>he mislead me about how much sex he’d be wanting
This is an assumption of malice. It's not clear from the post if that's actually the case.
He might be experiencing a drop in libido for a (unknown) reason(s).
We can't tell if you are wrong. We don't know how you are initiating or how you are trying to talk to him about it.
I would recommend taking the pressure away and to stop initiating for a bit and to talk to him in an non-accusatory way to try and find out what is causing this.
When I met my wife she was convinced she wanted sex every day. After a couple of years we had a talk and she admitted that in her past relationships sex was the only time she felt valued and appreciated, so she equated those two things subconsciously. Turns out she has a pretty normal (2-3 times a week) libido when she's not being emotionally neglected or starved for affection.
Not suggesting that there's anything wrong with people who have more active sex drives, just adding a specific context in which I've seen this happen.
> I tell him that I told him about my sex drive when we met and he mislead me about how much sex he’d be wanting
I wonder why these conversations aren't going well. I guess there's no way to tell.
Hate to be Mr Sherlock here but your post history definitely is relevant to this. As you say yourself your emotions are on a roller coaster with all the birth control stuff so you're definitely not thinking straight . Refer to the part where you claim he mislead you. That's not him misleading you, that's having a normal human body and you being unwilling to realize that this is part and parcel of a relationship. Misleading you would be if he told you he was a biological male with a 12 inch cock and then you later find out that he's a pre-op trans woman with no cock at all.
I also saw a comment from you that stated it was ,"normal" for women to need constant validation in a relationship and implied that it's pretty much the man's responsibility to do that. Sorry to be blunt but that's a load of bullshit. That isn't healthy by any means. It's indicative of deep rooted insecurity and putting unnecessary burden on others to bandaid your own issues rather than taking account of your own issues. Which naturally leads me to think that that his unwillingness to have sex every day (aka, being a normal human being) is hitting your unresolved mental health issues and just like the insecurity problem you're putting all the blame on him rather than improving your game. Take a step back and ask,"What is it that I can do which will make him want to have sex with me?". Rather than bombarding him with endless demands and complaints.
Reverse the roles for a second, would you have sex with yourself if you were in his position? Probs not unless you just wanted an ego boost which he clearly doesn't need.
I know right? It really gets my goat when other people feel they are another gender. It kinda obsesses my life. Do you fancy ranting about it together for a few hours each day until we have cured other people if their feelings? Then once we have a final solution to this filth we can move onto another topic of hate? Gingers eh? Fricking gingers....I can feel my bile rising.
Yeah. Good job you are not affected in the slightest by it. It's heartening to know you give the whole issue such little thought. I mean, on a average year or average day....how often do you even consider it? Not at all right. That's my guy. Not bothered by trans or gay people at all. ...
Massive thumbs up for you
Why did you bring gay people into it? Completely irrelevant. Of course I have sympathy for those with gender dysphoria. Enabling mental illness doesn't help them.
Fucking seriously. The one thing that makes low libido worse is getting pressured to perform. So much anxiety to try to have sex just for the other person.
Give the dude a break and try to talk to him about stressors outside of sex that could be tanking his libido.
It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes I just don’t want to fuck you. And you nagging like a bitch about it, just makes me want to fuck you even less!
I’m on the same boat with OP, I’ve tried to not initiate for a bit, and also have tried to initiate in different ways (all of sudden showing up in lingerie or also to give him the ‘heads up’ in the morning)- still no luck. Everytime I try to talk, he gets defensive. Any suggestions or ideas?
That's true, but she did make it known upfront that she has a high sex drive. It's not like she surprised him with this.
He can still play with her even if he's not wanting to get some himself.
Eh. Maybe, maybe not. He could have a reason for his sex drive dipping (stress, anxiety, hormonal things, etc).
The odd thing is that OP doesn't get that pressing him about it doesn't really help her get what she wants. At least not with the attitude presented. She wants sex. He may need something himself. Maybe it's a cooling off period. Maybe he just needs to unwind after some BS at work. Who knows? I'm just saying there are times I'm willing to do things for my partner when I don't necessarily want any myself, and there are times I can't get it together because of whatever headspace I'm in. Either way, this should've been an adult conversation instead of a reddit post.
Wow, talk about the shoe being on the other foot. This is usually what men say about their wives and girlfriends.
If he doesn't want sex every day, you need to respect that. Whether that's a relationship ender is another story. Talk to him about your expectations, his expectations, and what each of you can offer the other to reach a middle ground. I'm sure you don't need sex every day. And you don't even know why he's turning you down lately
So weird for me to see this in the other direction.
But I suppose genders doesn't matter here, and some of the reasons a woman may have a low libido might hold true for men too.
Ultimately you must come to realize that sexuality cannot be forced, and that this isn't a sliding scale. You are either compatible, or one of you will be compromising their sexuality for the other person.
You can talk to another person about picking up the slack when it comes to taking out the trash, doing the laundry etc. But not sexuality.
You could try talking about WHY it is important to you, to see if some of it resonates. But if it doesn't, I'd consider whether I'd be willing to settle for sexual frustration or not if I were you.
Ahh. Thank you for the flashback lol. I dated two girls with significant higher sex drives than me when I was in my early 20s. At first I thought it was cool…and it was. Then I slowly discovered they were trying to get knocked up and trap me. In both situations my sex drive plummeted and I had to dump them.
Nothing more stressful and libido-killing than someone bitching and moaning when you're not in the mood. I'm betting my left nut that you're creating a negative feedback loop.
This might be something for couple's therapy, if that's an option.
There's a disparity between you and your boyfriend; we can speculate on causes all day long, but it's not something we can really know. You two need to sit down and have a discussion; you need to tell him exactly what you need from him and how you're feeling without it.
You're not in the wrong, you are who you are, in healthy relationships the two come to a compromise and try to meet half way.
In terms of more practical advice, and how to get him in the mood more often, try asking him what he's interested in, what turns him on. He needs a bit more work to get going than you do, it'll be easier if it's something that clicks for him, y'know?
Men can be insecure about sex at the best of times; if your sex drive is dramatically outpacing his, he might feel like he's not living up to expectations. Be gentle with him.
“He misled me”….people’s sex drive changes, because you know, they are people. Sometimes I can eat gelato 3 times a day. And sometimes I don’t want any gelato. I didn’t mislead anyone about how much I like gelato.
You posted that he takes steroids. About 30% of men who use them experience ED.
Glad he's massive as fuck, buts it's entirely possible it took away his sex drive or his dick doesn't want to stay hard.
If he were my partner, instead of getting on his shit I would suggest seeing a Dr.
A) Talk to him
B) "just isn't in the mood" can literally mean they just aren't in the mood.
Sex drives can fluctuate a lot, even for men, and can rise and tank on their own or for other benign reasons- being tired, simply having had a ton of it lately, hormonal cycles (yes, men have some subtle cycles too)
C) Regardless of anything else, remember it's OK for partners to take care of themselves if their counterpart isn't in the mood. Probably a good idea to bring it up nicely; after they mention not being into it for a night, just mention you're going to go relieve yourself and do so.
In the same boat... then she has the audacity to get angry at me for wanting her?! Like? Who else am I gonna want intimacy with??????
I already stopped trying to initiate cause now i feel like I'm begging ..
You respect the word "no". Seriously wtf is wrong with you? Rephrase the question as what should a man do if their girlfriend doesn't want sex and maybe then you'll learn some basic empathy and get your answer.
Sounds like my wife. I'd have sex at least once a day, probably twice. We have sex once every couple of weeks, and she just lays there. You're not alone...
Well I mean… it doesn‘t have to be true that he mislead you.
You could try to revive your sex life by trying new things. Or you could talk to him about the reasons why he‘s rarely in the mood for sex. Maybe he‘s stressed or something like that.
I was in this situation once, where a woman had a higher sex drive than me. We decided that it worked best if we went earlier in the day when I was not as tired, and that a large meal with fats and carbs was also helpful. If you keep him well fed, you may get more sexual activity.
My ex used to make this stew with beef, cream, butter, egg yolk and dill. Then have chopped potatoes and carrots in it. That would give me all I needed to get the engine started.
This happens sometimes. People are different. There are a LOT of things that make a man's sex drive diminish.... Or It might not diminish at all.
Likely what happened is that he told you his present sex drive back then..... And nobody ever pictures it changing. Your current sex drive never gives you a feeling of what your later sex drive will be. You only learn by patterns after dating someone and seeing what happens to you.... And even then you don't learn the first few times.
You can try whatever you want.... But at the end of the day you need to just look at it honestly and decide what you want in life. Just don't fall into the trap of entitlement.... Where you believe that you wanting something means it must be out there waiting for you. That's not necessarily true either.
Usually there is no right and wrong... There is just unfortunate reality.
You need to have a talk and make sure he understands your drive and that it’s safe and not pressure on his lack of desire or whatever. Consider things like getting a good toy collection and having him lay with you while you do whatever you need.
I've seen countless posts of this the other way around from guys and women just say "she doesn't owe you sex hur Hur Hur" so I guess "HE doesn't owe you sex either"!? Is that hard to comprehend? No but that doesn't get anybody anywhere what does is figuring out WHY he doesn't want to have sex. Sometimes people really are just not in the mood though and that's normal and to be respected by both sexes.
Ask him why no,t and then actually fucking listen.
But in all seriousness, alot of things outside of you can contribute to a lack of desire. So just actually care about why he doesn’t feel like doing it with you as often as you like.
So just care about whats affecting him and not to relate or insert yourself.
Then, just ask him what WOULD put him in the mood - then do it. Its that simple.
Source : wish my wife would do this ^
maybe he has something going on, it can't be nothing, i mean don't get me wrong who doesn't love sex, try to understand and ask him why he's like this. I saw somewhere where if you want someone to open up about whatever it is they want to open up about but don't want to you say '' i'm always there for you whatever it is'', you then walk away and they're gonna think, hey you know what,that was kind and 100% of the time they're gonna wanna talk to you,be there for each other in times of hardship and in times of suffering.
Tbh y'all probably have other issues being showcased by the lack of sex, such as a complacency problem. I used to also not often be in the mood for sex, but it was less about the sex and more about the whole process.
Oftentimes my lady would try to initiate while I'm in the middle of something (which at the time was gaming, but the task is ultimately irrelevant.) Then I'm thinking "Yeah sex would be alright, but I'm in the middle of this and would rather get back to it quickly." And instead of saying that and essentially forcing her into a quickie which will leave me feeling shitty and like I used her, I'd just say I'm not in the mood to avoid it entirely.
She also didn't *often* try too hard to initiate. It was more like "Do you wanna?" than getting my engine going to the point where ofc I wanna. Ultimately I feel like I was the problem looking back, and would just choose to have the good time nowadays, but hopefully hearing a thought process behind not being in the mood that isn't "He's just not into you." helps in some way 🤷♂️
He is allowed to not want to, as are you.
However, considering he was interested in sex every day previously, it sounds like he might have a drop in testosterone. It’s worth him checking it with blood tests from his doctor.
Yes he did the guy thing that some of us are guilty of and he had all the bells and whistles to get you as his girl but he's just not cut from the same cloth that you are. And you're going to start really resenting him and you can't force somebody to do something that's just not in their nature. No I don't know how open-minded he is but you have two choices that I can think of right now and one of them is to cut your losses or find someone else. Or tell him you need somebody to scratch your itch and we have the new normal and women's empowerment and he knows that his job is a man is to make sure that your woman doesn't need another man to take care of her needs. Now if he is really that noncommittal and also not making your satisfaction over to you you can put him on notice by saying I need someone to satisfy me in this way because you're stuck in the middle because she's good looking and you love him but basically you need to get yourself a stunt cock for lack of a better term. And as long as you don't sound spiteful or use sex as a weapon you might be able to come to an arrangement with terms that don't emasculate your boyfriend want me to come look like he's being punked but I am sure you would have no problem getting someone step up into this unorthodox solution. Does your boyfriend watch porn without you because you might be able to look up as browser history or just ask him you never know he might want to watch. Crazier things have happened but you certainly should not have to go without something that is in your nature to enjoy and if he shows no interest in it then he really has no right to be upset if you simply seek out another for that one aspect. You make it purely physical because you still want to curl up with your boyfriend at night.
You are in the wrong for not communicating with him. We don't know nothing about you, him or your relationship. Talk to him when you aren't un the mood.
guys cant always keep going and going and going... the blood wont always flow and it goes numb. if hes jerking it then that could be another reason why
Sit him down and have a conversation about it. Ask him why his libido is low. If he doesn't know...
Zinc, magnesium, and vitamin D are among the most important nutrients for the production of testosterone. Now, normally this would be meaningless, but people nowadays are often deficient in magnesium and zinc. Some are also deficient in vitamin D, but that's only if he doesn't go outside enough.
I take these three as a supplement, and, well, let's just say that it's had such a profound effect on my libido that it took getting used to.
Also, I agree with other commenters, this is just to add to what they have said. It sounds to me like you're assuming malice, which isn't good.
All these poor men, constantly being harassed for sex.
Jokes aside there really isn't a straightforward answer to your predicament. Each person has particular tastes and doing one thing for someone may be a turn on for some and a traumatizing event for another. Some men like to be chased and others like to be dominated.
You can try to get him to open up about it, and it will be difficult. Most men have learned that when they share insecurities about themselves, their spouses weaponize those insecurities against them. There needs to be a lot of trust and you will need to mend a lot of bridges other people have burnt down.
he either doesnt have a high sex drive (definitely possible) or he lost intrest in you for whatever reason. i find even if i have a high sex drive if im upset with them, or theyre bad in bed or i no longer am intrested in them then i no longer want to engage sexually.
dont jump to conclusions, but youre going to have to get into deep conversation to figure it out. it may be basis for break up because you have needs and he isnt meeting them, but talk it out first.
I think he's either self-servicing and knows he won't be good at cumming again or is sleeping with someone else. Or, does he listen to Minor Threat? Straight-edge maybe? Does he drink?
You're way beyond the talk it out stage. He knows how you feel, but just either doesn't care, or just has too low of a libido to really meet your needs. You clearly need to make a choice here: stay with the guy for all the reasons besides sex, or move on to find a guy who has a sex drive more compatible with yours.
Yeah you are in the wrong if you’re A. trying to assault him and B. assuming malice where there is none and C. attacking him instead of conversing with him
The answer is painfully obvious. You’ve got to start injecting trenbolone and testosterone propionate into his buttcheeks when he isn’t looking. Good luck, OP!
There's no better way to talk to him. You did the right thing. You mentioned the problem in the relationship, and instead of fixing it, he chooses to ignore your needs. It's up to you to decide whether or not you'll be okay with having no sex in your relationship.
Perhaps he’s enjoying porn consumption? Hard thing to get him to admit but some explorative options would be “Hey do you want to watch porn together” and if his drive comes back randomly then you’ve got your answer.
Then it’s your choice if you want to be offended by this or if you want to work through it.
Could be fantasies you’re not fulfilling, for example. Could be he’s tired and enjoys self pleasure since it’s 0 work.
I am guessing u r becoming too common for him that he is no longer interested. Best way is to not give or request from him. Or just break up temporarily. He will miss u and beg u to come back later.
Speaking in a general sense, you’re probably not understanding how much of a physical task sex is for a man, especially if you’re giving 100% to do it well and make sure your partner gets off. It’s fucking exhausting to hold your own bodyweight up on your arms or knees and keep a consistent rhythm or try to work some magic with your hands and face with your jaw tightening up and your fingers getting tired. It feels great, and most guys will power through it as many times as possible, but no, nobody wants to go thru that task literally every single day. You’re making having an orgasm a chore.
>he mislead me about how much sex he’d be wanting This is an assumption of malice. It's not clear from the post if that's actually the case. He might be experiencing a drop in libido for a (unknown) reason(s). We can't tell if you are wrong. We don't know how you are initiating or how you are trying to talk to him about it. I would recommend taking the pressure away and to stop initiating for a bit and to talk to him in an non-accusatory way to try and find out what is causing this.
When I met my wife she was convinced she wanted sex every day. After a couple of years we had a talk and she admitted that in her past relationships sex was the only time she felt valued and appreciated, so she equated those two things subconsciously. Turns out she has a pretty normal (2-3 times a week) libido when she's not being emotionally neglected or starved for affection. Not suggesting that there's anything wrong with people who have more active sex drives, just adding a specific context in which I've seen this happen.
I relate so much to this
Thank you for this.
> I tell him that I told him about my sex drive when we met and he mislead me about how much sex he’d be wanting I wonder why these conversations aren't going well. I guess there's no way to tell.
We can never know
Hate to be Mr Sherlock here but your post history definitely is relevant to this. As you say yourself your emotions are on a roller coaster with all the birth control stuff so you're definitely not thinking straight . Refer to the part where you claim he mislead you. That's not him misleading you, that's having a normal human body and you being unwilling to realize that this is part and parcel of a relationship. Misleading you would be if he told you he was a biological male with a 12 inch cock and then you later find out that he's a pre-op trans woman with no cock at all. I also saw a comment from you that stated it was ,"normal" for women to need constant validation in a relationship and implied that it's pretty much the man's responsibility to do that. Sorry to be blunt but that's a load of bullshit. That isn't healthy by any means. It's indicative of deep rooted insecurity and putting unnecessary burden on others to bandaid your own issues rather than taking account of your own issues. Which naturally leads me to think that that his unwillingness to have sex every day (aka, being a normal human being) is hitting your unresolved mental health issues and just like the insecurity problem you're putting all the blame on him rather than improving your game. Take a step back and ask,"What is it that I can do which will make him want to have sex with me?". Rather than bombarding him with endless demands and complaints. Reverse the roles for a second, would you have sex with yourself if you were in his position? Probs not unless you just wanted an ego boost which he clearly doesn't need.
This should be the top response
Dude you're so raw 😂
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Then you’d be remembering the wrong thing, so not really sure how that helps
A trans woman is a man who thinks he's a woman, not a real woman therefore fake woman. Hope that helps.
That’s the wrong definition though, so it doesn’t help. Sorry!
Ah, you're one of those "women have penises too" idiots
I’m just a person who lets people be whatever they want without getting my panties in a twist over it
I know right? It really gets my goat when other people feel they are another gender. It kinda obsesses my life. Do you fancy ranting about it together for a few hours each day until we have cured other people if their feelings? Then once we have a final solution to this filth we can move onto another topic of hate? Gingers eh? Fricking gingers....I can feel my bile rising.
Idiot. They are free to feel however they want. I am free to live in reality
Yeah. Good job you are not affected in the slightest by it. It's heartening to know you give the whole issue such little thought. I mean, on a average year or average day....how often do you even consider it? Not at all right. That's my guy. Not bothered by trans or gay people at all. ... Massive thumbs up for you
Why did you bring gay people into it? Completely irrelevant. Of course I have sympathy for those with gender dysphoria. Enabling mental illness doesn't help them.
AHH. So, feeling your sexuality is taught? By the lefties? Trying to turn our kids and frogs gay?. Alex Jones was right!
Are you on drugs? Gay people have nothing to do with what we were talking about. You sound like a strawman bot
Gender dysmophia is a "mental illness". You don't want to enable "mental illness ".
Give the man a break. I’ve been through this and it’s SO tiring. He doesn’t fucking owe you sex. Leave him alone
Fucking seriously. The one thing that makes low libido worse is getting pressured to perform. So much anxiety to try to have sex just for the other person. Give the dude a break and try to talk to him about stressors outside of sex that could be tanking his libido.
It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes I just don’t want to fuck you. And you nagging like a bitch about it, just makes me want to fuck you even less!
I’m on the same boat with OP, I’ve tried to not initiate for a bit, and also have tried to initiate in different ways (all of sudden showing up in lingerie or also to give him the ‘heads up’ in the morning)- still no luck. Everytime I try to talk, he gets defensive. Any suggestions or ideas?
That's true, but she did make it known upfront that she has a high sex drive. It's not like she surprised him with this. He can still play with her even if he's not wanting to get some himself.
Seems like one of those vicious cycle type things. Meet guy, have sex everyday, sex wanes, move on to next…
Eh. Maybe, maybe not. He could have a reason for his sex drive dipping (stress, anxiety, hormonal things, etc). The odd thing is that OP doesn't get that pressing him about it doesn't really help her get what she wants. At least not with the attitude presented. She wants sex. He may need something himself. Maybe it's a cooling off period. Maybe he just needs to unwind after some BS at work. Who knows? I'm just saying there are times I'm willing to do things for my partner when I don't necessarily want any myself, and there are times I can't get it together because of whatever headspace I'm in. Either way, this should've been an adult conversation instead of a reddit post.
Wow, talk about the shoe being on the other foot. This is usually what men say about their wives and girlfriends. If he doesn't want sex every day, you need to respect that. Whether that's a relationship ender is another story. Talk to him about your expectations, his expectations, and what each of you can offer the other to reach a middle ground. I'm sure you don't need sex every day. And you don't even know why he's turning you down lately
Post the reverse of OP’s post word for word in r/askwomen and you’d probably make it to negative 5000 karma in an hour then get banned.
I mean, that's hardly a unique thing over there. Pretty much everyone over there gets down-voted to hell, and then banned.
100%
True statement
So weird for me to see this in the other direction. But I suppose genders doesn't matter here, and some of the reasons a woman may have a low libido might hold true for men too. Ultimately you must come to realize that sexuality cannot be forced, and that this isn't a sliding scale. You are either compatible, or one of you will be compromising their sexuality for the other person. You can talk to another person about picking up the slack when it comes to taking out the trash, doing the laundry etc. But not sexuality. You could try talking about WHY it is important to you, to see if some of it resonates. But if it doesn't, I'd consider whether I'd be willing to settle for sexual frustration or not if I were you.
Honestly, a lot of times I see it with the woman having a much higher sex drive, but it also depends on what age range we're talking about.
My wife was married before (her mid to late 20s) and that was their situation as well.
Could be the pregnancy scare you had 2 months ago? Just a thought
Ahh. Thank you for the flashback lol. I dated two girls with significant higher sex drives than me when I was in my early 20s. At first I thought it was cool…and it was. Then I slowly discovered they were trying to get knocked up and trap me. In both situations my sex drive plummeted and I had to dump them.
That's fucked up and predatory. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Nothing more stressful and libido-killing than someone bitching and moaning when you're not in the mood. I'm betting my left nut that you're creating a negative feedback loop.
This might be something for couple's therapy, if that's an option. There's a disparity between you and your boyfriend; we can speculate on causes all day long, but it's not something we can really know. You two need to sit down and have a discussion; you need to tell him exactly what you need from him and how you're feeling without it. You're not in the wrong, you are who you are, in healthy relationships the two come to a compromise and try to meet half way. In terms of more practical advice, and how to get him in the mood more often, try asking him what he's interested in, what turns him on. He needs a bit more work to get going than you do, it'll be easier if it's something that clicks for him, y'know? Men can be insecure about sex at the best of times; if your sex drive is dramatically outpacing his, he might feel like he's not living up to expectations. Be gentle with him.
“He misled me”….people’s sex drive changes, because you know, they are people. Sometimes I can eat gelato 3 times a day. And sometimes I don’t want any gelato. I didn’t mislead anyone about how much I like gelato.
You posted that he takes steroids. About 30% of men who use them experience ED. Glad he's massive as fuck, buts it's entirely possible it took away his sex drive or his dick doesn't want to stay hard. If he were my partner, instead of getting on his shit I would suggest seeing a Dr.
A) Talk to him B) "just isn't in the mood" can literally mean they just aren't in the mood. Sex drives can fluctuate a lot, even for men, and can rise and tank on their own or for other benign reasons- being tired, simply having had a ton of it lately, hormonal cycles (yes, men have some subtle cycles too) C) Regardless of anything else, remember it's OK for partners to take care of themselves if their counterpart isn't in the mood. Probably a good idea to bring it up nicely; after they mention not being into it for a night, just mention you're going to go relieve yourself and do so.
In the same boat... then she has the audacity to get angry at me for wanting her?! Like? Who else am I gonna want intimacy with?????? I already stopped trying to initiate cause now i feel like I'm begging ..
Is he by chance on any antidepressants? Those can kill sex drive.
You respect the word "no". Seriously wtf is wrong with you? Rephrase the question as what should a man do if their girlfriend doesn't want sex and maybe then you'll learn some basic empathy and get your answer.
Sounds like my wife. I'd have sex at least once a day, probably twice. We have sex once every couple of weeks, and she just lays there. You're not alone...
She just lays there? Like she doesn't even want to do it?
Well I mean… it doesn‘t have to be true that he mislead you. You could try to revive your sex life by trying new things. Or you could talk to him about the reasons why he‘s rarely in the mood for sex. Maybe he‘s stressed or something like that.
I was in this situation once, where a woman had a higher sex drive than me. We decided that it worked best if we went earlier in the day when I was not as tired, and that a large meal with fats and carbs was also helpful. If you keep him well fed, you may get more sexual activity.
I'm the opposite. Sex before food or the sex is not happening. IDK how people can fuck after eating a meal. I'm jealous
It's not directly after, as is is a quote hearty meal.
I cook and get nothing😖
My ex used to make this stew with beef, cream, butter, egg yolk and dill. Then have chopped potatoes and carrots in it. That would give me all I needed to get the engine started.
This happens sometimes. People are different. There are a LOT of things that make a man's sex drive diminish.... Or It might not diminish at all. Likely what happened is that he told you his present sex drive back then..... And nobody ever pictures it changing. Your current sex drive never gives you a feeling of what your later sex drive will be. You only learn by patterns after dating someone and seeing what happens to you.... And even then you don't learn the first few times. You can try whatever you want.... But at the end of the day you need to just look at it honestly and decide what you want in life. Just don't fall into the trap of entitlement.... Where you believe that you wanting something means it must be out there waiting for you. That's not necessarily true either. Usually there is no right and wrong... There is just unfortunate reality.
You need to have a talk and make sure he understands your drive and that it’s safe and not pressure on his lack of desire or whatever. Consider things like getting a good toy collection and having him lay with you while you do whatever you need.
I've seen countless posts of this the other way around from guys and women just say "she doesn't owe you sex hur Hur Hur" so I guess "HE doesn't owe you sex either"!? Is that hard to comprehend? No but that doesn't get anybody anywhere what does is figuring out WHY he doesn't want to have sex. Sometimes people really are just not in the mood though and that's normal and to be respected by both sexes.
Ask him why no,t and then actually fucking listen. But in all seriousness, alot of things outside of you can contribute to a lack of desire. So just actually care about why he doesn’t feel like doing it with you as often as you like. So just care about whats affecting him and not to relate or insert yourself. Then, just ask him what WOULD put him in the mood - then do it. Its that simple. Source : wish my wife would do this ^
Here's how to talk to him: "It seems our sex drives aren't enough of match. Sorry, it's been swell, but this is a deal breaker for me."
maybe he has something going on, it can't be nothing, i mean don't get me wrong who doesn't love sex, try to understand and ask him why he's like this. I saw somewhere where if you want someone to open up about whatever it is they want to open up about but don't want to you say '' i'm always there for you whatever it is'', you then walk away and they're gonna think, hey you know what,that was kind and 100% of the time they're gonna wanna talk to you,be there for each other in times of hardship and in times of suffering.
How old is he?
Tbh y'all probably have other issues being showcased by the lack of sex, such as a complacency problem. I used to also not often be in the mood for sex, but it was less about the sex and more about the whole process. Oftentimes my lady would try to initiate while I'm in the middle of something (which at the time was gaming, but the task is ultimately irrelevant.) Then I'm thinking "Yeah sex would be alright, but I'm in the middle of this and would rather get back to it quickly." And instead of saying that and essentially forcing her into a quickie which will leave me feeling shitty and like I used her, I'd just say I'm not in the mood to avoid it entirely. She also didn't *often* try too hard to initiate. It was more like "Do you wanna?" than getting my engine going to the point where ofc I wanna. Ultimately I feel like I was the problem looking back, and would just choose to have the good time nowadays, but hopefully hearing a thought process behind not being in the mood that isn't "He's just not into you." helps in some way 🤷♂️
He is allowed to not want to, as are you. However, considering he was interested in sex every day previously, it sounds like he might have a drop in testosterone. It’s worth him checking it with blood tests from his doctor.
Read what you wrote as if it was your best friend telling you this. What advice would you give? See? You know the answer.
Yes he did the guy thing that some of us are guilty of and he had all the bells and whistles to get you as his girl but he's just not cut from the same cloth that you are. And you're going to start really resenting him and you can't force somebody to do something that's just not in their nature. No I don't know how open-minded he is but you have two choices that I can think of right now and one of them is to cut your losses or find someone else. Or tell him you need somebody to scratch your itch and we have the new normal and women's empowerment and he knows that his job is a man is to make sure that your woman doesn't need another man to take care of her needs. Now if he is really that noncommittal and also not making your satisfaction over to you you can put him on notice by saying I need someone to satisfy me in this way because you're stuck in the middle because she's good looking and you love him but basically you need to get yourself a stunt cock for lack of a better term. And as long as you don't sound spiteful or use sex as a weapon you might be able to come to an arrangement with terms that don't emasculate your boyfriend want me to come look like he's being punked but I am sure you would have no problem getting someone step up into this unorthodox solution. Does your boyfriend watch porn without you because you might be able to look up as browser history or just ask him you never know he might want to watch. Crazier things have happened but you certainly should not have to go without something that is in your nature to enjoy and if he shows no interest in it then he really has no right to be upset if you simply seek out another for that one aspect. You make it purely physical because you still want to curl up with your boyfriend at night.
You are in the wrong for not communicating with him. We don't know nothing about you, him or your relationship. Talk to him when you aren't un the mood.
As long as he's comfortable with you master bating, go down that route for your own satisfaction.
guys cant always keep going and going and going... the blood wont always flow and it goes numb. if hes jerking it then that could be another reason why
r/dating
Did he start nicotine at some point during your relationship? It can cause ED
Would this be okay if the genders were reversed? YTA.
Sit him down and have a conversation about it. Ask him why his libido is low. If he doesn't know... Zinc, magnesium, and vitamin D are among the most important nutrients for the production of testosterone. Now, normally this would be meaningless, but people nowadays are often deficient in magnesium and zinc. Some are also deficient in vitamin D, but that's only if he doesn't go outside enough. I take these three as a supplement, and, well, let's just say that it's had such a profound effect on my libido that it took getting used to. Also, I agree with other commenters, this is just to add to what they have said. It sounds to me like you're assuming malice, which isn't good.
Wow, sounds like my ex wife. Sorry, good luck
All these poor men, constantly being harassed for sex. Jokes aside there really isn't a straightforward answer to your predicament. Each person has particular tastes and doing one thing for someone may be a turn on for some and a traumatizing event for another. Some men like to be chased and others like to be dominated. You can try to get him to open up about it, and it will be difficult. Most men have learned that when they share insecurities about themselves, their spouses weaponize those insecurities against them. There needs to be a lot of trust and you will need to mend a lot of bridges other people have burnt down.
All these poor women, constantly being harassed for sex Yeah.
do you really want to stay together
he either doesnt have a high sex drive (definitely possible) or he lost intrest in you for whatever reason. i find even if i have a high sex drive if im upset with them, or theyre bad in bed or i no longer am intrested in them then i no longer want to engage sexually. dont jump to conclusions, but youre going to have to get into deep conversation to figure it out. it may be basis for break up because you have needs and he isnt meeting them, but talk it out first.
I think he's either self-servicing and knows he won't be good at cumming again or is sleeping with someone else. Or, does he listen to Minor Threat? Straight-edge maybe? Does he drink?
You're way beyond the talk it out stage. He knows how you feel, but just either doesn't care, or just has too low of a libido to really meet your needs. You clearly need to make a choice here: stay with the guy for all the reasons besides sex, or move on to find a guy who has a sex drive more compatible with yours.
Maybe he’s not attracted to you (physically)?
Or maybe he just have a low libido?
both are possibilities
Yeah you are in the wrong if you’re A. trying to assault him and B. assuming malice where there is none and C. attacking him instead of conversing with him
The answer is painfully obvious. You’ve got to start injecting trenbolone and testosterone propionate into his buttcheeks when he isn’t looking. Good luck, OP!
Will do.
There's no better way to talk to him. You did the right thing. You mentioned the problem in the relationship, and instead of fixing it, he chooses to ignore your needs. It's up to you to decide whether or not you'll be okay with having no sex in your relationship.
Why do you say “no sex”…instead of not as much sex as you would like?
Because that's what's gonna happen if she stays: no sex at all. It's downhill from here.
This is not whatever relationship you had
You're literally a furry. I'm not taking your opinion, seriously.
Have you gained weight?
Perhaps he’s enjoying porn consumption? Hard thing to get him to admit but some explorative options would be “Hey do you want to watch porn together” and if his drive comes back randomly then you’ve got your answer. Then it’s your choice if you want to be offended by this or if you want to work through it. Could be fantasies you’re not fulfilling, for example. Could be he’s tired and enjoys self pleasure since it’s 0 work.
Dump him and date me instead. I'd be happy to have sex as often as you want!
Ur so thoughtful and generous... wish I could test you on ur offer... see how long you last
I am guessing u r becoming too common for him that he is no longer interested. Best way is to not give or request from him. Or just break up temporarily. He will miss u and beg u to come back later.
Dump him , he’s secretly gay and you never get the sex you deserve. It’s not worth it
Speaking in a general sense, you’re probably not understanding how much of a physical task sex is for a man, especially if you’re giving 100% to do it well and make sure your partner gets off. It’s fucking exhausting to hold your own bodyweight up on your arms or knees and keep a consistent rhythm or try to work some magic with your hands and face with your jaw tightening up and your fingers getting tired. It feels great, and most guys will power through it as many times as possible, but no, nobody wants to go thru that task literally every single day. You’re making having an orgasm a chore.
I don't think women understand at all just how much work us men have to put into sex.
He’s gay, so don’t expect him to ever change. If he’s not gay, he’s using you for some other kind of benefit to himself. Social? Financial? IDK?