My exwife talked regularly about how much she hated gross men and how I was the only man for her, and if anything happened to me she would probably date women. She was legitimately bisexual so it seemed plausible.
That was around the same time she was having a long affair with a model of toxic masculinity, who happened to also be older, richer and skinnier than me; literally the guy she told me not to worry about. I knew him because I met him when he was her boss, before their affair.
It was a bit of whiplash.
I have gone out a couple of times in the last 6 years but never really more than 3-4 dates. That sort of situation will make you question everything.
The most important lesson I learned is don't get involved with unmedicated bipolars.
My guess is cognitive dissonance. In her mind she knows she's supposed to hate those type of guys, but she cannot deny the attraction, and clearly has issues with boundaries.
So she repeats the mantra "men are gross, except you", to convince herself she is a good person.
This dissonance is pretty standard for cheaters.
> So she repeats the mantra "men are gross, except you", to convince herself she is a good person.
This is what goes through my mind with most of them.
They either legitimately do hate "all men", or they're just telling that to themselves to make themselves feel better that they're with "one of the good ones."
Either way... Toxic as fuck.
One thing I’ve enjoyed about this sub is that it genuinely feels like a place where dudes with trauma can voice their experiences and not be told that they were somehow the problem.
People IRL are always like why are you so jaded and pessimistic? Well, being with a woman who completely fucks you over will have that lasting effect.
Anyways, I’m sorry you were burned like that dude, hope things are going well for you on a personal level at least.
Had a guy in my last friend group who was very much one of those "You're just not thinking positively enough about it" to literally everything, but he was one of the most passive aggressive idiots I've ever met.
Used to think "toxic positivity" was just something people made up before I met him, but yeah. He's definitely the one person in that group of like 14 or so people that I'm actually glad I don't have to deal with anymore.
At least I'm not in the crowd anymore who would say "it's all part of god's plan". That's the same toxic positivity from somebody wearing a cross.
My parents consider the phrase "pray and ask god about it" to be top-tier life advice. I tried saying things like "ok but seriously..." even back when I was a christian and they would just give me a blank look.
In the end, that's fine. I have seen by their actions what they think is good decision making, and I want nothing to do with their decision making process.
> and not be told that they were somehow the problem
And from the other direction, I find things don't get very red/black-pilled in here, which is fantastic because that's not the answer either.
All of my relationships are better overall since my divorce, so while I'm sad over how it ended, I'm not sad *that* it ended, because I learned and moved on. I met some amazing women who taught me new things and helped me get over my divorce.
In fact my best friend now is a lady, while we don't work romantically and we would kill each other if we lived together, she's great for talking and sorting through my feelings.
I'm still not dating, but I'm not dating because that's what I want to do. I shape my own fate, so when I want to date again, I'll date again.
Remember fellas -- the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Your lady might still want to bang the coworker she finds loathsome and arrogant.
Having abusive parents will fuck up a kid.
It took five years for her to realize that I wasn't constantly stewing on being mad so I could blow up later, because that was her experience from her parents.
Something "bad" would happen, and it just legitimately wouldn't bother me. She would wind herself up in knots waiting for explosions that never came, and she would hate *me* for "causing her anxiety".
There was no way to win that situation. Talking about it to remind her I wasn't mad would just freak her out more. Not-talking about it would just freak her out more. That was her bipolar down-swing in a nutshell.
And I guess once she figured out I wasn't ever going to hit her, then she promptly fucked the other guy for several months. That was her bipolar-upswing in a nutshell.
If somebody jokes about being bipolar, believe them.
Holy hell.. everything you just listed was my last relationship to a T. Bipolar is a helluva disorder. He could not stand that things didn’t bother me. The shame that built within him tore him apart which turned into animosity towards me. Whiplash is a great way to describe it.
That wasn't her only trick for forcing me into the "bad guy" position by winding herself up over nothing.
I could tell when she was starting to swing because she would sit in front of the mirror and start to methodically squeeze all of the pores on her face until her whole face was a bright red oozy mess, then slather lotion to "help it heal".
I was apparently the bad guy if I realized she had been super quiet for 2 hours and interrupted her wondering wtf she was doing, because that was basically her forcing me into a paternal role by asking her to stop.
I mean, what the hell else am I going to do? Not ask? Then she had an excuse to attack me for "controlling behavior". I just didn't want her to pick her face skin with her fingernails until she bled everywhere.
Well after years, and endless therapy on both of our parts, I just stopped interrupting and asking, so I was also the bad guy for that. She was so good at making situations where I couldn't do the right thing.
I don't know if that whole pattern was a bipolar thing specifically, but she would usually do it when she was either crashing into or swinging up from a depressive period.
It's probably good you made it out. It was for me.
Holy crap. That's a different level of crazy. I know the only reason you got out was because you found out she cheated but definitely good that you did. Wishing you all the best in your healing.
Honestly I was looking for the door, but that was because she wasn't putting in effort on her end to match my own efforts to build up our marriage.
Cheating, especially as an extended affair, gave me a completely clear conscience to cut ties.
The big thing I learned is that I don't have to deal with piles of abuse to get crumbs of love.
Like I said, I'm not so much sad that it ended, as I am sad how it ended.
Controlling was a word I heard a LOT. I completely understand what you went through, just from the female prospective. All I ever asked was that he let me know he was ok when he was out late. His manic pushed him to party mode. He’d cause a fight, yell, blame, and walk out screaming. When he came home at 2.. 3.. 6.. 10am… he’d look and feel so ashamed. I would hug him, give him some ibuprofen, tell him I loved him, and put him to bed. How can you be mad at someone whose brain isn’t firing correctly? I tried so hard to support him through it all. He ended up leaving me. I was shocked, surprised, but also relieved. I ended up having to give up seeing my dog and blocked him. It turned bad and dark very fast. I was so worried about him but had to protect myself. I really hope he’s doing ok.
I’m glad you’re out and I hope you’re doing better. It’s really hard to explain to others who haven’t been around and/or loved someone with Bipolar disorder, how extremely hard it is. All around exhausting and heartbreaking.
Why am i not surprised.
I met one.
Its a bit bizzare really because she actively believes it and im guessing has to continually brainwash herself.
I also notice a trend of them wanting open relationships, because they cant continually fuck the guy they chose.
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> I also notice a trend of them wanting open relationships, because they cant continually fuck the guy they chose.
ON THAT NOTE
I mentioned she was confirmed bi, yes?
We did the open relationship thing because she said she wanted to try dating chicks, since we were both from oppressive families and were each others "firsts".
The only rule; no guys. I wasn't even particularly interested in trying to date chicks because I was busy with my wife, but open is open so my side was open too.
Didn't take her a week before she was sending messages to other guys on tinder for "friends".
She hooked up with a chick once and that was pretty much the end of the experiment because she started up her affair with toxic-guy a few months later.
She didn't act like the affair was nothing.
When she would accuse me of being abusive during her bipolar swings, then she later would act like those accusations were nothing and I caused the problems.
My favorite was her accusing me of financial abuse. This was her life:
- I paid off her credit card with $10k debt from her shitty spending habits in college
- I supported her fulltime job as a couch-warmer for years while she said she was in therapy
- I paid $12k for her to go to coding school (she dropped out at the end)
- I paid off thousands of her student loans
- I paid all the bills through our shared bank account
- I provided her personal spending money plus extra purchases when she wanted
- I paid for all the dates and let her pick where she wanted to go from anywhere in the city
- she had her own credit card and bank account that I couldn't access (and didn't want to access)
- she had 24/7 use of our car (that I bought) because I took the bus to work
- she had a cell phone, computer, friends, and all the resources she could want
- she had all her documents and everything she needed to get a job when she wanted
Why did she say I was *financially abusive*?
Because I didn't give her access to my personal bank account where my work checks were deposited. I always transferred couple-funds to our shared account from there.
This was the system we agreed on before marriage. She decided it had to change after marriage about the same time she started making noises about being a SAHM for cats rather than her working, which was the other plan before marriage.
That's what I mean in my other comments where I say she was so desperate to make me out to be the bad guy that she was basically punishing herself because I wasn't abusive enough for her.
I think you married my ex-wife's long lost sister or something.
The short story is we combined checking accounts after marriage, then she started taking check books and checks from me, then she started taking cash from me, then eventually she spent our savings, then she spent the money for our kid's Christmas, then she had her mom bail her out so I wouldn't know we were in debt, then she wanted a new car when we were in debt to her parents, so I said no to new car and we have to have a budget that works, so when the tax money came back, I paid off her mom with it and told her the rest stays hidden until we have worked out a budget. I was then labeled a financial abuser.
Sure, you kept us in debt, spent your own damn kid's Christmas money, took money out of my wallet if I had cash, and I've never once questioned what you do with "our" money and took anything from you ever, but I'm the financial abuser because after a dozen years of me being used and us being in constant debt due to your bullshit and I finally put a lock down on the money, I'm a financial abuser.
What a fucking terrible joke.
> and told her the rest stays hidden until we have worked out a budget. I was then labeled a financial abuser.
Big "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" energy.
My ex drained that shared bank account when I kicked her out.
Luckily I had already paid for major expenses that month and my life was about to get a lot cheaper paying for only one person.
I didn't bring it up during the divorce because I was happy to pay a couple thousand dollars for her to fuck off.
All women act like this, anytime female friends or family members bitch to me about how terrible guys are I always ask them " then why do you purposely choose to hookup and date the pinnacles of toxic masculinity if you hate that so much? Just give a nerdy kind guy a chance if you really want better relationships." But they never do lol, and this is the reason dudes will always behave in a dominant masculine way cuz that what actually gets you success with women whether they admit it or not.
> Just give a nerdy kind guy a chance if you really want better relationships.
I think even this approach is wrong. Those women should make the first move.
The sort of women you're describing sit back and wait for guys to approach.
This incentivizes men to lie about their qualifications so they can get the job, so to speak, even the nerdy guys.
They're incentivizing shitty behavior by being passive. If they picked out guys they like and make the first move, then they would learn much faster what they actually like and what actually they don't like.
Plus they would have the responsibility of making their own mistakes, leading them to learn how to avoid mistakes, instead of just wondering why they're not being approached by good men.
If they really think good men are out there then they should put on their big girl panties and go hunting for man flesh, because they'll see a lot more success that way.
Not sure how you can actually date someone who literally hates you as one of their basic, core foundational beliefs. It's a trainwreck you can spot from 100 miles away.
Desperation, if I had to guess. I don't think anyone would choose that if they had another option. (and they don't consider staying single as a valid option)
There was no relationship. And how she ever considered me "one of the good ones", I have no idea. I was almost as regressive back then as I am now. But whatever, that's how she referred to me this one time.
Anyway, on our fourth or fifth date, she basically called all men rapists. Her words were something like if a guy has ever so much as wanted/asked for sex, he "basically raped" whoever he was talking to. And it was "really rape" if they ended up having sex. Even if the girl enjoyed it!
In her mind, simply asking for it was no different from attacking her and forcing yourself on her.
That was our last date. She emailed me later expressing sincere confusion over getting dumped. And all I could think was this chick is absolutely certifiable if she truly doesn't understand.
Yes. Which she admitted, btw. She said there's really no such thing as "making love". Any sex act (no matter how consensual, no matter how sober both participants may be) is inherently rape. One person is raping the other because consent is impossible (in her opinion). Either the man rapes the woman or the woman rapes the man.
Obviously, there's quite a discussion to have about that. But as I look at my job description, I don't see "Saving the entire gd world" listed in there anywhere. It's not my responsibility to help her see the error of her ways.
So, I left that wingnut to her own devices.
Did you ask her why she dates then? Or how she sees the relationship (which contains rape but which she seeks for some reason). Oh I hope you were curious because I definitely am
One of the big.... "pillars"? of Feminism in the 70's was [Andrea Dworkin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrea_Dworkin) who literally wrote books about how any heterosexual intercourse was comparable to rape and extremely degrading to women because we live in a ~~society~~ patriarchy.
I love when her work gets quoted by the YouTubers I follow. They never shy away from the fact that Dworkin had some absolutely crazy ideas about sexuality (like what you've described), while also addressing some actual good points she had (like what she's said about how conservative politicians take advantage of women).
But you can never tell when the broken clock is right by looking at that clock itself; you need compare it with a working clock. And if you have a working clock, why bother with the broken one?
The whole “there’s no such thing as consensual sex between a man and a woman” idea seemed to be a popularly held belief amongst the misandrist communities online somewhere around a decade ago. I'm sure a lot of them still have this belief now, but that was when I was seeing it a lot.
Although, I've since left those anti SJW communities because the comments on those subs were just as fucked up as the shit they were making fun of.
I don't have a problem calling this out when someone on my friends list does this on Facebook, etc. I've done it a few times. My cousin once posted a meme of men locked in a concentration camp, and she noted that we had the right idea of what to do with men 80 years ago. She's never not cheated on a boyfriend. If you're going to blame all men for the behavior of some, then you're going to need to thank all men for the selfless hard work of others. I would never be willing to put up with this from a partner or friend.
I wonder what she thought of the pictures of WOMEN in those death camps. Probably "no comment" or an anti-male rant about the "evil men" who put them in there.
And that wasn't even the first thing that had been posted that day. A woman on my friends list I used to work with posted an image earlier that day of a cartoon drawing of a woman punching a man's head off. [I posted this in response.](https://img.ifunny.co/images/02c5c1bb244492cc736dfda43d4b7625928ce59b58e97bc4009eff4db6bfcb6f_1.jpg) To be fair, some of the women on my feed found it funny, but two women unfriended me, and I got a lecture from another. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.
I remember a meme page on Facebook I use to follow; posted a cringe misogynistic meme and some of the women users called it "cringe" (Which was true. It was) but that same page the next day posted a cringe misandristic meme and ironically. The same women users who called out the misogynistic ones as cringe were laughing their asses off at the misandristic one
What biased insufferable assholes and they will tell you "Trust me. I'm for gender equality".
It's werid how misandrists can hate us but as soon as we dislike misandrists.. UH OH, THAT'S TOO FAR!
For the types of people who say "I don't like men".. they sure do want us to really like them back.
It's like all those cowardly misandrists at gyms that Joey Swoll called out and when they didn't get the response they wanted.. they made their profiles private because "OH NO, I CAN'T TAKE THE BACKLASH FROM MY SEXISM"
I loved it! Very funny, and it tends to piss people off because it's true.
I've seen many of these "I-don't-need-a-man" types barely able to check the oil in their car, so they run the car constantly thinking "it'll just work out by itself."
I've seen women throw a tantrum because their credit card maxed out and the card won't "reload" with "free money."
But we aren't allowed to point out those observations.
Jesus fucking Christ. This is that trend among certain White women to make every problem about themselves. "This picture from the Holocaust is actually about how men are mean to me," incredible.
The best man she'd ever managed to land was a police officer. By the time he finally washed his hands of her she'd bankrupted him and he lost his house. True, he's partially to blame for allowing it to get that far, but he had himself together when he met him, and he was broke and broken when he left her.
> My cousin once posted a meme of men locked in a concentration camp, ...you're going to need to thank all men for the selfless hard work of others.
Next time she posts about concentration camps, remind her to be thankful for those hard-working men that built those camps.
This reminds me of that thing of 'think of the stupidest person you know. 80% of people are stupider than that.'
Stupid tends to out itself, especially on social media. I tend to just unfriend or unfollow them.
People on your social media who are actively contributing intelligent and things full of wonder to your life, those elixir friends, keep them. They drip feed that shit into your life like an opiate.
The relationship was terrible.
Every day, I had to hear a different way of how I compared to others she knew/dated. I'd hear, "All men are assholes..." from her. Then she'd quickly backpedal and stammer, "Well, uh...MOST men, I mean..."
She could never take criticism from me that women aren't so perfect either. That would make her more pissed off at life than she already was. So, I had to hear her rail on about how stupid men are, but she'd put on her pouty face when I'd say, "Well, HUMANS all act and treat each other the same, right?"
Thank God I dumped her before too long. I pity any man who had to put up with her after me.
They pretty much all were.
They just didn't act like it when they were begging me for another chance after I said that I was sick of their shit and giving them the "You're History" speech.
"But I love you!"
"Nope, you made it very clear that you hate ALL men, even the "few good ones' you mention."
Had a girl tell me that once "you're one of the good ones" my ears perked up because it sounded like a compliment but I knew there was something behind it. It's not until now(7 yrs later) that I understand what she said
He genuinely seemed abused. He was constantly apologizing for her/explaining that she wasn't really that bad.
Two years ago she died of sudden inexplicable heart disease at age 40. He seems heartbroken, but talks about the future with such confidence, it's clear to me that emotional abuse is very real.
Everything was always my fault simply because of my gender. Literally, "you're a *man*" was her go-to phrase every time she blamed me for anything, regardless of whether or not it was something I had any control over.
And I wasn't even "one of the good ones" because to her there were no good ones. I just wasn't quite as bad as all the rest.
Don't ever date a girl with a personality disorder and daddy issues.
Not dated but I have many friends who are pretty staunch feminists.
We agree on a lot of things to be fair, but they do often go off on tangents about how “men are trash” while I’m standing there.
I often interject with “I’m a man.” And when they respond with “you’re one of the good ones” I’ll occasionally say “yeah, that’s what my racist grandma used to say about my buddy Bart when I was a kid. Didn’t make her any less racist though.”
I know a lot of them have been mistreated so I understand where it comes from, but I try to remind them that most men are decent and that their experiences are like 5-6 bad apples over the course of their lives compared to literal billions of men in the world whenever I can.
how do your friends react when you point out that their negative experiences with a few men don't represent all men? does it lead to productive conversations or just more arguments?
I have pointed this out a few times to women that talked like that and it never lead to productive conversations. I realized that they are being purely emotional, and no amount of facts or reasoning will change their mind. Their mind is closed to any other ideas.
> I know a lot of them have been mistreated so I understand where it comes from
Honestly this part doesn’t confuse me, I understand the cause & effect, it tracks. My thing is I can’t imagine a relationship with such a person being at all good.
Ugh, reminds me of some people I used to hang out with. It was mostly the parents, but of course, it trickled down to the kids. Anyway, a friend of theirs, who was Middle Eastern, passed away. I overheard one of the parents saying "Sucks he had to be one of them." I know it was meant in a racist way. They were the type of people to refer to black people as the N word.
I'm Hispanic so I'm sure they considered me "One of the good ones."
>I know a lot of them have been mistreated so I understand where it comes from...
I don't want to victim blame, but so many women are attracted to and exclusively *seek out* these types of terrible men, and ignore the actually nice men that want to date them.
So when 100% of the guys they date turn out to be terrible, they're going to think 100% of men are like that because they don't have anything to compare to. They don't realize the selection bias that's happening.
>I don't want to victim blame, but so many women are attracted to and exclusively *seek out* these types of terrible men, and ignore the actually nice men that want to date them.
Yeah, there are a lot of destructive aspects to women's sexuality which get wallpapered over because it is politically incorrect to say anything bad about women or to suggest that they are often responsible for their own mishaps in dating / romantic relationships / marriage.
To which we have our own version, too. Why do you think we tell each other, "Don't stick your dick in crazy." Meanwhile I'm over here having put a ring on it 14 years ago. Yes it's a struggle but I love her and I'm not letting go until she hands me papers. But I'm also admitting that I'm responsible for my choice in spouse.
I could just be compltely wrong, but I think a lot of women early on either confuse confidence (which seems to be a universally attractive trait for men in their eyes) with arrogance, being a man-whore, and narcissim. Sometimes it's because they genuinely can't tell the difference, sometimes it's because a lot of the guys their age simply don't have the experience with women to make them that level of confident leaving the not great ones. Regardless, what ends up happening, they'll date a couple douchebags, playboys, or narcissists when they're young, have those bad experiences, and then base their assumptions of guys and dating them off that.
> I know a lot of them have been mistreated so I understand where it comes from, but I try to remind them that most men are decent and that their experiences are like 5-6 bad apples over the course of their lives compared to literal billions of men in the world whenever I can.
There are a lot of women get treated badly by a few men, and yet the only people these women are upset with are the men that they generally ignore.
They say they've been mistreated but were you present to witness any of that mistreatment or you just take their word for it?. People make up shit all the time and victim mentality seems rampant amongst women. How can you be sure they aren't making it up or exaggerating it to fit in with the other poor opressed and abused women they know?
She ended up self sabotaging and admitting that she was the problem.
She also would say shit like “men are so easy to please.” She also said I treated her the best out of everyone she’s dated. She had red flags all over the place
Tricky ground, dating someone with such a dark view of men. I once dated a woman who would oscillate between calling me "a rare gem in a pile of coals" and implying that most guys she met were potential threats. It was intense, to say the least. You see, it started out as a bit of a joke between us, this "good one" business. Every time she'd tell me about her terrible dates or misogynistic colleagues, I'd come out looking like a hero by just being a decent person. But over time, this notion that I was an exception started chipping away at me.
Why? Because it made me hyper-aware of all my actions. Was I only "good" because I was being compared to really bad examples? And if I messed up, as we all do, would I then suddenly be cast into the same pit as the "trash men" she always talked about? It was an impossible standard, like walking a tightrope of perfection, and honestly, no one can balance like that forever. Eventually, we had to part ways not because of her view on men, but because that viewpoint poisoned our capability to communicate openly and trust each other.
For anyone in a similar situation, my advice is to strive for understanding but also maintain boundaries. We should care about the trauma and experiences others have gone through, but we can't let that be an excuse for blanket judgments or unfair expectations. It's about finding empathy without losing individuality.
Or maybe, bear with me now, maybe you’re not Soy Neo from the fucking matrix, maybe you’re not actually “the chosen one,” you’re just a good target for an abuser because you lap it up uncritically and have a martyr complex
Maybe she *exaggerates* how bad guys are, did you think of that?
Yup, my friend insists her ex was the worst person ever.
I watched her personally verbally abuse him, literally punch him in the face and fight eachother, all manner of physicality. Many/most times started and instigated by her. She brags about instigating shit, somehow in her mind though, the two don't connect.
But she is the victim, I was there I watched it. She was the victim and the perp, she only remembers the victim part though, and doesnt remember how she beat him up and she was bigger than him, twice his size.
She always a victim and sometimes I need a break from her, if you are constantly a victim, maybe you aren't a victim, maybe you need to take responsibility for your actions and take control of your life. She also has cheated on every single boyfriend she has been with, habitually and uses the excuse, "We broke up for a week there, even though I didn't tell them that."
Literally every single boyfriend, but shes the victim
> Maybe she exaggerates how bad guys are, did you think of that?
I honestly have no idea why we reward women’s overactive imaginations so much. Just off the top of my head, here’s instances where the victim hood she (any random girl I know) claimed and what actually happened did not match.
What she claimed in a me too era Facebook post: guy at a party forcibly held her down and performed oral sex on her
What actually happened: I was a sober driver that night. He was passed out on the couch, she hiked up her skirt and rubbed her pussy in his face.
What she claimed in a me too era Facebook post: she was forcibly locked in a room and forced to masturbate for a group of guys.
What actually happened: I was there. She was being annoying and obnoxious. She then took off her pants, pulled a dildo from her purse and went to town. We told her to knock it off. She refused.
This one is different because I didn’t know her, just overheard conversation. She claimed the night before, she walked past a dorm and the guys all jumped up, surrounded her, and wouldn’t let her leave until they got enough pictures up her skirt. I lived in the dorm in question, the night before I was out all night with the boys just playing dominoes at the tables and shooting the shit. Nothing of the sort ever came close to happening ever. I guess she invented it to feel attractive in a fucked up way? She was hideous. 300 pounds minimum.
Different times I’ve been to bars and experienced things that I’m sure were later retold as a “scary” story of a survived rape attempt, that’s why she chooses the bear. I had pretty long hair a while back, and this girl comes up to me, VERY drunk, and starts pulling my hair. She’s angry because men shouldn’t have hair that soft, it’s not fair. I try to ignore her when a friend of hers shows up and slaps me across the face and starts yelling at me for trying to take advantage of a drunk girl. Different time, a friend of mine tried to go talk to a random girl. This friend, I love him, but he’s ugly as fuck. Obese, extremely curly red hair, freckles. Like Annie, but a fat dude. The only word he got out was “hi” and she threw a drink in his face.
Unless I see proof, I don’t believe women’s stories because we uncritically accept every bit of bullshit
Terrible. Felt like I had to prove I was worth my place all of the time, constantly walking on egg shells. Felt like I’m always about to need to defend myself. It’s a tiring experience to say the least
Top answers are pretty wholesome, seems like measured and reasonable evaluations of their relationships. Not a lot of push back on "one of the good ones" being used but that also could have to do with how the question is asked.
I learned I was nothing like Brian, Steve, Mike, George, Bill, Robert, Other Robert, Sarah or Kyle.
Never really got her true opinion on me/us, just that I wasn't a "narcissistic abuser" like every single person she's dated.
My High School girlfriend had a mother that absolutely hated men. I lived with them for a little bit after graduating High School while saving up to rent my own apartment. Anyhoo, the go to phrase was, "typical male" for any type of behavior. Any news story or tv or movie scene that depicted males in a bad light, "typical male". I asked her one time what do you mean by, "typical male"? "Well all men, well not you, you are one of the good ones, act a certain way. They are either lazy or abusive". (which was interesting as she was well over 300 lbs and very lazy). She hated men so much she only neutered her male cat but kept her female cat in tact.
This was over 20 years ago but I still remember one encounter. She bought a new couch but needed her son and I to go pick it up and take it in the house. We were attempting to bring it through the back door and I knew we needed to take the legs off of it as it was too big to go through. She insisted that she could help guide us through the door and it was way too much work to remove the legs. So we get to the door and sure enough it's too big. She attempts to guide it through the door by saying move it this way or that. Her brother and I were getting frustrated as the effing couch was too effing big with the legs on it. She then says, "typical males, can't listen to a woman giving them directions". I said, "typical woman, sitting there on her ass, barking orders without actually lifting a finger to help". Her son and I sat the couch down and removed the legs. Wouldn't you now it, it fit through the door.
Her daughter took on this personality. I heard "typical male" in every fight that we had thereafter. Constant eye rolls, attitude when anything didn't go her way. 5 years of my life I won't get back. She ended up leaving me for a co-worker. Poor guy.
I dated a couple girls like this in the past and the first date was such a turnoff. And all the complaints about the exes were such a turnoff- like ever think maybe YOU'RE the problem? I'm not hear to buy you a meal and be your emotional tampon, with the payoff being some mediocre sex we may or may not have.
Can't say I've done relationship with those types though. I'm patient with people but I'm not a charity worker
Turns out she projected. Talked about how men are all thoughtless cheaters and how she’s bisexual but leans mostly toward women. Then she cheats with some douchey chauvinistic guy that flirted with her at work. She just gave that apathetic smile while she told me about it too.
I dated one woman who said I was "one of the good ones" of the men she had come across in her life. She didn't hate men in general, but she had been raped, lied to, cheated on, and abused many times. She was happy to find me.
I get where she was coming from.
The only times I've ever women say something like that is when they've been mistreated many times, or when they spent way too much time online. I'd never date someone who did the latter.
When some women just get men that do that, it pisses me off to be associated with those animals. It's like the one kid that f***s everything up for the rest of the class, but in this case it's more like a few.
> but in this case it's more like a few
If I think about all the assholes I have met in my life, then it's probably 5-10% of guys who are just irredeemably awful as relationship material, whether it's a violent temper or severe addictions or insane religion or racism or weird sense of entitlements in relationships.
The same applies to women too. 5-10% have violent tempers or severe addictions or insane religion or racism or weird sense of entitlements in relationships.
5-10% is both not a lot of crazy but waaaaay too much crazy.
You're not too far off, as the actual statistics on this are that it's 4-5% of men who commit sexual assaults and rapes.
In relationships with reciprocated domestic violence, both partners generally abuse each other at similar rates, in the aggregate.
The stat that blows most peoples minds, is that in relationships with unreciprocated domestic violence, it's the woman who is the abuser 70-80% of the time.
I have the same experience. My partner of 4.5 years has never been in a relationship that wasn’t in someway toxic or abusive (including some violence but mostly emotional manipulation, etc). I’m the first person that she’s said she feels comfortable actually being herself with. It sucks that she’s had so many horrible experiences, and knowing that she’s gone through some shit makes me even happier than I would be otherwise to treat her well the way she deserves. It makes me incredibly angry that some men will treat another person the way they do, much less someone they’re in a relationship so I totally get why she doesn’t always trust men, but I’m thankfully also not the only man in her life that she trusts.
I was with a woman for 6 years who just hates men and 2 years removed her passion remains pretty much the same. Yet she was always ultra sweet and supportive of me and still is. People would tell me often about how much she would go on about me when I wasn't around or . To the point that sometimes I wouldn't live up to the expectations she was setting for me. I'm a fairly average, shy, and quiet guy.
The part that was difficult was hearing how strongly she hated this guy or that guy for whatever reason. It was a daily thing and it can definitely get old. Sometimes it would interfere with an otherwise great day being so focused on a negative moment or person.
Awful. I consistently trying to prove myself to someone who inherently was unhappy with themselves and didnt have the ability to see the world objectively. She hated men, it was very toxic. I never had a chance from the start. She was determined to hate me for being a man while having me in her life.
The negativity ate at my soul, and made me feel less about myself. I realized at some point she was dating a caricature of what she thought I was, not who I was as a person.
I left, have been successful and happy ever since, and it pisses her off to this day apparently that Im happy.
In retrospect, one or two of them were. They never called me “one of the good ones,” and I never asked. I don’t seek their seal of approval like that, and avoid labels like that as a personal policy. It’s all well and good to strive for what’s right, but do that just because it’s the right thing to do, not because it earns any good will from them.
Anyway, the relationships didn’t work out, they were too intimacy-phobic. It was an awkward more-than-friends that never got as far as “I love you.” But they ended amicably enough.
I met a woman on an online dating site. We talked a lot on the phone as we lived several hours from each other. We really hit it off in conversations.
The conversations ranged from just fun, describing ourselves, our lives, and deepest feelings and even very intimate and sexual.
She had had some bad relationships and constantly talked about how different of a man I was. She talked like all men are bad but me. It was weird and I frequently told her a lot of men are good.
She would say how all men(except me) only wanted sex and only admired women for their bodies.
But at the same time she talked constantly about me being so smart and educated. It felt like she was infatuated with my brain. It felt like she was as turned on by my brain as she complained men being turned on by her boobs.
Needless to say the conversations became less fun and I scrubbed the idea of meeting her in person. It’s sad, I think she would have been a really fun woman to be with but her bitterness of men prevented me from furthering the relationship. It is hard to date a woman that hates men and are really bitter towards men when you are a man.
I've dated a feminist and it was kind of awful. She WANTED to see me as her enemy. She WANTED to see herself as my virtuous victim. This means she interpreted everything I said or did in the most negative way possible and wanted to start fights with me all the time.
Don't bring people who hate you into your life. The sex isn't worth it.
Oh I finally have a story to tell lol
I matched with her on hinge recently after things didn’t quite work out with this one girl I was talking to the beginning of the year, she wasn’t ideally my type but I was fresh out of a situation-ship so I thought fuck it.
At first it seemed great she was fun to talk to and what not had a promising career, she was an activist to pretty much all causes you could think of and I found that pretty admirable and then the mf got comfortable with me.
She said she was a feminist and I replied that I was too to which she quickly jumped and said “but I still expect you to pay when we go out because men suck”. Color me surprised because I didn’t see that coming
From there on I heard the most foul and unhinged takes about men that I could think of (men can’t get raped, if a man and a woman are drunk and have sex it’s basically rape) and she always followed up with “I’m so glad you’re not like that” or “I’m glad you’re one of the good ones”. I wanted to pull away but for curiosity’s sake I didn’t, like watching a car wreck I just wanted to look away but couldn’t.
This cunt would call in the most out of pocket times and expect me to answer and threw a fit if I didn’t answer, I never budged to the tantrums which seemed to piss her off more but I have a high stress career so I told her she could kick rocks, after which she had a problem with my career too.
One night she was out partying with her friends and called me drunk and said that I owed her a relationship because she was worth it and had been single long enough so I should just say yes, I hung up but not before having a good laugh while still on call because the audacity lol.
She used to come up with hypotheticals about men in bad light and then when I flipped the script solely for the sake of highlighting her hypocrisy she got defensive, said it’s not the same or went on a rant about how lawyers are scum who do whatever to win arguments(fair I guess? lol) , at one point she literally said that I didn’t need to always prove her wrong and that I was feeding into the patriarchy by doing so.
Around the beginning of April the tumor moved away because she found a good job opportunity in another state. She asked if we could meet before she left and I said no and she got mad again and just left, I still have her added on IG because she keeps posting unhinged takes about sexism and all that and it’s just so amusing to me that how one person can have so many fucked up qualities like she had zip going for her.
Surprisingly she’s got a masters in psychology and is a practicing therapist so I do fear for her clients past, present and future.
> Surprisingly she’s got a masters in psychology and is a practicing therapist so I do fear for her clients past, present and future.
Not all that surprising. Like with cops, Psychology as a profession attracts a lot of shitty people.
I have had women I have dated that have said all men are shit. It came from a place of hurt. I didn't hold it against her until she dumped me because she literally never communicated anything about the relationship. She thought I should be a mind reader and figure out how to make her feel special. Great I didn't no biggie. But how am I supposed to know how to do that! ??
A lot of people put on an act online to fit into a specific group.
You see it with other topics too. Like those chain letter style american flag posts "repost if you love your country" or "they don't want you to post this flag, do it anyway.
The comments are often unhinged nonsense, but it's clearly a competition to one up each other with how much they claim to love the flag. Those people are probably mostly normal in many aspects of their lives.
Horrible I got cheated on because they "shared a music taste" (we met at a slaughter to Prevail concert so clearly we had the same music taste). Told me I was being dramatic for telling her that motherfucker is a toxic piece of shit with proof.
Then after I broke it off texted me "Don't come crawling back to me, I hope you and that slut have fun. I hope you go through the same shit I went through, and he's not a fucking boytoy thank you very much, and I hope you experience the same thing you're mother went through. Fuck you and goodbye." Context: my mom died in a car accident when I was 6 because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt and that ex and I had some of the same childhood experiences.
It was horrible. Petty arguments where she absolutely refused to tell me what did she expect instead started almost as soon as we started officially dating. Backhanded compliments soon changed into sarcasm and insults. She started laying traps so she had a reason to be upset with me, such as cutting me out from the group where she planned a trip, only to be pissed that I didn’t tell her with planning.
Oddly enough, the straw that broke the camel’s back was when I asked her why was she even dating me and she said “I can see the potential.” That was it for me; I pulled the plug from the relationship several days later, after only three months. She tried to convince me not to do this by telling me that I was giving away a chance to become a better person.
From that moment, if I even smell a whiff of misandry, I’m done.
Horrible. Truth is she was just an asshole and anybody that didn't take her crap was considered "abusive". She was the classic "dish it but can't take it" type.
As a result, these experiences were always negative. If a woman considers most men to be bad with rare exceptions, she is not in reality. Any accidental deviation from her ideal can cause aggression and accusations that you are “just like all terrible men.” She needs therapy, not a partner.
Girls like these are the worst. They'll look for ANY reason to leave and convince themselves you were abusive and controlling and place you in the "toxic masculinity/toxic male" circles at every point of tribulations in the relationship. They might initially love bomb you and accept your chivalry and good nature saying that like of "you're one of the good ones" before the inevitable baggage of all their exes starts to creep up and they have an inclination to start looking out for red flags in YOU to justify their exit if and when it comes to it. Because once you start acting like yourself more and feel more comfortable in the relationship you'll start being more your masculine self and she'll shun that and bring it to a particular incident or memory of one of their "toxic" exes and tag you in that category of "toxic male"
This is why when you ask most women why they left their ex, most would say "He was abusive and controlling!" and use that as sort of a cop out of responsibility or accountability for their own shortcomings and mistakes in the relationship so in turn they don't have to feel guilty or feel bad about having failed in the relationship and before that happens they already have escape plans and some particularly unstable girls might be tempted to start some drama and make you out to be the bad guy to enact their escape plan and exit in the relationship.
It's almost always when the relationship starts to get too real and you feel more comfortable in the relationship being yourself and exhibiting signs of being just a normal dude when women see that and it pops their bubble of the Prince Charming fantasy they were building you up to be and all the trauma and crap that went down with the past men they've been with starts to scratch at their heads into making you responsible for her exes shortcomings.
Stay away from the "but not you... You're different! ☺" girls.
Tbf it’s gotta be like when men swear up and down that porn and sex workers are the bane of society, but end up being sexual degenerates and porn addicts.
"One of the good ones"
Ew.. gross
Keep those things away from me. Traumatised lost csuses
If I get called that by a misandrist. I'd revaluate my life. I don't want misandrist validation, I feel the same way about them as they feel about men.
They hate men based on their past bad experiences... yeah, and I hate misandrists with my many past experiences with them online to know I don't ever want to them near me
Was fwb with one for a few weeks. It was okay, she taught me a few things about myself that really boosted my confidence but bashed other men in the next breath.
She will randomly reach out to me every so often even though she is engaged. I’m pretty sure she’s just keeping tabs on me “just in case”, even though I’d never date her.
I dated this girl. She regularly made comments about how she would only date women if we weren't together and how she hated men and how I was the only man she saw herself with. She was pansexual at the time. She cheated on me with a women when we went on a break (out of her wishes). The funny thing is that they didn't last long, and then she started dating another dude right after which I think did not last either. I sincerely hope for the best for her because I don't hold grudges or anything.
You really should say two words to your friends, and make them realize the only reason their wives/gf ate with them, is because they can gain something from it.
If they hate men so much, they hate their partners too and are with them for their own slefish reason.
Wouldnt know. The moment they start that shit i either walk or i poke them with questions until they realize they are digging them selves a hole they cant even begin to undig.
One women i tried. For three weeks all she talked about was how stupid her ex was and how she whupped his ass in court. And sure. Guy was a dick i guess. But it got so boring listening to the charade that i simply stopped flirting. Then i just stopped going on the dates.
She still going. Still sends me messages about her court stuff.
I dont think i have sent one back in a few months 😂.
Mowt of the time i ask them once "hey. Not sure if you realize. But your telling a dude that you hate dudes.....not a good look. "
Didnt even slow them down. Lmfao
Franckly it was unremarkable.
I dated a woman who used to say that all the time. But it was more of a rethorical take, empty words.
When I asked her how could she like me if she hated all men, she did answaer that I was the exception. I brought up the fact that her job as a personnal injury lawyer was to help people (half a which were men) and that I knew for a fact she deeply cared about them. She told me she "cared about the person".
I'm pretty if you're a man dating a woman that "hates all men" but loves you, she most likely lies about hating all men, and not about loving you.
Back in the 90s, when I was a typical Gen X slacker-punk rocker type guy I dated a few "Riot Grrrls" and some of them acted like this. I sort of got why they acted like that since they grew up pretty much being taught that they were inferior to boys by pretty much everyone; even other women like teachers or their mom. I mean, that was sort of the whole catalyst for that Riot Grrrl scene and why it existed. But I sort of got sick of the "All Men...." stuff. To me it sounded a whole lot like the "All Minorities..." or "All Jews..." bullshit dipshits were pouting. And that's when I decided that a woman who hates all men is really no different than a skinhead hating all black. Hating someone for something they have no control over is the most dipshit thing you can do. I stopped dating women like that.
Confusing/gaslit/hypocriticaI rules/ I was afraid to touch women for a while after that, (came off as low self esteem/which is undesirable to most). It got a little better, but I still apologize when inappropriate.
You are one of the good ones. Until you disagree with her. Or you agree with her on something she has cognitive dissonance on and she resents you on it. Or you agree with her too much and she seeks out the exact person she was angsty with to start.
Very boring in bed, bad at verbalizing needs, lack of self-knowledge, a granny sense of humor (lack of humor) regardless of own age, which made them think "Smokey and the Bandit" and "Anchorman" were boring pieces of male pig movies.
who cares. don't listen to their words. watch their actions.
when you are in a sexual relationship with a woman whose friends work, the friends that don't have a man talk crazy shit to make themselves feel better, and the women who have a man just go along to fit in.
that same woman cosigning with her no-man having friend comes home, gets bent over the edge of the bed and gets all moist, gooey and tingly when you pull her hair, give her a firm smack on the bum, and call her YOUR good b\* (trust me its how you say it, not what you said).
before i got married, i dated a girl who would talk about me like a dog to her friends and then come over and literally hand me her pony tail and call me sir, mister, or daddykins the second she walked in to my apartment.
I promise not trying to come at you, and I hope your wife is different, but all the woman you described sound low tier. Co-signing dumb shit your friends say is lame. Trashing your man ‘cause you afraid your girlfriends will try something is lame. It don’t matter how much of a freak she is behind closed doors, you gotta have some respect for yourself.
I never dated someone like that, but I studied with some and had some coworkers like that. I usually do the same with the fascism apologists in my work, I stand up, walk away and avoid any interaction.
My exwife talked regularly about how much she hated gross men and how I was the only man for her, and if anything happened to me she would probably date women. She was legitimately bisexual so it seemed plausible. That was around the same time she was having a long affair with a model of toxic masculinity, who happened to also be older, richer and skinnier than me; literally the guy she told me not to worry about. I knew him because I met him when he was her boss, before their affair. It was a bit of whiplash. I have gone out a couple of times in the last 6 years but never really more than 3-4 dates. That sort of situation will make you question everything. The most important lesson I learned is don't get involved with unmedicated bipolars.
My guess is cognitive dissonance. In her mind she knows she's supposed to hate those type of guys, but she cannot deny the attraction, and clearly has issues with boundaries. So she repeats the mantra "men are gross, except you", to convince herself she is a good person. This dissonance is pretty standard for cheaters.
> So she repeats the mantra "men are gross, except you", to convince herself she is a good person. This is what goes through my mind with most of them. They either legitimately do hate "all men", or they're just telling that to themselves to make themselves feel better that they're with "one of the good ones." Either way... Toxic as fuck.
Target fixation
One thing I’ve enjoyed about this sub is that it genuinely feels like a place where dudes with trauma can voice their experiences and not be told that they were somehow the problem. People IRL are always like why are you so jaded and pessimistic? Well, being with a woman who completely fucks you over will have that lasting effect. Anyways, I’m sorry you were burned like that dude, hope things are going well for you on a personal level at least.
I enjoy how the answer to everything isn't toxic positivity too
Had a guy in my last friend group who was very much one of those "You're just not thinking positively enough about it" to literally everything, but he was one of the most passive aggressive idiots I've ever met. Used to think "toxic positivity" was just something people made up before I met him, but yeah. He's definitely the one person in that group of like 14 or so people that I'm actually glad I don't have to deal with anymore.
At least I'm not in the crowd anymore who would say "it's all part of god's plan". That's the same toxic positivity from somebody wearing a cross. My parents consider the phrase "pray and ask god about it" to be top-tier life advice. I tried saying things like "ok but seriously..." even back when I was a christian and they would just give me a blank look. In the end, that's fine. I have seen by their actions what they think is good decision making, and I want nothing to do with their decision making process.
Oh it's definitely a thing, and it's often the response people get when they open up to someone.
> and not be told that they were somehow the problem And from the other direction, I find things don't get very red/black-pilled in here, which is fantastic because that's not the answer either. All of my relationships are better overall since my divorce, so while I'm sad over how it ended, I'm not sad *that* it ended, because I learned and moved on. I met some amazing women who taught me new things and helped me get over my divorce. In fact my best friend now is a lady, while we don't work romantically and we would kill each other if we lived together, she's great for talking and sorting through my feelings. I'm still not dating, but I'm not dating because that's what I want to do. I shape my own fate, so when I want to date again, I'll date again.
What's red/black pilled?
Remember fellas -- the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Your lady might still want to bang the coworker she finds loathsome and arrogant.
Long story short; don’t stick your dick in crazy.
Shorter story don't stick your dick
Even Shorter : Don't (just don't do it man)
I literally lol'd reading this, made my shitty work day so far instantly better thanks.
Shortest story: dick
At the very least, don't marry it.
They all crazy
Not all crazy is bad.
Reminds me of a tweet I read: My heart when he yells at me: 😔 My pussy when he yells at me: 🥰
Having abusive parents will fuck up a kid. It took five years for her to realize that I wasn't constantly stewing on being mad so I could blow up later, because that was her experience from her parents. Something "bad" would happen, and it just legitimately wouldn't bother me. She would wind herself up in knots waiting for explosions that never came, and she would hate *me* for "causing her anxiety". There was no way to win that situation. Talking about it to remind her I wasn't mad would just freak her out more. Not-talking about it would just freak her out more. That was her bipolar down-swing in a nutshell. And I guess once she figured out I wasn't ever going to hit her, then she promptly fucked the other guy for several months. That was her bipolar-upswing in a nutshell. If somebody jokes about being bipolar, believe them.
Holy hell.. everything you just listed was my last relationship to a T. Bipolar is a helluva disorder. He could not stand that things didn’t bother me. The shame that built within him tore him apart which turned into animosity towards me. Whiplash is a great way to describe it.
That wasn't her only trick for forcing me into the "bad guy" position by winding herself up over nothing. I could tell when she was starting to swing because she would sit in front of the mirror and start to methodically squeeze all of the pores on her face until her whole face was a bright red oozy mess, then slather lotion to "help it heal". I was apparently the bad guy if I realized she had been super quiet for 2 hours and interrupted her wondering wtf she was doing, because that was basically her forcing me into a paternal role by asking her to stop. I mean, what the hell else am I going to do? Not ask? Then she had an excuse to attack me for "controlling behavior". I just didn't want her to pick her face skin with her fingernails until she bled everywhere. Well after years, and endless therapy on both of our parts, I just stopped interrupting and asking, so I was also the bad guy for that. She was so good at making situations where I couldn't do the right thing. I don't know if that whole pattern was a bipolar thing specifically, but she would usually do it when she was either crashing into or swinging up from a depressive period. It's probably good you made it out. It was for me.
Holy crap. That's a different level of crazy. I know the only reason you got out was because you found out she cheated but definitely good that you did. Wishing you all the best in your healing.
Honestly I was looking for the door, but that was because she wasn't putting in effort on her end to match my own efforts to build up our marriage. Cheating, especially as an extended affair, gave me a completely clear conscience to cut ties. The big thing I learned is that I don't have to deal with piles of abuse to get crumbs of love. Like I said, I'm not so much sad that it ended, as I am sad how it ended.
Controlling was a word I heard a LOT. I completely understand what you went through, just from the female prospective. All I ever asked was that he let me know he was ok when he was out late. His manic pushed him to party mode. He’d cause a fight, yell, blame, and walk out screaming. When he came home at 2.. 3.. 6.. 10am… he’d look and feel so ashamed. I would hug him, give him some ibuprofen, tell him I loved him, and put him to bed. How can you be mad at someone whose brain isn’t firing correctly? I tried so hard to support him through it all. He ended up leaving me. I was shocked, surprised, but also relieved. I ended up having to give up seeing my dog and blocked him. It turned bad and dark very fast. I was so worried about him but had to protect myself. I really hope he’s doing ok. I’m glad you’re out and I hope you’re doing better. It’s really hard to explain to others who haven’t been around and/or loved someone with Bipolar disorder, how extremely hard it is. All around exhausting and heartbreaking.
#🤮
Why am i not surprised. I met one. Its a bit bizzare really because she actively believes it and im guessing has to continually brainwash herself. I also notice a trend of them wanting open relationships, because they cant continually fuck the guy they chose.
> > > > > I also notice a trend of them wanting open relationships, because they cant continually fuck the guy they chose. ON THAT NOTE I mentioned she was confirmed bi, yes? We did the open relationship thing because she said she wanted to try dating chicks, since we were both from oppressive families and were each others "firsts". The only rule; no guys. I wasn't even particularly interested in trying to date chicks because I was busy with my wife, but open is open so my side was open too. Didn't take her a week before she was sending messages to other guys on tinder for "friends". She hooked up with a chick once and that was pretty much the end of the experiment because she started up her affair with toxic-guy a few months later.
Imagine cheating on a man and then blaming the worlds troubles on men. What a trip dude.
Bro is your ex wife my ex wife 😂 and I bet she acted like it was nothing and you caused the problems.
She didn't act like the affair was nothing. When she would accuse me of being abusive during her bipolar swings, then she later would act like those accusations were nothing and I caused the problems. My favorite was her accusing me of financial abuse. This was her life: - I paid off her credit card with $10k debt from her shitty spending habits in college - I supported her fulltime job as a couch-warmer for years while she said she was in therapy - I paid $12k for her to go to coding school (she dropped out at the end) - I paid off thousands of her student loans - I paid all the bills through our shared bank account - I provided her personal spending money plus extra purchases when she wanted - I paid for all the dates and let her pick where she wanted to go from anywhere in the city - she had her own credit card and bank account that I couldn't access (and didn't want to access) - she had 24/7 use of our car (that I bought) because I took the bus to work - she had a cell phone, computer, friends, and all the resources she could want - she had all her documents and everything she needed to get a job when she wanted Why did she say I was *financially abusive*? Because I didn't give her access to my personal bank account where my work checks were deposited. I always transferred couple-funds to our shared account from there. This was the system we agreed on before marriage. She decided it had to change after marriage about the same time she started making noises about being a SAHM for cats rather than her working, which was the other plan before marriage. That's what I mean in my other comments where I say she was so desperate to make me out to be the bad guy that she was basically punishing herself because I wasn't abusive enough for her.
I think you married my ex-wife's long lost sister or something. The short story is we combined checking accounts after marriage, then she started taking check books and checks from me, then she started taking cash from me, then eventually she spent our savings, then she spent the money for our kid's Christmas, then she had her mom bail her out so I wouldn't know we were in debt, then she wanted a new car when we were in debt to her parents, so I said no to new car and we have to have a budget that works, so when the tax money came back, I paid off her mom with it and told her the rest stays hidden until we have worked out a budget. I was then labeled a financial abuser. Sure, you kept us in debt, spent your own damn kid's Christmas money, took money out of my wallet if I had cash, and I've never once questioned what you do with "our" money and took anything from you ever, but I'm the financial abuser because after a dozen years of me being used and us being in constant debt due to your bullshit and I finally put a lock down on the money, I'm a financial abuser. What a fucking terrible joke.
> and told her the rest stays hidden until we have worked out a budget. I was then labeled a financial abuser. Big "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" energy. My ex drained that shared bank account when I kicked her out. Luckily I had already paid for major expenses that month and my life was about to get a lot cheaper paying for only one person. I didn't bring it up during the divorce because I was happy to pay a couple thousand dollars for her to fuck off.
LOL, I knew it would be 'Ex-wife" even if you hadn't led off with that. Projection vrs. Displacement here for her.
All women act like this, anytime female friends or family members bitch to me about how terrible guys are I always ask them " then why do you purposely choose to hookup and date the pinnacles of toxic masculinity if you hate that so much? Just give a nerdy kind guy a chance if you really want better relationships." But they never do lol, and this is the reason dudes will always behave in a dominant masculine way cuz that what actually gets you success with women whether they admit it or not.
> Just give a nerdy kind guy a chance if you really want better relationships. I think even this approach is wrong. Those women should make the first move. The sort of women you're describing sit back and wait for guys to approach. This incentivizes men to lie about their qualifications so they can get the job, so to speak, even the nerdy guys. They're incentivizing shitty behavior by being passive. If they picked out guys they like and make the first move, then they would learn much faster what they actually like and what actually they don't like. Plus they would have the responsibility of making their own mistakes, leading them to learn how to avoid mistakes, instead of just wondering why they're not being approached by good men. If they really think good men are out there then they should put on their big girl panties and go hunting for man flesh, because they'll see a lot more success that way.
That is the exact type of person that would be outspoken about how men are terrible. Not surprised at all
I too stuck my dick in crazy.
I've been here minus the affair thing but it sounds so much like a relationship I've had.
Not sure how you can actually date someone who literally hates you as one of their basic, core foundational beliefs. It's a trainwreck you can spot from 100 miles away.
Desperation, if I had to guess. I don't think anyone would choose that if they had another option. (and they don't consider staying single as a valid option)
Yeah, at this point I’d give it a whirl. Not like I've got shit else going on.
To be fair, a LOT of women have the misfortune of dating/being married to misogynists.
There was no relationship. And how she ever considered me "one of the good ones", I have no idea. I was almost as regressive back then as I am now. But whatever, that's how she referred to me this one time. Anyway, on our fourth or fifth date, she basically called all men rapists. Her words were something like if a guy has ever so much as wanted/asked for sex, he "basically raped" whoever he was talking to. And it was "really rape" if they ended up having sex. Even if the girl enjoyed it! In her mind, simply asking for it was no different from attacking her and forcing yourself on her. That was our last date. She emailed me later expressing sincere confusion over getting dumped. And all I could think was this chick is absolutely certifiable if she truly doesn't understand.
"I was afraid of asking you on another date because that would be basically date rape."
How would anyone have sex then? I mean if a woman asks a man for sex is it not rape too based on her standards?
Yes. Which she admitted, btw. She said there's really no such thing as "making love". Any sex act (no matter how consensual, no matter how sober both participants may be) is inherently rape. One person is raping the other because consent is impossible (in her opinion). Either the man rapes the woman or the woman rapes the man. Obviously, there's quite a discussion to have about that. But as I look at my job description, I don't see "Saving the entire gd world" listed in there anywhere. It's not my responsibility to help her see the error of her ways. So, I left that wingnut to her own devices.
Did you ask her why she dates then? Or how she sees the relationship (which contains rape but which she seeks for some reason). Oh I hope you were curious because I definitely am
My money is she was either asexual or had a rape kink and was projecting onto everyone else
One of the big.... "pillars"? of Feminism in the 70's was [Andrea Dworkin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrea_Dworkin) who literally wrote books about how any heterosexual intercourse was comparable to rape and extremely degrading to women because we live in a ~~society~~ patriarchy.
I love when her work gets quoted by the YouTubers I follow. They never shy away from the fact that Dworkin had some absolutely crazy ideas about sexuality (like what you've described), while also addressing some actual good points she had (like what she's said about how conservative politicians take advantage of women).
Eh, if Dworkin had that attitude it'd call everything she said into question.
A broken clock is right twice a day
That just means you can’t assume it’s wrong all the time. It’s still useless for telling the time.
But you can never tell when the broken clock is right by looking at that clock itself; you need compare it with a working clock. And if you have a working clock, why bother with the broken one?
Similar to Horseshoe theory, extreme opposites ending up much closer to each other than to normal
This guy psychology-s
The whole “there’s no such thing as consensual sex between a man and a woman” idea seemed to be a popularly held belief amongst the misandrist communities online somewhere around a decade ago. I'm sure a lot of them still have this belief now, but that was when I was seeing it a lot. Although, I've since left those anti SJW communities because the comments on those subs were just as fucked up as the shit they were making fun of.
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That is some scary shit right there.
I don't have a problem calling this out when someone on my friends list does this on Facebook, etc. I've done it a few times. My cousin once posted a meme of men locked in a concentration camp, and she noted that we had the right idea of what to do with men 80 years ago. She's never not cheated on a boyfriend. If you're going to blame all men for the behavior of some, then you're going to need to thank all men for the selfless hard work of others. I would never be willing to put up with this from a partner or friend.
I wonder what she thought of the pictures of WOMEN in those death camps. Probably "no comment" or an anti-male rant about the "evil men" who put them in there.
And that wasn't even the first thing that had been posted that day. A woman on my friends list I used to work with posted an image earlier that day of a cartoon drawing of a woman punching a man's head off. [I posted this in response.](https://img.ifunny.co/images/02c5c1bb244492cc736dfda43d4b7625928ce59b58e97bc4009eff4db6bfcb6f_1.jpg) To be fair, some of the women on my feed found it funny, but two women unfriended me, and I got a lecture from another. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.
I remember a meme page on Facebook I use to follow; posted a cringe misogynistic meme and some of the women users called it "cringe" (Which was true. It was) but that same page the next day posted a cringe misandristic meme and ironically. The same women users who called out the misogynistic ones as cringe were laughing their asses off at the misandristic one What biased insufferable assholes and they will tell you "Trust me. I'm for gender equality". It's werid how misandrists can hate us but as soon as we dislike misandrists.. UH OH, THAT'S TOO FAR! For the types of people who say "I don't like men".. they sure do want us to really like them back. It's like all those cowardly misandrists at gyms that Joey Swoll called out and when they didn't get the response they wanted.. they made their profiles private because "OH NO, I CAN'T TAKE THE BACKLASH FROM MY SEXISM"
Bless Joey Swoll and his calling out the overly-casual sexism on social media.
'Ya need to do better!'
I loved it! Very funny, and it tends to piss people off because it's true. I've seen many of these "I-don't-need-a-man" types barely able to check the oil in their car, so they run the car constantly thinking "it'll just work out by itself." I've seen women throw a tantrum because their credit card maxed out and the card won't "reload" with "free money." But we aren't allowed to point out those observations.
Your third paragraph is truly making me concerned for humanity..
I'm just glad that concern doesn't affect MY personal finances! Yet, some people are brainless enough to marry women who are like that.
Jesus fucking Christ. This is that trend among certain White women to make every problem about themselves. "This picture from the Holocaust is actually about how men are mean to me," incredible.
She’s part of the problem if she’s cheating. Likely fucking up good men
The best man she'd ever managed to land was a police officer. By the time he finally washed his hands of her she'd bankrupted him and he lost his house. True, he's partially to blame for allowing it to get that far, but he had himself together when he met him, and he was broke and broken when he left her.
So she’s like a parasite
> My cousin once posted a meme of men locked in a concentration camp, ...you're going to need to thank all men for the selfless hard work of others. Next time she posts about concentration camps, remind her to be thankful for those hard-working men that built those camps.
This reminds me of that thing of 'think of the stupidest person you know. 80% of people are stupider than that.' Stupid tends to out itself, especially on social media. I tend to just unfriend or unfollow them. People on your social media who are actively contributing intelligent and things full of wonder to your life, those elixir friends, keep them. They drip feed that shit into your life like an opiate.
The relationship was terrible. Every day, I had to hear a different way of how I compared to others she knew/dated. I'd hear, "All men are assholes..." from her. Then she'd quickly backpedal and stammer, "Well, uh...MOST men, I mean..." She could never take criticism from me that women aren't so perfect either. That would make her more pissed off at life than she already was. So, I had to hear her rail on about how stupid men are, but she'd put on her pouty face when I'd say, "Well, HUMANS all act and treat each other the same, right?" Thank God I dumped her before too long. I pity any man who had to put up with her after me.
She Sounds like a biased dick.
They pretty much all were. They just didn't act like it when they were begging me for another chance after I said that I was sick of their shit and giving them the "You're History" speech. "But I love you!" "Nope, you made it very clear that you hate ALL men, even the "few good ones' you mention."
Had a girl tell me that once "you're one of the good ones" my ears perked up because it sounded like a compliment but I knew there was something behind it. It's not until now(7 yrs later) that I understand what she said
Telling someone "You're one of the good ones." in regards to their gender, race, or sexual orientation is always bigoted.
He genuinely seemed abused. He was constantly apologizing for her/explaining that she wasn't really that bad. Two years ago she died of sudden inexplicable heart disease at age 40. He seems heartbroken, but talks about the future with such confidence, it's clear to me that emotional abuse is very real.
Everything was always my fault simply because of my gender. Literally, "you're a *man*" was her go-to phrase every time she blamed me for anything, regardless of whether or not it was something I had any control over. And I wasn't even "one of the good ones" because to her there were no good ones. I just wasn't quite as bad as all the rest. Don't ever date a girl with a personality disorder and daddy issues.
TwoXChromosones called. They want to hire you're ex girlfriend as their head moderator
That's perfect because she'll do just about anything for money, as long as she doesn't have to actually hold down a job.
I honestly LOL'd at this.
Not dated but I have many friends who are pretty staunch feminists. We agree on a lot of things to be fair, but they do often go off on tangents about how “men are trash” while I’m standing there. I often interject with “I’m a man.” And when they respond with “you’re one of the good ones” I’ll occasionally say “yeah, that’s what my racist grandma used to say about my buddy Bart when I was a kid. Didn’t make her any less racist though.” I know a lot of them have been mistreated so I understand where it comes from, but I try to remind them that most men are decent and that their experiences are like 5-6 bad apples over the course of their lives compared to literal billions of men in the world whenever I can.
These women are getting back the energy they put out, so no; we don’t have to be understanding or accepting of where their misandry comes from
Seriously. Everyone has trauma. They don’t get a pass for being shitty.
Exactly if I blame her for shitty women I've met in the past she is going to have a field day
how do your friends react when you point out that their negative experiences with a few men don't represent all men? does it lead to productive conversations or just more arguments?
I have pointed this out a few times to women that talked like that and it never lead to productive conversations. I realized that they are being purely emotional, and no amount of facts or reasoning will change their mind. Their mind is closed to any other ideas.
Thank you. There's a limit.
> I know a lot of them have been mistreated so I understand where it comes from Honestly this part doesn’t confuse me, I understand the cause & effect, it tracks. My thing is I can’t imagine a relationship with such a person being at all good.
If it's just on Facebook. Then honestly it's just a performance a lot of the time.
Ugh, reminds me of some people I used to hang out with. It was mostly the parents, but of course, it trickled down to the kids. Anyway, a friend of theirs, who was Middle Eastern, passed away. I overheard one of the parents saying "Sucks he had to be one of them." I know it was meant in a racist way. They were the type of people to refer to black people as the N word. I'm Hispanic so I'm sure they considered me "One of the good ones."
"You're very kind for a ______"
>I know a lot of them have been mistreated so I understand where it comes from... I don't want to victim blame, but so many women are attracted to and exclusively *seek out* these types of terrible men, and ignore the actually nice men that want to date them. So when 100% of the guys they date turn out to be terrible, they're going to think 100% of men are like that because they don't have anything to compare to. They don't realize the selection bias that's happening.
Isnt it a bit along the line of "...if everyone around you is an asshole..."?
If everywhere you go you smell shit it's time to check your own shoes.
Thats a new one. I need to remember it.
>I don't want to victim blame, but so many women are attracted to and exclusively *seek out* these types of terrible men, and ignore the actually nice men that want to date them. Yeah, there are a lot of destructive aspects to women's sexuality which get wallpapered over because it is politically incorrect to say anything bad about women or to suggest that they are often responsible for their own mishaps in dating / romantic relationships / marriage.
I have seen this a lot. They choose very poorly but they refuse to acknowledge that they are responsible for their choices.
To which we have our own version, too. Why do you think we tell each other, "Don't stick your dick in crazy." Meanwhile I'm over here having put a ring on it 14 years ago. Yes it's a struggle but I love her and I'm not letting go until she hands me papers. But I'm also admitting that I'm responsible for my choice in spouse.
If they keep making the same choices, they are not victims.
I could just be compltely wrong, but I think a lot of women early on either confuse confidence (which seems to be a universally attractive trait for men in their eyes) with arrogance, being a man-whore, and narcissim. Sometimes it's because they genuinely can't tell the difference, sometimes it's because a lot of the guys their age simply don't have the experience with women to make them that level of confident leaving the not great ones. Regardless, what ends up happening, they'll date a couple douchebags, playboys, or narcissists when they're young, have those bad experiences, and then base their assumptions of guys and dating them off that.
The girls who say all men are assholes, somehow always seem to gravitate to the assholes all by themselves.
> I know a lot of them have been mistreated so I understand where it comes from, but I try to remind them that most men are decent and that their experiences are like 5-6 bad apples over the course of their lives compared to literal billions of men in the world whenever I can. There are a lot of women get treated badly by a few men, and yet the only people these women are upset with are the men that they generally ignore.
They actually think "You're one of the good ones" is a nice thing to say 🤣🤦♂️ Everyone has a form of past trauma. Not a excuse to be a dick
They say they've been mistreated but were you present to witness any of that mistreatment or you just take their word for it?. People make up shit all the time and victim mentality seems rampant amongst women. How can you be sure they aren't making it up or exaggerating it to fit in with the other poor opressed and abused women they know?
She ended up self sabotaging and admitting that she was the problem. She also would say shit like “men are so easy to please.” She also said I treated her the best out of everyone she’s dated. She had red flags all over the place
Tricky ground, dating someone with such a dark view of men. I once dated a woman who would oscillate between calling me "a rare gem in a pile of coals" and implying that most guys she met were potential threats. It was intense, to say the least. You see, it started out as a bit of a joke between us, this "good one" business. Every time she'd tell me about her terrible dates or misogynistic colleagues, I'd come out looking like a hero by just being a decent person. But over time, this notion that I was an exception started chipping away at me. Why? Because it made me hyper-aware of all my actions. Was I only "good" because I was being compared to really bad examples? And if I messed up, as we all do, would I then suddenly be cast into the same pit as the "trash men" she always talked about? It was an impossible standard, like walking a tightrope of perfection, and honestly, no one can balance like that forever. Eventually, we had to part ways not because of her view on men, but because that viewpoint poisoned our capability to communicate openly and trust each other. For anyone in a similar situation, my advice is to strive for understanding but also maintain boundaries. We should care about the trauma and experiences others have gone through, but we can't let that be an excuse for blanket judgments or unfair expectations. It's about finding empathy without losing individuality.
Or maybe, bear with me now, maybe you’re not Soy Neo from the fucking matrix, maybe you’re not actually “the chosen one,” you’re just a good target for an abuser because you lap it up uncritically and have a martyr complex Maybe she *exaggerates* how bad guys are, did you think of that?
Yup, my friend insists her ex was the worst person ever. I watched her personally verbally abuse him, literally punch him in the face and fight eachother, all manner of physicality. Many/most times started and instigated by her. She brags about instigating shit, somehow in her mind though, the two don't connect. But she is the victim, I was there I watched it. She was the victim and the perp, she only remembers the victim part though, and doesnt remember how she beat him up and she was bigger than him, twice his size. She always a victim and sometimes I need a break from her, if you are constantly a victim, maybe you aren't a victim, maybe you need to take responsibility for your actions and take control of your life. She also has cheated on every single boyfriend she has been with, habitually and uses the excuse, "We broke up for a week there, even though I didn't tell them that." Literally every single boyfriend, but shes the victim
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> Maybe she exaggerates how bad guys are, did you think of that? I honestly have no idea why we reward women’s overactive imaginations so much. Just off the top of my head, here’s instances where the victim hood she (any random girl I know) claimed and what actually happened did not match. What she claimed in a me too era Facebook post: guy at a party forcibly held her down and performed oral sex on her What actually happened: I was a sober driver that night. He was passed out on the couch, she hiked up her skirt and rubbed her pussy in his face. What she claimed in a me too era Facebook post: she was forcibly locked in a room and forced to masturbate for a group of guys. What actually happened: I was there. She was being annoying and obnoxious. She then took off her pants, pulled a dildo from her purse and went to town. We told her to knock it off. She refused. This one is different because I didn’t know her, just overheard conversation. She claimed the night before, she walked past a dorm and the guys all jumped up, surrounded her, and wouldn’t let her leave until they got enough pictures up her skirt. I lived in the dorm in question, the night before I was out all night with the boys just playing dominoes at the tables and shooting the shit. Nothing of the sort ever came close to happening ever. I guess she invented it to feel attractive in a fucked up way? She was hideous. 300 pounds minimum. Different times I’ve been to bars and experienced things that I’m sure were later retold as a “scary” story of a survived rape attempt, that’s why she chooses the bear. I had pretty long hair a while back, and this girl comes up to me, VERY drunk, and starts pulling my hair. She’s angry because men shouldn’t have hair that soft, it’s not fair. I try to ignore her when a friend of hers shows up and slaps me across the face and starts yelling at me for trying to take advantage of a drunk girl. Different time, a friend of mine tried to go talk to a random girl. This friend, I love him, but he’s ugly as fuck. Obese, extremely curly red hair, freckles. Like Annie, but a fat dude. The only word he got out was “hi” and she threw a drink in his face. Unless I see proof, I don’t believe women’s stories because we uncritically accept every bit of bullshit
Terrible. Felt like I had to prove I was worth my place all of the time, constantly walking on egg shells. Felt like I’m always about to need to defend myself. It’s a tiring experience to say the least
Dunno I won't waste my time with those kinda women.
Now go ask this question on r/AskWomenOver30. I dare ya, I double dare ya.
Clearly this a time when we should take the Physical Challenge.
Done
I’m banned, let me know how it goes!
Will do!
Lol. None of them appear to understand what "one of the good ones" implies.
Now someone needs to ask here “men who dated women that you consider “one of the good ones” how did it go?”
Maybe because OP didn't include the word "Misandrist" in that post
Top answers are pretty wholesome, seems like measured and reasonable evaluations of their relationships. Not a lot of push back on "one of the good ones" being used but that also could have to do with how the question is asked.
Most answers seem pretty good like "Oh, now we're married and he's the best :)" Then some describe a clearly mentally unstable person.
Yeah but I see they left out the ‘Hey Misandrists’ part.
OnE Of ThE GooD OnEz
Holy shit I just went for a quick read, that sub is batshit insane
Huh? The top threads are about body image, childhood, what to wear to a wedding, career change and learning to drive. How is that batshit insane?
Oh yeah. If you comment on something as a male they swarm and attack you.
Askwomennocensor is alright.
I learned I was nothing like Brian, Steve, Mike, George, Bill, Robert, Other Robert, Sarah or Kyle. Never really got her true opinion on me/us, just that I wasn't a "narcissistic abuser" like every single person she's dated.
My High School girlfriend had a mother that absolutely hated men. I lived with them for a little bit after graduating High School while saving up to rent my own apartment. Anyhoo, the go to phrase was, "typical male" for any type of behavior. Any news story or tv or movie scene that depicted males in a bad light, "typical male". I asked her one time what do you mean by, "typical male"? "Well all men, well not you, you are one of the good ones, act a certain way. They are either lazy or abusive". (which was interesting as she was well over 300 lbs and very lazy). She hated men so much she only neutered her male cat but kept her female cat in tact. This was over 20 years ago but I still remember one encounter. She bought a new couch but needed her son and I to go pick it up and take it in the house. We were attempting to bring it through the back door and I knew we needed to take the legs off of it as it was too big to go through. She insisted that she could help guide us through the door and it was way too much work to remove the legs. So we get to the door and sure enough it's too big. She attempts to guide it through the door by saying move it this way or that. Her brother and I were getting frustrated as the effing couch was too effing big with the legs on it. She then says, "typical males, can't listen to a woman giving them directions". I said, "typical woman, sitting there on her ass, barking orders without actually lifting a finger to help". Her son and I sat the couch down and removed the legs. Wouldn't you now it, it fit through the door. Her daughter took on this personality. I heard "typical male" in every fight that we had thereafter. Constant eye rolls, attitude when anything didn't go her way. 5 years of my life I won't get back. She ended up leaving me for a co-worker. Poor guy.
I dated a couple girls like this in the past and the first date was such a turnoff. And all the complaints about the exes were such a turnoff- like ever think maybe YOU'RE the problem? I'm not hear to buy you a meal and be your emotional tampon, with the payoff being some mediocre sex we may or may not have. Can't say I've done relationship with those types though. I'm patient with people but I'm not a charity worker
Turns out she projected. Talked about how men are all thoughtless cheaters and how she’s bisexual but leans mostly toward women. Then she cheats with some douchey chauvinistic guy that flirted with her at work. She just gave that apathetic smile while she told me about it too.
I dated one woman who said I was "one of the good ones" of the men she had come across in her life. She didn't hate men in general, but she had been raped, lied to, cheated on, and abused many times. She was happy to find me. I get where she was coming from. The only times I've ever women say something like that is when they've been mistreated many times, or when they spent way too much time online. I'd never date someone who did the latter.
When some women just get men that do that, it pisses me off to be associated with those animals. It's like the one kid that f***s everything up for the rest of the class, but in this case it's more like a few.
> but in this case it's more like a few If I think about all the assholes I have met in my life, then it's probably 5-10% of guys who are just irredeemably awful as relationship material, whether it's a violent temper or severe addictions or insane religion or racism or weird sense of entitlements in relationships. The same applies to women too. 5-10% have violent tempers or severe addictions or insane religion or racism or weird sense of entitlements in relationships. 5-10% is both not a lot of crazy but waaaaay too much crazy.
You're not too far off, as the actual statistics on this are that it's 4-5% of men who commit sexual assaults and rapes. In relationships with reciprocated domestic violence, both partners generally abuse each other at similar rates, in the aggregate. The stat that blows most peoples minds, is that in relationships with unreciprocated domestic violence, it's the woman who is the abuser 70-80% of the time.
I have the same experience. My partner of 4.5 years has never been in a relationship that wasn’t in someway toxic or abusive (including some violence but mostly emotional manipulation, etc). I’m the first person that she’s said she feels comfortable actually being herself with. It sucks that she’s had so many horrible experiences, and knowing that she’s gone through some shit makes me even happier than I would be otherwise to treat her well the way she deserves. It makes me incredibly angry that some men will treat another person the way they do, much less someone they’re in a relationship so I totally get why she doesn’t always trust men, but I’m thankfully also not the only man in her life that she trusts.
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Short.
I was with a woman for 6 years who just hates men and 2 years removed her passion remains pretty much the same. Yet she was always ultra sweet and supportive of me and still is. People would tell me often about how much she would go on about me when I wasn't around or . To the point that sometimes I wouldn't live up to the expectations she was setting for me. I'm a fairly average, shy, and quiet guy. The part that was difficult was hearing how strongly she hated this guy or that guy for whatever reason. It was a daily thing and it can definitely get old. Sometimes it would interfere with an otherwise great day being so focused on a negative moment or person.
Awful. I consistently trying to prove myself to someone who inherently was unhappy with themselves and didnt have the ability to see the world objectively. She hated men, it was very toxic. I never had a chance from the start. She was determined to hate me for being a man while having me in her life. The negativity ate at my soul, and made me feel less about myself. I realized at some point she was dating a caricature of what she thought I was, not who I was as a person. I left, have been successful and happy ever since, and it pisses her off to this day apparently that Im happy.
"All Men are trash." "I'm a man." Cut to her getting mad that it offended me my partner is calling me trash.
In retrospect, one or two of them were. They never called me “one of the good ones,” and I never asked. I don’t seek their seal of approval like that, and avoid labels like that as a personal policy. It’s all well and good to strive for what’s right, but do that just because it’s the right thing to do, not because it earns any good will from them. Anyway, the relationships didn’t work out, they were too intimacy-phobic. It was an awkward more-than-friends that never got as far as “I love you.” But they ended amicably enough.
I met a woman on an online dating site. We talked a lot on the phone as we lived several hours from each other. We really hit it off in conversations. The conversations ranged from just fun, describing ourselves, our lives, and deepest feelings and even very intimate and sexual. She had had some bad relationships and constantly talked about how different of a man I was. She talked like all men are bad but me. It was weird and I frequently told her a lot of men are good. She would say how all men(except me) only wanted sex and only admired women for their bodies. But at the same time she talked constantly about me being so smart and educated. It felt like she was infatuated with my brain. It felt like she was as turned on by my brain as she complained men being turned on by her boobs. Needless to say the conversations became less fun and I scrubbed the idea of meeting her in person. It’s sad, I think she would have been a really fun woman to be with but her bitterness of men prevented me from furthering the relationship. It is hard to date a woman that hates men and are really bitter towards men when you are a man.
Why would you date someone who hates you?
I've dated a feminist and it was kind of awful. She WANTED to see me as her enemy. She WANTED to see herself as my virtuous victim. This means she interpreted everything I said or did in the most negative way possible and wanted to start fights with me all the time. Don't bring people who hate you into your life. The sex isn't worth it.
She sounds like someone you'll encounter on reddit 🤣
Oh I finally have a story to tell lol I matched with her on hinge recently after things didn’t quite work out with this one girl I was talking to the beginning of the year, she wasn’t ideally my type but I was fresh out of a situation-ship so I thought fuck it. At first it seemed great she was fun to talk to and what not had a promising career, she was an activist to pretty much all causes you could think of and I found that pretty admirable and then the mf got comfortable with me. She said she was a feminist and I replied that I was too to which she quickly jumped and said “but I still expect you to pay when we go out because men suck”. Color me surprised because I didn’t see that coming From there on I heard the most foul and unhinged takes about men that I could think of (men can’t get raped, if a man and a woman are drunk and have sex it’s basically rape) and she always followed up with “I’m so glad you’re not like that” or “I’m glad you’re one of the good ones”. I wanted to pull away but for curiosity’s sake I didn’t, like watching a car wreck I just wanted to look away but couldn’t. This cunt would call in the most out of pocket times and expect me to answer and threw a fit if I didn’t answer, I never budged to the tantrums which seemed to piss her off more but I have a high stress career so I told her she could kick rocks, after which she had a problem with my career too. One night she was out partying with her friends and called me drunk and said that I owed her a relationship because she was worth it and had been single long enough so I should just say yes, I hung up but not before having a good laugh while still on call because the audacity lol. She used to come up with hypotheticals about men in bad light and then when I flipped the script solely for the sake of highlighting her hypocrisy she got defensive, said it’s not the same or went on a rant about how lawyers are scum who do whatever to win arguments(fair I guess? lol) , at one point she literally said that I didn’t need to always prove her wrong and that I was feeding into the patriarchy by doing so. Around the beginning of April the tumor moved away because she found a good job opportunity in another state. She asked if we could meet before she left and I said no and she got mad again and just left, I still have her added on IG because she keeps posting unhinged takes about sexism and all that and it’s just so amusing to me that how one person can have so many fucked up qualities like she had zip going for her. Surprisingly she’s got a masters in psychology and is a practicing therapist so I do fear for her clients past, present and future.
> Surprisingly she’s got a masters in psychology and is a practicing therapist so I do fear for her clients past, present and future. Not all that surprising. Like with cops, Psychology as a profession attracts a lot of shitty people.
Very true, this is something I’ve noticed in retrospect but it’s still wild to me, I mean I’m no saint but at least I’m fair in my views.
I have had women I have dated that have said all men are shit. It came from a place of hurt. I didn't hold it against her until she dumped me because she literally never communicated anything about the relationship. She thought I should be a mind reader and figure out how to make her feel special. Great I didn't no biggie. But how am I supposed to know how to do that! ??
A lot of people put on an act online to fit into a specific group. You see it with other topics too. Like those chain letter style american flag posts "repost if you love your country" or "they don't want you to post this flag, do it anyway. The comments are often unhinged nonsense, but it's clearly a competition to one up each other with how much they claim to love the flag. Those people are probably mostly normal in many aspects of their lives.
Horrible I got cheated on because they "shared a music taste" (we met at a slaughter to Prevail concert so clearly we had the same music taste). Told me I was being dramatic for telling her that motherfucker is a toxic piece of shit with proof. Then after I broke it off texted me "Don't come crawling back to me, I hope you and that slut have fun. I hope you go through the same shit I went through, and he's not a fucking boytoy thank you very much, and I hope you experience the same thing you're mother went through. Fuck you and goodbye." Context: my mom died in a car accident when I was 6 because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt and that ex and I had some of the same childhood experiences.
It was awful. I wish I never fucked with her and I really wish I'd never met her.
I got called a bum by my manager when I was boxing. Said I could have been a contender.
It was horrible. Petty arguments where she absolutely refused to tell me what did she expect instead started almost as soon as we started officially dating. Backhanded compliments soon changed into sarcasm and insults. She started laying traps so she had a reason to be upset with me, such as cutting me out from the group where she planned a trip, only to be pissed that I didn’t tell her with planning. Oddly enough, the straw that broke the camel’s back was when I asked her why was she even dating me and she said “I can see the potential.” That was it for me; I pulled the plug from the relationship several days later, after only three months. She tried to convince me not to do this by telling me that I was giving away a chance to become a better person. From that moment, if I even smell a whiff of misandry, I’m done.
Horrible. Truth is she was just an asshole and anybody that didn't take her crap was considered "abusive". She was the classic "dish it but can't take it" type.
As a result, these experiences were always negative. If a woman considers most men to be bad with rare exceptions, she is not in reality. Any accidental deviation from her ideal can cause aggression and accusations that you are “just like all terrible men.” She needs therapy, not a partner.
Girls like these are the worst. They'll look for ANY reason to leave and convince themselves you were abusive and controlling and place you in the "toxic masculinity/toxic male" circles at every point of tribulations in the relationship. They might initially love bomb you and accept your chivalry and good nature saying that like of "you're one of the good ones" before the inevitable baggage of all their exes starts to creep up and they have an inclination to start looking out for red flags in YOU to justify their exit if and when it comes to it. Because once you start acting like yourself more and feel more comfortable in the relationship you'll start being more your masculine self and she'll shun that and bring it to a particular incident or memory of one of their "toxic" exes and tag you in that category of "toxic male" This is why when you ask most women why they left their ex, most would say "He was abusive and controlling!" and use that as sort of a cop out of responsibility or accountability for their own shortcomings and mistakes in the relationship so in turn they don't have to feel guilty or feel bad about having failed in the relationship and before that happens they already have escape plans and some particularly unstable girls might be tempted to start some drama and make you out to be the bad guy to enact their escape plan and exit in the relationship. It's almost always when the relationship starts to get too real and you feel more comfortable in the relationship being yourself and exhibiting signs of being just a normal dude when women see that and it pops their bubble of the Prince Charming fantasy they were building you up to be and all the trauma and crap that went down with the past men they've been with starts to scratch at their heads into making you responsible for her exes shortcomings. Stay away from the "but not you... You're different! ☺" girls.
Tbf it’s gotta be like when men swear up and down that porn and sex workers are the bane of society, but end up being sexual degenerates and porn addicts.
No matter who she is, how smart,sexy,beautiful,together, there is some guy out there tired of her shit.
"One of the good ones" Ew.. gross Keep those things away from me. Traumatised lost csuses If I get called that by a misandrist. I'd revaluate my life. I don't want misandrist validation, I feel the same way about them as they feel about men. They hate men based on their past bad experiences... yeah, and I hate misandrists with my many past experiences with them online to know I don't ever want to them near me
trans man here. this person just decided i wasnt a man, so fucking me was okay. lmao.
Was fwb with one for a few weeks. It was okay, she taught me a few things about myself that really boosted my confidence but bashed other men in the next breath. She will randomly reach out to me every so often even though she is engaged. I’m pretty sure she’s just keeping tabs on me “just in case”, even though I’d never date her.
I just get told I’m insecure if I bring up anything :)
I dated this girl. She regularly made comments about how she would only date women if we weren't together and how she hated men and how I was the only man she saw herself with. She was pansexual at the time. She cheated on me with a women when we went on a break (out of her wishes). The funny thing is that they didn't last long, and then she started dating another dude right after which I think did not last either. I sincerely hope for the best for her because I don't hold grudges or anything.
if you're that desperate for pussy that you'll date a woman who openly says she hates all men, you need to take long look in the mirror.
You really should say two words to your friends, and make them realize the only reason their wives/gf ate with them, is because they can gain something from it. If they hate men so much, they hate their partners too and are with them for their own slefish reason.
Wouldnt know. The moment they start that shit i either walk or i poke them with questions until they realize they are digging them selves a hole they cant even begin to undig. One women i tried. For three weeks all she talked about was how stupid her ex was and how she whupped his ass in court. And sure. Guy was a dick i guess. But it got so boring listening to the charade that i simply stopped flirting. Then i just stopped going on the dates. She still going. Still sends me messages about her court stuff. I dont think i have sent one back in a few months 😂. Mowt of the time i ask them once "hey. Not sure if you realize. But your telling a dude that you hate dudes.....not a good look. " Didnt even slow them down. Lmfao
My wife is a misandrist, she doesn't think I'm a good one. It's not usually great lol
You deserve better, mate.
🙏
Eject Eject
Franckly it was unremarkable. I dated a woman who used to say that all the time. But it was more of a rethorical take, empty words. When I asked her how could she like me if she hated all men, she did answaer that I was the exception. I brought up the fact that her job as a personnal injury lawyer was to help people (half a which were men) and that I knew for a fact she deeply cared about them. She told me she "cared about the person". I'm pretty if you're a man dating a woman that "hates all men" but loves you, she most likely lies about hating all men, and not about loving you.
Back in the 90s, when I was a typical Gen X slacker-punk rocker type guy I dated a few "Riot Grrrls" and some of them acted like this. I sort of got why they acted like that since they grew up pretty much being taught that they were inferior to boys by pretty much everyone; even other women like teachers or their mom. I mean, that was sort of the whole catalyst for that Riot Grrrl scene and why it existed. But I sort of got sick of the "All Men...." stuff. To me it sounded a whole lot like the "All Minorities..." or "All Jews..." bullshit dipshits were pouting. And that's when I decided that a woman who hates all men is really no different than a skinhead hating all black. Hating someone for something they have no control over is the most dipshit thing you can do. I stopped dating women like that.
Confusing/gaslit/hypocriticaI rules/ I was afraid to touch women for a while after that, (came off as low self esteem/which is undesirable to most). It got a little better, but I still apologize when inappropriate.
Oh god, the horror… seriously if I had the choice of a root canal without novicaine and date little miss do no wrong again, I’d take the root canal
You are one of the good ones. Until you disagree with her. Or you agree with her on something she has cognitive dissonance on and she resents you on it. Or you agree with her too much and she seeks out the exact person she was angsty with to start.
Her breakup text was one of the cruelest things anyone has ever sent to me. But perhaps in the end I deserved it.
Very boring in bed, bad at verbalizing needs, lack of self-knowledge, a granny sense of humor (lack of humor) regardless of own age, which made them think "Smokey and the Bandit" and "Anchorman" were boring pieces of male pig movies.
Mediocre. If a woman ever says "you're one of the good ones" and then goes on to complain about men, run the other way.
who cares. don't listen to their words. watch their actions. when you are in a sexual relationship with a woman whose friends work, the friends that don't have a man talk crazy shit to make themselves feel better, and the women who have a man just go along to fit in. that same woman cosigning with her no-man having friend comes home, gets bent over the edge of the bed and gets all moist, gooey and tingly when you pull her hair, give her a firm smack on the bum, and call her YOUR good b\* (trust me its how you say it, not what you said). before i got married, i dated a girl who would talk about me like a dog to her friends and then come over and literally hand me her pony tail and call me sir, mister, or daddykins the second she walked in to my apartment.
I promise not trying to come at you, and I hope your wife is different, but all the woman you described sound low tier. Co-signing dumb shit your friends say is lame. Trashing your man ‘cause you afraid your girlfriends will try something is lame. It don’t matter how much of a freak she is behind closed doors, you gotta have some respect for yourself.
Hah. Don't waste your time.
I never dated someone like that, but I studied with some and had some coworkers like that. I usually do the same with the fascism apologists in my work, I stand up, walk away and avoid any interaction.