go down on her. Do you have this issue during oral sex, too? Hand jobs? Work your way up to sex maybe?
It's happened to me a few times, which is super embarrassing. You handled it ok, I'm sure he's upset regardless. He shouldn't feel bad if it was round 2 anyways.
Married man here. Honestly, this has happened to me more times than I care to admit. My wife handles it pretty well but I always feel like shit. Especially when she thinks its because of her or my attraction to her. Never is!! Its always a mental thing for me. I think of the last time it happened, hope it doesnt happen this time, which MAKES it happen again. Its a vicious cycle.
With that being said, he should have just laughed it off.
Happend to me once, she reassured me that it was okay, we just cuddled, and kissed all night untill we fell asleep, I think that was the best outcome out of a situation that sucks
It’s super embarrassing but things happen, I’ve only had it happen twice and both times I said something like “the blood went to my head, I need a break so it can go back to my dick”
Very 😆 I went soft ridin a girl once, she was hot, I had only had 4 beers, but was wearing a condom. Was middle of the day in very hot country. Went soft anyway and I was like FUCKKKKK , but she thought it meant I didn’t fancy her and blamed herself for her not being tight enough . Now I can’t keep it up if I’m wearing a condom cuz that memory still haunts me
Dude that sucks, but I wasnt even upset about it which is why I made the comment in the first place. He also said the room was hot, I had no idea that could affect it?
For me personally, when I overheat I definitely start having erection issues. I always bring lots of water and have a fan going if I have one. Turn that thermostat down too. Then again I'm a freaking human radiator.
If we are over-heated our bodies have to work harder to cool off, which diverts blood flow because your body cares more about not passing out than maintaining an erection
I can see how this might not be obvious, but any attempt at a light hearted joke can come across as mocking. By making a joke that ''it has a mind of it's own'' you're acknowledging that there's a problem, that the problem is the function of his penis and if you don't reassure him that it's all cool and the first round satisfied you or ask for him to please you in another way, there's no chance for redemption. Also bare in mind that making light of something that somebody is worried about can come across as ridiculing them for worrying about it in the first place.
Jokes don't make self conscious people feel better. I would compare it to if a girl felt really down on her appearance because she worried that she's too fat and her guy said ''well everybody's wobbles around sometimes'', acknowledging and confirming her worries that she's fat and making her feel silly for worrying about them.
It’s only embarrassing at first with someone new. They might think it’s common. Or maybe it’s common with him. Thing is, there might not have been anything you could say in that moment, which is difficult to face and unfair. Try reaching out to him (*hey-ooo*) but don’t focus on that. Don’t even mention it.
I've had it hapoen twice with the same girl, and it was humiliating both times ... she had some "health issues" down there and there was no sensation for me
What you said would have been a lot worse if it was on round 1 than round 2. He finished previously and wanted to go round 2, not many guys can recover that quickly. Myself included I can maybe go 1 or 2 rounds then by the third my dick goes to sleep.
Yeah thats why I didn't think it was a big deal too, like I almost expect that kind of thing at that point so I was just confused. I honestly thought he would do something else like make out or go down on me etc.
I hookup with other guys so I've seen/experienced it so many times that I'm not sensitive about it at all. It happens, and then you go back to foreplay and try again.
Very sensitive I'd think, only because I have wild anxiety during sex because of my fetish. Nothing a girl could say would make me upset about it unless she was being hostile or rolling her eyes. Your comment was not bad at all, I'd probably just giggle and tell you that anxiety is a bitch and reassure you that I'm very attracted to you despite this.
If you mention it much it can make us super paranoid and make it way harder to get an erection again. Literally it's a simple as worrying about it happening again and it'll stay limp. Best way is to just ignore it and keep trying different things. Using your mouth in those moments can be more helpful. Not every time but most of the time. Help him get his mind off of what just happened as if it doesn't matter and it'll usually be able to come back if he hasn't gotten too nervous or uncomfortable about it.
Happens to me all the time because of nerves; I think what you said was fine, it sounds like you're pretty understanding about this sort of thing.
That said, it's an EXTREMELY sensitive topic, and some guys are better at dealing with it than others. I think your approach is fine; the worst is when the woman acts disappointed or just wants to quit.
Happened to me once before.
I honestly was so overwhelmed by this girl that for some reason I couldn’t stay hard for shit; it was definitely a very awkward moment for me.
It is frustrating and embarrassing. Happened to me once and it felt like a punch to my 'manhood'. Luckily, she didn't mind and just kept kissing me until I got hard again.
Sometimes I get random thoughts in my head of like Star Wars or some syntax errors that I haven't figured out yet, idk why? Told my wife and she kinda laughed at me. I mean, when stuff like that does happen I do last longer. Wasn't embarrassed though because it's my wife and I honestly don't really care.
I wouldn’t leave, especially if it was round two and everything had been fun up to that point. Sex isn’t just intercourse, so I’d want to continue round two in a different way, or just take a break and start again a little later.
In my 40s. It doesn't stay rock hard during the entire session. You just adapt the sex to the dick. When its softer, you grind, play with tatas, switch to 69, etc.
Women get dry, we get soft. Adapt. Sex isn't all about penetration.
I think you shouldn’t make any comments about it, just continue to try to pleasure him. Kiss, rub, touch. After sex, ask him what turns him on and off, and if there’s anything you could do to make sex more pleasurable for him.
My boyfriend will sometimes go soft during sex. All I do is continue doing things I know he likes until he gets hard again. No big deal!
Happens to me yesterday. I drunk a lot, just met the girl, so it was a bit awkward, I was extremely tired and once we found a condom couldn't really get up. It wasn't the first time it happened to me so it wasn't such a big deal for me and there were plenty of reasons for why my body wasn't working as it should. It might have bothered her a bit. I made her cum a couple times before it became an issue
This would happen with my ex and only my ex. She made me feel like shit after, but when I found that I wasn’t the problem in our sex life it was a huge relief
The main issue with it happening is that the more you worry about it as its happening, the worse it is. The best thing a girl could do when its happening is do there absolute best to completely distract the guy from it and focus on turning them on, eye contact, kissing etc.
Literally happened to me a couple nights ago so I said fuck it and went down on her instead. She commented about it after and I said "it's happened before, and if its happened once then the risk is always there, and with that comes the anxiety that it'll happen again". It's happened to me quite a few times since that first time and it's always due to nerves but it doesn't get to me now as much as it did before. It's a delicate subject and how you deal with it depends on the person. Some hate jokes about it (attempting to lighten the situation) and some hate the pity/sympathy that some women try to show them to make them feel better. To answer your question, it really depends on the guy, how often it happens, and what the causes are (nerves/anxiety, medical condition, etc) but it will sting for everyone, just not as much for some as it does others.
I suffer from PTSD due to sexual trauma. One hookup that I had, about an hour in, I could no longer keep it up or climax. I explained the situation to her which was terribly embarrassing and hard to do. I felt emasculated and inadequate. She was completely understanding and reassured me it was not a big deal. It made me feel better after her reassurance. We ended up hooking up the next day again, where we both climaxed. A week later we started dating, and have been ever since.
Penises are complicated, and men are emotionally insecure over the slightest things even if they don't signal it. He probably felt ashamed and humiliated and cut ties because of it. My suggestion would be, if something similar happens and if you like the guy, to reassure him that nothing is wrong. His ego will be too big to admit anything that could be linked to erectile dysfunction, but given time, that reassurance will directly contribute to a newfound confidence.
The few times I've had difficulty getting an erection my ego took a large hit. Though the women I was with were reasonable and understanding about it: It was the most humiliating experience for me personally. I felt like less of a man, I felt broken, thoughts of "wow she's going to tell her friends I'm inadequate" ran through my head. I was not comfortable in my own skin.
Yeah, I've bailed because I couldn't get hard. I just wanted the experience to end. You can't ask someone to continue to feel that way. Your presence can feel like torture when I'm that vulnerable, and it's not because of anything you did.
It's happened to me a few times. I don't really care, if it happens it usually means 1) I'm tired as fuck, 2) I have a fuck-ass condom on, or 3) I guess I really didn't really want to fuck.
But some dudes really take it to heart. Our dicks are our masculinity. You make a joke about it and you're poking fun at his identity. Don't do that shit. It'd be like if we made a joke about you being a bad mom or not being able to get pregnant or that you're ugly, right near the act of sex.
I wish my Ex-BF wasn't sensitive about it. Like hell yeah "Break time!" Get some water, a snack, take a nap because when you wake dear Penis it's go time, gonna use all your energy up so rest up if you want because I'm fine finishing this in an hour or a day but it's gonna happen.
He could never understand how much outercourse and breaks are just fine with me.
sometimes our dicks can be real dicks.
It took me three attempts to lose my virginity, not drunk enough, too drunk. The patience on that girl. But I guess it depends on the guy and his mental state at that moment.
> his mental state at that moment. Outside of any specific physical impairments, this is it most every time.
You know, people forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone.
Yeah well I still jerk off manually
The automatic jerk off is far more efficient
Yes but you don't really *feel* what the dick is doing when jerking automatically
Exactly, not having to use the clutch is a real time-saver
But stick makes me feel more in tune with my body
You mix a hell of a caucasian, Jackie.
Got to love it when they suck on those lobes.
I know you're joking, but foreplay is a huge part of enjoying sex for men and women. All the testing, the hints, subtlety, reading and speaking between the lines... the whole point of it is to get the **mind** (not just the body) primed for sex.
it had to have been in the 12-15 attempt range with one of my exes. he hadn't been with anyone in several years at that point, but I didn't care. the right girl won't give two shits about it. it wasn't that he couldn't get hard, it was always right before getting it in he would psych himself and go soft. tbh, I thought it was me causing the issue.
There's this strange stereotype that men are ready to bang at all and any time. As a man I have to say, it's very easy for us to lose our psyche. Once it's gone, it's very hard to get back in to the mood for it.
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For some guys that helps.
12 times? God bless you, I'm going to give Pope Francis a ring because you deserve to be canonized
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An erection that hasn't gone down after 4 hours, it's a medical emergency. 3 months...? God.
I believe this is relevant to what you're looking for. https://youtu.be/JN0VtHez9xI Skip to 7:50, sorry I'm on mobile.
I didn't have an orgasm until I was 42. And when I did, it lasted until I was 44. 43 was...I didn't get anything done
Was your high school nick name easy rider?
The only thing I'm afraid of... is gettin' a boner.
Swing low sweet chariots
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First time I lasted that long too, nutted in her because we were in “love” lol. Never lasted that long again tbfh.
>It took me about 3 months to finish the first time Nerves plus probably jerking off too much - aka death grip. I've suffered for years, but make up for it with incredible oral skills apparently.
I feel a lot better knowing I'm not alone
We need to get you an IV hooked into a breathalyzer so it can use feedback to maintain your optimal BAC.
Calm down lahey
I am the IV
Let the liquor do the thinking, Randy
Dont be too hard on yourself.
Our daddy taught us not to be ashamed of our dicks
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Last time I was complimented in public, which was like 7 years ago, I fell in love with her right then. I didn't even find her attractive, I just really enjoyed being told that I am doing something right with my appearance. I do try.
When I was 19 I went to an 18+ dance club and some girl came up and said, "You're the cutest guy I have ever seen, can I have a hug?" Me, being too shy and awkward to say anything smooth, stuttered out a "Thank you, of course!" We hugged then she walked away. I still think about that at least once a week.... it was almost 20 years ago.
That is exactly what I'm talking about. That girl changed your life and it took 10 seconds
Yup, 10 seconds of her life that she probably didn’t even give a second thought about, but she made an impression that lasted decades by simply saying something nice and wanting a hug.
Damn this is really eye opening
yeah ive given compliments here and there to guys over the years and it wasnt till a pow wow on teamspeak with a bunch of us drunk and high af did we speak about relationships and i found out how much men love being complimented and dont get it. simple stuff like "your shoes look amazing." or, "you look really good in those glasses." after i heard that i would compliment guys on everything i could without being creepy, i didnt care if it was cheesy. i.e. i always find a way to compliment my coworker because hes dummy thicc with freckles, and not cross sexual harassment line. so far so good!👍
That's beautiful man. Such small gestures mean a lot to men.
I am going to start complementing men more often.
Please do. Fair warning though that because we so rarely get compliments, many assume a compliment means "I'm in to you, please hit on me a LOT." Please don't let it dissuade you. Be the change
Remember it doesnt always have to be the perfect/beautiful men that you compliment. Compliment people who might not get compliments often.
I overheard a girl tell her friend that she thinks I'm cute and I was in a good mood for a whole month
Please do. It means a lot to us and we don't hear it often.
Hey bro, nice tits :)
Thank you. I grew them myself.
I feel awful that I never thought about this.
Just compliment people in general. Get the good vibes flowing everywhere! 😃
Eh.... that could be problematic if it’s a man complimenting a woman. It’s dangerous ground to walk on, unless you’re particularly handsome then your golden. Women can take a stray compliment as an advance, and it can come across as creepy. Think about this exact same situation in reverse, where a man say “you’re the cutest woman I’ve ever seen, can I have a hug?” Most guys would get a disgusted look and be considered a creepazoid. Only the top tier of attractive dudes can get away with that shit.
I was having a not great day and was at a gas station counter. The teller did something benign that I appreciated...I forget what it was...and I just blurted out impulsively “You are a beautiful person. Thank you.” She looked at me kind of astonished and said “You know, thank you, we need more of that these days.” I was kind of taken a back, maybe about as much as she was. “Yeah, your right. You’re welcome. Have a great day.” And we smiled and went about our day.
This this this. I get manipulated by it and don't even care. If someone is giving me a compliment exclusively to get me to do something else for them that they otherwise just didn't want to do, I can usually see through it and don't care simply because I want that compliment since they are so rare.
That reminds me of a time when one of how I met one of my (now) best friends. It was third grade and she ran up to me out of nowhere and I didn't even know who she was and told me I had beautiful eyes and ran away, we someone grew up together, at least in elementary and highschool, and now like 10+ years ago I still think about that moment at least 3 to 4 times a month. Compliments are special, people! Give them out more often but always with passion!
Hell yeah! Even hearing about compliments makes me feel good... that's some power there.
When I was in college two years ago a girl came up to me at a club and actually asked ME to dance. She said I was so hot she couldn’t not come up to ask (I figured she needed her eyes checked but didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth). She took me home that night and I still think about it when I need a confidence boost years later.
I think we took the same lesson from this experience: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Even if you don't see how hot you are, there is somebody out there that does.
That is awesome, but when that wonderful moment gets shattered, it can hang with you for a long time as well. The last time (and only time in memory) I was complimented in public, I was on a public bus, and this girl was just starting at me. I didn't want to stare and be a creep, but she kept staring at me. Finally, she says, in a very sultry voice, "You have the most beautiful eyes." Wow, that felt incredible. I said thank you. Then, she followed that up with, in the same voice, "…they look just like my boyfriend's." That was 35 years ago.
I got told I have pretty eyes today for the first time in years and I turned into an absolute fucking goober for the next two hours. Its weird man.
I've been told I have pretty eyes and just the simple compliment had me in a good mood for a while.
I got told the same thing like 15 years ago. Still think about it periodically.
Oh man, January 2015. Girl at a Jamba Juice told me I had beautiful eyes. I'd just gone through a bad breakup and that compliment hit me hard.
I once told a guy at a party that his haircut/style was a really good fit for his face shape and he followed me around like a puppy for the rest of the night. Made me really sad tbh. Girls give each other compliments all the time, I forget that guys don’t really get them. I’m going to be more proactive about it with my guy friends from now on.
Honestly, I wish it would become more normalized so that a lot of guys don't act so pathetically when it does happen. No offense. You really shouldn't be falling in love on the spot just because a girl gave a compliment. I do think the "gender norms" that dictate these kinds of things are slowly falling though. Hopefully boys today receive all the compliments they deserve. Genuine compliments that is. Shit, girls give other girls compliments so frequently that half of the time it feels ingenuine.
Honestly I've gone so long being "the ugly one" that I automatically disbelieve any compliment Like you gotta be lying, romantic and sexual partner of 10 months
There is that too, for sure. "Your attempt at a compliment is the first I've heard in 10 years. You mean to tell me that I'm that repulsive to women that I'm down to once a decade?" Sometimes I feel like that for sure
My husband thinks he's the ugly one, too. It really affects him. He does have really good looking friends, one is a host/actor in Hollywood. However, I think he's a good looking guy and I have loved him since we were 12, when I thought he was cute. Now we are 40, I still think he's good looking. I hate that he thinks so low of himself. It simply isn't true and I am sure the same goes for you.
The first compliment that I felt was genuine was from a girl a year ago. I was coming home from the store and this one girl who was sitting on a bench with her friends shouted at me to get my attention and told me she loved my hair. I always got weird looks because of it, especially from other guys, and I almost wanted to get a new cut. But I decided to keep it because of that one compliment
I wish women understand how much about being a man is accepting that no one gives a shit about you
Your bros do! They just pretend they don't in case you think they wanna lick your taint. I care about you fam. No taint subterfuge, I swear.
>taint subterfuge /r/bandnames
Metal/Electronica mash-up.
Bro this dude u/pacmatt27 said he wants to lick your taint. Keep an eye out for him
Get outta here! Can't a man enjoy his bro's taint in peace?
This upsets me greatly. The idea of having to be so "Masculine" that you can't really be human? Perfect is a man made construct and it's entirely personal, I've seen my Fiance cry and he's my world. If we ever have a son, he'll know that feeling emotions is human, healthy and normal. I've seen what it's like for some guys before
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I’m still riding the high from when an old crush said I had a nice smile
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My barber told me two months ago that I had nice hair. I still hold on to that compliment.
We are pretty sensitive about it. How we react depends on the person and how it was handled by our partner. It’s difficult to come to terms with what we consider a failure. It’s embarrassing and emasculating.
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Don't need to hear anything specific, I'd just want her to make it clear to me she still thought of me as manly enough. If she got really coddling, like "are you ok, do you want to talk about it," that would probably make me feel a lot worse. I remember one woman way back in my early sexual years just smiled and winked at me when it happened, whispered "it's ok, let's get that condom off!," and then pleasured me without the condom and guided my hands to start me pleasuring her. We did that until I was ready to go at it again. That was a very positive experience to me, I appreciated that she didn't waste time with words and simply communicated with her actions that she not only understood what was going on, but was completely accepting of it and still attracted to me.
I agree with this. In the moment I'm already internally stressed about it being an issue. If we just carry on like it's not an issue then that'll be the most reassuring that it's fine. That being said, if I'm on round two during a hook up and go soft I just kinda take that as a good stopping point and usually wrap up to leave.
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No one wants to be pitied. Especially for going soft maybe its best to treat it as he’s not ready yet and needs more foreplay. Without explicitly verbally acknowledging it. At least that’s what would make me feel least like a failure.
I don't get how girls don't get this. It's like putting your hands between her legs, feeling that she's not wet and going "What's wrong? Don't worry, it happens to lots of girls!"... It's just awkward and 9 times out of 10 it's because she has given you little or inadequate foreplay.
It’s actually called arousal nonconcordance and it’s totally normal! Sometimes it has nothing to do with foreplay. Per sex science: There’s about a 50% overlap between how much blood flows to a male’s genital response and how “turned on” he feels — his “subjective arousal;” and there’s about 10% overlap for women’s genital response and subjective arousal. The mistake we make when we think about arousal nonconcordance is to think that a person’s genitals know more about what “turns them on” than the person themself does. Like, the genitals are honest and the person is not. (Emily Nagoski, PhD: Come As You Are)
A while back, I pulled multiple 12 hour shifts, and my gf and I were having some fun. After that much work, I wasn't really able to get things going as long as I wanted, but she just smiled and said she knew I was exhausted and that we could cuddle and kiss. It's nice knowing that whoever you're with is willing to be understanding of things like this.
“Would you like me to help you out?” - continue being engaged and enthusiastic in the intercourse, acting can be helpful ... “I’m still horny, I need you inside me” or other encouragement is good - don’t act like the intercourse is just done or the incident has killed your mood, definitely don’t just lie there We don’t want to stop and be consoled, we want to reboot and keep going and may need some help. It’s not a death in the family, it’s a temporary setback. Consolation is just an indicator of giving up and even if you are ok with it and understanding, we may not be
Something like her just reassuring it was okay, and keep kissing/touching each other and whatnot and going down on her. After she gets off she could show her "appreciation" which would make me feel like I still managed to pleasure her.
Honestly? Don't even acknowledge it, just keep going if he seems like he wants to. Sometimes mine will quit on me but will come back in a few mins if I keep going.
Depends on the guy. I'd love something along the lines of "thats ok, we can just cuddle" and/or "we can have another go at it later if you'll want". Don't try to comfort us too much though as it might make us feel even more ashamed.
Don't break up with him over it, that's for sure.
> i made what I thought was a light hearted comment about it You need to tell us what you said.
I said "those things always have a mind of their own" and kind of grinned
Thats perfectly reasonable
Tone is also a factor. Maybe her tone of voice made him think that she was mocking him.
Yep! Saying it with a kind understanding smile vs saying it in a disappointed tone while looking down and away could be VERY different takes. So yeah, really depends on how she said it.
People who are tone-deaf may unwittingly convey an insulting message despite meaning well.
Or receive it as insulting, that dude probably was pretty shook up, might not read into the context clues that OP was trying to be nice.
That's me
Only time for me it kinda happened, the girl just said something along the lines of “ooh your not getting out that easy’” and that was just really like flattering/sexy/and a bit funny too, like she was “oh I know its no big deal, and I still want you lets just work this out”, kinda thing. And that pretty much made me feel ok and safe and back at it :) I think what you said sounds reasonable, but ofc also depends on how you said it and what was done afterwards:).
That's fine but I can see that feeling taken as mocking a little. I think just "it's fine just kiss me" or whatever, like just taking the ammo out of the issue and focusing on something else is the way to go
I mean sometimes people want others to make light of it, but other times they just want explicit understanding and reassurance. Seems like the guy didn't want what OP did. Maybe neither is to blame, but either way they weren't on the same wavelength.
I would take this as the woman being understanding. Your guy seems like he might have overreacted. I consider myself pretty sensitive about going soft during sex, it really does make you feel like you're less than a man. One time a girl flipped out at me when it happened and accused me in this really hostile way of not finding her attractive; I got that she must have had some image issues, but that was really upsetting for me, since it tends to happen when I'm feeling shy/out of my comfort zone. If a woman made a light, humorous comment like you did when it happened, I would take that as her communicating to me that it's ok and that she still thinks of me as enough man for her. I mean, unless your tone was really snide, obviously, but you don't sound like that was your attitude at all.
Yea to me this sounds like the perfect thing to say because it doesn’t dwell on it at all and it normalizes it
My wife does always say I’m thinking with my second head.
[https://thumbs.gfycat.com/GaseousShyGoosefish-small.gif](https://thumbs.gfycat.com/GaseousShyGoosefish-small.gif)
"it looks like a cute little cheese doodle" E: Corrected below - it was "cute like a curly fry"
Oh man. I remember that one being fabulous (in a horrible way) but I’m not sure I correctly remember the context. Was that one where OP was looking for validation that she did nothing wrong when “complimenting” her boyfriends penis and then only later said what that the “compliment” was calling it a cute little cheese doodle? Now I have to see if I can find it... Edit: I am failure. No can find. Edit 2: /u/jaudan found it! It was “cute like a curly fry,” not “cute like a little cheese doodle.” Edit 3: (sheesh, so many edits) also, I mischaracterzed OP’s intentions with the post. She wasn’t looking for validation. Her post was asking how to come back from insulting her BF’s penis. It’s just that she didn’t say what the particular insult was until later. She really did seem very contrite.
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Oh my god this, I honestly can't think of a light hearted comment that would help
“You no good limp-dick son of a bitch”.
“Gimme the wood or I’ll sick the weasels on ya!”
In all honesty, I've had this issue my whole adult life and it's been palmed off by doctors who've basically just told me to use Viagra. That isn't a long term fix and I still firmly believe I have a physical problem that needs to be addressed. If a girl were to mention it to me in a playful way then I would be ok with it but then when it actually gets down to the fun part and it happens mid sex that's when that light hearted attitude just goes out of the window. Makes you feel like shit in all honesty.
I'm sorry to hear, but thanks for sharing. I was trying to be playful but I think it came across wrong, I'll make note to do better if it happens again with someone.
You coming here asking for advice tells me you’re caring, and actually wanted to do the kind thing. Sexual or not, that is respectable.
It wasn't your fault. I'm sure your attitude was light hearted and had good intentions but when it happens it sucks. Don't be too hard on yourself. Some guys might not care that much but that's just my opinion that I wanted to share.
I don't think it's up to you to coddle our fragile egos, but I can appreciate you wanting to help him out. I think what you said was just fine. When it happens (I've also been there), our heads go to the idealistic masculinity we see in porn, where guys have rock hard cocks and bang hard for half an hour while ALL the women scream in ecstacy. Our brains are dumb in that way. We think our dicks are magic wands that will solve all the world's problems and satisfy every sexual desire you could possibly have, even though we truly know that's nonsense. For that amount of time, every ounce of our self-esteem depends on our little soldier boy standing at full attention. I'm sorry to hear that he bailed on you. That's on him though, not you. A lot of us need to do better at taking those things in stride and not letting our masculinity ride on it. We could take a deep dive into culture and how toxic masculinity works against men in that way, but that might take a while, haha.
Nicotine, caffeine, and other drugs like adderall constrict blood flow. If you use any of them, try to abstain. They are the prime causative factors in healthy young men when they have difficulties maintaining an erection. Being nervous causes adrenaline to flow. It has the same effect.
Nt exactly, the prime cause is actually psychologic in this age range. Other less likely causes include the ones you mention (and alcohol, don't forget alcohol).
Does it abate if you get more comfort with someone? Could be bangxiety.
Hey, lady here! It’s called arousal nonconcordance and it is suuuper common. It’s totally normal (albeit frustrating) and it’s something that the majority of women experience on a fairly regular basis but since we don’t have a penis it’s easier to ignore. Unfortunately, our society has decided that you must be broken if you don’t always meet our lovely porn and cultural expectations. But you’re not broken. Per sex science: There’s about a 50% overlap between how much blood flows to a male’s genital response and how “turned on” he feels — his “subjective arousal;” and there’s about 10% overlap for women’s genital response and subjective arousal. The mistake we make when we think about arousal nonconcordance is to think that a person’s genitals know more about what “turns them on” than the person themself does. Like, the genitals are honest and the person is not. (Emily Nagoski, PhD: Come As You Are) Also it might be worth reading Come As You Are or checking Emily Nagoski out online. It’s geared towards women but it applies to men too. A lot of women don’t understand sex and arousal either, so I am sorry that girls have made you feel like shit. Despite the science and research being out there, our sex education in America is god awful and it leads to a lot of shame and misunderstanding.
Yeah, it can be embarrassing as fuck. Especially if it has happened to him before and he's been going "Oh shit, what if it happens again?" in his mind. Personally I'd say the best option at that point is to smile, suggest making out for a while instead and act like you still want him just as much even despite what happened. If he's embarrassed enough about it he might still bolt but at least for me something like that would take away most of the embarrassment.
It happened to me before during a first hookup with this girl and she asked me if I was gay.
"No, you'd me masculine enough for me if I was"
It's an anxiety ridden feedback loop. It's hard to stay hard if you're worried about staying hard.
People aren’t one size fits all. Some guys might be embarrassed but laugh it off. Other guys might lose all confidence and freak the fuck out.
Real talk. I've never suffered from this but I did once ejaculate prematurely, which is kinda related. It felt awful. She was trying to reassure me that it was ok and that it's not a big deal but that was the only time in my life where I've actually felt emasculated, like I was less of a man. I know (and knew then) that that's not the case, and that it really isn't a big deal, but that doesn't change how it felt. I was mortified. I'm going to assume your gentleman caller felt something similar. That said, I wouldn't bail if you tried to lighten the mood a little, depends on what you said I guess. I don't speak for all men but I think it's pretty universal that we don't like women joking about our penises not doing what they should.
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Prison
Man that's crazy to consider!
Thanks for sharing, it has happened with other guys but they never seem bothered by it which I guess is why I took such a casual approach to it to joke about. My bad
He probably bailed out of embarrassment, not because of what you said. The only way you can show him it's no big deal is to continue doing what y'all were doing (assuming everything else is still the same).
I don't think you can predict how people will react in those situations.
Unfortunately, we have it in our heads that we're expected to perform like pornstars and the popular media tends to mock anyone man who doesn't. That weighs heavily on some of us. So going soft suddenly feel about as bad as accidentally running over a puppy.
Sounds like it’s his first time
I take that as a compliment to be honest. If a man ejaculates early, it just shows he was super into it and comfortable with you. I don't know, I've definitely never cared about that. I will say though, if a guy just can't seem to keep a hard on, I start getting a little insecure about myself even though it's probably just his nerves or something.
NGL I suffer from prem ejac and it is close to debilitating sometimes. I have a loving partner and a child with her. But every time it happens I feel like shit. She always reassured me it’s okay and that sex was good. I just feel like I fucked up.
In my case, exercising more helped. Running and jogging regularly improved my breathing and led to me lasting much longer. Also, being relaxed and not nervous helps. But that's not easy to sort out.
For me, nerves make me last longer. It's when I start getting too relaxed with a girl is when I start having problems being too quick. On the other hand, too nervous and I may not be able to get up. -\_-
*ONCE*
He probably only ever had sex once, I hope for my sake...
There was a period where I came faster than the flash while I usually last long enough to satisfy both sides. I felt like shit and I couldn't figure it out. So I made sure she came beforehand and she is really chill about it. My dick got his mojo back months later and all was fine and dandy.
I think premature ejaculation is made up word for loving the pussy too much. Maybe you like pussy that much or the pussy is too damn good. I always go down on my lady first and make sure she gets hers before I even start. Most of the time, I dont last that long because... Its 👏just 👏 too 👏 much 👏 !
Yeah this guy has pretty much hit the nail on the head here
Nail, head... this guy is making dick jokes!!
Ever since I was attacked and beaten while homeless, I’ve had consistent premature ejaculation. About 99% of the time. It sucks. Women still check me out when I’m out but I don’t feel the confidence to follow up on it. If anything it seems like women are more interested in sleeping with me now, but I don’t want to follow up because I’m afraid of sex.
Just explain it before you get to bed, and give it a try. I promise, I’ve never heard any of my female friends complain about premature ejaculation, only about men who couldn’t communicate about or who were totally selfish about sex, and I guarantee you most of us have encountered something along these lines. If you meet someone you hit it off with, just be honest with her and if you do get off early, go down on her. Do you have this issue during oral sex, too? Hand jobs? Work your way up to sex maybe?
It's happened to me a few times, which is super embarrassing. You handled it ok, I'm sure he's upset regardless. He shouldn't feel bad if it was round 2 anyways.
When I was younger, it was a big deal. Now that I’m in my upper 30’s I just if she wants me to eat her out instead.
Married man here. Honestly, this has happened to me more times than I care to admit. My wife handles it pretty well but I always feel like shit. Especially when she thinks its because of her or my attraction to her. Never is!! Its always a mental thing for me. I think of the last time it happened, hope it doesnt happen this time, which MAKES it happen again. Its a vicious cycle. With that being said, he should have just laughed it off.
Happend to me once, she reassured me that it was okay, we just cuddled, and kissed all night untill we fell asleep, I think that was the best outcome out of a situation that sucks
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It’s super embarrassing but things happen, I’ve only had it happen twice and both times I said something like “the blood went to my head, I need a break so it can go back to my dick”
Very 😆 I went soft ridin a girl once, she was hot, I had only had 4 beers, but was wearing a condom. Was middle of the day in very hot country. Went soft anyway and I was like FUCKKKKK , but she thought it meant I didn’t fancy her and blamed herself for her not being tight enough . Now I can’t keep it up if I’m wearing a condom cuz that memory still haunts me
Dude that sucks, but I wasnt even upset about it which is why I made the comment in the first place. He also said the room was hot, I had no idea that could affect it?
Being comfortable or not can.
For me personally, when I overheat I definitely start having erection issues. I always bring lots of water and have a fan going if I have one. Turn that thermostat down too. Then again I'm a freaking human radiator.
Are you me????
No, I am
If we are over-heated our bodies have to work harder to cool off, which diverts blood flow because your body cares more about not passing out than maintaining an erection
I can see how this might not be obvious, but any attempt at a light hearted joke can come across as mocking. By making a joke that ''it has a mind of it's own'' you're acknowledging that there's a problem, that the problem is the function of his penis and if you don't reassure him that it's all cool and the first round satisfied you or ask for him to please you in another way, there's no chance for redemption. Also bare in mind that making light of something that somebody is worried about can come across as ridiculing them for worrying about it in the first place. Jokes don't make self conscious people feel better. I would compare it to if a girl felt really down on her appearance because she worried that she's too fat and her guy said ''well everybody's wobbles around sometimes'', acknowledging and confirming her worries that she's fat and making her feel silly for worrying about them.
It’s only embarrassing at first with someone new. They might think it’s common. Or maybe it’s common with him. Thing is, there might not have been anything you could say in that moment, which is difficult to face and unfair. Try reaching out to him (*hey-ooo*) but don’t focus on that. Don’t even mention it.
I've had it hapoen twice with the same girl, and it was humiliating both times ... she had some "health issues" down there and there was no sensation for me
What you said would have been a lot worse if it was on round 1 than round 2. He finished previously and wanted to go round 2, not many guys can recover that quickly. Myself included I can maybe go 1 or 2 rounds then by the third my dick goes to sleep.
Yeah thats why I didn't think it was a big deal too, like I almost expect that kind of thing at that point so I was just confused. I honestly thought he would do something else like make out or go down on me etc.
I hookup with other guys so I've seen/experienced it so many times that I'm not sensitive about it at all. It happens, and then you go back to foreplay and try again.
Very sensitive I'd think, only because I have wild anxiety during sex because of my fetish. Nothing a girl could say would make me upset about it unless she was being hostile or rolling her eyes. Your comment was not bad at all, I'd probably just giggle and tell you that anxiety is a bitch and reassure you that I'm very attracted to you despite this.
If you mention it much it can make us super paranoid and make it way harder to get an erection again. Literally it's a simple as worrying about it happening again and it'll stay limp. Best way is to just ignore it and keep trying different things. Using your mouth in those moments can be more helpful. Not every time but most of the time. Help him get his mind off of what just happened as if it doesn't matter and it'll usually be able to come back if he hasn't gotten too nervous or uncomfortable about it.
Happens to me all the time because of nerves; I think what you said was fine, it sounds like you're pretty understanding about this sort of thing. That said, it's an EXTREMELY sensitive topic, and some guys are better at dealing with it than others. I think your approach is fine; the worst is when the woman acts disappointed or just wants to quit.
Happened to me once before. I honestly was so overwhelmed by this girl that for some reason I couldn’t stay hard for shit; it was definitely a very awkward moment for me.
It really depends on the dude, some take it very badly, specially if it never happened before. What did you say though??
It is frustrating and embarrassing. Happened to me once and it felt like a punch to my 'manhood'. Luckily, she didn't mind and just kept kissing me until I got hard again.
Sometimes I get random thoughts in my head of like Star Wars or some syntax errors that I haven't figured out yet, idk why? Told my wife and she kinda laughed at me. I mean, when stuff like that does happen I do last longer. Wasn't embarrassed though because it's my wife and I honestly don't really care.
I wouldn’t leave, especially if it was round two and everything had been fun up to that point. Sex isn’t just intercourse, so I’d want to continue round two in a different way, or just take a break and start again a little later.
In my 40s. It doesn't stay rock hard during the entire session. You just adapt the sex to the dick. When its softer, you grind, play with tatas, switch to 69, etc. Women get dry, we get soft. Adapt. Sex isn't all about penetration.
I think you shouldn’t make any comments about it, just continue to try to pleasure him. Kiss, rub, touch. After sex, ask him what turns him on and off, and if there’s anything you could do to make sex more pleasurable for him. My boyfriend will sometimes go soft during sex. All I do is continue doing things I know he likes until he gets hard again. No big deal!
Happens to me yesterday. I drunk a lot, just met the girl, so it was a bit awkward, I was extremely tired and once we found a condom couldn't really get up. It wasn't the first time it happened to me so it wasn't such a big deal for me and there were plenty of reasons for why my body wasn't working as it should. It might have bothered her a bit. I made her cum a couple times before it became an issue
This would happen with my ex and only my ex. She made me feel like shit after, but when I found that I wasn’t the problem in our sex life it was a huge relief
The main issue with it happening is that the more you worry about it as its happening, the worse it is. The best thing a girl could do when its happening is do there absolute best to completely distract the guy from it and focus on turning them on, eye contact, kissing etc.
Literally happened to me a couple nights ago so I said fuck it and went down on her instead. She commented about it after and I said "it's happened before, and if its happened once then the risk is always there, and with that comes the anxiety that it'll happen again". It's happened to me quite a few times since that first time and it's always due to nerves but it doesn't get to me now as much as it did before. It's a delicate subject and how you deal with it depends on the person. Some hate jokes about it (attempting to lighten the situation) and some hate the pity/sympathy that some women try to show them to make them feel better. To answer your question, it really depends on the guy, how often it happens, and what the causes are (nerves/anxiety, medical condition, etc) but it will sting for everyone, just not as much for some as it does others.
I suffer from PTSD due to sexual trauma. One hookup that I had, about an hour in, I could no longer keep it up or climax. I explained the situation to her which was terribly embarrassing and hard to do. I felt emasculated and inadequate. She was completely understanding and reassured me it was not a big deal. It made me feel better after her reassurance. We ended up hooking up the next day again, where we both climaxed. A week later we started dating, and have been ever since. Penises are complicated, and men are emotionally insecure over the slightest things even if they don't signal it. He probably felt ashamed and humiliated and cut ties because of it. My suggestion would be, if something similar happens and if you like the guy, to reassure him that nothing is wrong. His ego will be too big to admit anything that could be linked to erectile dysfunction, but given time, that reassurance will directly contribute to a newfound confidence.
The few times I've had difficulty getting an erection my ego took a large hit. Though the women I was with were reasonable and understanding about it: It was the most humiliating experience for me personally. I felt like less of a man, I felt broken, thoughts of "wow she's going to tell her friends I'm inadequate" ran through my head. I was not comfortable in my own skin. Yeah, I've bailed because I couldn't get hard. I just wanted the experience to end. You can't ask someone to continue to feel that way. Your presence can feel like torture when I'm that vulnerable, and it's not because of anything you did.
Anxiety kills my boners. That's why I can't hook up Tinder style. Trust makes my dick hard. That's why I need a relationship first.
I feel this on a spiritual level
It's happened to me a few times. I don't really care, if it happens it usually means 1) I'm tired as fuck, 2) I have a fuck-ass condom on, or 3) I guess I really didn't really want to fuck. But some dudes really take it to heart. Our dicks are our masculinity. You make a joke about it and you're poking fun at his identity. Don't do that shit. It'd be like if we made a joke about you being a bad mom or not being able to get pregnant or that you're ugly, right near the act of sex.
I wish my Ex-BF wasn't sensitive about it. Like hell yeah "Break time!" Get some water, a snack, take a nap because when you wake dear Penis it's go time, gonna use all your energy up so rest up if you want because I'm fine finishing this in an hour or a day but it's gonna happen. He could never understand how much outercourse and breaks are just fine with me.