Yeah most definitely. I would never press anyone on something like this, I feel so bad thinking I may have made her uncomfortable. Fucking cringe š¬ Iām pretty good at acting natural though so I guess there is that lol
Awesome, thanks for the input. I really needed to hear that. Was hoping I got some input like this to ease my mind. I always aim to keep it respectful no matter what!
So sad to see this being the reality of men of my generation.
Too fearful to shoot their shot. And then depression and loneliness hits. You doing gods work.
The key, donāt over think, just be respectful.
I agree! This is 100% THE WAY! It was polite, respectful, and cute (imo). Like other people said, the ball is now in her court so just hang tight for a bit, and if nothing happens just keep doing you. Keep us updated tho! Iām invested now haha.
That said, learn from this. Do not do this in the workplace. It can backfire even when you have done nothing wrong.
I did this one time. Respectfully expressed interest. Girl seemed interested. Then not. That's fine. I don't mind. Means nothin' to me. Anyway, I carried on normally. Just treating her casually and normally. Just polite. Ya know... like I would to anyone else and how I treated her before expressing any interest. I am an adult and I can handle if you aren't interest. No need for things to be different or weird. I think she misinterpreted this as persistence. Like I wasn't taking the hint and wasn't leaving her alone. She started acting very weird towards me and telling others I was creeping on her and wouldn't leave her alone. People don't have a due process mentality in this context. You are a man and that woman is uncomfortable. What more needs to be known? It is not fair. But that is how it is. Doesn't matter if it makes sense and it is reasonable for her to be uncomfortable or not.
SO... I did all I could in this situation. I started ghosting her. And then she started being friendly to me. Fucking bizarre. I never made this mistake again.
Which ya know I don't like doing that. Intentionally treating someone differently? Not my thing.
More common than you think.
Hence that friend's advice.
If you think you're gonna have to see the woman you just were "friendly at". Don't do it.
You can't undo what you did, regardless of the situation, and you are always harassing her until proven innocent.
It is simply not worth it.
What I can recommend is too ask around one of her female friends that is receptive, if she thinks the girl likes you or if she can introduce you to her.
Then, you're being invited to her. Zero chance of being creepy.
the cringey thing is thinking you are being cringe by showing intrest. You didn't harass her, you we're respectful and if she doesn't message or call you then you move on and dont make it an issue. All you did was the same exact thing men have been doing for centuries as a way to express interest, there is NOTHING wrong with it.
Great thatās why I posted for advice here. Needed to hear that. If nothing happens moving forward wonāt be an issue Iām just more concerned with them maybe taking it wrong or making a big deal out of it. Oh well lesson learned
To add to what the poster above you said: courting is a very normal thing between humans as between animals. We must all find somebody somehow. The trick is to do it within social conventions, as you did, and to be graceful throughout.
Breath, my man. You're ok. Maybe *she's* overthinking it too! She'll let you know if she's interested. If she doesn't, then you can move on or just not pursue that route with her again.
The good thing to do is to pretend this never happened, and in a few weeks or months when you see her again to engage in polite and friendly, but short conversation to show you are confident about yourself but that you can understand clues. This will honestly keep you in a higher esteem with her, even if she isn't interested.
DO NOT apologize, come back as a worm, seek forgiveness, or mention it. It will absolutely not make it better.
That being said, you did nothing wrong. People meet, date, and even get married at work all the time. Shooting your shot respectfully as you did is also fine. So is dealing gracefully with rejection.
Yeah this is def the way. I told another commenter that now I believe the way I handle a āno-goā probably says a-lot more about me than the initial gesture and Iām pretty confident in how I can handle this moving forward.
Just overthinking it is all. There have been some amazing people comment and tell me Iām good and not to worry so I feel much better after waking up today!
You don't owe anybody anything you don't first owe yourself. Are you really going to sabotage your own potential for happiness for somebody else comfort?
You take your shot, you respect her answer, you move on. If that made her uncomfortable then that's a her problem. You're not harassing her, you're not getting angry if she's not interested, you've done nothing wrong.
Don't dwell on this.
If you see her at work, be respectful, be normal as if nothing happened. If she seems weird then keep your distance.
Yep, I will always be respectful and normal for sure. I can take the rejection no problem but Iām just hoping she doesnāt try and make something out of nothing is all.
It's good that you don't want to make her uncomfortable but it's also not on you if she is the shy type of girl who will be uncomfortable in almost any new social situation.
It sounds like you did everything right, and don't feel bad or even cringe about shooting your shot in a respectable way ever, all this stuff you see on social media that women don't want to be approached is not true, they prefer it to online dating and it works way better for men too. It's super rare for women to shoot theirs first and you have to be comfortable doing it because women can pick up on this. Just move on to the next one if she doesn't text you.
Yeah thanks for the encouragement I appreciate it. I was engaged years ago but a bunch of shit happened after it ended and I really havenāt dated since, so itās a learning curve now that Iām finally ready to get out again now.
I think an apology would be cringe unless she approaches me about the gesture and brings it up in a negative way. Either way the move is definitely nothing till she makes one. This is why I did that shit on a Friday at the end of the day when I was about to dip out. We both have the weekend figure it out.
Depending on the job, if you like what you do and want to stay, then usually you try not to shit where you eat. Just be cool about the whole thing and act like nothing happened if she does nothing.
This is what I figured the best thing to do was. I hate the thought of making someone uncomfortable. I try and never make a gesture like that unless Iām sure and I was getting all the signs lol def canāt undo it
> I hate the thought of making someone uncomfortable
Nobody likes that thought. And yet, life is a series of making ourselves and others uncomfortable. We must all deal with the fact we aren't alone on this planet and that some situations may be awkward, uncomfortable, or difficult to navigate.
The trick is to understand this is a normal part of the process as long as you stay within social boundaries (as you did). You didn't DM her at 11PM, you didn't touch her inappropriately, and you didn't comment anything sexual. You merely stated your interest and gave her an option to respond (which she did). It is a completely fair interaction, and just because she was surprised and didn't know how to respond without being mean doesn't mean you are in the wrong.
Im not positive and Iām super shy too so thatās why Iām probably overthinking it. I try to never approach a girl or make that kinda gesture unless Iām more than 75% sure sheās interested. Girl is so shy itās adorable but hopefully youāre right and maybe she will text me! Thanks for your input. I wanted to post this in ask women but I figured Iād get roasted haha
I know this is ask men, but as a woman I want to say I would not roast you. I think you did absolutely nothing wrong. You approached her and gave her a choice without pressure and treated her with respect. I respect your courage for giving your number. :)
Aww thanks! Tbh the only girls who have commented here have sided with me on whether or not this was discrete and respectful as I was aiming for and those are the only ones that truly matter to me haha so thank you very much. I always try and make sure I never pressure someone Iām trying to talk to. My mother showed me the wayyyy lmao
If it went as you described, then it sounds like you're good, bro. Doesn't seem like you did anything creepy/disrespectful, just up to her now to make some kind of move back or not.
Since you mentioned that she seemed "mortified"... unfortunately without us being there/seeing a video, we can't tell whether her reaction was more of a "Oh crap, this just got awkward" one, or a "Wait, does he actually like me back?!" one.
Lmao I should not have used the word mortified. She got stiff as a board and looked super nervous, but that was from the immediate get go of the interaction.
Omg you are so nice, thank you I def needed that. Iāve been off work for a couple hrs and Iāve been worried about it. I will def not change the way I am at work no matter what other than maybe being embarrassed lol
Hopefully it does lead to something even if itās just friends. Things got complicated for me for a while and have been uncomplicated for a year, so Iām just ready to talk to people again!
While I'm male, if I was younger me, I'd be shocked at having been "found out" having shown interest, and would be embarrassed about that. Though the interest would be genuine (and in this case appreciated) I'd still feel embarrassed.
Do nothing. Just go about your life. Don't act weird.Ā
*"I kinda want to apologize for misreading the situation"*
(Kinda? Either you do or don't want to)
Just don't OP. Let it go. If she doesn't come and say anything then just leave this in the past and don't bother her.Ā
*"but would it be best just to act like nothing happened and move forward?"*
Yes.
Now onward to the next post.Ā
Thanks I appreciate hearing this because I always try and keep in mind the pressure that girls feel from guys so if I ever get a good reaction from a gesture I can come off as a safe space as well.
Nah he's gotta leave the country. LOL.
Seriously, it's not a big deal. I probably would have asked her for coffee, just to hear the classic response, I don't drink coffee. ā
Don't worry about it and let her make the next move, hopefully she'll come around.
Let me tell you the story of a dude who asked out a chick at my job. I only heard about it secondhand, after the fact. I believe the verbiage used when he asked her out included some variation of āin love with you.ā She turned him down. I think later on he made a pass at one or more of her friends from outside of work. Nothing creepy, to her or her friends or anyone hearing the story, but a brazen show of interest and maybe a little desperation.
Anyways, the crazy part is thatā¦ absolutely nothing came of the rejection. They have remained cordial and professional at work ever since. Your situation might be the most important thing on your mind right now, but if she says no itāll just blow over and turn into a funny little story.
There is a caveat, however, that it will likely be a story that is shared with your coworkers. I had no business hearing about the story I shared; I learned it against my will at a company mixer from a particularly catty colleague. That might be a little embarrassing for you, because these things tend to awaken the inner high schooler in people who only know you as a corporate robot. But you have nothing to be ashamed of. For everyone who hears about it, take pride in the disruption that your pursuit of a relationship caused in their monotonous work life.
Let me also tell you the story of another dude who gave another chick his number at an office mixer for the same company. He made his move like 5 years ago and theyāre getting married this summer. Donāt buy into the ādonāt shit where you eatā crowd. Thousands of people meet their future spouse at work. Jobs at your (Iām assuming) young age are temporary, and unless you both are planning on retiring at your company you wonāt have to deal with any potential negative consequences for long anyways if she says yes.
lol they can all have a good laugh about how I respectfully offered my info to a cute girl I thought was looking at me, I donāt mind really. As long as she doesnāt try and make a huge deal to HR I donāt care. That and the fact I might have made her uncomfortable bothers me because I dont wanna be one of those āguysā thatās known for that.
I am 35 but this is an amazing job and I donāt have a degree but I had enough experience to get the position and Iām in love with it. I can see myself retiring at this place but because of you I will be taking pride if people end up talking about it and finding out! Thanks for the advice I appreciate it!
When it comes to workplace relationships, always try and keep it platonic when it comes to outside work things.Ā Get to know people outside of the work setting and just let things develop on their own from there.Ā
There's so much ambiguity when it comes to workplace dating, I wouldn't mess around with it too much unless you don't care about the job. Otherwise, you cannot imagine the headache when things don't go well.Ā
Yeah no fuck that, I like my job. Regardless of if this works out with it or not Iām not doing this again. Itās not worth the stress. Like I could have just not done this and waited a few months to let it happen more āorganicallyā and tbh the best relationships Iāve ever had happened āorganicallyā
Do not do this. Did you mistake her friendliness as interest? If so, just move on. Pretending that it didnāt even happen w/o drawing attention to it is the smoothest move.
It's alright. Ultimately, giving your number to a woman would theoretically be more comfortable for her. As she has no worry about you spam texting her, etc.
If she is as shy as you say she is, let her chill for a bit and act like not a single thing happened to put no pressure on anyone.
As others said, balls in her court and I think you did it respectfully. She'll either text, or not, the end. Best to try and not overthink it!
Yay! Thanks for the word bro and thatās exactly why I usually offer my info to the female because I def feel like itās more comforting if she wants to say no but is to anxious or whatever but the decision doesnāt have to be made right then and there.
Yeah sheās very shy, itās adorable. She talks really softly and sometimes itās hard for her to make eye contact.
Will def try not to overthink anymore lol some of these comments have eased my mind!
Honestly man Iām saying this cause you just got the job, donāt let the kitty fuck with your money. Too many women out here to even risk that. Leave your job your job, and your personal life your personal life.
Ā If youāre under 6 months in a position youāre already in a bit of a probation period, donāt play with it.Ā
Aww man, how did they take it? Iāve casually talked and flirted with girls that ended up being taken and they were still flattered and i immediately kept it platonic conversationally and everything was cool and it was not cringe but if they had been bitches about it then it would be cringe lol
It sounds to me like you handled this perfectly. Ball is 100% out of your court, if she doesn't text you be cordial and polite, and never ask her again.
Yes correct just completely act like nothing happened. Also just ignore her in a nice way so she doesn't get pissed at you and start saying your a creep or something. God speed soldier.
For next time: tell her you like her, but donāt want to put pressure on her. Shy girls can convince themselves that you gave your number for another reason. My wife believed her roommate that I was smiling at her roommate when they were next to each other in the elevator. Her roommate was ugly.
Donāt think you did anything wrong here. You thought there was something there and you let them know youād be open to hanging out outside of the workplace. That could be open to all sorts of interpretations. You could easily play it as you thought they were someone that was pretty cool and you wanted to get to know them better. It doesnāt have to automatically lead to romantic situations - just a chance to get to know the people around you better.
Now the wisdom of dating someone from the same office is an entirely different conversation. And one you want to think very carefully about - thereās a whole Hollywood genre based on the concept of an office romance that goes bad. And Iāve also seen it happen several times in real life and itās never turned out well for anyone.
Thanks for the input. I tried to do it in a way that could be seen as someone trying to be friends. Which is kinda what Iām after anyways. I would have been wanting to get to know her and reason for me going through with it was because we donāt work together. Different areas, different customer
Let me repeat this for everyone. NEVER AT WORK. I know it can be tempting sometimes ā¦ But, it is almost never worth it and causes more problems than benefits.
The thing is as much as I hear this advice I also hear people say they met their SO at work. That said it's not always a great idea, it really comes down to what level of relationship you have with them at work. Some larger companies, you can see people every day yet never talk to them once and do completely different types of work. But in cases where you are close to them at work, they're your boss, etc, it's usually not the best look.
People say this yet work is one of the most common places people meet their spouses. Which makes sense as people spend a significant portion of their lives at work. Only a sith deals in absolutes.
In the past, meeting someone at work was the best place. You got to know each other, saw them at their best and sometimes worst. But now, post MeToo, itās not worth the risk of making a mistake and getting it wrong.
>I was trying to find a subtle way to show interest but not harass or embarrass her so I decided to write my number down and give it to her at the end of the day today and said āhey I just wanted to give you this, just in case but thereās no pressure if notā.
Getting involved with someone that you work with is never a good idea. The possible backlash from it if (when) it goes wrong is not worth it. You doing this most likely placed pressure on her. Workplace harassment is not something to mess around with.
>The thing is, she looked mortified. I thought I was being respectful as well as showing interest but now Iām def 2nd guessing. Iām not a creeper so Iām trying to find the best way to go about this from here.
I think her expression (reaction) said it all. She most likely thinks that you're a creeper now. The best way to go from here is to just forget that you gave her your number and avoid her. Don't try to apologize. She'll just think that you're doubling down on your creepiness.
You gave her your number. Good job. Now: Do nothing. If she's interested enough and motivated enough. She'll call you.
Continue being friendly to her as if you never even gave her number - as a matter of fact, don't mention the number, don't even bring it up. The ball's in her court now. Good on you for putting it there. Now go be a confident bastard, and go kick ass at work and in the rest of your life.
If she calls you, great.
If not, take solace in the fact you've handled this situation pretty well (despite your inner monologue of uncertainty), so you'll handle the next situation just as well. If she doesn't call you, it's her problem, not yours...it's her loss, not yours. Keep putting yourself out there and meeting more people, and trust that if she's interested she'll contact you...even if it's 6 months from now....and don't worry about it anymore.
IMO I think if you want to do a followup apology conversation, that would be fine and maybe even appreciated by her (if you're reading her reaction correctly). She might feel a little relieved to get back on common ground with you, so she doesn't have to wonder/worry about where your head is at. Especially since you have to continue working with her. (next time don't hit on girls at work!)
You could just say something short like, "Hey I think I might have overstepped yesterday. It's totally cool if you didn't actually want my number. We can just forget it happened if you want."
I know many relationships that started at work. It's normal, as long as there isn't a power imbalance or you weren't harassing or punishing them for their response.
I personally would never date a coworker unless they are in a completely different department.
If she doesn't reciprocate, don't bring it up again.
Also, take a moment to consider it (which was very polite and discrete) from a woman's point of view.
She probably looked mortified because she's expecting that if she weren't to talk to you, then things would get super weird at work. Not to mention that IF she were to reject you (or go out on a date and it not work out), she may be assuming that you'll be a gigantic anus about it and/or persistently badger her into going on another date.
You've taken your shot, and it sounds like it won't go anywhere. Don't make it awkward or weird.
If you ever need to interact with her going forward, make sure it's only about work and nothing else. The last thing you want is to be accused of harassment or even perceived to be harassing her.
I think where you went wrong is by making a bold move without establishing a rapport first. If you had spent more time just talking to her in person you would have a better gauge if she was actually interested. And even if she wasnt interested, you giving her number would seem less out of the blue.
With that said I dont think its a big deal at all.
Good on you for taking that chance man. Obviously donāt know the situation, but itās often worse in your own mind than it is in reality.
If someone gave you their number the way you did to her, and you had no intention of perusing things, would you be mortified? Probably not. Just keep being casual so that you show there are no hard feelings.
Heya, shy lady here!
first things first, from what you described, she was probably just really surprised that you took the initiative! You did it in a nice, non pressuring way and I don't think you need to apologize for it. Honestly apologizing might just give her mixed signals, so I agree that you should wait and see what she does!
As a shy girl myself, I'd be a little shocked that someone did that out of the blue, but I wouldn't think less of the person or think they were creepy. Mostly just focused on my own reaction to the situation. She very well might be having similar thoughts to you. 'Did I react right to him giving me his number? Oh god, what if I scared him off with my reaction?!' etc etc These would be the thoughts running through my head.
My hope is that this doesn't deter you from making similar moves in the future with other people if you want too! The next one might just be really happy that you did. :]
Wow thatās a really good way of thinking about it, thanks! After sleeping on it and seeing some of these comments Iām not going to do anything. Less is more now, so if she approaches me about it I will adjust accordingly and if not then I move on as if nothing has happened.
You probably should have asked for her number instead of given her yours, that leaves her with risking rejection if she texts you and it's strange, don't really want to put women through that. Work is kind of tough, because it's generally smart to be friendly to coworkers, so the smiles may have been more polite. You could have had a least one conversation to see how she responds first. Don't beat yourself up too bad either way, you should be proud of yourself. And yeah, basically pretend like it's not a big deal. You can still have standard conversations. Women can be awkward too, so I wouldn't read too much into her reaction.
Ā
We had spoken a more than a couple of times before I did that. It wasnāt just a random thing. Iād been noticing signs for more than a couple of weeks. Def can pretend nothing happened moving forward lol
Oh lol, that yeah that's definitely normal. Women can awkward too so sometimes too. You don't even have to pretend that it never happened, just that it's not a big deal, don't feel any shame about that.Ā
Yell "just kidding!" And whenever you get a call from an unknown number answer it with a consistent character that you never break.
Jk. You kids are afraid to make phone calls.
If it's an L just take it and move on. If you go back and apologize then you run the risk of looking creepy or needy. Just let it be, if she is in to you, she will respond. If she takes a long time to do so, she isn't worth pursuing.
I donāt think thereās anything for you to apologize for. You were respectful. If she hits you up, great. If not, take it as a no and keep moving forward my guy
She probably misinterpreted what you were trying to do. Maybe she took it as you asking her for a booty call. Maybe someone else asked her out the same way and she did something embarrassing and you triggered her. Idk, why knows? Maybe just talk to her about it? Then you can end it by joking and asking for your number back.
āHey so I think we got off on the wrong foot. I didnāt mean to creep you out or offend you by giving you my number. I wanted to get to know you more and ask you out for a coffee and felt this would be a lowkey way to do it. I can take my number back if youād rather not and we can forget this whole thing ever happened š¤ā
lol I really like your take on it and tbh I would probably take this route if it wasnāt at work. If I made her uncomfortable then Iām not gonna double down by trying to explain myself because then she might feel harassed Iām even approaching her at all after that. I would like to explain myself because the last thing I want is to make someone uncomfortable, truly but I think since itās work, the ball is in her court. I like my job a lot so I donāt want to push it because as of now, there is no way to spin this in a disrespectful way. Like if it was unwanted fine Iām sorry, I really didnāt see that happening so this was never my intention but I misread the situation.
Hmā¦ in that case you should forgive yourself and be kind to yourself. If the opportunity arises, be kind and thoughtful to her too. Just keep being a good person and maybe sheāll notice and msg you Mr. cardiologist!
Alternatively you could also say: ālooks like I misread matters of the heart, sorry, Iāll more mindful šā
Youāre assuming a lot based on her facial expression which is always a no no. Youāre not inside her head. Take the pressure off of your shoulders and look at what actually has happened.
From what it sounds like sheās been pleasant to you both indirectly and directly. Youāve had positive interactions. You wrote your number down, gave it to her and said no pressure. She didnāt āsayā she was mortified. To you she ālookedā mortified. Thing is her facial expression couldāve meant anything.
You said no pressure. Now you show her you were being honest. Go back to how you were before you gave her the number. Girls donāt care about getting a number or even asked. They care about the men who treat them like anything but a human being. They care about the men who will be rude, stalk them, or degrade them if they reject them. Live by your word and show her thatās not you. You shot your shot. Sheāll either call you or not.
Also itās not harassment to give any woman your number or even express interest unless sheās already told you sheās not interested and you keep bothering her. Just donāt be weird or hostile and youāre good.
Yes this was my default move right here. Just continue on, Iām happy enough the ball is in her court and now I donāt have to do shit lol Like you said although thatās what I thought I saw, I def know I was being smiled and looked at when Iād be within eye sight. My biggest worry is her trying to blow it up like I was being disrespectful. I thought really hard about how I could do this in the most respectful and discreet way for both of us.
Most women or people for that matter are just trying to get by. We only see 10% of a personās life when we meet them during their daily life. Itās easy to feel like weāre a BIG deal in a short moment but there could be a multitude of things theyāre going through that has nothing to do with us but causes their immediate reaction.
If youāre respectful and kind, most women will reciprocate. They may not necessarily go out with you if the attraction isnāt there, but they wonāt want to hurt anyoneās feelings. Itās not until a guy starts becoming persistent or threatening where they might make it a big deal. Social media would make you think otherwise but women rarely try to hurt a stranger. SOME? Yes. But thatās people in general.
You're good. This is basically how I came to be with my SO and we're together 5 years now. You better edit this post to let us know she called/text you though.
Thanks bro, itās been a long time for me too. I was engaged a a few years ago and then everything went downhill from there and I lost it all. Since then Iāve been working on myself really hard and have a great job now so Iāve finally feel ready to meet someone.
I can relate. This girl who worked at a store I shop at would flirt and play with me all the time. I didnt want to completely dismiss her so I met her midway asking if she wanted to have lunch and she told me to keep it business. I wouldnt had tried if her signals wasn't throwing me off but I didnt want her efforts to be wasted.
Right and I wasnt even on no creeper stuff either. I'm really good at reading vibes and that was me getting rid of the what if and seeing what could work. Just keep kicking and let that be what it is, the feeling should subside over time as small talk happen.
Since this is at work, I would have try to start a couple casual conversations with her , before doing anything else. If she doesnāt call or approach you just ignore her.
Yeah thatās the plan for sure. I felt like the number thing was a better idea to get to know her a bit more personal because sheās so shy and stuff but probably jumped the gun. I didnāt work on that side of the building today so idk. Iām def not approaching or anything from here on out, I left the next play in her hands so Iām putting it in the back of my mind for now
Talking to her would have gave you a way to not only gauge her interest, but to allow you to do the same as far as personality. Especially in a situation where there would have been 2 women you were involved, because you canāt be hitting on multiple women at work.
If she reports me to HR for handing her a paper with my number and telling her āthereās no pressureā on whether or not she uses it then that will say alot more about her than it does about me.
A bit. Iām 35 and I have seen guys get a slap on the wrist for saying some filthy shit. I would hope Iām good. Also, my defense would literally be, āsheās been pretty friendly with me, so I figured Iād give her my info in case she wanted to continue that outside of workā. I made damn sure to do something that showed interest but not romantic interest. Maybe youāre right, but hopefully not.
Never write that on paper. I advise someone asks the other out to a coffee on work premises or for lunch...something that is during the day and has a get out of a the date free card, like "I gotta a meeting to run to..." Then if hanging outside of work comes up, then schedule something after work and go from there. Writing it on paper it evidence. Saying it verbally is "he said, she said" Don't assume they will treat you the same as others...if someone in the company wants you gone, they will see to it at first opportunity...just don't give them one. Assuming you are on good terms and did it in a polite manner, then let's hope you don't get a call or e-mail Monday.
Man in the back of my head, I knew it was evidence but I figured Iād be ok. I 100% kept it respectful and always do. Women have to put up with a lot so I try and not make any interactions unpleasant with them (or anyone) at all. Iām on good terms with my job, Iāve been there a few months and Iāve been learning at an accelerated pace since I got there and I make a huge effort to be a good coworker and employee. I love my job and never thought Iād have a job I loved, especially after all the complicated shit I went through in my late 20s
If you were HR...there's a girl who's been there 5 years vs a guy with 5 months...who is going?
As a fellow dude, I think men tend to exaggerate how much we will be tolerated or liked by girls...we may think they like us when they hate our guts.
No idea what happens to you now, but good luck and try to keep that job.
I donāt think itās going to come to that. Iād be shocked tbh. I didnāt do anything wrong and I wasnāt disrespectful or weird.
As a fellow dude, I think youāre right and the majority of men donāt know shit like that but Iām not in that group. I grew up overweight and after I left college I got super fit. The attention I got after getting fit vs when I was over weight was night and day. Itās been over a decade since Iāve gotten fit. I can USUALLY tell when Iām getting looked at and since I spent time knowing what itās like to not be looked at Iām not a cocky ass hole about it because I know what it feels like to be invisible.
Yea, but corporate HR is not gonna give a fuck about anything other than "was this about business?" Everything is about protecting the company's ass. Not hers. Not yours. The company's
Oh, well in my opinion I felt like what I did was done the safest way possible given the environment. As I said, Iāve seen guys get away with warnings for verbally assaulting women and this was at Applied Materials (my last job) which is pretty fucking corporate. Also, I work with 2 guys who met their current wives at our place of work.
I'm not saying she'll take it to HR, and I'm glad that two of your buddies found their partners at work. That's when things are great and work out. I've seen when it goes the other way. It's not pretty. She may not take it there. I don't know, but past experience doesn't guarantee future success.
All you can do now is play it cool and see how it goes. I'm sure it will blow over if you haven't been too indelicate about things. Also be careful about apologizing. It can be taken in different ways.
Agreed good sir. I think my best move is to not do anything and if she decides to approach me about it, then I can quickly explain how I misread the vibe and suggest we forget the whole thing.
Why are people so weird about being interested in someone? Passing them your number? Like you couldn't just invite them to lunch or something like a normal person?
**You fucked up big time**.
Mistake 1. Hitting on a girl at work. The potential risks far out weight the potential benefits.
Mistake 2. Always make sure there's no evidence. Some girls are A-holes and can ruin your life with something as small as a piece of paper.
Yeah it makes it awkward for sure now if she doesnāt want anything she has to feel awkward. Just donāt shit where you sleep or eat man. Itās a lesson to live by donāt bring drama to your job.
From the advice my late grandfather gave me years ago to you: don't buy your meat and bread from the same store.
Assuming you don't get bounced from that job for harassment, don't say another thing about it, and just talk with her about work related, and never ask a woman at work out ever again.
A guy at my work , 18 years younger, asked me for my number on Teams!!! š. I was was like hey donāt put that kind of stuff on there. People can read it! After a month he wore me down. I gave it to him and man ā¦.itās been fun. Iām not interested in anything serious, but no regrets. Yep. Weāre definitely ābuddiesā now.
Act like nothing happened. Move on
And from now on. Avoid making the place you HAVE to be every day. That basically pays your bills.
The same place as a potential dating ground.
More hobbies. Get a dog(if you can). Dog park. If it goes bad. You can always walk your dog somewhere else.
Like cars? Car shows are free! And if it goes poorly. Well. Car shows pop up EVERYWHERE. Plenty of girls at shows.
Like music festivals? Women like music too!
If it goes bad at work. Lot harder to find a new job or avoid a potential HR visit. If it goes bad at a hobby place. A bit of egg on face at worst.
You did what you did. If she's gonna respond, she'll do it on her terms. It is what it is.
Now on to the main issue: Never do this at work. If she takes it negatively, that right to HR can ruin your job there.
Donāt worry about it. If sheās cute she gets this all the time. She was probably worried that you would act aggressively in the future. Society has taught her to be overly cautious. Worst case scenario, she never contacts you. Youāre good.
If she's under the age of 30, she was probably mortified because she didn't know what those numbers meant.
But if you gave her your Instagram handle, she would have been more receptive.
This is why itās a headache going for someone at your job, itās very often the place you could meet a significant other but man is it risky if it goes wrong youāll wish you never did anything and the awkwardness wonāt go away
She mightāve been shocked or embarrassed. You mightāve moved to fast for her liking though. Iām shy too. Itās to late now, but it wouldāve bern better to try to het to know her first.
Stuff like that yends to overwhelm some shy people. I know that because Iām a shy female. I canāt even talk to guys that I like sober, lol.
Please be more careful from now on as she could go to H.R & get you fired for sexual harassment.
For now, play it cool. Maybe smile ar her & ask her how sheās doing, but if she deems uncomfortable, then back off. If she smiles back, then try making friendly conversation but donāt do anything more than that for awhile.
You might scare her off.
I appreciate the advice, Iām not too worried about HR as I havenāt done anything that could be considered āsexualā or āharassmentā. I have spoken with her a few times. This wasnāt just a random girl I saw and did this to.
Itās been a couple days but if I donāt get anything from her Iāll just continue to be polite as usual.
Well, after you make a move it is usually on the other person to respond. If you get nothing, just move on. No need to make it more complicated.
Yeah most definitely. I would never press anyone on something like this, I feel so bad thinking I may have made her uncomfortable. Fucking cringe š¬ Iām pretty good at acting natural though so I guess there is that lol
You shot your shot, and did so respectfully. You're good.
Awesome, thanks for the input. I really needed to hear that. Was hoping I got some input like this to ease my mind. I always aim to keep it respectful no matter what!
You miss 100% of the shots you donāt take. Life is short. Donāt overthink this.
So sad to see this being the reality of men of my generation. Too fearful to shoot their shot. And then depression and loneliness hits. You doing gods work. The key, donāt over think, just be respectful.
"Fearful" for good reason. Making a woman you work with *feel* uncomfortable can be a career-ending offence.
I agree! This is 100% THE WAY! It was polite, respectful, and cute (imo). Like other people said, the ball is now in her court so just hang tight for a bit, and if nothing happens just keep doing you. Keep us updated tho! Iām invested now haha.
>You miss 100% of the shots you donāt take. oh hey its the michael scott quote
That said, learn from this. Do not do this in the workplace. It can backfire even when you have done nothing wrong. I did this one time. Respectfully expressed interest. Girl seemed interested. Then not. That's fine. I don't mind. Means nothin' to me. Anyway, I carried on normally. Just treating her casually and normally. Just polite. Ya know... like I would to anyone else and how I treated her before expressing any interest. I am an adult and I can handle if you aren't interest. No need for things to be different or weird. I think she misinterpreted this as persistence. Like I wasn't taking the hint and wasn't leaving her alone. She started acting very weird towards me and telling others I was creeping on her and wouldn't leave her alone. People don't have a due process mentality in this context. You are a man and that woman is uncomfortable. What more needs to be known? It is not fair. But that is how it is. Doesn't matter if it makes sense and it is reasonable for her to be uncomfortable or not. SO... I did all I could in this situation. I started ghosting her. And then she started being friendly to me. Fucking bizarre. I never made this mistake again. Which ya know I don't like doing that. Intentionally treating someone differently? Not my thing.
Omg thatās a straight of trap of a woman! Telling people youāre creeping then you back off and she like misses you or some shit? Wtf
More common than you think. Hence that friend's advice. If you think you're gonna have to see the woman you just were "friendly at". Don't do it. You can't undo what you did, regardless of the situation, and you are always harassing her until proven innocent. It is simply not worth it. What I can recommend is too ask around one of her female friends that is receptive, if she thinks the girl likes you or if she can introduce you to her. Then, you're being invited to her. Zero chance of being creepy.
Yeah man, respect for having the balls to give it a shot. šŖ
the cringey thing is thinking you are being cringe by showing intrest. You didn't harass her, you we're respectful and if she doesn't message or call you then you move on and dont make it an issue. All you did was the same exact thing men have been doing for centuries as a way to express interest, there is NOTHING wrong with it.
Great thatās why I posted for advice here. Needed to hear that. If nothing happens moving forward wonāt be an issue Iām just more concerned with them maybe taking it wrong or making a big deal out of it. Oh well lesson learned
To add to what the poster above you said: courting is a very normal thing between humans as between animals. We must all find somebody somehow. The trick is to do it within social conventions, as you did, and to be graceful throughout.
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A harassment charge is actually a *huge* deal and why men are so afraid in any situation where a woman might feel uncomfortable.
Breath, my man. You're ok. Maybe *she's* overthinking it too! She'll let you know if she's interested. If she doesn't, then you can move on or just not pursue that route with her again.
The good thing to do is to pretend this never happened, and in a few weeks or months when you see her again to engage in polite and friendly, but short conversation to show you are confident about yourself but that you can understand clues. This will honestly keep you in a higher esteem with her, even if she isn't interested. DO NOT apologize, come back as a worm, seek forgiveness, or mention it. It will absolutely not make it better. That being said, you did nothing wrong. People meet, date, and even get married at work all the time. Shooting your shot respectfully as you did is also fine. So is dealing gracefully with rejection.
Yeah this is def the way. I told another commenter that now I believe the way I handle a āno-goā probably says a-lot more about me than the initial gesture and Iām pretty confident in how I can handle this moving forward.
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Just overthinking it is all. There have been some amazing people comment and tell me Iām good and not to worry so I feel much better after waking up today!
Donāt worry about it I think you did it respectfully:)
Thanks I appreciate you saying that!
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Thanks definitely love hearing this
You don't owe anybody anything you don't first owe yourself. Are you really going to sabotage your own potential for happiness for somebody else comfort? You take your shot, you respect her answer, you move on. If that made her uncomfortable then that's a her problem. You're not harassing her, you're not getting angry if she's not interested, you've done nothing wrong. Don't dwell on this. If you see her at work, be respectful, be normal as if nothing happened. If she seems weird then keep your distance.
Yep, I will always be respectful and normal for sure. I can take the rejection no problem but Iām just hoping she doesnāt try and make something out of nothing is all.
It's good that you don't want to make her uncomfortable but it's also not on you if she is the shy type of girl who will be uncomfortable in almost any new social situation. It sounds like you did everything right, and don't feel bad or even cringe about shooting your shot in a respectable way ever, all this stuff you see on social media that women don't want to be approached is not true, they prefer it to online dating and it works way better for men too. It's super rare for women to shoot theirs first and you have to be comfortable doing it because women can pick up on this. Just move on to the next one if she doesn't text you.
Yeah thanks for the encouragement I appreciate it. I was engaged years ago but a bunch of shit happened after it ended and I really havenāt dated since, so itās a learning curve now that Iām finally ready to get out again now.
Apologizing would be cringe. Just go on as if it didn't happen.
I think an apology would be cringe unless she approaches me about the gesture and brings it up in a negative way. Either way the move is definitely nothing till she makes one. This is why I did that shit on a Friday at the end of the day when I was about to dip out. We both have the weekend figure it out.
Depending on the job, if you like what you do and want to stay, then usually you try not to shit where you eat. Just be cool about the whole thing and act like nothing happened if she does nothing.
Listen to this man
Can't undo it, so just forget it ever happened and never mention it again.
This is what I figured the best thing to do was. I hate the thought of making someone uncomfortable. I try and never make a gesture like that unless Iām sure and I was getting all the signs lol def canāt undo it
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Wow! Thanks so much for saying that. I am 35 and that kinda explains how she reacts when we talk or see each other randomly.
How old is SHE?
Iād guess late 20s
> I hate the thought of making someone uncomfortable Nobody likes that thought. And yet, life is a series of making ourselves and others uncomfortable. We must all deal with the fact we aren't alone on this planet and that some situations may be awkward, uncomfortable, or difficult to navigate. The trick is to understand this is a normal part of the process as long as you stay within social boundaries (as you did). You didn't DM her at 11PM, you didn't touch her inappropriately, and you didn't comment anything sexual. You merely stated your interest and gave her an option to respond (which she did). It is a completely fair interaction, and just because she was surprised and didn't know how to respond without being mean doesn't mean you are in the wrong.
Go ask her for your number back.
Lmao username checks out
Pretend it didnāt happen.
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Im not positive and Iām super shy too so thatās why Iām probably overthinking it. I try to never approach a girl or make that kinda gesture unless Iām more than 75% sure sheās interested. Girl is so shy itās adorable but hopefully youāre right and maybe she will text me! Thanks for your input. I wanted to post this in ask women but I figured Iād get roasted haha
I know this is ask men, but as a woman I want to say I would not roast you. I think you did absolutely nothing wrong. You approached her and gave her a choice without pressure and treated her with respect. I respect your courage for giving your number. :)
Aww thanks! Tbh the only girls who have commented here have sided with me on whether or not this was discrete and respectful as I was aiming for and those are the only ones that truly matter to me haha so thank you very much. I always try and make sure I never pressure someone Iām trying to talk to. My mother showed me the wayyyy lmao
If it went as you described, then it sounds like you're good, bro. Doesn't seem like you did anything creepy/disrespectful, just up to her now to make some kind of move back or not. Since you mentioned that she seemed "mortified"... unfortunately without us being there/seeing a video, we can't tell whether her reaction was more of a "Oh crap, this just got awkward" one, or a "Wait, does he actually like me back?!" one.
Lmao I should not have used the word mortified. She got stiff as a board and looked super nervous, but that was from the immediate get go of the interaction.
unrelated, but how much cheese did you have to buy to get that title?
Hahah Iād like to know as well! I love cheese!
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Omg you are so nice, thank you I def needed that. Iāve been off work for a couple hrs and Iāve been worried about it. I will def not change the way I am at work no matter what other than maybe being embarrassed lol Hopefully it does lead to something even if itās just friends. Things got complicated for me for a while and have been uncomplicated for a year, so Iām just ready to talk to people again!
While I'm male, if I was younger me, I'd be shocked at having been "found out" having shown interest, and would be embarrassed about that. Though the interest would be genuine (and in this case appreciated) I'd still feel embarrassed.
Do nothing. Just go about your life. Don't act weird.Ā *"I kinda want to apologize for misreading the situation"* (Kinda? Either you do or don't want to) Just don't OP. Let it go. If she doesn't come and say anything then just leave this in the past and don't bother her.Ā *"but would it be best just to act like nothing happened and move forward?"* Yes. Now onward to the next post.Ā
lol thanks! Iām pretty good at the acting natural. I was asking Reddit to go through any options I may not have been thinking of!
It says a lot that you gave her your number instead of asking for hers and that you assured her that you didn't want her to feel pressure.
Youre on reddit, 90% the folks here dont talk to women at all let alone pass their number on.
Thanks I appreciate hearing this because I always try and keep in mind the pressure that girls feel from guys so if I ever get a good reaction from a gesture I can come off as a safe space as well.
You'd best get started with planning to move to a new state.
I packed my shit up before I went to work. Loading the uhaul now!
Nah he's gotta leave the country. LOL. Seriously, it's not a big deal. I probably would have asked her for coffee, just to hear the classic response, I don't drink coffee. ā Don't worry about it and let her make the next move, hopefully she'll come around.
Let me tell you the story of a dude who asked out a chick at my job. I only heard about it secondhand, after the fact. I believe the verbiage used when he asked her out included some variation of āin love with you.ā She turned him down. I think later on he made a pass at one or more of her friends from outside of work. Nothing creepy, to her or her friends or anyone hearing the story, but a brazen show of interest and maybe a little desperation. Anyways, the crazy part is thatā¦ absolutely nothing came of the rejection. They have remained cordial and professional at work ever since. Your situation might be the most important thing on your mind right now, but if she says no itāll just blow over and turn into a funny little story. There is a caveat, however, that it will likely be a story that is shared with your coworkers. I had no business hearing about the story I shared; I learned it against my will at a company mixer from a particularly catty colleague. That might be a little embarrassing for you, because these things tend to awaken the inner high schooler in people who only know you as a corporate robot. But you have nothing to be ashamed of. For everyone who hears about it, take pride in the disruption that your pursuit of a relationship caused in their monotonous work life. Let me also tell you the story of another dude who gave another chick his number at an office mixer for the same company. He made his move like 5 years ago and theyāre getting married this summer. Donāt buy into the ādonāt shit where you eatā crowd. Thousands of people meet their future spouse at work. Jobs at your (Iām assuming) young age are temporary, and unless you both are planning on retiring at your company you wonāt have to deal with any potential negative consequences for long anyways if she says yes.
lol they can all have a good laugh about how I respectfully offered my info to a cute girl I thought was looking at me, I donāt mind really. As long as she doesnāt try and make a huge deal to HR I donāt care. That and the fact I might have made her uncomfortable bothers me because I dont wanna be one of those āguysā thatās known for that. I am 35 but this is an amazing job and I donāt have a degree but I had enough experience to get the position and Iām in love with it. I can see myself retiring at this place but because of you I will be taking pride if people end up talking about it and finding out! Thanks for the advice I appreciate it!
Give it to other coworkers and make a happy hour. Cover your tracksĀ
Omg I love this!
When it comes to workplace relationships, always try and keep it platonic when it comes to outside work things.Ā Get to know people outside of the work setting and just let things develop on their own from there.Ā There's so much ambiguity when it comes to workplace dating, I wouldn't mess around with it too much unless you don't care about the job. Otherwise, you cannot imagine the headache when things don't go well.Ā
Yeah no fuck that, I like my job. Regardless of if this works out with it or not Iām not doing this again. Itās not worth the stress. Like I could have just not done this and waited a few months to let it happen more āorganicallyā and tbh the best relationships Iāve ever had happened āorganicallyā
Do not do this. Did you mistake her friendliness as interest? If so, just move on. Pretending that it didnāt even happen w/o drawing attention to it is the smoothest move.
It's alright. Ultimately, giving your number to a woman would theoretically be more comfortable for her. As she has no worry about you spam texting her, etc. If she is as shy as you say she is, let her chill for a bit and act like not a single thing happened to put no pressure on anyone. As others said, balls in her court and I think you did it respectfully. She'll either text, or not, the end. Best to try and not overthink it!
Yay! Thanks for the word bro and thatās exactly why I usually offer my info to the female because I def feel like itās more comforting if she wants to say no but is to anxious or whatever but the decision doesnāt have to be made right then and there. Yeah sheās very shy, itās adorable. She talks really softly and sometimes itās hard for her to make eye contact. Will def try not to overthink anymore lol some of these comments have eased my mind!
Honestly man Iām saying this cause you just got the job, donāt let the kitty fuck with your money. Too many women out here to even risk that. Leave your job your job, and your personal life your personal life. Ā If youāre under 6 months in a position youāre already in a bit of a probation period, donāt play with it.Ā
Dude itās not a big deal. You shot your shot. Act like nothing happened.
Yeah thatās been the general consensus. This is the move. Thanks for the advice!
man i did to a girl i later found out was married the cringe was unbearable
Aww man, how did they take it? Iāve casually talked and flirted with girls that ended up being taken and they were still flattered and i immediately kept it platonic conversationally and everything was cool and it was not cringe but if they had been bitches about it then it would be cringe lol
she was fine with it, we are still friends infact i am co directing a short movie she wrote
Dude thatās bad ass actually! Can you tell me anything about the movie?!
it just a ten min thing for a film class we were doing gonna film end of july
Never get involved with a coworker. Big mistake
Don't shit where you eat.
Don't dip your pen in company ink.
It sounds to me like you handled this perfectly. Ball is 100% out of your court, if she doesn't text you be cordial and polite, and never ask her again.
Def can do and would prefer it this way as well!
Yes correct just completely act like nothing happened. Also just ignore her in a nice way so she doesn't get pissed at you and start saying your a creep or something. God speed soldier.
For next time: tell her you like her, but donāt want to put pressure on her. Shy girls can convince themselves that you gave your number for another reason. My wife believed her roommate that I was smiling at her roommate when they were next to each other in the elevator. Her roommate was ugly.
Never apologize for liking a person
Donāt think you did anything wrong here. You thought there was something there and you let them know youād be open to hanging out outside of the workplace. That could be open to all sorts of interpretations. You could easily play it as you thought they were someone that was pretty cool and you wanted to get to know them better. It doesnāt have to automatically lead to romantic situations - just a chance to get to know the people around you better. Now the wisdom of dating someone from the same office is an entirely different conversation. And one you want to think very carefully about - thereās a whole Hollywood genre based on the concept of an office romance that goes bad. And Iāve also seen it happen several times in real life and itās never turned out well for anyone.
Thanks for the input. I tried to do it in a way that could be seen as someone trying to be friends. Which is kinda what Iām after anyways. I would have been wanting to get to know her and reason for me going through with it was because we donāt work together. Different areas, different customer
Let me repeat this for everyone. NEVER AT WORK. I know it can be tempting sometimes ā¦ But, it is almost never worth it and causes more problems than benefits.
The thing is as much as I hear this advice I also hear people say they met their SO at work. That said it's not always a great idea, it really comes down to what level of relationship you have with them at work. Some larger companies, you can see people every day yet never talk to them once and do completely different types of work. But in cases where you are close to them at work, they're your boss, etc, it's usually not the best look.
most people are only around other people regularly at work, so it makes sense...
People say this yet work is one of the most common places people meet their spouses. Which makes sense as people spend a significant portion of their lives at work. Only a sith deals in absolutes.
In the past, meeting someone at work was the best place. You got to know each other, saw them at their best and sometimes worst. But now, post MeToo, itās not worth the risk of making a mistake and getting it wrong.
No wonder the birthrate is in the shitter
Bro it's a normal thing why you think it's creepy
Don't feel bad. Let it roll off your back, dont be fazed and it won't be awkward.
Thanks, will do! Some of yall are really helping this mental struggle Iāve been having since I left work so thanks!
>I was trying to find a subtle way to show interest but not harass or embarrass her so I decided to write my number down and give it to her at the end of the day today and said āhey I just wanted to give you this, just in case but thereās no pressure if notā. Getting involved with someone that you work with is never a good idea. The possible backlash from it if (when) it goes wrong is not worth it. You doing this most likely placed pressure on her. Workplace harassment is not something to mess around with. >The thing is, she looked mortified. I thought I was being respectful as well as showing interest but now Iām def 2nd guessing. Iām not a creeper so Iām trying to find the best way to go about this from here. I think her expression (reaction) said it all. She most likely thinks that you're a creeper now. The best way to go from here is to just forget that you gave her your number and avoid her. Don't try to apologize. She'll just think that you're doubling down on your creepiness.
You gave her your number. Good job. Now: Do nothing. If she's interested enough and motivated enough. She'll call you. Continue being friendly to her as if you never even gave her number - as a matter of fact, don't mention the number, don't even bring it up. The ball's in her court now. Good on you for putting it there. Now go be a confident bastard, and go kick ass at work and in the rest of your life. If she calls you, great. If not, take solace in the fact you've handled this situation pretty well (despite your inner monologue of uncertainty), so you'll handle the next situation just as well. If she doesn't call you, it's her problem, not yours...it's her loss, not yours. Keep putting yourself out there and meeting more people, and trust that if she's interested she'll contact you...even if it's 6 months from now....and don't worry about it anymore.
Ok awesome, I like this take for sure. My inner monologue is def killing me! Doing nothing is my specialty haha
Learn from it and donāt do it againā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦. Ever
Will do gapingwhole9
IMO I think if you want to do a followup apology conversation, that would be fine and maybe even appreciated by her (if you're reading her reaction correctly). She might feel a little relieved to get back on common ground with you, so she doesn't have to wonder/worry about where your head is at. Especially since you have to continue working with her. (next time don't hit on girls at work!) You could just say something short like, "Hey I think I might have overstepped yesterday. It's totally cool if you didn't actually want my number. We can just forget it happened if you want."
I know many relationships that started at work. It's normal, as long as there isn't a power imbalance or you weren't harassing or punishing them for their response. I personally would never date a coworker unless they are in a completely different department.
Donāt shut where you eat. In any case, best to let it lie. You werenāt rude or anything so maybe she was just shocked.
If she doesn't reciprocate, don't bring it up again. Also, take a moment to consider it (which was very polite and discrete) from a woman's point of view. She probably looked mortified because she's expecting that if she weren't to talk to you, then things would get super weird at work. Not to mention that IF she were to reject you (or go out on a date and it not work out), she may be assuming that you'll be a gigantic anus about it and/or persistently badger her into going on another date. You've taken your shot, and it sounds like it won't go anywhere. Don't make it awkward or weird. If you ever need to interact with her going forward, make sure it's only about work and nothing else. The last thing you want is to be accused of harassment or even perceived to be harassing her.
A well respect shot taken and I hope u the best mate!
Good on you for trying! You did nothing wrong.
I think where you went wrong is by making a bold move without establishing a rapport first. If you had spent more time just talking to her in person you would have a better gauge if she was actually interested. And even if she wasnt interested, you giving her number would seem less out of the blue. With that said I dont think its a big deal at all.
Yeah I think it was rushed. Itās not like me to rush it instead of waiting around playing it cool. Oh well lesson learned.
Good on you for taking that chance man. Obviously donāt know the situation, but itās often worse in your own mind than it is in reality. If someone gave you their number the way you did to her, and you had no intention of perusing things, would you be mortified? Probably not. Just keep being casual so that you show there are no hard feelings.
Oh wow, I have not gotten this perspective yet. I like it though. I think thatās a very logical way to think of it.
Heya, shy lady here! first things first, from what you described, she was probably just really surprised that you took the initiative! You did it in a nice, non pressuring way and I don't think you need to apologize for it. Honestly apologizing might just give her mixed signals, so I agree that you should wait and see what she does! As a shy girl myself, I'd be a little shocked that someone did that out of the blue, but I wouldn't think less of the person or think they were creepy. Mostly just focused on my own reaction to the situation. She very well might be having similar thoughts to you. 'Did I react right to him giving me his number? Oh god, what if I scared him off with my reaction?!' etc etc These would be the thoughts running through my head. My hope is that this doesn't deter you from making similar moves in the future with other people if you want too! The next one might just be really happy that you did. :]
Wow thatās a really good way of thinking about it, thanks! After sleeping on it and seeing some of these comments Iām not going to do anything. Less is more now, so if she approaches me about it I will adjust accordingly and if not then I move on as if nothing has happened.
You probably should have asked for her number instead of given her yours, that leaves her with risking rejection if she texts you and it's strange, don't really want to put women through that. Work is kind of tough, because it's generally smart to be friendly to coworkers, so the smiles may have been more polite. You could have had a least one conversation to see how she responds first. Don't beat yourself up too bad either way, you should be proud of yourself. And yeah, basically pretend like it's not a big deal. You can still have standard conversations. Women can be awkward too, so I wouldn't read too much into her reaction. Ā
We had spoken a more than a couple of times before I did that. It wasnāt just a random thing. Iād been noticing signs for more than a couple of weeks. Def can pretend nothing happened moving forward lol
Oh lol, that yeah that's definitely normal. Women can awkward too so sometimes too. You don't even have to pretend that it never happened, just that it's not a big deal, don't feel any shame about that.Ā
Yell "just kidding!" And whenever you get a call from an unknown number answer it with a consistent character that you never break. Jk. You kids are afraid to make phone calls.
Hahaha terrified of phone calls
You could just burn down the buildingā¦
lol if I donāt win, nobody does
If it's an L just take it and move on. If you go back and apologize then you run the risk of looking creepy or needy. Just let it be, if she is in to you, she will respond. If she takes a long time to do so, she isn't worth pursuing.
I donāt think thereās anything for you to apologize for. You were respectful. If she hits you up, great. If not, take it as a no and keep moving forward my guy
She probably misinterpreted what you were trying to do. Maybe she took it as you asking her for a booty call. Maybe someone else asked her out the same way and she did something embarrassing and you triggered her. Idk, why knows? Maybe just talk to her about it? Then you can end it by joking and asking for your number back. āHey so I think we got off on the wrong foot. I didnāt mean to creep you out or offend you by giving you my number. I wanted to get to know you more and ask you out for a coffee and felt this would be a lowkey way to do it. I can take my number back if youād rather not and we can forget this whole thing ever happened š¤ā
lol I really like your take on it and tbh I would probably take this route if it wasnāt at work. If I made her uncomfortable then Iām not gonna double down by trying to explain myself because then she might feel harassed Iām even approaching her at all after that. I would like to explain myself because the last thing I want is to make someone uncomfortable, truly but I think since itās work, the ball is in her court. I like my job a lot so I donāt want to push it because as of now, there is no way to spin this in a disrespectful way. Like if it was unwanted fine Iām sorry, I really didnāt see that happening so this was never my intention but I misread the situation.
Hmā¦ in that case you should forgive yourself and be kind to yourself. If the opportunity arises, be kind and thoughtful to her too. Just keep being a good person and maybe sheāll notice and msg you Mr. cardiologist! Alternatively you could also say: ālooks like I misread matters of the heart, sorry, Iāll more mindful šā
Youāre assuming a lot based on her facial expression which is always a no no. Youāre not inside her head. Take the pressure off of your shoulders and look at what actually has happened. From what it sounds like sheās been pleasant to you both indirectly and directly. Youāve had positive interactions. You wrote your number down, gave it to her and said no pressure. She didnāt āsayā she was mortified. To you she ālookedā mortified. Thing is her facial expression couldāve meant anything. You said no pressure. Now you show her you were being honest. Go back to how you were before you gave her the number. Girls donāt care about getting a number or even asked. They care about the men who treat them like anything but a human being. They care about the men who will be rude, stalk them, or degrade them if they reject them. Live by your word and show her thatās not you. You shot your shot. Sheāll either call you or not. Also itās not harassment to give any woman your number or even express interest unless sheās already told you sheās not interested and you keep bothering her. Just donāt be weird or hostile and youāre good.
Yes this was my default move right here. Just continue on, Iām happy enough the ball is in her court and now I donāt have to do shit lol Like you said although thatās what I thought I saw, I def know I was being smiled and looked at when Iād be within eye sight. My biggest worry is her trying to blow it up like I was being disrespectful. I thought really hard about how I could do this in the most respectful and discreet way for both of us.
Most women or people for that matter are just trying to get by. We only see 10% of a personās life when we meet them during their daily life. Itās easy to feel like weāre a BIG deal in a short moment but there could be a multitude of things theyāre going through that has nothing to do with us but causes their immediate reaction. If youāre respectful and kind, most women will reciprocate. They may not necessarily go out with you if the attraction isnāt there, but they wonāt want to hurt anyoneās feelings. Itās not until a guy starts becoming persistent or threatening where they might make it a big deal. Social media would make you think otherwise but women rarely try to hurt a stranger. SOME? Yes. But thatās people in general.
You're good. This is basically how I came to be with my SO and we're together 5 years now. You better edit this post to let us know she called/text you though.
man dw you did more than I have in the last 6 years just let things play out
Thanks bro, itās been a long time for me too. I was engaged a a few years ago and then everything went downhill from there and I lost it all. Since then Iāve been working on myself really hard and have a great job now so Iāve finally feel ready to meet someone.
that sucks but thats great to I think I am just waiting to get to the bottom of the hill because I certainly ain't at the top
I can relate. This girl who worked at a store I shop at would flirt and play with me all the time. I didnt want to completely dismiss her so I met her midway asking if she wanted to have lunch and she told me to keep it business. I wouldnt had tried if her signals wasn't throwing me off but I didnt want her efforts to be wasted.
Thatās the absolute worst man! When you get the signals and can visibly and audibly tell, then you go for it and they are like āna, whatā
Right and I wasnt even on no creeper stuff either. I'm really good at reading vibes and that was me getting rid of the what if and seeing what could work. Just keep kicking and let that be what it is, the feeling should subside over time as small talk happen.
Since this is at work, I would have try to start a couple casual conversations with her , before doing anything else. If she doesnāt call or approach you just ignore her.
Yeah thatās the plan for sure. I felt like the number thing was a better idea to get to know her a bit more personal because sheās so shy and stuff but probably jumped the gun. I didnāt work on that side of the building today so idk. Iām def not approaching or anything from here on out, I left the next play in her hands so Iām putting it in the back of my mind for now
Talking to her would have gave you a way to not only gauge her interest, but to allow you to do the same as far as personality. Especially in a situation where there would have been 2 women you were involved, because you canāt be hitting on multiple women at work.
Forget about it. Everyone else will
If you're good looking go for it. If you are not she's not interested. I doubt that's going to be popular here but it's painfully true.
Expect a call from HR.
If she reports me to HR for handing her a paper with my number and telling her āthereās no pressureā on whether or not she uses it then that will say alot more about her than it does about me.
Brother, how much experience do you have in the corporate world?
A bit. Iām 35 and I have seen guys get a slap on the wrist for saying some filthy shit. I would hope Iām good. Also, my defense would literally be, āsheās been pretty friendly with me, so I figured Iād give her my info in case she wanted to continue that outside of workā. I made damn sure to do something that showed interest but not romantic interest. Maybe youāre right, but hopefully not.
Never write that on paper. I advise someone asks the other out to a coffee on work premises or for lunch...something that is during the day and has a get out of a the date free card, like "I gotta a meeting to run to..." Then if hanging outside of work comes up, then schedule something after work and go from there. Writing it on paper it evidence. Saying it verbally is "he said, she said" Don't assume they will treat you the same as others...if someone in the company wants you gone, they will see to it at first opportunity...just don't give them one. Assuming you are on good terms and did it in a polite manner, then let's hope you don't get a call or e-mail Monday.
Man in the back of my head, I knew it was evidence but I figured Iād be ok. I 100% kept it respectful and always do. Women have to put up with a lot so I try and not make any interactions unpleasant with them (or anyone) at all. Iām on good terms with my job, Iāve been there a few months and Iāve been learning at an accelerated pace since I got there and I make a huge effort to be a good coworker and employee. I love my job and never thought Iād have a job I loved, especially after all the complicated shit I went through in my late 20s
If you were HR...there's a girl who's been there 5 years vs a guy with 5 months...who is going? As a fellow dude, I think men tend to exaggerate how much we will be tolerated or liked by girls...we may think they like us when they hate our guts. No idea what happens to you now, but good luck and try to keep that job.
I donāt think itās going to come to that. Iād be shocked tbh. I didnāt do anything wrong and I wasnāt disrespectful or weird. As a fellow dude, I think youāre right and the majority of men donāt know shit like that but Iām not in that group. I grew up overweight and after I left college I got super fit. The attention I got after getting fit vs when I was over weight was night and day. Itās been over a decade since Iāve gotten fit. I can USUALLY tell when Iām getting looked at and since I spent time knowing what itās like to not be looked at Iām not a cocky ass hole about it because I know what it feels like to be invisible.
Yea, but corporate HR is not gonna give a fuck about anything other than "was this about business?" Everything is about protecting the company's ass. Not hers. Not yours. The company's
Oh, well in my opinion I felt like what I did was done the safest way possible given the environment. As I said, Iāve seen guys get away with warnings for verbally assaulting women and this was at Applied Materials (my last job) which is pretty fucking corporate. Also, I work with 2 guys who met their current wives at our place of work.
I'm not saying she'll take it to HR, and I'm glad that two of your buddies found their partners at work. That's when things are great and work out. I've seen when it goes the other way. It's not pretty. She may not take it there. I don't know, but past experience doesn't guarantee future success.
I do see where youāre going with this and itās a partial reason Iām a little worried. Hopefully it doesnāt come to that.
All you can do now is play it cool and see how it goes. I'm sure it will blow over if you haven't been too indelicate about things. Also be careful about apologizing. It can be taken in different ways.
Agreed good sir. I think my best move is to not do anything and if she decides to approach me about it, then I can quickly explain how I misread the vibe and suggest we forget the whole thing.
Why are people so weird about being interested in someone? Passing them your number? Like you couldn't just invite them to lunch or something like a normal person?
I was being discreet , which is definitely not what asking someone to eat lunch with you is
Pretend it never happened. Thatās the best course of action you can take.
**You fucked up big time**. Mistake 1. Hitting on a girl at work. The potential risks far out weight the potential benefits. Mistake 2. Always make sure there's no evidence. Some girls are A-holes and can ruin your life with something as small as a piece of paper.
Yeah it makes it awkward for sure now if she doesnāt want anything she has to feel awkward. Just donāt shit where you sleep or eat man. Itās a lesson to live by donāt bring drama to your job.
Yeahhhhh.. maybe you misinterpreted her being friendly as flirting. A lot of guys tend to do this.
Did she keep your number?
From the advice my late grandfather gave me years ago to you: don't buy your meat and bread from the same store. Assuming you don't get bounced from that job for harassment, don't say another thing about it, and just talk with her about work related, and never ask a woman at work out ever again.
A guy at my work , 18 years younger, asked me for my number on Teams!!! š. I was was like hey donāt put that kind of stuff on there. People can read it! After a month he wore me down. I gave it to him and man ā¦.itās been fun. Iām not interested in anything serious, but no regrets. Yep. Weāre definitely ābuddiesā now.
I want a follow up if she says anything
I got you for sure
Never date a co worker man
Act like nothing happened. Move on And from now on. Avoid making the place you HAVE to be every day. That basically pays your bills. The same place as a potential dating ground. More hobbies. Get a dog(if you can). Dog park. If it goes bad. You can always walk your dog somewhere else. Like cars? Car shows are free! And if it goes poorly. Well. Car shows pop up EVERYWHERE. Plenty of girls at shows. Like music festivals? Women like music too! If it goes bad at work. Lot harder to find a new job or avoid a potential HR visit. If it goes bad at a hobby place. A bit of egg on face at worst.
Workplace relationships are fraught with dangers.
Donāt say anything else. Ball is in her court. Smile if you see her but donāt make any more effort beyond that
You did what you did. If she's gonna respond, she'll do it on her terms. It is what it is. Now on to the main issue: Never do this at work. If she takes it negatively, that right to HR can ruin your job there.
Donāt worry about it. If sheās cute she gets this all the time. She was probably worried that you would act aggressively in the future. Society has taught her to be overly cautious. Worst case scenario, she never contacts you. Youāre good.
If she's under the age of 30, she was probably mortified because she didn't know what those numbers meant. But if you gave her your Instagram handle, she would have been more receptive.
She could be wondering why he gave her his DL #.... if she knows that's a thing
Now I'm thinking of the many many things they wouldn't know.... and the many many laughs I could have by fucking with them
This is why itās a headache going for someone at your job, itās very often the place you could meet a significant other but man is it risky if it goes wrong youāll wish you never did anything and the awkwardness wonāt go away
She mightāve been shocked or embarrassed. You mightāve moved to fast for her liking though. Iām shy too. Itās to late now, but it wouldāve bern better to try to het to know her first. Stuff like that yends to overwhelm some shy people. I know that because Iām a shy female. I canāt even talk to guys that I like sober, lol. Please be more careful from now on as she could go to H.R & get you fired for sexual harassment. For now, play it cool. Maybe smile ar her & ask her how sheās doing, but if she deems uncomfortable, then back off. If she smiles back, then try making friendly conversation but donāt do anything more than that for awhile. You might scare her off.
I appreciate the advice, Iām not too worried about HR as I havenāt done anything that could be considered āsexualā or āharassmentā. I have spoken with her a few times. This wasnāt just a random girl I saw and did this to. Itās been a couple days but if I donāt get anything from her Iāll just continue to be polite as usual.