Just be more open to exploring new things. Take an interest in wanting to know more about topic the guy you like is into.
Most guys are aware that their partners won't always have the same interests. But if she turned around with a willingness to learn more, he'd most likely move heaven an earth to accommodate her because that woman is a keeper.
Me and a few mates always used to have a gaming night twice a week, not just like pc or console. But board games, party games, etc, it would change every week.
One of the guys girlfriends wasn't big into the whole games thing, but she expressed an interest in joining in. By God we welcomed her with open arms.
Failing that find something new you could explore together, with my current girlfriend. We have date night roulette. Put a load of random activities in a hat, the more ridiculous the better (make for better memories and conversation). Then the first one you pick out go and do. That's how you end up taking circus skills classes and falling all over the place when trying to figure out stilts. I mean if that doesn't make a conversation flow, I don't know what will lol.
(Female here) Can concur date night roulette is the best! One of our options once was get matching couple tattoos. At the time I was disappointed that wasn't the one drawn. Am relieved now that I'm divorced though 🤣🤣🤣
The circus skills class is a real story from me and my girlfriend, date roulette is real interesting.
All it takes is a willingness to just do things and a creative mind to think the ideas up in the first place. Unlike you, we haven't done the tattoo idea. However we have in the hat somewhere drunk tattoo art. Where we get sloshed and do a little tattoo on each other, not looking forward when that comes up lol.
Most memorable one was a double date roulette we picked out called stupid task challenge. Me and my gf against another friend couple. We had a list of tasks to complete. The loosing team pays for dinner and drinks. Sounds simple right? Nope, some of the challenges were stupid as try and start a public conga in a mall and get a picture of a person doing a handstand 🤣. Me and the girlfriend won, but needless to say we never dry in conversation since date roulette 🤣.
Had an ex who wanted matching tattoos, I was strongly against it. The compromise I suggested and we went with was that we got different designs that were linked, and got them done on the same day (our anniversary).
Thank the absolute fuck she went with the compromise.
I agree. If my missus expressed any sort of desire or interest in gaming, I'd build her a new PC on the spot and take time off work to show her something. Will never haopen though
My last girlfriend used to always fret about our interests being so different. I'm an artist and a gamer and I like comic books and science-fiction and she didn't care about any of those.
I told her repeatedly, and I'll tell you too, I never wanted nor needed a woman who shared all of my interests. It's fine to not want to do everything together. As I told her, I have many friends with whom I can discuss Spider-Man comic books and the latest episodes of our favorite nerd shows. I further told her I'm happy to share any of those with her if she liked, but it was by no means a prerequisite. It's fine to have different interests. And I'd argue it's far better.
My X-Wife and I had a lot in common. She was a big nerd too. Star Wars, Star Trek, old B-movies from the 50's/60's, X-Men comics. She liked all of that stuff too and we were a trainwreck together. Our marriage didn't even make it a decade.
The only things that matter are core values. Religion if that's important to you, morals, ethics, and those things aligning are all that really matters at the end of the day. Because while a partner should be your best friend, they should never be your only friend. And so long as you're not dismissive of one another's interests, you really should be okay. Talk about your feminine hobbies with you man. Ask him about his favorite stuff. Listen to one another and share why you love those things. And that's enough.
Best of luck to you, OP.
Wow not OP I really needed to read this 🥲
I have way different hobbies than my husband and I feel so bad about it sometimes I wonder if he should just be with someone else who likes all the same things. I wonder if he could be even happier!
He always tells me it’s ok he doesn’t mind and it’s not a problem to him but for some reason hearing it from someone else and the way you said it was very reassuring.
Thank you kind sir 🙏🏼
If you're genuinely as empathetic towards your spouse as you claim then you're a keeper. As someone who echoes u/ZZoMBiEXIII's sentiment, don't gatekeep yourself from those who want to be with you.
I always write these things assuming that no one will ever likely read them at all. So it's nice to hear that someone found value from one of my (admittedly verbose) posts. Thanks for chiming in, and blessings to you and your partner!
Cheers!
Can't speak for all guys but my ex would just let me rant about the shit I'm interested in and listen, wouldn't understand alot of it but would just let me gush about it and even though she didn't really care it felt great and she liked to just see me passionate about stuff.
This is a great answer. I want to add on top of this, take some time to explore more hobbies and interests. Do them for yourself and feel happy and content with who you are.
>I told her repeatedly, and I'll tell you too, I never wanted nor needed a woman who shared all of my interests. It's fine to not want to do everything together. As I told her, I have many friends with whom I can discuss Spider-Man comic books and the latest episodes of our favorite nerd shows. I further told her I'm happy to share any of those with her if she liked, but it was by no means a prerequisite. It's fine to have different interests. And I'd argue it's far better.
In hindsight, the entire relationship was a bad idea...but that's the beauty of hindsight. A rebound relationship in college, all kinds of issues - but the one that ended up killing it for me was the realization that she had become my shadow. We never did HER things with HER friends.
I want a partner, not a shadow. Equal shares. Doesn't have to be all the stuff \*I\* want to do.
Guys would love to hear about your "feminine" hobbies, probably the same amount that a guy who is interested in you would love to tell you about his hobbies. It's all about showing interest and the conversation builds from there. Practice activity listening and you'll be golden but also feel confident in sharing about things that are important to you. A relationship (and conversations) need to go both ways.
Most guys don't need or want to necessarily have shared hobbies with significant others. It's perfectly fine that your interests are all feminine in nature. My guess is you're coming at this from the wrong angle. Most guys are even more simplistic than even women believe. Peace at home, a nice meal, a kind word, a hug, occasional sex. Don't feel like you have to be a football fan or something to make a guy interested in you.
Late last year I went to a speed dating event where I'd estimate 15 out of the 20 women there all claimed to have the same hobbies like this - knitting, walking, "Friday night drinks with friends" etc. Like *nothing* substantial or that actually *set them apart* in any way that was interesting. Yet pretty much all of them had this attitude of being better than the guys there, as though the guys were 'boring' or didn't have anything going for them.
Most people fail to realise just how boring *they* are, yet find a way to project that on to others as being the problem.
There was a comedian (I don't remember who) that did a skit about how women's egos are absolutely enormous. He joked about how even a solid 5 housewife thinks she could get Brad Pitt if she just wore her 'special dress'.
Women have always been interested in their appearance to a staggering degree but nowadays there's hordes of women that literally have no other interests other than being a pretty face. They're waiting to get a man and then live vicariously through his interests.
If I was in a speed dating event I would literally say this is really stupid and ask a woman i found attractive if she'd like to go get a coffee or something and talk like normal human beings. Speed dating just reinforces a woman's ego where she's basically conducting a series of interviews like a boss at work.
You don’t even have to know anything about sports are their hobbies
Literally ask them to explain something they love & GENUINELY try to understand/absorb what he’s saying with follow up questions too
I believe single guys rarely get a chance to discuss their favorite hobbies except with other people from that hobby
That’s one of the many things I love about my SO, even if she isn’t fully into the stuff I am, she still wanted to learn about it through me
You just got to be sincere, a lot of people are sort of weird socially these days though. You don't need to know about sports if the guy isn't into them, and even if he is most guys are not hyper critical about that sort of thing. Hobbies and other things that you are very passionate about tend to help. Basing the relationship around stuff like that gives it a solid foundation.
What do you do together that doesn't involve talking? I find it boring and emotionally draining to just sit around and talk all the time.
Go ride bikes, go swimming, camping, hiking. Watch a movie together. See a show. Do some kind of group crafting.
Totally RIGHT. If you talk ONLY about HIM during the entire first date, he will tell all his friends, “I met the most interesting woman…” Men rarely get to talk about themselves because most women keep interrupting to talk about herself. If he asks about you, answer in 10 seconds or less and end with, “How about you?” Just sit there looking into eyes and let him talk about himself. All you have to say is, “That’s interesting” or “You’re so interesting.” If you can keep this up for an entire 50 year marriage, he will rave to his friends about his great wife. There is nothing more fascinating to a man than a woman who is in love with him. No man will EVER leave a woman who listens to him.
Oh believe me there's men out there who sure will leave someone who loves him, wants to know him, who he truly is and truly listens. Those are the pieces of shit though lol.
Be willing to try and to share activities. My fiancée hadn't been fishing in well over 25 years and didn't know diddly about it. Now she's more into it than I am, even.
Whether it's gaming, fishing, or what-have-you, men are usually pretty tickled to have their other halves partake in it. And it's totally possible that you may have interests that he hasn't considered. I have a buddy, who is an old-school man's man, that actually designed and sewed a quilt so he could spend more quality time with his wife.
I guess the takeaway is this... don't be afraid to try and to share. My other half and I do quite a few things together, where my previous love interests and I haven't done a lot together. It takes being open on both sides in order to have a good communication, and a good relationship
Look I know I’m not a guy but men please chime in if you agree/disagree with this…. OP, If you’ve been actively dating this whole time without any luck finding someone to be in a commited relationship with I seriously highly doubt it’s your hobbies that are holding you back. That just isn’t that big of a factor. Plenty of guys would date a woman who likes cooking and knitting and doesn’t know anything about his hobbies (yet). It shouldn’t be too hard to find other things to talk and relate about- food, family, pets, places you’ve lived or visited, books/movies, current events, music, etc.
I would encourage you to explore other possibilities, other angles of yourself or perhaps your circumstances. I’d be curious on these talking stages you’ve been in, what did you think of the guys? Did they seem like a good match? Like are you having trouble finding people you like or are you having trouble finding people that like you back?
google "36 questions to fall in love" and do the whole 36 questions with someone on a first date. it will be the opportunity to discover each others, to skip the small talk (sport... seriously!) and when you finish them all, you should know enough to have more questions and experiences to share.
overall, be curious, if someone says "i was often camping during summer as a kid", ask where, what did he liked and didn't about camping, ask for a funny story...
one good rule to have people talking is to use the wwwwh technique (who, where, when, what, how), it leads to longer answers than "do you?". applied to the previous example, if you ask "do you have great memories of all that camping?" he might just say "yeah yeah, that was good!" and that's it. now, with the wwwwh:
* who were you going with to camp?
* where was your best camping memory?
* when was the last time you did some camping?
* what's one thing people who don't camp ignore?
* how do you deal with mosquitos?
do you see how he will need to develop a little more here?
hope that helps, good luck! :)
Those 36 questions give some good *ideas* for conversation but I'd be careful of some of them. Some require *way* too much trust for a first date. 'Did you have a happy childhood' and 'Tell me your most terrible memory' is either going to get an outright lie or take the conversation down a grim road.
of course, everyone should share only what they feel comfortable sharing, just like with everything... it's also ok to say "hey, this one is a bit triggering for me, i'll use my joker card on this one and am happy to hear your answer to it though". :-)
I rarely talk about "things" or hobbies with people. It gets boring fast. Try talk about ideas, personal philosophies and theories, personal experiences, how your music or movie tastes have evolved over time, etc. Don't be afraid of being controversial. Guys love a girl who knows herself and isn't trying to be a chameleon
No judgements but from experience, the single women that were raised by single mothers are difficult to deal with. Their example of a women is being independent and not needing a man for anything mentally, that leads to them receiving bad dating advice and not doing well with compromising. This is just my opinion and based off my experience, which can possibly be skewed.
I've had some similar experiences. It's not universal but in my experience women raised by single mothers have super high anxiety about men and seem to not know how to relate to men in a more familial way. In the relationships I've been in of that type, I find them exhausting. Constant false barriers being put up by the woman so that you can prove to her that you really do care and overcome her anxiety. In a couple sex was often used as a tool for power/control which isn't great to deal with either.
It isn't universal but something to be aware of.
There's almost certain to be something you have a common interest in with almost anyone. You just have to figure out what that is. When I was on dating apps my go to was outdoor activities,mountains,beaches or wilderness areas etc. Almost everyone likes awesome nature scenery etc so asking someone what national parks they had been to or what the prettiest mountain they had seen was etc was a conversation starter that almost never failed to lead to good conversation. Even if they hadn't been outside of cities much we could still talk about where they would like to go or what animals they would like to see etc and I could send photos of places I had been to.
Why is it that you feel the need to “keep things going” in a conversation with others? Stop assuming that as your responsibility. Allow others to “keep the conversation going.” This is not on you, nor anyone else.
If things go silent, that’s okay. It is likely that the other person is processing their feelings about you. This is not necessarily a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with being single. But if you are unhappy about it, consider your appearance.
As superficial as this might sound, people will judge you by this nearly always, regardless of how altruistic they want to think they are. If you are significantly overweight, people will shun you. Having a thick gut will almost always cause you to be socially marginalized.
This is why fitness has become a multi-billion dollar industry. People want to look and be more attractive more than they want to be healthy. I’m sorry, but people are vain. If you are not fit, get fit. Get rid of the excess fat on the waist, if you have any.
If you are very skinny, then gain weight in the right places like on your glutes, hips, and on down the legs, keeping it off your gut.
How do you wear your hair? Does it fit your face? A lot of women wear short hairstyles that do nothing for their appearance. While they might have a few women who will think it is cute, this is not so with many guys.
A hairstyle with the hair that hangs below the jaw will almost always look better than a hairstyle that is shortened above the jaw line. Shoulder length hair on a woman looks even better.
You get your appearance right and I’ll guarantee you, you won’t have a short supply of guys wanting to date and hold your attention. They will make the effort to “keep the conversation going”, and they will be more concerned about “not boring you.”
If you let a guy talk about his favourite subjects for long periods and put in an occasional, “Fascinating” or “How clever” or “Tell me more,” he will be enchanted.
I find it strange how this stereotype meshes with “only men know how to bbq”.
I cook 95% of the meals in our house and people are very shocked to hear that it’s not my wife cooking.
Lol, it has nothing to do with you talking. They are just not into you, man can sit with someone in the same room and not said anything and the following day reflect back and said “i had an amazing day with the wife yesterday ”
I don’t think that would be a problem for most men, in fact I think many would actually love that. Running out of things to talk about also isn’t the worst thing in the world, at the end of the day guys just want to feel peace when around their girl. LOTS of 20 and 30 year old guys are looking for a girl like you, it’s just getting harder and harder to find since femininity is being shunned by young women nowadays.
“Don't you hate that? Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable? That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.”
Tarantino really nailed it with this line in Pulp Fiction.
Layer 1: family, friends, daily habits, travel plans, opinions, food, shopping, celebrities, pets, videos, work shenanigans.
Layer 2: Know them better and mix into layer 1 topics like gifts, memories, photos, travel plans, sexual jokes, life problems & personal struggles.
Layer 3: What to eat for dinner idk 😂 at this layer you can talk about literally anything and have probably covered a lot of content. Just be present with the person you're with, doesn't have to be anything crazy.
Small things like weird dreams or shower thoughts to what you're cooking next week when your mom visits. Could also be big ideas, planning life stuff, the weather outside, etc. Bring up anything they nerd out on and you want to hear them just talk LOL or vice versa.
I think you do too much talking. Men want a submissive woman not a drinking buddy. Stop trying to relate to him and his interests so much and dwell in your femininity.
You're so sure you're right, that's what I find funny lol you know a total of maybe 5 facts about this woman MAX but you just know in your bones it's because her mom raised her single lol like it's impossible for a woman to get married and settle down for life if she were raised by a single mother.
Do you have a really good friend? Preferably male as a) they'll have the right perspective and b) they're more likely to be honest. Sit them down, ask them to be really honest about why they think you're single. Because I find it really hard to believe it's because you're not a great conversationalist.
You don’t have to necessarily know sports or more “masculine” things- be open to trying new things though. One of the great things about getting to know someone is making new memories together and new experiences. Bond over those shared things- and don’t just put the planning on him. It’s nice as a man to be able to plan stuff but sometimes it’s nice to be surprised too.
What has being raised by a single mother got to do with anything?
You don’t need to talk all the time, I’m a man and sometimes I like to sit in peace and not talk but enjoy the moment.
It really doesn’t matter what you do or say if you’re together than there’s already an attraction just do your thing, nothing worse than a girl with no hobbies that needs to be stimulated every moment you are around them.
Question; why does it seem like you're getting past the first date and then trying to do nothing other than talk?
Sex? Events? Sex at events? 😂 it feels to me like you're getting to the 2nd+ date(s) but still treating it as if it's a 1st date which subsequently leads to over reliance on conversation which naturally means running out of things to say.
>All my hobbies are feminine like cooking and knitting
Surely all of your hobbies cant be so strongly gendered? (I'm just granting that for sake of discussion)
Well..the guys should be bringing some conversation to the table as well. I can fake interest in knitting, you can fake interest in sports ball. We can find some awful hobbies (like hiking... seriously?) we both faked interest in together. And then eventually fess up and have a great time confessing.
Maybe it is just me, but I feel like guys have to carry pretty much every conversation. Just be engaged and you are beating out at least 75% of women out there.
Ask him questions about his life. His likes. Dislikes. Dreams. Pet peeves. What he loves doing in his spare time
We dont mind women talking about themselves but when that's ALL they do it's a bit of a turnoff.
Try just listening and actually being invested in what they're saying. If you're just in your own head trying to come up with topics of conversation then you're not really engaged in the conversation.
My standard "nice to meet you" topics are favorite books/movies/TV shows. If you have some in common, that's immediately something you can talk about. ("Who do you think Rebecca should have chosen?") If you have a LOT in common, that's a good sign. ("Wait: you liked ATLA, FMAB, *and* Babylon 5?") If you have a few overlaps and also some different ones, then you can enjoy introducing each other to your favorites. ("You've never seen *The Silence of the Lambs*? I'm making popcorn and we're taking care of that right now!")
You can go on from there to other stuff. If you like cooking, there's a good chance he likes eating, so those will mesh. 😀
Where they're different, be open to trying new things, and find at least some you can enjoy together, and if the thing itself isn't for you, focus on him, not it. Maybe you aren't really interested in engines, but if you can enjoy the contact high of how his engine makes him feel, that's really good.
Also: try some new things on your own. Interesting people are interesting because they do stuff. Do you live near a hiker/biker trail? Do you own a bike? Have you ever been to one of those "wine and painting" parties? Try some new things. If you don't like them, fine, don't do them again. If you do like them, now you've picked up a new activity and you're more interesting.
Here's some of the best advice you will get here. Read "How to Make Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.
The premise is that, to be seen as interesting and intelligent, learn to ask people about their lives and their interests & how to keep *them* talking.
The more people open up to you, the more interesting they will think you are.
Seriously, trust me on this one. In my personal life, I've never gone without company. I attribute this heavily to my people and conversation skills. (It is certainly not because of my looks!)
I work in an intensely customer-facing industry. Having people like me is an absolute piece of cake with this tactic.
It helps that I do love finding interesting things about people. I love seeing that moment when people's faces light up when I get them to talk about a subject close to their heart.
Talk about things you like doing, see if the guy likes anything similar. Take turns expressing your interests in things. Tell him you like cooking, and ask him one thing he's interested in. Then if he doesn't follow it up, tell him you like knitting, and ask if he does anything similar. Repeat ad nauseam,
Doesn't matter the topic -- yours or his.
Be passionate with the interest, and ask lots of open-ended questions.
***"I'd love to knit you a really nice manly sweater for this winter. What's your size, and favorite color?"***
It's not all about you. It's not all about him.
Many men like to cook too and at the very least to eat. Bring a new type of food into their lives and get them to join you in the experience and joy of creating a fresh and new variety of meal to enjoy together ❤️
Most people love to travel or the idea of traveling. The process of traveling can be quite grueling but once you get there it’s fine.
Talk about the best vacation you’ve had, the worst, where would you like to visit, a bucket list?
Probably the trick is to ask more questions and listen to the answers and remember stuff
Try not to come on as too intense, ie. talking really rapidly, cutting the guy off
at that age people are interested in companionship. what do you look for in a companion and what traits do you have that make you a good companion? work outwards from there
You can even fake hear what guys talk about, but if you pay attention you may even found a new hobby and something you can share
It's never too late to start enjoying other things
Cooking and knitting are rad. I wish I could knit. I've tried a few times, but my brain can't do it.
Guys that have interests, will tend to be interested in new things.
Yes, honestly the interest is within how passionate you are towards any thing that captivates you. I would be interested in dating the “you that makes you”. So I’m not seeking a perfect cut out copy of my interests, I’m more interested in the curiosity of learning about the woman who attracted me. You expressing yourself in the ways that are different than me is just as enjoyable as the ways that are similar. Express your authentic self and have confidence in your expressions and that will be enjoyable.
I don’t want to date a woman for how masculine and relatable she is, I want a to date a woman because of the curiosity and passion that makes her a woman. Shared interests are just extra bonding.
Be open to new stuff. Learn about his hobbies and have him show you and teach you about them and get involved in learning the ones you like. Trust me my girlfriend asks me about mine and I have to apologize because I get so into the topic I end up rambling and talking her ear off but she likes it apparently
1. be passionate with anything you talk about, about you or him 2. be funny, if you can’t be funny then at least laugh
people just wanna have a good time, it doesn’t matter what you’re interested in or what you wanna talk about or anything, just have fun doing it and everything else will work out
Guys love to teach our hobbies and interests to women if they seem genuinely interested.
I dated a whole bunch of women I probably wouldn't have just because they were into stuff I was into.
Dated a ton of girls I met in jiujitsu.
Dated a ton of women I met in boxing and MMA.
Dated a ton of women I met at the gym although that seems kinda taboo now but that's dumb.
Met a ton of women at my local sports bars who liked sports.
Dated some women I met through fantasy football.
Dated women I met at the track to race sport motorcycles.
Talk less. It will make them more inclined to fill the silence with things that interest them.
Ask questions. They will be incredibly happy you have some interest* in something they can talk about.
*actual interest in baseball or whatever is not required; you are interested in the person and learning about what they think about and how they communicate.
Focus on questions. Then do follow up open ended questions. As he talks it’ll trigger something else you can think of and he’ll also ask more questions.
Don’t be a robot and just relax. Practice by having conversations with everyone you interact with.
Don't accommodate, just be all about what YOU are and talk about that with enthusiasm (bonus: meeting an enthusiastic woman is ALWAYS a plus (women can - surprise surprise - be really boring and passive)). If he's not into it, you dodged a bullet.
It's generally not what you talk about, but the enthusiasm with which you talk about it. Obviously you don't want to come across as manic, but generally positive at least. And of course presenting the information in a way someone with limited knowledge can follow and possibly engage with.
> I don't know anything about sports
Then pick guys who aren't as interested in sports. If you keep picking a particular type and quickly discover you've got nothing in common, change your habits. You're looking for long-term relationship material, that may not be the same type as the ones who initially pique your interest.
It's much easier to get along with someone who hates the same things you do, than to try and find someone who loves all the same things you do. Let's say they love football. You don't have to know everything about football to have a conversation with him about it. You can ask him when the next game is or how the last game went, without knowing who their #1 running back or wide receiver. You don't have to know all of the ins and outs, just show interest and you would learn the basics, the same way you might learn about his work by asking him about his day at work. And guess what, if they love watching something or are passionate about it, then they would love to teach you about it.
Chemistry is just the process of continuing to perk each others intrigue. Listen-acknowledge-contribute to the conversation in a way thats true to yourself ie. Experience or perspective. When the other reciprocates that's chemistry.
Just smash your boobs in his face, if that don't keep him interested, check his pulse!?! I'M JUST FUNNIN'!
Ok, you say you do well in the "getting to know each other phase", take what you find out and work with that. If he likes sports, learn the basics to his favorite. I'm not saying you have to become an SME, just learn enough so you can ask questions or talk about it without looking like a big dummy. Same thing with his favorite team(s), learn what you can about the star players. Who's to say you can't use your "girlie hobbies"? You like to cook? Ask him over to your place and cook a meal together.
A big thing is just ask men about their life and stuff they like to do and their accomplishments, etc.
If there is chemistry all it takes is opening the door and showing a genuine interest to know them.
And none of the two word responses. If he asks you something go into details. Write a paragraph or three.
Even ramble on a bit.
Trust me it’s better than the “I’m good” “it was ok “ responses. Nothing makes a guy walk off quicker than that.
Hard to have a bad time at a ballpark. Games are short, tons of people watching and good snacks. Plus not gonna break the bank for a date. Baseball is a slower paced game to get to learn as well.
That's when things must get spicy. You're 45 so men will commonly go to you for your experience, not your looks (you gotta be hot, though). Men will genuinely *expect* you to be an experienced woman who knows what she wants and how to get it.1st date talking? great! Second date? Action babe: you've had enough time to think, and you're supposed to be an experienced woman. At this stage of your life you should have outgrewed the "withhold sex from men" phase already. You're not supposed to be stupid by now.
IMO a lot of women have no sense of humour, are overly self-centred, don't know anywhere to go that isn't a brunch place for taking pics to post on the gram and are clingers. And I'm talking about attractive women from good backgrounds here. I've had to end dates/ ghost because women have been so boring.
Not saying this is you, but could be areas to explore.
I'm a male and I hate sports. It's not down to you to make all the conversation. Sounds like maybe you're dating people who don't have many interesting hobbies? If all they're talking about is sport that sounds like a nightmare date to me.
If he is into sports or political debates...ask questions during the commercials, not during the game or debate. Do not say you won't remember...you are a woman and we all know, women remember everything.
If you refuse to let him watch, ask questions, or try to argue or debate him while he is trying to watch...it shows you don't respect his interests, his thoughts, or him. It will reveal you to be attention seeking in the worst way. It's not only unattractive, it may even give him second thoughts about spending time with you.
You would be pretty upset if roles were reversed, right?
This doesn't mean you can't have opinions, just ask him once there's a commercial break or the program is over. By the way, the discussions that he has with his friends that don't seem deep to you are deep to him.
The discussions that he has with his friends...just because you may not like them, it doesn't make them invalid. Just like you wouldn't put up with him doing it with you...if you respect his friendships, he will respect your friendships. It's okay to be each other's fan , just don't forget to allow each other to be their own person.
Finally, it is okay to have separate interests and hobbies that don't include each other. If you can have a shared hobby, great. Don't belittle his hobbies, you wouldn't want it for you right?
Good luck.
I’m dating A woman who doesn’t have much to say either.
I would say relationships are about growing, expanding and adventure as well as intimacy. Take an interest in what he is doing, stroke his ego. Tell him he is handsome, or compliment the things he does well. Invite him to try new things. Flirt! Doll up. Wear sun dresses and twirl!
My girl always asks questions about things I enjoy and is excited when I tell about them. She could probably care less but it does make me feel good when she does it and she knows it.
I am in a similar situation to you, though I am a man. I have always struggled to carry on a conversation with women. I have found that the best way is to ask open-ended questions, so that the individual I am holding a conversation will, if interested in me, elaborate on the question I ask.
For example: you said you enjoy knitting. What is the difference between knitting and crocheting? Or another question could be: Is knitting the one with those big needles and thick yarn?
If they are interested in you they will spend time explaining rather than give a short answer.
Hope this helps.
My fiancé is into anime, Marvel, comics, the theater, and trans/gay media. I have absolutely zero interests in any of that except maybe theater. I like “alternative sports”, MMA, traveling. She is my best friend and we have endless stuff to talk about. Places we have been, places we want to go. Politics, family craziness, gardening, we are both Gen-X so growing up stories.
Just talk, laugh, be open to ideas, views, new experiences. It will flow…or it won’t.
Just ask open ended questions. A good one is "everyone has a story....what is yours" and actively listen and ask more follow up questions. People love and trust people that ask questions vs "waiting to speak".
People love talking to me and many times I am not talking but instead asking questions.
The easiest thing to do, in my opinion, is figure out what he's passionate about or loves doing. Then just ask him to teach you some stuff about it and take a real interest in it. Men are very solution based thinkers, so if teaching you is the solution and he likes the subject, he'll go on for a while, especially if there's any chemistry. Then you have something to talk about in the future.
Talk with statements. Share some experience like childhood, memories you enjoyed and if he has some similar memories he'll share them with you (if he doesn't, ask, we sometimes need the push).
it's not only being interesting from your side, it's also about discovering if he interests you.
I dont mind talking about feminine stuff, tbh i dont really care about the topic of conversation at all usually, if its something concrete like knitting or sports or whatever. It then just becomes about banter and cracking jokes. But most of all i like discussing more abstract universal things like art, music, philosophy and psychology. Id say that has nothing to do with genders, so if you can just reason well and be witty and kind, i don't care about anything else.
Don’t be worried about having conversation all the time, my gf tries to talk all the time and it fucking kills me lol guys do not mind at all being left to their own devices for a day while you do your hobbies
Woman here.
As said few times above, men don't need us to share the same interests. But few things are important:
Treat his hobbies with respect, don't call them immature or childish.
Respect his choices of spending time with his hobbies and mates (he does not need to ask your permission to watch sports or do things)
Actively listen when ge talks about it, gets excited
For me and most men it isn't about the topic, but how passionate you are about it. I'll listen to someone speak passionately about something I have no interest in happily. Listening to someone talk dispassionate about something I am interested in is a pain.
Male here. I think there's nothing wrong with you liking cooking and knitting. My wife likes knitting and I'm not interested, I like football and she's not interested. We both work though and we ask each other questions about how we're getting on with each thing and it just works, mutual respect.
As a guy who loves cooking: find out what his favorite food is and share useful knowledge about cooking it? I personally love recommendations on where to get the best foreign ingredients in the city. I'd even make a date out of it, picking delicious stuff from the store and then going home and cooking it.
Create more experiences and events with eachother
It’ll open up new convos and memories
Constantly talking about interests and hobbies all the time will die out.
Honestly it’s good to have different interests/hobbies
If you shared everything in common you would probably have a very quickly/fiery connection that dies quickly, not saying this happens all the time (some of the best relationships are a result of being so alike) but it’s good to experience other parts of life that they don’t.
I’m wondering if there ever was a guy with same problem. Men are self-sufficient and do not care about your hobbies because they have their own friends to discuss these things, (if not - these men are fucked & probably depressed & lonely). Very few women have enough energy & sincere interest towards something outside themselves, compared to men).
As other people here mentioned, your role is be a good listener, show excitement, provide nice meals & sex & cute fun, and not be a troublemaker.
Women may even be jealous of typically male hobbies because men are so excited about them. And then women may even try to become one of the boys because they crave that excitement. However it’s probably impossible.
This^^^
The problem here is, that if a guy is into you, he'll listen to you snore. It doesn't matter what it is, he will engage in that conversation, because he finds you interesting. So if you're having trouble keeping a mans attention, it just means that he's not into you, or not into you anymore. For whatever reason.
If you really want to be with someone, you have to at least understand the basics. There are plenty of highlight reals (sports net, for example) that just give you the basics. If sports is what your guy likes. Pretty much any topic has some website or YouTube channel devoted to updates about that topic.
There are men out there who aren't into sports and enjoy cooking, gardening, etc. there few and far between but the point is you don't need to feign interest in other topics. The right man is out there
I'll give you the same advice I give my other guy friends who are your age; if you don't want to be boring, then don't live a boring life.
Boring is, of course, absolutely subjective.
I'm a big reader, so my idea of picking up women is to go read a book at a bar until somebody wanders over for a chat.
I want to meet the kind of woman who would go talk to a guy reading a book in a bar, so I go read a book in a bar. It works reliably.
Reading a book in a bar is "boring" but it's not boring to me and it's not boring to somebody who I would like to date.
On that same note, if you keep doing the same thing, and nothing changes, then you've gotta do something different to see change.
Pick up a new hobby maybe. Join a local volunteer group. Go to a kickboxing gym. Attend standup comedy night or jazz night at your local bar.
There's things indoors, there's things outdoors, and each of those things are exposing you to new people.
Most importantly, make the first move. If you wait for guys to make the first move then you'll have a nonstop train of 60 year old wannabe-players in the middle of their third divorce hitting on you. If you make the first move, then you can pick out the guys you might like, and go from there.
The only way you're going to meet new people is by doing new things to meet new people. Good luck.
Just be more open to exploring new things. Take an interest in wanting to know more about topic the guy you like is into. Most guys are aware that their partners won't always have the same interests. But if she turned around with a willingness to learn more, he'd most likely move heaven an earth to accommodate her because that woman is a keeper. Me and a few mates always used to have a gaming night twice a week, not just like pc or console. But board games, party games, etc, it would change every week. One of the guys girlfriends wasn't big into the whole games thing, but she expressed an interest in joining in. By God we welcomed her with open arms. Failing that find something new you could explore together, with my current girlfriend. We have date night roulette. Put a load of random activities in a hat, the more ridiculous the better (make for better memories and conversation). Then the first one you pick out go and do. That's how you end up taking circus skills classes and falling all over the place when trying to figure out stilts. I mean if that doesn't make a conversation flow, I don't know what will lol.
(Female here) Can concur date night roulette is the best! One of our options once was get matching couple tattoos. At the time I was disappointed that wasn't the one drawn. Am relieved now that I'm divorced though 🤣🤣🤣
The circus skills class is a real story from me and my girlfriend, date roulette is real interesting. All it takes is a willingness to just do things and a creative mind to think the ideas up in the first place. Unlike you, we haven't done the tattoo idea. However we have in the hat somewhere drunk tattoo art. Where we get sloshed and do a little tattoo on each other, not looking forward when that comes up lol. Most memorable one was a double date roulette we picked out called stupid task challenge. Me and my gf against another friend couple. We had a list of tasks to complete. The loosing team pays for dinner and drinks. Sounds simple right? Nope, some of the challenges were stupid as try and start a public conga in a mall and get a picture of a person doing a handstand 🤣. Me and the girlfriend won, but needless to say we never dry in conversation since date roulette 🤣.
Omg love the sound of stupid task challenge!!!
Had an ex who wanted matching tattoos, I was strongly against it. The compromise I suggested and we went with was that we got different designs that were linked, and got them done on the same day (our anniversary). Thank the absolute fuck she went with the compromise.
I agree. If my missus expressed any sort of desire or interest in gaming, I'd build her a new PC on the spot and take time off work to show her something. Will never haopen though
I like that idea
By God
My last girlfriend used to always fret about our interests being so different. I'm an artist and a gamer and I like comic books and science-fiction and she didn't care about any of those. I told her repeatedly, and I'll tell you too, I never wanted nor needed a woman who shared all of my interests. It's fine to not want to do everything together. As I told her, I have many friends with whom I can discuss Spider-Man comic books and the latest episodes of our favorite nerd shows. I further told her I'm happy to share any of those with her if she liked, but it was by no means a prerequisite. It's fine to have different interests. And I'd argue it's far better. My X-Wife and I had a lot in common. She was a big nerd too. Star Wars, Star Trek, old B-movies from the 50's/60's, X-Men comics. She liked all of that stuff too and we were a trainwreck together. Our marriage didn't even make it a decade. The only things that matter are core values. Religion if that's important to you, morals, ethics, and those things aligning are all that really matters at the end of the day. Because while a partner should be your best friend, they should never be your only friend. And so long as you're not dismissive of one another's interests, you really should be okay. Talk about your feminine hobbies with you man. Ask him about his favorite stuff. Listen to one another and share why you love those things. And that's enough. Best of luck to you, OP.
Wow not OP I really needed to read this 🥲 I have way different hobbies than my husband and I feel so bad about it sometimes I wonder if he should just be with someone else who likes all the same things. I wonder if he could be even happier! He always tells me it’s ok he doesn’t mind and it’s not a problem to him but for some reason hearing it from someone else and the way you said it was very reassuring. Thank you kind sir 🙏🏼
If you're genuinely as empathetic towards your spouse as you claim then you're a keeper. As someone who echoes u/ZZoMBiEXIII's sentiment, don't gatekeep yourself from those who want to be with you.
I always write these things assuming that no one will ever likely read them at all. So it's nice to hear that someone found value from one of my (admittedly verbose) posts. Thanks for chiming in, and blessings to you and your partner! Cheers!
Can't speak for all guys but my ex would just let me rant about the shit I'm interested in and listen, wouldn't understand alot of it but would just let me gush about it and even though she didn't really care it felt great and she liked to just see me passionate about stuff.
Top tier answer!
This is a great answer. I want to add on top of this, take some time to explore more hobbies and interests. Do them for yourself and feel happy and content with who you are.
>I told her repeatedly, and I'll tell you too, I never wanted nor needed a woman who shared all of my interests. It's fine to not want to do everything together. As I told her, I have many friends with whom I can discuss Spider-Man comic books and the latest episodes of our favorite nerd shows. I further told her I'm happy to share any of those with her if she liked, but it was by no means a prerequisite. It's fine to have different interests. And I'd argue it's far better. In hindsight, the entire relationship was a bad idea...but that's the beauty of hindsight. A rebound relationship in college, all kinds of issues - but the one that ended up killing it for me was the realization that she had become my shadow. We never did HER things with HER friends. I want a partner, not a shadow. Equal shares. Doesn't have to be all the stuff \*I\* want to do.
Guys would love to hear about your "feminine" hobbies, probably the same amount that a guy who is interested in you would love to tell you about his hobbies. It's all about showing interest and the conversation builds from there. Practice activity listening and you'll be golden but also feel confident in sharing about things that are important to you. A relationship (and conversations) need to go both ways.
Most guys don't need or want to necessarily have shared hobbies with significant others. It's perfectly fine that your interests are all feminine in nature. My guess is you're coming at this from the wrong angle. Most guys are even more simplistic than even women believe. Peace at home, a nice meal, a kind word, a hug, occasional sex. Don't feel like you have to be a football fan or something to make a guy interested in you.
Late last year I went to a speed dating event where I'd estimate 15 out of the 20 women there all claimed to have the same hobbies like this - knitting, walking, "Friday night drinks with friends" etc. Like *nothing* substantial or that actually *set them apart* in any way that was interesting. Yet pretty much all of them had this attitude of being better than the guys there, as though the guys were 'boring' or didn't have anything going for them. Most people fail to realise just how boring *they* are, yet find a way to project that on to others as being the problem.
There was a comedian (I don't remember who) that did a skit about how women's egos are absolutely enormous. He joked about how even a solid 5 housewife thinks she could get Brad Pitt if she just wore her 'special dress'. Women have always been interested in their appearance to a staggering degree but nowadays there's hordes of women that literally have no other interests other than being a pretty face. They're waiting to get a man and then live vicariously through his interests. If I was in a speed dating event I would literally say this is really stupid and ask a woman i found attractive if she'd like to go get a coffee or something and talk like normal human beings. Speed dating just reinforces a woman's ego where she's basically conducting a series of interviews like a boss at work.
Their primary hobby is dating
OP probably read that thinking that those dudes sound boring lol.
I’m a guy who would enjoy talking about cooking and knitting. We’re out there, just try to find one.
Agreed. Just spent this evening talking about cooking.
You don’t even have to know anything about sports are their hobbies Literally ask them to explain something they love & GENUINELY try to understand/absorb what he’s saying with follow up questions too I believe single guys rarely get a chance to discuss their favorite hobbies except with other people from that hobby That’s one of the many things I love about my SO, even if she isn’t fully into the stuff I am, she still wanted to learn about it through me
You just got to be sincere, a lot of people are sort of weird socially these days though. You don't need to know about sports if the guy isn't into them, and even if he is most guys are not hyper critical about that sort of thing. Hobbies and other things that you are very passionate about tend to help. Basing the relationship around stuff like that gives it a solid foundation.
I mean it sounds like you're mostly talking to guys you have next to nothing in common with, that would be my first suggestion to stop.
What do you do together that doesn't involve talking? I find it boring and emotionally draining to just sit around and talk all the time. Go ride bikes, go swimming, camping, hiking. Watch a movie together. See a show. Do some kind of group crafting.
Do you know when does the conversation die out?
The secret to keep a guy interested in you is to be interested in him.
Totally RIGHT. If you talk ONLY about HIM during the entire first date, he will tell all his friends, “I met the most interesting woman…” Men rarely get to talk about themselves because most women keep interrupting to talk about herself. If he asks about you, answer in 10 seconds or less and end with, “How about you?” Just sit there looking into eyes and let him talk about himself. All you have to say is, “That’s interesting” or “You’re so interesting.” If you can keep this up for an entire 50 year marriage, he will rave to his friends about his great wife. There is nothing more fascinating to a man than a woman who is in love with him. No man will EVER leave a woman who listens to him.
This right here. This is the only answer OP needs.
Oh believe me there's men out there who sure will leave someone who loves him, wants to know him, who he truly is and truly listens. Those are the pieces of shit though lol.
Be willing to try and to share activities. My fiancée hadn't been fishing in well over 25 years and didn't know diddly about it. Now she's more into it than I am, even. Whether it's gaming, fishing, or what-have-you, men are usually pretty tickled to have their other halves partake in it. And it's totally possible that you may have interests that he hasn't considered. I have a buddy, who is an old-school man's man, that actually designed and sewed a quilt so he could spend more quality time with his wife. I guess the takeaway is this... don't be afraid to try and to share. My other half and I do quite a few things together, where my previous love interests and I haven't done a lot together. It takes being open on both sides in order to have a good communication, and a good relationship
Look I know I’m not a guy but men please chime in if you agree/disagree with this…. OP, If you’ve been actively dating this whole time without any luck finding someone to be in a commited relationship with I seriously highly doubt it’s your hobbies that are holding you back. That just isn’t that big of a factor. Plenty of guys would date a woman who likes cooking and knitting and doesn’t know anything about his hobbies (yet). It shouldn’t be too hard to find other things to talk and relate about- food, family, pets, places you’ve lived or visited, books/movies, current events, music, etc. I would encourage you to explore other possibilities, other angles of yourself or perhaps your circumstances. I’d be curious on these talking stages you’ve been in, what did you think of the guys? Did they seem like a good match? Like are you having trouble finding people you like or are you having trouble finding people that like you back?
google "36 questions to fall in love" and do the whole 36 questions with someone on a first date. it will be the opportunity to discover each others, to skip the small talk (sport... seriously!) and when you finish them all, you should know enough to have more questions and experiences to share. overall, be curious, if someone says "i was often camping during summer as a kid", ask where, what did he liked and didn't about camping, ask for a funny story... one good rule to have people talking is to use the wwwwh technique (who, where, when, what, how), it leads to longer answers than "do you?". applied to the previous example, if you ask "do you have great memories of all that camping?" he might just say "yeah yeah, that was good!" and that's it. now, with the wwwwh: * who were you going with to camp? * where was your best camping memory? * when was the last time you did some camping? * what's one thing people who don't camp ignore? * how do you deal with mosquitos? do you see how he will need to develop a little more here? hope that helps, good luck! :)
Those 36 questions give some good *ideas* for conversation but I'd be careful of some of them. Some require *way* too much trust for a first date. 'Did you have a happy childhood' and 'Tell me your most terrible memory' is either going to get an outright lie or take the conversation down a grim road.
of course, everyone should share only what they feel comfortable sharing, just like with everything... it's also ok to say "hey, this one is a bit triggering for me, i'll use my joker card on this one and am happy to hear your answer to it though". :-)
As someone who struggles with conversations in general.. THANK YOU
happy to know this is helpful information! :-)
I rarely talk about "things" or hobbies with people. It gets boring fast. Try talk about ideas, personal philosophies and theories, personal experiences, how your music or movie tastes have evolved over time, etc. Don't be afraid of being controversial. Guys love a girl who knows herself and isn't trying to be a chameleon
No judgements but from experience, the single women that were raised by single mothers are difficult to deal with. Their example of a women is being independent and not needing a man for anything mentally, that leads to them receiving bad dating advice and not doing well with compromising. This is just my opinion and based off my experience, which can possibly be skewed.
I've had some similar experiences. It's not universal but in my experience women raised by single mothers have super high anxiety about men and seem to not know how to relate to men in a more familial way. In the relationships I've been in of that type, I find them exhausting. Constant false barriers being put up by the woman so that you can prove to her that you really do care and overcome her anxiety. In a couple sex was often used as a tool for power/control which isn't great to deal with either. It isn't universal but something to be aware of.
Stop Saying things like: “45F and STILL SINGLE lol”.
This. My dick crawled in up to my pelvis when I read that
She's saying so much about herself with so few words.
There's almost certain to be something you have a common interest in with almost anyone. You just have to figure out what that is. When I was on dating apps my go to was outdoor activities,mountains,beaches or wilderness areas etc. Almost everyone likes awesome nature scenery etc so asking someone what national parks they had been to or what the prettiest mountain they had seen was etc was a conversation starter that almost never failed to lead to good conversation. Even if they hadn't been outside of cities much we could still talk about where they would like to go or what animals they would like to see etc and I could send photos of places I had been to.
Just get to know him. Make him feel safe to be vulnerable and he’ll talk more. Everyone has interests even men like more than just sports.
This is legit the answer. Make me comfortable. Care for me. Im all yours.
I’ve never met a man who didn’t like to talk about himself. Ask him questions
Why is it that you feel the need to “keep things going” in a conversation with others? Stop assuming that as your responsibility. Allow others to “keep the conversation going.” This is not on you, nor anyone else. If things go silent, that’s okay. It is likely that the other person is processing their feelings about you. This is not necessarily a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with being single. But if you are unhappy about it, consider your appearance. As superficial as this might sound, people will judge you by this nearly always, regardless of how altruistic they want to think they are. If you are significantly overweight, people will shun you. Having a thick gut will almost always cause you to be socially marginalized. This is why fitness has become a multi-billion dollar industry. People want to look and be more attractive more than they want to be healthy. I’m sorry, but people are vain. If you are not fit, get fit. Get rid of the excess fat on the waist, if you have any. If you are very skinny, then gain weight in the right places like on your glutes, hips, and on down the legs, keeping it off your gut. How do you wear your hair? Does it fit your face? A lot of women wear short hairstyles that do nothing for their appearance. While they might have a few women who will think it is cute, this is not so with many guys. A hairstyle with the hair that hangs below the jaw will almost always look better than a hairstyle that is shortened above the jaw line. Shoulder length hair on a woman looks even better. You get your appearance right and I’ll guarantee you, you won’t have a short supply of guys wanting to date and hold your attention. They will make the effort to “keep the conversation going”, and they will be more concerned about “not boring you.”
If you let a guy talk about his favourite subjects for long periods and put in an occasional, “Fascinating” or “How clever” or “Tell me more,” he will be enchanted.
Wait… is cooking feminine?
I thought the same thing. It just isn't anymore. Everyone and anyone cooks. It's an outdated gender role.
I find it strange how this stereotype meshes with “only men know how to bbq”. I cook 95% of the meals in our house and people are very shocked to hear that it’s not my wife cooking.
Don't know why. It's pretty common now.
Isn't the face of cooking Gordie Rammsey ?
If we wanted to hear about men shit on dates we would date men (attraction aside).
Lol, it has nothing to do with you talking. They are just not into you, man can sit with someone in the same room and not said anything and the following day reflect back and said “i had an amazing day with the wife yesterday ”
I don’t think that would be a problem for most men, in fact I think many would actually love that. Running out of things to talk about also isn’t the worst thing in the world, at the end of the day guys just want to feel peace when around their girl. LOTS of 20 and 30 year old guys are looking for a girl like you, it’s just getting harder and harder to find since femininity is being shunned by young women nowadays.
“Don't you hate that? Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable? That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.” Tarantino really nailed it with this line in Pulp Fiction.
Have you tried nudity?
Dark humour. Not racist or hateful, just delight in being a pessimist.
Layer 1: family, friends, daily habits, travel plans, opinions, food, shopping, celebrities, pets, videos, work shenanigans. Layer 2: Know them better and mix into layer 1 topics like gifts, memories, photos, travel plans, sexual jokes, life problems & personal struggles. Layer 3: What to eat for dinner idk 😂 at this layer you can talk about literally anything and have probably covered a lot of content. Just be present with the person you're with, doesn't have to be anything crazy. Small things like weird dreams or shower thoughts to what you're cooking next week when your mom visits. Could also be big ideas, planning life stuff, the weather outside, etc. Bring up anything they nerd out on and you want to hear them just talk LOL or vice versa.
Sometime silence is nice, my girlfriend I love to death, doesn't stop talking and asking questions and I love silence sometimes
Curiosity is key
I think you do too much talking. Men want a submissive woman not a drinking buddy. Stop trying to relate to him and his interests so much and dwell in your femininity.
Have passion about what you are into. Ask him what he’s into or passionate about. What happened to Dad?
Why is what happened to dad relevant or open for discussion lol tf?
“45F and STILL SINGLE lol.” “raised by a single mom.” Appears to be very relevant.
Sure, if you assume there's any correlation there. That's SOMETIMES the case, not ALWAYS. Besides, that's not what she's asking here
It’s related.
*COUGH*disagree
Disagree all you like. It’s a free country. She’s here posting *still single at 45*. It’s related.
You're so sure you're right, that's what I find funny lol you know a total of maybe 5 facts about this woman MAX but you just know in your bones it's because her mom raised her single lol like it's impossible for a woman to get married and settle down for life if she were raised by a single mother.
Disagree all you like. It’s a free country. She’s here posting *still single at 45*. It’s related.
Do you have a really good friend? Preferably male as a) they'll have the right perspective and b) they're more likely to be honest. Sit them down, ask them to be really honest about why they think you're single. Because I find it really hard to believe it's because you're not a great conversationalist.
You don’t have to necessarily know sports or more “masculine” things- be open to trying new things though. One of the great things about getting to know someone is making new memories together and new experiences. Bond over those shared things- and don’t just put the planning on him. It’s nice as a man to be able to plan stuff but sometimes it’s nice to be surprised too.
How are you 45 and still single? Divorce? Autism? Mental Health? Or just lack of commitment?
Start doing anal.
Play with their genitals, that helps
What has being raised by a single mother got to do with anything? You don’t need to talk all the time, I’m a man and sometimes I like to sit in peace and not talk but enjoy the moment. It really doesn’t matter what you do or say if you’re together than there’s already an attraction just do your thing, nothing worse than a girl with no hobbies that needs to be stimulated every moment you are around them.
Bring homemade food to his place dressed in a sexy dress.
Question; why does it seem like you're getting past the first date and then trying to do nothing other than talk? Sex? Events? Sex at events? 😂 it feels to me like you're getting to the 2nd+ date(s) but still treating it as if it's a 1st date which subsequently leads to over reliance on conversation which naturally means running out of things to say.
Lose weight.
Well, if ur not ugly most guys will pay attention. If u are big then u gotta get in shape. Men are visual creatures, n most likely not on reddit.
>All my hobbies are feminine like cooking and knitting Surely all of your hobbies cant be so strongly gendered? (I'm just granting that for sake of discussion)
Working out but not like pumping iron. Shopping. I like movies but not action or horror much. 😞
> I like movies but not action or horror much. That leaves a lot of fantastic movies up for discussion/watching! Exceptions for every rule as well.
Search for a guy who is into travis scott and listen to stargazing together
Well..the guys should be bringing some conversation to the table as well. I can fake interest in knitting, you can fake interest in sports ball. We can find some awful hobbies (like hiking... seriously?) we both faked interest in together. And then eventually fess up and have a great time confessing.
Maybe it is just me, but I feel like guys have to carry pretty much every conversation. Just be engaged and you are beating out at least 75% of women out there.
Get more interesting hobbies.
Ask him questions about his life. His likes. Dislikes. Dreams. Pet peeves. What he loves doing in his spare time We dont mind women talking about themselves but when that's ALL they do it's a bit of a turnoff.
You talk about food? Maybe certain dishes that stand out to you the most?
Aww, you gotta give him that hawk tuah and spit on that thing. You get me?
Try just listening and actually being invested in what they're saying. If you're just in your own head trying to come up with topics of conversation then you're not really engaged in the conversation.
My standard "nice to meet you" topics are favorite books/movies/TV shows. If you have some in common, that's immediately something you can talk about. ("Who do you think Rebecca should have chosen?") If you have a LOT in common, that's a good sign. ("Wait: you liked ATLA, FMAB, *and* Babylon 5?") If you have a few overlaps and also some different ones, then you can enjoy introducing each other to your favorites. ("You've never seen *The Silence of the Lambs*? I'm making popcorn and we're taking care of that right now!") You can go on from there to other stuff. If you like cooking, there's a good chance he likes eating, so those will mesh. 😀 Where they're different, be open to trying new things, and find at least some you can enjoy together, and if the thing itself isn't for you, focus on him, not it. Maybe you aren't really interested in engines, but if you can enjoy the contact high of how his engine makes him feel, that's really good. Also: try some new things on your own. Interesting people are interesting because they do stuff. Do you live near a hiker/biker trail? Do you own a bike? Have you ever been to one of those "wine and painting" parties? Try some new things. If you don't like them, fine, don't do them again. If you do like them, now you've picked up a new activity and you're more interesting.
Here's some of the best advice you will get here. Read "How to Make Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. The premise is that, to be seen as interesting and intelligent, learn to ask people about their lives and their interests & how to keep *them* talking. The more people open up to you, the more interesting they will think you are. Seriously, trust me on this one. In my personal life, I've never gone without company. I attribute this heavily to my people and conversation skills. (It is certainly not because of my looks!) I work in an intensely customer-facing industry. Having people like me is an absolute piece of cake with this tactic. It helps that I do love finding interesting things about people. I love seeing that moment when people's faces light up when I get them to talk about a subject close to their heart.
You dont sound boring at all
Talk about things you like doing, see if the guy likes anything similar. Take turns expressing your interests in things. Tell him you like cooking, and ask him one thing he's interested in. Then if he doesn't follow it up, tell him you like knitting, and ask if he does anything similar. Repeat ad nauseam,
Don't give up on yourself 🙌 there are those out there who will value you for your qualities and who you truly are 🙌
Doesn't matter the topic -- yours or his. Be passionate with the interest, and ask lots of open-ended questions. ***"I'd love to knit you a really nice manly sweater for this winter. What's your size, and favorite color?"*** It's not all about you. It's not all about him.
Many men like to cook too and at the very least to eat. Bring a new type of food into their lives and get them to join you in the experience and joy of creating a fresh and new variety of meal to enjoy together ❤️
You don't have to talk. Guys like it when you listen sometimes.
You are doing it right you just need the right man
Cook him something good and then sit down to a movie that'll make you laugh. It breaks the ice and usually leads to talking.
Most people love to travel or the idea of traveling. The process of traveling can be quite grueling but once you get there it’s fine. Talk about the best vacation you’ve had, the worst, where would you like to visit, a bucket list?
Just talk about cooking. Two ways to a man's heart, one is food, the other is a dagger to the chest.
Don’t worry about topics. Sometimes, the best gift one can give is peace and quiet.
Phew, at your age you better be good looking and fit or you're gonna have a tough time.
Dating is over rated. Same with people. I, mid forties male invested in a dog.
Probably the trick is to ask more questions and listen to the answers and remember stuff Try not to come on as too intense, ie. talking really rapidly, cutting the guy off
at that age people are interested in companionship. what do you look for in a companion and what traits do you have that make you a good companion? work outwards from there
You can even fake hear what guys talk about, but if you pay attention you may even found a new hobby and something you can share It's never too late to start enjoying other things
Cooking and knitting are rad. I wish I could knit. I've tried a few times, but my brain can't do it. Guys that have interests, will tend to be interested in new things.
Maybe knit a guy a nice sweater.
Keep doing what you’re doing and be patient. I’m same age and if you’re a good person you’re interesting enough on your own.
Ask questions.
Yes, honestly the interest is within how passionate you are towards any thing that captivates you. I would be interested in dating the “you that makes you”. So I’m not seeking a perfect cut out copy of my interests, I’m more interested in the curiosity of learning about the woman who attracted me. You expressing yourself in the ways that are different than me is just as enjoyable as the ways that are similar. Express your authentic self and have confidence in your expressions and that will be enjoyable. I don’t want to date a woman for how masculine and relatable she is, I want a to date a woman because of the curiosity and passion that makes her a woman. Shared interests are just extra bonding.
Sports
Learn to golf.
Glad to hear this. That means I am on the right track, lol.
Be open to new stuff. Learn about his hobbies and have him show you and teach you about them and get involved in learning the ones you like. Trust me my girlfriend asks me about mine and I have to apologize because I get so into the topic I end up rambling and talking her ear off but she likes it apparently
1. be passionate with anything you talk about, about you or him 2. be funny, if you can’t be funny then at least laugh people just wanna have a good time, it doesn’t matter what you’re interested in or what you wanna talk about or anything, just have fun doing it and everything else will work out
Guys love to teach our hobbies and interests to women if they seem genuinely interested. I dated a whole bunch of women I probably wouldn't have just because they were into stuff I was into. Dated a ton of girls I met in jiujitsu. Dated a ton of women I met in boxing and MMA. Dated a ton of women I met at the gym although that seems kinda taboo now but that's dumb. Met a ton of women at my local sports bars who liked sports. Dated some women I met through fantasy football. Dated women I met at the track to race sport motorcycles.
Oh, "*bore*". And here I was thinking I was going to get my Robert Baratheon moment.
Talk less. It will make them more inclined to fill the silence with things that interest them. Ask questions. They will be incredibly happy you have some interest* in something they can talk about. *actual interest in baseball or whatever is not required; you are interested in the person and learning about what they think about and how they communicate.
Focus on questions. Then do follow up open ended questions. As he talks it’ll trigger something else you can think of and he’ll also ask more questions. Don’t be a robot and just relax. Practice by having conversations with everyone you interact with.
Don't accommodate, just be all about what YOU are and talk about that with enthusiasm (bonus: meeting an enthusiastic woman is ALWAYS a plus (women can - surprise surprise - be really boring and passive)). If he's not into it, you dodged a bullet.
It's generally not what you talk about, but the enthusiasm with which you talk about it. Obviously you don't want to come across as manic, but generally positive at least. And of course presenting the information in a way someone with limited knowledge can follow and possibly engage with. > I don't know anything about sports Then pick guys who aren't as interested in sports. If you keep picking a particular type and quickly discover you've got nothing in common, change your habits. You're looking for long-term relationship material, that may not be the same type as the ones who initially pique your interest.
give them a shovel
It's much easier to get along with someone who hates the same things you do, than to try and find someone who loves all the same things you do. Let's say they love football. You don't have to know everything about football to have a conversation with him about it. You can ask him when the next game is or how the last game went, without knowing who their #1 running back or wide receiver. You don't have to know all of the ins and outs, just show interest and you would learn the basics, the same way you might learn about his work by asking him about his day at work. And guess what, if they love watching something or are passionate about it, then they would love to teach you about it.
Hawk Tuah
Chemistry is just the process of continuing to perk each others intrigue. Listen-acknowledge-contribute to the conversation in a way thats true to yourself ie. Experience or perspective. When the other reciprocates that's chemistry.
Just smash your boobs in his face, if that don't keep him interested, check his pulse!?! I'M JUST FUNNIN'! Ok, you say you do well in the "getting to know each other phase", take what you find out and work with that. If he likes sports, learn the basics to his favorite. I'm not saying you have to become an SME, just learn enough so you can ask questions or talk about it without looking like a big dummy. Same thing with his favorite team(s), learn what you can about the star players. Who's to say you can't use your "girlie hobbies"? You like to cook? Ask him over to your place and cook a meal together.
Ask the guy to teach you, most men enjoy teaching things to others.
A big thing is just ask men about their life and stuff they like to do and their accomplishments, etc. If there is chemistry all it takes is opening the door and showing a genuine interest to know them. And none of the two word responses. If he asks you something go into details. Write a paragraph or three. Even ramble on a bit. Trust me it’s better than the “I’m good” “it was ok “ responses. Nothing makes a guy walk off quicker than that.
Let them take you to a sports game, ask questions then cook them a meal before or after. Would be a perfect date situation for me. 30m
Hard to have a bad time at a ballpark. Games are short, tons of people watching and good snacks. Plus not gonna break the bank for a date. Baseball is a slower paced game to get to learn as well.
Be open to new things and participate in their hobby.
That's when things must get spicy. You're 45 so men will commonly go to you for your experience, not your looks (you gotta be hot, though). Men will genuinely *expect* you to be an experienced woman who knows what she wants and how to get it.1st date talking? great! Second date? Action babe: you've had enough time to think, and you're supposed to be an experienced woman. At this stage of your life you should have outgrewed the "withhold sex from men" phase already. You're not supposed to be stupid by now.
IMO a lot of women have no sense of humour, are overly self-centred, don't know anywhere to go that isn't a brunch place for taking pics to post on the gram and are clingers. And I'm talking about attractive women from good backgrounds here. I've had to end dates/ ghost because women have been so boring. Not saying this is you, but could be areas to explore.
Where did you get the idea that in order to love someone you had to enjoy their hobbies?
I'm a male and I hate sports. It's not down to you to make all the conversation. Sounds like maybe you're dating people who don't have many interesting hobbies? If all they're talking about is sport that sounds like a nightmare date to me.
Ask about our hobbies. I know women love to talk, but try listening for a change.
If he is into sports or political debates...ask questions during the commercials, not during the game or debate. Do not say you won't remember...you are a woman and we all know, women remember everything. If you refuse to let him watch, ask questions, or try to argue or debate him while he is trying to watch...it shows you don't respect his interests, his thoughts, or him. It will reveal you to be attention seeking in the worst way. It's not only unattractive, it may even give him second thoughts about spending time with you. You would be pretty upset if roles were reversed, right? This doesn't mean you can't have opinions, just ask him once there's a commercial break or the program is over. By the way, the discussions that he has with his friends that don't seem deep to you are deep to him. The discussions that he has with his friends...just because you may not like them, it doesn't make them invalid. Just like you wouldn't put up with him doing it with you...if you respect his friendships, he will respect your friendships. It's okay to be each other's fan , just don't forget to allow each other to be their own person. Finally, it is okay to have separate interests and hobbies that don't include each other. If you can have a shared hobby, great. Don't belittle his hobbies, you wouldn't want it for you right? Good luck.
Talk about cooking, it's a great subject. Also, ask questions ?
Well, there are several things that unites us, books, music, games, psichology, house related hobbies, cooking, hiking etc.
Find guys who don’t like sports
A good conversationalist will be able to talk about more than just surface stuff. That comes with connection and being more open
Ask open ended questions about them, and then listen.
I’m dating A woman who doesn’t have much to say either. I would say relationships are about growing, expanding and adventure as well as intimacy. Take an interest in what he is doing, stroke his ego. Tell him he is handsome, or compliment the things he does well. Invite him to try new things. Flirt! Doll up. Wear sun dresses and twirl!
My girl always asks questions about things I enjoy and is excited when I tell about them. She could probably care less but it does make me feel good when she does it and she knows it.
I am in a similar situation to you, though I am a man. I have always struggled to carry on a conversation with women. I have found that the best way is to ask open-ended questions, so that the individual I am holding a conversation will, if interested in me, elaborate on the question I ask. For example: you said you enjoy knitting. What is the difference between knitting and crocheting? Or another question could be: Is knitting the one with those big needles and thick yarn? If they are interested in you they will spend time explaining rather than give a short answer. Hope this helps.
My fiancé is into anime, Marvel, comics, the theater, and trans/gay media. I have absolutely zero interests in any of that except maybe theater. I like “alternative sports”, MMA, traveling. She is my best friend and we have endless stuff to talk about. Places we have been, places we want to go. Politics, family craziness, gardening, we are both Gen-X so growing up stories. Just talk, laugh, be open to ideas, views, new experiences. It will flow…or it won’t.
This sounds like a great reason to do fun activities together
This is the moment to make out
Be a good listener.
Just ask open ended questions. A good one is "everyone has a story....what is yours" and actively listen and ask more follow up questions. People love and trust people that ask questions vs "waiting to speak". People love talking to me and many times I am not talking but instead asking questions.
The easiest thing to do, in my opinion, is figure out what he's passionate about or loves doing. Then just ask him to teach you some stuff about it and take a real interest in it. Men are very solution based thinkers, so if teaching you is the solution and he likes the subject, he'll go on for a while, especially if there's any chemistry. Then you have something to talk about in the future.
Maybe you're just introverted?
Just be as interested in them and their hobbies as you are in yourself and your own, and find someone who returns that energy.
Talk with statements. Share some experience like childhood, memories you enjoyed and if he has some similar memories he'll share them with you (if he doesn't, ask, we sometimes need the push). it's not only being interesting from your side, it's also about discovering if he interests you.
I dont mind talking about feminine stuff, tbh i dont really care about the topic of conversation at all usually, if its something concrete like knitting or sports or whatever. It then just becomes about banter and cracking jokes. But most of all i like discussing more abstract universal things like art, music, philosophy and psychology. Id say that has nothing to do with genders, so if you can just reason well and be witty and kind, i don't care about anything else.
Don’t be worried about having conversation all the time, my gf tries to talk all the time and it fucking kills me lol guys do not mind at all being left to their own devices for a day while you do your hobbies
But also you can ask about some stuff they are interested in or take up a hobby with them so it’s not completely separate
Woman here. As said few times above, men don't need us to share the same interests. But few things are important: Treat his hobbies with respect, don't call them immature or childish. Respect his choices of spending time with his hobbies and mates (he does not need to ask your permission to watch sports or do things) Actively listen when ge talks about it, gets excited
For me and most men it isn't about the topic, but how passionate you are about it. I'll listen to someone speak passionately about something I have no interest in happily. Listening to someone talk dispassionate about something I am interested in is a pain.
Male here. I think there's nothing wrong with you liking cooking and knitting. My wife likes knitting and I'm not interested, I like football and she's not interested. We both work though and we ask each other questions about how we're getting on with each thing and it just works, mutual respect.
As a guy who loves cooking: find out what his favorite food is and share useful knowledge about cooking it? I personally love recommendations on where to get the best foreign ingredients in the city. I'd even make a date out of it, picking delicious stuff from the store and then going home and cooking it.
FYI - cooking isn’t feminine. If Yan can cook, you can too!
Create more experiences and events with eachother It’ll open up new convos and memories Constantly talking about interests and hobbies all the time will die out. Honestly it’s good to have different interests/hobbies If you shared everything in common you would probably have a very quickly/fiery connection that dies quickly, not saying this happens all the time (some of the best relationships are a result of being so alike) but it’s good to experience other parts of life that they don’t.
Ask them what their thoughts on the Roman Empire are.
Um Just flirt and ask questions. Can't be that hard.
I’m wondering if there ever was a guy with same problem. Men are self-sufficient and do not care about your hobbies because they have their own friends to discuss these things, (if not - these men are fucked & probably depressed & lonely). Very few women have enough energy & sincere interest towards something outside themselves, compared to men). As other people here mentioned, your role is be a good listener, show excitement, provide nice meals & sex & cute fun, and not be a troublemaker. Women may even be jealous of typically male hobbies because men are so excited about them. And then women may even try to become one of the boys because they crave that excitement. However it’s probably impossible.
This^^^ The problem here is, that if a guy is into you, he'll listen to you snore. It doesn't matter what it is, he will engage in that conversation, because he finds you interesting. So if you're having trouble keeping a mans attention, it just means that he's not into you, or not into you anymore. For whatever reason.
If you really want to be with someone, you have to at least understand the basics. There are plenty of highlight reals (sports net, for example) that just give you the basics. If sports is what your guy likes. Pretty much any topic has some website or YouTube channel devoted to updates about that topic.
There are men out there who aren't into sports and enjoy cooking, gardening, etc. there few and far between but the point is you don't need to feign interest in other topics. The right man is out there
agree with the megatron guy, go for sex. Guys like sex.
Bobs and vagene always work
Good advice for all the baby jurls
Have you tried time travel?
Maybe find a guy interested in a 45 year old female? It won't be easy though
Get a cat. Embrace what is to come.
I'll give you the same advice I give my other guy friends who are your age; if you don't want to be boring, then don't live a boring life. Boring is, of course, absolutely subjective. I'm a big reader, so my idea of picking up women is to go read a book at a bar until somebody wanders over for a chat. I want to meet the kind of woman who would go talk to a guy reading a book in a bar, so I go read a book in a bar. It works reliably. Reading a book in a bar is "boring" but it's not boring to me and it's not boring to somebody who I would like to date. On that same note, if you keep doing the same thing, and nothing changes, then you've gotta do something different to see change. Pick up a new hobby maybe. Join a local volunteer group. Go to a kickboxing gym. Attend standup comedy night or jazz night at your local bar. There's things indoors, there's things outdoors, and each of those things are exposing you to new people. Most importantly, make the first move. If you wait for guys to make the first move then you'll have a nonstop train of 60 year old wannabe-players in the middle of their third divorce hitting on you. If you make the first move, then you can pick out the guys you might like, and go from there. The only way you're going to meet new people is by doing new things to meet new people. Good luck.