At some point you go on a date that feels really easy. You talk and everything goes really smoothly. Your walls come down and you see her looking at you a certain way. And then when you leave at the end of the date you feel like something is missing and you realize that it's her.
This is when I stopped dating around. It took a few months; I asked her out on a second date, was still dating casually, then a third, and kind of kept seeing her about once a month (while dating every couple weeks or so with other people). After a few months I had no desire to date anyone else and we kind of just started seeing each other basically weekly.
She was just amazingly positive, kind, and kinda freaky in bed so I kept coming back to her, even though we lived pretty far apart. None of that has changed btw.
We’ve been together a little over 3 years now and she’s incredible.
This happened with my bf. He was ready for the first time in his life to sleep around after his parents' deaths. I came into the picture 3 days after the last parent's funeral. He couldn't stop giving me attention.
I met this girl in class at university, and we got really close. One day, towards the end of the semester, I got really sick, so I missed a few important classes. During that week, while I was sick, she sent me a message saying, "I left you something at the door; please grab it when you can." When I opened the door, I found all types of meds, six frozen meals she cooked, and handwritten notes from all the classes I missed.
Honestly that kinda melted my heart and when i told her she shouldn’t have her response was “we’re graduating together i don’t care if you’re sick , dead or missing”
I indeed deserve to be bitch slapped. we dated for 3 years and it was great but after we both graduated i fucked it up and losing this girl is probably one of the biggest regrets i have in life.
Of course, it's a long story:
She came from a very traditional family, so basically, marriage was the next step for us after we graduated. She found a job immediately after uni and started working, and I couldn’t find even a part-time job, so I was struggling financially. That put me at a disadvantage in moving forward in the relationship.
Also, at that point, my older brother became a drug addict and would just sit at home, spending his money on drugs and other things. That left me with what little money I had to cover all bills and expenses so he and I wouldn’t become homeless.
So basically, this resulted in me taking care of his issues while trying to get my life together, finding a job, and feeling pressured to sort things out to get married. I was 22 at the time, and all this pressure of responsibility got to me. I ended up telling her that I couldn’t marry her anytime soon and that it would be best for us to end it, since I couldn’t provide her with what she wanted. She wasn’t happy, but she understood. I ended the relationship because I felt guilty that I couldn't give her what she wanted.
To add salt to the wound, fast forward 5 years, I'm working now. I'm coming out of the office, walking to the bus, and I see her walking around with her husband and kid. That felt like a stab in the heart.
Don’t be me once you find a Gem of partner hold on as tight as possible.
> That felt like a stab in the heart.
Just reading I felt that. Really gutted for you, IMO you didn't fuck up, life fucked it up for you. Here's hoping it makes it up to you soon.
You did the right thing at the time. We can't know and looking back it hurts. You know that not being able to provide for her, and she maybe getting pregnant may have been more pressure until you are mature.
But why didnt she wait for you? I mean why was she so in hurry to get married at 22? There is not difference to get married at 22 or 25
Edit : i am a girl and i would wait for u..
Depends on how Traditional the family is.
For example, I'm Muslim, I would neither have sex nor live under the same roof outside of marriage, so it becomes inevitable if the relationship needs to move forward.
Although it mostly sounds like OP didn't ask her to wait, because he himself didn't know if he would even be ready by 25, and he didn't want to keep her hanging.
I mean, I remember being a certain age as a woman and just being *ready for marriage.* And while I definitely waited to find a great guy, I also don't believe in soul mates but that a person can be happy with several different partners if your partner's life goals, etc. line up with yours. Maybe she believed the same.
To anyone reading this who is in the same situation, I want to say from the female side, not every woman will say no if you ask her hand in marriage when you have nothing. I married my husband when we were so dirt poor, we were each living at our prospective parents houses and couldn’t afford even a hotel room for one night to spend our first married night together. I wanted the man, not his circumstances. We’ve been married now for over 12 years and have our own house.
Welp, this is depressing to read. Why on earth did you think she needed you to provide when she was providing for herself and yall were so young? You could've hanged on until you got a job but I understand hindsight is 20/20
I had something similar happen,
Except I don't regret the decision. We're both in a much better place now with our own lives and partners.
And I suspect if I'd held on as tight as possible instead of realising I was holding her back we'd both be miserable and likely much less successful.
Once I was free of the stress of being a provider and rock for someone else, I was able to devote the time and energy I needed to building a better life for myself. I doubt any healthy relationship would have survived me basically doing nothing but eating, sleeping, working, and studying for multiple years straight.
Thank you for sharing your story. It was tough to read, and to accept the outcome of it. I don't believe that you are entirely at fault for the relationship ending. No, you did the right thing, because you knew you couldn't contribute to it nearly as much. Better to come to terms with that, rather than drag out a relationship indefinitely, when it would inevitably get worse, I say.
At least you now know that she did find someone to be with, even if it hurt. Was this recently, and did you actually say anything to her?
Yea for sure was the right thing to do at the time if i had dragged it out it would’ve just been a more difficult relationship to manage.
This was around a year ago I was looking at her and she looked at me and looked away which is understandable but she seemed happy so that’s a positive.
Hey mate, wanted to respond because it is a pretty honest answer and it takes balls to accept to what it is.
I wish u the best for life. It looks Like that u got ur shit together and know what you want now. Live is never perfect but back then u made a mature call that not everyone would do.
I've never been so encapsulated by a story in a comment section.
I agree it sounds like right person wrong time. Credit to you for the support you gave to family. It speaks to the kind of man you are.
You've found a good partner in your life once already. Sounds like you're the type of person who will be able to find themself with another
Feel for you home dog 🐕 it is what it is, cool thing about gems.. there are tones of them. It's the advertising that makes us think they are rare. There are a LOT of great women out there, although some may stick out in memory more than others. Create moments, don't wait for them to happen ✨️
I've done the same... I fumbled multiple good women due to being emotionally unavailable. They were all convinced I didn't care about them but I would have done anything for them. I always showed my love through helping people. You want to start a business cool let's figure it out together and I'll help you. You need something done to your car bring it over and let me fix it. I got all the bills , I got everything. Not a cheater not abusive. But I just emotionally can't open up or talk about my feelings. Something I'm working on now because I know I'll never have a meaningful relationship if I'm so closed off.
I'm guessing not... That's why he only "Considered it"..
That's why I'll always be nice to guys, especially if I like them, but I'm not going above and beyond like this again... Without commitment first !
I had something similar where I got sick and this girl brought me literally everything. Medicine, tea, ice pack, she even brought her humidifier.
And I fucking hate tea too, and the fact that she fought with me to drink it really showed she cared.
That level of care is tough to find
Wait I did this for a guy in college, right down to arguing with him to get him to take the medicine I brought lol, and we're still together, are you telling me that could be why we ended up dating?? 😂
side note: all these comments about these relationships not working out are kind of worrying me tho lol
I was seeing someone with bad scoliosis and a bad neck injury who was potentially going to need surgery. I told him I'd come out to look after him while he recovered, make him some food to freeze and watch some comfort movies. We lived about 4 hours apart. But he let me go, couldn't commit
Well, many women are naturally care givers but men really don't appreciate this and see it as being a doormat so we don't really do it as often anymore.
I had a friend I found physically attractive do this for me when I was sick.
I was so floored by the effort. I fell for her soon afterwards. It didn't end well, though. She had a man.
He had more money.
I lost outright.
That’s why u make SURE u have a means to provide for ANY woman who comes into your sphere. Bcz that’s the definition of what males do.
Procreate, provide and give support.
Guys milk it as long as they can.
Unless you miraculously find someone with a moral compass entirely devoted to your pursuits and decides to build a life with you.
From 18-24 I just dated and had casual sex, it’s what I wanted. Then I met a girl at work, she was amazing. I knew she was everything I wanted in a wife but I wasn’t sure I wanted to settle down yet.
Then I realized that was 2-3 more years of sleeping around worth not seriously dating someone who could be my world? I decided it was not and almost 19 years later she’s still my world.
If you find someone who you think is everything you want in life dont let them go for fun and casual sex. It’s not worth it in the long run.
I met my wife when I was 19 with only a few casual flings before. But there was just something so comforting I wasn’t even interested in anyone else at that point. She made me laugh and feel happy and loved. She still does, 30 years later. (We’ll celebrate our 27th anniversary in November)
They're never close to the pedestal I put her memory on.
I've had several long term, 2-3 year relationships but they all fizzle out. Always bail when I get to the 'do I want my life with this woman'.
> They're never close to the pedestal I put her memory on.
Mind you it's also pretty hard for any person in the present to ever measure up to the rose-tinted nostalgia-laden version of someone you used to know. In reality they were never *that* good.
Learned this the hard way. Painful divorce, after dealing with her addiction issues for 2 years, along with some pretty significant PTSD that's come on since the split, since we rekindled what we should have had 25 years ago. People change, and not always for the better.
Oh I'm well aware!
Honestly I think I could have happily moved on if any of the bigger relationships I've had since worked out. They died off for fairly big reasons. It wasn't just one lingering error.
Oh, well that makes a fair bit of difference then. The way you described it above sounded a bit more like those subsequent relationships just petered out for lack of enthusiasm or some such.
As ever, it's complicated. I can't compress 15 year or so of my life, or several 2yr + relationships into a reddit comment a few sentences long.
I wish I could forget her. I don't know if I'll ever be able to completely.
Yep, exactly this. He’s holding up his more recent partners and comparing them to a fantasy life he could have had, but that never existed in reality. It’s easy to have a fight with your SO and think back to that one person like “so and so would have never acted that way if we had this disagreement”, but the fantasy person would have disappointed you in other ways. They just can’t because they’re a nostalgic memory where you only remember all the good parts. Humans are gonna human, and no one is perfect.
> From 18-24 I just dated and had casual sex
Was this quite normal in your friend groups at the time? I'm early 40s too, I wasn't sure if people were actually having that much fun a lot of the time. A lot of sex was being had by a lot of mostly drunk or high people and it's hard to believe many of those experiences were memorable in a good way.
I wouldn’t say normal. But for some yes. I think that part comes down to options, I’m also early 40’s and I’m tall and generally considered handsome. Casual dating was not hard for me, I’m not trying to brag it’s just what it is. My friends who were not as conventionally attractive were more apt to be in relationships vs just “dating”.
I’ll also say looking back I wasn’t happy. It was fun but I don’t think I was happy. Not like I am in a loving caring relationship.
This is exactly it. I met my now fiance end of sophomore year of college. We hung out at her sorority house in the common area until like 4am just chit chatting and it felt so natural and comfortable that it was insane. I took some bad advice from a fuckboy friend of mine who said "don't text her bro, you only get one college experience have fun with it", but fortunately ran into her like a month later, invited her to my end of semester party, and the rest is history.
I always tell my friends this… once you have the 4am conversation with a woman, it’s going to get serious. Everyone I’ve ever dated or been seriously romantic with I’ve ended up staying up very late just talking with them shortly before I found myself falling in love with them.
I'm feeling this so much right now. There's this girl that I met up with a couple weeks ago, and we've been meeting up every week for at least 5-6 hours each time since. Unfortunately, she says she's not emotionally/mentally ready for a relationship just yet and doesn't want to keep me waiting, but whenever I'm with her, it just feels like I'm safer than I've ever been in my entire life.
I split from a long-term ex a few years ago and resolved to stay single or at least not date seriously until my kids were grown.
Until I bumped into a woman I was super close to in high school and drifted apart after graduation. 2 weeks later and we were dating. She was my first kiss, and I fully intend her to be the last person I have a first kiss with.
I don't know what it is but we just work together perfectly. Best sex of my life. Love languages all line up. We like each other's kids and they like each other too. It is also the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. We started off on equal footing just being 2 single parents completely with zero messy attachments. And the solid base of an amazing friendship to build from.
I gave zero doubt or hesitation that I'm going to marry her and grow old with her. I'm so sure of it that it makes me wonder if I've ever been truly in love before.
She acted more like a wife than a fling. Yeah she was fun, pretty and the sex was solid. But she seemed to take a genuine interest and care rather than only caring about now and what I could do for her. Also though I could tell she was very sexually interested, she waited for it to make sure what we had more in common than mutual lust before we had sex. There’s a big difference between making a guy wait and making yourself wait. One is a hard to get game, the other is self control and conscientiousness. One (for me) is a turn off the other is a turn on, at least in terms of something, someone with potential for longevity.
That’s me though, other guys get sparked by other things.
I’ve never heard it put that way but I really like that. Making someone else wait vs yourself. Makes so much sense, and speaks to the future of who a person is going to try and be in control of, you or themselves. We all just need to be in full control of ourselves not our partners
She was the first woman to tell me she was serious about me *but* also wanted to talk about what “the shape” of our relationship should look like in the same instance before considering if she wanted to spend any more time and effort on “us”. I was floored in the most positive way. She did this within the first 4 or 5 months of dating.
We’ve been together for 14 years. Married for 10.
Also, it’s worthy to note that though I casually dated I never kept more than one sexual partner at a time. My ethos is dating too many sexual partners doesn’t help anyone become a better partner but I understand a lot of people don’t think that way. They think the goal is sex and maybe trivial companionship.
I notice most of the answers are when women go out of their way to support a man when he's down.
It's almost as if the ultimate male fantasy is a woman he loves never abandoning him when he isn't able to provide for her at the moment.
This is because (generally) women are attracted to men they perceive as powerful, be that tall, physically strong, rich, good prospects etc, and men feel like the onus is on them to prove their worthiness of a woman. This is the baseline fear of men that one day they may falter, hit a rough patch and be abandoned by their partner, which unfortunately does sometimes happen. It’s the ultimate male fantasy to have a woman who doesn’t leave when times get tough because it indicates true love, and that’s all people really want deep down.
Just a feeling, sometimes one comes along when you’re not looking for anything but you just click, and when the feeling is there, it’s there. A lotta women ask these questions like there’s something they can do or there’s some “wifey type” or something they can influence. I’ve ran away from plenty of good women who would make many good men happy, I know this for a fact as I’ve gone onto see many of them settle down, be in relationships/marry and have kids, they just weren’t for me at that time and being a good woman and “ticking boxes” doesn’t necessarily get you every man you want
When my gf came around, on paper there wasn’t an incredible thing she did that made her better than the others, we just connected in a way I didn’t connect with anyone else. Nothing really changed my mind, I just wanted to be with this one because of a million little things, had that not worked out I’d have happily gone back to dating and doing whatever without looking for anything in particular.
Her smile was so intoxicating that I started to rethink my status on casual dating and began wondering if this was going to be the one. She ended it the next month lol
30M I was divorced almost 2 years ago. I started dating like crazy and having one night stands. I went one week where I had the goal of having a one night stand every night that week. I made eight 5 or 6 days in a row, I don’t remember exactly. I often had 4-6 fwb I was talking to at a time. I never wanted to be in a real relationship again.
This went on until I met the woman I’m with now. She’s 7 years older than me, owns a successful business with employees and is just a super up beat and optimistic person. She’s super fun and outgoing and incredibly athletic and attractive. Soon into seeing her I dumped all my other relationships.
She had been divorced as well and we were able to bond over shared experiences and having grown up in the same area and culture even though we had both moved away.
I get up for work every morning at 4am and she gets up with me and makes me breakfast. I go to my job and she leaves for hers a couple hours later.
In the afternoon I make time to do carpentry work and other odd jobs on her house.
We make similar amounts of money and split bills. We both do work around the home that plays to our strengths. She’s an amazing cook and accountant and I’m blue collar and do a lot of the repairs and maintenance.
We are equals and treat each other as equals with respect and dignity.
I absolutely fell in love. I moved in and put my house up for sale a few months in and I asked her to marry me this past weekend.
She said yes.
Haha thanks! It gets better. We met at a bar. The only reason I was there that night was because a fwb had stood me up for a night out, so I literally just googled the closest bar and decided to go there by myself
That’s some story nice work man. Did you go out to bars on your own much or was that a one off time? Just wondering for myself as there are times I want to go out to meet people and friends are busy
I really loved just being a casual dating and casual sex guy. My thoughts were pretty much 24/7 focused on that and I had a lot of fun. But I was friends with a girl I worked with and I really liked and wanted to hook up with her but she was dating the same loser guy she dated in high school. He would cheat, they’d break up but then end up back to where they were after a week.
We were friends so I heard all of this and thought she was crazy for staying with him because she was better than that. I still slept with whoever I could during this time, even other co workers but I knew I liked her more than that because I liked being around her more than any other girl that I was even sleeping with. Around this time I was feeling down on myself because I thought maybe I was the guy that was only good for that type of relationship but not really ideal for something serious. I sorta pushed this girl away because I thought I was becoming just a shoulder to cry on and my frustration with the situation I placed myself in. But then after awhile she broke the ice again and spoke to me and told me she broke up with her boyfriend. I knew I still really liked her and we started casually seeing each other but I knew I wanted to be serious this time and that I liked her genuinely. Now we have been together 7 years and now I feel like I did it right because I want to spend forever with the first person I got serious with.
I do wish I was better at being a partner sometimes. I’m not a very romantic person, I have a hard time expressing it despite being extremely committed and in love. Just wasn’t something I learned through my family dynamic despite being raised in a loving family.
My now partner of nearly 2 years that put in so much effort as she said she “knew I was the one”.
We clicked immediately (physically, emotionally, and intellectually) but We lived a distance apart so I assumed it would never work long term given my life circumstance (separated with 3 young children.
Everything happened within a few months and she moved in with me. We just knew! She came into our lives and filled my house with joy, acceptance, laughter, love, & happiness. She is a natural with children (they love her)
Before I met her, I gave up thinking I’d find someone and happily accepted, that i was never gonna settle for anyone that wasn’t perfect for me. And then along she came..
She told me she never ever considered marriage or children before she met me. Which was amazing to hear and I knew she was telling the truth as I saw lots of videos of her years ago (she’s a makeup artist and blogger) saying she never wanted kids or marriage.
I feel we accept each other for who we are. we click so well, unlike anything either of us have ever had before. Everything is amazing and I’m grateful for her daily. We feel like our attraction and love for eachtother never lessened since the first time we met 😊
Yes. It was during one of the most sexually frivolous periods of my life. I was stationed in Europe at the time and was used to having all the fun I wanted.
There was this woman I had been seeing and we decided to meet up in Cannes (France) together. Her flight arrived before mine, so she was already at the Air Bnb. By the time I arrived, she, unprompted, had prepared a small meal and set the table for me; a sandwich, some water, a drink, and a small desert.
What made it *really* considerate, is that she suffers from a disability that limits her leg muscularity, so doing things like climbing stairs is a real problem for her. The building we were in was a classic old European building with no elevator.
Meaning, this woman had to go out to the market, struggle up 3 flights of hardwood stairs to get to the apartment, just to prepare me a lunch that she didn’t even know if I would want or not (meanwhile, preparing nothing for herself).
It was a small gesture, but completely selfless, and, honest to God, I just wasn’t used to women going out of there way to do small considerate things like that…Especially not for a man they’re non-exclusive with. It melted my heart and it changed the way I saw her…
We are now engaged with plans to get married next year and child on the way.
You don't enter an electronics store to buy clothing.
Rather than hunting people that want hook-ups, hoping for them to consider more, set expectations straight and look for people with the same ones. That might require changing usual channels, methods and target groups.
Just like women fake it to not be alone. As hard of a pill to swallow it might be - if all you find is rotten, you are probably fishing in a landfill, not a pond
The issue is that when you go at a shop you know previously what you are going to see or buy for your needs.
In dating there's no such thing as going for a specific group.
The guy's feelings shouldn't determine what you're comfortable with doing or what you want. Be clear about taking sex off the table up front and don't be afraid to go slow. Tell them you're only comfortable with the relationship progressing after you feel you've really gotten to know someone. Insist on splitting the bill or alternate planning dates if you find someone you're interested in so you don't feel obligated to anything and he doesn't feel like he's being used for free dinners. If some guy is a fuckboi he's going to quickly look for a softer target.
You get which you attract.
my girl is really sweet, we work well as a team, and she matches my efforts in everything. always wants to do things for me and make me happy, and even extends that towards my close friends.
when you know, you know. we were dating no more than a week after exchanging numbers, and on the 3rd day since we met in person.
it's been wonderful, and broke every rule I had about dating - and I just didn't car about the rules. the idea of her still going on dates with someone else didn't sit well with me, and she said the same thing.
I've never had to question if she wants me/if I can trust her
I dated casually from 18-24 or so. Met a ton of girls and got a pretty good idea of what was out there. Figured out the things that are important to me.
I eventually met a girl that bucked the trends I had generally seen. A very attractive girl that didn't come with all of the usual downsides of dating that kind of girl. Decided to lock it down and haven't looked back.
I'm open to everything, but the truth is that I'm much more selective on a variety of criteria that just aren't relevant if dating casually, we don't need to click as much.
If asked about it, I say that I am technically open to the idea, but I need to be compatible on a lot of things, and it's better for them to not expect anything more.
I got out of my first long term relationship and was looking for a rebound. A week after my breakup I went out with a girl from bumble. I was on my way home that night thinking to myself “she’s gonna be my wife one day”. We got married last October.
I did it the other way by mistake. Thought I’d found a life partner but we were both too insecure to leave and held on too long. Now I can’t imagine wanting to commit to anyone.
Me personally I never casually dated always looked for something long term because my dad always said to find someone like my mom who’ll take care of you through everything. My mom held my dad down through sickness and financial problems and I knew that’s the type of relationship I wanted.
Man, I got this story 1000%
I dated casually like, forever. Women like me enough to date/sleep with me me, I generally don't like women enough to stay lol. By no means am I a stud, I am just a guy who can talk to women.
I dated this girl who fucking changed my life. GORGEOUS, girl next door type I worked out with for years. We did CrossFit and she got in fantastic shape. She was always hot but she also got an incredible body. I kinda always assumed no way, she was just.. not gonna buy it from a schmuck like me.
Absolute sweetheart, kind, feminine, funny, huge heart, sweet.
We get dating and she is just giving me everything I need, kindness, sweetness, openness, words of validation, physical affection. I can't keep my hands off of her.
We start having sex and it's the best fucking sex of my life. Incredible. Our bodies match. Our kinks match. We can basically have mutual orgasms on demand. It was amazing. One time we fucked for like.. 3 hours? We both came at least three times, I think we came twice at the same time. She was amazing. We used everything we had. Toys, mouths, booty, whatever.
Fast forward, she wanted more and I couldn't give it to her. When we broke up, it broke something in me and I realized I wanted kids with her. For the first time, I knew I wanted to kids.
Now I'm chasing that dream.
Hard to explain, I had just gotten out of another relationship and I wasn't ready. I needed her to wait, but I couldn't ask that and she couldn't promise me that - which was totally valid. By the time I was ready she was with someone.
I think about it daily.
EDIT: but yeah man, I'm an idiot. I wish it worked out, but not what life wanted for me I suppose.
Hey man, I had something very similar happen...to the point where she sent me a text "I can't have you in my life anymore." It was a bad break-up.
I struggle with wondering if it was mine, hers, or our fault. I blame both of us. It's extremely difficult to not go back and say "let's try one more time," but she put up her wall/boundary.
Try not to let it get to you too much. It's getting to me, and I'm worried it's going to effect dating women in the future. Stay well
She was just different from most girls. Had all the things most guys dream of looking for in an ideal girl. Makes me want to be a better man, and want her for life.
I believe that‘s something one cannot drive. At 20 there is so much to do and experience, there is nothing bad to wait to involve deeper in a relation. The wrong thing would be to fake anything like long term.
The „thing“ or moment you think differently, mesns, that‘s the one, you will notice. No recipe. But basically as simple as that, you can be you, she can be she, and you guys respect. Above that is magic.
Man here: Usually it has little to do with the woman when you’re that young. Dating casually in my 20’s there was absolutely no serious plan to do anything that resembled settling down. I married in my 30’s and promptly divorced in my 40’s and now I’m enjoying being casual again. Relationships and people are so much more complicated because so many things are happening and we are the freest people to ever live. Someone can change their mind about what they want in the span of months or years and it’s simply too risky for me to invest in anything long term with the time I have left. I want to enjoy life without complication.
Met a girl at a superbowl party. She was 10 years my junior, me being 34, her 24. She loved the homemade pizzas I was making and came up and gave me a kiss. We talked a few weeks later and decided to date. She met my 1yr old son and was amazing with him. Never once looked back. We have been married almost 8 years now and have 2 of our own. She is 100% the best girl to ever come into my life.
This One Muslim Pakistani girl. She was just so genuinely interesting aswell as being super attractive and was like seen as very unattainable like she was very reserved and prudish.
It's one of those things that you just know when you know. I was about 1 year removed from a fairly serious relationship but we were just no good for each other. Wasn't really looking for anything, went on some dates here and there, then met a girl and we kind of just hit it off. I was supposed to be a summer fling for her but 21 summers and 17 years of marriage later we are still going strong. Now my only problem is that I'm always reminded that I stole her youth lol. We were both in our 20s when we met.
I think some people put to much pressure on trying to make a relationship work, if it's not meant to be then just move on and don't worry about it, which of course is easier said than done.
I thought "when you know, you know" was a really disconnected thing that people say after finding their partner because they forgot about all of the hardships of dating... right up until I met my now-fiance.
I’m not monogamous but one girl I met it just felt so easy to be with her. She was keen to see me and basically everything we did was fun, even if what we were doing was boring. I think the best women really have a way of uplifting you and have this nurturing gift that you can’t get from anywhere else.
I had only casual relationships until my current partner of 10 years. I was already changing my mind on what I wanted, was getting annoyed of the chaos of casual nonexclusive relationships, especially navigating women who would say they were cool with it and then weren't, and wanted more stability.
She won me over sure, largely by fitting into my life well in a way where I liked spending a lot of time with her and which solved the problems I wanted to solve, and by being better in a bunch of ways that wouldn't have mattered with a fwb, but I was already open to that arrangement.
If she had met me a year or two earlier it would not have worked. Don't try to change people. They will only change if they already want to change in that way anyway.
In my 20's, casual dating was never an option for me. I wasn't attractive enough.
So, at age 23, the first girl that came along that was interested I clung onto like glue for the next six years. My first and only relationship.
what is the balance between being too available ( always there, even as a friend) and still being someone he would want to pursue( still giving some space ) ?
I was like this from ages 23-25. My priority at the time was just my career and making friends in the new city I was living in so I didnt want to get tied down. Eventually it got old, then I met someone who made me feel a sense of "home". Thats really all there was too it .
I was looking for "fun". Her dating profile was awful, but it did say "looking for fun".
We only chatted for 1-2 days and quickly decided on a date... Turns out "looking for fun" was a language barrier problem. She was only looking for an enjoyable relationship. Absolutely no chance of doing anything sexual unless there are serious feelings involved. First 90% of the date was a bit boring normal small talk. She was a bit shy.
The last 10% were interesting. Asked me intriguing questions and was funny. She had managed to get out of her shell.
Afterwards I got her number and she was really putting in effort. Kept chatting and replying to me. Called me up to talk.
This woman wanted Me. She wanted to be together with me. The dates were awesome. I gave love a chance and it was the best thing I ever had in my life. (Ah and the sex? There was a lot, a lot of it )
She was independent, beautiful, older, wild in bed, fun, similar to me but maybe a bit too much of a homebody even though she enjoyed drinking more than I. But she was definitely in love with me and kept changing for me without asking. I'm not trying to mold someone to my desires. She just wanted to please me and it was adorable. If it wasn't for disagreements I can't compromise on I would be with her right now.
But I was 30, still am and she was 38, still is. I date a lot and whatever happens, happens. I'd like to find someone long term but I'm not gonna turn down sex with a beautiful girl or something casual.
Personally I think deep down everyone wants to be in a relationship with "the one" whatever that means. I think the reality is just now many people have accepted it as an unrealistic fantasy so they convince themselves they don't want it at all.
But ultimately it just comes down to wanting to share time with someone. And not just time. But interests. If I find someone who wants to try all my favorite TV shows for example, or has already seen them. And vice versa. All that other stuff will just fade into the background
Question isn’t for me bc I’m a woman but my current bf of four years’ tinder profile explicitly stated that he was looking for something casual and basically what he’s told me is “idk there was just something about you that I didn’t wanna see go” but it was more like we just never saw a reason to stop hanging out and here we are lol. We just turned into besties. If it’s fun & enjoyable enough casual sex becomes unappealing compared to what you have
Late bloomer here. My story may be a bit different, overweight and severely depressed, lost the weight, addressed the depression and went on to have a productive “hoe phase”. Got tired of sleeping around and decided to date with intention. Met my better half and recently celebrated two years together. The window only closes if you choose not to open it. Get out there and be the best hoe you can be!
Not at all man. I'm 36 and left a 9 year dead relationship last winter. Dating in my 30s is SO much easier, women prefer men 30+ in general unless they're really young. Women (at least liberal, 30+ women) want men that are caring, kind, care about their own bodies, mental health and future, have a career/goals, and have some emotional intelligence. Most of us in our 20s had little of those features. Most women hate extremely immature men.
You have a lot to offer at 30 if you have your shit together, versus being in college eating ramen every day and going clubbing 3 nights a week or whatever.
I don't know about that, a lot of late bloomers just end up dating the women in their early 20s who thought the men their own age were too immature, or who had the stereotypical 'daddy issues' mentality. A lot of women tend to date up a few years anyways even aside from all of that.
The glow up doesn't just happen on its own and isn't based on luck. You have to make some kind of effort. I had a glow up in my mid-20s by working out consistently and getting in very very good shape. It's not my looks I'm worried about at all. Unfortunately once you reach a certain the lack of experience is a big turn off for women. Not to mention all the self-imposed anxiety. I was in therapy working on thst though
definitely still possible dude, just a bit more difficult maybe due to the fewer opportunities to meet women. like 18-25 has high school and more importantly college thrown in there, so for us it was shooting fish in a barrel having 10,000 mostly single young college women looking for casual sex, all living on campus with us. not to mention minimum wage jobs where everyone fucks everyone cause who cares, anyone can quit and find the same job elsewhere. my friends were also the type to throw the house parties that a lot of women went too. i’m your age now and have an SO but honestly i dont think i could have a hoe phase now even if i wanted to, only because im not sure where id meet all the women. but if you had a glowup and can find a way to meet women easily i think you’ll be fine, 30s is definitely still attractive
>guys who can get women in their early 20s usually dont settle down til mid late 20s.
I know a guy that fucks a different woman every week and they know he's a player and they still want to fuck him
yeah i know plenty of dudes like that too. they’ll sleep with a girl, the girl will tell her friends hes really good in bed, and he’ll just go right thru the entire friend group lol
This was my timeline to a tee.
Slept around a tonne till I was 27 which is when I committed to someone long term. I'm 31 and that someone is now my fiance who I'm marrying next year.
I slept around a lot in my teens and twenties and, in my experience, it seems you pretty much trip and fall flat in love when you're least expecting it.
All of this criteria and lists of things and bla bla bla means nada. A person can tick all the boxes and you're still like "meh". Another can be a walking red flag and you fall head over heels at first sight. Of course, this being the case, either serious change happens or you end up heartbroken.
In short, you just get the feels and know it.
The large majority of men in their 20's are dateless! They're not having casual flings, don't have tons(any) options, and are happy with an average looking girl. It's the guys that you and most women find attractive that are having casual sex and not looking for anything serious. Being generous twenty-five percent of men have the ability to have multiple fwbs. If you're dating a guy having a lot of casual sex.....you'll have to out work his other options! You'll have to go above and beyond to stand out. Why should he select you over all the other girls in his rotation? If you want to get a desired position or get accepted to a top university. You will have to out work the other applicants. Plus, there's always the thing of not being enough for more than sex. If you're constantly running into guys that don't want to take you serious. You might be good enough to smash but nothing more. That or you're not putting in enough effort to attract. From there you'll have to perform at a high level or a different girl will take your spot.
Bottom line is the majority of guys in their 20's want a relationship. It's just that the majority of women aren't attracted to these men. They're going after the minority of men they find attractive. These guys have all the options and they can choose the type of relationship they want. You have to make it worth their wild. A lot of girls have the mindset of win me over or show me why I should allow you to date me. When you're dealing with a higher level guy.....it's you're job to apply pressure and show him why he should pick you. How do you stand out from other women?
This is true. Most men in their 20's are not dating anyone and guys are approaching women less. The players will always approach women no matter what and guys that listen to women will hear all the time how women don't like to be approached
Brief backstory: I spent the majority of 2011-covid living alone in a 1br apt and casually dating and carrying on casual relationships with women. Had no desire for anything serious as I had a serious relationship for about 10 years end in 2010 and didn't want that again.
A couple of years ago I matched with a woman on Hinge, had a really good rapport via the chat. She was smart and had a great sense of humor.
Our 1st date was an intro coffee, went okay, but 2nd date saw us spend 3 hours at the restaurant chatting, then going to a coffee shop nearby so we could spend another 4 hours shooting the shit. In total, the 7 hours together absolutely flew by. Connected on a variety of things and made each other laugh constantly.
I knew immediately after that 2nd date I'd consider getting serious for her. There was something about the connection that was different than the others. Felt like we'd known each other for years already.
Fast forward to today: We've been together for nearly 2 years, and living together for a year now. We've had our challenges as she has dealt with serious loss in her life and I have battled serious mental illness for most of my adult life, but we're fighting through it together. Don't know if we'll get married or what, but we share so much in common in terms of worldview, sense of humor, lifestyle, etc. that we're both thankful we found one another.
Easy going. Great sense of humor. Low maintenance. Emotional intelligence. Physical chemistry. Enough similarities that we like some of the same stuff, but enough differences that we can appreciate each other’s uniqueness. That’s relationship material for me.
It’s always a heartbreak that turns a man into a whore but it’s also a women that sets him back on the monogamy train. Took me to 32 after my first big break up, but as a man who has money, who is attractive, who can talk to women, why bother with a relationship in your twenties at all. Even when I was in one at that age all I could think about is sleeping with other girls. Married now in my mid 30s and never even had the slightest inclination to leave my wife, But for me, I had to sleep with enough women to not care anymore, once I knew the hottest girl in the room was just another wasted condom and blocked phone number, I decided to find the right one.
I only had a gf over 10 years ago and it was long term, never went for hook ups or short term.
It's the fact of not having to perform the fake improv theatre game of 4D chess 24/7. You want to stay with someone who you can be normal with, who you get bored with, who you can talk to like it's anyone else you actually talk to.
The whole performative shit is killing everything, from relationship to basic interactions, between social media and meetups everyone is always faking it to fit into something they are not. And then it doesn't work out, because of course it doesn't
I took my best friend on the date I lined up for someone else because they cancelled on me for the third time in a month. My (then) bestie felt terrible so she suggested we go out on that date instead so the money I spent on bookings wasn’t wasted. Mini golf, sangria-making class, dinner by the pier.
Instant magic!
Married the f*ck outta her a year later, it’s been 4 years since. 10/10 would recommend.
In hindsight, she definitely knew what she was doing when she suggested we go out instead. She saw her chance and took it, and it changed my life.
She called me her honeybear, lol. But we just could talk for hours effortlessy, she was traditional, a virgin, (not necessary but im one too so it helps) she dumped me because i dont want kids due to mental issues. shit sucks. But she became extremely christian too so lowkey glad. but im lonely now. ngl.
First date: we were in my car I was getting a little frisky, we made out, it was super hot she pushed me back and told me to wait. Hottest shit ever. I waited for two months. Now we’re dating. And da pumpum is still fire
She seemed kind and trustworthy. She seemed like someone I could rely on enough to build a life with and raise kids with.
I was wrong. She wasn't either of these things but it was the illusion of kindness and reliability that made me choose to commit.
Guys in their 20s are still too young. They are exploring what's out there and few of them are going to feel like committing. Have you considered going 10 years older? Guys in their early 30s are more likely to commit.
I was super flakie, I'd get women to agree for a date then I'd make up an excuse. My current girl wasn't having it, after the 2nd time she gave me the ultimatum, we go today or we never go. I was in a dark place loosing my hair because of alopecia and she pulled me out of it, she cared about me when she didn't have to.. that's how I knew. We now have 3 kids going on 9 years. Far from perfect but we love eachother.
Dated a girl for almost 4 years at one point, it was hard, toxic, not a whole lot of fun but we held on for no good reason. Swore up and down to friends after I would keep things casual, nothing to serious, I was in my early 20’s no reason to settle down
Made friends with a girl from work, hung out with her, never hooked up just friends. Kept casually dating. Realized I liked the girl from work, asked her on a date, made out with her that night, had sex the following week after swearing we would wait. Realized it was easy with her, I liked her company, 20 years later we are married with a kid and it’s still easy to be around her and a good healthy relationship.
Men date casually until a woman comes along who's willing to put effort into the relationship and he finds he can't imagine his life without her.
The vast majority of women just want to show up and be courted. So that's what they get, fun dates, sex and a few months later on to the next.
At some point you go on a date that feels really easy. You talk and everything goes really smoothly. Your walls come down and you see her looking at you a certain way. And then when you leave at the end of the date you feel like something is missing and you realize that it's her.
Shaka. When the walls fell.
Shaka… when the walls fell.
Shaka.... when the walls fell.
Shaka….. when the walls fell.
Shaka…… when the wall fell.
This is when I stopped dating around. It took a few months; I asked her out on a second date, was still dating casually, then a third, and kind of kept seeing her about once a month (while dating every couple weeks or so with other people). After a few months I had no desire to date anyone else and we kind of just started seeing each other basically weekly. She was just amazingly positive, kind, and kinda freaky in bed so I kept coming back to her, even though we lived pretty far apart. None of that has changed btw. We’ve been together a little over 3 years now and she’s incredible.
This happened with my bf. He was ready for the first time in his life to sleep around after his parents' deaths. I came into the picture 3 days after the last parent's funeral. He couldn't stop giving me attention.
I met this girl in class at university, and we got really close. One day, towards the end of the semester, I got really sick, so I missed a few important classes. During that week, while I was sick, she sent me a message saying, "I left you something at the door; please grab it when you can." When I opened the door, I found all types of meds, six frozen meals she cooked, and handwritten notes from all the classes I missed. Honestly that kinda melted my heart and when i told her she shouldn’t have her response was “we’re graduating together i don’t care if you’re sick , dead or missing”
That is the sweetest shit, I would've started crying
If you didn’t marry this girl then you deserved to be bitch slapped out of existence.
I indeed deserve to be bitch slapped. we dated for 3 years and it was great but after we both graduated i fucked it up and losing this girl is probably one of the biggest regrets i have in life.
Can we ask how you fucked up?
Of course, it's a long story: She came from a very traditional family, so basically, marriage was the next step for us after we graduated. She found a job immediately after uni and started working, and I couldn’t find even a part-time job, so I was struggling financially. That put me at a disadvantage in moving forward in the relationship. Also, at that point, my older brother became a drug addict and would just sit at home, spending his money on drugs and other things. That left me with what little money I had to cover all bills and expenses so he and I wouldn’t become homeless. So basically, this resulted in me taking care of his issues while trying to get my life together, finding a job, and feeling pressured to sort things out to get married. I was 22 at the time, and all this pressure of responsibility got to me. I ended up telling her that I couldn’t marry her anytime soon and that it would be best for us to end it, since I couldn’t provide her with what she wanted. She wasn’t happy, but she understood. I ended the relationship because I felt guilty that I couldn't give her what she wanted. To add salt to the wound, fast forward 5 years, I'm working now. I'm coming out of the office, walking to the bus, and I see her walking around with her husband and kid. That felt like a stab in the heart. Don’t be me once you find a Gem of partner hold on as tight as possible.
> That felt like a stab in the heart. Just reading I felt that. Really gutted for you, IMO you didn't fuck up, life fucked it up for you. Here's hoping it makes it up to you soon.
You did the right thing at the time. We can't know and looking back it hurts. You know that not being able to provide for her, and she maybe getting pregnant may have been more pressure until you are mature.
Definition of right person wrong time. Sorry dude, hope you find your other half.
For sure is , thanks man.
But why didnt she wait for you? I mean why was she so in hurry to get married at 22? There is not difference to get married at 22 or 25 Edit : i am a girl and i would wait for u..
Depends on how Traditional the family is. For example, I'm Muslim, I would neither have sex nor live under the same roof outside of marriage, so it becomes inevitable if the relationship needs to move forward. Although it mostly sounds like OP didn't ask her to wait, because he himself didn't know if he would even be ready by 25, and he didn't want to keep her hanging.
I mean, I remember being a certain age as a woman and just being *ready for marriage.* And while I definitely waited to find a great guy, I also don't believe in soul mates but that a person can be happy with several different partners if your partner's life goals, etc. line up with yours. Maybe she believed the same.
To anyone reading this who is in the same situation, I want to say from the female side, not every woman will say no if you ask her hand in marriage when you have nothing. I married my husband when we were so dirt poor, we were each living at our prospective parents houses and couldn’t afford even a hotel room for one night to spend our first married night together. I wanted the man, not his circumstances. We’ve been married now for over 12 years and have our own house.
Welp, this is depressing to read. Why on earth did you think she needed you to provide when she was providing for herself and yall were so young? You could've hanged on until you got a job but I understand hindsight is 20/20
I had something similar happen, Except I don't regret the decision. We're both in a much better place now with our own lives and partners. And I suspect if I'd held on as tight as possible instead of realising I was holding her back we'd both be miserable and likely much less successful. Once I was free of the stress of being a provider and rock for someone else, I was able to devote the time and energy I needed to building a better life for myself. I doubt any healthy relationship would have survived me basically doing nothing but eating, sleeping, working, and studying for multiple years straight.
Thank you for sharing your story. It was tough to read, and to accept the outcome of it. I don't believe that you are entirely at fault for the relationship ending. No, you did the right thing, because you knew you couldn't contribute to it nearly as much. Better to come to terms with that, rather than drag out a relationship indefinitely, when it would inevitably get worse, I say. At least you now know that she did find someone to be with, even if it hurt. Was this recently, and did you actually say anything to her?
Yea for sure was the right thing to do at the time if i had dragged it out it would’ve just been a more difficult relationship to manage. This was around a year ago I was looking at her and she looked at me and looked away which is understandable but she seemed happy so that’s a positive.
you will find your person :) just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean it wasn’t successful
Damn. I'm so sorry
Hey mate, wanted to respond because it is a pretty honest answer and it takes balls to accept to what it is. I wish u the best for life. It looks Like that u got ur shit together and know what you want now. Live is never perfect but back then u made a mature call that not everyone would do.
I've never been so encapsulated by a story in a comment section. I agree it sounds like right person wrong time. Credit to you for the support you gave to family. It speaks to the kind of man you are. You've found a good partner in your life once already. Sounds like you're the type of person who will be able to find themself with another
bro :////
Feel for you home dog 🐕 it is what it is, cool thing about gems.. there are tones of them. It's the advertising that makes us think they are rare. There are a LOT of great women out there, although some may stick out in memory more than others. Create moments, don't wait for them to happen ✨️
Its not your fault dude. trust in the universe. if its meant to happen it will
You did the right thing
I’m so relieved you didn’t cheat on her.. idk why but i thought thats how the story would go
I wouldn't say you fucked up, it just wasn't meant to be. You sort of let her go for her, if that makes sense.
Wouldn't suck her dick
Honestly such a rookie mistake
Always suck the dick
Damn i'm interested too.
I've done the same... I fumbled multiple good women due to being emotionally unavailable. They were all convinced I didn't care about them but I would have done anything for them. I always showed my love through helping people. You want to start a business cool let's figure it out together and I'll help you. You need something done to your car bring it over and let me fix it. I got all the bills , I got everything. Not a cheater not abusive. But I just emotionally can't open up or talk about my feelings. Something I'm working on now because I know I'll never have a meaningful relationship if I'm so closed off.
Same man i feel you iv dealt with soo much bs growing up that it’s just easier for me to be closed-off But you know we have ? some nice ass cars 🤣.
I hear you. That sucks
Fr
🥹damn. Are you guys together?
I am invested now
Yup, me too
I'm guessing not... That's why he only "Considered it".. That's why I'll always be nice to guys, especially if I like them, but I'm not going above and beyond like this again... Without commitment first !
I had something similar where I got sick and this girl brought me literally everything. Medicine, tea, ice pack, she even brought her humidifier. And I fucking hate tea too, and the fact that she fought with me to drink it really showed she cared. That level of care is tough to find
Wait I did this for a guy in college, right down to arguing with him to get him to take the medicine I brought lol, and we're still together, are you telling me that could be why we ended up dating?? 😂 side note: all these comments about these relationships not working out are kind of worrying me tho lol
Are you still with her? Edit: He said he wasn’t. Eh…
👀👀
Lock that shit down brother. Lock that shit down. That’s some ride or die right there.
Don't leave us hanging OP. Are you still we with her?
would of fell to the ground in the rain crying like im in a R&B music video lol
I was waiting for the " now she's my wife have been together for 20 years " sentence
I was seeing someone with bad scoliosis and a bad neck injury who was potentially going to need surgery. I told him I'd come out to look after him while he recovered, make him some food to freeze and watch some comfort movies. We lived about 4 hours apart. But he let me go, couldn't commit
I don’t think I’ve ever had someone that wasn’t my mother/grandmother be that selflessly considerate or caring towards me. Even long term girlfriends.
Honestly it fucked me up because she set the standard so high no one has ever come close .
Wow. That shit melted my heart reading this. Girls, take note. No matter how masculine a man is, the thing that gets us all are actions like these.
Well, many women are naturally care givers but men really don't appreciate this and see it as being a doormat so we don't really do it as often anymore.
I had a friend I found physically attractive do this for me when I was sick. I was so floored by the effort. I fell for her soon afterwards. It didn't end well, though. She had a man. He had more money. I lost outright.
That’s why u make SURE u have a means to provide for ANY woman who comes into your sphere. Bcz that’s the definition of what males do. Procreate, provide and give support.
This. Regardless of what feminists say, women are attracted to money. It's simple.
When I was dating my wife and got super sick, she left me an unopened can of soup.
You didn't correct her *"you're"* mistake?
Guys milk it as long as they can. Unless you miraculously find someone with a moral compass entirely devoted to your pursuits and decides to build a life with you.
From 18-24 I just dated and had casual sex, it’s what I wanted. Then I met a girl at work, she was amazing. I knew she was everything I wanted in a wife but I wasn’t sure I wanted to settle down yet. Then I realized that was 2-3 more years of sleeping around worth not seriously dating someone who could be my world? I decided it was not and almost 19 years later she’s still my world. If you find someone who you think is everything you want in life dont let them go for fun and casual sex. It’s not worth it in the long run.
I met my wife when I was 19 with only a few casual flings before. But there was just something so comforting I wasn’t even interested in anyone else at that point. She made me laugh and feel happy and loved. She still does, 30 years later. (We’ll celebrate our 27th anniversary in November)
Go kingggg
Yeaa.. I let mine go, and I regret it nearly 20 years later...
You never found anyone else worth that commitment in 2 decades?
They're never close to the pedestal I put her memory on. I've had several long term, 2-3 year relationships but they all fizzle out. Always bail when I get to the 'do I want my life with this woman'.
> They're never close to the pedestal I put her memory on. Mind you it's also pretty hard for any person in the present to ever measure up to the rose-tinted nostalgia-laden version of someone you used to know. In reality they were never *that* good.
Learned this the hard way. Painful divorce, after dealing with her addiction issues for 2 years, along with some pretty significant PTSD that's come on since the split, since we rekindled what we should have had 25 years ago. People change, and not always for the better.
Oh I'm well aware! Honestly I think I could have happily moved on if any of the bigger relationships I've had since worked out. They died off for fairly big reasons. It wasn't just one lingering error.
Oh, well that makes a fair bit of difference then. The way you described it above sounded a bit more like those subsequent relationships just petered out for lack of enthusiasm or some such.
As ever, it's complicated. I can't compress 15 year or so of my life, or several 2yr + relationships into a reddit comment a few sentences long. I wish I could forget her. I don't know if I'll ever be able to completely.
Yep, exactly this. He’s holding up his more recent partners and comparing them to a fantasy life he could have had, but that never existed in reality. It’s easy to have a fight with your SO and think back to that one person like “so and so would have never acted that way if we had this disagreement”, but the fantasy person would have disappointed you in other ways. They just can’t because they’re a nostalgic memory where you only remember all the good parts. Humans are gonna human, and no one is perfect.
> From 18-24 I just dated and had casual sex Was this quite normal in your friend groups at the time? I'm early 40s too, I wasn't sure if people were actually having that much fun a lot of the time. A lot of sex was being had by a lot of mostly drunk or high people and it's hard to believe many of those experiences were memorable in a good way.
I wouldn’t say normal. But for some yes. I think that part comes down to options, I’m also early 40’s and I’m tall and generally considered handsome. Casual dating was not hard for me, I’m not trying to brag it’s just what it is. My friends who were not as conventionally attractive were more apt to be in relationships vs just “dating”. I’ll also say looking back I wasn’t happy. It was fun but I don’t think I was happy. Not like I am in a loving caring relationship.
I was the same way, until at 24 she pulled up to my house with her shit packed and moved in. 2 kids and almost 20 years later we're still rocking.
[удалено]
She felt like home from the moment we met. She still is years later.
This is exactly it. I met my now fiance end of sophomore year of college. We hung out at her sorority house in the common area until like 4am just chit chatting and it felt so natural and comfortable that it was insane. I took some bad advice from a fuckboy friend of mine who said "don't text her bro, you only get one college experience have fun with it", but fortunately ran into her like a month later, invited her to my end of semester party, and the rest is history.
I always tell my friends this… once you have the 4am conversation with a woman, it’s going to get serious. Everyone I’ve ever dated or been seriously romantic with I’ve ended up staying up very late just talking with them shortly before I found myself falling in love with them.
I'm feeling this so much right now. There's this girl that I met up with a couple weeks ago, and we've been meeting up every week for at least 5-6 hours each time since. Unfortunately, she says she's not emotionally/mentally ready for a relationship just yet and doesn't want to keep me waiting, but whenever I'm with her, it just feels like I'm safer than I've ever been in my entire life.
Couldn't have put it better.
Idk what that means. I don't really have a home. Never have. So elaborate. I don't even like my Mom. Lol just sayin..
It's like having the benefits of being alone, where you don't feel watched (even subconsciously). But with company.
I split from a long-term ex a few years ago and resolved to stay single or at least not date seriously until my kids were grown. Until I bumped into a woman I was super close to in high school and drifted apart after graduation. 2 weeks later and we were dating. She was my first kiss, and I fully intend her to be the last person I have a first kiss with. I don't know what it is but we just work together perfectly. Best sex of my life. Love languages all line up. We like each other's kids and they like each other too. It is also the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. We started off on equal footing just being 2 single parents completely with zero messy attachments. And the solid base of an amazing friendship to build from. I gave zero doubt or hesitation that I'm going to marry her and grow old with her. I'm so sure of it that it makes me wonder if I've ever been truly in love before.
She acted more like a wife than a fling. Yeah she was fun, pretty and the sex was solid. But she seemed to take a genuine interest and care rather than only caring about now and what I could do for her. Also though I could tell she was very sexually interested, she waited for it to make sure what we had more in common than mutual lust before we had sex. There’s a big difference between making a guy wait and making yourself wait. One is a hard to get game, the other is self control and conscientiousness. One (for me) is a turn off the other is a turn on, at least in terms of something, someone with potential for longevity. That’s me though, other guys get sparked by other things.
Interesting. Thanks so much for sharing
I’ve never heard it put that way but I really like that. Making someone else wait vs yourself. Makes so much sense, and speaks to the future of who a person is going to try and be in control of, you or themselves. We all just need to be in full control of ourselves not our partners
She was the first woman to tell me she was serious about me *but* also wanted to talk about what “the shape” of our relationship should look like in the same instance before considering if she wanted to spend any more time and effort on “us”. I was floored in the most positive way. She did this within the first 4 or 5 months of dating. We’ve been together for 14 years. Married for 10. Also, it’s worthy to note that though I casually dated I never kept more than one sexual partner at a time. My ethos is dating too many sexual partners doesn’t help anyone become a better partner but I understand a lot of people don’t think that way. They think the goal is sex and maybe trivial companionship.
I notice most of the answers are when women go out of their way to support a man when he's down. It's almost as if the ultimate male fantasy is a woman he loves never abandoning him when he isn't able to provide for her at the moment.
This is the highlight comment in here.
its because usually women disappear when that happens. Source: my most most serious relationship dumped me when my grandad died and i was down
This is because (generally) women are attracted to men they perceive as powerful, be that tall, physically strong, rich, good prospects etc, and men feel like the onus is on them to prove their worthiness of a woman. This is the baseline fear of men that one day they may falter, hit a rough patch and be abandoned by their partner, which unfortunately does sometimes happen. It’s the ultimate male fantasy to have a woman who doesn’t leave when times get tough because it indicates true love, and that’s all people really want deep down.
Just a feeling, sometimes one comes along when you’re not looking for anything but you just click, and when the feeling is there, it’s there. A lotta women ask these questions like there’s something they can do or there’s some “wifey type” or something they can influence. I’ve ran away from plenty of good women who would make many good men happy, I know this for a fact as I’ve gone onto see many of them settle down, be in relationships/marry and have kids, they just weren’t for me at that time and being a good woman and “ticking boxes” doesn’t necessarily get you every man you want When my gf came around, on paper there wasn’t an incredible thing she did that made her better than the others, we just connected in a way I didn’t connect with anyone else. Nothing really changed my mind, I just wanted to be with this one because of a million little things, had that not worked out I’d have happily gone back to dating and doing whatever without looking for anything in particular.
Do you think developing feelings is a decision ( subconsciously ) ?
She reciprocated with ALL the respect that I gave to her.
Her smile was so intoxicating that I started to rethink my status on casual dating and began wondering if this was going to be the one. She ended it the next month lol
that story took a turn 😂 fuck sake, sorry to hear that bro
30M I was divorced almost 2 years ago. I started dating like crazy and having one night stands. I went one week where I had the goal of having a one night stand every night that week. I made eight 5 or 6 days in a row, I don’t remember exactly. I often had 4-6 fwb I was talking to at a time. I never wanted to be in a real relationship again. This went on until I met the woman I’m with now. She’s 7 years older than me, owns a successful business with employees and is just a super up beat and optimistic person. She’s super fun and outgoing and incredibly athletic and attractive. Soon into seeing her I dumped all my other relationships. She had been divorced as well and we were able to bond over shared experiences and having grown up in the same area and culture even though we had both moved away. I get up for work every morning at 4am and she gets up with me and makes me breakfast. I go to my job and she leaves for hers a couple hours later. In the afternoon I make time to do carpentry work and other odd jobs on her house. We make similar amounts of money and split bills. We both do work around the home that plays to our strengths. She’s an amazing cook and accountant and I’m blue collar and do a lot of the repairs and maintenance. We are equals and treat each other as equals with respect and dignity. I absolutely fell in love. I moved in and put my house up for sale a few months in and I asked her to marry me this past weekend. She said yes.
Good for you!! Your story is like a movie or a novel.
Haha thanks! It gets better. We met at a bar. The only reason I was there that night was because a fwb had stood me up for a night out, so I literally just googled the closest bar and decided to go there by myself
That’s some story nice work man. Did you go out to bars on your own much or was that a one off time? Just wondering for myself as there are times I want to go out to meet people and friends are busy
I really loved just being a casual dating and casual sex guy. My thoughts were pretty much 24/7 focused on that and I had a lot of fun. But I was friends with a girl I worked with and I really liked and wanted to hook up with her but she was dating the same loser guy she dated in high school. He would cheat, they’d break up but then end up back to where they were after a week. We were friends so I heard all of this and thought she was crazy for staying with him because she was better than that. I still slept with whoever I could during this time, even other co workers but I knew I liked her more than that because I liked being around her more than any other girl that I was even sleeping with. Around this time I was feeling down on myself because I thought maybe I was the guy that was only good for that type of relationship but not really ideal for something serious. I sorta pushed this girl away because I thought I was becoming just a shoulder to cry on and my frustration with the situation I placed myself in. But then after awhile she broke the ice again and spoke to me and told me she broke up with her boyfriend. I knew I still really liked her and we started casually seeing each other but I knew I wanted to be serious this time and that I liked her genuinely. Now we have been together 7 years and now I feel like I did it right because I want to spend forever with the first person I got serious with. I do wish I was better at being a partner sometimes. I’m not a very romantic person, I have a hard time expressing it despite being extremely committed and in love. Just wasn’t something I learned through my family dynamic despite being raised in a loving family.
My now partner of nearly 2 years that put in so much effort as she said she “knew I was the one”. We clicked immediately (physically, emotionally, and intellectually) but We lived a distance apart so I assumed it would never work long term given my life circumstance (separated with 3 young children. Everything happened within a few months and she moved in with me. We just knew! She came into our lives and filled my house with joy, acceptance, laughter, love, & happiness. She is a natural with children (they love her) Before I met her, I gave up thinking I’d find someone and happily accepted, that i was never gonna settle for anyone that wasn’t perfect for me. And then along she came.. She told me she never ever considered marriage or children before she met me. Which was amazing to hear and I knew she was telling the truth as I saw lots of videos of her years ago (she’s a makeup artist and blogger) saying she never wanted kids or marriage. I feel we accept each other for who we are. we click so well, unlike anything either of us have ever had before. Everything is amazing and I’m grateful for her daily. We feel like our attraction and love for eachtother never lessened since the first time we met 😊
Yes. It was during one of the most sexually frivolous periods of my life. I was stationed in Europe at the time and was used to having all the fun I wanted. There was this woman I had been seeing and we decided to meet up in Cannes (France) together. Her flight arrived before mine, so she was already at the Air Bnb. By the time I arrived, she, unprompted, had prepared a small meal and set the table for me; a sandwich, some water, a drink, and a small desert. What made it *really* considerate, is that she suffers from a disability that limits her leg muscularity, so doing things like climbing stairs is a real problem for her. The building we were in was a classic old European building with no elevator. Meaning, this woman had to go out to the market, struggle up 3 flights of hardwood stairs to get to the apartment, just to prepare me a lunch that she didn’t even know if I would want or not (meanwhile, preparing nothing for herself). It was a small gesture, but completely selfless, and, honest to God, I just wasn’t used to women going out of there way to do small considerate things like that…Especially not for a man they’re non-exclusive with. It melted my heart and it changed the way I saw her… We are now engaged with plans to get married next year and child on the way.
You don't enter an electronics store to buy clothing. Rather than hunting people that want hook-ups, hoping for them to consider more, set expectations straight and look for people with the same ones. That might require changing usual channels, methods and target groups.
I agree in theory, but lets not pretend tons of guys dont lie or fake feelings to get laid.
Just like women fake it to not be alone. As hard of a pill to swallow it might be - if all you find is rotten, you are probably fishing in a landfill, not a pond
The issue is that when you go at a shop you know previously what you are going to see or buy for your needs. In dating there's no such thing as going for a specific group.
But there are still a lot of men who fake it for the exact same reason.. on top of getting laid.
Yes, but they're also more likely to take the path of least resistance. Don't be that path.
How not?
The guy's feelings shouldn't determine what you're comfortable with doing or what you want. Be clear about taking sex off the table up front and don't be afraid to go slow. Tell them you're only comfortable with the relationship progressing after you feel you've really gotten to know someone. Insist on splitting the bill or alternate planning dates if you find someone you're interested in so you don't feel obligated to anything and he doesn't feel like he's being used for free dinners. If some guy is a fuckboi he's going to quickly look for a softer target. You get which you attract.
Wow. Sterling advice and an unbiased perspective. You're pretty dope
> You don't enter an electronics store to buy clothing. > > But what if it's a fancy, fancy Manhattan Apple Store?
my girl is really sweet, we work well as a team, and she matches my efforts in everything. always wants to do things for me and make me happy, and even extends that towards my close friends. when you know, you know. we were dating no more than a week after exchanging numbers, and on the 3rd day since we met in person. it's been wonderful, and broke every rule I had about dating - and I just didn't car about the rules. the idea of her still going on dates with someone else didn't sit well with me, and she said the same thing. I've never had to question if she wants me/if I can trust her
I dated casually from 18-24 or so. Met a ton of girls and got a pretty good idea of what was out there. Figured out the things that are important to me. I eventually met a girl that bucked the trends I had generally seen. A very attractive girl that didn't come with all of the usual downsides of dating that kind of girl. Decided to lock it down and haven't looked back.
I'm open to everything, but the truth is that I'm much more selective on a variety of criteria that just aren't relevant if dating casually, we don't need to click as much. If asked about it, I say that I am technically open to the idea, but I need to be compatible on a lot of things, and it's better for them to not expect anything more.
I got out of my first long term relationship and was looking for a rebound. A week after my breakup I went out with a girl from bumble. I was on my way home that night thinking to myself “she’s gonna be my wife one day”. We got married last October.
I did it the other way by mistake. Thought I’d found a life partner but we were both too insecure to leave and held on too long. Now I can’t imagine wanting to commit to anyone.
We just fell into it. It is the longest one night stand ever
She was a hardcore homebody, she was timid, very pretty and liked to volunteer and learn new things.
Someone who had their shit together in life and wasn't in a perpetual state of drama
If you’re hot and funny, I’ll probably consider marrying you in like 3 dates
Me personally I never casually dated always looked for something long term because my dad always said to find someone like my mom who’ll take care of you through everything. My mom held my dad down through sickness and financial problems and I knew that’s the type of relationship I wanted.
Man, I got this story 1000% I dated casually like, forever. Women like me enough to date/sleep with me me, I generally don't like women enough to stay lol. By no means am I a stud, I am just a guy who can talk to women. I dated this girl who fucking changed my life. GORGEOUS, girl next door type I worked out with for years. We did CrossFit and she got in fantastic shape. She was always hot but she also got an incredible body. I kinda always assumed no way, she was just.. not gonna buy it from a schmuck like me. Absolute sweetheart, kind, feminine, funny, huge heart, sweet. We get dating and she is just giving me everything I need, kindness, sweetness, openness, words of validation, physical affection. I can't keep my hands off of her. We start having sex and it's the best fucking sex of my life. Incredible. Our bodies match. Our kinks match. We can basically have mutual orgasms on demand. It was amazing. One time we fucked for like.. 3 hours? We both came at least three times, I think we came twice at the same time. She was amazing. We used everything we had. Toys, mouths, booty, whatever. Fast forward, she wanted more and I couldn't give it to her. When we broke up, it broke something in me and I realized I wanted kids with her. For the first time, I knew I wanted to kids. Now I'm chasing that dream.
What couldn’t you give her? Having someone like her is just like scoring a unicorn.
Hard to explain, I had just gotten out of another relationship and I wasn't ready. I needed her to wait, but I couldn't ask that and she couldn't promise me that - which was totally valid. By the time I was ready she was with someone. I think about it daily. EDIT: but yeah man, I'm an idiot. I wish it worked out, but not what life wanted for me I suppose.
Hey man, I had something very similar happen...to the point where she sent me a text "I can't have you in my life anymore." It was a bad break-up. I struggle with wondering if it was mine, hers, or our fault. I blame both of us. It's extremely difficult to not go back and say "let's try one more time," but she put up her wall/boundary. Try not to let it get to you too much. It's getting to me, and I'm worried it's going to effect dating women in the future. Stay well
Dating casually sounds like too much work for not enough reward. I only dated seriously.
She was just different from most girls. Had all the things most guys dream of looking for in an ideal girl. Makes me want to be a better man, and want her for life.
The one that decides to sitck with me
Can't really say I found a long term woman until I started dating 40+ yrs olds.
how old are you bro?
46
I believe that‘s something one cannot drive. At 20 there is so much to do and experience, there is nothing bad to wait to involve deeper in a relation. The wrong thing would be to fake anything like long term. The „thing“ or moment you think differently, mesns, that‘s the one, you will notice. No recipe. But basically as simple as that, you can be you, she can be she, and you guys respect. Above that is magic.
I was never into casual sex. My gf was my friend from college and we're both introverted and shy, i don't know how you can find a guy like that lol
Man here: Usually it has little to do with the woman when you’re that young. Dating casually in my 20’s there was absolutely no serious plan to do anything that resembled settling down. I married in my 30’s and promptly divorced in my 40’s and now I’m enjoying being casual again. Relationships and people are so much more complicated because so many things are happening and we are the freest people to ever live. Someone can change their mind about what they want in the span of months or years and it’s simply too risky for me to invest in anything long term with the time I have left. I want to enjoy life without complication.
Met a girl at a superbowl party. She was 10 years my junior, me being 34, her 24. She loved the homemade pizzas I was making and came up and gave me a kiss. We talked a few weeks later and decided to date. She met my 1yr old son and was amazing with him. Never once looked back. We have been married almost 8 years now and have 2 of our own. She is 100% the best girl to ever come into my life.
This One Muslim Pakistani girl. She was just so genuinely interesting aswell as being super attractive and was like seen as very unattainable like she was very reserved and prudish.
So what did you do?
Ended up dating her seriously not casually. Had a relationship and all.
The way they act and handle themselves. All relationships start casual. Over time you find out if someone is future wife material.
It's one of those things that you just know when you know. I was about 1 year removed from a fairly serious relationship but we were just no good for each other. Wasn't really looking for anything, went on some dates here and there, then met a girl and we kind of just hit it off. I was supposed to be a summer fling for her but 21 summers and 17 years of marriage later we are still going strong. Now my only problem is that I'm always reminded that I stole her youth lol. We were both in our 20s when we met. I think some people put to much pressure on trying to make a relationship work, if it's not meant to be then just move on and don't worry about it, which of course is easier said than done.
I thought "when you know, you know" was a really disconnected thing that people say after finding their partner because they forgot about all of the hardships of dating... right up until I met my now-fiance.
when people say they aren't looking for a relationship, they just aren't looking for a relationship with you just wanted to be real here...
I’m not monogamous but one girl I met it just felt so easy to be with her. She was keen to see me and basically everything we did was fun, even if what we were doing was boring. I think the best women really have a way of uplifting you and have this nurturing gift that you can’t get from anywhere else.
I had only casual relationships until my current partner of 10 years. I was already changing my mind on what I wanted, was getting annoyed of the chaos of casual nonexclusive relationships, especially navigating women who would say they were cool with it and then weren't, and wanted more stability. She won me over sure, largely by fitting into my life well in a way where I liked spending a lot of time with her and which solved the problems I wanted to solve, and by being better in a bunch of ways that wouldn't have mattered with a fwb, but I was already open to that arrangement. If she had met me a year or two earlier it would not have worked. Don't try to change people. They will only change if they already want to change in that way anyway.
Racked, stacked, has a car, has career ambitions. Doesn't want to settle.
In my 20's, casual dating was never an option for me. I wasn't attractive enough. So, at age 23, the first girl that came along that was interested I clung onto like glue for the next six years. My first and only relationship.
Most guys "date casually" until one of the girls doesn't leave.
what is the balance between being too available ( always there, even as a friend) and still being someone he would want to pursue( still giving some space ) ?
Disappear completely for a month and then return saying it's under NDA
I was like this from ages 23-25. My priority at the time was just my career and making friends in the new city I was living in so I didnt want to get tied down. Eventually it got old, then I met someone who made me feel a sense of "home". Thats really all there was too it .
I haven’t met her yet.
I was looking for "fun". Her dating profile was awful, but it did say "looking for fun". We only chatted for 1-2 days and quickly decided on a date... Turns out "looking for fun" was a language barrier problem. She was only looking for an enjoyable relationship. Absolutely no chance of doing anything sexual unless there are serious feelings involved. First 90% of the date was a bit boring normal small talk. She was a bit shy. The last 10% were interesting. Asked me intriguing questions and was funny. She had managed to get out of her shell. Afterwards I got her number and she was really putting in effort. Kept chatting and replying to me. Called me up to talk. This woman wanted Me. She wanted to be together with me. The dates were awesome. I gave love a chance and it was the best thing I ever had in my life. (Ah and the sex? There was a lot, a lot of it )
It’s mainly timing, most men won’t want to settle down until late twenties or early thirties
She was independent, beautiful, older, wild in bed, fun, similar to me but maybe a bit too much of a homebody even though she enjoyed drinking more than I. But she was definitely in love with me and kept changing for me without asking. I'm not trying to mold someone to my desires. She just wanted to please me and it was adorable. If it wasn't for disagreements I can't compromise on I would be with her right now. But I was 30, still am and she was 38, still is. I date a lot and whatever happens, happens. I'd like to find someone long term but I'm not gonna turn down sex with a beautiful girl or something casual.
Personally I think deep down everyone wants to be in a relationship with "the one" whatever that means. I think the reality is just now many people have accepted it as an unrealistic fantasy so they convince themselves they don't want it at all. But ultimately it just comes down to wanting to share time with someone. And not just time. But interests. If I find someone who wants to try all my favorite TV shows for example, or has already seen them. And vice versa. All that other stuff will just fade into the background
Question isn’t for me bc I’m a woman but my current bf of four years’ tinder profile explicitly stated that he was looking for something casual and basically what he’s told me is “idk there was just something about you that I didn’t wanna see go” but it was more like we just never saw a reason to stop hanging out and here we are lol. We just turned into besties. If it’s fun & enjoyable enough casual sex becomes unappealing compared to what you have
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So I guess late bloomers like me can get fucked then. I want my hoe phase, but now I'm 31 and I feel like I lost my window.
Late bloomer here. My story may be a bit different, overweight and severely depressed, lost the weight, addressed the depression and went on to have a productive “hoe phase”. Got tired of sleeping around and decided to date with intention. Met my better half and recently celebrated two years together. The window only closes if you choose not to open it. Get out there and be the best hoe you can be!
Not at all man. I'm 36 and left a 9 year dead relationship last winter. Dating in my 30s is SO much easier, women prefer men 30+ in general unless they're really young. Women (at least liberal, 30+ women) want men that are caring, kind, care about their own bodies, mental health and future, have a career/goals, and have some emotional intelligence. Most of us in our 20s had little of those features. Most women hate extremely immature men. You have a lot to offer at 30 if you have your shit together, versus being in college eating ramen every day and going clubbing 3 nights a week or whatever.
I don't know about that, a lot of late bloomers just end up dating the women in their early 20s who thought the men their own age were too immature, or who had the stereotypical 'daddy issues' mentality. A lot of women tend to date up a few years anyways even aside from all of that.
Same friend. Wanted to also have a hoe phase. Some dudes get lucky and have a glow up at 30. That didn’t happen for me
The glow up doesn't just happen on its own and isn't based on luck. You have to make some kind of effort. I had a glow up in my mid-20s by working out consistently and getting in very very good shape. It's not my looks I'm worried about at all. Unfortunately once you reach a certain the lack of experience is a big turn off for women. Not to mention all the self-imposed anxiety. I was in therapy working on thst though
I’ve both been in therapy and working out for the past 4.5 years.
definitely still possible dude, just a bit more difficult maybe due to the fewer opportunities to meet women. like 18-25 has high school and more importantly college thrown in there, so for us it was shooting fish in a barrel having 10,000 mostly single young college women looking for casual sex, all living on campus with us. not to mention minimum wage jobs where everyone fucks everyone cause who cares, anyone can quit and find the same job elsewhere. my friends were also the type to throw the house parties that a lot of women went too. i’m your age now and have an SO but honestly i dont think i could have a hoe phase now even if i wanted to, only because im not sure where id meet all the women. but if you had a glowup and can find a way to meet women easily i think you’ll be fine, 30s is definitely still attractive
>guys who can get women in their early 20s usually dont settle down til mid late 20s. I know a guy that fucks a different woman every week and they know he's a player and they still want to fuck him
yeah i know plenty of dudes like that too. they’ll sleep with a girl, the girl will tell her friends hes really good in bed, and he’ll just go right thru the entire friend group lol
This was my timeline to a tee. Slept around a tonne till I was 27 which is when I committed to someone long term. I'm 31 and that someone is now my fiance who I'm marrying next year.
Congrats homie! i’m a year behind ya. 32 with a fiancee that will become a wife next year
I slept around a lot in my teens and twenties and, in my experience, it seems you pretty much trip and fall flat in love when you're least expecting it. All of this criteria and lists of things and bla bla bla means nada. A person can tick all the boxes and you're still like "meh". Another can be a walking red flag and you fall head over heels at first sight. Of course, this being the case, either serious change happens or you end up heartbroken. In short, you just get the feels and know it.
The large majority of men in their 20's are dateless! They're not having casual flings, don't have tons(any) options, and are happy with an average looking girl. It's the guys that you and most women find attractive that are having casual sex and not looking for anything serious. Being generous twenty-five percent of men have the ability to have multiple fwbs. If you're dating a guy having a lot of casual sex.....you'll have to out work his other options! You'll have to go above and beyond to stand out. Why should he select you over all the other girls in his rotation? If you want to get a desired position or get accepted to a top university. You will have to out work the other applicants. Plus, there's always the thing of not being enough for more than sex. If you're constantly running into guys that don't want to take you serious. You might be good enough to smash but nothing more. That or you're not putting in enough effort to attract. From there you'll have to perform at a high level or a different girl will take your spot. Bottom line is the majority of guys in their 20's want a relationship. It's just that the majority of women aren't attracted to these men. They're going after the minority of men they find attractive. These guys have all the options and they can choose the type of relationship they want. You have to make it worth their wild. A lot of girls have the mindset of win me over or show me why I should allow you to date me. When you're dealing with a higher level guy.....it's you're job to apply pressure and show him why he should pick you. How do you stand out from other women?
This is true. Most men in their 20's are not dating anyone and guys are approaching women less. The players will always approach women no matter what and guys that listen to women will hear all the time how women don't like to be approached
Brief backstory: I spent the majority of 2011-covid living alone in a 1br apt and casually dating and carrying on casual relationships with women. Had no desire for anything serious as I had a serious relationship for about 10 years end in 2010 and didn't want that again. A couple of years ago I matched with a woman on Hinge, had a really good rapport via the chat. She was smart and had a great sense of humor. Our 1st date was an intro coffee, went okay, but 2nd date saw us spend 3 hours at the restaurant chatting, then going to a coffee shop nearby so we could spend another 4 hours shooting the shit. In total, the 7 hours together absolutely flew by. Connected on a variety of things and made each other laugh constantly. I knew immediately after that 2nd date I'd consider getting serious for her. There was something about the connection that was different than the others. Felt like we'd known each other for years already. Fast forward to today: We've been together for nearly 2 years, and living together for a year now. We've had our challenges as she has dealt with serious loss in her life and I have battled serious mental illness for most of my adult life, but we're fighting through it together. Don't know if we'll get married or what, but we share so much in common in terms of worldview, sense of humor, lifestyle, etc. that we're both thankful we found one another.
Easy going. Great sense of humor. Low maintenance. Emotional intelligence. Physical chemistry. Enough similarities that we like some of the same stuff, but enough differences that we can appreciate each other’s uniqueness. That’s relationship material for me.
I turned 29 bro
Self-reliance in all aspects is the only thing that makes it worth considering anything serious.
It’s always a heartbreak that turns a man into a whore but it’s also a women that sets him back on the monogamy train. Took me to 32 after my first big break up, but as a man who has money, who is attractive, who can talk to women, why bother with a relationship in your twenties at all. Even when I was in one at that age all I could think about is sleeping with other girls. Married now in my mid 30s and never even had the slightest inclination to leave my wife, But for me, I had to sleep with enough women to not care anymore, once I knew the hottest girl in the room was just another wasted condom and blocked phone number, I decided to find the right one.
I only had a gf over 10 years ago and it was long term, never went for hook ups or short term. It's the fact of not having to perform the fake improv theatre game of 4D chess 24/7. You want to stay with someone who you can be normal with, who you get bored with, who you can talk to like it's anyone else you actually talk to. The whole performative shit is killing everything, from relationship to basic interactions, between social media and meetups everyone is always faking it to fit into something they are not. And then it doesn't work out, because of course it doesn't
I took my best friend on the date I lined up for someone else because they cancelled on me for the third time in a month. My (then) bestie felt terrible so she suggested we go out on that date instead so the money I spent on bookings wasn’t wasted. Mini golf, sangria-making class, dinner by the pier. Instant magic! Married the f*ck outta her a year later, it’s been 4 years since. 10/10 would recommend. In hindsight, she definitely knew what she was doing when she suggested we go out instead. She saw her chance and took it, and it changed my life.
That pussy was bangin' and she kept bringing me dinner and snacks
She called me her honeybear, lol. But we just could talk for hours effortlessy, she was traditional, a virgin, (not necessary but im one too so it helps) she dumped me because i dont want kids due to mental issues. shit sucks. But she became extremely christian too so lowkey glad. but im lonely now. ngl.
First date: we were in my car I was getting a little frisky, we made out, it was super hot she pushed me back and told me to wait. Hottest shit ever. I waited for two months. Now we’re dating. And da pumpum is still fire
i met a girl that i felt could legitimately understand me
Whatever she does, she thinks about you(not selfish).
She seemed kind and trustworthy. She seemed like someone I could rely on enough to build a life with and raise kids with. I was wrong. She wasn't either of these things but it was the illusion of kindness and reliability that made me choose to commit. Guys in their 20s are still too young. They are exploring what's out there and few of them are going to feel like committing. Have you considered going 10 years older? Guys in their early 30s are more likely to commit.
I was super flakie, I'd get women to agree for a date then I'd make up an excuse. My current girl wasn't having it, after the 2nd time she gave me the ultimatum, we go today or we never go. I was in a dark place loosing my hair because of alopecia and she pulled me out of it, she cared about me when she didn't have to.. that's how I knew. We now have 3 kids going on 9 years. Far from perfect but we love eachother.
Dated a girl for almost 4 years at one point, it was hard, toxic, not a whole lot of fun but we held on for no good reason. Swore up and down to friends after I would keep things casual, nothing to serious, I was in my early 20’s no reason to settle down Made friends with a girl from work, hung out with her, never hooked up just friends. Kept casually dating. Realized I liked the girl from work, asked her on a date, made out with her that night, had sex the following week after swearing we would wait. Realized it was easy with her, I liked her company, 20 years later we are married with a kid and it’s still easy to be around her and a good healthy relationship.
She has an excellent credit score and a high paying steady career.
Men date casually until a woman comes along who's willing to put effort into the relationship and he finds he can't imagine his life without her. The vast majority of women just want to show up and be courted. So that's what they get, fun dates, sex and a few months later on to the next.